All language subtitles for The Conway Curve (2017).en

(jazz music)

- [Luke] Guys, it's really
none of your business,

but they're, they're
not even my friends.

- [Woman] It is so my business.

This is my daughter
Alice's playground.

- [Luke] Really, is it?

- Yes.

And you and your little
friends are up to no good.

- [Luke] You know honestly,
I don't know them.

They definitely look like
they're up to something.

- Breathe.

- Oh my gosh.
- Oh, oh, oh.

Hey, hey, hey, hey
buttercup, buttercup.

Hey, hey, you okay?

Hey, hey you.

Hey, wake up, wake up.

- One day back in town and
you're already in trouble.

And on top of that,
your sister was there!

- That lady started it.

- Oh I'm sure she did Luke,

only after you pushed
a few of her buttons.

- I didn't do anything!

Natalie got nervous and
she held her breath.

- Until she fainted.

She does that when
she feels unsafe.

And the money that was stolen,

that had nothing to do with you?

- How could you think that?

We went to the playground
to play, that's it.

I promise.

- I wanna believe you
Luke, I really do.

Your father's
gonna be home soon.

Please don't upset him.

(gentle music)

- Luke?

- Hey, um, buttercup, I um,

hey.

Hey.

Are you uh, what are you
doin' sneakin' around for?

You uh,

you ever gonna take
this thing off?

- We might go for another ride.

Need to be ready.

- Okay.

- Why are dad's
Seated Liberties out?

- Oh um,

don't uh, I was just uh, making
sure they were all there.

Hey buttercup,

you remember what we
talked about today, right?

Good.

So.

Not a word, right?

Cool.

Hey, I got something for ya.

It's for all your help today.

You came in really,
really handy today.

- [Roger] Anybody home?

Where's my doodlebug?

- Better go.

- Hey, hey.

What is this?

- It's Luke's.
- Mmm.

Can you give us a minute?

(gentle music)

So.

5,000 run out?

- Maybe I'm here to pay it back.

Okay.

So maybe I'm not.

But I will, it's just
I need some more help.

- [Roger] There it is.

- No listen, it's a solid
investment opportunity.

Come on dad, at
least here me out.

- Like I have for every other

one of your get
rich quick schemes!

Luke, when'd I stop
being your father,

and become your mark?

- When I found out why
I'm so good at this.

- I told you.

That was in my past,
and what you're doing

isn't gonna lead anywhere
but straight to jail.

- That's why I'm here.

Just um, I wanna get out.

I just need a
little bit of help.

- So you wanna come back home?

'Cause you're welcome here,

but if it's more
money you're after,

we don't have any to spare.

- What about some
of your old coins?

- Excuse me?

- I mean some of them are
coming to me anyway when you.

So why not give 'em to me now
when I could really use 'em?

Okay, scratch that, um, you
know, how 'bout just one?

The 33 Gold Double Eagle.

I mean, with its history,
the fact that there

are only 20 of 'em left, I
know it's worth a fortune.

- You need to keep your sticky
fingers out of my things.

And forget about the 33.

(gentle music)

- That's for you.

- No, nah, I can't.

Fine.

Roar, hello Mr. Piggy.

And I promise to pay you
back with 100% interest.

Oh, you like that huh?

Yeah, I guess that's
a pretty good deal.

- No, it means you'll be back.

(gentle music)

- Hey uh,

I got something for ya.

I'll um,

catch you later buttercup.

(motorcycle engine revs)

(gentle music)

- You too.

(dogs barking)

- Stasi, no!

No.

Stasi!

- Oh, good, good.

- Oh Jeanie, thank you!

I could have chased
him 'til Timbuktu.

What are we gonna do with you?

- Hey, you want some
more overtime tonight?

- Oh I can't, my dad's hospice
nurse has to leave early.

- Oh.

- Uh.

Jeanie, you okay?

- If you need anything ever,
you'll let me know right?

Okay.

Oh, I had an idea
about your fantasy

Barbie boarding house sign.

It should read "We take
strays at Castaway House".

(Jeanie chuckle)

It has a good ring to it.

- Strays, really?

I'm a little more discerning
when it comes to humans,

especially humans
living in my house.

- Yeah, yeah, you and the pope.

Bye.

- Humans are so silly about
all this life and death stuff,

huh Ms. Sassypants?

(cellphone rings)

Hello?

(somber music)

- I am terribly sorry to
keep you waiting Ms. Conway.

I hope you weren't waiting long.

What time was your
appointment for?

- Nine o'clock.

- Nine o'clock.

Ooh, I guess we'd
better get to it then.

Ms. Conway?

Are we ready?

- Just a sec.

Oh!
- Oh!

Are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

- You're fine?

You're, you're
actually bleeding.

- Yup, that is definitely blood.

- Tissue, hard candy, doctor?

- Oh, no I'm fine, I
do that all the time.

So where's Luke,
shouldn't he be here?

- Uh, not necessarily, no.

Your brother wasn't
bequeathed anything.

You are the sole heir.

(Natalie coughs)

- That's so not fair or right.

Are you positive?

- Yeah, I'm positive.

My assistant read
over it several times.

- Oh.

So uh, so that's
why he's not here,

because your office
didn't contact him?

- No, actually we did try to
contact him quite frequently.

It's standard practice and
courtesy for your father.

We just didn't come up
with anything on him.

- And you tried everything?

- Yeah.

- Police?
- Mhm.

- FBI?
- Mhm.

- CIA?

KGB?

Oh.

Maybe he's dead.

- Well that's a
horrible thought.

- It's the only thing
that explains his absence.

I mean if there's a
possibility for free money,

he would sense it.

It's like his superpower.

- Well, perhaps he sensed
he wasn't in the will.

Ms. Conway, if your
brother were deceased

we would've come up
with that first off.

- Oh.

Just uh, thought he'd be here.

- Consider this, since
he isn't here today.

You could just give hin part
of what was left to you,

I mean he'd never know.

That is if he ever returned.

- If he came back.

I swear to you, he's got
a nose for these things.

- Hm.

What is that, pine?

- [Joe] New car.

- You have a new car scented
candle for your desk?

- Listen Luke, I'm sorry.

You'll need Natalie
to sign off on this.

- Seriously? (chuckles)

Doesn't that seem a bit odd?

I've been a signatory
on that box for years.

Joe.

Joey.

How long we known each
other, what, like 20 years?

Can't you make an acception?

- 22 actually.

Our reunion was two years ago.

- Really?

Wow, I didn't get an invitation.

Must have got lost in the mail.

- It was an e-vite.

That's how they do
things these days.

- An e-vite?

Wow.

Man, things certainly have
changed since high school, huh?

- Listen Luke, your father put

in a provision that only
Natalie can override.

- We were friends, weren't we?

- Okay, if there's nothing
else, I'm on lunch.

- Of course, of course.

Hey, enjoy your lunch.

(Luke sighs)

(doorbell rings)

- Hey buttercup.

- [Natalie] Luke?

- [Luke] Woah, sis.

- [Natalie] Budapest, really?

- Yeah, yeah,

that's why it was so difficult
for me to keep in touch.

- So how did they
finally find you?

- Uh, carrier pigeon.

So what, what about you,
you still living at home?

- Yeah, what about it?

I'm kidding, I'm just
kidding. (laughs)

Uh yeah, I moved back
in after mom died.

- Oh.

- Yeah, dad needed some help.

He took it really hard.

So really though, how
did they find you,

'cause this morning they
had no clue where you were.

- So are you fixing
up the house to sell?

Okay.

Ah, I saw it in
the obituary, okay.

Can we just drop it now,
I almost didn't come.

But I'm here now.

Couldn't have my little sister
going through this all alone.

What's this?

- Remodeling.

I'm opening the
house up to boarders.

I considered a B&B,

but I'd really like to know
the people who live here.

It needs to be
filled up with life.

Don't you think?

Dad really liked the idea.

He would have loved
to have seen you.

(chuckles) - Yeah, I
seriously doubt that.

More like happy to tell me
what a disappointment I am.

Hey, what's this?

- That is a replica vase from
the 14th century Ming Dynasty.

The real one is worth
10 million dollars.

- Wow.

So what did dad do to my room?

Did he tear everything down
and turn it into a study?

- No it's a shrine to you.

Mom wouldn't touch
anything after you left.

- Aren't you just the comedian?

(Natalie chuckles)

- I wish you'd
gotten here sooner.

The reading of the will was...

- This is an
impressive collection.

Dad must've been proud.

- Yeah, part of that
actually is dad's collection.

So I gotta get going.

I have a bajillion things to do.

I have to go by you know, the
church and the funeral home,

Goodwill and the post office.

- The bank.
- Bank.

Wait, what?

- I mean now that the will's
been read we're gonna need

to close out accounts and
transfer the box in our names.

You know, I'd be happy to
take care of it for you.

You just need to call Joe.

Then we can get everything
squared away and

start the process of
settling everything up.

- Oh, and then um,

you'll leave again?

- Well yeah.

Yeah, I was kinda hoping
to make a new start.

- Oh.

Uh, the thing is they um,

they didn't.

- What?

- I just have a lot of
stuff still to go through.

Like accounts, like how
many there are, you know.

Stuff to take care of stuff
so we can settle stuff.

(Luke chuckles) -
Buttercup come on.

I'm your only brother,
their only son,

certainly you can
make an excep--

- Okay Luke.

You've been gone a
really long time.

Really long time.

I'm gonna need a minute to
kind of process everything.

- I know.

I'm sorry.

Ah, look at you.

You're so grown up.

I'm sorry you had to go
through all this by yourself.

- Oh, sorry.

(gentle somber music)

How the?

- [Joe] Excuse me
for just a moment.

Natalie.

- I don't mean to cut.

- [Joe] Were you able to
find everything in order?

- Yes, I just need to go
through my parent's accounts.

- [Joe] Oh of course.

Just let me finish up here,

and I'll meet you in my
office in a few minutes.

- Oh, okay.

Thank you for
letting me butt in.

- You're welcome.

- I don't think I've ever
heard your voice before.

- Okay.

Depositing today.

Oh, Alice, not many people
use this much cash these days.

- [Luke] So everything's
squared away?

- Yeah, pretty much so.

I stopped by the bank.

I got a couple things
for you to look at.

Luke, you there?

- [Luke] Yeah, yeah, I'm here.

I'm just wonderin'.

- Wondering what?

- [Luke] Why don't you just
bring everything home, you know.

We could sort it out here.

Why tease me with it?

- Um, 'cause that's
a lot of stuff

to be walking around
with, expensive stuff.

- [Luke] I could've
come with you.

- Oh yeah.

Sorry, they only had
chocolate chips today.

That would've been great.

Then I would have
been left with nothing

and my boarding house dreams
would be down the drain.

- [Luke] Woah, what's
that supposed to mean?

- I'm sorry, that was rude.

Look, I'm just
really uncomfortable

with how much I'm
already carrying.

I don't wanna get mugged.

I'll be home soon.

- [Luke] Are you kidding?

Seriously, who gets mugged?

Who'd mug you?

- What are you talking about?

Anyone can get mugged.

- [Luke] Mugging is
so archaic these days.

Would-be thieves are
so much more advanced.

- Oh my god!

Really?
- Natalie?

(loud thwap)
- Ugh.

- Woah.

- Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

It hurts.

Stop!

Stop, that hurts.

(jazz music)

- Wow, thank you so
much, that was amazing.

Here, take this.

It's not much,

but it's the least I can
do after what you just did.

No take it, please.

And uh, yeah, take this
too, it's kinda nice.

I got it from a deaf
guy at a charity.

Man are you fast.

And amazingly strong
for someone your size.

Did you take a class for that?

I should so take
a class for that.

Where would I find something
like that, do you think?

Maybe at the Y.

I just love the Y, don't you?

It's such a great organization.

I'm rambling.

Do we know each other?

We bank at the same
place, maybe from school?

(cellphone rings)

Oh, it's my brother,
I should go.

Thanks again.

(jazz music)

- Hey Natalie.

Long time no see.

- Yeah.

- Hey, I heard about your dad.

I'm real sorry.

- Thanks.

It's been an adjustment.

Hey, did you sell dad
a 33 Double Eagle?

- What are you asking?

- Oh, in dad's coins I
found a 33 $20 dollar piece.

I mean, all the Double Eagles
were destroyed, weren't they?

- All but 20.

They were stolen by a clerk
before they were melted down.

Only five have been recovered.

- How would my dad even
have something like that?

- Could be a replica.

- If it is it's a high end one.

The detail is amazing.

I don't know, I
mean it feels legit.

- Okay, look.

I'm sorry to tell you this
kid, but your dad, well he

was into some pretty shady
business before he met your mom.

- I'm not following.

- For that coin, he must've
been part of that heist

back in '69 that hit the
most valuable coin collector

in the continental U.S.

- A heist?

- Probably, or a
heist of a heist.

- This uh, well
this explains Luke.

So, okay, so what
do I do with it?

I mean, do I turn
it over to the FEDS?

- Are you kidding?

Do you know what that's
worth on the black market?

- You're not talking to the
con artist of the family.

- Well, hey listen, apples
don't fall far from the tree.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I do not do stolen anything.

- Stolen in 1933.

(cellphone rings)

It's completely unfathomable
that you even have that.

Any number of
collectors I know would

give their right eye
to have that in theirs.

- I believe you, but I don't
look good in orange onesies,

so I'm gonna pass.

- Well then just
keep it Natalie.

What does it hurt if it
sits in your collection?

Look, don't you think
if your father thought

it should've been returned
he would've done it?

He did become an honest man.

He obviously wanted
you to have it.

(cellphone rings)

- Do you wanna see it?

I have it with me.

- Absolutely.

But first do me a favor, turn
that darn thing off, will ya?

It's driving me crazy.

I'll be right back.

- Hello?

- [Luke] Hey, what happened?

Where are you?

- At the uh,

yogurt shop.

- [Luke] Yogurt?

Why haven't you been
answering my calls?

- Oh.

Oh, you know how absorbed
I get with all the

topping choices.

Luke I have to go,
my yogurt's melting.

(jazz music)

- Oh hello Mike Tyson.

Huh, what the hell
was that back there?

That was certainly not the
Good Samaritan, alright.

You totally blew
the whole thing.

Woah, woah, what's this?

She gave you this?

It's a hundred bucks.

We both came out
big winners today.

So you go ahead and keep that.

Alright Muhammad Ali,
let's say you passed.

You uh,

you wanna talk about a real job?

- Can I help you find something?

Oh, are you okay?

Are you okay?

Oh my, I didn't realize
that uh, you, uh,

is your guardian around?

- Oh!

No, no, I'm not um, I mean I
don't have issues like that.

I'm fine.

Mentally.

This is my riding helmet.

(chuckles nervously) - Okay.

Good to know.

Embarrassing, but good to know.

- Actually I was in here earlier

and I may have
dropped something.

- Oh no, I just came on and I
haven't seen anything unusual,

but I can go look in the
lost and found if you want?

- Oh if you could
that would be great.

It's a bank envelope and it
has jewelry and a puzzle box.

If you could look.

- Puzzle box, okay.

As you wish.

This is so much lost and found.

I haven't gone through
here in a while.

The mother lode.

Let's see, a couple of jackets,

a Chia pet, that
is really weird.

A brush, pretty.

Stupid.

Russian nesting doll, belt,
belt buckle, separate thing,

umbrella, some keys, one,
two, three cellphones.

If you want a cellphone just
let me know, I'll hook you up.

And uh,

anybody want a peanut?

- Someone left a peanut
and you guys kept it?

- Well you know, it probably
fell out of one of these

jackets.

But hey, after two weeks if
it's not claimed, cha-ching.

We eat it.

- Well thank you
for looking Norman.

- No problem Left Boob.

(chuckles) - That's funny.

- It's a gift.

- Well I'll um, see you around.

- She's cute.

- Where have you been?

I've called like
a million times.

- You did?
- Yeah.

- Looky there, you did.

Must've put my phone on silent.

(cellphone alert whoosh)

- So you're okay,
nothing happened?

- Yeah.

Yeah I'm fine.

Just you know, tired.

Can we talk tomorrow?

- Oh of course, but can I see
what you got from the bank?

What's the matter with you?

You're acting really strange.

- Nothing's wrong.

Just you know,
like I said, tired.

We'll talk in the morning.

- Natalie stop.

Come on, there's
obviously something wrong.

Would you tell me please?

- Kay.

I was mugged.

- Yeah right.

You're kidding?

- But this girl
totally saved the day.

She put like a holy
beatdown on the guy.

It actually turned
out mostly okay.

Except for the getting
mugged part, that is.

- Are you okay, did he hurt you?

- Okay.

I'm fine.

All in one piece.

- Okay, so you got your purse

back with everything
still in it?

- Uh,

no.

The bank envelope was missing.

It had the stuff from the safety

deposit box that I
was bringing you.

To be honest, I have no
idea what happened to it.

It's gone.

- Really?

You have no idea?

(Luke chuckles)

My baby sister.

You're just like mom and dad.

You don't care
one iota about me.

- No Luke, I never meant to--

- Then why do you still have
your purse and I have nothing?

- Wait a second, you
were the one who wanted

me to bring everything
from the bank.

See, it's a good thing I feared
the muggers of the world.

- So what was it you
were going to give me?

- Um, some stuff.

Jewelry.

- Oh!

Well say goodbye to that,
it's been pawned no doubt.

So did you lose
all my inheritance?

- Uh,

no.

- Well great then.

Get me what's left and some
of yours to reimburse me.

- Oh.

Okay Luke, here's the thing,

no.

I'll find it, I'll fix it.

- You'll fix it?

You'll fix it.

What do you mean you'll fix it?

You're just gonna--
(Natalie inhales sharply)

Really, Natalie?

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have come
down on you like that.

It's just I'm in a
little bit of a pickle

and in need of quick cash.

Fine, fine.

You'll fix it, you
said you'll fix it.

You'll fix it, you'll fix it.

I'll wait.

But only for a couple days.

Ugh.

(Natalie exhales)

- Pawn shops.

Pawn shops, pawn
shops, pawn shops.

Okay, that came out wrong.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

I think I understand completely.

You had some merchandise
stolen, and you were hoping

that someone sold it to me so
that I in turn could handle

stolen goods and sell them
to my unsuspecting customers.

Is that right?

- Well, when you put
it like that it's...

The name of your
store is Loot Booty.

- So?

- Both loot and booty
mean stolen goods.

I thought maybe you were
just being overly clever.

I mean not clever,
'cause it's, but um,

overly redundant?

- How 'bout overly ironic?

- Are you?

(clerk snarls)

I mean but really though,

I mean, how could you even
know if something was stolen?

- I know.

- But how could you know becau--

- I know.

- Okay, but what if it--

- I

know.

- So what you're saying then
is you don't have my stuff?

- Lady, even if I
did have your stuff

I don't think I'd even tell you.

And frankly I'm
quite offended that

you would even
accuse me of such.

- Sorry.

- Why don't you find
yourself another criminally

profiled pawn shop with
an overly redundant name.

- Could you point one out?

- Get out!
- Ah!

- What do you want?

- Hey Left Boob, what's this?

Planning an invasion
of pawn shops?

That's an interesting choice.

- Funny.

Ah, but no.

No invasion.

I'm still trying
to find my jewelry.

The mugger may have
pawned it by now.

- Mugger?

- Yeah, I was mugged.

I didn't really leave
my stuff anywhere.

I just didn't realize it,

or maybe didn't
want to realize it.

- Huh.

Well maybe I can help.

Let's see.

So you said vintage
jewelry, right?

- Mhm.

- Okay, so over here on 5th
street there's a pawn shop that

usually has like vintage
jewelry, some really old coins,

and I am pretty sure that
they deal in stolen goods.

- That is Loot Booty.

- Yeah.

- I went there already.

The owner yelled at me, and
I might be banned from there.

(Norman chuckles)

- You should go at night,
because Ricky's usually working.

He doesn't yell, much nicer.

- And do you know
all this because?

- Let's just say that
I've been in your

shoes more times
than I care to admit.

I'm an adventurous sort of guy.

Alright, I also do my fair
share of coin collecting,

so I know about
that side of it too.

- Really?

My dad was really into it.

Yeah, when I was a kid he used
to take me to all the shows,

and every night without fail
we would go through his change.

I still have a box
filled to the brim.

It's not worth
anything but, you know.

- Hey do you want
me to go to this

pawn shop with you Left Boob?

- It's Natalie.

- Natalie.

- No, ah thank you,
but I should be fine.

- Okay.

Well it just so happens that
Ricky is a coffee addict

and I'm his dealer, so.

- Oh, well that's very
breaking Starbucks of you.

(chuckles) - Oh nice.

- Yeah I don't know.

Nothing's come through lately

and we don't handle
stolen goods, so.

Are you okay?

- Are you sure you're Ricky?

- For the fifth time,
Howard is my brother.

- And you're sure you don't
have my stuff that was stolen?

I'm not gonna tell anybody.

And I'm not the
fuzz or anything.

(Ricky chuckles)

- A cop?

I didn't think for a
second you were a cop.

- Why not.

- I know.

- Is it because I--
- I know.

- Okay, but what if I--
- I know.

(door chimes ring)

- Hey Ant Man.

- Hey Curly Fry.
- Thought you could use your

fix for today.

- What are you doing here?
- Excuse me,

I forgot to mention one thing.

He has a twin.

So I thought I'd bring
some merchandise by,

you know, help make Ricky
a little more forthcoming.

- You didn't have to come.

I figured it out.

- You're welcome.

- You guys know each other?

- Yeah.

Yeah, we've known
each other for a day,

but ah, you know me, always
getting to know my clients.

So Ricky?

- Is there anything
you can tell us?

(suspenseful jazz music)

- You did not hear this from me.

The guy you're looking for
is named Nick Davenport.

That wasn't a robbery.

It was his signature con
called the Good Samaritan.

- [Natalie] The Good Samaritan?

- It's pretty simple,
but it sounds like

he has himself a
disgruntled partner.

- Wait, you think the
girl was in on it?

- Oh most certainly.

See, the problem with Nick

is he thinks he's like
God's gift to the grift,

but he can't hold onto a
partner to save his life.

- How come?

- Well he's not as
good as his ego thinks,

and he tends to work with
lady partners, and ladies are

smarter.

But they also hold a
grudge when they get burnt.

- Okay, well that explains
the serious beatdown,

but I don't know,
she seemed so sweet.

- Ricky, you got
that inventory list?

- Ah!

- Women. (chuckles)

She does that.

Hey.

You okay?

I mean I tried
catching up with you,

but you've got like light
speed on that Vespa.

- Sorry.

When I'm in scary or
uncomfortable situations

I either run away or
forget to breathe.

- You forget to?

Sorry.

You should really work on that.

(nervous chuckle) - Yeah.

- Oh hey, um, actually
speaking of which,

you know what might help
you is that this weekend,

yeah, this weekend
I'm going to this

like boot camp survival thing.

I don't know, you
don't have to say yes.

I just thought maybe
you'd like to go with me.

It might help.

- Thank you.

- But?

- But that doesn't really
sound like my kind of thing.

- Okay.

Okay, well I mean I just,
you know I thought I'd ask.

- I need to use the loo,
but I'll be right back.

Ooh.
- Ooh, pardon me.

You okay?

Guess I should be more
careful next time.

Or maybe not.

I must've really
shaken you up there.

(Natalie inhales sharply)

You don't speak?

Hmph, seems the universe keeps

throwing women at me that can't.

Or won't.

Say eh, you wouldn't be in
need of a job, would ya?

Alright.

Well it was nice
bumping into you.

And you have a pleasant evening.

- Are you okay?
(Natalie exhales)

- The guy!

The mugger guy, that was him!

I just,

I froze.

He talked to me for like ever,

and I just stood there frozen
like something that's frozen!

- Look, maybe it's a good
thing that he got away.

You know.

There's no telling what
he would have done.

- You know what I'll do?

I'll just stake this place out.

He obviously comes here.

He'll come back and
I'll get him then.

- And do what?

Hold your breath
until you faint?

Look Natalie, I
understand that this

stuff might have
sentimental value to you,

but maybe it's time
you just let it go.

You know, forget about
the six-fingered man.

- No.

I can't, I just,

I need,

you know what?

Let's do the booty camp thing.

Boot camp, I meant
to say boot camp.

- It's Apocalyptic Zombie
Boot Camp to be precise.

- [Instructor] So I welcome
you to your survival.

- Where did you hear about this?

- I got a coupon
from the pennysaver.

- The four mottoes that we
will teach you here, at the

very least, will give you a
fighting chance out there.

(gun clicks)

- Woah, woah!

No!
- Ah!

I surrender!

- [Instructor] Always have a
plan with an exit strategy.

- Ah!

- No!

You're supposed
to shoot, not run!

- Face everything straight on.

There's no standing on the
sidelines of the apocalypse.

Join the group.

Life or death?

Life or death, it's
not a hard question.

- Um, I prefer cake.

- Eddie Izzard, that's clever.

Actually, why don't you help me

demonstrate this next
move for the class.

Oh you can do it, come on.

Come on, it won't hurt.

So class,

let's say that the attacker
grabs you from behind.

This is done in one motion.

No hesitation.

Take the attacker's hand.

Go ahead.

Take it, take the
hand, there you go.

Twist the wrist so
it doesn't break off,

turn and flip, okay?

So let's try with a partner

right up until just
before the flip.

Hang on sweetheart.

Right over here.

Let's uh, go ahead, right here.

Let's see what you
got, right here.

Let's see what you got.

Just take it slow.

Woah, oh!

- Oh, I am so sorry.

Are you okay?
- Okay.

Okay.

Okay class, back at it, okay.

Okay, let's uh,
let's do this again.

Let's uh, right here.

Just go ahead, let's see uh,

only this time it's gonna
be more like the real thing.

Agh!

(Instructor grunts)

I think you're a,

I think you're a natural,

or naturally lethal.

(zombies groaning)
(paintball pings)

- Are you guys okay?

(gunshot bangs)

- So if you leave here
with those four mottoes,

and knowing that the only
person that can save you

is you, then you will leave
here with a survivalist's heart.

- I'm like two seconds away
from hitting this water, right?

And I hear Carlos say,
"Close your mouth!"

And I close it, it's
a good thing too,

because all of a
sudden, bam, water!

I would have just
like drank a ton.

Anyway, so uh, and
then I did my fair

share of acting for
a number of years.

- Oh that's cool.

Were you in anything?

- I got my resume right here.

(both laugh)

- I can't imagine
doing any of that.

- You know what I believe?

I believe that life's too short,

and that you should just dabble.

- Dabble?
- Yeah.

I'm a dabbler.

Yeah, life's too
short, you know?

Seize the day.

Because here's the thing,

you never know when
it's all gonna end.

Wine?

- Only if there is a
battle of wits to follow.

- Oh no you didn't.

- [Natalie] Shall it begin?

- Oh no you didn't.

Yeah, uh, let's see.

I think I left my iocane powder
at my other pirate pouch.

- So you're like a real
Princess Bride aficionado?

- Oh my goodness.

It's that obvious
you just got that?

(laughs) - Okay, you're
gonna love this then,

my brother's nickname for
me is from that movie.

- Wait, wait, no don't tell me.

Fezzik?

No I'm just kidding, Vizzini?

- Ha, ha, ha, you're so funny.

- I'm thinkin' R-O-U-S.

(Natalie laughs)
No, oh my gosh!

Buttercup?

Right?

Okay.

So it's just you and him now?

- Yeah, I'm not sure
for how long though.

- [Norman] He's not
a family kind of guy?

- This whole elaborate scavenger

hunt is just delaying
the inevitable.

My parents didn't
leave him anything.

- Nothing?

Ouch.

- Yeah, ouch.

- [Norman] And you
haven't told him?

- No.

He would've been out the door,

or he would have asked me
to do exactly as I did.

I halved my inheritance and
planned on giving it to him,

but then by pure
luck I got mugged.

- Okay, you know that muggings

aren't normally
considered a good thing?

(laughs) - Of course, but if I

had given him the money
then he'd be gone.

Never ever to come back.

Ever.

Leaving me um,

anyway now I'm thinking
I can use it as leverage.

- [Norman] How so?

- I wanna open a boarding house.

- Oh cool.

- Yeah, and he knows business,
so I'm thinking I can

offer him part of my inheritance
if he'll stay and help.

- So like bribe him?
- What, no?

- That's what it sounds like.

- Okay maybe, sort
of, a little bit.

- Look, why don't
you just, why don't

you just take a chance
and ask him to stay?

He might surprise you.

Plus it might be better to
just tell him the truth.

Plus, I don't think you should
have to give him anything.

- But um,

he needs money badly.

Like breaking badly.

- Ah, so there's the real rope.

So it's either, just so
I understand, it's either

find Nick or give up your
inheritance and your dream?

- I know, it sounds absurd.

- No, you're just trying
to be a good sister,

which is inconceivable.

- I do not think that word
means what you think it means.

- Yes.

Nice timing.

Ugh, you're awesome.

- I'm glad we got to
go on a proper date.

After you know, training
for the Zombie Apocalypse.

- You definitely make my Zombie
Apocalypse survival squad.

I'd pick you.

- Aww. (Natalie laughs)

- [Norman] Yeah, you made it.

I'll get you a plaque.

You shoot with your eyes
closed which is pretty cool.

- Did you forget about me?

- What?

No, I just went on a date.

- [Luke] All weekend?

- Yeah, so?

- [Luke] I thought you
were supposed to help me.

- Technically I was.

I spent the entire
weekend training to,

nevermind.

- Come here, sit down.

Look, let's forget
that other stuff.

Maybe we can brainstorm
about something else.

- Like what?

The house?

- [Luke] Yeah, why not?

You don't really wanna do this
whole boarding house thing.

- Really?

And what, give you half?

- That is a great idea,
I hadn't thought of that.

- Luke.

This has been my dream
ever since I was little.

You know that.

To give people a
home and a family.

- Aw family!

You want to make complete
strangers into a family?

It's always your little
date there the start of it.

- Maybe it was.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe he's moving in
tomorrow and maybe he's got

five kids and maybe he wants
two more, but you know what,

I like even numbers so I think
we're gonna try for three

and round it off at eight and
then we can get one of those

cool little stickers on the
back of our family Suburban!

- Okay, okay, it
was just an idea.

Don't have a hissy fit.

Look, why don't we
just split everything

in the safety
deposit box in half.

That seems fair.

- Yeah, it would be fair if
I hadn't already done that.

Luke,

mom and dad left you nothing.

Okay, nada, zilch, diddly squat.

So if it wasn't for me, you'd
still be getting nothing.

- You're serious?

Hmm.

I never should've came
back to this town.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

Just seeing my possible futures.

It's scary either way it goes.

If he stays, it'll probably
be good for a few months,

and then he'll start
skimming off the books,

and before I know it the bank
will be taking the house,

and everyone will be out of
a home, and he'll be gone.

- That sound like the
life you wanna live?

- But maybe he'll change.

- Does a scorpion
change its nature?

Maybe it's time to get the
inheritance back for yourself,

and not for him.

- You're right.

- [Norman] I know.

- You're absolutely right.
- Yup.

- I can do this.

- Good, 'cause your
boyfriend just walked in.

(Natalie inhales sharply)

Take a breath Natalie.

(Natalie exhales)

- Okay, okay.
- Good.

- My plan, just go up to him,

introduce myself, remind
him that he assaulted me,

and ask him where my
parents' things are.

And if he won't tell
me, call the police.

Easy peasy.

- What if he resists?

- Go zombie
apocalypse on his ass.

- I like it.

Do you want some help,
'cause he's leaving.

- No.

No.

I can do this.

- Go.

(jazz music)

(classical orchestral music)

- [Woman] Miss?

Only couples on the dance floor.

- Come here.

Okay?
- Yeah.

(classical orchestral music)

Oh.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

Woah!
- Wah!

Sparkles, oh goodness!

He's getting further away.

Okay this is
ridiculous, come on.

Hi, hi, can we cut in here?

Your shirt reminds me
of my sister, hello.

- Shall we?

We should.

- Woah.

You have my parents.

I mean actually you have
their stuff, jewelry mostly,

and a cool little puzzle box,

but that's too much information.

Anyway, it was theirs,
that you stole from me,

mugged me for it, and if
you could just give it back

to me then I won't have
to call the police,

and I really don't want
to call the police.

Woah!

- Hey.

How'd it go?

- Well, I didn't hold my
breath, that's for sure.

I just kind of babbled
incoherently at him.

- That's great.

That sounds amazing.
- It's not great.

- No, it's not that great.

It's like full spin.

Tap, tap, tap.

- Nice.

- Having fun?

- Uh yeah, kinda.

I danced with Nick,
but he got away.

- Who?

- Oh the mugger, the one
who stole everything.

- So you just went aft, oh,
hey okay, well that was uh,

so then you were just
gonna try to catch this guy

and hope he cooperates?

Ugh.

Nah, forget it, forget
about the jewelry.

I do not want to see
you get hurt, okay.

I'm just gonna go and
accept what comes.

Don't worry about it.

- No, but of course I'm
gonna worry about it!

Are you talking
about getting hurt?

Luke come on,
don't be like that.

What's going on?

- I'm in a little
bit of trouble.

I'm behind on a few debts.

I was hoping the inheritance
could cover it, that's all.

- Can't believe you
guys are related.

- Hey, what's this?

- No, no, no, don't
pick up trash, don't.

That is gross.

- That's my bank.

Hey, wasn't Nick
standing here earlier?

- Do you really think that
that belonged to Nick?

You're planning on
going there, aren't you?

- Probably.

It couldn't hurt.

- Fine, then I'll
meet you there.

- No.
- Mhm.

- I mean, no, because
it's probably nothing.

And besides, you have
helped quite enough already.

- You're trying
to get rid of me.

- No.

This is nothing.

- Alright, well promise
me that if it is something

that you'll like,

you know?

You know what that means?

Alright, and then
maybe we will meet

tomorrow and talk
about it over sushi?

- I love sushi.

(crickets chirping)

(dogs barking, squealing)

- Hey.

Thought you could use
some moral support.

- Oh that's sweet, but
we talked about this.

What are you doing here?

You don't think I can do this.

- No, it's,

no, no Natalie!

Of course I think
you can do anything.

That no was like a no,

how could you think I
think that kind of no!

Not no, you're a woman.

- Stop following me,
and don't come in.

I can do this on my own.

What are you doing here?

- You need to leave.

- What, I can't.

- Trust me, you're being set up.

- How do you know?

- I know.

- But how do you?

- I know.

- You're part of it?

- Yes, but, sort of.

The problem is I
don't know his plan.

(dogs squeal)

- Maybe something
to do with dogs.

- Tom!

Get these dogs, hurry up!

(Natalie gasps)
- Hello sweetheart.

Why don't we talk a walk.

You keep the chaos going,
and we'll be right back.

Woah.

That was interesting.

- [Natalie] Maybe we
can try that again?

- Alice, you have a job.

- You got your nerves under
better control than yesterday.

You were so cute
during our dance.

Just couldn't handle
being so close to me, huh?

- Ew, no!

- Even better than
at the coffee shop,

when you had no words.

- What?

Have you been stalking me?

You want me to open it?

- That's usually how you
get things out of a lockbox.

- Why don't you just
take the bank's money?

It's worth more than my stuff.

- If I wanted the bank's money,

I would've come in
here guns a-blastin'.

But you and I both know
I'm not a bank robber.

- Okay, this is a federal crime.

You do this and you
go to big boy jail.

- Just open the box please,

and let me worry about
my future love life.

- But why mine?

Why only

mine?

- Open it.

Now.

(dogs squeal)

- Hey.

I know who you are.

I know where you hang out.

All I have to do
is tell the police.

- Yeah, well you're
not gonna say a word.

Otherwise someone you
know will get hurt badly.

- How do you know Luke?

- Hey Natalie, you okay?

Gun!

- No, no Joe, it's alright!

He's not a murderer,
he's just a con artist.

- You got that right.

- [Alice] Natalie, are you okay?

- Everyone we've spoken
to thus far says it

sounded like you know
the thief in question.

- Did they?

- Yes.

And because your items
were the only items

stolen from the bank,
I'm led to believe you

had to have some
connection with him.

- I really can't say.

- Ms. Conway, we
really can't catch this

guy unless you tell us
everything you know.

Is there anyone else you
might think is involved?

- Nope.

- Okay, well

if you do think of something
that might be helpful,

you know who to call.

- Ghostbusters?

- Hey, hey, Jumpin'
Jack Flash just started.

Grab some couch.

- Having a brother
like you really makes

me think I'd be better
off without a family!

- Woah.

- I'm gonna ask you this once,
and please be honest with me.

- Did you hire Nick
to steal from me?

- No.

- Then how is it that
he knows you, he just so

happens to know me, and
all about my inheritance?

- Buttercup, calm--
- Stop it!

I knew you were up to
something, but I didn't

know it was to steal
my entire inheritance.

Well you got it.

Nick took the whole box.

- You,

ugh.

It's all been stolen?

- Stop it, don't play dumb!

- Buttercup,
Natalie, I don't know

what you're talking about.

Now yes, that is
absolutely something

I might be involved with.

I'll admit that.

But not with my baby sister.

- How can you even
call me your sister?

You haven't seen me or
spoken to me in years.

- You're right.

You're right, I
should've tried harder.

But to think you actually
believe I would do this to you,

that really, that just kills me.

What do you want me to
say Nat, I'm a screw up.

- Well if it wasn't you,

then how do you explain
Nick stealing only my box?

- I owe a lot of people
money, okay, including Nick,

but he's not the worst of it.

There's this other
guy, the demon of Soho.

(Natalie scoffs)

- The demon of Soho, really?

- Yes really.

I know, it's a bad name,
but he's really bad news.

You can google him
if you want to.

I might've mentioned
coming into some money.

Okay, maybe I mentioned
it to a few people.

Maybe I made a promise or
two, but I didn't set this up.

They're just very
motivated people.

It wouldn't have been
hard for them to hire

Nick to pull something
like this off!

Now did you, did you
speak to the police?

- Of course.

But I didn't tell them anything.

- Okay, that's good.

That's good, you
know, play it safe.

- Yeah.

That's why I did it.

Nothing to do with
protecting you.

- I'm really sorry Natalie.

(gentle somber music)

- Hey.

Norman will be your server.

You should try our brand new
I'm really sorry espresso.

I made it from my heart.

- I'm sorry too.

Yesterday was a
complete disaster.

- Sorry to hear.

So what's up with the mustache?

(crickets chirping)

(jazz music)

- [Nick] Now do you
deal in old ceramics?

- You mean like vases and stuff?

- [Nick] Yeah.

- Possibly.

We'd have to see 'em.

- I'll bring it in
in a couple of days.

I'm making a huge exchange
at Wilder's tomorrow.

- [Ricky] Alright, what time?

- 8 p.m. on the dot.

- And whereabouts?

- [Nick] Food court.

- Oh, by the Chinese place?

- [Nick] No, right
in front of the subs.

Wait a second.

What's with all the questions?

- Just curious.

I'm writing a novel.

It's all in the details.

- Hm.

Alright.

See you soon.

- So did you get all that?

- How'd you know it was me?

- Because you look like you with

a ball cap and a fake mustache.

- That bad huh?

Wait, you asked all
those questions for me?

Aww.

Thanks!

- So you think that Nick is
the one that did all this?

- I don't know.

But I'm going to find out.

I need your help.

- Yeah.

- And hers.

- Oh, ah, I'll let you talk.

- You got my note?

- Did you get mine?

- You go first.

- I'm really sorry.

I should have warned you

and I should have
done more at the bank.

- You don't owe me an apology.

We're not friends.

Oh wait, no, please don't
do that, please don't cry.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean
it, really I didn't.

- Really?
- Really.

But I have to be
able to trust you so

pinkie swear that you're
not working for my brother.

- I've never done a
pinkie swear before.

- Awesome.

So I need your help.

- With what?

- I wanna run the
Good Samaritan.

- Really?
- Uh-huh.

Or maybe it's the Bad
Samaritan, or maybe

I should call it the Conway
Curve since it's my plan.

Do you ever shop at Wilder's?

- All the time.

- That's where Nick is
making the exchange.

- In a public shopping mall?

Cool.

- Hey, so are you guys
like besties or what?

These are dirty.

Um okay, so isn't this gonna
be a little bit dangerous?

- Oh Alice don't
worry, this is my boy.

My boy Norman who is my friend,

and he already knows everything.

- You were gonna say
boyfriend, weren't you?

- Nope.

- You were gonna say boyfriend.

- Mm-mm.

- You can call me
your boyfriend.

- Anyway, it could actually
get a little dangerous.

- That's okay.

I'll protect you.

You've seen my moves.

I've got moves.

- I have moves now
too, right Norman?

- It's kinda like a talent.

- So, are we gonna do this?

Um, could I talk to you later?

- Yeah.

Yeah, well have fun
storming the food court.

(security guard
clears his throat)

- We're not allowed
to have any sugar.

Shh.

(both laugh)

So Alice, so you're
really a con woman?

- Yeah.

It's in my DNA.

My mom, she doesn't
do it anymore, but

she was one of the best.

- What about your dad?

- My parents are divorced.

My dad and uncle own
a pawn shop on 5th.

They sell stolen goods.

Yeah, Ricky gave you Nick's
name, also to help my mom.

- Wait, but you were involved.

- Oh, they didn't know at first.

- You know, he also helped
me get this information.

He really came, this
is really happening!

- Is he with someone?

- I didn't see anybody.

Oh no wait, there is somebody.

- Do you think
that's your brother?

- Doesn't matter what I think.

Plan goes either way.

- Good.

Just don't pass out.

Remember to breathe.

Mm!

Oh man!
- Shh!

Take your tongue, eh, put it
on the roof of your mouth.

Takes away the brain freeze.

- That is so cool.

I'm gonna try that again.

Mm.

We should check.

- We missed it.

- No, look.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

We have to be discreet.

Let's keep our distance.

(jazz music)

- Oh!
- Ooh!

Oh my gosh.

(jazz music)

- I am so sorry.

Oh!

Okay, what doctor are you?

No wait, let me guess.

Oh!

(jazz music)

Let's go.

(soft music)

(jazz music)

- Hey!

Let go!

Luke?

- Buttercup?

What are you doing here?

- What do you think?

- I was, I was
bringing that to you!

- Yeah right!
- I'm serious!

- I'm not an idiot!
- I'm serious!

Ow, okay, alright,
just let me explain!

Natalie, give me the bag!

Give me the bag.

Ow, oh!

(Luke groans)

- Woah.

That is talent.

(Luke groans)

- I never meant to do
any of this to you.

- Oh, suffering from a
compulsion disorder now!

- Ow, ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

- I believed you!

I believed every stupid lie!

How could you do this to me?

- I'm sorry.

Okay, I didn't know
what else to do.

I'm in real trouble here.

- Quit it, just quit it Luke!

Okay, I've had enough.

I am fed up, just admit it.

- I'm telling you the truth.

Okay and these guys,
they mean business.

- Oh who?

The devil of Soho, you're
still going with that?

- The demon of Soho!

(dramatic music)

You know what I am here for.

- I owe money to whoever Parenli
sent you to collect, right?

- [Demon Of Soho]
What's in the bag?

- Nothing.

It's just my sister's shopping.

I know you don't believe me,
but I'm really sorry Natalie.

Ah, look,

just let my sister
and her friend go.

They have nothing to do
with the business we have.

- Wait.

How much does he owe?

- Too much.

- This bag, it
contains items that

are well worth whatever
it is that he owes.

You can have it in
exchange for Luke.

- Natalie, no!

- Well?

It is my entire inheritance.

- Buttercup.

- I never thought that you could

do anything like this to me.

But I was naive,
and that's my fault.

And you're never
gonna change, are you?

Goodbye Luke.

- I'm really sorry Natalie,
about all your stuff.

I didn't mean--

- Oh it's, it's fine,
it's okay, we tried.

Just means that I will
have to work overtime

and watch a lot more
do it yourself shows.

- I am really good
with a paintbrush.

I live for HGTV.

- Oh, well then.

So this is what I
have to work with.

(rumbling)

(spooky suspenseful music)

That's weird.

(spooky suspenseful music)

Maybe in the kitchen.

(Natalie gasps)
- Agh, oh!

- Oh my god.

- Agh, have you been practicing?

- Woah, woah, woah, woah!
- Oh no, wait, wait, wait!

Woah, wait, wait, wait.

- You're getting
real good at that.

Hah!

- What's going on?

- Alice, I'd like you
to meet my backup plan.

- I'm sorry about your table.

Hi.

- But how?

- There you go.

Oh.

Ah.

- Your boyfriend?

- I just wasn't sure that
you were on the up and up,

so I recruited him just in case.

- No way?

Wait, so you?

- Oh I conned you.

And Luke, yeah,
sorry about that.

- No, no it's cool,
it's totally cool.

But there is a real
demon of Soho, right?

- Oh yeah, he's real,
you can google him.

But you saw my brother.

He was just as
surprised as you were.

- Huh.

And he really looks like that?

- Oh, I have no clue.

This was Norman's idea.

- Yeah.

So basically I put myself
into the shoes of someone

that would call themselves
the demon of Soho,

and I guess I
improvised a little.

- It worked for me.

- Just goes to show that Luke
has never seen him either.

Big fat liar.

- You know, you might be
a con woman after all.

DNA.
- No.

No, no, no, no, no.

This is my first
and last scheme.

I feel terrible that Luke is out

there somewhere thinking
that he's off the hook.

- No you don't.

- You're right, I don't.

(all laugh)

- My back still hurts.

I should never sneak up on you.

- No.

- Mhm.

Oh.

I'll give you three 50.

- $350,000?

- $3.50, you moron.

- What?

- It's a replica.

- It says made in China!

(ceramics splinter)

(electric sander buzzes)

- Hey Natalie.

Just wanted to come say goodbye.

So what, are you remodeling
the coffee table?

Listen, I didn't wanna leave
without saying thank you

for what you did yesterday.

- Um, about that.

(Nick chuckles)

- Nicely done.

You might be a better
con artist than me.

- Not even close.
- Mm.

- Luke, I love you.

I really do.

So I'm gonna make
you this offer once.

If you wanna try and make
us a family again, then stay

and help me run
the boarding house.

You can make a fresh start

and I'll help with
half of my inheritance.

But if you go back
to your old ways,

I'm done.

- That sounds really great.

And I appreciate you giving
me a second chance, but--

- You're a scorpion.

I get it.

- Yeah.

- Thank you for being honest.

(gentle somber music)

- You take care Natalie.

- Buttercup.

I'll always be buttercup to you.

- What's in the bag is for you.

- Oh, I have
something for you too!

- I remember this.

Dad always kept it on his desk.

- He left it for you.

- A wooden box?

And here I thought
the guy was heartless.

- For a smartypants con artist

you sure don't know how
to see beyond your nose.

It's tough to part with it,
but I think dad knew that

you were better equipped
to deal with it than I am.

- Buttercup, are you sure?

- 100% positive.

- After everything
I put you through?

- Yes.

But it is a federal
crime if you get caught

selling this baby, so
leave me out of it.

We're even.

(gentle somber music)

- Stay out of trouble kiddo.

- You too.

(gentle somber music)

(upbeat music)

- Hey guys.

Hey.

- Hey.
- What a game.

Another one.

- Oh look, he finally made it.

- [Norman] Hey sweetie?

Can I get some of
that tea please?

- As you wish.

("A New Day" by
Scouting For Girls)

- Ah!

Woah.

- FBI!

(loud thwap)

("Brand New Day" by Guy Forsyth)