Original subtitles

(jazz music)

- [Luke] Guys, it's really none of your business,

but they're, they're not even my friends.

- [Woman] It is so my business.

This is my daughter Alice's playground.

- [Luke] Really, is it?

- Yes.

And you and your little friends are up to no good.

- [Luke] You know honestly, I don't know them.

They definitely look like they're up to something.

- Breathe.

- Oh my gosh. - Oh, oh, oh.

Hey, hey, hey, hey buttercup, buttercup.

Hey, hey, you okay?

Hey, hey you.

Hey, wake up, wake up.

- One day back in town and you're already in trouble.

And on top of that, your sister was there!

- That lady started it.

- Oh I'm sure she did Luke,

only after you pushed a few of her buttons.

- I didn't do anything!

Natalie got nervous and she held her breath.

- Until she fainted.

She does that when she feels unsafe.

And the money that was stolen,

that had nothing to do with you?

- How could you think that?

We went to the playground to play, that's it.

I promise.

- I wanna believe you Luke, I really do.

Your father's gonna be home soon.

Please don't upset him.

(gentle music)

- Luke?

- Hey, um, buttercup, I um,

hey.

Hey.

Are you uh, what are you doin' sneakin' around for?

You uh,

you ever gonna take this thing off?

- We might go for another ride.

Need to be ready.

- Okay.

- Why are dad's Seated Liberties out?

- Oh um,

don't uh, I was just uh, making sure they were all there.

Hey buttercup,

you remember what we talked about today, right?

Good.

So.

Not a word, right?

Cool.

Hey, I got something for ya.

It's for all your help today.

You came in really, really handy today.

- [Roger] Anybody home?

Where's my doodlebug?

- Better go.

- Hey, hey.

What is this?

- It's Luke's. - Mmm.

Can you give us a minute?

(gentle music)

So.

5,000 run out?

- Maybe I'm here to pay it back.

Okay.

So maybe I'm not.

But I will, it's just I need some more help.

- [Roger] There it is.

- No listen, it's a solid investment opportunity.

Come on dad, at least here me out.

- Like I have for every other

one of your get rich quick schemes!

Luke, when'd I stop being your father,

and become your mark?

- When I found out why I'm so good at this.

- I told you.

That was in my past, and what you're doing

isn't gonna lead anywhere but straight to jail.

- That's why I'm here.

Just um, I wanna get out.

I just need a little bit of help.

- So you wanna come back home?

'Cause you're welcome here,

but if it's more money you're after,

we don't have any to spare.

- What about some of your old coins?

- Excuse me?

- I mean some of them are coming to me anyway when you.

So why not give 'em to me now when I could really use 'em?

Okay, scratch that, um, you know, how 'bout just one?

The 33 Gold Double Eagle.

I mean, with its history, the fact that there

are only 20 of 'em left, I know it's worth a fortune.

- You need to keep your sticky fingers out of my things.

And forget about the 33.

(gentle music)

- That's for you.

- No, nah, I can't.

Fine.

Roar, hello Mr. Piggy.

And I promise to pay you back with 100% interest.

Oh, you like that huh?

Yeah, I guess that's a pretty good deal.

- No, it means you'll be back.

(gentle music)

- Hey uh,

I got something for ya.

I'll um,

catch you later buttercup.

(motorcycle engine revs)

(gentle music)

- You too.

(dogs barking)

- Stasi, no!

No.

Stasi!

- Oh, good, good.

- Oh Jeanie, thank you!

I could have chased him 'til Timbuktu.

What are we gonna do with you?

- Hey, you want some more overtime tonight?

- Oh I can't, my dad's hospice nurse has to leave early.

- Oh.

- Uh.

Jeanie, you okay?

- If you need anything ever, you'll let me know right?

Okay.

Oh, I had an idea about your fantasy

Barbie boarding house sign.

It should read "We take strays at Castaway House".

(Jeanie chuckle)

It has a good ring to it.

- Strays, really?

I'm a little more discerning when it comes to humans,

especially humans living in my house.

- Yeah, yeah, you and the pope.

Bye.

- Humans are so silly about all this life and death stuff,

huh Ms. Sassypants?

(cellphone rings)

Hello?

(somber music)

- I am terribly sorry to keep you waiting Ms. Conway.

I hope you weren't waiting long.

What time was your appointment for?

- Nine o'clock.

- Nine o'clock.

Ooh, I guess we'd better get to it then.

Ms. Conway?

Are we ready?

- Just a sec.

Oh! - Oh!

Are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

- You're fine?

You're, you're actually bleeding.

- Yup, that is definitely blood.

- Tissue, hard candy, doctor?

- Oh, no I'm fine, I do that all the time.

So where's Luke, shouldn't he be here?

- Uh, not necessarily, no.

Your brother wasn't bequeathed anything.

You are the sole heir.

(Natalie coughs)

- That's so not fair or right.

Are you positive?

- Yeah, I'm positive.

My assistant read over it several times.

- Oh.

So uh, so that's why he's not here,

because your office didn't contact him?

- No, actually we did try to contact him quite frequently.

It's standard practice and courtesy for your father.

We just didn't come up with anything on him.

- And you tried everything?

- Yeah.

- Police? - Mhm.

- FBI? - Mhm.

- CIA?

KGB?

Oh.

Maybe he's dead.

- Well that's a horrible thought.

- It's the only thing that explains his absence.

I mean if there's a possibility for free money,

he would sense it.

It's like his superpower.

- Well, perhaps he sensed he wasn't in the will.

Ms. Conway, if your brother were deceased

we would've come up with that first off.

- Oh.

Just uh, thought he'd be here.

- Consider this, since he isn't here today.

You could just give hin part of what was left to you,

I mean he'd never know.

That is if he ever returned.

- If he came back.

I swear to you, he's got a nose for these things.

- Hm.

What is that, pine?

- [Joe] New car.

- You have a new car scented candle for your desk?

- Listen Luke, I'm sorry.

You'll need Natalie to sign off on this.

- Seriously? (chuckles)

Doesn't that seem a bit odd?

I've been a signatory on that box for years.

Joe.

Joey.

How long we known each other, what, like 20 years?

Can't you make an acception?

- 22 actually.

Our reunion was two years ago.

- Really?

Wow, I didn't get an invitation.

Must have got lost in the mail.

- It was an e-vite.

That's how they do things these days.

- An e-vite?

Wow.

Man, things certainly have changed since high school, huh?

- Listen Luke, your father put

in a provision that only Natalie can override.

- We were friends, weren't we?

- Okay, if there's nothing else, I'm on lunch.

- Of course, of course.

Hey, enjoy your lunch.

(Luke sighs)

(doorbell rings)

- Hey buttercup.

- [Natalie] Luke?

- [Luke] Woah, sis.

- [Natalie] Budapest, really?

- Yeah, yeah,

that's why it was so difficult for me to keep in touch.

- So how did they finally find you?

- Uh, carrier pigeon.

So what, what about you, you still living at home?

- Yeah, what about it?

I'm kidding, I'm just kidding. (laughs)

Uh yeah, I moved back in after mom died.

- Oh.

- Yeah, dad needed some help.

He took it really hard.

So really though, how did they find you,

'cause this morning they had no clue where you were.

- So are you fixing up the house to sell?

Okay.

Ah, I saw it in the obituary, okay.

Can we just drop it now, I almost didn't come.

But I'm here now.

Couldn't have my little sister going through this all alone.

What's this?

- Remodeling.

I'm opening the house up to boarders.

I considered a B&B,

but I'd really like to know the people who live here.

It needs to be filled up with life.

Don't you think?

Dad really liked the idea.

He would have loved to have seen you.

(chuckles) - Yeah, I seriously doubt that.

More like happy to tell me what a disappointment I am.

Hey, what's this?

- That is a replica vase from the 14th century Ming Dynasty.

The real one is worth 10 million dollars.

- Wow.

So what did dad do to my room?

Did he tear everything down and turn it into a study?

- No it's a shrine to you.

Mom wouldn't touch anything after you left.

- Aren't you just the comedian?

(Natalie chuckles)

- I wish you'd gotten here sooner.

The reading of the will was...

- This is an impressive collection.

Dad must've been proud.

- Yeah, part of that actually is dad's collection.

So I gotta get going.

I have a bajillion things to do.

I have to go by you know, the church and the funeral home,

Goodwill and the post office.

- The bank. - Bank.

Wait, what?

- I mean now that the will's been read we're gonna need

to close out accounts and transfer the box in our names.

You know, I'd be happy to take care of it for you.

You just need to call Joe.

Then we can get everything squared away and

start the process of settling everything up.

- Oh, and then um,

you'll leave again?

- Well yeah.

Yeah, I was kinda hoping to make a new start.

- Oh.

Uh, the thing is they um,

they didn't.

- What?

- I just have a lot of stuff still to go through.

Like accounts, like how many there are, you know.

Stuff to take care of stuff so we can settle stuff.

(Luke chuckles) - Buttercup come on.

I'm your only brother, their only son,

certainly you can make an excep--

- Okay Luke.

You've been gone a really long time.

Really long time.

I'm gonna need a minute to kind of process everything.

- I know.

I'm sorry.

Ah, look at you.

You're so grown up.

I'm sorry you had to go through all this by yourself.

- Oh, sorry.

(gentle somber music)

How the?

- [Joe] Excuse me for just a moment.

Natalie.

- I don't mean to cut.

- [Joe] Were you able to find everything in order?

- Yes, I just need to go through my parent's accounts.

- [Joe] Oh of course.

Just let me finish up here,

and I'll meet you in my office in a few minutes.

- Oh, okay.

Thank you for letting me butt in.

- You're welcome.

- I don't think I've ever heard your voice before.

- Okay.

Depositing today.

Oh, Alice, not many people use this much cash these days.

- [Luke] So everything's squared away?

- Yeah, pretty much so.

I stopped by the bank.

I got a couple things for you to look at.

Luke, you there?

- [Luke] Yeah, yeah, I'm here.

I'm just wonderin'.

- Wondering what?

- [Luke] Why don't you just bring everything home, you know.

We could sort it out here.

Why tease me with it?

- Um, 'cause that's a lot of stuff

to be walking around with, expensive stuff.

- [Luke] I could've come with you.

- Oh yeah.

Sorry, they only had chocolate chips today.

That would've been great.

Then I would have been left with nothing

and my boarding house dreams would be down the drain.

- [Luke] Woah, what's that supposed to mean?

- I'm sorry, that was rude.

Look, I'm just really uncomfortable

with how much I'm already carrying.

I don't wanna get mugged.

I'll be home soon.

- [Luke] Are you kidding?

Seriously, who gets mugged?

Who'd mug you?

- What are you talking about?

Anyone can get mugged.

- [Luke] Mugging is so archaic these days.

Would-be thieves are so much more advanced.

- Oh my god!

Really? - Natalie?

(loud thwap) - Ugh.

- Woah.

- Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

It hurts.

Stop!

Stop, that hurts.

(jazz music)

- Wow, thank you so much, that was amazing.

Here, take this.

It's not much,

but it's the least I can do after what you just did.

No take it, please.

And uh, yeah, take this too, it's kinda nice.

I got it from a deaf guy at a charity.

Man are you fast.

And amazingly strong for someone your size.

Did you take a class for that?

I should so take a class for that.

Where would I find something like that, do you think?

Maybe at the Y.

I just love the Y, don't you?

It's such a great organization.

I'm rambling.

Do we know each other?

We bank at the same place, maybe from school?

(cellphone rings)

Oh, it's my brother, I should go.

Thanks again.

(jazz music)

- Hey Natalie.

Long time no see.

- Yeah.

- Hey, I heard about your dad.

I'm real sorry.

- Thanks.

It's been an adjustment.

Hey, did you sell dad a 33 Double Eagle?

- What are you asking?

- Oh, in dad's coins I found a 33 $20 dollar piece.

I mean, all the Double Eagles were destroyed, weren't they?

- All but 20.

They were stolen by a clerk before they were melted down.

Only five have been recovered.

- How would my dad even have something like that?

- Could be a replica.

- If it is it's a high end one.

The detail is amazing.

I don't know, I mean it feels legit.

- Okay, look.

I'm sorry to tell you this kid, but your dad, well he

was into some pretty shady business before he met your mom.

- I'm not following.

- For that coin, he must've been part of that heist

back in '69 that hit the most valuable coin collector

in the continental U.S.

- A heist?

- Probably, or a heist of a heist.

- This uh, well this explains Luke.

So, okay, so what do I do with it?

I mean, do I turn it over to the FEDS?

- Are you kidding?

Do you know what that's worth on the black market?

- You're not talking to the con artist of the family.

- Well, hey listen, apples don't fall far from the tree.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I do not do stolen anything.

- Stolen in 1933.

(cellphone rings)

It's completely unfathomable that you even have that.

Any number of collectors I know would

give their right eye to have that in theirs.

- I believe you, but I don't look good in orange onesies,

so I'm gonna pass.

- Well then just keep it Natalie.

What does it hurt if it sits in your collection?

Look, don't you think if your father thought

it should've been returned he would've done it?

He did become an honest man.

He obviously wanted you to have it.

(cellphone rings)

- Do you wanna see it?

I have it with me.

- Absolutely.

But first do me a favor, turn that darn thing off, will ya?

It's driving me crazy.

I'll be right back.

- Hello?

- [Luke] Hey, what happened?

Where are you?

- At the uh,

yogurt shop.

- [Luke] Yogurt?

Why haven't you been answering my calls?

- Oh.

Oh, you know how absorbed I get with all the

topping choices.

Luke I have to go, my yogurt's melting.

(jazz music)

- Oh hello Mike Tyson.

Huh, what the hell was that back there?

That was certainly not the Good Samaritan, alright.

You totally blew the whole thing.

Woah, woah, what's this?

She gave you this?

It's a hundred bucks.

We both came out big winners today.

So you go ahead and keep that.

Alright Muhammad Ali, let's say you passed.

You uh,

you wanna talk about a real job?

- Can I help you find something?

Oh, are you okay?

Are you okay?

Oh my, I didn't realize that uh, you, uh,

is your guardian around?

- Oh!

No, no, I'm not um, I mean I don't have issues like that.

I'm fine.

Mentally.

This is my riding helmet.

(chuckles nervously) - Okay.

Good to know.

Embarrassing, but good to know.

- Actually I was in here earlier

and I may have dropped something.

- Oh no, I just came on and I haven't seen anything unusual,

but I can go look in the lost and found if you want?

- Oh if you could that would be great.

It's a bank envelope and it has jewelry and a puzzle box.

If you could look.

- Puzzle box, okay.

As you wish.

This is so much lost and found.

I haven't gone through here in a while.

The mother lode.

Let's see, a couple of jackets,

a Chia pet, that is really weird.

A brush, pretty.

Stupid.

Russian nesting doll, belt, belt buckle, separate thing,

umbrella, some keys, one, two, three cellphones.

If you want a cellphone just let me know, I'll hook you up.

And uh,

anybody want a peanut?

- Someone left a peanut and you guys kept it?

- Well you know, it probably fell out of one of these

jackets.

But hey, after two weeks if it's not claimed, cha-ching.

We eat it.

- Well thank you for looking Norman.

- No problem Left Boob.

(chuckles) - That's funny.

- It's a gift.

- Well I'll um, see you around.

- She's cute.

- Where have you been?

I've called like a million times.

- You did? - Yeah.

- Looky there, you did.

Must've put my phone on silent.

(cellphone alert whoosh)

- So you're okay, nothing happened?

- Yeah.

Yeah I'm fine.

Just you know, tired.

Can we talk tomorrow?

- Oh of course, but can I see what you got from the bank?

What's the matter with you?

You're acting really strange.

- Nothing's wrong.

Just you know, like I said, tired.

We'll talk in the morning.

- Natalie stop.

Come on, there's obviously something wrong.

Would you tell me please?

- Kay.

I was mugged.

- Yeah right.

You're kidding?

- But this girl totally saved the day.

She put like a holy beatdown on the guy.

It actually turned out mostly okay.

Except for the getting mugged part, that is.

- Are you okay, did he hurt you?

- Okay.

I'm fine.

All in one piece.

- Okay, so you got your purse

back with everything still in it?

- Uh,

no.

The bank envelope was missing.

It had the stuff from the safety

deposit box that I was bringing you.

To be honest, I have no idea what happened to it.

It's gone.

- Really?

You have no idea?

(Luke chuckles)

My baby sister.

You're just like mom and dad.

You don't care one iota about me.

- No Luke, I never meant to--

- Then why do you still have your purse and I have nothing?

- Wait a second, you were the one who wanted

me to bring everything from the bank.

See, it's a good thing I feared the muggers of the world.

- So what was it you were going to give me?

- Um, some stuff.

Jewelry.

- Oh!

Well say goodbye to that, it's been pawned no doubt.

So did you lose all my inheritance?

- Uh,

no.

- Well great then.

Get me what's left and some of yours to reimburse me.

- Oh.

Okay Luke, here's the thing,

no.

I'll find it, I'll fix it.

- You'll fix it?

You'll fix it.

What do you mean you'll fix it?

You're just gonna-- (Natalie inhales sharply)

Really, Natalie?

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have come down on you like that.

It's just I'm in a little bit of a pickle

and in need of quick cash.

Fine, fine.

You'll fix it, you said you'll fix it.

You'll fix it, you'll fix it.

I'll wait.

But only for a couple days.

Ugh.

(Natalie exhales)

- Pawn shops.

Pawn shops, pawn shops, pawn shops.

Okay, that came out wrong.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

I think I understand completely.

You had some merchandise stolen, and you were hoping

that someone sold it to me so that I in turn could handle

stolen goods and sell them to my unsuspecting customers.

Is that right?

- Well, when you put it like that it's...

The name of your store is Loot Booty.

- So?

- Both loot and booty mean stolen goods.

I thought maybe you were just being overly clever.

I mean not clever, 'cause it's, but um,

overly redundant?

- How 'bout overly ironic?

- Are you?

(clerk snarls)

I mean but really though,

I mean, how could you even know if something was stolen?

- I know.

- But how could you know becau--

- I know.

- Okay, but what if it--

- I

know.

- So what you're saying then is you don't have my stuff?

- Lady, even if I did have your stuff

I don't think I'd even tell you.

And frankly I'm quite offended that

you would even accuse me of such.

- Sorry.

- Why don't you find yourself another criminally

profiled pawn shop with an overly redundant name.

- Could you point one out?

- Get out! - Ah!

- What do you want?

- Hey Left Boob, what's this?

Planning an invasion of pawn shops?

That's an interesting choice.

- Funny.

Ah, but no.

No invasion.

I'm still trying to find my jewelry.

The mugger may have pawned it by now.

- Mugger?

- Yeah, I was mugged.

I didn't really leave my stuff anywhere.

I just didn't realize it,

or maybe didn't want to realize it.

- Huh.

Well maybe I can help.

Let's see.

So you said vintage jewelry, right?

- Mhm.

- Okay, so over here on 5th street there's a pawn shop that

usually has like vintage jewelry, some really old coins,

and I am pretty sure that they deal in stolen goods.

- That is Loot Booty.

- Yeah.

- I went there already.

The owner yelled at me, and I might be banned from there.

(Norman chuckles)

- You should go at night, because Ricky's usually working.

He doesn't yell, much nicer.

- And do you know all this because?

- Let's just say that I've been in your

shoes more times than I care to admit.

I'm an adventurous sort of guy.

Alright, I also do my fair share of coin collecting,

so I know about that side of it too.

- Really?

My dad was really into it.

Yeah, when I was a kid he used to take me to all the shows,

and every night without fail we would go through his change.

I still have a box filled to the brim.

It's not worth anything but, you know.

- Hey do you want me to go to this

pawn shop with you Left Boob?

- It's Natalie.

- Natalie.

- No, ah thank you, but I should be fine.

- Okay.

Well it just so happens that Ricky is a coffee addict

and I'm his dealer, so.

- Oh, well that's very breaking Starbucks of you.

(chuckles) - Oh nice.

- Yeah I don't know.

Nothing's come through lately

and we don't handle stolen goods, so.

Are you okay?

- Are you sure you're Ricky?

- For the fifth time, Howard is my brother.

- And you're sure you don't have my stuff that was stolen?

I'm not gonna tell anybody.

And I'm not the fuzz or anything.

(Ricky chuckles)

- A cop?

I didn't think for a second you were a cop.

- Why not.

- I know.

- Is it because I-- - I know.

- Okay, but what if I-- - I know.

(door chimes ring)

- Hey Ant Man.

- Hey Curly Fry. - Thought you could use your

fix for today.

- What are you doing here? - Excuse me,

I forgot to mention one thing.

He has a twin.

So I thought I'd bring some merchandise by,

you know, help make Ricky a little more forthcoming.

- You didn't have to come.

I figured it out.

- You're welcome.

- You guys know each other?

- Yeah.

Yeah, we've known each other for a day,

but ah, you know me, always getting to know my clients.

So Ricky?

- Is there anything you can tell us?

(suspenseful jazz music)

- You did not hear this from me.

The guy you're looking for is named Nick Davenport.

That wasn't a robbery.

It was his signature con called the Good Samaritan.

- [Natalie] The Good Samaritan?

- It's pretty simple, but it sounds like

he has himself a disgruntled partner.

- Wait, you think the girl was in on it?

- Oh most certainly.

See, the problem with Nick

is he thinks he's like God's gift to the grift,

but he can't hold onto a partner to save his life.

- How come?

- Well he's not as good as his ego thinks,

and he tends to work with lady partners, and ladies are

smarter.

But they also hold a grudge when they get burnt.

- Okay, well that explains the serious beatdown,

but I don't know, she seemed so sweet.

- Ricky, you got that inventory list?

- Ah!

- Women. (chuckles)

She does that.

Hey.

You okay?

I mean I tried catching up with you,

but you've got like light speed on that Vespa.

- Sorry.

When I'm in scary or uncomfortable situations

I either run away or forget to breathe.

- You forget to?

Sorry.

You should really work on that.

(nervous chuckle) - Yeah.

- Oh hey, um, actually speaking of which,

you know what might help you is that this weekend,

yeah, this weekend I'm going to this

like boot camp survival thing.

I don't know, you don't have to say yes.

I just thought maybe you'd like to go with me.

It might help.

- Thank you.

- But?

- But that doesn't really sound like my kind of thing.

- Okay.

Okay, well I mean I just, you know I thought I'd ask.

- I need to use the loo, but I'll be right back.

Ooh. - Ooh, pardon me.

You okay?

Guess I should be more careful next time.

Or maybe not.

I must've really shaken you up there.

(Natalie inhales sharply)

You don't speak?

Hmph, seems the universe keeps

throwing women at me that can't.

Or won't.

Say eh, you wouldn't be in need of a job, would ya?

Alright.

Well it was nice bumping into you.

And you have a pleasant evening.

- Are you okay? (Natalie exhales)

- The guy!

The mugger guy, that was him!

I just,

I froze.

He talked to me for like ever,

and I just stood there frozen like something that's frozen!

- Look, maybe it's a good thing that he got away.

You know.

There's no telling what he would have done.

- You know what I'll do?

I'll just stake this place out.

He obviously comes here.

He'll come back and I'll get him then.

- And do what?

Hold your breath until you faint?

Look Natalie, I understand that this

stuff might have sentimental value to you,

but maybe it's time you just let it go.

You know, forget about the six-fingered man.

- No.

I can't, I just,

I need,

you know what?

Let's do the booty camp thing.

Boot camp, I meant to say boot camp.

- It's Apocalyptic Zombie Boot Camp to be precise.

- [Instructor] So I welcome you to your survival.

- Where did you hear about this?

- I got a coupon from the pennysaver.

- The four mottoes that we will teach you here, at the

very least, will give you a fighting chance out there.

(gun clicks)

- Woah, woah!

No! - Ah!

I surrender!

- [Instructor] Always have a plan with an exit strategy.

- Ah!

- No!

You're supposed to shoot, not run!

- Face everything straight on.

There's no standing on the sidelines of the apocalypse.

Join the group.

Life or death?

Life or death, it's not a hard question.

- Um, I prefer cake.

- Eddie Izzard, that's clever.

Actually, why don't you help me

demonstrate this next move for the class.

Oh you can do it, come on.

Come on, it won't hurt.

So class,

let's say that the attacker grabs you from behind.

This is done in one motion.

No hesitation.

Take the attacker's hand.

Go ahead.

Take it, take the hand, there you go.

Twist the wrist so it doesn't break off,

turn and flip, okay?

So let's try with a partner

right up until just before the flip.

Hang on sweetheart.

Right over here.

Let's uh, go ahead, right here.

Let's see what you got, right here.

Let's see what you got.

Just take it slow.

Woah, oh!

- Oh, I am so sorry.

Are you okay? - Okay.

Okay.

Okay class, back at it, okay.

Okay, let's uh, let's do this again.

Let's uh, right here.

Just go ahead, let's see uh,

only this time it's gonna be more like the real thing.

Agh!

(Instructor grunts)

I think you're a,

I think you're a natural,

or naturally lethal.

(zombies groaning) (paintball pings)

- Are you guys okay?

(gunshot bangs)

- So if you leave here with those four mottoes,

and knowing that the only person that can save you

is you, then you will leave here with a survivalist's heart.

- I'm like two seconds away from hitting this water, right?

And I hear Carlos say, "Close your mouth!"

And I close it, it's a good thing too,

because all of a sudden, bam, water!

I would have just like drank a ton.

Anyway, so uh, and then I did my fair

share of acting for a number of years.

- Oh that's cool.

Were you in anything?

- I got my resume right here.

(both laugh)

- I can't imagine doing any of that.

- You know what I believe?

I believe that life's too short,

and that you should just dabble.

- Dabble? - Yeah.

I'm a dabbler.

Yeah, life's too short, you know?

Seize the day.

Because here's the thing,

you never know when it's all gonna end.

Wine?

- Only if there is a battle of wits to follow.

- Oh no you didn't.

- [Natalie] Shall it begin?

- Oh no you didn't.

Yeah, uh, let's see.

I think I left my iocane powder at my other pirate pouch.

- So you're like a real Princess Bride aficionado?

- Oh my goodness.

It's that obvious you just got that?

(laughs) - Okay, you're gonna love this then,

my brother's nickname for me is from that movie.

- Wait, wait, no don't tell me.

Fezzik?

No I'm just kidding, Vizzini?

- Ha, ha, ha, you're so funny.

- I'm thinkin' R-O-U-S.

(Natalie laughs) No, oh my gosh!

Buttercup?

Right?

Okay.

So it's just you and him now?

- Yeah, I'm not sure for how long though.

- [Norman] He's not a family kind of guy?

- This whole elaborate scavenger

hunt is just delaying the inevitable.

My parents didn't leave him anything.

- Nothing?

Ouch.

- Yeah, ouch.

- [Norman] And you haven't told him?

- No.

He would've been out the door,

or he would have asked me to do exactly as I did.

I halved my inheritance and planned on giving it to him,

but then by pure luck I got mugged.

- Okay, you know that muggings

aren't normally considered a good thing?

(laughs) - Of course, but if I

had given him the money then he'd be gone.

Never ever to come back.

Ever.

Leaving me um,

anyway now I'm thinking I can use it as leverage.

- [Norman] How so?

- I wanna open a boarding house.

- Oh cool.

- Yeah, and he knows business, so I'm thinking I can

offer him part of my inheritance if he'll stay and help.

- So like bribe him? - What, no?

- That's what it sounds like.

- Okay maybe, sort of, a little bit.

- Look, why don't you just, why don't

you just take a chance and ask him to stay?

He might surprise you.

Plus it might be better to just tell him the truth.

Plus, I don't think you should have to give him anything.

- But um,

he needs money badly.

Like breaking badly.

- Ah, so there's the real rope.

So it's either, just so I understand, it's either

find Nick or give up your inheritance and your dream?

- I know, it sounds absurd.

- No, you're just trying to be a good sister,

which is inconceivable.

- I do not think that word means what you think it means.

- Yes.

Nice timing.

Ugh, you're awesome.

- I'm glad we got to go on a proper date.

After you know, training for the Zombie Apocalypse.

- You definitely make my Zombie Apocalypse survival squad.

I'd pick you.

- Aww. (Natalie laughs)

- [Norman] Yeah, you made it.

I'll get you a plaque.

You shoot with your eyes closed which is pretty cool.

- Did you forget about me?

- What?

No, I just went on a date.

- [Luke] All weekend?

- Yeah, so?

- [Luke] I thought you were supposed to help me.

- Technically I was.

I spent the entire weekend training to,

nevermind.

- Come here, sit down.

Look, let's forget that other stuff.

Maybe we can brainstorm about something else.

- Like what?

The house?

- [Luke] Yeah, why not?

You don't really wanna do this whole boarding house thing.

- Really?

And what, give you half?

- That is a great idea, I hadn't thought of that.

- Luke.

This has been my dream ever since I was little.

You know that.

To give people a home and a family.

- Aw family!

You want to make complete strangers into a family?

It's always your little date there the start of it.

- Maybe it was.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe he's moving in tomorrow and maybe he's got

five kids and maybe he wants two more, but you know what,

I like even numbers so I think we're gonna try for three

and round it off at eight and then we can get one of those

cool little stickers on the back of our family Suburban!

- Okay, okay, it was just an idea.

Don't have a hissy fit.

Look, why don't we just split everything

in the safety deposit box in half.

That seems fair.

- Yeah, it would be fair if I hadn't already done that.

Luke,

mom and dad left you nothing.

Okay, nada, zilch, diddly squat.

So if it wasn't for me, you'd still be getting nothing.

- You're serious?

Hmm.

I never should've came back to this town.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

Just seeing my possible futures.

It's scary either way it goes.

If he stays, it'll probably be good for a few months,

and then he'll start skimming off the books,

and before I know it the bank will be taking the house,

and everyone will be out of a home, and he'll be gone.

- That sound like the life you wanna live?

- But maybe he'll change.

- Does a scorpion change its nature?

Maybe it's time to get the inheritance back for yourself,

and not for him.

- You're right.

- [Norman] I know.

- You're absolutely right. - Yup.

- I can do this.

- Good, 'cause your boyfriend just walked in.

(Natalie inhales sharply)

Take a breath Natalie.

(Natalie exhales)

- Okay, okay. - Good.

- My plan, just go up to him,

introduce myself, remind him that he assaulted me,

and ask him where my parents' things are.

And if he won't tell me, call the police.

Easy peasy.

- What if he resists?

- Go zombie apocalypse on his ass.

- I like it.

Do you want some help, 'cause he's leaving.

- No.

No.

I can do this.

- Go.

(jazz music)

(classical orchestral music)

- [Woman] Miss?

Only couples on the dance floor.

- Come here.

Okay? - Yeah.

(classical orchestral music)

Oh.

- You okay? - Yeah.

Woah! - Wah!

Sparkles, oh goodness!

He's getting further away.

Okay this is ridiculous, come on.

Hi, hi, can we cut in here?

Your shirt reminds me of my sister, hello.

- Shall we?

We should.

- Woah.

You have my parents.

I mean actually you have their stuff, jewelry mostly,

and a cool little puzzle box,

but that's too much information.

Anyway, it was theirs, that you stole from me,

mugged me for it, and if you could just give it back

to me then I won't have to call the police,

and I really don't want to call the police.

Woah!

- Hey.

How'd it go?

- Well, I didn't hold my breath, that's for sure.

I just kind of babbled incoherently at him.

- That's great.

That sounds amazing. - It's not great.

- No, it's not that great.

It's like full spin.

Tap, tap, tap.

- Nice.

- Having fun?

- Uh yeah, kinda.

I danced with Nick, but he got away.

- Who?

- Oh the mugger, the one who stole everything.

- So you just went aft, oh, hey okay, well that was uh,

so then you were just gonna try to catch this guy

and hope he cooperates?

Ugh.

Nah, forget it, forget about the jewelry.

I do not want to see you get hurt, okay.

I'm just gonna go and accept what comes.

Don't worry about it.

- No, but of course I'm gonna worry about it!

Are you talking about getting hurt?

Luke come on, don't be like that.

What's going on?

- I'm in a little bit of trouble.

I'm behind on a few debts.

I was hoping the inheritance could cover it, that's all.

- Can't believe you guys are related.

- Hey, what's this?

- No, no, no, don't pick up trash, don't.

That is gross.

- That's my bank.

Hey, wasn't Nick standing here earlier?

- Do you really think that that belonged to Nick?

You're planning on going there, aren't you?

- Probably.

It couldn't hurt.

- Fine, then I'll meet you there.

- No. - Mhm.

- I mean, no, because it's probably nothing.

And besides, you have helped quite enough already.

- You're trying to get rid of me.

- No.

This is nothing.

- Alright, well promise me that if it is something

that you'll like,

you know?

You know what that means?

Alright, and then maybe we will meet

tomorrow and talk about it over sushi?

- I love sushi.

(crickets chirping)

(dogs barking, squealing)

- Hey.

Thought you could use some moral support.

- Oh that's sweet, but we talked about this.

What are you doing here?

You don't think I can do this.

- No, it's,

no, no Natalie!

Of course I think you can do anything.

That no was like a no,

how could you think I think that kind of no!

Not no, you're a woman.

- Stop following me, and don't come in.

I can do this on my own.

What are you doing here?

- You need to leave.

- What, I can't.

- Trust me, you're being set up.

- How do you know?

- I know.

- But how do you?

- I know.

- You're part of it?

- Yes, but, sort of.

The problem is I don't know his plan.

(dogs squeal)

- Maybe something to do with dogs.

- Tom!

Get these dogs, hurry up!

(Natalie gasps) - Hello sweetheart.

Why don't we talk a walk.

You keep the chaos going, and we'll be right back.

Woah.

That was interesting.

- [Natalie] Maybe we can try that again?

- Alice, you have a job.

- You got your nerves under better control than yesterday.

You were so cute during our dance.

Just couldn't handle being so close to me, huh?

- Ew, no!

- Even better than at the coffee shop,

when you had no words.

- What?

Have you been stalking me?

You want me to open it?

- That's usually how you get things out of a lockbox.

- Why don't you just take the bank's money?

It's worth more than my stuff.

- If I wanted the bank's money,

I would've come in here guns a-blastin'.

But you and I both know I'm not a bank robber.

- Okay, this is a federal crime.

You do this and you go to big boy jail.

- Just open the box please,

and let me worry about my future love life.

- But why mine?

Why only

mine?

- Open it.

Now.

(dogs squeal)

- Hey.

I know who you are.

I know where you hang out.

All I have to do is tell the police.

- Yeah, well you're not gonna say a word.

Otherwise someone you know will get hurt badly.

- How do you know Luke?

- Hey Natalie, you okay?

Gun!

- No, no Joe, it's alright!

He's not a murderer, he's just a con artist.

- You got that right.

- [Alice] Natalie, are you okay?

- Everyone we've spoken to thus far says it

sounded like you know the thief in question.

- Did they?

- Yes.

And because your items were the only items

stolen from the bank, I'm led to believe you

had to have some connection with him.

- I really can't say.

- Ms. Conway, we really can't catch this

guy unless you tell us everything you know.

Is there anyone else you might think is involved?

- Nope.

- Okay, well

if you do think of something that might be helpful,

you know who to call.

- Ghostbusters?

- Hey, hey, Jumpin' Jack Flash just started.

Grab some couch.

- Having a brother like you really makes

me think I'd be better off without a family!

- Woah.

- I'm gonna ask you this once, and please be honest with me.

- Did you hire Nick to steal from me?

- No.

- Then how is it that he knows you, he just so

happens to know me, and all about my inheritance?

- Buttercup, calm-- - Stop it!

I knew you were up to something, but I didn't

know it was to steal my entire inheritance.

Well you got it.

Nick took the whole box.

- You,

ugh.

It's all been stolen?

- Stop it, don't play dumb!

- Buttercup, Natalie, I don't know

what you're talking about.

Now yes, that is absolutely something

I might be involved with.

I'll admit that.

But not with my baby sister.

- How can you even call me your sister?

You haven't seen me or spoken to me in years.

- You're right.

You're right, I should've tried harder.

But to think you actually believe I would do this to you,

that really, that just kills me.

What do you want me to say Nat, I'm a screw up.

- Well if it wasn't you,

then how do you explain Nick stealing only my box?

- I owe a lot of people money, okay, including Nick,

but he's not the worst of it.

There's this other guy, the demon of Soho.

(Natalie scoffs)

- The demon of Soho, really?

- Yes really.

I know, it's a bad name, but he's really bad news.

You can google him if you want to.

I might've mentioned coming into some money.

Okay, maybe I mentioned it to a few people.

Maybe I made a promise or two, but I didn't set this up.

They're just very motivated people.

It wouldn't have been hard for them to hire

Nick to pull something like this off!

Now did you, did you speak to the police?

- Of course.

But I didn't tell them anything.

- Okay, that's good.

That's good, you know, play it safe.

- Yeah.

That's why I did it.

Nothing to do with protecting you.

- I'm really sorry Natalie.

(gentle somber music)

- Hey.

Norman will be your server.

You should try our brand new I'm really sorry espresso.

I made it from my heart.

- I'm sorry too.

Yesterday was a complete disaster.

- Sorry to hear.

So what's up with the mustache?

(crickets chirping)

(jazz music)

- [Nick] Now do you deal in old ceramics?

- You mean like vases and stuff?

- [Nick] Yeah.

- Possibly.

We'd have to see 'em.

- I'll bring it in in a couple of days.

I'm making a huge exchange at Wilder's tomorrow.

- [Ricky] Alright, what time?

- 8 p.m. on the dot.

- And whereabouts?

- [Nick] Food court.

- Oh, by the Chinese place?

- [Nick] No, right in front of the subs.

Wait a second.

What's with all the questions?

- Just curious.

I'm writing a novel.

It's all in the details.

- Hm.

Alright.

See you soon.

- So did you get all that?

- How'd you know it was me?

- Because you look like you with

a ball cap and a fake mustache.

- That bad huh?

Wait, you asked all those questions for me?

Aww.

Thanks!

- So you think that Nick is the one that did all this?

- I don't know.

But I'm going to find out.

I need your help.

- Yeah.

- And hers.

- Oh, ah, I'll let you talk.

- You got my note?

- Did you get mine?

- You go first.

- I'm really sorry.

I should have warned you

and I should have done more at the bank.

- You don't owe me an apology.

We're not friends.

Oh wait, no, please don't do that, please don't cry.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, really I didn't.

- Really? - Really.

But I have to be able to trust you so

pinkie swear that you're not working for my brother.

- I've never done a pinkie swear before.

- Awesome.

So I need your help.

- With what?

- I wanna run the Good Samaritan.

- Really? - Uh-huh.

Or maybe it's the Bad Samaritan, or maybe

I should call it the Conway Curve since it's my plan.

Do you ever shop at Wilder's?

- All the time.

- That's where Nick is making the exchange.

- In a public shopping mall?

Cool.

- Hey, so are you guys like besties or what?

These are dirty.

Um okay, so isn't this gonna be a little bit dangerous?

- Oh Alice don't worry, this is my boy.

My boy Norman who is my friend,

and he already knows everything.

- You were gonna say boyfriend, weren't you?

- Nope.

- You were gonna say boyfriend.

- Mm-mm.

- You can call me your boyfriend.

- Anyway, it could actually get a little dangerous.

- That's okay.

I'll protect you.

You've seen my moves.

I've got moves.

- I have moves now too, right Norman?

- It's kinda like a talent.

- So, are we gonna do this?

Um, could I talk to you later?

- Yeah.

Yeah, well have fun storming the food court.

(security guard clears his throat)

- We're not allowed to have any sugar.

Shh.

(both laugh)

So Alice, so you're really a con woman?

- Yeah.

It's in my DNA.

My mom, she doesn't do it anymore, but

she was one of the best.

- What about your dad?

- My parents are divorced.

My dad and uncle own a pawn shop on 5th.

They sell stolen goods.

Yeah, Ricky gave you Nick's name, also to help my mom.

- Wait, but you were involved.

- Oh, they didn't know at first.

- You know, he also helped me get this information.

He really came, this is really happening!

- Is he with someone?

- I didn't see anybody.

Oh no wait, there is somebody.

- Do you think that's your brother?

- Doesn't matter what I think.

Plan goes either way.

- Good.

Just don't pass out.

Remember to breathe.

Mm!

Oh man! - Shh!

Take your tongue, eh, put it on the roof of your mouth.

Takes away the brain freeze.

- That is so cool.

I'm gonna try that again.

Mm.

We should check.

- We missed it.

- No, look.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

We have to be discreet.

Let's keep our distance.

(jazz music)

- Oh! - Ooh!

Oh my gosh.

(jazz music)

- I am so sorry.

Oh!

Okay, what doctor are you?

No wait, let me guess.

Oh!

(jazz music)

Let's go.

(soft music)

(jazz music)

- Hey!

Let go!

Luke?

- Buttercup?

What are you doing here?

- What do you think?

- I was, I was bringing that to you!

- Yeah right! - I'm serious!

- I'm not an idiot! - I'm serious!

Ow, okay, alright, just let me explain!

Natalie, give me the bag!

Give me the bag.

Ow, oh!

(Luke groans)

- Woah.

That is talent.

(Luke groans)

- I never meant to do any of this to you.

- Oh, suffering from a compulsion disorder now!

- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

- I believed you!

I believed every stupid lie!

How could you do this to me?

- I'm sorry.

Okay, I didn't know what else to do.

I'm in real trouble here.

- Quit it, just quit it Luke!

Okay, I've had enough.

I am fed up, just admit it.

- I'm telling you the truth.

Okay and these guys, they mean business.

- Oh who?

The devil of Soho, you're still going with that?

- The demon of Soho!

(dramatic music)

You know what I am here for.

- I owe money to whoever Parenli sent you to collect, right?

- [Demon Of Soho] What's in the bag?

- Nothing.

It's just my sister's shopping.

I know you don't believe me, but I'm really sorry Natalie.

Ah, look,

just let my sister and her friend go.

They have nothing to do with the business we have.

- Wait.

How much does he owe?

- Too much.

- This bag, it contains items that

are well worth whatever it is that he owes.

You can have it in exchange for Luke.

- Natalie, no!

- Well?

It is my entire inheritance.

- Buttercup.

- I never thought that you could

do anything like this to me.

But I was naive, and that's my fault.

And you're never gonna change, are you?

Goodbye Luke.

- I'm really sorry Natalie, about all your stuff.

I didn't mean--

- Oh it's, it's fine, it's okay, we tried.

Just means that I will have to work overtime

and watch a lot more do it yourself shows.

- I am really good with a paintbrush.

I live for HGTV.

- Oh, well then.

So this is what I have to work with.

(rumbling)

(spooky suspenseful music)

That's weird.

(spooky suspenseful music)

Maybe in the kitchen.

(Natalie gasps) - Agh, oh!

- Oh my god.

- Agh, have you been practicing?

- Woah, woah, woah, woah! - Oh no, wait, wait, wait!

Woah, wait, wait, wait.

- You're getting real good at that.

Hah!

- What's going on?

- Alice, I'd like you to meet my backup plan.

- I'm sorry about your table.

Hi.

- But how?

- There you go.

Oh.

Ah.

- Your boyfriend?

- I just wasn't sure that you were on the up and up,

so I recruited him just in case.

- No way?

Wait, so you?

- Oh I conned you.

And Luke, yeah, sorry about that.

- No, no it's cool, it's totally cool.

But there is a real demon of Soho, right?

- Oh yeah, he's real, you can google him.

But you saw my brother.

He was just as surprised as you were.

- Huh.

And he really looks like that?

- Oh, I have no clue.

This was Norman's idea.

- Yeah.

So basically I put myself into the shoes of someone

that would call themselves the demon of Soho,

and I guess I improvised a little.

- It worked for me.

- Just goes to show that Luke has never seen him either.

Big fat liar.

- You know, you might be a con woman after all.

DNA. - No.

No, no, no, no, no.

This is my first and last scheme.

I feel terrible that Luke is out

there somewhere thinking that he's off the hook.

- No you don't.

- You're right, I don't.

(all laugh)

- My back still hurts.

I should never sneak up on you.

- No.

- Mhm.

Oh.

I'll give you three 50.

- $350,000?

- $3.50, you moron.

- What?

- It's a replica.

- It says made in China!

(ceramics splinter)

(electric sander buzzes)

- Hey Natalie.

Just wanted to come say goodbye.

So what, are you remodeling the coffee table?

Listen, I didn't wanna leave without saying thank you

for what you did yesterday.

- Um, about that.

(Nick chuckles)

- Nicely done.

You might be a better con artist than me.

- Not even close. - Mm.

- Luke, I love you.

I really do.

So I'm gonna make you this offer once.

If you wanna try and make us a family again, then stay

and help me run the boarding house.

You can make a fresh start

and I'll help with half of my inheritance.

But if you go back to your old ways,

I'm done.

- That sounds really great.

And I appreciate you giving me a second chance, but--

- You're a scorpion.

I get it.

- Yeah.

- Thank you for being honest.

(gentle somber music)

- You take care Natalie.

- Buttercup.

I'll always be buttercup to you.

- What's in the bag is for you.

- Oh, I have something for you too!

- I remember this.

Dad always kept it on his desk.

- He left it for you.

- A wooden box?

And here I thought the guy was heartless.

- For a smartypants con artist

you sure don't know how to see beyond your nose.

It's tough to part with it, but I think dad knew that

you were better equipped to deal with it than I am.

- Buttercup, are you sure?

- 100% positive.

- After everything I put you through?

- Yes.

But it is a federal crime if you get caught

selling this baby, so leave me out of it.

We're even.

(gentle somber music)

- Stay out of trouble kiddo.

- You too.

(gentle somber music)

(upbeat music)

- Hey guys.

Hey.

- Hey. - What a game.

Another one.

- Oh look, he finally made it.

- [Norman] Hey sweetie?

Can I get some of that tea please?

- As you wish.

("A New Day" by Scouting For Girls)

- Ah!

Woah.

- FBI!

(loud thwap)

("Brand New Day" by Guy Forsyth)