Original subtitles

Have a good night, man.

Best song of 2000. Go. Would you stop doing that? Doing what? Forcing a conversation. I told you

just let it happen naturally. But we haven't said a word to each other in 2 hours. Man,

Matt, here's the thing about having a mouth is that you have the option of talking. You don't

have to do it. So, just try not talking. Yeah. Well, being mean is also optional. Dude, we have

6 hours left in this shift, and for all I know, we could be here our whole [ __ ] lives. So, we have

time. Be patient. Just let a conversation happen naturally. Okay. Got it. Thank you. All right.

Bathroom's in the back to the left. If you're going number one, hold the lid up. It doesn't

stay up. I mean, to pick one song in a decade is insane. Well, that's the game, buddy.

All right, fine. Hide-and-seek imaging heat. M. Wow, that's a great song. Great talk. Who

are you texting? I'm not. I'm on Tik Tok. You're on Tik Tok? What are you watching? Like people

dance in the kitchen? No, I'm not watching people dance. Look, this is a major source

of information for the entire world. Okay. A lot of people get their news from this. Matt,

wake up, dude. Well, I wish you would stop scrolling. Just Just be with me, man. Come

on. Just for a second. Just stop. Be at one with me. What are we married here? How about you? No,

I'm on the Whole 30. The Whole 30? What? 30 days of no processed food. Why would you want to do

that? Processed food is what separates us from the animals. Take this perfectly cheesed dusted chip.

After thousands of years of evolution, humans were able to take a vegetable and engineer it

into a triangle that brings you the ultimate satisfaction and happiness. with each bite.

I'll put all that on your tombstone. That's called instant gratification,

Matt. And it's uh not a way to live your life. I'll take my instant gratification,

bro, because I don't know if you want to look around. But why are you trying to prolong all of

this? We're a bunch of losers, bro. So, eat some chips, dude. Yeah, we're really lucky. Welcome

to Highway 50. Gas and liquor. Bathroom's in the back on the left. Toilet seat, leave the lid up.

Uh, can I help you?

Don't be alarmed.

Why are you smiling? To put you at ease. Are you at ease? No, the opposite actually. It's very

unsettling. Has anyone come into this gas station in the past hour? No, not that I What? There's

somebody in the bathroom. What does he look like? I don't know. Why is it that you don't know?

I I don't know. I'm at work, man. I don't know. We work really hard. Huh?

Laugh with me. What? Both of you laugh with me.

Okay.

Okay. Now, stay happy while I tell you a little something that might sound pretty wild. Okay. I

work with the federal government and there is a facility in this desert.

Now, I don't mean to alarm you, but something just escaped from that facility.

What escaped reads body language. So, if it senses that you're even a little bit stressed,

it will eat you. Eat us. Okay, this guy. All right. Yeah. No, no stress here,

man. Great. Thank you. So, just stay in this space of calm and happy and everything will be all

right. Wow. Okay. Okay. Hi. Yeah. I need backup to coordinates 39° north and 116° west. Thank you.

I don't know. I don't know. He's got to be on Molly or he's got

really good Molly. Yeah. Yeah. Really good Molly.

Hello. Is this occupied?

Okay.

It's okay. Hi

Hey. Hello.

That's That's pleasant. Yeah, it's nice. It's nice.

Everything's fine.

Well, hi

Yeah.

Okay.

The [ __ ] was that?

Oh, come on, man. Don't stand on the sink. I just cleaned that. Irwin,

he's not standing on the sink.

Oh, no. No.

Oh my god. Hey. Hey. Oh my god. Hey. Hey. Oh my god. No. No. No. Remember the guy said he

said don't worry. He said just be happy. Be happy that didn't eat the [ __ ] guy.

Yeah. And he's going to eat us too if we don't chill. Remember what the guy said? Smile. Smile.

The guy is [ __ ] dead. Yes. Hide and seek. Hide and seek. What are you doing? That's

emoji heap. Hide and seek. That's not how the song goes. I never heard the song. That's just

what I thought it would sound like. You ain't never heard it. Smile and hide and

seek. Smile. Hide and seek. Hide and seek. And smile and seek. Hide and seek. Smile. Okay,

that's good. Okay, there's your car. If we can just chill, we can walk right past it,

right? I'm not going near that [ __ ] thing, man. What's the one thing that calms you down more than

anything in the whole world? Jerking off. Jerking off. No, we're not going to have you jerk off.

Think of something else, please. Alcohol. Yes, alcohol. Yes, we love to drink. Alcohol. Okay,

I'll go to the cooler right now. I'll grab us a few cold beers and we'll drink them. We'll walk

outside and we'll be [ __ ] partying. Just watch the vent, okay? And your job is just to tell

me if anything moves. But don't stop smiling like this. Smile. Smile. Don't stop smiling.

Huh? Huh?

I told you tell me if it moved. It didn't move. Oh [ __ ] Oh [ __ ] Oh [ __ ] Oh my god.

I'm smiling. I'm happy.

Don't scream.

Stop screaming, [ __ ] It It's coming right towards me.

Hey guys, get ready with

My god. Is it the top 10 places? Sir, I've had too many chips. Don't worry.

You just keep scrolling. We're going to get you out of here.

It died.

Oh my god. Ah, we're definitely losing this job. Yeah, we are.