Original subtitles

Fuck. Fuck! Massive fucking cock inside you, yeah?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, feel good, yeah? Yeah.

Yeah, that feels amazing. Actually, wait.

Jesse, wait. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

NARRATOR: The past is simple because it's over.

I'm an Adonis. You go to the gym the whole time.

I've never been there. Yeah! You're a little bitch.

You're my little bitch. It's really... It's SO in me.

OK, wait. OK, wait.

Yeah, uh, let's flip. Let's flip over.

Looking back, they could see each other's lives with total clarity.

They could see themselves as separate objects.

It was chain-free. Mm. So...

Do you know what chain-free means?

Yeah. So it meant the closing was really easy. Mm.

It's open-plan. I'm going for a sort of Scandi vibe -

like hygge. Do you know what hygge means?

Hey, what about you? Where do you come from, hmm?

IMITATING IRISH ACCENT: Do I detect a slight Irish accent there?

Uh, close. I'm from Liverpool. Oh. Never had cause to go.

Mm. Yeah. Do you miss it?

Yeah. Yeah, all the time.

Aw!

You've got nice friends down here, though?

Yeah, yeah.

You should buy a house.

MUFFLED: Mm!

But every ending is a false one.

Nothing is ever over.

Oh, fuck, Tess.

Oh, fuck.

The future remains full of endless, insufferable potential.

SHE MOANS

People are not objects.

They are not separate.

Does anyone want a turmeric shot?

Huh? SHE MOANS

KNOCK ON DOOR

Sorry, one second.

Even though their lives were some of

the easiest in recorded human history...

FROM OUTSIDE: Hurry up, please. This is the best Hinge date ever.

Tell me I'm fit. Yeah, you're so fit. Yeah.

...the fundamental, unsolvable question remained the same.

Yeah, yeah! Oh, fuck, fuck! I'm gonna come.

Yeah, yeah, come in me. JESSE CHUCKLES

Yeah! I love cum. I'm gonna come. You should do it.

It's been dispatched. Oh, fuck.

I'm gonna come. I'm gonna... I'm gonna come!

JESSE MOANS FORCEFULLY Oh, Jesus Christ. OK.

What the fuck was going to happen?

Was that really your first time bottoming? Mm.

I always thought that was a lie. Why would I lie about that?

I don't know.

I never really understood why you do anything.

I'm really...

...really glad I ran into you tonight.

Never seen you at Slutpig before.

Who were you out with?

I was just there by myself.

Oh, that's so cool. ETHAN CHUCKLES

Well, I'm... I'm glad I saw you.

You know, I've been... I guess I've been thinking a lot

about your, uh... big dick.

Is it big, genuinely?

Do you want to stay? Maybe we can get some breakfast.

Uh, no.

I'm actually doing this thing at the moment where I have, like,

five iced coffees during the day and then just eat everything

in my fridge like one big meal, like a snake, so...

How about we, uh... We spoon for a little bit? Mm?

Um, I should go.

I think Roger's probably waiting for me, so...

Who's Roger?

Sam is waiting for you, Jake. I'll be down in a sec!

So, are we going to start, or...? Yeah.

SAM CLEARS THROAT

So, this is going to be our last session, obviously.

Uh, and after a lot of thought and consideration,

I've decided that I'm not going to tell your parents about...

...what you said to me, or that you came to my reading,

which really crossed a professional boundary, actually.

So, yeah, you don't need to worry about that.

Um...

...but, yeah, I think it's best that we part ways.

OK, makes sense.

Yeah, makes sense.

I asked Samira out.

Who's Samira?

Samira, the girl I've been telling you about.

Do you not listen to me at all? Sorry! OK.

Anyway, I was, uh, vulnerable or whatever.

I told her that I really liked her and that

whenever I talk to her, it feels like she really gets me.

Um...

...and that she's the fittest girl in our year.

And then... And then I asked her

if she wanted to go to the cinema with me.

Jake, what?! That's amazing!

Oh, my God! Like, look at you! What did she say?

She called me an incel cuck and told me to fuck off.

Oh, my God, she sounds like a stupid fucking bitch.

You... You really shouldn't say that, you know?

SARAH FROM DOWNSTAIRS: Ethan, I can't hear any packing!

ETHAN SIGHS

Oh, my God! Fuck! Hey!

Um, hi. Hi. Hey. How you doing?

Yeah, good. What?! Uh, what are you...?

Sorry, what are you...? What's happening?

Your mum let me in.

Oh, God. I'm so sorry. No-one should have to speak to her.

No, she's so nice. Yeah, she called me...

Called me handsome, so...

Oh, well, we have a really similar type, so...

I don't want to suck off my dad.

That's not what I was...

...saying.

You two have been like literal angels from heaven.

We have been so lucky to have you.

Like, this place would literally fall apart without you.

But, like, at the same time, it wouldn't.

And that's kind of the point.

But you said it was voluntary redundancy.

Mm-hm. A volunteer once more!

It's like the Lib Dem conference all over again.

I don't... I don't want to volunteer.

Sweetie, I'm saying this to you as a friend and a confidante.

I'm saying this to you as a fellow

badass white woman with zero fucks left to give.

Volunteer.

When I got a DUI, I volunteered for community service.

Zero jail time. Best decision I ever made.

But I don't volunteer, though. Volunteer!

No, I don't want to.

Because we're a massively additive component to this team.

It's an efficiency measure, babe.

It's an efficiency measure, and she can't do anything about it.

She's really, really sorry. Well, I don't care if it's efficient.

It's going to make this whole fucking company hollow,

and you're going to turn away even the most talented of candidates.

Because of what?

You're going to save some money up front?

And actually, it will affect your bottom line, OK?

Because you can't get rid of the people team

because your whole fucking business is people!

OK, firstly...

...whatever you just did when your accent got all just like...

IMITATING SCOUSE ACCENT: Oh, my God,

you can't outsource the people team! You can never...

That's the energy I've been missing, honestly.

What an honour to be privy to that speech.

You need a therapist. Yeah.

And you're going to have to volunteer.

OK.

AARON: You haven't responded to my texts.

Yeah, sorry.

I've been really busy.

I'm trying to find somewhere to live on SpareRoom,

but you have to do all these interviews with the other flatmates.

Like, I don't know, I feel like my personality

doesn't come across that well in situations where I have to...

Well, in situations.

Should we talk about the other week? Mm-hm.

Yeah.

I...

I guess I just don't know...

...what you think about me.

And I think I found that really hot for a while,

but I don't think I find it that hot any more.

What are you asking me? What do you want me to say?

I want you to say that you like me.

I want you to like me.

I don't know what you mean by that.

Look, you're lucky.

Not everyone knows himself this well.

Not everyone knows exactly who they are.

I don't know who I am. You're not the only confused person.

You know that, right?

So this is fucked now?

We can't be friends?

Aaron, if I stopped talking to everyone who hurt my feelings,

I wouldn't have any fucking friends.

Because I'm really oversensitive

and everyone I know is a cunt.

AARON CHUCKLES SOFTLY

You know, you've actually helped me.

You've made me think a lot about myself.

I've got to pack up my shit and, uh...

And post a letter.

So...

Uh, I'll see you soon, though. Yeah, yeah, that'd be nice.

Cool.

Oh, are you off? I'm off now. Aw, that's... Jesus Christ!

Nice to see you. Yeah, it's so nice to see you.

You're very tall, aren't you?

Yeah, yeah. What sort of height are you?

6'2". Gosh, 6'2"!

KNOCK ON DOOR

Hey, stranger.

Hey, how's it going?

Hey. Yeah, good, good.

So, we...

...have news.

Tess is moving in.

So me and Zaz were thinking...

Zaz.

...well, if you were open to it, um, that we could...

...you know, give us a chance.

And then, if it works out, we can make it official.

Wait, sorry. I'm so sorry. Wait, what are you guys, like...?

What do you mean?

Oh, so we would be each other's primary partners, right?

And then you would be the secondary.

I wouldn't have phrased it like that.

Oh, sorry. It's just that you thumbs-upped the message I sent you,

so I thought that's what we were going for.

We'd divide up the days.

Uh, we'd have three days of the week with each other.

We'd have two days.

You guys would have one day.

And then one day to really just,

you know, chill out, maybe check in with each other,

kind of hang out with other people.

We've actually already started making a list of boundaries.

Um, let me get that. So...

...OK, a boundary for me is

that I need to be able to look through your phone.

It's just something that I need because I had an ex

who started a reading group without me,

and I have real trust issues because of that.

And then my next boundary is actually dairy-related.

Can I interrupt you there? Sorry. Of course!

Is dairy a sticking point for you?

Can you both get the fuck out of my room?

What?

I'm going to move out. What? To where?

Yeah, fuck knows, but, uh, can you go, actually?

I'm in the middle of something.

I'm writing something. What are you writing?

Nothing. It's none of your business.

Can you please get the fuck out of my room?

Yeah, sorry.

Great.

ETHAN CHUCKLES SOFTLY Jesus Christ. What is...?

It's an easy peeler.

OK.

SARAH SIGHS

Well, he seemed... Is he your...?

Nope. No.

No.

SARAH GROANS SOFTLY

Right, I'm going to run you a bath. I don't want a bath!

No, you're having a bath...

...with bubbles!

LOU: So where are we celebrating later?

Could meet a couple of my friends round the corner.

They're called Slug and Lettuce.

Lou, you just got made redundant.

My bestie just got promoted!

You're such an orator.

Sounded like Rory effing Stewart.

Excuse my French! ABI CHUCKLES

Thank you. Besides...

...fresh start's good for me.

No job, lease on my flat's ending, my Railcard's expired.

Hello, square one, my old friend!

How have you been?

Still square, is it?

Still an even-sided quadrilateral?

Same here. MOBILE PHONE PINGS

Still Louise. Always will be.

Blessing and a curse.

VOICE NOTE: Hey, guys, it's been a minute.

I've written this thing that, um...

Like, read it, OK?

Love you. Miss you.

MOBILE PHONE PINGS

A fucking PDF?! Oh, my God.

Every ending is a false one.

What seems like the end is always just another beginning.

Not a finish line...

"But a marker in the sand that says as much about how far you've come

"as it does about how much road

"continues to stretch on in front of you."

Hmm.

Yeah, that kind of stuff loses me a bit.

I'm sorry, it's giving poem - in a derogatory sense.

ABI SNIGGERS

I like it! I feel like it's really romantic.

Like, it makes all the really boring stuff that's happened,

like, feel special. Thank you, Abi!

Yeah, I do feel like I come off the worst, though.

No, I come off the worst. No, no, no! I am the worst!

That's the whole point of the thing.

Also, my great-grandparents weren't refugees! You know that. Well...

Yeah, you kind of make it sound like I grew up in a coal mine.

Like, I'm not Billy Elliot.

My mum and dad had a car each.

Like, they were shit cars, but there was...

There was two of them.

OK, you're both being so literal with it.

It's... poetic licence, OK?

Not everything that is true needs to be true.

What?! ABI SNIGGERS

I... I got a promotion. Oh, that's great! Oh, my God!

I'm Head of People. Oh, really sinister title.

Absolutely terrifying words you're saying to me.

Yeah, I just didn't care.

What do you mean? I just didn't care at all.

I felt like... Like I wanted to celebrate

or tell people or even just be like, "Look at me!"

But, like, I didn't have anyone to tell and no-one was looking, so...

Mm.

Hey, to the Head of People! To the Head of People!

I got a job too. SAM GASPS

Yes! I am the receptionist at my dad's office.

Ooh! It's like a very, very sad nepo baby.

Yeah, well, at least now I don't

have to feel guilty when my dad gives me money.

You don't even feel guilty when I give you money!

THEY ALL LAUGH

I also broke up with Tom. Yes! What?! Oh, my God!

Yes! Yes! Ethan!

How are you? Are you OK? I know you really loved him.

I mean, maybe you loved the idea of him, right?

A 32-year-old man who tracks his step count?

I hate the idea of him.

I knew you looked a little breakdowny -

with the make-up and the hair.

Did you get a perm or something? No comment!

Yeah, you look really fit. Thank you.

I'd fuck you. Thank... you. Mm-hm.

But, I mean, then again,

I also would fuck my ex again and my ex's new partner.

No. Also, the guy that my best friend has a crush on.

So... the bar is pretty low at this point.

Should we, like...? Should we talk about that?

Sucked him off while he watched lesbian porn on his phone.

Oh, fuck. Lesbian?! But you're a man!

Thank you for saying that. Eyes, eyes, eyes!

Oh, my God, guys, I think that guy's flirting with me.

I think that guy's dead.

Jealous!

Every ending is a false one.

What seems like the end is always just another beginning.

The future remains full of endless, insufferable potential -

the potential to learn from mistakes,

to make better choices, the potential to heal,

grow and change.

You can just do coke in here. It's Abi's room.

MUSIC: Freaky by Qemists Scores

All you need to do is eat better and go to the gym more.

Because you're not fat, you're skinny-fat.

Thank you. I just think you're like, "Fuck everyone!"

Like, that's the vibe, right? Yeah. It's like a statement.

Yeah, definitely. You wanna look like shit. Definitely.

That's exactly what I'm going for. I'm just going to get a drink.

Sorry, sorry! I just get this sense that, because of globalisation,

there's no new culture any more, you know?

When were you last in a culture that felt genuinely new?

Well, I was in Mannie last week - Manchester.

Did you know they have trams? Sick!

Wow. Yeah, it reminded me of Barcelona.

Mm. Really?

Put a pin in that. I want to hear about it.

Oh, Roger! So nice to see you! Thanks for coming.

It made me think, like, did somebody put the duckling up there,

or did he make his way onto the pig under his own steam?

This is hysterical!

It's an unbelievable image you're showing to me right now.

I wonder what they even talk about.

Yeah, God knows!

Yeah, I could send you the link, if you wanted.

Yeah! We could exchange digits, maybe, or something.

Yes, I would love that! Yes, please!

Um, yeah, I'll give you all the numbers I know.

Ethan. What? Come here. Why are you looking at me like that?

I thought you were trying to be low-maintenance this month.

Why are people doing coke in my room? They're doing coke everywhere.

It's a party! It's called having a laugh.

Relax! Hi! Hello.

Tom's here. Yeah, you invited him. Yep.

I'm a grown-up. Go in there, have a shot and some mushrooms, OK?

So you're a fuck boy? I'm not a fuck boy.

But you're still sleeping with Tess behind Zara's back.

You're a fuck boy. Yeah, they're open! Are they? Yeah...

No!

Whoo! Woohoo! Party, party! Wish me luck.

Whoo!

Right, so they're not.

Do you want to stay at the grown-up party or not?

Good. Can I do some shrooms?

SAM SIGHS Fine, but no coke.

It's nice that you're back together again.

Is it OK that I brought Jess? Mm!

Oh, my God, yeah. No, I'm obsessed with her.

She's, um... She's great.

I really like how loud her voice is.

Have you met Lucas yet?

Stalin gets this really bad rap because of the gulags

and all the murders and stuff, but really, it was the USSR that...

Yeah, I haven't had a chance to talk to him yet, but he seems...

...really... tall.

I'm really glad you came. It's...

I love that we're still friends.

Yeah. It feels really, like, grown-up.

Yeah, me too.

Just because we're not together doesn't mean...

Yeah.

Tom!

Tom, babe, they've got balloons!

Should we do a balloon?

Yeah! TOM CHUCKLES

Sick, yeah.

Mademoiselle.

Need topping up, don't you?

LAUGHING: Yeah.

Thirsty girl.

ABI LAUGHS

Hey, handsome. Ethan!

The three of you back together. Sick! Thanks.

It feels good. It feels right, you know?

Yeah! Feels good. That's good.

Uh, yeah, anyway, I have the most insane news.

I wanted to tell you first because,

obviously, you've been, like, a big part of my journey.

What is it? ETHAN CHUCKLES

I'm bisexual.

Definitely.

I like guys.

Yeah, I... ETHAN CHUCKLES

I kind of assumed you might... just because of what...

Yeah, but it's because I just started seeing this guy,

and I think I really like him.

Wow! That is so amaz...

To see a guy is amazing.

I mean, some of us can only...

To see a guy - come on! I know! That's, um...

He's coming here tonight. He's coming here?!

Yeah! You're going to love him. He's coming?!

He actually reminds me a bit of you.

That's great. That's so nice. That's lovely to...

That... That feels great to hear. Thanks, man.

I'm going to go chuck these in the fridge.

Yeah, have an amazing... And I'll chat to you after, yeah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go get fucked up.

Sam, problem. Party's over!

Ethan! Yeah? The police are here! The what?!

Police are here! Fuck, thank God.

What the fuck was going to happen?

It was impossible to know.

Everyone, shush, the police are here!

Get out! Fuck off! Take this!

Go! Go away!

They had their suspicions, though.

They suspected.

They suspected

that the possibilities would slowly fall away.

That they would,

in fact, achieve exactly nothing in their lives.

That they would not heal or grow or change.

That they would be forced to watch, powerless and confused,

as the world crumbled in slow motion around them.

They suspected that this was the best it would ever get.

It wouldn't be until many years later

that they would be able to look back and say with absolute certainty...

ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC

...that the suspicion...

SPEAKER: Low battery.

...was right.

Oh, fuck everything!

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