Original subtitles

DON CAMILLO AND THE YOUNG OF TODAY

Oreste! The thugs are coming!

Let's go boys!

Good evening!

- How many are we? - Nine.

Ah, nine.

Nine tickets with drinks.

We don't want your money.

Why, isn't our money good?

The money is, but you aren't. Why don't you cause trouble elsewhere?

Don't you see this is a quiet place?

OK, we enter anyway for free!

Out of my way!

Gee, instead of thanking us for bringing some cheer

to this funeral party.

Come here, you. Go and change the music.

Come on, dance, dance!

Sorry, but they won't serve us drinks and I'm thirsty.

To your health!

Such rascals!

They are bad!

Why did they stop the music?

One moment, now comes the more cheerful.

Let's hope.

You're busy, aren't you, man?

Dance, the beat is coming.

- Would you dance, Miss? - With pleasure.

You're so pretty,

Come on, some cheer! Dance!

- Excuse me, do you dance? - Yes, I do.

So do I.

Excuse, it can't be...

- It can't be done like that. - Listen, we don't have the girls...

- Let's go and see. - Now when I have a good card!

Let's go and see.

- This is enough! - This is enough for me too!

Look at those brutes!

Calm down.

You are Peppone's son?

Excuse me one moment.

And so?

Look at him, comrades, how the new generation of the party is reared up!

- I don't give a darn about any party. - Well said!

Aren't you the son of comrade-mayor? What an example!

I don't give a darn about comrade-mayor too. These are my comrades.

But you do about the money that Peppone has made with his shop.

Listen, merchant of suppositories,

my father's money has nothing to do with it.

It has much to do!

Who maintains you, doing nothing all day,

except for pissing off workers?

That's my business!

Spoilt brat, bum, bourgeois!

Bourgeois?

Boys, come here one second!

What's he doing? He left!

Boys!

You should not have said that!

Boys, he called me spoilt brat and bum.

- Yes, bum. - Sure.

OK. but he also called me bourgeois.

Repeat that, if you dare!

Bourgeois!

Yes, you're all bourgeois!

Us bourgeois?

- You must pay for the insult. - Sure.

- Shall we leave him in underpants? - Yes!

- Come on, boys! - Don't touch me or..!

Don't move, you have nothing to do with it.

Rascals, let me go!

Let me go or I'll break this on your head.

Madam, what do...

Criminals! Bandits!

It was Poison's gang that hanged them last night.

Bognoni's trousers and his wife's skirt.

They left her too in underpants?

American underpants of violet and black silk, with colored flowers and lace.

What a communist!

If Mao knew about it...

What a scandal, the vice-mayor showing her buttocks!

We'll hear what the Committee say.

Will you keep the party off of it?

If my son is a bum, what has the party to do with it?

We could report your son to the police for what he did.

Sure.

Such nice comrades! You rush to the cops!

But if you raise children like him, how can you mold the new party members?

The party, again!

You won't talk because you turned bourgeois!

Comrade Jole, I won't allow you to speak like that!

You can't serve the workers' cause by selling electric gadgets in a shop!

This is not a shop.

This is the people's cooperative.

You give the people the illusion of having gained prosperity,

and forget that the revolution can be done when suffering.

Why don't you go to China and tell these bulls?

In Italy the people suffer anyway,

even if they have the fridge, the dishwasher, and the TV set.

Comrade mayor, enough prattle. Either you give satisfaction or we split.

Do it, if you want to!

Now you've really pissed me off!

I thank you, Lord, for bringing confusion and conflict

among the Communists. Amen.

Don Camillo, I can't bring darkness and conflict,

but only light and peace.

Your enemy is your neighbor,

and your enemy's pain must be your pain.

So I should suffer because Peppone fights with his long-haired son?

Don Camillo, I too had long hair.

Lord, you don't know him, he's a protester,

a violent revolutionary!

I too was a revolutionary.

Don Camillo!

Who is it?

Who are you?

It's Michele.

What are you doing? Thinking of turning upside down the church?

My father is looking for me. He wants to beat me to death.

First time in my life, I agree with Peppone.

Do you realize how nasty you behave?

So you won't help me?

God's house is open to all sinners who repent.

I repent my butt! The two boors provoked me!

If that's how you feel, you have two choices.

either you leave now or, if you want to stay,

you pay for it.

- I'm ready to pay. - Don Camillo!

What's up Anselma?

The father of this fine fellow wants to speak with you.

Very well.

Listen, you won't tell my father I'm here?

Take this idiot and hide him in the rectory.

I am not like Judas!

Comrade mayor, have you finally repented of your sins?

Well! Do speak freely.

You already know it all, don't you?

Of course, they did the underwear exhibition in front of the church.

Then you know also where my son is hiding?

Why should I know?

Come on, don't be a hypocrite.

You know everything through your Parish Intelligence Agency.

I looked for him all night, mobilized the police.

dispatched all the comrades.

This time the Intelligence Agency didn't work.

I have to find that rascal, Don Camillo.

That ruffian is also destroying the party!

That wouldn't be bad at all!

I forbid you to say such things!

Anyway, don't complain with me if that boy is growing crooked,

because after Confirmation, I really saw little of him here.

Excuse me, Don Camillo, what does it mean

''cum grano salis''?

It depends on the context when the expression is used.

The context is that I called the committee

to tell them I have troubles with the Bognonis.

And they told you to act ''cum grano salis''.

Damn intellectuals! Speaking Latin when even you priests stopped using it!

They asked something impossible:

to use that minuscule grain of salt

which you should have in your brain but that you don't!

Because you have the salt?

I'm going to fix the Bognoni trouble my way!

You tell me, what's my fault if my son is a criminal?

Anyway, if he dares to come home I'll kill him!

Well said! It's easier to kill the children than to bring them up.

Lucky you, who have no children!

But I don't have a wife either!

What a blockhead!

Well, I said nothing to your father,

but now you have to pay: you have promised.

What do I have to do?

Don Camillo, you can't do that nasty thing to me! All but that!

Where are you going?

- Fixed price, no discount here! - What are you doing? I'll punch you!

Put those scissors away or I'm not responsible for what I'll do to you!

Be still, or I'm not responsible for your ears.

Enough, this is nasty!

Be still, my lamb, I'm making you pretty.

- Enough! - Be still!

You'll pay for this.

Listen to me:

you humiliated men and offended a lady,

although she's a Maoist,

and you have forced me to lie to your father.

Don't you think you deserve punishment?

Don't you understand that I'm a nobody in this state?

Come on, a man is a man also with short hair.

How can I go out like this?

Great! So you won't cause other scandals till your hair grows back.

You're a slave-trader!

You may hide here for a few days. But since it's no mill, no meal,

if you want lunch and dinner, you have to earn them: understand?

You'll chop the wood, sweep the church, aid Anselma...

OK?

You know, you almost look better with short hair!

Look at you.

Gosh!

I look like a priest!

Don Camillo, we've come here for you!

Show yourself!

Show yourself. Get out, Don Camillo!

What's going on?

Do you know them?

These are the Scorpions, Ringo's boys.

Music!

At the door of the convent, Don Camillo, you won't be in peace anymore.

They are city boys: you've to deal carefully with them.

I and my gang have clashed with them many times.

I and my gang have clashed with them many times!

I understood.

Don Camillo, you won't be in peace any more.

Go away!

Rascals!

Boors!

- I'm going to deal with them now! - Careful, they're not kidding.

Neither do I!

Are you leaving or not?

Have they ever touched your ass?

For the last time, I tell you: leave!

Father, don't be naughty!

Put down that stick or I'll make you eat it!

I'm going to whack the first one coming near, OK?

Boys, what about taking the priest's cassock off?

Yes!

Lord, will you allow God's minister to be left in underpants?

- Never! - I agree.

So, who is the first thug coming near?

Boys, the mission is over. Let's go.

Come back, clown!

What are you doing, Peppone! Are you crazy, say?

I'm fed up with my son's gang, Just think with those of other places...

So you want to kill them?

No fear, the gun is loaded with salt.

''Cum grano salis'' : it'll just burn their ass.

They needed a lesson.

Well, then: ''Ego te absolvo...''

What are you doing here! Go away with the other rascals!

Hello, unca.

But...

you are Caterina?

Yes, your little niece in person.

But call me Cat, short for ''caterpillar.''

Because when I arrive, I tear down everything.

Worse than a bulldozer! Here I am.

I have no use for a dissolute niece like you!

Then why did you write to my mother?

Why did you tell her to send me and that you would straighten me up?

Because I didn't see what you had become!

What!

You promised her to make me a good daughter of Mary...

OK: I blasphemed!

Then I'm going back to the city with my friends.

Very well: go back to your place, go back to the city!

I have fun with them and they accept me as I am.

Don Camillo, you abandon too easily the lost sheep to the wolf.

You call her sheep?

She is a lonely girl.

You!

Come inside.

Have you lived in the city?

Yes, in Parma.

What are you doing?

If you want to live in the rectory,

you'll have that skirt lengthened, understand?

No way! You care for your maxi.

I care for my mini.

I'll kick your bottom till your mini turns into a maxi!

Do you mean my ass?

Anselma!

I'll have you escorted to your room.

I suggest you deal carefully with my maid:

she has a very bad temper.

Not as bad as mine, unca.

Go on.

If you need anything, knock and I'll come.

Locking the door is totally pointless:

I have no intention of escaping.

Rather, that nasty priest will beg me to leave on his knees.

Little girl, you don't know what you say.

Remember that when the heat was really up,

your uncle faced without fear the Communist hordes.

Communists, like Fascists, priests, bourgeois...

They are all walking corpses.

Really? And who is not a corpse?

We, the young! Remember, old woman,

we'll change the world.

Nobody will stop us.

- Not even God? - God? He's old too!

- It will help you sleep! - It will make somebody sleepless.

I'll lock you inside!

And if Don Camillo listens to me, tomorrow, we'll lock you outside!

Stop, I surrender.

You're Cat, Ringo's girlfriend.

And you are Poison. Michele, the mayor's son

And your hair?

I cut it.

Have you become Don Camillo's sacristan?

You're so funny!

I'm his guest because there's no communication with my old man. May I?

There's somebody who would break your bones,

if he knew you came into my bedroom.

You mean Ringo?

Just him.

- Tell your Scorpions to stay away from here... - The country protesters!

We may be from the country but we know how to lick.

- Ringo knows something of it. - You terrorize me!

I thought you had come here with other purposes.

There were intentions but I saw you so plain.

Really so plain?

You're OK for being a Scorpion girl.

But not enough for a country protester!

Bitch, I'm fed up with the country thing!

- I studied in Parma. - I can't believe it!

You don't want to be with one so plain?

It's all about supply and demand.

There is no supply here. Hit the road now!

Or I'll call Don Camillo.

Well done, Scorpion: you call for help from a priest!

How about you?

Shall I leave it open or lock you in?

Leave it open.

I might want to explore later.

As you wish.

What's going on?

What's going on? Is it Michele's fault?

Enough with Michele!

Damn, my son is a criminal and my wife an idiot.

- What's going on? - The priest's niece plays for the chaplain!

It's a town scandal. Let's go!

She's the girl who came today with the Scorpions.

- She escaped! Who opened the door? - I'd like to know too.

I did. We had a chat a few minutes ago.

Really? I'll do to you what your father couldn't.

Go inside!

She locked herself in. Open!

Stop the music and open!

Don Camillo, open the door!

She's really crazy!

Let's break the door open.

No, let Don Camillo deal with it as he can.

This scandal will be on the front page of Parma's newspaper.

Of all Italian newspapers!

Darn!

We'll be laughing!

Aren't you ashamed of making this turmoil?

I making turmoil? Bloody hell!

Are you making fun of me, Don Camillo?

The workers have the right to sleep at night!

Stop this bedlam!

The fault for this noise is yours.

Mine?

Yes and of that damn loud-speaker you sold me!

What a cheek! The fault is in your niece's head!

Nowadays the young are delivered without warranty...

and you know that much better than I!

My son was nasty to me,

your niece is a public calamity. That's very different!

Taming her will bring more satisfaction! Bye, Peppone!

Darn!

Say, are you all crazy?!

That's just a warning, uncle! Remember, if this elephant

touches me again,

I'll toll the bells, burn the church, and destroy all!

- Did Anselma slap you? - Yes sir!

Then I, your uncle, slap you twice!

You did well. Bravo.

Forgive me, Lord, but You too lost Your temper when You scourged the pharisees, no?

And you, go to your room now!

Lord, this is not a parish any more, but a juvenile prison!

Easy, Don Camillo, easy.

How can I keep them both under the same roof?

It's like keeping a fire close to gasoline.

I'd like to send that boy home, but with such a violent father, Lord!

Remember:

And when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him and was moved with compassion

and running to him fell upon his neck and kissed him.

I know the parable, Lord.

but Peppone, instead of of the fatted calf, is capable of killing the prodigal son.

Don Camillo, a father is always a father.

Let's hope!

You spoiled him!

''Look how handsome, hear how intelligent,

''say, with long hair, doesn't he resemble and angel''. Are you happy now?

If something happens to my son, it's your fault.

My fault?

If you hadn't always been so violent,

Michele wouldn't be scared to return home.

So I am violent? And what's your son?

A lamb?

He learned to be a bully from you.

Stop or I'll smack you for real!

Just try! I'll pluck your eyes if you dare to touch me!

- Peace and all good! - Peace and good this!

- I can't go on like this! - Are you still troubled for Michele?

Don't make me laugh, Don Camillo!

He's only troubled when he feels his position of power

to be in danger.

Away or I'll do something awful in front of the priest!

I did something awful in front of the priest

the day I married a boor like you!

Have you heard, Don Camillo? He's gone on for ten days!

If we cannot find that boy, I end up in an asylum and he in jail.

You exaggerate, Peppone! It takes much more to go to jail.

Really?

This morning a letter from the army has come.

If he doesn't show up, he'll be convicted of deserting.

That's a good deal for the army!

Are you laughing in my face?

Nice way for a priest to comfort them that mourn!

Do you still intend to kill him?

He really did it, Don Camillo!

You know too that he really did it!

What then should I do to my niece sometimes?

Come with me.

- Where? - Do come with me!

Quiet

Look.

Priest and traitor! You concealed him!

To prevent you from doing a massacre.

I'm going to do a massacre here and now!

Be quiet.

Be quiet.

You have no more authority over him. Neither you nor the police.

Michele...

Michele has decided... to become a monk.

What!

Didn't you see that he cut his hair?

You put that into his head to ruin me!

You know well that I'm troubled with the party

and you put a monk, my son, in my way one month before the election!

Rather than ending up in a convent, I'll take him back home.

Yes, but you shall not hurt a single hair of his head, understand?

Do you understand?

What hair? You scalped him!

Shall I send him home or are you picking him up now?

Do you want me to show him around scalped, in full daylight?

I'm ashamed for him!

Send him to me tonight.

Sausage or veal, Father?

Sausage.

You seem happy this morning.

We took care of Michele.

Let's hope peace will return to the rectory.

Don't waste your time, young man, I'm not buying.

I've nothing to sale, I'm Don Francesco, the assistant assigned by the Bishop.

Good morning, Father.

This is my letter of introduction.

Since you, sir, had to meet and old priest,

it would have been better if you had dressed up like a priest.

Dressed like that and with a suitcase,

I took you for a traveling salesman.

Well.

So, you came here to teach me how to be a priest.

No, Father. Just to remind you that we're in 1972,

that a Council occurred,

and that there is a great movement to renew the Church.

See, now that you reminded me,

I feel so much better!

Come in.

Sit down.

Tell me:

does the Bishop think I'm senile?

No, that's not it.

Perhaps he thinks that to manage this difficult parish,

a somewhat stronger hand is necessary.

I understand. And you'd be the strong man?

Very well. Isn't it time for a game now?

A game?

A card game.

Do you know the 80-card game?

80.

I know this game too, Father.

But with much less effort.

How many are your cards, Father?

80.

Bravo. But I can also make you eat all 160 of them! And you?

I was sent here. If I'm not welcome, I'll leave.

You or someone else, it's the same.

Since His Excellency forces us to need..

an assistant, we'll obey.

You, sir, kindly reminded me that we are in 1972,

I will reciprocate your kindness by reminding you...

that I am the Pastor here.

Go upstairs, you'll find a free room.

Take advantage to refresh yourself and dress like a priest.

Here, during business hours, civilian dress is not welcome!

What a way to enter a room!

- Sorry, miss, I opened the wrong door. - May I ask who you are?

I'm Don Francesco, the new Assistant.

You must be the famous niece of Don Camillo.

Yes. Has the Old Man asked for reinforcements to watch over me?

Actually, I came here to modernize somewhat this parish.

Very well. But before modernizing the parish,

try to freshen up my uncle's mind, that old fogey.

But I...

See you later. Next time, knock before you enter

the bedroom of a pure and chaste maiden.

Yes. Good day. Sorry.

Leave it there, now.

Attention, there!

Take away those candlesticks, please.

We must remove also this. One barrier less between the Host and the faithful.

That's not the Berlin's wall, you know. It's a sign of respect!

God prefers love to respect.

Come and see, Don Camillo.

Look at the noble simplicity of this altar.

Doesn't it make you think of the early and poor Church?

The martyr Church, the young Church?

Could be. As for me, it makes me think of a cafeteria bar.

If you dare to touch the crucifix, I'll...

I'll defrock you! Do you understand?

Anyway, the true altar is that one.

Lord, should I let my parish be ransacked this way?

Don Camillo, this painted wood, these stuccoes,

these purple veils are not the faith.

Yes, but they are tradition, the memory,

the trodden path for many years.

Poetry, Lord!

All beautiful things that have nothing to do with faith.

You are attached to these things because they remind you of your past.

True humility consists in giving up

the things we love most.

I obey, Lord.

I obey.

Darn!

My dear brothers, the new things you've found in this church,

which you don't approve and which seem to you a profanation,

have a logical sense.

If you don't see the suffering Christ, or the Seven Wounds of Our Lady,

it's because we realized that for too long

the Church has only spoken about pain and death.

Christ said: "I am the resurrection and the life."

Hence the Church must not teach only how to die well.

But she must teach us how to live well.

The Council said:

"God intended the earth with everything contained in it

the use of all human beings and peoples.

Thus, under the leadership of justice

and in the company of charity, created goods should be in abundance

for all in like manner."

In fact, it is written in the Gospel:

"It is easier for a camel to pass

through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom heaven.

The door of the church must not be larger that that of the kingdom of heaven.

God created the world for all the human beings.

The rich man is such because he stole his neighbor's goods!

I've honestly toiled all my life to gain the little I have.

If there were no rich, there'd be no poor.

As people wouldn't be robbed, if there were no thieves.

This is not a priest: this is a communist.

Brothers, we need to go back to the truth of the Gospel.

The Church of Christ is the Church of the poor,

because the kingdom of Christ belongs only to the poor.

Don Francesco, you speak very well, you know.

They don't all think like you, Miss Cat.

Why?

I didn't think you'd be interested in my sermons.

I'm interested in all that is young and new in the world.

It's really a pity that you are a priest.

Why do you say that, Miss?

Because with your ideas, enthusiasm, and culture,

you could have been one of ours and collaborate with us.

Don't talk rubbish! Scram!

The sacristy is not a place for you. Look at her!

I heard your sermon.

Go easy on certain subjects, Don Francesco.

Or the church will end up empty.

Some truths are a burning issue.

Truth up to a certain point.

Poverty is curse, not a merit.

Being poor is not enough to be just.

and not it's not a given that all the rich are unjust.

The Church was a great ship that for many centuries rode at anchor.

Now we must weigh anchor, set sail,

and point the bow to another bank.

See my church is not the great ship you are talking about,

but a poor, little boat.

However, it's always sailed well.

Now you are in command,

and I let you be, since I've been ordered.

But also I cannot refrain to say:

I'm sick of your odd sermons and futuristic church!

Therefore, darn it, I'm picking up my things

and I'm going to say Mass where I want and in the way I was taught,

not only before you entered seminary but before you were born!

Is that OK?

Easy.

Careful. Easy.

Careful with the angel's wings.

Carefully.

I'm coming to help you.

How is it going, Don Camillo?

Good morning, Peppone.

So it's true: you're setting up your own shop.

This shop has always belonged to my parish.

And also, the Owner is always the same.

By the way, is it true what they told me, Peppone?

Your party is shaky

and the Bognoni will open at the castle an independent section for "Chinese" comrades?

Think of your parish and I will think of my party!

Hold your tongue, because you too have many troubles.

And if you want to know, while we speak,

you have such a one in the rectory

you won't laugh at it much.

Put the Crucifix over the altar, like at the parish.

I'll be back immediately.

I want the Latin Mass with the organ playing the same music

that played when I got married.

And I want the couple at the altar and everything as it must be done.

I am the priest, not you.

Yes, you are the priest.

But I am the one giving 200,000 Lire

to the parish for this marriage.

Dear Sir, the parish is not a supermarket

where one pays and carries away the merchandise.

- Is that your answer? - That is my answer.

All right.

Don Camillo, if you let him walk over you,

I don't!

Either Piletti's daughter gets married in the way I say,

or she gets married at the town-hall!

I'm going to discuss this with Peppone, who will be very happy.

Do you feel fine with your conscience?

Should I have let that thug blackmail me?

He's not a thug.

And he was not asking anything against God's law.

The Church must renew herself.

You know nothing of what was said at the Council?

Yes, I read it.

But that stuff is too difficult for me.

The truth is that you refuse to understand.

I only understands facts.

And for me the civil marriage of Piletti's daughter,

is a fact much more important than the most learned speeches

of the progressive conciliar fathers.

Say what you want,

but as long as I'm around, a parishioner's daughter

will never get married at the town hall! Never!

Look who is here. What have you done this time?

Nothing, I came to say good-bye.

Where are you going?

I'm leaving for the barracks.

Weren't you a conscientious objector?

Actually I was one to avoid cutting my hair.

But since you scalped me, it's not worth it anymore.

Go and serve in the military:

for you it can only be good.

Here's another one who could need a little discipline.

Hello.

Tell me, did you come to greet me or my niece?

I'd like to be accompanied.

Do you want to show up at the barracks with a priest?

Not with you, with Cat!

Fine with me, but you must ask my reverend uncle, right?

Why should she accompany you?

So she'll take the bike back. I won't need it at the barracks.

Alright, you asked for my permission,

and I refuse it.

If that is the case, I'm going. Let's go, Michele.

I'll have a nice trip.

Come back soon! Do you understand?

- You're hurting me! - Go inside and shut up!

Shameless! Where have you been till now?

Don't you know it's 2 in the morning?

If you had gone to bed early, as all priests do,

you would not have noticed and got angry.

Well, where have you been?

To satisfy your morbid curiosity, uncle,

let me tell you that I was at the movie theater with Michele.

Alright!

You'll stay confined here for 5 days eating bread and water only.

Do you know, uncle,

that oriental religions, through meditation and fast,

allow you to dematerialize

and pass through walls and locked doors?

Try, just try!

What's happening, Don Camillo?

I locked the wolf in the cage.

But she's your niece. Do you realize...

You can't segregate people as if we were in the Middle Ages.

We need to dialogue with the young.

What will you gain using force?

Miss Cat, despite appearances,

is a sensitive girl who needs understanding and affection.

Don't make me lose my temper!

You are the assistant pastor, not the assistant uncle!

To bring help to creatures pushed to the margins of society,

to sinful women who sell themselves for a morsel of bread,

to the human wrecks forced to be beggars.

- Then you need to move. - Why?

Fortunately, there are no beggars here.

Well, someone comes on Saturday, on market days, by train or car.

There are sinful women, as anywhere else in the world,

but not by trade.

Aren't there single mothers?

Yes, many.

I will carry Christ to these poor wretches.

You can start right now. Anselma is one of the wretches

to whom you want to carry Christ.

He is a wretch!

And I know where to find Christ! No need for this part-time priest!

Is it so that a sinful woman addresses God's minister, and doesn't humble herself?

Your sister is a sinful woman!

I had a son when I was 16. I reared him up and worked.

Then I helped him to rear up his children. Now I help one of them to rear up his son.

I think I humbled myself enough!

This is an extreme case of a single mother

who is also a single grandmother and a single great-grandmother.

Look, look, my lost sheep!

What's up? Are you waiting to come to Holy Mass?

Actually we're waiting for the return of the wagon from the Party Convention.

I'm after you, Don Camillo.

You ruined the civil wedding I had in mind for Piletti's daughter.

Listen, do you still think about starting the revolution in between conventions?

You know, we don't need revolutions any more to take the power.

We'll take it through the votes.

Won't you wait for the parade?

Why not? We're one step away from the conciliar republic.

After all, we two started the dialog.

- Sure, through insults! - And stick blows!

You'll love it. It's like a procession.

Hello, unca!

What does this mean?

It's better than carrying a candle in a procession!

It's gratifying for a pastor to see his niece being so much honored.

She also won a subscription to the party's newspaper, which we'll send to the parish.

You played a dirty trick, Peppone, really a dirty trick.

The Bishop?

There's a letter from the Bishop.

Bad news?

It's not possible!

They can't do that to you!

Sure they can.

They change everything.

Why shouldn't they change the Pastor?

Just think, since I've come here,

three Popes have passed over St. Peter's throne.

I've baptized all the children in this town.

As for men and women,

I almost married them all.

As for the old,

I accompanied them to the cemetery.

And now...

Bundle up my stuff, Anselma.

It's better done soon. Tomorrow morning!

Call my niece.

- You said you'd never talk to her... - Fetch her.

Hello unca. It's been a long time.

You must be proud of what you did!

At the Communist Party Convention?

I must be sincere, no?

I never had so much fun in my life.

Good! Now you can have all the fun that you want.

Pick up your things and leave. I'll write to your mother.

What! Are you putting me in the street?

You put me in the street.

- I? - Yes, you too.

The scandal of the Party Convention came to the Bishop's ears.

And so?

And so they're moving me to be the pastor of Rughino.

A village lost on the mountains.

You too must leave this town.

Before your coming,

I had been a priest happy to be a priest.

Now, go away.

I need to be left alone.

I'm sorry, uncle.

I didn't think it would end like this.

Come in.

Good morning, Don Francesco.

Miss Cat.

Your Bishop must be an active old man!

What, Miss? His Excellency is very young.

Really?

Well, he understood that Rughino is the right place for my uncle.

But it's a little parish on the mountains.

Yes, but you are the kind of pastor that we need here.

Young, energetic, progressive.

Let's hope I'll be up to it.

But I'm sorry for your uncle who will suffer a lot.

Sure, they're all sorry for my uncle,

nobody thinks of me!

Don't I have to leave too?

Who cares...

if I leave my heart in this town?

I understand. Michele, Poison...

What's Michele got to do with it?

Well, they say that you two..

Forget Michele!

How can you not understand?

Sorry, Miss Cat, I really don't understand you.

I know, I know...

You live in another world.

I'm just a poor girl... in love!

I'm not a nun...

nor do I want to be a saint.

Do you understand?

Miss Cat!

I've lost my mind! Forgive me!

Cat!

My God!

Come on, Father, if you're like this it's worse!

I'm so messed up that I didn't say good-bye to Don Francesco.

"Dear Don Camillo, it is I who am leaving, not you.

I phoned the Bishop and begged him to assign me

to the mountain parish.

Solitude is the only cure for the spiritual crisis

that I am going through.

His Excellency understood me.

He approves and begs you to stay at your post.

I will always remember you with affection.

- Don Francesco has left. - I know it.

He probably had a spiritual crisis.

How do you know it was a spiritual crisis?

The world is full of priests falling in love and leaving the priesthood.

What do you mean? Did Don Francesco fall in love?

With you?

Sure not with you, unca.

You wicked! Why did you seduce that poor...

- I seduced nobody! - Don't deny it!

He fell in love with me.

But you encouraged him!

You're a devil!

Hey, say,

you didn't do it for me?

Don't overvalue yourself, unca. It's 50 percent.

Anselma! Unpack everything, I'm not leaving!

It's a grace from the Lord!

It's 50 percent!

The rest is the work of the devil!

Discovery by a German scholar.

A precious Flemish sculpture in a village church.

Lord! You ended up on the newspaper!

I saw it. I hope I didn't cause you troubles as your little niece.

But it's not my fault.

Lord, is it true that You are a work of art?

This is painted piece of wood like many.

Alright. But if I may ask,

how would they pay for it?

I don't know. I don't know the market.

The last time they sold me I was paid 30 pieces of silver.

Peppone, the Pastor is here.

The Pastor! In this den of excommunicated!

What's up? Is the rectory on fire?

Don't talk the usual rubbish, Peppone!

It's serious. They phoned me from the curia.

Tomorrow an art curator and the Bishop's secretary are coming to take the crucifix.

They will take it to the ministry in Rome.

They asked you to be present to sign the delivery receipt.

Are they crazy? The crucifix belongs to the town and must stay in the town.

I understand, but unfortunately I'm not under your party yet,

but under my bishop. So I'll have to deliver the crucifix as I was told.

I know that the crucifix belongs to the town,

and that its place is there, on that altar

before which you knelt when you did your first Communion,

and then got married,

before which your poor mom prayed

when you were at war...

Darn it! What can I do?

I can't appear before the electors to be so hot on a crucifix!

You do know that this town hates priests.

You'll have to take care of it. You're the priest, after all.

Why don't you tell your Bishop the nice things you told me?

It wouldn't do much, the matter has been decided.

Alright.

Take care, Peppone.

But had there been a Democratic-Christian mayor, it wouldn't have ended this way!

Here's the little chapel.

I still don't understand why the crucifix was not at its place at the church altar.

Quarrels with the assistant that the Bishop tried to put beside Don Camillo.

He's one of our most difficult pastors.

All my life I've dreamed of licking a priest.

This does seem to me the right moment.

Calm down, Don Camillo.

The church is open?!

My God!

- They stole the crucifix! - What, stolen?

Of course! The newspapers wrote it's worth tens of millions.

And these days they often steal in church!

They stole it.

Father, I must say that this theft is not convincing.

- What are you insinuating? - I insinuate nothing.

I only say that from our records the crucifix appears to be of the municipality.

All the parish fittings are also entrusted to the careful custody of the pastor.

Therefore you, Father, are responsible of its disappearance.

I suggest you do everything possible so that the crucifix comes out again.

The mayor will be a valuable help for your search.

I'm not a policeman. I'm a mayor.

I'm sorry, sir, but it's your duty to be also a policeman in this case.

We'll be back in town after 48 hours,

and we're certain that, through your influence

this strange affair will be solved.

Just see: I'm going to leave the parish escorted by two policemen!

That wouldn't be bad for the town!

Lord!

Here's a nice chamomile that will do you good.

What are you doing? 7 spoonfuls?

My head is confused.

Mail!

At this time?

Who will be? Go and see!

It's a message. I saw a shadow running through the gate.

What you're looking for is in the old, abandoned, red house.

An friend

The thief's repented!

God! Thank you, Jesus!

Thank you, Jesus!

Lord, how heavy is this cross!

You tell me! I had to carry it all the way uphill!

Would you two like a lift?

Thanks be to God!

It's the first time that I'm happy to see you, Mr. Mayor.

Give me a hand.

Wait...

Careful...

It's also the first time that I'm forced to thank you.

It's seems you're not as strong as you used to be, Don Camillo?

Make me lose my temper and you'll see if I'm still strong or not.

Slow down, we've arrived at the chapel.

Stop!

The meeting was fixed to be in town, at the major church.

They are coming!

Careful...

Jesus, You have come home!

Don Camillo, the curator is here.

Back off, back off...

Make room.

Well, Father, is the crucifix here or not?

It has come home.

What's the reason for this crowd? This is not a day of obligation.

As agreed, we represent the ministry and are here to take the crucifix.

Father, you now it's a work of the XV century and of great value.

It is true. It's here since the XV century.

and for us it has a huge value.

Don't let's waste time. Moreover we must urgently do a restoration of the hand

that was reattached to the arm disgracefully.

I'm the author of the disgrace.

Congratulations.

This gentleman who cares for monuments and churches

was not here in the morning on October, 15 1944.

I was.

And with me almost all these good people that you see here around.

The American airplanes came here on Sunday morning and it was hell.

A splinter entered from the choir window.

But none left the church.

The crucifix stopped the splinter with its hand.

And all saw that hand fallen on the floor.

Do you understand why the crucifix is ours?

For the last time: I order you to hand over the crucifix!

The crucifix is in the right place.

You force me to turn to the police.

Do what you want!

Come with me.

Citizens, citizens!

I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

I'm convinced Somebody will absolve us

for this act of disobedience towards authority.

And now go back to your houses and your fields.

But first I'd like to use this happy occasion

to remind you that the Italian language has its rules.

And that you write "A friend" and not "An friend."

Who is it?

Hello priest-uncle.

What's in that package?

Your painting that was hanging there.

Who gave you permission to take it?

After the crucifix affair, I thought it could be valuable.

I took it to an antiquary in the city.

He's ready to release 500,000 liras, half a million.

Really?

It's a souvenir that my grandpa left me.

It's dearer to me than the light of my eyes.

And I'll never sell it. Now hang back the painting to the wall. Quick!

I said "no" because I really need 500,000 liras! I want to sell it.

You're crazy.

No, I'm pregnant.

What?

What did you say?

You understood perfectly. Think of the scandal!

The Pastor wants to foster his niece to reform her.

and she delivers an illegitimate son in the rectory.

I'm going to break your bones!

Don't hit a woman in this condition.

Calm down, uncle.

Let's reason calmly.

I'm ready to free you from my presence.

I want to find a job,

and pop out the baby on my own.

Unless you want to send me to the city

to become an escort?

Who is the scoundrel that put you in troubles?

It's you who are in troubles. There's no scoundrel.

Obviously, if I had not wanted it,

Poison could have never...

Poison! Michele! My God!

As far as I know, my son Michele didn't have a relationship with her.

I do know it.

And within a few months, we'll know it even better.

Poor son of mine!

And this shameless girl has the cheek to come her and tell her filth.

Shame on you! Leave this house immediately. Out!

One moment, Maria!

She is insane and ready to make a scandal.

Well! My reverend uncle thought the same.

Who for the joy of freeing himself of me, released half a million.

You trollop! You take advantage of my husband's position to blackmail us!

You want to be married by force!

Marry?

Do you think a smart girl like me would debase herself with an idiot like Michele?

Calm down! What do you demand then?

I demand nothing: I only want an honest job.

There's no job for you.

Listen to me.

With my uncle's money, I bought a second hand station wagon

and I rented a room at Rocchetta's.

I go around selling your merchandise,

and you give me a percentage on the sold.

Get that out of your head!

You wait in your shop for costumers who don't come.

Because all have appliances in this town.

However, I'll go out in the countryside,

enter the houses, bamboozle people with talk,

and in one month, I'll make the coop earn

more than what you earn in one year.

Advertising is the essence of selling.

And I'm not too bad as advertising?

This... never!

Never!

Good morning.

I heard you don't own a TV set yet.

Not yet.

I'll finance your purchase and come every month to collect

in person.

OK.

May I come in?

How can I help you, miss?

I heard that your wife needs a dishwasher.

My wife talks too much.

But I'll finance your purchase and come every month to collect...

in person.

I'll think about it, miss.

Bye Michele.

Poison!

- What is it? - I know it all.

- All what? - Of you and Cat.

- Of me and Cat? - Knock it off, we all know that she's pregnant by you.

Pregnant?

Yes sir, and they all laugh at me behind my back.

- And what has this to do with you? - It does because Cat was my girlfriend.

Then go and talk to her!

First I want to talk with you. Let's walk to a quiet place.

- Three against one? - Those are my seconds, they won't move.

- Alright, where? - At the old man�ge.

I'm game.

- Does it fit well? - Yes, it does.

- I'm ready. - Which one do you want?

This.

Here's the chain.

- Are we in the Middle Ages? - Yes, we are.

We're ready.

Ready?

Go Ringo!

My leg!

Ringo, did you hurt yourself a lot?

My leg...

Don't show your face any more!

If he's hurt, take him to the hospital!

Seven refrigerators,

ten radios et three TV sets,

one of which to the Bishop's secretary.

And all cash, no promissory notes.

You sold all this in a week?

Yes and tomorrow it's Saturday I'll come to take my share.

I'm not a blockhead, I sweat from dawn to dusk.

Bye, guys!

Gee Whiz! She's got it.

If I don't pay attention, she'll sell a fridge to me too!

Look at him!

What's he doing? In the middle of the road!

She's doing it on purpose!

Move out of the way, churl!

What does he want?

Now, we're going to settle it.

Michele?

Yes, Michele.

Are you on a special leave?

No, temporary, to talk to you.

Let's talk.

- Do you know what they told me? - No.

- That you're with child. - Yes, I heard that too.

Anyway, I'm not with child.

- Better so. - Better so.

Why did you tell so many lies to your uncle and my folks?

Because I needed to live on my own and find a job.

I needed money and nobody would've given it to me, if I hadn't threatened a scandal.

But why did you choose me?

Because I thought you were one of us. I was wrong.

No go home and tell them you're a good child

and I'm a trollop.

No, we young people need to help each other.

I didn't tell even Ringo that it was baloney.

Why are you looking that way?

- I was thinking of something. - What?

Since you told everybody that you're pregnant by me.

Why don't we do it?

Go jump in a lake!

I'm against extremism and you're not my kind.

What's your kind?

Ringo?

Ringo, my tushie!

But you look good and have a nice smile.

Good morning, reverend uncle.

Didn't we agree you wouldn't ever set foot in here again?

Yes, but I heard you needed me.

Sure, me needing you!

Well, not me in person but a good 200 liter fridge.

- To hell with you and your fridges. - Hell? It'd be great business down there.

This is the right fridge for you.

12 installments. You won't notice you're paying it.

I need no fridge.

I'm leaving this contract with you. Think about it.

Leave me alone. Go away!

No. Because now we're going to the shop.

- What shop? - Yours.

I want to go to Confession.

And I should confess you?

Sure.

Mary Magdalene was heard by Christ.

Why can't a country parish priest listen to me?

- Are you more important than Christ? - Don't talk rubbish!

I can't because I'm your mother's brother.

Kinship has nothing to do with it.

I'm here as a sinner and I want to go to confession with the pastor.

OK, go to confession with some other priest!

No, you know all about me. It will be easier.

I wouldn't have the necessary clarity of judgment.

I don't care for your judgment.

You're not God.

You listen, tell God,

and He'll decide.

All right, come.

Speak, daughter, I'm listening.

I took advantage of an old, naive pastor

and made him believe I was pregnant.

To obtain the money I needed to start my job.

You mean...

that between you and that young man there was no sinful relationship?

Neither with him, nor with anyone else.

I'm ashamed to tell you, but it's so, unca.

You mean that, despite appearances,

you have moral principles?

I don't care for your moral principles.

I only say I never met my type.

You committed a grave sin: not deceiving a priest, your old uncle,

but accusing an innocent man.

What will that poor boy say when he'll know you falsely accused him?

He knows. We talked.

What did he say?

What could that poor idiot say? It's fine with him.

Daughter, do you think it's fair what you intend to do against that poor boy?

I intend to do nothing against him.

Do you want to marry him? Is that nothing for you?

Tell me in truth,

if his mistakes are so grave to deserve such grave punishment.

I want to marry him because I like him, not to punish him.

And that blockhead won't understand.

Lord, help me! It's the first time I have to confess the devil incarnate.

What can I do?

You could sign the contract for the fridge.

Why? Are you also in the appliances business?

I'm not. But that poor girl is.

What's up, uncle? Have you collapsed?

I absolve thee.

For penance, go to the river chapel and before Our Lady's sacred image say 3 Pater-Ave-Gloria...

and be quick,

because this poor old priest is dying to smack you up.

Father, this is a sin! For penance you'll say 3 Ave...

Enough! Go away!

Lord, why does that girl act that way?

Don't you understand? She's afraid of being considered honest.

It's the new hypocrisy of many young people.

Once the crooks tried to appear honest.

Today honest people do everything to appear the opposite.

It must be so.

Quick with these rocks!

What do the Scorpions want?

They say they're coming to destroy the people's coop,

Peppone's shop, namely.

What do we care of Peppone?

He's Poison's father and politics has nothing to do with it.

Ringo is bothered that Poison and I hang out.

Are you sure they'll come by?

One called me and told me it's for sure.

Come on with the ammo!

Engines! They're coming.

Let's hide!

Go away!

Come on!

You shan't enter town!

You shall not pass!

We're not afraid of you!

At them, at them!

Cowards!

They want to kill us!

Take out the chains.

Take out the chains!

All with me!

Everybody freeze!

Drop those chains or I shoot.

To stop us from fighting you want to kill us?

Don't worry. It's loaded with salt.

It only burns your ass. And some of you remember it well!

What has the priest to do with it?

If someone gets killed, are you to give him Extreme Unction?

You freeze!

She's crazy!

Ringo, raise your paws!

Turn around!

You won't be able to sit for 3 months!

Take the shotgun away from her!

She's crazy and she'll shoot me!

Be quiet!

Good job, priest!

Catch it, Peppone.

Now you old people get out of the way! We're going to get square among us.

Listen, fellow,

I don't like to be old, you know.

That's true: you're not old.

You're putrefied.

I don't hit you because I pity you.

I'm a black belt and I know forbidden stroke.

And I know the priest's stroke.

Wow!

Giggiola, Giggiola!

What's going on?

The river broke the small bank and your house is under water.

If it breaks down the bing bank, it'll sweep away everything.

It's dangerous because the river can sweep everything.

Is there anyone home?

Giggiola's little brothers and his grandparents.

Stop Giggiola, it's dangerous!

My little brothers are there!

We need to go to town and organize a rescue team.

What are you doing! Let's go too! Come on!

A good excuse to run away!

We'll come back to square things up with you.

Quick, Peppone, go back to town. I'm going with them.

I'm going with them. Do you understand?

Let's follow them.

Go, hurry up!

Look!

They're coming! We're safe!

Attention!

Do you want to kill us?

Don't worry, granny. We're safe.

Calm down, we're here, Giggiola!

Calm down!

Don't be afraid, children!

You too, come and help us!

Hold on, grandpa!

- I'm so cold! - Come!

Not there! Take them up under that tree.

Do not let me go, hold on.

I'll take him.

Give me the child!

You can't make it dressed like that!

Give him to me, because we've to hurry.

- I'm scared! - Calm down!

Be quiet, don't be scared.

I'm scared!

Darn!

Boys, let's go too!

Hold on to the rope and don't drop it!

Hold on tight!

Come on, grandpa, we've made it.

Easy...

Hold on to the rope. Stop and rest!

Hold on, Cat!

Grandpa!

I should drown you! Give me the child.

Come on, you made it!

Grandma!

Take the child. Help her!

Give me your hand.

- Is it going better, grandma? - Yes, sonny, thanks!

Well done, Cat, come on!

Bravo, black belt!

Go away, we'll take care of the child.

Come on!

Hold on.

- How is it going, grandma? - Better.

Everything OK? No more fear?

- Here's Giggiola. - Well done, boys!

Thanks be to God!

So Peppone doesn't want to be mayor any more.

You talk as if it were a disaster!

It's something grave, Father!

Can you imagine if the Chinese faction won the town council?

The owner of the factory has already begun to dismantle.

Two businessmen from Parma, who had bought the land to build factories,

have stopped everything for the moment.

Wasn't Peppone the most dangerous revolutionary?

No, prattles.

Why is he retiring?

he says he's tired, but I think

in truth that in the party section he lacks majority by one vote.

- One vote! - Only one.

And what can I do?

So long, I have a function.

Hello Belicchi! Give me a glass of red wine!

Right here, Father.

Good! Is it yours?

Listen to me, dear Belicchi.

What do you think about leaving Mrs. Bognoni's faction

and voting for Peppone?

If a priest asks me that,

it's the best evidence that Peppone betrayed the Leninist idea.

Do me a favor, Father:

you say Mass and let us deal with politics.

You know, I was just trying to help a good administration.

The people comes before the administration.

Listen, dear Belicchi,

what will you say if somebody beats you up with a stick on your back?

Father, nobody is afraid of Peppone anymore. He's become a bourgeois.

But I haven't.

Will you beat me on behalf of Peppone?

No, on my behalf.

In those days, when I was a progressive priest

and you marched wearing a black shirt,

one night, you beat me up.

I could return it to you.

And with no help from those three thugs as you did!

We were young. Who can remember?

I do. Who beats up forgets easily. But not he who is beaten up.

I redeemed my past by fighting in the resistance.

I'll keep it mind:

I won't beat the ex-partisan but I'll only beat the ex-fascist!

Do you understand, Belicchi?

Think hard about it, Belicchi!

Don Camillo...

Cat and Michele are here.

What do they want?

To talk with you. They say it's urgent.

Urgent? What did these two do?

Hello, unca!

Good morning!

Military service did you good. You look almost more handsome.

What's up now?

Father, we took a decision.

The wrong one, of course.

Not for us, uncle.

We've decided to get married.

Really?

From two scatterbrains like you I was expecting worse.

How long does it take to organize it?

If the county doctor doesn't intervene to put you in an asylum,

within 8 days, you'll be able to do the most foolish thing in your life.

8 days with banns and all?

All included, no promissory note, you won't even notice it.

But in the church, no such stuff! I want no miniskirts!

A priest's niece must get married appropriately.

Long dress, veil, organ music...

No weird things, understand?

A good wedding, the old way.

No! In that case, we prefer to get married at the town hall.

Get married where you like.

My father will be happy too.

Who gives a damn?

Very well. Let's go, Michele.

They came to get married in the church and you let them go?

I told Peppone they must get married in the church.

Otherwise, I'm going to tell all the he is mayor only thanks to...

Saint Camillo!

And now,

let's talk for a while about the people's coop,

comrade Botazzi.

Comrade Jole, what has the coop to do with

- the candidates list? - A lot.

The comrades have the right to know if the ever-first-on-the list has all in order.

Do you mean I don't?

I mean it's time we know the truth about this coop and

- its profits... -...belong to the people!

In what percentage? Is it true you pocket 50% of profits

and one half only goes to the owners?

If all billionaires gave 50% of his profits to the people,

all Italians would be better off. And the expenses we have?

Risks, rent, electricity, publicity, wear and tear,

material costs, and taxes!

Listen to him!

He speaks the same language of the dirty capitalists,

when we accuse them of getting rich behind the back of the workers!

This is defamation!

These are facts, comrade Bottazzi!

It's a fact that you introduced a personality cult within the party section.

But we overthrew Stalin and will also overthrow you from the mayor's chair!

False communist and true opportunist!

Am I an opportunist?

Do you want evidence that you became a bourgeois?

Your son was a conscientious objector and you sent him to the military service.

He only went to Parma. He didn't go to Vietnam to fight!

More evidence

of your son's treason, who used to be a symbol of destruction for an old and rotten world,

is that he's ended up kneeling before the priest.

May I refresh your weak memory?

In this little red book, Mao says...

yes, page 187:

"We must defend the interest of the young, the women, and the children,

and guarantee the freedom of marriage."

But not in the church!

He didn't specify.

But answering that, Mao again says:

"Faith, family, and country."

Where did he write that?

In that little red book.

I know it by heart. Tell me at what page.

You find the page!

Your Mao said so much rubbish that he could even say that.

Listen, comrades, if you want her to be mayor, take her!

As for me, I'm really fed up

of being responsible as mayor for this ungrateful town!

There are many things more important to take care.

The Po broke the banks in many parts and we're losing time here.

Let's go!

As long as I am the mayor, I'm doing my duty.

What manners!

Don't worry, it'll come up again on election day.

Comrades, citizens!

I want to thank you again

for trusting me

and the Italian Communist Party.

As far as I'm concerned, I promise you

I'll do all that is possible

to fulfill my obligations as mayor of this community.

Clerical subversive forces tried unsuccessfully

--I'm happy to tell you--

to undermine our good, popular, and democratic administration.

I'd be really happy if my words today

were heard by our dear pastor, Don Camillo,

who, I'm sure, is holed up in the rectory

gulping down the bitter cup of defeat...

What cheek, Don Camillo! If it wasn't for you...

No, leave it open.

As you wish.

Let him speak. He's been talking rubbish almost 30 years. One more or less...

The old strategy of the Church, to divide us to conquer,

never succeeded and never will!

Lord, help me: she's capable of saying "no" to spite me.

Caterina, take this ring as sign of my love and faithfulness

in the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Michele, take this ring as sign of my love and faithfulness

in the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

I join you in Matrimony

in the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Blessed are you, Lord, God of all creation.

Through your goodness we have this bread to offer,

which earth has given and human hands have made.

It will become for us the bread of life.

So, you succeeded!

- To do what? - To marry them in the church.

You were there too!

I know. The worst thing is that now we're somewhat related.

Related what! Did that look like a wedding to you?

The church reduced to a disco!

Don't whistle that music! Do you want to tease?

Who is whistling? What music?

Who is whistling, then?

It's you who are whistling! And then you deny!

I'm not whistling. Cut it out!

I can't even whistle. I'm smoking!

Then I must be crazy!

That's no news!

By the way, it's not over between us.

We'll meet for the referendum!

Very well.

Not at all! There is a divorce law and it's here to stay.

Understand?