Original subtitles

♪

♪

[ Camera shutter clicking ]

[ Beep ]

Do you remember how much these were?

Bitch, do I look like your co‐worker?

[ Sighs ]

[ Speaker feedback ]

Carlos, price check on aisle eight.

[ Moans ] Super Strength Cat Cleaner

price check on Aisle 8! [ Baby cries ]

Oh! Super Strength Cat Cleaner

price check on Aisle 8.

Was all that even necessary?

And make it quick.

They’re $13.99.

Oh, these must be for you.

[ Buzz ]

Fine, you got me.

Actually, ma’am, it appears that your credit card has declined.

What? Nah, that’s a mistake.

Run it again.

[ Buzz ]

[ Cellphone beeps, rings ]

Hello? Yes, it’s Debbie Jellie speaking,

calling on behalf of my credit card being declined.

Excuse me? A what?

No, I did not buy no damn solar panels.

This must be fraud.

A Mr. Barry Jellie?

Okay, thank you.

I’m sorry about that, sir.

There was a problem on my husband’s behalf.

Ma’am, you gotta pay for that.

[ Tires squeal ] [ Crash! ]

Hi, honey, just in time

for a blueberry avocado saammoothie!

[ Whirring ]

$1,800?

18‐hundred damn dollars?!

It’s an investment.

It has a built‐in GPS.

I have never been more embarrassed in my life

than at that grocery store.

I can’t even buy cat cleaner there again.

I mean, you’re worse than these kids.

Give me that damn thing. We’re taking this thing back.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

[ Gasps ] Is that a belly button ring?

All the guys were doing it, Debbie.

It’s cool. [ Laughs ]

Okay, this must be a joke. Either this is a joke,

or you must want me to kill the hell out of you right now!

No, no. Don’t be mad.

I talked him into those.

The nigga from "Hustle and Flow"?

I rented him, baby.

He’s only 200 bucks an hour, can you believe it?

I’m just living my life.

I had a breakthrough, honey.

Hey, man, this hour’s almost done.

Would you like me to charge another?

Mm, thanks.

And a turtle?!

That I did not buy.

That’s where I draw the goddamn line!

First you mope around this house

like you hate your life and complain,

now you just go and start spending

all of my hard‐earned money

that I don’t work for?

You’re messing with my liquor,

and that’s where I don’t play!

Get your ass out, Barry!

[ Gasps, cries ]

[Thumping] Space is just like a big book.

Barry: Oh! [ Door slams ]

What happened to Dad?

You father is an idiot,

and I’m sick of his shit.

He’s triflin’, he’s messy,

and I can’t put up with it anymore.

What are you wearing?

Mom, I have something to tell you.

I’m really concerned that you and Dad

are gonna get a divorce like Reggie’s parents.

That could really mess a child up.

Surgically dividing households in a way

that creates abnormality, instability,

and insecurity in a way I am unprepared for.

Boy, you grown. You should have thought about it

before buying that stupid‐ass turtle.

Don’t say that!

You’re hurting Tonto’s feelings.

[ Sobbing ]

♪

[ Crying ]

♪

That’s it!

If I can just get Arnez to perform for my parents,

they’ll remember all over again how much they love each other.

[ Smooches ]

♪

RG, I need your help! [ Gasps ]

Of course you do, man.

It is important you tell me everything you know

about the music artist Arnez.

He’s the only hope I have

for getting my parents back together.

[ Laughing ] Arnez?

I remember that fool.

He was, like, the most popular singer in the ’90s.

He was everywhere ‐‐ radio, music videos,

commercials, "Jet" magazine.

You really couldn’t escape him.

At least, that’s how it was

until that night.

♪ Pop that cootchie for me ♪

[ Cheering ]

♪ Pop ♪

I just want to be real with y’all.

I been battling some things in my life,

but by the grace of God, I made it through.

I’m proud to come out

as vegan. [ Crowd booing ]

Then it happened, and everything changed.

[ Crowd booing ]

He lost it all, man. It was sad.

I guess being an open gluten‐free/vegan

was "too progressive" for the ’90s.

That’s horrible.

So where can I find Arnez today?

Last I heard, he was living

at Gangsta’s Paradise retirement home

in Long Beach, California.

I could take you there if you’d like.

Awesome!

What about your store?

[ Clears throat ]

[ Humming ]

♪

[ Engine starts ]

[ Engine revs ]

[ Tires squeal ]

What you are doing is unconstitutional.

I have rights just like everybody else.

Why do you look at me with such hate in your eyes?

I’m sorry, but the law says no shirts, no service.

I can’t wear a shirt!

I was born like this!

Look, if you don’t like it,

maybe you should run for mayor.

You know what?

Maybe I will.

♪

♪

Mr. Hall, I see you’re checking back in.

Yeah, NBC played a brotha.

What is this place?

Alanis Morisette: You oughta know.

Greetings, homies,

and welcome to Gangsta’s Paradise,

where all the stars of yesterday come to retire.

I opened it up a few years ago

after appearing in a "Celebrity Wife Swap,"

realizing life could only go downhill from there.

So what brings you to GPH?

Hello, Mr. Coolio. My name is Cornell,

and I’m looking for an artist by the name of Arnez.

He’s the only person who has any chance

of bringing my parents back together.

Yeah, that’s clearly a prerecorded message.

Of course, look around.

They’re welcome to leave whenever you find the people

you are looking for.

♪ This is how we do it ♪

Montell, shut the hell up, man!

I’m tired of that goddamn singing, man.

Shut the hell up.

Don’t be so mad, Chris.

Barney, shut your purple ass up, too, man.

Damn.

But I love you.

Do you love me?

There he is!

Arnez!

♪

I’ve been looking all over for you!

I need you to come home with me and sing to my parents.

They fell in love to your music, and hearing it all over again

is the only chance I have of getting them back together.

Will you do it? I’d love to.

Who are you? Hi. I’m Cornell, and this is RG.

[ Whispering ] Only problem is,

we’ll never make it out of here alive.

But Coolio said we could leave whenever we want to.

Man, Coolio is a damn fool.

He can’t bear the thought of anyone else making it

past the ’90s, so once you check in,

he keeps you here with him forever,

except for Joey Fatone and Mario Lopez.

That’s ridiculous.

I think I spotted an exit door on my way in.

Follow me!

[ Whirring ]

♪

Yo, stop!

[ Laughs ] Yo, yo, I’m just messing with you.

Where you off to? Nowhere.

He was just showing us around.

Yo, yo, my man! Ain’t no reason to lie to the X!

Okay, you’re right, Mr. X.

We’re breaking him out of here to save my parents’ marriage.

Hey, yo, that made me feel some type of way inside,

like around my heart. I want to help y’all out.

[ Laser blasts ]

Get them.

[ Laser blasting ]

Where my dawgs at?!

[ Dogs barking ]

♪

Follow me!

[ Dogs barking ]

[ Lasers blasting ]

♪

[ Tires squeal ]

[ Rifle cocks ]

Ricky!

[ Gunshot ]

[ Slow‐motion ] Aaah!

[ Gunshot ]

[ Lasers blasting ]

♪

[ Lasers blasting ]

Samuel: Man, you did the right thing, Barry.

Females just don’t understand

what it is to have a midlife crisis.

You know, my lady tried telling me what to buy,

but I nipped that in the bud.

Laid that law down. You feel me?

You also haven’t had a girlfriend in like 10 years.

She did have a point, though.

The store did have a different smoothie machine

on sale for 500 bucks.

You need to return all of it, Barry.

If I learned anything from my wife

and my other wife in Mexico,

the one thing you can’t put a price on today

is love. You’re right, Chata.

Do you think Debbie will ever be able to forgive me?

Of course.

Your wife is one of the most loving,

forgiving people I know.

Personally.

[ Slurping ]

♪

[ Tires squeal ]

If you’d just stop for one second, Debbie,

I have something very important to tell you.

What does your convertible‐driving,

blender‐buying, credit card‐declining self

have to say to me before I turn this bitch into the Watts Riots?

Please, just put the lighter down,

take a moment, breathe, and ‐‐

♪ Pop that cootchie for me‐e‐e‐e ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Pop that cootchie for me ♪ Oh, Barry!

I can’t believe you brought Arnez here for me.

I love you.

I love you, too.

♪ Pop that cootchie for me ♪

♪ Pop that cootchie for me ♪

♪ Pop that cootchie for a real ass playa ♪

Yeah, yeah. That’s it right there, man.

♪

Hey, homey! That’s my hot dog.

[ Laughs ]