Original subtitles

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[ Shouting, horses neighing ]

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[ Shouting neighing continues ]

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[ Indistinct conversations ]

♪ He founded Walla Walla while heading to the West ♪

♪ Where he stumbled on our fine land dressed up in a vest ♪

♪ We thank Mr. Tomato Man for giving us a place ♪

♪ So we wear our vests to praise him ♪

♪ And go out in red‐face ♪

♪

Whats the matter, Chata?

Youre not gonna buy a vest this year?

No way, bro.

Ive said it before, and Ill say it again.

This holiday is a sham.

Oh, Im sorry. Did you say it before?

I forgot to give a funk.

Did you just say "funk"?

Yeah, because if I say [bleep] they just gonna bleep it out?

See? [Bleep]

The founder of Walla Walla was evil.

Mr. Tomato Man was not a family man.

Could you imagine a family man raping, killing,

and not saying "I love you" before tucking them into bed?

Because this family man cant.

I oughta slap the shit outta you talking that way

about Mr. Tomato Man.

You just upset because your vest makes you look stupid.

You aint stylish enough to serve these looks [bleep].

Look at you, in yo stupid ass turtleneck.

Oh!

Ill have you know that turtlenecks are what

the natives of Walla Walla wore,

and everyone should be wearing them

to honor their memory this week.

Isnt that right, Barry?

Dont bring Barry into this.

Barrys buying a vest today.

Arent you?

‐Im, uh...Im...

I dont really want to get in the middle of this.

Oh, you in the middle.

You either with the vests or youre not.

♪

[ Elevator bell dings ]

[ Scatting ]

What the ‐‐

[ Giggling ]

Turtleneck awareness?

Have you lost yo damn mind?

Turns out these people only wore vests before

because they didnt know the truth.

But Armi knows it now.

Doesnt he?

We will be heard! [ Chuckles ]

This is preposterous, Chata!

You cant be pushing your propaganda shit

on all these innocent people.

Rhonda, can you believe ‐‐ Rhonda, nah!

Damn! I really liked that bitch.

I really saw a future with her, too.

I was gonna get a house.

Barry? What the hell is that?

Its a vest over my turtleneck.

Barry, you double‐dippin?

Double‐dippin ass nigga.

Look, I can hear both sides, Samuel.

Cant I be pro‐vest and pro‐turtleneck?

No, you most certainly cannot be bisexual.

Its like salsa.

Its a dance and a food,

but it cant be both at the same time.

So which one are you, Barry?

‐Im ‐‐ ‐Its like curry.

You can season your chicken with it,

or you can watch him play basketball.

Or its like Cosby.

Its funny, and then its not funny.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

I understand Samuels side, but I understand Chatas, too.

Oh, Jesus. I dont know.

This is so frustrating and adds so much stress to my life.

Im just gonna kill myself.

[ Both laugh ]

Sounds like you an indecisive bitch

who cant make up his damn mind.

If you ask me, Samuels right.

You cant just be up changing everything

because one person feels some kind of way.

Actually, Im looking it up, and Chata was kind of right.

Mr. Tomato Man was a dick.

‐Well, if you ask me ‐‐ ‐Unh‐unh.

Oh, hell no. What you doin wearing your vest?

I told you not to wear it before the celebration.

Take it off now.

But why? Mama!

[ Doorbell rings ]

[ Sighs ]

Barry, Im here to collect signatures

for my "Eradicate Turtlenecks" petition.

Can I count on you?

Dont you think this is getting out of hand?

Theres room for vests and turtlenecks and jackets.

Barry!

You are betraying your people, your culture ‐‐

Who ‐‐ Who the hell is in a jacket?

Let me know right now, and I will [bleep] somebody up.

No one. No one. It was just an example.

You better tell Chata if I see him,

he better start respecting the Tomato Man,

or Im gonna turn that nigga into ketchup.

Thats real talk.

You can tell him your self.

Hes meeting with Mervin right now to sign

a new turtleneck law into effect.

Hes what?!

Just give him this small victory, Samuel.

Do you really care what clothes people wear

to the festival tomorrow?

[ Cellphone vibrates ]

Are you happy now, Mrs. Debbie?

And with the signing of this law,

we shall forever settle for once and all ‐‐

Samuel: This is my vest, and this is my trigger!

Touch either one and we bustin on niggas!

Two can play at that game, cabrón!

Sleeveless shirts are not okay. Take your vests and go away!

[ All chanting incoherently ]

Stop! Stop! Ahh!

Stop making me choke you! God bless you!

Now that I have your attention,

it seems to me that both sides feel very strongly

about this vest‐versus‐turtleneck issue.

Jesus, I wish you were a little more vocal

when I was knee‐deep trying to raise money

for the Anal Beads for Gym Class fundraiser.

What is you saying?

What Im saying is its nice to see our citizens

take part in the political system,

but, given none of us were actually there

when Walla Walla was founded,

perhaps well never be able to tell what really took place.

‐Hes right. ‐I am?

Are you saying what I think youre saying?

No, what I am saying is this town needs a...

Oh! A racial cleansing to get rid of all crackers.

No, a civil...

A Silverado!

I know some Mexicans that can move some furniture.

Come on. A Civil War reinactment.

Now, Ive been watching you mother [bleep] fight for days.

Now, if youre with it, come get it.

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Air horn blowing ]

Well see your dirty ass necks at 3:00 tomorrow.

Bring your guns.

♪ To say what really happened, no one really knows ♪

♪ So Wallians must do battle ♪

♪ And fight in different clothes ♪

♪ To see if its the natives or our fouder who is right ♪

♪ And all I hopes the winner is someone who aint ripe ♪

Well, you should read the sign.

"No neck, no service." Oh.

No coloreds either, chocolate drop.

The hell you lookin at, bitch?

You...bitch.

No, no, no, no, no. Not in this house!

Yeah, you lucky bitch ass Barry saved your ass.

Come on, Mama. Lets go get some fajitas.

Good night, good night.

Parting is such sweet sorrow, that ‐‐

that I shall say good night til it be morrow ‐‐ ow!

Mr. Tomato Man was a fraud! The free world!

[ Laughs ]

[ All shouting ]

[ Plays drum beat ]

♪

Vest people...

Neck people...

I appear before all of you, shirtless.

Id like to share a plea to stop this.

Hes right, Samuel.

This is your last chance to back down.

We will not back down nigga.

I have a dream.

On my Mama.

Oh, hell, what ‐‐ M‐Mama?

‐You were saying? ‐Hey, yo!

Dont nobody stand on my mama but me!

You goin down, [bleep]! ‐Hes right!

We gonna show these stupid ass, dirty ass

pilgrims whos boss, or what?

Charge!

[ All shouting ]

♪

♪

[ All making bullet noises quietly ]

[ Bullet noises continue ]

[ Tink! ]

Ah! Im dead! Ah!

You got me! Ah! The tables have turned.

[ Bullet noises continue ]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, is that blood?

Oh, you just turned this into some whole other shit.

[ Gunfire ]

♪

No, wait, wait, wait! Time out! Im cool!

Im cool!

Wha!

♪

[ Laughs ] Suckas!

Mi casa is no longer su casa!

This is for la rosa!

Citizens of Walla Walla, this is getting out of hand!

As your mayor, Im gonna need you to do what I say

and drop your weapon‐‐ Whoa! [Bleep]! Sorry!

Ooh! Thats gonna leave a mark.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

What have you done?

Oh, whatevs. Its just Barry.

Aw, damn!

Nah! Hell nah!

Not Barry! Rhonda, quick!

Get something cool for his head!

Rhonda!

Bitch, you hear me talking to you!

[ Sobbing ] Come on.

Get up, bro.

Youre okay.

Im sorry.

This is our fault.

We let our pride get in the way of our friendship.

It was just a small disagreement.

We ‐‐ We never meant for it to get out of hand.

Chata never knows when enough is enough,

and you know I never back down from a challenge.

Hey, bro, Im sorry.

Yeah, he is sorry.

[Muffled] Its all right, guys.

Im just happy to have my friends back.

I could really go for a beer.

I almost forgot it was happy hour.

Good call, amigo.

You know what?

That fashion disaster actually looks halfway decent on you.

I was gonna say.

That vest really brings out your eyes.

[ Groans ]

♪

Hey, Hemi. Thats my hot dog!

[ Laughs ]