Original subtitles

Thank you.

Thank you.

Going, going, going.

For the last time, gone.

You, sir.

Now we come to lot 35.

Venetian vase and pedestal. You can see it over there on the left.

Hold it up, please.

There you go.

Now, what do I bid? Hello, Charlie. How's trade?

Trade, you call this?

What happens? You buy a deer and sell it to some lunatic who'll pay more? Who's

the real lunatic? Me, forever getting into it.

So I'm on the outside again.

Where does that get me?

You warn kids about crossing the road. Why not warn them about getting into the

antique trade?

So I got a shop full of antiques I can't sell.

And a friendly bank manager who rings up every five minutes. He's worrying about

my overdraft.

Why didn't I stick to the marketplace like the old dad?

He should have warned me.

I was only a kid at the time.

Hello, Mrs. Green.

It's later than you think.

If you could see your lungs, lady.

Have you had an X-ray lately, sir?

Smoke anti-asthma cigarettes and stay out of hospital.

Charlie, you've got them.

This will get us a crust.

The old dad, the job buyer, buying all sorts.

Never knew from week to week what he was going to sell.

And it generally didn't.

Borrows a fiver for Mr. Wendell. Payback Saturday with a quarter of the profits.

What profits?

All right.

So you buy cheap.

But if it don't sell, how cheap is it?

I was happy, though I was hungry.

That's a great thought.

And it happened.

Success.

500 old army boots. Nothing but boots.

A couple of hundred weight of boot polish.

Invalid Claret. Now that's odd.

Money in the biscuit tin at last.

Thanks.

See, Charlie, your dad's got a right idea.

You've got to specialize.

What's it to be, son?

I don't know.

I'm worried about you. Seriously worried.

You've got to have education.

Education. How was I to know he meant the British Museum?

That's where it caught up with me, in that place.

Take it all in, Charlie boy.

It's education.

Portland Vars, eh?

You all right, son?

Are you feeling sick, are you?

That enough?

Well, you haven't seen much.

I've seen a lot.

See what you're letting yourself in for?

Warn him, Dad, can't you?

A bad day when I bought that six-penny-worth of old catalogues and

found that newspaper cutting.

Look, Dad, look what I found.

A Chinese jade, a pair of Rockingham figures, and look, an old Wedgwood green

Portland vase.

It said it was made by this old code, Josiah Wedgwood.

In 1783.

Took him five years.

Five years, eh?

Took his time, didn't he?

It says it was perfect.

Nothing ever seemed like it.

A green Portland vase.

Oh, it's a nice vase. There's no argument about that.

But you'd never see it.

You never know, Dad.

I might.

But it's stolen property. It says so. Stolen 50 years ago.

I might find it.

But you couldn't sell it, anyhow.

I'd keep it myself.

Charlie boy, that's nowhere to talk. A dealer never keeps anything to himself

unless he finds himself stuck with it.

Then he's got to take it home.

His old woman cuts up rough.

Forget it, son.

A vase like that is out of this world.

Stick to trade.

Do as I done.

Specialise. I will. I'll specialise.

It'll be Wedgwood.

So I got stuck on Wedgwood.

Now, wherever I go, whatever I buy, there's always something I never find.

That green Portland vase.

Crazy.

Dad should have knocked my block off.

I'm glad you came back in time.

Did you do any business?

No, only an Australian. He wanted a little jug. They always do.

It's never little enough, or it's too little.

Well, don't buy any little jugs.

In fact, don't buy anything.

Oh, enter that in the ledger, will you?

Well, this week we eat.

Oh, the bank manager rang twice.

Hmm?

Hello, this is... Charlie there?

Who is that?

Fred. Fred?

Frames. Frames?

Hello,

Fred. Charlie, Fred here.

Come over and see me. What do you got?

Nothing's worth that.

Well, it's wet wood.

All right, I'll come straight over.

Ta-da.

Dobby, I go to see Fred.

Frames, Chelsea.

Mr. Frames, yes. Dobby, that's not his name. That's what he deals in. He buys

gilt frames, burns them down and collects the gold.

Gold? Is there any? Not much, but he gets what there is. He could get gold

out of a pawnbroker's tooth.

Be good.

Make some money.

What's your business?

Blimey, it's heartbreaking.

You kill your salt to foil two underweight frames, you burn them.

Now, they stick the ashes into the acid there. The chemical precipitates the

gold. Now, wait for it. Here it comes.

Here I ask you, a fortune.

Two underweight frames.

You do any export trade?

Here, your catalogue's over here.

Fred, this is a demolition site.

That's it.

Demolition job, period.

So somebody or other, it's empty.

It's got to be broken up, local housing scheme. Yeah, but a break-up job's no

good to me.

No? You look at it here.

Page two.

Look. One old room, plastered with wedgewood plaques. See?

Demolition job.

Antique dealers won't be there, you know. There's nothing for them.

Clear fill for you.

Would you want the catalogue, yes or no?

No one knows about it except the break-up boys. I've got it in the

country.

They even spelt Wedgwood wrong.

See, they don't know much.

Come and go. Give us the wax.

You're a croppy one, you are.

Well, pays the rent.

Where's the bullion?

Give me a second.

Brought something good.

Wedgewood. Loads of it. Here, take a look.

Mr. Toshack?

Oh, Mr. Toshack.

I've got a Wedgewood room.

It's a large room.

A plaque set in pine paneling.

The room is, um... 40 by 30.

Large tablet set as a freeze.

So, I'm telling you, Mr. Toshack, it's yours.

Don't always pass on something good.

Cut out the soft soap.

When you've got the goods, let me see you. That's all.

I'm busy.

Yes, but Mr. Toshack, it may cost quite a lot. Maybe 600 pounds, maybe more.

Okay, well, then you buy it, then.

Yes, but it'd save you a lot of money if I bought it for you.

No, Charlie, you buy it.

Well, if I buy it, Mr. Toshack, it'll cost you more. A dealer's got to live.

Why? I don't know why either. It's the custom of the trade.

Now, look, Mr. Toshack, if I buy it for you... No, Charlie, you buy it. You buy

it first.

Check. Check. But, Mr...

Tommy, get out of this business while you've got your health and strength.

Or better still, use your college education and take 600 in the shop

tomorrow. 600?

Well, you don't really mean it.

I never know whether you're joking or not. Me? I'm crying for the moon in 600.

Ring my wife, give her a surprise.

Tell her I'm coming home.

Hey, his pulse is beating on the top of his head, just here.

It's where it hasn't closed up yet.

Black boy.

Black boy?

Black boy is his latest invention.

Ticks him off all day.

Hey, you're not supposed to have seen that.

That's for the birthday. Top secret. Put it away.

He's breathing through his mouth again.

So long as he breathes.

I'm glad you're home, Ernie, because the pulley on the washing line's broken.

All right, all right. Give me a minute. I only just got in. Don't put it off,

because it'll never get done. All right, all right. Would you give me a hand with

the pram?

Why don't you leave it there? Well, it gets in the way of the door.

Put it up there, then. I can't get through from the kitchen.

I wish you'd ask Abe Sparter if I could put it in his shed. Look, Abe Sparter's

my landlord. Maybe he wants his own shed. I've asked you a thousand times.

Oh, don't call me baby. It always starts a row.

Charlie that was Madge She thinks she can get hold of a wonderful fur coat.

It's 100 guineas. Isn't pounds good enough for her? Yes, but she thinks she

can get it for 50. Fancy.

Fancy?

I thought you'd be excited.

I'm hysterical.

But don't you see, if you can get a 100-pound coat for 50 pounds, you've

saved 50. I have? Of course. What do I do with the 50? Well, buy the coat.

Look, you work in the shop.

I'll stay at home. It's cheaper.

Well, I'm sorry, but you did promise.

I know, I keep promising.

I promised you a fur coat for your birthday and I didn't get it, so all

right, I'm a heel. Oh, don't be silly, Charlie. I wouldn't hold you to it, you

know that. Now, don't start the forgiving stuff. Your note makes me mad.

You only want the row to make yourself feel good. I wish you'd nag like any

decent man. I think I'm being very nice about it. I'd send you through plates,

then. We've only got five in the house. Uh-huh.

Seriously, what worries me is that I promised it to you in front of the kid.

He's too young to understand.

Well, you can't break a promise in front of a kid. He's got to grow up right.

He's got to have morals or something.

He's going to know what's right, even if he does go into the business later on.

Oh, so it's him you're afraid of, not me. Oh.

Oh, come on, Charlie.

Snap out of it.

Hello, Madge. Is Charlie there?

Oh, yes.

Charlie. What?

Pay the rent.

Of course not.

Hello, Mr. Spada.

You got coal to spare, Charlie?

Coal?

Sure.

Mr. Sparta, can I come up and see you for a minute?

Well, you know what I am. Fine, I'll come straight up.

Put my dinner in the oven, honey. What's the matter?

I've got an idea. I can do a deal with Mr. Sparta.

Pie and panelling.

Wedgwood room.

Ask him if I can put the pram in his shed.

Oh, sure, sure.

Break the rest, why don't you? What good are they?

Ah, come in, Charlie.

The pleats, that woman breaks.

You got pleats in your shop? Bring them along, she'll break them.

What would he do if he couldn't complain?

How's the baby, Charlie? Fine, Mrs. Potter.

You want the cigar?

No, no, don't smoke the cigar.

That's a beautiful fire, Mr. Potter.

Yeah, I love a good fire. Sit down, Charlie.

I got onto something good today, Mr. Potter.

It's all right about that coal.

Oh, yes.

You burn a lot of coal, Mr. Potter.

Yeah, nearly 200 weights a week.

Sometimes nearly three.

It's a lot of coal.

So, Charlie boy.

Demolition. All the break-up boys will be there. Page two.

Page two.

Fine paneling. Should fetch a nice price in that room.

I want the Wedgwood plaques out of the paneling, but I can't get them without

buying the room.

And what will you do with the paneling? Sell it to you.

You mean I should buy the room and sell you the Wedgwood?

Well, that's another way of doing it, Mr. Sparrow. Any lead in the sale?

Oh, yes, sir.

Unless it's been stripped.

I'm going down tomorrow to take a look.

Sales the day after.

I like lead.

I bought this house, Charlie. You know why?

Little porches everywhere made of lead. Lead at 120 pounds a ton.

I cleared the purchase money of the house on lead.

Don't take very much to make a ton.

You're a great business man, Mr. Sparta.

How are you going?

Train. Chance to see who's coming.

Find out the trains. Get the tickets.

I'll come with you. Thanks, Mr. Sparta.

And don't forget about the coal.

Oh, no, no, no. I like coal.

I wouldn't like to see you get a cold, Mr. Sparta.

Not yet, anyway.

It worked.

I've had mine.

What happened?

Got myself a deal.

Never tell me.

All right.

I'm going to buy a room without buying it, give half to Abe Sparta, and then

sell what I haven't bought.

We'll see.

Did you ask about the pram? It didn't come up.

Take the bones out, honey. It's your dinner. You take the bones out.

The collar, the shirt.

I don't know why you have to have bones in your collar. My business, you've got

to look smart.

Madge called again.

She thinks she can get the coat.

Well, you pray that I get a Wedgwood room.

I will.

Hey, suppose I get it and Abe's powder backs out?

Ah, he wouldn't.

Maybe he drops dead.

Please, Abe, don't wait.

It's a big room.

Maybe there's a lot of wetswood.

Perhaps I can make a couple of hundred pound.

To put me square, you get your coat.

Thanks. Rotten French thanks.

Thanks.

That's 200 pounds I don't make.

What sort of fur coat do you get for two pounds?

You.

You started me off on the wrong foot.

Look what you got me into.

Thank you.

Hello, you.

Hello.

You're a dealer, aren't you?

Yes, I was just... Would you like to buy this?

Well, seeing it's

been in your possession, I'll give you ten shillings for it. Oh, I was hoping

you'd say two pounds.

I really need two pounds.

Only two.

All

right.

Does nobody ever argue with you?

I'm so glad you like to.

You're dead right.

Hey!

Grandfather's asleep.

Perhaps you'd like to look round.

You might see something you like better.

Yes, I might. Come on.

I was just tidying.

It builds up so. You men wouldn't understand.

Would you like to see in the sitting room? What about the old gentleman?

He's asleep.

Once he's asleep, he never wakes up.

Looks like it.

Wasn't that piece any good at all?

Oh, it's not bad, but it's not what I'm looking for.

You haven't any others by any chance?

There was something else.

Can I see it?

It broke.

I hid it because he gets so cross.

He's past 90 and he can't speak, but he curses you with his eyes.

Dreadful.

Perhaps I could find it.

Who is the old boy in there?

Sir John Nightingale. He's my great-great... I forget how many greats.

He owned the whole estate once.

He was very wicked.

In his young days, eh? All his days.

My mother says he's never done a good deed in his life.

At least not yet.

90, he's cutting it a bit fine, isn't he?

Tell me, was he a collector? I mean, did he collect special things like English

pottery or... Oh, yes, but all his collection was sold to pay debts years

ago. Even when they break up the mansion, he won't get a penny.

Yes, but maybe there's some of his collection around still. Oh, no, they

took everything.

All the families simply hate him. They allow him to use this cottage and some

poor relation has to come and look after him from time to time. I'm the poor

relation.

That's why I want it for two pounds.

A girl needs things.

A girl sometimes gets things.

Have you forgotten what you're looking for?

Yes. What was it?

Oh, the china ornament.

I know I put it where I should remember where it was.

It's not here.

No.

There.

That's something he couldn't sell.

Any good?

It looks a bit odd, doesn't it?

I was trying to stick it together, but the blue wasn't any good.

But if you like it, it is all there.

Ah, it's a pity.

Still, if this was here, there may be something else.

A blue vase, for instance, that looks, um... something like that.

Only maybe not blue, but green.

No.

I'm sorry.

And I would like to help. Yes, I know.

You've been very kind.

Tell you what, tit for tat, I'll help you with all this washing up.

Oh, no, this is woman's work.

It's Grandfather's supper.

I've got to get the vegetables. I'll be back in a minute.

Oh, take your time.

Thank you.

Just dusting, sir.

It's been a lovely day.

These are right.

I wonder if this is here.

If it is, then this must be here too.

I wonder where.

Feeling lazy?

Sorry I was so long.

You certainly pull a wonderful carrot. Yes, I'm very domesticated, really.

You don't know how hard it is to keep the kitchen clean.

Tell me, have you seen a sort of a Chinese statue knocking about anywhere?

You know, the kind that's got feet like that.

Hands like this and a Chinese head.

No.

Oh, that one.

Yes, it's in my bedroom.

Would you like to see it?

Perhaps it's worth something. Maybe.

Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Of course, it is a little... Broken? Only a little.

The room's a bit of a mess.

Charlie.

I was tidying.

Tidying or stock-taking?

Stock-taking.

Clothes. That's all a girl has.

What did I bring you here for? I forget.

I know it was a long time ago since we discussed it, about 30 seconds, but I

asked you about a Chinese figure.

A Chinese figure?

I used to have a Chinese figure in the bedroom.

Oh, that!

Of course! How could you forget?

Yes, of course. Here it is.

Oh, you are clumsy.

You could have caught it.

Well, we seem to have made a nasty mess of this one.

Still, there must be other things, Sir Deadly Hazard, I'd like to buy.

Like that vase I told you about.

You haven't broken a green vase, have you?

No. No, I'd remember.

Green's my colour. Oh.

Yeah.

Well, there must be something else.

You got an attic?

Oh, the attic, yes.

Well, you carry on tidying up, and I'll take a look. No, I'll come with you.

After all, I don't know you, do I?

Come to that, I don't even know your name.

Call me Nicky. Everyone does sooner or later.

Juno! Juno!

A dog's a form of protection, you know.

Against rats.

Juno! Juno!

Juno!

Come on. Hit you. Hit you.

Do you

mind if I look?

Grandfather's buzzer. We must go now. I can't leave you here alone.

Well, why don't you trust me?

You're very sweet, but you might be a burglar. Come along.

Come along.

There's nothing here anyway.

No, there's nothing.

What's the matter with you?

Those rats, is it?

Well, you've had your rats. You didn't offer me any.

Is it your bone?

Well, go and get it or don't go and get it. What do I care?

All right.

Come on, I'll get it for you.

I'm sorry I was so loud. I... I was looking for the dog's bone. It was

wedged under a box.

Oh, yes.

Can I wash my hands before I go?

While I was looking for the dog's bone, I... I found that thing.

Oh, yes?

Of course, it's green.

People expect wedgewood to be blue, but green, somebody might take a fancy to

it. If it cleans up all right.

I know, a girl needs things.

Even for a vase like that, you could get a five, huh?

Green's my color.

I think I'll keep it.

Vicki, you know we smashed that other piece. I feel responsible.

I want to make it up to you. I'll give you ten pounds and I'll take the old

vase.

Would I be very wicked if I sold it to you?

Well, that's for you to decide.

I'm glad you agree.

I will sell it. Fine.

But it isn't really ten pounds I want.

It's really a hundred.

A hundred.

And if I don't get a hundred, I might as well keep it.

Look, Nicky, supposing I give you 100. What happens? I take it home, I put it

in the shop window.

Everybody comes every day and they say, what a pretty vase.

I'm giving the public pleasure. I like to give them pleasure, but nobody buys

it. So what do I do? I take it home and put flowers in it.

You understand?

What's your name?

Charlie.

All right, I won't argue. I'll give you 100 pounds. But it's not for all so

deadly nightshade to live recklessly on the best bananas.

I want to help you.

All right, Charlie.

A hundred pounds will help me. I'll give you a cheque.

No, I don't take cheques. Oh, what do you think? I walk about with my shoes

lined with five-pound notes.

I like money you can see.

Save them.

Oh, give him his bananas. I hope he chokes.

Wicked old man, he won't.

Juno, stay.

Drop him. Sit.

He'll come down to the auction.

Maybe. He'll bring the hundred pounds.

If I can find it.

Because... Oh, a whole hundred.

I... I must be going now.

Now look after that vase for me. Don't touch it.

You'll break things easily.

You and your vase, me and my fur coat, we're both crazy.

You won't forget.

I'll try not to.

Goodbye.

All right, I know I look a ragbag.

Did I say anything? You looked it.

Your son splashed water all over me. The baby's thrown his food at the wall. I

suppose you want your dinner straight away. I've got to go up and see Abe

Sparta. I wish you'd asked me if we could put the pram in the shed.

Do you want me to write it down?

Look, Fred Frames is coming round. Give me a shout.

My father might be round too.

What is this, a conspiracy?

Not tonight, Charlie. I'm worn out. Look, I'm in business.

I'm going to make 200 pounds by tomorrow.

And the pine paneling's worth the money, Mr. Sparta. There's a lot of stuff. Any

lead? I forgot to look for lead. You are coming, aren't you? Got the tickets?

Sure, sure.

Reserve seats? Back to the engine.

Right over the bogie wheels, I bet you. Middle compartment.

It leaves at 9.15. And what about that coal?

Oh, that's coming right up, Mr. Sparta. Oh, and about our big cramp.

Be on time.

Don't make all that noise. You'll wake the kids.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Sparta. He's Charles. Hello, Fred. Come in. Hello, Charles.

Hello, Dobby.

Did you find Wendell?

He's where?

He's at the truck.

Well, I hope he changed his shirt.

Yes, so do I. Look, look after the shop tomorrow. Try and take a couple of

hundred quid. A couple of hundred?

I need it. Be good. Lock up.

Fred, I'm about to wed you.

Ah, all right, eh? Then you're on your own for it. Do you know a dealer called

Armstrong? What, Grimey Armstrong?

I should say so. He's as tight as a drum, even for a dealer. What I want you

to do is get on this phone, don't tell him where you are, and tell him the same

story you told me about the sale.

I'll put him on to it.

It's a bit against you.

You must be over your nut.

Tell him about the Wedgewood, Clark's, a 40-foot room.

I ought to charge you an extra nigger for this.

Hello.

Oh, hello.

Is that Mr Armstrong?

Yeah. Freddy.

Frames? Look, Mr. Armstrong, I've got something here that might be of interest

to you.

Yes, Wedgwood.

Whole room of it.

Country sale.

No other dealings except break-up me. Charlie, the table. I've got business.

You've got an office. Can't you do it there? Well, it follows me around, okay?

Oh, come on!

Give me a hand.

I'll catch you, and I've just tidied it.

Hey, Charlie, it's only in the fun and games, will you?

I'll call it a thing.

Why do we have to keep this Victorian monstrosity? That sideboard came from my

mother. It looks like her, too.

It's the only thing in the room that's mine, and you're not going to get rid of

it. I wouldn't mind if it worked. It works all right for me.

Well, I'd have to live here, too, don't I? If you can call it living, this is

supposed to be a home.

Somewhere where you can have peace and quiet. Here, Mrs. Smoke, your frying

pan's caught alight, I think.

Here, Charlie, hold on.

Here, stop it. What are you doing?

Kicking a lovely bit of antique furniture about.

There you are.

That goes all right.

Here, Charlie. Oh, cry me Armstrong.

He nearly had a fit. Is he coming to the sale? Is he? He's only got a couple of

yanks over. Big stuff.

Just up their street.

I don't know what you're up to, Charlie, but if you want competition, this is it.

Oh, what next?

You want me to answer the door as well?

Dad, come in.

I got your message, Charlie boy. Fort D'Arcy's on fire. Fred, my dad. How do,

guv? Here, he's gone stone-raving mad.

If you were his old man, I should clock him one. I'm sorry, Dad, you're not

staying. I want you to do something for me.

You up to something, Charlie?

Lawful? High level. Couple of nicker in it for you.

Son, that's no way to talk to your father.

I get three.

Look, do you ever see your old pal Wendell?

Pal? No, not since he got into the money.

Well, he's at the Troc. I want you to tell him about this sale, and don't

mention me.

But he's a break-up man. Well, that's a break-up job.

Charlie boy, you're not going in for demolition. I just want a little

competition.

You want competition?

Son, are you feeling all right?

Look, here's the address of the sale.

Tell him there's lots of pine paneling, a big house, lots of lead.

Lead, lead. That'll get him.

Sorry I can't ask you to dinner, Dan, but... My poor father wouldn't get much

if he did, but you can stay and have what there is. Okay, okay.

I've gone.

How's business?

Pepper. I've got a whole ton of it.

Sellswell, too.

Troublesome gets in your eyes.

Thanks for taking this job, Dan.

Oh, we've done jobs before, haven't we?

You remember the army boats?

Oh, what a day. So long.

Hey, Harker, what did I tell you?

He's gone crackers.

There's never any crackers in my family.

You shouldn't leave him.

You want to join them, do you?

No, thanks.

Oh, must you start moving the furniture about just as I'm bringing in the

dinner? I've got something valuable I don't want broken. Oh, where is it?

I haven't got it yet.

Oh, why don't you wait till you do?

Look, are we eating off this or off the table?

I know what you're going to do. You're going to sell it.

Nothing belongs here. This isn't a home. It's a warehouse.

I'll try and sell that stuff in your bedroom as if I knew I couldn't. But

that isn't antique.

It's not meant to be. It's new.

No, it's green. It's the one that doesn't bud in spring.

Well, it's better than that awful old stuff of yours that keeps falling to

bits and does, like this house. What's the matter with this house? It's full of

corners and corridors and passages and a stove which comes out of the ark.

Oh, I'm not hungry. You could have your dinner by yourself.

I'm going to bed in my green bedroom.

I'm tired.

And if you're so keen on antiques, you can sleep with them.

And like it.

It's just that I get so tired.

I should shoot, Marcia.

What's the matter with you? You've been moaning and groaning for hours.

You worried about something?

I got you a present for your mother's birthday. Yes.

Let's see.

Have you got the painting?

That's the one you promised.

That's wonderful.

I'll show you my present.

When I get it.

Take it.

Take it, please.

Take it.

I'm certainly going to ride in a cute little British train.

Mrs. Sweeney will want to hear all about it.

I'd like to get one from a ranch in California.

I think kids would just love that.

Dealer. Wetwood expert.

Another dealer? What do we do? Rob them or kill them? Not that I can read. Just

give me a handful, will you?

Here, take the stuff.

Maybe it means something to you. I haven't gotten around to these cartwheel

pennies yet.

This way, Mr. Swiggy. Okay.

So, Charlie. Oh, Mr. Sparrow.

Where do I sit? That compartment. You'll find a chicken sandwich on the seat.

And get me a paper, will you? I like a nice treat on the train.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. I've lost my husband.

Charlie. Mr. Wendell.

Are you going to this auction?

Why, you ask, Charlie, if you know.

Tell my dad I've seen you. He'll be pleased.

Menace a big deal around with him in the old days. Sometimes as big as two

pounds.

Yes, yes, I saw him. What do you know?

Last night I come out of the trocadillo. And who was in front of me?

Your father. What, at the truck?

Sure.

Hey, come to think of it.

It was your dad who put me under the sail.

Not that I hadn't heard of it, of course.

But how would he know about it anyway?

He gets around.

You want a paper?

What's in the papers?

If I want to be depressed, I can let my wife nag me.

Charlie boy, me, I'm a break-up man.

Best in the business.

That's right, my boy.

Sashas, cornices, mantles, architraves.

The bricks from the garden wall. I reckon them.

But you, you going into the break-up business?

No, I'm in English pottery.

Nice trade. You can get it.

Everything comes to the break-up man, Charlie boy.

Everything.

There's a room in this house with a lot of Wedgwood, Mr. Wendell. You mean that

penalty room? Oh, they tell me that's old pine. No faking, that's nice.

Yeah, everybody wants penalties. It's like all that. Mr. Wendell, if you get

the room, can I have the Wedgwood?

Wedgwood you can have.

Because of you, because of your father, and because I don't want it. Thanks, Mr.

Wendell. Oh, do you know who's on the train?

You want to tell me? Another old friend of the family.

Abe Spada. What?

Who dug up that old schlemiel?

He thinks he can follow me. He should rob Dad.

What is he? What? Nothing. Rabbit.

You know you're on the train, Mr. Spada.

Your wife makes a good chicken sandwich, Charlie.

Old man Wendell. What?

That old beater? Is he around?

Well, how's business if you got any? What would you know about business?

Why don't you drop dead? After you!

Dad, your father was a macho man. Oh, shut up, you luxury.

Hey!

Hello,

Johnny. Oh, sir, I'm sorry.

Come inside and meet some important friends of mine.

Might be useful to you.

Who, me?

This is Mr. Mendel, Mr. Sweeting from the States. How do you do? And this is

Mr. Everett.

You know, Charlie, I can never think of your second name. I guess Charlie's okay

by me. Get the first names first, that's how we... You fellas want to talk? Go

ahead. I'll work out my itinerary. Sit down, Charlie.

These guys are just toting me around.

On their say-so, I buy for my new home.

Go ahead.

I just come for the ride.

Could I ask a question? What can we load? Cigarette? No, thanks.

How did you find out about the Wedgwood?

How do you know we're after that?

I thought I was on my own. Oh, now, you've got competition.

Look, Charlie, we're gonna cut your throat, but no hard feelings.

I'm gonna rip out those panels, pack them up and send them out to California.

Mr. Sweeting's building a new home there.

Period home, naturally.

I can bid up to my limit, can't I?

Then run the price up for us, or why throw money to an auctioneer? Will that

help you?

Oh, that's right.

Now, look here, Charlie. We know you're a Whitswood expert, and it's bad luck we

came along.

Now, drop out of it, and there's a clear pony for you.

It's nice to have met you gentlemen from the States.

Twenty-five covers your expenses, doesn't it? Look, I've got a buyer for

it. There's a lot of money I don't get if I back up.

Oh, don't shoot the guy. He's breaking my heart.

Fifty.

Okay.

I don't bid.

Wedgwood expert, is he? Yes.

Need a force to price up.

Smart work.

That mean old Bidler Vendel. You see him get on a bus?

He'd crawl in all fours before he'd hire a taxi.

That's a grand house, Charlie.

Grand. Beautiful.

Yeah, beautiful is the word.

It'll break up fine.

Hey, Charlie.

Did you have to walk or something?

You see, Charlie?

Land off the flat roof.

You know who bought it?

Me.

What's the matter? You had a cold?

Got any change?

Never keep any. I might have to use it.

Traveling on the left side of the road gives me an acid stomach.

I guess one's got to get acclimated.

Hey, that's a dandy little porch. Put in a couple of rocking chairs, you might be

in Vermont.

Hey,

don't let him off the lead. We might lose him.

Mr. Sweeting had to stay at home. I got to show her everything.

Let's have a look at the Wedgwood room first, Mr. Sweeting.

Hey, you guys were buying from me.

Buy this from my Nantleby.

Vicki. Oh, excuse me.

Next lots to be sold in the house.

Numbers 235 to 255.

You know Abe Sparta.

Now tell me the truth, and I won't hold it against you. Does Abe Sparta want to

buy that room?

As a matter of fact, Mr. Wendell, he told me he's crazy about it.

Look, Charlie, I am one of your father's oldest friends, right? Right.

Do something for me. Mr. Wendell, why wouldn't I?

Charlie, I want that room, see?

Sparta will only force the price up just to make me pay. He knows I'll pay.

You bid for me. I can't bid against partner.

Why not?

He's my landlord.

Terrible thing to be in the hands of a murderer.

Look, Charlie, you bid and there is something in it for you.

Maybe as much as 2.5%. If I do it, I take 10.

Charlie, you come from a good school.

Make it 7.5. 10?

Good for you, Charlie.

Let me think about it.

Give me 15 minutes.

Why do you have to think that takes 15 minutes?

Take 10.

Lovely room, Charlie. Ah, it's beautiful, beautiful.

Sparta's mad about it.

Babe Sparta?

Yeah. He says he wants it badly.

That's not so good.

Sparta's a hard man to beat. I just thought you ought to know.

Yeah, hold on.

Very nice of you, Charlie.

You've been very nice to me.

You know old man Wendell's in there?

Well, he's strictly demolition. That's what I thought. He says he can use this

room and ship it too.

A lot of people seem to want it, but you're on a dead duck, aren't you? Oh,

I'm out of it. It's all yours and Sparta's and Wendell's.

I don't like it.

Hey, fellas, what do you know about that?

Two guys getting hung under the collar over this Dutch statuary.

Eight indeed. Nine.

Nine pounds I've been.

Twelve. Twelve I've been.

Fifteen. Fifteen. Fifteen, ten. Fifteen, ten. Sixteen. Sixteen. Sixteen pounds I

bid. Any advance on sixteen?

Twenty. Twenty.

Twenty-five. Twenty-five. Thirty.

Thirty.

Thirty-five. Thirty-five.

Now come along, ladies and gentlemen. This statue has real value.

She may have lost an arm, but the Venus de Milo has lost two.

They've been fighting all their lives. They're like two stags meeting. They

fight because they're stags.

Well, there's two in the bidding for this room. I'm glad I'm not.

Now, wait a minute.

You know Sparta. You know a friend of the family. You know Wendell.

He's an even older friend.

Can you fix something?

You can't fix it with those two.

Well, couldn't you fix it if we made it worth your while?

Why don't you ring it with Wendell?

The knockout? He wouldn't do it with me. But you're a friend of his. Of course he

is. He's a friend of everybody's. A friend? Why, he's my brother Mr. Fixer,

aren't you, Charlie?

And does your brother get a cut out of the knockout?

Ah, my poor brother.

He's a robber like the rest of us.

You're in on it, but I hate to see such a mean streak in a brother.

Give me five minutes and I'll try and fix it with Wendell.

Look, fellas, let's get this straight.

Fixing that I understand.

After all, what have I been doing all my life?

But did I hear knockout? Look, no rough stuff.

This is an island and I don't swim so good.

No, no, Mr. Sweeting. The knockout means that one dealer bids for us all.

Going, going, going, gone.

Sold to the gentleman on my left here.

Alfred, get the gentleman's name.

Mr.

Wendell.

What do you want with that?

Nothing, but I made old baboon pay for it.

Oh, Charlie.

I'm getting old.

Look, about your pine-panel room. You mean your wedgewood room. All right.

Why don't you ring it with Armstrong?

There's no point in your bidding against Armstrong and Sparta.

Yeah, you're right.

I'll ring it with Armstrong. But you'll have to bid. For me?

Why, don't you see?

Abe Sparta won't bid high against you.

You give me five minutes.

First 15 minutes, now five minutes. What do you do with all that time?

Give us a hand.

What's the matter? This number's coming up for auction.

Should have went inside.

You'll have to get a block and tackle for that.

We'll have to tell the auctioneer we can't move it. He'll have to sell it

where it is.

Thanks, Garth.

Mr. Spada.

Mr.

Spada.

Hey, that's a grand tree, Charlie. Grand.

Yeah, it'll cut up fine.

Oh, you've no soul, Charlie.

That's what's the trouble with the world today. No soul.

I was just talking to Mr. Wendell.

Is he mad because I beat him to it? I hope so.

He says he's not bidding for that Wedgwood room.

Better not.

He's not?

So what's he want?

I don't know. He said to look at lot 275.

275.

275's the sundial.

Say, what's he up to?

You'll have a look.

He wasn't far out, that old beadler. You know what? It's lead. Lead, and it ain't

even catalogued as lead. I knew you'd like it.

You've done me a good turn, Charlie boy. I won't forget it. Well, Mr. Spada, if

you don't really want that paneled room, I... What would I want with a paneled

room? You know how much lead goes to a ton?

Very little.

Well, you wouldn't object if I bid for the room.

You go ahead and bid if you want to, Charlie boy. I'll keep out. Thanks, Mr.

Spada.

It's fixed.

Abe's not bidding. He's not? Wendell's in the ring with us. No competition.

Hey, smart work.

I bid for all of us. I get that share in the knockout.

Good boy.

Sharp. Not too sharp, I hope.

That's the clever part about him.

Not too sharp.

Morning. Morning, sir.

I understand you to say that these Wendells aren't genuine.

That's right.

Those are hollow. They should be solid. They should have a rough matte finish.

They're smooth.

They should have an impress mark, and they haven't.

Those are French fakes.

That's all junk.

Oh.

We'd get good price for them, if you may.

I'll bid up to what they're worth, junk.

There's no high reserve, I hope, is there? No, no reserve. They're here to

be sold.

I just didn't want to be trotted.

We don't do that sort of thing here, sir. Not in the country.

Ringing it, are they?

Yes, I reckon, sir.

I'm ready for them.

These London dealers think they know everything.

Two hundred and sixty in your catalog, ladies and gentlemen, not two hundred

and sixty. And in my humble opinion, the most important and the most attractive

lot in the whole sale. It comprises the whole room, and as you can see for

yourselves, a very fine room.

Look at those pine panels.

You can't find them nowadays.

And above all, look at the wonderful Wedgwood plaques. Look at the color.

Look at the workmanship of a great artist.

It's a pity to break up a fine room like this, but it's here to be sold, and I'm

here to sell it.

Now, gentlemen, you know the value of things.

In the whole country, you won't find another room like this.

What shall I say?

£500 to start with. £500.

£50.

I beg your pardon, sir?

£50.

That's all right, sir. That's all right. A joke's a joke. Now, come on, let's

have our laugh and be done with it.

Now, a serious bid from someone for the whole room, mind you.

Pine panels, plaques and all.

All right, then. Just to start off with, I'll take the bid.

£50. Now...

50s. All right, then, 10s.

60. 60 pounds I'm bid.

70. 70 I'm bid. 80.

80. 80 pounds I'm bid. 100.

Ah, that's better now. We're moving not very much, but in the right direction.

100 pounds I'm bid on my left here. 100 it is.

Now, come along, can I take 50s?

Come along, come along for the last time, gentlemen, for the last time.

150 pounds. The bidding is on my right, and it's against you, sir, at 150.

Gentlemen, come along. This won't get us anywhere.

200. 200, I bid. 200 on the left here. 200 it is. Not enough for a fine room

like this. The panels alone are worth the money. 200.

I'm here to sell. It'll go.

For the last time, gentlemen, for the last time.

250. 250. 250, I bid. The bid's on my right hand. It's 250.

Any advance on 250?

Can I say 300?

250 is all I bid, and the bid lies against you, sir.

250, I bid. 250 in all.

Nothing like value for a room like this.

It's 250, and I shall have to sell... 300.

Ah, there speaks an expert.

He knows the value of Whitwood.

300 it is. 300 I'm bid. We're warming up. Any advance on 300?

350. 350 I'm bid. Can I take it in hundreds?

We're all busy people. We've got a lot to get through.

The bidding is on my right, and it's against you, sir. 350 is all at the

moment.

400. 400 from the gentleman on my left here.

Four hundred it is. Now come along, come along.

We're here to sell.

Any advance on four hundred.

Another fifty pounds might buy it.

Very well. Four hundred I bid.

For the last time, gentlemen, for the last time.

It's going.

I shall have to sell.

Going, going, going, gone.

Sold to the gentleman on my left here.

Went to an expert, if ever I saw one.

Next lot will be held outside.

Sundown. Number 275.

On the lawn at the back, if you please.

Glad you got what you wanted, sir.

Must be a lot of money in junk these days.

Hey, what's that dame want to butt in for?

That's what I want to know.

Come over here and let's auction it ourselves.

Soon we shall die of old age waiting to settle something.

So Charlie bought for 400, eh?

I bid 50 about it. 60.

70. What do you want with Wedgwood? 100.

What would I want with Wedgwood? I will show you. 200.

250. If you want it, you can bet her 300.

350. Four will see you out.

450.

Now, what would I want with a room like this?

You can have it and good luck to you. 450 split four ways.

Play you in town?

You what?

Cash. Don't you dealers trust each other? Like brothers we do.

With cash.

I pay cash, you pay cash.

Charlie, get a move on. Go to the clerk, transfer lot 260 to these gentlemen.

I'll count the cash.

Transfer to Armstrong.

Run you up a bit, didn't he?

It was trotted. Oh, don't tell me.

If he was young, he wouldn't have paid that for it.

Doesn't do for you, London dealer, to get it all your own way, you know.

So you made a class, Charlie boy, eh?

Did I give you a lesson how to handle assassins?

Go where you like, Charlie.

Always there are assassins.

Remember me to your firm.

A little bit of ground salt for the bird, Charlie boy.

Boy, you did me a good turn. That sundial, solid lead.

Oh, and tell your wife she can put a big gram in my shed.

Bye.

Hello, Charlie. Where are you off to? I got some unfinished business, Mr.

Sweeney. I'll walk with you.

So they bought it for me, eh?

Yeah, that's another thing you can pack up and ship out of the country.

Soon there won't be a decent antique left.

You got it all wrong, Charlie.

What's it matter who buys a work of art?

Or what country it goes to?

It's the people who created that matter, right?

Anyway, that stuff ain't art.

It's fake, isn't it?

Know who told me?

You know when?

In the train, the way you let them buy you out.

We may be brash, Charlie, but we're not all fools.

All my life I've been buying from Charlies like you.

They all get a living out of me.

But who's got the millions today?

Me! Not the Charlies.

Buy and sell, that's all you do. I'm on my way to buy something I'll never sell.

Yeah? Now ask me to make you an offer for it. No offers, Mr. Sweetie. No?

All my life I've been going somewhere. Up from the market into the antique

business. East end, west end.

Buy and sell for a profit. But always moving nearer to something I've wanted

all my life. And now I've found it.

It's a vase.

What's so special about a vase?

It's green.

And yet it has all the other colors of the world in it.

It's a sort of lost city, Mr. Sweeting. It's...

Atlantis, and I found it, so no offers, huh?

I'll give you ten times what you pay for it.

Well, on the level?

On the level.

A dealer looking for the Holy Grail, or whatever you call it.

That's great.

Mr. Sweety will certainly want to hear all about that.

Well, goodbye.

And good luck.

Thanks.

What are you doing messing about with my property, leaving it on the edge of the

sink like that? I was only cleaning it. I told you not to touch it. Don't be

silly.

How could I clean it if I didn't touch it? Don't come near it.

You're pale. You're trembling. I'm always like this when I'm parting the

dough. Leave the vase alone.

Don't touch it. Do I make myself clear?

I've got an awful shock for you. Yes?

That coat.

It's more than I thought.

It's beautiful. I couldn't let it go, but...

But it's 150.

You said 100.

Well, that was yesterday.

You gave me your word.

I don't see why you should keep my word. It's not as if you were a friend of

mine. That's a mean thing for a nice girl to say, isn't it? I don't want to

be nice. I want to be rich.

Well, I'm sorry you can't have the 150.

I'm sorry you can't have the vase.

Dickie, you can't put the price up after the sale.

You and your dealers did at the auction.

How do you know about that?

I know an auctioneer.

Come to think of it, that wasn't very nice of you to bid against me at the

auction, was it? I got five pounds for it. That's a reason. Five pounds for

trotting it up to 400? That's immoral. So is ringing it.

What do you know about ringing it?

I told you. I know an auctioneer. A nice auctioneer.

Nicky, I'd love you to have it. You'd look a dream. But I don't have enough.

You do.

I saw lots more in your wallet. So what? I've got a family. I've got wife and

kids to keep.

Oh.

Go a little mad.

I'm young. I need things.

My wife needs things too.

Not fur coats, Charlie.

Why not?

Well, wives can always wait.

That's a pretty terrible thing to say.

Awful, but it's true.

After all, she's got a husband. I'm still working at it.

Oh, and it's only 50 pounds over.

Oh, I'm sorry. I made a promise and I've got to keep it. If I give you the 150, I

can't. You don't mean that. I do. I'm sorry.

All right, Mr. Clever Dealer. Bars on. Make up your mind.

Look, I'm a redhead. I get angry. When I get angry, I break things. You don't

even have to get angry. And if I don't get that 150, I might just as well smash

the thing. No, don't.

Don't smash it.

Nicky, I'd love to give it to you, but I can't.

I haven't enough money. I can't.

Oh, come on.

Be a sport. I won't be a sport. Not with my own money.

Keep your bargain or else.

Or else what? I walk into that room and I get it for nothing.

Then I... I'll smash it on you too. Be careful.

I'm no gentleman I hit back.

You do? I do.

Oh. Come on, you and I'll see the gay 90 together.

No. I'll tell him you stole it. Ah, that'll give him a big laugh. Come on.

He's asleep.

Is he? You can't wake him. Can't I?

Yes, that's one of the Rockingham pair. I always understood it was stolen from a

famous collection in 1886.

Oh, you're awake, Sir John. I'm glad.

Oh, I wish you could hit him. You've had a big Wedgwood collection once, didn't

you, Sir John?

Do you know those plaques in your mansions are fakes? Oh, you do?

I bet you gave the deal as hell.

You did. That's good. I'll call the gardener. Have him thrown out.

Another thing which, one might say, left a famous collection.

This.

Yes, the one and only green Portland vase.

I was wondering if you'd let me have it.

He's asking who you are, your name. Now, don't get upset, Grandfather. He's only

a dealer. His name's Charlie.

Oh, I don't know your name. Never mind about my name. I'll mention a name that

Sir John will remember. The name is Drager, another collector.

I'll call the gardener. I'll call the police.

Oh, I don't think we want the police. Do you, Sir John?

They say you've been a very wicked old man.

But there's one thing. You always appreciated this, didn't you? Well,

I want it, Sir John.

Just as you wanted it. No more, no less. Just to look at.

I can't sell it, you know that.

Lord Dreg is dead and there's no heir.

But I want it, just as you did.

After all, you have a reputation of never having done a good deed in a very

long life. Don't be a bit too late.

I'm asking you to pass this on to me.

To keep...

And to enjoy.

Thank you.

You got it for nothing.

I was only trying my best. You certainly were.

The girl's got to look after herself.

If she doesn't, who will?

I shouldn't worry.

There must be lots of people waiting.

Do you think so?

That's the first nice thing you've said. In my business, it doesn't pay to be

nice. If you're nice, what happens?

The price goes up. Here, sign that.

Well, read it. It's a receipt.

A hundred pounds.

Yes.

I'm just a man. I keep my bargains.

May I really have them?

You know you're wasted on those are deadly.

Goodbye. Thanks.

Thank me? For what?

Well, for having such nice red hair and beautiful green portlets. Oh.

Hey, Nicky.

Charlie.

Bella.

Do you like it?

Yes.

How'd you get it?

Sold the sideboard. What, your mother's?

Look, turn around. Let's have a look.

Charlie,

how did you get it?

Leela's secret.

Thank you.

I've been waiting up for you for hours.

Don't stay up too late.

No.

I'll only be a minute or two.

It's wonderful.

So wonderful, I think I shall sleep in it.

Charlie.

Thank you.