All language subtitles for Last Man Standing s08e17_English

What are you doing up here
in Eve's room?

What? I'm just taking some
of this old stuff down.

What?
Not the Peyton Manning poster.

I come up here all the time
and look at that.

It just reminds me of a time
when the Broncos didn't suck.

Okay.

Look, Eve doesn't need
this room anymore.

She qualified
for the pilot training program.

It's a ten-year commitment.

And even Air Force pilots don't
need stuffed bears anymore.

Well, we don't have
to change everything.

Oh, honey, you have had a month
to think about this.

That's enough time to grieve.

You know, a lot of people think
you're the emotional one,

but I think you're cold as ice.

We're not using this room
for anything else.

True. True, but, look,
I need it to be different.

Uh, every time I walk by
this room, I burst into tears.

It's-it's like my little tomboy
is-is all grown up,

and now she's a...

-Killing machine.
-What?

A woman. A woman. Look, it...

It just reminds me that
this phase in our lives is over.

(exhales)

(voice breaking):
Give me Mrs. Huggy Pants.

*

(sniffs)
Mm.

-Oh, hey. Wow, look at that.
-Hi.

You guys are back early.

Well, having Jen
help me write the vlogs

-has been very helpful to me.
-Yeah.

-What's in the box?
-Huh? What box?

It's pretty heavy,
'cause your eyes are twitching.

-Nope.
-So, it must be...

(sighs)

-Mike.
-You're still moving stuff
out of Eve's room?

-Come on.
-Can you believe this, Jen?

That you're upset
about something?

Yeah, I've seen it before.

Look, Eve is fine with it.

And maybe... maybe we can
use that as a guest room.

Hell no. A guest room?

That means
we have to have guests.

We're leaving the room
the way it is.

You know, if you don't like
what's in there,

just shut the door,
you won't have to see it.

No. No. Look, I-I just want
to make it comfortable

for Jen's dad
for-for graduation week.

You don't need a guest room.

My dad's not coming
to graduation.

He's not coming? Since when?

He's so busy,
I'd feel terrible asking him.

-Uh...
-You didn't even ask him?

No. My dad would do anything
for me,

and I didn't want
to pressure him.

Well, if I were your dad,
I'd want to be here.

Yes. I know that.

It's what makes you awesome.

You're the family who helped me
through high school.

If you're there,
that's all I really need.

We're all she really needs?

So, she's no longer the exchange
student that lives with us.

Now she's a child
that we've stolen.

Whoa, hey, hey, Kyle, Kyle.

Kyle, check out this cool thing
my friend sent me.

Oh, uh,
we're on the clock, buddy.

If, uh...
if it's not work-related,

it's gonna have to wait.

Unless it's something
really cool.

You know what?
I'll just come over.

It's this audio clip

that's been on the Internet
for the last couple of years.

It's this guy saying
this one word over and over.

Some people think
he's saying "Laurel,"

and other people think
he's saying "Yanny."

-What?
-(laughs) No, no, no, no.

I'll play it for you.
Here it is.

COMPUTER:
Laurel. Laurel. Laurel.

Okay.
Yeah, he's saying "Laurel."

Well, yeah. No.
I hear "Yanny" clear as a bell.

Is this a prank?

Hey, hey, hey, guys.
Yeah, come-come-come over here.

Tell me what word you hear.

COMPUTER:
Laurel. Laurel. Laurel.

Ah, this thing?

It's "Laurel," end of story.

Thank you, Kristin.

What? "Laurel"?

Are you nuts?
It's saying "Yanny."

CHUCK:
Well, hey, let's see
what Ed thinks.

-Ed, Ed, what do you hear?
-Yeah.

COMPUTER:
Laurel. Laurel. Laurel.

Oh. I hear "Get back to work."

I love these Dirty Harry movies.

-Mm.
-"Go ahead. Make my day."

Yeah, a lot of people think
Eastwood came up with that.

Actually, it was me.

Really? You coined
the Dirty Harry catchphrase?

Not just that one.

A lot of times I leave work,
and look at Ed,

-and I say, "I'll be back."
-(laughs)

And my favorite one of all time
is "More power."

(grunting):
Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Uh, Mike, the, uh...
the eagle has landed.

That's another one, "The Eagle
has landed." One of mine.

No, no, no. No, no, no.
The, uh, the eagle has landed.

-Our eagle? Oh,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Yes. (laughs)

Can-can I tell her?

-VANESSA: Yeah.
-Tell me what? Wait.

Eagle? Jeep Eagle?
You guys got me a car

-for graduation...
-VANESSA: No, no. No, no.

-...and it's sitting
in the driveway?!
-No. No, no, no. No, no. No.

When have we ever done anything

that makes you think
we're that generous?

This surprise is better.

It turns out
your father isn't too busy,

so we invited him
to the graduation, and now...

BOTH:
He's here!

-(Vanessa chuckles)
-What?

Well, not "here" here.
He's-he's at the airport,

probably near one
of those soft pretzel stands.

-Oh, yeah.
-I should call him,

-and have him bring some
for everybody.
-(laughs)

You knew we were awesome,

but did you know
we were this awesome?

This is not awesome.

Hey, what's-what's going on?

Is everything okay
with your dad?

Oh, yeah. I love my dad.
I want to see him.

Well, good, 'cause he flew here
from Hong Kong.

I don't want
to see his girlfriend.

You don't know
that he brought his girlfriend.

-He did, Mike.
-Okay.

Great. Now you guys get
to meet the woman

who wants to replace my mom.

Well...

Well, it's not gonna be easy,

but we're gonna have
to get her a Jeep Eagle.

Hey, Jen.

Tell us about this girlfriend
that you don't like.

I don't want to talk about it.

I hope you can respect that.

Yeah, of course we can.

Yeah, you-you come and tell us
whenever you want.

Like when the big hand
is on now.

Honey, we just want to know
what we're dealing with.

You-you never mentioned that
your dad had a girlfriend.

Well, he does.

Fiona.

All right, well, Fiona.
Come on, it's a lovely name.

Not the way she says it.

For years, she and my dad
were "friends,"

but when I was home last summer,

my dad told me their
relationship had "progressed."

(blows raspberry)

-Okay...
-I often tell people that, uh,

progress isn't always
the best thing,

but people don't listen, because
they're usually on their phones.

They do everything together now.

They got matching pajamas
this Christmas.

Ugh!

Kind of sorry I saw that.

I have to look that guy
in the eye in two hours, it's...

I don't know
what he sees in her.

She's nothing like my mother.

My mom was sweet and kind
and thoughtful.

We know, Jen.
But, look, it's-it's just

for a couple days.
I'm sure you can handle that.

-I mean, look, she can't be
any worse than Mike.
-Ha.

It's not a contest, honey,

but it's good to know
I'm the bar.

Hey, babe.
Here is your left shoe.

Oh, thank you.

This morning, I put on
a brown one and a black one.

I... I can't see my feet.

So, I heard about this whole
Laurel and Yanny thing.

You know, the reason why
you hear two different things

is because they're recorded
in two different frequencies.

So... which one did you hear?

Kyle? We agreed
not to talk about it.

You're right.

All right. Sorry.

Yeah, but maybe he could
break the tie.

Yeah. Go ahead, honey.
What do you hear?

Yanny.

-You fool!
-Whoo!

-(laughing)
-Chuck, we finally win!

Isn't this a pretty picture.

My wife and my best friend
both hearing "Yanny."

Come on, Kyle. Let's get away
from these Yannies.

That is so childish.

Oh, yeah? Well, Laurels rule
and Yannies drool!

Yeah, actually, I heard Laurel;

I just wanted to mess
with my wife.

Oh, this thing with Jen
just breaks my heart.

You know, I know I didn't
like the idea of my mom

in a new relationship, either.

Is this about Ed?
He's a good stepfather.

Remember the time
he held your hand

-and took you to the park?
-No, stop. Stop. No.

No. Look, after my dad died,

there was a new guy
buzzing around my mom--

mowing the lawn,
raking the leaves.

He's called a gardener.

You know, look.

Look, i-if you ever wonder why

I sometimes don't share things
with you, remember this moment.

I got a welcome gift for Fiona,
but only because you made me.

-Ooh, rose quartz.
-Yeah. Yeah.

-Wow, it's beautiful.
-Good idea.

I think it'll be good
to have in the room.

It's said to calm feelings
of anger or resentment.

Kind of like beer.

The first two, not the last six.

That's, that's just a black eye
and a police report.

-(doorbell rings)
-Oh, all right.
-Okay.

-Okay. All right, good.
-(Jen chuckles)

-Pa!
-Ah-mui! Ah.

-Hey, Henry. Welcome.
-Ah. Hi, Henry.

-Oh, thanks for having us.
-Yes.

I wouldn't miss Jen's graduation
for the world.

(chuckles)
Uh-- oh, you must be Fiona.

Yes, we-we are so glad
you could come.

-Oh, nice to meet you all.
-Yeah, Mike Baxter. Welcome.

Told you you were overdressed.

Everywhere we go,
you're like Elton John.

(chuckles):
Yeah, look at me.

-"Rocket Man."
-(laughter)

At least it's not
matching pajamas.

(chuckles) Yeah.

(clears throat)

I think you look nice, Dad.

-Uh, so, well, let's not stand
by the door all night.
-MIKE: Yeah.

-Come on into the living room.
-Come on. Come on in,
sit down. Sit.

-Okay.
-Oh. What a beautiful home.

-Oh, thank you.
-Thank you.

This one's sense of decor
is mid-century bowling alley.

(chuckles)

I like our apartment.

(chuckling):
So does she.

Not as much
as she likes bad jokes.

Oh, it's not a joke.

When you visit,
he rents you shoes.

(chuckles):
That's funny. That is...

Uh, you know who else is funny?

Say something. Say something.

Okay, okay, all right.
One of my favorite jokes.

-The potato joke.
-BOTH: No.

Um, so, uh, w-we're so glad
you could be here.

-Uh, h-how was your flight?
-Yeah.

Well, I got a lot of exercise.

-Yeah.
-Up, down, up, down.

I mean, if you're gonna go
to the bathroom every hour,

sit on the aisle.

That's funny. You stick him
in the middle seat,

then complain
because you have to get up.

You could've
just switched seats.

Ha, ha, ha. See?
I'm being funny, too.

(forced laughing)

VANESSA:
Uh...

Jen, uh, dear, why don't you
come in the kitchen with me,

help me fix some drinks?

I think it's a good time
for the potato joke.

-Two guys are...
-No. No, hey! No, no.

Come, come with us.

I'll stay here and make sure
Henry doesn't steal anything.

-(chuckles)
-(laughs)

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Well, the quartz thing
didn't work.

Looks like rocks aren't magic.

I told you.

-She's the worst person
in the world.
-All right, look,

I-I don't know
if she's that bad.

-All she does is put
my father down.
-Hey.

That's what couples do. I make
fun of Vanessa all the time.

Yeah, and look,
it doesn't bother me.

And you know how you can tell?

I make him dinner,
and yet he's still with us.

I can't believe
you both like her.

Look, no, I just met the woman.

Do I want to take a six-hour
car ride with her? No.

Unless it's in a hearse.

You're not helping.

-I didn't say
she was in the back.
-Oh, my God.

-Sunday is my graduation,
and I don't want her here.
-(shushes)

Okay, look, Jen, Jen.

You don't want the memory
of your graduation to be

all about the blowup you had
with your father's girlfriend.

-Okay.
-(whispers): Good.

Then can I get drunk?

No.

Right?

MIKE (yawns): Okay, hold on,
but give me a minute.

Um, then there's Zion,
uh, National Park,

which is gorgeous, beautiful,
certainly worth seeing.

And there you have
all the national parks

in alphabetical order.

Uh, uh, well, you know,
I-I love cities.

-Yes. Right.
-So, uh, I like to start
with Akron, Ohio.

I-I'd love to hear about it,

but, uh, Fiona and I are
a little jet-lagged.

-Oh, of course.
-Oh. Okay, all right.

Uh, ah-mui, we'll talk tomorrow.

Tomorrow? We didn't even talk
to her tonight.

-(Mike laughs)
-She's so quiet, this one.

Oh, I can talk.
I have a lot to say.

All right, yeah, but they
already said their goodbyes,

so we're just,
we're gonna let them go.

And maybe there's
a better time for us

to have this conversation, Jen.

It won't take long.

All I have to say is: why?

(sighs)
I-I'll be right back.

Yeah, u-uh...

Uh, did...?

(Henry speaking Mandarin)

(Jen speaking Mandarin)

Uh, Mike, just...

They're not swearing,
so I don't really understand

what they're saying.

I know what they're saying.

Honey, go.

-Tell her the potato joke.
-No, just...

(speaking Mandarin)

Excuse me, excuse me.

I-I'll first say that
it's-it's a lovely language

when you're arguing
like that. It's...

-We weren't arguing.
-Yes, we were.

Well, now you are.

Uh, J-Jen,

would you give us
a minute, please?

I want to talk to your dad
for a moment. Please?

Fine. I'm going for a walk.

BOTH:
Don't go far.

-Listen, I...
-Sorry.

She's complaining about Fiona.

She doesn't understand
what I like about her.

Well, I got to be honest,
I kind of wondered

the same thing myself. I just...

Yes, I know,
Fiona has a big personality.

It's just what I needed.

Just, I-I've never really needed
to get my balls busted.

(both chuckle)

But I-I got to be honest,

I-I don't think
this is just about Fiona.

Eh, I don't, either.

Jen wants things to stay
the way they used to be.

-But they don't.
-No, no.

It's okay for her
to go forward with her life,

but she doesn't want me
to move on.

Y-You understand.
You have daughters.

Yeah, I've got, uh,
two married daughters and, uh...

and my, uh, y-youngest
is, um, Eve.

-Mm.
-She's in, uh,
Air Force Academy.

Well, while Eve is away,
I'm sure she doesn't want

things here at home
to change, either.

Yes.

There has been some resistance
around here about that.

So you understand.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
I-I understand.

Really? You're not even
gonna say good morning?

Why should I? I don't know
what you people hear.

(scoffs)

Just drop it, Kyle.

No, it's no big deal.

All I'm saying
is I don't know you!

-Hey, Kristin.
-Hey, Kyle.

Oh, I see you two
are on a first-name basis.

Oh, so you can you hear that,
but you don't hear Laurel?

-No, I hear Yanny.
-Laurel.

-Yanny. Yanny.
-Laurel. Laurel. Laurel.

Hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on.

I want to say something here.

Yanny, Yanny, Yanny,
Yanny, Yanny!

(overlapping arguing)

(whistles)
Time-out, time-out.

I got a recording of my own
I want you all to listen to.

Just let me know what you hear.
Tell me.

(overlapping chatter,
laughter on recording)

I can't really
make anything out.

It sounds like a bunch
of people at a party.

Yeah, w-what is this thing, Ed?

It's you knuckleheads
hanging out last week.

-Sounds like we were having
a really good time.
-You were.

And then we let all this
Laurel-Yanny stuff split us up.

You did. See, "out there"
everybody's always fighting.

They're, I mean, they're looking
for things to fight about.

I don't want that
in here, folks.

I-I don't, either.

(sighs)
From now on,

let's not talk about things
that separate us.

Agreed. Let's just stick
to politics and religion.

Did you finally cave

and agree to let Vanessa
change Eve's room?

No, actually, we've invited
Fiona to move in.

Ha, ha.

I miss Eve.

But I don't think
she's moving back.

I just have to accept the fact
that things change.

Wow. The way you were acting,

I didn't think
you would ever accept that.

Well...
(sighs)

I'm having
a little difficulty moving on.

Uh, it's probably my age.

More likely, 'cause I loved
the way things used to be.

I've got to learn to make
the best of it, you know?

It's not like I have a choice.

I get it.
You're talking about me, too.

But maybe I don't
want to move on.

I'm not talking about you.
I was talking about your dad.

You know, he wants to move on.

He's having a hard time,
and I understand that.

And do you want to make it
harder for him?

You want some help?

Sure, that'd be great.

Um, just pack her sweaters up.

There's two boxes over there.

Mike Baxter here for Outdoor
Man talking about change.

Now, nature is full of change.
Sometimes that change is good.

A caterpillar goes
into a slimy cocoon

and emerges
a gorgeous butterfly.

On the other hand,
some change is, well, hard.

When a bear cub says goodbye
to the cave,

he leaves behind
two very sad bear parents

who feel like they have
nothing left in life,

except selling toilet paper...

and mauling campers.

But there's two ways
of looking at change.

You can either focus
on what you're losing,

or celebrate
what you're gaining.

To quote the novelist
Hermann Hesse,

"Some of us think holding on
makes us strong,

but sometimes
it is letting go."

Great advice for life, bad
advice if you're rock climbing.

My advice for dealing
with change? Take baby steps.

Like, maybe you used to go
camping with your family

in a 200-square-foot tent.

Then the kids moved out,
and now when you go camping,

you and your old lady feel like

the last two people
at a circus.

That's why this month
at Outdoor Man,

we're inviting you empty nesters
to trade in your old family tent

for a discount on
our new, cozy, two-person tent.

Insulated, easy setup,
water-resistant.

Now, the only thing it can't do
is protect you from those bears.

But don't worry, they probably
just want to show you photos

of their cubs and grand-cubs.

And then they're gonna maul you.

Baxter out.

Okay, these two guys
are at the beach, right?

Santa Monica Pier, they're
sitting there, and one guy tells

the other guy, "You know, women
never pay attention to me.

"You always get attention
from women.

Is there any trick I can do?"

The guy says, "It's a trick I
don't usually tell many people.

"Here's what I want you to do.

Get a potato,
put it in your bathing suit."

The guy says, "What?"
"Don't ask questions,

just do as I say."

And then the guy, you know,
he finds a potato,

puts it in his bathing suit,
goes out on the beach.

He comes back probably
15 minutes later.

And he's-he's livid.

He goes, "You told me to put
a potato in my bathing suit

"and the lifeguard
kicked me out.

Women were screaming,
children were running from me."

And the guy
that told him that says,

"You put the potato
in the front."

(laughter)

So what should have made the man
appear well-endowed,

in fact made it look like
he soiled himself.

-Uh, yeah,
that's-that's the joke.
-MIKE: Yeah.

(chicken clucks)

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH