Original subtitles

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♪

♪

Hello. Cornell?

Anyone?

Awww.

[ Crying ]

Pet store owner? Bunny rabbits?

Mr. Snake?

Mama? Daddy?

Reggie?

Oh, no!

Cornell! Malik! Ray!

Where are you?!

[ Crying ]

♪

Hey, Drake, Giovanni, how long have you guys been together?

[ Indistinct shouting, camera shutters clicking ]

[ Buzzer ] Im sorry, maam. I cant let you in here with that alcohol.

Well, damn, yall are bougie. [ Lid clatters ]

[ Gulping ] [ Glass shatters ]

Maam, this is an NRA‐sponsored event,

so I cannot let you in without a firearm.

[ Gunshots ]

Youre good to go.

Hello, everyone.

My name is Daniel,

and welcome to the Walla Walla Talent Show.

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪

No, no, no! Spin faster!

Ah!

[ Shoes tapping ]

Ugh! Have any of you seen Reggie?

If we dont have a guitarist,

were gonna be screwed in the a‐‐

Maybe we shouldnt have a guitarist.

I havent heard from him all day.

I hope he didnt forget that the talent show is today.

I dont want to lose again.

Look, Cornell, I know hes your best friend and all,

but Im not gonna risk it.

We need to replace him, and fast.

Who are we gonna find on such short notice to replace him?

♪

Whoa. Dirtbike Kid!

‐Yes. ‐Hey, we need you to ‐‐

Yes.

We didnt even ask you yet.

Guitar.

[ Guitar solo ]

Whats it gonna be, Cornell?

This might be our best shot at winning.

And Reggie sucks. Like, hes trash.

[ Spits ]

Yeah!

What do you mean?

‐Hell, yeah! ‐Hell, yes!

I got you, Hovie, baby.

You rolling with Mayor Leonard Jenkins tonight.

Im‐a get you all through the back door, though, cause ‐‐

Hey, only talent backstage.

Nigga, I know you just saw me walk up with them.

Talent only.

‐Nigga, I got talent. ‐What is it?

Uh, okay, let me see, uh...

[ Warbles ]

Nah. [ Pencil clatters ]

Nah.

Nah.

And next we have R. G. and his orchestra

playing their hit song "25 Seconds or Less."

My friends, my family,

and all the people of Walla Walla are gone.

It felt like just yesterday

I was making boiled egg and hot dog casserole.

Goodbye, world.

[ Orchestra playing ]

Ow!

Oh, my God.

You broke my fall.

It must a sign.

The world is mine, and I can do whatever I want.

I always did want to go in Mervs house.

All right, everyone, give it up for our next performer ‐‐

Michael Jackson...

being performed by Walla Wallas very own Renee.

[ Booing ]

Im Renee.

[ Coughs ]

I wrote this 10 minutes ago.

Man: Get your thick ass off the stage!

♪ Please come back ♪

♪ Dont leave ♪

[ Sniffs ]

This hot dog tastes a little funky.

[ Clatters ]

Renee: ♪ Yesterday ♪

I know just the place to use this.

♪ Yesterday ♪ [ Coughs ]

[ Singing indistinctly ]

[ Explosion ]

[ Roars ]

[ Roaring, screeching ]

[ Vocalizing ]

[ Roaring, screeching ]

[ Growls ]

You freed me.

In another lifetime, I am your servant.

Goodbye. [ Smooches ]

[ Vocalizing ]

[ Coughs ]

Thank you.

[ Coughs ]

Dont dis his abilities.

Give a big handicap clap to Brokebody Bobby.

[ Whirring ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Audience groans ]

[ Computerized voice ] Dont worry.

Hes fine. Hes fine.

Since its his leg, he cant feel anything.

[ Screaming continues ]

All right, guys, one more act, and then were up!

Ive waited my whole life for this

since I found out about it a week ago.

Dont get too excited. Look whos next.

Announcer: Give it up for the Nigerian dance master...

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪

Yeah! I love this kid!

Damn it!

How are we supposed to compete with that?

Hes the best dancer in the whole state of Africa.

Well, were in the state of America,

and we got to go out there and do what Americans do.

Uh, kill everybody?

Yeah, but with song.

[ Cheers and applause ]

This band has a black lead.

Affirmative action! [ Chuckles ]

Give it up for the Toe Rings.

[ Mid‐tempo music plays ]

[ Guitar solo ]

♪

You know what just hit me?

The only person who will remember the people

who walked this planet is me.

Well, Im not gonna stand for that.

I need whoever comes next, whether it be aliens,

cyborgs, or another Reggie, to know who my friends were.

Cornell, Malik, Cornell, a‐and Cornell.

I need to preserve this history.

Yeah.

[ Gunshots ]

Yeah! Thats my sons band!

Ha‐ha! Booyakah, booyakah!

Man: Well, you need to tell him to shut up.

[ Gunshots ]

Oh, no. Thats it.

Theyre here to destroy everything and call me a liar.

[ Roars ]

♪

Man, that kids got talent.

Oh, dear!

[ Tires screech ]

♪

♪

What do you want from me, huh?!

Why do you want to erase me and my friends?!

Oh, my God! Please dont hurt me.

Im just a delivery guy.

I just came to deliver the trophy for the talent show.

Ha! You thought you could fool me.

The talent show is tomorrow.

Look at my calendar.

Look! You have it circled right there!

The ‐‐ The talent show is today!

Oh, my God.

You snuck into my pockets

and changed the date of the talent show

so you could come here and destroy me.

Im on to you.

You have left me with no choice but to kill you. You got it all wrong!

Oh, my God, no, no, no, no, no! Please dont kill me.

She said she was 18! She said she was 18!

If I checked, it would have been really awkward.

Aah!

[ Beeping ] It was in the moment.

All right, we gonna finish this when Im done with my nap.

Oh!

[ Guitar solo ]

Hey, stop! Stop!

[ Tasers crackle ]

Bike.

[ Motor revs ]

♪

You need to get your friend off the stage,

or youre disqualified.

♪

[ Ting! ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Scraping ]

Ah!

[ Crying ]

[ Engine starts, tires screech ]

Oh, thank God. Oh, thank the Lord.

Oh, my God!

Real niggas dont sleep.

We just take long blinks...

like that and get this money.

Aah! Aah! Aah!

[ Tires screeching ]

[ Crying ]

♪

It was a good run.

Aah! [ Tires screech ]

Oh, my God!

[ Guitar solo ] [ Crying ]

Oh, my God.

[ Crash ]

[ Cheering ]

Ha‐ha‐ha! [ Gunshots ]

Booyakah, booyakah!

‐Reggie? ‐Cornell?

I thought this man had already destroyed your memory.

What you doing here?

Jail now.

And the winner of the Walla Walla Talent Show,

for being able to shut that dumbass kid down, is...

‐Reggie. ‐Aww!

Thank you!

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪

♪

[ Crying ] Oh, God.

Dont cry, little guy.

Come on.

♪ Dont cry ♪

♪ Dont cry ♪

♪

♪