Original subtitles

Who done it?

I wish I knew who done it.

Who's stolen my heart?

My private eye is on it.

Now, how did it start?

In practice, I should know what the fact is from the start.

To be an effective detective, you have to be perceptive.

You gotta be smart.

Who did it?

I wonder if she did it.

Detections and art.

Who did it?

Perhaps she only kidded.

But kidding apart. She got me.

And then I'm sure she shot me through the heart.

Or am I just stupid?

It might have been Cupid she recruited.

The guy with the dot. I've checked all the evidence.

Used lots of common sense.

But what have I got? Hold on a minute! I got myself tied in a knot.

To me, the case was all sewn up. And then I saw the hand trailing over the

side of the bed.

Gold-lacquered nails and a turquoise ring.

The rest of the blonde was just as I left her, except now she wasn't

breathing no more. One minute.

is to love you and to love you is my prayer

to know you is to need you and i

need you everywhere to always

walk beside me and to guide me when trouble starts

of the first slug as it whistled past my ear. Then something exploded in my

cranium when the floor came up to meet me.

You're on!

You're on! I am?

One of that name in the coast. But his landlady assured me he works here. Might

be one of the backstage staff.

Straight on, round to the left.

Thanks.

Hello, doggie. Oh, isn't you a sweet kid?

Isn't you poofle?

Isn't you poof?

Your dog?

No, I... I'm looking for his new owner.

You don't know him, I suppose.

Mr. Dill. Sorry.

Excuse me.

Do you know anyone here called Dill? Never heard of him. Well, he works here

somewhere. I know he does. And he's won this dog.

Won it? Not in a pool? No, no, no.

I'm from the Detective Story Weekly.

A crime magazine, you know. And we ran a big contest, and the winner gets a prize

of 100 pounds and this genuine, pedigree, manhunting bloodhound. I see.

And this bloke which you're looking for, he's the winner.

That's right. I've got to present it to him. And if I don't find him soon, I

shall miss my last train home.

I don't know what I'll do then, because nobody will take me in anywhere with a

bloodhound. What did you say his name was?

Not Dill.

That's right.

Hugo Dill. You do know him.

Never heard of him.

Here, boy.

I

may

be a tough private eye, but I like my dame soft.

And this baby wouldn't have splintered if you'd have hit her with the Empire

State Building.

She unzipped her blood-red lips and said... Excuse me.

Excuse me, are you Mr. Dill?

Right, on stage with the boys.

And the sun is a glorious yellow And it's time for a girl and a fellow Aren't

you strong?

Well, something had to be done.

It's a golden afternoon In the breeze every party is swaying

And I'm sure they can hear what we're saying While watching from... Get out of

my way or I'll miss my cue.

Well, I'm trying to... Don't be... That I see is a singing for me As it's

winging its way...

Can't you?

Try that one over there. Go on.

I've won the competition, I've won the dog, and all I need now is the, you

know... Oh, the check. The check.

The hundred... What

are

you going to do with it?

I'm going to set up as a private detective.

You're going to be a private eye? That's been my ambition ever since I first read

your magazine.

Reach for the sky, pal, I said, thrusting the barrel of my automatic

pistol. Why don't you look where you're going?

Good morning, sir. Good morning. Have you got any guns?

Yes, sir, for shooting duck, grouse, tigers, elephants.

People. People?

I'm a private detective.

I see, sir. Well, we have a 7.65 millimeter high-velocity self-loading

automatic pistol.

And this large magazine capacity, powerful pocket automatic pistol firing

72 grain bullets.

And this very handy compact .32 Mauser. Oh, this is just what I... 45 guineas,

sir.

Don't really need.

Have you got something a little... Yes, sir, we have a short barrel .38 revolver

that comes out a little cheaper.

If you'll excuse me a moment, sir, a new consignment have just come in. They

haven't been unpacked yet.

Rich for the sky, pal.

Come on, get him up. Get him up.

Now, turn around.

Don't touch that phone.

All right, stop walking.

Now, keep moving.

Keep moving.

Get under your foot.

Arms holed up. Call all cars.

Roberts, whistle up that man.

Any other entrances? Just one at the back.

You cover that. I'll go in the front.

Follow me, you. Don't let anyone in or out. You understand?

Yes. Now get back, all of you. Please, get back.

Come on, Fatso, face the wall. Come on, get him up, get him up, get him up.

Now then, start parking.

Stop, Ducky, I'm... Oh,

be honest, sir. What are you... Good heavens. Did this man threaten you?

Threaten me? No, he behaved like any other customer.

Customer? Yes, customer, if you don't mind.

Who do you think you are? I'm Detective Inspector Hancock. Well, I don't care if

you're... Detective Inspector Hancock?

Well, I am pleased to meet you. Who are you? What's your name?

Dill. Hugo Dill.

As a matter of fact, you and I are in the same line. What?

Yes, and if you don't mind my saying so, old man, you just talked a bit of a

clangor there.

Still, we all make mistakes.

I mean, none of us are infallible, are we? Do you know, I've just been reading

about a case. It's in this book here.

Just a minute, just a minute. What did you say your name was?

Dill, Hugo Dill. What division?

Oh, I'm a private detective.

Where's your office?

Well, as a matter of fact, I don't have one just at the minute, but I've had one

recommended to me. There's a theatrical chat just moving out. It's the Starlight

Casting Agency.

Oh, listen, Adolph. Moving out.

New luxury premises on the fourth floor.

Give us a hand, will you, Dux?

That lot can go.

I, uh... I hear you've got the sack.

Yeah. I suppose you want another job.

I don't mind what I do as long as it's not... you know what.

You're crazy.

Going into ice shows and all that when you could be earning ten times the

money. Look, Jimmy, we've had all this out before.

It's a sin.

You were made the way you are to be just one thing, the best strong girl in the

business.

Well, I hate it. Not just the act, but the effect it has on people.

Oh, all right, on men.

Why should I pretend they don't count?

After all, I'm just as normal as any other girl.

Hey, that's the new addition.

Sorry.

Every man I've ever met...

As soon as he finds out, what I do for a living just scurries away like a

frightened rabbit.

Oh, let me do it.

No man can bear the idea of being dominated by a woman.

At least, no real man.

Give us a dig up, dear.

I want to get these files down.

Oh, men think of women as the weaker sex.

That's the way they want it to be.

Oh, by the way, I had a call from Raymond Corkner this morning. He's

booking acts for a new Paris show.

None of your boyfriends will see you doing your strong girl act over there.

What do you say?

I'll think about it.

I've got to have a chat with Courtney.

Oh, blast.

Give me a hand here.

Good morning.

Oh, no.

You.

I thought there was an office to let. There is.

But I'm afraid you'll have to ask Mr. Maddox about it.

Oh, Jimmy, please.

Oh, please, please, please, let me do that. It's much too heavy for a little

girl like you.

Oh, of course.

It's very kind of you.

Thank you very much.

I'm sorry I was rude to you just now, but you did get me the sack from the ice

shoe.

I got you the sack?

Well, yes, that's why I'm here seeing Jimmy now.

Jimmy!

You see, I went in for a competition in a magazine, and I won first prize.

There. Oh, well, aren't you strong?

Yeah.

There. Hugo Dill, private investigator.

It'll do.

Hugo, I must fly.

Don't forget we're having tea together.

I won't. How about sport?

Goodbye, Fabian. Be a good boy.

Oh, darling!

Maisie, darling.

What are you doing here?

Getting myself a new agent.

I've had a frightful row with Raymond Courtney.

I heard.

I believe Starlight are good.

Very. They've just fixed me up with a 12-week season at Scunthorpe. Lucky you.

Bye, darling.

Goodbye, now.

Come in.

Good morning.

Good morning. I'm looking for a good agent. You've been recommended to me.

I have?

Oh.

Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

Now, what seems to be the trouble?

Mrs... Courtney and I have parted company after five long years together.

Oh, that's very sad. And, of course, you want him back. Oh, I'd forgive and

forget if only Raymond would.

But I'm afraid he's got new interests now.

Another woman?

He's taking three or four young girls to Paris.

Three or four?

Oh, he's very good at handling women.

But then I'm sure you are, too.

Me? Wouldn't you like to take Raymond's place?

Look after little me?

You mean you and I?

And me?

Us? Let's give it a month's trial, shall we? See how we get on together.

But this really is rather sudden.

You really shouldn't let this Raymond go so easily.

But he's got all these young women. Yes, I know, but we could soon put a stop to

that. We could put a watch on his house and warn them and keep them out of his

clutches. And what did you say his address was?

21 Belgrave Crescent.

But I wouldn't like Raymond to think... Oh, don't you worry about that, because

the way I shall tackle this job, he won't even dream he's under observation.

Excuse, please.

One moment, Barakov.

On that microfilm, Professor, are all your secret formulas?

That is so.

It is all there, Egubar.

Ja, Herr Professor.

This is the complete record.

All my years of work for the Americans I now bring to the service of your lady.

Excuse, please.

What is it, Barakov, Professor Stumpf? Is it possible you were followed here?

Me? Followed? Here, to this legation. Come.

That would be fatal.

You don't recognize that man, Professor?

To me, he is strange.

Gruber, I have not seen him before.

He looks to me like secret agent.

And to me.

Professor, the American authorities, the FBI, they have no reason to

doubt your loyalty.

I have disguised my true feelings.

Genius like the professor with his invention.

If they were at all suspicious, they would never have let him leave the

United States.

That is quite certain.

A man who's able to control the weather of the whole world is more important to

them than all their other atomic scientists put together.

And so, perhaps, they take precautions.

Professor, I think it will be wise for you to remain here in delegation until I

have organized your flight to Euralia.

But that is impossible.

This evening I have to demonstrate my weather control machine in the grounds

of the Royal Scientific Society.

Yes.

Scientists from all over the world are coming to hear me.

No one. Another one.

You think he is also here to watch me?

It is not impossible.

Our enemies have eyes everywhere.

I can't see you right now.

Oh, well, that's all right. I can come back. Well, can you manage 10 o'clock

tonight? Yeah?

Yeah.

I'm afraid it's rather an unusual hour to fix an audition, but I think you can

look after yourself.

Aren't you, darling?

Well, I certainly hope so.

See you tonight, Mr. Gordon. All right, my dear.

Frankie!

Professor, this is our chance. We will have them both arrested for disturbing

the peace.

I've never seen him before.

Come on, Jimmy. I think we'd better take a walk to the station.

Officer, wait, wait.

Look, Hugo, I'm perfectly capable of looking after my own affairs.

You're not.

You're so helpless. You're so timid. You're so sweet and feminine.

I am.

I know you are.

Look, I promise you won't see him again.

But, Hugo, I can't.

Well, it's rather difficult, you see, because he's giving me a job in Paris.

But you don't even know this man.

He's no good.

He's what?

He's no good.

You don't know what might happen to you over there.

But, Hugo, it's quite... Quite an ordinary sort of job.

Doing what?

Well, it's... You see, you don't even know.

Wouldn't go if I were you, dearie. See?

Sounds a bad lot to me.

I'm older than you are.

Much older.

Well.

Why don't you mind your own business?

Well! Thank you. There's no need to speak to this lady like that.

Why don't you mind your own business?

Really?

Is anybody sitting there?

No.

We have a little talk, yes?

Talk? What about?

You tell me who you are working for.

I couldn't do that.

I pay you double.

A private investigator never reveals the name of his client.

Private investigator?

The husband and wife case. Very confidential.

Husband and wife?

Well, it's only one of those chicken feed cases. Usually I go in for the

bigger stuff like murders and blackmail and jewel robberies and stuff like that.

I've got a card here if you care to have a look at it.

It's all down there. Don't forget if you're ever in a jam.

Disguises a speciality.

And bloodhound available if required.

Yes.

The same fat cheeks.

The same bulging eyes.

The very man for the job.

Zacco, thank heavens! I was worried.

You have nothing to fear, Professor.

Then it is safe for me to give my demonstration to the Royal Scientific

Society? It would be most unsafe, Professor.

Gruber, you are prepared to take a small risk?

For a cause like ours?

How small?

From what I understand of your invention, Professor, the stop control

could be adjusted to cause an explosion.

That is so.

So, if we were to plan a disaster,

Gruber would have time to make his way to safety.

That could be fixed.

But what about me?

You, my dear professor, and all the other distinguished scientists there,

you would all be blown to little pieces.

Why are you mad?

Listen, my friend,

you have only just arrived in this country.

So far, none of these British scientists have met you. That is correct, but...

So, the man that gives that demonstration has only to resemble this

photograph.

is to die in my place.

Yes.

And the Western world will believe that you have given your life in the cause of

science. And while they are mourning their great loss, the real Professor

Stumpf will be secretly back at work in Euralia.

You have found a double for the professor?

Ausgezeichnet. To be killed?

Oh, where can be such a man?

What story have you told this man?

I told him you had been recalled suddenly to America. But for security

reasons, no one must know of your departure.

He thinks, of course, that we are all of us on the side of the Western powers.

So a British will be the one to cause their downfall.

That is funny.

It will be our supreme triumph.

I shall bring to Aurelia control of all the world's weather.

Our enemy's corpse will be scorched, their rivers frozen, their ports ice

-bound. I shall flood their cities, choke them with fog, rob them of light.

We shall be masters of the wild.

The sun will set forever on the British Empire.

Mr. Dill.

Hope I'm not late. Oh, Mr.

Dill. Come in, Mr. Dill. Thank you. May I present Professor Stooms and Mr.

Gruber. Are you? Now, it is the professor whom we would want you to

impersonate. Ah, yes. Could I have a... Would you just, um... Yes, yes, yes,

yes. I could manage that. I'd need a little padding, of course. Of course.

A chair, Mr. Dill.

Now, everything will be handled by Mr. Gruber, except that you would be

required to read a short paper in the accent of the professor, of course.

Your behalf, my mobile plant.

It has been...

It has been assembled for this evening's demonstration in the grounds of the

Royal Scientific Society.

With this, I am able to produce no fewer than five different meteorological

disturbances. Rain, snow, wind, fog, frost, in

fact, all kinds of weather. All kinds of weather.

Weather. Weather. Weather. Weather.

Weather. Weather.

No, no, no, no.

It's weather.

No, no, no.

Weather. Weather.

Weather.

Stop. Weather.

Weather. It is weather. Oh, weather. I don't care. Stop.

Now, the generating force of my plant is atomic energy.

Yes, applied for peaceful purposes, of course.

Of course. No chance of it blowing up, is there? If there would be any such

danger... You would not find me there.

He's managed to overcome the problem of thermal diffusion in combination with

synchrotron action.

It's amazing.

And he's done it once more by falling back on cadmium heat control.

This really is a revolution.

That fellow's certainly a genius.

No doubt about that.

Of course, it won't work.

Oh, not at all.

Good evening, Professor.

How do you do?

I am Sir Walter Finch. Oh, Sir Walter, this for me a great honor is. Oh, no, it

is we who are honored.

May I introduce Dr. Goss? Oh, how do you do?

I'm Professor Silico.

How do you do?

My assistant, Mr. Gruber.

The others are waiting on the lawn.

I thought we'd make it into a little garden.

I can't tell you how much we're looking forward to your demonstration.

You are?

The conditions are favorable, I hope.

Yeah, yeah, I think it will keep fine for us.

Fine?

When I make the rain, that for me is fine.

Don't anticipate undue cosmic interventions and the prevailing

pressure on the ionized layers.

Please, I don't speak the English so good, but my assistant, Herr Gruber...

Please to speak a little louder. I have a slight

deafness. Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know.

It is nothing.

A slight accident with a clap of thunder.

With those few words of introduction, I will call upon Professor Strumpf to give

us a brief outline of his phenomenal achievement whilst his assistant is

preparing the plant for the demonstration.

After which, while we partake of a little light refreshment, we will all

have the opportunity of meeting the professor personally and no doubt plying

him with some pertinent questions.

Excuse that I read from the paper.

My English is, how you say, not so hot.

I have first to say that this plant is

only a small replica for demonstration purposes.

Consequently, it will produce the atmosphere changes only in... in the

area of these grounds.

It would not do to upset your so beautiful English weather.

I have designed this plant with the purpose of creating...

Are

you ready, Herr Gruber? Ready, Herr Professor.

We will have rain.

Light Ray!

Are you getting dark enough?

Far too dark, surely, for night rain.

Well, if I didn't know, I'd call this a fog.

Oh. By the fission?

Ah, now we come to it. What is your fissionary agent?

Not uranium, that's obvious.

Pandemonium. You don't mean plutonium.

PX4. Yeah, yeah, with a little...

I said it wouldn't work. I knew it wouldn't.

Is that you, Caldicott? No, I'm Bumbray. Take your umbrella out of my waistcoat,

sir. Oh, that's my toe!

Canstil, sir, can't you? Yes, sir. Where are you?

One minute, please, and the flight can...

Stop it! Please!

Stop it!

Professor.

Not well.

Gruber was the one blown up, but keep that from the professor.

Ah, understand.

The professor is happy.

Now, Barakov, listen carefully.

Dill is on his way back to you, and he knows too much. He must be silenced.

Good. He will then remove his body from the house and get rid of it. I shall be

there by the time you return, and remember.

The professor must know nothing of this.

If he should lose his nerve, we might never get him away to Euralia.

I understand.

There was a great explosion.

Boom! All blown to little bits. Ah, so now you are dead.

But my beautiful plant, for that I am sad.

You'll soon build another one. Yeah, yeah, I have all my secrets.

Where you go?

Excuse, please.

A little job to do.

Good night, sir. Good night.

Come, Malkoff. It's your turn.

One minute, Professor.

What are you doing?

Stay where you are. Soon I come.

Malkoff.

So much for you, Mr. Dill.

So sorry to keep you, Professor...

Where are you, Professor?

Where are you, Professor Stumpf?

Are you quite sure it's all right, dear? Yes, of course I'm sure.

As hard as you like.

Nothing to it. That's amazing.

Tell me, how'd you rig it out of all this stuff?

I don't. I burst out of it in ten seconds dead.

Now, put the gag on. The gag? Oh.

Don't worry, Frankie.

It's me, Hugo.

Oh, Hugo, you look so funny. I'm in disguise, but you're quite safe now.

Come on, Frankie. On my shoulder.

But, Hugo, I... Now, you wait in there. You'll be all right. He won't bother you

again. If he does, just you yell. Hugo.

Get me Scotland Yard, quick.

Ah, there you are, Professor.

I have looked for you everywhere.

Hello, Scotland Yard. I'm at the Euralian location.

Come quick. There's been a murder.

Oh, darling, what have they done to you?

You have had a bonk.

As I expected, a foreign body.

And what the coroner would call well-nourished. How's he been done?

Don't touch him.

All correct, sir. Right. The chief will be here in a minute.

Meanwhile, you folks get to work.

Yes, officer.

All correct, sir. Doctor's on his way. I thought I'd better leave the examination

to you, sir. Yeah.

This man isn't dead.

What? And what's more, he's a phony.

Oh!

Oh, no, no, no!

What's happened? Where am I? What, did you telephone the yard?

I thought as much.

Murder, eh? I wish there had been a murder. I only wish someone would murder

you, Mr. Hugo. Private, I do.

But there has been a murder, Inspector.

There's a body.

In the other room. It's lying on the floor with a knife in its back. What?

All right. Now show me. And if this is another of your tricks... But I swear

it, Inspector.

It's in here.

There.

Where? Oh, don't make me look again. It's on the floor. Where?

It's on the... It's gone.

Gone? Gone? Of course it's gone. It was never there.

Sergeant, take that man back to the station and get a statement.

Well, I tell you, Inspector, I saw him.

Good evening, gentlemen.

What is happening here, please?

Can I be of any assistance? It's the professor. Professor?

He's been murdered.

Murdered? But that is not possible. I have just left the professor. He's

flying back to Euralia.

Euralia? Why, you... Excuse me, sir, but who is this professor?

From our Department of Education.

Professor Stulk.

But his name is Stumpf.

Our friend is a little mixed.

Professor Stumpf is American scientist.

Professor Stulck, Euralian.

They're both Greek to me, sir.

But it was Stulck. Shut up. What was this man doing here in disguise, sir?

Professor Stulck did not wish it known that he was to leave this country. So we

have engaged this man to act as his double.

It is a perfectly normal diplomatic practice.

That's a lie. They're all murderers. One of them tried to kill me.

That's how we came to find you lying on the floor, eh? On the floor.

Your what? The wine of Eurelia.

Very strong.

But I've never touched a drop of it, Dan. As long as you're working here,

there's nothing I can do about it. You can go.

But, Inspector, you must listen to me. Heaven forbid I ever see you again.

But, Inspector, you can... Oh,

it's all right. We've shaken them off.

Oh, come on, darling. You're not still out, are you?

Come on, Hugo. Wake up.

Hugo!

Mr. Dill!

Please excuse the mistake.

What have you done with the body? It was stolen.

Stolen?

But it has the microfilm on it.

All the secrets of the professor's invention.

We must get back that microfilm. Da.

Now that Stumpf is dead, it must be transmitted to Euralia by Dr. Brosnick.

Da.

We must find that body.

Da!

Detective Inspector Hancock?

No, I'm afraid not.

Wait a minute. He's just come in. For you, sir.

Sounds a bit excited.

Hancock speaking.

Who's that?

Dill!

Just a minute, please.

Now, please.

Allow me to speak, will you?

Just for one brief moment.

Thank you, Mr.

Dill.

I want to speak to you, Mr. Dill, as one detective to another.

We're both experienced men. We both know how easy it is to make a mistake.

Well, I don't mind admitting I've just made a very big mistake. I left you

breathing! And that's something that'll never, never happen again, you blasted

meddling pumpkin-headed pest!

Heaven forbid I ever see you again!

Have you got that, Dill? Have you finally got it?

Because if you haven't, I... Hello, hello.

Oh.

He's taking the hint.

Nothing else, sir. I've just about had it.

No, sir. Nothing else.

There's a body in my car! There's a body in my car with a knife in its back!

You wouldn't be a friend of Hugo Dill's by any chance, would you?

No.

Hugo? Yes.

Pull yourself together.

What has happened to Hugo?

Nothing, I'm afraid.

He's all right?

Then why did you scare me like that?

Look, will you please come and remove this body from my car?

Now, listen, young woman, I have the reputation of being just about the most

patient officer in the force. Tell me another time. I have brought a corpse

here. But if you or your boyfriend take the mickey out of me once more... You

don't believe me?

And look what's in it.

They think Professor Stumpf was killed in the explosion.

That means they won't even look for his body.

It wouldn't help much now if they did.

Zacco took that body out of your car. That means that he's got the microfilm

with all the professor's secrets on it.

We've got to stop that information getting back to Euralia.

Don't you realize this could make them the most powerful nation in the world?

Hugo, you've got to go to the police.

Oh, I can't. Don't you see, if the police found out the truth about the

professor, they'd think I was working for Euralia. They'd think I was a

traitor.

It's no good. I've got to tackle this myself.

But how?

Frankie, look.

That man, that name, Brosnick. What about it? Who is he?

Among overseas exhibitors at the international radio show opening at

Earls Court today is Dr. Fedor Brosnick, inventor of... What's he got to do with

all this?

But this is the man Sacco was talking about. When I was hiding from him, I

heard him say something about depending on Dr. Brosnick.

Inventor of a new process of transmitting photographs and films by

radio. That's why they want him. To transmit the microfilm to Euralia from

the radio show.

The radio show?

Come on.

Not you, Frankie.

It's bound to be a rough house. Oh, please, Hugo.

I'll take Fabian, though. He can hold his own. Well, at least let me drive you

there. Let me do a bit to help. You can't... Well, all right, then. Would

you drop us outside? Because if I catch up with those criminals, it'll be no

place for a girl like you. All right. Come on, Fabian.

Morning.

All correct, sir.

For you, sir.

Hancock speaking.

Murder, eh?

Don't you think the body was dumped there?

I see.

Has he been identified?

What?

Professor Stumpf?

Find me Hugo Dill.

Yes, Dill. D-I-double-L. Yes, damn it, I do want him. Put them all on to him.

We're nearly there.

As long as the police haven't caught up with you... Look out!

Oh, I'm

terribly

sorry, officer. What do you think you are?

Put on a bit of a black there, old girl, didn't you, eh? I mean, we can't go

knocking robbers for a bird in Canray.

Looks like a panic job, too. It's flashing like a running lighthouse.

Stay where you are.

Get cracking.

Yes?

Yes?

By blonde and bloodhound!

Do you think he'll set them on to us? Well, if he does, I bet he won't make a

mess of his description.

Earl's Court Stadium.

Earl's Court and step on it.

Car park straight ahead, mister. I'll see you at the main entrance.

Come on, Fabian.

I'm sorry, sir.

No dogs.

But I've got to get in there. I'm very sorry, sir. But you don't understand.

This is terribly important.

But I've got to get... You can't go in. I'm sorry.

Come on, Fabian.

Hugo, what happened? I've got to leave Fabian in the yard.

Hugo, no.

Monsieur, the radio show is truly international.

And a sign of the friendlier relations now existing between East and West is

the fact that we have several exhibitors from countries on the other side of the

Iron Curtain. Here, for instance, is the famous Euralian inventor, Dr. Brosnan.

He is here to demonstrate his revolutionary new method of radio

photography, a means of transmitting films, as well as static pictures, to

countries still outside the range of ordinary television.

London calling Euralia.

Are you now receiving picture?

Hello. Dr. Brasnik, we are receiving clear your picture. Next,

I will demonstrate to you all the transmission of a moving picture.

is above all a show for the people.

Herein there are thousands to see not only the latest radio developments, but

also the star personalities of BBC and commercial television.

People like this young man, for instance, who can't quite make up his

mind, I think, which of the many attractions he wants to see first.

Haven't either of you seen him? Afraid not, sir. Well, he is here somewhere.

It's like looking for a niggle in a haystack. There! Where?

Visitors are queuing up for the newest and most popular feature of BBC

television. Your birthday wish.

If today is your birthday, you may have a big surprise coming to you.

Hugo! Hugo!

Hugo! Hugo!

Hugo! Hugo!

Stan 47!

Stan 47!

Right!

There is no more time to waste. It must be sent immediately.

Perikov. Commander of Helm.

Excuse me, please. Excuse me, sir. Excuse me.

Just a minute, sir.

Just a minute.

Just a minute.

And the Pipers will get their cue from Jeremy Hawke. I see, sir.

Where the devil's he gone to?

He must have doubled back.

You go that way. You come with me.

What are the advantages in your chairs, young man?

I'm sorry, madam, we are closed for lunch. Well, dearly.

Well, madam, I wonder if I could interest you in a little demonstration

of our chair.

Oh, I don't want to keep you from your lunch. No trouble at all, madam. A very,

very great pleasure.

You sit down, madam, and make yourself very much at home. That's lovely.

Now then, madam, you must admit this is one of the finest, most comfortable

chairs in which you have ever sat.

This, madam, is guaranteed uncut moquette.

What are all these buttons for?

The buttons? Oh, yes. Well, you see, madam, our chairs are made of what they

call never-never. Never-never? Yes, well, never do it yourself, but we can

do it for you, you see. Oh, yes, I do. Ah!

we have the perfect viewing position.

But I can't see the screen.

Well, madam, that's ideal for some programs.

There we go. There we are. Madam, if you want to alter the angle, all you have to

do is to press this button here.

What are you playing at, young man?

This is the one.

Won't you stay to tea now that you're here?

No, I will not. Kindly release me at once.

Oh, what was that?

Oh, look.

I'm on fire.

Don't worry. You've nothing to worry about at all.

I know it's one of these here.

I feel you how sorry I am.

Judith, I think I'd like one of these.

Oh, thank you, ma'am. They're tremendous fun.

Well? No luck, sir?

Where on earth's he got to?

Sir, isn't that his girlfriend?

Come, Mrs. Ponting. Oh, hello, Jeremy. This is Mrs.

Ponting, one of your victims.

Quite the wrong word. I hope we're going to make you very happy, Mrs. Ponting.

I'm ever so nervous.

You'll soon forget all about that when you get your birthday, will you?

Well, I'll be back to you in ten minutes, Mrs. Ponting. Thank you, Mr.

Gooding.

Thank you, Father.

This radio-controlled tank will turn right and left, rotate its turret, fire

its gun, sound its tracks and horn, and eject fire or water from its

flamethrower. It will also remove landmines, depositing them in the

stream, using the smurfing. Hey!

He just went through that door. You're seeing things.

What are you standing about here for? Well, it's Dill, sir. He's just gone

through that door. Well, why aren't you after him? But I've just come out, sir.

I'd have seen him. Oh, leave this to me. Sir, what's happened to you?

What? Terribly sorry, madam.

Quite all right, young ma'am.

Ah, I was just coming for you, Mrs. Ponting.

For me? This way, Mrs. Ponting. But I am not missing... What was that?

I hope I'm not missing anything.

No, no, no, your birthday wishes just began.

Thank you, thank you. Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is the first program in

a new series I hope you're all going to enjoy.

We've taken a cross-section of people who are today celebrating their

birthdays, and we've asked them to write and tell us what, above all, is their

birthday wish.

And Uncle Jeremy here is going to try and see that they get it.

First letter comes from Mrs. Louisa Ponting on 34 Albion Street, Paddington.

And this good lady writes, Dear Jeremy, This is not only the anniversary of my

birthday, it is also 14 years to the day since I had my last tiff with my hubby.

Think of that, eh?

As a result of which, he has not been home since.

Last week, I saw his picture in the papers because of him having had a big

win in the pool.

And I want him to know that I am ready to forget and forgive.

Well, I'm sure you agree.

Anyone with such a sweet nature as that deserves to get her birthday wish, which

is to be reunited with her husband.

So, coming in, Mrs. Ponting.

I know, Mrs. Ponting.

Many, many happy returns, Mrs. Ponting.

Here's wishing you many, many happy returns.

Come along, Mrs. Ponting. Don't be nervous. Now, I hope you're having an

enjoyable birthday.

Yes. You know, Mrs. Ponting, I've discovered quite a lot about you.

You have? There's more in her than meets the eye.

You have a calm and serene nature.

You dislike all forms of deception.

And you are, above all things, a genuine woman.

That's what it says in the stars, Mrs. Bunting.

You know, of course, you were born under Taurus the Bull.

Yes, well, we were living in the country at the time. They were living in the

country.

Well, Mr. Bunting, I don't see why I should.

I've dodged her for the last 14 years, and now you've come along... No, no, no,

we mustn't be like that. Must be, Mr. Bunting. Remember, there are four

million viewers waiting to see us.

All right.

Hurry.

Now, Mrs. Ponting, that little bit of trouble you had with Mr. Ponting, what

was it all about?

The trouble?

Oh, the trouble. Oh, yes. Well, you see, it was his back.

He couldn't get it off the bed.

Oh, he was. I mean, he was really.

I mean, he wouldn't do a thing.

He wouldn't polish the floors or bake the beds or empty the ashtray. I see.

Well, thank you very much, Mrs. Ponting. And he wouldn't do the spring cleaning

either, you know, and as for his cooking... Yes, Mrs. Ponting, it's a

shame. Now, Mrs. Ponting, I want you to turn round and face that way.

I mean, it's not as if I was a fussy woman, you know, because I'm not. I

remember distinctly one morning he was lying in bed amending his bicycle, and

those pedals are sharp, you know.

I'm sure you are very tolerant, Mrs. Ponting. Now, if you wouldn't mind just

turning round and facing that way again.

And another thing, do you honestly think it's fair for a man to feed his ferrets

out of the baby's bottle?

I mean, would you?

I think it's terrible, Mrs. Ponting. Now, Mrs. Ponting, if you'd just stand

quite still, just for one moment, Mrs. Ponting.

No, don't run away, sir. We have such a lovely surprise for you, sir. Now, I

want you to stand quite still there, sir. That's right.

No, don't be timid, sir. And no peeking, Mrs.

Ponting. There.

Now, I want you to turn around and give each other a great big hug.

Ponting, please.

Mr. Ponting. Mr. Ponting. Hello.

Please. Please.

And now the Mozart piano concerto in E.

And now the Chopin sonata in B.

And now Beethoven symphony.

And now the Bach set.

And now Elgar symphony.

Where are they? They're outside.

I'll get them. Come on.

Hello, all cars from M2GW.

Message from information room begins.

Two men in stolen beer barrels.

He's gone now.

Go on, put your foot down.

Look! Look where we are!

Thank you for merging me.

Who done it?

By now I know who done it.

Like Ivy, I'll claim.

She done it.

She sold the case and won it.

He's buying the ring.

Repentance.

We started our life sentence.

You done it. You've stolen my...