Original subtitles

I said 5 to 10!

I can be there at 6:30, 7:30, 8:30...

[ Laughter ]

Wouldnt I? Wouldnt I? Wouldnt I?

Cornell, I dont think

this television program is healthy.

Dad! You dont understand the nuanced themes

or subversive levels of his plight.

Debbie, are you seeing this?

This is not something our son should be watching.

Shh! Shh! Shut up, Barry!

Its the season finale. I want to know how it ends.

[ Banging on door ] Im coming.

[ Banging continues ] I told you Jehovahs ‐‐

Keeyah, bitch! Sit yall little asses down.

Uncle Charlie in this bitch!

♪ Last name Wilson

You guys are still alive?

I thought the house was getting robbed.

Well, this is disappointing.

KY! Nigga, its me.

Uncle Charlie!

♪ Last name Wilson

Yeah. I see that.

Goofy‐ass heifer.

I didnt wanna see you no way, moist ass.

Charlie? Ooh, you gettin thick.

I still got some soy sauce in my packets,

if you know what I mean.

‐Uncle! ‐Cortez!

‐Cornell! ‐Cornell.

Thats right. Thats right.

Boy, I aint seen you since you was...

shit... this big, boy!

Wow!

What are you doing here?

Yeah, what are you doing here?

Well, you know we live so far away from each other,

and the life of all this money and these hoes and [bleep],

it takes a toll on your mental.

I had to take a break. You feel me?

So, I packed up the whip,

and I decided to take a road trip over here

for yall and pull up on you, baby.

Whats happening?!

How far away do you live?

10 miles. Anyway, come on over here

and make this run with me real quick, Cornakes.

Spend some time with your Unk Unk.

Get some of this game.

I dont think so.

Remember what happened to the first Cornell

that we let you take out.

Cornell: [ Gasps ] Wait.

There was another Cornell?

Oh, there we go with this [bleep] again.

Man, I said I was sorry.

Learn some forgiveness, nigga.

‐No. ‐See, thats your problem.

Thats your problem. Youre just a bitch.

And a kid like Cornell dont need no bitches in his life.

He need a real [bleep]

And I ‐‐ [ Sniffing ]

I smell the aroma of a bitch in this house.

Is that the pungent aroma of a bitch?

Now, Cornell, tell me,

you want to smell like you been with a bitch,

or you want to smell like you been with a real [bleep]?

Um, uhh, uhhh, a real [bleep]?

Me too. Hey!

[ Smooches ] Ugh!

Seems like an answer to me.

Lets roll. Ayo, Barry.

Can I take your car, cause I just got my [bleep] waxed.

Bless you. Plus, I got these 2012 tags.

You know these police be trippin

on brothers out this way.

No. No. No!

Does it look like I asked, booty boy?

[ Laughing ]

Thats what we used to call him when he was little ‐‐

booty boy.

[ Both laughing ]

[ Growls ]

Cornell: And then, when I was 12,

I went to an Usher concert

and he brought me up on the stage,

and thats when the bumps started flaring.

Hey, speaking of R&B niggas, my main man R‐Kelly

just opened up a restaurant across town

called Pied Piper Pitas.

You want to get some grub on your gut, boy?

Yeah!

That sounds like a great place to eat.

[ Cellphone rings ]

Damn! Ever since I started driving Uber,

I got riders blowing my shit up over lost items.

Look here, if its lost, finders keepers, [bleep]

These Russians been trippin over a damn briefcase.

Aint got time for that.

Anyway, lets go get some food food, dude dude.

[ Giggles ]

[ Alarms blaring, hip‐hop music playing ]

Uhh...

this doesnt look like where any pitas are getting made.

Yeah, I just got to stop right here real quick,

and then we goin straight to the pita spot, on me.

If you came with three, you lazy.

You lazy.

‐Keeyah, bitch! ‐You lazy.

Charlie! What the hell you doin here?

Do I bust in your house asking you dumb‐ass questions?

No.

No, I just came to retrieve my Bron Bron Jersey.

Lesson number one, boy.

Only bitches use doorknobs.

Aw, dang!

You think you can just come up in here after leaving me?

I need to see a search warrant.

Whats your name, little guy?

Oh, thats adorable.

Hey, hey. How old are you?

Im grown.

Hey, Unk. Is everything okay?

Oh, yeah, its cool. Come on.

Time to go. Here, take this.

Now, thats your child support right there.

Make sure you tell your crazy‐ass mama, too.

Shoot them! Shoot they ass!

They got my stuff.

[ Tires screech ]

[ Gunfire, glass shatters ]

[ Tires screech ]

Wait, wait. Where are we?

I thought we were getting pitas.

Hold on, little nephew, pump your brakes.

Im just gonna handle some business real quick.

[ Arcade games beeping, children playing ]

‐Huh! ‐[ Crying ]

[ Cellphone rings ]

Wow. Real [bleep]

[ Gasps ]

We need to talk.

Charlie, w‐what are you doing?

Meet me in the back.

Come on, man.

Dont make me look bad in front of my nephew.

I need my stuff, man. Where it at?!

Charlie, what the hell are you doing?

My nephews watching.

Dont play with me, bitch.

Gah, bitch!

Two tickets.

Dont mind if I do. Bless ya.

I didnt snee‐‐ Aah! Ohh!

And thank you for your service.

This will be the last time, I promise.

See you next week. ‐[ Groans ]

Cornell: Wow! Unbelievable!

You got it without even

having to play ski‐ball or anything.

See, boy, real [bleep] dont ski, nor play with ball.

I hope you been picking up these gems Ive been

dropping on your ass all day, little [bleep]

Oh, trust me. I have. Uncle Charlie...

♪ Last name Wilson

Look here [bleep]

I thought it was cool cause we were

both Uncle Charlies and [bleep]

but now you gettin real annoying for real.

Leave me the hell alone before I drop a bomb on your ass

and the rest of The Gap Band, too.

Anyways, lets go get that Kelly pita!

Really? Now?

You earned it. Yes, you did.

See, today has been full of tests,

and you passed with flying colors, little [bleep]

We make a good team.

We could run away and be Will and Jada,

Brat and JD,

Cardi B and Offset, Charlemagne and ‐‐

[ Cellphone vibrates ]

Damn.

Hola. Como estas?

How you doin this evening?

You, oober javer!

You wouldnt give our things.

We gave chances on chances, but time is up.

Man, what you talkin about now?

We tracked the briefcase to your car, oobur javer.

But we found something even juicier.

[ Laughs ]

We dont care about that bitch‐ass Barry,

bitch [bleep]

I think youd like to know...

we have the Gummy, too.

[ Gasps ] Not Mr. Gummy bear!

See you soon...

if you make it in time, that is.

You can take my dignity, you can take my family,

but dont you ever touch my Gummy.

Pop the trunk.

Charlie: Damn, Barry.

What the hell you been doing?

Get ready, Uncle Charlie, cause we goin to war.

Look, before we pop these [bleep]

I got to make one more stop.

[ Crying ]

I cant do it! I cant do this.

I was just trying to impress you,

and shit got way out of hand, man.

[ Crying continues ]

I rehearsed all this shit, even calling you Cortez.

I always wanted to be the cool uncle.

[ Sniffles, spits ]

I just always wanted to be better than your dad.

But Im a loser!

Just like him!

You know what? I appreciate you telling me that.

But what I need to know is...

[ Rifle cocks ]

...[bleep] are you riding?

[ Tires screech ]

Get out, bitch!

Let my Gummy go!

Is that my hunting rifle?

But theres no bullets in ‐‐ never mind.

Ive evolved into the man I was always meant to be.

Real [bleep] in this bitch!

Is this your kin?

No.

Actually, you should just kill us.

So, this is how it ends.

We just wanted the briefcase.

It didnt have to be this way.

[ Gunshot ] Mother of Russia!

Nobodys killing Charlie today except for me.

You mean, except ‐‐ agh!

[ Tires screech ]

Aah!

Hold on, nephew.

Aint no uncles getting killed today, including Charlie.

That aint my weed, nigga.

♪ Last name Wilson

Who the hell is yall?

We the League of Extraordinary Uncles.

Our job is to defend all uncles across the universe.

[ Gunshot ] Oh!

Nephe‐e‐e‐e‐w!

[ Gunfire ]

♪

No! Mr. Gummy!

[ Growls ]

[ Gunshot ]

Aah!

♪ Trying to blow my mind ‐‐♪

Aah!

‐Damn! ‐Oh, speak to me, Charlie.

Say something!

Barry... [ Coughs ]

...could you reach in my pocket and grab my phone

and play the first song that comes up?

I want to die to my favorite song.

[ Hip‐hop music plays ]

♪ I got a fresh line‐up, yeah, a fresh outfit ♪

♪ Bout to have the parkin lot on smash ♪

[ Sirens wailing ]

♪

[ Doors bust open, gunfire ]

♪

♪

Hey Hemmi thats my hot dig!