Original subtitles

The royal physicians have the king's permission to see the prince on his

birthday.

Princey.

Prince.

Happy birthday, sire.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to Princey. Happy

birthday to you.

Happy birthday, sire.

Where's my doggy?

Where's my teddy bear?

But, your highness.

Today you are 21.

It is time to put away your childish toys.

Today you must become a man.

What, are you going to be a schmuck all your life? Do you realize the great role

that you must conquer? Walking forward unlike Cyrano, whose Bergerac was below

the empathy of his Braavoskis.

Sticking it in places where it didn't belong.

Well, okay.

Okay, you're the doctors. What do I have to do?

Glad you asked that question.

If all your lovers like your clothes are mix and match, and it is fast becoming

clearer that you'd better start from scratch, we're in the business of making

things much brighter than they seem. We're in your corner, up your alley, by

your side, and on your team. It doesn't matter that you're young and quite

naive. We have a present that most princes would be happy to receive. And

dear young highness, We'll help you if you give it half a chance. We're at your

service. Up and coming. On to charge. And in our pants.

Expert.

Appointed by your father.

Expert. We hardly even bother with details.

The whole thing is a product of insurrection.

Allowing those people to get in there and then get out. And then getting in

and getting out there.

In and out is all right. There's something down shit for the birds. Shall

I say good night, sweet prince?

Parting is such sorrow.

Parting is what you want. Let him get it open and get in there.

Even the amoeba, when it feels lonely, it goes in a corner, rub it up, and it's

doing it. We're Dr.

Moustache, Dr.

Ears, and Dr.

Eyes.

We were in prison for malpractice when there came a big surprise. The king

released us to educate his son and ever since. We've been the wise men of the

kingdom. But we can't wise up the prince. It is imperative.

Our mission doesn't fail.

Because his majesty informs us the alternative is jail. But we have not met

with success.

Although we've tried most everything.

We have our irons on the fire and our axes in a swing.

The experts with medical traditions, experts on every way possession

you can make.

They only make semen white and urine yellow so that you'll know whether

you're coming or going.

You have to sire an heir, and you cannot do that by just fucking a pillar.

I remember when I was 21, my hand was in a Band-Aid.

I was crippled. There was nobody around for me to enjoy the pleasures that are

erotic. Get up your ass, you dumb son of a bitch, and get out and fuck.

Well, it's the time of do or don't. The die is cast.

Will our pubescent pampered prince become a royal rogue at last? Excuse me,

colleagues, but there's nothing more the three of us can do. We've laid the

groundwork and the legwork. Have no fear, we're right behind you. But we're

anxious to remind you that the rest is up to you.

birthday, dear noble prince.

Today you are 21.

21 minus none allows you to inherit the kingdom. A proviso. You

must be able to produce an heir. If you don't produce an heir, we're all out of

work.

And even for a prince, opportunities are limited.

You got any royal aspirin?

No, we've got something better.

Much better.

Thank you.

Hi.

I'm your birthday present.

Wait, wait a minute here.

I don't understand what you want.

Actually,

my birthday isn't really for six hours.

I was born after 10 o'clock.

Do that very well.

Oh.

It's no use.

I'm just not interested.

Except... You know, it's a funny thing.

Every time I look at her...

I'm sure it would work with her.

That was the Princess Beauty who disappeared many years ago. It's

unlikely that she'll ever be seen again.

We must look at the magic manual.

Yes, the magic manual. When you look at the astrological zodiacs, just as I

myself, who am a Leon, with a Scorpio rising, and my moon is in Scorpio, and

my Venus...

It's five inches below my belly button.

Well, it's better there than in Uranus. Get the book. Get the book.

Come hither, thou insipidus. Ah, here.

The prince must go to the land of the fairies.

It is there he will find the cure.

How will I know when I'm entering the land of the fairies? You don't have to

know. They'll know.

And once you have found yourselves in the mortal swim of the spermatozoa,

giving out what... They just say land of the fairies. What do you think?

I'll get a horse and some guards to accompany you.

No.

I go alone and on foot.

How much time do I have?

If you don't get back by Thursday, you're not a prince.

And you'll lose the kingdom.

First.

For you.

Leave him alone. He'll come home.

Wagging his tails behind him, probably.

If I could trust you, I'd tell you my trouble.

Oh, you can trust me, little fella.

I never see anybody but my sheep anyway.

You see, I'm a prince.

And I'm in deep trouble.

Oh, I never met a prince before.

Ooh, what a real... Those sheep are so hairy.

To tell you the truth, I kind of miss my teddy bear.

Oh, you like animals too?

I'm glad.

What's your trouble?

Tell me.

I can't produce an heir.

I lose my kingdom.

What's the matter? Can't you come?

Where are you going?

i think i can help you you can

Thank you.

Look, it's not your fault.

You see, it never works.

Except when I look at a painting of the princess of my dreams.

See, I'm sure it would work with her.

But if I don't prove my manhood by Thursday, I'll lose my kingdom.

You ought to go see the old lady who lives in a shoe. She'll know what to do.

Oh, Tommy, good day. What a glorious day.

You know, the girls are open for business, if you know what I mean.

Oh, it's wonderful. It's wonderful, Madam Gussie Gander. Oh, I could just

kiss your privates and grovel at your loins to give me this big opportunity in

work. Thank you so much. I'll get business for us, I promise.

Well, thank you, Tommy. You just do a good job and make Gussie real proud of

you, okay?

Oh, I will, Madam Gussie, I will. I'll get the suckers in here.

Believe me. You just keep us filled, huh?

In a manner of speaking, I will.

But you should.

Oh, boy, what an opportunity, working the door in a classy joint like this for

Madam Gussie Gander.

Here comes a couple of live ones.

Excuse me, young man, excuse me. Take one or two steps forward, friends.

Your bodies will naturally follow you. You see, what you're standing in front

of right now is your basic shoe of pleasure. Isn't that wonderful? Say yes,

it makes me feel good. I couldn't help but notice when you gentlemen walk up

that each of you were packing your basic Saturday night special, if you know what

I mean.

Well, by golly, this is for those with a hot member, a tired member, a member

that each ache burns, swells, or throbs.

It's a truly amazing place. It's a veritable fairyland of fondling,

feeling, flogging, flaying, and some general good fooling around, if you know

what I mean. Inside, you've got your Snow White and the seven little people,

and what they're doing to that girl is nobody's business but their own. You're

going to see that inside.

You ever hear of Little Red Riding Hood? You'll get a chance to ride our eight

furlongs tonight.

So why don't you go right inside?

It's only going to cost you a couple of drachma, fellas. You'll have the time of

your life, and you'll thank me for it the longest day you live. Step right in.

You're not interested. You say, wait.

Look at the nice piece of merchandise I have here.

By golly, that is your basic blender.

That's for your icings, for your sautés, for your fondues. You'll thank me for it

here. Turn it right around. On the other side, it's your chop-o-matic. For your

chopped nuts, your chopped ice, your salads, your slaws.

How about you, sir? You want to go inside? Look, I got a nice piece of

merchandise for you.

Eight by ten glossies, shrunken to make them pocket-sized. Take these into the

privacy of your own home, and what you do there, sir, is nobody's business but

your own.

Now you know why they call her Mother Goose. Look at that one. Isn't that

amazing? That's little Miss Muffet sitting in her toffet.

Here she is sitting on Mother Goose's toffet.

And there's little Miss Moffat just straight out camping on the peg.

Isn't that something, huh?

Gets you a little randy, doesn't it, to watch it. Look, it's $4 for the set.

$2 for the set.

I'm so glad you're back. Hey, baby.

Uh, no, Cyrus.

No, no, thank you. No.

No, no. Gussie, don't be so ungrateful.

If it wasn't for me, you'd still be on food stamps.

Just a little old lady in the shoe.

Had so many children, she didn't know what to do.

Until old Cyrus showed you, didn't he?

Yes, Cyrus, yes. You did teach my girls the tricks of the trade, but forget your

cut. Not on everything.

Cyrus, I don't turn tricks for anybody.

See, I wonder whatever happened to little Miss Muffet.

I saw her in Chicago about a month ago. She's working the red slip now.

She had some act, didn't she? Yeah, yeah, it's a whole mouthful.

Going down.

Yes, second floor, please.

Always something new, I guess.

Always something new. The first elevated shoe.

This is our new attraction, the Snow White.

The New Year's I'll spend in clover, till the honeymoon is over, and I've

ceased to be their buttercup.

Though they aren't the tallest breed, sir, I believe you will compete there

once you come to see my seven...

Multiply six by seven.

They call me for a date. Hey, I get ready for an eight-way. Seven hungry

little mouths. You might think it's quite offbeat, but fondling 14

little feet, but...

Seven comes eleven and I'm out like a light.

Mirror, mirror on the wall.

Who's the fairest of them all?

Well, certainly not you, you ugly bitch.

And this is the mirror room.

What's that?

Quasimodo's mama?

What you see ain't what you get.

Upon further reflection, I'd buy a piece of that action.

We're going to have to leave now already, huh?

Going down.

Top floor, please.

What's up there?

The star room.

Et voila.

It's locked.

You bet your sweet little card piece it's locked.

What's so hot about this room? Hell, I don't get a chance to see nothing.

Oh, you're absolutely right.

You don't get a chance to see nothing.

You gonna keep it locked forever?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Just until the right offer comes along.

Oh, dear. Oh, please. Oh, no. No, no.

Oh, please. No, you don't understand. This isn't my way. Oh, dear.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, please.

I've been trying to turn you on all day, and all you can do is lie here and moan.

Oh, get away from me. Honestly, can I help it if there was no water up the

hill?

Water? You really think I went up the hill to fetch a pail of water? Well, I

simply can't imagine what else.

Hi, who are you?

I'm Jill from up the hill.

Want to fool around?

No, I have a jester. He does all my fooling around for me.

I'm a prince.

Try to control yourself.

Have we met before?

Oh, yes. You know, the best thing is just don't...

lovely couple and i could go on talking to you all day but i'm uh i'm i'm on a

uh quest it's a very very very important quest and i i'm gonna resume

questing um oh

young man

Let's jump in off.

Say, how did you make out in that land deal? You know, where you sold the land

to old King Cole, your boss?

He's complaining about that.

What's he complaining about?

He's complaining because the land is under 20 feet of water in the

Everglades. Oh, boy. Why'd you tell him?

I said, schmuck, look at all the money you saved. You ain't got to put a pool

in. Some people are never happy. I get the same beefs. I sold some vibrators to

some airline stewardesses the other night. They want their money back. Claim

to chip their teeth.

It's hard to make a buck. I know. It's terrible. What brings you to these parts

tonight? I'm checking out some new fluff for the king.

Oh, we got some new stuff inside. Maybe you'll want to take a look. We got all

new attractions.

Go in.

Oh, what a warm and warm human being he is.

The king sends his greetings.

Yeah, if that's all he sent, you tell that fat-ass king cold. Hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, featherhead.

That's the king you're talking about.

You keep talking that way, you're going to be wearing that card piece around

your nose.

Now, His Majesty always sends a small tribute in memory of the last time that

he was in this elegant establishment you got here.

And this time he sent this.

Thank you.

Small change.

What did we give him last time? One of the seven dwarfs?

He's just kidding.

Tell His Majesty that I most humbly thank him.

His Majesty would like to know what you got for his pleasure tonight.

And His Majesty also told me to tell you that if you could possibly arrange a

virgin, he would not be adverse to giving you a little extra schmear, if

you know what I mean.

Gussie sent me from the sure pleasure.

Oh, Gussie sent you.

What's your name?

Scheherazade.

Scheherazade? From the Arabian Nights?

From many Arabian Nights.

What do you have in your urn?

Just oil from Arabia What do you do with your oil?

I have a special way of pleasing a man Yes

Thank you.

Can you help me? What seems to be your problem, young lady?

I'm Little Bo Peep, and I lost my sheep.

And you don't know where to find them?

And I don't know where to find them. Well, they're just inside with two

businessmen from Detroit.

Three dollars short time the sheep are paying for the towels.

Say, young lady, look, why are you here? Maybe you want to stop inside and get a

job. You know, we're always looking for a new animal act.

And speaking of animal acts, it looks like a lot of horsemen rode into that

valley of fatigue.

You know, let me just look at this. I can read bruises, do you know?

You can really read bruises?

Mm-hmm. I can't tell anything about the future, but I can tell what you did last

night. Let's, okay. Look, you go inside. You tell Gussie she's the boss. You want

a job working under me. Go right in.

I didn't know Kojak had a twin brother.

Lovely girl.

Lovely piece of meat.

And then... I met this prince in the woods, you know. I didn't know King Cole

had any kids.

Oh, no, he's not from here.

He's from a faraway land.

And he has a curse on him. What kind of a curse?

Well, you see, it's like this.

A long time ago... It's a king's ransom if you do it right, Cyrus.

Right. That's the only way I know how.

But if that was... There's a prince walking in the woods who has a hell of a

problem with the ladies.

And I think that if we solve his problem, we'll cut into a fortune that

you wouldn't believe.

My life has shown me a kind of lonely

I never knew.

My days have been a fable

with me unable to tell the false from true.

I know.

somebody and yet I don't know

where I'm hoping that

somebody learns to care

wants to share so please

be forgiving

If I view living a different way,

I'll find some strength to borrow

and face tomorrow.

It's me, but how did you know?

Little old birdie kind of whispered in my ear.

Well, come on now, we're going on down the yellow brick road where Peter Pan

learned to fly and Olive all popped out and Tinkle Bell was tickled. Come on,

learn.

We're going on down the yellow brick road.

Um... What are you talking about?

I'm talking about the shoe of pleasure.

Pleasure? Little Bo Peep told me about the shoe of pleasure.

Who are you?

Cyrus is my name, and pimping is my game.

Pimping, pimping. What kind of a game is pimping?

Oh, pimping.

Isn't that where a team dressed in blue kick a large squash, and you have

another team, and there's a great deal of pimping? No.

What's a pimp?

Pimp. P-I-M-P. Person for the improvement of men's pee-pee problems.

Sort of like a social worker.

What? Maybe you can help me. Sure I can.

Well, Pinocchio had his first nose job.

I mean, this is where it's at, where it's going to fix you. Hello, Tommy.

What's happening, baby? Give me some.

Cyrus.

I don't know.

You all right? I love you, too. Come anytime. I want you to meet the prince

of here.

Prince, it's traveling with the right man. We call him the soul of the show.

Cyrus, how have you been? How's things on the street?

It's not love.

I mean, it's great, you know. But let me tell you about my friend, Prince of

here. Prince of here got to help me dump the items, you know, all the kids.

Couldn't put Humpty up again.

Hey, we gonna fix him up. Tell him about the place, now.

Little dangle in your dingle, Prince. Is that what's wrong, huh?

Little flaccid in the old member, huh? We have a girl inside, up in the third

floor. By golly, you're gonna meet her in a moment. You're gonna thank Cyrus

and I for this the longest day you live.

She'll clean your clock, my Prince.

She'll put a little starch in the old wee-wee, if you know what I mean.

Now, when you go in there, all your troubles will be over.

Because Snow White and her seven little friends have never failed to turn on a

gentleman caller.

I'll try. You have absolutely nothing to worry about.

If at first you don't succeed.

Try it, baby. Try it again.

That's good.

The bee is so amusing, you'll be abusing, even though we beat him, daddy.

H in the bar.

It doesn't matter if he's masculine, so long as he learns to be fast.

It's a novel thing to see.

When he is probably for you, and he is probably for me, he may turn action, but

we keep lashing.

Really beat him, daddy.

Eight to the bottom.

We'll be right

back.

But it didn't work.

This looked like a job for Aunt Laveau and her love potion.

Hey, Peeping Tom.

Ooh, Tommy Tucker.

Back for another evening of visual delights, as it were, hmm?

Oh, shame on you, but we have something new for you up in our leather and latex

suite. Picture, if you can, a young girl, 19 years of age.

flashing white alabaster thighs, and she had Gussie set up a Siberian torture

post in a leather and latex suite, and she said that she'd be tied to it and

that we'd give her a sound birching on the fleshy parts of her thighs, if you

know what I mean. Would you like to watch that?

Is everyone having a good time?

Oh, hello.

Oh, it's been so long. I'm so glad you could make it.

Absolutely.

Snow White. Hi.

Where are the dwarves? Oh, it was past their bedtime. I tucked them in. Oh, and

the sheep?

I lost them again.

Have you thought of looking for another job?

Would you like some more darts?

Yes. Such a nice party.

King Cole, gentlemen, you're here for the big party. I bid you welcome to our

humble house of pleasure.

King, let me kiss your thing.

It's his ring. It's a ring, schmuck. You kiss what you want, I'll kiss what I

want, King.

I meant to mention to you, I was passing your castle the other day, you know, and

I noticed it's a little run down, a little going to seed, as we say. You

know, in addition to being a doorman, I do represent the Acme Aluminum Siding

and School of the Dance. You know, we're located over in the valley. We could do

a nice job as siding, plus throw in, free of any charge, aluminum storm

windows and doors and some nice cyclone fencing. I think you'd like that.

Later, later, later. The king's here on royal business. Oh, yeah, the party's

just beginning. You go inside, gentlemen. I know the girls are waiting

for you, king.

And thanks for gracing our humble quarters.

Oh, such a warm king.

you're gonna be a love sensation

What's the problem with the lady?

Hand me that bottle.

My bloodhound knows the tale of me.

There's a hookers in that shoe.

By the powers invested to me by King of Coal, who made me head of the vice

squad, I think we're going to knock off of the shoe.

What do we want to knock off of the place for?

Let's go up there and knock off a piece.

You want them all, you... Otto, wait. I think the doorman is going to go to

lunch.

Ah, this is a bigger chance than now. Come on.

Oh, good evening, Baron.

No good even to me, Bhutan. Step aside.

Everybody freeze.

Everybody freeze.

This is a raid.

Welcome to my boarding house.

Boarding house? You mean a body house. This is a body house.

Shut up.

Your Majesty.

Relax. These are my friends.

Have a good time.

It just didn't work. The bubbles tickled my nose, and the steam ruined my

sinuses.

I may never smell again.

Looks like rain.

But ladies, ladies, what would the bishop say?

He just left a few minutes ago.

Oh?

Look at King Cole. Just look at him.

What are you looking at? You're losing my act up. Get out of here. Why don't

you jump off of the chair to get out of here?

Come on.

I'm a noble dog.

Where's your divorce tonight?

Oh, it's past their bedtime.

They don't even know I'm here.

Really? That's what I wanted to talk to you about.

You got a little dwarf up there named, uh... Which one? I've got seven of them.

Oh.

Cheech. A little one named Cheech, right.

He hasn't been gambling again, has he? That's right, and he owes me a lot of

money, too.

Okay, how much?

There you go, there you go. Take, take, take. Here, love you, love you, my guy.

Hold it, hold it.

Everybody going up to them.

What do you think of that idea?

I've got a hard time deciding which of you lovelies to, uh, do this with.

Why are you doing this?

Prince? Hey, you gonna give it another shot tonight?

Yes, Thomas. As you know, I must try and find a virgin who will kiss me and lift

the curse that turned me into a frog so long ago.

You like that?

Wake up now. Lean back.

Who goes first?

Me.

I got a couple of good ideas.

I take you someplace else besides this place because here there's too much

things going on I don't like. And me, I'm a clean-living guy.

How do you like that, Buster?

You really think you can get on my throat?

Try me here.

You belong to me, baby. You're so nice.

Look at that.

Hey!

You scoundrel.

Now, sir, this is no fruity bootery, no. This is people of your normal

persuasion, people of your standard ongoing interest.

Now, to introduce the place, we have an amazing three-piece offer.

Here's what you get. First, the visit to our Salon du Cinderella, where we have

the girls from the Rose Bowl Parade, you know, with the little boots on, and they

slip those tight little boots off, and you go around and try the glass slipper

on those chubby, aching little feet.

Then, number two, you visit our Salon of S&M.

Now, on your first visit, you can't expect the girls to flog you. They're

nice girls. But maybe I can talk to one and have him backhand you goodnight.

And then if you want, you can have sex with some of the ladies. That's $20 to

have sex.

$30 if you want to touch the sides.

Why don't you just go right inside and enjoy yourself? I think you'll become a

lifetime member, sir.

To me, no, it's all right. The man will put a bone on Mother Hubbard.

How's it going, Tommy?

Not so good. Things don't look very well with you, Cyrus. What's with the prince?

Oh, man, it's like a great Dane and a poodle.

Piss poor.

Cyrus, how are you? Glad you're back. How are you doing?

Nothing happened.

That's all that ever happens.

Nothing ever happens.

First Snow White with the dwarves, and the dwarves I've had up to here.

And then the whips, and then the cockamamie cauldron with the... You're

looking at a desperate person.

Well, Cyrus, you're not taking care of our gentleman caller very well, are you

now?

I got it. What about the star attraction?

Uh, nobody goes into the star room unless you're talking some heavy money.

15% of all I own.

20.

16, and that's my last off.

Um, let's split the difference. 18, and you got a deal.

All right.

Where is she? Oh, wonderful.

Come on, baby.

This is something really special.

By the way, she's a virgin.

The deal is okay.

Our fortunes are made.

I'm going like a virgin and there'll be a blessed event.

The day we get our 18%. Excuse me, my king.

Good tidings I bring.

A virgin sleeping upstairs.

It's absurd. I just overheard that Cyrus has a cutie who's a virgin.

Definitely.

That means that she's a lady for me.

A virgin.

I'm going to have her checked by a surgeon to see the type I'd like to

subversion. Sit me in the shoe. I'm known as the royal death spoiler.

I'll use the queen for a trading. I'd fear the bloody palace and waiting.

Cause I've been waiting so long.

If that goes to sleep, that means she counts sheep.

So surely as a shepherdess, she'd be first to wait, yes sirree.

And maybe she'd take over.

I won't have scoffed to some lily pop.

I've heard that there's a maiden who's been trained amphibiously.

And maybe she's the lady for me.

A girl who's never been with a fella.

I tell you what, oh, that's what I smell.

A maiden who's so pure she must be Italian.

A beauty and everybody feels it is too.

To make it with this virginal cutie. She's been a virgin so long.

A virgin.

The people in the shoe need a virgin.

To join in with the rest of black searching.

Cause anybody knows that she's worth a kingdom of beauty.

And everybody deals with beauty.

To make it with this virginal cutie.

We've been a virgin too long Been

a virgin too long I can't wait to see her. But no touching.

You have my royal word. No, I mean you, sir.

Oh, for 18% of the royal ex-tacker, I'd give up pussy for life.

If I have to, that is.

I'm ready, I'm ready. And here we have our star attraction.

Here we go.

I want

you to know that I really appreciate this.

You are shy, aren't you? You know these things take time.

You see,

for a minute I thought it was going to turn out to be my dream princess.

I guess you can't help her too much.

Cyrus, I want you to know how grateful I am, how much I really appreciate

everything that you've done. But I know who I want. And as long as there's any

time, as long as there's a chance, I'm going to find her.

Hey, wait a minute.

Just think, a virgin.

I know she's here, but where?

Never fear, my nose is a-here.

Wait.

Simp, you just blew 18% of a kingdom.

She's on the top floor.

Going

down?

I never go down. I always go up. You stay here. I'll go up.

Oh, shit.

Cyrus, quick, there's a whole mob coming out of the elevator.

You get rid of her, I'll take care of the prince. Quick, out the side door.

Virgin.

Virgin.

Virgin.

Virgin? I don't got to see a virgin.

Virgin?

Innocent girl?

Hey, what's going on here?

My child, where are you? Where can you be?

Room.

Empty.

Barren. No women.

Least of all a virgin.

You said she would be here. You!

You and that nose of yours.

I said the virgin who was here. My nose will make no mistake.

Your nose makes no mistake.

Your nose, sir, stinks.

Hey, don't talk that way about my nose. That's all I got. My nose and this

shkivu's over here. You get me a lot of trouble, you're going to pound the beat

for this and a half a peg.

Wait. Yes?

Everybody shut up.

I smell something again.

Trust me, King.

The virgin. She went this way. Follow me. Excuse me. Come on.

Now I think it's time you and I had a nice long

I know what your problem is, Prince, is that you've never been with a woman.

I'm going to show you things that you can never imagine in your wildest dry

dreams. I don't have time for this. It's Wednesday at 12 o'clock. I turn into a

peasant. I don't want to touch you. Kiss me.

Kiss me. Touch me. I'll touch you.

I want you and I can teach you anything that you want to learn. I can solve your

problem. No, please. I really, I have to go.

You're absolutely wonderful.

No. You're warm. No, I'm a fake.

You're beautiful.

Oh, my goodness. It would never work. It's been so long.

No, I... Oh, you just do something to me, Francis.

Can you feel anything?

Sharp pain in the neck. I think it's probably just... It's a whip. I feel a

throbbing.

Throbbing, good throbbing.

Listen, maybe we could take a rain check on this, you know? If you're ever in my

kingdom, look me up. I have a shoe. It's not as big as this shoe.

Say, man.

Hey, sucker.

My name is Cyrus.

Cyrus what?

The sissy?

You know something?

Your face looks kind of familiar.

Where do you come from, boy?

Boy?

Boy lives in the jungle with Tarzan, man.

Listen, I really do.

I have to go.

Okay, the holding.

Basic holding.

Okay, now I'm leaving.

Do you feel me? Yes, I feel. I feel that, yes.

Do you know your clothes are coming off?

No.

They are. No, well, we'll just hold them together right like that. There.

And that's good.

Don't be shy.

You are very shy.

Be shy. I like it.

Be shy. We have plenty of time.

Oh, no, time I don't have.

What's that thing you got down there?

That's my car piece.

No, you're a funny-looking nigger.

Hey,

I just want to say something.

My noses say she's on a decent floor. You three check in there, and I'll, uh,

go in here.

Sure, boss.

What's the matter, Frog?

What's the matter, Frog?

Please. Please, Frog.

Can you feel me? I can feel you, yes, but I really have to go now. Oh, that's

good. That's good. Yes.

Oh, yes.

Next to me. No, wait.

Oh, no, no, baby.

No.

Wait, wait, wait.

I'm happy.

Ah, shut up.

Come over, I want to talk to you.

I have him so close. He was almost inside of my nostrils. I smell him so

good. You, I got to wait for you all the time. You lousy me up all the time. You

like to have too much fun. You fall.

You drink. You under the girl's skirts and play with the squeeze box.

I don't know what you do no more. You lousy me up.

You're always putting me down. You put me down. You put me down all the time.

I put you down.

When I met you, you was down.

I'm going to tell you something. This is not the only case of making me mad.

Let's not talk about it. Let's do it.

Oh, God.

Come on.

I got it. I got it. What are

you doing

here? You know, like it looks. I was

giving a little massage.

Massage? What?

I hear something.

It's my dream princess.

Hey, Bessie.

Oh, yeah.

Look what I have for you.

A prince.

I know. I've been waiting for him to kiss me.

What took you so long?

Not so fast. You have to turn around first.

Okay.

Oh, you've got to be better than that.

I don't know how.

waited such a long time to find.

Oh, where's the virgin?

She's in there.

But wait, you can't go in there.

Oh, no.

Probably the last virgin in Fairyland, and I blew it.

Well, listen, thank you very much. We have to go now.

Really.

Okay,

okay. Goodbye.

Is everything okay now? Yeah. See you later.

Is the prince in?

Always. Is he up?

Constantly. May we see him?

Doesn't look good.

Hi there.

Now, wasn't that a wonderful motion picture, friends?

Wasn't it marvelous when the prince met the love of his life, and by golly, you

know they've lived happily ever after?

Now, we want you to go home. Tell your friends and neighbors about this warm

and wonderful motion picture.

It's a family picture, friends.

Mom and the kids can come for the music and dancing, and Dad will enjoy the

meat. So you go and tell your friends about this wonderful film.

And to show their thanks and appreciation of your attendance at this

theater today, the producers have asked me to make available to you a wonderful

three-piece set of merchandise available only to our patrons. I'm going to show

you now that three-piece set I think you're going to want to own.

Item number one, a one-ounce jar of Aunt Laveau's Love Potion sales item.

unguent and balm.

By golly, put a few drops of that in a loved one's beverage, you'll probably be

on the gear shift, if you know what I mean. Put that on any part of your body,

private or public, and the sensations you get, you'll thank me for the longest

day you live. Let's call that one item number one. Item number two.

The official fairy tale.

Little Bo Peep Sheep. This sheep is designed for the single gent, the lonely

fellow, if you know what I mean.

And what you do with that in the privacy of your own home is nobody's business

but your own. Let's call that one item number two. Item number three, isn't

this wonderful?

That's your official...

card piece as worn by Cyrus in this motion picture.

Friends, that is an amazing card piece.

It's ideal for dining and disco, desk or den.

By golly, just wear that card piece on the beach or while dancing and the girls

will love it too. They'll say to you, by golly, you are a lovely man. That is a

handsome member indeed.

You'll thank me for that. That's something everyone wants. It's something

no young fellow...

Should be without, by golly. Friends, I want to thank you the longest day you

live.