Original subtitles

Fast! Grab it from behind like I taught you.

Come on, come on!

Take it!

You suck.

Oooh!

Where are they taking her?

It's for the king.

Why do you give it to him?

Because thanks to him we have this.

Oh!

The rooster Damn it, the car stayed!

Come, give me a hand!

You go.

No, both of you come.

"They have been hard years, but our

internal enemies have been defeated."

"And the outsiders believe that they

have taken our colonies from us forever."

"Let them believe it!"

An empire in decline is still an empire.

Yeah!

With these decrees on the new

formation of the councils, which

we sign today, Spain begins a new stage.

We are more united than ever

under the firm leadership of

His glorious majesty, Felipe V.

Your Majesty, a little signature.

Ah!

Ah!

Let it move.

Let it move.

That!

The sun covers me, I can't see.

Majesty.

The sun hits me full, let it set.

Ah!

Take it away.

No, not him, the toad!

Toad?

Yes, that one, that one, that one!

That one!

Yes, yes, the toad. Clear.

What do you do? Take it. There!

There, in front of you!

Idiots. Out, out.

Out, out, out!

Out!

Out!

Come here!

Out, out! Out!

Out, out! Out!

Ah! Ah!

Ah!

I have told you a thousand times.

We have been more than patient with you English people.

We renounce Gibraltar, and if you want

Murcia, too, but not the Philippine Islands.

Your Majesty, it is the king again.

If you'll excuse me.

Ambassador.

"I can't stand it, Isabel.

" They stay there, looking at me.

Hey!

You are the best king this country has had in two centuries.

Yes.

They should kiss your feet.

What's more, let them kiss your feet.

From now on, no more hand kissing.

From now on, foot kissers.

I have been in this country for 20 years.

And I don't know... I don't know what they want.

They are Spanish, not even they know it.

But I do know what I want.

Now?

I just had breakfast. I have... Look.

Your Majesties!

The show has arrived!

Not now!

Nobody values ​​art anymore.

Hadn't we driven out the dwarves?

No, he is a public official.

Let them take it somewhere else. - Which one?

What do I know, to the Post Office. - No no.

No, that man can't work at the Post Office, he's...

artist, has a training. French sloppiness.

And what do we do, do we eat it? - Oh!

This country has no remedy, Isabel.

It's going to finish me.

What do you want to do?

I want to leave it.

Leave what?

I want to leave this.

I can't take it anymore.

I can't take it anymore.

Oh!

A king does not

abdicate, he dies in bed!

Who says it?

The story.

And God.

And what does your doctor say?

His Majesty shows severe exhaustion.

Exhaustion.

He is falling prey to an acute

hypochondriacal melancholy.

I would say that...

The only thing he hasn't lost yet is his appetite.

No appetite.

Surely something can be done.

And what does he propose?

I would say a little bleeding... light.

All you need to do is make blood sausages with it.

Do we vote?

Bleeding. Bleeding. Bleeding. Bleeding. Bleeding.

I know yes. Bleeding.

A thorough bleeding will be performed

after which the monarch will resume his duties.

This country has very powerful enemies.

What do you think they will do when they

find out that their king sees invisible toads?

It's not the worst we've been through, Your Majesty.

We come from the Austrias.

That's how it went for you.

Your Majesty, what do you propose?

My husband has united the

kingdoms of Spain, his work is done.

And who do we put?

How odd.

Oh!

For very little, your highness. For very little.

The third one to escape this week.

I'm afraid it's the same thing, sir.

But I am the Prince of Asturias.

The sense of vassalage is

terribly limited in some species, sir.

My wall is so bare I'm going to

have to hang my sister's poodle.

Like a wild boar.

It's ingenious. It's ingenious.

It wasn't that funny either. - No.

I'm going to shit.

If you need help.

- I'm fine. - Good.

Serrano, what is a Jew?

- That? - A Jew.

He is a... devotee of the Hebrew faith, sir.

He is a member of the 12 tribes of

Israel, which were God's chosen people.

I think neither do I...

Come on, look, that's where the wild boar is coming back.

Are there many in Spain?

Wild boars? - No, Jews, Serrano.

Not anymore. Not anymore, your highness.

They left because they killed us. We... we killed them.

That, not us, because they were Jews and they always lost.

I would like to see a Jew.

Oh yeah? - Yes.

Well maybe...

I don't know, maybe you have one closer than you think.

Oh yeah? Where? - Yes.

No, no, yes... To say, right?

I don't know, imagine that...

My real last name is not Serrano, it is...

Serrafinovich.

Can you imagine like this?

Serrafinovich.

Hey?

But maybe my... my family had to give up...

their god, their language, their customs...

to drag a life of indignities.

They have told me that they do not have a cap on the shaft.

Wonder!

Please... - Take it now.

Yes. Very good, your highness.

You will see how happy my father is.

Father!

Father.

I have hunted a wild boar.

But not just any wild boar, a giant wild boar.

Sit down.

What's happening?

Ah!

You are going to be king.

- Clear. - No, no, no.

You're going to be king now.

Abdicate.

I know it's unexpected, but your country needs you.

The king's challenges are not enormous and require someone...

young and capable.

And you are...

young.

It's difficult, I know. I also had a hard time digesting it.

Oops!

Yeah!

What's happening?

At last!

- Oops! - Are you OK?

Father, I'm great.

I thought it would take longer for my turn to come, but...

this is much better.

There are no conspiracies, there are

no deaths, I have not had to kill any

brother, they have not poisoned you...

It's incredible.

But are you aware of what this means?

Completely.

When do we announce it?

Let's talk to... - What are you doing? Where are you going?

This job carries enormous responsibility.

I know.

You will have enemies everywhere.

It doesn't matter, I have great judgment.

Spain gives nothing...

and asks a lot.

But, father... - What?

You were not Spanish. - That?

No, you're French.

Yes, I am Spanish.

They call me the Well Beloved.

Half the kingdom wants you hanging from a pine tree.

There was even a war, do you remember it?

Father, I've been wanting this all my life.

I'm going to do it well.

I wish mom could see me.

I would be very proud of you.

You had her,

but I don't have anyone.

No, calm down.

The queen is in negotiations with France.

We will send your sister to them and they...

They are going to send us the best of the candidates.

Cuckoo!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

My love, I know it's hard for you,

but you are the ideal candidate.

You have Spanish family

and you speak Spanish perfectly.

But I also speak perfect Spanish.

Hunting, zarzuela... - Carlota, daughter...

Shut up.

No, no, no, let her go.

No. - Enough!

Enough!

I want to die!

Luisa, daughter, it could be worse, it could be an Austria.

- It's a Bourbon. - Like your grandfather.

You know what they say about them.

And yes, hot, hot.

Vomit.

A fucker. Well, like your father,

your father is a very fuckable person.

We have already arrived.

My name is Louis de Rouvroy, Duke of Saint Simon

and extraordinary ambassador of France in Spain.

I will be by your side

during your adaptation process.

And anything you need, you just have to ask.

I want to go home.

The ship left.

So.

Highness.

Serrano.

Very good news. - Yeah?

The people have accepted with great joy

your proclamation.

Normal, they adore me.

It's true.

Okay, let's try this one.

This color yes. - Yeah.

It's very good. Luisa, his future wife, is going to love it.

Yeah? - Yeah.

Can I... can I ask you a question?

Of course, your highness, of course.

Thanks, Paco.

Eh... - Say it, say it.

Have you ever slept with a woman?

Ah!

I think so, your highness.

Because I have children. - Clear.

Sure, yes, yes, yes.

What if you had to explain it to someone?

how would you do it?

Sorry?

That I'm getting married.

How so?

What... I have no idea.

I don't know how...

how it lies, I don't know anything about anything.

Oh wow.

Well, but...

You have been in the stables, you have seen how the horses...

They cover the mares.

Luisa de Orleans is not a mare.

Well, but...

She is French.

You know what they say...

"The French with..."

Sorry.

There has to be something, right? An engraving, a...

a charcoal

I believe that what your highness needs is a...

Huh?

A... There...

A what?

An accelerated practical course.

Yeah?

That is.

I couldn't have expressed it better, Serrano.

See you tonight at the stables.

Oh.

Are you going to teach me yourself?

No, no... No, no...

Let's see, what... but...

I had thought of a lady.

- Oh. - Anatomically it is more...

similar to your future wife. - Sure, sure.

Yes, yes. Yes, yes.

A lady, a lady.

Yes, yes.

Eh... It was clear that you didn't, eh, Serrano?

No... Don't think anything strange.

This is pheasant island.

And on this side it is French territory...

and on the other side is Spanish soil.

Inside that little tent, on neutral

ground, we will make the exchange.

What exchange? - Of future queens.

Ready?

The infanta is very pretty.

No, that's not the infanta.

That's the infanta.

It will be a joke. - That?

Can they trade me for a baby?

He has screwed up.

As? - That he screwed up.

It smells like poop. - No. No, no.

Exchange.

Yes, exchange. - Exchange.

Let's go, your highness, to France.

Madam, welcome to the kingdom of Spain.

Long live the queen!

Highness.

Yeah?

- It has arrived. - Oh.

I present to you Mrs.

Eugenia de Esparabé.

Thanks, Serrano.

Hello.

Hello. Pussy!

Your Highness, how direct, right?

Wait, you don't want to talk?

What do you want us to talk about?

Of the horses?

Ah!

But... Excuse me, what was your name?

Whatever you want to call me, baby.

Come on, show

your lineage.

Wait.

What are you talking about?

As?

With the lineage thing?

Well, you are a Bourbon.

Yes, so what?

Well, your father with the queen...

And not to mention his mother.

What happened to my mother?

Your Majesty, you know that there are

more things that can be done in a haystack.

Is it your first time?

Lesson one.

- Lesson two. - Your Majesty!

Good God!

Dad!

Dad!

The family that...

Father.

Father, please listen to me.

Luis, it is not easy to reign.

I hear voices.

Where?

Here?

Here, here, in my head.

Voices at night,

Terrible voices that don't let me sleep.

Do you know how I calm them down?

Praying.

But that means adding more voices to the conversation.

Yours, God's... - The body is sin.

You should control your base

impulses if you don't want your soul to rot.

Father, father, I want to ask you a question.

Excuse me.

Did something happen with mom that...

that I don't know...?

Wait for your wife.

How much is left?

Nothing. Only three days left.

Your Majesties, I present to

you Luisa Isabel de Orleans.

Ah!

I've been eating garlic since I arrived. What did you expect?

Piggy, leave us! - Let's see, some kisses!

I know you like it, come on, don't be tight!

That's my brother Fernando.

- Where is that little ass? - Pervert!

- Come here! - You're a slut.

I love him.

And those two are also my brothers.

But children of Queen Elizabeth, my other mother.

I met your little sister.

The one you sent to France.

Oh yeah? - Crazy, right?

The fact that?

He's three years old, does that seem normal to you?

We are all born with a destiny.

Yeah, but she learned to walk yesterday and you're already getting her married.

Well, the wedding will be in a few years.

Until she can procreate.

That's what weddings are for.

Tomorrow will be a great day.

You know that you and I are cousins, right?

Yes. Yes, of course, family is the most important thing.

My mother was your grandfather's bastard daughter.

Are you sure she was a bastard?

Didn't you give him your name?

Fernando!

Give me a kiss, if you like it!

What does a woman love?

Well, who cares, that's how things work.

No? Why think about it?

Unclear.

Why give more thought to what interests you?

Of course.

Serrano.

I ordered them to be made especially "for you.

" For... For... It... "For you." - "Pour vois.

" "Pour vois.

" He has taught me French.

Do you like it?

That...? What are you doing?

Is it loaded?

Lower the weapon. - But is it loaded or not?

No, no, it's not loaded.

I don't like weapons at all.

What do you mean you don't like guns? - No.

-And how do you hunt? - I don't hunt.

Does not hunt.

It's a savagery. - He doesn't hunt.

Where is that little ass?

Disgusting, please.

It has garlic.

- Garlic? - Garlic, yes.

Disgusting!

Man, something finer.

"Catholic majesties, the news of your

son's marriage to my granddaughter

having come to my attention, it is

important that you know some details about him.

" "Luisa Isabel has

beautiful eyes, white and

fine skin, and a well-made nose.

" "I could be a great queen,

if it weren't for the fact that he is the most unpleasant person

I have ever seen in my life.

"I would understand if they returned it to us as soon as we met it.

" "I don't think anyone in France can blame them for that.

" "Very truly yours, an embarrassed grandmother.

" France played it for us.

- - France what? - Felipe, he played it on us.

Oh.

Yes, yes.

Wait a moment.

Let's do something.

Ouch!

Ouch!

Ouch!

Ouch!

Charles I... - That's it.

Philip II. - The other, the other, the one who is missing.

Philip III. - That one! That's how it makes me.

Because of me, because of me, because of my great fault.

That is why I pray to Saint Mary, always Virgin...

It is an affront to France. You have to get revenge.

No, I'm too tired to take revenge.

First, we married Louis, then we proclaimed

him king, and then we left in a hurry.

This can't stay like this.

Grandma! - What's wrong?

That letter! - Yes!

Does it seem normal to you?

Write that letter about a granddaughter. - No.

Because of me, because of me, because of my great fault.

Do you think that the grandmother gave the letter to the

granddaughter speaking badly about her thinking that maybe...?

Always Virgin.

To the angels, to the saints. Saints.

This is key. Has it been clear to you?

The letter to the Thessalonians

was due, but we are not going to do it.

Let's go through, because otherwise it will be long.

We have to go eat, I think I speak for everyone.

So we will end the ceremony with the blessing of the rings.

God bless this union "in nómine

Patris, et Fílii, et Spíritus Sancti.

" Amen.

One moment.

Eh... Eh... We must... conclude the agreement.

What agreement?

French tradition demands it.

We have to...

notify the consummation.

Well, look, I already...

This is what his parents and his parents' parents did.

Shall we stay and watch? - No.

Listen. - Oh!

Hear.

Well...

Lesson one.

What are you doing?

What... what... what is this?

Ah! Ah!

Ah!

They are the ones who talk.

Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ouch!

Out there you reign whatever you want, in here you don't.

And why not?

Father.

That?

That?

The marriage cannot be consummated.

Luisa Isabel de Orleans cannot procreate.

She is not a woman yet.

How is she not a woman?

How not?

How can she not be a woman with those tits?

Good night.

My mother.

Oh!

Wow, but what about this?

Hello!

But what are you doing here?

What are you doing? Hello!