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1
00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:13,709
I was just reading
2
00:00:13,752 --> 00:00:15,537
your naughty texts
from this morning,
3
00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:17,582
and I believe
this is the moment
4
00:00:17,626 --> 00:00:21,369
you referred to
as "go time."
5
00:00:21,412 --> 00:00:23,588
And I bought us
some fake candles
6
00:00:23,632 --> 00:00:26,113
so that we don't start
another sex fire.
7
00:00:26,156 --> 00:00:27,853
Ooh.
8
00:00:27,897 --> 00:00:29,681
What is that,
a blindfold?
9
00:00:29,725 --> 00:00:33,337
Ooh, I like that you're adding
some new plays to the game.
10
00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:35,296
No, it's just a washcloth.
11
00:00:35,339 --> 00:00:37,472
I have a headache.
I'm sorry, honey.
12
00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:39,691
I just... I've been getting
a lot of them lately.
13
00:00:39,735 --> 00:00:41,084
Oh.
14
00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:42,477
Is there anything I can do?
15
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,305
Make you some coffee or...?
16
00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:46,307
No, thanks. I had two
cups after dinner.
17
00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:48,091
I-I'll call the
doctor tomorrow.
18
00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:49,788
That's smart.
Yeah, get it checked out.
19
00:00:53,575 --> 00:00:55,359
This is nice.
20
00:00:55,403 --> 00:00:58,406
We've never had a work meeting
by candlelight before.
21
00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:00,712
Well, I'm using everything
22
00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:02,758
I didn't get a chance
to use last night.
23
00:01:03,889 --> 00:01:07,415
So, if you want whipped cream
in your coffee, let me know.
24
00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:11,593
I like it. I feel like
I'm at a séance.
25
00:01:13,682 --> 00:01:16,554
Grandpa, I'm sorry
I took your cigarettes.
26
00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:20,732
Well, look, I appreciate
you guys working here today.
27
00:01:20,776 --> 00:01:22,212
Since Andi's at the doctor,
28
00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:24,171
I wanted to be home
when she gets back.
29
00:01:24,214 --> 00:01:25,476
The doctor? Is she okay?
30
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:26,738
Yeah, yeah. She's just
feeling a little tired
31
00:01:26,782 --> 00:01:28,523
and headachy.
32
00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:30,916
Hmm. Sounds like she got
a case of the wifes.
33
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,483
[door opens]
34
00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:33,789
Hi, guys.
35
00:01:33,832 --> 00:01:35,573
Hey. So, what did
the doctor say?
36
00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:37,140
It's nothing serious.
37
00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:39,186
[sighs]But the doctor did
recommend one thing
38
00:01:39,229 --> 00:01:41,666
that I'm thinking we
should discuss in private.Oh.
39
00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:43,538
We should go.Good idea.
40
00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:45,235
Come on, Lowell.
41
00:01:45,279 --> 00:01:47,281
Come on, Grandpa.
42
00:01:49,935 --> 00:01:51,894
So, uh, wh-what's going on?
43
00:01:51,937 --> 00:01:54,244
Well, the doctor says
that my problem is hormonal.
44
00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:55,767
Oh, that's not so bad.
45
00:01:55,811 --> 00:01:58,161
So, what do you do for that,
a pill or something?
46
00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:00,207
Kind of. In-in the sense
47
00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:02,209
that I have to stop
taking a pill.
48
00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:03,775
Thepill.
49
00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:05,821
What?
50
00:02:07,257 --> 00:02:09,259
I know.
51
00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:11,392
But that's the best pill.
52
00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:14,482
I would give up all the
other pills for that pill.
53
00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:16,266
Yeah.
54
00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:18,529
I mean, that pill lets us
have fun without consequences.
55
00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:20,618
[groans]We can't afford
to put another consequence
56
00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:22,707
through college.
57
00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:24,622
It's like some
mysterious force
58
00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:26,537
is trying to stop
us from having sex.
59
00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:27,930
I...
60
00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:40,856
♪
61
00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:52,389
So, um, I've been off
the pill for a few days,
62
00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:54,261
and I feel pretty good.
63
00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:55,349
Good.
64
00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:58,743
I said I feel good.
65
00:02:58,787 --> 00:03:01,833
Take your pants off.
66
00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:04,619
My favorite four words
in the English language.
67
00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:10,842
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
68
00:03:10,886 --> 00:03:12,844
We can't just do this.
69
00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:14,585
There's no goalie
in the net.[groans]
70
00:03:14,629 --> 00:03:18,850
Okay, so go to the drugstore
and buy a box of goalies.
71
00:03:18,894 --> 00:03:21,331
I... That'll take
too long, you know?
72
00:03:21,375 --> 00:03:23,333
My uniform's on.
They sang the national anthem.
73
00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:25,944
It's-it's time
to take the ice.
74
00:03:27,032 --> 00:03:28,730
Well, what do we do?
75
00:03:28,773 --> 00:03:31,907
There's got to be one of those
things around here somewhere.
76
00:03:31,950 --> 00:03:33,865
When was the last time
I slept with someone
77
00:03:33,909 --> 00:03:35,606
I didn't completely trust?
78
00:03:36,825 --> 00:03:38,783
Oh! I got it.
79
00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:40,872
I need my box of stuff
from my single days.
80
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:42,700
All right, I'll be right back.
Don't move.
81
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:53,711
[thudding]
82
00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:56,061
Ow!
83
00:03:56,105 --> 00:03:58,238
[grunts]
84
00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:07,812
[grunting]
85
00:04:13,862 --> 00:04:16,560
[panting]
86
00:04:26,527 --> 00:04:28,529
Hey, there.
87
00:04:30,531 --> 00:04:32,489
Mm.That was fun.
88
00:04:32,533 --> 00:04:34,491
Yeah. It's always fun.
89
00:04:34,535 --> 00:04:36,014
That's the thing about it.
90
00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:40,976
It was different, though.
91
00:04:41,019 --> 00:04:42,978
It's great to go for a spin,
92
00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:45,502
but it's hard to wear a helmet
93
00:04:45,546 --> 00:04:48,375
when I've already felt
the wind in my face.
94
00:04:48,418 --> 00:04:50,855
Well, if you don't like
wearing one of those,
95
00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:52,640
there's other forms
of birth control.
96
00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:54,381
The best birth control
97
00:04:54,424 --> 00:04:56,818
is if I grow
a mustache again.
98
00:04:56,861 --> 00:04:59,821
It smelled like pretzels.
99
00:04:59,864 --> 00:05:02,519
Okay, well, let's narrow
down our options, right?
100
00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:03,999
We know it has to
be hormone-free,
101
00:05:04,042 --> 00:05:05,696
so all that stuff
is no good.
102
00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:06,871
Yeah. And it'd be great
103
00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:08,699
if using it
didn't require a time-out
104
00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:10,484
just when things
are getting hot and heavy.
105
00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:14,401
Agreed. That is a bad time
for a commercial break.
106
00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:16,359
Okay, but...
107
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:17,665
we can work around that
108
00:05:17,708 --> 00:05:20,058
if one of us is
prepared in advance.
109
00:05:20,102 --> 00:05:22,800
Yeah. Yeah, but-but I don't want
to schedule it.
110
00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:24,585
Being able to do it
whenever I want
111
00:05:24,628 --> 00:05:26,021
is the whole reason
I got married.
112
00:05:27,109 --> 00:05:28,893
Besides all the love.
113
00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:32,157
But that got me in the door.
114
00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:34,116
Okay, but, you know,
u-until we figure it out,
115
00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:35,857
we need to keep our
hands to ourselves.
116
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:38,599
Yeah, well, sure.
No big deal.
117
00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:40,949
We've been married 20 years.
How hard can it be?
118
00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:42,559
This has been
119
00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:44,866
the hardest week of my life.
120
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:49,871
You're over here
pouring coffee like a minx.
121
00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:53,875
Teasing me.
122
00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,747
Just knowing we can't do it
123
00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:58,532
makes me want to
do it even more.
124
00:06:00,185 --> 00:06:03,493
If I had known our last time
was gonna be our last time,
125
00:06:03,537 --> 00:06:05,843
I would've put on
a better show.
126
00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:07,497
LOWELL:
Okay.
127
00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:09,586
Let's figure out
this budget.
128
00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:11,936
Oh, numbers are boring.
That should help.Yeah.
129
00:06:13,982 --> 00:06:16,767
[exhales]Okay. We are way over budget
130
00:06:16,811 --> 00:06:18,421
on the new house we're flipping.
131
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,858
We need to bring down the cost
of the fixtures.
132
00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:22,207
Fixtures?
133
00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:24,514
Well, that's, uh...
134
00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:26,081
Should be...
135
00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:29,563
Do you have to hold your pencil
like that, all sexy?
136
00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:33,218
That's... that's just
the way I write.
137
00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:34,568
Mm.You know.
138
00:06:34,611 --> 00:06:37,962
Fast, and then not so fast.
139
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:45,579
Can feel your eyes
burning a hole through my shirt.
140
00:06:45,622 --> 00:06:46,797
I like it.
141
00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:48,538
Okay, that's it.
142
00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:50,975
Go back
to fooling around already.
143
00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:52,455
And by the way,
I shouldn't even know
144
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:53,674
you haven't been fooling around,
145
00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,719
but the two of you
won't shut up about it.
146
00:06:57,591 --> 00:07:00,115
I'd file a complaint
with HR, but that's me.
147
00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:04,467
Look, we have
a real problem here.
148
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:05,947
Andi had to go
off the pill,
149
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:07,557
and none of the
other options are good.
150
00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:08,906
Believe me,
if there was a solution,
151
00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:10,081
we would have found it.
152
00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:11,474
Well, I have a solution.
153
00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:13,171
Great. We're open to anything.
154
00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:14,782
Get a vasectomy.What?!
155
00:07:16,871 --> 00:07:18,133
I never even thought of that.
156
00:07:18,176 --> 00:07:20,222
Who would think of it?
157
00:07:20,265 --> 00:07:21,484
[chuckles]
158
00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:24,095
Sounds awfully
permanent, Lowell.
159
00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:25,749
That's what's great about it.
160
00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:28,056
One afternoon, and you never
have to worry about it again.
161
00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:29,449
What do you think?
162
00:07:30,319 --> 00:07:32,452
[mouths]
163
00:07:35,846 --> 00:07:39,197
Well, I, uh...
[clears throat]
164
00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:42,679
I think I need
more information
165
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:46,683
from the expert who brought
it up in front of my wife.
166
00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:49,120
Yeah.
167
00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:50,905
Come on, Lowell. Let's go talk
about it in the driveway
168
00:07:50,948 --> 00:07:53,037
man-to-man. Come on.
169
00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:55,779
Come on! Come on.
170
00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:57,825
[chuckles]:
Come on.
171
00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:01,698
What are you doing to me?
172
00:08:03,265 --> 00:08:06,224
As soon as you called me a man,
I knew I was in trouble.
173
00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:12,013
You never say the v-word
in another man's house.
174
00:08:13,971 --> 00:08:15,756
I was just trying to help.[scoffs]
175
00:08:15,799 --> 00:08:17,322
You know, millions
of guys get vasec...
176
00:08:17,366 --> 00:08:18,628
Stop saying it!
177
00:08:20,325 --> 00:08:22,719
Let me tell you something,
Lowell. Surgery is knives
178
00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:24,765
and scalpels and needles,
and none of those
179
00:08:24,808 --> 00:08:27,942
will ever come anywhere near
my favorite friend.
180
00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:31,032
S-So, then, don't do it.Yeah.
181
00:08:31,075 --> 00:08:33,730
But now she's heard the word.
182
00:08:33,774 --> 00:08:35,558
It's out there.
183
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:38,996
You did a very bad thing,
Lowell. Very bad.
184
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:40,563
I'm not sorry.
185
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:42,304
You were both playing footsie
with me under the table.
186
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:43,914
I had to make it stop.
187
00:08:51,792 --> 00:08:53,663
Where do you think you're going?
188
00:08:53,707 --> 00:08:54,882
My stuff's in there.
189
00:08:54,925 --> 00:08:56,187
Well, you should've
thought about that
190
00:08:56,231 --> 00:08:58,538
before you fired up
your propaganda machine.
191
00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:05,893
Hey.
192
00:09:05,936 --> 00:09:06,894
Where's Lowell?
193
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,722
Oh, uh, he left. Yeah.
194
00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:11,681
He felt bad about
getting involved
195
00:09:11,725 --> 00:09:14,031
in our personal
business. Mm.Oh.
196
00:09:14,075 --> 00:09:17,731
You know, h-his idea would solve
our problem once and for all.
197
00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:19,950
I mean, maybe it's
worth considering.
198
00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:21,038
Uh-huh.[gasps]
199
00:09:21,082 --> 00:09:22,213
I'm gonna go call Janette.
200
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:23,998
I think her husband had one.
201
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:31,614
Very bad, Lowell!
202
00:09:40,101 --> 00:09:42,886
Can I come sit
with you guys yet?
203
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:44,801
No. Thanks to you,
204
00:09:44,845 --> 00:09:47,108
Andi says it's something
we should consider.
205
00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:49,066
She's calling her
friend Janette.
206
00:09:49,110 --> 00:09:50,415
When Janette got wind chimes,
207
00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:52,069
we got wind chimes.
208
00:09:52,113 --> 00:09:55,203
How could you say the v-word
in front of his wife?
209
00:09:55,246 --> 00:09:56,813
Why do you hate him?
210
00:09:56,857 --> 00:10:00,338
I didn't know
it was such a terrible idea.
211
00:10:00,382 --> 00:10:02,253
Fine, you can come back over.
212
00:10:02,297 --> 00:10:04,386
But you can never
say that word again.
213
00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:07,128
I won't, I swear.
That was a cold,
214
00:10:07,171 --> 00:10:08,956
lonely eight minutes.
215
00:10:08,999 --> 00:10:10,827
[clears throat]
216
00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:12,829
The question is:
What do I do now?
217
00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:14,744
Obviously, I'm not
gonna get a...
218
00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:16,224
I can't even say it.
219
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,313
Let's just call it
Lowell's terrible idea.
220
00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:21,664
You could make
Lowell's terrible idea
221
00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:22,839
go away if you
222
00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:24,754
give Andi
a better solution.
223
00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:27,844
Like what?Well, there are other forms
of birth control.
224
00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:29,933
Your mother and I used
the rhythm method.
225
00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:32,370
It only failed twice--
one, two.
226
00:10:33,415 --> 00:10:34,808
Or you could just
227
00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:36,157
do it with lady on top.
228
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,767
Let gravity do the work.
229
00:10:37,811 --> 00:10:40,335
How do you not have 20 kids?
230
00:10:40,378 --> 00:10:42,859
Gravity. Mm.
231
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:45,296
She's not gonna go
for any of those.
232
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:47,211
Yeah, don't listen
to Don's terrible idea.
233
00:10:47,255 --> 00:10:49,779
That's the new terrible idea.
234
00:10:49,823 --> 00:10:51,781
Don't get cocky.
You started this.
235
00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:53,130
Look, the minute
Lowell mentioned it,
236
00:10:53,174 --> 00:10:54,784
you know what popped
into my head?
237
00:10:54,828 --> 00:10:56,394
Our old dog Rex.
238
00:10:56,438 --> 00:10:59,484
Oh.After we had him fixed,
he was never the same.
239
00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:02,487
That's true. Poor guy
stopped chasing the Frisbee.
240
00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:05,708
Just didn't see
the point anymore.
241
00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:08,363
His one purpose in life
was to make little Rexes,
242
00:11:08,406 --> 00:11:10,452
and the doctor just
took it away.
243
00:11:10,495 --> 00:11:13,237
And then, of course,
there was the end.
244
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:15,239
Aw.
245
00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:17,154
The end? What happened to Rex?
246
00:11:17,198 --> 00:11:18,939
Ran out in front
of the bookmobile.
247
00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:23,857
We'll never know if it
was on purpose or not.
248
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:27,034
But if he had thumbs, I bet
he would have written a note.
249
00:11:27,077 --> 00:11:31,734
I just need a surefire way to
make this whole thing disappear.
250
00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:33,170
I mean,
251
00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:35,433
I guess I could just say "no."
252
00:11:35,477 --> 00:11:38,045
Okay. Nice knowing you, Rex.
253
00:11:38,088 --> 00:11:41,875
Yeah. It won't work.
That "no" won't stick.
254
00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:45,008
Why not?Because if you hit her
with a knee-jerk "no"
255
00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:48,185
without anything to back it up,
she'll hit you with a "why."
256
00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:50,187
And then you're dead.
257
00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:51,798
DON:
Right.
258
00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:54,496
So whenever Marcy suggests
some nutty thing,
259
00:11:54,539 --> 00:11:56,933
I go through the motions,
I get informed,
260
00:11:56,977 --> 00:11:59,022
and then I say,
"I thought about it,
261
00:11:59,066 --> 00:12:01,503
I did my homework,
but it's a 'no.'"
262
00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:03,374
And that "no" sticks?
263
00:12:03,418 --> 00:12:05,812
Oh, yeah, the wives love it
when you do your homework.
264
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:08,031
Yeah.Deep down,
they're all teachers.
265
00:12:08,075 --> 00:12:10,947
It's a thoughtful,
open-minded "no."
266
00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:13,820
Mm-hmm.Wives dig
that hippie crap.
267
00:12:13,863 --> 00:12:15,169
Okay.
268
00:12:15,212 --> 00:12:16,953
How about this?
269
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:19,434
I'll go for a consultation
with a doctor who specializes
270
00:12:19,477 --> 00:12:21,218
in Lowell's
terrible idea.
271
00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:23,873
I didn't invent it.
I just said it.
272
00:12:23,917 --> 00:12:25,788
And I'll bring Andi with me.
273
00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:27,311
Okay, she'll see me
doing my homework
274
00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:29,836
by listening to the doctor,
I take a day or two
275
00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:31,402
to consider it
with an open mind,
276
00:12:31,446 --> 00:12:33,274
then I give Andi a "no"
that sticks.
277
00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:35,537
Then problem solved--
no vasectomy.
278
00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:37,060
ALL:
Lowell!I heard it.
279
00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:39,106
I'll go back over there.
280
00:12:44,328 --> 00:12:47,244
You know, I am so impressed that
you would even consider this.
281
00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:50,421
Well, a consultation
seemed like a good idea.
282
00:12:50,465 --> 00:12:53,468
I like to do my homework
before I make a decision.
283
00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:58,038
You can never go
wrong with homework.
284
00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:07,134
You look hot.
285
00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:10,528
I do?
286
00:13:10,572 --> 00:13:12,574
I don't know.
It's been too long.
287
00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:16,360
You could grow that
stupid mustache again.
288
00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:17,840
I'd be all over you.
289
00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:24,368
Mr. and Mrs. Burns,
the doctor's ready for you.
290
00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:26,457
You okay?
291
00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:28,633
You nervous?No.
292
00:13:28,677 --> 00:13:30,810
It's a consultation.
293
00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:35,423
A consultation is
just a consultation.
294
00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:37,468
Everybody feels uneasy,
295
00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:40,036
but once they talk
to the doctor, they relax.
296
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:43,257
Oh.Some guys even do the procedure
during the consultation.
297
00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:48,523
That's what
Janette's husband did.
298
00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:52,222
He did, huh? [laughs]
299
00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:54,050
Old wind chime Bob?
300
00:13:58,489 --> 00:14:00,187
[alarm ringing]
301
00:14:02,102 --> 00:14:04,104
Adam?
302
00:14:04,147 --> 00:14:06,367
[can pops open]
303
00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:23,993
There you are. I've been looking
all over for you.
304
00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:28,519
How did you get in the house?
I had the keys.
305
00:14:28,563 --> 00:14:30,434
Oh, I used my Swiss Army knife.
306
00:14:31,522 --> 00:14:34,351
I hid it under my dress.
307
00:14:34,395 --> 00:14:37,964
Doctor has a knife, I have
a knife. Fair is fair.
308
00:14:39,269 --> 00:14:41,315
Care to tell me
what happened back there?
309
00:14:42,403 --> 00:14:43,360
I can't do it.
310
00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:44,666
I can't do it so much,
311
00:14:44,709 --> 00:14:46,581
I can't even pretend
to think about doing it.
312
00:14:47,669 --> 00:14:49,236
You were pretending?
313
00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:52,543
Yes. I wanted you to
think I was open-minded
314
00:14:52,587 --> 00:14:54,241
about that procedure,
but I am not.
315
00:14:54,284 --> 00:14:57,418
Do you know what they do
in that room? It is barbaric!
316
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:01,552
It was your idea.
317
00:15:01,596 --> 00:15:03,293
No, it was Lowell's idea.
318
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:04,991
I would never suggest that.
319
00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:06,949
It would be
320
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:09,038
taking away my whole purpose
on this planet.
321
00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:12,215
What about the little Adams?
322
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:13,521
What, you mean, like, babies?
323
00:15:13,564 --> 00:15:15,218
Yes.
324
00:15:15,262 --> 00:15:17,133
That's what I'm here for.
325
00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:20,223
To pass on all this good stuff.
326
00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:25,141
But we already
had babies.
327
00:15:25,185 --> 00:15:26,621
And we don't need any more.
328
00:15:26,664 --> 00:15:29,406
Look, I... I know wedid,
329
00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:31,452
but I'm just saying.
330
00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:36,022
What if?
331
00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:40,069
You mean what if
I get struck by lightning
332
00:15:40,113 --> 00:15:42,419
and you want to have kids
with some new woman?
333
00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:44,247
That "what if"?
334
00:15:44,291 --> 00:15:46,249
No.
335
00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:48,599
It's bigger
and less selfish than that.
336
00:15:50,079 --> 00:15:51,602
What if I want to have kids
337
00:15:51,646 --> 00:15:54,344
with lots of women?
338
00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:58,131
Excuse me?
339
00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:00,655
I mean,
if there's a natural disaster.
340
00:16:00,698 --> 00:16:02,962
You know, the big one.
341
00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:06,443
Meteor or alien invasion.
342
00:16:06,487 --> 00:16:08,315
Everybody gets wiped out
343
00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:10,491
except me and five young women.
344
00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:15,235
Oh, they're young now. I see.
345
00:16:16,801 --> 00:16:19,761
There's lots of 'em,
and they're young.
346
00:16:19,804 --> 00:16:21,458
Well, yeah,
they have to be young.
347
00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:23,504
Those are the only people
that survive the big one.Uh-huh.
348
00:16:24,505 --> 00:16:26,202
Then how did you survive?
349
00:16:26,246 --> 00:16:28,683
I can survive anything.
I got my Swiss Army knife.Ugh.
350
00:16:30,511 --> 00:16:35,342
My-my point is, I may have
to populate the human race.
351
00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:39,389
It's happened before.
My name is Adam.
352
00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:44,307
Okay, so your big worry
353
00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:47,223
is a doomsday orgy fantasy?
354
00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:49,660
Yes!
355
00:16:49,704 --> 00:16:52,359
And you don't want
to change that story?
356
00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:55,666
No!
357
00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:57,146
Why?
358
00:16:58,713 --> 00:17:00,715
Why?
359
00:17:02,108 --> 00:17:04,545
Yeah. Why?
360
00:17:07,287 --> 00:17:09,376
I was warned about this.
361
00:17:12,422 --> 00:17:14,424
All right, fine.
362
00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:18,428
If I had that operation, uh...
363
00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:22,563
I would feel like less of a man.
364
00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:24,130
[clicks tongue]
365
00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:26,132
Why didn't you just say that?
366
00:17:26,175 --> 00:17:29,048
Because no man
wants to say that.
367
00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:33,139
We don't even want to
admit the possibility
368
00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:35,184
that we could be
less of a man.
369
00:17:35,228 --> 00:17:39,145
You don't think I'm curious
about the mango margarita?
370
00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:41,321
Huh? It looks delicious,
371
00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:43,671
but I will never order one.
372
00:17:44,759 --> 00:17:46,804
Wow.
373
00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:51,157
That is some deep,
374
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,202
ancient boy stuff.
375
00:17:54,247 --> 00:17:56,162
We think things.
376
00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:59,252
We don't tell you all the
things, but we think 'em.
377
00:18:00,905 --> 00:18:03,778
Hey, first of all,
I would never want you
378
00:18:03,821 --> 00:18:06,172
to do something
that you didn't want to do.
379
00:18:06,215 --> 00:18:08,174
And second of all,
380
00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:11,438
you could never be
less of a man to me.
381
00:18:12,482 --> 00:18:14,136
Really?
382
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:15,616
Really.
383
00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:18,401
[chuckles softly]
384
00:18:18,445 --> 00:18:19,837
[laughs softly]
385
00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:23,754
You know, uh...
386
00:18:23,798 --> 00:18:25,887
it's windy today.
387
00:18:27,497 --> 00:18:30,587
And when I was running home,
388
00:18:30,631 --> 00:18:32,285
trying to keep my dress down...
389
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:34,939
...it occurred to me
390
00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:38,682
that I may have
overreacted a little bit.
391
00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:40,641
A lot.A lot.
392
00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:45,820
I love you.
393
00:18:45,863 --> 00:18:48,388
I love you, too.
394
00:18:48,431 --> 00:18:49,693
[both laugh]
395
00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:52,914
But we still can't have sex.
396
00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:54,742
I know.
397
00:18:56,831 --> 00:18:59,529
But what's our second-favorite
thing to do in the bedroom?
398
00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:02,489
We can watch House Hunters.
399
00:19:05,013 --> 00:19:06,928
Okay.
400
00:19:06,971 --> 00:19:10,627
Hey, but you can't hug me
when they find wood floors
401
00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:13,239
under the carpet, or we
might have a fourth kid.
402
00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:20,376
But it turns me on so much!
403
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:28,515
You don't look so good.
404
00:19:28,558 --> 00:19:30,865
I had another
nookie-free night.
405
00:19:32,432 --> 00:19:34,260
I'm going crazy.
406
00:19:34,303 --> 00:19:37,698
I'm like a racehorse
stuck in a barn.
407
00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:41,528
I know what you mean.
It's like the Olympics.
408
00:19:41,571 --> 00:19:43,356
If I don't get it
every two years,
409
00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:45,227
I feel like I
missed something.
410
00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:47,969
Adam? Adam, I just got off
the phone with my doctor...
411
00:19:48,012 --> 00:19:49,579
Oh. Lowell,
412
00:19:49,623 --> 00:19:51,494
you have to go. Now!
413
00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:53,192
Now? Why?
414
00:19:54,584 --> 00:19:56,325
Because all your stuff's
out there.
415
00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:57,674
Come on! Come on.
416
00:19:57,718 --> 00:19:59,328
Come on, come on.
417
00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:01,678
This keeps
happening to me.
418
00:20:01,722 --> 00:20:04,028
[door closes]What? What? What is it?
419
00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:06,466
The doctor got
my test results back,
420
00:20:06,509 --> 00:20:08,859
and my headaches aren't
from the pill.
421
00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:10,687
It's from too much coffee! Yeah.
422
00:20:10,731 --> 00:20:12,994
Turns out I have
a horrible caffeine addiction!
423
00:20:13,037 --> 00:20:14,691
How awesome is that?!
424
00:20:14,735 --> 00:20:17,390
So awesome!
425
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:18,869
Let's celebrate.
Where's your pills?I already took two.
426
00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:21,045
The kids are at school.
I'll race you upstairs.
427
00:20:21,089 --> 00:20:23,700
Okay. Wait, wait,
wait, wait.
428
00:20:23,744 --> 00:20:25,702
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.What?
429
00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:27,269
What is that for?
430
00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:29,228
You know, just for fun.
431
00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,579
You be the sexy nurse,
and I'll be the guy
432
00:20:32,622 --> 00:20:35,321
who just woke up from a coma
and forgot how to have sex.
433
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:37,453
Oh, let's go. Oh!
434
00:20:41,936 --> 00:20:44,895
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
435
00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:47,942
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
30595
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