Original subtitles

I don't give a shit.

Rosly, what do you got for me?

Hey Blar, that guy said he escaped the woods.

I found his name for you.

I don't give a shit about his name.

What's the name of the place?

I'll do both.

Hey Blair, that guy that said he escaped the woods.

I don't give a shit about his name, what's the name of the place.

I did a bunch of videos about a place called Hell's Forest.

If I'm a betting man, I know that's probably where Lola is.

And with that being said, if it's what a vacant is, nobody's going to go in there.

Thank you mostly.

Any time, Blair.

way.

Excuse me?

Enough to break the ice, I'm Chuck.

How you doing?

Is that it really work for you before?

Fuck you, bitch?

Not even in your what is dream?

We're going to do some shots after that.

We're going to do some shots after that.

You think we'll go for it?

Yeah, well, I mean, shit, I don't want to drive for four hours.

Do you think you will?

You don't have the key to you?

Never needed one.

Hey, Marcus, what's up?

Hey Blair, what's up?

You're probably here to see David.

Yeah, he's in his room, right?

Yeah, you're probably going to a lot, wait a minute.

Blair, come here, come here, come here, listen.

She, okay.

Is that?

Are they?

Uh, fuck girl?

Uh, Uh, uh, Daddy.

Oh, shit, all right.

Come on, oh shit.

Really, Maya?

What the fuck?

Hurry up, Blair's here too.

Fuck!

Hey, y'all clean up, we'll be in the car.

You ain't funny.

You ain't fucking funny.

So what is this place call again?

Uh, hell's forest.

That's original.

You know, what's his name told me?

What's his name?

What's his name?

You mean Moseley?

Yeah, that guy.

Geez, Blair, can't you remember his name?

They talked from daddy over here.

Shut up.

So you want to drive five hours ago to see if she's there.

Well, yeah.

What makes you think she's even there?

She said she was going to Minnesota.

Her car track had clocked out five hours from there.

Um, Blair?

Didn't you mention something about no police station earlier?

The area hasn't had any law enforcement in several years.

What?

That's fucking crazy.

So in other words, if we want to find her, we have to do it ourselves.

Pretty much, it gets weirder though.

From what I've been reading, most people who

go there just vanish, no trace, no explanation.

Yeah that sounds super sketchy..

Like the Bermuda Triangle of Forest?

Where are you getting your intel from?

David, we've got to do this.

She's right, David.

Look, I'm all about the cause, finding our friend.

I've not walking on the Skull Island, but he's out to you.

Wait a minute, what about Sky?

We could call.

Babe, I promise you, she won't do it.

Oh, yeah?

What do you call a man who hunch down members of the KK, a ghostbuster?

Who you gonna call your mother?

And I also have one for, uh, I have this other joke that I wrote for Bill Cosby that I really hope that he

was gonna come down to do stand-up, but that's not gonna happen, so I'm just gonna have to do it for him.

Now see, let there's a adult warehouse, I'm not there's a adult warehouse, a adult

warehouse, that's being constructed outside of Iowa right next to the set of Field of Dreams.

I saw the tagline for the poster and it said if you build it they will come.

Ew.

And that's my time everybody.

Everybody give around applause to Daniel Guest Renner, a man who I

have had the wonderful privilege of getting hugs from their grade.

Now the next person coming to the stage is a guy who talks about dead babies.

even more than Casey Anthony.

Todd Bassinger everybody, hype him up.

Make him feel as lovely as I think he is.

Well, they're real me and that feels good.

All right.

Fifteen people in the audience, awkward vibe.

What is it some real comedy show?

My name's Todd.

I'm sorry.

You all know Todd you don't like, right?

It could be me.

nice to me right now.

Todd's a duchy name, I guess.

Todd does sound like a name of a guy who would finger-bang

a girl behind a dumpster while listening to Kid Rock.

And I only know that because I did that, and I'm not wanting back at Wendy's house.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, like, when I'm not a girlfriend I would put it, I would like bang older.

And by older women, I mean like, dang.

But we'll do that, like a hot pot thing, you know.

Yeah, hot pot they, you know, bro.

Hot ladies.

If I do it, I get a weapon.

I do it.

Wait a minute, you wouldn't hit a lady with that.

Use this, it's bigger.

Oh, thanks.

We go live now to Aubrey.

Tom, I'm here in Jackson County Park where the search for Riley Meyers continues.

Myer has been missing since April of this year and locals of

the area have now started conducting searches on their own.

Authorities say there are no leads or eyewitnesses to attest to

her disappearance, but the community isn't willing to give up.

So far we haven't turned up any leads.

It's been really hard, but we're really pulling together as a community.

We're in high spirits.

I think she was abducted by space aliens.

Internet ghost hunter Lola Atkinson had been reported missing.

Her backpack was located five miles outside

the infamous Hell's Forest where locals the...

I don't know what the big deal is it's only two days.

I just don't understand why you have to go.

We're just going to bring the Okay, just as long as you're careful.

I will.

Hey,

Hey guys, off the little sports today.

I got Blair back there, dead ass asleep.

Blair, but it's no longer

a trip, it's a fucking quest.

We kind of figured out for Christmas.

I'm voting for vacation.

I don't know that one day.

Yeah, you want to ask for something, don't touch?

You do anything very well.

You do make me very well.

That mullet, well all cheese.

Yeah, cheese is mulle.

Okay, but it's so fucking delicious.

I had it like penicillin.

Don't eat your fucking food.

You are dramatic as much.

I want you to narrate my mind.

What the fuck!

Right here?

God, this girl just won't leave me alone.

It's insane.

Just want some more of that daddy dig.

Oh, yes, sir.

Hey, why don't you watch a marshmallow over there?

God, there's got to be like 9,000 acres out here.

How we're going to find load?

Well, I mean, we're going to do our best if all we can really do, right?

Look at them stars.

Seriously, could you ask for anything with people?

You know, it's been forever since we got together with her.

Yeah, well, you're all busy lives now.

Hey, a hell's Sinatet.

Syntec's fine.

Frankly two morons, making Jessie.

Oh, yeah.

And the hell is that's the other day, Jessie got his long ass hair in my coffee.

Mike made a sale using a pregnancy pregnancy, but, you know, She's cool.

Wait a minute.

Mike's a girl.

Well, fuck?

Oh yeah.

Bro, who names their daughter Mike?

No shit.

What about you, Maya?

What about the ankle brace?

Yeah, I'm used to it.

But get it.

Lastly, I sold a guy a $5,000 painting?

in Pennsylvania.

Oh, away.

Yeah, his name was Aaron Brandon.

What, I went to school with that guy?

Yeah?

What are you doing with your life?

Still telling lies?

Why don't you eat a bag of dick there?

I'm living my best life.

Inouin, living off the land?

You know?

You mean living off that settlement check?

Hey, I got what's fair?

Bear, a Goodwill truck runs over your foot, you spend one night in the hospital.

First off, that fucking truck was huge.

Second, what's your name?

Maya?

You're fucking dead to me, though.

I got a good thing to all of Madison.

She's like the best thing to ever happen to me.

You know what?

You know what, I wouldn't be surprised that she didn't show but I'll be honest.

Yeah, well, her and Lola were best too, so it's probably really hard on her.

I don't understand why she blames herself.

Lola made the decision to come out here solo.

Meekie?

No, I'm not better.

I think it's fucking hilarious.

Hope I'm not too late.

Hi.

Yeah, I'm uh, I'm here.

I think it's hilarious.

Hi.

I'm Maya.

I did see.

You too.

Look guys, I know what you're going to say.

Look guys, I know what you're going to say.

I tried to find her and I failed.

No, I don't know.

We're here.

You're here, we're all here.

We're going to do this.

Your uh, your fires dying.

I think it's fine.

So I get some more wood.

Could you?

I got to think of pissing.

So what have you been up to lately?

Um, I started talking to this guy.

His name's Jordan.

Ooh, you tell.

We're just emailing for now.

What was that?

I'm going to bed.

No, it's fine, honestly.

If you guys want to go cuddle, puddle in the tent,

I'm more than happy to sleep out here by the fire.

David?

Are you out here?

Where could he be?

Oh, fuck.

Maya, Maya, Maya, wake up.

What the fuck, Sky?

David's gone.

What do you mean, Dave's gone.

Look what I found.

So it's a phone, so what?

It's David's phone.

Knowing David, he's probably drunk out in the woods somewhere.

But I guess now we're looking for two people, aren't we?

Yes, keep the phones on.

Okay, after four hours we call the police.

Why don't we call them now?

They usually don't take it seriously until after 24 hours.

Yeah, and it's only been 16.

What are you?

David!

What are you?

What are you?

did you go?

Lola?

Where are you?

David!

Lola!

David!

You son of a bitch!

You jump from behind a tree, I'm going to punch you in the face.

I shit you not, dude.

I shit you not, dude.

Come on, David!

David!

Where the fuck are you?

Come on!

I don't get himself lost in the woods.

Are they lying in a ditch somewhere?

Fucking great.

Awesome.

That's interesting.

What's your emergency?

Hello, my name is Maya McConnell.

I'm in House Forest.

My friend is dead.

My friend is dead.

My friend is dead.

He's fucking dead.

Ma 'am, this is 911, not dial a prank.

Listen, this is an official police line.

We can all stop with the crank calls now.

Oh, you...

Oh, no, no, no, get up.

Help me, please help me.

Please help me.

Oh, you know you.

Oh, fuck you.

Dude you guys suck, take the shots.

Bull shit.

Here's the game, boys.

Go, go, go, go.

Some of you.

Oh, fuck you.

Do you guys suck, take the shots.

Bull shit.

Here's the game, boys.

Really?

He'd be ready for me.

He's dead asshole.

Keep smoking that shit.

You'll see him soon.

Hey fucking Chuck.

Oh God, no, no.

What the fuck?

Oh, get it, probably.

I get it, probably.

I know, but it's just odd.

Can you come here?

What's up?

Hey, I know,

but it's just odd.

He always says it's going on.

Fuck David, he's a pussy.

Have a beer.

The beer is gonna help.

It's not gonna make it worse.

This is all bullshit.

You know what?

The party's out there.

Yeah, he's right.

The party's out there.

Wait.

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, you know.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, no, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, my,

Oh man, white people and y'all cocaine, I swear the guy.

I never did it before tonight.

My head is on fire.

My head is still pounding.

I'm never drinking again.

I mean, you know, the best solution is egg and milkshake and McDonald's.

Are you on the floor?

Yes, I am for the floor.

Thanks for remembering, yeah.

You know, one of us had too.

Yeah..

Excuse my car because it's a little mess I got kids you know they like that though McDonald's wrappers under the seat it might come in front

of you so you see anything like a rapper cup dead body excuse it don't pay attention or a smell I got spray for it though That's great.

girl.

That's why I don't wear shoelaces.

Oh boy.

What?

In her face.

Something's wrong.

Probably didn't get no dick.

Shit.

Shit.

Maddy, what's wrong?

What happened?

Hey, what happened?

What happened?

Is that Blair's voice?

I've been tracking it since last night.

Do you know where she's at?

Put that shit on Facebook.

I'm sure her pants will find her easily.

This ain't no Scooby-Doo.

We ain't finding that bitch.

Hey Jimmy.

Hey, hey Jimmy, stop being a fucking pussy.

Shit.

All right, Maggie, come on with me.

Hey, we need some more muscle.

Go get Chuck..

Alright, I'll see you guys over there.

Alright, I'll see you guys over there.

No, no, it's me.

You can't read me.

Sorry, please.

Ah!

Oh, yeah!

Sky!

Holy shit!

Sky!

Sky!

Hey!

Blare?

No, no, it's Maya..

I'm going to get you out of here.

Yeah, hold on, hold on.

What?

Hey, yeah.

Hey, yeah.

Wait, wait, my bag.

Okay, all right.

Oh my God.

I know where Blair is.

We have to go.

Where are we going?

Is that it?

Okay, I think this is it.

Okay.

What happened to your knee?

Oh my God!

I don't feel shit.

Hey, I found a breaker!

Where the fuck are me?

This is a haunted house.

Guys, we're in a goddamn haunted house!

You're right here.

The fuck y 'all at.

Right here, I'll be right back.

Hey Blair!

What the fuck y'all at?

Let's be quiet.

Get the game.

Shit.

It's got me out here in this Mm-hmm.

Motherfuck has got me out here in this fucking swamp, hate

you mother-fucking God because it's a mother-fucking bullshit.

Oh my God.

I'm not pushing to loss.

Oh yeah..

Oh, gee, see.

Oh, man.

Oh, see.

Oh, man.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

I must leave my ass.

You must live around here on something.

Hey!

I mean?

Oh, you must be immediately hands again!

Whoop!

Ooh!

Oh, shit!

Mother fuck!

Mother fuck!

No, no, no, no, no.

No, fuck that shit.

Did you find her?

Fuck!

Are you serious?

Okay.

Calm down.

You fucking calm down.

I am calm.

Fighting isn't going to get us anywhere.

We need to get the fuck out now.

And go where?

Huh?

Where?

Where are we gonna go?

That dude is on his way right now and there's nothing we can do to stop him.

Actually, I got a better idea.

Where I mean, where I'm, no drugs, no, please, black Jesus, please, black Jesus.

Oh Jesus, Jesus.

Oh Jesus, Jesus, oh Jesus, oh Jesus, oh, fuck.

Oh, you son, I'm bump.

Oh, you're man, how you man, you're man.

Hold up.

You wait here for Jimmy and Maggie.

I'm going to run ahead to see if I can find anybody.

Why, I gotta wait here.

Are you kidding me?

Look what you're wearing.

You look like a fucking purve magnet.

Just play Candy Crush or something.

David?

Where?

Anybody?

Fuck.

Oh, God damn it.

Hey, hey!

Hey!

What the fuck, Chuck?

We gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta

go, we gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go.

Uncle Sweat your back there.

Fucking forget it!

God damn!

What the fuck, you scared the shit out of me!

I'm going

to.

Oh!

Oh!

Ah!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Fuck you!!!

Don't with you!

Don't fuck with my friends!

I think it's time to go home.

I think it's time to go home.

I've got you there.

Okay, I

think it's time to go home.

I've got you there.

what you're

worried about right now?

How the hell did you clean this?

Madis put a tracker on Blair's fault.

Wait, that bitch put a chakra on a phone's?

Is that really what you're worried about right now?

There you guys.

Yeah, I saw that do it to Andy work first-hand.

Yeah, if you want to see what we did to him you should check the basement.

Jimmy came up behind us, did you see him at all.

Mom, let's get you a car.

Hey, Naddy.

I'm sorry, on.

I got it.

Oh, David?

No, stop.

Oh my God!

Where the fucking car!

Come on, come on!

Come on!

Stuck your piece of shit!

Come on, you fucking piece of shit, let's go!

Come on!

Get out of here!

Fck!

See who?

And who?

out in the woods where there no sunlight between the trees just out of sight here he comes gonna find you my friend

here he comes gonna find you my friend here he come here he comes fast and the only thing you see is that mask.

Silent,

Silent, no bird's call, feel the earth's shake, when I have a fall.

He sees you with just one eye.

if you try to hide.

Strangled scream, he's almost done.

They have a swing, the time has come.

And now it's here.

Evil is real.

He's all your fears and the town that you feel.

Everything you know is made it fast.

Have ask.

I couldn't think of any words I worked my tongue.

Watching what you want.

Today I woke up.

Today I woke up dumb.

I couldn't think of any words I worked my tongue.

I couldn't even praise the sun.

What you know what?

I've got cartoons will look like fun, but

my eyes had no idea what they were watching.

Maybe I'm not meant to have one of those, what's it called something, hold up.

No!

But Tommy, it's slap in my face, basically a multitasking, I'm thinking outside of that box, so

get you inside of a coffin and talk to her about what you want is better than accomplishing shit.

What's you more?

me.

What you want?

This day is gonna be more of the same, baby it's

amazing, now we gain momentum and remain lazy.

The day is gonna be more of the same, baby it's

amazing how we gain perspective and remain crazy.

now.

Oh my God!

You're too close to me!

What you want?

This day is gonna be more of the same, baby, it's

amazing now we gain momentum and remain lazy.

Her day is gonna be more of the same, baby it's

amazing, now we gain perspective and remain crazy.

Her day is gonna be more of the same, baby, it's

amazing now we gain perspective and remain crazy.

What you want to want?

An apology now.

Oh my God!

You're too close to me.

What you want?

911, what's your emergency?

911, what's your emergency?

Hello, what's your emergency?

Hello, can you hear me?

If you can hear me, please respond.

Coffee tastes like shit.

Blame.

We're going to go.

Close the door.

Close the door.

Sheriff,

we got a couple of kids coming in from uh, Hill's Forest.

Hope's history and send them on their way.

May I speak freely...

You usually do.

We've been turning a blind eye to this for 20 years.

Not our county, not our problem.

Not now.

There's a lot of blood nose woods.

Somebody's going to come eventually.

And when they do, he will be their problem.

Until then, we'll leave him be.

Oh my sweet sweet sweet mache.

Oh, no, no.

Oh, no!

No!

No!

No!