Original subtitles

- OH, I'M BORED!

WHATCHA READIN'?

- A BOOK.

DID YOU TRY CALLING DEKE?

- BUSY.

- MONGO? - BUSY.

- ROGER?

- ROGER HATES ME

AND HE'S BUSY.

THEY'RE ALL BUSY.

THEY DON'T HAVE KIDS.

THEY GET TO STAY OUT ALL NIGHT,

GO ON ROAD TRIPS, GO OFF-ROADING.

I NEVER GET TO DRIVE OFF THE ROAD.

- WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE KERRYS?

THEY HAVE KIDS.

- I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON WITH MARRIED PEOPLE,

MAINLY 'CAUSE I WAKE UP LOOKING FORWARD TO EVERY DAY.

I JUST WANT TO DRINK A BEER AND WATCH A MOVIE

WITH A BUDDY.

- HEY, I'LL WATCH WITH YOU.

I'LL BE YOUR BUDDY.

JUST NOTHING WITH INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE,

VIOLENCE, OR NUDITY.

- YOU, SIR, ARE NO BUDDY.

- UNCLE VINNIE, YOU NEED A HOBBY.

HEY, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT "MAKE YOUR OWN JERKY" THING?

- OHH!

OH, DEAR.

I LEFT A LOT OF BEEF ON THE ROOF.

NO WONDER THE PIGEONS ARE SO FAT.

- TIME IS A GIFT.

IT'S LITERALLY THE ONLY THING WE HAVE,

AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,

IT RUNS OUT AND THERE'S NOTHING LEFT OF IT.

EVEN IF YOU WERE A MILLIONAIRE,

YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO BUY AN EXTRA SECOND OF LIFE,

SO GRAB THIS MOMENT WITH BOTH HANDS

AND LIVE YOUR LIFE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

STILL BORED?

- NO, NOW I'M DEPRESSED.

[quirky brass music]

- I NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- I NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- SO WAIT A MINUTE

HEY

I NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- PLEASE, EVERYONE, SETTLE DOWN.

IT'S JUST A LITTLE RAIN, A LITTLE LIGHTNING,

AND POSSIBLY LOCUSTS.

THE FLAG CEREMONY WILL PROCEED AS SCHEDULED

AS SOON AS WE'RE SET UP.

WHERE IS MY INDOOR FLAGPOLE?

COME ON, REBECCA, MACHT SCHNELL.

- WELL, NOTHING BUT MARRIED COUPLES HERE,

SO BASICALLY I HAVE NO PROSPECTS AT ANY KIND OF SOCIAL LIFE.

- YEAH, WELCOME TO MY WORLD.

NOTHING BUT DIRTY PAJAMAS AND SAD ICE CREAM.

- WHY CAN'T I FIND A FUN, SINGLE DAD TO HANG WITH,

ONE WHERE I DON'T NEED TO USE THE EMERGENCY PHONE CALL ESCAPE?

- WHAT'S THAT?

- YOU KNOW, WHERE YOU SAY YOU MAY HAVE AN EMERGENCY

AND WHEN THINGS AREN'T GOING WELL,

YOU FAKE THAT CALL.

- WAIT. WAIT. THAT'S A THING?

THEN I AM SO MAD AT, LIKE, 11 GUYS RIGHT NOW.

- ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,

THIS WEEK'S FLAG CEREMONY LEADER IS WENDELL BASSETT

WHO WILL NOW READ A QUOTE THAT HE'S CHOSEN.

WENDELL?

- I GIVE YOU THE WORDS

OF THE GREAT ROMAN PHILOSOPHER CICERO.

[speaking Latin]

WHICH MEANS--

- AND THAT'S ALL WE HAVE TIME FOR.

GOT TO GET BACK TO THE WAR ROOM

AND PREP FOR PINKEYE AWARENESS MONTH.

WENDELL, THE TRADITIONAL RAISING OF THE FLAG.

- [playing trumpet]

- NO BLOOD, NO TEARS.

ANOTHER SUCCESSFUL FLAG RAISING.

UNSPECIFIED DEITY, BLESS AMERICA.

- OH, MY GOD, WAIT. BEHIND YOU.

I THINK I JUST FOUND YOUR SINGLE DAD.

NO RING, NERDY, DRESSED HORRIBLY.

HE'S PERFECT FOR YOU.

- OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD.

THAT IS CONNOR DANFORTH,

MY FAVORITE COMIC WRITER.

- YOU KNOW COMIC BOOK WRITERS BY SIGHT?

OH, HONEY, MAYBE YOUR PROBLEM IS YOU.

- OKAY.

HE'S FAMOUS.

HE CREATED THE HAWK,

WHICH IS NOW A MASSIVE MOVIE FRANCHISE.

THE NEW SEQUEL PREMIERES NEXT WEEK.

- VINNIE'S GOT A MAN CRUSH

VINNIE'S GOT A MAN CRUSH

- SHUT YOUR DUMB FACE. I DO NOT.

I JUST THINK HE'S COOL.

JUST STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT.

- I WAS GOING TO ASK IF YOU WERE PROUD OF ME,

BUT... [sighs]

I JUST DON'T CARE.

- GO OVER THERE AND TALK TO HIM.

- I WISH I COULD GO OVER THERE.

NO, HE'S NOT GONNA LIKE ME.

WHY DID I WEAR THESE STUPID PANTS?

THEY'RE RUINING EVERYTHING.

- AM I THIS PATHETIC WHEN I TRY TO MEET A GUY?

both: YES.

- ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT ANDREW DANFORTH'S DAD?

- HE'S GOT A KID?

- WE'RE AT A SCHOOL. - RIGHT.

- IF WENDELL BECOMES FRIENDS WITH HIS KID,

THAT COULD BE YOUR IN.

- NO WAY. HE'S DANGEROUS.

- OH, COME ON. HE'S NOT GONNA BITE.

- YOU SURE?

HE'S ALREADY BITTEN THREE STUDENTS

AND A LUNCH LADY.

- [growls]

- COME ON. PLEASE.

IF YOU DO THIS, I'LL BUY YOU ALL THOSE THINGS

YOU ASKED ME FOR EARLIER.

- OUR GROCERIES?

- YEAH, THAT. NOW GO.

- OKAY.

REMEMBER, BE APPROACHABLE BUT NOT DESPERATE.

SHOULDERS BACK, CHEST UP,

AND KEEP THINKING TO YOURSELF, "MAN, MY BUTT LOOKS GOOD."

SORRY, THAT'S JUST A PEP TALK I USUALLY GIVE MYSELF.

GO, GO, GO, GO, GO.

- HEY.

IS THAT YOUR KID TALKING TO MY KID?

- [growls]

- IT'S NICE TO SEE ANDREW CONNECTING WITH ANYBODY.

IT'S BEEN KIND OF HARD SINCE HIS MOM LEFT.

- IT'S AN AWESOME STORY.

HEY, YOU WANT TO HANG OUT ALL THE TIME?

- WHAT?

- I'M SORRY. SORRY.

I WAS JUST KIDDING.

SERIOUSLY, WE SHOULD BUY A BOAT OR SOMETHING.

- WHAT HE MEANS TO SAY IS,

THIS IS VINNIE, WENDELL'S UNCLE,

AND I'M HIS AUNT WILMA, HIS SISTER.

- I'M CONNOR. - HI.

- NICE TO MEET YOU.

- YOU KNOW, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

- VINNIE IS A PURVEYOR OF FINE COLLECTIBLES.

- THAT'S TRUE. HEY, YEAH.

WE'RE HAVING A BIG PROMOTION FOR YOUR MOVIE AT MY STORE.

YOU SHOULD COME BY.

- I'D LOVE TO, BUT I JUST DON'T HAVE THE TIME.

I'M A SINGLE DAD.

FOR NOW, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE KID.

- OH, ME TOO. ME TOO.

WOW, LOOK HOW WELL THEY'RE GETTING ALONG.

- [grunts]

- IT'S A PERFECT FIT.

THEY COULD PLAY. YOU AND ME COULD HANG.

IT'S NO PRESSURE.

- WELL, IT SOUNDS KIND OF NICE.

- SO YOU'RE COMING? YOU SAID YES.

THAT'S A YES. NO TAKE BACKS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- I'M PADDING UP FOR MY VISIT WITH ANDREW.

HE PLAYS A LITTLE ROUGH.

YOU GOT ANY PILLOWS THAT LOOK LIKE BUTTS?

- THAT IS A RIDICULOUS QUESTION, AND YES.

IT'S IN THE PROP ROOM.

GOT A BUNCH OF STUFF FROM THE BABY GOT BACK VIDEO.

ONE OF THE BABIES DIDN'T HAVE MUCH BACK.

- HEY, VINNIE.

- CONNOR, HEY. GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.

- ANDREW'S SO EXCITED TO COME BY.

HE HAD HIS HEAD OUT THE WINDOW THE WHOLE WAY HERE.

- OH, AND WE ARE THRILLED TO HAVE HIM.

YOU KNOW, AND I SAY THIS TO ALL THE KIDS THAT COME IN.

PLEASE DON'T CHEW ON THE MERCHANDISE.

- JUST SO YOU KNOW,

I'VE GOT SOME CRAZY STUFF GOING ON AT WORK.

I MAY GET AN EMERGENCY CALL WHILE I'M HERE.

- COMIC BOOK EMERGENCY.

WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.

- WENDELL!

- [whimpers]

[groaning]

- LET'S GO PLAY.

- I'M GONNA NEED ANOTHER LAYER!

- IT'S BEEN KIND OF A ROUGH ROAD

SINCE HIS MOM RAN OFF WITH MY AGENT.

GOD, I MISS THAT AGENT.

- [laughs]

YOU'RE FUNNY.

- THANKS.

YOU KNOW, IT'S NICE TO MEET ANOTHER SINGLE DAD

WITH A WEIRD KID.

- HEY, WAIT A SECOND--YEAH.

- AND IT'S REALLY GREAT

THAT ANDREW'S FINALLY MADE A FRIEND TOO.

- OW! OH! OW!

OW! OH!

- WENDELL LOVES IT TOO.

- MR. DANFORTH. [laughs]

I AM RANDALL SPUNKWELL,

AND I AM BY ANY CONCEIVABLE MEASURE

YOUR BIGGEST FAN.

CAW!

WIPE THIS OFF YOUR WINDSHIELD!

- RANDALL, RANDALL, REMEMBER WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT?

- I SURE DON'T.

ANYWAY, IN ISSUE 104 WHEN CURSIVE CASTAWAY

TEAMS UP WITH THE PLURALITY,

WAS THE DARK SPOT IN THE CORNER

FROM AN EARLY VECTOR DRAWING PROGRAM,

OR WERE YOU FORESHADOWING LA UMBRA'S ARRIVAL IN ISSUE 127?

- IT'S JUST THE WAY I DREW IT.

- [laughs] OH, GREAT STORY.

- UH-HUH. - YEAH.

I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS STUFF ALL DAY.

- NO, YOU CAN'T. - BUT, BUT--

- CONNOR IS HERE

FOR SOME REGULAR, HUMAN SOCIAL INTERACTION.

- SOCIALIZING? NO.

YOU KNOW THAT'S MY WEAKNESS.

IT'S TOTALLY JUSTIFIED IF YOU KNEW MY ORIGIN STORY.

- GOOD-BYE! - NICE TO MEET YOU.

YOU KNOW, IT'S NICE THE KIDS ARE GETTING ALONG SO WELL.

MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE ANOTHER PLAYDATE THIS WEEK?

- GET AWAY FROM ME. I'M BEGGING YOU.

- WENDELL WOULD LOVE THAT.

HOW'S TUESDAY?

- SOUNDS GREAT.

- AH, SUCH A COINCIDENCE

THAT YOU AND I ARE SUCH GOOD BUDS NOW

BECAUSE BEFORE I KNEW YOU, I WAS A BIG FAN OF THE HAWK.

HUH? CHECK IT OUT.

- THAT'S REAL NICE, VINNIE,

BUT I'M KIND OF MAXED OUT ON THE HAWK RIGHT NOW.

- YOU KNOW, I FOUND THIS GREAT NEW SUSHI PLACE.

- UGH, I HATE SUSHI.

- ME TOO. I HATE IT.

HEY, KIDS. YOU KNOW WE BOTH HAVE KIDS.

YOU REMEMBER WHEN THEY WERE LITTLE

AND THEY GOT BIGGER?

- UGH, BUMMER.

THERE'S THE EMERGENCY CALL I WAS TALKING ABOUT.

YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. - YEAH, SURE.

YEAH, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW IT IS.

- SORRY.

IS IT OKAY IF I LEAVE ANDREW HERE FOR A BIT?

- NO PROBLEM. THEY'RE HAVING A GREAT TIME.

- OKAY.

- LOOK OUT!

MANIAC COMING THROUGH!

WAH! - [screaming]

- HEY, WENDELL, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO MOVE THAT STUFF.

I NEED SPACE FOR MY ACTION COMICS 1.

- THE FIRST APPEARANCE OF SUPERMAN?

THE ONE THING I'M SUPPOSED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE

IN CASE OF A FIRE BEFORE YOU?

WHO'S COMING OVER, GOD?

- CLOSE.

CLOSE. CONNOR DANFORTH.

SEE, THIS IS MY CHANCE TO SHOW HIM WHAT'S COOL ABOUT ME.

I MEAN, LAST TIME WE KIND OF JUST TALKED ALL ABOUT HIM

AND I CAME OFF LIKE A GUSHING FAN.

[knocking at door]

OH, MY GOD, HE IS HERE.

OH, BY THE WAY, HE'S PROBABLY GOT ANDREW WITH HIM.

- WHAT? NO.

I'VE ALREADY TAKEN THE ALLOWABLE CHILDREN'S DOSE OF IBUPROFEN.

- COME ON, PLEASE.

LISTEN, IF HE JUST DROPS ANDREW OFF AND LEAVES

THEN THIS WILL BE THE LAST PLAYDATE,

BUT IF HE STAYS, THEN MAYBE I HAVE MADE A FRIEND.

I NEED A FRIEND.

YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE ME THAT CHANCE.

- ALL RIGHT, YOU'VE GOT ONE.

ONE CHANCE, YOU HEAR? - I HEAR.

- HOW MANY CHANCES? - ONE.

- UH-HUH.

- HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON, GUYS? - HEY.

- HEY, COME ON IN. - THANKS.

- WENDELL'S SO PSYCHED TO PLAY WITH ANDREW.

- WENDELL! - HANDSHAKE, HANDSHAKE!

DON'T PICK ME UP!

DON'T PICK ME UP! NO!

WAH! [grunts]

[strained] THANKS FOR NOT PICKING ME UP.

- OH, COOL, AIR HOCKEY TABLE. LET'S PLAY.

- WELL, WELCOME TO MY HOME,

OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT, MY FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE.

[light choral flourish playing]

- I THINK YOU BLEW A FUSE.

- NOPE, NOPE. TOTALLY NORMAL LIGHTING.

IT'S NOT LIKE YOU NEED X-RAY VISION TO SEE IN HERE.

- LOOK, I MIGHT BE GETTING A CALL.

- HEY, HEY, ARE YOU THIRSTY?

YOU WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK? I MAKE MY OWN ITALIAN SODAS.

I'VE GOT ALL KINDS OF FLAVORS.

- WHAT ARE THEY?

- I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T SPEAK ITALIAN.

I'M PRETTY SURE ONE OF THEM IS LASAGNA.

- YEAH, YEAH. WHATEVER YOU GOT.

- HEY, SUPER, MAN.

I'LL BE BACK FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET.

REALLY? STILL TOO SUBTLE?

- NO, NO, NO.

THAT IS MY CALENDAR PROJECT FOR SCHOOL.

DROP.

DROP.

ANDREW, DROP!

- WOW, YOU'RE ALMOST DONE.

I DIDN'T EVEN START MINE YET.

- WELL, YOU STILL HAVE SOME TIME.

MAYBE I CAN HELP YOU.

- YOU WOULD?

- YEAH, SURE. IT'LL BE FUN.

YOU JUST GOT TO THINK OF A CALENDAR

AND THEN THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX.

- I DIDN'T GET THE THINKING BOX.

WHEN DID SHE HAND THOSE OUT?

- THIS IS GONNA BE A BIT HARDER THAN I EXPECTED.

- THIS ASSIGNMENT IS SO BORING.

IT'S, LIKE, THE DUMBEST IDEA ON EARTH.

- HEY, SHE DIDN'T SAY IT HAS TO BE AN EARTH CALENDAR.

IT COULD BE A JUPITER

OR MERCURY OR MARS

AND YOU COULD NAME THE MONTHS ANYTHING YOU WANT.

- SWEET, A MARS CALENDAR.

AND MY MONTHS WILL BE ANDREWUARY,

ANDRIL,

ANDRUNE,

AND JULY.

THIS IS FUN.

- STAY.

- ALMOST READY!

WHOA!

IT'S GONNA BE ANOTHER MINUTE.

GAH! GAH!

- HEY, WENDELL, TELL YOUR UNCLE I'M SORRY.

I THINK I'M GETTING THAT PHONE CALL

I WAS WORRIED ABOUT.

- I DIDN'T HEAR YOUR PHONE RING.

- IT WILL.

- OH, HI.

- HELLO. WHO ARE YOU?

- I'M TARYN. I LIVE ACROSS THE HALL.

- I'M CONNOR. YOU'RE CUTE.

SHOULD I JUST GIVE YOU HALF MY STUFF NOW

OR SHOULD I WAIT UNTIL WE DATE, GET MARRIED, AND DIVORCED?

- [laughs]

LET'S SHARE A BROWNIE AND SEE HOW IT GOES.

- HEY, TARYN.

CONNOR WAS JUST LEAVING.

- YOU KNOW WHAT, WENDELL?

I DON'T THINK MY PHONE'S GONNA RING AFTER ALL.

- WOW. THAT'S NOT MUCH SODA.

- IT'S A DEMITASSE.

IT'S HOW THEY SERVE IT IN ITALY.

- WHY ARE YOU SOAKING WET?

- IT'S JUST A LOT OF WORK TO MAKE THIS, OKAY?

BUT IT IS TOTALLY WORTH IT.

MMM.

- WHAT FLAVOR IS IT?

- RED.

- WOW.

BROWNIES, RED WATER,

AND ACTION COMICS 1.

- OH, DID--DID I LEAVE THAT OUT?

- THIS IS TURNING INTO QUITE AN AFTERNOON.

HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU.

- OHH.

- [chuckles]

- I CAN'T BELIEVE I FINISHED IT.

- CONGRATULATIONS.

HEY, WHAT NAME DID YOU PICK FOR MARTIAN CHRISTMAS?

LET ME GUESS. ANDREWMAS?

- NO, I'M CALLING IT WENDELLMAS.

- THANKS, ANDREW.

- I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU.

- WOW. QUITE A GRIP YOU GOT THERE.

DROP.

DROP.

ANDREW, DROP!

- LOOK AT YOU TWO GUYS HITTING IT OFF.

I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF ONE DAY

YOU TWO DRIVE A VAN ACROSS COUNTRY SOLVING CRIMES.

[knocking at door]

HEY, COME ON IN. - HEY.

- HEY, DAD, LOOK AT MY MARTIAN CALENDAR.

- WOW, ANDREW, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

DOES THIS BEAR ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE ASSIGNMENT?

AWESOME.

HEY, THANKS FOR WATCHING ANDREW AGAIN.

- HEY, THAT'S WHAT GOOD FRIENDS DO.

REALLY, REALLY GOOD FRIENDS. MISSED YOU.

- SPEAKING OF GOOD FRIENDS,

VINNIE, ARE YOU FREE SATURDAY NIGHT?

YOU KNOW, IT'S THE PREMIERE OF THE HAWK FLIES AGAIN.

- I KNOW, AND YES, I'M FREE.

- GREAT, WELL, ANDREW AND I WILL BE HERE AT 6:00.

THAT SHOULD GIVE US ENOUGH TIME TO GET TO THE THEATER BY 7:00.

- UNLESS ZAP ZERO PUTS A HOT FREEZE

ON THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM.

[clears throat]

- WOW.

LOOKING SHARP, UNCLE VINNIE.

I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU IN HARD SHOES.

- DON'T GET EXCITED, WENDELL.

THOSE ARE JUST CROCS HE PAINTED BLACK.

- WHEN YOU GO TO A PREMIERE, YOU WEAR A TUX.

WHEN YOU GO TO THE HAWK PREMIERE,

YOU WEAR THIS!

CAW, CAW!

- OH, GOOD, GOOD,

'CAUSE I WAS WORRIED YOU WEREN'T GONNA DORK IT UP.

- THE SAD PART IS, HE RENTED THE TUX

BUT HE OWNS THE WINGS.

- OKAY.

PEOPLE DRESS UP FOR CONNOR'S MOVIES.

IT'S A THING. IT'S A BIG DEAL.

- YOU KNOW WHAT? I AM SO MAD AT YOU.

MY FIRST TRY AT BEING A WINGMAN

AND I GET YOU A BETTER DATE THAN I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE.

WHAT HAVE YOU EVER DONE FOR ME?

- THERE'S COOKIE DOUGH ICE CREAM IN THE FREEZER.

- WELL THEN, WE ARE EVEN, FREAK SHOW.

- THIS HAPPENS TO BE A VERY CLASSY OUTFIT.

WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE MASK.

CAW, CAW!

AH!

- KNOCK, KNOCK. HEY, GUYS.

I NEED YOUR OPINION.

DOES THIS WORK FOR CONNOR'S PREMIERE?

- I DON'T KNOW.

WITHOUT WINGS, YOU'RE GONNA FEEL PRETTY STUPID.

- WAIT. YOU'RE GOING TO THE PREMIERE?

- YEAH, CONNOR ASKED ME ONCE HE KNEW VINNIE COULD BABYSIT.

- WAIT. VINNIE'S BABYSITTING?

- YEAH, OF COURSE.

HE'S BEEN EXCITED ABOUT IT ALL DAY.

I BETTER GO LET HIM KNOW THE FUN'S ABOUT TO START.

- WENDELL! - OH, HI.

ANDREW, RELEASE.

HEY, VINNIE, CONNOR AND TARYN ARE HERE AND--

- CAW, CAW! CAW, CAW!

CAW, CAW!

- CONNOR'S TAKING TARYN TO THE PREMIERE,

WHICH IS A FACT YOU ALREADY KNEW

SO I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M SAYING IT.

- CAW?

- WOW, VINNIE. WHAT'S GOING ON?

- WELL, THE--

- I MADE HIM DO IT.

I WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT THE MOVIE COMING OUT

THAT VINNIE, BEING SUCH A GREAT UNCLE,

SAID HE WOULD MAKE TONIGHT SPECIAL FOR US.

THANKS, VINNIE.

- NO PROBLEM.

YOU GUYS HAVE A GOOD TIME,

AND AS FOR YOU TWO, WIPE THIS OFF YOUR WINDSHIELD!

CAW, CAW! HA!

- WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? - I'LL GET YOU!

- I DON'T LIKE THIS! - [laughs]

[door closes]

[sighs]

I FEEL LIKE I JUST FLEW INTO A WINDOW.

- WAY AHEAD OF YOU.

- I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.

- I KNOW. YOU ARE.

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T GET DOWN ON YOURSELF ABOUT THIS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I DO IN THESE SITUATIONS?

I ALWAYS TELL MYSELF, "YOU KNOW WHAT?

"THERE'S A BETTER MAN FOR YOU OUT THERE SOMEWHERE.

"AND THE GUY WHO REJECTED YOU?

HE'S GONNA REALIZE HIS MISTAKE."

AND IF THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER,

I PEE IN THEIR GAS TANK.

- YOU'RE AN AMAZING WOMAN, WILMA.

- NOT THAT AMAZING.

ACTUALLY, ALL YOU NEED IS A CRATE, A FUNNEL,

AND SOMEONE TO WATCH OUT FOR THE COPS.

BON APPETIT. - ALL RIGHT.

- HERE YOU GO.

HEY, SORRY ABOUT ALL THAT.

- ABOUT ALL WHAT?

- I WAS SO CONCERNED

WITH MAKING CONNOR MY FRIEND,

I FORCED YOU TO HANG OUT WITH ANDREW.

- OH, ANDREW'S NOT SO BAD.

HE'S FUN, HE'S INCREDIBLY LOYAL,

AND THAT GUY LOVES A TENNIS BALL LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS.

- THAT'S NICE.

- I'M SORRY THINGS DIDN'T GO THE WAY YOU WANTED THEM TO.

- IT'S OKAY.

I'M RIGHT WHERE I WANT TO BE:

HAVING A BEER, ALBEIT ROOT,

AND WATCHING A MOVIE WITH MY BEST PAL.

- I'M WHERE I WANT TO BE TOO.

clink!

SO WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

- SPINE COLLECTOR 3.

- UH-UH. I'M OUT.

- COME ON.

- NO. - COME ON!