All language subtitles for Call Me Madam (1953)

Big Band

Woman's Voice

Chorus She's the hostess
With the mostest on the ball

Chorus Square dance
the Washington square dance

Continues

Ends

I, Sally Adams,
do solemnly swear...

that I will well and faithfully
discharge the duties of the office...

on which I am about to enter,
so help me God.

Madam Ambassador, you are now the accredited
representative of the United States...

to the Grand Duchy of Lichtenburg.

My congratulations.

This is the proudest and
happiest moment of my life.

I am proud because my duties take me to a country
it has long been my dream to know and love...

the glorious Grand Duchy of Lichtenburg.

Lichtenburg and the United States
of America are both conscious...

of the historic friendship that has
existed between our two peoples.

I shall seriously endeavor to preserve
that warm relationship.

And I shall strive with
all my heart and strength...

to bring about
a closer unity between us.

Congratulations, Madam Ambassador.

- How soon do you leave us?
- Tomorrow morning.

And when do you
arrive at your post?

I'm not sure. Hey, boss.
Where the heck is Lichtenburg?

- Step on it. She's on her way down.
- Hope I got enough light.

- With Sally's diamonds, you don't need lights.
- Chuckles

Hey!

- Mrs. Adams.!
- Madam Ambassador.

Hold it.
Big smile noW. Thank you.

- How about a statement?
- Tell us about it.

One at a time, boys.
One at a time. You tee off,Johnny.

This way, Mrs. Adams.

That's fine. Thank you.

As our new ambassador to Lichtenburg,
is there any statement you'd like to make?

Yes. You can say for me that the farewell
party I'm throwing is gonna be a killer-diller.

And you're all invited.
End of statement.

- Hey. - Wow. -
But Mrs. Adams.

Don't you feel that Lichtenburg should
be included in some multilateral system...

- to promote exchange stability?
- He talks cute. Chuckling

No, I mean, shouldn't Lichtenburg
be brought into the I BRD?

You don't have to spell it out.
You can say it in front of these fellas.

- Seriously, Mrs. Adams.
- Okay, seriously...

I don't know what the h-
I don't know what you're talking about.

My city editor thought up
those questions, not me.

- But I would like to know how you got this appointment.
- That one I can answer.

I was born on a thousand acres
of Oklahoma land

Nothing grew on the thousand acres
For it was gravel and sand

One day Father
started digging in a field

Hoping to find some soil

He dug and he dug
and what do you think

Oil, oil, oil

The money rolled in and I rolled out
with a fortune piled so high

Washington was my destination

And now who am I

I'm the chosen party giver

For the White House clientele

And they know that I deliver

What it takes to make them jell

And in Washington
I'm known by one and all

As the hostess
with the mostest on the ball

They would go to Elsa Maxwell

When they had an ax to grind

They could always grind their ax well
at the parties she designed

Now the hatchet grinders
all prefer to call

On the hostess
with the mostest on the ball

I've a great big bar and good caviar

Yes, the best that can be found

And a large amount
in my bank account

When election time comes 'round

Entertaining vodka drinkers

Is a job they give to me

Making nice guys out of stinkers

Seems to be my cup of tea

What they really need
behind the iron wall

Is the hostess
with the mostest on the ball

In the handbag that I'll carry

There's a precious little note

To Their Highnesses from Harry

Introducing me, he wrote

I'll appreciate a favor, large or small

For the hostess who's the hostess

With the mostest on the ball

Big Band

Uh, Sally. You wouldn't like me to make a
little farewell speech tonight, would you?

That's right. I wouldn't.

I hear you were wonderful
in the senate today, Charlie.

- I didn't speak today.
- Everybody loved it.

- Chuckling
- Ends

- Hi, deep and thoughtful. Why aren't you dancing?
- Nobody asked me.

Chuckles
You're gonna be sorry you said that.

- Excuse me, Charlie.
- Surely.

Let's see. You're with
the Morning Globe, aren't you?

Not anymore.
I'm going with you to Lichtenburg.

- With me?
- As your press attaché.

- Who hired you?
- Nobody yet. But you're gonna need a press attaché.

- And I need a job. I got fired this afternoon.
- Is that a recommendation?

In a way. I got fired for writing
nice things about your appointment.

- Yeah?
- Uh, no. I just made that up to impress you.

Actually, the boss and I
did have a difference of opinion.

But it concerned a matter
of eight bucks a week.

Well, I'm available, Mrs. Adams.
I think you'll find me useful.

I know quite a lot
about European politics.

And you think I don't.
Is that it?

Well, I think you're
gonna learn very fast.

- Well, thank you, Mr. -
- Mr. Gibson. Kenneth Gibson.

I can be cleared by the State Department
in the morning, and be ready to leave by noon.

- Uh, no dice, huh?
- Pardon me, Mrs. Adams. You're wanted on the phone.

- Whoever it is, tell them to come right over.
- It's long distance, Mrs. Adams.

- You'll want this call.
- Oh. Thank you, Burton.

Sorry, kid.
I don't need a press attaché.

Wish I did.

Hello?

Hello, Harry.
How's everything in Independence?

Yep. I'm leaving in the morning.

What? Oh, sure.
The party's going fine.

I'm sorry you and Bess
couldn't make it.

Is Margaret with you?

Denver? How did it go?

Even in Denver.

Well, the critics don't know everything.
She made money, didn't she?

Good. Harry, I'm afraid
I won't get to see you before I leave.

Yes, I'm gonna take
this job very seriously.

Thanks, Harry, for everything.
Love to the family. Bye, Harry.

We're all ready for the newsreel shots.
We're set up in the den.

- Just a short talk. It won't take a minute.
- Talk? What will I say?

Oh, you know. What you intend
to do when you get over there.

- A few facts about Lichtenburg. Anything.
- What do I know about Lichten-

Mrs. Adams. Excuse me.
Those notes you dictated.

- Notes?
- I think it's about what you'll need.

Oh, thanks, kid.

Uh, Kenneth here, Mr. Gibson,
is my press attaché.

- He's going with me to Lichtenburg.
- Oh, splendid.

Okay, let's get it over with.

Now, Mrs. Adams. If you'll just step
over here, please. You boys all set up?

And though as a diplomatic post, Lichtenburg's
importance cannot be overestimated.

The country
is no bigger than... Brooklyn?

Announcer While Sally's celebrated friends
congratulate and wish her Godspeed...

they may recall the days when the fabulous
Oklahoma widow, new in Washington...

made her still widely quoted remark...

a remark that was to endear her
in the hearts of the nation's capital.

I'll take the check.

Announcer
But in the years to follow...

it was her simple forthright
charm and native common sense...

that made her Washington's
number-one hostess...

and brought to her home leaders of society,
leaders of the nation's government.

Quiet everybody! Quiet!

Waltz

Chorus
Too small to be a city

Too big to be a toWn

Too poor to have an army

And too easy to knock doWn

But somehoW

We manage to play the game

While the other lands

Keep changing hands

Old Lichtenburg stays the same

Three columns in the Lichtenburg City
Sun, and two in the Kalenhoffen Express.

- That's not bad, huh?
- Seven hours late.

- What have you to say to that?
- I tried to get her to fly over with me.

You and your female ambassador.

- Sir? We finally have a report on Mrs. Adams.
- Yes.

- Well?
- She was in Switzerland last night.

- Switzerland?
- And this morning at 8:00, she tried to cross into Italy.

She insisted it Was Lichtenburg.

- Well, it's comforting to know she's found Europe.
- Yes, sir.

This reflects on me.
I made an appointment with her...

to receive the prime minister at 12:00.

- Now it's after 3:00.
- Take it easy, Maxwell. She'll get here.

Gibson, you are talking to
the embassy's chargé d'affaires.

Don't you think it would be more courteous
to address me as Mr. Maxwell or "sir"?

Why, certainly,
if it seems important, sir.

But I think you're going to find that Mrs.
Adams prefers informality in the office, sir.

Mrs. Adams's preferences
interest me very little.

I fully intend to go on running the embassy
while she remains quietly in the background.

Like to make a little bet?

Mr. Maxwell.

Oh. Sir.

Mr. MaxWell, about the presentation
at the palace tonight...

- what should we inform the grand duke?
- Let's not bother the grand duke.

His Highness has troubles of his own.

Gentlemen, I see no necessity
for all this talk, talk, talk!

We are agreed that the marriage is desirable
for both countries. We are agreed on the terms.

- Otto- Oh, not so excited.
- Please, Sophie.

I do not see how parliament
could have made it any clearer.

When my niece marries Prince Hugo-

Here, I'll read it again.

"The dowry of the Princess Royal upon
her marriage will be two million krobbles...

and her income will be tripled. "

Well, Excellency, does that not answer
all your questions?

All but one, Mr. Prime Minister.
The, uh-

Well. What? What? What?

Where is Lichtenburg
going to get the money?

If I may be so blunt...

your treasury is no better off
than our own in Mittledorf.

The answer, Excellency,
is simple statesmanship.

We will get an American loan.

The minister of finance means
he will ask for an American loan.

- It amounts to the same thing.
- To be sure.

Now, and mind you, I'm speaking for
my government rather than Prince Hugo...

who, as you know, is not interested
in material things.

He is simply a young man,
Wholesomely in love.

Now, I see no reason why this marriage
should not take place immediately-

uh, after these unpleasant financial
details have been Worked out.

Do not worry, Excellency.

When the lady ambassador gets here,
there will be no problem.

We have very reliable reports
that she's extremely warmhearted...

- tremendously generous and very inexperienced.
- " Marching Band Fanfare

It will be- Oh.

Cheering

She's here!
She has arrived!

My type.

Your Highnesses, if you will excuse us.

- We will be back immediately with everything arranged.
- Good, good.

- Not bad, huh?
- It'll do.

- Say, this is quite a layout.
- Yes, it was built by the grand duke's uncle, Count Maximillian...

for his, uh- for a dancer
he was crazy about.

Why, the old son of a gun.

- And, uh, this is your office here, Mrs. Adams.
- Oh?

- I'll go see about the trunks. Excuse me.
- Right.

Thank you, staff. Any problems,
my door is always open. At ease.

Hello, I'm Sally Adams.
Who are you?

- The chargé d'affaires.
- Who?

I am Pemberton Maxwell. I'm in charge
of affairs here at the embassy.

Oh, you're one of the office help.
You'll find me easy to work for.

Mrs. Adams, we might as well understand
each other immediately.

- When I have appointments, I arrive on time.
- Well, bully for you.

Of course, I happen to have
a diplomatic background...

a family tradition
of government service.

- My father was a public servant, so was my grandfather.
- What do you know?

My grandmother was a servant too. She
was a chambermaid at the Old Waldorf.

Call the duke and duchess, will you?
And tell them I'll drop in around 4:00.

Sort of get acquainted.

Mrs. Adams, apparently I'm going to
have to teach you a great many things...

- you quite obviously do not know.
- You're gonna teach me?

Look at you.
Your coat and pants don't even match.

Oh, Mrs. Adams. The prime minister
is here With the minister of finance.

Well, ask them to come in, Ken.

Mrs. Adams, in these matters of state
it would be wise to consult me.

I could tell you, for example,
they are desperate for an American loan.

Oh, I know all about that. They told me
in Washington to turn them down.

Cold but diplomatic.

Come in, gentlemen.

Mr. Chargé d'affaires.

Your Excellencies,
it is my pleasure to present to you...

the representative of the United States
of America, Mrs. Sally Adams.

- Together Madam Ambassador.
- And this is-

This is the proudest
and happiest moment of my life.

Lichtenburg and the United States
of America are both conscious...

of the historic friendship that
has existed between our two countries.

- Grab some chairs.
- And if I may be permitted an extremely unofficial remark...

off the record, as you say...

- the American ambassador is very beautiful.
- So beautiful.

Well, thank you.

A good optometrist
could clean up around here.

- Chuckles
- Now, if the minister of finance may speak officially...

Mr. Tantinnin.

Madam Ambassador,
we, too, are conscious...

of the historic friendship that
has existed between our two countries.

When one contrasts the wealthy
and prosperous nation you represent-

- Not a dollar.
- With the position of my poor country-

- Not a quarter.
- You must realize the need for a closer relationship between us.

Not a dime.

Of course, if you'd care
to stick around for a few beers.

No. No, thank you.

But if we could only go back
and tell the grand duke...

that we have opened negotiations
for an American loan.

- Okay, you open them.
- Oh, thank you. That's wonderful.

And I'll close them.

Chuckles
Madam Ambassador is jesting.

Yes. I'm sure we can come to some kind of an
agreement that will be mutually satisfactory.

Ten will get you 20.
Drop in again, boys.

Madam Ambassador.

Mr. Chargé.

Well, I told them, didn't I?

Yes. And with such great finesse.

It strikes me that a woman with your
enormous lack of experience, Mrs. Adams-

Call me -madam. -

- Madam.
- When you call me madam, smile.

Madam, I happen to be
charg d'affaires.

And I happen to be
charg the whole works.

Aw, look, fancy-pants. We have to
work together. We ought to be friendly.

- You're gonna like me and-
- I prefer to keep our relations official, madam.

Okay, now we understand each other.

I'm the madam,
and you're just one of the boys.

- Knocking
- Yes?

- Knocking
- Yes?

Mr. Maxwell,
the foreign minister is here.

- He wishes to see you immediately.
- Me?

I beg your pardon.
I'd expected to find you alone.

- May I address myself only to you?
- Certainly, General. Certainly.

I Would not think of calling on the American
ambassador Without an appointment.

But perhaps you would
inform Her Excellency...

that with all Lichtenburg,
I rejoice in her arrival.

She Will be so informed, General.

Would you be good enough to add
that at Her Excellency's convenience...

the foreign minister will be happy to make
an appointment to receive her credentials.

- Forgive the intrusion.
- What's your hurry, General?

May, uh-
May I introduce myself?

- I am the-
- Pardon me, madam.

Your Excellency, it is my
pleasure to present to you...

the representative of
the United States of America...

Madam Ambassador, Mrs. Sally Adams.

General Cosmo Constantine,
secretary of state for foreign affairs...

for the Grand Duchy of Lichtenburg.

Excellency.

Get lost. Get lost.

Here are my references.

This is the proudest and
happiest moment of my life.

Lichtenburg and
the United States of America...

are both conscious
of the historic friendship...

that has existed
between our two countries.

I shall seriously endeavor to
preserve that warm relationship.

And I shall strive with
all my heart and strength...

to bring about
a closer unity between us.

- How much do you want?
- I do not understand.

- How much money?
- Money?

Cabbage, lettuce,
you know, that green stuff.

Money, money, money, money
Can you use any money today

Money, money, money, money
Nice new bills that we're giving away

There are photographs on every one

Lincoln, Grant and Washington

Or you might like the ones
with Henry Clay

Can you use any money today

Two million, four million
six million, eight million

Ten

Take what you want
When it's gone you can come back again

Bills that haven't been printed yet

You can have them by the sack

Coins that haven't been minted yet

That you never have to give back

Money, money, money, money
Uncle Sam puts it right on the line

And if we ever run out
of checks for him to sign

You can have mine, all of mine

You can have mine

Home in the States underground
there's a cave full of gold

Back up a truck and we'll
fill it with all it can hold

Take 10 million
and please don't fuss

If you find it can't be spent

You can lend it right back to us

And we'll pay you at seven percent

Money, money, money, money
Uncle Sam puts it right on the line

And if that fellow with whiskers

Ever should decline

You can have mine, all of mine

You can have mine

Name your own figure. Could you use
50 million? How about a hundred million?

Madam Ambassador, I am convinced
that the people of Lichtenburg...

can and should help themselves
without foreign aid.

- I would oppose an American loan.
- You're kidding.

- No, Excellency.
- Well, seems to me, that's not a very friendly attitude.

BorroWing money is not alWays difficult,
but paying it back.

Paying it back? Chuckles
That is naive.

Uh, of course, all I can do
is make a recommendation.

But, uh-

Sit down, General.

Thank you.

- Lovely room.
- Yes.

I understand it was built by the
grand duke's uncle for his cutie-pie.

Yes, that was quite a scandal.

Uh, I believe it is in this room...

that the door to the secret passageway
is located.

- Oh?
- Yes, somewhere along here.

- Here it is.
- Buzzing

It leads to the palace
through the royal wine cellar.

Very interesting. It sort of gives
the old room a romantic feeling.

Chuckles

- Buzzes
- Don't you kind of sense it, Excellency?

Forgive my digression, but, uh...

I would like to clarify
my views on foreign policy...

if the American ambassador
is interested.

If she isn't, she ought
to have her head examined.

I was just thinking
that the American ambassador...

might understand the foreign minister's
views a little better...

if she knew something about him.

Unquestionably. What is it that
Madam Ambassador would like to know?

Uh, is the foreign minister married?

No, Excellency.
Any other questions?

Just one. Does the foreign minister
like roast turkey?

- We're having it for dinner tonight.
- Tonight?

With candied yams and cranberry sauce.

The foreign minister has a passion
for roast turkey, with what you said.

But isn't it tonight that Her Excellency
is going to the palace?

The palace?
Who's playing there?

Chuckles
No. Tonight...

Madam Ambassador and her staff
will be presented at court.

Their Highnesses are giving a ball.

Oh, yeah? Oh, swell. Well.

I must jot that down.
Now, let me see.

- Tonight, presentation at palace.
- 8:30, Excellency.

Tomorrow night, turkey dinner.
7:30, Excellency.

Chuckling I am very sorry.
I wish I were free tomorrow night.

- Friday night? Sunday, Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday? - No, I-

- Tuesday would be perfect.
- Fine.

Then we can talk more
about the loan. Seriously.

You are the most American
American I have ever met.

That's the nicest thing
anybody ever told me.

You couldn't have said anything that-

-The most American-

Of course, I know
there's a knock in there too.

Please translate into English
this word "knock. -

You know, you think
I'm all right except-

Okay, I can take it.
What are the exceptions?

Well, forgive me, but perhaps for Americans,
money is a little too important.

There are more
valuable things than money.

That's what money's for,
to buy them with.

- With money you cannot buy-
- What can't you buy?

Many things.
For one, love, a happy marriage.

I thought that marrying for money
was sort of an old custom around here.

Yes, and in my own family
for generations.

But to me, a marriage for money,
something never to do.

- I learned that lesson when a child.
- You were married while a child?

Chuckles I learned it from my parents,
my grandparents, my uncles...

my great-uncles, my cousins.

Ten generations of Constantines

Lived very comfortable lives

They were contented to live in style

Supported by their wives

Daughters of men who were wealthy

Fitted them like a glove

They all married for money

I mean to marry for love

It's an old-fashioned idea

Marrying for love

And that old-fashioned idea

Is what I'm thinking of

Where there's love

Poets have said

Two can live as one

That's an old-fashioned idea

But it's being done

If she must have gold

Let it be in her hair

Rubies, let them be in her lips

Diamonds

Let them shine in her eyes

Just an old-fashioned romance

With the moon above

A romance, one that will end

Marrying for love

That's the kind of love

That I'm thinking of

Me too.

That's the kind of love

That I'm thinking of

Mrs. Adams,
about the presentation tonight.

I- Anything wrong?

- I just met General Constantine.
- And?

Wow.

Maxwell said this thing is strictly formal.
I've got everything but a high hat.

- Ken.
- I guess I'd better get one.

Oh, pardon me.
What were you going to say?

Wow.

Here we are.

- The Grand Duke Otto, he has one just like it.
- Is that so?

Oh, perfect.
Fits like a glove.

- I kind of wanted it to fit like a hat.
- Only 300 krobbles.

Three hundred? Bigger hat,
smaller price, if you don't mind.

- Two hundred krobbles. Twenty dollars.
- Two hundred?

Ah, this is it.
That's fine. I'll take it.

- I will get a box. Just a few seconds.
- Thank you.

" Big Band On Stereo

" Continues

Continues

Oh, pardon me.

- Are you busy?
- No.

No. No, not at all.

Is that an American song?

Why, yes. It's a hit from a show
that ran a couple of years on Broadway.

Could I hear the words, please?

Don't see why not.

It's a lovely day today

So whatever you've got to do

You've got a lovely day to do it in

That's true

And I hope whatever you've got to do

Is something that can be done by two

For I'd really like to stay

It's a lovely day today

And whatever you've got to do

I'd be so happy to be doing it with you

But if you've got something
that must be done

And it can only be done by one

There is nothing more to say

Except it's a lovely day for saying

It's a lovely day

And it's very danceable too.

Oh, yes. Thank you.
I shall want that.

- Anything else new from America?
- Mm-hmm. Me.

- You see, I, uh, I really don't work here.
- Oh.

- Your Highness.
- Oh.

I am still looking.
Thank you.

- I will call.
- Your Highness.

Well, I- I guess that makes us
about even, Your Highness.

I- I mistook you
for somebody professional.

An actress or a dancer.

Oh, yes? That is very odd. Because I've
always wanted to be an actress or a dancer.

- Oh, really?
- I'm afraid it is very improper for me to-

Oh, forgive me. I'm Kenneth Gibson of
the American Embassy, Your Highness.

I am terribly sorry.

This may sound pompous.

- But until we are formally presented-
- Oh, I understand perfectly.

The first thing you learn in
a State Department job is protocol.

Why, we shouldn't even
be talking at all.

- We are not anymore, are we?
- Oh, no.

The thing that threw me-

Well, I had no idea that the Princess
Royal would be traveling about alone.

Oh, I am not alone.
My equerries.

They would like to stay closer to me.

I can understand that.

But I enjoy the feeling of privacy.

The people, don't they all know you?

Oh, yes. But they are
considerate and kind.

They pretend they do not notice me.

Why, I think I could do
almost anything.

Dance, sing,
stand on my head even...

and no one would look at me.

That's hard to believe.

Humming

It's a lovely day today

And whatever you've got to do

I'd be so happy
to be doing it with you

But if you've got something
that must be done

And it can only be done by one

There is nothing more to say

Except it's a lovely day for saying

It's a lovely day

Well, that's very nice.
Very nice, Your Highness.

And you were right,
nobody seemed to be watching it.

It is a good thing Uncle Otto was not.

Oh, forgive me.
I have many things to do.

Well, if you've something
that must be done

Now don't forget two heads
are better than just one

And besides
I'm certain if you knew me

You'd find I'm very good company

Won't you kindly let me stay

Well, if you've got something
that must be done

And it can only be done by one

There is nothing more to say

Except it's a lovely day for saying

It's a lovely day

- Waltz

- I hope you're not as upset as I am.
- About what?

All these sordid formalities,
dowries, income.

It would be wonderful if we could run away
like simple peasants and marry tomorrow.

- No?
- I cannot pretend I am dying of impatience, Your Highness.

- We scarcely know each other.
- My mother did not meet my father...

until three days
before their wedding.

- Have they been happy?
- Well, uh-

Your Highness should not listen
to backstairs gossip.

Besides, things would have been entirely
different if our country were not so poor.

Which reminds me. I understand the
American ambassador will be here tonight.

Yes, with her staff.

Your Excellency, Their Highnesses
will receive you in a very few moments.

I'll wait.

- Are you sure you know what to do, madam?
- I curtsey at the door-

Bending the left knee, keeping
the back straight, the head up...

- with under no circumstances a wobble.
- Okay, no wobble.

I step inside and curtsey again.

Why? I'll never know.

I walk to the throne and curtsey again,
for Pete's sake.

- Then I hand the grand duke my recommendations.
- Your credentials.

Okay. I hand them to him. Then
I tell him how glad I am to be here.

And he tells me how glad he is
I am here. I make out I believe it.

Then maybe he says, "Sit down. - In that
case, I tell him a couple of jokes-

- Please.
- I'll keep it clean.

When he gets up, I get up.
I curtsey again, no wobble.

And just to make sure I haven't got
a chance, they make me wear this.

I don't mind a train, but they shouldn't
have given me the super chief.

Door Opens

- Good evening.
- General.

I am very sorry, but the delay is unavoidable.
His Highness has been resting.

- A slight indisposition.
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

- Uh, we could make it some other time.
- Fanfare

Their Royal Highnesses...

the Grand Duke and
Grand Duchess of Lichtenburg.

" Orchestral March

- Shudders
- Chuckles Now, now. No need to be nervous.

You go ahead, Cosmo.
I'll be fine.

You just be yourself and Their
Highnesses will find you enchanting.

Curtsey in here, in there.

- Then I walk to the-
- Door Opens

The ambassador and her staff
will now be received.

Okay, boys. Here we go.
Where are my credentials?

- I have them here,
madam. - Oh. - Mrs. Adams.

- Yes?
- Don't you want to get the train back on the track?

Oh.

I do want Harry to be proud of me.

Fanfare

Her Excellency, the Ambassador
from the United States of America.

Fanfare And March

Crowd Murmuring

I must have wobbled.
Chuckles

My credentials, Your Highness.

And I want to tell you how happy I am
to be in this Grand Duchy of Lichtenburg.

I think one reason is it just so happens
that one of my ancestors was Dutch.

So you can understand how happy I am
to be in this Grand Duchy...

- and to meet all you grand Dutchmen.
- CroWd Murmuring

- Dutchmen?
- Does she think we are Dutch?

We are Lichtenburgers,
Madam Ambassador.

Yes, of course.
Extremely amusing, Madam Ambassador.

- So amusing.
- All Laughing

Laughing
Your Excellency.

Why don't you sit down, Highness?
I understand you've been under the weather.

Well, these are very trying times
for small nations.

But I imagine the wise ambassador from
a much more fortunate country knows...

what would make me feel
a great deal better.

- Am I right, Excellency?
- Could be.

Tomorrow I'll send you a bowl
of nice, thick chicken soup.

It's my grandmother's recipe.

Do you know that she never once
called a doctor in 40 years?

Of course, she did owe him money.

And now, if it's all right with you,
Your Highness...

there's a member of my staff
who hasn't been presented yet.

He's a nice kid.
Mr. Kenneth Gibson.

Your Highnesses.
Your Highness.

- The interview is over, madam.
- Oh.

Well, it's sure nice
to have met Your Highnesses.

Ripping

Waltz

- Uh, Your Highness, is it proper for me to-
- Oh, no. No.

- I must ask you.
- Oh.

I hope you're enjoying your stay
in Lichtenburg, Mr. Gibson.

- I'm not, Your Highness.
- No?

Well, you see, it's extremely personal,
I'm afraid, not protocol.

You may tell me.

Well, they'd never believe this
back home, not in a thousand years.

- What?
- Well, I met a girl, and I can't get her out of my mind.

Is that so unpleasant?

Ordinarily, no. But, uh-

Well, this is like a fairy tale
without much chance for a happy ending.

You see, the girl turned out to be
a real honest-to-goodness princess.

You dance very well, Mr. Gibson.

I'll shut up, Your Highness.

Cosmo, I'm getting
very fond of Lichtenburg.

Chuckling Well, you couldn't have
arrived at a better time.

Our annual fair opens next week.

- Yeah? I hear that's quite a shindig.
- Oh, yes. Very colorful.

Much to see. The Princess Royal
leads our dance festival.

You will enjoy it, Excellency.

- What is it? I have said something?
- Oh, this "excellency" business.

Isn't it about time the foreign minister
started getting less foreign?

You say such amusing things.
I wish I could understand them.

I shall have to spend some evenings
with an English-American dictionary.

You name the evenings,
and I'll be over.

- May I, Excellency?
- Of course, Your Highness.

I have not danced for years.

- But in honor of the American ambassador-
- Oh, you're doing fine.

One, two, three.
One, two, three.

Well, now you're really groovy.

- Yeah?
- One, two, three. One, two, three.

- Fine.
- Tell me,just how does this reception differ...

- from your famous Washington parties?
- Well, we have a good time.

Uh, I mean, we're less formal.

- You know, everybody sort of pitches in and-
- Ends

Look. Why don't I
Just show Your Highness?

Why, yes.
Please do, Excellency.

Got anything hot, maestro?

- Hot?
- Yeah. You know, sizzling.

Oh, yes. I know what you mean.
Something up-to-date?

We have it. Let's see.

Here it is.

An American song.
Irving Berlin.

- The International Rag.
- Hmm, 1913.

Well, that's fairly up-to-date.
Let's give it a whirl.

- Real razmataz, Highness.
- Razmataz.

Chuckling
Excuse me.

- Hit it, boys!
- Big Band

What did you do, America

They're after you, America

You got excited
and you started something

Nations jumping all around

You've got a lot to answer for

They lay the blame
right at your door

The world is ragtime crazy

From shore to shore

London dropped its dignity

So has France and Germany

All hands are dancing to a raggedy
melody full of originality

The folks who live in sunny Spain

Dance to a strain

That they call the Spanish tango

Dukes and lords and diplomats

Dressed in tails and opera hats

Throw up their shoulders to that raggedy
melody full of originality

Italian opera singers

Have learned to snap their fingers

The world goes round to the sound
of the international rag

That was 1913

Still today each European

Throws up his shoulders to that raggedy
melody full of originality

All Harrys, Dicks and Tommys

And someday even Commies

Will dance around to the sound
of a raggedy melody full of originality

Oh, oh
Wiggle your personality

Doing the international

Doing the international rag

Bravo! Bravo!

Hey, what are we waiting for?
Hit it again.

- Come on, everybody. Let's have some fun.
- Resumes

Shake it up.

Ends

No. Oh, please,
we had better get back.

Oh, yes.
You're perfectly right.

We- We-

- That was impertinent.
- I know.

No. No, it was not. It-

Good night.

Waltz Playing

Ends

You know, Sally, you have brought
a new vitality to Lichtenburg.

The old vitality suits me fine.

General. Forgive me, Excellency.

- At your convenience, could His Highness see you?
- Of course.

Go ahead.
Maxwell's right here.

As you say in America, okay.

You are going to permit me
to take you home?

Sure. Where do you live?

- It's a pleasure to watch them work.
- Work?

When those old-world diplomats are good,
they're magnificent.

So beautifully sly and devious.

Surely, madam, you don't suppose the foreign
minister's attentions are purely personal?

You mean,
you don't think he likes me?

To be perfectly candid, I doubt
the question has even entered his mind.

With these fellas,
there are only two kinds of people:

those who can serve their purpose
and those who can't.

You, madam, as the ambassador
of a rich country-

If you're referring to the loan,
let me tell you something.

Oh, I'm quite sure I can
tell you the same thing.

He said he didn't want a loan-

- that he would oppose accepting a loan.
- Yes, he did.

The "hard to get" method.
They don't miss a trick.

Chattering, Indistinct

You don't suppose
they're discussing the weather?

- Mrs. Adams, if you don't mind-
- Ken, I-I think we'd better go.

I'd like to.

- Sally Yes?
- You wanted to see me, Mrs. Adams?

Yeah, I'd like to hand
the president a feWlaughs.

Will you dream up
a funny cablegram for me?

You knoW, about the presentation.

Tell him about my pratfall.

- I will, Mrs. Adams.
- I'll appreciate it, kid. Be out in a minute.

Yes, ma'am.

It's a lovely day today

And whatever you've got to do

You've got a lovely day to do it in

Princess's Voice
" That's true

"But if you've got something
that must be done

And it can only be done by one

Ken, Cosmo expects me
to go to the fair with him.

Remind me to cancel, will you?

This the cable to the president?

"Dearest Maria-"
Well, that should hand him a laugh.

Look, kid, these things happen...

to all of us.

Nothing could be as bad as-

Ken, what's happened to you?

I hear singing

And there's no one there

I smell blossoms

And the trees are bare

All day long I seem to walk on air

I wonder why

I keep tossing in my sleep at night

And what's more
I've lost my appetite

Stars that used to
twinkle in the skies

Are twinkling in my eyes

I wonder why

You don't need analyzing

It is not so surprising

That you feel very strange but nice

Your heart goes pitter-patter

I know just what's the matter

Because I've been there
once or twice

Put your head on my shoulder

You need someone who's older

A rubdown with a velvet glove

There is nothing you can take

To relieve that pleasant ache

You're not sick
You're just in love

- You don't need analyzing
- I hear singing

- It is not so surprising
- And there's no one there

- That you feel very strange
- I smell blossoms

- But nice
- And the trees are bare

- Your heart goes pitter-patter
- All day long I seem

- I know just what's the matter
- To walk on air

- Because I've been there once or twice
- I wonder why, I wonder why

- Put your head on my shoulder
- I keep tossing

- You need someone who's older
- In my sleep at night

- A rubdown
- And what's more

- With a velvet glove
- I've lost my appetite

- There is nothing you can take
- Stars that used to twinkle

- To relieve that pleasant ache
- In the skies

- Are twinkling in my eyes
- You're not sick

- You're just in love
- I wonder why

- Come on now. Snap out of it.
- I hear singing.

- But you just said that.
- I know, but-

- I hear singing and there's no one there
- It is not so surprising

- That you feel very strange
- I smell blossoms

- But nice
- And the trees are bare

- Your heart goes pitter-patter
- All day long I seem

- I know just what's the matter
- To walk on air

- I wonder why, I wonder why
- Because I've been there once or twice

- Put your head on my shoulder
- I keep tossing

- You need someone who's older
- In my sleep at night

- A rubdown
- And what's more

- With a velvet glove
- I've lost my appetite

- There is nothing you can take
- Stars that used to twinkle

- To relieve that pleasant ache
- In the skies

- Are twinkling in my eyes
- You're not sick

- You're just in love
- I wonder why

Marching Band

Choral
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Hey, hah

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Squeals

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Hey, hah

- " Continues
- Gunshots

Dance the polka

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Hey, hah

Continues

Dance to the music of the ocarina

Ocarina, ocarina

Gretchen and Otto
Hans and Wilhelmina

Dance to the ocarina, dance

Dance to the music
of the sweet potato

Sweet potato, sweet potato

Cheeks getting redder
than the ripe tomato

Dance to the ocarina, dance

Listen and hear the notes escaping

Out of that tiny hole

Doesn't it please your soul

Doesn't it say dance the polka

Step to the music of the ocarina

Who refuses Wilhelmina

Wait till she listens to the ocarina

I know that Wilhelmina will

- Stops
- Applause

Resumes

The lady ambassador is late.

I don't know. What do we gain
by waiting for her?

This, Mr. Sebastian, is a job
for a man who understands women.

Oh. Here.

Let me talk to her alone.
You'll see.

- Madam Ambassador.
- Your Excellencies.

- Hi.
- Your presence adds so much to the beauty of our fair.

So much.

- Thank you.
- Now, if madam will enter the official car.

We thought it might be
more fun walking.

Oh, no. This is an honor
you cannot deny us.

Okay. See you boys later.

To the royal box.

What about your sidekick?
Doesn't he go along?

Well, you see,
we have a saying in Lichtenburg-

"Alone at the fair with a lady fair...

- no greater delight anywhere.
- That so?

Madam Ambassador,
you're a diplomat from a great country.

But to me, you're also a woman.

Very interesting point of view.

When I'm with a lovely lady,
I forget all problems of state.

I forget budgets.
I forget foreign loans.

Ever try a memory course?

You know, it is spring,
Madam Ambassador.

I know. We've got a calendar
at the embassy. Cut it out, Excellency.

Forgive me. I'm trying to control
my ardent nature. But madam-

I said cut it out, Mr. Tantinnin.

- I want you to call me August.
- That'll be soon enough.

- I'll get out here, driver.
- Your Excellency-

Look here, buster. I thought this
was the foreign minister's racket.

If he hasn't got a chance, nobody has.

Thanks for the ride, August.

Tires Screech

- Mrs. Adams!
- Cosmo!

Uh, Your Excellency.

- Are you alone?
- Yes. Tantinnin was taken out in the first inning.

He was plenty fast, but a little wild.

- I-I beg your pardon-
- It's nothing important.

Well, it was nice seeing you.

- You are not going to walk unescorted?
- I thought it might be safer.

- I'm meeting people.
- I was very sorry you were unable to come with me, Sally.

- Why?
- Well, we have a saying in Lichtenburg-

- Alone at the fair with a lady fair-
- I know all about that.

It means I may be the ambassador,
but I'm also a woman.

Chuckles
A woman of very refreshing charm.

From a country
with very refreshing money.

- What made you say that?
- A hundred million reasons.

Quite a fiesta you're tossing here.

Yes. Such a pity. This might be
our last fair for a very long time.

- Unless you can raise more money.
- The problem will be solved if my program works out.

I'll bet. This program of yours,
it's a little like Tantinnin's, isn't it?

Hardly. Tantinnin is
an impatient schoolboy...

interested only in immediate results.

- Our methods could not be more dissimilar.
- I can see that.

I don't know why it is
I always seem to fall for heels.

- This I do not understand.
- I find it pretty puzzling myself.

- Well, let's stick to the subject
of money. Tell me- - Sally...

- I'm going to ask a great favor of you.
- That figures. Let's hear it.

Stop talking about money.

You're a very clever man, Cosmo.

Won't you let me
get you something to eat?

Look. If you weren't
the foreign minister-

I mean,just some guy
that I'd met, I'd say yes.

But as it is-

Yes.

Oh, Your Highness. Eh-

Emil! Heinrich!

Mr. Gibson is with the American Embassy.

A thousand pardons, sir.

That's all right.
I enjoyed the trip.

Well, I- I'm very sorry.

My equerries are overly conscientious.

But they're very considerate.
They didn't break either arm.

Well, uh, good-bye, Mr. Gibson.

- Good-bye?
- We have got to be sensible.

It is not permitted for me to talk
to a young man in public.

I'm willing to make it private.

Yes. But it is not possible.

You see, even if I
do not marry Prince Hugo, I-

- Are you going to?
- Those decisions are not left to me.

I am not a private citizen.

Oh, I know.

You're going to inherit a throne.

Look, Maria, I don't think I've slept
three solid hours since we met.

I, too, have not slept very well.

Oh, I believe you have met Mr. Gibson,
Your Highness.

Oh, yes. You seem to have been
discussing something very fascinating.

No. Just insomnia.
We both have it.

I wondered what
you two have in common.

- Good day, Mr. Gibson.
- I-I'm in no hurry, Your Highness.

I'm- I- Oh, yes, yes.
I- I guess I am.

Well, good-bye.

Good-bye.

Mr. American?

I do not think I care for your attitude
toward the Princess Royal.

Oh, I'm sorry, Your Highness.
It's hard to please everybody.

Uh, Gibson, I'm a man
with a rather violent temper.

That's a pity.
Bad temper can get you in trouble.

Perhaps. But more likely,
it can get you in trouble.

I'm gonna give you
some very sound advice.

Leave Lichtenburg.

Hmm. You know, I'm not sure your
advice isn't worse than your temper.

Maria
Oh, Hugo.

I think we had better
get back to the box.

Uncle Otto will be wondering.

I've just indicated to Mr. Gibson...

that his attentions to you
are far from discreet.

I think he is right, Mr. Gibson.

In that case, he is.

Nah! Caught you again.

But, young man, that is Slivitzberger.

- If you're not used to that-
- I'm getting used to it. Now-

Also, it is much past midnight,
and we would like to close.

Well, that's very sensible of you.
Very sensible.

Just as soon as I finish... this.

Sure. A man's got to be sensible-

Like falling in love with a princess.

Hmm. Love.

Love is beautiful
Love is swell

Love is as sweet as a nut

Love is grander than tongue can tell

Love is remarkable, but

Look at what it did to Anthony

It made a fool out of Anthony

If love could do that to Anthony

What chance have I with love

Look at what it did to Romeo

It dealt poor Romey an awful blow

If love could do that to Romeo

What chance have I with love

Look what it did to Samson

Till he lost his hair
he was brave

If a haircut could weaken Samson

They could murder me with a shave

Look at what it did to Bonaparte

Hiccups
He lost his head when he lost his heart

If he kicked over the apple cart

What chance have I
an ordinary guy

What chance have I with love

Glass Shatters

Look what it did to Adam

From that bite he couldn't escape

If an apple could finish Adam

They could knock me off with a grape

Well, if love could do that

To old Adam and Tony and Sam

And the boys named above

Then what chance have I
an ordinary guy

What chance have I with love

Please, young man, go home.
I know you are sad, but-

Sad? What's there to be sad about?

- I'm a happy boy.
- Uh.

xylophone

Continues

No Audible Dialogue

Hello! Get me the police!

Hurry! Quick! The police!

The police.!

Rings

Send Mr. Gibson in right away.

Mrs. Adams...

I am in.

I, uh-
Clears Throat

- I thought you'd want to see me.
- I do.

I've got a report here intended
for Washington. It's about you.

- Maxwell, huh?
- And it's a lulu. Especially this part-

After being released by the police
because of diplomatic immunity...

Gibson fell asleep in a gutter.

On being awakened,
he publicly bellowed an announcement...

of his engagement
to the Princess Maria.

- Well?
- I-I don't think it was a gutter, Mrs. Adams.

Otherwise, I guess the report
is pretty accurate.

Look. With the possible
exception of myself...

nobody in this office is expected
to act like a knucklehead.

How long do you think you'll last here
if this goes to Washington?

About as long as I deserve.

- Headache?
- A pip.

And the royal family
isn't helping it any.

Look, Mrs. Adams,
I'd just as soon go home.

Well, on your way,
stop by my bathroom.

- You'll find some aspirin there.
- Thanks.

And, uh, Kenneth...

save this for the wastepaper drive.

Never mind.
I'll do it myself.

Thank you, Mrs. Adams.

Madam, the foreign minister's office called
to confirm his engagement Tuesday night...

for, um, your turkey dinner.

Relax. Relax.
It's business.

Oh, naturally.
The diplomatic pouch is ready to go.

Have you signed my report
on young Gibson?

Oh, yes. Your report.
I think it's in here.

Madam, you certainly aren't
gonna treat this lightly.

Gibson's actually been trying
to date the princess.

The grand duke is highly exercised.

What about? After all, they let Princess
Margaret go out with Danny Kaye.

Permit me to warn you. If there's any
interference with this royal marriage...

- Sebastian will protest to Washington.
- Sebastian.

Look, fancy-pants,
have you ever been in love?

If you'll read the book
of foreign service regulations...

I don't think you'll find "love" listed
as a justification for disorderly conduct.

I've read the book of regulations...

and it says that I'm supposed
to take a complete inventory...

of everything in the embassy.

I did, and you're shy
four dish towels...

an egg beater and nine bed sheets.

Is madam under the impression
that I am the housekeeper here?

No comment.

- Anything else?
- Yes.

Slither back to your desk and write...

-I won't be a tattletale- 500 times.

Phone Ringing

Yes? On the phone?

Well, I should say so.
Put her on.

Hello? Hi, honey-
uh, Your Highness.

I've been wanting to talk to you.

Yes.

Certainly, Princess.
I understand.

Yes. Oh, I think that's a fine idea.

I'll be glad to tell him.

Not at all, Princess. Bye.

- Ken. No Audible Dialogue
- Mm-hmm?

- I want you to do something for me.
- Sure.

- You know about this underground tunnel thing to the palace?
- Yeah.

Well, they're sending someone over with
a message. I want you to get it for me.

- A message?
- It's very confidential.

- Oh.
- Door Buzzes

- It's dark in here.
- Here, take this.

- Got a match?
- No. Got a lighter.

- I still can't see.
- Then take off your glasses.

Buzzes

- Your Highness.
- Hello.

- B-But Mrs. Adams said-
- I know.

I told her I had to see you.
She was very sweet.

Oh, I'm not complaining.

Kenneth, Prince Hugo
has been making very bad threats...

about what he would do to you
if we met again.

That's very good news. I didn't think
there was a chance we'd meet again...

but you weren't really worried.

Well, not too much. I think mostly
it was an excuse for seeing you.

Darling. Oh.

Oh. Here.

There. Now I can see you better.

Maria, you can't marry that guy.

I am not going to.
There is no money for the dowry...

and I understand there definitely...

- will be no American loan.
- Yeah, but what if there is?

Is it not silly to bother about things
that will not happen?

I would like you to kiss me.

- Look. Maria-
- Ah.

That was a command.

Well, I guess there's nothing else
to do but obey.

Oh, Kenneth. Oh.

I like being in your arms.

I remember at the presentation-

I was so afraid you would not
ask me to dance.

That's something
you'll never have to be afraid of.

Not when there's something
to dance about

Someone to dance it with

Something to dance it to

To a fox trot or a waltz

Put on your dancing shoes

Dance to the happy news

Let's dance away the blues

To a fox trot or a waltz

You and someone have parted

And your lonely heart yearns

While you're there brokenhearted

Suddenly he returns

That's something to dance about

With someone to dance it with

To something to dance it to

To a fox trot or a waltz

To a Charleston or a waltz

To a tango or a waltz

- Sally Yes?
- Madam, the foreign minister just phoned.

- He's on his way over.
- Fine.

- Tell the butler We'll have cocktails up here.
- Yes, madam.

And, uh, Maxwell...

it might be a good idea
if we're not left alone.

I want you to sort of hang around.

Well, I must say, that's
an astonishingly sound suggestion.

It's very wise to have a witness present
at high-level discussions.

Yeah. And just to be polite,
I'll probably hint that you get out.

But no matter what I say,
Just pretend that you don't understand.

I confess I misjudged you, madam.

This is what I'd call real diplomacy.

Oh, and before you come in...

you might give him a couple of minutes
to say hello.

I understand perfectly.

And, uh, Maxwell, how do I look?

I never thought I'd say so, madam, but-

Whistles

Phone Ringing

Hello? Oh, yes.
Put it through.

Hello?

Hello, Harry.
How are you?

How's Bess?

Good. And Margaret?

You mean to tell me they've got critics
in Galesburg, Illinois?

Hmm.

Oh, not bad, Harry...

but they're trying to slip
a fast one over on me.

Yeah, the man I told you about-
the foreign minister.

Is he a smooth character.

Don't worry, Harry.
I'm having him over to dinner tonight.

I'm gonna tell him off
but good.

I've got a speech all memorized,
and it's a honey.

Bye, Harry. Love to the family,
and thanks for calling.

Bye.

Now, see here, Cosmo.
We're gonna put our cards on the table.

If there's something you're after,
why not come out and say so?

Door Opens

The foreign minister, madam.

Sally, my dear.

Hi, Cosmo.

Now, see here, Cosmo.
We're gonna put our cards on the table.

Chuckles
Must we play cards?

Uh- Other attractive men
have tried to influence me...

and not one has failed-
uh, succeeded.

If I may use one of your expressions,
what the devil are you talking about?

I know what's on your mind.

Why not be straightforward
and direct about it?

Well, of course.

Uh, what I mean is...

if there's something you're after...

why not come out and say so?

Well, you know, that was probably
the first time...

a foreign minister
ever kissed an ambassador.

We've made history.

- Cosmo.
- Yes?

I, uh-

Let's make more history.

Forgive me, Excellency.

Uh, madam, they're typing that report
to Washington. It will be right up.

What report?
Oh. Thank you, Maxwell.

- You needn't wait.
- Oh, I don't mind. Not at all.

- Maxwell.
- Yes, madam?

The situation has changed-
really changed.

Don't you understand? Blow.

Chuckles
Mrs. Adams likes service.

Maxwell, those instructions
I gave you-

They'll be carried out, madam.
You may be sure of that.

Oh, have you heard the very amusing
story they're telling at the hofbrau?

- We heard it.
- Yes, very amusing.

Look, Maxwell, the general and I
are gonna have a cocktail before dinner.

Oh. You must permit me
to mix them for you.

- But I don't want you-
- I insist.

- Now, what'll it be?
- Murder, I think.

That's a drink I'm afraid
I don't know.

A little brandy, a dash of scram...

some -et-gay,- -out-gay,-
-ick-quay- and an egg.

Then you beat it. Beat it!

- There doesn't seem to be an egg.
- Then get one, you lunkhead!

Piano

Poor Maxwell.
It's just nerves.

He needs a vacation.
Chuckles

- Uh, Cosmo.
- Yes?

I realize that whatever you're doing
is for your country.

Nobody can be blamed for that.

Well, if through my job I can help you-

Darling, your generosity's charming.
You are charming.

But in diplomacy, an impersonal
attitude is the best thing.

Best thing for who- uh, whom?

For you, me, everyone.

But who cares about everyone?

I'm only interested in you.

Please let me say from the start

I don't pretend to be smart

I just suggest

What I think best

Having your interest at heart

I only want

What's the best thing for you

And the best thing for you

Would be me

I've been convinced

After thinking it through

That the best thing for you

Would be me

Every day

To myself I say

Point the way

What will it be

I ask myself

What's the best thing for you

And myself and I

Seem to agree

That the best thing for you

Would be

Me

Sally, my dear,
you never fail to amaze me.

You reveal now
a quality I never suspected.

I have a quality?

This touching unselfishness-
thinking only of me.

But we must also think of you.

I ask myself

What's the best thing for you

And myself and I

Seem to agree

That the best thing for you

Yes?

Would be

Me

Ooh. Did you have to wear one
with points on it?

Madam Ambassador, please.

Oh, your call, madam.
It is ready.

Hello. Harry? Sally.

Well, he just left, and-

Oh, yes. Very satisfactory.

Uh, Harry...

do you think we can
spare 100 million?

Sirens Wailing

- From Washington.
- D.C.

Delighted to see you, Senators.
Welcome.

- Well, how are you?
- I'm Pemberton Maxwell...

- senior officer at the embassy.
- Glad to know you, sir.

- Where's Sally?
- You know Mrs. Adams. She's at the caterer's.

Very busy preparing for tonight's party.

- Oh, a party, huh?
- For us?

For anybody. Mrs. Adams's parties
require no explanation.

Uh, great gal, Sally.

- Oh, yes, indeed.
- Yes.

- Come in, gentlemen.
- Thank you, sir.

- Horn Honks
- Gentlemen.

Come. We'll get our hats.

But the party does not start
for five, six hours.

So we come a little early.

- This is Mrs. Adams's office.
- Oh, yeah.

Make yourselves comfortable, gentlemen.
The guest rooms aren't quite ready.

- Not the most efficient staff in the world.
- No hurry.

I understand you gentlemen are here
as an investigating committee.

Yep. That's the general idea.
Thank you.

Well, I'm prepared to talk.

- What about?
- The- The ambassador.

And what passes for her management
of the embassy.

Are you knocking Sally?

I- I'm afraid you misunderstood.

I- I admire her, enormously.
Yes.

Splendid woman. Very able.
But, uh, you are here to investigate?

- Yeah, a loan to Lichtenburg.
- Welcome to Lichtenburg.

Uh, may I present the Prime Minister
of Lichtenburg, Mr. Sebastian...

and the Minister of Finance,
Mr. Tantinnin.

- Senators Gallagher, Brockway and Wilkins.
- Gentlemen.

I'll, uh, see about your rooms.

Excellencies, I know that you Americans
do not like to waste time.

But we will not rush. We will sit down
before we discuss the loan.

But what about- what's his name- Mrs.
Adams's friend? Our plan was to talk to him.

Oh, yes.
Cosmo, the foreign minister.

He's the opposition leader.
He's a very difficult man.

Also, Excellencies,
the negotiating of loans...

that is the business of
the prime minister exclusively.

That's too bad.

Our ambassador thinks
very highly of this Cosmo.

She seems to want us
to deal with him.

- She does?
- Cosmo?

- Will you excuse us, please? We'll be right back.
- Just for one minute.

Make sure there's
plenty of hot dogs...

and ketchup and mustard
and all the condiments on the table.

- Mrs. Adams.
- Oh, Ken, I left the senators at the bar.

- Kind of see that they have fun, will you?
- The loan- it's going through?

Got my fingers crossed.

What do you suppose happened to him?

Cosmo, what are you doing in here?

Fascinating book-your State Department's
foreign service regulations.

Yeah, it's a book I
always curl up with at parties.

I was particularly interested
in this chapter...

on American consuls and ambassadors
who marry citizens of foreign countries.

Got any particular consul
or ambassador in mind?

Darling, there is something
I have wanted to say.

Mr. Sebastian, madam,
and members of the cabinet.

Just don't forget
what you were going to say.

- Come in, boys. Glad you could make it.
- Excellency.

- Excellency.
- Cosmo, the government has fallen.

- No.
- Yes. Congratulations, Mr. Prime Minister.

- Congratulations.
- Very good luck.

Is this true, Sebastian?

The cabinet felt that only you...

could solve the problems
of Lichtenburg.

We are very happy for you.
Very happy.

Excuse me, please.

It's wonderful news, Cosmo.

Thank you, Sally.

Gentlemen, I have only one question.

Will I be given
an absolutely free hand?

Mr. Prime Minister, is a party
the place to discuss politics?

- Where is Tantinnin?
- Probably at the bar.

The cabinet meeting
was very exhausting.

- If you will excuse us.
- It's out in the garden.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Well, this gives me a chance
to carry out my program.

- But I wish I knew what they were up to.
- Don't you worry, Cosmo.

If the deal I've been
working on goes through...

you can even run for grand duke.

Madam Ambassador.

Ah, Mr. Prime Minister.
Congratulations. My heart is so happy.

- Thank you, Tantinnin.
- I would've come in immediately...

but I've been talking
to the American senators.

- They will see you now.
- Now?

- Now.
- What about?

They're waiting in
Her Excellency's office.

They're on your side.
Go in and level with them.

I don't understand
what the big hurry is.

Sooner the better.
I can't wait to get at those hot dogs.

- Sally having hot dogs?
- And beans.

Look, boys.
We've got to watch ourselves.

This Cosmo strikes me
as a very smooth customer.

Oh, come in, Mr. Prime Minister.
Sit down, won't you?

Well, thank you.

Now, uh, we're very fond of Sally-
uh, Mrs. Adams.

- Everyone is.
- And she likes you.

But you've got to realize
this is government business.

How about 50 million?

- Well, I do not think I understand.
- Pretty cagey.

Could you understand
a loan of 70 million?

No. I made my position clear.
I thought you knew.

Okay. We're here to approve a loan...

but this is final- 100 million.

Gentlemen, I must gratefully,
but emphatically decline.

I- I request no loan.
I accept no loan.

Do you mean to tell us
this country couldn't use 100 million?

Oh, we could use it, but-

Well, gentlemen, I will be
frank to the point of indiscretion.

I appreciate your generosity
in wanting to help Lichtenburg...

but if my country is
on the verge of bankruptcy...

it is because very drastic
reforms are needed.

Now, with outside help,
these reforms would be impossible.

You must not
lend my country one penny.

Well, how's he doing?

Sally, the prime minister
has made a profound impression on us.

- Good.
- Boys.

- What did you tell them, Mr. Prime Minister?
- The truth, Mr. Sebastian.

Swell. It's going to work out fine.

- Don't you think so?
- Right. Yeah. I'll tell 'em.

Gentlemen, we have been
in many European countries.

We have talked to
the heads of many governments.

They have been all too eager
to reach down into Uncle Sam's pockets.

Today, for the first time,
we have met a statesman.

We have finally met a man who has said,
"Don't give us any money. "

- Gasps
- No, huh?

We have tremendous admiration
for your prime minister...

and we have only one way
of showing our gratitude.

We're going to lend Lichtenburg
200 million.

Together
Bravo! Bravo!

On behalf of the cabinet,
we happily accept.

And we vote the prime minister
our lasting gratitude...

for his very successful negotiations.

Gentlemen, I cannot say that I have
enjoyed my 10 minutes as prime minister.

Of course, I resign,
and I request that parliament...

be called into session
as soon as possible.

Good night.

- But r-r-resign?
- Why? I don't understand.

- My hat, please.
- Cosmo.

- Cosmo, I'm sorry- - I do not
understand how you could do this to me.

Things I have fought for all my life,
you have in one day destroyed.

Cosmo, if you really
didn't want the loan-

Oh, I know you said you didn't.
All right. I didn't believe you. I-

- Thank you. - I thought it was,
well, old-fashioned diplomacy.

Anyway, I wanted to help you.

Helping people in my country
is what got me where I am.

Yes, it got you out of your country,
into my country.

- Good night.
- Cosmo, have a heart.

I love your country.
I love you.

I was trying to help both of you.
What's so wrong with that?

Wrong with it?
Justice, Mrs. Adams.

So long as I have
any voice in the matter...

Lichtenburg is not for sale.

What is it, Kenneth?
Bad news?

Well, i-it doesn't have to be.
I just heard the loan is going through.

- Oh.
- Maria, this isn't the 17 th century.

- That marriage contract-
- I gave my word, Kenneth.

- If I'm to inherit the throne-
- But suppose you don't?

Maria, you're beautiful,
you're charming and I adore you...

but do you honestly think you have
any special talent for ruling a country?

The fact that you do not
consider me bright-

No, I-I didn't say that. I-

I- I'm the one who isn't bright.

To even suggest
that you give up the throne-

A guy earning my salary,
it's crazy.

Your salary. I wish
that were the problem.

I wish it weren't. Back home, my
apartment's a lot different from the palace-

Two rooms.
It's not very big.

And the maid
only comes in once a week.

You make it sound very attractive.

Oh, sweetheart.

Of course, the maid could
come in twice a week.

Even once would be an intrusion.

What do you say?

I- I love you.

And good-bye?

Oh-

Knocking

Come in.

You too, huh?

" Faint Singing

What?

I hear singing

And there's no one there

I smell blossoms

And the trees are bare

All day long
I seem to walk on air

I wonder why

You don't need analyzing

It is not so surprising

That you feel very strange but nice

Your heart goes pitter-patter

I know just what's the matter

Because I've been there
once or twice

- I keep tossing
- Put your head on my shoulder

- In my sleep at night
- You need someone who's older

- And what's more
- A rubdown

- I've lost my appetite
- With a velvet glove

- Stars that used to twinkle
- There's nothing you can take

- In the skies
- To relieve that pleasant ache

- Are twinkling in my eyes
- You're not sick

- I wonder why
- You're just in love

You know what happened, Ken?

She's gonna marry that guy.

Me and my big mouth.

There's nothing I can do about it.

Rings

Yes? This is Mrs. Adams.

Hello? Hello, Harry!

Oh, not so good.
How are you?

The family?

Oh, Harry, that's wonderful news.

I'm so glad to hear it.

Margaret got a good notice.

Television, huh?

You must be very proud and happy.

You don't sound too happy.

Sebastian? What's his complaint?

Look, Harry, you don't have
to pull any punches with me.

Shoot.

Well, sure, I often helped them meet.
They're swell kids.

Yes, technically, I guess
I was interfering, but-

I see.

I'm sorry, Harry.

Does that mean
I can't even stay here?

Okay. We'll leave on the first boat.

Bye, Harry.
Love to the family.

Home, huh?

That dirty Sebastian!

Phones Ringing

Mrs. Sally Adams requests
the pleasure of your company

At a supper and dance
a coming-home party

That she's giving
at her house tonight

- Ringing
- Mrs. Sally Adams the queen of Washington society

Anybody at all who's anybody

- Will be gathered at her house tonight
- Ringing

Mrs. Sally Adams is back
among us very suddenly

Loaded down with secrets about
what happened there across the sea

Yes, Mrs. Sally Adams

Mrs. Sally Adams

God bless America

For Mrs. Sally Adams who wants
the pleasure of your company

You will be proud to accept
and root for

Mrs. Sally Adams
queen of all the madams

Madam Ex-ambassador

No Audible Dialogue

Sally! Sally,
I'm so sorry I'm late, honey.

- Welcome home.
- Thanks,Jim.

- What's the matter with you?
- Sally thinks she's in the doghouse.

Why? You saved us
200 million, didn't ya?

You can thank Cosmo for that. He got his
parliament to turn down the money. I didn't.

What's the difference?
He's your friend.

- So you get some of the credit.
- Thanks. You can have my share.

- Sally.
- Excuse me.

I don't know why
she feels that way about it.

- Hello, Ken.
- Sally, I just came from the State Department.

Constantine is the new ambassador
from Lichtenburg.

- Cosmo?
- He's just arrived in Washington.

No! This is the best news I've had in-

Why didn't he let me know?

Hmm. I couldn't say.

Well, come on, Ken.
What is it?

Well-

You're gonna find out anyway.

They told me that
he sailed over with a woman.

Oh.

Uh, probably just a shipboard acquaintance,
don't you think?

He's bringing her here tonight.

I can understand him
falling for somebody else...

but why should he bring her here?

Oh, well. Come on. Let's have
a good time. How about a drink?

Sure.

His Excellency,
the minister from Magrador.

- You go ahead. I'll be right out.
- All right.

- My gracious hostess, welcome home.
- Hi.

His Excellency, the ambassador
from Lichtenburg.

Hi.

- Sally.
- How are you, Cosmo?

- I've never been happier.
- So I understand. Enjoy your trip?

Enormously. I had
the most charming companion.

- How charming.
- She's getting off her wrap.

She'll be right in.
I suppose I should have waited...

- but I was so eager to see you.
- That was real peachy of you.

The honorable
Miss Hammenschlaffen.

- Hello, Mrs. Adams.
- Princess.!

- Oh, am I glad to see you.
- Didn't I tell you I had a charming companion?

Gee, this is certainly a-

He's here.
Outside somewhere.

Oh, Cosmo.

Do you still have to wear that thing?

Yes, while I perform an official
and very pleasant duty.

Ladies and gentlemen...

may I have your attention
for a moment, please?

General! Glad to see you!

Senator. Gentlemen.
Pardon me.

Quiet, everybody, please!

Mrs. Adams, as a token
of Lichtenburg's great esteem...

the grand duke has asked me
to confer upon you...

the Order of Philip I.

This order entitles you
to be called a dame.

A dame?
Say, that's quite a promotion.

Hello.

- Your Highness.
- I use our family name now, Kenneth.

It's Hammenschlaffen.

Well- Aren't you getting married?

Next week, I expect.

Oh. Th-Then I suppose
you'll be going right back?

Not if I get married here.

I've renounced the throne, Kenneth.

We have Uncle Otto's blessing.

Darling.

And let me add, sir, that we
are delighted by your appointment...

and extend to you
our heartiest welcome.

Thank you, Senator, and thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.

The grand duke seemed to think
it was a good thing for Lichtenburg...

and unofficially, I think it is
the best thing for me.

I hear singing

And there's no one there

I smell blossoms

And the trees are bare

All day long I seem to walk on air

I wonder why

You don't need analyzing

It is not so surprising

That you feel very strange but nice

Your heart goes pitter-patter

I know just what's the matter

Because I've been there
once or twice

- Choral I keep tossing
- Put your head on my shoulder

- "In my sleep at night
- You need someone who's older

- And What's more
- A rubdown

- I've lost my appetite
- With a velvet glove

There is nothing you can take

To relieve that pleasant ache

You're not sick
You're just in love

Vocalizing

You'rejust in love

Now we've got something
to dance about

And someone to dance it with

And something to dance it to

To a fox trot or a Charleston

Or a tango or a waltz

You're in love
You're in love

You're not sick
You're just

In love