Original subtitles

Warn that man.

Warm that man warm that man warm that man

Can I see your identity card, please, sir?

Are you travelling on business, sir?

I'm carrying trade plates.

Didn't you see them?

No, sir. As a matter of fact, I didn't.

Very interesting, Schultz. Very interesting.

But surely such a scheme is not possible.

Who thought of it?

I did, Herr Minister.

If that man could be brought here to Germany, the advantage to the Third

Reich would be incalculable.

It might even mean victory this year.

It's monstrously ambitious.

Is there any limit to Germany's ambitions, Herr Minister?

And these reports from England, these reports of his movements, are they

reliable? They always have been, Herr Minister.

And if it is possible, Schultz, where do you suggest it takes place?

Where he most constantly visits.

Parkway Hall.

That is so, Herr Minister.

Do we know why he goes there?

Primacy, Herr Minister, and rest.

And who is the host on these occasions?

Lord Buckley himself.

Lord Buckley. A very distinctive type, Schultz.

Fortunately, yes.

You have someone in mind, then?

As a matter of fact, Herr Minister, I have.

Pastor, a word before you go.

I have done the state some service, and they know it.

No more of that.

Speak of me as I am.

Nothing extenuate nor set down aught in malice.

Then must you speak of one that loved not wisely,

but too well.

Of one not easily jealous, but being wrought, perplexed in the extreme.

of one whose hand, like the base Judean, threw a pearl away,

richer than all his tribe, set you down this.

But add that in Aleppo once, where a malignant and turbaned Turk beat

a Venetian and reduced the state, I took by neck the circumcised dog and smote

him.

That!

I kiss thee, yea, I kill thee.

No way but this.

Killing myself to die upon a kiss.

Look at my eyes, Ludwig. They're real tears.

But they're very beautiful tears.

What a finish to the season. It was magnificent.

Yes, Willie, I was magnificent.

Congratulations, Herr Hausmann.

A marvellous night, Ludwig.

Willie, this grease, it smells awful.

Where's my other tip?

But is such a thing possible, Herr Minister?

It is going to be made possible, my dear Hausmann.

You were educated in England, were you not?

That is so.

In fact, I believe it was there that you actually commenced your stage career.

Forgive me for reminding you of that unfortunate experience.

Oh, these English fools with their stupid sense of humor.

They have never appreciated the artistic.

Gently, Hausmann.

We must keep our minds on our acting.

You are going to have another chance to impress the English with your ability.

You mean that I... Exactly.

No one would be more suitable.

What do you say, Schultz?

The idea is excellent, Herr Minister.

I thought it would appeal to you.

But I have never jumped from an airplane.

Do you find the suggestion disagreeable, party member Hausmann?

No, Herr Minister.

Oh, look! It caught the moonlight then. It absolutely sparkled.

Moonlight night port. All expensive diamonds shine in the dark.

Waiter. Yes, sir. I seem to know that girl over there. The one with Lord

Buckley. Who is she?

Oh, is Miss Frances Lane the actress, sir? Yes, of course. They come here

fairly often.

No relationship, is there?

I don't think so, sir.

I'm afraid it's just a platonic friendship.

If you understand what I mean.

Yes.

Well, there you are, my dear.

I only wish I could join you.

Oh, why don't you? One won't hurt you. You tell my doctor that.

The strongest thing I've had to drink for the past five years has been a glass

of milk.

Even that gave me a hangover. Nonsense.

Are you trying to lead me astray, Cynthia?

Not Cynthia, darling. Francis. Do try and get used to it. Nobody knows me as

Cynthia.

You people and your stage names.

What a nonsense.

I thought the motive would rather appeal to you.

Motive? What do you mean? I want to make a success of my own merit.

Not just because I'm the niece of Lord Buckley.

I see.

What's the matter, dear?

Uncle, have you noticed anybody watching you lately?

Following you about, obviously studying you.

Watching me? Following me? Good heavens, no.

You don't mean a woman, do you? I should be rather flattered if it was.

I'm quite sure you would. It happens to be a man.

I've noticed him twice before, in here.

Nonsense, my dear, nonsense.

Where is the fellow?

Over on my right, near the service doors.

There are a few talking about.

He was there a moment ago.

Yes, it is a rather good wine, isn't it?

Oh, don't be silly, Uncle. I'm not imagining things.

I wanted to mention it to you the other day.

Okay, you're just exaggerating some fellow's idle curiosity.

Something more than that.

This really is ridiculous.

All right, darling, forget it.

Well, thank heaven for that.

Now then, tell me about this Johnny fellow of yours. How is he? Still alive

and kicking? You bet he is. Good, splendid.

When are you going to bring him down to see me?

Oh, as soon as he gets leave again.

Don't forget, will you? I'm very anxious to see him.

What sort of fellow is he?

Well, I like him.

I suppose you do, really.

There he is.

Not a bad-looking chap.

Oh, my love, Johnny, darling Francis.

Rather nice bit of dumbo.

What do you think, sir?

I think it's about time you minded your own business, Stuart.

Aye, sir.

She's certainly a fine-looking lassie. I thought you'd think so.

Identity card, sir.

John Cooper, Royal Air Force.

Pilot officer.

Pretty close shave, sir, if you ask me.

He'd have been probably up a gantry if we hadn't picked him up.

He's coming along fine.

Get plenty of that rum into him. Aye, aye, sir.

What a job.

You know, them blokes never seem to think of the risk they run.

In an emergency like this, if you won't have it, I will.

Well, you know what sailor's up.

Another two days of this and I won't be feeling quite so perky.

Why don't you have a little nap, sir?

I'll wake you up with a nice cup of tea.

You have an awful strange sense of humour.

Like my dear old dad.

You know, whenever he was in trouble, he used to sing himself out of it.

Aye, he must have done an awful lot of singing.

Oh, he did.

He's practically killed himself trying to look on the bright side.

Oh, the nice girls, lads. All right, all right, all right. That'll be enough for

the day.

Here you are, Mr. Cooper, trying to ration our fun and games.

Ah, fun and games is all you ever think about.

Well, I can't help enjoying myself, can I?

You know, I used to play for a row round the pier I did.

Of course, it's different when you ain't got no oars.

Yes, it won't be Bob.

Now then, you couldn't see yourself out of it, eh?

If it isn't one of ours, you've sung your way into it. It's one of ours, all

right. Oi!

Oi!

He sees us! He sees us!

Oh, man, that's a fine sight.

What do you think of that, Mr. Cooper, old cock?

Now then, a bit of survivor's evil will be also gone in.

Thanks for the lift. It's all right.

Your name, miss?

Frances Lynn.

Why, what's the idea?

Who did you wish to see?

Lord Buckley, if you've no objection.

By appointment?

Definitely.

Come this way, will you?

Hello, Bunty. Hello, Pam.

How are you, old girl?

Well, I think that about covers everything. Yes, I think so.

And of course, as before, no visitors. No, no, no, of course not. Good. Then

I'll see you later on this evening.

My lord, there's a young lady outside.

Says she has an appointment.

Name of Frances Lane.

Good heavens.

Hello.

What's going on here?

What the hell do you want?

No, no, Sir Malcolm Trevor, this is my niece, Cynthia.

How do you do? How do you do? Well, I'll be getting along.

Oh, goodbye.

Yes. Goodbye.

She's not going to stay, is she? She is not.

Splendid. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Well, what is it?

What is it?

My, what a nice, friendly welcome.

Now, look here, Cynthia, my dear. Please, please don't be difficult. I'm

busy. I'm very busy.

But you are pleased to see me. As a matter of fact, I'm not. Oh, I should be

any other time, but not today. It's inconvenient.

Most inconvenient.

Oh, well, it's nice to know that.

Who are those men at the gates?

Detectives? Yes.

No, no.

Oh, yes, they are. It's written all over them.

Are they here because of anything I said the other day in the restaurant? Don't

be silly, my dear. Of course not.

Now, will you please, please leave me alone?

What's that suitcase doing here?

It's mine.

You don't mean to say you've come to stay?

I do.

Oh, no. No, no, that's impossible. Quite impossible. Oh, don't be so irritable.

I am not irritable at all. It is simply that...

that you've chosen the most inconvenient day in which to call.

Oh, please don't let Johnny know that.

Johnny? Well, you asked me to bring him down here.

You mean he's coming today?

With two friends.

You'll like them. I shall not.

They'll like you. I don't want them to like me.

Uncle, please listen. I shall not listen to another word.

And after an experience like that, I think they deserve a holiday.

I quite agree.

That's better. But not here. It's impossible.

Even for Johnny? Even for Johnny, and even for you.

Well, I think you're being utterly selfish.

You do, do you?

Have you considered your own attitude in this matter?

You practically ignore me whenever I'm down here.

When you do condescend to call, you choose the wrong time.

Good heavens, Brent, not black out already.

In 30 seconds, Malone.

You realize I've been talking to you for over an hour?

Miss Conway, your suitcase is upstairs, miss.

Yes, my lord? Furniture station, hotel, and find out what accommodation they

have. Very good, my lord.

Where are you going?

I'm going to unpack.

I've already told you my wishes in this matter.

I know, but I'm still going to unpack.

That's what you're all like, you women.

Headstrong, intolerant, unreasonable.

Yes, my lord.

What on earth's that?

Oh, never mind. Get on with it.

Hello?

What's the matter with the thing?

He can't even get the exchange bill out. Well, tie the one in the library.

Yes.

I'm afraid the telephone is out of service.

Lord Buckley, does it interest you to meet yourself?

Was it not your favourite poet Burns who said, Would some power the gifty gears

to see ourselves as others see us?

You are indeed fortunate, my lord.

What does this mean?

Well, what's the matter with you, ma'am?

I... I trust you will forgive the liberties we are taking with your staff,

Willow.

Are we installed at the lodge?

Yes, my lord.

Is our telephone normal?

It is, my lord.

Good.

John William Fitzherbert, 9th Viscount Buckley of Buckley Hall.

You have a singularly dull family history, my lord.

I find your personal eccentricities much more interesting.

I could wish, however, you didn't abstain from alcohol.

You see, for the past few weeks, I have been living your life, talking like you.

And acting like you.

Excepting, of course, any association with your charming friend, Miss Frances

Lane.

Well, I think the time has come now for us to settle down to our various duties.

We've all had our instructions. It only remains for us to carry them out.

Keep yourselves in readiness for immediate action.

And let there be no unfortunate mistakes.

All right.

That's all.

You won't get very far with this, you know.

I know what your game is.

I'm quite sure you do, my lord.

A very big game, if I may say so.

Oh, by the way, in case we've forgotten anything, you'd better investigate

upstairs.

Do you imagine precautions haven't been taken? I'm afraid we have no time for

further conversation.

Any trouble?

No, my lord.

Good.

Get rid of that, will you?

Certainly, my lord.

Oh!

Cops! Blimey, my feet!

What's wrong with them?

They're unconscious.

Oh, come on, man. It can't be far now.

Oh, that's what you said three miles back.

Oh, come on.

Well?

Plane ready to come in. Everything in order?

Yes.

Everything is fine.

You can land now. Yes, immediately.

I understand.

I'll land soon.

I'll land soon.

As a matter of fact, we're making for Buckley Hall.

That's right. The guests are Lord Buckley.

Yes.

Oh, I see.

Very good, sir.

What is it far from here?

A quarter of a mile.

Good. Up the hill.

Oh.

It's truth.

That was mighty low.

Certainly was.

Hello.

Oh!

Lovely bit of scrap iron, that.

Surely no visitors will be allowed here tonight.

Who can they be?

Don't let them in.

Keep him, Marshal.

Listen, if they're Secret Service or anything equally unpleasant, they can be

best dealt with in here.

And if they are not Secret Service?

They can still be dealt with.

All right.

Let them come through.

Be a nice thing if we come to the wrong place.

You're sure this is Buckley Hall, Johnny? Quite sure, sir.

Here,

what's the game?

I hope I didn't startle you, sir.

Oh, that's all right. I'm John Cooper and... Oh, yes.

Well, come on.

Now for a nice bit of peace and quiet.

Here we are.

Pretty humble, but clean.

Certainly worth coming to.

What's he waiting for, Tip?

No, of course not.

Why didn't you let him give you a hand with your bags? Ah, I lost these that

way before.

What I got in them bags is all my worldly possessions.

You know, I wouldn't part with that one for 50 quid. Why not?

What's in it?

Eighteen tins of corned beef, four tins of condensed milk and two pots of

strawberry jam.

Don't you know there's a state of emergency on?

Do you always carry that stuff about with you? Always.

You know, if I was a nasty old man, I couldn't half get on with some nice bits

of crackly with all that temptation.

That's better.

You know, Johnny, I'm that tired I could sleep for a week.

It's going to be an exciting holiday, I don't think.

Oh, by the way, where's Francis?

Where's anybody?

Busy little place, isn't it?

Ah, she'll be here in a minute.

At least I hope so.

She said she'd be here ahead of us.

Well, she's as odd and dusty as I feel. She's now having a bath of milk and

honey in the sunken swimming pool.

I hope she hasn't made a mistake over this.

I'll be very disappointed.

You'll be disappointed?

What about me?

Three and a tonne for a new cap.

And eight coupons for a pair of fancy ramiazes.

Here, that's not all.

Look at this.

Thinking I was going to stay with the aristocracy, I bought a couple of books

to polish up my education a bit.

There you are.

Salmon Fishing.

Reduced to half a dollar.

Lovely bit of reading, that.

I nearly know it by heart.

Have you ever done any salmon fishing, George?

Well, I don't know as I've actually landed a salmon.

I don't think I'd mention it if I were you. You might get landed yourself.

Don't be silly.

What do you think I've been learning all this by heart for?

To impress His Lordship, of course.

Here, look at this one.

Etiquette for every man, ninepence.

Yeah, that was a bargain.

It'd be a nice thing if I wasn't going to be able to use all this lovely

knowledge. Yeah, let me see.

There's a chapter about courtship further on.

How to behave when tempted.

Ah, and that reminds me.

The next time I see that Frances of yours, I'm going to give her a bit of

fatherly advice.

Oh, and what is this bit of fatherly advice?

I shall tell her straight.

Frances, I shall say.

If you go out with Johnny, you keep your wits about you.

And don't discuss nothing you can't eat.

I thought they was here.

Germany. I am one of our propaganda stations.

Oh, no, that's coming from Germany, all right.

Would you really understand that stuff?

Oh, most of it, yes.

I never knew you were so morbid.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Oh, good evening, sir.

Good evening.

Lord Buckley, I presume?

Quite right.

Ah.

What can I do for you, eh?

Well, sir, we'd expected to meet Francis here.

Frances? Miss Frances Lean.

Oh, yes, of course.

Well, I'm afraid she's not here.

What are we going to do about it, eh?

But she was supposed to arrive this afternoon.

You haven't made any mistake, have you?

Well, perhaps we'd better introduce ourselves.

Well, I'm Johnny.

Johnny Cooper.

How do you do?

Yes, of course.

And Captain Fletcher. How do you do?

How are you?

And George.

Mr. George Hawkins.

Very Haley Chan, my lord.

Well,

now, this is very pleasant.

Interesting people, all of you.

By the way, how did you get here?

We walk from the station, my lord.

Ah, yes.

And your friend's not here to meet you.

Pity.

Quite a mystery, isn't it?

Quite a mystery.

Well, now, I suppose you must all be feeling a little tired after your

journey. And somewhat disappointed, too.

Did Miss Lane give you any reason for meeting you here?

Well, actually, she asked us down for something of a holiday.

I understood, sir, that you'd practically suggested it, at least as

regards myself.

Oh, of course, yes, now I understand.

Oh, yes, I understand perfectly.

I wonder what could have happened to her.

I can't understand it.

Well, no doubt she'll turn up in due course.

And now, perhaps, if you'll excuse the limited menu, modern difficulties, you

know, you will join me in a little meal.

I think I can't call it dinner.

You're very keen.

Ah, a little refreshment, eh?

Go ahead, gentlemen. Enjoy it.

Enjoy it.

Please, please, don't stand on ceremony.

Aren't you imbebbing, my lord? No, no, I never do now.

The doctor's orders, you know. Ah, a bit of gastric, eh?

Oh, I'm sorry about that, my lord.

Still, it's the new wind that blows nobody no good.

Here's wishing you everything you wish yourself, my lord. Thank you. I hope

your little bit of inside trouble properly appreciates your self-denial.

Thank you, thank you. All right, my lord, my best respects.

Wind.

There'll be four of us.

Very good, my lord.

I hope it'll be worth eating.

Still, we must do what we can, eh? Oh, really, sir, there's no need to worry

about a meal at all. Personally, half an hour's rest will more than satisfy me.

Hey, you bucked up a bit since you had that cherry.

Just now you said you was going to sleep for a week.

I'm afraid George puts all our cards on the table, sir. Well, why shouldn't he,

eh? Why shouldn't he?

You know, there seems to be some sort of good companionship between the

Fairville. Well, we've certainly been flung together.

I go deeper than that, my lord. You know, he used to rouse me up hill and

down dale, he did.

Cool you didn't have to give me a killing, didn't you?

But a few torpedoes have made him wondrous kind.

Now with the three musketeers. All for one, one for all, and every man for

himself. Splendid, splendid.

Here.

Here's a picture of the three of us just after we was took out of the water.

Really? Yeah.

That's me on the left.

Oh, interesting. Very interesting.

Yes. I should like to keep this, if I might.

Examine it later with my glasses. With pleasure, my lord.

You help yourself.

Thank you.

Now, shall we say dinner in 15 minutes?

Aye, that'll do nicely.

Ah, Charles, you might show these gentlemen where they can wash.

Very good, my lord.

If you care to leave your belongings, Charles can attend to them later.

Okay, my lord.

And we're very much indebted to you, sir, for your hospitality.

Especially as we don't seem to have been expected.

Not at all, not at all. I can only hope we clear up the mystery.

Yes, I shall certainly feel happier when we do.

This way, gentlemen.

Au revoir, my lord.

I felt something would go wrong. Oh, don't make your toppers halfway, sir.

We're all right up to now.

Well, I don't know that we are, George.

Didn't you notice something funny downstairs?

You mean Frances not be real like?

Yes. Of course, she may have decided to have come down by train.

Yes. I think I'll phone up the station.

I'm sorry, sir. The telephone is out of order.

Oh. Out of order, eh?

Ah, a pity.

Yes, sir.

Cheers.

Don't you bother to hang around here, cock.

That's quite all right, sir.

Go on, you get along to your pals.

That butler must be wondering where you are.

The butler knows where I am, sir.

We're all attending to our duties.

Who?

Well, anything there? Nothing at all.

What did he say?

We should know all about them in half an hour.

In the meantime, you know what to do.

Yeah, it's the sport of king salmon fishing.

Mind you, that domain is confined to the male sect.

How do you know?

As a matter of historical fact, the biggest salmon ever caught in the

British Isles was hooked by a woman.

Really? 64 pounds.

64 solid pounds.

How would you like that on a bit of toast, my lord?

Very nice, very nice indeed.

You seem to know quite a lot about this, Mr Hawkins.

You could almost write a book about it.

Aye, you could almost.

Yes, I suppose it would go into a book.

Certainly could have come out of one.

You managed to make a long discussion sound quite interesting.

Oh, there's a whole lot more I could tell you yet.

Have a heart.

Faces.

Supposing a bloke does catch a salmon, what does he do?

He goes tearing into the nearest pub, hollowing out what a beauty he's caught.

Ah, but is it a beauty?

I don't know.

Has he got any lice on it?

Good heavens, I hope not.

Well, he should have, see?

Lice?

Lice.

The only salmon what's really worth hooking has got to be old out of the

river not more than 48 hours after it's left the sea.

And all 48-hour salmon have got sea lice on them.

And you know what, my lord? No.

Two days in the river and all them sea lice drop off.

Thank goodness for that. And then the salmon gets what's known as river bugs.

Oh.

Well, can't anything be done about it?

Leave it to nature, me boy. Leave it to Mother Nature.

Mother Nature doesn't seem to be interested.

Oh, yes, she is.

Because two days after the salmon returns to the sea, all them river bugs

die.

Ah, so then we're all nice and clean again.

Oh, no, we're not.

Because two days after them river bugs die, all them sea lice are back.

It's all very tricky, my lord. Very tricky indeed.

Yes, it certainly seems so.

Ah, will you have some coffee, gentlemen?

Thank you.

Aye, thank you, sir.

Ah, thank you very much, my lord.

Don't mind if I do.

Round off a nice bit of grub, that will.

Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm afraid it was mostly tinned food.

Eh?

Did you say tinned, my lord?

Yes, I don't know where Brent got it from, really. I didn't know we had any.

Tell me, Captain, how do you find ship's food these days?

Oh, it's all right, sir, so long as you can keep it out of the sea.

It should be, my lord.

I think I left my handkerchief up in the gents.

No, no, don't trouble. Charles will get it for you.

Oh, that's quite all right, my lord.

I may as well kill two birds with one stone.

I'm afraid our friend the captain's fallen asleep.

I hope you'll excuse him, sir. He's had a pretty rough time.

Of course, I understand perfectly.

Ah, Mr. Hawkins, you've found your handkerchief.

Yes, thank you, my lord.

I've got a little after this time.

Black or white, sir?

Uh, I'll have a bit of each.

Here! Oi!

Wake up, sir.

Oh, I do apologize, sir.

I'm afraid it was all that talk about the salmon.

What do you mean?

Well, you haven't heard the half of it yet.

Sugar, sir?

Yeah, well, that was a pot of sugar.

Tell me, Captain, had you retired before the war or were you still at sea?

I had retired.

And were you living in Scotland?

No, no.

Strangely enough, I found it quieter in Kensington.

At least until the trouble started. And then, I'm afraid, life became rather

communal.

There were four maiden ladies all living in the flats adjoining mine.

And after five years, in true British fashion, we were still hesitating to say

good morning when we met.

And then the Blitz came to Kensington. And we suddenly found ourselves in the

cellar, all sleeping together.

That's a good one.

Sleeping together.

Only metaphysically, I hope.

Well, we've had a bit of a mixture, my lord.

I hope this one don't blow the lid off.

No, I'm quite sure it won't.

The last time I had a glass of port was when I had earache pretty bad.

Makes you drink anything that do.

Well, on this suspicious occasion, I'd like to make a little toast.

It's a bit topical, perhaps, and I'm the worst for that.

Here's to good old John Bull, whose head will not bow.

He's a real British bull, what no one can count.

Hear, hear.

Hooray. Of course, the word cow is sort of pun, you know.

Yes, I did appreciate that.

Charles, what are you thinking of?

Are you crazy, man?

I'm sorry, my lord. I forgot.

Here.

Rather a nice wing, this.

Tarragona, I presume.

Can you spare a moment, my lord?

Oh, dear, dear. Is it something important?

Yes, my lord.

Well, I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me, gentlemen.

Here. There's something wrong going on here.

I know there is. That's what I wanted to tell you upstairs.

This Lord Buckley doesn't seem to know his own niece.

Let alone her engagement to me. What? Don't mind about that. What about this?

Here.

Blood. In there.

On the ground.

I wonder what that means.

I don't know yet.

Skipper, I'm worried sick about Francis. Yes, and I'm worried about something

else.

His lordship never touched his drink. Then why did his footman serve him with

wine? And why did his lordship bloom in here drink it?

And did you notice the look he gave him when he made the folks pass?

And did you notice him pass the port round the wrong way?

There's something phony about all this, George. There must be. I wonder what

they're up to now.

Of course, sir, I remember the old Martin Celeste. Oh, yes.

There was something funny about her, you know, before she disappeared.

Lots of funny things happened aboard her.

I remember a story they used to tell.

How one night a ghostly voice was heard saying... Lordship will be back in a few

moments, gentlemen.

Oh.

Don't worry yourself.

They were picked up, as they said. And their arrival here was quite

unassociated with ours.

But it's annoying, isn't it, Hausmann?

Well, what are we going to do with them?

Surely I can leave that to you.

I've got quite enough to do.

That man is taking the footman's place. He's causing a lot of trouble.

Slipping up badly.

He's not safe.

Yes, he's been making a lot of mistakes lately.

I don't think we have any further use for him.

Where is he now?

I've sent for him.

Are you finding this adventure a little too much for you?

We can't carry on with those people here.

Quietly.

I don't want any more killing.

I've had enough, I tell you.

Enough! You seem to have had enough of everything, don't you?

I'm afraid your nerves are going.

That's no good to us, you know.

Seven years later...

Is

there anything you require, gentlemen?

No.

No, no, thank you. No, nothing at all. Nothing at all.

There's murder going on here. We must get in touch with the police. But how?

Yes, the phone's out of order. So they say, but I'm not so sure. I'm going to

try it if I can. And if it doesn't work?

Then I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll tell his lordship I've just remembered

an appointment and I must get back tonight.

But will he believe you? Listen, one of us has got to get out of here, and

quickly.

Of course, sir, that was in the old windjammer days.

Would you care to return to the other room, gentlemen?

Shall we? Don't bother what I do.

His Lordship will join you in a minute, gentlemen.

Very good.

Are you looking for anything, Mr. Cooper?

Well, I... No, no, my lord. He wasn't looking for nothing.

He was trying to fix the phone for you.

He's anxious to put a call through.

And why is he so anxious?

Well,

sure she'll laugh at him, you know.

Yes, he's worried about Miss Francis not being here.

Yes, that's right.

Well, Francis, of course, yes.

Yes, it is a pity, isn't it?

Still, never mind. I guess she'll turn up eventually.

And now I hope you gentlemen will do me the honor of staying the night.

Oh, well, thank you, but I won't be able to.

Surely you came with the intention of staying.

Well, yes, in a way, but I've just overlooked an important appointment

early tomorrow morning.

I'd rather get back tonight if it's at all possible.

Yes, of course.

Of course, if you wish it.

My, uh, my chauffeur will drive you to the station.

I wouldn't dream of letting you walk back.

That's very kind of you, sir. I do hope you'll understand.

Of course, Mr. Fletcher, I understand perfectly.

It's very nice of his lordship. Ah,

here's something to warm you for your journey.

Sort of a wee doch and dorish, eh?

Not for me, thanks.

Mr.

Cooper, Napoleon brandy. I should be most hurt.

Oh, all right.

Now let me get you a cigar.

Ah, like a nice cigar.

Yeah, they haven't overreached themselves, have they?

Hey, don't sniff it. There won't be none left.

Well, all right.

Huh?

Huh.

Rather nice type of stuff.

I'll bet that was pre-war.

Yes, quite right, gentlemen, quite right.

Now, won't you, uh, won't you sit down?

The old old cook!

What's up?

Brent! Oh, please, he's exhausted.

Brent, give me a hand, will you?

Give a lie down for me.

That's better, Mr. Fletcher. You'll be all right in a minute.

Hadn't we better get a doctor, sir? Why, of course. I'll send down to the

village.

Charming people, but very much in the way.

All right, you'd better get them upstairs.

They look a little untidy down here.

Yes, my lord.

Well, that's that.

He hasn't kicked the bucket, has he?

Any reply?

Yes, he's still there, all right.

Poor old Skipper.

He's probably dropped his anchor, hasn't he?

Well, he wanted a long sleeve, didn't he?

What a pity he can't know he's having it.

Now, look here.

We're going to look slippy.

We're on the second floor, and... Where's my bag?

Isn't it there?

Well, one of them is, but... Where's the other?

Those dirty baskets have all been to my restaurant. Shut up, George.

They've filled it on my corned beef. Shut up, will you? Oh, I'll dig on for

that. Now there's a couple. George, George, you man. I'm on my restaurant.

Lucky he didn't slap your face.

You know, I should have had to laugh.

Shh.

Locked it.

Yeah, that's torn it.

We'll have to smash it open.

What, and end up like him in the box?

No fear.

Not for me.

You know who it is in there, don't you? Yeah.

The bloke what showed us up to the yard, you do.

Poor devil.

I wonder what they scuttled him for.

Here, that bloodstain down at the carpet.

Who else was done him before we come here?

Francis. Oh, shut up, will you?

Don't say things like that.

You give me the willies.

Here, I'll help a deco through the porthole.

Put the light out, will you?

There's the fellow who showed us in when we arrived. Yeah.

Ain't a way to be allowed a nasty drop down, wouldn't it?

Well, now what do we do?

If you hadn't made all that noise, we wouldn't be locked in.

Yeah, Jeremy boy, I'm afraid we're sunk.

All right, well, let's take it steady. Don't let's get scared.

What are you talking about? I'm not scared.

I'm not scared of nothing.

Francis!

Johnny!

Oh, darling, you had me worried. I thought I was never going to see you

again. Johnny, you do love me. You know I do.

Oh, here, here, here. Save it before a rainy day, will you?

Oh, hello.

How do you do?

What's the matter with him?

Oh, I said to the old skipper, worn out with darn sin.

What?

Well, they drugged him. Frances, what's going on here?

Plenty. Here, I'd better get that key while the getting is good.

Now then, what is going on here?

Well, in the first place, that isn't Lord Buckley downstairs.

What?

But you can see it's Lord Chip, isn't it, Lord Chip? He certainly isn't. Well,

the four-flushing bogus perisher. Quickly, George. For a year now, I've

been burning and scraping like you're some blasted foreign potentate.

Well, he's a fake, and so are all the others.

I knew there was something wrong with him. What did I tell you? I'd only been

here an hour or two, and they all arrived.

I think they shot a detective.

They are?

My bloodstain.

Go on, what else? I believe they put the staff in the cellar. And Uncle's in his

bedroom at the end of the corridor, guarded by a man dressed as his

chauffeur. Ah, now we're coming to it. I don't know much more. I hid my case and

things, and I've been dodging from room to room ever since.

I was hiding behind the curtain when you passed with that footman.

Oh, yes, I, uh... I remember the footman.

Why, what's the matter?

Oh, nothing.

I tried to tap you on the shoulder.

Well, thank heaven you didn't. I'd have screamed the place down if you had.

Johnny, what are we going to do?

I don't know.

There's only one thing to do.

Get hold of Lord Buckley.

You're right.

We don't know where we are until we do. Now, we go along the passage, see?

Tap on his door, and when the chauffeur opens it, sock him.

Lovely. I'm going to have a deco first.

On your toes.

Ha ha ha!

What was so idiotic about it?

Here. I hope the skipper don't wake up.

Why not?

He might think he's one of them old girls from Kedley.

Ah.

Here. Funny how brave it makes you feel with one of these in your hand.

Hope the gold don't go off.

Here, you better have it.

You two will belong to his lordship. What about you?

Oh, um, I'll be along two shakes of a ram's rudder.

I want to make this twerp nice and comfortable.

Okay. Come on.

Ah, haven't a bit of a listen, was you?

Well, I don't like doing this as a rule, but my patience is exhausted, see?

You're wanted. Anything wrong?

Yes.

And that man downstairs must be the one who was watching you so closely in the

restaurant.

Everything all right, George? Only just.

That bloke with the beard was... Lord Buckley, the real one.

God blimey.

I know, it's like it's a couple of brass monkeys.

You okay, my lord? Yes, yes, I'm all right.

What's the time?

Nearly half past nine. Half past nine?

Good heavens, only 30 minutes. Only 30 minutes in which to warn him. Warn him?

Warn who?

Somebody... Somebody very important who's coming to stay here tonight.

The past few months, every now and then, it's been his custom.

Now, whoever these people are downstairs, it is obvious they are

working on very detailed information as to his movements.

And they mean to do him some harm.

George, that plane over the road, do you remember?

Yeah. A plane?

You mean they have a plane here?

Well, I'm not certain it's theirs, but I'm willing to bet on it. Then that's

it. They need to take him.

We must get in touch with the military.

But how? They've cut the phone.

No, there's a line in use somewhere. I heard them say so.

Then somehow we've got to find it.

We can't just walk around looking for it.

No, but he can.

What do you mean? Why, by swapping over where the bloke was pretending to be

you. No, no, that's impossible.

Oh, no, it ain't, my lord.

Have you got a very private room at the back?

Much study?

Good.

What's on your mind, George?

We get from here to the study, see?

And we hope Frances down from the window.

And then? Well, she marches round to the front as bold as brass.

Asks to see Lord Buckley.

Pretends she's had one over the eight and is one of his lordship's little bits

of fluff.

Did you say fluff, sir?

Tell him, my lord. No offence meant, none taken.

Them blokes downstairs don't know what a highly moral gent you are.

That's true.

Don't you remember that sneering remark about your charming friend, Miss Frances

Lynn?

Yes, I do.

Go on, George.

Well, she demands to see his lordship where she always used to see him. A tete

-a-tete in the study, see?

You know, a private chinwag and a bit of cuddle.

The moment we get him along to the study, he'll get his bit of cuddle, all

right. George, that's marvellous.

Well, what happened then?

Well, I was just coming out of the little wood like when I sees this

aeroplane right in front of me eyes, as you might say.

Well, naturally, I stops to have a look.

And then these two men come along and got hold of me.

But I wasn't doing any poaching, sir.

I swear I wasn't.

I've had trouble with you before.

Not with me yet, sir.

I only came in the district last Tuesday.

I mean, I've had trouble with your sort before.

I wasn't doing any poaching, sir. Let her do know.

I just saw the machine in the field and wondered what it was doing there.

It seemed kind of suspicious-like.

It seemed?

Look after him, will you?

Have word, Senator Schultz.

Very well.

Do you still want to go through with it?

Of course, darling.

Is that you, my lord?

Yes, yes, of course it is.

A nice quick change, that was.

Now look, if we're going to do this, we've got to do it now. Right.

Come on, my duck. Off you go. And the best of luck.

Here you are.

Take care of yourself.

Here, while I think of it.

Here, you fix this.

Don't worry, my dear. We shan't be far away.

What's that for?

Well, she's got to get him up here, hasn't she?

You're not going to hit him with that, are you? What do you want me to do? Piss

him till he's unconscious?

Come on, come on.

That's it.

Remember, when I visit our wives, I take him straight into the dining room.

You stay here with Lehman.

The others will have the distraction.

You know the rest.

There's a woman outside.

Wants to see Lord Buckley. What?

Says she's Frances Lane.

The girl they were waiting for.

Is she medium height, fair hair?

That's right.

How did she get here? Who let her in? I didn't ask.

She said something about warning Lord Buckley. Putting him wise to something.

Let's find out what that is. Yes, if it's not too late.

All right, show him.

This can be dangerous, you know.

I'm supposed to be in rather intimate terms with her.

All right.

Yes, yes, my dear, so I see.

Well, my friends, I'm very late.

What's the matter with you tonight? You're very secretive.

There isn't another woman here, is there?

No, no, no, of course not.

Tell me, did you have any trouble in getting here?

I came the usual way, the way you always tell me to.

Yes, yes, of course.

You're very cold.

What's the matter?

You must forgive me. I'm a little worried, that's all.

What did you have to tell me?

Secret service.

Dangerous talk.

Listening. I'm not going to be listened to by servants.

I'm not standing for that.

Darling.

Let's go up to the study.

That's where we usually talk, isn't it?

I'm not going to stay down here and be spied upon.

All right, dear. All right. We'll go up to the study.

It'll be quick.

I don't like that man. Why don't you get rid of him?

All right, dear. I will. I will.

I like the other one better.

Look out! She's up to something. Those men have got away.

She was with them.

They're at the trap, eh?

You were here all the time.

That was Francis.

I'm going down. No, you're not. But we must do something.

We've got to do something.

You hear that?

All right, get them. Flash the door down. They've got my gun.

There's your gun.

Come on.

Look, they're in the ground.

Light out.

They're after the wireless.

Come on.

Wireless. That must be a transmitter.

Here, you know how to work them things.

Yes, if we can get hold of it, I'll send out a warning.

I hope you're not feeling too optimistic, Miss Lane.

I assure you, every precaution has been taken.

The royal friends may be enjoying the fresh air for the moment.

I'm quite sure we shall see them again very shortly.

I still wonder what brought them here in the first place.

But perhaps the reason no longer matters.

What do you mean by that?

You'll see in good time. Don't be impatient.

I'm not impatient. I'm just interested.

You seem to be finding things rather difficult.

Am I?

Well, you've placed yourself in rather a dangerous position.

On the contrary, it is your friend Lord Buckley... who has placed himself in a

dangerous position... by relying on help from the scum of the East End.

Or what's left of him.

You shouldn't have met your East End old cock.

You okay, darling? Yes, I'm all right.

Now for that radio.

Radio? Yes, they've got a transmitter somewhere outside.

We've got to find it. How are we going to get hold of it? Here.

You're the other bloke, darling.

Ask for it.

Wouldn't that sound funny? Well, not if you say you want to board here for

safety. Won't they suspect something? Well, you've got a chance.

There's no other way.

Take this, my lord.

Give me a hand with it.

Anything? No.

No sign of them.

We'll bring that wireless in here. We don't want the money into that.

Why? You won't be any safer in here. Do as I tell you.

Is that all right? I think so.

Do you suppose he knew? We'll soon find out.

Well, I hope it is soon.

This bloke's very depressing.

All right, put it on the table there.

All right, you can join the others.

Let them know where I am.

Why so worried about the safety of the wireless, huh?

Well, we need to be, don't we?

Yes, apparently we do.

I'm afraid we hurt your wrist, Lord Buckley.

One shot for you and I fire.

Quickly, Johnny, quickly.

Try and get the Home Office.

The Home Office working at 10 p.m.? As Bernard Shaw used to say, not ruddy

likely.

It's no good. Why not?

There's a valve missing.

I'm afraid there is.

You see, I was equally interested in the safety of the wireless.

So I removed a vial.

I'm afraid there's nothing you can do.

If I were you, I shouldn't try.

It would only mean an uglier ending for your visitor than we intended.

Not so fast.

Maybe we can replace this. How?

From that.

Go do it, boy, go do it.

Well? It fits.

Does it work?

Yes, I think it does.

Ah!

Well, that's his, that is.

Yes, he's had it.

Calling government car, making for Buckley Hall. Can you hear me?

Over.

That's torn it.

Somebody lock the inside door. Yes, I'll do it.

There's no plastic key.

Calling government car, making for Buckley Hall. Can you hear me? Over.

Blimey. Blinking heroics now.

I've read about this somewhere.

Lady Godiva did it or something.

Calling government car. Making for Buckley Hall. Can you hear me?

Over.

Go on.

Go another way then.

Can't stick this for long.

Calling government car making for Buckley Hall. Can you hear me? Over.

Something coming through, sir.

Calling government car making for Buckley Hall. Can you hear me? Over.

Government car making for Buckley Hall. I can't hear you. Carry on with your

message. Over.

Buckley Hall in hands of enemy agents.

They have plane here. Hold car and send help. This is urgent. This is urgent.

Over. Your message received and understood.

Acting immediately.

Off. They've got it.

Come on.

Calling Army Headquarters Northmount. Buckley Hall in hands of enemy agents.

Send mobile units at once to round up.

An escape may be attempted by plane, probably British. Take measures to

counter. This is urgent.

Over. Army Headquarters Northmount. Your message received.

Action immediately.

We're too late.

Yes, back to the plane.

They've moved away.

Ready to go on.

Okay, carry on.

I thought he wouldn't stand for waiting here.

Just a blight in me, dear.

Nothing to incommode me.

Yes, it's lucky it missed the bone.

Is it all right?

Yeah, right as rain.

What's that?

A plane.

Is it theirs, you suppose?

Well, if it is, I'll give you away.

There it is.

Well, that's knocked him in the old Ken Straza.

Lucky bit of shooting.

I imagine they would have crashed in any case. Must have been badly overloaded.

Overloaded?

My God, they've taken my suitcase.

Eighteen tins of corned beef, four tins of condensed milk, and two pots of

strawberry jam.

We've released all the staff, sir. How are they?

Oh, they'll be all right, sir.

Splendid. Carry on, Sergeant.

Very good, sir.

Well, that was a meeting you won't forget, wasn't it?

Certainly was.

George seemed to amuse him.

Having quite a chat in there together.

I hope he hasn't started on that salmon again.

I certainly don't want to hear any more about that.

How are you feeling now, Captain Fletcher? Oh, not so bad.

Splendid, splendid.

But, uh, what's been going on around here?

Oh, nothing much.

Well, strike me up a gum tree.

Warm that man, eh? I should say so.

What did you two find to talk about in there? I told him. I told him straight.

You promised us blood, toil, and sweat, I says.

Well, blimey, we've had it.