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1
00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:12,313
- SO ONCE YOU
GET THE EGG WHITES WHIPPED,
2
00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:15,483
WE FOLD IN OUR CONDENSED MILK
AND LIME JUICE.
3
00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:17,823
- HOW'D YOU LEARN
ALL THESE COOKING ALGORITHMS?
4
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:20,148
- MY MOM.
5
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:21,594
AND WE CALL THEM RECIPES.
6
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:25,458
- WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?
7
00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:27,329
- KEY LIME PIE IS HAPPENING.
8
00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:28,998
- WHY IS HE IN A COOKING DRESS?
9
00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:30,496
- IT'S AN APRON.
10
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:31,628
I PUT HIM IN SOME OF MY THINGS
11
00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:33,002
HE DIDN'T WANT TO
STAIN HIS CLOTHES.
12
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:36,170
- YOU'RE RUINING HIM.
13
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:38,510
HEY, THERE'S GOT TO BE
A BASEBALL GAME ON SOMEWHERE...
14
00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:39,666
OR A KUNG FU MOVIE
15
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:40,943
OR--I JUST GOT THIS DVD
16
00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:42,481
OF GUYS FROM FLORIDA
PUNCHING EACH OTHER.
17
00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:43,476
GO PUT THAT ON.
18
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,147
WAIT A MINUTE.
19
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:47,276
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING
SKATEBOARDING WITH GREGORY.
20
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:49,181
- I WAS,
BUT THEN HE STARTED ASKING ME
21
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:50,183
ABOUT STUFF I DON'T KNOW,
22
00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:51,354
AND IT JUST FELL APART.
23
00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:52,392
- WHAT STUFF?
24
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,516
- YOU KNOW, SPORTS, TV,
HARRY POTTER.
25
00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:57,532
IT WAS LIKE I WAS TALKING
TO SOMEONE FROM ANOTHER PLANET.
26
00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:59,685
- WENDELL, YOU HAVE TO
MAKE FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE.
27
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,363
- HEY, WHOA.
WHOA.
28
00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:03,562
I'LL DO THE PARENTING HERE.
29
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:07,444
WENDELL, YOU HAVE TO MAKE
FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE!
30
00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:09,195
THAT'S WHY WE WORKED ON
YOUR GO-TO JOKE.
31
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:10,973
EVERYONE NEEDS AN ICEBREAKER.
32
00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:12,041
- OOH, LET'S HEAR IT.
33
00:01:12,039 --> 00:01:13,309
I NEED A NEW ONE.
34
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:14,537
"MY HUSBAND LEFT ME"
35
00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:16,312
ISN'T THE FUN MAGNET
I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.
36
00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:20,249
- OKAY.
HERE GOES.
37
00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:26,050
- MEN JUST DON'T LIKE ME.
38
00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:28,223
- IT'S NOT JUST MEN.
39
00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:30,222
- WHAT HAPPENED?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
40
00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:31,264
- AM I ALL RIGHT?
41
00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:32,329
I GOT REJECTED
42
00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:34,396
BY YET ANOTHER
DISASTROUS FIRST DATE.
43
00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:37,465
ALL I WANT
IS A DISASTROUS SECOND DATE.
44
00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:38,825
- WAS IT THAT BAD?
45
00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:41,242
- UGH.
I WON'T GO INTO DETAIL.
46
00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:43,235
LET'S JUST SAY
IF YOU KEEP A RAT AS A PET,
47
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:44,737
EITHER LET A GIRL KNOW
OR BE COOL
48
00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:49,078
WHEN SHE SLAMS IT IN
THE CAR DOOR A COUPLE OF TIMES.
49
00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:51,576
- I THINK MAYBE
YOU'D GET MORE SECOND DATES
50
00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:53,609
IF YOU WERE A LITTLE LESS MEAN.
51
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:54,784
- IS THAT THE KIND OF ADVICE
52
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,252
THAT GOT YOU LIVING
ALL BY YOURSELF
53
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:57,790
IN A STRANGE CITY?
54
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:00,823
OKAY, THAT WAS MEAN.
I HEAR IT NOW.
55
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:02,191
YEAH.
56
00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:03,190
[groans]
57
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:05,091
GOD, I'M GONNA DIE ALONE.
58
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:08,498
- YEAH.
59
00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:11,226
WENDELL,
60
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:12,532
TELL YOUR JOKE.
61
00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:14,273
- OKAY.
62
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:15,838
SO IT SEEMS THIS FELLOW WAS--
63
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,606
- LIKE WE PRACTICED.
64
00:02:17,605 --> 00:02:18,935
- [sighs]
65
00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:20,569
SO THIS GUY...
- [grunts]
66
00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:22,384
- GOES TO THE DENTIST AND SAYS,
67
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:23,436
"DOC, YOU GOT TO HELP ME.
68
00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:24,784
I THINK I'M A MOTH."
69
00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,278
THE DENTIST SAYS, "A MOTH?
70
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,450
"YOU DON'T NEED A DENTIST.
71
00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:28,778
YOU NEED A PSYCHIATRIST."
72
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:30,282
THE GUY SAYS, "YEAH, I KNOW."
73
00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:32,454
THE DENTIST GOES,
"SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"
74
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:34,523
THE GUY SAYS,
"THE LIGHT WAS ON."
75
00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:36,562
[all cheer]
- WENDELL!
76
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:37,787
- THAT WAS FUNNY.
- YEAH?
77
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:39,031
- JUST TELL IT LIKE THAT,
78
00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,626
AND YOU'LL MAKE TONS OF FRIENDS
IN NO TIME.
79
00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:47,368
- THANKS, UNCLE VINNIE.
80
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:51,438
- HE IS WEARING HIS OWN
UNDERWEAR, RIGHT?
81
00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:54,439
[quirky brass music]
82
00:02:54,442 --> 00:02:55,442
*
83
00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:57,453
- * I NEVER FELT SO GOOD
84
00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:59,245
- * NEVER FELT SO GOOD
85
00:02:59,247 --> 00:03:01,447
- * I NEVER FELT SO GOOD
86
00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:04,249
- * NEVER FELT SO GOOD
87
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:06,152
- * SO WAIT A MINUTE
88
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:07,153
* HEY
89
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:09,594
* I NEVER FELT SO GOOD
90
00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:15,902
- THOSE GUYS THERE IN THE DUGOUT
91
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:18,466
ARE SOME OF THE FINEST ATHLETES
IN THE WORLD.
92
00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:20,796
- THEY'RE JUST SCRATCHING
THEMSELVES AND SPITTING.
93
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:22,401
- EXACTLY.
94
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:23,443
WHEN I WAS YOUNG,
95
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:24,607
I USED TO THINK I COULD SCRATCH
96
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,105
AND SPIT PROFESSIONALLY.
97
00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:30,536
THEN YOU GROW UP AND YOU JUST
PUT THOSE DREAMS AWAY.
98
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,814
- DID MY DAD LIKE BASEBALL?
99
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,283
- HE LOVED IT!
100
00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:36,582
GRANDPA USED TO TAKE YOUR DAD
AND ME AND AUNT WILMA
101
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:38,754
TO DODGER STADIUM
IN CHAVEZ RAVINE
102
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:40,522
JUST LIKE HIS DAD TOOK HIM.
103
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:42,191
OF COURSE,
BACK THEN THERE WAS NO STADIUM.
104
00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:44,589
IT WAS JUST A RAVINE.
105
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:45,932
- AUNT WILMA LIKE BASEBALL TOO?
106
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,526
- SHE'S CRAZY ABOUT IT.
107
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:48,828
AS A KID,
SHE USED TO ALWAYS DRESS
108
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,929
AS TOMMY LASORDA FOR HALLOWEEN.
109
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,031
THEN IN HIGH SCHOOL,
110
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:54,302
SHE WAS TOMMY LASORDA
WITH FISHNETS.
111
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,414
- MAN, I WOULD HAVE LOVED
TO SEE THAT.
112
00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:01,306
- NO, YOU WOULD NOT.
113
00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:02,439
NO, NO, NO!
NO!
114
00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:03,443
- HEY, WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
115
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:04,784
- AH, HE GOT CAUGHT STEALING.
116
00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:05,848
- GOOD.
STEALING IS WRONG.
117
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,616
- NO.
118
00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:09,845
IN BASEBALL, STEALING IS GOOD.
119
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,620
- KNOCK, KNOCK.
120
00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:12,649
HOW'S IT GOING IN HERE?
121
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:13,953
- REALLY GOOD.
122
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:16,864
WENDELL'S REALLY STARTING
TO UNDERSTAND BASEBALL.
123
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:20,987
- SO HOW'S IT REALLY GOING?
124
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,804
- EH, I WON'T LIE.
HE'S A CHALLENGE.
125
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,156
BUT I DON'T CARE.
126
00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:26,474
I'M GONNA GET HIM TO
LOVE BASEBALL JUST LIKE I DID.
127
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:27,837
IT MADE MY CHILDHOOD.
128
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:29,395
- YOU KNOW
WHAT REALLY MADE MY CHILDHOOD
129
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:30,603
WAS LONG TALKS WITH MY GRANDMA.
130
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:31,744
WE USED TO--
131
00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:33,669
- DON'T BE RUDE.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT ME.
132
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:39,576
I WAS TEN WHEN THE DODGERS
WON THE SERIES IN '88.
133
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:40,910
MY DAD LET US STAY UP LATE.
134
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,584
I'D NEVER SEEN HIM SO HAPPY.
135
00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:44,593
WHENEVER THINGS
GOT ROUGH BETWEEN US,
136
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,815
WE ALWAYS HAD
THE '88 WORLD SERIES.
137
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:48,190
- THAT'S SO SWEET.
138
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:49,918
- AND OUR HATRED OF THE YANKEES.
139
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,533
- LITTLE LESS SWEET.
140
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:54,455
- I WANT WENDELL AND I TO HAVE
OUR OWN '88 WORLD SERIES.
141
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:55,802
- OH.
142
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,596
YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY NICE
SEEING THIS SIDE OF YOU.
143
00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:58,768
- I KNOW.
144
00:04:58,766 --> 00:05:00,666
EVERY WOMAN I TELL THAT STORY TO
145
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:02,368
FALLS A LITTLE MORE
IN LOVE WITH ME.
146
00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:03,370
- [scoffs]
147
00:05:03,371 --> 00:05:05,171
COME ON.
148
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,742
AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN "MORE"?
149
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:11,709
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"
150
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:13,582
- IS THIS HOW YOU FLIRT?
151
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,978
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN "THIS"?
152
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:19,494
- OKAY, I'M LEAVING.
153
00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:20,687
- HEY.
154
00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:22,388
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "LEAVING"?
155
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:30,395
[rapid knocking]
156
00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:33,568
- ALL RIGHT.
157
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:34,697
- HI.
158
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:36,742
I WAS WONDERING
IF WE COULD HAVE A CONVERSATION.
159
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,537
- FORGIVE ME
IF THIS SOUNDS RUDE, BUT...
160
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:39,839
IS THIS A TRAP?
161
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:40,970
- RELAX.
162
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:43,084
I JUST WANT
SOME FRIENDLY ADVICE.
163
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:44,276
- WHEN DID WE BECOME FRIENDS?
164
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:46,407
- LET'S OPEN SOME WINE, RIGHT?
165
00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:49,554
- OH, I'M NOT SURE I HAVE ANY...
166
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:50,650
WINE.
167
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:53,651
UH, I THINK I HAVE SOME...
168
00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:54,964
[glasses clink]
GLASSES.
169
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:56,655
WOW.
YOU CAME PREPARED.
170
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:57,887
ALL WE NEED NOW ARE...
171
00:05:57,891 --> 00:05:59,431
[nuts clattering]
172
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:03,125
SNACKS.
173
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:10,140
- THIS IS FUN.
174
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:11,237
LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.
175
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:13,568
DO I COME ACROSS
AS DESPERATE TO YOU?
176
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,844
- OH, NO, NOT DESPERATE.
177
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:16,913
YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE--
178
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,080
[buzzes]
179
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:20,478
AND--
[growls]
180
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:22,451
- I HAVE ANOTHER FIRST DATE
ON THURSDAY,
181
00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:23,880
AND IT'S IMPORTANT
TO MY SELF-ESTEEM
182
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,924
THAT I GET A SECOND DATE,
MAYBE EVEN A THIRD.
183
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:28,589
- SO HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
184
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,889
- YOU NEED TO TEACH ME
HOW TO BE SWEET.
185
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:31,891
- OH, I'M NOT SURE--
186
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,632
- YOU NEED TO TEACH ME...
187
00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:37,898
[whispering]
HOW TO BE SWEET.
188
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,028
- I CAN TRY TO TEACH YOU
189
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:42,143
HOW TO BE
A LITTLE LESS JUDGMENTAL.
190
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:44,235
WHY DON'T WE DO
A LITTLE ROLE-PLAY.
191
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,037
YOU BE YOU,
AND I'LL BE YOUR DATE.
192
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:47,739
- WHAT RESTAURANT
ARE WE GOING TO ON THIS DATE?
193
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,211
BECAUSE I DON'T DO
CHAIN RESTAURANTS
194
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:50,809
OR ANY PLACE
THAT DEALS WITH A GROUPON
195
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:52,851
AND IF THE WAITRESS
HAS HER HOMETOWN ON HER NAMETAG,
196
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:53,846
I'M OUT.
197
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:54,877
- WOW.
198
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:56,222
OKAY.
199
00:06:56,216 --> 00:07:00,016
WE'RE GOING TO A FIVE-STAR
ITALIAN RESTAURANT.
200
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,860
- [laughing]
YOU CAN'T AFFORD THAT.
201
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,626
- STOP JUDGING.
202
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:07,755
LET'S JUST SAY WE'RE
IN THE RESTAURANT TALKING.
203
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,631
JUST BE NICE.
204
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:12,170
YOU'RE LOOKING PARTICULARLY
LOVELY THIS EVENING.
205
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:14,495
- SO I LOOKED UGLY BEFORE?
I MEAN--
206
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:17,302
- YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN
TO TAKE A COMPLIMENT, WILMA.
207
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:20,674
YOU ARE A SUCCESSFUL,
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
208
00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:22,514
- YOU REALLY THINK SO?
209
00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:26,250
- DON'T MAKE THIS ANY HARDER
THAN IT HAS TO BE.
210
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:27,646
- ALL RIGHT,
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
211
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:28,718
I'M GONNA BE THE DATE,
212
00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:30,776
AND YOU BE ME BEING...
YOU BEING ME.
213
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,594
OKAY, YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
214
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,146
HOW YOU DOING?
I'M OGDEN.
215
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:36,994
I DROVE HERE IN A SCOOTER
THAT I BUILT MYSELF.
216
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,660
EVER BEEN IN A SIDECAR?
217
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:42,259
HOPE THAT'S YOUR OWN HAIR,
'CAUSE IT GETS WINDY.
218
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:44,772
- OGDEN, YOU MUST BE VERY HANDY
219
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:46,695
TO HAVE BUILT YOUR OWN SCOOTER.
220
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:47,700
- OH, THAT'S GOOD.
221
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,001
SEE, I WOULD HAVE SAID,
222
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,942
"CALL ME WHEN YOU HAVE
TWO MORE WHEELS AND SOME DOORS."
223
00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:52,969
SO...
224
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,583
LISTEN, JUST LOST MY JOB,
225
00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:55,605
SO TO SAVE MONEY,
226
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:59,279
I THOUGHT WE COULD
DINE AND DASH.
227
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,279
- OH.
228
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:01,550
FRUGAL.
229
00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:02,679
SMART.
230
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,023
AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE JOB.
231
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,687
YOU HAVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE
AHEAD OF YOU.
232
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,986
LIFE'S RICH WITH POSSIBILITY.
233
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,618
- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
234
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,455
- WOW, WITH THAT ATTITUDE,
WE'RE GONNA BE HERE AWHILE.
235
00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:15,461
WE BETTER ORDER DINNER.
236
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:17,132
- YOU WANT GREEK OR CHINESE?
237
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:19,301
THAT'S YOURS.
238
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:33,379
- WELL, YOU'RE NOT BLEEDING.
239
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:34,480
DOES IT HURT?
240
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:35,481
- NOT TOO BAD.
241
00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:37,122
JUST GIVE A GUY SOME WARNING.
242
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,717
- I YELLED "CATCH."
243
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:39,949
- THAT COULD MEAN ANYTHING.
244
00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:43,319
- I GIVE UP.
245
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:46,663
MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST ADMIT
BASEBALL'S NOT FOR YOU.
246
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,500
I MEAN, THERE'S OTHER SPORTS.
247
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:50,995
WE COULD ALWAYS WATCH...
248
00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:52,268
SOCCER.
249
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:57,403
- WHAT ARE THESE?
250
00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:58,674
- BASEBALL CARDS.
251
00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:01,412
THEY FEATURE THE PLAYERS
OF A SPORT YOU HATE.
252
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:03,308
- NO, THE NUMBERS ON THE BACK.
253
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,410
- OH, STATS.
254
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:06,781
YOU KNOW, HITS, RBIs, HOME RUNS.
255
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,420
- AND THERE'S NUMBERS
FOR EVERY PLAYER?
256
00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:10,445
HOW FAR BACK DOES THIS DATA GO?
257
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:11,450
- I DON'T KNOW.
258
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:12,791
100 YEARS, MAYBE MORE.
259
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:13,786
- WHOA!
260
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:14,917
YOU'RE TELLING ME
261
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:17,262
THERE'S OVER A CENTURY
OF HARD DATA
262
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:20,357
ON A CLOSED SYSTEM
WITH MINIMIZED VARIABLES?
263
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:24,769
- THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'M TELLING YOU, WENDELL!
264
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:26,095
THERE'S WHOLE LEAGUES
265
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:28,269
WHERE YOU JUST WATCH NUMBERS
CHANGE ON A COMPUTER
266
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:29,538
AND DON'T EVEN SEE THE GAME.
267
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:30,766
- OH, MY GOSH.
268
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:31,771
[panting]
269
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:32,842
I HAVE TO SIT DOWN.
270
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:35,240
- YEAH!
271
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,442
I'M SUCH A FOOL!
272
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:37,953
I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO MAKE BASEBALL FUN
273
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:40,675
WHEN I SHOULD HAVE BEEN
MAKING IT HOMEWORK!
274
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,481
- MY SPIRALS!
MY MECHANICAL PENCILS!
275
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:43,482
BRING THEM TO ME!
276
00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:44,423
- YEAH!
277
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,163
- AND THAT IS WHY
278
00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:53,788
I WILL ALWAYS
BE PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED
279
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,664
TO MY EX-WIFE.
280
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,130
- I'M GLAD
THAT YOU TRUST ME ENOUGH
281
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:02,272
TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH ME.
282
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,639
- THAT'S SO REFRESHING.
283
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:05,807
YOU KNOW,
WOMEN CAN BE SO JUDGE-Y.
284
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:06,806
EVEN THE...
285
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,807
YOU KNOW--
BOOM!
286
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,409
[laughs]
AM I RIGHT?
287
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:12,310
- [feigns laughter]
OH, MY GOD.
288
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:14,922
SO RIGHT.
289
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:15,845
[grunts]
290
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:21,089
- WENDELL, COME ON OUT.
THE GAME'S ALMOST ON!
291
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:22,088
- COMING!
292
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:23,319
- THIS MUST BE NICE FOR YOU.
293
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:24,693
YOU'RE LIVING YOUR DREAM.
294
00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:25,932
- I AM.
295
00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,486
WENDELL AND I ARE ABOUT TO
WATCH A DODGER GAME,
296
00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:28,534
HAVE PIZZA.
297
00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:29,658
YOU KNOW, I WAS THIS CLOSE
298
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,163
TO HAVING TO WATCH SOCCER
299
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:34,634
AND EAT SOME KIND OF
BELGIAN...FISH CAKE.
300
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,944
- IF YOU ORDERED A PIZZA,
WHY ARE YOU EATING A HOT DOG?
301
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:37,937
- PIZZA'S LUNCH.
302
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,308
THIS IS A BREAKFAST DOG.
303
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:42,106
THAT'S WHY
THERE'S SYRUP ON THERE.
304
00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:43,139
DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.
305
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,213
- LIKE WHAT?
306
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:45,511
- LIKE I'M A SERIAL KILLER
OR A...
307
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:48,282
YANKEES FAN.
308
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:49,351
- FINISH YOUR BREAKFAST.
309
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:51,279
IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT
DOG OF THE DAY.
310
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:52,594
- WENDELL, GET OUT HERE!
311
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:56,085
LIL WAYNE'S ABOUT TO SING
THE NATIONAL ANTHEM!
312
00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:01,289
- OH, MY GOD.
313
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:04,134
LOOK AT YOU!
YOU'RE A LITTLE YANKEE!
314
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:07,173
[gasps]
315
00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,744
- SORRY.
316
00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:17,644
HABIT.
317
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:25,151
- I DON'T GET IT.
318
00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:27,052
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL
ABOUT BEING A YANKEES FAN?
319
00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:28,794
THEY'RE THE BEST TEAM
IN BASEBALL HISTORY.
320
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:30,389
I CAN SHOW YOU THE NUMBERS.
321
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,830
- 'CAUSE THEY GET
THE BEST PLAYERS.
322
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:33,785
GAH!
I CAN'T LOOK AT THAT UNIFORM.
323
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:35,564
FOR GOD'S SAKE, COVER YOURSELF.
324
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:39,528
- YOU KNOW, VINNIE,
325
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,772
YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT YOU WANTED
WENDELL TO BE A DODGER FAN.
326
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:43,239
YOU SAID A BASEBALL FAN.
327
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:44,636
- IT JUST SEEMS LIKE
IF YOU'RE A FAN,
328
00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:45,637
YOU WANT YOUR TEAM TO WIN.
329
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:47,138
AND THESE GUYS WIN A LOT, RIGHT?
330
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,980
- BUT OUR WHOLE FAMILY
HAS ALWAYS BEEN DODGER FANS.
331
00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:51,337
- HE'S YOUR NEPHEW.
332
00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:53,384
AND YOU NEED TO LOVE HIM
NO MATTER WHAT TEAM HE'S FOR.
333
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,510
- OH, COME ON.
334
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:55,554
IT'S NOT LIKE
HE WAS BORN THIS WAY.
335
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,318
THIS IS A CHOICE!
336
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,317
- YOU HAD TO SEE THIS COMING.
337
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,289
HE'S BEEN A NUMBER CRUNCHER
FOR YEARS.
338
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:04,288
- YEAH, I'VE GOT A POSTER
OF GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ IN MY ROOM.
339
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:05,791
- WHO THE HELL IS THAT?
340
00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:07,693
- HE INVENTED CALCULUS.
341
00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:09,834
- I THOUGHT THAT WAS
A PICTURE OF SHAKESPEARE.
342
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:10,860
- OH, SURE.
343
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:12,204
'CAUSE EVERYONE
IN A POWDERED WIG
344
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:14,499
LOOKS THE SAME TO YOU.
345
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:16,501
- I GOT ROGER, DEAK, AND MONGO
COMING OVER
346
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,173
TO WATCH THE YANKEE DODGER GAME
TOMORROW.
347
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,841
THESE GUYS ARE MY FRIENDS.
348
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,340
SO IF YOU WANT TO YANKEE IT UP
349
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:23,011
IN YOUR ROOM DURING THAT,
GO AHEAD.
350
00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:26,810
JUST DON'T PARADE AROUND HERE
SHOVING IT IN EVERYBODY'S FACE.
351
00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:28,654
- YOU ARE SO CLOSE-MINDED,
UNCLE VINNIE.
352
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:30,018
- OH, IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES
TO YOU,
353
00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:31,347
BUT I'M THE ONE
WHO HAS TO EXPLAIN THIS
354
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:32,451
TO YOUR GRANDFATHER!
355
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:37,519
- SO NOW THAT
THIS IS OUR THIRD DATE,
356
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:40,694
WE'VE TALKED, WE'VE SHARED,
WE'VE APPETIZED.
357
00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:44,463
I THINK IT'S TIME FOR US
TO GET REAL.
358
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:45,704
- SWEET.
359
00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:47,028
I CAN STOP SUCKING IN MY GUT.
360
00:12:47,034 --> 00:12:48,704
[sighs]
WHOO.
361
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:55,211
I'M NOT SCARED
TO BE MYSELF AROUND YOU.
362
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:56,708
YOU'RE SO NICE,
363
00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:59,109
SO ACCEPTING, SO--
364
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,612
- I'M GONNA STOP YOU
RIGHT THERE, RAY.
365
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:04,954
SEE, I FEEL LIKE THAT I'VE
PRESENTED A SIDE OF MYSELF THAT,
366
00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:06,622
WHILE IS USUALLY APPEALING,
367
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:10,089
MAY NOT BE
THE FULL STORY OF WILMA.
368
00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:11,560
- WELL,
I'M SURE WHATEVER IT IS--
369
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,558
- STILL TALKING, RAY.
370
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:16,730
SINCE IT'S OUR THIRD DATE,
I'D LIKE YOU TO STEP IT UP TOO.
371
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:19,229
YOU KNOW, BRING YOUR "A" GAME,
ALL RIGHT?
372
00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:20,732
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A--YOU'RE A...
373
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:21,903
FINE LOOKING MAN.
374
00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:24,042
YOU OWN A CHAIN OF TIRE STORES.
375
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:27,337
- ACTUALLY, IT'S A CHAIN
OF TIRE CHAIN STORES.
376
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,880
BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE
MAKE THAT MISTAKE.
377
00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:31,076
- [tutting]
THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
378
00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:33,248
I NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE
A SENSE OF HUMOR, RIGHT?
379
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:35,576
OKAY, AND I NEED YOU TO--
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME A JOKE.
380
00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:37,422
JUST ONE GOOD ONE.
381
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,087
OKAY, THIS IS OUR THIRD DATE.
382
00:13:39,086 --> 00:13:42,756
I PROMISE I WILL MAKE IT
WORTH YOUR WHILE.
383
00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:43,915
- [sighs]
OH.
384
00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:44,934
OKAY, READY.
385
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:47,725
IT'S CRUNCH TIME.
386
00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:48,897
OKAY.
387
00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:50,426
THERE'S THIS GUY
WHO THINKS HE'S A MOTH.
388
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:51,700
- OH, OKAY, GREAT.
389
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:53,728
OKAY, THE MOTH INFORMATION
CAME OUT A TAD EARLY.
390
00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:54,903
BUT, NO,
YOU'RE ON THE RIGHT TRACK.
391
00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:56,142
LET'S GO.
GO GET 'EM. GO, GO.
392
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:58,936
- SO HE GOES TO HIS DENTIST
ON THE SECOND FLOOR
393
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,609
OF THIS LITTLE
PROFESSIONAL BUILDING.
394
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:02,807
IT'S LIKE BY A BANK
AND A PHARMACY.
395
00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:03,909
- [groans]
396
00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:05,681
GONNA GET BOGGED DOWN
IN THE DETAILS.
397
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:08,918
- OH, THE DENTIST SAYS,
"YOU THINK YOU'RE A MOTH?
398
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,016
"WELL, THAT'S CRAZY.
399
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:13,787
OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE A PERSON."
400
00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:15,286
- CLEARLY NOT THE PUNCH LINE.
401
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:16,658
WHAT DID HE SAY NEXT?
402
00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:18,686
- SO HE SAYS TO HIM,
"YOU DON'T NEED A DENTIST.
403
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,961
YOU NEED A SHRINK OR SOMETHING."
404
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,290
- BRING IT HOME, RAY.
405
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:24,134
- OKAY, HE SAYS TO HIM,
"WHY DID YOU COME HERE?"
406
00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:25,631
AND HE SAYS,
407
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,802
"I SAW THE SIGN."
408
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,700
[laughing]
409
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,949
- THE LIGHT WAS ON.
410
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:41,948
- WHAT?
411
00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:42,949
- HE DIDN'T SEE THE SIGN.
412
00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:45,320
THERE WAS NO SIGN, RAY.
413
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,488
THE MOTH MAN WENT IN
414
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:50,487
'CAUSE THE LIGHT WAS ON.
415
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,790
- I THINK
THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID.
416
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:53,261
- THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID.
417
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:54,460
THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID.
THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID.
418
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:55,801
YOU SAID HE SAW THE SIGN.
419
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:57,655
YOU SAID HE SAW THE SIGN,
WHICH MAKES NO SENSE, RAY.
420
00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:58,804
ZERO, OKAY?
421
00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:02,738
THE MAN WENT IN
BECAUSE HE SAW THE LIGHT WAS ON.
422
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:05,735
THE MAN THOUGHT HE WAS A MOTH!
423
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:08,808
SO HE FOLLOWED THE LIGHT!
424
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:10,778
- OH.
425
00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:13,977
- MY 13-YEAR-OLD NEPHEW
NAILED THAT JOKE!
426
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:16,221
AND NOW
YOU'VE RUINED IT FOR ME!
427
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:18,886
SIT THERE AND FEEL BAD!
428
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:29,695
- KNOCK, KNOCK?
429
00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:30,626
splash!
430
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:39,169
- [hoarsely]
OH, VINNIE,
431
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:42,382
THIS PINEAPPLE JALAPENO
IS MELTING MY THROAT.
432
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:43,375
- [grunts]
433
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:45,376
IT BURNS ALL THE WAY DOWN.
434
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:46,708
I KIND OF WANT TO VOMIT,
435
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:49,853
BUT THEN IT WOULD BURN
ALL THE WAY BACK UP.
436
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,749
- ROGER, CHUG THAT HOT SAUCE.
437
00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:53,051
- NO.
438
00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:54,193
- DO IT.
439
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:57,557
- OKAY.
440
00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:59,227
[screams]
WHOO!
441
00:15:59,226 --> 00:16:01,556
WHY IS THE HOT SAUCE SO HOT?
442
00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:03,801
- [laughing]
IT SAYS "HOT" RIGHT ON IT.
443
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:05,266
[TV announcer chatters
indistinctly]
444
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:06,265
- OOH!
445
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:07,296
LONG FLY BALL.
446
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,840
- CATCH IT.
CATCH IT!
447
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:11,036
all: YEAH!
448
00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:12,408
- WHOO!
- YES!
449
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:14,065
- ROGER, CELEBRATION HOT SAUCE.
450
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:15,914
- OH, NO, NOT THIS TIME.
451
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:16,908
- DO IT.
452
00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:19,749
- OKAY.
453
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,246
[screams]
454
00:16:21,248 --> 00:16:22,518
[gasps]
455
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:25,385
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
456
00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:26,415
- HELLO,
457
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:27,419
DEAK,
458
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:28,420
ROGER,
459
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:29,661
MONGO.
460
00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:33,689
[sighs]
VINCENT.
461
00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:37,602
- THIS SOME SORT OF SICK JOKE?
462
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:40,267
- WE AGREED YOU WERE GONNA
WATCH THE GAME IN YOUR ROOM.
463
00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:41,797
- WELL,
IT'S AFTER THE SEVENTH INNING.
464
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,601
I THOUGHT YOU DODGER FANS
WOULD BE GONE BY NOW.
465
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:44,603
BEAT THE TRAFFIC.
466
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:45,714
BURN!
467
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:51,109
- VINNIE,
ARE YOU GONNA LET HIM SAY THAT
468
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:54,351
IN FRONT OF JACKIE ROBINSON'S
CLEAT SCRAPER?
469
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:55,377
- JUST IGNORE HIM, GUYS.
470
00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:56,882
HE'S GOING THROUGH A PHASE.
471
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,123
- "SO WHO'S WINNING?"
472
00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:00,118
HE ASKED, KNOWING THE YANKEES
ARE UP BY ONE.
473
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,450
[thumps chest]
YANKEES!
474
00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:06,093
- BEING A RUN DOWN
DOESN'T BOTHER US.
475
00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:07,193
- WELL, IT SHOULD.
476
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:08,804
WHEN TRAILING
AFTER THE SEVENTH INNING,
477
00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,695
THE DODGERS HAVE LOST
EVERY TIME.
478
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,127
BUT WHAT ARE STATISTICS?
479
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:14,132
OH, YEAH,
ONLY THE MOST ACCURATE METHOD
480
00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:15,604
OF ASSESSING PROBABILITY.
481
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:17,572
THIRD-DEGREE BURN.
482
00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:20,111
- HEY, NUMBERS,
483
00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:22,477
WE GOT SOMETHING
BETTER THAN STATISTICS.
484
00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:25,645
GENTLEMEN, RALLY CAPS.
485
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,645
- OH, NO!
RALLY CAPS.
486
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:29,917
HOW CAN OUR SUPERIOR HITTING,
PITCHING, AND FIELDING
487
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:32,246
EVER COMPETE
WITH YOUR BLACK MAGIC?
488
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:33,522
- OKAY, WE GET IT.
489
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:34,820
- HELLO, YANKEE DUGOUT?
490
00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:35,861
JUST GIVE UP.
491
00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:37,615
THEY'RE WEARING
THEIR HATS ASKEW.
492
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:39,234
- ENOUGH.
493
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:41,026
- IF I WANTED TO SIT ON A COUCH
AND BE RIDICULED,
494
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:43,127
I WOULD HAVE STAYED
AT MY MAMA'S HOUSE.
495
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:44,500
- YEAH,
WHAT IS IT WITH THIS KID?
496
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,127
IT'S NOT JUST THAT
HE'S ROOTING FOR THE YANKEES.
497
00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:47,903
HE'S BECOME A YANKEE FAN.
498
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,170
- YEAH, LOOK, I'M SORRY, GUYS.
499
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:50,799
AND HE'S NEVER BEEN TO NEW YORK.
500
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:52,003
- YOU CALL THIS PIZZA?
501
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,014
THE ONLY REAL PIZZA
COMES FROM NYC,
502
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:56,806
THE BIG APPLE, THE 212, BABY.
503
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,249
- WENDELL.
504
00:17:58,245 --> 00:17:59,675
ANGELINO PIES?
505
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,909
THIS IS OUR FAVORITE PIZZA
IN THE WORLD.
506
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,024
- [scoffs]
507
00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:04,245
YOU SHOW UP WITH THIS PIE
IN BROOKLYN,
508
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:06,621
FORGET ABOUT IT.
509
00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:09,519
- OKAY, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY
THIS WITHOUT BEING OFFENSIVE,
510
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:12,062
BUT YOUR ROOMMATE'S
A TOTAL "D" BAG.
511
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:14,028
- THEN YOU
REAL HOUSEWIVES OF JERSEY
512
00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:15,356
CAN GO BACK TO HOBOKEN.
513
00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:16,302
HA!
514
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:19,671
CALL ME THE SUN,
515
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:21,526
'CAUSE Y'ALL JUST GOT...
516
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:22,874
WELL, YOU KNOW.
517
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:24,899
- SCHOOLED?
518
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:27,844
- VINNIE,
WE CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.
519
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,880
- SEND HIM BACK TO HIS ROOM
RIGHT NOW OR WE'RE OUT OF HERE.
520
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:32,707
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
521
00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:33,882
BEAT IT.
- FINE, BUT I'M--
522
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,580
- NOT YOU.
THEM.
523
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:37,983
- WHAT?
- COME ON.
524
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:39,554
- HE'S A YANKEE FAN
LIVING IN A DODGER'S HOUSE.
525
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,022
IT'S JUST WRONG.
526
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:42,220
- OKAY, YES.
527
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:44,222
YES, YOU'RE RIGHT.
528
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:48,404
WENDELL IS DIFFERENT
THAN THE REST OF US.
529
00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:50,725
WE MIGHT FIND HIS CHOICES...
530
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:53,400
DISGUSTING,
531
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,240
BUT IT'S HIS LIFE.
532
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:57,395
IF HE WANTS
TO STRUT DOWN BROADWAY
533
00:18:57,404 --> 00:19:00,574
AS GRAND MARSHALL
OF THE YANKEE PARADE,
534
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:04,483
HE CAN FOR ALL I CARE,
BECAUSE I SUPPORT HIM.
535
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:06,977
AND I'LL FIGHT ANYBODY
WHO DARES MOCK HIM.
536
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,079
SO...
537
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:16,288
- NO.
538
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:19,859
[all groaning]
539
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,529
- TIME TO GO, FELLAS.
540
00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:41,477
- WHY'D YOU DO THAT?
541
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:45,021
- WENDELL, I'M A DODGERS FAN.
542
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:46,847
YOUR DAD WAS A DODGERS FAN.
543
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:50,523
YOUR AUNT WILMA'S
A CRAZED RABID DODGERS FREAK.
544
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,263
BUT...
545
00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:53,859
YOU'RE MY BOY
546
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,700
AND IF YOU WANT TO BE
A YANKEES FAN,
547
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:56,925
EVEN THOUGH IT FEELS LIKE
548
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:59,529
YOU'RE CARVING MY HEART OUT
WITH A SPOON,
549
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:02,372
I'LL BACK YOU UP 100%.
550
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,369
- THAT'S WHY YOU TOOK MY SIDE
OVER YOUR FRIENDS'
551
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:07,011
EVEN THOUGH I WAS KIND OF
BEING A DUMB BAG?
552
00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:08,276
- A WHAT?
553
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:09,375
- YOUR FRIEND MONGO.
554
00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:11,106
I ASSUMED HE MEANT DUMB BAG.
555
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:14,150
- THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE MEANT.
556
00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:15,816
AND, YES, I GOT YOUR BACK.
557
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:16,815
- THANKS, UNCLE VINNIE.
558
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:18,746
- HEY, FORGET ABOUT IT.
559
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,920
[TV announcer chattering
indistinctly]
560
00:20:28,495 --> 00:20:30,655
- YEAH.
VOILA!
561
00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:32,333
DESSERT DOG.
562
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:33,672
MMM.
563
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:34,926
MMM.
564
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:37,004
[moans]
565
00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:38,673
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
NOT BAD.
566
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:39,671
- YEAH.
567
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:42,712
- THAT'S A NICE ITEM.
568
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:44,609
- HEY, GUYS, WHAT'S GOING ON?
569
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:48,049
WHAT ARE YOU TWO WEARING?
570
00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:49,977
- MOTHER OF MERCY.
571
00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:52,422
- IS THAT A YANKEES UNIFORM?
572
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,649
COME HERE FOR A SECOND, WENDELL.
- DON'T GO!
573
00:20:54,654 --> 00:20:56,264
- NO, I'M NOT GONNA HURT HIM.
I JUST WANT TO SEE SOME--
574
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:57,455
- RUN, WENDELL!
- [shrieks]
575
00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:59,127
[all screaming indistinctly]
576
00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:00,285
- I WANT TO SEE SOMETHING!
577
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:02,463
I WANT TO SEE SOMETHING!
38805
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