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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,630 --> 00:00:10,797 Last season on "You Me Her"... 2 00:00:10,839 --> 00:00:12,005 It's really happening. 3 00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,505 Kylie: It is 4 00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,505 our two-month anniversary. 5 00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,422 Emma: The things I'm gonna do 6 00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,422 to you when we get home... 7 00:00:15,463 --> 00:00:17,088 Emma: Uh, so, this is 8 00:00:15,463 --> 00:00:17,088 a bit awkward, but you 9 00:00:17,130 --> 00:00:18,964 postponed the last two 10 00:00:17,130 --> 00:00:18,964 scheduled signings, 11 00:00:19,005 --> 00:00:21,088 and I just want to make sure 12 00:00:19,005 --> 00:00:21,088 that we're still on for Monday. 13 00:00:21,130 --> 00:00:23,296 Yep. Tell Kylie 14 00:00:21,130 --> 00:00:23,296 and pop some corks. 15 00:00:23,338 --> 00:00:25,797 Are you sure that you left 16 00:00:23,338 --> 00:00:25,797 for the right reasons? 17 00:00:25,839 --> 00:00:27,839 And you're still 18 00:00:25,839 --> 00:00:27,839 getting divorced Monday 19 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:29,880 and driving 20 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:29,880 back to Seattle? 21 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:29,880 - Yes. 22 00:00:29,922 --> 00:00:32,547 I texted Emma that Jack and I 23 00:00:29,922 --> 00:00:32,547 would be out of the loft all day 24 00:00:32,588 --> 00:00:34,588 so she could come deal 25 00:00:32,588 --> 00:00:34,588 with all the shit that 26 00:00:32,588 --> 00:00:34,588 we've been storing. 27 00:00:34,630 --> 00:00:35,964 Did Izzy not 28 00:00:34,630 --> 00:00:35,964 know you'd be here? 29 00:00:36,005 --> 00:00:37,088 Of course she knew 30 00:00:36,005 --> 00:00:37,088 I'd be here. 31 00:00:37,130 --> 00:00:38,839 - I think she wants us 32 00:00:37,130 --> 00:00:38,839 to scream 33 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:40,964 and throws things 34 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:40,964 at each other. 35 00:00:41,005 --> 00:00:43,213 What the fuck? 36 00:00:43,255 --> 00:00:45,296 - What the three of us 37 00:00:43,255 --> 00:00:45,296 did here was special. 38 00:00:45,338 --> 00:00:46,714 I told you, Izzy, 39 00:00:45,338 --> 00:00:46,714 this was a mistake. 40 00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:48,505 If you walk out that door, 41 00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:48,505 don't call. 42 00:00:48,547 --> 00:00:49,797 You are dead to me. 43 00:00:49,839 --> 00:00:51,588 Well, congratulations. 44 00:00:49,839 --> 00:00:51,588 You're pregnant. 45 00:00:51,630 --> 00:00:53,255 You have got to be 46 00:00:51,630 --> 00:00:53,255 fucking kidding me. 47 00:00:53,296 --> 00:00:54,380 - You have 48 00:00:53,296 --> 00:00:54,380 a right to know. 49 00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:55,880 Izzy: 50 00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:55,880 Why is she here again? 51 00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:58,046 She was at a meeting. 52 00:00:58,088 --> 00:01:00,046 - So why is 53 00:00:58,088 --> 00:01:00,046 my Spidey sense screaming 54 00:01:00,088 --> 00:01:01,380 that something weird's 55 00:01:00,088 --> 00:01:01,380 going down? 56 00:01:01,422 --> 00:01:03,171 - What the fuck 57 00:01:01,422 --> 00:01:03,171 are you doing here? 58 00:01:03,213 --> 00:01:06,422 - Yellow roses, 59 00:01:03,213 --> 00:01:06,422 the official flower of apology. 60 00:01:07,422 --> 00:01:09,422 Em, what really matters is, 61 00:01:07,422 --> 00:01:09,422 what do you want? 62 00:01:09,463 --> 00:01:10,672 I want this baby. 63 00:01:10,714 --> 00:01:12,672 And I want my husband. 64 00:01:10,714 --> 00:01:12,672 And Izzy. 65 00:01:12,714 --> 00:01:13,714 -...glad that you'll be -- 66 00:01:12,714 --> 00:01:13,714 -Iz! 67 00:01:13,755 --> 00:01:14,714 -What?! 68 00:01:13,755 --> 00:01:14,714 -I'm pregnant. 69 00:01:14,755 --> 00:01:16,255 And I'm keeping it. 70 00:01:16,296 --> 00:01:18,338 I'm aware of how acutely 71 00:01:16,296 --> 00:01:18,338 fucked up this must seem. 72 00:01:18,380 --> 00:01:20,422 And seven months ago, I would've 73 00:01:18,380 --> 00:01:20,422 thought the same thing. 74 00:01:20,463 --> 00:01:22,130 She is never gonna 75 00:01:20,463 --> 00:01:22,130 feel permanent 76 00:01:22,171 --> 00:01:24,338 in your world with your kid. 77 00:01:24,380 --> 00:01:26,463 Jack: Actually, that's 78 00:01:24,380 --> 00:01:26,463 exactly what we were 79 00:01:24,380 --> 00:01:26,463 discussing on the way home. 80 00:01:26,505 --> 00:01:27,922 We wanna make it official. 81 00:01:27,964 --> 00:01:30,171 - Wouldn't be my first 82 00:01:27,964 --> 00:01:30,171 Poly Commitment Ceremony. 83 00:01:30,213 --> 00:01:32,213 - If any one of us 84 00:01:30,213 --> 00:01:32,213 tries to leave again, 85 00:01:32,255 --> 00:01:33,964 there's no coming back. 86 00:01:34,005 --> 00:01:37,588 - I hereby now pronounce you 87 00:01:34,005 --> 00:01:37,588 spiritually, soulfully, 88 00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:41,463 and lovingly committed to 89 00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:41,463 one another forever and ever. 90 00:01:41,505 --> 00:01:43,380 Whoo! 91 00:01:43,422 --> 00:01:49,547 ♪♪ 92 00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:59,296 ♪♪ 93 00:02:00,672 --> 00:02:02,964 ♪ When you can't think maybe ♪ 94 00:02:03,005 --> 00:02:06,964 ♪ Weighed down from the gridlock 95 00:02:03,005 --> 00:02:06,964 and the city sounds♪ 96 00:02:07,005 --> 00:02:10,005 ♪ Throw your hands in the air 97 00:02:07,005 --> 00:02:10,005 and just wave 'em around ♪ 98 00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:12,839 ♪ You'll be fine in the middle 99 00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:12,839 when your energy's out ♪ 100 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:15,964 ♪ When you can't sleep 101 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:15,964 and it's still dark ♪ 102 00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:18,964 ♪ Get a front piece 103 00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:18,964 in a brick wall ♪ 104 00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:21,714 ♪ 'Cause I won't be mad 105 00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:21,714 at the end of the day ♪ 106 00:02:21,755 --> 00:02:25,213 ♪ Just knowing that you moved 107 00:02:21,755 --> 00:02:25,213 in a beautiful way ♪ 108 00:02:25,255 --> 00:02:28,505 ♪ All you got to do 109 00:02:25,255 --> 00:02:28,505 is keep moving ♪ 110 00:02:28,547 --> 00:02:29,880 ♪ Keep moving ♪ 111 00:02:29,922 --> 00:02:31,547 ♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh ♪ 112 00:02:31,588 --> 00:02:34,338 ♪ All you got to do 113 00:02:31,588 --> 00:02:34,338 is keep moving ♪ 114 00:02:34,380 --> 00:02:36,088 ♪ Keep moving on ♪ 115 00:02:36,130 --> 00:02:37,463 ♪ Keep moving ♪ 116 00:02:37,505 --> 00:02:40,463 ♪ All you got to do 117 00:02:37,505 --> 00:02:40,463 is keep moving ♪ 118 00:02:40,505 --> 00:02:43,630 Ah. Oh. 119 00:02:43,672 --> 00:02:46,338 Dear God, 120 00:02:43,672 --> 00:02:46,338 why is it so bright? 121 00:02:46,380 --> 00:02:48,046 It's called morning. 122 00:02:48,088 --> 00:02:50,797 Happens almost every day here 123 00:02:48,088 --> 00:02:50,797 in lovely Hawthorne Heights. 124 00:02:50,839 --> 00:02:53,505 What do you say we, uh, 125 00:02:50,839 --> 00:02:53,505 break this little sex slump 126 00:02:53,547 --> 00:02:55,046 before the nausea kicks in? 127 00:02:55,088 --> 00:02:56,880 Okay. 128 00:02:55,088 --> 00:02:56,880 Mm, too late. 129 00:02:56,922 --> 00:02:58,046 Mm. 130 00:02:58,088 --> 00:02:59,880 Just, um, 131 00:02:58,088 --> 00:02:59,880 start without me! 132 00:02:59,922 --> 00:03:01,672 Ugh. 133 00:03:01,714 --> 00:03:04,463 So, our pregnant wife 134 00:03:01,714 --> 00:03:04,463 just told us to have sex 135 00:03:04,505 --> 00:03:06,046 while listening 136 00:03:04,505 --> 00:03:06,046 to her barf. 137 00:03:06,088 --> 00:03:07,964 I've never been so aroused. 138 00:03:08,005 --> 00:03:10,088 Come closer 139 00:03:08,005 --> 00:03:10,088 and bring your penis. 140 00:03:12,088 --> 00:03:13,880 Coffee? 141 00:03:12,088 --> 00:03:13,880 Yeah. 142 00:03:15,588 --> 00:03:18,213 ♪♪ 143 00:03:23,714 --> 00:03:26,797 ♪♪ 144 00:03:26,839 --> 00:03:29,130 You look nice. 145 00:03:29,171 --> 00:03:30,422 Thank you. 146 00:03:30,463 --> 00:03:32,547 Ooh. 147 00:03:30,463 --> 00:03:32,547 Watch out for these. 148 00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:35,630 That's a household calamity 149 00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:35,630 waiting to happen. 150 00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:35,630 My boots? 151 00:03:35,672 --> 00:03:38,171 How the hell 152 00:03:35,672 --> 00:03:38,171 did those get there? 153 00:03:35,672 --> 00:03:38,171 I don't know. 154 00:03:38,213 --> 00:03:39,880 You think maybe, like, 155 00:03:38,213 --> 00:03:39,880 a burglar came in 156 00:03:39,922 --> 00:03:42,797 and tried on your boots 157 00:03:39,922 --> 00:03:42,797 and then used your toothbrush? 158 00:03:42,839 --> 00:03:44,130 It's the only thing 159 00:03:42,839 --> 00:03:44,130 I can think of. 160 00:03:44,171 --> 00:03:45,797 Very funny. 161 00:03:44,171 --> 00:03:45,797 Should we change the locks? 162 00:03:45,839 --> 00:03:47,213 -Poor baby maker. 163 00:03:47,255 --> 00:03:48,839 I'll get you tea. 164 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,255 Okay, I am officially 165 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,255 the anchor in this relationship. 166 00:03:51,296 --> 00:03:52,755 Just, you know, cut me loose. 167 00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:54,338 I won't be bitter. 168 00:03:54,380 --> 00:03:57,630 That's nonsense, honey. 169 00:03:54,380 --> 00:03:57,630 You are the wind and the sails. 170 00:03:57,672 --> 00:03:59,505 God, at least 171 00:03:57,672 --> 00:03:59,505 soothe me credibly. 172 00:03:59,547 --> 00:04:01,005 -That was pretty good. 173 00:03:59,547 --> 00:04:01,005 -Hey, you know, 174 00:04:01,046 --> 00:04:03,672 there's more to life 175 00:04:01,046 --> 00:04:03,672 than sex, weed, and booze. 176 00:04:03,714 --> 00:04:05,296 No way. 177 00:04:05,338 --> 00:04:07,171 I know. It sounded 178 00:04:05,338 --> 00:04:07,171 very strange to me, too, but... 179 00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:09,380 exhibit "A." 180 00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:09,380 Iz, that's really sweet, 181 00:04:09,422 --> 00:04:10,630 but you must be so bored. 182 00:04:10,672 --> 00:04:12,296 I mean, good thing 183 00:04:10,672 --> 00:04:12,296 you work downtown 184 00:04:12,338 --> 00:04:14,130 so you can grab a drink 185 00:04:12,338 --> 00:04:14,130 with Shaun and Nina, right? 186 00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:15,463 Yeah. Totally. 187 00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:17,880 Besides, 188 00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:17,880 traffic is a real bitch 189 00:04:17,922 --> 00:04:19,880 when I get off my shift 190 00:04:17,922 --> 00:04:19,880 at Directions, so it works out. 191 00:04:19,922 --> 00:04:21,005 -Yeah. 192 00:04:19,922 --> 00:04:21,005 -Mm. 193 00:04:21,046 --> 00:04:22,422 And sometimes 194 00:04:21,046 --> 00:04:22,422 it stays bitchy 195 00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:24,672 till, what, like, 2:07, 196 00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:24,672 3:00 in the morning, 197 00:04:24,714 --> 00:04:26,630 depending on the night? 198 00:04:24,714 --> 00:04:26,630 -Yeah. 199 00:04:26,672 --> 00:04:28,672 Wait a minute. So you're saying 200 00:04:26,672 --> 00:04:28,672 that a burglar didn't come in 201 00:04:28,714 --> 00:04:30,422 and use her boots 202 00:04:28,714 --> 00:04:30,422 and her toothbrush? 203 00:04:30,463 --> 00:04:32,463 So, have you guys just been 204 00:04:30,463 --> 00:04:32,463 getting your jollies off 205 00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:35,505 at my expense? 206 00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:35,505 Hey, babe, seriously, 207 00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:35,505 just do your thing. 208 00:04:35,547 --> 00:04:37,088 Actually, we all need 209 00:04:35,547 --> 00:04:37,088 to do our things. 210 00:04:37,130 --> 00:04:38,505 Yep. 211 00:04:38,547 --> 00:04:39,880 We're talking about 212 00:04:38,547 --> 00:04:39,880 masturbation, right? 213 00:04:41,213 --> 00:04:42,547 Uh, I've been doing 214 00:04:41,213 --> 00:04:42,547 some research, 215 00:04:42,588 --> 00:04:44,005 and it is becoming 216 00:04:42,588 --> 00:04:44,005 glaringly obvious 217 00:04:44,046 --> 00:04:46,171 that we're doing poly, 218 00:04:44,046 --> 00:04:46,171 like, all wrong. 219 00:04:46,213 --> 00:04:48,005 Did you know that trying 220 00:04:46,213 --> 00:04:48,005 to do everything in threes, 221 00:04:48,046 --> 00:04:51,422 especially sex, 222 00:04:48,046 --> 00:04:51,422 is a poly foul? 223 00:04:51,463 --> 00:04:53,422 That's very clever. 224 00:04:51,463 --> 00:04:53,422 Thank you. 225 00:04:53,463 --> 00:04:54,922 But please don't 226 00:04:53,463 --> 00:04:54,922 ever do it again. 227 00:04:54,964 --> 00:04:56,547 So this mean 228 00:04:54,964 --> 00:04:56,547 you guys are cool 229 00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:59,255 with me meeting Nathan Malik 230 00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:59,255 for happy hour? 231 00:04:59,296 --> 00:05:01,005 Nathan 232 00:04:59,296 --> 00:05:01,005 from Hawthorne School? 233 00:04:59,296 --> 00:05:01,005 Yeah. 234 00:05:01,046 --> 00:05:02,588 He went through 235 00:05:01,046 --> 00:05:02,588 a nasty divorce, 236 00:05:02,630 --> 00:05:04,088 and I figured 237 00:05:02,630 --> 00:05:04,088 I could give him some support. 238 00:05:04,130 --> 00:05:05,422 Plus, Dave's not around. 239 00:05:05,463 --> 00:05:07,171 He's on his stupid book tour, 240 00:05:05,463 --> 00:05:07,171 so... 241 00:05:07,213 --> 00:05:09,588 Yeah, I guess you don't really 242 00:05:07,213 --> 00:05:09,588 have that many guy friends, huh? 243 00:05:09,630 --> 00:05:11,672 Yes, I do. 244 00:05:09,630 --> 00:05:11,672 Who? 245 00:05:11,714 --> 00:05:12,922 Uh, guy friends? 246 00:05:11,714 --> 00:05:12,922 Mm. 247 00:05:12,964 --> 00:05:14,046 Dave. 248 00:05:12,964 --> 00:05:14,046 Yeah, you have Dave. 249 00:05:14,088 --> 00:05:15,630 He's a good friend. 250 00:05:14,088 --> 00:05:15,630 Yeah. 251 00:05:15,672 --> 00:05:17,463 Yeah, but didn't he just, 252 00:05:15,672 --> 00:05:17,463 like, come along with Carmen? 253 00:05:17,505 --> 00:05:20,547 Like, buy this now and get this 254 00:05:17,505 --> 00:05:20,547 furry little rascal for free? 255 00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:22,755 And G-Gabe. 256 00:05:22,797 --> 00:05:25,088 Well, he's -- 257 00:05:22,797 --> 00:05:25,088 he's your brother, 258 00:05:25,130 --> 00:05:26,964 so that's different. 259 00:05:25,130 --> 00:05:26,964 And a friend. 260 00:05:25,130 --> 00:05:26,964 Very good friend. 261 00:05:27,005 --> 00:05:28,255 [ Breathes deeply, 262 00:05:27,005 --> 00:05:28,255 clears throat ] 263 00:05:28,296 --> 00:05:29,964 Now there's Nathan. 264 00:05:30,005 --> 00:05:33,463 Um, so, the baby doc 265 00:05:30,005 --> 00:05:33,463 appointment is Tuesday, right? 266 00:05:33,505 --> 00:05:34,547 Yeah, the ninth. 267 00:05:34,588 --> 00:05:35,714 What, the ninth? 268 00:05:34,588 --> 00:05:35,714 Yeah. 269 00:05:35,755 --> 00:05:36,922 T-Today is the ninth. 270 00:05:35,755 --> 00:05:36,922 Shit. 271 00:05:36,964 --> 00:05:38,338 Yeah, 272 00:05:36,964 --> 00:05:38,338 how is it Tuesday already? 273 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,005 We got to get going, guys. 274 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,005 Come on. 275 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,005 Yeah. 276 00:05:41,422 --> 00:05:42,797 It's Helen Wilberg. 277 00:05:44,088 --> 00:05:45,588 Hello, Helen. 278 00:05:45,630 --> 00:05:48,672 No, we're s-- We're definitely 279 00:05:45,630 --> 00:05:48,672 still interested, so... 280 00:05:50,463 --> 00:05:52,714 Okay. Well, thank you 281 00:05:50,463 --> 00:05:52,714 for the heads-up. 282 00:05:52,755 --> 00:05:54,296 We -- We will. 283 00:05:52,755 --> 00:05:54,296 Great. 284 00:05:54,338 --> 00:05:55,964 Shit. 285 00:05:56,005 --> 00:05:58,005 That is not optimal. 286 00:05:56,005 --> 00:05:58,005 What? 287 00:05:58,046 --> 00:06:00,130 Somebody put a full-price 288 00:05:58,046 --> 00:06:00,130 offer on this house. 289 00:06:00,171 --> 00:06:02,088 She's gonna do us 290 00:06:00,171 --> 00:06:02,088 a landlord solid 291 00:06:02,130 --> 00:06:03,922 and give us 72 hours 292 00:06:02,130 --> 00:06:03,922 to match it. 293 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:06,046 Looks like the Hawthorne Heights 294 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:06,046 decision window 295 00:06:06,088 --> 00:06:08,922 just got a whole lot smaller. 296 00:06:06,088 --> 00:06:08,922 -Mm. 297 00:06:08,964 --> 00:06:10,338 Yeah. 298 00:06:10,380 --> 00:06:11,755 Could this morning 299 00:06:10,380 --> 00:06:11,755 be any more stressful? 300 00:06:11,797 --> 00:06:12,755 Dude! 301 00:06:12,797 --> 00:06:13,964 Ooh, don't say that. 302 00:06:14,005 --> 00:06:15,547 Guys, that's not a thing. 303 00:06:15,588 --> 00:06:17,088 I didn't just "hex" us. 304 00:06:17,130 --> 00:06:19,380 I'm having what?! 305 00:06:17,130 --> 00:06:19,380 Calm down. 306 00:06:19,422 --> 00:06:20,880 They're twins, 307 00:06:19,422 --> 00:06:20,880 normal human girls, 308 00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,714 not aliens or devil children. 309 00:06:22,755 --> 00:06:24,296 You said you wanted two kids, 310 00:06:22,755 --> 00:06:24,296 right? 311 00:06:24,338 --> 00:06:25,714 So you knocked 'em out 312 00:06:24,338 --> 00:06:25,714 with one swing. 313 00:06:25,755 --> 00:06:26,880 Yeah, I did. 314 00:06:26,922 --> 00:06:29,213 A month ago, 315 00:06:26,922 --> 00:06:29,213 there was just one. 316 00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:31,255 Check again. 317 00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:31,255 Check again! 318 00:06:31,296 --> 00:06:32,672 Little sister was hiding. 319 00:06:32,714 --> 00:06:34,422 Give her 320 00:06:32,714 --> 00:06:34,422 the weird ancestor name. 321 00:06:34,463 --> 00:06:35,672 Vengeance is yours. 322 00:06:35,714 --> 00:06:37,088 Huh. 323 00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:39,422 Oh, God. 324 00:06:39,463 --> 00:06:40,630 Are you okay? 325 00:06:40,672 --> 00:06:42,380 Oh, I mean, come on. 326 00:06:42,422 --> 00:06:45,088 I'm sorry. 327 00:06:42,422 --> 00:06:45,088 It's just 328 00:06:45,130 --> 00:06:47,255 I mean, God damn it. 329 00:06:47,296 --> 00:06:50,547 There's too much estrogen 330 00:06:47,296 --> 00:06:50,547 in this room, I guess. 331 00:06:50,588 --> 00:06:53,130 I know feelings are hard. 332 00:06:53,171 --> 00:06:55,714 So would it help 333 00:06:53,171 --> 00:06:55,714 to clumsily explain things 334 00:06:55,755 --> 00:06:57,964 that we already know 335 00:06:55,755 --> 00:06:57,964 in this room? 336 00:06:58,005 --> 00:07:00,797 No. 337 00:06:58,005 --> 00:07:00,797 It's unbelievable. 338 00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:03,922 You know 339 00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:03,922 that fetuses require estrogen? 340 00:07:03,964 --> 00:07:05,964 To grow. 341 00:07:03,964 --> 00:07:05,964 Whether they're male or female. 342 00:07:06,005 --> 00:07:08,213 In fact, twins require 343 00:07:06,005 --> 00:07:08,213 not two times as much, 344 00:07:08,255 --> 00:07:09,964 but three times as much. 345 00:07:10,005 --> 00:07:11,797 Thanks, Jack. 346 00:07:11,839 --> 00:07:13,130 Sure. 347 00:07:13,171 --> 00:07:15,130 There it is. 348 00:07:15,171 --> 00:07:20,463 ♪♪ 349 00:07:20,505 --> 00:07:22,046 - Carm, you know I'd love 350 00:07:20,505 --> 00:07:22,046 to watch the girls, 351 00:07:22,088 --> 00:07:23,672 but, um, the doc said 352 00:07:23,714 --> 00:07:25,130 I have bed rest. 353 00:07:23,714 --> 00:07:25,130 "Bed rest"? 354 00:07:25,171 --> 00:07:27,130 - I didn't hear her say 355 00:07:25,171 --> 00:07:27,130 "bed rest." 356 00:07:27,171 --> 00:07:30,130 Ooh, you better sharpen up 357 00:07:27,171 --> 00:07:30,130 your lying skills there, Em. 358 00:07:30,171 --> 00:07:31,714 It's a vital part 359 00:07:30,171 --> 00:07:31,714 of parenting. 360 00:07:31,755 --> 00:07:34,338 My God, you're having twins! 361 00:07:31,755 --> 00:07:34,338 Yeah, I heard. 362 00:07:34,380 --> 00:07:38,422 Hey, you know what's a perfect 363 00:07:34,380 --> 00:07:38,422 training for raising two girls? 364 00:07:38,463 --> 00:07:39,672 Two girls. 365 00:07:39,714 --> 00:07:41,422 - Carm, I seriously wanna help, 366 00:07:39,714 --> 00:07:41,422 I do, 367 00:07:41,463 --> 00:07:43,046 but if I want to nail 368 00:07:41,463 --> 00:07:43,046 this interview tonight, 369 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,380 I gotta prep like crazy, 370 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,380 and, you know, 371 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:45,880 you are the one who said, 372 00:07:45,922 --> 00:07:47,880 "Can't work at home 373 00:07:45,922 --> 00:07:47,880 with kids," so... 374 00:07:47,922 --> 00:07:50,255 - Wait, you're still doing that 375 00:07:47,922 --> 00:07:50,255 after what the doctor said? 376 00:07:50,296 --> 00:07:53,839 Remember? With your history 377 00:07:50,296 --> 00:07:53,839 and your advanced ag-- 378 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:57,088 Based mostly on your history, 379 00:07:57,130 --> 00:07:59,463 we need to be careful, 380 00:07:57,130 --> 00:07:59,463 right? 381 00:07:59,505 --> 00:08:00,755 Carmen, 382 00:07:59,505 --> 00:08:00,755 would you like a coffee? 383 00:08:00,797 --> 00:08:02,255 I would love one. 384 00:08:00,797 --> 00:08:02,255 Great. 385 00:08:02,296 --> 00:08:04,088 But let's just take a beat 386 00:08:02,296 --> 00:08:04,088 to get real, okay? 387 00:08:04,130 --> 00:08:06,797 Because, right now, we wouldn't 388 00:08:04,130 --> 00:08:06,797 qualify for a bicycle loan. 389 00:08:06,839 --> 00:08:08,547 And you know what's 390 00:08:06,839 --> 00:08:08,547 more expensive than one kid? 391 00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:11,171 Let me guess: Two kids? 392 00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:11,171 Yeah. 393 00:08:11,213 --> 00:08:13,755 So unless Mr. Academia 394 00:08:11,213 --> 00:08:13,755 or Ms. Nonprofit 395 00:08:13,797 --> 00:08:15,005 have any other ideas... 396 00:08:15,046 --> 00:08:16,547 Uh, hey, sorry. 397 00:08:16,588 --> 00:08:18,588 Did I black out and we voted 398 00:08:16,588 --> 00:08:18,588 to buy this place and -- 399 00:08:20,005 --> 00:08:21,505 Poly foul. No voting. 400 00:08:21,547 --> 00:08:22,880 Reinforces 401 00:08:21,547 --> 00:08:22,880 couples privilege. 402 00:08:22,922 --> 00:08:24,088 She does that now? 403 00:08:22,922 --> 00:08:24,088 She does. 404 00:08:24,130 --> 00:08:25,213 It's super fun. 405 00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,046 Poly foul! 406 00:08:27,088 --> 00:08:29,046 Oh, you see? 407 00:08:27,088 --> 00:08:29,046 They listen. 408 00:08:29,088 --> 00:08:30,922 They're good sounding boards. 409 00:08:30,964 --> 00:08:34,255 So, Em, did we decide to buy 410 00:08:30,964 --> 00:08:34,255 this place and I missed it? 411 00:08:34,296 --> 00:08:35,422 What happened to, um, 412 00:08:34,296 --> 00:08:35,422 you know 413 00:08:35,463 --> 00:08:37,130 "It's good for now. 414 00:08:37,171 --> 00:08:39,255 Buys us time to see if 415 00:08:37,171 --> 00:08:39,255 you really hate it 416 00:08:39,296 --> 00:08:40,422 or really, really 417 00:08:39,296 --> 00:08:40,422 hate it here." 418 00:08:40,463 --> 00:08:42,046 Is that -- 419 00:08:40,463 --> 00:08:42,046 Is that me or him? 420 00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:43,964 I can't tell. 421 00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:43,964 Yeah, it's 422 00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:43,964 a terrible impression. 423 00:08:44,005 --> 00:08:46,005 Oh, it's... 424 00:08:44,005 --> 00:08:46,005 You got to work 425 00:08:44,005 --> 00:08:46,005 on your skills. 426 00:08:46,046 --> 00:08:48,547 It's EmJack. 427 00:08:46,046 --> 00:08:48,547 It's a composite. 428 00:08:48,588 --> 00:08:50,130 Okay, well, listen, 429 00:08:50,171 --> 00:08:52,588 we'll talk Hawthorne Heights 430 00:08:50,171 --> 00:08:52,588 pros and cons tonight, okay? 431 00:08:52,630 --> 00:08:54,505 That sounds like 432 00:08:52,630 --> 00:08:54,505 so much fun. 433 00:08:52,630 --> 00:08:54,505 Yeah. 434 00:08:54,547 --> 00:08:55,588 You should come, Carm. 435 00:08:55,630 --> 00:08:57,755 Mnh-mnh. 436 00:08:55,630 --> 00:08:57,755 Bye, babe. 437 00:08:59,588 --> 00:09:01,630 Will you at least take a nap? 438 00:09:01,672 --> 00:09:03,463 No. 439 00:09:03,505 --> 00:09:05,338 Not tired. 440 00:09:05,380 --> 00:09:09,255 Well, I'm just gonna put this 441 00:09:05,380 --> 00:09:09,255 in a travel mug 442 00:09:09,296 --> 00:09:11,714 'cause I need the caffeine 443 00:09:09,296 --> 00:09:11,714 on my way to work, and... 444 00:09:11,755 --> 00:09:13,505 Okay, Carm, 445 00:09:11,755 --> 00:09:13,505 I can't take the guilt. 446 00:09:13,547 --> 00:09:15,422 Just please sedate them 447 00:09:15,463 --> 00:09:18,005 and tell them not to shit 448 00:09:15,463 --> 00:09:18,005 or talk till you get back. 449 00:09:18,046 --> 00:09:20,797 Nah, 450 00:09:18,046 --> 00:09:20,797 I'll exploit an intern. 451 00:09:20,839 --> 00:09:23,213 But you damn well better knock 452 00:09:20,839 --> 00:09:23,213 it out of the park tonight. 453 00:09:23,255 --> 00:09:25,213 Oh. Come here. 454 00:09:25,255 --> 00:09:26,672 Oh, my God, 455 00:09:25,255 --> 00:09:26,672 tell me something 456 00:09:26,714 --> 00:09:28,296 so I feel 457 00:09:26,714 --> 00:09:28,296 a little less crazy. 458 00:09:28,338 --> 00:09:31,130 Hmm. Well, work has been insane, 459 00:09:28,338 --> 00:09:31,130 I'm still waiting to hear 460 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,797 about The Portland 461 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,797 Byline Award nomination, 462 00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:36,005 which I damn well better get 463 00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:36,005 because it's a circle jerk 464 00:09:36,046 --> 00:09:37,922 with a million 465 00:09:36,046 --> 00:09:37,922 hyper-specific categories, 466 00:09:37,964 --> 00:09:40,338 and so everybody, including 467 00:09:37,964 --> 00:09:40,338 the plumber, gets a nomination, 468 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:41,672 and, oh... 469 00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:43,422 and I hate my husband. 470 00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:43,422 Do you wanna know why? 471 00:09:43,463 --> 00:09:44,964 Because it took him 472 00:09:43,463 --> 00:09:44,964 like two minutes 473 00:09:45,005 --> 00:09:46,672 to sell a socially significant 474 00:09:45,005 --> 00:09:46,672 children's book 475 00:09:46,714 --> 00:09:48,839 while already basking in sexist 476 00:09:46,714 --> 00:09:48,839 and hyperbolic acclaim 477 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:49,922 for tending 478 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:49,922 to his own children? 479 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:51,255 Or for selling said book 480 00:09:51,296 --> 00:09:52,588 when you're the writer 481 00:09:51,296 --> 00:09:52,588 in the family, 482 00:09:52,630 --> 00:09:53,964 then going 483 00:09:52,630 --> 00:09:53,964 on a cushy West Coast tour 484 00:09:54,005 --> 00:09:56,171 while you slowly spiral 485 00:09:54,005 --> 00:09:56,171 into madness? 486 00:09:56,213 --> 00:09:58,005 What kind of witch 487 00:09:56,213 --> 00:09:58,005 are you? 488 00:09:58,046 --> 00:09:59,380 The kind 489 00:09:58,046 --> 00:09:59,380 who's a really good listener 490 00:09:59,422 --> 00:10:00,714 and loves 491 00:09:59,422 --> 00:10:00,714 your scrambled eggs 492 00:10:00,755 --> 00:10:02,672 with smoked salmon 493 00:10:00,755 --> 00:10:02,672 and cream cheese? 494 00:10:02,714 --> 00:10:05,672 Pwease, 495 00:10:02,714 --> 00:10:05,672 will you make you some? 496 00:10:06,547 --> 00:10:09,171 Did you just try to baby talk me 497 00:10:06,547 --> 00:10:09,171 into cooking for you? 498 00:10:09,213 --> 00:10:11,338 Did it wook? 499 00:10:11,380 --> 00:10:12,547 If you weren't pregnant... 500 00:10:12,588 --> 00:10:14,171 Marry me! 501 00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:16,588 Stop proposing 502 00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:16,588 to everybody who's nice to you. 503 00:10:16,630 --> 00:10:18,588 You're not wrong. 504 00:10:18,630 --> 00:10:22,505 Sorry. One more time. 505 00:10:28,588 --> 00:10:31,422 Oh, man, 506 00:10:28,588 --> 00:10:31,422 and this -- this happened 507 00:10:31,463 --> 00:10:34,171 right after you found out 508 00:10:31,463 --> 00:10:34,171 you have three days 509 00:10:34,213 --> 00:10:35,588 to decide 510 00:10:34,213 --> 00:10:35,588 on Hawthorne Heights? 511 00:10:35,630 --> 00:10:36,839 Okay, give me the picture, 512 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,505 or else 513 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,505 it's a double titty twister. 514 00:10:38,547 --> 00:10:41,213 No. Whatever. You're never gonna 515 00:10:38,547 --> 00:10:41,213 find my nipples in this bra. 516 00:10:41,255 --> 00:10:42,964 Anyway, 517 00:10:41,255 --> 00:10:42,964 I've got a session. 518 00:10:43,005 --> 00:10:44,046 You wrecked it. 519 00:10:44,088 --> 00:10:46,005 Wow. 520 00:10:44,088 --> 00:10:46,005 "I've got a session." 521 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,046 I never thought 522 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,046 I'd actually be saying that 523 00:10:48,088 --> 00:10:49,839 as the therapist 524 00:10:48,088 --> 00:10:49,839 and not the patient. 525 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:50,922 Like... 526 00:10:50,964 --> 00:10:53,213 Are you okay? 527 00:10:53,255 --> 00:10:54,714 Yeah. 528 00:10:53,255 --> 00:10:54,714 Yeah, yeah, I'm good. 529 00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,380 Shaun: Definitely no mirror 530 00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,380 behind the bar. 531 00:10:56,422 --> 00:10:58,380 -Well, you're the boss, boss. 532 00:10:56,422 --> 00:10:58,380 -Yeah. 533 00:10:58,422 --> 00:10:59,672 This is that place 534 00:10:58,422 --> 00:10:59,672 where you come 535 00:10:59,714 --> 00:11:01,338 to get away from that shit, 536 00:10:59,714 --> 00:11:01,338 you know? 537 00:11:01,380 --> 00:11:03,755 They leave their insecurities, 538 00:11:01,380 --> 00:11:03,755 their hang-ups at the door. 539 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,130 No mirrors in the bathrooms, 540 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,130 either. 541 00:11:05,171 --> 00:11:06,755 -What? 542 00:11:05,171 --> 00:11:06,755 -Can I get an amen, people? 543 00:11:06,797 --> 00:11:08,630 -No. 544 00:11:06,797 --> 00:11:08,630 -Mm, no mirrors means your demo 545 00:11:08,672 --> 00:11:10,380 is uggos hiding 546 00:11:08,672 --> 00:11:10,380 from their own reflections, 547 00:11:10,422 --> 00:11:12,672 and even uggos don't 548 00:11:10,422 --> 00:11:12,672 wanna look at other uggos, 549 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:15,338 so assuming you wanna stay open 550 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:15,338 for more than five minutes? 551 00:11:15,380 --> 00:11:17,088 There will be mirrors, 552 00:11:15,380 --> 00:11:17,088 ma babe. 553 00:11:17,130 --> 00:11:18,380 There'll be mirrors, ma babe. 554 00:11:18,422 --> 00:11:20,505 Aww. After the insensitive 555 00:11:18,422 --> 00:11:20,505 word salad, 556 00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:21,588 you called him "ma babe." 557 00:11:21,630 --> 00:11:22,755 I did. 558 00:11:21,630 --> 00:11:22,755 Hi. 559 00:11:22,797 --> 00:11:24,880 Mm! 560 00:11:22,797 --> 00:11:24,880 -This guy, eh? 561 00:11:24,922 --> 00:11:26,922 Entrepreneurship's 562 00:11:24,922 --> 00:11:26,922 brought out his BDE. 563 00:11:26,964 --> 00:11:28,046 -Dad, don't. 564 00:11:26,964 --> 00:11:28,046 -His Big -- 565 00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:29,964 Don't say that. 566 00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:29,964 Big Dorky Energy. 567 00:11:30,005 --> 00:11:31,588 That's not 568 00:11:30,005 --> 00:11:31,588 what it stands for. 569 00:11:31,630 --> 00:11:33,463 Mm, this guy could have 570 00:11:31,630 --> 00:11:33,463 a whole bouquet of dicks, 571 00:11:33,505 --> 00:11:35,046 and he'd still be my slave, 572 00:11:33,505 --> 00:11:35,046 so... 573 00:11:35,088 --> 00:11:37,505 -Dicks. 574 00:11:37,547 --> 00:11:39,755 Later, bitches. 575 00:11:37,547 --> 00:11:39,755 -Okay. 576 00:11:42,296 --> 00:11:43,380 C'mon, puppy. 577 00:11:42,296 --> 00:11:43,380 You're driving me. 578 00:11:43,422 --> 00:11:44,505 -Don't fall for that. 579 00:11:43,422 --> 00:11:44,505 -No. 580 00:11:44,547 --> 00:11:46,046 If you start falling 581 00:11:44,547 --> 00:11:46,046 for that now, 582 00:11:46,088 --> 00:11:47,922 you're never gonna get 583 00:11:46,088 --> 00:11:47,922 out of it. 584 00:11:46,088 --> 00:11:47,922 Dude, dude, dude! Do-- 585 00:11:47,964 --> 00:11:49,171 And you're gonna be 586 00:11:47,964 --> 00:11:49,171 driving her for years. 587 00:11:49,213 --> 00:11:50,171 -Okay. 588 00:11:50,213 --> 00:11:51,922 Suck it, Silvas! 589 00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:56,255 Okay, 590 00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:56,255 th-- that is disturbing. 591 00:11:56,296 --> 00:11:58,505 You get used to it. 592 00:11:56,296 --> 00:11:58,505 I need a coffee. 593 00:12:00,005 --> 00:12:02,213 So, what's the 411, kiddo? 594 00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:04,463 You seem distracted. 595 00:12:04,505 --> 00:12:07,547 Directions put me on 596 00:12:04,505 --> 00:12:07,547 part time -- budget cuts. 597 00:12:07,588 --> 00:12:10,171 And now, with two kids 598 00:12:07,588 --> 00:12:10,171 on the way 599 00:12:10,213 --> 00:12:13,547 and Emma still looking 600 00:12:10,213 --> 00:12:13,547 for a job, it's... 601 00:12:13,588 --> 00:12:15,672 Whatever. 602 00:12:15,714 --> 00:12:17,046 Tell me. 603 00:12:17,088 --> 00:12:18,714 I get it. 604 00:12:18,755 --> 00:12:22,005 It makes perfect sense 605 00:12:18,755 --> 00:12:22,005 to buy the Wilberg house 606 00:12:22,046 --> 00:12:24,422 and raise the girls there. 607 00:12:24,463 --> 00:12:26,296 But... 608 00:12:26,338 --> 00:12:28,547 it kind of feels like 609 00:12:26,338 --> 00:12:28,547 we're just circling back around 610 00:12:28,588 --> 00:12:30,380 to living their life 611 00:12:28,588 --> 00:12:30,380 instead of mine. 612 00:12:30,422 --> 00:12:32,714 Right? 613 00:12:30,422 --> 00:12:32,714 What's the alternative? 614 00:12:32,755 --> 00:12:34,755 Some weird, 615 00:12:32,755 --> 00:12:34,755 woodsy poly-commune? 616 00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:36,088 Hmm? 617 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:37,463 Dragging them off 618 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:37,463 to another suburb 619 00:12:37,505 --> 00:12:38,880 just to prove 620 00:12:37,505 --> 00:12:38,880 that you can? 621 00:12:38,922 --> 00:12:40,422 You know, I miss you 622 00:12:38,922 --> 00:12:40,422 walking on eggshells, 623 00:12:40,463 --> 00:12:43,797 trying to win me over. 624 00:12:40,463 --> 00:12:43,797 Iz. 625 00:12:43,839 --> 00:12:45,630 It's not just their house. 626 00:12:45,672 --> 00:12:47,839 That's their home, right? 627 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,797 With their best friends 628 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,797 living across the street 629 00:12:49,839 --> 00:12:51,255 and their two little girls. 630 00:12:51,296 --> 00:12:52,672 They built 631 00:12:51,296 --> 00:12:52,672 a good life there, 632 00:12:52,714 --> 00:12:55,839 where everybody knows 633 00:12:52,714 --> 00:12:55,839 your name. 634 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:57,088 What's happening? 635 00:12:57,130 --> 00:12:58,213 "Cheers." 636 00:12:59,088 --> 00:13:00,338 Okay. 637 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,714 No. Right. Okay. 638 00:13:02,755 --> 00:13:04,088 Answer me this: 639 00:13:04,130 --> 00:13:05,714 Are you still in love 640 00:13:04,130 --> 00:13:05,714 with them? 641 00:13:05,755 --> 00:13:07,505 More than ever. 642 00:13:07,547 --> 00:13:11,463 Then you need to figure a way 643 00:13:07,547 --> 00:13:11,463 to love their life, too. 644 00:13:12,630 --> 00:13:14,171 Mm. 645 00:13:14,213 --> 00:13:16,380 Are you trying 646 00:13:14,213 --> 00:13:16,380 to mike-drop me right now? 647 00:13:16,422 --> 00:13:18,505 Mm. 648 00:13:18,547 --> 00:13:20,714 So amazing. 649 00:13:20,755 --> 00:13:22,672 Um...hold on. 650 00:13:22,714 --> 00:13:24,046 I'm just looking for a pen. 651 00:13:24,088 --> 00:13:26,338 God, I buy twenty, 652 00:13:24,088 --> 00:13:26,338 and they disappear. 653 00:13:26,380 --> 00:13:28,630 I think we have a ghost. 654 00:13:28,672 --> 00:13:30,422 Or there's 655 00:13:28,672 --> 00:13:30,422 nothing supernatural afoot, 656 00:13:30,463 --> 00:13:33,547 and I just have a weird habit of 657 00:13:30,463 --> 00:13:33,547 storing pens all over my body. 658 00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:38,338 Hello? You still there? 659 00:13:38,380 --> 00:13:39,797 Fuck! 660 00:13:39,839 --> 00:13:41,839 I'm sorry. 661 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,213 I'm sorry, guys. 662 00:13:50,338 --> 00:13:51,505 [ Keyboard clacks, 663 00:13:50,338 --> 00:13:51,505 ringtone stops ] 664 00:13:51,547 --> 00:13:52,588 Hey! 665 00:13:52,630 --> 00:13:54,380 Good morning, darling. 666 00:13:54,422 --> 00:13:56,338 - Busy day at work? 667 00:13:54,422 --> 00:13:56,338 - Well... 668 00:13:56,380 --> 00:13:58,046 You look a little, uh... 669 00:13:58,088 --> 00:13:59,672 gorgeous. 670 00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:01,380 That's the word 671 00:13:59,714 --> 00:14:01,380 I was gonna say -- "gorgeous." 672 00:14:01,422 --> 00:14:03,296 I look a little gorgeous. 673 00:14:03,338 --> 00:14:04,547 - Yeah. 674 00:14:03,338 --> 00:14:04,547 - Thanks? 675 00:14:04,588 --> 00:14:05,922 - Oh. 676 00:14:04,588 --> 00:14:05,922 - Um, you try, you know -- 677 00:14:05,964 --> 00:14:07,380 Honey, they got me this French 678 00:14:05,964 --> 00:14:07,380 press. It's fantas... 679 00:14:07,422 --> 00:14:09,171 It is, like, some of the best 680 00:14:07,422 --> 00:14:09,171 coffee I ever had. 681 00:14:09,213 --> 00:14:10,922 And check this out, huh? 682 00:14:09,213 --> 00:14:10,922 Look. 683 00:14:10,964 --> 00:14:12,922 Can you see this? 684 00:14:10,964 --> 00:14:12,922 Can you see that? 685 00:14:12,964 --> 00:14:15,505 That's a -- That's a -- 686 00:14:12,964 --> 00:14:15,505 an Edible Arrangement. 687 00:14:15,547 --> 00:14:17,630 Looks like a little pineapple 688 00:14:15,547 --> 00:14:17,630 in the shape of flowers. 689 00:14:17,672 --> 00:14:19,046 You ever seen that? 690 00:14:19,088 --> 00:14:20,422 I'm gonna go crazy 691 00:14:19,088 --> 00:14:20,422 on that thing. 692 00:14:20,463 --> 00:14:21,880 Uh, why fruit? 693 00:14:21,922 --> 00:14:24,046 Did you tell them 694 00:14:21,922 --> 00:14:24,046 that travel constipates you? 695 00:14:24,088 --> 00:14:26,296 You don't have to tell 696 00:14:24,088 --> 00:14:26,296 everybody everything, David. 697 00:14:26,338 --> 00:14:28,714 Hey, are you mad at me? 698 00:14:26,338 --> 00:14:28,714 I feel like I'm sensing 699 00:14:26,338 --> 00:14:28,714 that you're a little -- 700 00:14:28,755 --> 00:14:31,463 Mad? Why would I be mad? 701 00:14:28,755 --> 00:14:31,463 I-I should be proud. 702 00:14:28,755 --> 00:14:31,463 - Should be proud. 703 00:14:31,505 --> 00:14:33,338 So you're saying you're not -- 704 00:14:31,505 --> 00:14:33,338 you're not proud of me? 705 00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:34,755 Uh, so, where are you now? 706 00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:34,755 Like, what city? 707 00:14:34,797 --> 00:14:36,672 Uh, I am in... 708 00:14:36,714 --> 00:14:38,463 Oh, boy, 709 00:14:36,714 --> 00:14:38,463 I can't even keep track. 710 00:14:38,505 --> 00:14:39,797 Oh, Sacramento. 711 00:14:39,839 --> 00:14:41,422 Jesus. 712 00:14:39,839 --> 00:14:41,422 Man, I'm like a rock star, 713 00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:42,630 just moving 714 00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:42,630 around the country. 715 00:14:42,672 --> 00:14:44,422 "Good morning, Sacramento!" 716 00:14:47,046 --> 00:14:48,964 What else is going on? 717 00:14:47,046 --> 00:14:48,964 Where are the girls? 718 00:14:49,005 --> 00:14:51,213 Uh, I locked them 719 00:14:49,005 --> 00:14:51,213 in a supply closet. 720 00:14:51,255 --> 00:14:53,046 Oh, good, good. 721 00:14:51,255 --> 00:14:53,046 That's good. 722 00:14:53,088 --> 00:14:55,088 Closet's good. There's a lot 723 00:14:53,088 --> 00:14:55,088 of space, probably. 724 00:14:55,130 --> 00:14:56,505 It's big. 725 00:14:55,130 --> 00:14:56,505 There's a window. 726 00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:58,046 Oh, perfect. 727 00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:58,046 That's all they need. 728 00:14:58,088 --> 00:14:59,880 They're like plants. 729 00:14:59,922 --> 00:15:01,255 I miss you. 730 00:15:01,296 --> 00:15:02,797 Um, it's been great. 731 00:15:02,839 --> 00:15:04,630 Tell you, it's a little 732 00:15:02,839 --> 00:15:04,630 stressful, though, 733 00:15:04,672 --> 00:15:06,839 'cause they keep asking about 734 00:15:04,672 --> 00:15:06,839 Books Two and Three, you know? 735 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:08,672 I keep trying to give off 736 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:08,672 the impression that I'm, like, 737 00:15:08,714 --> 00:15:11,547 this genius full of ideas, but 738 00:15:08,714 --> 00:15:11,547 I'm mysterious and enigmatic. 739 00:15:11,588 --> 00:15:13,130 J.D. Salinger. 740 00:15:13,171 --> 00:15:14,714 Don't know how long 741 00:15:13,171 --> 00:15:14,714 I can pull that off. 742 00:15:14,755 --> 00:15:16,839 I mean, I came up 743 00:15:14,755 --> 00:15:16,839 with the first book idea 744 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:18,338 when I was watching 745 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:18,338 a "Fluppies" marathon, 746 00:15:18,380 --> 00:15:20,463 hammered on rosé. 747 00:15:20,505 --> 00:15:22,797 So maybe I should re-create 748 00:15:20,505 --> 00:15:22,797 that whole type of magic. 749 00:15:20,505 --> 00:15:22,797 Ha ha ha ha! 750 00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:24,380 That's a funny story, babe. 751 00:15:24,422 --> 00:15:26,005 Is it breaking up 752 00:15:24,422 --> 00:15:26,005 on your end, too? 753 00:15:26,046 --> 00:15:28,213 Uh, no. 754 00:15:26,046 --> 00:15:28,213 You're coming in perfectly. 755 00:15:28,255 --> 00:15:29,922 Free...zing. 756 00:15:29,964 --> 00:15:32,255 Can't...hear...boop... 757 00:15:32,296 --> 00:15:35,672 Uh... 758 00:15:32,296 --> 00:15:35,672 Honey, you're -- 759 00:15:32,296 --> 00:15:35,672 you're clearly faking. 760 00:15:35,714 --> 00:15:37,880 I just saw Scotty wave at me. 761 00:15:37,922 --> 00:15:39,463 [ Keyboard clacks, 762 00:15:37,922 --> 00:15:39,463 computer beeps ] 763 00:15:45,213 --> 00:15:53,547 ♪♪ 764 00:15:53,588 --> 00:15:54,797 Hello, Amy. 765 00:15:54,839 --> 00:15:56,714 Great. 766 00:15:56,755 --> 00:15:59,380 I sound like I'm gonna wash her 767 00:15:56,755 --> 00:15:59,380 liver down with a good Chianti. 768 00:16:01,255 --> 00:16:03,755 Oh, sweet Jesus. 769 00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,130 Babe, where to start? 770 00:16:05,171 --> 00:16:06,588 Oh, my God. 771 00:16:06,630 --> 00:16:09,463 Is it the flannel 772 00:16:06,630 --> 00:16:09,463 or the jacket or the boots? 773 00:16:09,505 --> 00:16:13,380 Yes, yes, yes, yes, 774 00:16:09,505 --> 00:16:13,380 and hard yes. 775 00:16:13,422 --> 00:16:15,630 You were Nathan's mentor, 776 00:16:13,422 --> 00:16:15,630 okay? 777 00:16:15,672 --> 00:16:17,547 That dynamic 778 00:16:15,672 --> 00:16:17,547 never really changes. 779 00:16:17,588 --> 00:16:18,964 What about you? 780 00:16:17,588 --> 00:16:18,964 You nervous? 781 00:16:19,005 --> 00:16:20,588 Ain't no thing. 782 00:16:20,630 --> 00:16:22,547 Just need to correctly 783 00:16:20,630 --> 00:16:22,547 pronounce French menu items 784 00:16:22,588 --> 00:16:25,088 while trying to decide whether 785 00:16:22,588 --> 00:16:25,088 I let her know I'm pregnant 786 00:16:25,130 --> 00:16:27,171 or let her think it's 787 00:16:25,130 --> 00:16:27,171 a biére bell-ey. 788 00:16:27,213 --> 00:16:28,672 Mm, when you go all French. 789 00:16:27,213 --> 00:16:28,672 Yeah? 790 00:16:28,714 --> 00:16:29,839 Yeah. 791 00:16:28,714 --> 00:16:29,839 Izzy: Yay! 792 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:31,171 You're open for business again? 793 00:16:31,213 --> 00:16:33,714 Wow. 794 00:16:31,213 --> 00:16:33,714 We will talk about that later. 795 00:16:33,755 --> 00:16:35,964 I'm open for selfless service 796 00:16:33,755 --> 00:16:35,964 to relax me before my interview. 797 00:16:36,005 --> 00:16:37,630 Uh, pass, but I have a gift. 798 00:16:37,672 --> 00:16:39,922 -Aww. 799 00:16:37,672 --> 00:16:39,922 -It's symbolic. 800 00:16:39,964 --> 00:16:43,630 Pumpkin spice. The official shit 801 00:16:39,964 --> 00:16:43,630 candle of Hawthorne Heights. 802 00:16:43,672 --> 00:16:45,130 -Oh, that's the good stuff. 803 00:16:43,672 --> 00:16:45,130 -Starting to get 804 00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,005 the human feces- 805 00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,005 pumpkin spice connection. 806 00:16:47,046 --> 00:16:48,380 -Pregnancy. 807 00:16:47,046 --> 00:16:48,380 -Okay. 808 00:16:48,422 --> 00:16:50,380 Over the next few days, 809 00:16:50,422 --> 00:16:53,588 I'm going to sincerely try 810 00:16:50,422 --> 00:16:53,588 to shed my prejudices 811 00:16:53,630 --> 00:16:55,213 and love the 'burbs. 812 00:16:55,255 --> 00:16:57,213 Like, totally buy the T-shirt. 813 00:16:55,255 --> 00:16:57,213 Mm, there really is a -- 814 00:16:57,255 --> 00:17:00,130 I'm not gonna buy the T-shirt, 815 00:16:57,255 --> 00:17:00,130 Jack, but, um, 816 00:17:00,171 --> 00:17:02,422 I'm gonna get a real job 817 00:17:00,171 --> 00:17:02,422 with a real salary 818 00:17:02,463 --> 00:17:05,380 so I can help us get the loan 819 00:17:02,463 --> 00:17:05,380 for the house. 820 00:17:05,422 --> 00:17:07,672 -Isabelle Silva, you are -- 821 00:17:05,422 --> 00:17:07,672 -Wait, wait, wait. 822 00:17:07,714 --> 00:17:09,422 There's more. Sit. 823 00:17:12,171 --> 00:17:13,463 Drum roll, please! 824 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,213 Okay. Stop. 825 00:17:18,255 --> 00:17:20,797 There's a gas leak, and 826 00:17:18,255 --> 00:17:20,797 I'm the only one with a mask. 827 00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:22,422 Okay, here it is: 828 00:17:22,463 --> 00:17:24,630 It is almost 829 00:17:22,463 --> 00:17:24,630 the one-year anniversary 830 00:17:24,672 --> 00:17:27,296 of the day I showed up at 831 00:17:24,672 --> 00:17:27,296 your front door like a weirdo, 832 00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:32,046 so I'm planning my first 833 00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:32,046 bougie suburban blowout! 834 00:17:32,088 --> 00:17:33,797 Ha! 835 00:17:32,088 --> 00:17:33,797 A night to forget, 836 00:17:33,839 --> 00:17:35,171 assuming 837 00:17:33,839 --> 00:17:35,171 I get properly wasted, 838 00:17:35,213 --> 00:17:37,672 which I can 839 00:17:35,213 --> 00:17:37,672 pretty much guarantee. 840 00:17:38,797 --> 00:17:41,463 Come here. 841 00:17:41,505 --> 00:17:42,797 What's got you 842 00:17:41,505 --> 00:17:42,797 all frisky? 843 00:17:42,839 --> 00:17:44,505 -You, making an effort. 844 00:17:42,839 --> 00:17:44,505 -I am. 845 00:17:44,547 --> 00:17:45,714 -Mm-hmm. 846 00:17:44,547 --> 00:17:45,714 -Yeah, when I want some, 847 00:17:45,755 --> 00:17:46,755 I clean the kitchen. 848 00:17:46,797 --> 00:17:47,755 -Oh, really? 849 00:17:46,797 --> 00:17:47,755 -Oh, yeah. 850 00:17:47,797 --> 00:17:49,130 So hot. 851 00:17:47,797 --> 00:17:49,130 -Is it? 852 00:17:49,171 --> 00:17:51,088 So sexy. 853 00:17:51,130 --> 00:17:52,422 Let's relax 854 00:17:51,130 --> 00:17:52,422 before your interview. 855 00:17:52,463 --> 00:17:53,588 Mm! 856 00:17:54,964 --> 00:17:56,714 Mm. Mm. 857 00:17:56,755 --> 00:17:58,880 -I can't. Seriously, I can't. 858 00:17:56,755 --> 00:17:58,880 -No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 859 00:17:58,922 --> 00:18:00,630 I have to leave 860 00:17:58,922 --> 00:18:00,630 in like 10 minutes. 861 00:18:00,672 --> 00:18:02,505 I know that sounds like 862 00:18:00,672 --> 00:18:02,505 the dog ate my libido, but -- 863 00:18:02,547 --> 00:18:04,505 No, no, it's fine. 864 00:18:02,547 --> 00:18:04,505 Yeah, we're good. 865 00:18:04,547 --> 00:18:06,005 Whenever you're ready. 866 00:18:04,547 --> 00:18:06,005 No. 867 00:18:06,046 --> 00:18:08,005 No, I am gonna walk out 868 00:18:06,046 --> 00:18:08,005 that door, 869 00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:09,839 and you two 870 00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:09,839 are gonna do the nasty. 871 00:18:11,130 --> 00:18:12,630 But, seriously, get weird 872 00:18:12,672 --> 00:18:15,588 because only having sex 873 00:18:12,672 --> 00:18:15,588 in threes is a poly foul! 874 00:18:15,630 --> 00:18:16,797 -She's still doing that. 875 00:18:18,380 --> 00:18:19,964 It was never gonna happen, 876 00:18:18,380 --> 00:18:19,964 but then she did... 877 00:18:20,005 --> 00:18:22,630 Yeah, she totally ruined it 878 00:18:20,005 --> 00:18:22,630 with that hand-gesture thing. 879 00:18:22,672 --> 00:18:24,005 Later. 880 00:18:22,672 --> 00:18:24,005 Yeah. 881 00:18:24,046 --> 00:18:26,213 So, going out with one 882 00:18:24,046 --> 00:18:26,213 of my many male friends. 883 00:18:26,255 --> 00:18:28,338 Gonna have some beezos 884 00:18:26,255 --> 00:18:28,338 with ma brah. 885 00:18:28,380 --> 00:18:31,088 Oh, hey, um, P.S. -- 886 00:18:28,380 --> 00:18:31,088 No one says that. 887 00:18:31,130 --> 00:18:32,630 So just -- just don't. 888 00:18:32,672 --> 00:18:36,839 Also, if you plan on 889 00:18:32,672 --> 00:18:36,839 having sex with me ever again, 890 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:40,714 you need to take off 891 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:40,714 these clothes -- now. 892 00:18:40,755 --> 00:18:42,296 What's wrong with this? 893 00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:44,630 I care. I care. 894 00:18:44,672 --> 00:18:48,046 ♪ He-e-e-y, yo ♪ 895 00:18:48,088 --> 00:18:49,088 ♪ Let's go ♪ 896 00:18:49,130 --> 00:18:50,630 ♪ He-e-e-y ♪ 897 00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:54,213 [ Piano music plays, 898 00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:54,213 indistinct conversations ] 899 00:18:57,380 --> 00:19:01,046 Well, turns out there 900 00:18:57,380 --> 00:19:01,046 really is a Pinot Grigio bar 901 00:19:01,088 --> 00:19:03,171 that serves nothing 902 00:19:01,088 --> 00:19:03,171 but Pinot Grigio. 903 00:19:03,213 --> 00:19:05,296 I did not know that. 904 00:19:05,338 --> 00:19:08,255 Um, I mean, 905 00:19:05,338 --> 00:19:08,255 it is called "Grigio." 906 00:19:08,296 --> 00:19:10,964 Yeah, I just thought 907 00:19:08,296 --> 00:19:10,964 it was Mexican. 908 00:19:11,005 --> 00:19:13,338 You know, um, I was -- 909 00:19:13,380 --> 00:19:16,296 I was drunk most 910 00:19:13,380 --> 00:19:16,296 of the summer after Jess left 911 00:19:16,338 --> 00:19:19,171 and then gave up all booze 912 00:19:16,338 --> 00:19:19,171 except white 913 00:19:19,213 --> 00:19:22,547 because what man really wants 914 00:19:19,213 --> 00:19:22,547 to binge white wine? 915 00:19:22,588 --> 00:19:24,422 Yeah, or drink it at all. 916 00:19:26,797 --> 00:19:28,380 Uh, 917 00:19:26,797 --> 00:19:28,380 I'm just messing with you. 918 00:19:28,422 --> 00:19:29,964 That's it. 919 00:19:28,422 --> 00:19:29,964 All right, man. 920 00:19:30,005 --> 00:19:32,046 You know, 921 00:19:30,005 --> 00:19:32,046 divorce laid me out, man. 922 00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,505 Um, but now I'm getting 923 00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,505 my act together, 924 00:19:34,547 --> 00:19:35,880 really taking the wheel. 925 00:19:35,922 --> 00:19:37,213 That was 926 00:19:35,922 --> 00:19:37,213 one of the books I read. 927 00:19:37,255 --> 00:19:38,338 "Take the Wheel!!!" 928 00:19:38,380 --> 00:19:39,714 Ooh. 929 00:19:39,755 --> 00:19:42,380 Do you have to yell it? 930 00:19:42,422 --> 00:19:45,005 Well, it's got 931 00:19:42,422 --> 00:19:45,005 three exclamation points, so... 932 00:19:45,046 --> 00:19:46,714 Makes sense. 933 00:19:45,046 --> 00:19:46,714 Yeah. 934 00:19:46,755 --> 00:19:48,630 Anything else 935 00:19:46,755 --> 00:19:48,630 you had to give up? 936 00:19:48,672 --> 00:19:50,422 Uh, yeah, actually. 937 00:19:50,463 --> 00:19:53,422 Uh, uh, red meat, 938 00:19:50,463 --> 00:19:53,422 then meat of every hue. 939 00:19:53,463 --> 00:19:56,547 Uh, carbs, sugar, 940 00:19:53,463 --> 00:19:56,547 weed, television. 941 00:19:56,588 --> 00:19:59,547 Replaced that all 942 00:19:56,588 --> 00:19:59,547 with gallons of water, 943 00:19:59,588 --> 00:20:01,005 at least an hour of cardio 944 00:19:59,588 --> 00:20:01,005 a day, 945 00:20:01,046 --> 00:20:02,588 meditation, 946 00:20:01,046 --> 00:20:02,588 deep breathing... 947 00:20:02,630 --> 00:20:05,588 Jesus. 948 00:20:02,630 --> 00:20:05,588 So much self-flagellation. 949 00:20:05,630 --> 00:20:09,213 You know, um, I got nuked. 950 00:20:09,255 --> 00:20:13,463 And, uh, 951 00:20:09,255 --> 00:20:13,463 it was the opposite of mutual. 952 00:20:13,505 --> 00:20:17,922 So I won't be offended 953 00:20:17,964 --> 00:20:21,380 if you find someone else 954 00:20:17,964 --> 00:20:21,380 for ManFest 2019. 955 00:20:23,005 --> 00:20:27,255 You know, my dad was 956 00:20:23,005 --> 00:20:27,255 a man among men, right? 957 00:20:27,296 --> 00:20:29,547 He just really knew 958 00:20:27,296 --> 00:20:29,547 how to hang. He... 959 00:20:29,588 --> 00:20:31,130 Whenever his posse came over 960 00:20:31,171 --> 00:20:33,755 for a basketball game 961 00:20:31,171 --> 00:20:33,755 or something, he was -- 962 00:20:33,797 --> 00:20:35,255 You could just tell 963 00:20:33,797 --> 00:20:35,255 he was the top dawg. 964 00:20:35,296 --> 00:20:36,588 You know, 965 00:20:35,296 --> 00:20:36,588 like everywhere he was 966 00:20:36,630 --> 00:20:38,296 was the center of the room. 967 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:41,296 That's, uh...great? 968 00:20:41,338 --> 00:20:42,964 I'm sorry. 969 00:20:43,005 --> 00:20:45,630 I've just been thinking 970 00:20:43,005 --> 00:20:45,630 a lot about my dad lately 971 00:20:45,672 --> 00:20:47,088 since I'm about to be one. 972 00:20:47,130 --> 00:20:49,380 - Right. Yeah. 973 00:20:47,130 --> 00:20:49,380 - Mm. 974 00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:51,005 Maybe we can help 975 00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:51,005 each other. 976 00:20:51,046 --> 00:20:53,213 Okay, yeah. 977 00:20:53,255 --> 00:20:54,922 - Cheers. 978 00:20:53,255 --> 00:20:54,922 - Cheers. 979 00:20:54,964 --> 00:20:56,672 To manhood. 980 00:20:58,088 --> 00:20:59,255 Yes! 981 00:20:59,296 --> 00:21:01,714 Ah-ha, the burn! 982 00:20:59,296 --> 00:21:01,714 Mm! 983 00:21:01,755 --> 00:21:03,964 That's some wicked fucking 984 00:21:01,755 --> 00:21:03,964 Greezhe right there. 985 00:21:04,005 --> 00:21:06,714 Yeah, you're, uh, ahem, 986 00:21:04,005 --> 00:21:06,714 not supposed to -- 987 00:21:06,755 --> 00:21:08,463 You know what's even better 988 00:21:06,755 --> 00:21:08,463 than a white-wine bar? 989 00:21:08,505 --> 00:21:10,380 - Hmm? 990 00:21:08,505 --> 00:21:10,380 - Absolutely everything. 991 00:21:10,422 --> 00:21:11,797 Okay. 992 00:21:11,839 --> 00:21:14,296 But especially a bar 993 00:21:11,839 --> 00:21:14,296 that hasn't opened yet. 994 00:21:14,338 --> 00:21:15,296 - Okay. 995 00:21:15,338 --> 00:21:16,588 Yeah, I know a place. 996 00:21:16,630 --> 00:21:17,797 I think one of my wives 997 00:21:16,630 --> 00:21:17,797 is there. 998 00:21:17,839 --> 00:21:20,880 Wait. What? 999 00:21:22,046 --> 00:21:24,130 Emma, your qualifications 1000 00:21:22,046 --> 00:21:24,130 are impeccable. 1001 00:21:24,171 --> 00:21:25,880 Your references 1002 00:21:24,171 --> 00:21:25,880 gave glowing reports, 1003 00:21:25,922 --> 00:21:27,588 with the exception 1004 00:21:25,922 --> 00:21:27,588 of Dani Monro, 1005 00:21:27,630 --> 00:21:28,880 who called you 1006 00:21:27,630 --> 00:21:28,880 a traitorous pervert, 1007 00:21:28,922 --> 00:21:30,880 but she says that 1008 00:21:28,922 --> 00:21:30,880 about everybody. 1009 00:21:30,922 --> 00:21:33,588 Your portfolio 1010 00:21:30,922 --> 00:21:33,588 speaks for itself. 1011 00:21:33,630 --> 00:21:36,422 However, I am left 1012 00:21:33,630 --> 00:21:36,422 wondering one thing. 1013 00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:38,547 How I managed to kick 1014 00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:38,547 this much professional butt 1015 00:21:38,588 --> 00:21:40,547 in 27 short years? 1016 00:21:40,588 --> 00:21:43,422 S-Sorry. I, um -- I got 1017 00:21:40,588 --> 00:21:43,422 a little over my skis there. 1018 00:21:43,463 --> 00:21:45,046 Um, I'm really nervous. 1019 00:21:45,088 --> 00:21:47,380 - Sure. 1020 00:21:45,088 --> 00:21:47,380 - I'm not really 27. 1021 00:21:47,422 --> 00:21:49,130 Gasp. Astonishment. 1022 00:21:49,171 --> 00:21:50,296 What? No way. 1023 00:21:51,714 --> 00:21:55,755 So, just tell me about 1024 00:21:51,714 --> 00:21:55,755 your work-life balance. 1025 00:21:58,171 --> 00:22:00,255 Come on, Amy. I get it. 1026 00:21:58,171 --> 00:22:00,255 I get it. 1027 00:22:00,296 --> 00:22:02,839 You're hesitant to hire 1028 00:22:00,296 --> 00:22:02,839 anyone who's in the family way 1029 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:04,380 for such 1030 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:04,380 a high-level position. 1031 00:22:04,422 --> 00:22:06,255 You know, can't risk me 1032 00:22:04,422 --> 00:22:06,255 bailing six months in. 1033 00:22:06,296 --> 00:22:08,463 But, um, well, 1034 00:22:06,296 --> 00:22:08,463 once I have the girls -- 1035 00:22:08,505 --> 00:22:10,296 What's that? 1036 00:22:08,505 --> 00:22:10,296 Huh? 1037 00:22:10,338 --> 00:22:11,630 You said "girls." Plural. 1038 00:22:11,672 --> 00:22:14,505 Shit. Uh... 1039 00:22:14,547 --> 00:22:16,088 I'm having twins. 1040 00:22:16,130 --> 00:22:17,171 Oh. 1041 00:22:17,213 --> 00:22:18,588 Yeah, but Jack and Izzy -- 1042 00:22:18,630 --> 00:22:20,505 Wait. Izzy? 1043 00:22:18,630 --> 00:22:20,505 You already have a kid? 1044 00:22:23,714 --> 00:22:25,588 Hello? 1045 00:22:25,630 --> 00:22:27,672 Sorry. I just realized 1046 00:22:25,630 --> 00:22:27,672 that this interview 1047 00:22:27,714 --> 00:22:29,922 is gonna go a whole lot better 1048 00:22:27,714 --> 00:22:29,922 if I just stop talking. 1049 00:22:37,588 --> 00:22:39,714 Jack: Wait a second. 1050 00:22:39,755 --> 00:22:41,964 You're not at home, 1051 00:22:39,755 --> 00:22:41,964 alphabetizing the spice rack? 1052 00:22:42,005 --> 00:22:43,088 You're here 1053 00:22:42,005 --> 00:22:43,088 with Shaun and Nina? 1054 00:22:43,130 --> 00:22:44,255 -Hey, babe. 1055 00:22:43,130 --> 00:22:44,255 -What a surprise. 1056 00:22:44,296 --> 00:22:45,547 -What are you doing here? 1057 00:22:44,296 --> 00:22:45,547 -Hey. 1058 00:22:45,588 --> 00:22:46,839 -Hey. Mmmm! 1059 00:22:45,588 --> 00:22:46,839 -Nice T-shirts, hoss. 1060 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,171 Going for the whole 1061 00:22:48,213 --> 00:22:49,839 Douchebag-Jason-Bateman- 1062 00:22:48,213 --> 00:22:49,839 in-"Juno" look? 1063 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:51,964 No, this is actually -- 1064 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:51,964 The T-shirt-on-T-shirt look 1065 00:22:52,005 --> 00:22:53,755 is back in vogue, 1066 00:22:52,005 --> 00:22:53,755 I'll have you know. 1067 00:22:53,797 --> 00:22:55,505 Mnh. 1068 00:22:53,797 --> 00:22:55,505 You shoulda seen 1069 00:22:53,797 --> 00:22:55,505 what he was gonna wear. 1070 00:22:55,547 --> 00:22:56,839 It was -- It was very bad. 1071 00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:59,088 So, is this -- 1072 00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:59,088 This is your new brah? 1073 00:22:59,130 --> 00:23:02,672 Yeah. This is one of 1074 00:22:59,130 --> 00:23:02,672 my many male friends, Nathan. 1075 00:23:02,714 --> 00:23:03,672 Nathan, Izzy. 1076 00:23:03,714 --> 00:23:04,964 Hello. 1077 00:23:03,714 --> 00:23:04,964 Hi. Hey. 1078 00:23:05,005 --> 00:23:06,505 Your hubby hired me 1079 00:23:05,005 --> 00:23:06,505 as a counselor 1080 00:23:06,547 --> 00:23:08,046 at The Hawthorne School, 1081 00:23:08,088 --> 00:23:10,296 and, uh, now I'm doing his job 1082 00:23:08,088 --> 00:23:10,296 better than he ever did. 1083 00:23:10,338 --> 00:23:11,505 -Mmmm! 1084 00:23:10,338 --> 00:23:11,505 -Ooh! 1085 00:23:11,547 --> 00:23:13,380 Nina: Ooh! 1086 00:23:11,547 --> 00:23:13,380 Super impressive. 1087 00:23:13,422 --> 00:23:16,422 Oh, by the way, um, Carlton 1088 00:23:13,422 --> 00:23:16,422 from "Fresh Prince" called, 1089 00:23:16,463 --> 00:23:18,547 and he wants 1090 00:23:16,463 --> 00:23:18,547 his sweet pink sweater back. 1091 00:23:18,588 --> 00:23:20,338 Oh, well, I mean, 1092 00:23:18,588 --> 00:23:20,338 it -- It's not pink. 1093 00:23:20,380 --> 00:23:22,171 It's -- It's Sunset Rose, 1094 00:23:22,213 --> 00:23:23,672 and it was actually 1095 00:23:22,213 --> 00:23:23,672 very expensive, so... 1096 00:23:22,213 --> 00:23:23,672 Don't even bother. 1097 00:23:23,714 --> 00:23:25,171 You'll just make it worse 1098 00:23:23,714 --> 00:23:25,171 with her, right? 1099 00:23:25,213 --> 00:23:27,046 -Yeah. 1100 00:23:25,213 --> 00:23:27,046 -Yep. 1101 00:23:27,088 --> 00:23:28,714 Izzy is also a shrink. 1102 00:23:28,755 --> 00:23:30,839 She works with troubled teens 1103 00:23:28,755 --> 00:23:30,839 at Directions. 1104 00:23:28,755 --> 00:23:30,839 Oh. 1105 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,588 Well, barely, since 1106 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,588 the budget cuts, but, yes, I am. 1107 00:23:33,630 --> 00:23:35,088 Well, I'm sorry to hear that. 1108 00:23:35,130 --> 00:23:37,463 And, I mean, if you weren't 1109 00:23:35,130 --> 00:23:37,463 currently doing drugs, 1110 00:23:37,505 --> 00:23:39,797 I would ask 1111 00:23:37,505 --> 00:23:39,797 if you were interested 1112 00:23:39,839 --> 00:23:41,547 in the fulfilling world 1113 00:23:39,839 --> 00:23:41,547 of education. 1114 00:23:41,588 --> 00:23:45,380 Mm, thanks, but you can keep 1115 00:23:41,588 --> 00:23:45,380 your, uh, entitled rich kids 1116 00:23:45,422 --> 00:23:47,630 with their faux damage, and 1117 00:23:45,422 --> 00:23:47,630 I will continue saving the world 1118 00:23:47,672 --> 00:23:50,171 in just 18 hours a week. 1119 00:23:51,255 --> 00:23:52,463 Would you like some? 1120 00:23:52,505 --> 00:23:55,005 No, I am good, thank you. 1121 00:23:52,505 --> 00:23:55,005 I can't. 1122 00:23:55,046 --> 00:23:58,505 Said every man who paid too much 1123 00:23:55,046 --> 00:23:58,505 for a Sunset Rose sweater. 1124 00:23:58,547 --> 00:24:00,130 I can. 1125 00:24:00,171 --> 00:24:01,338 Hello, old friend. 1126 00:24:01,380 --> 00:24:03,505 Nina: Oh, shit! 1127 00:24:01,380 --> 00:24:03,505 You guys made it! 1128 00:24:03,547 --> 00:24:04,797 Awesome! 1129 00:24:03,547 --> 00:24:04,797 -Hey! 1130 00:24:04,839 --> 00:24:07,255 Shaun: Hey! 1131 00:24:04,839 --> 00:24:07,255 Drinks are on the house! 1132 00:24:07,296 --> 00:24:10,255 But only 'cause I can't 1133 00:24:07,296 --> 00:24:10,255 legally charge you for them yet. 1134 00:24:10,296 --> 00:24:12,839 Who wants shots? 1135 00:24:10,296 --> 00:24:12,839 Yeah? 1136 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:14,130 -Oh, yeah. 1137 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:14,130 -Go for it. 1138 00:24:14,171 --> 00:24:15,797 Shaun: 1139 00:24:14,171 --> 00:24:15,797 Straight for the top shelf, huh? 1140 00:24:15,839 --> 00:24:17,880 Nothing but the best for 1141 00:24:15,839 --> 00:24:17,880 all these non-paying customers. 1142 00:24:17,922 --> 00:24:20,171 Good. Awesome. 1143 00:24:17,922 --> 00:24:20,171 Have at it. 1144 00:24:20,213 --> 00:24:21,338 Mm! 1145 00:24:21,380 --> 00:24:22,505 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 1146 00:24:22,547 --> 00:24:24,046 Big Dog's off his leash! 1147 00:24:24,088 --> 00:24:25,463 Don't just stand there. 1148 00:24:24,088 --> 00:24:25,463 Bust a move. 1149 00:24:25,505 --> 00:24:27,005 Hey, check it out. 1150 00:24:27,046 --> 00:24:28,171 -Shit! 1151 00:24:27,046 --> 00:24:28,171 -Nailed it! 1152 00:24:28,213 --> 00:24:29,338 -Babe, put it down. 1153 00:24:28,213 --> 00:24:29,338 -No. 1154 00:24:29,380 --> 00:24:31,213 That's a hard no, 1155 00:24:29,380 --> 00:24:31,213 John McClane. 1156 00:24:31,255 --> 00:24:32,505 -There you go. 1157 00:24:31,255 --> 00:24:32,505 -Thanks. 1158 00:24:32,547 --> 00:24:34,088 So, uh, 1159 00:24:32,547 --> 00:24:34,088 what're you drinking? 1160 00:24:34,130 --> 00:24:36,130 Oh, you know, 1161 00:24:34,130 --> 00:24:36,130 I'll have a club s-- It's fine. 1162 00:24:36,171 --> 00:24:39,296 You know, I-I've already had 1163 00:24:36,171 --> 00:24:39,296 my limit of Pinot Grigio, so... 1164 00:24:39,338 --> 00:24:42,213 That sentence is gonna -- 1165 00:24:39,338 --> 00:24:42,213 is gonna haunt you for a while. 1166 00:24:42,255 --> 00:24:44,130 Mm. 1167 00:24:42,255 --> 00:24:44,130 Hey, for shits and giggles, 1168 00:24:44,171 --> 00:24:45,880 why don't 1169 00:24:44,171 --> 00:24:45,880 you just pitch me this job? 1170 00:24:45,922 --> 00:24:47,839 Maybe I'll be interested. 1171 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,130 Well, there it is, that unearned 1172 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,130 twenty-something arrogance. 1173 00:24:51,171 --> 00:24:54,255 You know, if I didn't currently 1174 00:24:51,171 --> 00:24:54,255 have a stack of résumés 1175 00:24:54,296 --> 00:24:56,296 from way more qualified 1176 00:24:54,296 --> 00:24:56,296 candidates than you 1177 00:24:56,338 --> 00:24:59,755 who never once really dissed 1178 00:24:56,338 --> 00:24:59,755 this wonderful sweater, I -- 1179 00:24:59,797 --> 00:25:01,714 You're not listening -- 1180 00:25:01,755 --> 00:25:04,255 I wouldn't hire you. 1181 00:25:04,296 --> 00:25:05,588 -Whoo-hoo! 1182 00:25:04,296 --> 00:25:05,588 -Here's the floss. 1183 00:25:05,630 --> 00:25:07,672 Man: Whoo! Whoo! 1184 00:25:07,714 --> 00:25:11,463 Wow. Uh, this is gonna end 1185 00:25:07,714 --> 00:25:11,463 poorly for Big Dog. 1186 00:25:11,505 --> 00:25:13,964 God, let's hope so. 1187 00:25:14,005 --> 00:25:16,630 I'm married to him. 1188 00:25:16,672 --> 00:25:18,672 So if you think I can't 1189 00:25:16,672 --> 00:25:18,672 create multiple humans, 1190 00:25:18,714 --> 00:25:20,505 maintain a healthy marriage 1191 00:25:18,714 --> 00:25:20,505 to two spouses, 1192 00:25:20,547 --> 00:25:22,547 and slay dragons at work, 1193 00:25:20,547 --> 00:25:22,547 then you haven't met me, lady, 1194 00:25:22,588 --> 00:25:24,880 because I am still 1195 00:25:22,588 --> 00:25:24,880 Emma Goddamn Trakarsky, 1196 00:25:24,922 --> 00:25:26,588 not some mobile incubator 1197 00:25:24,922 --> 00:25:26,588 who drops everything 1198 00:25:26,630 --> 00:25:27,880 to wipe babies' butts 1199 00:25:27,922 --> 00:25:30,046 and yell at passing cars 1200 00:25:27,922 --> 00:25:30,046 to slow down! 1201 00:25:30,088 --> 00:25:31,880 Ow! Ow. 1202 00:25:31,922 --> 00:25:33,588 -D-Did you just say "ow"? 1203 00:25:31,922 --> 00:25:33,588 -Mm-hmm! 1204 00:25:33,630 --> 00:25:35,296 Mm, ahh! 1205 00:25:35,338 --> 00:25:37,588 Sorry. I feel like 1206 00:25:35,338 --> 00:25:37,588 I ate a couple puppies, 1207 00:25:37,630 --> 00:25:39,422 and they grew into 1208 00:25:37,630 --> 00:25:39,422 two very large Dobermans, 1209 00:25:39,463 --> 00:25:41,964 and they're currently trying 1210 00:25:39,463 --> 00:25:41,964 to eat their way out of me. 1211 00:25:42,005 --> 00:25:45,005 - Oh, dear. 1212 00:25:42,005 --> 00:25:45,005 - Yeah, but I'm -- 1213 00:25:42,005 --> 00:25:45,005 I'm just gonna play it cool 1214 00:25:45,046 --> 00:25:48,463 until you tell me I'm 1215 00:25:45,046 --> 00:25:48,463 definitely not getting this job. 1216 00:25:48,505 --> 00:25:53,088 Yeah, you are definitely 1217 00:25:48,505 --> 00:25:53,088 not getting this job. 1218 00:25:53,130 --> 00:25:55,213 Okay. 1219 00:25:53,130 --> 00:25:55,213 No hard feelings. 1220 00:25:55,255 --> 00:25:57,213 I'm just gonna call 911. 1221 00:25:58,422 --> 00:26:00,880 Hi. 1222 00:25:58,422 --> 00:26:00,880 This is Emma Trakarsky, 1223 00:26:00,922 --> 00:26:02,797 and, uh, yeah, I, um... 1224 00:26:00,922 --> 00:26:02,797 -Oh, dear. 1225 00:26:02,839 --> 00:26:04,714 Oh, my God, 1226 00:26:02,839 --> 00:26:04,714 I'm about to explode! 1227 00:26:04,755 --> 00:26:06,588 -Sorry. 1228 00:26:04,755 --> 00:26:06,588 -Yeah, no. No, no, no, no. 1229 00:26:06,630 --> 00:26:08,922 No need 1230 00:26:06,630 --> 00:26:08,922 to call Homeland Security. 1231 00:26:08,964 --> 00:26:10,714 Check, please. 1232 00:26:10,755 --> 00:26:13,505 [ Rock music plays, 1233 00:26:10,755 --> 00:26:13,505 indistinct conversations ] 1234 00:26:13,547 --> 00:26:16,588 ♪♪ 1235 00:26:19,130 --> 00:26:22,964 ♪♪ 1236 00:26:23,005 --> 00:26:25,755 Jack. Izzy. 1237 00:26:25,797 --> 00:26:29,088 Jack! Izzy! 1238 00:26:32,630 --> 00:26:34,755 Jack. Izzy. 1239 00:26:32,630 --> 00:26:34,755 -Yeah? 1240 00:26:34,797 --> 00:26:38,922 ♪♪ 1241 00:26:38,964 --> 00:26:40,588 Can you turn down 1242 00:26:38,964 --> 00:26:40,588 the music? 1243 00:26:42,088 --> 00:26:44,088 Can you turn down 1244 00:26:42,088 --> 00:26:44,088 the fucking music?! 1245 00:26:45,505 --> 00:26:46,630 Emma. 1246 00:26:46,672 --> 00:26:49,046 ♪ No sun, and the sky is gray ♪ 1247 00:26:49,088 --> 00:26:52,046 ♪ Find a good path 1248 00:26:49,088 --> 00:26:52,046 in the right place ♪ 1249 00:26:52,088 --> 00:26:55,046 ♪ And let all your little walls 1250 00:26:52,088 --> 00:26:55,046 fall away to the floor ♪ 1251 00:26:55,088 --> 00:26:58,839 ♪ You'll be thanking yourself 1252 00:26:55,088 --> 00:26:58,839 when you open the door ♪ 1253 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,714 ♪ All you got to do 1254 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,714 is keep moving ♪ 1255 00:27:01,755 --> 00:27:03,213 ♪ Keep moving ♪ 1256 00:27:03,255 --> 00:27:04,880 ♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh ♪ 1257 00:27:04,922 --> 00:27:07,797 ♪ All you got to do 1258 00:27:04,922 --> 00:27:07,797 is keep moving ♪ 1259 00:27:07,839 --> 00:27:09,338 ♪ Keep moving on ♪ 1260 00:27:09,380 --> 00:27:10,880 ♪ Keep moving ♪ 1261 00:27:10,922 --> 00:27:13,714 ♪ All you got to do 1262 00:27:10,922 --> 00:27:13,714 is keep moving ♪ 1263 00:27:13,755 --> 00:27:15,088 ♪ Keep moving ♪ 1264 00:27:15,130 --> 00:27:16,922 ♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh ♪ 1265 00:27:16,964 --> 00:27:19,714 ♪ All you got to do 1266 00:27:16,964 --> 00:27:19,714 is keep moving ♪ 1267 00:27:19,755 --> 00:27:26,422 ♪♪ 1268 00:27:26,463 --> 00:27:32,088 ♪♪74820

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