Original subtitles

Gotta stop the alien infiltration or we're all goners.

They suggest our subject is highly intelligent, analytical, and at the same

time extremely antisocial.

The frantic prose style and absence of commas in his sentence construction

suggests a possible caffeine addiction or perhaps a clinical nerve disorder.

A high school reunion, huh?

This sounds like a good time. This one?

Then maybe I should go with you.

Come on, Foster.

I'm a big boy.

I don't need a chaperone.

Linguistic mannerisms indicate an educational background in the

northeastern United States.

Further behavioral analysis denotes an IQ in the genius range, age between 30

and 35.

This is pure kneeling a haystack.

This person has covered their footprints extremely well. No census data, no birth

records, no nothing.

We've discovered a potential clash of perceived current accomplishments and

painful events buried deep in his past.

What humans commonly call a midlife crisis.

Oh man, I'm losing it.

I'm a 33-year-old man driving around the country in a trailer screaming my head

off about aliens.

We'll join the club.

If our computer model is accurate, someone of this age group and

personality is likely to revisit their past.

Specifically, clash reunions.

How do we target this guy?

Realistically. We'll dispatch field units to the top 25 learning

institutions.

You and I will lead a team to the most promising one.

I gotta go, Foster.

Things happened to me back there.

Affected my whole life.

One of those things wouldn't happen to be an ex-girlfriend, would it, Eddie?

Don't worry.

I got protection.

Protection.

Small.

But it's deadly.

Think of it, Lon. If we catch Eddie Nambulous, we'll be division commanders

in a heartbeat.

We've tried various methods to get Cade Foster to reveal the whereabouts of the

Nostradamus book.

All failures.

It's time to target his ally.

Look, I could drive you there. I could hang back in the shadows.

Oh, come on, Foster. What's going to happen?

Nobody wants me.

It's you they're after.

Think about Eddie.

No siree, Bob.

In 1564, Nostradamus predicted the destruction of Earth in three terrifying

waves. The first wave is here.

My name is Cade Foster.

These are my journals.

They killed my wife, framed me for murder.

Now I run, but I don't hide.

With the prophecies of Nostradamus as my guide, I seek them.

I hunt them.

I will stop the first wave.

They say that high school is a practice run for the marathon of life.

If that's the case, then what started out with a blazing burst of speed ended

in the limpid lameness of loserdom.

A terrible personal event closed out my school years and has haunted me to this

day. A failure so profound I cast off my closest friends like obsolete software

and never looked back.

Until now.

That's why I've decided to leave the warm security of the trailer for the

cold, harsh reality of Heisenberg High.

To reconnect with the people who once were my friends.

And seek answers to the enigma that is my life.

You see that guy? Thank you.

Yep, five kids.

Watch it! What do you think you're doing?

Thank you, David.

Larry Pazinski, computer genius. You still cannot cross a road.

Hello, Herman.

Been a long time. Yeah, yeah. You, uh...

You look good.

And so do you.

Put the whole senior class in that thing, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

In case you could.

Started my own company, Garrett Computer Security.

We protect financial transactions on the net.

We were hackers, man.

Don't tell me you sold out. Oh, I did, yeah. For about a quarter of a billion

dollars.

The IPO was last month.

Well, congratulations.

Thank you.

Thank you.

How about you? The guy with your computer skills had to hit the jackpot

by now.

I'm in publishing.

Got a journal on the web.

Oh.

Is there any money in that?

No.

Right.

I'll see you inside.

Marianne's gonna be here.

I know.

How do you know?

You're not the only one who thought she was the greatest thing since Steve Jobs

developed a user-friendly interface.

See you inside, Larry.

We are so glad you all could make it, and are we going to have some fun?

We have great music, food, a video yearbook, and a lot of other stuff, so

let's party!

You were all accelerated students, is that correct?

Oh, damn right, but that didn't mean we didn't have a good time.

Tell me about one of those good times.

Oh, the senior class trip to the Delaware Water Gap.

There was a whole busload of us gifted and talented lunatics singing 99 bottles

of beer on the wall all the way up the turnpike, and then right there in the

back of the bus, Mimi Vandenberg pulls up her top and flashes the whole class.

Oh, that Mimi was a kick. And you know, we didn't have a football team, so if

your IQ was over 170, you got to go under the bleachers with Mimi.

After 15 years, he's still a jerk.

Stanley? Stan Spencer.

Larry?

John's life, Stan.

I'm fine, fine. You know, wife, two kids, job at CompuCetic, house in the

burbs. That's terrific.

I've tried to reach you, but it's like you fell off the face of the earth. I

pulled the ripcord after what went down.

Raised all traces.

Was that serious?

Hey, man, they threatened me with life in prison.

17-year-old kid, that's damn serious.

So what happened?

Conditional probation.

Couldn't touch a computer the rest of my life.

So Larry Kaczynski had to say adios.

Listen, I left the wife and kids home hoping you'd be here. We have to talk

about what happened. There's something I... Hello,

Mimi. How are you?

Better since the divorce.

I've always had a thing for you.

You did?

Come on, I'll prove it.

We need to talk.

So.

Listen to the phraseology.

Did you guys catch that?

Mimi just said she wants to go into the old bleachers again with me.

With me.

Oh man, I'm going to have a double heart attack and die right here.

His use of extended metaphor and repetition is very much in line with our

psychological profile for Crazy Eddie.

Bert J. Franken.

Salesman for an electronics firm.

Divorced.

Travels widely.

It's perfect cover to follow Kate Foster around the country.

This could be our Eddie.

I was hoping to see Larry.

As a matter of fact, I saw him on my way in.

You did?

Mm-hmm.

Well, how is he?

Not too good.

Okay, Herman.

Let's see how protected you really are.

Eddie? Hey, Foster.

I need you to boot up my computer.

Is everything all right? Yeah.

It's gonna be.

I'm gonna set up a link between my Nokia 9000 and the mainframe of the trailer.

Use the mainframe to set up a viral attack mechanism.

Under the access icon, type Garrett Computer Securities.

Okay,

I typed it in.

Eddie?

um some hackers just broke into my company system

i gotta make some phone calls okay so i

i'm sorry i'll write that okay right right

I was lurking in a government

file, highly classified. All of a sudden, the door bursts open and the

feds come swarming in.

To this day, I don't know whether or not there was errors in my hacking language

or I punched in the wrong machine codes.

I'm not talking about your arrest. I'm talking about why you never called me.

I couldn't contact you guys. The heat was too intense.

For 15 years?

The reason I came to this reunion was because of you. I mean, you and I were

in love.

Getting caught by the feds changed me.

It made me who I am today, a recluse and a paranoid.

I'm sorry.

Losing touch with you is the biggest regret of my life.

So you're married?

Three times.

Wow, you've got a lot of regrets to choose from.

They all divorce me. It's tough being married to a paranoid.

Checking the breakfast for strict nine doesn't exactly make for a warm and

fuzzy relationship.

How about you?

Single. Come on.

There's got to be guys lined up around the block.

Nothing that ever really clicked.

I don't know why.

Too busy, I guess.

I run a computer literacy program for inner-city kids.

Baltimore. Takes up most of my time.

Many an hour spent here.

You were a hacker par excellence.

The only woman in the binary bandits.

Still remember?

Oh, yeah.

How'd you learn to do that?

One of the kids in Baltimore.

Oh, look at that.

TRS-80.

On a VIC-20.

A Commodore 64.

They wouldn't even run a watch these days.

Oh, wow.

The Lispy 1000.

They still got it.

Remember all the juice that thing took?

Oh, when we turned it on, the lights would dim two blocks away.

Man, those were great days.

Yeah.

Remember the time we put that 8-bit microprocessor together?

Yeah, that's right.

The F8, 3870, SEMP, and 8080, and... What was that?

Oh, Cosmac 1802.

Yeah, yeah, that's right. We hacked into the school database, gave Earl Binkle

straight A's. When he got early acceptance at Harvard.

I don't know what's wrong.

Marion, I want you to go to the gym.

Pardon me?

The gym. Go back now.

Look, please go back to the gym. There's something I gotta do.

I don't think we need to tell you that answering truthfully is in your best

interest.

Are you crazy, Eddie?

Who are you?

What's going on here?

Answer the question.

No!

This is a waste of time.

A man of Crazy Eddie's intelligence might have figured out a way to beat our

system. Do you honestly believe that this man is an ally to Subject 117?

Maybe you're right.

We should just kill him and keep looking.

No. If Crazy Eddie is here and someone goes missing, he might get suspicious.

Then wipe out his memory of the last hour.

We have the equipment.

We can always kill him later.

Let me give it one more shot.

Listen, Bert.

We need some answers.

Don't hurt me.

Think back to the class of 84.

Was there anyone who had any special abilities with regard to computers?

We all did.

I mean, that's why we were here.

Someone extra special.

I don't know. It was a long time ago.

There was a group of hackers.

I mean, they were brilliant.

They started out with pranks like changing class grades and schedules.

Then they got more serious.

Hacked into government facilities, military installations, you name it.

They even shifted satellites.

They were legends.

Who were they?

No one had a clue.

They were too good.

Whenever they broke a system, all they left was a handle.

The binary bandits.

Can you remember anything else about them?

You're searching for me, Foster, right here at the school.

Get the hell out of there, Eddie, now.

No, I've got some time.

We're going to have a hell of a time finding old Larry Pazinski.

Who's Larry Pazinski?

I am.

What are you talking about?

I changed my name, Foster, after what happened in high school.

Eddie's not your real name?

It's Larry Pazinski.

You never told me that.

I don't tell anybody.

All right.

For your own protection.

So what do I call you, Eddie or Larry?

I prefer Eddie.

Okay, Eddie, get your ass in a taxi cab and get out of there now.

I can't.

Why not?

Because they're going to go after the other hackers to find me.

That puts Stanley, Herman, and Marianne in extreme danger.

Eddie, get out of there.

I'm sorry, Foster.

Eddie?

Eddie?

Aliens, Larry, like from another planet?

Yes.

Where's the camera?

No camera.

This is a gag, right? A candid camera thing for the reunion video.

It's the truth, man.

Larry, let go. You're hurting me. What's wrong with you, Stan?

You have to know those Government Area 51 files. You know this stuff exists.

That was high school, Larry.

I grew up.

Come on, Marianne. We all love Larry, but he is definitely a few bites short

of a full disc.

You didn't love Larry. You were jealous of him. Me? Jealous of Larry? Why would

I be jealous of Larry, Marianne? Hello,

Herman. Hi, Mimi.

You have to promise to save old Mimi a dance before the night is through.

Okay, Mimi.

Marianne, it's so great how you can spruce up last year's fashions and still

look so up-to-date.

Thank you.

If our friendship meant anything to you, you'll stay here till I get back with

Herman and Mary.

Look, I need to talk to you. Don't move.

Look, we idolize Larry, and you know it.

He made us the binary bandits, taught us everything we knew about hacking, and

was so damn loyal that when he got arrested, he didn't say a word about us.

Larry, Larry, Larry. It's always about Larry. Larry is a paranoid neurotic

freak, Marianne. We have to hide.

We're all in extreme danger.

Okay.

So what is it this time, Larry?

CIA, Black Ops, chopper units, FBI, micro... No, no, no, no. God, no.

It's the YMCA death squads.

I'm not kidding, Herman.

The binary bandits are in trouble.

We gotta get Stan and get out of here. And if we don't, what? Wait, let me

guess.

We're all gonna die.

No, it's worse than that.

The whole world is in danger.

Okay, Larry.

I'll be in the bar.

Larry, what is going on?

Marianne, I know that I'm paranoid, but I'm not crazy.

Well, then explain.

All right, well, you see...

Is this group of... from another galaxy?

Do you know where Wormhole is?

Yeah.

I'm gonna go get Stan, come back and explain.

You wait here.

Well, I could use another drink.

They didn't hurt you?

Who? Helios.

You better switch to the pretty sangria, Larry.

Stay off the hard stuff.

You'll be fine.

As long as you cooperate.

Now... I want you to tell me all...

Eddie. What

happened,

Stan?

It was Herman.

Herman? He ratted you out. You saw Herman on the truck?

What truck?

The alien party rental truck.

You said Herman ratted me out to the aliens.

Aliens? They're aliens, Stan. The people who took you.

They're part of an invasionary force who wants to take over the planet.

I was talking about the cops.

The cops?

Where?

Herman ratted you out to the cops back in high school.

That's why they raided the computer room.

He wanted that notebook you had with all the hacking codes.

He was going to use the code formulas to stop other hackers, start a company.

What's worse, I knew Herman took the notebook and I didn't tell you.

He promised me a piece of the company.

That's why I came today, Larry.

To ask you if you could ever forgive me.

You were right to be paranoid.

We were out to get you.

Hold on, Foster. Why don't you go home to your wife?

I know. I haven't had too much to drink.

All right. Okay, all right. Get in the back seat, huh?

What's going on, Eddie?

There you go.

Ready, bye.

I got car trouble, Eddie. The caddy's overheated. I know, I know. The

thermostat's been acting up lately.

One of the fan belts is loose.

Okay, there you go.

Snappy time.

Sleepy sleeps.

Listen, this is gonna take longer than I figured. You're gonna have to hide till

I get there.

Can't do it.

Eddie, listen to me, because I'm not very good at this kind of thing.

I need you. You're the only person in the world I can count on, so you gotta

stay safe any way you can.

I don't have a choice, man.

They're going after my friends.

Gotta go.

You're making me nervous. Don't worry, I'll explain everything.

We

erased

his memory, Lon.

Stanley Spencer presents no threat.

You have to admit he was much braver than the first one.

All that matters is now we have names. Yes.

Our operative on the inside is very confident we'll have Crazy Eddie very,

very soon.

That's me, Crazy Eddie Nambulous.

I don't know what to say.

You can say alien invasion.

It's all so weird.

Yeah, it is.

Well, if it's true, I can see why you're... you.

A paranoid freak.

I'm the way I am because of what happened back here, not because of any

damn extraterrestrials.

Stanley told me all about it.

All about what?

Stanley and Herman.

About what they did to me.

Honestly, Larry, I have no idea what you're talking about.

The feds came in and arrested me.

Right here in this room.

Herman was the one who called them in.

With Stanley's help.

They did it to get my code books.

Oh, Larry, I'm sorry. I had no idea.

Oh, wow.

All this time, we might have been together.

I gotta go get Herman.

Here.

You hang on to this.

For protection.

I'll, uh... I'll be back as soon as I can.

Be careful, Eddie.

I mean, Larry.

Yeah, you too.

Hey. Excuse me, this is London.

You, me, and Larry are in the computer. I can't. Stanley told me about what you

did. It was a long time ago, Larry. Why?

I just want to know why.

We're kids, Larry. Get over it.

I want to know.

I was always second best.

I break an encryption code, jump into the site. You've already been there. You

had everything. You had the brains, know-how, and you had Marianne. You son

of a bitch. Just calm down. You ruined my life. Fine. I will make it up to you.

How are you going to do that?

Give me back my years? Huh?

Can you give me back my identity?

I'm not going to represent you anymore. I'm going to become someone else.

Oh, man.

On the other hand, the past is the past.

I gotta go.

You're not exactly what we expected, but finding you is only a matter of time.

At last, crazy Eddie Nambulous.

That's right.

You found me.

What do you want?

It's very simple.

Cade Foster and the Nostradamus book.

I'll never tell you anything.

We'll see.

Come on Eddie.

Okay, Eddie, tell me the location of the Nostradamus book.

You're wacko, man.

You're never getting your hands on that book. No way, no how.

Ergo ipso facto, you're gonna lose.

The linguistic pattern matches, but the vocal inflections don't. They imply a

much more stable personality than we expected.

No antisocial indicators, no nerve disorder.

Paranoia must be a cover.

She's that good.

You're saying that Larry Pazinski was arrested before receiving his diploma?

That's why he isn't on any school records.

And that Larry Pazinski changed his name to Eddie Nambulous?

Yes.

I just saw the guy two minutes ago.

He's in the school.

He's the one you're looking for.

That would explain the inconsistencies in our psychological profile.

Herman Garrett, you betrayed him again, you bastard.

Where is he? Don't worry.

He's just somewhere. Hello, everybody.

Hello.

Hello, everyone. Can I have your attention, please?

Just a little announcement to make.

That's him.

It's a little unusual, I know.

But if there's any aliens out there, and you know who you are, I think

you're looking for me.

Don't wanna ask you questions, tell me do You think that I got nothing else to

do Is there any way of asking

questions? I'd like to get an answer if that's okay It's really rather simple,

just get down to it

Amy's dead.

I have her DNA.

Nice DNA, huh?

You're cool.

You had me fooled.

I had Marianne pegged for crazy Eddie.

You were good, Larry, just not good enough.

I never liked that slut.

You saved

my life.

You saved mine.

This came in handy.

Well, you're a bonafide alien fighter now.

How did you plan this whole thing?

I had some help.

An old hacker con, the inside man.

Here he is now.

When we found out you went missing, I asked Herman to help me get you back, so

I cooked up a plan.

Get Herman to rat me out in exchange for you.

Aliens took the bait and led them to a trap.

And it was brilliant, Larry.

Well, it's nice to see you two finally working together.

Hey, guys. It's Dan?

I fell asleep in the car.

Oh. Look at that fruity sangria. It does it to me every time.

Binary bandits together again.

So,

uh, now what?

I can't stop now.

Gotta keep fighting the war. I'm gonna help you any way I can.

I'll be sending you a check. You've got some serious cash headed your way.

Thank you, Herman. You bet, pal.

Oh.

Okay. Hey, Stan.

I could go with you, Larry.

It's too dangerous.

But Foster and I got some plans for the Believers.

There'll come a day.

And besides...

We'll always have high school.

Got quite a blast from the past at my high school reunion.

And a crystal clear message courtesy of the Gwa.

I'm on the front lines with Cade Foster.

And they've got the crosshairs on me just like they've got their sights set

on him.

You all right?

What happened?

I dealt with him.

You dealt with him?

Yeah.

Okay.

Let's go.

Eddie?

As for my friends, I would never have guessed that Stanley could have taken

part in Herman's theft so many years ago.

But I also never guessed that either of them could be so brave in the face of

death.

Now they know the invasion's here.

New believers in our fight against the Gua.

By confronting the pain of my past, I healed old wounds and gained a better

understanding of who I am.

I may be paranoid, but I sure as hell ain't crazy.