Original subtitles

♪

[ Birds chirping ]

[ Engine revving ]

[ Tires screech ] Aah!

[ Sniffles ]

I’m sorry you had to find out like this.

No, he not. It was his idea!

[ Engine revs, tires squeal ]

[ School bell rings ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Yo, my summer was dope.

I went up to some space people’s office

in Houston with my daddy’s job.

They had something that went up into the sky.

The cafeteria was nice.

I had probably the best summer I’ve ever had

up to this point in my life.

My parents decided it was time

for me to learn the family business,

so I got to travel with my mom and help her at work.

Nicki Minaj is one of my mom’s clients,

so we got to kick it with her.

It was...amazing.

Yeah, I went to L. A.

and hung out with my dad and his new girlfriend.

It was so much fun, and I couldn’t believe it.

He took me everywhere.

I got to meet a bunch of celebrities

who are, like, his close friends,

and we even played catch.

[ Dog barks ] [ Sobbing ]

’Cause I’m tellin’ the truth!

I just found out that my whole life has been based

on a pack of lies, and I’m actually adopted!

What?! Oh, that’s crazy!

What does that even mean?

It means the people who I live with

did not give birth to me.

They just took me without my permission!

Hmm, I see.

Ooh! Any brothers?

Do you get your good looks from your daddy?

I don’t know!

I don’t know who my birth parents are

or if they’re even alive!

It sucks so bad to one day wake up

and find everything you’ve ever know about yourself

is a lie!

I mean, who am I?

Look, just because you don’t know who made you

doesn’t mean you don’t know who you are.

Take a bottle of ketchup. It’s still ketchup.

What are you trying to say ‐‐ his parents don’t matter?

No. I’m saying,

maybe if Cornell met his parents ‐‐

You may be onto something!

If I can find my parents

and see what kind of people they are,

then I’ll know exactly who I am!

Reggie, does your dad still have that super computer?

I don’t know. It’s at the house, maybe.

Okay, first thing after school,

we head straight to your house and then ‐‐

[ Grunts ] [ Sternly ] Go. Right now.

If you don’t meet your daddy,

then we all don’t meet our daddy.

♪

Does this make us "detectivives"?

Yes, it does, partner.

I guess that makes us Detectives Reg and Corn.

Wait. What’s my name gonna be?

Man, you always get the good names.

Where... [ Keyboard keys clacking ]

...are...

Cornell’s...

parents?

[ Beeping ]

W‐What does it say?! Tell me now!

Rock...Inger...

Won...A...Wards?

[ Gasps ] Uh...

[ Elevator bell dings ] Hey, guys.

[ Elevator bell dings ]

What was he wearing?

Well, my parents are going through a divorce,

and so the therapist suggested they start practicing

how life would be after the split so that the adjustment

won’t be too much for me or something.

So the other half of the results are with your mom!

Let’s go! Or with my daddy.

It’s really up to the judge to decide.

♪

[ Electricity crackles ]

Oh, yeah.

We can only go over here

Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.

Custody battles,

shoot. Damn it!

Well, guess we have to go off what we already have.

Rockinger. Wonaward.

Rock‐inger.

Won. A‐Awards.

Rock singer won a award!

Reggie! My dad’s a rock singer who won an award! Let’s go!

[ Electricity crackles ]

Damn it!

Barry: It was too soon.

We told him way too soon.

The school called me and said he didn’t show up.

He must be lashing out.

Well, hey, can you blame him?

He got a half‐assed daddy who did nothing but lie to him.

What about you?

Uh, I never lied! I always told him the truth.

Now I’m sitting here, buying gifts just to make him

feel better about some shit he should’ve already known.

[ Snake hisses ] Or maybe, if he was raised by people

who could’ve taught him common sense,

I’d be spending my time in a much more productive manner.

Whaaat?!

♪

Oh! [ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

You go on ahead.

I gotta go take care of something.

♪

Cornell, we got those new Saigon mixtapes,

fresh off the press.

Whadda ya say? Not now, punk!

I need to find an album by a rock singer

who won an award.

[ Laughing ] Look at you!

Playing a little detective, I see.

Hmm, the only one here seems to be Avril Lavigne.

None of these will do you any good.

Try that section over there next to "Mariachi Metal."

♪

Cornell: Oh, wow!

So ugly.

[ CD thuds ]

No luck?

Not even a little.

Now I’ll never go to the daddy‐daughter dance.

Hey, don’t give up.

The search only stops when you close your eyes.

Thanks, R. G.!

You’re the best! I love you!

I want a dog.

But not just any dog. This dog.

[ Angelic music plays ]

Why can’t you get the one in the front?!

Come on, man.

Just give me that one, please? No, no!

Get the one in the front. Come on, partner.

We’ve got a lot of work to do. No, I can’t believe...

I’ll be back for you, baby!

♪

This is it, Reggie.

Something deep inside of my heart

tells me this is where they are.

♪

Cornell...

I think these are all girls.

I don’t see your daddy, Cornell, in here.

Well, maybe they can help me find my mom

since they’re all ladies.

Detective Corn here. I got a couple of questions ‐‐

Move, nigga.

Yo! Who you calling a bitch?

A new lead!

I now know exactly where we need to go.

♪

[ Doorbell rings ]

[ Chuckling nervously ] Oh, Cornell.

Hey, buddy, uh, what brings you around here?

There’s, uh ‐‐ There’s no need to mention this to your dad,

by the way. That’s actually why I’m here.

Don’t tell your dad about this, okay? Please.

I’m trying to see if my mom and dad are here.

My real mom and dad.

Not those evil demons you call neighbors.

You know, I, uh ‐‐ I just might be able to help you out.

I got this, uh ‐‐ I got this book.

It’s, uh ‐‐ It’s a book filled

with all fathers who left their kids.

I’ll tell you what.

You and your friend can come over to my house,

and we can talk this one out.

It’s good to get things off your chest,

whale to boy. Listen to the whale, Cornell.

He might be onto something.

Mervin: Hey, no! Wait, wait!

All right, stop, stop, stop. Your shoes!

I don’t want them in my house! Get them off of my house.

What do you not understand about absolutely no shoes?!

Jesus Christ!

And you’re still wearing them!

Arghh!

Good. Let me go find this book.

I think you left it in the study, Mervy.

Uh, that’s my, uh... roommate, Marcus.

Try not to weird them out too much.

So, Cornell.

Tell me something about yourself.

I always like to know things about people,

like for example,

when I was 11, my parents got me this pet ‐‐

Man: Are you looking for something and don’t know where it is,

like a dog or something?

Then call Jerry, the award winning show!

...that hamster tried to take me out,

still looked at him like a brother. [ Door closes ]

What the hell, Marcus?

Did you tell them the hamster story again?

Ugh!

♪

We’re back with "The Jerry Show."

We got Cornell here.

Now, Cornell.

You tell me that you haven’t met your parents.

So, this means that your parents and yourself...

they haven’t met each other.

[ Audience "awws" ]

Yes, Jerry!

Cornell and his parents have not met.

[ Audience exclaims ]

What if I told you...

I found your parents.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Man: Yeah, reunite these niggas, Jerry.

Cornell’s parents...

meet Cornell.

[ Applause ]

No. No! He is not my father!

He’s an imposter!

[ Audience screams ]

What? Dat ass, yo?

Calm down. Listen. Hear us out.

Shut the [bleep] up, Barry! You [bleep] ass!

Boy, you better listen to your daddy.

[ Grunts ]

Look, Cornell, it wasn’t right of me

to keep this a secret for so long.

You had every right to know.

We weren’t sure if you could handle it.

And we didn’t want it to affect you

at such an important age in your life.

I guess there wasn’t really a right time to tell you.

I wish I could’ve figured that out sooner,

but I know now I messed up.

I should’ve told you sooner.

Just know one thing ‐‐

no matter what, that you, Cornell,

are a Jellie.

The reason I was mad in the first place

was ’cause you guys kept that secret from me.

Felt like I was lied to by the people I trusted most.

I know I can be slightly emotional about things,

but I almost have a beard now, which means I’m a grown adult,

which means I can handle that type of stuff.

[ Audience "awws" ]

Now, are you guys gonna be a family?

Yes, Jerry.

I don’t care about my birth parents,

’cause you guys are all the family I need.

♪

[ Coughs ]

Yo [bleep] the family [bleep] man.

This [bleep] mad corny, B.

Get off the stage with this fugazee.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

[Bleep]

It sound like someone got a [bleep]

in this mother [bleep]

I’m about to [bleep] on you.

Straight body‐shot [bleep] Woot‐woot!

‐[ Indistinct shouting ] ‐Damn, son!

All right, that’s all the time we have today, folks.

See ya next week!

♪

Yeah, mother [bleep]

Yeah, you gonna [bleep] that dog [bleep]

I’ll give you my dog up yo [bleep]

You gonna give me my [bleep] dog, mother [bleep]

[ Bell dings ] I kill you.

♪

Hey, homey! That’s my hot dog.

[ Laughs ]