Original subtitles

- [stuttering] WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT'S WRONG?

- ANTS! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.

I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME.

- OH, THEY'RE HEADING UNDER THE COUCH.

THERE MUST BE SOMETHING UNDER THERE.

- REACH IN AND GET IT OUT.

- WHY ME? I'M THE KID.

- WE'VE GONE OVER THIS.

IF YOU LOSE A HAND,

THERE'S A BETTER CHANCE

YOU'LL GET IT REPLACED IN YOUR LIFETIME.

- I HATE WHEN YOU USE SCIENCE AGAINST ME.

- GO.

WHAT? WHAT? - OH.

both: EW, EW, EW, EW, EW.

- THAT'S THE CUPCAKE FROM VALENTINE'S DAY.

THERE'S ANOTHER ONE UNDER THE COUCH.

- THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO. - VACUUM IT UP?

- I WAS GONNA SAY LIGHT THE COUCH ON FIRE,

BUT LET'S DO YOUR THING.

MORNING. - MORNING.

WOW. WOLVERINE BOXERS.

MUST BE WEDNESDAY.

- JUST BE GRATEFUL IT'S NOT THONG THURSDAY.

HERE, CARDS FOR ALL OCCASIONS, I GET THEM IN BULK.

- [scoffs] BUT I NEED VALENTINE'S CARDS.

- HEY, YOU CAN ADAPT THEM.

- "SYMPATHIES ON THE LOSS OF YOUR PET."

- YEAH, YOU JUST BLACK OUT THE COFFIN,

GIVE THE PUPPY WINGS, BOOM, HE'S CUPID.

- I'LL JUST MAKE MY OWN.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD MAKE ONE FOR TARYN.

- AH, I'VE ASKED HER OUT AT LEAST A MILLION TIMES.

AT SOME POINT,

I'M GONNA HAVE TO TAKE NO FOR SOMETHING AKIN TO NO.

- SHE'S JUST PLAYING HARD TO GET.

IT'S ALL PART OF THE MERRY DANCE OF LOVE.

COME ON, UNCLE VINNIE. YOU'RE A CATCH.

- THINK SO?

GUESS I'M NOT THAT BAD-LOOKING, EH?

- BAD-LOOKING? I FIND YOU QUITE COMELY.

- DAMN RIGHT, I'M COMELY AS HELL.

I'M ASKING HER OUT. YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M DOING IT RIGHT NOW. WATCH THIS.

- PANTS. - I WOULD'VE CAUGHT IT.

[quirky brass music]

- I NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- I NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- SO WAIT A MINUTE

HEY

I NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- HEY, MR. LIPSHITZ. - YOU GO TO HELL.

- FOR, "HEY, MR. LIPSHITZ"?

- I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU.

AH, UH-UH-UH-UH-UH.

HAVE IT THERE MONDAY OR DON'T SEND IT AT ALL.

GOOD-BYE, MOTHER.

- GANGWAY, GUYS. I GOT TO HIT THE SHOWER.

- HEY, WANT SOME COMPANY?

- I THINK I'LL MANAGE ON MY OWN.

- I WAS KIDDING ABOUT THE SHOWER.

UNLESS...

NO, I WAS KIDDING.

UNLESS...

I'M JUST KIDDING.

ANYWAY, VALENTINE'S DAY IS COMING,

AND I HAPPEN TO BE UNATTACHED.

YOU HAPPEN TO BE UNATTACHED.

SO I THOUGHT THE TWO OF US COULD...

ATTACH.

- THANKS, BUT NO.

- BUT--

- YOU'RE A RIDICULOUS EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN.

- ARE YOU STILL ON THE PHONE?

- NO.

- HOW'D IT GO?

- SHOT DOWN.

- YOU KNOW, THAT TOO IS PART OF THE MERRY DANCE OF--

- SHUT UP.

- HEY, CAN YOU LISTEN TO THIS VALENTINE'S CARD I WROTE

FOR MY FRIEND VIOLET?

- SURE, BUDDY.

- "DEAR VIOLET, IN AN EFFORT

"TO PARTICIPATE IN THE CULTURAL EXPERIENCE OF VALENTINE'S DAY,

"WOULD YOU BE MY VALENTINE?

"THIS WOULD ENTAIL SHARING A CUPCAKE WITH ME

"ON FEBRUARY 14TH.

"PLEASE CHECK YES OR NO.

I REMAIN WENDELL R. BASSET."

- WENDELL, I'VE HAD JURY SUMMONS THAT ARE MORE ROMANTIC.

- BUT I'M NOT LOOKING FOR ROMANCE.

I'M JUST LOOKING FOR A GIRL

WHO WILL SHARE THE SPIRIT OF THE HOLIDAY WITH ME

JUST FOR THE CULTURAL EXPERIENCE.

- CULTURAL EXPERIENCE...

YOU KNOW, YOU MAY BE ON TO SOMETHING HERE.

HERE I AM SWINGING FOR THE FENCES AND STRIKING OUT.

YOU'RE PLAYING SMALL BALL--

LAYING DOWN A BUNT, JUST MAKING CONTACT,

MOVING THE RUNNERS OVER.

- DAMN STRAIGHT. - YEAH.

GIVE ME ONE OF THESE CARDS.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

PANTS? OH, WE'RE GOOD.

[knock at door]

SORRY TO DISTURB YOU, BUT HERE.

- WHY ARE YOU WISHING ME MAZEL TOV ON MY BAR MITZVAH?

- NO.

LOOK, I KNOW I WAS A LITTLE FORWARD EARLIER.

BUT SINCE WE'RE BOTH AVAILABLE,

WHY NOT SPEND VALENTINE'S DAY TOGETHER?

- [sighs] VINNIE, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND.

I'M STILL GETTING OVER MY DIVORCE.

- I GET IT.

I'M TALKING ABOUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC EVENING

YOU COULD IMAGINE.

WE'LL JUST-- WE'LL WATCH A MOVIE ON NETFLIX,

HAVE A RICE CAKE.

I MIGHT EVEN DO MY ONLINE TRAFFIC SCHOOL.

JUST TWO NEIGHBORS ON VALENTINE'S DAY

PARTICIPATING IN A CULTURAL EXPERIENCE IF YOU WILL.

- I'M NOT SURE. - NO, NO, NO.

NO NEED TO EVEN SAY ANYTHING.

JUST CHECK A BOX, YES OR NO.

HERE'S A NUMBER TWO PENCIL, PRESS HARD.

- [sighs]

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- MAKING A LIST OF PROS AND CONS.

- YOU DON'T NEED TO SHOW YOUR WORK.

WENDELL, YOU'RE A GENIUS!

AND APPARENTLY I SMELL LIKE CHINESE FOOD.

DO YOU THINK THAT'S A PRO OR A CON?

HEY, YOU GONNA BE OKAY, KIDDO?

- SURE, CAN'T HAVE A BROKEN HEART

IF SOMEONE'S JUST RIPPED IT OUT OF YOUR BODY

AND STOMPED ALL OVER IT.

- HEY...

I PUT STRING CHEESE IN YOUR LUNCH TODAY.

HAVE A GOOD ONE.

- I WILL NEVER LET ANYONE HURT YOU.

- YOU ARE HURTING ME.

- [kissing]

- JUST LET ME GO.

MY ATTENDANCE RECORD IS ALL I HAVE LEFT.

- [sighs]

OH, LOOK, IT'S VIOLET'S MOM.

- WILMA, NO, LEAVE IT ALONE. YOU'RE JUST GONNA MAKE IT WORSE.

- I'M JUST TRYING TO SALVAGE THIS SPECIAL DAY FOR WENDELL

OR AT LEAST MAKE THAT LITTLE GIRL FEEL BAD.

- WILMA, COME ON.

- HAVE A GOOD DAY AT SCHOOL, SWEETIE.

- OFF YOU GO.

HI, YOU MUST BE VIOLET'S MOM.

I'M WILMA BASSET, WENDELL'S MOM.

- [coughs] AUNT. - AUNT, I'M HIS AUNT.

I'M HIS GUARDIAN.

- NOT LEGALLY, WHAT UP? - NICE TO MEET YOU.

- WELL, WENDELL'S ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HOW MUCH HE LIKES VIOLET

AND HOW SWEET SHE IS.

I MEAN, CLEARLY YOU'RE DOING A REALLY GOOD JOB WITH HER.

- THANK YOU.

- YEAH, WHICH IS WHY ODDLY WE WERE SO SURPRISED

WHEN SHE TURNED DOWN WENDELL'S VALENTINE.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY WITH HER?

YOU KNOW, SUFFER ANY RECENT CONCUSSIONS?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. ANY BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA?

- SHE'S FINE.

MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE ALWAYS TOLD HER

THAT DATING AT THIS AGE IS INAPPROPRIATE.

- DATING? - I WILL HANDLE THIS.

- I'M SORRY, NO, NO, NO. HE WASN'T ASKING HER ON A DATE.

- SEEMED LIKE A DATE TO US.

- IT WAS A CUPCAKE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

AND MAYBE YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH THE TERM "CULTURAL EXPERIENCE,"

BUT THAT'S ALL HE WANTED.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

WENDELL'S A NEW KID AT THIS SCHOOL,

AND HE HASN'T BEEN HAVING THE EASIEST TIME FITTING IN.

- REALLY NOT MY PROBLEM, SIR.

- HE BENDS OVER BACKWARDS TRYING TO BE NICE TO PEOPLE,

AND THEY DUMP SMOOTHIES ON HIS HEAD.

OH, BUT HE WANTS TO GIVE A GIRL A CUPCAKE AFTER LUNCH.

OH, THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE.

THE ONLY TIME HE'S BEEN INAPPROPRIATE

IS WHEN HE WORE A EUROPEAN STYLE BATHING SUIT

TO MARCO SCHWARTZMAN'S POOL PARTY!

- OH, OKAY, LET'S GO. NOTHING MORE TO SEE HERE.

- SORRY IF HE WAS A LITTLE UPSET.

- A LITTLE?

HE'S SO UPSET

THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE HE'S BEEN LIVING WITH ME,

I COULDN'T PUT A GOLD STAR ON HIS POOP CHART.

HE MAY NEVER POOP AGAIN!

INAPPROPRIATE?

HE'S-- YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S INA--

THIS WHOLE PLACE IS INAPPRO--

HE'S INA-- YOU ARE.

- WHAT WAS THAT? - I HAVE NO IDEA.

- I DIDN'T MEAN TO EMBARRASS YOU.

- "WHAT A COMFORTING CONSOLATION,"

HE SAID, DRIPPING IRONY.

FEAST YOUR PEEPERS ON THE LATEST YOUTUBE SENSATION.

- DORK KID'S DAD GOES BERSERK?

THIS IS GONNA BE HILAR-- THIS IS US, ISN'T IT?

[in Auto-Tune] THEY DUMP SMOOTHIES ON HIS HEAD

SMOOTHIES ON HIS HEAD

A EUROPEAN BATHING SUIT

POOP CHART, POOP CHART

A EUROPEAN BATHING SUIT

NEVER POOP AGAIN

DUMP SMOOTHIES ON HIS HEAD

SMOOTHIES ON HIS HEAD

A EUROPEAN BATHING SUIT

POOP CHART, POOP CHART

A EUROPEAN BATHING SUIT

NEVER POOP AGAIN

- THERE ARE POOP CHARTS POSTED ALL OVER SCHOOL

WITH MY PICTURE ON THEM.

KIDS ARE WRITING EPIC POEMS ABOUT IT.

- EPIC POEMS?

- THE GIFTED CLASS CAN BE BRUTAL.

- I WAS JUST TRYING TO STAND UP FOR YOU.

- WELL, YOU TURNED ME INTO A JOKE.

- I DIDN'T MEAN IT, WENDELL.

MEAN IT, WENDELL

MEAN IT, MEAN IT, MEAN IT, WENDELL

I CAN SEE WHY YOU HAVE SO MANY HITS.

IT'S REALLY CATCHY.

- NICE WORK, UNCLE VINNIE.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HUMILIATED...

OR CONSTIPATED.

- HEY, IF IT ISN'T POOP CHART.

- THAT'S NOT MY NAME.

- THEN HOW'D YOU KNOW WE WERE TALKING ABOUT YOU?

- DEDUCTIVE SYLLOGISM.

- OKAY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS,

SO WE'RE GOING BACK TO THE POOP CHART THING.

OKAY WITH YOU THERE, POOP CHART?

HEY, IF IT ISN'T MRS. POOP CHART.

- THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

- [laughs]

- HEY, THAT'S ENOUGH.

MAKE FUN OF ME ALL YOU WANT,

BUT YOU BETTER LEAVE VIOLET ALONE.

- AND WHY WOULD I DO THAT?

- BECAUSE THERE'S A NOBILITY ABOUT HER

THAT EVEN JERKS LIKE YOU CAN SEE.

SHE'S THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE MOST MAD AT ME,

BUT SHE'S THE ONLY PERSON IN SCHOOL

WHO HASN'T RAZZED ME IN THE PAST 24 HOURS.

IT'S THE REASON I WANTED TO SPEND MY VALENTINE'S WITH HER.

SO LAY OFF.

- POOP CHART.

[laughter]

[knock at door]

- HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, NEIGHBOR.

- I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS.

I'M AFRAID I HAVE TO CANCEL TONIGHT.

- I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND.

IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

- ARE THOSE VALENTINE'S DAY DECORATIONS?

- OH. [scoffs]

NO, JUST HEART AND AN ANGEL WITH A BOW AND ARROW DECORATIONS,

NOT SPECIFIC TO ANY PARTICULAR DAY.

- WOW, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU WENT TO A LOT OF TROUBLE.

- NOT AT ALL.

[lights and objects clattering]

SO WHY CAN'T YOU MAKE IT?

- UH, I HAVE TO STAY WITH WENDELL.

HE'S HAD A ROUGH DAY.

- WELL, IT'S A GOOD THING I KNOW NOW BEFORE I GOT TOO INTO IT.

TELL HIM I HOPE HE FEELS BETTER.

- I WILL. AND AGAIN, I'M SORRY.

- NOT A PROBLEM.

pop!

- [sighs]

[elevator dings]

[Vinnie's head pounding softly]

- ARE YOU OKAY, MR. BASSET?

- HUH? OH, YES--HI, TIFFANY.

- HOW'S WENDELL?

- HE'S GOOD. HE'S GOOD.

ACTUALLY, HE'S NOT GOOD.

HE'S SAD.

HAD KIND OF A HARD DAY AT SCHOOL.

- OH, YEAH, I SAW THAT AWFUL VIDEO.

YOU WERE GREAT, THOUGH.

- YEAH, THANKS, WASN'T PLANNED, YOU KNOW, JUST...

LIGHTNING IN A BOTTLE.

- TELL WENDELL I HOPE HE'S OKAY.

I REALLY LIKE HIM.

SAY HI FOR ME.

- TI--WAIT, TIFFANY.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY HI TO WENDELL YOURSELF?

HERE'S THE THING.

HE JUST WANTS TO HAVE A CUPCAKE WITH A GIRL ON VALENTINE'S DAY.

MAYBE YOU COULD BE THAT GIRL?

- OH, THAT'S SO SWEET. I'D LOVE TO.

- COME BY AROUND 8:00-ISH. IT'S A NICE THING YOU'RE DOING.

- IF YOU WANTED TO DO SOMETHING NICE,

SOME FRIENDS AND I ARE GONNA GO WORK AT A HOMELESS SHEL--

- OW! OH, TOOTHACHE, I CAN'T TALK.

WOW. SEE YOU TONIGHT.

OH, GOD! BYE, TIFFANY!

GOOD NEWS: WENDELL'S BETTER. WE'RE BACK ON.

- TERRIFIC.

- HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

- YEAH, SURE, FOR YOU.

YOU'VE GOT A DATE WITH RAGGEDY ANN NEXT DOOR.

FOR ME, IT'S JUST ANOTHER CRUEL HALLMARK HOLIDAY

THAT'LL NEVER LIVE UP--

HEY, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU.

- ALL RIGHT.

I'M BACK IN THE GAME.

SOMEONE OWES ME A GOLD STAR.

- FIRST, CONGRATULATIONS.

SECOND, WENDELL, I KNOW I MESSED THINGS UP,

AND I WANT TO MAKE IT RIGHT.

SO I'VE ARRANGED FOR YOU TO HAVE YOUR CULTURAL EXPERIENCE.

- NO! NO, HE'S MY VALENTINE.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, WENDELL?

- AUNT WILMA, WE NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT BOUNDARIES.

- MMM, YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW.

I READ THAT IN YOUR JOURNAL.

- GOOD NEWS: TIFFANY'S COMING OVER.

- TIFFANY? I DON'T NEED A BABYSITTER.

- NOT AS A SITTER.

SHE SAID SHE'D BE THRILLED TO SHARE THE CULTURAL EXPERIENCE

OF VALENTINE'S DAY WITH YOU.

- REALLY? THANKS, UNCLE VINNIE.

BUT I'M NOT GONNA PUT TOO MUCH EXPECTATION ON THIS.

IT'S JUST A CASUAL EXCHANGE.

OH, WHO AM I KIDDING?

I'M GONNA GO PUT ON MY GOOD BOW TIE.

- WOW, REALLY LOOKS LIKE YOU PULLED THIS ONE OFF.

- YEAH.

I NEVER DOUBTED ME.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I GOT TO GO EAT WITH MY VALENTINE

AND EVERYTHING'S RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.

- I DON'T HAVE A VALENTINE.

- YEAH, I KNOW.

[knock at door]

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

- [sobbing]

- HEY, WHY ARE YOU ALL GROSS?

ARE YOU OKAY?

- RIGHT AFTER YOU LEFT,

I WENT ON FACEBOOK AND CAME ACROSS PICTURES OF MY EX-HUSBAND

ON VACATION WITH HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND IN TUSCANY.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE TOOK ME ON OUR HONEYMOON?

NEW SMYRNA BEACH, FLORIDA.

[sobbing]

OUR HONEYMOON, VINNIE.

- OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. - [sobbing]

- THAT'S OKAY, CRY IT OUT, CRY IT OUT.

- [sobbing]

- DID YOU AT LEAST MAKE IT TO BUSCH GARDENS?

- [sobbing] YES, THAT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT.

- HEY, IT'S GONNA BE OKAY. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?

'CAUSE YOU AND I ARE GONNA BE TOGETHER ON VALENTINE'S DAY.

- OH, YEAH, NO, I-- I CAN'T DO THAT.

I'M TOO DEPRESSED. I CAN'T GO ON A DATE, SORRY.

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. IT'S NOT A DATE, REMEMBER?

IT'S JUST A CULTURAL EXPERIENCE.

JUST TWO PEOPLE NOT BEING ALONE ON VALENTINE'S DAY.

- WELL, CAN I PICK THE MOVIE?

- WELL, YEAH, IF YOU THINK THERE'S A MOVIE WE WOULD--

- TWILIGHT.

- I HAVE TO ADMIT I'M NOT A BIG FAN OF TWI--

YES, TWI-- LET'S DO TWILIGHT.

YEAH, LET'S CAP THAT BIG OLD FOUNTAIN OF MUCUS WITH...

[moans softly] TWILIGHT!

- GOOD, LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.

[knock at door]

- OH, SHE'S HERE. TIFFANY'S HERE.

THIS IS GONNA BE A GREAT VALENTINE'S DAY.

- IT ALREADY IS.

YOUR UNCLE PROMISED YOU A GOOD TIME, AND HE DELIVERED.

- I'M HERE FOR WENDELL?

- HOW GOOD OF A TIME WERE YOU SUPPOSED TO HAVE?

- [chuckles nervously] WHERE'S TIFFANY?

- OH, I'M TIFFANY'S SISTER.

SHE HAD AN EMERGENCY LAST-MINUTE.

SOMETHING ABOUT A CAT WITHOUT A COLLAR.

SO THAT'S HER WEEKEND.

- SO WHO EXACTLY ARE YOU?

- I'M KRYSTAL WITH A "K" AND A "Y," LIKE IT SAYS RIGHT HERE.

- OKAY... [stutters] I BELIEVE YOU.

THANK YOU, OKAY.

- SHE SMELLS LIKE CIGARETTES.

- TRUST ME, IT'S NOT CIGARETTES.

UM...

SO ARE WE GONNA DO THIS CUPCAKE THING NOW,

OR DO I HAVE TIME TO USE THE TOILET?

- OH, GOSH, YOU'RE ADORABLE.

LOOK, UM...

I APPRECIATE YOU TAKING TIME OUT OF YOUR BUSY PIERCING SCHEDULE

TO SPEND THE EVENING WITH US,

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY.

- OKAY, GREAT, I'LL JUST TAKE MY MONEY AND GO THEN.

- MONEY?

- UH, YEAH, MY SISTER PROMISED ME 20 BUCKS.

SOMEBODY'S GOT TO PAY.

- [sighs]

I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE ANY CASH. WENDELL?

- SORRY, ALL MY MONEY'S IN BONDS.

- ALL RIGHT, I'LL JUST-- I'LL WRITE YOU A CHECK.

- OOH, A CHECK.

YOU CAN PUT IT IN MY BIRTHDAY CARD, GRANDMA.

I'M GONNA NEED TO SEE SOME CASH.

- OKAY.

- NOW THAT'S TRUE LOVE.

[emotional music playing on TV]

- BUT HE'S A VAMPIRE. IT'S DOOMED.

- THAT'S WHAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

- YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T BE TOO IMPRESSED WITH THIS GUY.

HE'S BEEN GOING TO HIGH SCHOOL FOR 700 YEARS.

- SHH, LISTEN TO THIS.

YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS STUFF

TO UNDERSTAND THE SECOND AND THIRD MOVIE.

- [on TV] I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.

- THERE'S MO--

OH, WOW, I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW LATE IT WAS GETTING.

IT'S ALMOST... 8:30.

I SHOULD GET GOING.

- DON'T. - WHY?

- BECAUSE I'M IN THE MOOD TO DO SOMETHING STUPID TONIGHT.

- W-WITH ME?

- HENCE THE TERM "STUPID."

- WELL, IF-- IF YOU LIKE STUPID,

I GOT SOME OLD REPORT CARDS THAT'LL DRIVE YOU WILD.

WAIT, ARE YOU DOING THIS JUST TO FORGET ABOUT YOUR EX?

ANY WARM BODY'LL DO?

- YEAH. - I'M COOL WITH THAT.

[knock at door]

- VINNIE! VINNIE!

- WHY DON'T WE JUST IGNORE IT? PROBABLY A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS.

[knocking continues]

- VINNIE!

- IT'S WILMA.

- ALL RIGHT, I'M COMING!

THIS HAD BETTER BE GOOD, SISTER.

- YOU REMEMBER VIOLET'S MOM.

- YES, YEAH, I WAS JUST HELPING THIS YOUNG LADY STUDY

FOR HER REAL ESTATE EXAM.

- CHEERS.

- REMEMBER, THE INTEREST ON A RENTAL CAN BE...

AMORTIZED OVER THE WHOLE YEAR.

GOOD JOB.

- VIOLET TOLD ME HOW CHIVALROUS WENDELL WAS THIS AFTERNOON.

SO SHE INSISTED WE MAKE CUPCAKES FOR HIM.

- HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, WENDELL.

- HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

- IT'S JUST SO BEAUTIFUL.

- THE MERRY DANCE... I GET IT NOW.

- YOU MUST BE A PRETTY GOOD PARENT

TO HAVE TAUGHT WENDELL TO BE SUCH A GENTLEMAN.

[together] THANK YOU.

- ALL RIGHT.

- I HAVE TO ADMIT I'M NEW TO THIS PARENTING THING,

BUT I DO TRY TO CREATE

A WHOLESOME ENVIRONMENT FOR YOUNG WENDELL.

- HEY, THESE BEERS FOR ANYBODY?

[can fizzes]

I MEAN, IT'S ALREADY OPEN.

- WHO'S THAT? - TIFFANY'S SISTER.

N-N-N-BE-TE, THAT'S MINE.

EH, YOU'RE DONE HERE. THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

BYE-BYE.

- WHATEVS.

I'LL LEAVE NOW, BUT I STILL GOT TO GET PAID FOR THE FULL HOUR,

SO...

- ALL RIGHT, THERE YOU GO. THANK YOU.

OH, NO, SHE'S NOT FOR ME.

I GOT HER FOR WENDELL.

A-ACTUALLY, I GOT A YOUNGER GIRL.

JUST FOR THE EXPERIENCE.

- OH, MY...

- I'M NOT EXPLAINING THIS WELL, AM I?

- YOU'RE BACK.

[sighs]

SO...

STILL WANT TO DO SOMETHING STUPID?

- I'M ABOUT TO.

GOOD NIGHT.

- GOOD NIGHT.

- THANKS FOR CHECKING THE "YES" BOX.

[door closes]

[screaming] NO!

[elevator dings]

- YOU KNOW, ORGANIZING THE TRANSIT SYSTEM

IS MY HIGHEST PRIORITY.

BE COOL.

SO...