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1
00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:25,000
Mum? Mum?
2
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,200
Mum?
3
00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:30,900
Mum?
4
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:33,800
Mum?
5
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,100
Mum?
6
00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:40,700
Mum? Mum?
7
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,400
Mum?
8
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,900
You all right?
9
00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:56,100
I was just thinking about Poppy.
10
00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,500
She was me only friend.
11
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Aw, Mum. I'm your friend.
12
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:10,300
You're not a friend.
You're just a relative.
13
00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:13,900
I'm 34 years old!
14
00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:17,500
And I've found someone who likes me,
and I like him,
15
00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:19,400
and I'm going on holiday with him.
16
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,600
You're running away
17
00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,800
from your... guilt!
18
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,800
Don't do that with Poppy's lead, Mum.
19
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,400
You've always had lovely hair, Tina.
20
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,900
It is quite thick, isn't it?
21
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:49,400
Yes.
22
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:54,200
I've always admired your hair
being thick, because mine's so thin.
23
00:03:55,700 --> 00:04:01,400
I think you might have a few split ends.
Better watch that.
24
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,600
- Any more bags you want taking?
- Well,
25
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:09,500
- I might want a couple more towels.
- No, not in there.
26
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,300
You didn't tell me
your mum was an artist.
27
00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:14,500
What?
28
00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:16,400
Look at these.
29
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,200
Chris, don't go in there.
30
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,400
Why not?
- Come out. Chris.
31
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,100
What's going on?
32
00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:24,700
I'm just admiring
your artwork, Carol. It's fantastic.
33
00:04:24,700 --> 00:04:26,900
I don't want anyone in my room.
34
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:28,700
Chris was just saying how talented
he thinks you are, Mum.
35
00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:32,000
It's my private sanctum.
I don't want anybody looking.
36
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,600
Well, no one's looking
in your sanctum, Mum.
37
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,800
So I'll just... Shall I leave you, then,
to look at your brushes?
38
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,500
I'll just sit for a few minutes, yes.
39
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:43,000
- Okay.
- I could do with a cup of tea.
40
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,200
- I'll get you one, Mum.
- That'd be nice.
41
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:48,000
- I'm shutting the door now.
- That's okay.
42
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,500
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
43
00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:51,600
Okay, Mum, bye.
44
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,000
Bye.
45
00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:55,400
- All right?
- Yeah.
46
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:56,800
Good.
47
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:03,100
- I've always wanted a boy in my bed.
- Come on.
48
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:04,800
- Have you?
- Yeah. I was never allowed.
49
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,400
I've always wanted to be in this bed.
50
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,700
- This is Jonty.
- Oh, he's putting me off.
51
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:20,900
- I like this room.
- Do you?
52
00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:22,600
- Mmm.
- I hate it.
53
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,100
Why?
54
00:05:26,900 --> 00:05:28,600
Well, I like the bits.
55
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:30,100
Makes me think of you
when you were a kid.
56
00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:33,900
At the same time, if it was
all destroyed, I'd be quite happy.
57
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:35,900
So what were you like
when you were a little kid, then?
58
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:38,700
- Unhappy.
- You didn't like school?
59
00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:40,500
- I know, nor me.
60
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,600
What were you like at school, Chris?
61
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,500
I wasn't like anything.
I was, like, invisible.
62
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:48,200
What about you being ginger?
63
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,400
Weli, that's a problem, yeah.
64
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,200
That's not invisible, is it?
65
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,500
No, but I wanted to be.
66
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:58,700
Oh, I don't think it's safe
going off with him.
67
00:05:58,700 --> 00:06:00,600
It is safe!
68
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:05,600
I know about all kinds of people who've
had very bad experiences in caravans.
69
00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:07,000
Like who?
70
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,400
Well, Louise.
71
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,600
She fell out of it, didn't she?
72
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:15,300
Oh, I don't know. I mean, you've gone
far too fast with him far too soon.
73
00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:17,000
You hardly know him.
74
00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:22,300
You look like you...
you don't trust him.
75
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,900
I don't.
76
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:25,400
Just let him get on with it.
77
00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:28,200
Well, I'd like to know
what he's getting on with.
78
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:31,200
- Well, he's packing.
- How much of our stuff has he got?
79
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:36,400
Mum, he hasn't got any of your stuff.
Don't be silly.
80
00:06:39,300 --> 00:06:42,700
- All right, uh, toothbrush?
- Yeah.
81
00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:44,300
- And a sponge?
- Yeah.
82
00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:46,400
- Umbrella?
- Yes.
83
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,100
- Uh, wash bag?
- Yes.
84
00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:52,600
- What's that? What's that?
- Potpourri.
85
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,900
And what are you bringing that for?
We don't need potpourri.
86
00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:58,400
I don't think I could cope
without potpourri, Chris.
87
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,900
You're gonna have a woman's touch
on this holiday, Chris.
88
00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:02,500
Yeah, that's what I'm hoping.
89
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:04,100
Oh, Chris.
Don't look at my bum.
90
00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:06,300
- I'm not looking at your bum.
- You are.
91
00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,200
- Just son' of loomed into my vision.
92
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,200
Milady.
93
00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:19,700
- Bye, Mum.
- You'll be back.
94
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:21,600
I will, Mum, in a week.
95
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:25,100
Okay, well, we'll see you then, Carol.
96
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:27,900
I'll bring her back safe,
don't you worry.
97
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:31,000
Hey, I understand
you collect snow globes.
98
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,600
I don't like you.
99
00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:37,500
Okay, well, see you, then.
100
00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:41,900
Show me your world, Chris.
101
00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:44,100
Well, I thought we'd start
with Crich Tram Museum.
102
00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:46,700
- Great.
- Murderer.
103
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,900
It was an accident, Mum.
104
00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:50,300
So were you.
105
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,200
Don't listen to her.
106
00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:32,200
Ii For I toss and turn
I can't sleep at night
107
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:04,300
That's, uh, 32.99.
108
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,000
- Extra strong.
- How can you?
109
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,700
Ah, sharpens the mind.
110
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,200
Poppy loved mints.
111
00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:19,000
- They gave her the runs.
- Mint me.
112
00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:48,900
- Hold tight, please.
113
00:09:53,700 --> 00:09:55,800
So, ladies and gentlemen,
this is, um,
114
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:59,600
one of about 1,200 tram cars
of this type, of type E1,
115
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:03,400
built, um, by London County Council
116
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,400
from about 1912 onwards.
117
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:10,400
Out of those 1,200 trams,
only two have survived.
118
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:15,500
You know, mobility,
the key to personal opportunity.
119
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:19,300
It's why I favour the Abbey Oxford
as a caravan.
120
00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:21,600
So I'm the captain of me own fate.
121
00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:28,200
Excuse me, you dropped your wrapper.
122
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:30,900
Your wrapper.
123
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:43,100
I said, you dropped your wrapper.
124
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:47,800
You see that? Do you see that?
125
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:11,200
You just
don't expect to see that, do you?
126
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:14,200
No. He was a pig, Chris.
127
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,900
He was a pig in clothes.
I don't want this to ruin our holiday.
128
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:19,500
You expect that of a kid
who doesn't know any better.
129
00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:21,000
- But that's a bloody grown man.
130
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,800
He must be, what, 35,
something like that?
131
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:25,400
- Yeah, you don't expect it.
- Behaving like that in front of...
132
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,100
- He's setting an example to kids...
- I know, it's terrible.
133
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:29,500
And we're in a place where there's...
It's a bloody heritage place.
134
00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:31,000
- I know. Shh. I know.
- I just cannot...
135
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,500
Maybe you'll feel better
if you have a scone.
136
00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:34,000
- No. No.
- Do you want a scone?
137
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,800
No! They've not been preserved
for hundreds of years
138
00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,700
- so that wankers like that...
- Shh. Shh.
139
00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:39,800
...can use them like a bloody toilet!
140
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,700
Tina Read
to the Visitor Information Centre.
141
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:44,200
Stop telling me to shush.
It's putting me on edge.
142
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:47,100
Miss Tina Read,
your mother's on the phone.
143
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,700
I'm gonna have to go
and see what's wrong.
144
00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:52,200
Yeah.
145
00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:54,000
Wait here, won't you?
146
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:23,000
I'm not gonna be able to enjoy
the museum if you're in this state.
147
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,700
I'll have to come home, then.
148
00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:29,100
Chris is up there, he's looking at me.
I don't...
149
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,800
Well, no! I'm gonna have...
150
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,900
Well, I'm gonna have to come back, Mum,
'cause I can't leave you in this state.
151
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:47,800
- Hey, what's up? Oh, come on, what's up?
152
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,800
Hey. What's happened?
153
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:54,000
- What'd she say?
We have to go home.
154
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,500
Why? What, because of her?
155
00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:00,200
Blue John mines tomorrow. Pencil Museum.
156
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:01,900
I know how much you wanted to see that.
157
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:07,600
Got some vouchers as well.
Two-for-one restaurant deal.
158
00:13:08,900 --> 00:13:11,500
They expire in a week.
It's now or never.
159
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:25,000
He just stepped out, Chris,
and it wasn't your fault.
160
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,100
Maybe you're right.
161
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:33,600
I just feel so
devastated for his family, you know?
162
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:38,400
- Maybe your mother was right.
- About what?
163
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,000
About everything!
164
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:41,900
About everything.
165
00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:46,400
- Chris...
- He's ruined the Tram Museum for me now.
166
00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,800
Mint me.
167
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,500
What?
168
00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:05,200
You heard me. Mint me.
169
00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:48,200
"Dear Mum, I'm not coming home."
170
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:51,200
"Yorkshire is lovely.
Not like you said at all."
171
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,900
"They can smile,
and they do sell my pasta sauce."
172
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:58,600
"The caravan bed is quite short,
but Chris is a sensitive lover."
173
00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:02,000
"Hope you can be happy for me.
Love, Tina."
174
00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:17,600
Right, well,
they've only got two spots left.
175
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:21,100
One by the Dingley Dell
and one by the bogs.
176
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,400
Um, he's going for Dingley Dell.
177
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,100
Chris, I want Dingley Dell.
178
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:27,700
I'm gonna get this bloody Dingley Dell.
179
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,800
- Can't we go around it?
- Just hold on, I'm gonna do it.
180
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,600
- Go around them. Go around.
- We'll make it.
181
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,600
- Go that way.
- I will, just wait there, wait...
182
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,800
- Just go around it.
- Okay! Hold on.
183
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,400
Oh, Chris! Don't look at them, Chris.
184
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,400
Oh, I just...
185
00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:48,300
Fuck you!
186
00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:52,200
I am the best. Get in.
187
00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:56,100
- Now, see that?
- Yes.
188
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:59,300
Plug that into that
little hole over there. Right?
189
00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:01,100
Why?
190
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,400
You don't need to know why. Just do it.
191
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,600
- Okay?
- The little hole.
192
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:12,500
The little hole.
193
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:17,500
Turn it round so that fits
in that little bit there.
194
00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:19,000
- That hole...
- No, I wanna do it.
195
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,000
- Okay.
- This is a ridiculous plug, this.
196
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,000
Never seen anything like it.
197
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:28,900
There we go.
198
00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:30,400
- I did it.
- Brilliant.
199
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,100
I'll just sort that out.
200
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,500
Chris?
201
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,500
What?
202
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:44,300
It's a bit eerie, isn't it?
203
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,300
Yeah, I suppose it is, yeah.
204
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:49,200
I didn't think it would kill him,
did you, Chris?
205
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,600
Well, there's loads of stuff
under a caravan that'll kill you.
206
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,700
I'll have nightmares
about that tonight now.
207
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:57,800
Oh, you're not gonna go under a caravan,
are you?
208
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,400
You're gonna be in the driving seat.
209
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:02,400
In the car, with me.
210
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,500
Well, not driving.
I mean, in the passenger seat.
211
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:08,400
I'll do the driving.
212
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,800
Bit of a mess, actually.
213
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,700
There we go, good as new.
214
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:24,000
This is exactly
how I imagined it.
215
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,500
There's no one sticking their nose in.
216
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,000
No one penetrating the mind.
217
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,800
I'll have to sort
all of this out all again.
218
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,000
Take the noble English oak,
Old Knobbley.
219
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:40,700
That won't stab you in the back
or belittle your five-year plan.
220
00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:42,700
I mean, where am I supposed to put that?
221
00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:44,400
- That tree won't...
- There isn't anywhere.
222
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,200
- There's just no surfaces.
- ...steal things that belong to you
223
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,000
and put them in another place
just to piss you off.
224
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:52,400
That tree won't involve itself
in low-level bullying
225
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,000
that means you have to leave work.
226
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,500
I've got a confession to make.
227
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:02,100
Chris. Not a wheat intolerance?
228
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:06,400
No. It's, uh, it's not just
an erotic odyssey we're on.
229
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:09,400
Isn't it?
230
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,100
Well, it is.
I mean, that's a big part of it, but...
231
00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:14,200
Er, I'm writing a book.
232
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:15,800
- Are you?
- Yeah.
233
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:18,100
I thought I'd just have
a bit of a sabbatical.
234
00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:21,800
You know, a bit of time off work
and, you know, find my voice.
235
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,300
But, uh, I've had a bit of a problem
with writer's block.
236
00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:27,100
You know, been...
creative constipation.
237
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:28,900
I hooked up with you at capoeira
238
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:31,900
and I realised you were exactly
what I needed. You know, a muse.
239
00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:33,700
- Am I your muse?
- Yeah.
240
00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:37,100
- Chris!
- How do you feel about that?
241
00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:38,700
I've never been a muse before.
242
00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:43,400
No? I've never had a muse before.
It's great. Yeah.
243
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,400
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
244
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:47,700
- What's the book about?
245
00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:53,300
Just sort of making inroads into
my own mind and taking notes as I go.
246
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:55,000
Do you know what I mean? It's fantastic.
247
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,900
I'm really pleased with
what I've come up with so far.
248
00:19:57,900 --> 00:20:00,200
- Knock, knock.
- Oh, hello.
249
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,700
Settled in?
250
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,300
Yeah, we have, thanks.
Yeah, lovely spot.
251
00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:05,800
- Not bad, is it?
- Yeah.
252
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:09,100
Just doing my rounds.
Sorry about the racket.
253
00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:11,000
- Yeah.
- Festival in the yurt field.
254
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,000
- Who are they?
- Uh, well, they're shaman.
255
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,500
They're sort of priests. Shamans.
They're from Portsmouth, you know.
256
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:19,500
- Uh-huh.
- It's just a little festival.
257
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:21,200
Keeps them all happy, doesn't it?
You know.
258
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,000
And how long are they
gonna be drumming for?
259
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,900
Well, just this evening.
260
00:20:26,700 --> 00:20:27,800
- Okay?
- Thanks a lot, mate.
261
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,100
- All the best.
- Yeah.
262
00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:30,800
- Bye.
- Pleasure.
263
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,800
He seemed nice.
264
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:38,700
Yurts.
265
00:20:56,900 --> 00:20:58,400
There's a stream
down here somewhere.
266
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,300
I need some proper boots, Chris.
267
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,100
Yeah,
brought my last girlfriend.
268
00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:03,500
Oh.
269
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,800
Yeah, I think this was it.
270
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:12,900
This is a ditch, Chris.
271
00:21:22,900 --> 00:21:26,000
I thought he said on the phone
we'd be at the Dingley Dell.
272
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,400
- I know, darling.
- We're right by the loo.
273
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:31,200
- Well, that'll be handy.
- Shall I take some light stuff, darling?
274
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:34,100
- Yeah, that'd be great.
- Sterling Elite 90, isn't it?
275
00:21:34,100 --> 00:21:35,600
Sorry?
276
00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:38,300
Sterling Elite 90.
277
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:40,900
Yeah. Yes.
278
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,300
How'd you find it
on the petrol consumption?
279
00:21:46,100 --> 00:21:48,000
Uh, not too bad, actually.
280
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,700
Takes her less fuel to pull
than some of the older models.
281
00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:55,100
Yeah, you're probably right, yeah.
We use loads of petrol. Don't we, Tina?
282
00:21:55,100 --> 00:21:57,100
Yeah, we love it.
283
00:21:57,100 --> 00:22:02,100
Hey, do you mind if we have
a little look inside? Is that all right?
284
00:22:02,100 --> 00:22:03,600
Um...
285
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,800
- I'll only be a second.
- A quick look wouldn't hurt.
286
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,900
- Yeah.
- Okay. Fine.
287
00:22:07,900 --> 00:22:10,300
We really appreciate it.
Be fantastic to have a look in there.
288
00:22:10,300 --> 00:22:12,300
Sorry, do you mind
just slipping those off?
289
00:22:12,300 --> 00:22:14,600
- I saw you come out of the toilet block.
- Mmm-hmm.
290
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:20,400
It's beautiful in here.
It's just like a hospital.
291
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,100
- It's all oak.
292
00:22:23,900 --> 00:22:25,400
What's this, then?
293
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:26,900
It's a stereo unit.
It's a bit delicate.
294
00:22:26,900 --> 00:22:29,500
- Is it?
- It's German. German.
295
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,100
There's no buttons on it.
296
00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:35,000
Well, it's voice-activated.
Don't... Sorry...
297
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,800
- Poppy.
- You all right, Banjo?
298
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:39,200
Are you in there?
299
00:22:49,300 --> 00:22:51,600
- Tina?
- What?
300
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,200
Have you had all the Senokot?
301
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,700
- No.
302
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,300
- Hello.
- Hi. My name's Chalid Sulinan.
303
00:23:06,300 --> 00:23:09,300
I work for CACSA,
raising money for child soldiers.
304
00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:10,800
No.
305
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,400
- Aren't you naughty?
306
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,300
Okay. I have got some...
307
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:19,800
Poppy. Come on!
308
00:23:21,700 --> 00:23:25,300
She's... She's like that.
Come on! Yeah!
309
00:23:25,300 --> 00:23:27,800
You're distracting me now, Poppy.
Go on.
310
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:37,200
Oh, my God! Tina!
311
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,500
Poppy.
312
00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:44,500
Do you mind not opening that one?
Sorry, do you mind not opening that one?
313
00:23:44,900 --> 00:23:46,300
God... No!
314
00:23:47,700 --> 00:23:49,600
We don't give him junk food!
315
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:57,900
Poor boy.
316
00:23:57,900 --> 00:24:00,300
- Cheap crisps are full of horrors.
- I know.
317
00:24:00,300 --> 00:24:03,600
It'll be nice when you've
decorated it a bit, this place.
318
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,000
Oh, well, we don't like clutter.
319
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,700
No, no, no, you don't want clutter.
320
00:24:07,700 --> 00:24:13,600
You just want some plants and cushions
and pictures and a tablecloth there.
321
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:17,500
Yeah, well, that would be clutter,
though, wouldn't it?
322
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,000
I'm really sorry about that.
323
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,900
Sorry, sorry.
That's really embarrassing.
324
00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:31,600
- Never mind.
- Sorry. I'm so embarrassed.
325
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:34,100
It's fine.
326
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,500
Uh, you'll have to pop over
to Dingley Dell sometime.
327
00:24:42,300 --> 00:24:45,600
But, uh, if the caravan's rockin',
don't come a-knockin'.
328
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:50,000
Ha. Um, we're pretty intent
on doing some serious walking.
329
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,300
I'm writing a book.
Walks Along the Ley Lines of Britain.
330
00:24:53,300 --> 00:24:56,000
Actually, it's his third, so...
331
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,400
I'm out at the crack of dawn,
having a reconnoitre.
332
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:00,200
Yeah. Are you?
333
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,500
Do you think they liked us?
334
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:13,200
Ian and Janice.
335
00:25:14,300 --> 00:25:15,700
Chris?
336
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,300
Are you all right?
337
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,500
I didn't like their caravan.
338
00:26:16,100 --> 00:26:19,300
Um, we're pretty intent
on doing some serious walking.
339
00:26:19,300 --> 00:26:21,100
- I'm writing a book.
- Chris.
340
00:26:21,100 --> 00:26:22,600
Walks Along the Ley Lines
of Britain.
341
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,400
- Actually, it's his third.
- Are you all right?
342
00:26:25,700 --> 00:26:28,400
We're pretty intent
on doing some serious walking.
343
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,700
I'm writing a book.
Walks Along the Ley Lines of Britain.
344
00:26:31,700 --> 00:26:34,400
- Actually, it's his third.
- Do you think they liked us?
345
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,600
- I'm out at the crack of dawn.
- Ian and Janice.
346
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,500
- I'm writing a book.
347
00:26:56,500 --> 00:26:58,300
Chris.
348
00:27:00,100 --> 00:27:01,800
Chris!
349
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:32,400
Poppy!
350
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:51,000
Chris!
351
00:29:08,100 --> 00:29:09,900
My God, what is it?
352
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:14,600
Shamans. They sacrificed
Mr Grant's chickens to the goddess Kali.
353
00:29:17,100 --> 00:29:19,400
Chris, you've got some on you.
354
00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:23,500
Oh, sorry, yeah.
No, I'll get cleaned up in a minute.
355
00:29:23,500 --> 00:29:26,200
Hey, Blue John Cavern
opens in 45 minutes.
356
00:29:26,900 --> 00:29:29,400
I was thinking we should
give another campsite a go tonight.
357
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:30,900
This one's gone downhill.
358
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:45,800
So how many chickens have you got?
359
00:29:46,700 --> 00:29:49,600
Now I've only got nine,
but I had twelve.
360
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:52,800
Barbara, Margot...
361
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:57,400
and the cockerel...
Ronnie Wood.
362
00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:58,900
Ian!
363
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:04,200
Ian!
364
00:30:05,100 --> 00:30:08,200
We might be able to fit in, uh,
Fountains Abbey.
365
00:30:12,900 --> 00:30:15,400
Banjo! What's wrong?
366
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:17,600
Where's your mummy?
367
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:21,000
What's happened? Eh?
368
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:23,300
Chris, look.
369
00:30:25,300 --> 00:30:26,800
What's that?
370
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:30,300
Banjo says his mummy's
a mean, horrible bitch
371
00:30:30,300 --> 00:30:31,800
and he wants to come with us.
372
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:35,500
Oh, I don't think that would be fair
on Ian and Janice.
373
00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:39,000
Banjo?
We don't care about being fair, do we?
374
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:43,300
No. We just care about being happy.
375
00:30:43,900 --> 00:30:46,300
Bloody things I do for you, love.
376
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:52,300
There we go.
377
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:56,000
Stay!
378
00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:01,800
Say one fucking word and it's...
379
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:09,500
Go, go, go, go, go!
Go, go, go, Chris. Go, go. Go. Go.
380
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:12,300
Oh, no, Chris, it's Janice.
381
00:31:12,300 --> 00:31:16,100
No. Banjo, down. Down, Banjo.
382
00:31:16,100 --> 00:31:17,500
Ian!
383
00:31:19,300 --> 00:31:20,700
Ian!
384
00:32:17,900 --> 00:32:19,300
Chris?
385
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:21,200
Chris.
386
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:22,900
You getting anything?
387
00:32:22,900 --> 00:32:25,100
You getting any inspiration?
388
00:32:30,900 --> 00:32:32,600
- Chris.
- Hang on.
389
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:35,400
- Chris. Chris.
- Shut up, will you?
390
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:37,100
- Taste that.
391
00:32:37,100 --> 00:32:38,900
If you haven't started the book yet,
392
00:32:38,900 --> 00:32:42,200
then you might as well
write it about something else.
393
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,100
- Fuck!
- What?
394
00:32:44,100 --> 00:32:46,400
- Fuck, fuck, fuck.
- What is it?
395
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:51,200
Every time I think I've found my oeuvre,
someone shits on it.
396
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:53,000
Well, I wouldn't shit on you, Chris.
397
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:54,400
Not unless you asked me to.
398
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:57,200
Everyone else seems to find it
so easy to express themselves.
399
00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,200
I mean, even you've got your knitting,
haven't you?
400
00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:02,800
But the thing is, Chris,
I'm your muse now.
401
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:04,800
And we've got Banjo.
402
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:08,100
So everything will be perfect.
You just need to be a bit more patient.
403
00:33:08,700 --> 00:33:12,700
- There's something in me, Tina.
- I'll help you squeeze it out.
404
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:15,400
- Choose anything you like, love.
- Anything?
405
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:18,200
Anything you like,
as long as it's under 10 quid.
406
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:19,600
How much is that?
407
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,800
- 60 quid.
- No, you can't have that.
408
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:26,500
I need walking boots, don't I?
409
00:33:26,500 --> 00:33:29,000
Well, we'll get
the walking boots as well.
410
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:31,300
You want a good tread.
411
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:33,800
Okay.
412
00:33:34,300 --> 00:33:37,600
- You heard about the man, didn't you?
- No.
413
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:41,100
He slipped on the crag
and went off the cliff yesterday.
414
00:33:41,100 --> 00:33:44,100
- Did you not hear about that?
- No! Did he hurt himself?
415
00:33:44,100 --> 00:33:46,600
Head smashed like a pumpkin.
416
00:33:48,100 --> 00:33:50,600
That's why I'd never have
stone flooring.
417
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:52,900
Although I do love
that French farmhouse look.
418
00:33:52,900 --> 00:33:54,400
Yeah, it's terrible, isn't it,
419
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,600
when people don't have respect
for the power of nature?
420
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,200
Can't find his dog.
421
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:01,500
Well, it probably committed suicide.
Dogs will do that.
422
00:34:01,500 --> 00:34:05,200
Tina, why don't you try these?
Look. Give them a go.
423
00:34:06,900 --> 00:34:09,200
Oh, Chris.
- Eh? Why not?
424
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:55,900
I've got some sad news.
It's about your father.
425
00:34:55,900 --> 00:34:57,400
He's dead.
426
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:10,100
Hey. Don't dwell on it.
427
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:19,700
- How'd it go?
- I had a word.
428
00:35:20,300 --> 00:35:21,800
How'd he take it?
429
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:23,800
Well, he's all right.
He's a bit shaken but...
430
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,300
- Is he?
- Come on. Come on.
431
00:35:26,700 --> 00:35:30,400
This was a 13th-century ruin
founded by monks.
432
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:35,300
Yeah, maybe I should do
an abbot detective story or something.
433
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,100
What do you think
happened to Ian, Chris?
434
00:35:39,300 --> 00:35:41,000
- Chris?
- Huh?
435
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:42,500
Chris.
436
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:45,300
- What do you think happened to Ian?
- What?
437
00:35:49,300 --> 00:35:51,500
Do you think Banjo
had something to do with it?
438
00:35:53,300 --> 00:35:56,600
Well, yeah, he's probably capable.
He's an animal, isn't he?
439
00:35:56,600 --> 00:36:00,600
Do you think he might have pushed him?
'Cause he was an abused dog.
440
00:36:03,100 --> 00:36:05,800
There might be, uh, blood
on the paws of that dog,
441
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:09,000
but it's smug complacency
that killed Ian, I tell you that.
442
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,700
Janice looked frigid as well,
didn't she?
443
00:36:22,300 --> 00:36:24,300
Chris, look, it's coming out.
444
00:36:28,500 --> 00:36:30,200
I'm a monk.
445
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:36,000
Well, who's this little chap?
Let's have a look.
446
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:37,500
Oh, Poppy.
447
00:36:37,500 --> 00:36:40,500
- Oh, you're sweet, aren't you?
448
00:36:40,500 --> 00:36:42,200
This is Barney.
Barney, come and say hello.
449
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:43,900
- Barney.- Come and say hello.
450
00:36:43,900 --> 00:36:45,500
Say hello to Barney.
451
00:36:45,500 --> 00:36:49,700
- Aw! They love each other. Don't they?
- Well, they're a bit shy.
452
00:36:49,700 --> 00:36:53,500
Yeah, well, often it's like that
when it's love at first sight.
453
00:36:53,500 --> 00:36:55,200
- Isn't it, Chris?
- What?
454
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,800
- It's like you and me when we met.
- They're not fighting, anyway.
455
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:00,400
- Speechless. Yeah, speechless.
- Speechless, yeah.
456
00:37:00,900 --> 00:37:04,100
Look at that graffiti there.
"Rob loves Kerry."
457
00:37:13,300 --> 00:37:15,800
My husband's researching for his book.
458
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:17,300
Oh, really?
459
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:19,800
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I am, yeah.
460
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:21,500
Actually, it's his third.
461
00:37:21,500 --> 00:37:23,700
You've certainly picked
an interesting spot.
462
00:37:23,700 --> 00:37:25,400
Are you staying nearby?
463
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:26,900
Well, actually we're mobile.
464
00:37:37,300 --> 00:37:40,300
Oh, God, Chris,
this is just how I imagined it.
465
00:38:16,700 --> 00:38:18,700
For Christ's sake!
466
00:38:19,300 --> 00:38:21,100
- Get off!
- What did I do?
467
00:38:21,100 --> 00:38:22,900
Not you. Bloody Banjo.
468
00:38:22,900 --> 00:38:24,400
Poppy!
469
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:26,300
He's a fuckin' pervert.
470
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:35,000
Get in there. Get in there.
Go on, Banjo. Get in the bloody car.
471
00:39:08,500 --> 00:39:10,000
Chris?
472
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:14,000
Come on.
473
00:39:21,300 --> 00:39:23,600
- I can fly!
- Whoa!
474
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:26,000
I can fly, Chris.
475
00:39:26,700 --> 00:39:28,400
- Whoo!
- Whoo-whoo!
476
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:36,100
Chris? Which button do I press?
477
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,300
Oh, it's okay, I've done it.
478
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:42,000
Yeah, Poppy!
479
00:39:45,700 --> 00:39:47,800
Chris, there's quite
a nice one of you here.
480
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:49,800
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
481
00:39:50,900 --> 00:39:52,500
Whoo!
482
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,700
Chris, these are a bit saucy,
these ones.
483
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:10,700
This is not my vagina!
484
00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:13,800
This is not my vagina!
485
00:40:14,500 --> 00:40:16,000
I don't know what you mean.
486
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,200
Janice doesn't look
very frigid to me, Chris!
487
00:40:19,300 --> 00:40:22,200
In fact,
she looks like a very happy girl.
488
00:40:22,900 --> 00:40:24,400
No, that's...
489
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,400
No wonder, when you look at Ian.
490
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:30,700
That's not Ian. That's me, that.
491
00:40:30,700 --> 00:40:33,200
Were you shagging Janice?
492
00:40:33,700 --> 00:40:36,300
- What are you talking about?
- Were you shagging Ian?
493
00:40:38,700 --> 00:40:40,800
- Ah, come on.
- Are you gay?
494
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:44,200
- What? You know I'm not gay.
- Why are they at a wedding?
495
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:45,300
What wedding?
496
00:40:45,300 --> 00:40:48,800
Did you go to a wedding
with Ian and Janice, Chris?
497
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:50,700
- I didn't.
- Was...
498
00:40:55,300 --> 00:40:56,900
What's going on here?
499
00:40:56,900 --> 00:40:58,600
I wouldn't look. Don't.
500
00:41:00,700 --> 00:41:02,300
Did you kill Ian?
501
00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:07,200
Yeah. Well, I mean...
502
00:41:08,700 --> 00:41:10,400
Why'd you do that?
503
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:13,800
I didn't mean to.
It was just an accident.
504
00:41:15,100 --> 00:41:17,000
And that just happened.
505
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,100
Can't do things like that.
506
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:23,000
It's gonna ruin the holiday.
507
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,300
I just did... I did that for you.
508
00:41:39,100 --> 00:41:41,900
The council had fought an injunction
509
00:41:41,900 --> 00:41:45,000
to remove Mr Andrews
and begun proceedings to evict him.
510
00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:47,100
The house has been condemned,
as it was erected
511
00:41:47,100 --> 00:41:49,600
without proper planning permission.
512
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:52,300
Police now think that Ian Worthing,
513
00:41:52,300 --> 00:41:55,200
whose body was found at the base
of a Yorkshire crag yesterday,
514
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:59,200
could have killed himself
because of mounting financial pressures.
515
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:03,500
- Oh! Buy you a drink?
- Yeah.
516
00:42:03,500 --> 00:42:05,700
- No wife?
- No, no, she's, uh...
517
00:42:05,700 --> 00:42:07,500
she's back at the, uh, caravan tonight.
518
00:42:07,500 --> 00:42:09,000
- Oh?
- Yeah. Yeah.
519
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:11,600
- Yeah, so's Joan.
- Is she? Yeah, yeah.
520
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:14,300
We both said what a nice couple
we thought you were.
521
00:42:14,300 --> 00:42:17,000
Oh, did you? Oh, that's very nice.
Cheers, yeah.
522
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:19,700
Yeah, no, I love her. Yeah.
523
00:42:21,300 --> 00:42:23,100
Yeah, we're in love.
524
00:42:24,500 --> 00:42:26,100
Yeah, I love her.
525
00:42:39,700 --> 00:42:44,900
Hi, Chris, it's me. It's... It's Tina.
I'm just, um...
526
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:47,900
I'm just having fun in the caravan.
527
00:42:47,900 --> 00:42:49,300
Um...
528
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,800
I'm just wondering where you are.
529
00:42:54,100 --> 00:42:58,500
It's very cosy,
and I've made some dinner.
530
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:01,400
Come back?
531
00:43:21,300 --> 00:43:23,800
Ooh, steady. Are you okay?
532
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:25,300
Yeah.
533
00:43:25,300 --> 00:43:27,200
Got a bit carried away.
534
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:32,000
- I'll get the car in the morning.
- Come on. There you go.
535
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:35,700
- Thanks for bringing him back, Richard.
- Oh, pleasure.
536
00:43:35,700 --> 00:43:37,600
- You take it easy.
- You're a legend, mate.
537
00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:39,400
Good luck with the ley lines.
538
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:41,200
Yeah. See you, mate.
539
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:49,100
Oh, I think I've got a ley line
running through my head.
540
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:52,500
I thought you'd gone.
541
00:44:20,700 --> 00:44:23,900
Chris, Poppy's stopping.
542
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:26,800
Poppy's stopping, Chris.
543
00:44:27,900 --> 00:44:29,900
Yeah, good girl.
544
00:44:29,900 --> 00:44:31,900
Aw! You having a little poo? Well done.
545
00:44:31,900 --> 00:44:35,400
Excuse me.
You are going to pick that up?
546
00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:37,100
Well, I haven't, I've... Chris?
547
00:44:37,100 --> 00:44:40,600
This is a site of natural beauty
and geographical interest.
548
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:43,000
I think you need to sort that out.
549
00:44:43,500 --> 00:44:46,800
- I didn't do that.
- Uh, you need to pick it up.
550
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:49,800
- I can't... Well, I can't.
- Why? Why can't you?
551
00:44:50,300 --> 00:44:52,300
Well, I haven't got the proper things
to do it with.
552
00:44:52,300 --> 00:44:55,000
Why didn't you bring the proper things
with you if you're out with your dog?
553
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:56,800
Well, I did bring the proper things...
554
00:44:56,800 --> 00:44:58,800
...but I'm not having a very good day.
555
00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:00,300
- Good morning.
- Chris.
556
00:45:00,300 --> 00:45:03,300
- Good morning.
- He's told me I've got to pick that up
557
00:45:03,300 --> 00:45:05,800
- with my fingers.
- Well, a dog does a shit.
558
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:07,600
You know, you can't do much
about that, mate.
559
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:09,500
You can pick it up
and you take it away with you.
560
00:45:09,500 --> 00:45:12,000
Well, I would have the bags,
but they're in the bloody car
561
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:15,200
that you've left, drunk,
outside some pub that we can't...
562
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:17,500
- We don't even know where the pub is.
- Tina, I know where the car is.
563
00:45:17,500 --> 00:45:19,200
- No, you don't.
- I do. I know where it is.
564
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,400
- We are lost, Chris! Lost!
- I know where it is.
565
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:23,200
- I know... Look, Tina.
- You don't.
566
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:25,700
Look, I'm sorry, but if you don't
pick up this excrement immediately,
567
00:45:25,700 --> 00:45:27,400
then I'm gonna have to inform
the National Trust.
568
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:29,800
Actually, do you know what?
I don't think you are sorry, mate.
569
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:31,500
I don't think you're sorry, either.
570
00:45:31,500 --> 00:45:33,200
- Did he touch you?
- What?
571
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:36,500
- Don't know. Wasn't concentrating.
- Have a think.
572
00:45:39,300 --> 00:45:41,600
Can you remember everything?
573
00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:44,000
Uh, yes. Yes, he did touch me.
574
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:47,200
- Oh... This is preposterous!
- What else did he do?
575
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:50,900
He, urn...
- Details.
576
00:45:50,900 --> 00:45:55,500
...tried to put
Poppy's bails in his mouth.
577
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:59,200
- Did you go to a private school?
- That is totally irrelevant, but yes.
578
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:01,700
Yeah, I thought so. It's the tone.
It's the entitlement you got...
579
00:46:01,700 --> 00:46:03,200
I'm entitled to walk
in the countryside...
580
00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:04,900
- Yeah, you're superior.
- ...without having to encounter
581
00:46:04,900 --> 00:46:06,400
- dog excrement.
- You're not entitled
582
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:08,700
- to be a bloody bully, mate...
- Put your stick down, for starters.
583
00:46:08,700 --> 00:46:10,400
- ...bullying my girlfriend.
- Leave the turd where it is.
584
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:11,900
I will point this stick at you!
585
00:46:11,900 --> 00:46:13,400
They still think
it's their country, don't they?
586
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:15,400
It should be for people
that at least respect the countryside.
587
00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:17,000
See how far his A level
in Classics gets him
588
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:19,400
- when China owns the whole of the UK.
- People like you...
589
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:26,400
"And did those feet
in ancient time"
590
00:46:27,100 --> 00:46:30,900
"Walk upon England's mountains green"
591
00:46:31,700 --> 00:46:35,200
"And was the holy Lamb of God"
592
00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:38,700
"On England's pleasant pastures seen"
593
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:42,600
"And did the countenance divine"
594
00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:46,400
"Shine forth upon our clouded hills"
595
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:51,100
"And was Jerusalem builded here"
596
00:46:51,100 --> 00:46:53,900
"Among these dark satanic..."
597
00:46:56,400 --> 00:46:58,400
Report that to the National Trust, mate.
598
00:47:04,300 --> 00:47:05,800
You know, 300 years ago
599
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:09,600
his ancestor would have strode
down a path just like this, you know,
600
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:12,300
and he'd have seen some common strumpet
like you and he'd have gone,
601
00:47:12,300 --> 00:47:13,800
"I'm gonna have a bit of that."
602
00:47:14,100 --> 00:47:16,800
And I'd have had to have stood by
and watched him.
603
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:20,600
'Cause I'd have been a serf and he'd
have been the bloody lord of the manor.
604
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:22,900
And they call them "the good old days".
605
00:47:22,900 --> 00:47:24,400
I suppose.
606
00:47:25,900 --> 00:47:29,400
If you look at it that way,
you were defending my honour.
607
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:33,200
Oh, don't thank me,
thank the democratic process.
608
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:40,600
Never thought about murdering
innocent people like that before.
609
00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:44,100
Ah, he's not a person, Tina,
he's a Daily Mail reader.
610
00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:47,700
Perspective.
Grab it with both hands, it's free.
611
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:50,900
See if he's got any sandwiches.
612
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:56,600
Oh, thank Christ.
613
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:00,300
Fucking hell.
614
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:06,300
I know, get your notebook out.
615
00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:09,000
- Huh?
- Get your notebook out.
616
00:48:10,100 --> 00:48:11,600
Come on, write down your ideas.
617
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:15,700
Just write down what's happened and
all your feelings and stuff like that.
618
00:48:15,700 --> 00:48:17,400
- Yeah?
- Mmm!
619
00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:19,500
- All right.
- Go on, get it down.
620
00:48:19,500 --> 00:48:21,000
Oh, my God, Chris.
621
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:23,500
I'm musing.
622
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:28,300
I'm musing right now. Do you feel it?
623
00:48:30,900 --> 00:48:32,900
My God, I feel amazing.
624
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:35,900
Christ, that was hard.
625
00:48:35,900 --> 00:48:38,600
I don't think I'll get
anything more out today.
626
00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:41,400
I think you've found your oeuvre, Chris.
627
00:48:44,500 --> 00:48:46,300
You're not gonna tell, are you?
628
00:48:48,700 --> 00:48:50,000
No.
629
00:48:58,200 --> 00:49:00,000
What are you looking at me
like that for?
630
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:03,100
This will put 'em off the scent.
631
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:06,500
Come on, give us a hand.
632
00:49:49,900 --> 00:49:52,100
Mother Shipton's Cave!
633
00:50:00,700 --> 00:50:03,900
If you could wish for anything,
what would it be?
634
00:50:04,500 --> 00:50:07,600
Well, if I tell you, Chris,
it won't come true.
635
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:10,700
I just wanna be feared and respected.
636
00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:13,300
It's not too much to ask
from life, is it?
637
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,300
Can't look at that any more.
638
00:50:30,500 --> 00:50:34,100
The man found dead
yesterday at the Kimberly Stone Circle
639
00:50:34,100 --> 00:50:37,200
has been identified as Anthony Breal.
640
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:40,000
Police are treating the death
as suspicious
641
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:43,100
and are looking for a culprit
that they are describing
642
00:50:43,100 --> 00:50:45,800
as a dangerous sexual predator.
643
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:52,400
Now be good,
because Mummy and Daddy are going out.
644
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:55,500
What do you think of this?
645
00:51:55,500 --> 00:51:59,500
Ah, that is very nice.
Very nice indeed.
646
00:52:00,900 --> 00:52:03,000
Hey, turn round. Turn round.
647
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:04,800
Why?
648
00:52:10,100 --> 00:52:11,900
- There you go.
- Ooh!
649
00:52:11,900 --> 00:52:13,900
- What do you think? Eh?
- It's an owl.
650
00:52:13,900 --> 00:52:15,400
It's nice, innit?
651
00:52:21,500 --> 00:52:22,900
Excuse me.
652
00:52:25,100 --> 00:52:26,600
Sorry, mate.
653
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:29,400
Guys! Dinner in five minutes!
654
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:02,500
All right, mate?
Not seen one of these before.
655
00:53:02,500 --> 00:53:04,100
It's a prototype.
656
00:53:04,100 --> 00:53:06,800
Yeah, all the things that...
You know, all your practical stuff,
657
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:08,700
you keep down at the end by your feet.
658
00:53:08,700 --> 00:53:10,500
Do you? Is that where you've got
your toolbox and stuff?
659
00:53:10,500 --> 00:53:13,300
Yeah, yeah, I keep it down there,
like our wind-up torch and that,
660
00:53:13,300 --> 00:53:15,200
- and, uh, my stove.
- Yeah?
661
00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:16,600
Chris!
662
00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:18,900
I'm ready!
663
00:53:18,900 --> 00:53:22,200
...glass fibre epoxy struts,
as used in spacecraft extendable masts.
664
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:23,700
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
665
00:53:23,700 --> 00:53:25,600
- I'm Chris, by the way.
- I'm Martin. Nice to meet you.
666
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:27,500
- Yeah, nice to meet you. Yeah.
- Yeah, you.
667
00:53:27,500 --> 00:53:29,500
- Yeah, I was in plastics.
- Was ya?
668
00:53:29,500 --> 00:53:31,100
Yeah, extrusion blow moulding.
669
00:53:31,100 --> 00:53:33,100
No. Cor, they're given an hard time,
ain't they?
670
00:53:33,100 --> 00:53:35,500
But, here, let's face it,
they're here to stay, mate.
671
00:53:35,500 --> 00:53:37,000
Yeah, preaching to the choir, mate.
672
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:39,400
Right, yeah, yeah. Nice one. Yeah.
673
00:53:40,200 --> 00:53:42,300
It looks like an alien's coffin.
674
00:53:42,300 --> 00:53:45,400
I call it the Carapod. You know,
what with the ground displacement
675
00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:47,800
of persons due to the instability
of geopolitics,
676
00:53:47,800 --> 00:53:51,900
I'm hoping that this will become a whole
new way of living for economic migrants.
677
00:53:51,900 --> 00:53:54,400
We're trying a whole new way of living.
Aren't we, Chris?
678
00:53:54,400 --> 00:53:56,200
- Oh, are you?
- Tina hasn't travelled much.
679
00:53:56,200 --> 00:54:00,300
Right, right, yeah. I hear you.
Hey, uh, you back later for a beer?
680
00:54:00,300 --> 00:54:01,900
Oh, I don't really drink much but, um,
681
00:54:01,900 --> 00:54:03,500
always up for a bit of smoke,
if you know what I mean.
682
00:54:03,500 --> 00:54:05,100
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, great.
- Yeah? Great.
683
00:54:05,100 --> 00:54:06,600
- Nice one.
- Cheers, Martin.
684
00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:08,100
- Cheers. Chris?
- Yeah.
685
00:54:08,100 --> 00:54:09,600
Yeah. Take care.
686
00:54:11,900 --> 00:54:13,400
Right.
687
00:54:26,900 --> 00:54:30,000
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
One in the pink,
688
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:31,500
- one on the sink!
- One on the sink!
689
00:54:31,500 --> 00:54:34,000
- It's crazy, this.
- Thank you.
690
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:35,600
- Madam.
691
00:54:36,100 --> 00:54:38,900
Thank you very much.
Uh, can I just ask you, actually,
692
00:54:38,900 --> 00:54:41,000
I've got this, er...
I've got this voucher
693
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:43,100
- that I picked up about a week ago.
- Oh, right.
694
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:48,200
Hey, that dress looks a lot better
on you than it did on your mother.
695
00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:53,200
I haven't got any knickers on.
696
00:54:56,900 --> 00:54:59,700
Oh, dear, it looks like
your knife's fallen off the table.
697
00:55:00,900 --> 00:55:03,400
I'll just have to go and pick it up.
698
00:55:04,200 --> 00:55:06,600
I might be five minutes or so.
699
00:55:15,500 --> 00:55:17,300
Can't see anything.
700
00:55:18,900 --> 00:55:20,800
Well, I'm wearing tights.
701
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:22,800
You know all that stuff
that's been happening, you know...
702
00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:24,600
It's all right, Chris.
703
00:55:24,600 --> 00:55:28,600
It's all right,
because I understand you.
704
00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:31,300
- And I know you...
- Do you?
705
00:55:31,300 --> 00:55:35,900
...and I get it, 'cause it's just about
personal empowerment, isn't it?
706
00:55:35,900 --> 00:55:39,900
It's just expressing yourself
and thinking outside the box.
707
00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:44,200
And I've been in a box.
I don't wanna go back to the box, Chris.
708
00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:47,800
I'd rather die. Do you know that?
709
00:55:48,400 --> 00:55:49,900
You'd rather die?
710
00:55:50,300 --> 00:55:54,800
Yeah. How romantic would that be?
If we both just died together.
711
00:55:54,800 --> 00:55:59,600
Well, I mean, going to salsa's romantic.
We could maybe try that first.
712
00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:02,700
What you're doing is
you're giving to the world.
713
00:56:03,100 --> 00:56:05,100
Take carbon footprints.
714
00:56:05,100 --> 00:56:08,700
By reducing people's lifespans,
715
00:56:08,700 --> 00:56:11,200
technically,
you're reducing their emissions.
716
00:56:13,600 --> 00:56:17,500
What, so you're saying that...
murder is green?
717
00:56:19,800 --> 00:56:22,700
Hmm, I hadn't thought of it like that.
Thanks.
718
00:56:28,900 --> 00:56:31,600
- This beard turns me on, Chris.
- I love it when you do that.
719
00:56:33,500 --> 00:56:36,100
- Ginger-minger!
720
00:56:39,100 --> 00:56:41,300
What's the favourite thing I like to do?
721
00:56:41,300 --> 00:56:43,400
Yeah. With me.
722
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:46,000
- Oh, well, that's obvious, innit?
723
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:48,300
- Put the bins out.
724
00:56:49,500 --> 00:56:53,900
I like to put the bins out... in my pants
and then have you come over
725
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:57,100
and rub bin juice all over me leg.
726
00:56:57,100 --> 00:56:59,200
What's bin juice?
727
00:56:59,200 --> 00:57:00,900
You know, that bit that you get
at the bottom of the bin
728
00:57:00,900 --> 00:57:02,600
- when all that stuff drips out.
- Oh, yeah.
729
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:05,800
- That was Dave!
- Wasn't his real name...
730
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:18,300
Don't be sick.
731
00:57:19,300 --> 00:57:20,800
You Okay?
732
00:57:37,100 --> 00:57:39,500
Nine, eight, seven,
733
00:57:40,100 --> 00:57:45,100
six, five, four, three, two, one!
734
00:57:50,900 --> 00:57:52,500
Do you wanna have sex with all us?
735
00:57:55,600 --> 00:57:57,700
Ooh!
It's just a bit of fun.
736
00:57:59,500 --> 00:58:02,000
Get off, that's enough. That's enough.
737
00:58:02,700 --> 00:58:04,700
Getting married, are you?
738
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:06,500
- Yeah.
- Are you?
739
00:58:06,500 --> 00:58:07,900
I am. Aren't we?
740
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:12,400
What would your fiancé
think of this, then, eh?
741
00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:13,900
He'd love it.
742
00:58:17,100 --> 00:58:18,900
- I'm gonna go and pay the bill now.
- No, let me pay.
743
00:58:18,900 --> 00:58:20,600
Sit down! Sit!
744
00:58:21,400 --> 00:58:22,800
Stay!
745
00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:32,600
In a minute!
746
00:59:27,500 --> 00:59:31,500
Nine, eight, seven, six,
747
00:59:31,500 --> 00:59:35,300
five, four, three, two, one!
748
01:00:12,700 --> 01:00:14,300
I'd never do that.
749
01:00:16,800 --> 01:00:18,300
Do what?
750
01:00:18,300 --> 01:00:19,700
Chailey!
751
01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:21,600
Chailey Morris!
752
01:00:22,100 --> 01:00:23,400
Chailey!
753
01:00:24,400 --> 01:00:26,000
- Chailey!
- Chailey!
754
01:00:27,900 --> 01:00:29,900
She's not texting back.
755
01:00:31,300 --> 01:00:32,900
- Chailey!
- Chailey!
756
01:01:25,800 --> 01:01:28,900
Oh, for Christ's sake, Banjo,
you've pissed the bed.
757
01:01:29,500 --> 01:01:32,000
Poppy.
- Disgusting.
758
01:01:49,600 --> 01:01:51,100
Where's that necklace?
759
01:01:51,800 --> 01:01:54,600
I'm sure I had it
when we got back from the restaurant.
760
01:01:55,200 --> 01:01:56,700
Well, that's what happens
when you go off schedule.
761
01:01:57,200 --> 01:01:59,000
Chris, are we going
to the Pencil Museum now?
762
01:01:59,400 --> 01:02:02,000
Actually, I told Martin
I'd help with modifications
763
01:02:02,000 --> 01:02:03,500
to the Carapod this morning.
764
01:02:03,500 --> 01:02:05,500
But we scheduled the Pencil Museum.
765
01:02:05,500 --> 01:02:07,500
Well, it's my turn to go off schedule.
766
01:02:08,000 --> 01:02:09,400
Fine.
767
01:02:11,900 --> 01:02:13,300
Come on, Poppy.
768
01:02:14,300 --> 01:02:16,300
Come on. Come on, Poppy.
769
01:02:17,500 --> 01:02:18,900
Come on, Poppy.
770
01:02:20,400 --> 01:02:22,900
Poppy! Poppy! Poppy!
771
01:02:23,400 --> 01:02:27,200
Come on. Come on, Poppy.
772
01:02:33,200 --> 01:02:35,000
Well, fuck you, then.
773
01:02:45,400 --> 01:02:47,600
How long have you two
been together, then?
774
01:02:47,600 --> 01:02:49,500
Uh, about three months.
775
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:52,900
Still getting on all right?
776
01:02:52,900 --> 01:02:55,800
Yeah.
Sex life's fucking fantastic, mate.
777
01:02:55,800 --> 01:02:57,600
- Is it?
- Better than ever.
778
01:02:57,600 --> 01:02:59,400
- Fair play, mate.
- Yeah.
779
01:02:59,400 --> 01:03:03,200
She don't mind you smoking a bit
of the old herb every now and again?
780
01:03:03,200 --> 01:03:05,500
No, she don't care about that.
781
01:03:06,100 --> 01:03:07,600
She doesn't like me drinking
782
01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:09,900
and she doesn't like me doing her
up the bumhole.
783
01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:15,500
Legend has it
that in the early 1500s,
784
01:03:15,500 --> 01:03:19,000
a violent storm
in the Borrowdale area of Cumberland
785
01:03:19,000 --> 01:03:21,200
led to trees being uprooted
786
01:03:21,200 --> 01:03:24,700
and the discovery
of a strange black material underneath.
787
01:03:25,400 --> 01:03:28,200
This material turned out to be graphite.
788
01:03:30,300 --> 01:03:34,300
A cottage industry of pencil-making
soon developed,
789
01:03:34,300 --> 01:03:40,300
culminating in the formation of
the UK's first pencil factory in 1832.
790
01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:43,800
The factory has had various owners...
791
01:03:46,100 --> 01:03:48,600
And then like this, sort of disco style.
792
01:03:59,200 --> 01:04:02,600
Excuse me. How much is that big pencil?
793
01:04:02,600 --> 01:04:04,000
£24.
794
01:04:17,800 --> 01:04:19,900
Go. Fast as you can.
795
01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:26,200
- Oh, mate. You all right?
796
01:04:27,500 --> 01:04:30,000
- Oh, bloody hell.
- Bloody hell, mate.
797
01:04:31,800 --> 01:04:33,200
Banjo.
798
01:04:33,600 --> 01:04:35,500
- Banjo. Banjo, get away.
- Ugh!
799
01:04:35,500 --> 01:04:37,100
Go!
800
01:04:39,800 --> 01:04:44,300
...becoming
the Cumberland Pencil Company in 1916.
801
01:04:45,200 --> 01:04:49,600
The Lakeland children's range
was launched in 1930,
802
01:04:49,600 --> 01:04:54,600
followed by the Derwent brand
of fine art pencils in...
803
01:04:55,500 --> 01:04:58,100
How did you decide on the size of this
when you were originally...
804
01:04:58,100 --> 01:05:00,000
Oh, from a P&O ferry.
805
01:05:12,300 --> 01:05:13,900
...canteen building,
806
01:05:13,900 --> 01:05:16,900
and advertisements were placed
in newspapers,
807
01:05:16,900 --> 01:05:19,400
seeking artefacts and memorabilia.
808
01:05:22,400 --> 01:05:24,900
The famous Pencil Museum...
809
01:05:37,600 --> 01:05:39,500
Mum.
810
01:05:39,500 --> 01:05:41,200
Is that you, Tina?
811
01:05:41,200 --> 01:05:42,600
Oh, Mum.
812
01:05:45,000 --> 01:05:47,400
- Has it gone wrong?
- No.
813
01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:49,500
Yes.
814
01:05:49,500 --> 01:05:51,900
Yeah, a bit, sort of.
815
01:05:53,700 --> 01:05:57,400
Shall I come? No, I can't. I'm too ill.
816
01:05:57,400 --> 01:05:59,900
I don't know what he wants.
817
01:06:00,400 --> 01:06:02,500
Oh, they're all the same.
818
01:06:02,500 --> 01:06:05,100
Whatever you give him,
he'll want the opposite.
819
01:06:05,100 --> 01:06:08,200
I've done things.
820
01:06:08,200 --> 01:06:10,300
Ooh, Tina. What?
821
01:06:11,400 --> 01:06:13,200
What have you done, love?
822
01:06:15,700 --> 01:06:17,200
Sex things?
823
01:06:17,700 --> 01:06:19,300
And other stuff.
824
01:06:20,500 --> 01:06:25,000
Because I thought that was what
he wanted to see me do, you know?
825
01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:28,500
But now I'm not sure.
826
01:06:28,900 --> 01:06:31,900
You didn't let him see you do
number twos, did you, Tina?
827
01:06:32,900 --> 01:06:34,300
Never.
828
01:06:35,100 --> 01:06:38,700
Mystery, Tina, is a woman's sanctuary.
829
01:06:40,900 --> 01:06:43,700
Bye, now,
'cause I've got stuff to do.
830
01:06:44,700 --> 01:06:46,100
Mum.
831
01:07:24,900 --> 01:07:27,600
Poppy's with the babysitter.
832
01:07:28,400 --> 01:07:30,200
Don't call him that.
833
01:07:30,600 --> 01:07:32,500
Make love to me, Chris.
834
01:07:34,100 --> 01:07:36,600
No, I can't. I'm still processing.
835
01:07:36,600 --> 01:07:38,000
Please.
836
01:07:39,100 --> 01:07:42,000
That poor girl. She was getting married.
837
01:07:43,700 --> 01:07:45,800
Just the thought of that
just makes me feel...
838
01:07:45,800 --> 01:07:47,200
Sexy.
839
01:07:49,500 --> 01:07:51,700
Ruined that restaurant for me.
840
01:07:53,300 --> 01:07:55,400
I've been very bad, Chris.
841
01:07:57,100 --> 01:07:59,300
I think you should punish me.
842
01:08:00,900 --> 01:08:02,600
With your cock.
843
01:08:02,600 --> 01:08:05,900
Tina. It's not sexy. It was wrong.
844
01:08:06,600 --> 01:08:08,400
You're not qualified.
845
01:08:09,800 --> 01:08:11,200
Fine!
846
01:08:23,000 --> 01:08:24,800
What are you doing?
847
01:08:25,900 --> 01:08:28,100
Finishing what you started.
848
01:08:42,900 --> 01:08:44,600
...have been
at their highest for a decade.
849
01:08:44,600 --> 01:08:47,800
There have been grim warnings that the
country could return to the dark days...
850
01:09:00,200 --> 01:09:02,200
Oh, what the fuck?
851
01:09:05,000 --> 01:09:06,400
Pull over!
852
01:09:07,600 --> 01:09:09,400
Fucking hell.
853
01:09:12,500 --> 01:09:15,300
Morning, Chris.
- Pull over now!
854
01:09:15,300 --> 01:09:16,700
- Oh.
- What the hell are you doing?
855
01:09:17,300 --> 01:09:18,800
I thought I'd give you a lie-in.
856
01:09:18,800 --> 01:09:21,300
A lie-in? Pull over now!
857
01:09:21,300 --> 01:09:23,900
- Fine.
858
01:09:28,400 --> 01:09:29,900
Oh, Christ.
859
01:09:31,500 --> 01:09:35,200
Aw. It reminds me
of the first day of the holiday.
860
01:09:35,200 --> 01:09:36,700
No, that was an accident.
861
01:09:36,700 --> 01:09:39,800
I feel a bit emotional,
'cause, you know,
862
01:09:39,800 --> 01:09:42,200
it's the first one we've done together,
isn't it?
863
01:09:42,200 --> 01:09:44,300
- Ah, you're sacked.
- What?
864
01:09:44,300 --> 01:09:45,800
- You're sacked.
- What?
865
01:09:45,800 --> 01:09:48,100
Look...
...this isn't working.
866
01:09:48,100 --> 01:09:50,300
Look, I don't... I don't need you.
I don't need a muse.
867
01:09:50,300 --> 01:09:52,100
I'm not a bloody writer, am I?
868
01:09:53,000 --> 01:09:55,100
No, you're not. You're a serial killer.
869
01:09:55,100 --> 01:09:57,000
- That's what you are.
- I am not. Look, Tina,
870
01:09:57,000 --> 01:10:00,500
I need structure. Organisation.
This is just chaos.
871
01:10:00,500 --> 01:10:03,300
It's not my style!
Just... All this...
872
01:10:03,300 --> 01:10:05,600
Oh, I can't open the fucking door now!
873
01:10:11,400 --> 01:10:13,500
You did this to me. God!
874
01:10:14,300 --> 01:10:16,200
You done it to yourself.
875
01:10:16,600 --> 01:10:18,600
- I need justification.
- Really?
876
01:10:18,600 --> 01:10:21,600
- This is just murder.
- Well, maybe this is my style, Chris.
877
01:10:21,600 --> 01:10:24,100
- Yeah, great style.
- Maybe this is my style.
878
01:10:24,100 --> 01:10:26,300
You are really bloody stylish,
aren't you?
879
01:10:26,300 --> 01:10:29,100
- I know.
- Look at that! That's your style?
880
01:10:29,700 --> 01:10:31,500
Look, it's nothing personal.
881
01:10:31,500 --> 01:10:34,200
It's just,
you're a negative influence on me.
882
01:10:34,200 --> 01:10:35,700
Do you know that?
883
01:10:35,700 --> 01:10:38,600
I've done more murders
in the last fucking three days
884
01:10:38,600 --> 01:10:41,300
than in the entire six months
since I got made redundant.
885
01:10:41,300 --> 01:10:43,000
- Redundant?
- Yes.
886
01:10:43,800 --> 01:10:45,800
You said you'd taken a sabbatical.
887
01:10:45,800 --> 01:10:48,000
It doesn't matter.
You can't help it, you're evil.
888
01:10:48,000 --> 01:10:50,700
Maybe even a witch.
Yeah, you're a witch.
889
01:10:51,400 --> 01:10:53,200
You're a bloody witch.
890
01:11:02,200 --> 01:11:05,100
I don't think anyone
will be able to see him.
891
01:11:22,000 --> 01:11:24,700
The tragic
death of bride-to-be Chailey Morris
892
01:11:24,700 --> 01:11:28,900
on Tuesday is now considered
not to be an accident.
893
01:11:28,900 --> 01:11:31,300
The police announced today
that they're pursuing
894
01:11:31,300 --> 01:11:36,200
a ginger-faced man and an angry woman
in connection with inquiries.
895
01:11:36,200 --> 01:11:39,200
It's not yet known
how the incident happened.
896
01:12:36,300 --> 01:12:38,000
There she blows.
897
01:12:39,100 --> 01:12:40,600
Journey's end.
898
01:12:56,700 --> 01:12:58,200
Is that a hawk?
899
01:14:20,400 --> 01:14:23,700
Wonder where Martin is.
Should be here by now.
900
01:14:23,700 --> 01:14:25,700
Wonder where Poppy is.
901
01:14:29,500 --> 01:14:31,600
I hope he can find us here.
902
01:14:32,700 --> 01:14:34,200
Who, Poppy?
903
01:14:34,200 --> 01:14:35,600
- No, Martin.
- Oh.
904
01:14:39,400 --> 01:14:40,800
Hey.
905
01:14:41,900 --> 01:14:43,300
Hey!
906
01:14:46,100 --> 01:14:47,800
Whoa-ho-ho!
907
01:14:47,800 --> 01:14:50,300
Picked a spectacular spot, mate!
908
01:14:50,300 --> 01:14:53,600
Yeah, bit off the beaten track, innit?
909
01:14:55,800 --> 01:14:58,000
- All right, mate?
- Yeah, I'm great, yeah.
910
01:14:58,000 --> 01:14:59,600
All right, love?
911
01:15:00,300 --> 01:15:01,900
Yeah. Good.
912
01:15:01,900 --> 01:15:03,300
Hello, boy.
913
01:15:03,900 --> 01:15:07,900
- Poppy! There you are!
- Hello.
914
01:15:07,900 --> 01:15:11,800
Oh, Poppy. It's Mummy. Eh?
915
01:15:13,200 --> 01:15:14,900
Come on, let's get you in the warm.
916
01:15:18,000 --> 01:15:20,200
- Cheers. Cheers, yeah.
- Cheers.
917
01:15:20,200 --> 01:15:21,800
- Cheers, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Glad you made it, mate.
918
01:15:21,800 --> 01:15:23,400
Yeah, well, it's lovely
to be here, mate.
919
01:15:23,400 --> 01:15:28,200
You know, with a sort of marketing
strategy and a good production schedule,
920
01:15:28,200 --> 01:15:30,500
I think we could
make it work, yeah. Yeah.
921
01:15:30,500 --> 01:15:32,500
Actually, I was thinking
of going to see this guy in Spain.
922
01:15:32,500 --> 01:15:36,000
He's got, um, some amazing ideas
about combi-power inverters.
923
01:15:36,000 --> 01:15:38,200
- I mean, you must know about them.
- Yeah. Oh, right, cool, yeah.
924
01:15:38,200 --> 01:15:41,000
Well, here's to Carapod International.
Eh? Cheers.
925
01:15:41,000 --> 01:15:43,600
- Cheers.
- Tina? Carapod International.
926
01:15:45,300 --> 01:15:46,800
- Brilliant.
- Yeah, yeah.
927
01:15:46,800 --> 01:15:48,300
I'm going for a piss.
928
01:15:48,300 --> 01:15:49,900
Yeah, yeah, fine.
929
01:15:52,000 --> 01:15:53,500
It's, uh...
930
01:15:53,500 --> 01:15:57,000
- Sorry, it's a bit squished in here.
- Sorry. Um, just...
931
01:15:57,000 --> 01:15:58,500
Yeah, he's a lovely bloke, isn't he?
932
01:15:58,500 --> 01:16:01,700
Oh, honestly, I'm so happy
I bumped into you guys.
933
01:16:01,700 --> 01:16:04,500
You know, I really need
a business partner, you know,
934
01:16:04,500 --> 01:16:06,300
'cause I come up with the ideas
935
01:16:06,300 --> 01:16:09,200
but I'm not good
at the organisational end of things.
936
01:16:09,200 --> 01:16:13,400
So, you know, and, uh, I really bonded
with little Banjo over here.
937
01:16:13,400 --> 01:16:14,800
Who?
938
01:16:15,100 --> 01:16:19,100
That's his name, isn't it?
It's just that Chris said it was...
939
01:16:19,600 --> 01:16:21,100
Did he?
940
01:16:21,500 --> 01:16:23,600
So did I get that wrong?
941
01:16:30,300 --> 01:16:32,500
Do you know what it's like
to be a woman, Martin?
942
01:16:32,500 --> 01:16:34,900
Uh, no. No.
943
01:16:36,100 --> 01:16:37,600
I do.
944
01:16:37,600 --> 01:16:39,100
Fine.
945
01:16:39,100 --> 01:16:41,200
It's not too bad, actually.
946
01:16:41,800 --> 01:16:43,300
Yeah, I imagine, yeah, yeah.
947
01:16:43,300 --> 01:16:45,500
He can be very controlling.
948
01:16:45,800 --> 01:16:48,500
- Really? Right. I...
- Very domineering.
949
01:16:48,900 --> 01:16:52,400
- Well, he's... Yeah.
- But you're not like that, are you?
950
01:16:52,800 --> 01:16:56,100
No, no. Me, I'm a pretty
easy-going guy really, yeah.
951
01:16:56,100 --> 01:16:58,500
Haven't you got lovely eyelashes?
952
01:16:58,500 --> 01:17:00,400
- Have I?
- Mmm.
953
01:17:00,400 --> 01:17:03,200
- Thanks very much. Yeah.
Kiss me.
954
01:17:06,500 --> 01:17:08,400
Martin, did you hear me?
955
01:17:11,500 --> 01:17:13,000
- Kiss me, Martin.
- Um...
956
01:17:13,000 --> 01:17:14,600
Just quickly before he comes back.
957
01:17:19,100 --> 01:17:21,200
- All right, mate?
- All right?
958
01:17:21,900 --> 01:17:23,900
- What?
- Cheers.
959
01:17:23,900 --> 01:17:25,700
- Cheers, yeah.
- Cheers. Here's to you.
960
01:17:29,800 --> 01:17:31,100
What?
961
01:17:33,200 --> 01:17:35,900
Martin just said
some filthy things to me, Chris.
962
01:17:36,300 --> 01:17:39,100
Yeah? Well, do tell.
963
01:17:39,100 --> 01:17:42,000
He said I was a dirty, slutty bitch.
964
01:17:43,700 --> 01:17:45,100
And he wanted to fuck me.
965
01:17:46,300 --> 01:17:49,400
And he said he wanted to shit
in my mouth and in my underwear,
966
01:17:50,400 --> 01:17:55,500
and he said he wanted to shit in my hand
and make me use it as a brown lipstick.
967
01:17:55,900 --> 01:17:59,200
Mate, I... I...
968
01:18:00,300 --> 01:18:03,800
You know,
if Martin really said these things,
969
01:18:05,200 --> 01:18:08,700
then I've got no objection, in theory.
970
01:18:09,200 --> 01:18:11,100
- In theory?
- Yeah.
971
01:18:14,700 --> 01:18:17,000
What about practice, Chris?
972
01:18:22,100 --> 01:18:23,800
- Right. Um...
- Chris.
973
01:18:24,600 --> 01:18:28,300
- Um, I'm gonna go to bed now, all right?
- I'm...
974
01:18:28,300 --> 01:18:30,400
Yeah, it's probably best,
actually, mate. Yeah, yeah.
975
01:18:30,400 --> 01:18:32,400
Yeah, it's been a long day.
Yeah, yeah, so I'll just...
976
01:18:32,400 --> 01:18:34,100
Yeah, I think we're probably
gonna turn in, too. So...
977
01:18:34,100 --> 01:18:37,400
Yeah, can I just...
Yeah, can I just, uh...
978
01:18:38,400 --> 01:18:40,000
Will you let Martin out, please?
979
01:18:45,500 --> 01:18:47,600
Right, cheers then, yeah.
See you in the morning.
980
01:18:51,400 --> 01:18:53,300
Why are you behaving
like that in front of Martin?!
981
01:18:53,300 --> 01:18:55,800
Why can't I have a friend?
You've got that bloody dog, Banjo!
982
01:18:55,800 --> 01:18:59,100
- Poppy!
- It's called Banjo!
983
01:18:59,100 --> 01:19:01,200
- Poppy!
- Banjo!
984
01:19:01,600 --> 01:19:04,200
Just stop saying that
in front of the dog.
985
01:19:04,200 --> 01:19:05,900
You're giving him an identity crisis.
986
01:19:05,900 --> 01:19:09,900
How is he gonna have an identity crisis,
Chris, when he's a stupid fucking dog?
987
01:19:19,700 --> 01:19:21,800
Hello? Hello? Hey!
988
01:19:23,200 --> 01:19:25,500
Hey! Hey, what are you doing?
989
01:19:50,700 --> 01:19:53,100
Well, that solves that problem.
990
01:19:58,600 --> 01:20:00,700
Oh, fuckin' God, no.
991
01:20:00,700 --> 01:20:02,100
No!
992
01:20:07,900 --> 01:20:09,200
Martin?
993
01:20:10,100 --> 01:20:11,500
Martin?
994
01:20:14,900 --> 01:20:16,500
Martin!
995
01:20:20,600 --> 01:20:23,100
You are a fucking liability, you are.
996
01:20:23,700 --> 01:20:25,900
You're a liability.
You're just like your mother.
997
01:20:25,900 --> 01:20:28,100
You can't... Ow, fucking hell.
998
01:20:44,200 --> 01:20:47,600
- Oh, you are a powder keg.
999
01:23:18,900 --> 01:23:21,000
So have you had a nice holiday?
1000
01:23:21,000 --> 01:23:24,900
Yeah.
I've had a brilliant holiday.
1001
01:23:25,800 --> 01:23:28,700
I'm sorry about
calling you a witch and that.
1002
01:23:31,900 --> 01:23:35,100
What do you reckon?
You sure this is what you want?
1003
01:23:39,700 --> 01:23:41,500
- Three...
1004
01:23:41,800 --> 01:23:43,200
- ...two...
- Two...
1005
01:23:44,200 --> 01:23:45,600
- ...one.
- ...one.
1006
01:23:46,600 --> 01:23:48,000
Go.
75971
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