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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,438 --> 00:00:05,084 Previously on "Future Man"... 2 00:00:05,108 --> 00:00:07,960 These three have stolen a time travel device. 3 00:00:07,984 --> 00:00:10,171 They can be anytime, anywhere. 4 00:00:10,195 --> 00:00:11,422 ‐ I got a ping. Someone just invented 5 00:00:11,446 --> 00:00:13,508 sliced bread 700 years too early. 6 00:00:13,532 --> 00:00:16,349 Wolf‐Hart just decapitated Shoji the Honorable, 7 00:00:16,373 --> 00:00:20,264 wiping out an entire line of noble warriors. 8 00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:21,807 ‐ Da, da! 9 00:00:21,831 --> 00:00:24,227 Check out this book. It's got to be Wolf‐Hart. 10 00:00:24,251 --> 00:00:26,187 He set her humanity aflame. 11 00:00:26,211 --> 00:00:27,563 They're hiding in Russia. 12 00:00:27,587 --> 00:00:29,065 ‐ Two timelines just momentarily merged. 13 00:00:29,089 --> 00:00:30,526 I think we're looking at temporal decay. 14 00:00:30,550 --> 00:00:32,777 Future and past existing simultaneously, 15 00:00:32,801 --> 00:00:33,868 space‐time collapsing in on itself. 16 00:00:33,892 --> 00:00:35,071 ‐ Are you there, God? 17 00:00:35,095 --> 00:00:36,072 Please don't call me that. 18 00:00:36,096 --> 00:00:37,532 ‐ What should I call you, then? 19 00:00:37,556 --> 00:00:40,368 How about "friend?" You must come to me. 20 00:00:40,392 --> 00:00:42,828 I will give you the coordinates to find me. 21 00:00:42,852 --> 00:00:45,206 ‐ Hey, give me that. ‐ No, I got it! 22 00:00:45,230 --> 00:00:46,249 I'm taking us somewhere safe. 23 00:02:12,153 --> 00:02:13,628 ‐ What's going on? 24 00:02:13,652 --> 00:02:17,632 You piss yourself in moments half as tense as that. 25 00:02:17,656 --> 00:02:20,885 ‐ I had faith, and my faith was rewarded. 26 00:02:20,909 --> 00:02:22,887 My destiny is not back there. 27 00:02:26,915 --> 00:02:29,285 It's up there. 28 00:02:31,044 --> 00:02:34,065 Yes, Josh. You are close. 29 00:02:34,089 --> 00:02:36,067 ‐ What's on top of the mountain? 30 00:02:36,091 --> 00:02:38,903 ‐ Home. 31 00:02:38,927 --> 00:02:40,863 We're off to see the all‐knowing, 32 00:02:40,887 --> 00:02:44,408 benevolent, the great, the powerful‐‐ 33 00:03:26,391 --> 00:03:28,915 Josh, my friend, I have been patient. 34 00:03:28,939 --> 00:03:31,539 I have waited for your scratch to heal. 35 00:03:31,563 --> 00:03:33,374 ‐ It's not a scratch. 36 00:03:33,398 --> 00:03:35,584 Okay, the scent of my leg repels animals. 37 00:03:35,608 --> 00:03:37,795 Except for vultures, who just keep following me. 38 00:03:37,819 --> 00:03:40,634 Today, you must climb the mountain. 39 00:03:40,658 --> 00:03:42,675 ‐ I can barely walk. 40 00:03:42,699 --> 00:03:45,177 You keep pushing me to climb, and every time that I do, 41 00:03:45,201 --> 00:03:49,432 the wound just opens up again, and it's making it worse. 42 00:03:49,456 --> 00:03:51,475 Why can't you just come meet me here? 43 00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:53,060 The mountain will not come to you, 44 00:03:53,084 --> 00:03:55,020 you must come to the mountain. 45 00:03:55,044 --> 00:03:57,609 Don't give up, not when you are so close. 46 00:03:57,633 --> 00:03:58,777 ‐ Exactly, exactly. 47 00:03:58,801 --> 00:04:01,735 Doesn't close count for anything? 48 00:04:01,759 --> 00:04:04,363 Look, I just want to go home. 49 00:04:04,387 --> 00:04:06,615 I thought we were friends. 50 00:04:06,639 --> 00:04:08,784 It turns out I'm just that sad Bible guy 51 00:04:08,808 --> 00:04:10,619 who God keeps on testing over and over again. 52 00:04:10,643 --> 00:04:11,620 You know the one. 53 00:04:11,644 --> 00:04:14,206 Uh... Jesus? 54 00:04:14,230 --> 00:04:16,500 ‐ No! Job. 55 00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:18,002 Right? 56 00:04:18,026 --> 00:04:20,026 If you say so. 57 00:04:29,329 --> 00:04:31,724 ‐ Oh. What took you so long? 58 00:04:31,748 --> 00:04:34,935 ‐ Oh, you know, I just kept falling and crying. 59 00:04:34,959 --> 00:04:36,729 ‐ Mm‐hmm. 60 00:04:36,753 --> 00:04:39,482 ‐ Oh, yeah. 61 00:04:39,506 --> 00:04:41,025 Goddamn it. 62 00:04:41,049 --> 00:04:44,195 I asked for King Boletes. These are Death Caps. 63 00:04:44,219 --> 00:04:45,866 You want to guess what happens if you eat these? 64 00:04:45,890 --> 00:04:48,493 This is fine dining, not college improv. 65 00:04:48,517 --> 00:04:50,993 ‐ I'm sorry, okay? I'm doing my best. 66 00:04:51,017 --> 00:04:53,829 Just cut me some slack. I'm going to my room. 67 00:04:56,231 --> 00:04:58,918 Oh, well, if it isn't little Miss 68 00:04:58,942 --> 00:05:00,379 "Haven't Been Home in Three Days." 69 00:05:00,403 --> 00:05:02,401 ‐ 70 00:05:04,447 --> 00:05:07,802 Oh, yeah, my chin is a‐barkin'. 71 00:05:07,826 --> 00:05:09,595 ‐ No one's making you wear that thing. 72 00:05:09,619 --> 00:05:11,889 ‐ Yeah, well, I'm sick of killing would‐be rapers. 73 00:05:11,913 --> 00:05:12,932 Hey, boy? 74 00:05:12,956 --> 00:05:14,517 Boy? ‐ What? 75 00:05:14,541 --> 00:05:15,936 ‐ Why'd you have to bring us to yet another time 76 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,436 where women are treated like garbage? 77 00:05:17,460 --> 00:05:20,940 ‐ Well, I'm so sorry. It's called "all of history." 78 00:05:20,964 --> 00:05:22,991 What do you want me to do about it? 79 00:05:25,802 --> 00:05:27,488 Those are bear traps. 80 00:05:27,512 --> 00:05:29,368 ‐ Yep, and they need a‐mendin'. 81 00:05:29,392 --> 00:05:30,658 Rabbit's ten away. 82 00:05:30,682 --> 00:05:33,209 I made sous‐vide bags out of elk bladders. 83 00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,954 It locks in the flavor. 84 00:05:34,978 --> 00:05:36,125 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's food. 85 00:05:36,149 --> 00:05:39,667 - Who gives a shit? - Ooh, careful. 86 00:05:42,318 --> 00:05:46,465 Okay, so how was your day? 87 00:05:46,489 --> 00:05:49,385 ‐ Well, I beat my PR on beaver pelts. 88 00:05:49,409 --> 00:05:51,470 97. ‐ Oh, wow. 89 00:05:51,494 --> 00:05:54,350 ‐ Yeah, pretty good considering those Mohawk dicks 90 00:05:54,374 --> 00:05:55,899 are messing with my traps. 91 00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:58,602 ‐ Oh, well, you know, if you like, 92 00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:00,187 I can speak with the Mohawk. 93 00:06:00,211 --> 00:06:03,486 They're allied with the French, and they don't take too kindly 94 00:06:03,510 --> 00:06:06,485 to independent operators moving in on their territory, 95 00:06:06,509 --> 00:06:09,280 but if I were to communicate our neutrality‐‐ 96 00:06:09,304 --> 00:06:10,701 You know what? ‐ And then we can‐‐ 97 00:06:10,725 --> 00:06:13,039 Stop you right there Mr. "Tell Morning Not to Come." 98 00:06:13,063 --> 00:06:15,995 ‐ I gave you no cause to retrieve the book. 99 00:06:16,019 --> 00:06:18,789 Boy. Read it. 100 00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:20,124 Do I have to? 101 00:06:20,148 --> 00:06:22,585 Read the passage. 102 00:06:22,609 --> 00:06:24,670 "Climax upon climax. 103 00:06:24,694 --> 00:06:27,756 "A cascade that had no beginning and no end. 104 00:06:27,780 --> 00:06:30,307 "I knew I must tell the world what happened 105 00:06:30,331 --> 00:06:33,345 between those beet‐stained sheets." 106 00:06:33,369 --> 00:06:34,638 ‐ I mean, you could've just‐‐ 107 00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:36,809 finger‐blasted her, called it a day. 108 00:06:36,833 --> 00:06:39,602 But no, you had to go ahead and inspire 109 00:06:39,626 --> 00:06:42,396 a whole new genre of literary erotic fiction. 110 00:06:42,420 --> 00:06:45,235 ‐ I only do things one way, and that's all the way. 111 00:06:45,259 --> 00:06:47,610 ‐ And that is why you are on a soft lockdown 112 00:06:47,634 --> 00:06:49,653 till further notice, soldier. 113 00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:51,071 I like it here. 114 00:06:51,095 --> 00:06:53,282 The air is clear, the killin's good. 115 00:06:53,306 --> 00:06:55,200 And I don't need you messing it up 116 00:06:55,224 --> 00:06:57,369 by putting your stupid mark on history again. 117 00:06:57,393 --> 00:06:58,958 ‐ You're treating me like a goddamn Josh. 118 00:06:58,982 --> 00:06:59,913 Hey. 119 00:06:59,937 --> 00:07:01,206 ‐ Don't act like such a prisoner. 120 00:07:01,230 --> 00:07:03,417 You go to the trading post and sell my furs. 121 00:07:03,441 --> 00:07:05,169 ‐ Yeah, once a week. 122 00:07:05,193 --> 00:07:07,050 You're running around free doing whatever you like 123 00:07:07,074 --> 00:07:09,385 while I'm stuck here changing the Josh's bandages. 124 00:07:09,409 --> 00:07:11,008 ‐ I change them, too. ‐ Once. 125 00:07:11,032 --> 00:07:12,468 And half‐way through, you gave up, 126 00:07:12,492 --> 00:07:14,139 and you handed them to me. 127 00:07:14,163 --> 00:07:17,556 Hey, Tiger. 128 00:07:17,580 --> 00:07:20,017 The Mohawk did not destroy your traps. 129 00:07:20,041 --> 00:07:24,188 There's no human that can bend iron like this. 130 00:07:24,212 --> 00:07:25,648 ‐ Whitey. 131 00:07:25,672 --> 00:07:30,235 ‐ Oh, Lord. Not this again. 132 00:07:30,259 --> 00:07:33,030 ‐ Albino bear of legend. 133 00:07:33,054 --> 00:07:36,909 Ten feet tall, snow‐white fur. 134 00:07:36,933 --> 00:07:40,996 Eyes as red as the devil. Heart as black as... 135 00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:41,997 also the devil. 136 00:07:42,021 --> 00:07:43,999 ‐ Whitey is a myth. 137 00:07:44,023 --> 00:07:46,420 Tall tale told by trappers to scare each other 138 00:07:46,444 --> 00:07:47,509 around the campfire. 139 00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:49,171 No, he is real, 140 00:07:49,195 --> 00:07:51,632 and if I do nothing else on this Earth, 141 00:07:51,656 --> 00:07:53,634 I will kill Whitey. 142 00:07:58,246 --> 00:08:00,683 Hunter's log, day 187. 143 00:08:00,707 --> 00:08:02,104 Having thinned the beaver population 144 00:08:02,128 --> 00:08:03,686 to near extinction levels, 145 00:08:03,710 --> 00:08:06,397 I direct my gaze to more elusive quarry. 146 00:08:06,421 --> 00:08:08,818 In nature, there can only be one apex predator. 147 00:08:08,842 --> 00:08:10,359 My mission? 148 00:08:10,383 --> 00:08:13,120 To kill my way to the very top of this food chain. 149 00:08:13,144 --> 00:08:15,531 Failure is not an option. 150 00:08:15,555 --> 00:08:18,492 I rely on keen instinct, finely‐honed skills, 151 00:08:18,516 --> 00:08:21,370 and whatever savagery this hunt requires.. 152 00:08:21,394 --> 00:08:24,498 Ursine maggot. 153 00:08:24,522 --> 00:08:26,959 Hmm. 154 00:08:26,983 --> 00:08:30,170 Clue... 155 00:08:30,194 --> 00:08:33,414 and a snack. 156 00:08:37,285 --> 00:08:40,431 Female. In heat. 157 00:08:40,455 --> 00:08:42,705 Same here, sister. 158 00:08:44,459 --> 00:08:46,419 There she is. 159 00:08:50,214 --> 00:08:52,985 Five minutes. Maybe ten. 160 00:08:53,009 --> 00:08:55,009 Looks like a bear does shit in the woods. 161 00:09:03,478 --> 00:09:06,915 ‐ Ah. We are having reindeer sweetbreads, 162 00:09:06,939 --> 00:09:08,083 wild asparagus, 163 00:09:08,107 --> 00:09:11,378 a salad of chickweed, peppergrass‐‐ 164 00:09:11,402 --> 00:09:13,912 Hunting. Need protein. 165 00:09:17,742 --> 00:09:19,792 ‐ That's it. I can't live like this. 166 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,527 I just need to feel seen. 167 00:09:35,551 --> 00:09:37,029 Yeah, well, buy a mirror. 168 00:09:37,053 --> 00:09:38,697 ‐ 169 00:09:41,182 --> 00:09:43,243 Oh, God, the stench. 170 00:09:43,267 --> 00:09:46,705 It's‐‐it's bad today. 171 00:09:46,729 --> 00:09:50,269 ‐ All right, someone needs to change the Josh. 172 00:09:55,905 --> 00:09:58,275 Fine. I'll do it. 173 00:10:03,371 --> 00:10:05,371 ‐ 174 00:10:07,625 --> 00:10:11,375 ‐ All right, let's have a look at this. 175 00:10:12,964 --> 00:10:16,693 Oh, yowzer me. Yikes. 176 00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,737 ‐ I am not liking the color of that ooze. 177 00:10:18,761 --> 00:10:19,947 You know, it's like chicken. 178 00:10:19,971 --> 00:10:22,199 You want the juices to run clear. 179 00:10:22,223 --> 00:10:24,159 ‐ Yep, well, it's about that time. 180 00:10:24,183 --> 00:10:26,498 ‐ No, no! No one is cutting my leg off. 181 00:10:26,522 --> 00:10:28,415 ‐ Yeah, to get through that femur, 182 00:10:28,439 --> 00:10:30,334 I'm definitely gonna have to saw. 183 00:10:30,358 --> 00:10:31,708 ‐ No, no sawing, either. 184 00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:34,006 ‐ I heard tale of a medicine woman 185 00:10:34,030 --> 00:10:36,046 at the trading post who works wonders. 186 00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,467 I bet I could get you in to see her. 187 00:10:37,491 --> 00:10:39,716 ‐ No, no medicine woman. 188 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,718 Okay, my leg is going to heal. 189 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,929 Okay, I know it will. 190 00:10:43,953 --> 00:10:44,930 Why would somebody put me through this 191 00:10:44,954 --> 00:10:46,974 if I can't overcome it? 192 00:10:46,998 --> 00:10:48,433 Pretty shitty thing for a friend to do. 193 00:10:48,457 --> 00:10:49,768 I'm shitty? You're shitty! 194 00:10:49,792 --> 00:10:51,792 ‐ Uh‐‐ 195 00:10:54,881 --> 00:10:55,858 Okay, buddy. 196 00:10:55,882 --> 00:10:57,943 ‐ 197 00:10:59,594 --> 00:11:02,564 Hold him steady. He'll be a‐thrashin'. 198 00:11:04,515 --> 00:11:05,784 ‐ No, no, please, please, please! 199 00:11:05,808 --> 00:11:07,035 Please, please, don't cut my leg off, please. 200 00:11:07,059 --> 00:11:09,580 I swear I will go see the medicine woman. 201 00:11:09,604 --> 00:11:11,878 ‐ See what happens when you set some firm boundaries? 202 00:11:11,902 --> 00:11:13,898 ‐ Don't even start. ‐ You coddle him. 203 00:11:17,862 --> 00:11:19,298 So what does this medicine woman do? 204 00:11:19,322 --> 00:11:21,346 More like what doesn't she do? 205 00:11:21,370 --> 00:11:23,260 She's a therapist, frontier doctor, 206 00:11:23,284 --> 00:11:25,470 weight‐loss guru. 207 00:11:25,494 --> 00:11:27,351 She helped me drop the Frontier Fifteen, 208 00:11:27,375 --> 00:11:30,559 and cured my seasonal affective disorder. 209 00:11:30,583 --> 00:11:33,353 Turns out, it's okay to be sad. 210 00:11:33,377 --> 00:11:35,689 ‐ Good. I thought it was like a religious thing. 211 00:11:35,713 --> 00:11:37,983 Religion? Hell no. 212 00:11:38,007 --> 00:11:40,277 ‐ Yeah, yeah, I know. You and Tiger don't believe. 213 00:11:40,301 --> 00:11:42,029 ‐ How could we? 214 00:11:42,053 --> 00:11:43,870 Growing up in the sewer with the Biotics 215 00:11:43,894 --> 00:11:46,575 sending down those toddler bombs. 216 00:11:46,599 --> 00:11:48,577 ‐ I'm sorry, the what bombs? 217 00:11:48,601 --> 00:11:50,625 I've told you about the toddler bombs. 218 00:11:50,649 --> 00:11:52,206 Human children genetically engineered 219 00:11:52,230 --> 00:11:53,999 to blow up when you hug them. 220 00:11:54,023 --> 00:11:55,334 ‐ No. That's fucked up. 221 00:11:55,358 --> 00:11:56,877 Well, that's not the fucked up part. 222 00:11:56,901 --> 00:11:58,629 We could always spot the toddler bombs 223 00:11:58,653 --> 00:12:02,137 because any actual sewer child was far too emotionally damaged 224 00:12:02,161 --> 00:12:04,053 to yearn for physical affection. 225 00:12:04,077 --> 00:12:05,219 Holy shit. 226 00:12:05,243 --> 00:12:06,470 ‐ Again, not the fucked up part. 227 00:12:06,494 --> 00:12:08,271 ‐ How is that not the fucked up part? 228 00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:12,559 ‐ Eventually, us older kids captured the TBs 229 00:12:12,583 --> 00:12:15,270 and forced them to perform for us in a makeshift circus. 230 00:12:15,294 --> 00:12:18,304 ‐ Okay, just cut to the fucked up part. 231 00:12:20,591 --> 00:12:24,238 ‐ We laughed at one of the toddler bombs' poetry. 232 00:12:24,262 --> 00:12:26,240 It was bad. 233 00:12:26,264 --> 00:12:29,493 He had the mind of a three‐year‐old. 234 00:12:29,517 --> 00:12:32,871 But we didn't have to laugh. 235 00:12:32,895 --> 00:12:35,415 He took it pretty hard, 236 00:12:35,439 --> 00:12:39,628 ended up hugging himself and self‐detonating. 237 00:12:39,652 --> 00:12:41,719 All the other TBs realized that they, too, 238 00:12:41,743 --> 00:12:45,842 were just there for our amusement. 239 00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:50,866 Pop, pop, pop, pop. 240 00:12:52,707 --> 00:12:57,688 Mass toddler suicide. 241 00:12:57,712 --> 00:13:00,774 That's when I realized there was no God. 242 00:13:00,798 --> 00:13:02,985 He was just some sky genie people made up 243 00:13:03,009 --> 00:13:04,194 to give them hope. 244 00:13:20,276 --> 00:13:23,463 You doubled back. 245 00:13:23,487 --> 00:13:25,487 Why? 246 00:13:27,408 --> 00:13:30,304 Why here? 247 00:13:30,328 --> 00:13:32,764 So visible. 248 00:13:32,788 --> 00:13:34,788 So exposed. 249 00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:40,884 The fuck were you looking for? 250 00:13:44,508 --> 00:13:46,403 Oh. 251 00:13:47,803 --> 00:13:51,103 Is this bear something, or is this bear something? 252 00:13:53,476 --> 00:13:55,037 You're looking at me. 253 00:13:55,061 --> 00:13:57,456 Okay. 254 00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:58,623 Okay. 255 00:13:58,647 --> 00:14:01,710 You want to dance? Huh? 256 00:14:01,734 --> 00:14:03,962 You want to dance? 257 00:14:03,986 --> 00:14:06,106 Let's fucking Lindy Hop. 258 00:14:09,825 --> 00:14:12,471 The old trading post. 259 00:14:12,495 --> 00:14:16,016 Burned to the ground by the outlaw Wild Sam Bladden. 260 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,226 Folks here are gonna have the last laugh. 261 00:14:18,250 --> 00:14:21,566 We're rebuilding this trading center to be stronger, 262 00:14:21,590 --> 00:14:22,939 more vibrant than ever. 263 00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:25,133 Wait, did you say "we?" 264 00:14:28,427 --> 00:14:30,427 What's happening? 265 00:14:35,351 --> 00:14:38,080 How do you know all these people? 266 00:14:38,104 --> 00:14:41,671 Wolf, did you build a thriving international hub of commerce? 267 00:14:41,695 --> 00:14:43,418 ‐ No. 268 00:14:43,442 --> 00:14:45,128 I served in a consulting capacity. 269 00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:47,130 Nothing formal. I'm nobody here. 270 00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:50,133 ‐ 271 00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:52,094 ‐ Just go on. 272 00:14:52,118 --> 00:14:54,179 He's just confused. 273 00:14:54,203 --> 00:14:57,766 Trust me, around here, I'm a ghost, a shadow. 274 00:14:57,790 --> 00:14:59,830 My name's on nothing. 275 00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:05,013 ‐ Your brand is. 276 00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:09,867 ‐ Wolves were sacred to the Mohawk 277 00:15:09,891 --> 00:15:12,114 long before I got here. 278 00:15:12,138 --> 00:15:15,700 I just need to talk to Acona about the new inventory. 279 00:15:15,724 --> 00:15:18,734 Fall is all about beavers. 280 00:15:20,271 --> 00:15:22,207 You're doing it again. You're gonna get us caught. 281 00:15:22,231 --> 00:15:24,191 ‐ 282 00:15:31,615 --> 00:15:33,385 ‐ Wolf, you promised‐‐ 283 00:15:33,409 --> 00:15:35,305 ‐ Josh I'm gonna stop you right there. 284 00:15:35,329 --> 00:15:37,514 Selling fur is all about building relationships, 285 00:15:37,538 --> 00:15:39,599 So, yes, when I come to the post, 286 00:15:39,623 --> 00:15:41,351 I kibitz a bit. 287 00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:43,311 As Lew Wasserman said, 288 00:15:43,335 --> 00:15:44,563 "Every conversation 289 00:15:44,587 --> 00:15:46,690 is a business meeting in disguise." 290 00:15:46,714 --> 00:15:48,650 But don't you worry about me. 291 00:15:48,674 --> 00:15:51,570 I learned my lesson with Dasha. 292 00:15:51,594 --> 00:15:55,115 That's why I've only been taking illiterate lovers. 293 00:15:55,139 --> 00:15:58,535 ‐ Wolf, that was not the lesson, and you know it. 294 00:15:58,559 --> 00:16:00,416 ‐ Shall we go see the medicine woman? 295 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:01,955 Okay. 296 00:16:01,979 --> 00:16:04,319 Don't push me. Don't push me. 297 00:16:10,863 --> 00:16:13,675 ‐ 298 00:16:13,699 --> 00:16:18,013 ‐ She says it's not your leg that's the source of your pain. 299 00:16:18,037 --> 00:16:20,515 ‐ Of course it is. What else would it be? 300 00:16:24,919 --> 00:16:27,355 ‐ A spiritual crisis. 301 00:16:27,379 --> 00:16:31,379 ‐ What? That's ridiculous. 302 00:16:33,219 --> 00:16:35,826 What would be the nature of that crisis, 303 00:16:35,850 --> 00:16:37,926 in her opinion? 304 00:16:46,982 --> 00:16:50,545 ‐ Did she just say something profound? 305 00:16:50,569 --> 00:16:53,506 ‐ She always does. 306 00:16:53,530 --> 00:16:56,134 Speak freely. 307 00:16:56,158 --> 00:16:59,908 This is a judgment‐free yurt. 308 00:17:02,539 --> 00:17:05,579 ‐ I've been talking with God for the last eight months. 309 00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:11,650 He lives inside my ear, and he tells me what to do. 310 00:17:11,674 --> 00:17:12,861 We're, like, super, super close. 311 00:17:12,885 --> 00:17:15,111 He even has me call him friend. 312 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,988 But right now, we're in, like, a fight, 313 00:17:17,012 --> 00:17:18,823 and I don't know what to make of it anymore. 314 00:17:18,847 --> 00:17:20,325 I'm starting to think it's all in my head, 315 00:17:20,349 --> 00:17:21,993 and I'm just going crazy. 316 00:17:22,017 --> 00:17:23,745 Josh, do not go down this road. 317 00:17:23,769 --> 00:17:25,956 Remember the Miracle of the Goo? 318 00:17:25,980 --> 00:17:28,792 ‐ Goo? It was a knob. 319 00:17:28,816 --> 00:17:30,752 Okay, I found a knob with my hand. 320 00:17:30,776 --> 00:17:32,170 That's something I could've done on my own completely. 321 00:17:32,194 --> 00:17:34,914 I'm not an idiot. 322 00:17:37,199 --> 00:17:38,927 Sorry. 323 00:17:38,951 --> 00:17:41,096 ‐ It's okay. 324 00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:44,891 What's... tiny ear God saying now? 325 00:17:44,915 --> 00:17:47,435 ‐ He's telling me that he's real. 326 00:17:47,459 --> 00:17:50,188 But what kind of God knows less about the Bible than me? 327 00:17:50,212 --> 00:17:52,357 I mean, isn't he supposed to be omniscient? 328 00:17:52,381 --> 00:17:54,528 What kind of God would let my leg get caught in a bear trap? 329 00:17:54,552 --> 00:17:57,550 That's so on you, bro. 330 00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:04,494 Whoa, it's happening. 331 00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:06,204 Don't fight it, Josh. 332 00:18:07,563 --> 00:18:09,541 Let her in. 333 00:18:17,865 --> 00:18:20,719 ‐ She's right. 334 00:18:20,743 --> 00:18:21,890 I don't believe in myself. 335 00:18:21,914 --> 00:18:24,431 I am a salmon swimming against a tide 336 00:18:24,455 --> 00:18:26,766 of my own self‐doubt. 337 00:18:26,790 --> 00:18:29,728 I created a sky genie just to give me hope. 338 00:18:29,752 --> 00:18:33,069 Josh, don't abandon me when we are this close. 339 00:18:33,093 --> 00:18:36,151 ‐ You know what, bro? 340 00:18:36,175 --> 00:18:39,112 I'm done. 341 00:18:39,136 --> 00:18:41,531 I release you. 342 00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:43,283 You release me? 343 00:18:43,307 --> 00:18:45,744 You know what? Fine, be that way. 344 00:18:48,479 --> 00:18:51,319 ‐ A real God wouldn't have to slam a door. 345 00:18:54,526 --> 00:18:56,526 Hello? 346 00:18:58,656 --> 00:19:00,342 He's gone. 347 00:19:00,366 --> 00:19:01,760 I'm free. 348 00:19:06,914 --> 00:19:09,184 ‐ 349 00:19:09,208 --> 00:19:10,935 ‐ She's asking if we want to stay 350 00:19:10,959 --> 00:19:13,521 for a shave in a sweat lodge. 351 00:19:13,545 --> 00:19:15,273 Tuesdays are pretty slow around here. 352 00:19:15,297 --> 00:19:17,717 Oh. Yeah, that sounds great. 353 00:19:21,470 --> 00:19:22,822 ‐ I feel lighter. 354 00:19:22,846 --> 00:19:24,324 Well, you are lighter. 355 00:19:24,348 --> 00:19:26,284 I usually drop three to four LBs 356 00:19:26,308 --> 00:19:28,370 of a liquid stress after a good schvitz. 357 00:19:28,394 --> 00:19:30,538 Yeah. 358 00:19:30,562 --> 00:19:31,919 Yeah, and you know what? It was just nice to talk 359 00:19:31,943 --> 00:19:34,125 to somebody who was actually there. 360 00:19:34,149 --> 00:19:37,212 ‐ Well, now that you realize you're never going home, 361 00:19:37,236 --> 00:19:39,214 you can focus on being happy in the here and now. 362 00:19:39,238 --> 00:19:41,716 ‐ I wouldn't say "never." You know, never say never. 363 00:19:41,740 --> 00:19:42,887 Normally, I'd agree with you, 364 00:19:42,911 --> 00:19:44,719 except in this case. 365 00:19:44,743 --> 00:19:47,555 We are history's most wanted fugitives. 366 00:19:47,579 --> 00:19:50,016 A couple of five‐Os are definitely stationed 367 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,477 outside of every Futturman household in the universe. 368 00:19:52,501 --> 00:19:55,897 Did tiny ear God give you a plan to get past them? 369 00:19:55,921 --> 00:19:57,399 ‐ No. 370 00:19:57,423 --> 00:20:00,238 I guess he was more of, like, a big picture sort of God. 371 00:20:00,262 --> 00:20:03,156 ‐ Yet another reason you should've called bullshit. 372 00:20:03,180 --> 00:20:04,535 God is in the details. 373 00:20:04,559 --> 00:20:08,618 Huh. Yeah, I mean, I guess that... 374 00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:10,328 every other Futturman house 375 00:20:10,352 --> 00:20:11,788 would have another version of me. 376 00:20:11,812 --> 00:20:13,589 So you would have to kill to take their place, 377 00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:16,084 and that's the best‐case scenario. 378 00:20:16,108 --> 00:20:19,671 No, more likely, time constables kill your parents, 379 00:20:19,695 --> 00:20:21,881 turn them into cyborgs, and use them to torture you. 380 00:20:21,905 --> 00:20:24,676 So in that version you technically could go home, 381 00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:26,597 but your robot parents would kill you. 382 00:20:26,621 --> 00:20:28,680 Is that what you want, Josh? 383 00:20:28,704 --> 00:20:31,891 Your robot parents to kill you? 384 00:20:31,915 --> 00:20:33,955 ‐ No. 385 00:20:35,836 --> 00:20:38,022 Wait. 386 00:20:38,046 --> 00:20:40,442 I've just had an idea that'll change everything. 387 00:20:40,466 --> 00:20:41,443 ‐ Wait? Tell me. 388 00:20:41,467 --> 00:20:44,404 ‐ Vegan carnitas. 389 00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,118 These are King Boletes. 390 00:20:50,142 --> 00:20:51,499 They have the perfect density 391 00:20:51,523 --> 00:20:55,248 to make faux‐Mex taste like "Fuck yes." 392 00:20:55,272 --> 00:20:57,759 So to sum up, you're never going home, 393 00:20:57,783 --> 00:21:01,087 your God is dead, and taco Tuesday is on. 394 00:21:08,035 --> 00:21:10,430 Whitey, Whitey, Whitey. 395 00:21:10,454 --> 00:21:13,651 Looks like someone's not smarter than the average bear, 396 00:21:13,675 --> 00:21:16,561 because you've just wandered into a sea 397 00:21:16,585 --> 00:21:21,107 of my very best 398 00:21:21,131 --> 00:21:23,131 traps? 399 00:21:51,620 --> 00:21:54,185 ‐ Looks like Tiger's gonna be a little late. 400 00:21:54,209 --> 00:21:55,767 Just go ahead and start. 401 00:21:55,791 --> 00:21:56,976 ‐ Not hungry. 402 00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,438 These King Bs marinated for hours. 403 00:22:00,462 --> 00:22:03,483 They bleed like real meat. 404 00:22:03,507 --> 00:22:05,485 Just... 405 00:22:05,509 --> 00:22:06,694 take a bite. 406 00:22:06,718 --> 00:22:08,363 - ‐ I don't want to. - No, just try it. 407 00:22:08,387 --> 00:22:09,614 Wolf, I don't want to. ‐ No, just‐‐ 408 00:22:09,638 --> 00:22:11,407 ‐ Stop it! 409 00:22:11,431 --> 00:22:13,287 Just stop pretending we're family. 410 00:22:13,311 --> 00:22:15,328 I could not be farther away from my family. 411 00:22:15,352 --> 00:22:16,454 All right, Tiger gets it. 412 00:22:16,478 --> 00:22:17,875 She knows that we're just three people 413 00:22:17,899 --> 00:22:19,332 going insane in the wilderness. 414 00:22:19,356 --> 00:22:23,211 Our only future is running, and I can't even stand up. 415 00:22:23,235 --> 00:22:26,405 So just leave me alone. 416 00:22:29,867 --> 00:22:30,844 What are you doing? 417 00:22:30,868 --> 00:22:32,804 ‐ Going out. ‐ Where? 418 00:22:32,828 --> 00:22:35,473 ‐ Do you know what I've sacrificed 419 00:22:35,497 --> 00:22:36,724 to support the two of you? 420 00:22:36,748 --> 00:22:40,103 The dreams I've put on hold? 421 00:22:40,127 --> 00:22:42,230 Tell Tiger... 422 00:22:42,254 --> 00:22:43,690 I went out to buy a mirror. 423 00:22:43,714 --> 00:22:45,108 ‐ What? 424 00:22:45,132 --> 00:22:47,406 ‐ It relates to an earlier conversation 425 00:22:47,430 --> 00:22:49,320 that you weren't privy to, but trust me, 426 00:22:49,344 --> 00:22:51,911 it is a devastating retort, so just tell her. 427 00:22:51,935 --> 00:22:54,993 ‐ That you bought a mirror. 428 00:22:55,017 --> 00:22:59,038 ‐ No, not in past tense. Just‐‐ 429 00:22:59,062 --> 00:23:00,540 say it like I said it. 430 00:23:00,564 --> 00:23:02,131 I'm not your messenger boy. 431 00:23:02,155 --> 00:23:03,877 When are you coming back? 432 00:23:03,901 --> 00:23:06,129 ‐ Never. 433 00:23:06,153 --> 00:23:07,470 I give you two days, maybe three, 434 00:23:07,494 --> 00:23:09,424 before those vultures lose their patience 435 00:23:09,448 --> 00:23:11,175 and start pecking away at what's left of you. 436 00:23:11,199 --> 00:23:15,199 Now, if you'll excuse me, daddy's going dancing. 437 00:23:17,831 --> 00:23:19,726 ‐ Oh, yeah? 438 00:23:19,750 --> 00:23:21,352 Well... 439 00:23:21,376 --> 00:23:23,187 there's no point in making tacos 440 00:23:23,211 --> 00:23:27,051 if you're in a time period that doesn't have avocados! 441 00:23:32,095 --> 00:23:33,865 Don't worry, fellas, 442 00:23:33,889 --> 00:23:36,409 your patience will soon be rewarded. 443 00:23:36,433 --> 00:23:39,273 I know you're around here somewhere. 444 00:24:22,980 --> 00:24:24,980 Death cap. 445 00:24:49,631 --> 00:24:52,527 Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry. 446 00:24:52,551 --> 00:24:55,613 I'm so sorry. I knew that you were real. 447 00:24:55,637 --> 00:24:59,200 I don't know why I ever doubted you. 448 00:24:59,224 --> 00:25:01,327 I see it now. 449 00:25:01,351 --> 00:25:02,787 It's clear. 450 00:25:02,811 --> 00:25:06,499 I will yield! 451 00:25:06,523 --> 00:25:10,211 Good. Tell me what I want to hear. 452 00:25:10,235 --> 00:25:13,235 ‐ You want me to climb that mountain? 453 00:25:14,698 --> 00:25:16,718 I'll climb that mountain. 454 00:25:16,742 --> 00:25:20,346 Yes, Josh. Now you get it. 455 00:25:59,117 --> 00:26:00,928 I'm coming, God. 456 00:26:00,952 --> 00:26:03,181 Only a few more vertical miles. 457 00:26:03,205 --> 00:26:04,307 Yes, Josh, but go faster. 458 00:26:04,331 --> 00:26:05,433 Dig deep. 459 00:26:05,457 --> 00:26:09,228 - Yeah. - Life is hard. 460 00:26:09,252 --> 00:26:13,357 Full of violence and struggle to survive. 461 00:26:13,381 --> 00:26:15,698 It's enough to drive a good man mad. 462 00:26:15,722 --> 00:26:19,614 But I believe this can be a new world for everyone 463 00:26:19,638 --> 00:26:22,742 where we coexist in peace, 464 00:26:22,766 --> 00:26:25,119 but more importantly... 465 00:26:25,143 --> 00:26:26,454 in prosperity. 466 00:26:26,478 --> 00:26:29,957 That's why we've gathered here on this historic day 467 00:26:29,981 --> 00:26:32,168 to redraw the map of the New World, 468 00:26:32,192 --> 00:26:35,549 and to sign this lasting peace and trade agreement. 469 00:26:41,576 --> 00:26:45,264 Everyone who has an interest in this bountiful new land 470 00:26:45,288 --> 00:26:48,226 is taken care of in this document. 471 00:26:48,250 --> 00:26:49,977 All the tribes of the Northeast, 472 00:26:50,001 --> 00:26:52,980 English, French, Spanish. 473 00:26:53,004 --> 00:26:54,861 And I want to thank our new friends, 474 00:26:54,885 --> 00:26:59,112 the Norse, Japanese, Russians, 475 00:26:59,136 --> 00:27:02,115 whose angel investment will pay significant returns 476 00:27:02,139 --> 00:27:06,035 as we extend our reach around the globe. 477 00:27:11,106 --> 00:27:14,377 Once again, the world is round. 478 00:27:14,401 --> 00:27:18,548 Yep, that's right. It's a sphere. 479 00:27:18,572 --> 00:27:20,675 Now, come on up here. 480 00:27:20,699 --> 00:27:23,427 Take your ceremonial souvenir pen, 481 00:27:23,451 --> 00:27:27,411 and make your mark on history. 482 00:27:57,861 --> 00:28:01,424 Please, I'm just a humble backstage power broker. 483 00:28:01,448 --> 00:28:05,052 My presence is to be felt, not seen. 484 00:28:05,076 --> 00:28:08,639 Okay, okay, please. 485 00:28:08,663 --> 00:28:12,977 Making my mark on history is 486 00:28:13,001 --> 00:28:16,898 I guess inevitable. 487 00:28:16,922 --> 00:28:20,406 Just gonna tuck my name in the corner here, real small. 488 00:28:20,430 --> 00:28:22,403 Guess who killed Whitey? 489 00:28:35,607 --> 00:28:40,296 Turns out, she was a dame. 490 00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,650 And so am I. 491 00:29:27,909 --> 00:29:29,428 Of course. 492 00:29:29,452 --> 00:29:31,472 He lives in a humble shack. 493 00:29:31,496 --> 00:29:34,536 He's real. It's all real. 494 00:29:37,335 --> 00:29:40,564 I come to you on my knees, 495 00:29:40,588 --> 00:29:44,986 but I will greet you on my feet. 496 00:30:08,742 --> 00:30:10,761 God? 497 00:30:10,785 --> 00:30:13,806 No, my friend. 498 00:30:21,504 --> 00:30:23,482 ‐ Osama Bin Laden? 499 00:30:23,506 --> 00:30:27,862 ‐ Guilty as charged. 500 00:30:27,886 --> 00:30:29,822 ‐ No. 501 00:30:29,846 --> 00:30:31,574 Oh, no. 502 00:30:31,598 --> 00:30:33,268 Oh, no, no, no. 35933

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