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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:25,000 Mum? Mum? 2 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,200 Mum? 3 00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:30,900 Mum? 4 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:33,800 Mum? 5 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,100 Mum? 6 00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:40,700 Mum? Mum? 7 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,400 Mum? 8 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,900 You all right? 9 00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:56,100 I was just thinking about Poppy. 10 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,500 She was me only friend. 11 00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:04,100 Aw, Mum. I'm your friend. 12 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:10,300 You're not a friend. You're just a relative. 13 00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:13,900 I'm 34 years old! 14 00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:17,500 And I've found someone who likes me, and I like him, 15 00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:19,400 and I'm going on holiday with him. 16 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,600 You're running away 17 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,800 from your... guilt! 18 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,800 Don't do that with Poppy's lead, Mum. 19 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,400 You've always had lovely hair, Tina. 20 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,900 It is quite thick, isn't it? 21 00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:49,400 Yes. 22 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:54,200 I've always admired your hair being thick, because mine's so thin. 23 00:03:55,700 --> 00:04:01,400 I think you might have a few split ends. Better watch that. 24 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,600 - Any more bags you want taking? - Well, 25 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:09,500 - I might want a couple more towels. - No, not in there. 26 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,300 You didn't tell me your mum was an artist. 27 00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:14,500 What? 28 00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:16,400 Look at these. 29 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,200 Chris, don't go in there. 30 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,400 Why not? - Come out. Chris. 31 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,100 What's going on? 32 00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:24,700 I'm just admiring your artwork, Carol. It's fantastic. 33 00:04:24,700 --> 00:04:26,900 I don't want anyone in my room. 34 00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:28,700 Chris was just saying how talented he thinks you are, Mum. 35 00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:32,000 It's my private sanctum. I don't want anybody looking. 36 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,600 Well, no one's looking in your sanctum, Mum. 37 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,800 So I'll just... Shall I leave you, then, to look at your brushes? 38 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,500 I'll just sit for a few minutes, yes. 39 00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:43,000 - Okay. - I could do with a cup of tea. 40 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,200 - I'll get you one, Mum. - That'd be nice. 41 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:48,000 - I'm shutting the door now. - That's okay. 42 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,500 - Yeah? - Yeah. 43 00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:51,600 Okay, Mum, bye. 44 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,000 Bye. 45 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:55,400 - All right? - Yeah. 46 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:56,800 Good. 47 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:03,100 - I've always wanted a boy in my bed. - Come on. 48 00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:04,800 - Have you? - Yeah. I was never allowed. 49 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,400 I've always wanted to be in this bed. 50 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,700 - This is Jonty. - Oh, he's putting me off. 51 00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:20,900 - I like this room. - Do you? 52 00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:22,600 - Mmm. - I hate it. 53 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,100 Why? 54 00:05:26,900 --> 00:05:28,600 Well, I like the bits. 55 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:30,100 Makes me think of you when you were a kid. 56 00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:33,900 At the same time, if it was all destroyed, I'd be quite happy. 57 00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:35,900 So what were you like when you were a little kid, then? 58 00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:38,700 - Unhappy. - You didn't like school? 59 00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:40,500 - I know, nor me. 60 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,600 What were you like at school, Chris? 61 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,500 I wasn't like anything. I was, like, invisible. 62 00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:48,200 What about you being ginger? 63 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,400 Weli, that's a problem, yeah. 64 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,200 That's not invisible, is it? 65 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,500 No, but I wanted to be. 66 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:58,700 Oh, I don't think it's safe going off with him. 67 00:05:58,700 --> 00:06:00,600 It is safe! 68 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:05,600 I know about all kinds of people who've had very bad experiences in caravans. 69 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:07,000 Like who? 70 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,400 Well, Louise. 71 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,600 She fell out of it, didn't she? 72 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:15,300 Oh, I don't know. I mean, you've gone far too fast with him far too soon. 73 00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:17,000 You hardly know him. 74 00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:22,300 You look like you... you don't trust him. 75 00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,900 I don't. 76 00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:25,400 Just let him get on with it. 77 00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:28,200 Well, I'd like to know what he's getting on with. 78 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:31,200 - Well, he's packing. - How much of our stuff has he got? 79 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:36,400 Mum, he hasn't got any of your stuff. Don't be silly. 80 00:06:39,300 --> 00:06:42,700 - All right, uh, toothbrush? - Yeah. 81 00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:44,300 - And a sponge? - Yeah. 82 00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:46,400 - Umbrella? - Yes. 83 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,100 - Uh, wash bag? - Yes. 84 00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:52,600 - What's that? What's that? - Potpourri. 85 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,900 And what are you bringing that for? We don't need potpourri. 86 00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:58,400 I don't think I could cope without potpourri, Chris. 87 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,900 You're gonna have a woman's touch on this holiday, Chris. 88 00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:02,500 Yeah, that's what I'm hoping. 89 00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:04,100 Oh, Chris. Don't look at my bum. 90 00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:06,300 - I'm not looking at your bum. - You are. 91 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,200 - Just son' of loomed into my vision. 92 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,200 Milady. 93 00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:19,700 - Bye, Mum. - You'll be back. 94 00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:21,600 I will, Mum, in a week. 95 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:25,100 Okay, well, we'll see you then, Carol. 96 00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:27,900 I'll bring her back safe, don't you worry. 97 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:31,000 Hey, I understand you collect snow globes. 98 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,600 I don't like you. 99 00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:37,500 Okay, well, see you, then. 100 00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:41,900 Show me your world, Chris. 101 00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:44,100 Well, I thought we'd start with Crich Tram Museum. 102 00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:46,700 - Great. - Murderer. 103 00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,900 It was an accident, Mum. 104 00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:50,300 So were you. 105 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,200 Don't listen to her. 106 00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:32,200 Ii For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night 107 00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:04,300 That's, uh, 32.99. 108 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,000 - Extra strong. - How can you? 109 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,700 Ah, sharpens the mind. 110 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,200 Poppy loved mints. 111 00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:19,000 - They gave her the runs. - Mint me. 112 00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:48,900 - Hold tight, please. 113 00:09:53,700 --> 00:09:55,800 So, ladies and gentlemen, this is, um, 114 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:59,600 one of about 1,200 tram cars of this type, of type E1, 115 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:03,400 built, um, by London County Council 116 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,400 from about 1912 onwards. 117 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:10,400 Out of those 1,200 trams, only two have survived. 118 00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:15,500 You know, mobility, the key to personal opportunity. 119 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:19,300 It's why I favour the Abbey Oxford as a caravan. 120 00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:21,600 So I'm the captain of me own fate. 121 00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:28,200 Excuse me, you dropped your wrapper. 122 00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:30,900 Your wrapper. 123 00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:43,100 I said, you dropped your wrapper. 124 00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:47,800 You see that? Do you see that? 125 00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:11,200 You just don't expect to see that, do you? 126 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:14,200 No. He was a pig, Chris. 127 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,900 He was a pig in clothes. I don't want this to ruin our holiday. 128 00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:19,500 You expect that of a kid who doesn't know any better. 129 00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:21,000 - But that's a bloody grown man. 130 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,800 He must be, what, 35, something like that? 131 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:25,400 - Yeah, you don't expect it. - Behaving like that in front of... 132 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,100 - He's setting an example to kids... - I know, it's terrible. 133 00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:29,500 And we're in a place where there's... It's a bloody heritage place. 134 00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:31,000 - I know. Shh. I know. - I just cannot... 135 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,500 Maybe you'll feel better if you have a scone. 136 00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:34,000 - No. No. - Do you want a scone? 137 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,800 No! They've not been preserved for hundreds of years 138 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,700 - so that wankers like that... - Shh. Shh. 139 00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:39,800 ...can use them like a bloody toilet! 140 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,700 Tina Read to the Visitor Information Centre. 141 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:44,200 Stop telling me to shush. It's putting me on edge. 142 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:47,100 Miss Tina Read, your mother's on the phone. 143 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,700 I'm gonna have to go and see what's wrong. 144 00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:52,200 Yeah. 145 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:54,000 Wait here, won't you? 146 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:23,000 I'm not gonna be able to enjoy the museum if you're in this state. 147 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,700 I'll have to come home, then. 148 00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:29,100 Chris is up there, he's looking at me. I don't... 149 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,800 Well, no! I'm gonna have... 150 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,900 Well, I'm gonna have to come back, Mum, 'cause I can't leave you in this state. 151 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:47,800 - Hey, what's up? Oh, come on, what's up? 152 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,800 Hey. What's happened? 153 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:54,000 - What'd she say? We have to go home. 154 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,500 Why? What, because of her? 155 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:00,200 Blue John mines tomorrow. Pencil Museum. 156 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:01,900 I know how much you wanted to see that. 157 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:07,600 Got some vouchers as well. Two-for-one restaurant deal. 158 00:13:08,900 --> 00:13:11,500 They expire in a week. It's now or never. 159 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:25,000 He just stepped out, Chris, and it wasn't your fault. 160 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,100 Maybe you're right. 161 00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:33,600 I just feel so devastated for his family, you know? 162 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:38,400 - Maybe your mother was right. - About what? 163 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,000 About everything! 164 00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:41,900 About everything. 165 00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:46,400 - Chris... - He's ruined the Tram Museum for me now. 166 00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,800 Mint me. 167 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,500 What? 168 00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:05,200 You heard me. Mint me. 169 00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:48,200 "Dear Mum, I'm not coming home." 170 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:51,200 "Yorkshire is lovely. Not like you said at all." 171 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,900 "They can smile, and they do sell my pasta sauce." 172 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:58,600 "The caravan bed is quite short, but Chris is a sensitive lover." 173 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:02,000 "Hope you can be happy for me. Love, Tina." 174 00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:17,600 Right, well, they've only got two spots left. 175 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:21,100 One by the Dingley Dell and one by the bogs. 176 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,400 Um, he's going for Dingley Dell. 177 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,100 Chris, I want Dingley Dell. 178 00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:27,700 I'm gonna get this bloody Dingley Dell. 179 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,800 - Can't we go around it? - Just hold on, I'm gonna do it. 180 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,600 - Go around them. Go around. - We'll make it. 181 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,600 - Go that way. - I will, just wait there, wait... 182 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,800 - Just go around it. - Okay! Hold on. 183 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,400 Oh, Chris! Don't look at them, Chris. 184 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,400 Oh, I just... 185 00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:48,300 Fuck you! 186 00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:52,200 I am the best. Get in. 187 00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:56,100 - Now, see that? - Yes. 188 00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:59,300 Plug that into that little hole over there. Right? 189 00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:01,100 Why? 190 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,400 You don't need to know why. Just do it. 191 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,600 - Okay? - The little hole. 192 00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:12,500 The little hole. 193 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:17,500 Turn it round so that fits in that little bit there. 194 00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:19,000 - That hole... - No, I wanna do it. 195 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,000 - Okay. - This is a ridiculous plug, this. 196 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,000 Never seen anything like it. 197 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:28,900 There we go. 198 00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:30,400 - I did it. - Brilliant. 199 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,100 I'll just sort that out. 200 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,500 Chris? 201 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,500 What? 202 00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:44,300 It's a bit eerie, isn't it? 203 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,300 Yeah, I suppose it is, yeah. 204 00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:49,200 I didn't think it would kill him, did you, Chris? 205 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,600 Well, there's loads of stuff under a caravan that'll kill you. 206 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,700 I'll have nightmares about that tonight now. 207 00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:57,800 Oh, you're not gonna go under a caravan, are you? 208 00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,400 You're gonna be in the driving seat. 209 00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:02,400 In the car, with me. 210 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,500 Well, not driving. I mean, in the passenger seat. 211 00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:08,400 I'll do the driving. 212 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,800 Bit of a mess, actually. 213 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,700 There we go, good as new. 214 00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:24,000 This is exactly how I imagined it. 215 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,500 There's no one sticking their nose in. 216 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,000 No one penetrating the mind. 217 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,800 I'll have to sort all of this out all again. 218 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,000 Take the noble English oak, Old Knobbley. 219 00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:40,700 That won't stab you in the back or belittle your five-year plan. 220 00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:42,700 I mean, where am I supposed to put that? 221 00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:44,400 - That tree won't... - There isn't anywhere. 222 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,200 - There's just no surfaces. - ...steal things that belong to you 223 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,000 and put them in another place just to piss you off. 224 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:52,400 That tree won't involve itself in low-level bullying 225 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,000 that means you have to leave work. 226 00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,500 I've got a confession to make. 227 00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:02,100 Chris. Not a wheat intolerance? 228 00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:06,400 No. It's, uh, it's not just an erotic odyssey we're on. 229 00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:09,400 Isn't it? 230 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,100 Well, it is. I mean, that's a big part of it, but... 231 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:14,200 Er, I'm writing a book. 232 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:15,800 - Are you? - Yeah. 233 00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:18,100 I thought I'd just have a bit of a sabbatical. 234 00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:21,800 You know, a bit of time off work and, you know, find my voice. 235 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,300 But, uh, I've had a bit of a problem with writer's block. 236 00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:27,100 You know, been... creative constipation. 237 00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:28,900 I hooked up with you at capoeira 238 00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:31,900 and I realised you were exactly what I needed. You know, a muse. 239 00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:33,700 - Am I your muse? - Yeah. 240 00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:37,100 - Chris! - How do you feel about that? 241 00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:38,700 I've never been a muse before. 242 00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:43,400 No? I've never had a muse before. It's great. Yeah. 243 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,400 - Thank you. - My pleasure. 244 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:47,700 - What's the book about? 245 00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:53,300 Just sort of making inroads into my own mind and taking notes as I go. 246 00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:55,000 Do you know what I mean? It's fantastic. 247 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,900 I'm really pleased with what I've come up with so far. 248 00:19:57,900 --> 00:20:00,200 - Knock, knock. - Oh, hello. 249 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,700 Settled in? 250 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,300 Yeah, we have, thanks. Yeah, lovely spot. 251 00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:05,800 - Not bad, is it? - Yeah. 252 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:09,100 Just doing my rounds. Sorry about the racket. 253 00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:11,000 - Yeah. - Festival in the yurt field. 254 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,000 - Who are they? - Uh, well, they're shaman. 255 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,500 They're sort of priests. Shamans. They're from Portsmouth, you know. 256 00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:19,500 - Uh-huh. - It's just a little festival. 257 00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:21,200 Keeps them all happy, doesn't it? You know. 258 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,000 And how long are they gonna be drumming for? 259 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,900 Well, just this evening. 260 00:20:26,700 --> 00:20:27,800 - Okay? - Thanks a lot, mate. 261 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,100 - All the best. - Yeah. 262 00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:30,800 - Bye. - Pleasure. 263 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,800 He seemed nice. 264 00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:38,700 Yurts. 265 00:20:56,900 --> 00:20:58,400 There's a stream down here somewhere. 266 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,300 I need some proper boots, Chris. 267 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,100 Yeah, brought my last girlfriend. 268 00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:03,500 Oh. 269 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,800 Yeah, I think this was it. 270 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:12,900 This is a ditch, Chris. 271 00:21:22,900 --> 00:21:26,000 I thought he said on the phone we'd be at the Dingley Dell. 272 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,400 - I know, darling. - We're right by the loo. 273 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:31,200 - Well, that'll be handy. - Shall I take some light stuff, darling? 274 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:34,100 - Yeah, that'd be great. - Sterling Elite 90, isn't it? 275 00:21:34,100 --> 00:21:35,600 Sorry? 276 00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:38,300 Sterling Elite 90. 277 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:40,900 Yeah. Yes. 278 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,300 How'd you find it on the petrol consumption? 279 00:21:46,100 --> 00:21:48,000 Uh, not too bad, actually. 280 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,700 Takes her less fuel to pull than some of the older models. 281 00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:55,100 Yeah, you're probably right, yeah. We use loads of petrol. Don't we, Tina? 282 00:21:55,100 --> 00:21:57,100 Yeah, we love it. 283 00:21:57,100 --> 00:22:02,100 Hey, do you mind if we have a little look inside? Is that all right? 284 00:22:02,100 --> 00:22:03,600 Um... 285 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,800 - I'll only be a second. - A quick look wouldn't hurt. 286 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,900 - Yeah. - Okay. Fine. 287 00:22:07,900 --> 00:22:10,300 We really appreciate it. Be fantastic to have a look in there. 288 00:22:10,300 --> 00:22:12,300 Sorry, do you mind just slipping those off? 289 00:22:12,300 --> 00:22:14,600 - I saw you come out of the toilet block. - Mmm-hmm. 290 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:20,400 It's beautiful in here. It's just like a hospital. 291 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,100 - It's all oak. 292 00:22:23,900 --> 00:22:25,400 What's this, then? 293 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:26,900 It's a stereo unit. It's a bit delicate. 294 00:22:26,900 --> 00:22:29,500 - Is it? - It's German. German. 295 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,100 There's no buttons on it. 296 00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:35,000 Well, it's voice-activated. Don't... Sorry... 297 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,800 - Poppy. - You all right, Banjo? 298 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:39,200 Are you in there? 299 00:22:49,300 --> 00:22:51,600 - Tina? - What? 300 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,200 Have you had all the Senokot? 301 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,700 - No. 302 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,300 - Hello. - Hi. My name's Chalid Sulinan. 303 00:23:06,300 --> 00:23:09,300 I work for CACSA, raising money for child soldiers. 304 00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:10,800 No. 305 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,400 - Aren't you naughty? 306 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,300 Okay. I have got some... 307 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:19,800 Poppy. Come on! 308 00:23:21,700 --> 00:23:25,300 She's... She's like that. Come on! Yeah! 309 00:23:25,300 --> 00:23:27,800 You're distracting me now, Poppy. Go on. 310 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:37,200 Oh, my God! Tina! 311 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,500 Poppy. 312 00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:44,500 Do you mind not opening that one? Sorry, do you mind not opening that one? 313 00:23:44,900 --> 00:23:46,300 God... No! 314 00:23:47,700 --> 00:23:49,600 We don't give him junk food! 315 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:57,900 Poor boy. 316 00:23:57,900 --> 00:24:00,300 - Cheap crisps are full of horrors. - I know. 317 00:24:00,300 --> 00:24:03,600 It'll be nice when you've decorated it a bit, this place. 318 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,000 Oh, well, we don't like clutter. 319 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,700 No, no, no, you don't want clutter. 320 00:24:07,700 --> 00:24:13,600 You just want some plants and cushions and pictures and a tablecloth there. 321 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:17,500 Yeah, well, that would be clutter, though, wouldn't it? 322 00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,000 I'm really sorry about that. 323 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,900 Sorry, sorry. That's really embarrassing. 324 00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:31,600 - Never mind. - Sorry. I'm so embarrassed. 325 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:34,100 It's fine. 326 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,500 Uh, you'll have to pop over to Dingley Dell sometime. 327 00:24:42,300 --> 00:24:45,600 But, uh, if the caravan's rockin', don't come a-knockin'. 328 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:50,000 Ha. Um, we're pretty intent on doing some serious walking. 329 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,300 I'm writing a book. Walks Along the Ley Lines of Britain. 330 00:24:53,300 --> 00:24:56,000 Actually, it's his third, so... 331 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,400 I'm out at the crack of dawn, having a reconnoitre. 332 00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:00,200 Yeah. Are you? 333 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,500 Do you think they liked us? 334 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:13,200 Ian and Janice. 335 00:25:14,300 --> 00:25:15,700 Chris? 336 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,300 Are you all right? 337 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,500 I didn't like their caravan. 338 00:26:16,100 --> 00:26:19,300 Um, we're pretty intent on doing some serious walking. 339 00:26:19,300 --> 00:26:21,100 - I'm writing a book. - Chris. 340 00:26:21,100 --> 00:26:22,600 Walks Along the Ley Lines of Britain. 341 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,400 - Actually, it's his third. - Are you all right? 342 00:26:25,700 --> 00:26:28,400 We're pretty intent on doing some serious walking. 343 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,700 I'm writing a book. Walks Along the Ley Lines of Britain. 344 00:26:31,700 --> 00:26:34,400 - Actually, it's his third. - Do you think they liked us? 345 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,600 - I'm out at the crack of dawn. - Ian and Janice. 346 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,500 - I'm writing a book. 347 00:26:56,500 --> 00:26:58,300 Chris. 348 00:27:00,100 --> 00:27:01,800 Chris! 349 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:32,400 Poppy! 350 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:51,000 Chris! 351 00:29:08,100 --> 00:29:09,900 My God, what is it? 352 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:14,600 Shamans. They sacrificed Mr Grant's chickens to the goddess Kali. 353 00:29:17,100 --> 00:29:19,400 Chris, you've got some on you. 354 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:23,500 Oh, sorry, yeah. No, I'll get cleaned up in a minute. 355 00:29:23,500 --> 00:29:26,200 Hey, Blue John Cavern opens in 45 minutes. 356 00:29:26,900 --> 00:29:29,400 I was thinking we should give another campsite a go tonight. 357 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:30,900 This one's gone downhill. 358 00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:45,800 So how many chickens have you got? 359 00:29:46,700 --> 00:29:49,600 Now I've only got nine, but I had twelve. 360 00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:52,800 Barbara, Margot... 361 00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:57,400 and the cockerel... Ronnie Wood. 362 00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:58,900 Ian! 363 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:04,200 Ian! 364 00:30:05,100 --> 00:30:08,200 We might be able to fit in, uh, Fountains Abbey. 365 00:30:12,900 --> 00:30:15,400 Banjo! What's wrong? 366 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:17,600 Where's your mummy? 367 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:21,000 What's happened? Eh? 368 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:23,300 Chris, look. 369 00:30:25,300 --> 00:30:26,800 What's that? 370 00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:30,300 Banjo says his mummy's a mean, horrible bitch 371 00:30:30,300 --> 00:30:31,800 and he wants to come with us. 372 00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:35,500 Oh, I don't think that would be fair on Ian and Janice. 373 00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:39,000 Banjo? We don't care about being fair, do we? 374 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:43,300 No. We just care about being happy. 375 00:30:43,900 --> 00:30:46,300 Bloody things I do for you, love. 376 00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:52,300 There we go. 377 00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:56,000 Stay! 378 00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:01,800 Say one fucking word and it's... 379 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:09,500 Go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, Chris. Go, go. Go. Go. 380 00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:12,300 Oh, no, Chris, it's Janice. 381 00:31:12,300 --> 00:31:16,100 No. Banjo, down. Down, Banjo. 382 00:31:16,100 --> 00:31:17,500 Ian! 383 00:31:19,300 --> 00:31:20,700 Ian! 384 00:32:17,900 --> 00:32:19,300 Chris? 385 00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:21,200 Chris. 386 00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:22,900 You getting anything? 387 00:32:22,900 --> 00:32:25,100 You getting any inspiration? 388 00:32:30,900 --> 00:32:32,600 - Chris. - Hang on. 389 00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:35,400 - Chris. Chris. - Shut up, will you? 390 00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:37,100 - Taste that. 391 00:32:37,100 --> 00:32:38,900 If you haven't started the book yet, 392 00:32:38,900 --> 00:32:42,200 then you might as well write it about something else. 393 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,100 - Fuck! - What? 394 00:32:44,100 --> 00:32:46,400 - Fuck, fuck, fuck. - What is it? 395 00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:51,200 Every time I think I've found my oeuvre, someone shits on it. 396 00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:53,000 Well, I wouldn't shit on you, Chris. 397 00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:54,400 Not unless you asked me to. 398 00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:57,200 Everyone else seems to find it so easy to express themselves. 399 00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,200 I mean, even you've got your knitting, haven't you? 400 00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:02,800 But the thing is, Chris, I'm your muse now. 401 00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:04,800 And we've got Banjo. 402 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:08,100 So everything will be perfect. You just need to be a bit more patient. 403 00:33:08,700 --> 00:33:12,700 - There's something in me, Tina. - I'll help you squeeze it out. 404 00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:15,400 - Choose anything you like, love. - Anything? 405 00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:18,200 Anything you like, as long as it's under 10 quid. 406 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:19,600 How much is that? 407 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,800 - 60 quid. - No, you can't have that. 408 00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:26,500 I need walking boots, don't I? 409 00:33:26,500 --> 00:33:29,000 Well, we'll get the walking boots as well. 410 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:31,300 You want a good tread. 411 00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:33,800 Okay. 412 00:33:34,300 --> 00:33:37,600 - You heard about the man, didn't you? - No. 413 00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:41,100 He slipped on the crag and went off the cliff yesterday. 414 00:33:41,100 --> 00:33:44,100 - Did you not hear about that? - No! Did he hurt himself? 415 00:33:44,100 --> 00:33:46,600 Head smashed like a pumpkin. 416 00:33:48,100 --> 00:33:50,600 That's why I'd never have stone flooring. 417 00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:52,900 Although I do love that French farmhouse look. 418 00:33:52,900 --> 00:33:54,400 Yeah, it's terrible, isn't it, 419 00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,600 when people don't have respect for the power of nature? 420 00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,200 Can't find his dog. 421 00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:01,500 Well, it probably committed suicide. Dogs will do that. 422 00:34:01,500 --> 00:34:05,200 Tina, why don't you try these? Look. Give them a go. 423 00:34:06,900 --> 00:34:09,200 Oh, Chris. - Eh? Why not? 424 00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:55,900 I've got some sad news. It's about your father. 425 00:34:55,900 --> 00:34:57,400 He's dead. 426 00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:10,100 Hey. Don't dwell on it. 427 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:19,700 - How'd it go? - I had a word. 428 00:35:20,300 --> 00:35:21,800 How'd he take it? 429 00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:23,800 Well, he's all right. He's a bit shaken but... 430 00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,300 - Is he? - Come on. Come on. 431 00:35:26,700 --> 00:35:30,400 This was a 13th-century ruin founded by monks. 432 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:35,300 Yeah, maybe I should do an abbot detective story or something. 433 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,100 What do you think happened to Ian, Chris? 434 00:35:39,300 --> 00:35:41,000 - Chris? - Huh? 435 00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:42,500 Chris. 436 00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:45,300 - What do you think happened to Ian? - What? 437 00:35:49,300 --> 00:35:51,500 Do you think Banjo had something to do with it? 438 00:35:53,300 --> 00:35:56,600 Well, yeah, he's probably capable. He's an animal, isn't he? 439 00:35:56,600 --> 00:36:00,600 Do you think he might have pushed him? 'Cause he was an abused dog. 440 00:36:03,100 --> 00:36:05,800 There might be, uh, blood on the paws of that dog, 441 00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:09,000 but it's smug complacency that killed Ian, I tell you that. 442 00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,700 Janice looked frigid as well, didn't she? 443 00:36:22,300 --> 00:36:24,300 Chris, look, it's coming out. 444 00:36:28,500 --> 00:36:30,200 I'm a monk. 445 00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:36,000 Well, who's this little chap? Let's have a look. 446 00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:37,500 Oh, Poppy. 447 00:36:37,500 --> 00:36:40,500 - Oh, you're sweet, aren't you? 448 00:36:40,500 --> 00:36:42,200 This is Barney. Barney, come and say hello. 449 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:43,900 - Barney. - Come and say hello. 450 00:36:43,900 --> 00:36:45,500 Say hello to Barney. 451 00:36:45,500 --> 00:36:49,700 - Aw! They love each other. Don't they? - Well, they're a bit shy. 452 00:36:49,700 --> 00:36:53,500 Yeah, well, often it's like that when it's love at first sight. 453 00:36:53,500 --> 00:36:55,200 - Isn't it, Chris? - What? 454 00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,800 - It's like you and me when we met. - They're not fighting, anyway. 455 00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:00,400 - Speechless. Yeah, speechless. - Speechless, yeah. 456 00:37:00,900 --> 00:37:04,100 Look at that graffiti there. "Rob loves Kerry." 457 00:37:13,300 --> 00:37:15,800 My husband's researching for his book. 458 00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:17,300 Oh, really? 459 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:19,800 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I am, yeah. 460 00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:21,500 Actually, it's his third. 461 00:37:21,500 --> 00:37:23,700 You've certainly picked an interesting spot. 462 00:37:23,700 --> 00:37:25,400 Are you staying nearby? 463 00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:26,900 Well, actually we're mobile. 464 00:37:37,300 --> 00:37:40,300 Oh, God, Chris, this is just how I imagined it. 465 00:38:16,700 --> 00:38:18,700 For Christ's sake! 466 00:38:19,300 --> 00:38:21,100 - Get off! - What did I do? 467 00:38:21,100 --> 00:38:22,900 Not you. Bloody Banjo. 468 00:38:22,900 --> 00:38:24,400 Poppy! 469 00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:26,300 He's a fuckin' pervert. 470 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:35,000 Get in there. Get in there. Go on, Banjo. Get in the bloody car. 471 00:39:08,500 --> 00:39:10,000 Chris? 472 00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:14,000 Come on. 473 00:39:21,300 --> 00:39:23,600 - I can fly! - Whoa! 474 00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:26,000 I can fly, Chris. 475 00:39:26,700 --> 00:39:28,400 - Whoo! - Whoo-whoo! 476 00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:36,100 Chris? Which button do I press? 477 00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,300 Oh, it's okay, I've done it. 478 00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:42,000 Yeah, Poppy! 479 00:39:45,700 --> 00:39:47,800 Chris, there's quite a nice one of you here. 480 00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:49,800 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 481 00:39:50,900 --> 00:39:52,500 Whoo! 482 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,700 Chris, these are a bit saucy, these ones. 483 00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:10,700 This is not my vagina! 484 00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:13,800 This is not my vagina! 485 00:40:14,500 --> 00:40:16,000 I don't know what you mean. 486 00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,200 Janice doesn't look very frigid to me, Chris! 487 00:40:19,300 --> 00:40:22,200 In fact, she looks like a very happy girl. 488 00:40:22,900 --> 00:40:24,400 No, that's... 489 00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,400 No wonder, when you look at Ian. 490 00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:30,700 That's not Ian. That's me, that. 491 00:40:30,700 --> 00:40:33,200 Were you shagging Janice? 492 00:40:33,700 --> 00:40:36,300 - What are you talking about? - Were you shagging Ian? 493 00:40:38,700 --> 00:40:40,800 - Ah, come on. - Are you gay? 494 00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:44,200 - What? You know I'm not gay. - Why are they at a wedding? 495 00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:45,300 What wedding? 496 00:40:45,300 --> 00:40:48,800 Did you go to a wedding with Ian and Janice, Chris? 497 00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:50,700 - I didn't. - Was... 498 00:40:55,300 --> 00:40:56,900 What's going on here? 499 00:40:56,900 --> 00:40:58,600 I wouldn't look. Don't. 500 00:41:00,700 --> 00:41:02,300 Did you kill Ian? 501 00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:07,200 Yeah. Well, I mean... 502 00:41:08,700 --> 00:41:10,400 Why'd you do that? 503 00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:13,800 I didn't mean to. It was just an accident. 504 00:41:15,100 --> 00:41:17,000 And that just happened. 505 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,100 Can't do things like that. 506 00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:23,000 It's gonna ruin the holiday. 507 00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,300 I just did... I did that for you. 508 00:41:39,100 --> 00:41:41,900 The council had fought an injunction 509 00:41:41,900 --> 00:41:45,000 to remove Mr Andrews and begun proceedings to evict him. 510 00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:47,100 The house has been condemned, as it was erected 511 00:41:47,100 --> 00:41:49,600 without proper planning permission. 512 00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:52,300 Police now think that Ian Worthing, 513 00:41:52,300 --> 00:41:55,200 whose body was found at the base of a Yorkshire crag yesterday, 514 00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:59,200 could have killed himself because of mounting financial pressures. 515 00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:03,500 - Oh! Buy you a drink? - Yeah. 516 00:42:03,500 --> 00:42:05,700 - No wife? - No, no, she's, uh... 517 00:42:05,700 --> 00:42:07,500 she's back at the, uh, caravan tonight. 518 00:42:07,500 --> 00:42:09,000 - Oh? - Yeah. Yeah. 519 00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:11,600 - Yeah, so's Joan. - Is she? Yeah, yeah. 520 00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:14,300 We both said what a nice couple we thought you were. 521 00:42:14,300 --> 00:42:17,000 Oh, did you? Oh, that's very nice. Cheers, yeah. 522 00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:19,700 Yeah, no, I love her. Yeah. 523 00:42:21,300 --> 00:42:23,100 Yeah, we're in love. 524 00:42:24,500 --> 00:42:26,100 Yeah, I love her. 525 00:42:39,700 --> 00:42:44,900 Hi, Chris, it's me. It's... It's Tina. I'm just, um... 526 00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:47,900 I'm just having fun in the caravan. 527 00:42:47,900 --> 00:42:49,300 Um... 528 00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,800 I'm just wondering where you are. 529 00:42:54,100 --> 00:42:58,500 It's very cosy, and I've made some dinner. 530 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:01,400 Come back? 531 00:43:21,300 --> 00:43:23,800 Ooh, steady. Are you okay? 532 00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:25,300 Yeah. 533 00:43:25,300 --> 00:43:27,200 Got a bit carried away. 534 00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:32,000 - I'll get the car in the morning. - Come on. There you go. 535 00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:35,700 - Thanks for bringing him back, Richard. - Oh, pleasure. 536 00:43:35,700 --> 00:43:37,600 - You take it easy. - You're a legend, mate. 537 00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:39,400 Good luck with the ley lines. 538 00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:41,200 Yeah. See you, mate. 539 00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:49,100 Oh, I think I've got a ley line running through my head. 540 00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:52,500 I thought you'd gone. 541 00:44:20,700 --> 00:44:23,900 Chris, Poppy's stopping. 542 00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:26,800 Poppy's stopping, Chris. 543 00:44:27,900 --> 00:44:29,900 Yeah, good girl. 544 00:44:29,900 --> 00:44:31,900 Aw! You having a little poo? Well done. 545 00:44:31,900 --> 00:44:35,400 Excuse me. You are going to pick that up? 546 00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:37,100 Well, I haven't, I've... Chris? 547 00:44:37,100 --> 00:44:40,600 This is a site of natural beauty and geographical interest. 548 00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:43,000 I think you need to sort that out. 549 00:44:43,500 --> 00:44:46,800 - I didn't do that. - Uh, you need to pick it up. 550 00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:49,800 - I can't... Well, I can't. - Why? Why can't you? 551 00:44:50,300 --> 00:44:52,300 Well, I haven't got the proper things to do it with. 552 00:44:52,300 --> 00:44:55,000 Why didn't you bring the proper things with you if you're out with your dog? 553 00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:56,800 Well, I did bring the proper things... 554 00:44:56,800 --> 00:44:58,800 ...but I'm not having a very good day. 555 00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:00,300 - Good morning. - Chris. 556 00:45:00,300 --> 00:45:03,300 - Good morning. - He's told me I've got to pick that up 557 00:45:03,300 --> 00:45:05,800 - with my fingers. - Well, a dog does a shit. 558 00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:07,600 You know, you can't do much about that, mate. 559 00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:09,500 You can pick it up and you take it away with you. 560 00:45:09,500 --> 00:45:12,000 Well, I would have the bags, but they're in the bloody car 561 00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:15,200 that you've left, drunk, outside some pub that we can't... 562 00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:17,500 - We don't even know where the pub is. - Tina, I know where the car is. 563 00:45:17,500 --> 00:45:19,200 - No, you don't. - I do. I know where it is. 564 00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,400 - We are lost, Chris! Lost! - I know where it is. 565 00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:23,200 - I know... Look, Tina. - You don't. 566 00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:25,700 Look, I'm sorry, but if you don't pick up this excrement immediately, 567 00:45:25,700 --> 00:45:27,400 then I'm gonna have to inform the National Trust. 568 00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:29,800 Actually, do you know what? I don't think you are sorry, mate. 569 00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:31,500 I don't think you're sorry, either. 570 00:45:31,500 --> 00:45:33,200 - Did he touch you? - What? 571 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:36,500 - Don't know. Wasn't concentrating. - Have a think. 572 00:45:39,300 --> 00:45:41,600 Can you remember everything? 573 00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:44,000 Uh, yes. Yes, he did touch me. 574 00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:47,200 - Oh... This is preposterous! - What else did he do? 575 00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:50,900 He, urn... - Details. 576 00:45:50,900 --> 00:45:55,500 ...tried to put Poppy's bails in his mouth. 577 00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:59,200 - Did you go to a private school? - That is totally irrelevant, but yes. 578 00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:01,700 Yeah, I thought so. It's the tone. It's the entitlement you got... 579 00:46:01,700 --> 00:46:03,200 I'm entitled to walk in the countryside... 580 00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:04,900 - Yeah, you're superior. - ...without having to encounter 581 00:46:04,900 --> 00:46:06,400 - dog excrement. - You're not entitled 582 00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:08,700 - to be a bloody bully, mate... - Put your stick down, for starters. 583 00:46:08,700 --> 00:46:10,400 - ...bullying my girlfriend. - Leave the turd where it is. 584 00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:11,900 I will point this stick at you! 585 00:46:11,900 --> 00:46:13,400 They still think it's their country, don't they? 586 00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:15,400 It should be for people that at least respect the countryside. 587 00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:17,000 See how far his A level in Classics gets him 588 00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:19,400 - when China owns the whole of the UK. - People like you... 589 00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:26,400 "And did those feet in ancient time" 590 00:46:27,100 --> 00:46:30,900 "Walk upon England's mountains green" 591 00:46:31,700 --> 00:46:35,200 "And was the holy Lamb of God" 592 00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:38,700 "On England's pleasant pastures seen" 593 00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:42,600 "And did the countenance divine" 594 00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:46,400 "Shine forth upon our clouded hills" 595 00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:51,100 "And was Jerusalem builded here" 596 00:46:51,100 --> 00:46:53,900 "Among these dark satanic..." 597 00:46:56,400 --> 00:46:58,400 Report that to the National Trust, mate. 598 00:47:04,300 --> 00:47:05,800 You know, 300 years ago 599 00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:09,600 his ancestor would have strode down a path just like this, you know, 600 00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:12,300 and he'd have seen some common strumpet like you and he'd have gone, 601 00:47:12,300 --> 00:47:13,800 "I'm gonna have a bit of that." 602 00:47:14,100 --> 00:47:16,800 And I'd have had to have stood by and watched him. 603 00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:20,600 'Cause I'd have been a serf and he'd have been the bloody lord of the manor. 604 00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:22,900 And they call them "the good old days". 605 00:47:22,900 --> 00:47:24,400 I suppose. 606 00:47:25,900 --> 00:47:29,400 If you look at it that way, you were defending my honour. 607 00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:33,200 Oh, don't thank me, thank the democratic process. 608 00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:40,600 Never thought about murdering innocent people like that before. 609 00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:44,100 Ah, he's not a person, Tina, he's a Daily Mail reader. 610 00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:47,700 Perspective. Grab it with both hands, it's free. 611 00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:50,900 See if he's got any sandwiches. 612 00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:56,600 Oh, thank Christ. 613 00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:00,300 Fucking hell. 614 00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:06,300 I know, get your notebook out. 615 00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:09,000 - Huh? - Get your notebook out. 616 00:48:10,100 --> 00:48:11,600 Come on, write down your ideas. 617 00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:15,700 Just write down what's happened and all your feelings and stuff like that. 618 00:48:15,700 --> 00:48:17,400 - Yeah? - Mmm! 619 00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:19,500 - All right. - Go on, get it down. 620 00:48:19,500 --> 00:48:21,000 Oh, my God, Chris. 621 00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:23,500 I'm musing. 622 00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:28,300 I'm musing right now. Do you feel it? 623 00:48:30,900 --> 00:48:32,900 My God, I feel amazing. 624 00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:35,900 Christ, that was hard. 625 00:48:35,900 --> 00:48:38,600 I don't think I'll get anything more out today. 626 00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:41,400 I think you've found your oeuvre, Chris. 627 00:48:44,500 --> 00:48:46,300 You're not gonna tell, are you? 628 00:48:48,700 --> 00:48:50,000 No. 629 00:48:58,200 --> 00:49:00,000 What are you looking at me like that for? 630 00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:03,100 This will put 'em off the scent. 631 00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:06,500 Come on, give us a hand. 632 00:49:49,900 --> 00:49:52,100 Mother Shipton's Cave! 633 00:50:00,700 --> 00:50:03,900 If you could wish for anything, what would it be? 634 00:50:04,500 --> 00:50:07,600 Well, if I tell you, Chris, it won't come true. 635 00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:10,700 I just wanna be feared and respected. 636 00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:13,300 It's not too much to ask from life, is it? 637 00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,300 Can't look at that any more. 638 00:50:30,500 --> 00:50:34,100 The man found dead yesterday at the Kimberly Stone Circle 639 00:50:34,100 --> 00:50:37,200 has been identified as Anthony Breal. 640 00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:40,000 Police are treating the death as suspicious 641 00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:43,100 and are looking for a culprit that they are describing 642 00:50:43,100 --> 00:50:45,800 as a dangerous sexual predator. 643 00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:52,400 Now be good, because Mummy and Daddy are going out. 644 00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:55,500 What do you think of this? 645 00:51:55,500 --> 00:51:59,500 Ah, that is very nice. Very nice indeed. 646 00:52:00,900 --> 00:52:03,000 Hey, turn round. Turn round. 647 00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:04,800 Why? 648 00:52:10,100 --> 00:52:11,900 - There you go. - Ooh! 649 00:52:11,900 --> 00:52:13,900 - What do you think? Eh? - It's an owl. 650 00:52:13,900 --> 00:52:15,400 It's nice, innit? 651 00:52:21,500 --> 00:52:22,900 Excuse me. 652 00:52:25,100 --> 00:52:26,600 Sorry, mate. 653 00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:29,400 Guys! Dinner in five minutes! 654 00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:02,500 All right, mate? Not seen one of these before. 655 00:53:02,500 --> 00:53:04,100 It's a prototype. 656 00:53:04,100 --> 00:53:06,800 Yeah, all the things that... You know, all your practical stuff, 657 00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:08,700 you keep down at the end by your feet. 658 00:53:08,700 --> 00:53:10,500 Do you? Is that where you've got your toolbox and stuff? 659 00:53:10,500 --> 00:53:13,300 Yeah, yeah, I keep it down there, like our wind-up torch and that, 660 00:53:13,300 --> 00:53:15,200 - and, uh, my stove. - Yeah? 661 00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:16,600 Chris! 662 00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:18,900 I'm ready! 663 00:53:18,900 --> 00:53:22,200 ...glass fibre epoxy struts, as used in spacecraft extendable masts. 664 00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:23,700 - Yeah? - Yeah. 665 00:53:23,700 --> 00:53:25,600 - I'm Chris, by the way. - I'm Martin. Nice to meet you. 666 00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:27,500 - Yeah, nice to meet you. Yeah. - Yeah, you. 667 00:53:27,500 --> 00:53:29,500 - Yeah, I was in plastics. - Was ya? 668 00:53:29,500 --> 00:53:31,100 Yeah, extrusion blow moulding. 669 00:53:31,100 --> 00:53:33,100 No. Cor, they're given an hard time, ain't they? 670 00:53:33,100 --> 00:53:35,500 But, here, let's face it, they're here to stay, mate. 671 00:53:35,500 --> 00:53:37,000 Yeah, preaching to the choir, mate. 672 00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:39,400 Right, yeah, yeah. Nice one. Yeah. 673 00:53:40,200 --> 00:53:42,300 It looks like an alien's coffin. 674 00:53:42,300 --> 00:53:45,400 I call it the Carapod. You know, what with the ground displacement 675 00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:47,800 of persons due to the instability of geopolitics, 676 00:53:47,800 --> 00:53:51,900 I'm hoping that this will become a whole new way of living for economic migrants. 677 00:53:51,900 --> 00:53:54,400 We're trying a whole new way of living. Aren't we, Chris? 678 00:53:54,400 --> 00:53:56,200 - Oh, are you? - Tina hasn't travelled much. 679 00:53:56,200 --> 00:54:00,300 Right, right, yeah. I hear you. Hey, uh, you back later for a beer? 680 00:54:00,300 --> 00:54:01,900 Oh, I don't really drink much but, um, 681 00:54:01,900 --> 00:54:03,500 always up for a bit of smoke, if you know what I mean. 682 00:54:03,500 --> 00:54:05,100 - Oh, yeah. Yeah, great. - Yeah? Great. 683 00:54:05,100 --> 00:54:06,600 - Nice one. - Cheers, Martin. 684 00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:08,100 - Cheers. Chris? - Yeah. 685 00:54:08,100 --> 00:54:09,600 Yeah. Take care. 686 00:54:11,900 --> 00:54:13,400 Right. 687 00:54:26,900 --> 00:54:30,000 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! One in the pink, 688 00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:31,500 - one on the sink! - One on the sink! 689 00:54:31,500 --> 00:54:34,000 - It's crazy, this. - Thank you. 690 00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:35,600 - Madam. 691 00:54:36,100 --> 00:54:38,900 Thank you very much. Uh, can I just ask you, actually, 692 00:54:38,900 --> 00:54:41,000 I've got this, er... I've got this voucher 693 00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:43,100 - that I picked up about a week ago. - Oh, right. 694 00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:48,200 Hey, that dress looks a lot better on you than it did on your mother. 695 00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:53,200 I haven't got any knickers on. 696 00:54:56,900 --> 00:54:59,700 Oh, dear, it looks like your knife's fallen off the table. 697 00:55:00,900 --> 00:55:03,400 I'll just have to go and pick it up. 698 00:55:04,200 --> 00:55:06,600 I might be five minutes or so. 699 00:55:15,500 --> 00:55:17,300 Can't see anything. 700 00:55:18,900 --> 00:55:20,800 Well, I'm wearing tights. 701 00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:22,800 You know all that stuff that's been happening, you know... 702 00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:24,600 It's all right, Chris. 703 00:55:24,600 --> 00:55:28,600 It's all right, because I understand you. 704 00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:31,300 - And I know you... - Do you? 705 00:55:31,300 --> 00:55:35,900 ...and I get it, 'cause it's just about personal empowerment, isn't it? 706 00:55:35,900 --> 00:55:39,900 It's just expressing yourself and thinking outside the box. 707 00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:44,200 And I've been in a box. I don't wanna go back to the box, Chris. 708 00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:47,800 I'd rather die. Do you know that? 709 00:55:48,400 --> 00:55:49,900 You'd rather die? 710 00:55:50,300 --> 00:55:54,800 Yeah. How romantic would that be? If we both just died together. 711 00:55:54,800 --> 00:55:59,600 Well, I mean, going to salsa's romantic. We could maybe try that first. 712 00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:02,700 What you're doing is you're giving to the world. 713 00:56:03,100 --> 00:56:05,100 Take carbon footprints. 714 00:56:05,100 --> 00:56:08,700 By reducing people's lifespans, 715 00:56:08,700 --> 00:56:11,200 technically, you're reducing their emissions. 716 00:56:13,600 --> 00:56:17,500 What, so you're saying that... murder is green? 717 00:56:19,800 --> 00:56:22,700 Hmm, I hadn't thought of it like that. Thanks. 718 00:56:28,900 --> 00:56:31,600 - This beard turns me on, Chris. - I love it when you do that. 719 00:56:33,500 --> 00:56:36,100 - Ginger-minger! 720 00:56:39,100 --> 00:56:41,300 What's the favourite thing I like to do? 721 00:56:41,300 --> 00:56:43,400 Yeah. With me. 722 00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:46,000 - Oh, well, that's obvious, innit? 723 00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:48,300 - Put the bins out. 724 00:56:49,500 --> 00:56:53,900 I like to put the bins out... in my pants and then have you come over 725 00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:57,100 and rub bin juice all over me leg. 726 00:56:57,100 --> 00:56:59,200 What's bin juice? 727 00:56:59,200 --> 00:57:00,900 You know, that bit that you get at the bottom of the bin 728 00:57:00,900 --> 00:57:02,600 - when all that stuff drips out. - Oh, yeah. 729 00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:05,800 - That was Dave! - Wasn't his real name... 730 00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:18,300 Don't be sick. 731 00:57:19,300 --> 00:57:20,800 You Okay? 732 00:57:37,100 --> 00:57:39,500 Nine, eight, seven, 733 00:57:40,100 --> 00:57:45,100 six, five, four, three, two, one! 734 00:57:50,900 --> 00:57:52,500 Do you wanna have sex with all us? 735 00:57:55,600 --> 00:57:57,700 Ooh! It's just a bit of fun. 736 00:57:59,500 --> 00:58:02,000 Get off, that's enough. That's enough. 737 00:58:02,700 --> 00:58:04,700 Getting married, are you? 738 00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:06,500 - Yeah. - Are you? 739 00:58:06,500 --> 00:58:07,900 I am. Aren't we? 740 00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:12,400 What would your fiancé think of this, then, eh? 741 00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:13,900 He'd love it. 742 00:58:17,100 --> 00:58:18,900 - I'm gonna go and pay the bill now. - No, let me pay. 743 00:58:18,900 --> 00:58:20,600 Sit down! Sit! 744 00:58:21,400 --> 00:58:22,800 Stay! 745 00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:32,600 In a minute! 746 00:59:27,500 --> 00:59:31,500 Nine, eight, seven, six, 747 00:59:31,500 --> 00:59:35,300 five, four, three, two, one! 748 01:00:12,700 --> 01:00:14,300 I'd never do that. 749 01:00:16,800 --> 01:00:18,300 Do what? 750 01:00:18,300 --> 01:00:19,700 Chailey! 751 01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:21,600 Chailey Morris! 752 01:00:22,100 --> 01:00:23,400 Chailey! 753 01:00:24,400 --> 01:00:26,000 - Chailey! - Chailey! 754 01:00:27,900 --> 01:00:29,900 She's not texting back. 755 01:00:31,300 --> 01:00:32,900 - Chailey! - Chailey! 756 01:01:25,800 --> 01:01:28,900 Oh, for Christ's sake, Banjo, you've pissed the bed. 757 01:01:29,500 --> 01:01:32,000 Poppy. - Disgusting. 758 01:01:49,600 --> 01:01:51,100 Where's that necklace? 759 01:01:51,800 --> 01:01:54,600 I'm sure I had it when we got back from the restaurant. 760 01:01:55,200 --> 01:01:56,700 Well, that's what happens when you go off schedule. 761 01:01:57,200 --> 01:01:59,000 Chris, are we going to the Pencil Museum now? 762 01:01:59,400 --> 01:02:02,000 Actually, I told Martin I'd help with modifications 763 01:02:02,000 --> 01:02:03,500 to the Carapod this morning. 764 01:02:03,500 --> 01:02:05,500 But we scheduled the Pencil Museum. 765 01:02:05,500 --> 01:02:07,500 Well, it's my turn to go off schedule. 766 01:02:08,000 --> 01:02:09,400 Fine. 767 01:02:11,900 --> 01:02:13,300 Come on, Poppy. 768 01:02:14,300 --> 01:02:16,300 Come on. Come on, Poppy. 769 01:02:17,500 --> 01:02:18,900 Come on, Poppy. 770 01:02:20,400 --> 01:02:22,900 Poppy! Poppy! Poppy! 771 01:02:23,400 --> 01:02:27,200 Come on. Come on, Poppy. 772 01:02:33,200 --> 01:02:35,000 Well, fuck you, then. 773 01:02:45,400 --> 01:02:47,600 How long have you two been together, then? 774 01:02:47,600 --> 01:02:49,500 Uh, about three months. 775 01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:52,900 Still getting on all right? 776 01:02:52,900 --> 01:02:55,800 Yeah. Sex life's fucking fantastic, mate. 777 01:02:55,800 --> 01:02:57,600 - Is it? - Better than ever. 778 01:02:57,600 --> 01:02:59,400 - Fair play, mate. - Yeah. 779 01:02:59,400 --> 01:03:03,200 She don't mind you smoking a bit of the old herb every now and again? 780 01:03:03,200 --> 01:03:05,500 No, she don't care about that. 781 01:03:06,100 --> 01:03:07,600 She doesn't like me drinking 782 01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:09,900 and she doesn't like me doing her up the bumhole. 783 01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:15,500 Legend has it that in the early 1500s, 784 01:03:15,500 --> 01:03:19,000 a violent storm in the Borrowdale area of Cumberland 785 01:03:19,000 --> 01:03:21,200 led to trees being uprooted 786 01:03:21,200 --> 01:03:24,700 and the discovery of a strange black material underneath. 787 01:03:25,400 --> 01:03:28,200 This material turned out to be graphite. 788 01:03:30,300 --> 01:03:34,300 A cottage industry of pencil-making soon developed, 789 01:03:34,300 --> 01:03:40,300 culminating in the formation of the UK's first pencil factory in 1832. 790 01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:43,800 The factory has had various owners... 791 01:03:46,100 --> 01:03:48,600 And then like this, sort of disco style. 792 01:03:59,200 --> 01:04:02,600 Excuse me. How much is that big pencil? 793 01:04:02,600 --> 01:04:04,000 £24. 794 01:04:17,800 --> 01:04:19,900 Go. Fast as you can. 795 01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:26,200 - Oh, mate. You all right? 796 01:04:27,500 --> 01:04:30,000 - Oh, bloody hell. - Bloody hell, mate. 797 01:04:31,800 --> 01:04:33,200 Banjo. 798 01:04:33,600 --> 01:04:35,500 - Banjo. Banjo, get away. - Ugh! 799 01:04:35,500 --> 01:04:37,100 Go! 800 01:04:39,800 --> 01:04:44,300 ...becoming the Cumberland Pencil Company in 1916. 801 01:04:45,200 --> 01:04:49,600 The Lakeland children's range was launched in 1930, 802 01:04:49,600 --> 01:04:54,600 followed by the Derwent brand of fine art pencils in... 803 01:04:55,500 --> 01:04:58,100 How did you decide on the size of this when you were originally... 804 01:04:58,100 --> 01:05:00,000 Oh, from a P&O ferry. 805 01:05:12,300 --> 01:05:13,900 ...canteen building, 806 01:05:13,900 --> 01:05:16,900 and advertisements were placed in newspapers, 807 01:05:16,900 --> 01:05:19,400 seeking artefacts and memorabilia. 808 01:05:22,400 --> 01:05:24,900 The famous Pencil Museum... 809 01:05:37,600 --> 01:05:39,500 Mum. 810 01:05:39,500 --> 01:05:41,200 Is that you, Tina? 811 01:05:41,200 --> 01:05:42,600 Oh, Mum. 812 01:05:45,000 --> 01:05:47,400 - Has it gone wrong? - No. 813 01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:49,500 Yes. 814 01:05:49,500 --> 01:05:51,900 Yeah, a bit, sort of. 815 01:05:53,700 --> 01:05:57,400 Shall I come? No, I can't. I'm too ill. 816 01:05:57,400 --> 01:05:59,900 I don't know what he wants. 817 01:06:00,400 --> 01:06:02,500 Oh, they're all the same. 818 01:06:02,500 --> 01:06:05,100 Whatever you give him, he'll want the opposite. 819 01:06:05,100 --> 01:06:08,200 I've done things. 820 01:06:08,200 --> 01:06:10,300 Ooh, Tina. What? 821 01:06:11,400 --> 01:06:13,200 What have you done, love? 822 01:06:15,700 --> 01:06:17,200 Sex things? 823 01:06:17,700 --> 01:06:19,300 And other stuff. 824 01:06:20,500 --> 01:06:25,000 Because I thought that was what he wanted to see me do, you know? 825 01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:28,500 But now I'm not sure. 826 01:06:28,900 --> 01:06:31,900 You didn't let him see you do number twos, did you, Tina? 827 01:06:32,900 --> 01:06:34,300 Never. 828 01:06:35,100 --> 01:06:38,700 Mystery, Tina, is a woman's sanctuary. 829 01:06:40,900 --> 01:06:43,700 Bye, now, 'cause I've got stuff to do. 830 01:06:44,700 --> 01:06:46,100 Mum. 831 01:07:24,900 --> 01:07:27,600 Poppy's with the babysitter. 832 01:07:28,400 --> 01:07:30,200 Don't call him that. 833 01:07:30,600 --> 01:07:32,500 Make love to me, Chris. 834 01:07:34,100 --> 01:07:36,600 No, I can't. I'm still processing. 835 01:07:36,600 --> 01:07:38,000 Please. 836 01:07:39,100 --> 01:07:42,000 That poor girl. She was getting married. 837 01:07:43,700 --> 01:07:45,800 Just the thought of that just makes me feel... 838 01:07:45,800 --> 01:07:47,200 Sexy. 839 01:07:49,500 --> 01:07:51,700 Ruined that restaurant for me. 840 01:07:53,300 --> 01:07:55,400 I've been very bad, Chris. 841 01:07:57,100 --> 01:07:59,300 I think you should punish me. 842 01:08:00,900 --> 01:08:02,600 With your cock. 843 01:08:02,600 --> 01:08:05,900 Tina. It's not sexy. It was wrong. 844 01:08:06,600 --> 01:08:08,400 You're not qualified. 845 01:08:09,800 --> 01:08:11,200 Fine! 846 01:08:23,000 --> 01:08:24,800 What are you doing? 847 01:08:25,900 --> 01:08:28,100 Finishing what you started. 848 01:08:42,900 --> 01:08:44,600 ...have been at their highest for a decade. 849 01:08:44,600 --> 01:08:47,800 There have been grim warnings that the country could return to the dark days... 850 01:09:00,200 --> 01:09:02,200 Oh, what the fuck? 851 01:09:05,000 --> 01:09:06,400 Pull over! 852 01:09:07,600 --> 01:09:09,400 Fucking hell. 853 01:09:12,500 --> 01:09:15,300 Morning, Chris. - Pull over now! 854 01:09:15,300 --> 01:09:16,700 - Oh. - What the hell are you doing? 855 01:09:17,300 --> 01:09:18,800 I thought I'd give you a lie-in. 856 01:09:18,800 --> 01:09:21,300 A lie-in? Pull over now! 857 01:09:21,300 --> 01:09:23,900 - Fine. 858 01:09:28,400 --> 01:09:29,900 Oh, Christ. 859 01:09:31,500 --> 01:09:35,200 Aw. It reminds me of the first day of the holiday. 860 01:09:35,200 --> 01:09:36,700 No, that was an accident. 861 01:09:36,700 --> 01:09:39,800 I feel a bit emotional, 'cause, you know, 862 01:09:39,800 --> 01:09:42,200 it's the first one we've done together, isn't it? 863 01:09:42,200 --> 01:09:44,300 - Ah, you're sacked. - What? 864 01:09:44,300 --> 01:09:45,800 - You're sacked. - What? 865 01:09:45,800 --> 01:09:48,100 Look... ...this isn't working. 866 01:09:48,100 --> 01:09:50,300 Look, I don't... I don't need you. I don't need a muse. 867 01:09:50,300 --> 01:09:52,100 I'm not a bloody writer, am I? 868 01:09:53,000 --> 01:09:55,100 No, you're not. You're a serial killer. 869 01:09:55,100 --> 01:09:57,000 - That's what you are. - I am not. Look, Tina, 870 01:09:57,000 --> 01:10:00,500 I need structure. Organisation. This is just chaos. 871 01:10:00,500 --> 01:10:03,300 It's not my style! Just... All this... 872 01:10:03,300 --> 01:10:05,600 Oh, I can't open the fucking door now! 873 01:10:11,400 --> 01:10:13,500 You did this to me. God! 874 01:10:14,300 --> 01:10:16,200 You done it to yourself. 875 01:10:16,600 --> 01:10:18,600 - I need justification. - Really? 876 01:10:18,600 --> 01:10:21,600 - This is just murder. - Well, maybe this is my style, Chris. 877 01:10:21,600 --> 01:10:24,100 - Yeah, great style. - Maybe this is my style. 878 01:10:24,100 --> 01:10:26,300 You are really bloody stylish, aren't you? 879 01:10:26,300 --> 01:10:29,100 - I know. - Look at that! That's your style? 880 01:10:29,700 --> 01:10:31,500 Look, it's nothing personal. 881 01:10:31,500 --> 01:10:34,200 It's just, you're a negative influence on me. 882 01:10:34,200 --> 01:10:35,700 Do you know that? 883 01:10:35,700 --> 01:10:38,600 I've done more murders in the last fucking three days 884 01:10:38,600 --> 01:10:41,300 than in the entire six months since I got made redundant. 885 01:10:41,300 --> 01:10:43,000 - Redundant? - Yes. 886 01:10:43,800 --> 01:10:45,800 You said you'd taken a sabbatical. 887 01:10:45,800 --> 01:10:48,000 It doesn't matter. You can't help it, you're evil. 888 01:10:48,000 --> 01:10:50,700 Maybe even a witch. Yeah, you're a witch. 889 01:10:51,400 --> 01:10:53,200 You're a bloody witch. 890 01:11:02,200 --> 01:11:05,100 I don't think anyone will be able to see him. 891 01:11:22,000 --> 01:11:24,700 The tragic death of bride-to-be Chailey Morris 892 01:11:24,700 --> 01:11:28,900 on Tuesday is now considered not to be an accident. 893 01:11:28,900 --> 01:11:31,300 The police announced today that they're pursuing 894 01:11:31,300 --> 01:11:36,200 a ginger-faced man and an angry woman in connection with inquiries. 895 01:11:36,200 --> 01:11:39,200 It's not yet known how the incident happened. 896 01:12:36,300 --> 01:12:38,000 There she blows. 897 01:12:39,100 --> 01:12:40,600 Journey's end. 898 01:12:56,700 --> 01:12:58,200 Is that a hawk? 899 01:14:20,400 --> 01:14:23,700 Wonder where Martin is. Should be here by now. 900 01:14:23,700 --> 01:14:25,700 Wonder where Poppy is. 901 01:14:29,500 --> 01:14:31,600 I hope he can find us here. 902 01:14:32,700 --> 01:14:34,200 Who, Poppy? 903 01:14:34,200 --> 01:14:35,600 - No, Martin. - Oh. 904 01:14:39,400 --> 01:14:40,800 Hey. 905 01:14:41,900 --> 01:14:43,300 Hey! 906 01:14:46,100 --> 01:14:47,800 Whoa-ho-ho! 907 01:14:47,800 --> 01:14:50,300 Picked a spectacular spot, mate! 908 01:14:50,300 --> 01:14:53,600 Yeah, bit off the beaten track, innit? 909 01:14:55,800 --> 01:14:58,000 - All right, mate? - Yeah, I'm great, yeah. 910 01:14:58,000 --> 01:14:59,600 All right, love? 911 01:15:00,300 --> 01:15:01,900 Yeah. Good. 912 01:15:01,900 --> 01:15:03,300 Hello, boy. 913 01:15:03,900 --> 01:15:07,900 - Poppy! There you are! - Hello. 914 01:15:07,900 --> 01:15:11,800 Oh, Poppy. It's Mummy. Eh? 915 01:15:13,200 --> 01:15:14,900 Come on, let's get you in the warm. 916 01:15:18,000 --> 01:15:20,200 - Cheers. Cheers, yeah. - Cheers. 917 01:15:20,200 --> 01:15:21,800 - Cheers, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Glad you made it, mate. 918 01:15:21,800 --> 01:15:23,400 Yeah, well, it's lovely to be here, mate. 919 01:15:23,400 --> 01:15:28,200 You know, with a sort of marketing strategy and a good production schedule, 920 01:15:28,200 --> 01:15:30,500 I think we could make it work, yeah. Yeah. 921 01:15:30,500 --> 01:15:32,500 Actually, I was thinking of going to see this guy in Spain. 922 01:15:32,500 --> 01:15:36,000 He's got, um, some amazing ideas about combi-power inverters. 923 01:15:36,000 --> 01:15:38,200 - I mean, you must know about them. - Yeah. Oh, right, cool, yeah. 924 01:15:38,200 --> 01:15:41,000 Well, here's to Carapod International. Eh? Cheers. 925 01:15:41,000 --> 01:15:43,600 - Cheers. - Tina? Carapod International. 926 01:15:45,300 --> 01:15:46,800 - Brilliant. - Yeah, yeah. 927 01:15:46,800 --> 01:15:48,300 I'm going for a piss. 928 01:15:48,300 --> 01:15:49,900 Yeah, yeah, fine. 929 01:15:52,000 --> 01:15:53,500 It's, uh... 930 01:15:53,500 --> 01:15:57,000 - Sorry, it's a bit squished in here. - Sorry. Um, just... 931 01:15:57,000 --> 01:15:58,500 Yeah, he's a lovely bloke, isn't he? 932 01:15:58,500 --> 01:16:01,700 Oh, honestly, I'm so happy I bumped into you guys. 933 01:16:01,700 --> 01:16:04,500 You know, I really need a business partner, you know, 934 01:16:04,500 --> 01:16:06,300 'cause I come up with the ideas 935 01:16:06,300 --> 01:16:09,200 but I'm not good at the organisational end of things. 936 01:16:09,200 --> 01:16:13,400 So, you know, and, uh, I really bonded with little Banjo over here. 937 01:16:13,400 --> 01:16:14,800 Who? 938 01:16:15,100 --> 01:16:19,100 That's his name, isn't it? It's just that Chris said it was... 939 01:16:19,600 --> 01:16:21,100 Did he? 940 01:16:21,500 --> 01:16:23,600 So did I get that wrong? 941 01:16:30,300 --> 01:16:32,500 Do you know what it's like to be a woman, Martin? 942 01:16:32,500 --> 01:16:34,900 Uh, no. No. 943 01:16:36,100 --> 01:16:37,600 I do. 944 01:16:37,600 --> 01:16:39,100 Fine. 945 01:16:39,100 --> 01:16:41,200 It's not too bad, actually. 946 01:16:41,800 --> 01:16:43,300 Yeah, I imagine, yeah, yeah. 947 01:16:43,300 --> 01:16:45,500 He can be very controlling. 948 01:16:45,800 --> 01:16:48,500 - Really? Right. I... - Very domineering. 949 01:16:48,900 --> 01:16:52,400 - Well, he's... Yeah. - But you're not like that, are you? 950 01:16:52,800 --> 01:16:56,100 No, no. Me, I'm a pretty easy-going guy really, yeah. 951 01:16:56,100 --> 01:16:58,500 Haven't you got lovely eyelashes? 952 01:16:58,500 --> 01:17:00,400 - Have I? - Mmm. 953 01:17:00,400 --> 01:17:03,200 - Thanks very much. Yeah. Kiss me. 954 01:17:06,500 --> 01:17:08,400 Martin, did you hear me? 955 01:17:11,500 --> 01:17:13,000 - Kiss me, Martin. - Um... 956 01:17:13,000 --> 01:17:14,600 Just quickly before he comes back. 957 01:17:19,100 --> 01:17:21,200 - All right, mate? - All right? 958 01:17:21,900 --> 01:17:23,900 - What? - Cheers. 959 01:17:23,900 --> 01:17:25,700 - Cheers, yeah. - Cheers. Here's to you. 960 01:17:29,800 --> 01:17:31,100 What? 961 01:17:33,200 --> 01:17:35,900 Martin just said some filthy things to me, Chris. 962 01:17:36,300 --> 01:17:39,100 Yeah? Well, do tell. 963 01:17:39,100 --> 01:17:42,000 He said I was a dirty, slutty bitch. 964 01:17:43,700 --> 01:17:45,100 And he wanted to fuck me. 965 01:17:46,300 --> 01:17:49,400 And he said he wanted to shit in my mouth and in my underwear, 966 01:17:50,400 --> 01:17:55,500 and he said he wanted to shit in my hand and make me use it as a brown lipstick. 967 01:17:55,900 --> 01:17:59,200 Mate, I... I... 968 01:18:00,300 --> 01:18:03,800 You know, if Martin really said these things, 969 01:18:05,200 --> 01:18:08,700 then I've got no objection, in theory. 970 01:18:09,200 --> 01:18:11,100 - In theory? - Yeah. 971 01:18:14,700 --> 01:18:17,000 What about practice, Chris? 972 01:18:22,100 --> 01:18:23,800 - Right. Um... - Chris. 973 01:18:24,600 --> 01:18:28,300 - Um, I'm gonna go to bed now, all right? - I'm... 974 01:18:28,300 --> 01:18:30,400 Yeah, it's probably best, actually, mate. Yeah, yeah. 975 01:18:30,400 --> 01:18:32,400 Yeah, it's been a long day. Yeah, yeah, so I'll just... 976 01:18:32,400 --> 01:18:34,100 Yeah, I think we're probably gonna turn in, too. So... 977 01:18:34,100 --> 01:18:37,400 Yeah, can I just... Yeah, can I just, uh... 978 01:18:38,400 --> 01:18:40,000 Will you let Martin out, please? 979 01:18:45,500 --> 01:18:47,600 Right, cheers then, yeah. See you in the morning. 980 01:18:51,400 --> 01:18:53,300 Why are you behaving like that in front of Martin?! 981 01:18:53,300 --> 01:18:55,800 Why can't I have a friend? You've got that bloody dog, Banjo! 982 01:18:55,800 --> 01:18:59,100 - Poppy! - It's called Banjo! 983 01:18:59,100 --> 01:19:01,200 - Poppy! - Banjo! 984 01:19:01,600 --> 01:19:04,200 Just stop saying that in front of the dog. 985 01:19:04,200 --> 01:19:05,900 You're giving him an identity crisis. 986 01:19:05,900 --> 01:19:09,900 How is he gonna have an identity crisis, Chris, when he's a stupid fucking dog? 987 01:19:19,700 --> 01:19:21,800 Hello? Hello? Hey! 988 01:19:23,200 --> 01:19:25,500 Hey! Hey, what are you doing? 989 01:19:50,700 --> 01:19:53,100 Well, that solves that problem. 990 01:19:58,600 --> 01:20:00,700 Oh, fuckin' God, no. 991 01:20:00,700 --> 01:20:02,100 No! 992 01:20:07,900 --> 01:20:09,200 Martin? 993 01:20:10,100 --> 01:20:11,500 Martin? 994 01:20:14,900 --> 01:20:16,500 Martin! 995 01:20:20,600 --> 01:20:23,100 You are a fucking liability, you are. 996 01:20:23,700 --> 01:20:25,900 You're a liability. You're just like your mother. 997 01:20:25,900 --> 01:20:28,100 You can't... Ow, fucking hell. 998 01:20:44,200 --> 01:20:47,600 - Oh, you are a powder keg. 999 01:23:18,900 --> 01:23:21,000 So have you had a nice holiday? 1000 01:23:21,000 --> 01:23:24,900 Yeah. I've had a brilliant holiday. 1001 01:23:25,800 --> 01:23:28,700 I'm sorry about calling you a witch and that. 1002 01:23:31,900 --> 01:23:35,100 What do you reckon? You sure this is what you want? 1003 01:23:39,700 --> 01:23:41,500 - Three... 1004 01:23:41,800 --> 01:23:43,200 - ...two... - Two... 1005 01:23:44,200 --> 01:23:45,600 - ...one. - ...one. 1006 01:23:46,600 --> 01:23:48,000 Go. 75971

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