Original subtitles

♪

♪

Okay, class. Now, Im done lecturing for the day.

I hope all of you guys were paying attention

because Im never going to repeat any of these words again.

Hey, Mr. Amistad.

Can you repeat everything you just said?

I wasnt listening. Unh!

Oh! [ Laughter ]

Now for the remainder of the class

were going to break off into the same groups as yesterday

and continue working on the group projects.

Brad, you werent here yesterday

so Ill throw you in the group with Cornell and those guys.

Whats up, dudes?

Guess Im with the JV crew today.

No. Youre with ultimate crew.

Wow. Losers, dude.

[ Sighs ] Whats wrong, Ray?

The worst thing in my life that could happen has happened.

You died? Am I talking to the ghost of Ray right now?

Dont lie to me!

No! Im not dead!

Homecomings coming in a couple days and I dont have a date.

Lets start with the basics. Describe the perfect girl.

Well, maybe tall, long hair, skinny, size 10 shoe,

and kind of dressed like Tisha Campbell from "Martin."

She sounds bangin!

I got to be honest, dude.

She sounds ugly as ‐‐ [ Bell ringing ]

Why do you even talk, bro? No one here likes you.

Yeah right, JV. Dont lie to yourself.

Think Ill go release a bit of my excellence, know what I mean?

Man, I aint never seen Ray that sad before.

It hurt my heart.

I know. We have to help him.

Finding his dream girl could take weeks,

and we dont have that kind of time!

Unless we make her. What you mean?

Why go out and find someone when we can just do it ourselves?

I dont know what you be getting at, man.

Well, for starters, dont call me "man" anymore.

Oh, hello, Cornell!

Sorry to say this, but Reggie isnt home.

Thats okay, I came here to see you anyway.

See, I need your help.

I want to get a little work done on me.

Ill call my doctor!

I was just about to get touch ups anyhow.

Hey, love!

So, I was thinking about dropping by a little later

with a friend of mine to get a little work done.

If you could squeeze me in?

Great! Youre a doll. See you soon!

♪

Hey, doctor! Meet my friend Cornell.

♪

Wassup, man? Im about to Pimp Yo shit!

All right, yall, we got a big fix up with a quick turn around.

what we got? So, for the legs,

Im thinking of knocking down the old small ones

and putting in some new longer ones.

Twice the appeal. Nice.

Mike? Wassup, dawg?

So, for the hair, I was thinking we import some organic

Northeastern Indian and throw that in.

Thats real dope. What we got, Ish?

Look, the easiest part of...

[ Speaking gibberish ]

And thats all Im trynna say. I think this gonna go well.

Cool! So, we got a lot of work to do.

Lets get it!

♪

Hey, guys! I want yall to meet someone very special to me.

My date Lisa.

Reg, thats a hot dog.

Dont be rude! She has a name!

Have any of you seen Cornell?

He hasnt been home since Wednesday.

♪

Wassup yo, now word on the street

is that you cant get a date.

Well, me and the guys over at West Coast Customs

are about to change that.

[ Screams ]

♪

What the hell happened to you, Cornell?

Uh, not anymore! Its Jamila now.

I dont think Ill ever comprehend the logic

behind anything you do.

Come on, Carl. Lets go back to the car

and make to to the audiobook of "Cosmos."

My name isnt Carl! Why do you keep calling me that?

Well, Ray, like I said,

no friend of mine will ever be left behind.

Im just grateful to have friends like you guys.

Aww, yeah!

May I have this dance?

♪

♪

[ Screams ]

Oh no! Whats going on?

Am I dying?

♪

[ Screaming ]

♪

And I woke up and there was just blood everywhere.

Am I pregnant? And did my water already break?!

Thats impossible.

Youre still a boy, Cornell.

Thats not my name! Show me some respect!

Why do you hate me? See?

All my pregnant hormones are out of whack!

Me and my baby are leaving.

♪

♪ Yea‐a‐ah

♪ Yeah, Yeah

♪

♪ Jamila, Jamila, you got a fetus ♪

♪ Fetus, fetus, fetus

♪ She a mama now

♪ She a mama now ♪

♪ Jamila, Jamila, Jamila, Jamila ♪

♪ Got a fetus

♪ She a mama

♪ Mama

♪ I was 16 years old and the baby ♪

♪ The better backs pity in the oven for a sandwich ♪

♪ I tell you not to belt when its in ♪

♪ Thats a Dodge track and prom night was not fair ♪

♪ How you going to take care of the baby? ♪

♪ Walla walla Impala, I got a doctor ♪

♪ Where is this? I dont know ♪

♪ But that baby cant take care of itself ♪

♪ Jamila, Jamila, Jamila, Jamila ♪

♪ Got a, got a, got a, got a, fetus, fetus ♪

♪ Fetus, fetus, fetus, fetus

♪ Cornells got a fetus

♪ You only 16

♪

Hey, is Ray home?

I have to speak to him. Its urgent.

Sure, come in.

Hey, Jamila.

I really had a great time with you.

Me, too. Maybe too much fun.

What do you mean?

♪

Im pregnant.

[ Sobbing ]

♪

Oh, no! Yall crazy.

Im‐a get back in the kitchen.

Ray, take out the trash when youre done.

I dont get it.

We werent drunk last night

and you clearly had a penis.

Are you even who you say you really are?

Is your name even Jamila, Cornell?

This might be our biggest catfish yet.

♪

Okay, you got me, man.

Why the hell would you do something like that?!

Because you were lonely and I felt bad.

I just did what I thought any good person

would do for their friends.

♪

Thank you, guys. This is going to be great

once we get it edited up and packaged.

This show will be a smash hit and save our network.

♪

Whats up, yo? Xzibit!

Hey, man. We dont want any trouble.

Hows everything ‐‐ Shut yo ass up!

Acting like you seen a ghost!

I thought you were a doctor.

Nah, just a nigga out to get whats his.

See, this niggas over here at MTV

made a mistake by trynna play me.

Im‐a make them pay what they owe.

[ Gunfire ]

[ Screaming ]

♪

♪

[ Laughing ]

Fire! Murph! Murph!

Dont let him leave, Murph!

I must be in the wrong place.

Anyone know where the set of "Interstellar" is?

Yeah, you got to go out and make a left, lot 6.

Sorry about that!

They just switched it this morning.

♪

What? Why wont you leave us alone, Xzibit?

Whats wrong? I thought you appreciate me

pimping your house.

House. House.

What does that mean¿

I put a bomb in the house.

♪

Get in.

[ Tires squeal ]

♪

♪

Come on! Push! Harder! Harder!

A little bit more. Just a little bit more.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

[ Screaming ] There it is!

[ Baby crying ]

♪

♪

♪

Eh, Hammy, thats my hot dog!