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1
00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:17,030
It is not true,
although culture claims the opposite,
2
00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:20,595
that the only purpose of sex is procreation.
3
00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:23,672
It also serves to give pleasure.
4
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,553
And nature, which is wiser than culture,
5
00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:29,518
in order to encourage people
to procreate,
6
00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:33,155
has linked this duty to sexual pleasure.
7
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:39,674
Without it, it is practically impossible
to fulfil the first.
8
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:54,510
TINTO BRASS
Presents
9
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:59,589
THE LADYBIRD
10
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:41,196
The towel is the blue one,
do you remember?
11
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,750
Yes, yes, thank you.
12
00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:11,559
Take your time, as if you were at your place.
13
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,750
If you need anything, just call me.
14
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,677
No, thank you.
15
00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:21,798
If only I'd thought about it.
16
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:26,317
I should have left a girlie magazine
in the bathroom.
17
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:31,712
Well, maybe I'll find one... Let's see.
18
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:37,674
What do I have here -
Bella, Tutto Uncinetto, I don't think so.
19
00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:42,999
What about this one, "lo Vorrei Essere La"
by Giandomenico Curi. No.
20
00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:47,952
Mani Di Fata... Well, maybe Amica.
21
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:53,553
Would a magazine like Amica help?
22
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,836
Amica? What is it?
23
00:02:57,920 --> 00:03:00,434
No, thank you.
24
00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:11,874
Fair enough. What would he do
with a magazine like that?
25
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:16,829
Although it contains some nice adverts
of women in underwear.
26
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,876
Let's have a look.
27
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:36,435
I can't do it like that.
28
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,230
I can't do it like that.
29
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:53,592
Well, is there anything else I can do?
30
00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:58,629
- I don't think so.
- Sorry for asking such a stupid thing.
31
00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:02,590
- May 1?
- Please.
32
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,151
They made it grey.
33
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:15,595
But why? Tell me that.
34
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,435
I wouldn't know.
35
00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:24,558
- You see, madam...
- Call me Livia.
36
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,996
Well, Livia, you see, I am a painter.
37
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,793
I'm not famous. I just get by.
38
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:35,190
But for me, colours are everything.
Colours are life.
39
00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:38,955
I live by colours.
Every situation has its colour.
40
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:42,953
This grey gets me down. That's it.
41
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:44,632
I'm sorry.
42
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:49,714
Who says a sperm container
should not be coloured?
43
00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:53,469
Why can't they be red, pink, fuchsia?
44
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,875
Fuchsia would be perfect.
45
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,996
You might be right.
46
00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,709
- The shape could be different.
- Sorry?
47
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:06,828
Well, because of its use,
it could have a shape a little bit more...
48
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:11,198
- Let's not exaggerate.
- No, I meant something more appropriate.
49
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:15,796
Let's face it, it looks like a rubbish bin.
50
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:21,876
In miniature. Sorry, it was a stupid
thing to say. I didn't mean it.
51
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:30,190
Look, your husband hasn't arrived yet.
52
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,039
Maybe I'll give it another try.
53
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,034
It's impossible.
54
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:46,275
I was happy to accept your husband's
invitation to visit you,
55
00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,476
to chat, have a drink together.
56
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:54,470
But I had no idea I would have to do
this "thing" here, in your house.
57
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,556
- What if we paint it?
- Paint what?
58
00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:02,195
- Well, this, of course.
- Paint the container?
59
00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:04,708
- It might help you.
- Come off it.
60
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,519
You said that everything has its colour.
61
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,512
I was referring to paintings,
not little dustbins.
62
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:14,309
- You said grey gets you down.
- I was speaking figuratively.
63
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:19,633
Imagine if I paint this thing
hoping that somehow...maybe...
64
00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,278
I feel stupid.
65
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,995
Come on, lighten up. Just do it for fun.
66
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:29,830
I should have a paintbox,
I bought it for my niece but she left it here.
67
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,315
I guess she's not into painting.
68
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,269
Here, they're new.
69
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:42,151
Now express yourself, choose a colour -
red, pink, fuchsia, polka dots.
70
00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:45,596
- Do you like green?
- Yes, but you are the one who has to...
71
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:47,591
Bright green is perfect.
72
00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,831
Why don't you draw
a lush green landscape?
73
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,434
- Why don't I put Santa in as well?
- Hey!
74
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:56,432
Just kidding. But why not, if you like it?
75
00:06:56,520 --> 00:07:00,832
Draw a ladybird, or rather two.
76
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,115
- Ladybirds?
- They're aphrodisiac.
77
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,519
- Ladybirds?
- Yes.
78
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:08,679
I didn't know either. I read it somewhere,
I don't remember now.
79
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:12,793
They must have done some experiments,
some tests.
80
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,553
- Here!
- You don't like green?
81
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:18,916
- I don't like the whole idea.
- Did I offend...
82
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:22,151
Well, yes.
You think that ladybirds can turn me on?
83
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,834
- Why not?
- Excuse me,
84
00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:28,674
but I didn't imagined myself in the bathroom
looking at ladybirds.
85
00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:31,558
Your husband went to get
a Cuba libre and disappeared.
86
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:34,518
I've had enough.
I don't understand anything any more.
87
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:37,114
I don't need a Cuba libre
and I don't need ladybirds!
88
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:39,794
Then you tell me what you want!
89
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:44,158
I don't know, a certain ambience,
a certain kind of music.
90
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,319
I was hoping not to use it.
91
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,517
- Will this work?
- It always has.
92
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,716
Shall I put the stereo in the bathroom?
93
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,910
No, just turn the volume up.
94
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:01,916
Can I start the music?
95
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:04,996
Just a moment.
96
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:10,189
OK, play it.
97
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,509
B! Side B!
98
00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:19,640
Side B. Oh, no!
99
00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:28,989
GYPSY WOMEN
100
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,676
Is it working?
101
00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,236
Is it working?
102
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:31,599
Are you getting anywhere?
103
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,995
If you'd help me,
instead of asking questions.
104
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,878
Do you want me to turn the volume up?
105
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:45,033
Why don't you try
to move like Kim Basinger?
106
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:48,679
Well, then I have to be in the kitchen.
107
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,513
No, it's fine where you are.
108
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,875
I'll look through the keyhole.
109
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,191
How's it going?
110
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:00,310
Ah, my husband.
111
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,879
Sorry for interrupting your party, miss.
112
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:12,953
We wanted to leave you a copy
of our publication, The Tower Of Jesus.
113
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:15,036
We are Jehovah's Witnesses.
114
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:18,868
I'm sorry, but I'm busy,
and I can't waste my time.
115
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,430
We'll come back when she's less busy.
116
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:26,439
She seemed a bit aroused.
Let's go downstairs.
117
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:37,113
So, is everything all right?
118
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,397
You made it. White smoke signal.
119
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:42,319
No.
120
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:45,555
Then I turn the music off.
121
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,915
Yes, I think so.
122
00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:03,355
- And now what do we do?
- When I draw...
123
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,470
What happens?
124
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:10,594
I get aroused. It's a different kind
of excitement, an artistic excitement.
125
00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:13,837
Why didn't you tell me before?
Come on, draw.
126
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,388
- It was just an example.
- Well, if it works...
127
00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:19,199
- I didn't...
- Let's not waste time. You never know.
128
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:22,795
I can't guarantee anything.
I'm not a sperm expert.
129
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:26,509
That's obvious,
otherwise you wouldn't need all this help.
130
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:30,593
I don't need any help.
Normally I have great...
131
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:44,157
I perfectly understand.
I told my husband it wasn't a good idea.
132
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:48,199
It's not so easy to let yourself go
in front of a stranger.
133
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:52,717
And to be honest,
to meet my sperm donor personally,
134
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:54,836
well, it embarrassed me a little...
135
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,388
even if I seem relaxed.
136
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:39,598
I'm almost there.
I don't want to tempt fate,
137
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:41,796
but I think I'll give it a try.
138
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,358
- The container!
- Thanks.
139
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,908
- Good luck.
- Thank you!
140
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,953
So? Is it a white smoke signal?
141
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,876
No, black.
142
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:29,069
I can't believe it. There must be a way!
143
00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:33,870
- I don't know what else to do.
- There must be a way to make you co...
144
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,679
to fill up the container.
145
00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:41,238
- Veronique.
- Is she your girlfriend?
146
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,914
No, but she could make it happen.
147
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,991
Sorry, I don't follow.
148
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:49,271
- She is a 166.
- A 166.
149
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:54,189
You mean a chatline girl. Brilliant idea.
Why didn't you tell me before? Call her.
150
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,754
I can't. She doesn't start till midnight.
151
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:02,080
What if I give it a go?
152
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:06,317
You? But do you know how to do it?
153
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:10,473
Well, I learnt one or two tricks
from the TV. Here.
154
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,752
Follow me.
155
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:36,830
Hello, what's your name?
156
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,115
My name is llario.
157
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:44,115
At last, I missed you so much.
Where are you?
158
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,710
I can't tell you.
159
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:51,359
Are you ready for another wild night?
160
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:56,709
Are you holding it?
161
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:03,831
Let me guide you.
I'll take care of everything. You just relax.
162
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,036
I'll do everything.
163
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:10,870
Close your eyes. Relax. Just think of me.
164
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:16,472
I am completely naked on this huge bed.
And I'll make you fly.
165
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,317
It's a real pity you're not here with me.
166
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:32,111
I'm wearing a pair of stockings
which I'm sure you'd like.
167
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:36,431
Let me hear your voice, come on.
168
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:39,557
Come on, naughty boy,
are you touching yourself?
169
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,478
I know you are.
170
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:46,030
Tell me where you are. Where are you?
171
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,313
I'm here.
172
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:00,556
Well?
173
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:02,556
I can't.
174
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:43,596
Never mind.
175
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:46,638
I told my husband it wouldn't work.
176
00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:57,670
Maybe it's my fault too.
177
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:02,030
No, it is not your fault.
178
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:35,394
So much has happened today. It's been hell.
179
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:41,108
It's like having a switch going on and off,
180
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:44,237
on and off.
181
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,914
I just hope it doesn't go haywire.
182
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:50,597
Here we go again.
183
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:53,636
It's switching on.
184
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,830
I don't know what to do.
185
00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:00,153
I'm scared. Help me.
186
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:05,920
Do it there. Do it on the armchair.
187
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,594
- How?
- You said the bathroom depresses you.
188
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:13,276
- I can't do it in front of you.
- I won't look. Just go for it.
189
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:23,590
You are crazy and I am even crazier.
190
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,830
Don't lose concentration.
191
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,791
I'm not!
192
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,638
- I can't do it. I just can't.
- Let me do it.
193
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:33,711
- What are you doing?
- War is war.
194
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:38,112
- What if your husband comes back?
- He's in Cuba. It's a matter of principle.
195
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:41,237
- Can I get the container?
- Please.
196
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,470
Was it so difficult?
197
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,156
- It fell down.
- I can see it.
198
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:51,038
- Follow me.
- Do you think it's a switch?
199
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,072
Just follow me. Don't lose concentration.
200
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:56,879
- I'm not.
- Yes, you are, I can tell.
201
00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,316
I can't open it.
I need my strength down there.
202
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:05,110
- Here we are.
- Yes, but down here you are not ready.
203
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:09,080
- What are you doing?
- I'm helping myself.
204
00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:12,237
- You hold the container.
- OK.
205
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:15,590
- It fell again.
- I can see it.
206
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,399
- Will you pick it up?
- Yes. Excuse me.
207
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:21,557
Here we go. Careful. Now!
208
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:22,038
Come on. We are almost there.
209
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:27,110
- Yes, I can feel it.
- Come on, come on!
15961
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