Original subtitles

♪ ♪

- Michael, you gotta do "The Varnell Hill Show," man.

It's the best place to premiere your new movie, "Super Stick."

For my audience is the one that dipped into they rent

to see "Sinners" more than once.

- Hey, what's going on?

- Hey, Varnell is trying to get Michael B. Jordan

to do our season finale.

- Varnell, I got this. I got this.

Remember that?

- Mike, did I tell you we got Shaboozey on the show?

Yeah?

You lying.

Thank you.

- This is gonna be our best show yet, man.

of dry, white meat chicken.

- Now, I like the white meat.

all: Figures.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- With these great guests, our season finale

is gonna be amazing! [laughs]

- And I feel like I'm right back on top.

- I knew we'd be here again.

There's no we and me.

- Yeah, but there is a U in us.

I'm your right hand woman.

- And you get paid.

- Oh, shit.

- Damn, that's cold, V.

- Look, the important thing is that our ratings are climbing.

And we did this together. - Together?

Girl, you've only been here one funky season.

and now this motherfucker wanna be brand new.

- Hey, Varnell. Hey, Rachel.

Ooh, you're rocking that outfit, girl.

- Thanks, girl.

- What are you doing here, Marshay?

- Oh, I got one of those bullshit

Hollywood meetings with Jonah.

- Anyways, I'm running late, but I just came by to say hi.

And I'll talk to you later, girl.

Bye!

- Bye!

- We're not, okay?

if there wasn't a reason.

- Who cares?

Back to me.

Me.

- Okay, what's our game plan?

- We're gonna go in there and brag about

booking great guests for our season finale.

why he's really meeting with Marshay.

- And we're not gonna let him fuck with us.

- 'Cause we're unfuckable.

No, that didn't sound right. - Yeah.

We need to remind them that this is

"The Varnell Hill Show," damn it.

- Ladies first.

- Hey, guys.

I was just about to call for you.

- I heard. I heard.

You booked some fantastic guests,

which will make the season finale even more special.

- Wait, what do you mean even more special?

- Well, the board and I decided to make

- Surprise.

- Can you believe this?

- Marshay as a cohost is not a good idea.

it's gonna cost us our ratings.

- There's no way I'm making her my cohost.

I gotta get ahold of David now

and get him to put a stop to this.

Because this is "The Varnell Hill Show."

- I forgot.

- Well, you look good, buddy.

- Do I? - Yeah.

How can I help you?

- I need you to come back and run the show.

Jonah's fucking it up.

He's booking guest host. - Why?

It's "The Varnell Hill Show,"

not "The Varnell Hill Show and Friends."

Who the hell does he think you are, Kelly Ripa?

- Thank you. I need you to tell Jonah that.

You're the only one that can stop him.

- My son's an asshole.

You have my full support.

- Thank you.

because we are two strong Black men.

Don't let these crackers get you down.

- No, no, no, David, David.

- David?

Yeah, Tony, I got it.

Fellas, give me a little groove,

kind of like a swing groove.

Yeah, about 20 minutes in, we'll do that thing.

Can you hear that? Okay, thanks a lot, man.

- Hey.

All right, so how'd it go with David?

- Well, plan A fell through, but my plan B is perfect

to make Marshay, the internet clown,

my sidekick.

- Okay, now, how is that gonna solve anything?

- Ah, watch and learn.

So I'll end with this.

she's a backseat driver in a Waymo.

During the show, act like it's funny.

You know what I mean? Please?

- It so didn't work.

- Then, I'll introduce a guest for the show.

You know. - Varnell, what about me?

- Oh, you're perfect.

Just be right there and be pretty like you are.

This seem pretty far away, and it's kind of dark.

both: You good.

- Trust me, it's perfect, okay?

What makes comedy work is when you don't know what's going on.

- Way to be a team player, Marshay.

- I don't know if you can see it,

but I'm giving you the thumbs up, girl.

- What is this "Sister, Sister" shit?

But I really think that this whole sidekick plan

can work, okay?

And it can play as a joke, and it's gonna prevent

the two of you from sharing the stage

so the audience won't even know how much you hate her.

- Just cover the mic during her interview.

Nobody wanna hear her jokes about women be shopping like.

- Oh!

- Seriously?

- We're back in five, four, three.

- Yeah!

How are we feeling? Are we feeling good?

Man, do we got a show for y'all tonight.

Okay, guys.

No, I mean, okay, girls?

Tonight we got Michael B. Jordan.

[cheers and applause]

And our musical guest, Shaboozey.

[cheers and applause]

Let's hit it, baby.

[funky music playing]

♪ ♪

Where is Marshay?

- Tonight, we have a treat for you.

You might know her from her little viral videos.

Now she gets to be my guest sidekick.

- What the fuck is a guest sidekick?

- You'll see.

- Let's give it up for Marshay Wilkins?

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

- What up, V? Oakland in the house!

- Shay, what do you think you're doing?

- Sidekick my ass.

I got great news, Varnell.

- Well, let's not keep them waiting.

What is it?

your new permanent cohost.

- What?

- The last time I saw a man that stunned,

the pregnancy test was positive.

[laughter]

- Listen, I don't know what you and Jonah are up to,

but to be my guest host, you're gonna have

to step over my dead body.

- Well, these ain't red bottoms.

These is bloody shoes.

Doug E. Fresh, take us to commercial, baby. Whoo!

- ♪ Clap your hands, everybody ♪

♪ And everybody clap your hands ♪

♪ Let me hear it ♪

- That's right.

- Jonah, I'm sick of your shit.

I'm tired of you fucking with my show.

I'm whipping your ass.

David?

- David, the last time I talked to you,

you thought you were a Jamaican political activist.

What happened?

- What always happens when you have money.

I bypassed a bunch of protocols for a new experimental drug

that cures dementia.

I've been on it for a while.

I have my good days and my bad days.

- Yeah!

Of course, there are always side effects

But hell, they got drugs for that too.

The main thing is, I'm here now to set things straight.

- Dad? What the fuck?

How did you--your doctors are supposed to warn me if you--

I mean, keep me updated on your status.

How are you?

Do you still think you're Marcus Garvey?

I'm pretty sure I'm your worst nightmare.

- I wish I had popcorn for this.

- You're a disappointment.

It was bad enough when I showed the least bit

of mental weakness that, instead of helping

your old dad out, you put me out to pasture.

- And that's a shame.

and took over my company, as if you were

qualified to fill my shoes.

- Uh-huh. Let him cook.

- Then you tried to ruin Varnell.

All you had to do to get here was

to be the lucky sperm that I ejaculated into your mother.

I knew I should have pulled out.

- Lord, that was cold-blooded.

- Okay, okay, Dad, you did what you came here to do.

You embarrassed me in front of Varnell.

Now, let's get you back to that memory care center.

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

I'm not going back,

and you're through screwing up my life's work.

I'm taking back the throne.

- But Dad, Dad, Dad, Daddy, I'm your son.

I'm your only son.

I'm gonna take over Mammoth eventually.

Look, I even got these made.

- Jonah, get out.

You're fired.

♪ You're fired, Jonah ♪

♪ That's right, get your ass to the parking lot ♪

♪ And never, never, n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-never ♪

♪ Come back ♪

Jonah's gone.

- What? - That's crazy.

- Yeah, David came through for me and fired his ass.

- Oh, my God.

- That's why David is my favorite white man.

Harriet Tubman 20, though.

- Okay, look, what does that mean for Marshay, though?

- That means David is gonna give her ass

her act back on the road.

- Kick rocks.

The show is all over social media because of her.

- You act like I don't have anything to do with that.

People love me.

- I mean, I believe that, unc,

but the show is trending at number two

behind Marshay at number one.

It was definitely her.

was on during the roast.

I mean, the ratings for that show, they were great.

Okay, and those outtake videos, they still going viral.

- So what y'all trying to say?

- I'm just saying that the show does better

- Yeah, but we all know Jonah's plan

and possibly take over the show.

And let me tell you something, if that would have happened,

then I probably would have had to do some time

'cause yeah, fuck that.

It's over, okay?

Ding dong, the fine-ass witch is dead, okay?

Varnell's got his show back,

and that's how it's supposed to be.

- Tre, that's what I'm talking about, all right?

And, Kim, you too.

- About damn time.

I forgive you.

- You're gonna have to decide whose side you're on.

- Hey, girl.

Look, it's just been a long day.

Hell, it's been a long month.

So what can I do for you, Marshay?

Thad told me you were the one that put him down.

- And if that were for me and not Varnell,

would you still make the same moves?

Because your boy's days are numbered, and so are Jonah's.

- Girl, he only doing this job to impress his father.

Trust me, I know daddy issues when I see them.

I used to strip.

- Oh! Okay.

Well, a news flash for you, Jonah was fired

- Okay, and?

I handled Jonah.

I can handle his old-ass daddy too.

- Well, you sure are confident.

- Damn right.

Between you and me, we could run this shit.

- Damn. You forming alliances.

So that's a bold plan.

What you been drinking?

- Vodka and Red Bull, but that's beside the point.

I know Varnell doesn't take me seriously,

but he probably doesn't think you know

what you're doing, either, right?

are you trying to steal the show away from Varnell?

for Black women like you.

My mama raised me.

She and my girls watch my kid when I'm on tour.

And besides, I know a mad bitch when I see one.

You sick of this shit.

- Girl, I wish I could say I wasn't.

- Well, then think about what I said.

- David, I know it's late, but it's time to celebrate.

David?

- Ha!

- You can't say good morning?

You know, the funny thing about...[coughing]

About getting older... [coughing]

- What about it? What about it? What about getting older?

They think you're dying.

- David?

Very funny, man. Don't play like this.

David. David.

- Promise I'm leaving, I just forgot my MAGA ha--

- He's gone.

Sucks to be you.

- I'm fucked.

- ♪ I'm hired ♪

♪ I'm never going away ♪

♪ Never, never going away, Varnell ♪

♪ No, no, no, no ♪

♪ No, no, no, no way ♪

♪ No, no, no, no way you're living without me ♪

♪ I'm staying ♪

♪ I'm staying ♪

♪ And you, and you, and you, did you miss me? ♪

- Damn.

Kim, see if you can get Sina on the line.

[upbeat music]

[upbeat jazzy music]

♪