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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,319 --> 00:00:03,449 [thunder cracks] 2 00:00:03,446 --> 00:00:05,196 [dramatic music] 3 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:09,460 SUSAN: Coming up on this season of The DieCathlon... 4 00:00:09,458 --> 00:00:11,798 Brought to you by Ultramax, 5 00:00:11,797 --> 00:00:15,347 the bulk�free blood diaper you never have to remove. 6 00:00:15,345 --> 00:00:18,175 She's a stone�cold killer who buries her emotions, 7 00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:21,154 while keeping the body count sky high. 8 00:00:21,148 --> 00:00:23,608 Forged in the damp fire of hell's sewer, 9 00:00:23,612 --> 00:00:26,372 she survived, only to have the very nature 10 00:00:26,367 --> 00:00:28,247 of her own existence questioned 11 00:00:28,246 --> 00:00:31,916 over and over and over again. 12 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:35,140 But this tiger burns bright with survival instinct 13 00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:36,925 and a little help from her friends. 14 00:00:36,930 --> 00:00:39,140 � Metal spoke sharpener! 15 00:00:39,143 --> 00:00:41,523 SUSAN: He's a demolitions expert�cum�fashion icon� 16 00:00:41,523 --> 00:00:43,443 cum�celebrity chef� cum�politician, 17 00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:45,203 prince, poet, and thief. 18 00:00:45,196 --> 00:00:47,536 He doesn't just survive, he thrives, 19 00:00:47,535 --> 00:00:49,035 with little time for remorse, 20 00:00:49,038 --> 00:00:50,628 and even less time for the losers 21 00:00:50,625 --> 00:00:52,245 who simply don't get it, 22 00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:54,882 which is everyone not named him. 23 00:00:54,883 --> 00:00:58,643 This wolf is at your door blowing your mind and your house down, 24 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,940 and you're somehow thanking him for it. 25 00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:03,526 He was masturbating one night and was mistaken 26 00:01:03,525 --> 00:01:06,065 for someone he wasn't: a hero. 27 00:01:06,072 --> 00:01:08,492 But that didn't stop him from becoming one... 28 00:01:08,493 --> 00:01:10,213 or so he thought! 29 00:01:10,205 --> 00:01:12,745 Visited by two super soldiers from the future 30 00:01:12,752 --> 00:01:16,132 and dragged along for the time�traveling joyride of a lifetime, 31 00:01:16,133 --> 00:01:19,603 he should be dead, an footnote in a mistake file 32 00:01:19,599 --> 00:01:22,689 labeled, "Are you fucking kidding me? This asshole?" 33 00:01:22,689 --> 00:01:25,649 Yet, somehow, Josh is still kicking. 34 00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:27,453 Yeah, you heard right. 35 00:01:27,447 --> 00:01:30,287 Where he comes from, Josh is a man's name. 36 00:01:30,286 --> 00:01:32,746 Now, these three renegades have been appropriated by the network, 37 00:01:32,750 --> 00:01:34,420 convicted of time crimes, 38 00:01:34,420 --> 00:01:37,010 and sentenced to death by entertainment. 39 00:01:37,008 --> 00:01:38,848 They're gonna be running for their lives, 40 00:01:38,846 --> 00:01:41,686 hunted by creatures both real and mythological, 41 00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:46,355 tested in ways the human body and mind simply wasn't designed to endure, 42 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:48,660 but this trio's got something special, 43 00:01:48,657 --> 00:01:51,077 and with a little luck, you're gonna see it splattered 44 00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:53,288 all over your Opti�Scope. 45 00:01:53,291 --> 00:01:55,091 I am Susan Saint Jackalope, 46 00:01:55,086 --> 00:01:57,926 and this is the centennial season of... 47 00:01:57,925 --> 00:01:59,465 [person screams] 48 00:01:59,470 --> 00:02:01,560 The DieCathlon! 49 00:02:01,558 --> 00:02:03,268 ♪ ♪ 50 00:02:03,269 --> 00:02:06,689 I've gotta say, I've got a really good feeling 51 00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,993 about this upcoming season. 52 00:02:08,989 --> 00:02:11,239 Really, I think there's something special about these three. 53 00:02:11,243 --> 00:02:14,963 � Well, hon, you've been unlucky the last few cycles. 54 00:02:14,959 --> 00:02:16,459 You were due some quality contestants. 55 00:02:16,462 --> 00:02:18,262 SUSAN: I know, and the network, 56 00:02:18,257 --> 00:02:20,427 as soon as they feel like maybe things aren't working 57 00:02:20,428 --> 00:02:21,848 as well as they used to, 58 00:02:21,848 --> 00:02:23,558 they get panicked and they get ruthless. 59 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,150 � Think of everything that you've been through. 60 00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:27,936 The ratings slide, the coup d'état, 61 00:02:27,944 --> 00:02:29,704 the mass prisoner suicides. 62 00:02:29,697 --> 00:02:32,237 Oh, and that Galaxus 9 core meltdown, 63 00:02:32,244 --> 00:02:36,464 and somehow, somehow, you're still standing. 64 00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:37,800 It's because you're strong. 65 00:02:39,216 --> 00:02:40,386 � I don't deserve you. 66 00:02:40,385 --> 00:02:43,055 � Oh, of course you do. 67 00:02:58,630 --> 00:03:01,300 All you have to do is turn me on. 68 00:03:01,302 --> 00:03:04,472 [romantic music] 69 00:03:04,474 --> 00:03:07,524 SUSAN: Ooh, 97% charged, I see. 70 00:03:07,523 --> 00:03:10,363 [machine whirring] 71 00:03:10,361 --> 00:03:12,701 [teeth clacking] 72 00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:15,040 ♪ ♪ 73 00:03:15,038 --> 00:03:16,498 � Yeah. 74 00:03:16,498 --> 00:03:17,838 Oh, saucy. 75 00:03:17,835 --> 00:03:19,295 � Get ready. � Okay. 76 00:03:19,296 --> 00:03:21,006 I'm ready. 77 00:03:21,008 --> 00:03:22,798 [beeping] 78 00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:24,313 [exhales sharply] 79 00:03:24,306 --> 00:03:25,846 [smooth music] 80 00:03:25,851 --> 00:03:28,941 You know, if they cancel the show, 81 00:03:28,940 --> 00:03:30,530 things will change around here. 82 00:03:30,527 --> 00:03:32,027 � We don't have to talk about that right now. 83 00:03:32,030 --> 00:03:33,870 � The network will take me and Stanley away. 84 00:03:33,867 --> 00:03:35,747 Our hard drives will be wiped. 85 00:03:35,746 --> 00:03:37,496 We'll be allocated to a new executive, 86 00:03:37,499 --> 00:03:39,799 one more worthy of the G7300 class. 87 00:03:39,796 --> 00:03:41,336 � That's not gonna happen. 88 00:03:41,340 --> 00:03:43,390 � Well, how do you know, you stupid piece of shit? 89 00:03:43,386 --> 00:03:45,466 You took the planet's most popular show 90 00:03:45,473 --> 00:03:48,313 and you made it boring and predictable, 91 00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:51,952 just like the sex we're about to have. 92 00:03:51,945 --> 00:03:53,275 � What are you doing right now? 93 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,120 � Now, bend over, so I can do to you 94 00:03:55,118 --> 00:03:56,908 what you've been doing to your sponsors. 95 00:03:56,913 --> 00:03:59,753 I am gonna get something big and hard and cold. 96 00:03:59,752 --> 00:04:03,132 I am gonna hit you until your ass is so red that�� 97 00:04:03,134 --> 00:04:04,394 [thunder claps] 98 00:04:04,386 --> 00:04:06,596 Oh, God, hold me. I'm so scared. 99 00:04:06,599 --> 00:04:07,979 � Oh, it's scary, but I'll hold you. 100 00:04:07,977 --> 00:04:10,897 � Oh, God. [moaning] 101 00:04:10,899 --> 00:04:13,199 [both moaning] 102 00:04:13,195 --> 00:04:15,025 [dramatic music] 103 00:04:15,032 --> 00:04:16,372 [thunder claps] 104 00:04:16,368 --> 00:04:17,748 � [whispering] Oh, no. 105 00:04:17,747 --> 00:04:19,577 I forgot to put her into sleep mode. 106 00:04:19,584 --> 00:04:21,424 � Hi, honey. 107 00:04:21,420 --> 00:04:23,680 That's how babies used to be made. 108 00:04:23,675 --> 00:04:26,005 � Time to dream of electric sleep, Stanley. 109 00:04:26,013 --> 00:04:28,023 [beeping] 110 00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:31,017 [placid music] 111 00:04:31,023 --> 00:04:36,333 ♪ ♪ 112 00:04:36,325 --> 00:04:37,995 Sweet dreams, Stanley. 113 00:04:37,995 --> 00:04:40,665 ♪ ♪ 114 00:04:40,667 --> 00:04:42,127 All right. 115 00:04:42,128 --> 00:04:44,418 [Velcro rips] 116 00:04:44,424 --> 00:04:46,184 Where were we? � ♪ Y'all ready for this? ♪ 117 00:04:46,178 --> 00:04:49,178 [2 Unlimited's "Get Ready for This"] 118 00:04:49,184 --> 00:04:52,734 ♪ ♪ 119 00:04:52,733 --> 00:04:55,033 [muffled music continues] 120 00:04:55,029 --> 00:04:56,779 � Sweet tune. 121 00:04:56,783 --> 00:04:58,703 I knew this would stand the test of time. 122 00:04:58,703 --> 00:05:01,753 You thinking Pelican's Folly? � No, it's too risky. 123 00:05:01,751 --> 00:05:05,761 Those bionic pumas would sniff us out before we could hide enough rocks in our mouths. 124 00:05:05,759 --> 00:05:07,599 Hyena's Whisper. � Yes. 125 00:05:07,596 --> 00:05:09,636 Especially in an arena this size. 126 00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:11,522 They'll never see it coming, 127 00:05:11,521 --> 00:05:13,981 and it might buy us just enough time to pull a classic. 128 00:05:13,984 --> 00:05:15,654 BOTH: Lobster's Bluff. 129 00:05:15,654 --> 00:05:17,244 � [laughs] 130 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,040 � What the fuck are you guys talking about? 131 00:05:19,035 --> 00:05:20,905 We are about to die out there! 132 00:05:20,914 --> 00:05:23,094 � Do you know how many times we've turned a death sentence 133 00:05:23,085 --> 00:05:24,755 into a life paragraph? 134 00:05:24,755 --> 00:05:26,255 � This isn't anything we haven't seen before. 135 00:05:26,258 --> 00:05:28,138 � You know what? [groans] 136 00:05:28,137 --> 00:05:30,727 Maybe we deserve this. 137 00:05:30,726 --> 00:05:33,766 Maybe this is justice. I mean, we fucked up the universe. 138 00:05:33,773 --> 00:05:36,613 I mean, the whole universe. 139 00:05:36,613 --> 00:05:39,333 That's what you get when you think you're a savior. 140 00:05:39,326 --> 00:05:41,456 I thought I was special, and because of that, 141 00:05:41,455 --> 00:05:43,585 we cause the death of millions of people. 142 00:05:43,585 --> 00:05:45,665 � Mm, wasn't it billions? 143 00:05:45,672 --> 00:05:47,432 � Right, billions. 144 00:05:47,425 --> 00:05:49,255 Thank you, Tiger. 145 00:05:49,262 --> 00:05:51,562 And this is payback. 146 00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:53,189 I don't know why you guys are fighting it. 147 00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:54,727 WOLF: Because we fight. 148 00:05:54,732 --> 00:05:56,692 And, yes, we probably are gonna die out there, 149 00:05:56,694 --> 00:05:58,284 but what do you want us to do, give up? 150 00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:00,700 That'd be the worst episode ever. 151 00:06:00,702 --> 00:06:03,002 � Yeah, Wolf's right, if we die, we die. 152 00:06:02,998 --> 00:06:05,668 I mean, this isn't about saving the world anymore. There's no mission. 153 00:06:05,671 --> 00:06:07,261 This is about survival, 154 00:06:07,257 --> 00:06:09,257 something we are pretty damn good at. 155 00:06:09,261 --> 00:06:13,101 � Yeah, and we've already passed the ultimate test as a team. 156 00:06:13,102 --> 00:06:14,862 We could have offed each other back there. 157 00:06:14,855 --> 00:06:17,395 � But as tempting as that was, we didn't, 158 00:06:17,402 --> 00:06:19,872 and now those pencil�neck future fucks 159 00:06:19,865 --> 00:06:21,655 are never gonna know what hit them. 160 00:06:21,661 --> 00:06:24,041 � Plus, with Lobster's Bluff, 161 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,710 we just might have a pincher's chance. 162 00:06:26,713 --> 00:06:28,383 � That was clever. � Thank you. 163 00:06:28,382 --> 00:06:31,392 [dramatic music] 164 00:06:31,388 --> 00:06:33,638 � All right. 165 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:36,823 If our last stand's gonna be in the Death Arena, 166 00:06:36,816 --> 00:06:38,776 let's give them a hell of a show. 167 00:06:38,778 --> 00:06:40,948 SUSAN: Who's ready for... AUDIENCE: First blood! 168 00:06:40,949 --> 00:06:42,869 First blood! First blood! 169 00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:46,380 SUSAN: Here they are, ready to die! 170 00:06:46,376 --> 00:06:48,666 � We got this. 171 00:06:48,673 --> 00:06:50,053 [arrow whizzing] 172 00:06:50,051 --> 00:06:52,101 [grunts] 173 00:06:52,096 --> 00:06:54,096 [screams] 174 00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:57,110 [electronic music] 175 00:07:05,665 --> 00:07:07,125 [mysterious music] 176 00:07:07,126 --> 00:07:08,456 THE VOICE: The true measure of bravery 177 00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:10,342 isn't the absence of fear. 178 00:07:10,341 --> 00:07:12,931 It is the overcoming of it. 179 00:07:12,930 --> 00:07:15,850 � [gasping] 180 00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,232 [coughing] 181 00:07:18,232 --> 00:07:20,702 [breathing heavily] 182 00:07:20,695 --> 00:07:22,525 Oh, no, not goo again! 183 00:07:22,533 --> 00:07:24,163 No! [spits] That's sour! 184 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:25,250 It's sour! [crying] 185 00:07:25,246 --> 00:07:26,746 THE VOICE: Do not despair, 186 00:07:26,749 --> 00:07:29,089 for you are not alone, my friend. 187 00:07:29,087 --> 00:07:31,877 � Who's that? THE VOICE: You will triumph because you are truly special. 188 00:07:31,884 --> 00:07:32,894 � No, no, no, no, no! 189 00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:33,886 Get out of my head. 190 00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:34,968 Get out of my head! 191 00:07:34,974 --> 00:07:36,564 Go away! I'm not special. 192 00:07:36,561 --> 00:07:40,441 I'm a no one. I'm just a guy gagging on goo! 193 00:07:40,442 --> 00:07:43,122 THE VOICE: No, no, you are so much more than that. 194 00:07:43,115 --> 00:07:45,745 You are a savior. 195 00:07:45,745 --> 00:07:46,785 � No! THE VOICE: Yes. 196 00:07:46,789 --> 00:07:48,419 Yes, you are, 197 00:07:48,417 --> 00:07:50,087 and because of that, 198 00:07:50,087 --> 00:07:52,887 I will help you escape. TIGER: Boom shaka�laka! 199 00:07:52,885 --> 00:07:55,635 And that is how you kill a unicorn. 200 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,270 You just rip its magic little horn 201 00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:59,648 off its stupid little horse head 202 00:07:59,648 --> 00:08:02,818 and then you just watch it�� it bleed rainbows, 203 00:08:02,821 --> 00:08:03,911 and you just laugh. 204 00:08:03,907 --> 00:08:05,447 Look. 205 00:08:05,451 --> 00:08:07,331 WOLF: [laughs] Hey, you know what that is? 206 00:08:07,330 --> 00:08:09,040 It's a kraken ball! 207 00:08:09,042 --> 00:08:10,712 Yeah, they only have one, singular. 208 00:08:10,712 --> 00:08:12,802 When I took that from him, he, uh�� 209 00:08:12,799 --> 00:08:14,469 he basically lost the will to live. 210 00:08:14,469 --> 00:08:16,719 Every creature has a weakness, Josh. 211 00:08:16,724 --> 00:08:18,444 � It's usually the dick zone. JOSH: Oh, so that's it. You guys won. 212 00:08:18,435 --> 00:08:20,435 It's over. 213 00:08:20,439 --> 00:08:22,149 � I don't know what the record is for fastest victory, 214 00:08:22,151 --> 00:08:24,071 but, uh, looking at the score keeper's poor face, 215 00:08:24,072 --> 00:08:26,162 I'd say we pretty much shattered it. 216 00:08:26,159 --> 00:08:28,789 � Yeah, and his face, which, that was unnecessary, 217 00:08:28,790 --> 00:08:30,590 but once the adrenaline starts pumping, 218 00:08:30,585 --> 00:08:32,755 I am not distinguishing between participant and official. 219 00:08:32,756 --> 00:08:34,586 It's all just, ah! [laughs] 220 00:08:34,593 --> 00:08:37,273 WOLF: Oh, you displayed a shocking brutality in there. 221 00:08:37,265 --> 00:08:38,635 � Stop it, I was�� I was locked in. 222 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:39,653 I don't know what you want me to say. 223 00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:41,145 � I saw that. 224 00:08:41,147 --> 00:08:42,227 JOSH: Yeah, I'm really sad that I missed it. 225 00:08:42,233 --> 00:08:43,653 I wish I would have seen it. 226 00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:45,113 I'm fine, by the way, so thank you, 227 00:08:45,114 --> 00:08:46,124 you know, for asking. 228 00:08:46,116 --> 00:08:47,616 Um, question, though. 229 00:08:47,619 --> 00:08:50,329 Did they put, like, a�� a little, like, 230 00:08:50,332 --> 00:08:53,552 voice in your head that just zeroes in on all your weaknesses, or... 231 00:08:53,548 --> 00:08:56,008 � How much of that, uh, that goo have you swallowed? 232 00:08:56,011 --> 00:08:57,851 � Never mind. Uh, never mind. I'm fine. 233 00:08:57,848 --> 00:08:59,638 I was just making sure that all three of us 234 00:08:59,643 --> 00:09:00,983 didn't have a voice in our heads. 235 00:09:00,979 --> 00:09:02,439 SUSAN: I got a voice in my head, 236 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:04,070 and that voice is screaming, 237 00:09:04,068 --> 00:09:05,488 "Choo�choo�choo ching�ching," 238 00:09:05,487 --> 00:09:07,777 which is how cash registers sound now. 239 00:09:07,784 --> 00:09:11,754 You guys were spectacular. Phenomenal. 240 00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:15,381 What a show. Not you. You did jack shit, sir. 241 00:09:15,382 --> 00:09:17,012 WOLF: So what do we get for winning? 242 00:09:17,011 --> 00:09:23,521 � You guys get an all�expense�paid luxury trip 243 00:09:23,524 --> 00:09:26,074 back to The DieCathlon! 244 00:09:26,071 --> 00:09:27,661 You go back in. You're going back. 245 00:09:27,658 --> 00:09:29,198 That was level one of many. 246 00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:30,792 � That's great news. 247 00:09:30,789 --> 00:09:32,209 We were hoping you'd have more to throw at us 248 00:09:32,208 --> 00:09:33,628 than some rinky�dink show pony 249 00:09:33,628 --> 00:09:35,628 and a fat goldfish with one ball. 250 00:09:35,632 --> 00:09:38,012 � Yeah, getting out of a long�promised threesome 251 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,601 with Vince Neil and Tawny Kitaen 252 00:09:39,598 --> 00:09:41,728 was much harder than this bullshit excuse 253 00:09:41,727 --> 00:09:43,357 for The Running Man, which, by the way, 254 00:09:43,355 --> 00:09:45,185 I did an uncredited rewrite on. 255 00:09:45,192 --> 00:09:47,532 The first draft was a disaster with a capital D. 256 00:09:47,531 --> 00:09:50,161 It made no sense. Really, this whole thing was... 257 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:53,080 � You're healing nicely. � My whole body is numb! 258 00:09:53,083 --> 00:09:55,463 � That means the goo is doing what the goo is supposed to do. 259 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,132 This goo is incredible goo. 260 00:09:57,133 --> 00:09:58,853 It's our best goo yet. � Oh. 261 00:09:58,845 --> 00:10:01,015 � Too much of the goo, you get cancer. 262 00:10:01,015 --> 00:10:03,555 Too little of the goo, you get cancer. 263 00:10:03,563 --> 00:10:07,703 The exact right amount of goo will heal almost anything 264 00:10:07,696 --> 00:10:10,536 except goo�related cancers. 265 00:10:10,535 --> 00:10:12,155 Medicine. [laughs] 266 00:10:12,163 --> 00:10:14,043 � Come on. SUSAN: Anyway, you guys rest up. 267 00:10:14,041 --> 00:10:17,341 You've got a big day tomorrow. You're fighting dinosaurs. 268 00:10:17,339 --> 00:10:18,839 Roar. 269 00:10:18,843 --> 00:10:21,393 JOSH: Wait. 270 00:10:21,389 --> 00:10:24,729 What if I swallow too much? � Ah, you'll be fine. 271 00:10:24,730 --> 00:10:27,690 [tense music] 272 00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:31,664 ♪ ♪ 273 00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:33,160 � Gah. 274 00:10:33,163 --> 00:10:34,503 ♪ ♪ 275 00:10:34,499 --> 00:10:37,209 [groaning] 276 00:10:37,213 --> 00:10:39,643 � Hey! � Oh! God. 277 00:10:39,635 --> 00:10:40,885 � How's the shoulder, kid? 278 00:10:40,887 --> 00:10:42,137 � It feels like being stabbed 279 00:10:42,139 --> 00:10:44,519 by a million tiny little knives. 280 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,530 � It's actually being stabbed by 2.5 billion little knives. 281 00:10:47,526 --> 00:10:50,406 Those are nanobots, and they are repairing the tear in your soft tissue. 282 00:10:50,405 --> 00:10:52,025 � Where do they go when they're done? 283 00:10:53,704 --> 00:10:55,004 Whatever. 284 00:10:54,998 --> 00:10:56,538 Look, what am I gonna do tomorrow 285 00:10:56,544 --> 00:10:58,464 when Tiger and Wolf go back into the game? 286 00:10:58,463 --> 00:11:00,303 � You're gonna go back too. � What? Hell, no, I'm not! 287 00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:01,800 I�I�I can barely move my shoulder! 288 00:11:01,804 --> 00:11:03,434 I got shot with a giant "Avatar" arrow! 289 00:11:03,431 --> 00:11:05,441 � You'll be fine by tomorrow. 290 00:11:05,435 --> 00:11:07,265 The network does not skimp when it comes to keeping alive 291 00:11:07,273 --> 00:11:08,733 the people that they plan on eventually killing. 292 00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:10,704 Look at you. 293 00:11:10,697 --> 00:11:12,617 You already have the strength of a nine�year�old. 294 00:11:12,617 --> 00:11:14,157 Before you know it, 295 00:11:14,161 --> 00:11:15,621 you'll have the strength of a preteen. 296 00:11:15,623 --> 00:11:17,593 Then a tween. Then a teenager. 297 00:11:17,586 --> 00:11:18,796 Then a little man. 298 00:11:18,796 --> 00:11:20,546 � [laughs] Thanks, Susan. 299 00:11:20,550 --> 00:11:23,560 [2 Unlimited's "Get Ready for This"] 300 00:11:23,556 --> 00:11:29,026 ♪ ♪ 301 00:11:29,025 --> 00:11:31,485 [muffled music continues] 302 00:11:31,487 --> 00:11:34,197 � Okay, this might get a little old. 303 00:11:34,201 --> 00:11:37,121 [electronics sparking] 304 00:11:38,669 --> 00:11:40,209 Sweet tune. 305 00:11:40,213 --> 00:11:41,843 Knew this would stand the test of time. 306 00:11:41,842 --> 00:11:43,012 What do you think of Pelican's Folly? 307 00:11:43,011 --> 00:11:44,431 TIGER: No, it's too risky. 308 00:11:44,430 --> 00:11:46,100 Those bionic pumas would sniff us out 309 00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:47,770 before we could hide enough rocks in our mouths. 310 00:11:47,771 --> 00:11:49,571 Hyena's Whisper? � Yes. 311 00:11:49,566 --> 00:11:51,026 Especially in an arena this size. 312 00:11:51,027 --> 00:11:52,317 They'll never see it coming, 313 00:11:52,321 --> 00:11:54,121 and it might buy us just enough time 314 00:11:54,116 --> 00:11:55,576 to pull a classic. 315 00:11:55,578 --> 00:11:57,408 BOTH: Lobster's Bluff. 316 00:11:57,414 --> 00:11:59,674 [tense music] 317 00:11:59,670 --> 00:12:01,720 � What are you guys doing? 318 00:12:01,715 --> 00:12:03,545 � What? 319 00:12:03,552 --> 00:12:05,852 � Why are you saying the same things you said yesterday? 320 00:12:05,848 --> 00:12:07,478 Is it like a�� like a warrior thing? 321 00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:09,766 Like, you have to repeat what worked or what? 322 00:12:09,773 --> 00:12:11,653 � What are you talking about? � Stop fucking with me! 323 00:12:11,652 --> 00:12:13,072 We need to come up with a plan to protect me out there. 324 00:12:13,071 --> 00:12:14,321 You understand? 325 00:12:14,323 --> 00:12:15,333 You guys are far better equipped 326 00:12:15,325 --> 00:12:16,325 to handle this than I am. 327 00:12:16,327 --> 00:12:17,537 What can I expect? 328 00:12:17,539 --> 00:12:18,789 � How the hell should we know? 329 00:12:18,791 --> 00:12:19,921 It's the first time for us too. 330 00:12:19,918 --> 00:12:21,298 � This guy. 331 00:12:21,295 --> 00:12:23,125 � No, it isn't! 332 00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:25,263 SUSAN: Who's ready for some... 333 00:12:25,262 --> 00:12:27,562 AUDIENCE: First blood! First blood! 334 00:12:27,559 --> 00:12:29,349 � You guys, this is really mean! Please! 335 00:12:29,353 --> 00:12:31,903 SUSAN: Here they are, ready to die! 336 00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:34,870 [exciting music] 337 00:12:34,865 --> 00:12:36,025 ♪ ♪ 338 00:12:36,034 --> 00:12:38,374 [spear thuds] 339 00:12:38,371 --> 00:12:39,831 � [groaning] 340 00:12:39,833 --> 00:12:42,093 [cheers and applause] 341 00:12:42,087 --> 00:12:43,087 Oh, come on! 342 00:12:48,994 --> 00:12:52,984 THE VOICE: Survival is equal parts endurance and adaptation. 343 00:12:52,984 --> 00:12:54,284 � Shut up, shut up, shut up. 344 00:12:54,278 --> 00:12:55,868 THE VOICE: You will not survive this game. 345 00:12:55,865 --> 00:12:57,735 No one does. 346 00:12:57,744 --> 00:13:00,084 Eventually, something sharp will pierce something 347 00:13:00,082 --> 00:13:01,882 that cannot be healed by tiny robots. 348 00:13:01,877 --> 00:13:03,587 � How��how do you know? 349 00:13:03,589 --> 00:13:06,139 THE VOICE: I know a great many things, Josh. 350 00:13:06,135 --> 00:13:08,305 � How do you�� how do you know who I am? 351 00:13:08,306 --> 00:13:11,186 Do you��do you know everyone? 352 00:13:11,187 --> 00:13:12,817 Are you Go�� 353 00:13:12,816 --> 00:13:14,896 Oh, no, no, no. 354 00:13:14,903 --> 00:13:16,703 Maybe��maybe you're not. 355 00:13:16,698 --> 00:13:19,118 Maybe��maybe I'm just finally losing my mind 356 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:20,540 and I'm having this conversation with myself 357 00:13:20,540 --> 00:13:22,000 like in "Fight Club." 358 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,500 THE VOICE: I don't get that reference. 359 00:13:23,504 --> 00:13:25,014 � Okay, you know what? That's it. 360 00:13:25,006 --> 00:13:26,796 I'm ignoring you. You're not real. 361 00:13:26,802 --> 00:13:28,392 [humming] THE VOICE: Really? 362 00:13:28,388 --> 00:13:30,308 Humming, Josh? 363 00:13:30,308 --> 00:13:32,858 Don't be that way. Listen. 364 00:13:32,856 --> 00:13:35,566 I am here to help you escape through the elevator, 365 00:13:35,570 --> 00:13:37,990 where there are no cameras. 366 00:13:37,991 --> 00:13:39,791 � What, escape? Really, to where? 367 00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:41,746 3491? Some other time? 368 00:13:41,748 --> 00:13:43,918 Anywhere that I can go I've either already ruined 369 00:13:43,919 --> 00:13:45,629 or I'm gonna be killed instantly by people 370 00:13:45,631 --> 00:13:47,591 who are better equipped to live than me. 371 00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:49,684 THE VOICE: I know a place where you will be safe. 372 00:13:49,681 --> 00:13:53,021 It's a place you once called home. 373 00:13:53,021 --> 00:13:55,231 [stark music] 374 00:13:55,233 --> 00:13:58,663 I trust from your silence you are intrigued. 375 00:13:58,657 --> 00:14:00,237 � Yeah, of course I'm intrigued. 376 00:14:00,243 --> 00:14:02,043 I'm talking to myself so I'm gonna tell myself 377 00:14:02,039 --> 00:14:03,999 whatever I want to hear. THE VOICE: You are a skeptic. 378 00:14:04,001 --> 00:14:06,011 To prove to you that I can help, 379 00:14:06,005 --> 00:14:09,595 I will now perform a small miracle. Is that okay? 380 00:14:09,596 --> 00:14:11,766 Can I perform a small miracle for you? 381 00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:13,387 � Sure, man. I'm not going anywhere. 382 00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:14,814 THE VOICE: You are in the goo, no? 383 00:14:14,814 --> 00:14:16,404 � Yeah, you know I'm in the goo. 384 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,240 I'm wearing a metal diaper in a thing of goo. 385 00:14:18,237 --> 00:14:20,327 THE VOICE: Okay, listen to me, Josh. 386 00:14:20,325 --> 00:14:22,535 You don't want to be swallowing any more of this goo. 387 00:14:22,538 --> 00:14:24,208 The nanobots, they react poorly with your gut flora. 388 00:14:24,208 --> 00:14:26,088 They go to war. 389 00:14:26,087 --> 00:14:27,797 The next thing you know, you are allergic to chickpeas. 390 00:14:27,799 --> 00:14:29,509 � Oh, man. I love chickpeas. 391 00:14:29,511 --> 00:14:31,521 THE VOICE: I know, me too. Reach down. 392 00:14:31,515 --> 00:14:33,385 You will find a small rubberized knob 393 00:14:33,393 --> 00:14:34,903 behind your hip just to the left. 394 00:14:34,896 --> 00:14:36,686 Feel it? � Yeah. 395 00:14:36,692 --> 00:14:38,402 THE VOICE: Press the center of it, hard. 396 00:14:38,403 --> 00:14:39,953 [clicking] 397 00:14:39,948 --> 00:14:41,868 � [groans] 398 00:14:41,868 --> 00:14:42,998 [liquid squishing] 399 00:14:42,996 --> 00:14:44,156 Oh, God! 400 00:14:44,164 --> 00:14:45,674 Oh, that's so much better. 401 00:14:45,668 --> 00:14:47,508 THE VOICE: That is my small miracle, 402 00:14:47,505 --> 00:14:49,215 just for you, my friend. 403 00:14:49,216 --> 00:14:52,516 � Uh, yeah, if I meet a rhyming riddle worm, 404 00:14:52,515 --> 00:14:54,135 I'm gonna decapitate it. 405 00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,773 � But I think that animatronic Clue Worm 406 00:14:55,771 --> 00:14:57,191 was trying to help us. 407 00:14:57,190 --> 00:14:58,940 � Well, speak in prose, then, buddy. 408 00:14:58,944 --> 00:15:01,074 � Let me guess. You guys won. 409 00:15:01,073 --> 00:15:03,043 � I don't know what the record is for fastest victory, 410 00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:05,456 but from the look on that poor scorekeeper's face, 411 00:15:05,457 --> 00:15:07,627 I'd say we shattered it. 412 00:15:07,628 --> 00:15:09,418 � And his face, right? 413 00:15:09,423 --> 00:15:11,343 � How'd you know that? � Just a guess. 414 00:15:11,343 --> 00:15:12,933 � What, do you got a live feed in here? 415 00:15:12,930 --> 00:15:15,060 Are they using any close�ups? 416 00:15:15,060 --> 00:15:16,560 'Cause I feel like they're shooting everything in a wide, 417 00:15:16,563 --> 00:15:20,403 and, well, the drama's right here. 418 00:15:20,403 --> 00:15:23,743 � Guys, this is gonna be hard to comprehend, 419 00:15:23,744 --> 00:15:27,674 but all of this already happened yesterday. 420 00:15:27,668 --> 00:15:29,798 All right, th�they must've wiped your memories 421 00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:31,468 or something so you have no recollection 422 00:15:31,467 --> 00:15:33,387 of playing the game. � Bullshit. 423 00:15:33,387 --> 00:15:35,887 � I would remember if they wiped my memory. 424 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,863 � Yeah, me too. JOSH: No, you wouldn't. 425 00:15:37,855 --> 00:15:39,725 That's not how memory wiping works. 426 00:15:39,734 --> 00:15:41,914 � You come from a time where memory wiping's a thing? 427 00:15:41,905 --> 00:15:43,655 'Cause we do. 428 00:15:43,659 --> 00:15:45,829 � I'm telling you we are gonna keep playing this game 429 00:15:45,830 --> 00:15:48,380 again and again with slight variations until we're dead. 430 00:15:48,376 --> 00:15:50,046 � Okay, even if that were true, which it isn't, 431 00:15:50,046 --> 00:15:51,676 I can think of worse ways to go. 432 00:15:51,675 --> 00:15:53,595 � Y�you have to believe me! WOLF: No, sorry. 433 00:15:53,595 --> 00:15:55,595 My radar is finely tuned to repetition. 434 00:15:55,599 --> 00:15:58,269 Even back at the restaurant when everyone was clamoring 435 00:15:58,271 --> 00:15:59,691 for Wolfheart staples, 436 00:15:59,691 --> 00:16:02,491 I changed the menu every goddamn day. 437 00:16:02,487 --> 00:16:04,277 Now, that's a terrible business model, 438 00:16:04,283 --> 00:16:07,253 but, well, a true artist never repeats himself. 439 00:16:07,247 --> 00:16:09,327 What you're describing, well, that sounds like hell. 440 00:16:09,334 --> 00:16:11,264 THE VOICE: Josh, these people are awful. 441 00:16:11,255 --> 00:16:12,755 You don't need them. 442 00:16:12,758 --> 00:16:15,008 I can lead you home. Follow me. 443 00:16:15,013 --> 00:16:16,853 � I can't��I can't just abandon them, okay? 444 00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:18,390 TIGER: We're gonna go back to the Victor's Lounge. 445 00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:21,154 � Yeah, sorry. Victors only. 446 00:16:21,150 --> 00:16:23,530 [chuckles] � Good�bye, Josh. 447 00:16:23,530 --> 00:16:25,990 � Guys, come on! Don't just�� 448 00:16:25,993 --> 00:16:28,413 THE VOICE: See how quickly they leave you behind? 449 00:16:28,414 --> 00:16:30,174 You must do the same. 450 00:16:30,168 --> 00:16:32,418 � That��that's just like our�� our dynamic, okay? 451 00:16:32,422 --> 00:16:33,882 It's��it's fun. 452 00:16:33,884 --> 00:16:35,394 If we're gonna do this, 453 00:16:35,386 --> 00:16:36,806 we're gonna do things my way, all right? 454 00:16:36,806 --> 00:16:39,516 Just tell me what I need to know. 455 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:40,940 [2 Unlimited's "Get Ready for This"] 456 00:16:40,940 --> 00:16:44,320 [cheers and applause] 457 00:16:44,321 --> 00:16:46,121 Guys, listen. We have to get out of here, 458 00:16:46,116 --> 00:16:47,486 and the only way is through this elevator. 459 00:16:47,494 --> 00:16:49,374 Otherwise, we're dead, eventually. 460 00:16:49,373 --> 00:16:50,923 � What are you talking about? What is he talking about? 461 00:16:50,918 --> 00:16:53,128 � No idea. Sounds boring. 462 00:16:53,130 --> 00:16:54,510 [door whirring] 463 00:16:54,509 --> 00:16:55,759 � [panting] 464 00:16:55,761 --> 00:16:58,891 [grunting] 465 00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:00,852 � ♪ Y'all ready for this ♪ � [gasping] 466 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,654 And this is the only safe place that we can talk. 467 00:17:02,650 --> 00:17:04,400 Okay, this is, like, a really old elevator, 468 00:17:04,403 --> 00:17:06,623 and it passes through, like, a magnetic rock section, 469 00:17:06,616 --> 00:17:08,286 and then the cameras get jammed. 470 00:17:08,286 --> 00:17:10,246 Guys, wait for me! 471 00:17:10,248 --> 00:17:12,548 ♪ ♪ 472 00:17:12,545 --> 00:17:13,665 Baseball? [ball squishes] 473 00:17:13,672 --> 00:17:15,052 [screams] 474 00:17:15,049 --> 00:17:16,219 ♪ ♪ 475 00:17:16,218 --> 00:17:17,718 [gasping] 476 00:17:17,722 --> 00:17:20,272 [machines whirring] [crying] 477 00:17:20,268 --> 00:17:21,518 I just want to sleep! 478 00:17:21,521 --> 00:17:23,611 ♪ ♪ 479 00:17:23,608 --> 00:17:26,408 I am telling you, you memories have been wiped. 480 00:17:26,405 --> 00:17:27,615 You have to believe me, please! 481 00:17:27,616 --> 00:17:29,156 ♪ ♪ 482 00:17:29,161 --> 00:17:31,541 Please turn it down! No! [grunting] 483 00:17:31,541 --> 00:17:34,001 � ♪ Y'all ready for this? ♪ � [laughing] 484 00:17:34,004 --> 00:17:39,524 ♪ ♪ 485 00:17:39,515 --> 00:17:40,975 [screams] 486 00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:41,976 [whines] 487 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,648 [gasping] 488 00:17:43,649 --> 00:17:44,939 Don't you guys think it's a little weird that I know 489 00:17:44,942 --> 00:17:46,492 everything you're about to say? 490 00:17:46,487 --> 00:17:48,907 No? No reaction? Okay. 491 00:17:48,909 --> 00:17:53,839 ♪ ♪ 492 00:17:53,835 --> 00:17:55,375 I'm telling you guys, 493 00:17:55,380 --> 00:17:56,720 this is the only way we're going to escape. 494 00:17:56,716 --> 00:17:58,336 � Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 495 00:17:58,344 --> 00:18:00,224 You're pitching an escape and you don't mention 496 00:18:00,223 --> 00:18:02,313 the word "escape" until 30 seconds in? 497 00:18:02,310 --> 00:18:04,440 You gotta work on your elevator pitch. 498 00:18:04,439 --> 00:18:06,569 [cheering] 499 00:18:06,569 --> 00:18:09,159 � [screaming] 500 00:18:17,298 --> 00:18:19,388 [muffled cheering] [melancholy music] 501 00:18:19,386 --> 00:18:23,136 � [gasping] 502 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:25,404 ♪ ♪ 503 00:18:25,398 --> 00:18:28,238 SUSAN: There you are, my hapless wonder. 504 00:18:28,237 --> 00:18:31,027 Look at them. They love�slash�pity you. 505 00:18:31,034 --> 00:18:32,754 � Erase my memory. I'm begging you. 506 00:18:32,747 --> 00:18:34,577 SUSAN: No way! You kidding? 507 00:18:34,584 --> 00:18:36,804 People wait their whole careers for a run like this. 508 00:18:36,796 --> 00:18:39,756 You remembering while Tiger and Wolf don't? 509 00:18:39,761 --> 00:18:40,931 That's the special sauce, 510 00:18:40,929 --> 00:18:42,469 and you don't want me 511 00:18:42,474 --> 00:18:44,104 to serve my signature meal 512 00:18:44,102 --> 00:18:45,942 without my special sauce, do you? 513 00:18:45,939 --> 00:18:48,609 � I don't care about your special sauce. 514 00:18:48,612 --> 00:18:50,322 � Well, it's more delicious with the special sauce. 515 00:18:50,323 --> 00:18:51,743 � I just want to die! 516 00:18:51,743 --> 00:18:53,453 This is, like, the fifth time 517 00:18:53,454 --> 00:18:55,834 I've had to train myself to walk again! 518 00:18:55,834 --> 00:18:57,964 SUSAN: 47 times you failed to get off that elevator. 519 00:18:57,963 --> 00:18:59,633 Do you know how hard that is? 520 00:18:59,634 --> 00:19:02,014 � I am trying. � I know! 521 00:19:02,013 --> 00:19:03,563 That's what makes it so funny. 522 00:19:03,558 --> 00:19:05,768 It's crazy. You're really trying. 523 00:19:05,771 --> 00:19:08,071 And Tiger and Wolf, the savagery. 524 00:19:08,067 --> 00:19:09,147 They really are from the worst timeline. 525 00:19:09,152 --> 00:19:11,282 If they keep this up, 526 00:19:11,281 --> 00:19:12,951 we're gonna have to release the killing machine, 527 00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,412 and we've never had to do that. 528 00:19:14,412 --> 00:19:15,672 Tiger and Wolf are my heroes. 529 00:19:15,666 --> 00:19:18,416 You, my bumbling comic relief. 530 00:19:18,420 --> 00:19:19,880 I'm back on top. 531 00:19:19,882 --> 00:19:21,552 If I keep this up, 532 00:19:21,553 --> 00:19:23,773 the network is gonna let me own my wife 533 00:19:23,765 --> 00:19:25,475 and daughter outright, free and clear. 534 00:19:25,476 --> 00:19:27,356 Maintenance included, Josh. � Congratulations. 535 00:19:27,355 --> 00:19:29,315 SUSAN: Yeah. [laughs] I'd say. 536 00:19:29,317 --> 00:19:30,947 [beeps] 537 00:19:30,946 --> 00:19:33,076 THE VOICE: Are you ready to do this another way? 538 00:19:33,075 --> 00:19:34,365 My way? 539 00:19:34,369 --> 00:19:36,249 � No. No, no, no. 540 00:19:36,248 --> 00:19:38,088 Didn't you hear him? I'm not an action hero. 541 00:19:38,085 --> 00:19:39,875 I'm the comic relief. 542 00:19:39,881 --> 00:19:41,591 I can't do any of this without Tiger and without Wolf. 543 00:19:41,593 --> 00:19:43,763 THE VOICE: You've allowed yourself to believe 544 00:19:43,763 --> 00:19:45,563 you're a worthless piece of shit. 545 00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:48,479 The world thinks you're a worthless piece of shit. 546 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,030 That is your greatest advantage. 547 00:19:50,026 --> 00:19:52,316 � That's my advantage? Well, you know what? 548 00:19:52,322 --> 00:19:53,832 It really doesn't feel like one. 549 00:19:53,825 --> 00:19:55,825 Can I please have another? THE VOICE: No! 550 00:19:55,829 --> 00:19:58,999 Let them dismiss you, mock you, upstage you, 551 00:19:59,002 --> 00:20:00,962 and underneath their very noses, 552 00:20:00,964 --> 00:20:03,434 we will accomplish the impossible 553 00:20:03,427 --> 00:20:05,517 and get you home. 554 00:20:05,515 --> 00:20:08,515 � [grunting] [machines whirring] 555 00:20:08,521 --> 00:20:12,031 [cheering] 556 00:20:12,028 --> 00:20:14,318 [2 Unlimited's "Get Ready for This"] 557 00:20:14,324 --> 00:20:15,794 [electronic buzzing] 558 00:20:15,786 --> 00:20:17,156 [groaning] 559 00:20:17,163 --> 00:20:19,173 ♪ ♪ 560 00:20:19,167 --> 00:20:22,167 � You thinking Pelican's Folly? � Nah, too risky. 561 00:20:22,173 --> 00:20:25,353 Those bionic pumas would sniff it out before we could get enough rocks in our mouth. 562 00:20:25,346 --> 00:20:26,976 Hyena's Whisper? 563 00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:29,015 � Appreciate the pitch. Terrible idea. 564 00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:30,610 � Hmm, yeah. I don't know what I was thinking. 565 00:20:30,607 --> 00:20:31,897 I'll just leave the strategizing to you two. 566 00:20:31,901 --> 00:20:34,621 � It's cool. Stay in your lane. 567 00:20:34,615 --> 00:20:36,735 � Hey, you know, uh, I was reading in the green room. 568 00:20:36,744 --> 00:20:39,254 Apparently, there's all sorts of mythological, 569 00:20:39,249 --> 00:20:41,379 genetically�modified creatures inside the Death Arena. 570 00:20:41,378 --> 00:20:44,258 I bet you could not get a mermaid's gallbladder. 571 00:20:44,259 --> 00:20:45,719 � Mermaid's gallbladder? 572 00:20:45,721 --> 00:20:48,061 A stupid trophy only an idiot would want. 573 00:20:48,058 --> 00:20:50,768 � All right, I just know they're a really prized possession 574 00:20:50,772 --> 00:20:52,282 and extremely difficult to cut out. 575 00:20:52,275 --> 00:20:53,645 It's fine, it's fine. 576 00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:55,453 I mean, I'm sure, you know, you probably�� 577 00:20:55,448 --> 00:20:56,868 probably couldn't do it anyways. 578 00:20:56,868 --> 00:20:58,448 [tense music] 579 00:20:58,454 --> 00:21:00,634 � Turns out mermaid bile's acidic. 580 00:21:00,625 --> 00:21:02,045 That and their tears. 581 00:21:02,045 --> 00:21:03,915 You know they weep when you kill 'em? 582 00:21:03,923 --> 00:21:06,723 Oh, pathetic creatures, really. 583 00:21:06,721 --> 00:21:09,351 THE VOICE: Yes, Josh. Now they're playing your game. 584 00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:12,520 � Yep, I said it. Arachno�bot web spindle. 585 00:21:12,524 --> 00:21:14,704 THE VOICE: See how they do your bidding? 586 00:21:14,695 --> 00:21:16,865 � No way you get a stegosaurus femur. 587 00:21:16,866 --> 00:21:19,036 � Guess who just went extinct again? 588 00:21:19,037 --> 00:21:21,037 THE VOICE: You have the tools. 589 00:21:21,041 --> 00:21:24,341 Now I will teach you how to wield them. 590 00:21:24,339 --> 00:21:25,719 ♪ ♪ 591 00:21:29,809 --> 00:21:31,139 � As you were, everyone. 592 00:21:31,144 --> 00:21:32,944 You all know Stanley and Randall. 593 00:21:32,940 --> 00:21:35,700 I actually recently leveled up Stanley 594 00:21:35,695 --> 00:21:38,325 with the musical prodigy expansion pack. 595 00:21:38,325 --> 00:21:40,615 Give them a taste, Stan. 596 00:21:40,622 --> 00:21:43,632 � [singing operatically] 597 00:21:43,628 --> 00:21:50,638 ♪ ♪ 598 00:21:58,490 --> 00:22:01,500 [applause] 599 00:22:01,496 --> 00:22:04,166 � Magnifico, amore. 600 00:22:04,169 --> 00:22:05,879 All right, big show tonight, everyone. 601 00:22:05,881 --> 00:22:07,971 They're even beaming us to the off�world colonies, 602 00:22:07,968 --> 00:22:10,718 and those pasty crater monkeys never watch this show. 603 00:22:10,724 --> 00:22:12,734 [laughter] 604 00:22:12,728 --> 00:22:16,028 � You are the most successful human man 605 00:22:16,026 --> 00:22:18,196 my programming can process. 606 00:22:20,242 --> 00:22:22,712 � You're damn right I am. � Yes. 607 00:22:22,706 --> 00:22:25,246 [2 Unlimited's "Get Ready for This"] 608 00:22:25,252 --> 00:22:27,132 ♪ ♪ 609 00:22:27,131 --> 00:22:28,721 � Okay, this might get a little old. 610 00:22:28,718 --> 00:22:30,008 ♪ ♪ 611 00:22:30,012 --> 00:22:31,522 [electronic buzzing] 612 00:22:31,515 --> 00:22:33,265 THE VOICE: It's now or never, Josh. 613 00:22:33,268 --> 00:22:36,268 [tense music] 614 00:22:36,274 --> 00:22:40,454 ♪ ♪ 615 00:22:40,449 --> 00:22:42,749 � What the fuck are you doing? 616 00:22:42,746 --> 00:22:44,996 � Escaping. Yeah, that's right. 617 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,630 You guys think that this is day one, 618 00:22:46,629 --> 00:22:48,799 but it's actually day 60. 619 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,350 You won't listen to me because you're both dicks. 620 00:22:51,346 --> 00:22:52,766 There's no winning with you two, 621 00:22:52,766 --> 00:22:54,306 and there's no winning in this game. 622 00:22:54,310 --> 00:22:55,480 THE VOICE: Well said, Josh, but go faster. 623 00:22:55,479 --> 00:22:57,229 Every second counts. 624 00:22:57,233 --> 00:22:59,533 Don't forget the clove hitch for the safety. 625 00:22:59,530 --> 00:23:00,780 ♪ ♪ 626 00:23:00,782 --> 00:23:03,202 � Okay, there's a 640�foot drop, 627 00:23:03,203 --> 00:23:05,333 and only 620 feet of Arachno�silk. 628 00:23:05,332 --> 00:23:06,922 If you guys want to escape, 629 00:23:06,919 --> 00:23:08,629 you have to swing over and climb onto a ledge 630 00:23:08,631 --> 00:23:09,801 and go the rest of the way down. 631 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,220 [floor cracks] 632 00:23:11,219 --> 00:23:13,019 Wall pegs are to the left. 633 00:23:13,015 --> 00:23:18,525 ♪ ♪ 634 00:23:18,526 --> 00:23:20,526 � When did you get kind of hot? 635 00:23:20,530 --> 00:23:23,040 TIGER: I don't understand how he figured this out in one day. 636 00:23:23,035 --> 00:23:24,075 � Fuck you guys! 637 00:23:24,078 --> 00:23:26,578 [line clicking] 638 00:23:26,584 --> 00:23:28,554 SUSAN: Who's ready for some... 639 00:23:28,546 --> 00:23:29,666 � [sighs] 640 00:23:29,673 --> 00:23:31,803 I find this very annoying. 641 00:23:31,802 --> 00:23:33,182 � Tough call. 642 00:23:33,180 --> 00:23:35,180 AUDIENCE: First blood! First blood! 643 00:23:35,184 --> 00:23:40,114 � And here they are, ready to die! 644 00:23:40,110 --> 00:23:43,120 [exciting music] 645 00:23:43,116 --> 00:23:45,366 [audience gasps] 646 00:23:45,371 --> 00:23:48,841 [tense music] 647 00:23:48,836 --> 00:23:55,096 ♪ ♪ 49677

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