Original subtitles

(soft dramatic music)

(soft moaning)

- What I do is not so different

from a conventional career is it?

The same basic rules apply.

(soft sensual music)

If you wanna stay on top, you need to be

in control at all times.

(soft upbeat music)

♪ What goes up must come down ♪

♪ Spinnin' wheel ♪ If there's one thing

those devil's taught me,

is that you can't just lie back

and expect them to just have fun.

♪ Crying sin ♪

♪ Ride a painted pony ♪ If you wanna diversify

you've gotta grab your own opportunities,

seize your moment, don't let them pass you by.

Timing is everything. ♪ All alone ♪

And you have to be versatile.

Transferable skills are a must.

♪ Ride a painted pony, let the spinnin' wheel turn ♪

And you thought you knew everything about me.

(soft upbeat music)

You're welcome.

(upbeat music)

- Great disguise.

Enjoy, it's a triumph already.

(upbeat music)

- Am I allowed to talk to you?

- Yeah but can you not pull that face?

You look like you're havin' a stroke.

- I'm trying to be discrete.

- Why are you wearing a British eye.

- What's wrong with it?

- Nothing it's just not very you.

- Gotta look the part don't ya?

It was either this or a cravat.

- Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the launch

of Atwood and Calaberg's latest title,

The Secret Life of a London Call Girl

makes no apologies for lifting the lid

of the sex life on of our capital.

It's not for the faint hearted

but it does make for a scintillating read.

And we are extremely proud to be launching it tonight.

(cheering)

The author passes on her apologies,

she can't be with us tonight.

If you read her work you understand

she has a very busy schedule.

But we do have the pleasure of hearing an extract.

Uh, guests with pacemakers, you'll want

to retire to the drawing room.

(upbeat music)

- I don't believe her.

- I know.

They can't be real, look at the size of them.

- That's supposed to be me.

To open up a perpetuating myth, this is ridiculous.

- What?

It's good.

- The first thing you should know,

is that I am a whore.

- Oh Jesus.

- Let's take two love.

- I'm very high class, which means I charge

by the hour and I charge a lot.

No money, no honey.

Never play until they pay.

- Oh come on, I've got to be in here somewhere.

- Fortunately however-- - It's only my manager

who ever logs me vines.

No longer able to shake her own money maker.

- [Woman] The terrible old tart takes 40% of our fees.

- So, if you want to know what really goes on

behind closed doors, come with me,

I'll tell you everything I know.

(cheering)

(audience giggling)

- Sound good didn't it?

Hey, where are you going?

It wasn't that bad.

- To throw myself off the fire escape.

- Apparently she doesn't even exist,

it's just all part of a clever marketing campaign.

- It's awful isn't it?

It's so misogynistic.

- Oh but it's (mumbling).

- Oh, I used to be a waitress.

Don't worry, it won't be forever.

(phone ringing)

- One of my favorite clients, a real gentleman.

- Hi there.

I was wondering if I could introduce myself.

Ben.

Hi.

(sensual music)

- What's the point in staying there

when there's some real fun to be had?

- Can I?

- So what brings you here anyway?

You don't work at the company do you?

I'm in P.R. there, I'm sure I would've remembered you.

- My friend wrote the book.

Actually I'm here on her behalf, because she's not here.

She's definitely not here.

- Your friend?

- Yes.

Yep.

- Tell me more about this friend.

Are you very close?

- Yeah, I guess we are.

But not like that.

Just mates.

- Tell the truth.

- I'm sorry?

- It's you, isn't it?

(chuckling)

You are the London Call Girl.

(chuckling)

(soft upbeat music)

I have read every word you've written.

And I cannot tell you how it turns me on.

Just talk like you write.

- Okay.

I've gotta warn you, I do not read her often.

- Don't be modest.

(soft upbeat music)

(breathing heavily)

- I'm gonna take off all your clothes.

- Yes.

- Then I'm going to. - What, what are

you going to do?

- I'm gonna throw you on the bed.

- Go on then.

(screaming)

(soft upbeat music)

- [Man] You sexy bitch, you really turn me on.

- Are you okay?

♪ I wanna be your ♪ - Oh God.

♪ I wanna be your man ♪

♪ I want you to understand ♪ Oh God.

- Oh God.

Fucking hell. ♪ Be your dog ♪

♪ To love you to the soul ♪

- Do you wanna take a breather for a minute?

♪ That works both ♪ - Yeah.

Maybe for just like five minutes or something.

♪ I wanna be your pain, your anything ♪

♪ Your favorite thing ♪ - You know that section

in the book where Belle gets whisked off to Paris

by a celebrity client?

Was that based on a true story

or did you just make that up?

- That was true.

♪ This wishbone ♪

- That wasn't in the book Ben.

- I'll get dressed then shall I?

- If you wouldn't mind.

- Yeah.

- So are you gonna keep me in suspense all night?

- Hm?

- You've forgotten haven't you?

I knew it.

- Sorry, you have to help me out here.

Is it your birthday?

- No.

Oh my God, you've really forgotten haven't you?

- What do you take me for?

- Aw.

- Now I saved the receipt so, ah, ah, ah.

Look if it doesn't fit or if the color isn't right,

you have to let me know. - Yes, yes, yes,

can I open it?

- Okay.

(gasping)

- It's perfect.

- Yeah?

Try it on.

- Okay but you can't look.

I want you to have the full effect.

Turn around.

Ready.

Ta-da!

- You look beautiful.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- I think this one even beats the King Kong snow globe.

- Yes!

(clearing throat)

♪ New York I love you ♪

- You okay? ♪ You're bringing me down ♪

- Not really, no.

- So what is it?

- I don't know, I'm just havin'

a bit of a crisis of confidence.

- Seriously?

Are you for real?

I mean that was the best sex I've had.

- No, no, not with this.

Jesse, do you ever feel like

you've bitten off more than you can chew?

- All the time.

- Yeah?

What do you do about it?

- Either spit it out or swallow.

- That's good advice.

- You asked.

♪ New York you're sacred ♪ Keep it on.

(phone ringing)

- Racing through your reception area

as looking inconspicuous is my forte, usually.

At my publisher's office I feel I might as well

be wearing a flashing sign that reads hooker.

None of these people know the truth.

As far as I'm they're concerned, I'm just another author.

(gasping)

An author!

Maybe I can fake it 'til I make it.

- Hello, great to see you.

Come in.

Have a seat.

So how did you find it last night?

I noticed you left early.

- Yeah going incognito, was not quite

as much fun as I'd hoped.

- Was it surreal?

- Surreal?

Yes, that definitely.

Excruciatingly painful also springs to mind.

I don't know, I think being in disguise

was a great way to hear what the critics think.

- Well people will always want to have an opinion.

But if it's any consolation, have a look at that.

It's your first review.

They're right, it's intelligent, witty, rye.

So, book two, we need to really jump

on the success of this first book.

How does three months sound for a first draft?

(giggling)

No rest for the wicked.

Look, I know it doesn't sound like long

but by the time we've factored in editing,

type setting, proofing.

- Yeah no it wasn't that, it was.

I don't know I'm just feeling a bit.

- Daunted?

- Daunted, yeah.

- Understandably.

I want you to go even further with your second book.

- Oh God.

- You're more than capable Belle.

- When you say even further.

- I think this next book could be a real

psychological exploration of you, your clients.

I want you to plunder your soul.

- I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to plunder.

- I want you to put your trust in me completely Belle.

I know it's a lot to ask, but I won't let you down.

(soft music)

- Why did you just agree to that?

If I'm gonna write a second book,

I'm gonna have to do some serious whoring.

- Oh darling.

- Hiya.

- A bright little number.

- Yeah do you think it's a bit much?

- Got something for me?

- Yes.

- Wonderful.

- It's good that book isn't it?

I've read it three times.

- Have you?

- Yeah I think it's really life-like.

- Yeah all the girls are talking about it.

It seemed a little distasteful to me.

And the madame, good God, a (mumbling) villain.

Who on Earth behaves like that?

- I don't know.

She seems all right.

- I wonder who she is.

So are we done?

Or is there anything else you want to talk to me about?

- No, no, nothing.

- Excellent.

Chow.

Darling?

Three times?

- Sorry?

- You only came out on the shoals yesterday.

You're quick aren't you?

Chow darling.

Give my love to Mel.

(soft music)

- Onwards and upwards.

An over nighter, in Mayfair.

Book two, here I come.

- Welcome.

- Thanks.

- I'm going to have a mint tea first while I get changed,

can I get you one?

- No thanks.

Not while I'm working.

- Oh.

Probably takes a bit of time to get warmed up.

So chapter one, Mr. Mayfair it turns out,

has an insatiable appetite

for grinding away for hours on end.

He might as well be wittling a chair leg.

- Is everything okay?

- Everything's great, you're great.

I just thought there might be something

we can do to make things a bit more special for you.

- This is fine.

- How about a bit of tidies?

- I have claustrophobia.

- Isn't that confined spaces?

- Well that's a bit part of it yes,

but I have quite an extreme type

which also includes a fear of being bound

or constricted in any way.

- Right.

- Shall I carry on?

- Please do.

- I also have a fear of heights.

- Do you?

- Yes I imagine they're probably connected in some way.

Heights, and confinement.

Fascinating thing isn't it?

The human mind. - Riveting.

- The thing about phobia's, people don't realize

they're all rooted to some form of neurosis in childhood.

I read this fascinating article the other week.

- I know what you're gonna say.

- Do you?

- Not every client I have makes for good material,

but you know what?

I did the best I could, with the little I had.

Which by the way, was hours staring at the ceiling

listening to a list of phobias.

- It's brilliant.

- Really?

Really?

- It's very funny.

It's intelligent, deceitful, you're a natural (mumbling).

I think this is gonna be even better than your first book.

Which I might add, is really saying something.

(printer whirring)

- [Hannah] What's this?

- Print run figures.

Don't get your hopes up about being

(mumbling) just yet, but I think you'll agree,

pretty impressive.

- Fuck me!

- Exactly.

(upbeat music)

- Woo!

- It looks great.

- It must feel amazing.

- Yeah it's not bad.

You have not even told me what you think of the book Ben.

You haven't read it have you?

- Yeah sort of.

- I've read it three times.

- How can you sort of read it?

- I've read the what's it on the back.

You know the.

I'll start probably tonight.

What?

I've been busy.

- No you haven't.

- I've read it three times. - Yes thanks Bambi,

there you go, that's loyalty for ya.

- You should read it, you're in it loads.

- Am I?

- Yeah.

I called you Jeremy.

(giggling)

- Jeremy?

What the fuck are you saying with that?

- What did you think of Latisha then?

- What?

- I thought I'd call you Latisha,

I thought it'd suit you but then, actually I'm worried

that it might be a bit tacky. - I'm Latisha?

- Yeah.

Of course you are, could you not tell?

- Oh my days, Latisha is amazing!

- Yeah!

- She's just great!

I'm Latisha, that's me!

Oh my God! - All right,

settle your horse.

Jesus. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

I'm staring in a book!

I can't believe it!

I'm a star!

(upbeat rock music)

- (mumbling) in film, I'm not being

called fuckin' Jeremy then.

- Okay.

Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it,

should we? - I think you will

make an awesome film!

I'm talking to Belle about the film.

- All right, sit down Bambi.

(bell buzzing)

Jackie?

- Why haven't you answered your bloody phone!

I've been calling you for ages!

- Who is it?

- It's my sister, what's the matter?

- Patchy's having an affair.

I need to stay here for a while.

- Prostitute, author, sister, shit.

(upbeat music)

Jackie!

- I'm Byron, how about fucking you?

- Is Han in? - She's out.

But, I'm in.

- I know it was you who wrote that filthy little book.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- We need to talk.

(soft upbeat music)