Original subtitles

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[ Zipper zips ]

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah, aah, aah, ahh! Aah! Aah!

[ Laughs ]

Reginald is just so crazy.

I love that show so much with all my heart.

[ Phone beeping ] Reg, what you doing?

I been in a phone conversation with someone,

and I can’t tell if they are my soul mate or the feds.

It’s like they know exactly everything I’m going to say.

And I can’t stop because they respond

as soon as I send my messageges.

[ "Real Life Court" theme plays on TV ]

I told you next time you touch my [bleep]... Well, damn it, woman, I told you

if you leave the peanut butter jar out, I’ma eat it... ...you got to pay the price.

I want him to pay me $605,000 or be arrested! All of this [bleep] is just childish,

now you got me in court wasting my sick days! And he got weed!

[ Gavel bangs ]

Announcer: You are about to enter

the court of the people, by the people.

The cases are real.

The people are real.

The verdict is final.

This is "Real Life Court."

Today on "Real Life Court," we have a special case.

Two well‐known entertainers,

two sides of the story,

one sweater.

Tonight’s plaintiff ‐‐ Aubrey Graham.

Plaintiff is suing the defendant,

claiming his sweater was stolen from his dressing room

by the defendant during a summer jam concert.

He is seeking $200 in damages and a new sweater.

Tonight’s defendant ‐‐ Joe Budden.

Defendant claims he didn’t have anything to do with that

because that would be childish,

and he doesn’t play child games

because he is a grown‐ass man.

It is a very common sweater.

In fact, he’s wearing one now.

Also these new rap [bleep] is soft.

All rise for the honorable Judge Lee.

[ Gavel pounds ]

It is my understanding the plaintiff, Mr. Graham,

is seeking a new sweater and damages.

What happened?

Well, your honor, first of all

let me tell you I was headlining Summer Jam

on that beautiful evening.

And I wanna say that I went on about 9:00,

so I was leaving my hotel at 7:00 p. m.

I remember stepping outside, and it being a little nippy, eh,

you know, so I jumped on my bodyguard’s back,

and he shimmied up the marble floors,

back to my room so I could grab my sweater.

So fast forward to me getting to the green room.

I roll up there, and there just a bunch of people back there,

you know, smoking, hanging out, doing all kinds of tings

and all that stuff.

I just didn’t see any of my woes there.

But before I walk up to my dressing room,

I peep across the way

at Mr. Budden eyeing me and my sweater.

Nah, come on man.

What kinda man is you to sit up here

and lie on another man in his face, man?

These new rap [bleep] is snitches.

You would never see Tupac and Biggie beefin’.

They handled they [bleep] like real [bleep]

Yeah, yeah, dats how Brooklyn do, a’ight,

don’t take me to court.

Shoot me [bleep]! Say less [bleep]!

Excuse me, I’m telling my story.

I’m not talking to you. But you hear me talking to you.

So you answer me.

Mr. Budden, I would like to

continue hearing Mr. Graham’s side of the story

if that’s all right with you.

[ Clicks tongue ] Ah, damn. Thank you, your honor.

As I was saying, I noticed Mr. Budden eyeing me and my sweater,

but I didn’t think anything of it.

So I went into my room, changed, got onstage,

did all of my hits, and shut that [bleep] down for the six.

You know, my woes. [ Laughs ]

When I finished, I got back to my room,

and I noticed that my belongings and been rummaged through.

I looked around, and I saw all of that stuff flipped over,

but still there nonetheless.

Until I noticed, and my heart sank into my gut,

my sweater was gone.

It was the best I ever had.

Now what makes you so sure it was the defendant, Mr. Budden?

When I asked security, they told me

they saw a man walking out of my dressing room with it on

and the description was very similar to Joey.

[ Crowd gasps ] Is you serious right now?

And when I looked at

the security footage of him exiting the building,

I saw it with my own two eyes.

You saw Mr. Budden? I mean, unless you know

another man with a beard on his face ‐‐ Joey.

Man, this must be a joke, right?

You’re joking with me, right?

Why would I be joking?

Because you are scum,

that’s why, you bitch ass [bleep].

Oh, really, Joey? I’m scum, Joey?

[ Banging gavel ] Order! Order in the court!

You are out of order.

You’re out of order! [ Crowd gasps ]

Announcer: Coming up, we get to hear the defendant’s side of the story,

plus many more surprises.

Stay tuned.

Aw, man, this is so exciting!

It makes me feel alive!

Me, too. Me, too. I’m in love, man.

I don’t even know how she knew I love to put socks on my feet!

It looks like Drake has got him!

I can’t believe he would do that to Drake.

He’s so evil.

Yup, he got Joe Budden’s ass! Caught him red‐handed!

See, that’s why I always tell y’all.

Don’t steal from people that already

caught you eyeballin’ they shit! ‐Ugh!

I’ve never heard you say that.

Besides, we don’t know for sure that he did it.

You’re just sitting here lying ‐‐ Ow!

Don’t you patronize me!

He said he saw a man with a beard!

How much more proof do you need, KY? Don’t be so naive.

[ "Real Life Court" theme plays ] Ooh, it’s coming back on!

So, Mr. Budden, you say that you never touched his sweater.

That’s right. I’m from Jersey. I’m a real man.

You think [bleep] from Jersey

got time to steal another man’s sweater?

We too busy stealing real rap [bleep] like molly and feelings.

Miss me with that.

Please, enlighten us from your point of view.

A’ight.

First off, let me state for the record

that I did not steal his sweater!

I had my own.

He not the only [bleep] who shop at Urban Outfitters.

So I’m up at Summer Jam, and I got off stage not too long ago.

I’m in the green room just looking around

at all the clowns back there

who got the audacity to call themselves rappers.

So fast forward about 30 minutes into the future,

and I see Emo Man over here show up,

and I see that as my cue to take off.

Scary [bleep] Come again?

Speak up and use our grown‐man voice, you soft, dirty [bleep].

Look, I’ll just say it.

Drake only playin’ sweater games with me

to distract you from the truth.

And what truth is that?

That he’s [bleep] trash!

[ Crowd gasps ]

Objection!

Overruled! [ Crowd gasps ]

Now, that’s crazy!

Now that I got the world’s attention,

this is a declaration for some [bleep].

I’m done with all these little boys out here

copying one another, trying to make a single and [bleep].

I got one mission and one mission only ‐‐

to make rap great again.

I will have none of this in my courtroom!

[ Crowd cheering ]

Oh, my God!

That was crazy!

Joe Budden is so cool! Drake too soft.

See, that’s why I always told y’all to have some backbone

and don’t let people with a beard and Timbs walk all over you.

Where are these quotes coming from?

Do you not remember raising us? Ugh!

Oh, will you look at this?

The whole gang is in here,

blocking me from sitting down on the couch

and resting without any of you around

because I have a God damn job and work all day.

Shut the hell up complaining.

Daddy! You’re just in time!

We are watching the craziest court case of all time

unfold right before our very eyes!

I’m sure it is, Cornell.

Oh, man! [ Crying ]

What’s got you all twisted in a knot, Reggie?

Oh, nothing. Just me and my soul mate broke up, is all.

I thought that person was the one, but I was wrong.

What y’all watching?

You’ve been sitting here for almost an hour

and haven’t noticed? You in for a treat.

It’s this court case between Drake and Joe Budden.

Oh! Drake and Joe Budden?

I know those dudes!

Hey, you know, I have a funny story about those guys

and a sweater backstage at a concert.

What do you mean?

Well, they were hugging, and Joe Budden started shivering,

so Drake took off his sweater and put it on him,

and then they started feeling each other up.

That’s what this whole thing is about!

Oh, this just keeps getting better and better!

Reggie, you have the power to end this all!

We need to go to court!

[ "Breaking News" theme plays ]

Is that Samuel? What the hell?

We are standing here outside of a local courthouse

where since the special episode has started,

several fans have flocked to,

showing their support, creating a tense atmosphere.

I’m here with one now, a Mr.‐‐ Look, personally,

I don’t care about any of them,

but at the end of the day, I’m all about justice.

And to me, justice is any time I see the government fail,

and a black man beating the system!

But, but, but, but now I [bleep] with Drake’s music,

so I’ll be rooting in his favor.

Chata: You can miss me with that!

Well, well, well,

look at this Tio Tom I see before my very eyes.

I’m with Budden, man, always was, always will be.

"Pump It Up" was a vital part of my 30s.

And for the record, I think Drake is wack,

saying he can’t trust anybody

means that he’s turned his back on his family,

and I can’t stand by that, man.

Is this the way you want it to be, nigga?

Yeah, I guess it is, nigga.

[ "Real Life Court" theme plays ]

Gentlemen, I’m gonna level with you.

This has been an absurd case.

I’m ashamed to say it’s not the worst to come through here.

Before I make my decision,

is there any last statements either of you have?

[ Door opens ] I’d like to call myself to the stand, Your Honor.

[ Crowd gasps ]

Any objections?

So you see, Your Worshipfulness,

after I walked out of the bathroom,

I saw Mr. Budden give his sweater to Drake,

and then they kissed each other on the lips with their tongues.

I told you, Joseph, I was busy. You know how you did me was wrong, Aubrey!

I would get back to you when I had time... We had a real connection.

...but you just wouldn’t listen to me... And I just never hear from you.

and now look where we’re at.

Well, shit.

I motion to dismiss this case.

Damn it!

One of them was this close to beating the case!

I just want niggas to prevail.

Mr. Budden! That was an unexpected end

to what some were beginning to call the trial of the century.

What were your thoughts on the judges’ decision?

Well, I mean, at the end of the day,

it’s about the preservation of hip‐hop.

[ Tires squeal ]

Holy [bleep]! It’s Joe Budden! It’s Joe Budden.

Malik: Joe Budden!

[ Banging ] Pump me up.

Are y’all [bleep] crazy?

[ Tires squeal, engine revs ]

[ Laughing ]

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Man: Hey, homie! That’s my hot dog!

[ Laughter ]

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