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1
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(CLICKING)
2
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I don't give shitty jobs.
3
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If a good man...
4
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:37,394
comes to me,
5
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says, "Thank you, David, for the
opportunity and continued support
6
00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:43,072
"in the work-related arena,
7
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"but I want to better myself,
I want to move on."
8
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Then I can make that dream
come true to...
9
00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:50,516
AKA, for you.
10
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:53,918
The point is you talk the talk,
but do not walk the walk,
11
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vis-�-vis you've not yet passed
your forklift driver's test.
12
00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:02,036
The man who gives the jobs in the warehouse
is a personal friend of mine. All right?
13
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:04,791
I know you're the man for the job.
14
00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,358
Sammy, you old slag.
15
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It's the Brentmeister General.
16
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Have you advertised the forklift driver's job?
17
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,276
Good, don't bother.
I've got the man here. He's perfick.
18
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Has he passed his forklift driver's test?
He gives the tests.
19
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Yeah, yeah. He's first-aid trained, yeah.
20
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Yeah. We'll get a C.V. over to you this afternoon.
21
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I'm seeing you Sunday, aren't I? For my sins.
22
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How is Elaine? She left you yet?
23
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All right. See you then.
24
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She has left him. I forgot about that.
25
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(PHONE RINGS)
26
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David Brent.
27
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I've been in the business for twelve years.
28
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Been at Wernham Hogg
as General Manager for eight of those,
29
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so putting together my team.
30
00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:04,712
Lovely Dawn.
31
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Dawn Tinsley. Receptionist.
32
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- Been with us for ages, haven't you?
- Yeah.
33
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I'd say, at one time or another,
34
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every bloke here has woken up
at the crack of Dawn!
35
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,474
What?!
36
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Can I have the mail, please?
37
00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:23,433
Yeah.
38
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Just a fax.
39
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- Dawn, this is from Head Office.
- I know.
40
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:33,037
There's a special filing cabinet
for things from Head Office.
41
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:35,276
- You haven't...
- The wastepaper basket!
42
00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:38,271
Better get that back.
43
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People say I'm the best boss.
44
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They go, "We've never worked
in a place like this.
45
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"You're such a laugh.
You get the best out of us." And I go...
46
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C'est la vie. If that's true, excellent.
47
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:54,671
- Be gentle with me today, Dawn.
- Why is that?
48
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,110
Oh, God, I had a skinful last night.
49
00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:00,471
I was out with Finchy - Chris Finch.
Had us on a pub crawl.
50
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:02,996
El vino did flow.
51
00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:04,473
I was blar... tered.
52
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Bladdered.
53
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:08,193
Blottoed.
54
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Don't ever come out with me and Finchy.
55
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No, I won't.
56
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You got to go for it.
57
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,998
There's guys my age, and they look 50.
58
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How old do you think I look?
59
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,792
- Thirty si...
- Thirty, yeah.
60
00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:24,310
About that.
But I'm going to have to slow down.
61
00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:26,158
Drinking a bit too much.
62
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If every single night of the week's too much!
63
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And every lunchtime!
64
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,757
- How many have I had this week?
- What?
65
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,189
How many pints have I had if you're counting?
66
00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:42,912
- I'm not counting.
- Aren't you?
67
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,156
You seem to know a lot about my drinking.
68
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:46,679
Does it offend you?
69
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You know, getting a little bit personal.
70
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:54,071
Imagine if I started doing that with you.
71
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:59,075
I could come up with something witty
and biting, like, "You're a bit..."
72
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,709
But I don't because I'm a professional.
73
00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,631
And professionalism is...
74
00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:08,954
And that is what I want, OK? That's all.
75
00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:13,993
That's a shame.
76
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,150
- Wassup?!
- Don't do that!
77
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,909
All right. What is it, time of the month?
78
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,229
Just the eight pints for me last night.
79
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That's all.
80
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,439
Uh...
81
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:44,871
Oh, no. Oh, God.
82
00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:50,396
"Boss and team leader in drunken
night out shock horror," it says here.
83
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,035
It's not like I'm out again tonight with Oggy.
84
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:59,232
That'd be a quiet night in at the library - not!
85
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,033
I don't think.
86
00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:07,954
I'm a sales rep, which means that my job
is to speak to clients on the phone
87
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:11,595
about quantity and type of paper,
88
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,756
and whether we can supply it with them,
89
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:17,316
and whether they can pay for it.
90
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,678
And I'm boring myself talking about it.
91
00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:25,594
Wassup?!
92
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,392
Hey, wassup?!
93
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:28,794
Wassup.
94
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:31,671
You're fired, Keenan. Drunkard.
95
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,079
Hypocrite warning.
96
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,712
Oh, God.
97
00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:39,353
What's he been saying?
98
00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:40,754
It's all true.
99
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:42,233
Guilty as charged.
100
00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,749
Went out with a few of his mates, didn't we?
101
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,758
And he goes, "Tag along if you want,
102
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,678
"but I must warn you, David,
they get a bit rowdy."
103
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,634
I went, "I'll see if I can take it."
I was worse than them by the end!
104
00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:57,559
They're going, "Who's that nutter?"
"That's my boss."
105
00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:00,319
"We can't stand it, we're going."
They just left!
106
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:03,114
Oh, God. Absolutely mental.
107
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,393
Resolve!
108
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:11,674
What?
109
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:13,914
Nothing.
110
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,112
- See you later.
- See you later.
111
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:20,514
Take care.
112
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:30,112
Would you mind giving Maintenance a call?
There's a nasty smell in the lift.
113
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:33,118
(DAVID) Head Office
don't really interfere with me.
114
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,959
Jennifer might come down once a week.
115
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,631
Jennifer Taylor-Clark.
We call her Camilla Parker-Bowles!
116
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,675
Not to her face. Not 'cause I'm scared of her.
117
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:46,668
I got them off Nobby Burton
who comes round with a suitcase.
118
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,837
Two for a tenner. Yes, please, four. So...
119
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:54,112
OK. Meeting
with Jennifer Taylor-Clarke present.
120
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,479
- Right...
- Shoot.
121
00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:58,750
Anything you wanted to add to the agenda?
122
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Did no get an agenda.
123
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,829
- Sorry?
- Did not get an agenda, no.
124
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:06,157
- I did fax you one this morning.
- Did we get a fax, Dawn?
125
00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:07,998
Yeah, we may have.
126
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,076
Then why isn't it in my hand?
127
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:14,796
Because a company runs on efficiency
of communication.
128
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,957
You put it in the bin
that was a special filing cabinet.
129
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:19,873
As a joke, yeah.
130
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:23,549
It's meant to be bills.
Doesn't really work with faxes.
131
00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:25,671
- Do you want to look at mine?
- Yeah.
132
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:30,078
Yeah, sure, she'd say she's the boss, but...
133
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:37,511
There should be no ego when you're pulling
together to do something good. Yeah?
134
00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:40,115
It's like... Comic Relief.
135
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:44,355
Yeah? I'm out here in Africa -
136
00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,550
I'm seeing the flies and the starvation -
137
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,352
and she - if she is the boss -
138
00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:52,109
she's in the studio
with Jonathan Ross and Lenny Henry.
139
00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:54,595
They're doing their bit counting the money,
140
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:58,076
but their hands are clean,
while I'm down here in the office
141
00:07:58,200 --> 00:07:59,952
with little starving kids.
142
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:03,274
Right. Since the last meeting...
143
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,391
Alan and the board have decided
144
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:08,956
that we can't justify
a Swindon branch and a Slough branch.
145
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,752
- Oh...
- No, David. Don't panic.
146
00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:12,393
Should be good. Go on.
147
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,909
- There are alarm bells.
- No, no. Don't panic.
148
00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,190
- We haven't made any deci...
- Don't panic?
149
00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:20,471
We haven't made any decisions.
I've spoken to Neil in Swindon.
150
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,431
I've told him the same as you.
151
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:24,278
It's up to either you or him
152
00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:27,676
to convince me that your branch
could incorporate the other.
153
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,234
- OK. No problem.
- This does, however, mean...
154
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,954
- that there will be redundancies.
- You see?
155
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:37,596
Did I no want to hear that, Jenny.
Redundancies are a tragedy always.
156
00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,951
I wouldn't wish that on Neil's men
or on my men... or women.
157
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,709
Present company excepted.
Is Neil concerned about redundancies?
158
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:47,752
- Of course, yes.
- Good. Because I'm very concerned.
159
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:51,157
Although I understand if they're necessary,
as a businessman.
160
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,077
- Does he understand...?
- David.
161
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,875
- Let's not talk about redundancies.
- We have to sooner or later.
162
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,911
Yes, but now we have to decide
163
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:02,828
if you take on Swindon's people
at this branch or the other way round.
164
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,520
- Yeah, we'll take on theirs.
- No...
165
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,710
No. You and I don't decide.
166
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,717
- I decide.
- You do decide but...
167
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,671
- You make your case.
- Based on fact.
168
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,552
OK. Is there a time limit on...?
169
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:15,796
(PHONE RINGS)
Let it go onto the machine.
170
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,675
Hi, mate. Not around at the moment,
so please leave a mess-ARGE.
171
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,074
(BLEEP)
172
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,430
- It's Finch.
- Chris Finch. Bloody good rep.
173
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:26,632
- Got a hangover, you big poof?
- Ah, that's derogatory.
174
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:29,069
You're in with Jennifer today, aren't you?
175
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:30,952
- Give her one for me, son.
- Ah.
176
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,151
- Cheers, big ears.
- Awful. Awful man.
177
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:34,633
Stop looking up her skirt.
178
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,034
- David?
- I wasn't.
179
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:40,039
Can we keep a lid on this?
I really don't want to worry people unduly.
180
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:43,709
No. Under this regime, Jenny,
this will not leave the office.
181
00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,315
So what does redundancy actually mean?
182
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,272
So you'd just go, would you?
183
00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,957
- Would you?
- Well, I don't know.
184
00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:54,790
Keith and Jamie are having these little...
185
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,399
I know. They've gone mad.
186
00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:59,398
...clandestine little chats
about being out of work.
187
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:01,078
I couldn't give a shit.
188
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,033
This is Mr Brent.
189
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,032
- Guilty!
- All right? Hi.
190
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,036
Ricky Howard from the temping agency.
191
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,673
Verna sent me to start today.
192
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,199
Temporary.
193
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:24,511
Staff. Only.
194
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,358
- Ricky?
- Yeah.
195
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:27,754
"Ricky!"
196
00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:32,069
"Ricky. No, Ricky!" What was his
girlfriend's name on EastEnders?
197
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,270
- Bianca.
- "Ricky! Leave it!"
198
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,913
Did she tell you I was mad?
199
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:38,235
Yeah. She said you had a nervous breakdown.
200
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:41,318
- I haven't had a nervous breakdown.
- That was a joke.
201
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,954
She said you were a good laugh and,
you know...
202
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:45,957
We all are, aren't we?
203
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:47,991
Part of my job description now.
204
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:49,394
Unofficially.
205
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:51,112
OK. Let's get you started.
206
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:52,559
Into the fray!
207
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,670
What upsets me about the job? Um...
208
00:10:57,680 --> 00:10:59,955
Wasted talent, yeah?
209
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,274
People could come to me and they could go,
210
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,233
"David, you've been in the business
twelve years.
211
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:09,830
"Can you spare us a moment
to tell us how to run a team?
212
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,838
"How to keep them task-orientated
as well as happy."
213
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,598
But they don't.
214
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,158
That's the tragedy.
215
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:21,709
This is the er... Accounts Department.
216
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,199
All right?
217
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,393
The number bods.
218
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,751
Do not be fooled by their job descriptions.
219
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,916
They are absolutely mad, all of them.
220
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,999
Especially that one. He's mental.
221
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,988
Not literally, obviously, that wouldn't work.
222
00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:45,352
Last place you'd want
someone like that is in Accounts.
223
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:48,517
- This is the recycling bin.
- Right.
224
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,596
Obviously we get through a lot of paper.
225
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:52,119
We make a lot!
226
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,310
- Actually, we sell it.
- Yeah.
227
00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:55,998
It doesn't grow on trees!
228
00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:58,151
You know it is pulp, yeah?
229
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,274
Yeah.
230
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,753
Mr Davis, can I call you back?
Something's come up.
231
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,472
Two minutes. Thanks. Bye.
232
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:07,159
What are you doing?
233
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:08,679
- What?
- What are you doing?
234
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,075
I'm just pushing this stuff off my desk.
235
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,509
- It wasn't on your desk.
- It was overlapping.
236
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:15,232
It's all coming over the edge.
237
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:19,316
All right? One word, two syllables -
demarcation. All right?
238
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,192
David Brent, I presume!
239
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,515
That's just to cheer these lot up.
240
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:29,717
Send the girls out to get the plants
to make them a bit happier.
241
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,956
They can sometimes get a bit...
242
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:37,639
It's run out of batteries.
243
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:41,639
Can we get some batteries for Billy Bigmouth?
Take it out of petty cash.
244
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,951
Can't put a price on comedy. Er...
245
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,355
You're a twat, Gareth. A twat and a knob end.
246
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,869
I'm not listening, so it's not offending me.
247
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,436
So you won't hear this.
You're a cock, you're a cock, you're a cock.
248
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,674
You're a cock.
249
00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,279
Here y'are, look.
250
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,277
This is the sort of work we're doing.
251
00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:02,114
Cartoons.
252
00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:05,355
Does my bum look big in these?
253
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,515
It's not sexist. It's the bloke saying it.
254
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,551
At last. So...
255
00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:13,319
All for that. All for that in the workplace.
256
00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,310
...Managed to scrape a first in the end.
257
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:26,873
You've met Tim, haven't you?
258
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,274
- Hello.
- All right?
259
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:31,790
Oh, careful. Watch this one.
Gareth Keenan in the area!
260
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,988
Ricky, the new temp. Introduce yourself.
261
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,395
Gareth Keenan, Assistant Regional Manager.
262
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:40,239
Assistant to the Regional Manager.
My right-hand man.
263
00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,432
I need him beneath me -
as an actress said to a bishop!
264
00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:44,993
No, he's not.
265
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,793
Tell him about the car
and the kung fu and everything.
266
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,116
Yeah. I've got a TR3.
267
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:53,516
I bought it for 1,200, done it up,
now it's worth three grand.
268
00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,313
- The profit on that's just under...
- New engine.
269
00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,954
- A wreck...
- I've got some photos.
270
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,752
Oh, what is that?!
271
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,552
- Whoa, whoa.
- That is it.
272
00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:06,673
Slow down, you're moving too fast.
Solomon's here. What's going on?
273
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:08,870
He put my stapler inside a jelly again.
274
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,833
That's the third time.
It wasn't funny the first time.
275
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,997
- Why has he done that?
- I told him I don't like jelly.
276
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,437
I don't trust the way it moves.
277
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:20,677
You show a weakness, he'll pounce.
You should know that.
278
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:22,756
What is in here?
279
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,154
My stapler.
280
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,998
Well, don't do that! Eat it out.
281
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:29,829
There's people starving in the world,
which I hate. It's a waste.
282
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,632
How do you know it's yours?
283
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,671
It's got my name on it in Tippex.
284
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:35,597
Yeah. Don't eat it now. Chemicals.
285
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,871
Right. You can be my witness.
Give him an official warning.
286
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,275
- How do you know it was me?
- It's always you.
287
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,516
- Mad here.
- Can't you discipline him?
288
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:44,993
Ooh, kinky!
289
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:51,670
The thing about practical jokes,
you've got to know when to stop,
290
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:55,156
and now's the time to stop
putting Gareth's possessions in jelly.
291
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:56,872
Gareth, it's a trifling matter.
292
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,478
Here we go. Always like this.
293
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,511
You should put him in custard-y!
294
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:06,397
He's going to fit in. We're like
Vic and Bob... and an extra one.
295
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:07,919
Oh, God.
296
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:11,589
Yeah. I'm more worried really
about damage to company property.
297
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:14,714
Trifling.
298
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:20,519
I'm just trying to think of other desserts to do.
299
00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:23,793
Yeah, it's all right here,
300
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:27,913
but people do sometimes take
advantage because it's so relaxed.
301
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:31,233
I like to have a laugh
just as much as the next man,
302
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,430
but this is a place of work.
303
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,199
I was in the Territorial Army for three years,
304
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:39,471
and you can't muck about there -
it's one of the rules.
305
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:44,559
OK, dude.
306
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:46,955
- Give it back.
- I'm just using it for a second.
307
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,991
It's got my name on it - Gareth.
308
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:50,758
It says "Garet" actually.
309
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,678
- Ask if you want to borrow it.
- You always say no.
310
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,392
That's why you should ask.
311
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,158
Gareth, it was just there, OK?
312
00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:59,316
That's its home. Leave it there.
313
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:01,754
OK.
314
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:03,154
OK.
315
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,756
Philip, get that off him!
316
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,917
I'm going to let this go
unless you stop acting like a fool.
317
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,354
- Well, you won't so...
- Well, I have, so...
318
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:17,478
What if that killed someone?
319
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:21,115
They'll think you're the murderer.
It's got your name on it.
320
00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,559
Why would a murderer put his name
on a murder weapon?
321
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:26,352
To stop people borrowing it.
322
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,194
David.
323
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,357
I hate the fact you bring me down
to this. I really resent it.
324
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:35,392
- I don't know why you're laughing.
- Leave her out of it.
325
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,954
You carry on.
Listen, you bring me down to this.
326
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:46,199
What's that?
327
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,632
Popcorn. Ben Elton.
328
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:50,876
- Funny?
- It's all right, yeah.
329
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:55,915
I had a bit of a scare earlier.
330
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,194
Did you?
331
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,151
I thought I found a lump.
332
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,590
I examine myself regularly but... It's fine.
333
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,199
Terrifying.
334
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,753
Testicular cancer.
335
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,556
Cancer of them old testicles.
336
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,951
- What's that?
- It's a bit of brie.
337
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:17,798
- From down there?
- Mmm.
338
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:22,674
See you later.
339
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:30,635
I've just got a complaint
from a very important client,
340
00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:34,309
saying that the figures
I gave him are wrong, and...
341
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:38,515
Yeah. Well, basically,
I've checked all other possibilities
342
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,154
and it's come down to the calculator.
343
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:45,318
Well, I don't know. Circuitry?
Who is this I'm talking to?
344
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,636
...Redundancies. Now, it is true or not?
345
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:49,990
- OK.
- Last in, first out.
346
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:53,908
I don't know what source
your little bird is... from...
347
00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:55,792
All right. Give me a sum.
348
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:59,754
No. You give me a sum, I'll try it out. All right.
349
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:01,879
Yeah.
350
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,274
Plus...
351
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,709
52... equals...
352
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,114
141.
353
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,037
All right. That time it was correct.
354
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,629
- There's nothing...
- Be straight with us.
355
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:14,194
I am. I'm going to be straight with you now.
356
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:16,311
I can't tell you at the moment.
357
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,432
I don't like acting like a kid,
do you know what I mean?
358
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:21,994
But it's the effect he has.
359
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,233
What are you doing?
360
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:26,715
I don't want to have to look at you, Gareth.
361
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,353
- You can't do that.
- Why not?
362
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:29,799
Health and Safety.
363
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,313
Why? Crushed by cardboard or what?
364
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:37,273
No. Number one, blocking out light.
365
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:40,472
Number two, misuse of company files.
366
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:42,238
Misuse of files? Right.
367
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:45,591
This is why the whole redundancy thing
doesn't bother me,
368
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,154
because if I have to work with him
for another day,
369
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,350
I will slit my throat.
370
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:52,992
You won't do it like that though.
371
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:56,749
You get the knife in behind the windpipe,
pull it down like that.
372
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,630
Or I could just apply for another job.
373
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:03,713
Careful.
374
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,073
OK. Um...
375
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,272
Thanks for coming in. This'll take a minute.
376
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:17,279
Er... Right. I am aware of the rumours
that have been circulating,
377
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,356
and I want to put the record straight.
378
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:21,516
I'm team leader! I should know first.
379
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,472
Yeah. I'm telling everyone now.
380
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:26,069
Just tell me quickly. Just whisper it to me.
381
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,668
- Can you just tell us?
- Yeah. All right.
382
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,109
- Shall I tell them?
- You don't know what it is.
383
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:33,549
All right. You tell them with my permission.
384
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,039
I don't need your permission.
385
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,549
Permission granted. You do as you wish.
386
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:40,914
Head Office...
387
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:46,595
have deemed it appropriate
to enforce an ultimatum upon me,
388
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:49,598
and Jennifer is talking of either
389
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:52,553
downsizing the Swindon branch or this branch.
390
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,270
- Are you going to let her?
- No, Malcolm.
391
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,868
- You didn't see me in there.
- For his eyes only!
392
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,912
I said, "Head Office have got me
to contend with.
393
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:05,635
"You can fiddle with Neil's people,
but I'm the head of this family.
394
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,228
"You're not going to fiddle with my children."
395
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:11,033
But, David, if they do downsize here...
396
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:14,789
- You think I'd let that happen?
- It'd be out of your hands.
397
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,275
It won't be out of my hands,
and that's a promise.
398
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,118
Can you promise that?
399
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:20,673
On his mother's grave.
400
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,189
Well... I have promised it.
401
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,153
OK? And it insults me that you have to ask.
402
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:29,317
- It's just that...
- Sorry. Dawn wants to speak.
403
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:32,318
It was just that I was
in the meeting with Jennifer,
404
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:35,478
and she said it could be this branch
that gets the chop.
405
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,232
Well, if you were in the meeting with Jennifer,
406
00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:45,831
then maybe you should adhere
to the ongoing confidentiality agreement
407
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,313
of meeting.
408
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,271
Yeah. Information is power.
409
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,198
So you can't say
whether it's going to be us or them.
410
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,835
This is my ship and I've asked you
to trust me, and you can't go wrong.
411
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,349
- It's not a question of trust.
- It is, Malcolm.
412
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,835
It is a question of trust. Do you trust me?
413
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,349
- Do you trust me? Yes or no?
- Yes. I trust you.
414
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:04,833
He does.
415
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:09,230
- So... Meeting a-journed.
- Good. Excellent.
416
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,710
I'd have said much the same. In fact...
417
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,831
Can I just ask? Do you trust me?
418
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,031
- Hands up if you trust me.
- You don't...
419
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:18,878
- You asked them.
- Put your hand down.
420
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,956
I'm Assistant Regional Manager.
421
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,640
Assistant to the Regional Manager.
They're gone.
422
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,553
I'm not worried for me. I'll be all right.
423
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:31,036
But if there does have to be a cull,
then so be it.
424
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,435
I mean, that's just natural selection.
425
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,233
In the wild, some people wouldn't survive.
426
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,111
I mean, imagine a warehouse
427
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:44,028
where a little midget fella is driving a forklift.
428
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,792
He can't see over the top.
429
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:51,038
He's got great big platform shoes on
so he can reach the pedals
430
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,151
because of his little legs.
431
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:57,679
Anton's a lovely bloke - don't get me wrong -
432
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,030
but should he be working here?
433
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:07,393
(GARETH)
Have you got a price for matt-coated SRA1?
434
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:09,511
I can't see you, I can't hear you, Gareth.
435
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,918
- Just tell me, will you?
- No. I can't hear you.
436
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,713
- Just tell me.
- Give me a ring, OK?
437
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:26,630
(PHONE RINGS)
438
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,069
- It's on voicemail.
- Leave a message.
439
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:36,192
Hi. It's me, Gareth.
I need a price on matt-coated...
440
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:37,992
This is stupid!
441
00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:40,111
Yes. This is stupid.
442
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:42,470
It's so... Sorry, mate, what do you want?
443
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:46,954
Er... I need a tonnage price
on matt-coated SRA1.
444
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:52,518
I've got 160 here, but I'm sure that isn't right
because when I spoke to Glynn earlier on, he...
445
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,152
Right. I know you're not there.
446
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:59,636
Obviously you can't hear that,
but I'm not talking to myself
447
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,035
because they're filming.
448
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:08,832
That feels nice, actually.
449
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,315
- Do that bit with your nails.
- Sshh!
450
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:19,195
That's no different. You can't do
anything with your hair at all!
451
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,156
Oh, no, trouble. Sanj.
452
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:23,952
This is Sanj. This is Ricky.
453
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,071
- Hello, mate.
- Nice to see you.
454
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,351
This guy does the best Ali G impersonation.
455
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,519
I can't. You do it.
456
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:32,993
- Go on.
- I don't.
457
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,475
- You're thinking of someone else.
- Oh! Sorry.
458
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:38,273
- It's not you, it's the other one.
- The other what?
459
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,470
- Um...
- Paki?
460
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:41,874
Ah.
461
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:43,592
That's racist.
462
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:51,278
No, I don't have a great many
ethnic employees, that's true,
463
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:54,039
but it's not company policy...
464
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,470
I haven't got a sign on the door
that says, "White people only2".
465
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:02,151
I don't care if you're black, brown, yellow -
466
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:05,590
Orientals make very good workers,
for example.
467
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,950
Do you like a drink at the end of a week?
468
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:09,354
Yup.
469
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,550
Well, this is why we're going out...
470
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:14,558
- When are you going out?
- To have an end of the week drink.
471
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,398
- When?
- Tonight, hopefully.
472
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:17,794
Er, yeah...
473
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:19,592
- Hi, mate.
- Hi, sweetheart.
474
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,915
- Are you ready, yeah?
- Yeah.
475
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,315
Do you mind if I go out
for a drink with this lot?
476
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:25,998
No. Let's go home, yeah?
477
00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:29,749
OK. I'll be a couple of minutes
because it's twenty past five.
478
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:33,350
- You should come. It'll be a laugh.
- No. You're all right.
479
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:34,833
We got to get off.
480
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:49,872
Um...
481
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,194
- What's in the bag?
- Tell her I'll see her later.
482
00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,151
Certainly will, mate. Take care.
483
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:06,591
- Dreaded first day.
- Yeah.
484
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:08,233
- All right?
- Yeah. All right.
485
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,111
You've seen the vibe.
486
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:12,639
Chilled out.
487
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,431
Oh, dear.
488
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,073
We work hard.
489
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:19,952
I mean, we play hard.
490
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:24,433
Play hard when we should be working
hard sometimes, partly down to me.
491
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:25,834
Um...
492
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:30,918
I let them get away with murder
and they let me. The girls love me.
493
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,716
Not in that way.
494
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:35,114
But, er...
495
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:39,233
I suppose I've created an atmosphere
where I'm a friend first
496
00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:42,716
and a boss second.
Probably an entertainer third.
497
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,193
(KNOCKING)
Hold on!
498
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,629
Practical jokes, yeah?
499
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:48,159
Right. OK.
500
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,555
Practical joke. Don't give me away.
501
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:53,839
Come in.
502
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,952
And then Head Office said... Yeah.
503
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:00,911
- Fax for you.
- Thanks.
504
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:04,589
Don't go, Dawn. Pull up a chair.
I was going to call you in.
505
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:06,711
I need a quick word.
506
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:10,994
Um...
507
00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:15,432
As you are aware, there are going
to be redundancies.
508
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:17,631
You've made my life easier
509
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,796
inasmuch as I'm going to let you go first.
510
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:21,399
What?
511
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:22,874
Why?
512
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:24,274
Why?
513
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:25,833
Stealing.
514
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:27,279
Thieving.
515
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:29,872
- Thieving?
- Yeah.
516
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:34,195
Er... What am I meant to have stolen?
517
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:35,878
Post-It notes.
518
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,513
Post-It notes...?
519
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:40,915
What are they worth, about 12p?
520
00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:42,996
- Got your Bible on you, Ricky?
- No.
521
00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:44,997
Thou shalt not steal unless it's only 12p.
522
00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:48,032
You steal a thousand Post-It notes
at 12p, you've made...
523
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:50,314
a profit.
524
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:52,237
Why would I steal Post-It notes?
525
00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:55,432
To make the little things in the end of joints...
526
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,516
- Roaches.
- Caught you, drug addict.
527
00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,710
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
528
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:02,194
I can't...
529
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:03,719
God...
530
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:08,030
I've never stolen as much
as a paper clip and you're firing me.
531
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,515
And I don't need to give you severance pay
532
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,757
because it's gross misconduct.
So you can go straight away.
533
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:15,916
(SHE WEEPS)
534
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:26,637
Oh, now...
535
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:30,638
That was a joke there.
536
00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:48,555
Good girl. It was a joke we were doing.
537
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:51,352
Well done. Settling in.
538
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:54,357
Practical jokes for the good.
539
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,391
"Thanks for these. Check them out."
540
00:27:58,080 --> 00:27:59,832
Better do these now actually.
541
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:06,798
You wanker.
542
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:09,314
Come on.
543
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:12,870
You're such a sad little man.
544
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:15,474
Am I?
545
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:20,153
Didn't know that.
546
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:26,076
((DAVID) What is the single most
important thing for a company?
547
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:27,872
Is it the building?
548
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:29,479
Is it the stock?
549
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:31,759
Is it the turnover?
550
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:37,752
It's the people. Investment in people. Yeah?
551
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:42,112
My proudest moment here wasn't
when I increased profit by 17%,
552
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:45,869
or cut expenditure without losing
a single member of staff. No.
553
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:49,993
A young Greek guy, first job
in the country, hardly spoke English,
554
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:54,398
he came to me and went, "Mr Brent,
will you be godfather to my child?"
555
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:55,794
So...
556
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,357
Didn't happen. We had to let him go.
557
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:03,391
He was rubbish. He was rubbish.
558
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:13,869
# So what becomes of you, my love
559
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:20,398
# When they have finally stripped you of
560
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:23,435
# The handbags and the gladrags
561
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:27,712
# That your granddad had to sweat
so you could buy... #
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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