Original subtitles

Aww, goodbye, drawer dedicated to batteries and takeout menus.

[ Gasps ] And goodbye, wall dent,

from when we thoughtLily was a trombone prodigy.

[ Groans ]

Mitchell!

That was your last eye rollin this house!

You know what,when the new baby comes,

can you not do it as much?

Because, you know, you did itaround Lily a lot, and...

[ Scoffs ]

Okay -- hey, hey, no, no, no.Don't throw those away.

I-I might want to use those

for my big baby revealto the family.

If he's bald, I can doa whole Elton John thing.

Not only are we moving,

but we're adopting a babythat's due in two weeks.

And that is stressing me out because eleven years ago,

I revealed Lily with "The Lion King,"

and there's a lot of pressure --

Self-imposed....to top myself.

So, I've been workshopping a few ideas.

I hope everyone here likes...

baby!

[ Chuckles ]

I can see that taking everyone's breath away, no?

Uh, I'm more concerned aboutthe city taking our baby away.

--Captions by VITAC--

Captioning Provided by 20th Century Fox Television and ABC, Inc.

and brought to you by Ford. Going further, so you can.

♪♪

Okay, the repair guys are gonna be here in five minutes.

[ Sighs ] I can't believe I'm saying this,

but we might actually be getting away with --

Hey! Hey! What are you guys doing home?

Yeah, I thought you wentto that beach cleanup.

Well, we tried, but the beach yoga people

wouldn't even move a hundred feet down.

You'd think they'd have been a little more flexible.

Oh, Phil.

The good news is, we're backand we are here

to help you set upfor the twins' Easter party.

Um, we're good.

Anyway,we got this covered.

And you guys had such a long morning,

why don't Gamma and Grampy grab a nap

so that they're fresh for the party, huh?

Okay. [ Chuckles ]

Okay. But I --

It's all good. We got it.

Last weekend, Mom and Dad

went to the artichoke festival in Monterey.

And Dylan's mom had the twins,

so we took the opportunityto have a little party,

just to seeif we still had it in us.

We did.

[ Hip-hop music plays ]I'm trackin' the pizza guy,

the pizza guy, the pizza guy!

His name is Ibrahim!

Don't forget the garlic knots, garlic knots, garlic knots!

Yo! This party is the GOAT.

Greatest of all time.

I'm Doug,your across-the-street neighbor.

I was just curbin' my bins, heard the party noise,

thought I'd join up.

Want a refill on that?

There is no scenariowhere I accept a drink from you.

Lit.

Nice to see the Dunphy namestill carries some party clout.

Ah! [ Groans ]

You know, we're running lowon jungle juice.

Just soak it up with a toweland wring it back into your cup.

Mm. Okay.

[ Laughing ] Cool!

What kind is that?

Uch. Can I have oneconversation tonight

without someone asking me about my snake?

[ Thud ]

Ohh! Good Lord!

What happened?!I slipped on that drink you spilled.

Oh! Hurt my ankle really bad.

I mean, I don't want to sue you,

but I don't really see any other option.

Do you?

So now I work for Doug.

Hey, everybody!

Ibrahim has arrived, has a--

[ Screams ]

[ People gasp ]

Don't stare at it! Put it out!

♪♪

We made some temporary fixes

and scheduled repairs for today,

when Mom and Dad said they'd be at the beach.

Then they came home early.

It's just hard whenyou can't trust family members.

"Don't Gamma and Grampywant to take a nap?"

That's not insulting to you?

[ Snoring ] Phil.

Phil!I...wasn't sleeping. I was listening.

And g-good for you.

That is -- That is a lot of steps for one day.

I was talking about the kids.

They're treating uslike actual grandparents

instead of the -- the...

premature grandparents we clearly are.

I'm the only onein my aqua aerobics class

who doesn't need twonoodles. [ Chuckles ]

I put the eggs in a cute basketfor the Easter egg hunt.

I saw it in a magazine.

Cute.

Claire: Haley.Oh, no.

Honey, your dad and Ididn't feel like taking a nap.

Why don't you give us a jobfor the party?

Uh, well, we could use some help dyeing these eggs.

But why don't you change for the party first?

Oh, good idea! Yes!

Phil, wakey, wakey!

Okay, we got sixty seconds, people.

We gotta move fast. Come on. Come on.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!

[ Indistinct talking ]Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Come on, move faster!

Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go!

Would you hurry it up a little bit?

Oh, come on!

Get out of here now! Go, go, go!

Thank you so much. I love you guys so much. Bye!

Okay. I thinkwe actually got away with it.

Oh, no.

I have to stop saying that.

That dude from the party said that his python was pregnant.

Do you think those could be her eggs?

Oh, my God!

Is one of them hatching?

That's so disgusting!Ohh.

We have to cancel the party!

What? No way!

We just got back inwith this parent group

after our daughter's biting spree.

If they didn't love their kids being gummed

by an adorable toddler, I don't think they're gonna

love their kids getting punctured by a python!

Calm down.

Snakes lay all their eggs in one dark place.

I've got them all here. I'm gonna run them by the pet store.

Oh, my God. Is one of them moving? Get them out of here.

They're so gross. Gross, gross, gross, gross.

[ Groans ]

Hey, where you running off to, little buddy?

And where are you running off to, big buddy?

Hey, stranger!

Going out again? I barely see you these days.

I'd love to hang out, Jay, butI've got a wine club meeting.

What, are you into wine? I love wine!

Okay. See ya.Wait a minute!

I'm gonna open a bottle later on.

Why don't you bring oneand we'll have a little tasting?

I guessI wouldn't mind that.

I'll stop by the store on my way back.

While you're there, would you bea prince and pick me up a soda?

I've got homework.

Where'd you get a fifty?

Don't worry about it.

Gloria: Welcome to your new house!

I don't remember this room feeling so stark and cold.

Luckily this is a smart house.

Adam, warm light mode.

[ Beep ]Adam: Initiating.

Oh! Oh, no -- no!

No, that just brings out the molding around the windows.

I -- Does it feel like we're in a nursing home?

Adam, party mode!

[ Beep ] Initiating.

[ Dance music plays ]

Oh, God. No!No, that's -- that's even worse.

I'm -- I'm sorry, I just --

I don't feel like I've ever been in this house before.

[ Music continues ]Adam, I swear to God!

[ Beep ] Initiating.

Did we just make a huge mistake?

Mitchell, you know you hate change.

Remember whenyou shaved your beard?

You screamed in the mirror,"Oh, my God, you look hideous!"

That was you.

I mean, you have been a crab all day long.

How do you know?You haven't even been around us!

I took a crazy guess.

Look, this is buyer's remorse.

I learned that from my mentor, Phil Dunphy,

and I know how to fix it.

Come with me if you want to live...

in this house...and not be a bummer to everyone.

Lily, you need to help me start unpacking.

We need to work on my baby reveal.

Adam, thinking mode.

[ Beep ] Initiating.

[ Serene music plays ]

I know it sounds crazy, but it works.

In order to accept the new house,

you have to properly say goodbye to thisplace.

Okay, I'm not talkingto a house. Okay?

And -- And why are the moversjust sitting out there?

Don't worry about them. I'll handle them.

I used to be a mover.

I kind of fell into it when I helped an ex-boyfriend

steal his brother's refrigerator.

Okay, wait, so you've beena cab driver, a hairdresser,

a spokesmodel, and a mover.

I-Is your life real?

Is anythingreal?

That was a question that I asked myself

when I was a philosophy professor.

Now, say goodbye to the house.

Tell ithow much it meant to you.

Be honest with each other, like two lovers

that know that the time has comewhen they must part ways.

Okay, well, usually, I would just

take my gym membership off his keychain

and then introduce him to my mother.

[ Door closes ]

Hey, house.

Hey, you humps!

We're paying you by the hour!

We're on a coffee break, lady.

Oh, don't give me that.

I used to do your job.

And this attitude,this is why people hate movers.

That and all the stealing.

Whoa! You think you can do better?

[ Chuckles ] I hateto burst your bubble wrap,

but I knowI can.

We actually double booked today,so this works out.

Have at it.

Oh, no, no, no, no! Ay, wait!

Come back, humps!

Lily: What are you doing with the cat?

Okay, don't worry.

On the day, I will replace Larrywith the baby.

Once the family is all seatedaround the table,

I'll undo the security rope

and then let the babyhover above the table

for all the family to marvel at.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Cellphone rings ]Wait. Phone's ringing.

[ Cellphone beeps ]Hello?

Yes, speaking.

What?

[ Larry meows ]

No!

[ Piano music plays ]

Oh, honey, did you just takea sip from the paintbrush water?

[ Chuckling ] I think I'd know if I did, Claire.

Oh! This must be the grandparents' table!

I wouldn't say that.No, I d-- I don't think --

These are the kids' grandparents, Gamma and Grampy.

Oh, nice to meet you.

I'm Meemaw. This is Bobo.

Have you met GimGim and Mimsy?

Oh, you know what?Why don't you take our seats?

I thinkwe're at the wrong table.

Oh! My back!

Oh, it happens to me all the time.

Oh.

I'm gonna get you the name of these shoes.

Doug,I have cooked for you,

spray tanned you,

taken twoof your sign spinning shifts.

Are we seriously not even yet?

I think you're making too big a deal about this.

I just need you to dress up like Harley Quinn

and give a foot massage to the winner of my game night.

Don't worry.

I'm gonna win.

And get this, Gerald fell again.

Wrist this time.

That man's got more pins in him than a tailor's mouth.

[ Light laughter ]

He never learned how to fall the right way.

Too proud.

Wait, there's a right way to fall?

Really? A follow-up?

Resist the temptation to break the fall with the hands.

Land on your bottom.

Aim for the meat, not the bone.

Oh -- Mimsy!

[ Guests gasp ]

See? Good as new.

My dear husband, such a gentleman.

He always opens the bathtub doorfor me. [ Chuckles ]

Yeah. Would you excuse usjust a second?

[ Laughter ]

'Cause she was.

It's not good.

Oh, totally!

We're just remembering something that happened

on our last Negroni crawl in Frogtown.

Oh, Frogtown!

Oh, "Bird on a bird!""Bird on a bird!"

[ Laughter ]

Oh, you all got the TikTok invite

Bridget from Quibi sent out for her matcha pop-up

on Thursday, right?

You guys down?

Oh, yeah, that sounds...

frosty.

[ Sighs ] Small hiccup.

When I got to the pet store, I was down one python egg,

which means --There's one still here.

Yeah, and I just checked theliving room, and it's not there.

Okay, nuggets! Everyone outside!

It's time for the egg hunt!

[ Children cheering ]

Hey. Small hiccup.

Now it's timefor the bottle Ibrought.

Unh-unh-unh!

Fresh glasses.

This, my friend,is a 2009 Chateau Trotanoy.

You might wantto cinch your belt up.

It's liableto blow your trousers off.

Mm.

It's nice.

"Nice"?

I understand why youwould like it,

but...this is what my wine club friends

would call "an obvious choice."

I get it. You haven't developeda taste for fine wine yet.

Um, I hate to say it,

but I probably know more about wine than youdo.

Two months ago,you couldn't drink rosé

unless it was mixed with Snapple.

There's only one wayto settle this --

are you upfor a little blind taste test?

Bring it.

Joe, go to the wine cellar,pick out five random bottles.

We have a wine cellar?What's a wine cellar?

Mitchell: You were my first.

And we'd both been through so much.

I mean, I was neurotic.

You had a-a bathroom off the kitchen.

But we both found each other.

[ Sniffles ]

Anyway, I --

I-I-I feel like, um, I have to say something.

It's not you. It's -- It's me.

[ Voice breaking ] I just, um...

I need more space.

But we could still remember the good times.

Um, like -- like when I first moved in

and all I had was that boombox.

Yeah, um... what do you say? Yeah.

Huh?

One more time?

♪♪

♪ Now I've had the time of my life ♪

♪ No, I never felt like this before ♪

♪ Yes, I swear it's the truth

What do you say? Huh?

Takes you right back, right?

To Valentine's Day 2003...

and four.

♪ And I owe it all to you

Mitchell: Gloria was right.

Once I said goodbye, I was able to embrace this new house

and spend the next few weeks getting ready for the baby.

I just needed closure.

And -- And s-- And so did the drapes.

Because the -- the dancing got, uh -- g-got pretty dirty.

♪ Because I've had the time of my life ♪

♪ No, I never felt this way before ♪

♪ Yes, I swear it's the truth

♪ And I owe it all to you [ Door opens ]Cameron: Mitchell!

The baby's here. He's early.

[ Music stops ]What? I-I'm not ready!

Well, getready.

And we willbe discussing why you were

"Time-of-my-Life-ing" without me.

[ Both slurp, swish ]

The uneducated palate wouldidentify this as a Cabernet,

when, in fact,it is a Merlot from Bordeaux.

Correct.

Oh! Lucky guess.

In my twenties, I befriended

a sommelier from Paris --Marcel Caron.

In fact,I went to stay with him.

We'd drink wine all night and fall asleep

to the sound of an accordionon the Rue de Montparnasse.

Much like this wine, that story has too many fruity notes.

Next glass.

And...sip.

[ Both slurp, swish ]

Mm.

That is a mature Napa Valley Cabernet.

Correct.

Unh! Eat that, old man!

You know, you don'thave to spike the football

every timeyou get an answer right.

Only you could make talking about wine

into something obnoxious.

Score is tied, two-two.

Time now for the final wine.

[ Both slurp, swish ]

And to reveal the answer...

Wait a minute.

Maybe we shouldn't.

Before we turned thisinto a competition,

we were both having fun,right?

We were doing somethingwe both liked.

It did occur to me that this whole afternoon,

neither one of us checked our watch once.

And if we flip this over,one of us is gonna feel bad

and it could ruin the thing.

I mean, let's face it,we don't have a ton in common,

but today I sawa little bit of me in you.

You can be a competitive jerk.

And based on that summer in Paris story,

you can be kind of a sensitive, even perfumy type of --

That'll do.

Look, when you get backfrom your trip,

why don't we make this a thing?

We'll have a wine tastingonce a month --

without the competition.

I'm in.

Damn it!

Competitive bastard.

[ Chuckling ] Oh, I love that kid.

[ Sighs ]

Time to face facts, honey.

It's the grandparent's tablefor us.

Grandpa Phil, huh? Mm.

Guess I could get used to shaving naked at the gym.

Mm.

The hardest part is, our kidsaren't gonna need us anymore.

And it does meanswe raised them right.

On the bright side,

one of them actually vacuumedthe living room rug,

and...looks brand new.

Haley: Guys, help!

Don't listen to her!I need you more!

I spilled my drinkat the party, and Doug cameWe had a huge party, and a snake guy came,

and slipped and hurt his ankle,and nowand the snake laid eggs, and it accidentally

he's gonna sue us unless I --got mixed in with the Easter eggs --Shut up!

Mom, I know you told menot to buy expensive sunglasses

because I'd only lose them, but then I --

They're on your head.

Oh. Cool.

[ Scoffs ]

Haley: Hey! You find it?

No, but I just realized

why they call rollingtwo ones with dice "snake eggs."

That's snake eyes.

Oh.Then what did Irealize?

Don't worry. I got this.

What's with the bunny suit?

Well, I needed a plausiblereason to be out in the yard.

It's your house.

Okay,I-I like the costume.

I found one!

Oh, no! On it!

Ooh!

I've never seenso many pretty ones.

Mama!

The Easter Bunny stole my basket!

T-That's becauseI'm the Easter Bandit.

You werea little bad last year.

I know.

I have five now!

Five eggs?!

Well, congratulations!

You get to trade these five eggs

for one...

solar path light!

Girl: This egg's moving!

Wait, wait, wait!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

That is a magic egg.

Ohh!

Close your eyes and make a wish.

Okay.

Where's my egg?

Disappeared. Gotta go!

Uh, can I at leastget a picture with you?

Uh... Grandpa!

[ Egg cracking ]Uh-oh.

One very quick pic.

[ Camera clicks ]

Uhp! Got my own finger.Sorry.

Ah.

Well, that's me. How'd I do that?

Here we go.

[ Cellphone rings ]

Wait. I'm getting a call.

Who do I know in Delaware?

Let it go to voicemail, Jim!

Okay.

Stop squirming, Easter Bunny!

And one...

Three![ Camera clicks ]

Got it.Have a good year, everybody!

Be good! Especially you!

What is the big emergency, Alex?

I was using my Shop-Vac to give myself a hickey

to show the guys at game night.

Hello, Doug.

Oh. The mother.

Look, Alex isn'tcoming to game night.

She's also not cooking you ribs, doing your laundry,

or getting you an online M.B.A.

Actually, I might finish that.

I really think we could make the Dean's List.Tch!

Well, we had a deal,

so if she's not gonna keep up her end,

I guess I'll just have to sue.

Oh, no, no, no, Doug.

I thinkthat we can work that out

right here, right now.

What do you think...

of this number?

I'd like it a lot better with another zero on the end.

Oh. Okay. Yeah.

Well... I blame myself.

You -- You try to instill

a sense of responsibilityin your children, and...

[ Voice breaking ]obviously, I failed.

[ Chuckles ]

I don't know why I'm surprised.

It's the story of my life.

[ Sighs ]

Loveless marriage, no job,and now...

Some reason,I thought that being a mother

would be the one thing I got right.

Well...[ Inhales deeply, sighs ]

Could you at least waittill Wednesday to cash this?

Um...

No.

Sorry about your miserable life.

I have faith that you'll get it together.

Ohh! Oh, Mom!

Oh! Oh, my wrist!

My wrist!Oh, my God.

It's broken! He pushed me!

No, I didn't!

Yes! You did!I saw it.

That's elder abuse.

You messedwith the wrong Gamma.

Long story short, Doug and I decided to call it even.

And, thanks to me,not one child got bit.

[ Groans ] Are you really gonna keep that thing?

Do we alwayshave to talk about my snake?

Okay, this is too soon.

She wasn't supposed togive birth for two more weeks.

Yeah, and, you know, not to be critical of women,

but how hard is it just to hold it in?

You know, I had that giant coffee

and sat through Manny's one-man "Uncle Vanya."

We -- We -- We stillhaven't baby-proofed.

We don't -- We don't havea changing table.

I haven't even started painting the mural above the baby's crib yet.

Okay, so I guessthere are somepositives.

Guys! Oh!Oh! Oh![ Tires screech ]

Lily, I'm so sorry. I forgot you're back there.

And every time you speak, it's like a -- a ghost popping out.

There's no carseat back here.

Okay, Lily, you don't need a carseat.

Honey, not everythingis about you! Come on!

For the baby!

Oh. Oh, my G-- Oh, my God!

It's packed away. It's --It's in the moving truck.

Okay, but can -- can you hurry?

Sorry I was late.

A smokey set up a bear trap,

and I had to back off the hammer.

I'll get your carseat in no time.

Where are the movers?

Those were no movers. They were just men carrying boxes.

[ Glass shattering ]

Those things were broken before we packed them, huh?

Are we sure we put the carseat in right?

What do you mean, we?

I-I-I don't know. it felt shaky!

Oh, God, this is bad.This is really bad.

We don't have diapers,we don't have formula --

I don't even know where we live.

If somebody asks for an address,what am I supposed to say?

"Some new house someplace"?

Guys.Aaah! Ohhh, my gosh!

O-O-Oh, my God. Oh, my God. We're awful.

We haven't even checked in with you.

You -- You must be freaking out, too.

No, I'm not, and neither are you.

This is just your process.

You get hysterical,

you worry about every detail,

then you turn on each other...

No, we don't!Yes, we do.

How dare you.

And after all that craziness,

when it really matters the most, you...

W-What?

W-W-What do we do?

♪♪

[ Baby coos ]

Our son.

He's beautiful.

We got this.

Yeah. Yeah.

♪♪

Okay, so, Gloria said she set up Joe's old bassinet in our bedroom,

and I think we have enoughdiapers to last us till morning.

D-Don't forget to support his head.

I will.It's not my first rodeo.

[ Gasps ] Oh, I can't waitto take him to his first rodeo.

[ Chuckles ] Okay, um, she's asking what time

she should bring everyone by for the baby reveal.

I don't know, may--

Maybe it should just bethe four of us tonight, huh?

Aww.

You know, I... think I finally realized

what this house has been missingall along.

[ Baby coos ]

Recessed lighting.Totally.