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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:21,316 [loud whirring] 2 00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:27,158 - OH, YEAH. 3 00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:28,701 HERE TO COMES. YEP! 4 00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:36,595 MM! 5 00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:39,044 THANK YOU, CHIPS DRONE! 6 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,469 AND TO THINK, ALL THIS TIME 7 00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,484 I'VE BEEN CARRYING MY FOOD LIKE A DUMBASS. 8 00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:45,176 - UNCLE VINNIE, I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I FOUND IN YOUR CLOSET! 9 00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:46,179 - NO! 10 00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:47,620 NO! HEY! 11 00:00:47,615 --> 00:00:48,945 THAT'S NOT MINE. 12 00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:50,949 THAT'S--I'M HOLDING THAT FOR A FRIEND. 13 00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:52,721 IT CAME WITH THE APARTMENT! 14 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,390 WHAT THING ARE YOU LOOKING AT? 15 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,388 YOU KNOW WHAT? GET OUT OF MY CLOSET! 16 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,360 - IT'S JUST AN OLD MAGIC KIT. 17 00:00:58,359 --> 00:00:59,759 CAN I PLAY WITH IT? 18 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,760 - DUDE, MAGIC SUCKS. 19 00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:04,232 ALL MAGICIANS LEAD SAD, CRAPPY LIVES. 20 00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:07,002 NAME A MAGICIAN, I'LL TELL YOU HIS TRAGIC END. 21 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,440 HOUDINI: DEAD. 22 00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:10,166 BLACKSTONE: DEAD. 23 00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,171 DEADSTONE... 24 00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:12,242 - DEAD? 25 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,840 - WORSE. RENO. 26 00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:15,982 - HEY-HO! 27 00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:18,746 I BROUGHT DINNER, CARE OF CHEF FELIP. 28 00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:20,046 - WHO IS CHEF FELIP? 29 00:01:20,047 --> 00:01:21,547 - HE'S A PRIVATE CHEF I'M REPRESENTING 30 00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:25,749 IN A TOTALLY BASELESS FOOD POISONING CASE. 31 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:28,623 YOU KNOW, LET'S JUST ORDER CHINESE. 32 00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,992 - COME ON, UNCLE VINNIE, LET ME HAVE THE MAGIC SET. 33 00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:32,031 - NO. 34 00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:33,685 MAGIC WILL BE JUST ANOTHER EXCUSE 35 00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,304 FOR YOU TO BE INSIDE AND ALONE. 36 00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:38,496 - SAYS THE FORMER TETRIS CHAMPION OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. 37 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,029 - HEY! 38 00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:43,073 AT LEAST THAT HAS SOME REAL-WORLD APPLICATIONS. 39 00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:45,940 YOU EVER SEEN ME PACK THE CAR FOR A TRIP? 40 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,979 YOU NEED TO GET OUTSIDE, MEET KIDS. 41 00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:50,936 I'M OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT PEOPLE ARE HORRIBLE. 42 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,754 YOU NEED TO FIND THAT OUT FOR YOURSELF. 43 00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:56,947 NOW GET OUTSIDE AND TOSS THAT BALL AROUND. 44 00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,562 WHOA, WHOA! HEY! 45 00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:05,057 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GIVE ME THAT. 46 00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:06,688 THIS IS SIGNED BY ELWAY. 47 00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:07,934 JEEZ. 48 00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:10,358 NOW GET OUTSIDE AND TOSS THAT CASE AROUND. 49 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:16,000 [quirky brass music] 50 00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:17,003 * 51 00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,014 - * I NEVER FELT SO GOOD 52 00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:20,806 - * NEVER FELT SO GOOD 53 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,938 - * I NEVER FELT SO GOOD 54 00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:25,713 - * NEVER FELT SO GOOD 55 00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:27,653 - * SO WAIT A MINUTE 56 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:28,648 * HEY 57 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:31,079 * I NEVER FELT SO GOOD 58 00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:37,234 - IT'S BACK. 59 00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:38,225 TA-DA! 60 00:02:38,226 --> 00:02:39,826 - WOW. 61 00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,597 - AND NOW... 62 00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:43,596 IT'S GONE AGAIN. 63 00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,927 - THAT'S REALLY GREAT, WENDELL. 64 00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:48,603 - NO, I'VE ACTUALLY LOST IT. 65 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:52,705 - WHAT ARE WE LOOKING FOR? 66 00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:54,576 - THE BALL FROM MY BALL AND VASE TRICK. 67 00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:55,575 - UGH. 68 00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,376 STILL ON THE MAGIC THING, HUH? 69 00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,248 - I ORDERED A MAGIC SET ONLINE. 70 00:02:59,247 --> 00:03:02,377 I PAID FOR STANDARD SHIPPING, BUT IT GOT HERE OVERNIGHT. 71 00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:05,493 SEE, IT'S ALREADY MAGIC. 72 00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:07,286 - MAGIC IS A SLIPPERY SLOPE. 73 00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:08,658 BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, 74 00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:10,556 YOU'VE GOT A TWO-PACK-A-DAY PLAYING CARD HABIT, 75 00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:12,028 YOU'VE GOT A RABBIT IN YOUR COAT, 76 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,495 MILK IN YOUR HAT, AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE. 77 00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:15,695 I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE MADE MYSELF CLEAR, 78 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,466 BUT I REALLY DON'T LIKE MAGIC. 79 00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:19,726 - HE'S GOTTEN REALLY GOOD. 80 00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,843 HE'S BEEN DOING MAGIC FOR ME ALL AFTERNOON. 81 00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:24,465 - HOW'S THAT JOB HUNT GOING? 82 00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:27,544 - DO THE CARD TRICK AGAIN. 83 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,611 - HE REALLY DOESN'T HAVE TO. 84 00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:31,280 I ALREADY KNOW HOW IT ENDS. 85 00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:34,649 "IS THIS YOUR CARD?" "WHOA." 86 00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,548 MY FEAR IS THAT HE'S GONNA WASTE HIS LIFE 87 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,320 PRACTICING THESE DUMB TRICKS 88 00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:40,789 WHEN HE COULD BE OUT DOING NORMAL, COOL-KID THINGS. 89 00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:43,158 - HE COULD ALSO BE OUT THERE HARASSING PEOPLE, 90 00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:45,326 GETTING INTO TROUBLE, HANGING WITH THE WRONG CROWD. 91 00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:48,496 - RIGHT! COOL-KID THINGS. 92 00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:50,396 LOOK, HOW IS HE EVER GONNA DEVELOP THE SKILLS HE NEEDS 93 00:03:50,398 --> 00:03:51,798 TO MEET GIRLS? 94 00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:56,169 - WHAT WOMAN COULD RESIST THE DISAPPEARING COIN TRICK? 95 00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,309 - ALL OF THE WOMEN. 96 00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:58,365 ALL OF THEM. 97 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:06,575 - NOW, WATCH CAREFULLY AS THE YELLOW SILK... 98 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,750 DISAPPEARS. 99 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,550 - [gasps] OOH. 100 00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:13,152 - WHERE COULD IT BE? 101 00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:15,593 PERHAPS IN HERE? 102 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:18,759 - AH. 103 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:19,929 - TA-DA! 104 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:22,797 - WOW. THAT IS VERY IMPRESSIVE. 105 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,326 VINNIE, YOU SHOULD SEE THIS TRICK HE JUST DID. 106 00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:26,032 I MEAN, HE'S ACTUALLY GETTING REALLY GOOD. 107 00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:30,073 - YEAH, BUT AT MAGIC, WHICH IS DUMB. 108 00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:32,340 I GOT HIM SOMETHING HE CAN REALLY GET EXCITED ABOUT. 109 00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:33,640 - [gasps] AN IRONING BOARD! 110 00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:36,141 YES! - NO! 111 00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:37,513 IT'S A SURF TRAINER. 112 00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:39,411 I SIGNED YOU UP FOR SURF CLASS. 113 00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:40,813 - SURFING? - HA! 114 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,154 - HAVE YOU MET ME? 115 00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:45,349 I'M THE KID WHO THROWS UP ON THE MOVING SIDEWALKS. 116 00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:46,993 LOOK, I'M NOT LEARNING HOW TO SURF. 117 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,157 WE SPENT HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF YEARS 118 00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:50,486 DRAGGING OURSELVES OUT OF THE OCEAN, 119 00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:52,131 AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO GET BACK IN? 120 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,695 IT'S A SLAP IN THE FACE TO OUR MONKEY ANCESTORS. 121 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:57,025 - WELL, YOU'RE GOING. FIRST CLASS IS TOMORROW. 122 00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:59,000 NO ARGUMENTS. 123 00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,369 - OOH. I'LL TAKE YOU. 124 00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:02,438 AND I WILL NOT LET ANYTHING BAD HAPPEN TO YOU 125 00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:05,906 BECAUSE IT WOULD BE VERY EMBARRASSING FOR ME. 126 00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,406 - OH, AND HEY, 127 00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:09,738 I SAW THERE WERE A COUPLE GIRLS IN YOUR CLASS. 128 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,783 MIGHT BE WEARING BIKINIS, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 129 00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:13,549 - SKIN CANCER? 130 00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:15,747 - PLEASE, LET'S JUST TAKE A LITTLE BREAK 131 00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,949 FROM THE TRICKS FOR A LITTLE WHILE, OKAY? 132 00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:20,851 - I DON'T GET IT. WHY ARE YOU SO AGAINST MAGIC? 133 00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:22,164 - I WOULD JUST RATHER YOU FOCUS 134 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:25,085 ON SOME HEALTHY ACTIVITIES FOR ONCE, ALL RIGHT? 135 00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:26,592 - OH! 136 00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:27,864 - AH! 137 00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:29,761 UGH. 138 00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:31,433 AH! 139 00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,932 THERE'S NO COFFEE TABLES IN THE WATER. 140 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:35,443 YOU'LL BE FINE. 141 00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:40,265 - OUR NEXT PERFORMER IS A DELIGHTFUL SURPRISE. 142 00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:43,743 HE'S ONLY 15, BUT HE'S ALREADY FULL OF BRIGHT IDEAS. 143 00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:48,424 PLEASE WELCOME VINNIE BASSET AND HIS AMAZING FLOATING LIGHT BULB. 144 00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:33,958 [glass shatters] 145 00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:36,901 [audience booing] 146 00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:45,242 [booing continues] 147 00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,010 - AH! 148 00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:54,351 [breathing heavily] 149 00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:57,277 [sobbing] 150 00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:01,987 - THANK YOU, THANK YOU, 151 00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:05,059 CLASSMATES, FACULTY, MR. PRESIDENT. 152 00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:09,728 AND I ASSURE YOU, THIS IS NOT WITCHCRAFT, YOUR HOLINESS. 153 00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:12,230 AND NOW FOR MY GRAND FINALE, 154 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:15,502 I WILL MAKE THIS EGG DISAPPEAR INTO THIN AIR. 155 00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:25,013 - WENDELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 156 00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,512 IT'S WAY PAST YOUR BEDTIME. 157 00:07:26,514 --> 00:07:29,554 LISTEN, I DON'T HAVE MANY RULES, BUT BEDTIME IS ONE OF THEM. 158 00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,520 YOU SHOULD KNOW. YOU MADE ME MAKE IT. 159 00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:34,619 - BUT I JUST NEED TO GET THIS RIGHT FOR THE TALENT SHOW. 160 00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:35,862 - TALENT SHOW? 161 00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:37,416 WAIT, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA RECITE PI 162 00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:40,694 UNTIL THEY BOOED YOU OFF THE STAGE. 163 00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:43,864 - THAT WAS BEFORE I STARTED DABBLING IN THE BLACK ARTS. 164 00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:45,274 - YOU KNOW WHAT? NO WAY. 165 00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:46,365 THIS IS A BAD IDEA. 166 00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:47,996 I AM PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN. 167 00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:50,271 - WHY ARE YOU BEING SO DRACONIAN ABOUT THIS? 168 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:53,440 - STOP USING WORDS YOU KNOW I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 169 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:54,810 YOU KNOW, I'M MAKING THAT A NEW RULE. 170 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:55,878 HOW MANY IS THAT? 171 00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,806 - TWO. - YEAH. 172 00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,081 - YOU KNOW, EVER SINCE I DISCOVERED MAGIC, 173 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:01,379 YOU'VE BEEN ACTING LIKE A REAL DUMB-BAG. 174 00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:02,681 - DUMB-BAG? 175 00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,083 I'M JUST TRYING TO SAVE YOU 176 00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,054 FROM A LOT OF PAIN AND HEARTACHE. 177 00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:08,463 - YOU JUST THINK MAGIC IS NERDY AND I WON'T GET GIRLS. 178 00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:09,615 I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW, 179 00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:11,663 DAVID COPPERFIELD GOT CLAUDIA SCHIFFER. 180 00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:16,329 AND... WELL, DAVID COPPERFIELD GOT CLAUDIA SCHIFFER. 181 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,599 - I DON'T CARE. 182 00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:19,568 YOU'RE DISOBEYING BOTH MY RULES. 183 00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:21,127 TOMORROW, YOU'RE GOING SURFING, 184 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:23,574 AND I'M BANNING MAGIC FROM THIS HOUSE. 185 00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:24,741 - WHAT? YOU CAN'T DO THAT. 186 00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:25,908 - YEAH, DID IT. 187 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,436 STOP ACTING LIKE IT'S SUCH A BIG DEAL. 188 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,710 - BUT YOU'RE NOT A MAGICIAN. YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND. 189 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,280 YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO FILL PEOPLE 190 00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:33,578 WITH A SENSE OF WONDER AND AWE. 191 00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:38,494 - OH, DON'T I? 192 00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:56,501 - I KIND OF REMEMBER HIM DOING SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 193 00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:58,073 I WASN'T PAYING MUCH ATTENTION. 194 00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:01,041 THAT WAS THE SUMMER THAT THE GREAT MAGICIAN PUBERTINI 195 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,911 MADE MY BREASTS APPEAR. 196 00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:04,310 POOF. 197 00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:06,753 - [gasps] 198 00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:09,477 THIS IS IT, HOLLYWOOD HOCUS-POCUS, 199 00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:11,482 CALIFORNIA'S MECCA OF MAGIC. 200 00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:12,794 THANKS FOR SNEAKING ME OVER HERE. 201 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,716 I KNOW YOU REALLY WANTED TO CHECK OUT THE LIFEGUARDS 202 00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:15,722 AT THAT SURF CLASS. 203 00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:17,023 - AH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, KID. 204 00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,764 I'VE SEEN PLENTY OF HANDSOME MAGICIANS ON TV. 205 00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:28,138 GUESS WE'RE NOT ON TV. 206 00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:31,435 WELL, I SUPPOSE I CAN PUT THESE GUYS AWAY. 207 00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:32,468 UGH. 208 00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:37,651 - THIS PLACE IS EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DREAMED OF. 209 00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:39,975 - OH, THAT'S GREAT. 210 00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:45,720 IN THE FUTURE, WE SHOULD WORK ON RAISING THE BAR ON YOUR DREAMS. 211 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,659 - IT'S THE BEST FLASH PAPER EVER MADE, 212 00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:50,815 FROM THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC. 213 00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,164 - WHOA. 214 00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:53,429 AWESOME. 215 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,226 - MY NEPHEW'S THE ONLY ONE IN THAT GROUP 216 00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:56,928 THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A TOTAL LOSER. 217 00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,900 AM I RIGHT? 218 00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:00,969 [both gasp] 219 00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:02,238 - YOU. 220 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,935 - AZIZ, YOU WORK HERE? 221 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,007 - I OWN THIS PLACE. 222 00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:07,405 AND I MANAGE A STARBUCKS ON THE WEEKENDS. 223 00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:10,707 - WAIT, IN YOUR DATING PROFILE, YOU SAY THAT YOU'RE A DENTIST. 224 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:13,411 - WHEN I LISTED MY PROFESSION AS "MAGICIAN/BARISTA," 225 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:15,353 I GOT ZERO REPLIES. 226 00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:16,718 - SO YOU JUST LIED? 227 00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:17,717 - IN YOUR DATING PROFILE, 228 00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:19,888 YOU SAID YOU WERE PERSIAN AND 26. 229 00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:23,357 WHO WAS ATTEMPTING THE GREATER ILLUSION? 230 00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:29,358 - WHOA. - OH. 231 00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:31,402 - WHAT? THAT'S CRAZY. 232 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:37,241 - WHAT? NO WAY. 233 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:39,807 - AUNT WILMA, I WANT THIS ONE. 234 00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:41,707 - $450. 235 00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:43,609 - DO YOU HAVE A HOT CHICK DISCOUNT? 236 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:45,650 - YES. - THEN HOW MUCH? 237 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,005 - $450. 238 00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:48,654 - OKAY. 239 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:54,550 COME ON. 240 00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:56,564 YOU LOOK GREAT, LIKE A REAL SURFER. 241 00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:03,633 EH? 242 00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:07,770 - WHAT ABOUT THE SPOT WHERE YOU RAN OUT OF BRONZER? 243 00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:10,538 - WHAT SPOT? 244 00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:12,067 ALL RIGHT, LOOK, NO ONE'S GONNA NOTICE. 245 00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,342 HERE. 246 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,910 PUT YOUR HAND RIGHT HERE. EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE. 247 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,408 - YOU REALLY THINK THIS LOOKS NATURAL? 248 00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:17,579 - YES. 249 00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:19,077 IT LOOKS LIKE YOU SPENT A LONG DAY AT THE BEACH. 250 00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:20,749 DON'T FORGET TO USE YOUR SURFING TERMS. 251 00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:23,378 - MAHALO, BRO. I'M NO BARNEY. 252 00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:25,053 - OH, YOU CAN DO THIS. 253 00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,222 I LOVE YOU. 254 00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:27,489 - WAIT, YOU'RE NOT GOING IN WITH ME? 255 00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:28,487 - OH, NO. NO, NO. 256 00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:29,488 THIS COULD GO TERRIBLY WRONG. 257 00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:31,459 I NEED DENIABILITY. 258 00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:32,758 - [sighs] 259 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,130 - DON'T SWEAT IT. 260 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:37,897 NO, LITERALLY DON'T. YOUR TAN WILL DRIP RIGHT OFF. 261 00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:39,328 - I'M GOING IN. 262 00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:40,502 - WHAT'S WITH WENDELL? 263 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:44,340 - IT'S HIS FIRST BIG LIE. 264 00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:46,237 GOD, I'M SO PROUD OF HIM. 265 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,140 - HEY, WENDELL. 266 00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:50,542 - HEY, VINNIE. 267 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:54,013 JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW, SURF SCHOOL WAS TOTALLY AWESOME. 268 00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:58,124 I ABSOLUTELY SHREDDED IT OLD-SCHOOL, DUDE. 269 00:11:58,118 --> 00:11:59,518 - AH-AH-AH-AH. 270 00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:00,589 COME HERE. 271 00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:01,787 THAT'S AWESOME. I'M SO HAPPY. 272 00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:02,789 COME HERE. COME HERE. 273 00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:04,220 - OKAY. 274 00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:11,827 - IS THERE ANY PARTICULAR REASON YOU LOOK LIKE A THUNDERCAT? 275 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:14,802 - WHAT? IT WAS SUNNY. 276 00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:16,902 - WHAT ABOUT THIS SPOT? 277 00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:19,814 - WHAT? IT WAS PARTLY CLOUDY. 278 00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:21,367 - AND WHAT'S THIS? 279 00:12:36,556 --> 00:12:38,826 YOU DIDN'T GO SURFING AT ALL. 280 00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:40,186 YOU WERE MAGICKING. 281 00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:43,833 - WHAT? THAT'S REDONKULOUS. 282 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:48,570 OKAY, FINE. 283 00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,568 AUNT WILMA TOOK ME TO HOLLYWOOD HOCUS-POCUS. 284 00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,740 IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE. 285 00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,039 - YOU LIED TO ME. 286 00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:55,481 - MAYBE I FELT LIKE I HAD TO. 287 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,305 WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM WITH ALL THIS ANYWAYS? 288 00:12:57,310 --> 00:13:00,250 - OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU. 289 00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:02,847 I WON A COMPETITION AT MAGIC CAMP 290 00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:06,050 AND WAS INVITED TO PERFORM AT THE ANNUAL MAGICIAN'S JUBILEE. 291 00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:08,963 IT WAS GONNA BE MY LAUNCHING PAD TO AN AMAZING CAREER. 292 00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:11,086 ALL THE TOP PEOPLE WERE THERE, 293 00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:14,531 ARNIE THE AMAZING, UNCANNY DARREL, 294 00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:18,427 DAVE THE MAGNIFICENT, GREG THE MAGNIFICENT, 295 00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:22,041 JOHN THE MAGNIFICENT, AND PHIL 296 00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,365 - THE MAGNIFICENT? 297 00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:25,870 - NO, HE WASN'T AS GOOD AS THE OTHERS. 298 00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:28,513 ANYWAY, IT WAS MY BIG CHANCE. 299 00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,638 AND IT WAS AN EPIC FAIL. 300 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,583 - IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THAT BAD. 301 00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,179 - HA-HA. OH, YEAH. 302 00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:37,551 MERLIN THE MIME BROKE A 35-YEAR VOW OF SILENCE 303 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,890 JUST TO BOO ME OFF THE STAGE. 304 00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:42,957 HE WAS SO ANGRY, JUST RANTING ON AND ON 305 00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:44,386 AND STARTED SOBBING. 306 00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:48,001 IN RETROSPECT, I THINK IT WAS ABOUT MORE THAN JUST ME. 307 00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,055 THE POINT IS, IT SCARRED ME FOR LIFE. 308 00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:51,433 AND I'M GONNA SAVE YOU FROM THAT. 309 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:52,571 - WELL, WHO ASKED YOU TO? 310 00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:54,125 - WELL, I WISH SOMEBODY HAD DONE IT FOR ME. 311 00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:55,674 - WELL, I'M NOT YOU. 312 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,468 AND I'M STILL DOING A MAGIC ACT FOR THE TALENT SHOW TOMORROW. 313 00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:58,470 - OH, YEAH? 314 00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,071 WELL, I WON'T BE THERE 315 00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:03,043 TO WATCH YOU FALL ON YOUR COLLAPSIBLE SWORD. 316 00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:06,253 - WELL, GOOD. I DON'T WANT YOU THERE. 317 00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:09,276 NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE SOME IRONING TO DO. 318 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:19,156 - SIT DOWN. 319 00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:20,929 NOT THERE. 320 00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:23,298 HERE. 321 00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:26,066 I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR LITTLE FIELD TRIP TO THE MAGIC STORE. 322 00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:28,266 I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A PIECE OF MY MIND, 323 00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:29,638 AND I DON'T WANT YOU RUNNING AWAY. 324 00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:33,236 SO SIT IN THE SHAME SACK. 325 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,740 - ISN'T THAT WHAT GRANDMA USED TO CALL YOUR-- 326 00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:35,941 - SIT DOWN! JUST... 327 00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:41,583 - OKAY. 328 00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:45,417 LOOK, I KNOW THAT YOU'RE ANGRY, 329 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:46,618 BUT DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE BLOWING THIS 330 00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:47,959 A LITTLE OUT OF PROPORTION? 331 00:14:47,955 --> 00:14:52,055 - I'M THE GUARDIAN, NOT YOU. 332 00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:53,559 I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO MAKE RULES. 333 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,660 - YEAH, BUT NOT STUPID ONES. 334 00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:57,632 YOU BETTER JUMP ON BOARD THIS MAGIC TRAIN SOON 335 00:14:57,630 --> 00:14:58,970 OR YOU'RE GONNA LOSE HIM. 336 00:14:58,966 --> 00:15:01,426 DON'T SCREW THIS BOY UP THE WAY OUR PARENTS DID ME. 337 00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:04,844 - OH, GOD, STOP BLAMING MOM AND DAD FOR ALL YOUR PROBLEMS. 338 00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:06,237 JUST MOVE ON. 339 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:09,539 - YOU LISTEN TO ME, YOU... 340 00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:11,342 YOU LISTEN TO ME. 341 00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:13,884 GOD, I HATE THIS THING! 342 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:16,020 LOOK, YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO 343 00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:17,676 THAT MOM AND DAD APPLAUDED 344 00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:18,994 EVERY TIME YOU SO MUCH AS FARTED, 345 00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:20,686 AND I GOT NO ENCOURAGEMENT. 346 00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,157 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 347 00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:23,485 THEY SENT YOU TO LAW SCHOOL. 348 00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:26,260 - THAT IS-- THAT'S NOT THE... 349 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,529 THAT'S NOT THE... 350 00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,998 UGH. 351 00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:32,268 AH. 352 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,995 [grunting] 353 00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,702 [breathing heavily] 354 00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:39,813 AHA. 355 00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:42,736 THAT IS NOT THE POINT, OKAY? 356 00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:44,412 YOU NEED TO SUPPORT WENDELL. 357 00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:45,711 IF HE WANTS TO BE A MAGICIAN, 358 00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:49,682 THEN YOU HELP HIM BE ONE OF THE VERY FEW COOL ONES. 359 00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:51,782 - I'M JUST TRYING TO PROTECT HIM. 360 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:54,624 DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AT THE MAGICIAN'S JUBILEE? 361 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:58,031 - STOP BLAMING MERLIN THE MIME FOR ALL YOUR PROBLEMS. 362 00:15:58,025 --> 00:15:59,625 MOVE ON. 363 00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:08,203 ALL RIGHT, LOOK... 364 00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:09,701 THIS IS ABOUT WENDELL. 365 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:15,612 YOUR JOB ISN'T TO PREVENT HIM FROM FALLING DOWN. 366 00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,438 ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PICK HIM UP WHEN HE DOES. 367 00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:24,154 - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU REMEMBERED MERLIN THE MIME. 368 00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:26,651 - OH, MY GOD. HE WAS SO PISSED. 369 00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:34,692 - THANKS FOR BEING MY ASSISTANT, TARYN. 370 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,104 LACY WAS GONNA DO IT, BUT THEN SHE SAID 371 00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:37,256 SHE DIDN'T WANT TO LOOK RIDICULOUS 372 00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:39,204 IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE SCHOOL. 373 00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:40,769 - NO PROBLEM. 374 00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:44,237 THIS IS THE CLOSEST THING I'VE HAD TO A JOB SINCE I GOT HERE. 375 00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:46,067 BY THE WAY, CAN I LIST YOU AS A REFERENCE? 376 00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:48,783 - WE'LL SEE HOW THE TRICK PLAYS. 377 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,582 I'M GLAD HER COSTUME FITS YOU. 378 00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:52,978 - BARELY. 379 00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:55,179 - ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SIT CROSS-LEGGED ON THIS TABLE. 380 00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:57,222 I'LL MAKE YOU FLOAT, SLOWLY SPIN YOU AROUND, 381 00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:58,847 THEN PASS A HOOP OVER YOU. 382 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:02,291 THEN FOR MY BIG FINISH, A HUGE WAD OF DOMINICAN FLASH PAPER. 383 00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:04,289 - WOW. THAT'S INCREDIBLE. 384 00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:06,661 YOU SURE THAT THING CAN HOLD ME? 385 00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:08,829 - YOU SHOULD BE FINE. 386 00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:10,998 YOU DIDN'T HAVE A BIG LUNCH TODAY, DID YOU? 387 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:15,944 - BY THE WAY, WHERE'S VINNIE? 388 00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,535 - OH, HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN MAGIC. 389 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,867 AND MORE TO THE POINT, HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN ME. 390 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,182 - OH, I'M SURE THAT'S NOT TRUE. 391 00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:24,475 - WENDELL BASSET AND... 392 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:25,407 LITTLE ASSISTANT. 393 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:28,350 YOU'RE NEXT. 394 00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:29,618 BUT WE'RE NOT EXACTLY SURE 395 00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:31,946 WHEN RODOLFO THE WONDER JUGGLER WILL BE DONE. 396 00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:37,323 - HE'S PROBABLY DONE. 397 00:17:37,324 --> 00:17:39,134 - YEAH. 398 00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:40,426 [applause] 399 00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:42,997 - HEY, HOW ABOUT MOST OF THAT JUGGLING ACT, HUH? 400 00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:45,995 [applause] 401 00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:50,598 AND NOW THE SPECTACULAR MAGIC OF WENDELL BASSET. 402 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,313 [applause] 403 00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:53,735 - YEAH! 404 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:54,670 WENDELL! 405 00:17:57,177 --> 00:18:00,707 [cat calls] 406 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,510 - WHOA. 407 00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:27,205 [applause] 408 00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:34,181 [audience oohs] 409 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,085 - [gasps] 410 00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:42,716 [applause] 411 00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:43,822 - YEAH! 412 00:18:51,097 --> 00:18:53,827 GUYS, HE IS ROTATING HER. 413 00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:56,303 HE IS ROTATING HER RIGHT NOW. 414 00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:57,473 - WAY TO GO, WENDELL! 415 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:58,470 YES! 416 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,041 - VINNIE'S HERE. 417 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,940 [creaking] 418 00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:05,212 thud! 419 00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:06,412 [loud tearing] 420 00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:09,653 [audience gasps] 421 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,949 [cheers and applause] 422 00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:16,722 - OVER HERE. BIG FINISH OVER HERE. 423 00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:18,833 I GIVE YOU FIRE. 424 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:24,130 I GIVE YOU FIRE. 425 00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:39,878 TA-DA! 426 00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:43,719 [cheers and applause] 427 00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:52,356 - HER TOP CAME OFF AND THERE WAS A FIRE. 428 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,489 - THE BEST TALENT SHOW EVER. 429 00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:55,634 - YEAH. 430 00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:58,158 - THAT'S MY WENDELL! 431 00:19:58,164 --> 00:19:59,174 THAT'S MY BOY! 432 00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:00,425 - YEAH! - WHOO! 433 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:07,966 - WE WANT A REFUND. 434 00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:09,314 - I'M VERY SORRY. 435 00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:11,379 THE MOST VALUABLE PORTION OF ANY SALE WE MAKE 436 00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:13,108 IS THE SECRET OF THE ILLUSION 437 00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:14,712 NOT THE PHYSICAL PROP. 438 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,824 NO REFUNDS. 439 00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:19,186 - BUT I FOUND THIS WITH THE INSTRUCTIONS, 440 00:20:19,185 --> 00:20:20,685 A LIFETIME WARRANTY. 441 00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:22,357 - LET ME SEE THAT. 442 00:20:28,295 --> 00:20:31,095 WHAT WARRANTY? 443 00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:32,667 - THAT WAS AMAZING. I HAVE A TRICK TOO. 444 00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:34,995 GUESS WHICH HAND THE LAWSUIT'S IN. 30350

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