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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:13,709 I was just reading 2 00:00:13,752 --> 00:00:15,537 your naughty texts from this morning, 3 00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:17,582 and I believe this is the moment 4 00:00:17,626 --> 00:00:21,369 you referred to as "go time." 5 00:00:21,412 --> 00:00:23,588 And I bought us some fake candles 6 00:00:23,632 --> 00:00:26,113 so that we don't start another sex fire. 7 00:00:26,156 --> 00:00:27,853 Ooh. 8 00:00:27,897 --> 00:00:29,681 What is that, a blindfold? 9 00:00:29,725 --> 00:00:33,337 Ooh, I like that you're adding some new plays to the game. 10 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:35,296 No, it's just a washcloth. 11 00:00:35,339 --> 00:00:37,472 I have a headache. I'm sorry, honey. 12 00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:39,691 I just... I've been getting a lot of them lately. 13 00:00:39,735 --> 00:00:41,084 Oh. 14 00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:42,477 Is there anything I can do? 15 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,305 Make you some coffee or...? 16 00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:46,307 No, thanks. I had two cups after dinner. 17 00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:48,091 I-I'll call the doctor tomorrow. 18 00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:49,788 That's smart. Yeah, get it checked out. 19 00:00:53,575 --> 00:00:55,359 This is nice. 20 00:00:55,403 --> 00:00:58,406 We've never had a work meeting by candlelight before. 21 00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:00,712 Well, I'm using everything 22 00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:02,758 I didn't get a chance to use last night. 23 00:01:03,889 --> 00:01:07,415 So, if you want whipped cream in your coffee, let me know. 24 00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:11,593 I like it. I feel like I'm at a séance. 25 00:01:13,682 --> 00:01:16,554 Grandpa, I'm sorry I took your cigarettes. 26 00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:20,732 Well, look, I appreciate you guys working here today. 27 00:01:20,776 --> 00:01:22,212 Since Andi's at the doctor, 28 00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:24,171 I wanted to be home when she gets back. 29 00:01:24,214 --> 00:01:25,476 The doctor? Is she okay? 30 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:26,738 Yeah, yeah. She's just feeling a little tired 31 00:01:26,782 --> 00:01:28,523 and headachy. 32 00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:30,916 Hmm. Sounds like she got a case of the wifes. 33 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,483 [door opens] 34 00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:33,789 Hi, guys. 35 00:01:33,832 --> 00:01:35,573 Hey. So, what did the doctor say? 36 00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:37,140 It's nothing serious. 37 00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:39,186 [sighs]But the doctor did recommend one thing 38 00:01:39,229 --> 00:01:41,666 that I'm thinking we should discuss in private.Oh. 39 00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:43,538 We should go.Good idea. 40 00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:45,235 Come on, Lowell. 41 00:01:45,279 --> 00:01:47,281 Come on, Grandpa. 42 00:01:49,935 --> 00:01:51,894 So, uh, wh-what's going on? 43 00:01:51,937 --> 00:01:54,244 Well, the doctor says that my problem is hormonal. 44 00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:55,767 Oh, that's not so bad. 45 00:01:55,811 --> 00:01:58,161 So, what do you do for that, a pill or something? 46 00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:00,207 Kind of. In-in the sense 47 00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:02,209 that I have to stop taking a pill. 48 00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:03,775 Thepill. 49 00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:05,821 What? 50 00:02:07,257 --> 00:02:09,259 I know. 51 00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:11,392 But that's the best pill. 52 00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:14,482 I would give up all the other pills for that pill. 53 00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:16,266 Yeah. 54 00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:18,529 I mean, that pill lets us have fun without consequences. 55 00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:20,618 [groans]We can't afford to put another consequence 56 00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:22,707 through college. 57 00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:24,622 It's like some mysterious force 58 00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:26,537 is trying to stop us from having sex. 59 00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:27,930 I... 60 00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:40,856 ♪ 61 00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:52,389 So, um, I've been off the pill for a few days, 62 00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:54,261 and I feel pretty good. 63 00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:55,349 Good. 64 00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:58,743 I said I feel good. 65 00:02:58,787 --> 00:03:01,833 Take your pants off. 66 00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:04,619 My favorite four words in the English language. 67 00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:10,842 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 68 00:03:10,886 --> 00:03:12,844 We can't just do this. 69 00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:14,585 There's no goalie in the net.[groans] 70 00:03:14,629 --> 00:03:18,850 Okay, so go to the drugstore and buy a box of goalies. 71 00:03:18,894 --> 00:03:21,331 I... That'll take too long, you know? 72 00:03:21,375 --> 00:03:23,333 My uniform's on. They sang the national anthem. 73 00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:25,944 It's-it's time to take the ice. 74 00:03:27,032 --> 00:03:28,730 Well, what do we do? 75 00:03:28,773 --> 00:03:31,907 There's got to be one of those things around here somewhere. 76 00:03:31,950 --> 00:03:33,865 When was the last time I slept with someone 77 00:03:33,909 --> 00:03:35,606 I didn't completely trust? 78 00:03:36,825 --> 00:03:38,783 Oh! I got it. 79 00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:40,872 I need my box of stuff from my single days. 80 00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:42,700 All right, I'll be right back. Don't move. 81 00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:53,711 [thudding] 82 00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:56,061 Ow! 83 00:03:56,105 --> 00:03:58,238 [grunts] 84 00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:07,812 [grunting] 85 00:04:13,862 --> 00:04:16,560 [panting] 86 00:04:26,527 --> 00:04:28,529 Hey, there. 87 00:04:30,531 --> 00:04:32,489 Mm.That was fun. 88 00:04:32,533 --> 00:04:34,491 Yeah. It's always fun. 89 00:04:34,535 --> 00:04:36,014 That's the thing about it. 90 00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:40,976 It was different, though. 91 00:04:41,019 --> 00:04:42,978 It's great to go for a spin, 92 00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:45,502 but it's hard to wear a helmet 93 00:04:45,546 --> 00:04:48,375 when I've already felt the wind in my face. 94 00:04:48,418 --> 00:04:50,855 Well, if you don't like wearing one of those, 95 00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:52,640 there's other forms of birth control. 96 00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:54,381 The best birth control 97 00:04:54,424 --> 00:04:56,818 is if I grow a mustache again. 98 00:04:56,861 --> 00:04:59,821 It smelled like pretzels. 99 00:04:59,864 --> 00:05:02,519 Okay, well, let's narrow down our options, right? 100 00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:03,999 We know it has to be hormone-free, 101 00:05:04,042 --> 00:05:05,696 so all that stuff is no good. 102 00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:06,871 Yeah. And it'd be great 103 00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:08,699 if using it didn't require a time-out 104 00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:10,484 just when things are getting hot and heavy. 105 00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:14,401 Agreed. That is a bad time for a commercial break. 106 00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:16,359 Okay, but... 107 00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:17,665 we can work around that 108 00:05:17,708 --> 00:05:20,058 if one of us is prepared in advance. 109 00:05:20,102 --> 00:05:22,800 Yeah. Yeah, but-but I don't want to schedule it. 110 00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:24,585 Being able to do it whenever I want 111 00:05:24,628 --> 00:05:26,021 is the whole reason I got married. 112 00:05:27,109 --> 00:05:28,893 Besides all the love. 113 00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:32,157 But that got me in the door. 114 00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:34,116 Okay, but, you know, u-until we figure it out, 115 00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:35,857 we need to keep our hands to ourselves. 116 00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:38,599 Yeah, well, sure. No big deal. 117 00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:40,949 We've been married 20 years. How hard can it be? 118 00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:42,559 This has been 119 00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:44,866 the hardest week of my life. 120 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:49,871 You're over here pouring coffee like a minx. 121 00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:53,875 Teasing me. 122 00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,747 Just knowing we can't do it 123 00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:58,532 makes me want to do it even more. 124 00:06:00,185 --> 00:06:03,493 If I had known our last time was gonna be our last time, 125 00:06:03,537 --> 00:06:05,843 I would've put on a better show. 126 00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:07,497 LOWELL: Okay. 127 00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:09,586 Let's figure out this budget. 128 00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:11,936 Oh, numbers are boring. That should help.Yeah. 129 00:06:13,982 --> 00:06:16,767 [exhales]Okay. We are way over budget 130 00:06:16,811 --> 00:06:18,421 on the new house we're flipping. 131 00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,858 We need to bring down the cost of the fixtures. 132 00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:22,207 Fixtures? 133 00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:24,514 Well, that's, uh... 134 00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:26,081 Should be... 135 00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:29,563 Do you have to hold your pencil like that, all sexy? 136 00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:33,218 That's... that's just the way I write. 137 00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:34,568 Mm.You know. 138 00:06:34,611 --> 00:06:37,962 Fast, and then not so fast. 139 00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:45,579 Can feel your eyes burning a hole through my shirt. 140 00:06:45,622 --> 00:06:46,797 I like it. 141 00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:48,538 Okay, that's it. 142 00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:50,975 Go back to fooling around already. 143 00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:52,455 And by the way, I shouldn't even know 144 00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:53,674 you haven't been fooling around, 145 00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,719 but the two of you won't shut up about it. 146 00:06:57,591 --> 00:07:00,115 I'd file a complaint with HR, but that's me. 147 00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:04,467 Look, we have a real problem here. 148 00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:05,947 Andi had to go off the pill, 149 00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:07,557 and none of the other options are good. 150 00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:08,906 Believe me, if there was a solution, 151 00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:10,081 we would have found it. 152 00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:11,474 Well, I have a solution. 153 00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:13,171 Great. We're open to anything. 154 00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:14,782 Get a vasectomy.What?! 155 00:07:16,871 --> 00:07:18,133 I never even thought of that. 156 00:07:18,176 --> 00:07:20,222 Who would think of it? 157 00:07:20,265 --> 00:07:21,484 [chuckles] 158 00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:24,095 Sounds awfully permanent, Lowell. 159 00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:25,749 That's what's great about it. 160 00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:28,056 One afternoon, and you never have to worry about it again. 161 00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:29,449 What do you think? 162 00:07:30,319 --> 00:07:32,452 [mouths] 163 00:07:35,846 --> 00:07:39,197 Well, I, uh... [clears throat] 164 00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:42,679 I think I need more information 165 00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:46,683 from the expert who brought it up in front of my wife. 166 00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:49,120 Yeah. 167 00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:50,905 Come on, Lowell. Let's go talk about it in the driveway 168 00:07:50,948 --> 00:07:53,037 man-to-man. Come on. 169 00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:55,779 Come on! Come on. 170 00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:57,825 [chuckles]: Come on. 171 00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:01,698 What are you doing to me? 172 00:08:03,265 --> 00:08:06,224 As soon as you called me a man, I knew I was in trouble. 173 00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:12,013 You never say the v-word in another man's house. 174 00:08:13,971 --> 00:08:15,756 I was just trying to help.[scoffs] 175 00:08:15,799 --> 00:08:17,322 You know, millions of guys get vasec... 176 00:08:17,366 --> 00:08:18,628 Stop saying it! 177 00:08:20,325 --> 00:08:22,719 Let me tell you something, Lowell. Surgery is knives 178 00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:24,765 and scalpels and needles, and none of those 179 00:08:24,808 --> 00:08:27,942 will ever come anywhere near my favorite friend. 180 00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:31,032 S-So, then, don't do it.Yeah. 181 00:08:31,075 --> 00:08:33,730 But now she's heard the word. 182 00:08:33,774 --> 00:08:35,558 It's out there. 183 00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:38,996 You did a very bad thing, Lowell. Very bad. 184 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:40,563 I'm not sorry. 185 00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:42,304 You were both playing footsie with me under the table. 186 00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:43,914 I had to make it stop. 187 00:08:51,792 --> 00:08:53,663 Where do you think you're going? 188 00:08:53,707 --> 00:08:54,882 My stuff's in there. 189 00:08:54,925 --> 00:08:56,187 Well, you should've thought about that 190 00:08:56,231 --> 00:08:58,538 before you fired up your propaganda machine. 191 00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:05,893 Hey. 192 00:09:05,936 --> 00:09:06,894 Where's Lowell? 193 00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,722 Oh, uh, he left. Yeah. 194 00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:11,681 He felt bad about getting involved 195 00:09:11,725 --> 00:09:14,031 in our personal business. Mm.Oh. 196 00:09:14,075 --> 00:09:17,731 You know, h-his idea would solve our problem once and for all. 197 00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:19,950 I mean, maybe it's worth considering. 198 00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:21,038 Uh-huh.[gasps] 199 00:09:21,082 --> 00:09:22,213 I'm gonna go call Janette. 200 00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:23,998 I think her husband had one. 201 00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:31,614 Very bad, Lowell! 202 00:09:40,101 --> 00:09:42,886 Can I come sit with you guys yet? 203 00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:44,801 No. Thanks to you, 204 00:09:44,845 --> 00:09:47,108 Andi says it's something we should consider. 205 00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:49,066 She's calling her friend Janette. 206 00:09:49,110 --> 00:09:50,415 When Janette got wind chimes, 207 00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:52,069 we got wind chimes. 208 00:09:52,113 --> 00:09:55,203 How could you say the v-word in front of his wife? 209 00:09:55,246 --> 00:09:56,813 Why do you hate him? 210 00:09:56,857 --> 00:10:00,338 I didn't know it was such a terrible idea. 211 00:10:00,382 --> 00:10:02,253 Fine, you can come back over. 212 00:10:02,297 --> 00:10:04,386 But you can never say that word again. 213 00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:07,128 I won't, I swear. That was a cold, 214 00:10:07,171 --> 00:10:08,956 lonely eight minutes. 215 00:10:08,999 --> 00:10:10,827 [clears throat] 216 00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:12,829 The question is: What do I do now? 217 00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:14,744 Obviously, I'm not gonna get a... 218 00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:16,224 I can't even say it. 219 00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,313 Let's just call it Lowell's terrible idea. 220 00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:21,664 You could make Lowell's terrible idea 221 00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:22,839 go away if you 222 00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:24,754 give Andi a better solution. 223 00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:27,844 Like what?Well, there are other forms of birth control. 224 00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:29,933 Your mother and I used the rhythm method. 225 00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:32,370 It only failed twice-- one, two. 226 00:10:33,415 --> 00:10:34,808 Or you could just 227 00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:36,157 do it with lady on top. 228 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,767 Let gravity do the work. 229 00:10:37,811 --> 00:10:40,335 How do you not have 20 kids? 230 00:10:40,378 --> 00:10:42,859 Gravity. Mm. 231 00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:45,296 She's not gonna go for any of those. 232 00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:47,211 Yeah, don't listen to Don's terrible idea. 233 00:10:47,255 --> 00:10:49,779 That's the new terrible idea. 234 00:10:49,823 --> 00:10:51,781 Don't get cocky. You started this. 235 00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:53,130 Look, the minute Lowell mentioned it, 236 00:10:53,174 --> 00:10:54,784 you know what popped into my head? 237 00:10:54,828 --> 00:10:56,394 Our old dog Rex. 238 00:10:56,438 --> 00:10:59,484 Oh.After we had him fixed, he was never the same. 239 00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:02,487 That's true. Poor guy stopped chasing the Frisbee. 240 00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:05,708 Just didn't see the point anymore. 241 00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:08,363 His one purpose in life was to make little Rexes, 242 00:11:08,406 --> 00:11:10,452 and the doctor just took it away. 243 00:11:10,495 --> 00:11:13,237 And then, of course, there was the end. 244 00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:15,239 Aw. 245 00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:17,154 The end? What happened to Rex? 246 00:11:17,198 --> 00:11:18,939 Ran out in front of the bookmobile. 247 00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:23,857 We'll never know if it was on purpose or not. 248 00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:27,034 But if he had thumbs, I bet he would have written a note. 249 00:11:27,077 --> 00:11:31,734 I just need a surefire way to make this whole thing disappear. 250 00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:33,170 I mean, 251 00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:35,433 I guess I could just say "no." 252 00:11:35,477 --> 00:11:38,045 Okay. Nice knowing you, Rex. 253 00:11:38,088 --> 00:11:41,875 Yeah. It won't work. That "no" won't stick. 254 00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:45,008 Why not?Because if you hit her with a knee-jerk "no" 255 00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:48,185 without anything to back it up, she'll hit you with a "why." 256 00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:50,187 And then you're dead. 257 00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:51,798 DON: Right. 258 00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:54,496 So whenever Marcy suggests some nutty thing, 259 00:11:54,539 --> 00:11:56,933 I go through the motions, I get informed, 260 00:11:56,977 --> 00:11:59,022 and then I say, "I thought about it, 261 00:11:59,066 --> 00:12:01,503 I did my homework, but it's a 'no.'" 262 00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:03,374 And that "no" sticks? 263 00:12:03,418 --> 00:12:05,812 Oh, yeah, the wives love it when you do your homework. 264 00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:08,031 Yeah.Deep down, they're all teachers. 265 00:12:08,075 --> 00:12:10,947 It's a thoughtful, open-minded "no." 266 00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:13,820 Mm-hmm.Wives dig that hippie crap. 267 00:12:13,863 --> 00:12:15,169 Okay. 268 00:12:15,212 --> 00:12:16,953 How about this? 269 00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:19,434 I'll go for a consultation with a doctor who specializes 270 00:12:19,477 --> 00:12:21,218 in Lowell's terrible idea. 271 00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:23,873 I didn't invent it. I just said it. 272 00:12:23,917 --> 00:12:25,788 And I'll bring Andi with me. 273 00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:27,311 Okay, she'll see me doing my homework 274 00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:29,836 by listening to the doctor, I take a day or two 275 00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:31,402 to consider it with an open mind, 276 00:12:31,446 --> 00:12:33,274 then I give Andi a "no" that sticks. 277 00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:35,537 Then problem solved-- no vasectomy. 278 00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:37,060 ALL: Lowell!I heard it. 279 00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:39,106 I'll go back over there. 280 00:12:44,328 --> 00:12:47,244 You know, I am so impressed that you would even consider this. 281 00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:50,421 Well, a consultation seemed like a good idea. 282 00:12:50,465 --> 00:12:53,468 I like to do my homework before I make a decision. 283 00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:58,038 You can never go wrong with homework. 284 00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:07,134 You look hot. 285 00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:10,528 I do? 286 00:13:10,572 --> 00:13:12,574 I don't know. It's been too long. 287 00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:16,360 You could grow that stupid mustache again. 288 00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:17,840 I'd be all over you. 289 00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:24,368 Mr. and Mrs. Burns, the doctor's ready for you. 290 00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:26,457 You okay? 291 00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:28,633 You nervous?No. 292 00:13:28,677 --> 00:13:30,810 It's a consultation. 293 00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:35,423 A consultation is just a consultation. 294 00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:37,468 Everybody feels uneasy, 295 00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:40,036 but once they talk to the doctor, they relax. 296 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:43,257 Oh.Some guys even do the procedure during the consultation. 297 00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:48,523 That's what Janette's husband did. 298 00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:52,222 He did, huh? [laughs] 299 00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:54,050 Old wind chime Bob? 300 00:13:58,489 --> 00:14:00,187 [alarm ringing] 301 00:14:02,102 --> 00:14:04,104 Adam? 302 00:14:04,147 --> 00:14:06,367 [can pops open] 303 00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:23,993 There you are. I've been looking all over for you. 304 00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:28,519 How did you get in the house? I had the keys. 305 00:14:28,563 --> 00:14:30,434 Oh, I used my Swiss Army knife. 306 00:14:31,522 --> 00:14:34,351 I hid it under my dress. 307 00:14:34,395 --> 00:14:37,964 Doctor has a knife, I have a knife. Fair is fair. 308 00:14:39,269 --> 00:14:41,315 Care to tell me what happened back there? 309 00:14:42,403 --> 00:14:43,360 I can't do it. 310 00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:44,666 I can't do it so much, 311 00:14:44,709 --> 00:14:46,581 I can't even pretend to think about doing it. 312 00:14:47,669 --> 00:14:49,236 You were pretending? 313 00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:52,543 Yes. I wanted you to think I was open-minded 314 00:14:52,587 --> 00:14:54,241 about that procedure, but I am not. 315 00:14:54,284 --> 00:14:57,418 Do you know what they do in that room? It is barbaric! 316 00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:01,552 It was your idea. 317 00:15:01,596 --> 00:15:03,293 No, it was Lowell's idea. 318 00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:04,991 I would never suggest that. 319 00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:06,949 It would be 320 00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:09,038 taking away my whole purpose on this planet. 321 00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:12,215 What about the little Adams? 322 00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:13,521 What, you mean, like, babies? 323 00:15:13,564 --> 00:15:15,218 Yes. 324 00:15:15,262 --> 00:15:17,133 That's what I'm here for. 325 00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:20,223 To pass on all this good stuff. 326 00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:25,141 But we already had babies. 327 00:15:25,185 --> 00:15:26,621 And we don't need any more. 328 00:15:26,664 --> 00:15:29,406 Look, I... I know wedid, 329 00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:31,452 but I'm just saying. 330 00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:36,022 What if? 331 00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:40,069 You mean what if I get struck by lightning 332 00:15:40,113 --> 00:15:42,419 and you want to have kids with some new woman? 333 00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:44,247 That "what if"? 334 00:15:44,291 --> 00:15:46,249 No. 335 00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:48,599 It's bigger and less selfish than that. 336 00:15:50,079 --> 00:15:51,602 What if I want to have kids 337 00:15:51,646 --> 00:15:54,344 with lots of women? 338 00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:58,131 Excuse me? 339 00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:00,655 I mean, if there's a natural disaster. 340 00:16:00,698 --> 00:16:02,962 You know, the big one. 341 00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:06,443 Meteor or alien invasion. 342 00:16:06,487 --> 00:16:08,315 Everybody gets wiped out 343 00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:10,491 except me and five young women. 344 00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:15,235 Oh, they're young now. I see. 345 00:16:16,801 --> 00:16:19,761 There's lots of 'em, and they're young. 346 00:16:19,804 --> 00:16:21,458 Well, yeah, they have to be young. 347 00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:23,504 Those are the only people that survive the big one.Uh-huh. 348 00:16:24,505 --> 00:16:26,202 Then how did you survive? 349 00:16:26,246 --> 00:16:28,683 I can survive anything. I got my Swiss Army knife.Ugh. 350 00:16:30,511 --> 00:16:35,342 My-my point is, I may have to populate the human race. 351 00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:39,389 It's happened before. My name is Adam. 352 00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:44,307 Okay, so your big worry 353 00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:47,223 is a doomsday orgy fantasy? 354 00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:49,660 Yes! 355 00:16:49,704 --> 00:16:52,359 And you don't want to change that story? 356 00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:55,666 No! 357 00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:57,146 Why? 358 00:16:58,713 --> 00:17:00,715 Why? 359 00:17:02,108 --> 00:17:04,545 Yeah. Why? 360 00:17:07,287 --> 00:17:09,376 I was warned about this. 361 00:17:12,422 --> 00:17:14,424 All right, fine. 362 00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:18,428 If I had that operation, uh... 363 00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:22,563 I would feel like less of a man. 364 00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:24,130 [clicks tongue] 365 00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:26,132 Why didn't you just say that? 366 00:17:26,175 --> 00:17:29,048 Because no man wants to say that. 367 00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:33,139 We don't even want to admit the possibility 368 00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:35,184 that we could be less of a man. 369 00:17:35,228 --> 00:17:39,145 You don't think I'm curious about the mango margarita? 370 00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:41,321 Huh? It looks delicious, 371 00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:43,671 but I will never order one. 372 00:17:44,759 --> 00:17:46,804 Wow. 373 00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:51,157 That is some deep, 374 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,202 ancient boy stuff. 375 00:17:54,247 --> 00:17:56,162 We think things. 376 00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:59,252 We don't tell you all the things, but we think 'em. 377 00:18:00,905 --> 00:18:03,778 Hey, first of all, I would never want you 378 00:18:03,821 --> 00:18:06,172 to do something that you didn't want to do. 379 00:18:06,215 --> 00:18:08,174 And second of all, 380 00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:11,438 you could never be less of a man to me. 381 00:18:12,482 --> 00:18:14,136 Really? 382 00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:15,616 Really. 383 00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:18,401 [chuckles softly] 384 00:18:18,445 --> 00:18:19,837 [laughs softly] 385 00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:23,754 You know, uh... 386 00:18:23,798 --> 00:18:25,887 it's windy today. 387 00:18:27,497 --> 00:18:30,587 And when I was running home, 388 00:18:30,631 --> 00:18:32,285 trying to keep my dress down... 389 00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:34,939 ...it occurred to me 390 00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:38,682 that I may have overreacted a little bit. 391 00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:40,641 A lot.A lot. 392 00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:45,820 I love you. 393 00:18:45,863 --> 00:18:48,388 I love you, too. 394 00:18:48,431 --> 00:18:49,693 [both laugh] 395 00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:52,914 But we still can't have sex. 396 00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:54,742 I know. 397 00:18:56,831 --> 00:18:59,529 But what's our second-favorite thing to do in the bedroom? 398 00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:02,489 We can watch House Hunters. 399 00:19:05,013 --> 00:19:06,928 Okay. 400 00:19:06,971 --> 00:19:10,627 Hey, but you can't hug me when they find wood floors 401 00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:13,239 under the carpet, or we might have a fourth kid. 402 00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:20,376 But it turns me on so much! 403 00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:28,515 You don't look so good. 404 00:19:28,558 --> 00:19:30,865 I had another nookie-free night. 405 00:19:32,432 --> 00:19:34,260 I'm going crazy. 406 00:19:34,303 --> 00:19:37,698 I'm like a racehorse stuck in a barn. 407 00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:41,528 I know what you mean. It's like the Olympics. 408 00:19:41,571 --> 00:19:43,356 If I don't get it every two years, 409 00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:45,227 I feel like I missed something. 410 00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:47,969 Adam? Adam, I just got off the phone with my doctor... 411 00:19:48,012 --> 00:19:49,579 Oh. Lowell, 412 00:19:49,623 --> 00:19:51,494 you have to go. Now! 413 00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:53,192 Now? Why? 414 00:19:54,584 --> 00:19:56,325 Because all your stuff's out there. 415 00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:57,674 Come on! Come on. 416 00:19:57,718 --> 00:19:59,328 Come on, come on. 417 00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:01,678 This keeps happening to me. 418 00:20:01,722 --> 00:20:04,028 [door closes]What? What? What is it? 419 00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:06,466 The doctor got my test results back, 420 00:20:06,509 --> 00:20:08,859 and my headaches aren't from the pill. 421 00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:10,687 It's from too much coffee! Yeah. 422 00:20:10,731 --> 00:20:12,994 Turns out I have a horrible caffeine addiction! 423 00:20:13,037 --> 00:20:14,691 How awesome is that?! 424 00:20:14,735 --> 00:20:17,390 So awesome! 425 00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:18,869 Let's celebrate. Where's your pills?I already took two. 426 00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:21,045 The kids are at school. I'll race you upstairs. 427 00:20:21,089 --> 00:20:23,700 Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 428 00:20:23,744 --> 00:20:25,702 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.What? 429 00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:27,269 What is that for? 430 00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:29,228 You know, just for fun. 431 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,579 You be the sexy nurse, and I'll be the guy 432 00:20:32,622 --> 00:20:35,321 who just woke up from a coma and forgot how to have sex. 433 00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:37,453 Oh, let's go. Oh! 434 00:20:41,936 --> 00:20:44,895 Captioning sponsored by CBS 435 00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:47,942 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 30595

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