Original subtitles

- I've slept with 1,036 men.

Why would you wanna see me when there's all that baggage?

- Because I don't see baggage or a problem.

So, we're on?

- Yeah, we're on.

- Taking her to the opera.

- Right.

Evening, evening.

Everyone having a good time?

- Look, mate, why don't you go and sit somewhere else?

- Listen, mate. (laughs)

Duncan is a prick.

I'm sorry if your night was spoiled.

- I give up on you.

I've had enough!

I just give up!

(sexy upbeat music)

(motor engine roaring)

I've spent all this time writing about clients

but I wonder what it's like to be a client, so.

(door knocking)

This is just research.

Duncan approves of research, so I'm not cheating.

Is it?

Nice place.

- Thanks.

Sorry, if I seemed a little bit, well, thrown just then.

- Oh shit!

Sorry, have I got the wrong time?

I'm such a--

- Oh no no no no no, not at all.

You're bang on time.

You're just not a, how can I put this,

like my usual clients?

In a good way.

- Hmm?

- Sorry, what I'm trying to say is that,

most of the women I see tend to be more mature.

- Yes.

Right, well, I'm actually older than I look.

Surgery.

- So.

- So.

Oh, right!

Here you go.

It's all there.

- Thank you.

So, you said in your email you've never done this before.

- Yeah, sorry, I"m just a bit nervous.

- Well, don't be.

- Oh, ha.

- I'm really glad you chose me.

I suppose in a roundabout way, what I'm trying to say is,

I think you're really beautiful.

I think I'm gonna jump in the shower, quickly.

You wanna come through?

- Sure, okay.

- Great.

- Great.

I'll take your lead.

Please!

If the blue on his lips is anything to go by,

it's the Viagra that's leading him.

- Do you wanna join me?

- No, I'm okay, you go ahead.

- If you're sure.

♪ Love, love, love ♪

♪ Makes me do foolish things ♪

- So, how long have you been doing this, Connor?

- I did a bit when I was at uni to clear some debts

and I really enjoyed it so, I carried on.

- A female escort reveals her body bit by bit.

It's the ancient art of seduction.

- It kind of fits in with my web design work.

I can do both jobs from home.

- Something he could do with learning.

So, that's why your website's so good?

- Yeah.

- Right.

- Can you dry my back?

- Okay.

- Sorry, I don't wanna get you wet.

Well, not yet, anyway.

Was that cheesy?

Oh, that was really cheesy!

- Yeah, it was a bit.

- Don't hold it against me, will you?

- There you go.

All done.

Would you, okay.

- Shall we go through?

(sighs)

Come here.

(lips smacking)

I don't, I'm not sure what this is?

Seems to be in the way.

- Do you want me to take it off?

- I hadn't thought of that, but yes.

What, what the hell are these?

- I don't know but I should probably take them off too.

- Let's try it.

- Okay.

♪ You're playing a game ♪

♪ It's so plain ♪

♪ You want me to win ♪

- Is there anything you'd like me to do?

- Oh!

I don't really know.

♪ If love is the end ♪

♪ Playing your game, baby ♪

♪ Your game, baby ♪

Maybe I should ask him to re-design my website.

Concentrate.

Nice, these are nice sheets.

He could really do with some dimmer lights.

How does he get a girl in the mood for, Oh my God!

- Is everything, okay?

- Everything's fine.

Just, just carry on.

Just research, you know?

Nothing to feel guilty about.

Okay, Connor, Connor, Connor, I can't do this.

I have a boyfriend.

This just feels really unfaithful.

- Okay well, I wouldn't beat yourself up.

I see lots of married women.

- Really?

- They come here because they don't wanna have an affair.

I think it shows you really care.

- Yeah?

- I really wouldn't be so hard on yourself.

- Okay right, now I just feel even worse.

- Oh shit, what did I say?

- No, nothing.

It's, you're lovely.

It's just.

Look, look I'm an escort too.

- What?

- And I'm writing this book.

And this, with you, was going to be the next chapter.

- What kind of book?

- It's a book about my life as an escort.

- It's coming out in the spring.

- Whoa, that is out of order.

- Yes, I know but you were going to be completely anonymous.

No one would ever have to know.

- It's still pretty sneaky.

- I know but if it's any consolation, you're really good.

- Oh, you can't put that bit when I said,

I don't want to get you wet. I never normally say that.

- I won't.

I wouldn't.

I'm sorry, this was a really bad idea.

I should probably just go.

- Hang on, you can't just go.

- No, no, I think I should.

- No, it's not fair!

If I'm going to be in a book,

at least let me show you what I can do.

I've barely got started.

How about a little bit of professional courtesy?

- Can I just have a minute?

Duncan's having a relationship with Hannah.

If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do it as Belle.

Show me what you've got.

♪ Stepping ♪

♪ I'm stomping ♪

♪ I'm all gone ♪

- Too much?

- Well, he is a new client. You don't want to scare him off.

- Yeah, Stephanie says when he likes a girl,

he's a loyal regular so I've got to get it just right.

Okay, I'm off.

- Oh, Bam-Bam!

Lube.

- Thanks, babe.

Don't pick anything stupid.

I want everyone to be looking at me on my wedding day.

- Of course!

♪ Yet, I'm working ♪

♪ To make butter for my piece of bun ♪

♪ And if you say ♪

♪ I'm not okay ♪

♪ We must go ♪

♪ If you say ♪

(panting)

- Well done.

- Pleasure.

Enough material?

- There's plenty.

- Well, tell me it was good, for fuck's sake.

I'll have a nervous breakdown.

- It was adequate.

Ah, ha! (laughs)

It was great and you know.

- Yes!

(sexy upbeat music)

(door knocking)

- Hi, Richard.

♪ Ain't no big thing ♪

♪ To wait for the bell to ring ♪

♪ Hello, my love ♪

♪ It's getting cold on this island ♪

(phone ringing)

♪ I'm sad alone ♪

- Hi.

- Hi, what are you doing?

- [Duncan] Just catching up with some people.

How's your day been?

- Yeah, it was good.

It was good.

- [Duncan] Good, good, I'm glad.

- Well, actually it was a bit weird but you're busy.

- Yeah, I probably should go actually.

- [Hannah] Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

Sorry, get back to your thing.

Okay, I love you.

Oh my God, I didn't just say that, did I?

Did I say that?

I said that.

(gasps)

- [Bambi] Everything all right?

- Yeah.

Here's a little extra for you.

- Thank you, Richard.

- Bambi?

- Yes?

- I'd like to see you again.

Would you like to see me again?

- I'd love to.

Call Stephanie and I'll clear my diary.

- Good, I'll look forward to it.

- Me too.

♪ Or anyone like me ♪

- This will be fine.

I've done the hard part.

This is just typing it up.

Like I always do.

Duncan will be fine about it.

Won't he?

Oh, fuck.

(phone ringing)

- [Ben] Han, I'm sorry for the last message

and I'm sorry I was drunk and rude to Duncan.

Call me.

- You have 10 new messages.

- [Ben] Han, I was a dick.

I know that.

But you're being a dick now not returning my calls.

Ring me back.

- Next new message.

- [Ben] Dick!

- Next new message.

- [Ben] Come on, Hannah.

I hate this.

For fuck's sakes, pick.

- Here we go.

Nothing Duncan hasn't seen before.

I paid for sex, so what?

(upbeat music)

All right.

Connor was the most extraordinary lover I've ever had.

Maybe I should lie.

Connor was very disappointing in the trouser department.

Listen.

Fuck!

He didn't know anything about a woman's body.

He really didn't have a clue what to do.

I couldn't wait for it to be over.

(screaming)

I've got to be honest.

If we're going to work, as a couple,

he's got to know the truth.

Okay.

In one hour, Connor taught me more about my body

than a lifetime of clients.

A male escort needs charm, patience, stamina

and a sizable asset.

- I know, meeting ran late.

- Three messages.

- Hi, Duncan.

New chapter attached.

Enjoy!

Kiss, kiss, kiss.

(phone ringing)

- Han, I've forgiven you for so much worse.

Can you stop acting like a child, please

and give me a break?

- Hi, Maria.

Is Duncan, in?

No, no, I was just checking that he's in.

Is he picking up emails?

(phone ringing)

No, no, it's fine I don't need to speak to him.

It's fine.

Okay, thanks.

Not gonna ring him.

Just gonna play it cool.

Hi, it's me.

- Hi.

- Did you get the new chapter?

- I'm just reading it now.

- What do you think?

- It's very interesting.

- Should we talk?

Why don't you come round?

- Yeah, I think I should.

- Okay.

- I'm going out to see the writer.

Anything urgent, I'm on my mobile.

- Ben!

- Hello, mate.

Sorry about the other night.

I was a bit hammered.

I don't really remember what happened but

Hannah said I was a dick.

- No, it's fine.

Actually, I think it's great.

- What is?

- Well, I wish I could be reckless

and act like another prick every now and again,

but running a company, I can't.

I guess that's one of the perks of being a barman.

No one really cares what you do, do they?

- Yeah, thanks.

- You coming up?

- No, you go ahead.

I've somewhere else I've got to be.

(door buzzing)

- Hi.

So, what did you think?

- Yeah.

The chapter was good.

- Really?

What did you really think?

- It was a bit weird.

Unsettling.

- It felt weird.

I really didn't want to send it.

- Why is this different to all the clients?

- I know.

It shouldn't be but it is, isn't it?

- Yeah.

- Maybe I should have asked you before I did it.

- I would have told you to do it

and then spent the rest of the day kicking myself.

- I really freaked out when I was with him.

- Really?

- Really.

- What are we like?

- I don't know.

- Did he have a good body?

- Not a patch on yours.

- Whose girl are you?

- Yours.

- Sure? - Sure!

- Not that other guy's?

- Let's go to bed.

- Let's stay here.

♪ Girl, you really got me going ♪

♪ You got me so I don't know what I'm doing now ♪

I love touching you.

Did you like how he touched you?

- Yeah.

- I wanna fuck you.

Did you like it when he pinned you down?

- Stop talking about him!

- Suck me.

- No, no, no, I want to stop.

- What?

- Just stop for a minute.

- Why?

- I think we're just confusing things a bit.

- What do you mean?

- I think you wanna be having sex with Belle, not me.

- God, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to make you feel.

This whole thing is just messing with my head.

- It's okay, just forget about it.

- I'm really sorry.

- It's okay, it's just a fucked-up day.

Let's just write it off.

- You know that thing that you said earlier?

- No, what?

- You know?

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- About loving me.

- That was just something.

- I love you too.

♪ I'm so happy you called ♪

♪ I really needed a break ♪

♪ From all the people I see ♪

(door buzzing)

- Just ignore it.

- Could be a client.

- Oh, God!

Hello!

- I really want you to see my dress.

- Babe, it's really not a good time.

- You've got to see it, it's amazing!

- Duncan's here and we're kind of in the middle of things.

- I can invite him to the wedding.

Come on, buzz me in!

- Okay, okay.

It's a work friend.

She's a bit mad but she's actually quite sweet.

- Is it Letitia?

It is, it's the real-life Letitia, isn't it?

- Well, I couldn't possibly say.

Hey!

- Thanks, babes.

- Bambi, this is Dunky.

Duncan.

This is Duncan.

He's my boyfriend.

Duncan, this is Bambi.

I'm sorry, I don't know why I just said that.

I think I just had a small fit!

Sorry. (giggles)

- I'll just put this round here, shall I?

- Okay.

- So, when's the big day?

- 28th!

- Bambi, why don't you?

- [Bambi] Hmm?

- Just.

- Oh, yeah.

Duncan, would you like to come to my wedding?

- Of course, I'd love to.

♪ Sunshine on your face in the first dawn light ♪

- Must be something else you like?

Some itch you'd like me to scratch?

(man whispering)

(gasps)

- What the hell are you doing here?

I can't believe you came!

- [Hannah] You're an inspiration.

I can't keep just doing this.

I can't keep running away from how I feel.

I love him.

- Oh, fuck.

(sexy upbeat music)