Original subtitles

♪

So, after testing out the ultra‐thin toilet paper,

we found out that it’s 10 times less effective

than any other brand.

What I want us to focus on is finding ways...

Barry, I’ma kill you.

[ Clears throat ] If I may.

I have a few questions.

Number one, why is the toilet paper white?

[ Laughter ]

Oh, Sammy. You’re so hilarious.

Such a jokester.

[ Clears throat ] Okay, I got to hop on this conference call.

Let’s circle back at the end of the day

and see what we come... up with.

[ Whistling ]

Whoa. Earthquake.

I don’t want this.

Man, that was close, Barry.

Saved my life, papichulo.

Mwah!

[ Groans ]

You’re going to the reunion, right?

‐Probably not. ‐What?! Why not?

Because I have this thing you see me on called Bookbook

to keep up with people I barely like.

Ah, I know what you mean, Barry.

Reunions are pretty stupid.

See? He’s not going either.

No, of course I am.

I’m thinking about getting my band back together

and doing a couple songs for old time’s sake.

Man, don’t nobody want to hear them musty‐ass songs!

Barry, I know you. I know when you’re lying.

What’s the real? ‐The real?

Going to a high school reunion is like shouting to the world

that you’re an average American and have nothing better to do

than dance to Chris Ross songs

with a fat girl who used to be hot.

I was never supposed to be average.

Oh, I know what this is.

[ Singsong voice ] You afraid of Stephen, bitch.

Hey, man, you can’t let bullies rule your life.

If anything, he’ll be there to apologize

about how he acted back then.

That’s easy for you to say.

He didn’t give you the nickname Bang Boy.

[ Laughter ]

[ Normal voice ] Those bangs was so ugly, though.

Hello? This is Chata.

I was wondering if I could speak to Ritchie.

Woman: No, no. Ritchie no here. He sits in the sky.

[ Groans ]

Chata, papi, it will be okay.

The show can still go on with just you.

No! Brown Soul is a collective.

It just doesn’t work without all of the other guys.

What is a chain with one missing link?

Just a stupid piece of metal. [ Gasps ]

♪ Coo‐coo‐coo‐coo‐coo

Aah!

[ Gasps ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Blows ]

Yeah.

‐Who is that? ‐[ Gasps ]

He looks so cool to me right now.

Well, son, that’s actually your old man.

Ha! Good one, pop.

There’s no way that could even possibly be you.

I mean, look at that guy in that letterman.

He is just awesome.

Like he went on to become super successful

and rich and marry the hottest woman alive.

Stop it. That cool guy in the yearbook, that’s me.

This sick letterman jacket, it’s mine.

I mean, look. I’m wearing the jacket now.

So? That just means you went to school with the guy.

Let me find him on Bookbook.

"Barry..."

‐Aah! ‐You will see it,

because you’re coming with me to my high school reunion.

Mm‐hmm. Yeah. You’ll see.

They gonna see.

See, back in school, they just wrote me off, right?

And then they treated me like this ‐‐ this Uncle Tom.

But let me tell you something. You don’t do that

to Samuel Randy Tito Jermaine Michael Randy Jackson.

Watch what I do. You watch. When I walk in that building,

they gonna see with they pasty white asses.

They gonna see.

Here are your nametags.

Please put them on.

Oh, my goodness, would you look who it is, fellas.

Together: Sambo!

[ Both growl ] I‐I‐I got this.

What’s going on? Who the hell are those guys?

Just some niggas.

Um, no such thing as "just."

[ Car alarms chirp ]

Move the coffee table.

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro!

[ Light music plays ]

‐[ Grunts ] ‐Damn it, Tito! I mean Teo.

Get your damn spins right.

Do it like your brother Marcelo.

[ Grunts ]

Damn it, mijo.

You won’t make a fool of me in front of an audience.

‐Go outside and get a switch! ‐[ Gasps ]

No, Chata. They’re just children.

He’s trying his best.

Sí, Papa! He’s trying, Papa.

I got to teach these kids!

I’m getting them out of this neighborhood if it kills them!

What does that even mean, Papa?

We live in a nice neighborhood, Papa.

[ Crying ]

Okay, Chata, we are ready for your performance.

[ Laughs ] Show time, fellas.

[ Feedback ] [ Clears throat ]

Hi, I’m Chata.

One, two, a one, two, three, cuatro!

[ Rock music plays ]

[ Crowd cheers ]

‐Barry! ‐Big Bare Dawg!

I really wish you would’ve responded to the invite.

It’s totally fine. I just sent them out for no reason.

Get at these niggas, son. Show them what time it is.

Grip that thing even if you ain’t got it on you, man.

Unload on these niggas, Barry! Unload!

Oh, my God, you weren’t lying.

You was the coolest person a long, long, long time ago.

You damn right.

[ Automated voice ] You still suck, loser.

Ugh! [ Laughter ]

You think you’re so cool with you doves flying,

but you’re not.

We are Brown Soul, and this is "Cruise Moves"!

[ Hard rock music plays ]

Fight me.

Punch me in the face, pussy.

Yo, I’m takin’ bets. I’m takin’ bets.

Five on the wheelchair.

Yo, cut all this out. In here making some fools of your damn selves.

Now, I’ma need you to apologize to each other so we can get on.

That’s why you my nigga.

I’ll never apologize to this bitch.

Not after the hell he put me through.

He had this coming.

You made my life a living hell,

and I never understood why.

What’d I ever do to you?

I tried to put it behind me. Aah!

I’m a grown‐ass man with kids and shit.

But I refuse to let this happen anymore.

Mom, Dad is acting like a wild savage or something.

He about to kill a crippled guy at the high school reunion.

You want to know why I did all this to you?

Well, I have flashbacks, too, Barry.

Man: Is that a projector?

I can never forget that grave day.

I was just a tender boy minding my own business

when you walked by, and...

No one helped dry me off.

I got really cold and sick and ended up getting pneumonia

and had to miss six weeks of school and my life,

including a totally Krossed‐out performance

from legendary rap duo...

Kris Kross.

And I never even got a simple sorry.

[ People screaming ]

Don’t scratch my shit.

Barry!

[ Crowd gasps ] Oh [bleep] it’s Debbie!

Leave that man alone!

You want to embarrass yourself, then that’s fine,

but I went to school here, too, sometimes,

so that means they know who you go home to.

This has nothing to do with you.

Nobody’s thinking about you, Debbie.

Nobody’s thinking of you either, Barry.

They all thinking of themselves

and their average regional manager asses.

You so worried they think you’re a loser,

you’re too busy to notice they all losers, too.

We all losers!

I remember the moment I knew I threw my life away.

I can’t have no baby, Barry. I’ma be a ballerina.

But it’s what I’ve always wanted, babe.

What’s the point of a house if nobody’s running through it?

I need it, please.

For us, for me.

What the hell? Having this baby was your idea.

We having this baby.

You act like my ass is gonna become a ballerina.

What else we gonna do? ‐Follow my dreams.

I dream of attending business school.

I can graduate top of my class at Morehouse.

A business in Leimert Park.

I would try to empower the community

for three to four years tops

before it crumbled beneath my very eyes.

We have our entire lives ahead of us.

This would be the end of our dreams.

Hold up a second.

So you didn’t want kids?

[ Laughs ] No, no. God no.

I was just doing what I felt I was supposed to do.

[ Laughs ] Me, too!

Man, I wish I would’ve known this back then.

Right. Our lives could’ve been so much better.

Us focusing on what we really wanted to do

instead of settling down and ending up working with people

from high school I can’t stand.

Oh, my God, yes!

Like Samuel Desean!

I can’t stand his ass

ever since I had sex with him on our honeymoon.

Hey, this ain’t cool. This ain’t cool at all.

it’s starting to feel like we should leave.

Happen to know what time it is?

Do I look like your slave?

‐Ouch! My hair! ‐Enough is enough!

I’ve been sick of you know shit since high school!

Parading me around like I’m y’all superstar nigga!

I hated field hockey, man.

Debbie, I’m sorry for how I can act.

It took me until today to realize how selfish

and quick to blame others I can be.

Fool, come here.

[ Applause ]

Hey, man, I’m sorry about what happened when we were younger.

I guess when you’re young and in the heat of the moment,

things just get lost in translation.

Can you forgive me?

[ Keyboard clacking ]

Yes.

Hit it!

[ Up‐tempo music plays ] [ Crowd cheering ]

Oh, yeah! Oh, oh!

That’s how we do it for the class of 1992!

[ Tires screech ]

May I ride with you, m’lady?

Mm‐hmm. Look at you being all nice.

[ Engine starts ]

Stephen warned me to stay away from my car

because he put a bomb in it.

I totally misjudged him. Good guy.

[ Car alarms blaring ]

[ Dogs barking ]

I’ma kill you.

Man: Ay hemie, that’s my hot deg!

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]