Original subtitles

The princess nodded and the frog said, That which you have promised,

you must perform.

Very good. Keep reading.

So the princess leaned in and kissed the frog.

But as she did, he became a handsome prince.

And they rode off to his kingdom where they lived happily ever after.

Happily ever after?

It's no such thing as happily ever after.

Not for a real princess.

The prince my father wants me to marry will always be a frog.

My offer still stands.

I will help you get to America.

America? Thank you, Governor. It's very kind.

Well, we're running out of time.

I know of a ship bound for America, but we must leave tonight.

Leave? Do we must hurry, Princess?

Hurry, Princess!

Princess!

You want me to stop?

I dare not!

and send it to Nehuadazhou's church in Khasen.

Otherwise, the princess's life will be in danger.

Long live the emperor! The emperor has ordered the three

bravest imperial guards to go to

the country of America to protect Princess Peipei. Meng Guhan.

Receive the edict.

Thank you, Your Majesty.

Long live Your Majesty.

Jiang Wei, what are you doing here?

It's my responsibility to save Your Highness.

Please allow me to save Your Highness. That's impossible.

Captain, I'm old.

I only have one nephew, Jiang Wei.

Please let him go with me.

He can carry the luggage.

That's good.

Let those foreigners teach him a lesson.

Yes, yes, yes.

Come with me to the police station to report.

That's it.

Okay. Great.

Great. Okay.

Come here. Look at this.

I spent a lot of time on this.

Now, pay attention, because I don't want any mistakes.

Now, I've calculated the speed of the train and the speed of our horses.

We meet at this vector. The only variable is the wind.

Technically, if you travel over here on the horses... Is this the train?

So the Princess Lin-Lin and kissed the frog but as she did he became

a handsome prince and they rode off to his kingdom where they lived happily

ever after

I sort of like to be the only one that talks, Wallace, all right? All right,

I'm sorry. That's okay, that's okay, good. That works, that works, come on.

Come on, come on, big'un, let's go. Why is the new guy talking? Where'd you get

this guy?

You know I'm the only one that talks.

Okay, everybody keep calm.

You think you're gonna shoot me?

Is that right?

Get right in here.

Yeah, you got this gun?

You think you're gonna do something with that gun?

Come on, ladybird, you got anything besides your arm?

Come on.

Come here. We don't steal from women. Get over here. You can take that side.

Give me your hand.

Give me your hand.

I'm so sorry about that. I apologize.

First time seeing outlaw?

Scared. Kind of excited, too. All mixed up.

Yeah.

Last train we rode, we were naked. It was so hot out.

That was something.

Yeah, it's got my initials right there.

Hey,

stop! Where did you get this guy?

Texas. Texas?

Are you insane? Yeah. Just shoot me now, because I don't understand what we're

doing.

Sir, sir, sir, sir.

Come here, come here, come here. Sit down. Excuse me. Sir, sit down.

What happened?

What? What are you doing?

I'm just winging it. No, Ron, that's not how we wing it. No more winging it.

Stop. Come on, Biggin.

You've lost your winging it privileges.

Damn.

Damn!

Shushu!

Shushu! Shushu, are you okay?

Shushu!

Who did this to you?

I... I killed my uncle!

Give me the dynamite. Give me the dynamite.

No, no, no, no. You stay here. You don't get to come. Keep an eye on Wingnut.

Hey, Blue.

Lookie here.

What the hell is this? A Orient Express?

What? Hey!

The safe's getting ready to blow!

Get ready to reap the fruits of our labor!

You just blew the shit out of a fruit.

We got a Chinaman to catch.

Stop! Turn around!

Turn around!

What the... Who are you?

Hey, Roy!

Don't you worry about a thing! I got you covered!

No!

No!

I don't understand.

You said your friend had a large estate.

He does.

What exactly does he do?

Well, you could say he's a philanthropist. He helps Chinese

immigrants get back on their feet.

Welcome to America princess Forgive

me if I do not bow Calvin

this man is a treat Traitor why because he

ran away from the Forbidden City

Your reward is on the table, Mr. Andrews.

Well, now you're gonna have to double it, or I'm gonna kill her.

One thing about the Chinese, Mr. Andrews...

We do not renegotiate.

Whatever you think I'm going to do for you, you're wrong.

Oh, it's just like a nightmare. You wouldn't...

You wouldn't believe it if I told you a gang left me in the desert felt like all

the other Cowboys hated my guts Everyone I just missed you. I missed all of you

missed you, too It's medication time

Come here devil

Careful, careful with that.

Oh, I thought you were Mirage. Oh, come on.

Otter.

You.

You killed my uncle.

Bull! That was Wallif all the way.

He was one of your bandits.

He wasn't part of my gang.

He's a new guy.

He's crazy as a road lizard.

You deserve to die.

Hold on a second.

You know what no one's saying here?

Because I had a chance to kill you on that train, and I chose not to.

Because I'm not a barbarian.

Hey! Where are you going?

Carson City.

I'm closer to digging myself to China than you are to getting to Carson City.

Hey!

Which way?

That's better.

Dig me out and I'll show you.

Which way?

You see those mountains over there?

Carson City is on the other side.

All right, dig me out.

I kept my end of the bargain.

Dig me out.

Dick.

Hey!

Hey!

Come on.

Don't talk. Just dig.

Ugh.

All right.

You're the only one who can save me.

East Carson City.

Hau. Hau.

Hau. Hau.

Hau. Hau. Hau.

Hau. Hau.

No, I can't.

I can't.

Jiguna. Jiguna.

Jiguna.

I thought you might be hungry.

Did she?

You were wrong.

You would find me a much better host if we could come to some sort of an

arrangement.

An arrangement?

Like the one you have with the slaves working on this railroad?

These people are free to leave.

What do you want with me?

Once I have the Emperor's gold, my work will be complete.

Princess.

I think it is time for you to be among your people.

They don't look like any Indians I've ever seen, Jedediah. That's because

they're not Indians, woman.

They're Jews.

You! Stay!

How?

Is this Carson City?

No, this ain't Carson City, Chief.

You're gonna have to get your fire water somewhere else.

All right, Roy, in he goes.

What are you doing here? I thought you were going to Carson City.

You gave me bad directions.

No, I gave you wrong directions.

You want your toothpicks back?

You've got a lot of nerve coming in here with that thing. Give it back to me.

Ain't that something.

Take your hand off.

I just want to go to Kansas City.

The China man.

Keep going with the Chinese. I think that's working. I think they're just

about to let you out.

For crying out loud, just give them the book back, please. It'll give us some

peace and quiet.

Get about it. They're not giving you the book back. Drop the book.

I've wasted enough time with you. What?

You've wasted enough time with me. What about me?

Give me the book. Hey, listen for a second. Stop.

Listen. Stop.

You're not in the East, okay? You're not in China. This is the West. The sun

doesn't rise here. It sets here. Now, you're closer to getting us hung than

you are getting that book back, okay?

Now, just...

I'm talking about. You're wound so tight. You're the most irritable guy

I've ever been around.

Just relax for a second. Take ten minutes and then you can go back to

screaming. I promise. I'll join you. Okay? Just relax for a second.

Come on. Sit down.

Come on.

Just relax.

Is that relaxed?

Looks sort of rigid there.

You know what? We got off on the wrong foot.

Let's try to start again.

Man, you sure can fight.

I've never seen anything like that. Ta-ta, ta-ta-ta, ta-ta-ta.

Trying to give you a compliment.

You're not so mad about me pointing you in the wrong direction, are you?

Come on.

You gotta be able to laugh at stuff like that.

Like me in the desert.

I don't hold any grudges. I laugh about it. I'm not angry at you. You just left

me there with chopsticks to die.

Roy, all by his lonesome, just me and the buzzards, picking at my head.

You're a very silent man, aren't you?

You weren't expecting to see old Roy in that bar, were you? Be honest, were you?

Huh?

Did you really use those chopsticks?

You better believe it.

Now you laugh. That's funny. I got to remember that one.

So who are you?

I'm imperial guard to the emperor of China.

China?

What's with the book?

The book belongs to Princess Pepe.

Who? Princess Pepe.

She was kidnapped from the Forbidden City.

Forbidden City?

I like that. The Forbidden City. The princess.

Kidnapped. It's so mysterious.

Go ahead.

The emperor sent us to get her back. Us?

You mean your friends from the train?

They are also imperial guards.

They have four days to bring the gold to Carson City.

What gold?

The gold for the princess.

The gold... Was the gold on the train?

Yes.

How much gold?

100,000 pieces.

Sir sir, can we get could you hand us that book please sir?

There's been a mistake we have We're

gonna

get that book we're gonna get you out of here you help me escape Why

I'm going to tell you why. Because there's some things in this world that

are just wrong, okay? And stealing a princess is one of them.

Yeah, that's wrong.

And I'll tell you another thing. I feel guilty about leading you up that

mountain. What was I thinking? How much time did we waste there? That was

stupid. It wasn't funny. All right?

Now sit tight.

Let me figure this out.

All right, come on, Roy.

Maybe I pretend to be sick. Then I take the gun with the coming. Okay, you mean

the sick prisoner routine?

Does that still work in China?

Because here it's sort of been done to death.

No, no, no, no, no. Here's how you help me. You stay on your side of the room.

Let me figure it out over here. Okay, you play over there.

Think. Think. What do we got here?

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

We got wood.

We got a wall made out of wood.

That's good.

Oh, we got pillows.

We got pillows.

Sheets. We got the sheets and the mattress.

Okay, let's put it all together. Let's think. Add it up. Add it up. What do we

got? What do we got?

What are you doing?

Stop. Stop. What are you doing?

Hold this for me. No, no. That's your shirt. You hold it.

I like your energy, but...

I'm not with you. The shirt gets wet.

It doesn't break.

I don't know what that means.

And then... Okay, and then what?

Then with the wet shirt, you bend the bars.

That's the payoff.

Don't waste my time with stuff like that, okay? A 2,000-year-old

civilization, that's all you can come up with?

Shame on you. Shame on you.

Stop, please.

It's embarrassing.

See? I told you so. No, you said wet shirt don't break, not piss shirt bend

bar.

Twist it. Hey, help.

Okay, yeah, get it.

Here you go.

Just one more, yeah.

You're strong as an ox. Go!

Come on, you can do it.

There, you got it. We're getting it.

Yeah,

hold it for me. I'll get through. Okay. No, no, no, no. You hold it, and I'll go

through.

No, not your hand. Stop.

Hold it. Adios, sucker.

What? No, I'm just kidding. Come on.

Go.

I wouldn't leave my old pal there.

Go. Squeeze, squeeze.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Grab this, grab that.

Work your magic right here.

Too dry.

What? Juice it up, juice it up. Go.

I can't. No more.

Ah, damn it.

Come on out, little Roy.

Work your magic.

Hurry up.

I'm trying. I'm trying.

Stop. Don't look at me.

Relax.

Relax. It'll come. Thanks.

That helps you.

Good. Is that called relax?

Who's the pretty lady?

This is my wife. How long you been in this country?

Four days.

Nice work.

Hello.

Come on.

Adios, partner.

Yeah.

Well, best of luck to you. I guess this is what your people call sayonara.

Looks like Fido's giving you some problems there.

You want me to give you a hand?

No, I can't do it. Sure you can.

How is a greenhorn like you gonna make it to Carson City and rescue this

princess?

Stop, stop, stop, stop.

I can't take it anymore.

Watch me do it.

Get it like this, and you put it up high.

See? It'll drift back when you're riding.

All right, I'll do it. Do what? Take you to Carson City, help you rescue Princess

Pepe. Pepe, you do not care about the princess.

You don't know me very well, do you?

Tell you one thing, I hate to think of an innocent member of Chinese nobility

suffering.

Tell you that...

You people believe in karma over there, right?

Well, I've been thinking, there must be a reason why we keep running into each

other. You know, I've ridden with some terrible men, just people I couldn't

trust. But when I look at you, there's something different about you.

And I can see it.

I can see it in your eyes.

It's what the Indians call Chippechawa.

What's that?

Chibichawa's nobility.

And you have it. In spades.

You've got yourself a partner. This has nothing to do with gold.

Okay?

Shake on it.

Why are you spitting in your hand?

Well, it's a customary to seal the deal. Come on, let's go.

This is gonna be a long journey.

Boys, take care now, you hear?

Shalom.

Shalom.

Let's go. Get out.

Goddamn! Looks like you ought to twist your touchdown in here.

Roy O'Bannon and his partner come through town. Roy O'Bannon.

Roy O'Bannon ain't got no partner, friend. Roy O'Bannon is dead.

He ain't dead.

He busted out of jail last night with the Shanghai Kid. Shanghai Kid?

Roy got a new gang going? That son of a bitch.

That two-timing son of a bitch. He double-crosses with that Chinaman from

the damn train.

Just like that. See, kind of a rakish angle.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

How do I look?

I think you look great. I think you look like a real cowboy.

Very dapper.

Red bandana.

Royal Bannon.

My name's John Wayne.

John Wayne?

John Wayne.

That's a terrible cowboy name.

Why? No, come on. That's not gonna work. That's horrible. It's so bad.

And so's the ponytail.

Now, look. It didn't look that bad, actually.

Never touch my cue.

I killed.

Ow. We have to go to Carson City.

Okay. Now, before we go to Carson City, I want to teach you some stuff. Come on.

You just follow me.

What's that?

Sensitivity. Increase the reflexes.

Now, these are guns.

These can be your best friend or your worst enemy. That's a spin of my left

hand. That's a spin of my right hand. That's two spins. Now, here, I'm going

to let you hang on this. See? Whoa.

Be careful.

Always be ready. Always be ready. Now try to exhale for long-range shots,

inhale for short-range.

All right, now cover up your ears, because this could be loud.

Cover up your ears.

I

am

like a wild horse. You can't tame me.

You put the oats in the pen, though.

And I'll come in for a nibble every day.

But if you ever shut that gate, I'll jump the fence and you'll never see me

again.

Think about your husband, and there's nothing against him.

Because I really like him.

They come from a very male-dominated society.

Let me put it this way.

My horse is definitely not my best friend.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Yeah, that's harder.

Jesus!

God!

Hey, Chyna, if people start looking at you funny, all you gotta say is, howdy,

partner.

Howdy, partner? Faster than that or people will think you're slow in the

head. Howdy, partner.

Howdy, partner.

Just follow my lead.

Howdy, partner.

Howdy, partner.

Howdy, partner.

Just park it right there.

It's not working.

Some people aren't as tolerant as I am.

Very friendly today.

John, what... John...

Okay, we got to work on that.

There you go, John.

Straighten up here.

Oh, Roy. That hurts so bad. I know, John, but I'm not going to walk with you

if you walk like that. Come on.

I'll be okay.

Hey,

Roy. It's you.

Holy shit.

I'm a wanted man. Look at this.

500 bucks. That's a lot of money. Let me see.

Nice picture. Careful, careful.

You know what this means? This will drive the girls crazy.

Really? Yes, really.

Come on, let's get a couple more of these.

That's not bad. I wanted to.

What? This.

Oh, come on. That's not right.

I know.

I'm not from Shanghai.

No, $1,000 for a sidekick? You've got to be kidding me.

Be careful.

Justice system's all screwed up.

A man can't even ride a horse and...

That's a really cool nickname, Shanghai Kid.

So I got a snap with it.

Uh-oh, trouble.

John, come here. Get over here. What?

I'm up over here, fellas.

Get in here.

What's going on?

Shh.

Oh. Howdy, partner.

Oh, my God, it's a posse.

They can't be looking for us.

What's a posse?

I think they're passing us by.

Oh, I look like Marshal Nathan Van Cleef, the psychotic killer.

Royal Bannon, this is Marshal Nathan Van Cleef.

We know you're hiding in there.

Oh, God, it is him. It is him.

Why don't you throw down your six shooters and come out with your hands

up?

And that goes for the scum you're riding with, too.

Ewan.

Roy. Roy, it's okay.

No, it's not okay.

Stop. You don't know this guy. Stop.

Let me talk to them. Remember, we have to save the princess.

What are you doing? Stop.

Go easy, fellas.

Why are they shitting at me? Oh, yeah. What happened to Mr. Shanghai Kid? Ooh,

I'm a wanted man.

Why? Because you're an outlaw.

I'm not an outlaw. Stop!

You're a bad guy. Look at that poster. What does that say?

Drives girls crazy.

Drives girls crazy? Drives the posse crazy. Makes them want to hang you,

string you up, because you're a bad guy.

You got 20 seconds.

Oh, God.

Give us a minute.

Go around back, gentlemen. Make sure he isn't trying to pull the saddle over our

eyes.

Remember, we want the chairman alive.

I'm not the bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're with me. You're a bad guy.

Hey, you put me in this situation.

I'm the good guy. You're the bad guy. No, we're both bad guys. No, only you're

the bad guy. No.

You go out there. No, I'm not going out there. You go out there. No, you have to

go.

I just do that?

Not bad.

I don't know karate, but I know crazy.

And I will use it.

What the hell is going on in there?

You okay?

You just threw me through a window.

You got that gold?

What?

Gold? What gold?

Wrong answer.

Wait.

I'm unarmed.

I'm unarmed.

No gun. Hold on. No gun. I don't... I'm unarmed. You can't shoot an unarmed man.

Don't worry. I help you. No.

John. No, no. John. John.

Fly with honor.

You will win.

Are you freaking insane?

Is that what they teach you in Imperial Guards? Pick him up.

Wow if it ain't the Shanghai kid

You

robbed

the wrong train son

Look, Marshall, I think that if you just... Just shut up and put on your

guns.

This is serious.

You know?

We don't come back from this. That's the general idea.

What the hell are you doing?

Stop procrastinating.

Come on, hurry up, son. Stop it.

Not gonna let you cheapen it.

Right? It's a duel.

It's a sacred thing. It's beautiful.

It's what separates us from the animals.

Oh, yeah.

Whew. How did it not end with you?

You ready?

Why don't you turn and face me like a man? Why don't you do it your way and

I'll do it my way? How about that?

Be positive. Be the bullet. Be the lead bullet.

I'm about to die.

That's what kills me! I had him! I had him!

Now you

know how it feels to haul you around in that sedan chair.

I would never bow to you.

Take a good look at these faces.

If you attempt to escape, I will kill one worker every hour.

Until you are found Starting

with this one

Do

not let him see you suffer

I know who you are

Please

Tell no one.

You call this a special hideout?

Yes, it is, John.

It's also a good place to gather intelligence, because no one passes

through Carson City without these people hearing about it.

Would you ask them about the princess?

Yes, sir, I will.

And I don't care how ugly it gets.

I'm not gonna rest till I've pumped everybody in there for information,

okay?

Hi, Roy. Hello, ladies.

Roy. Make way for a couple of desperados.

Nice to see you again, Mr. O'Bannon.

Greetings. Roy.

Hello.

Oh, yeah, we're going to get some information here.

Trust me.

This is not the proper hiding place.

Oh, come on, Charles.

Relax for a little bit. Here, have a drink. No.

I want to find the princess.

So do I, but we can't exactly go door to door in Carson City looking for her.

Don't forget, we're wanted men.

Only because of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything's my fault.

What's the princess like?

John, what's the princess like? Is she pretty? Is she a pain in the neck?

You're not fit to talk about her.

John, you better remember where you are. This is the west.

It's not the east, remember?

And the sun may rise where I come from.

Blah, blah, blah. I know.

Okay, good. You remember.

Is she single? What? Is she single? Is she married? Is she available?

Only to a member of the Imperial family.

Are you a member of the Imperial family?

I don't think so.

Is that a joke?

That was a joke.

John, that was your first joke. We gotta have a toast. Your first joke.

Yes! No.

Yes. Come on.

Drink. Just one. Okay.

But don't talk about the princess anymore.

Word of honor.

It'd be fun to play a drinking game.

You know any Chinese drinking games? No.

Every country has a drinking game. You must know one.

Just one?

One more.

One more.

I don't even know what I'm doing out here in the West.

I'm a terrible outlaw. No, you're a good outlaw. Stop, please.

I'm a screw-up. No, I'm screw-up. No.

Look at my scar.

One for a rifle late at a guard duty.

One for a dropping fighting stick.

You good, I saw you.

The only thing I'm good at is talking.

It's true.

John. Huh? Take your hand off me, John.

Oh.

One more game?

No. No more drinking. That's it.

Uno mas?

No mas, John.

No mas.

Fifi? Uno mas?

So, who's your funny looking friend?

He's this crazy imperial guard that I met. He's really funny.

I mean,

I was just like... Roy,

I never figured you for riding with a Chinaman.

Well, I'm not exactly riding with him, Fifi.

He's not my friend.

You know, he's just, I mean, he's a Chinaman.

Well, that's good.

Were you, didn't you really, were you guys talking about like who that was?

Yeah, let's talk about something else.

Don't you wish this.

What's going on? Yeah.

If it isn't you Shanghai Kid.

Here!

Thank you.

One more?

John, come on, we gotta get going.

Marshall's downstairs.

No, no, Marshall's in there.

Damn, John, what did you do to him?

Come on, let's get going. No, I don't want to ride with you. Come on, John.

No! Damn, you're a mean drunk.

Hi,

Hoisi. All right, shh, shh, shh.

All right, it's time for yeehaw.

Yeehaw?

Royal Bannon special. We jump off, land on the back of the horse, yell, yee-haw,

and ride off.

All right?

Watch me. I'll do exactly as I do it.

Yee-haw!

Yee-haw!

Okay.

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah!

Where's the head?

Is he that?

No, but we are, John.

Hey, who is he?

He's sleeping.

Get up.

Mighty impressive hardware you're packing.

Why didn't you get your eyes off my package, you twisted son of a bitch?

I hope that's him leaving.

Your turn.

Thank you, Mr. Van Cleef.

Well, well, what have we here?

Mr. O'Bannon, I presume.

I gotta drink water. I gotta cut.

Don't mention it.

This must be the famous Shanghai Kid.

Jiang Wen.

Luo Feng?

You remember your old comrade-in-arms, hmm? I remember, traitor.

I'm sensing some bad blood here.

Where's the gold?

Where's Princess Pepe?

Stop. Come on. We're men. We're not pinatas, okay?

And we're really hungover. We're not trying to be tough guys. You want to

talk about the gold? Let's talk about the gold. So you have my gold? Your

gold. Yes, we have the gold.

And where is it?

The gold's in a safe place.

Is he telling the truth?

No.

Ow!

Nice, John.

Way to go. Way to think on your feet. He cannot lie.

He is bound by imperial decree.

Imperial decree.

When are you going to learn you're not in China anymore?

He will never learn.

He can only follow orders.

At least I still have my honor.

Slaves have no honor.

Now you can never go

back to China.

You blew it.

You blew it, man.

He did not want to cut his hair off, trust me.

Nothing personal, boys.

My royalty is to the emperor. Yeah, John, I heard all about the emperor.

Must be a hell of a man.

He's only 12.

Are you kidding me?

You're sitting here with a noose around your neck ready to die for someone whose

balls haven't even dropped?

By virtue of the authority vested in me through the territory of Nevada, I do

hereby order these men to hang by their necks until their feet quit kicking.

You're going to hell, boys.

And your horses are taking you there.

Tighten them up.

You little punk.

What are you doing?

If you listen to this creek, John, you'll never notice what a beautiful

melody a creek makes.

Never taking the damn time.

And look at these mountains and these trees.

Now, look at these green trees. Come here. I don't even know the names. We're

going to learn the names of these green trees. Come here. I want you to look at

these.

Can we not? John, what are you doing?

Are you still worried about your hair?

John, listen to me.

You're very vain.

By the time you're 70, your cue, your ponytail, will be as good as new.

What are you doing?

I'm leaving.

Can we not take two seconds, John? We just cheated death.

Come on, let's look at these mountains for a second.

Okay, let me get my stuff. God, you're unbelievable.

I'm going alone.

What are you... John, what are you talking about?

I hurt you.

You heard me, okay?

I got it.

You said I wasn't your friend.

Chant.

Hold on a second, Chant. I was talking to a girl.

That's taken out of context.

Roy, you were right.

How could I ever be your friend?

I'm just a Chinaman.

Hold on, Chant. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to be like... Sayonara, Roy.

Wait here

Please

You have come a long way.

I hope the princess you seek is worthy of such devotion.

It is my duty to bring her home.

I even bought her favorite book.

That's very kind of you.

But what if he found the princess and she did not wish to go back to the

Forbidden City?

Why would she want to stay here?

Maybe she can do more for the people here than she could back in China.

Princess Pepe!

Please, don't draw attention.

Please, stand up.

Princess, you have to come with me.

I cannot.

Phuong cannot find me missing.

Princess, I cannot leave you here.

You must go.

If I leave, Fang will begin to kill the others.

It is my duty to bring you home.

I command you to go.

the sky baldy that's right it's roy am i interrupting i

followed you so what what am i supposed to do let you wander off you're a

greenhorn you'll get killed out here come on we gotta get us out of here

partner come on yeah you gotta stick with me don't forget we got a

princess to say

Put the knife down.

Bring me

the

gun.

Give my regards to the Emperor Princess

That's right, Johnny Wayne is here.

Hey, it's me.

Why'd you cut his hair?

I tried to warn you, but you wouldn't listen. Go on, drop the gun.

Now slide it over.

Is that her?

She's pretty.

Grab her.

Come on, we'll take it from here, guys.

John, what?

John, get up.

I thought we were past this. Come on, John.

Do you see?

He will always be a slave.

This is the west, not the east.

And the sun may rise where we come from,

but here is where it sets.

You want me to translate?

Princess stays.

The princess stays.

I grab the gold. You marry the princess. We both hang fall and call it a day.

Mission accomplished.

Well, well.

Nice to see we're all churchgoers.

Son of a bitch with my own guns.

Sweet, ain't it?

How about that?

It's a Mexican standoff.

Only we ain't got no Mexicans.

Be careful!

Put the weapon down!

Hurry up!

Hurry up! Hurry up!

But you're getting really close.

You've almost killed me like 17 times already.

18, 19, 20.

You're on fire today.

Hey!

How do you survive out here?

What's that supposed to mean? These aren't my... These guns are really

weird.

Are you all right?

Hurry up and move.

Princess, come here.

Hold on.

What's the matter, O'Bannon?

Out of bullets?

No, I got one left.

Tell you what I'll do.

I'll take out all my bullets but one.

And that way we'll be even.

How's that?

Okay. That sounds fair.

You'd do that for me?

Hey!

Okay, but let me count.

Fight with honor.

Fight with... Okay, one!

it's time for you to die.

Adios, pa-

Is that all you care about is the gold?

Shame on you.

There's more to life than money. Hope you learn that one day.

What happened?

What? Nothing, nothing. I just killed him. How'd you do?

How? What do you mean how? I shot him with my gun.

Come on, tell me the truth.

It was unbelievable.

You missed a miracle.

I had one bullet left. He had like a million left. I came up. He lied to me

and told me that he only had one, too. But when he...

She's staying?

Yes.

As Dan?

Yes.

That's my line.

He stole my game. He's stealing my lines. It's unbelievable.

Stop,

stop. It's Wallace.

We know you've been moonlighting on us with that old yellow fella from a train.

You guys, you stay here.

It's in your battle. No.

We stick together. We are partners.

That's beautiful.

You go out the back door.

No. Don't worry, princess.

I promise you, I will see you again.

That which you have promised.

You must perform.

Get out of the way! What?

What are you doing?

Are you crazy? John, John, stop.

They can't touch me.

Something happened back there.

It was a miracle.

There's no other... Hey, smartass! You hear me?

Time's up, old man, and it's the end of the line.

We can take these guys.

Yep, we can take them.

Are you coming out or... or ain't you?

Gun.

You really are the Shanghai kid.

Nice riding with you, partner.

We go out on three.

I count.

No, I count.

We both count.

One, two, three.

My family!

Friends. Brothers!

Roy, I got to tell you, we always figured you for dumb shit, but we was

thinking maybe you want to come back and rejoin the gang.

So, what do you say?

Yeah, what do you say?

I think I'm just going to wing it.

All right. And you are going to jail. That works, too.

Oh, it's nice to be standing here next to you. I don't think I've ever gotten a

chance to thank you for saving us so many times.

I wish you could understand what I... I feel like there's this gap between us.

It's like, I'm a cowboy, you're an Indian. You say wampum, I say money. At

a certain point, I just think that... Shut up, Roy.

You talk too much.

Did she just...

There she is, right on time, carrying a big fat payroll.

I don't know if I'll ever get used to this one.

Don't worry, you'll get used to it. I guarantee we won't get half as many

girls being lawmen.

I know we're spoken for, but you never know what's gonna happen in a

relationship.

Gotta get rid of my outlaw name.

That's not gonna work anymore.

Really?

What would you call yourself?

I don't know.

I mean, my real name's Wyatt Earp, but... Earp?

That's a terrible name for a cowboy.

Why?

Bad. Really?

Bad. What, and John Wayne's a great cowboy name?

Roy, look.

There they are.

Yep. Look at those amateurs.

That's my move.

Come on, Roy. Let's go say howdy.

Let's go.

Viva!

That which you have promised, you must perform.

Hello.

He was part of your resume of a... What?

Resume? He's one of your bandits.

He's one for you. He's one for you. He was part of your resume of a dentist.

Bandit.

Dentist?

Wow.

Shit. It didn't taste fresh this morning. I'm going to lose this thing,

too. I'm going to cut off right there. I can't

do stunts, man.

What's this princess like?

Almost coming out of my face.

Uno más, please.

Uno más.

Spider.

Two I'm talking to you turn around ask me if I give a shit

funny but my walk is me i might stutter when i talk but i say what i see i don't

agree with every other little thing that's proven i do a lot of things that

i shouldn't be doing i'll ruin everything you might have had in mind

i'm a consistent belligerent solidified fine rhinestone freak suburb

way gone, but I ain't short-lived. I got deep, deep pockets that leak like a

sieve. I give one ten throughout the course of the night, and if I don't go

home, then I did.