Original subtitles

[♪ opening theme song playing]

Huh?

What are you doing here?

[Yamakado] I was going to ask you the same question. What are you doing here?

Wait... Where are we? Why am I here?

[Yamakado] This is my house. You got wasted.

I had no choice but to bring you here.

I tried to drop you off at your place, but the door key required a PIN.

You were passed out and wouldn't wake up, so I brought you here.

[Tanaka, slurring] The PIN is my brother's birthday.

[Yamakado] How the hell would I know your brother's birthday?

I have a duty as your substitute teacher, so I'll let you use my bed.

-[stomach grumbling loudly] -I'm so sorry.

Thank you very much. I'm a bit peckish.

-Wow! -Brush your teeth when you're done.

Are you single by any chance?

[Yamakado] If I wasn't single, I'd be in trouble

for letting you spend the night.

I don't have kids, but I did have a wife. We got divorced three years ago.

-[Tanaka] Okay. -"Okay"? That's not much of a reaction.

[Yamakado] Most people start prying when they hear that I'm a divorcé.

[Tanaka] Divorcé or not, you're still you.

Besides, getting excited about other people's misfortunes

is just a coping mechanism to try to make your own boring life seem a little better.

I have a more peaceful remedy...

[narrator] Otome games.

...so I don't need to do that.

[Tanaka] You treated me to some tasty drinks. I think you're a nice guy.

You don't seem too interested in marriage or anything like that.

I'm not, but I'd rather not die alone.

If we're both single for the rest of our lives,

wanna form a pact to be together when we die?

[Tanaka] Unless we die at the same time, one of us will end up dying alone.

Might as well just swap me out for anyone.

But based on our conversation just now, you're the only one who comes to mind.

Huh?

-Are you like this with everyone? -[Tanaka] Like what?

You shouldn't say that kind of thing like you're suggesting a snack run.

-[Tanaka] Why not? -[Yamakado] I wonder.

It might give a guy the wrong idea, don't you think?

[Tanaka] Whoa. I didn't expect that I'd be in this position

for the second time in my life with the head teacher.

Did I say something to offend him?

In my mind, our relationship...

[Yamakado] Yes, yes, attagirl.

[Tanaka] ...was totally like this.

But it looks like he'll skip the nurturing and dive straight into training.

THIS IS REALLY NOT LOOKING GOOD

However, I've already mastered

how to turn the tables in this situation, thanks to Murai.

I won't let a man one-up me!

Now what?

[Yamakado] Now what?

I pushed her down on impulse,

but I doubt Tanaka, who's about as sexy as a baby panda,

can endure the jujitsu required ahead.

But more than that, I'm dying of shame over my own sexual frustration.

I see. Maybe deep down inside, I've been lonely these past three years.

BRAIN CRISIS MANAGEMENT DEPARTMENT

No, no, no! With both hands restrained, Lady Tanaka's lost her will to fight!

It's a cataplexy attack!

[narrator] Cataplexy is a seizure in which excessive emotional arousal

causes a loss of muscle control.

Don't panic.

I doubt some pale-faced guy who showed up out of nowhere

will invade my Kitty's brain so easily.

[Kidney] However, unlike Sir Murai, how do I put it...

-He doesn't show any weakness. -Right! No weakness!

[Hitotose] What matters now is not the details of this man,

but how to break out of this situation.

This man is nothing compared to Murai's persistence.

Just watch me.

I will now torture her frozen neurotransmitters

to induce a spinal reflex.

Anybody know what that means?

It means, "Back off, rookie."

Katsu!

-[Tanaka grunts] -[Yamakado exclaims softly]

[Yamakado] Damn you.

I'm so sorry!

This unexpected situation caused me to panic.

And I'm kind of dizzy right now.

No, it's my fault. I'm really sorry.

I got swept up in the moment. I didn't mean anything by it.

I just couldn't regulate my emotions.

-It's not like I have feelings for you. -[Tanaka] Right.

[Yamakado] But if I could take this chance to ask for a single favor...

[Tanaka] What?

Can I hug you?

[Tanaka] Hug?

[Yamakado] You can think of it as animal therapy.

I have a serotonin deficiency.

Is that why your face is so pale?

Yeah. I want to take a supplement, so to speak. So...

You want me to be your supplement?

[Yamakado] Yes.

I failed to take into account my own hunger for warmth.

Good night.

I'll interrogate her another time.

Wasn't that a bit counterproductive?

Murai, what does this mean? What's this "unh?" symbol?

[Murai] You mean square root? Let me see.

[Kiriyama] Huh?

[Murai] You see the little two at the top right of the number?

That means you multiply the number twice.

So, what's the square of this eight?

Eighty-eight. Why?

You're thinking too abstract.

What? I'll kick your ass.

[Rice ball] Nigi!

MATHEMATICS II

What's the square of two then? That means two times two.

Hirai? What's two times two?

Peekaboo!

It's Hirai!

It's four.

If you're serious about going to the University of Tokyo,

you at least have to know two times two.

Yeah, I totally agree.

[Murai] What's wrong, Kiri?

Him? Apparently he's constipated!

[Kiriyama] Murai in Love.

[Kiriyama] With the emergence of Hades, God of the Underworld,

the forbidden love is under threat.

PASS

Honestly, I'm the only one who isn't nuts in this anime.

I...

I'm gonna do something about it, Murai!

CHAIRMAN PRINCIPAL

This year's school trip will be to Shizuoka Prefecture!

[Yamakado] Is that so.

Yay, woo-hoo!

Okay, I'll leave the rest to you, Yamakado.

[Yamakado] Sure thing. I'll be going back to work, then.

You're early.

It's too early for students to be at school.

[Kiriyama] I came early to do my assignments...

is the excuse I came up with.

My real intentions are to talk with you in private, just like this.

What's going on?

[Kiriyama] Why did you get divorced?

How do you know about that?

[Kiriyama] I just overheard teachers talking.

[Yamakado] I don't share my private affairs with students.

Thought as much.

I get the impression you're real uptight about that kinda stuff.

You don't open up to your students to avoid getting too involved.

You keep us at arm's length.

But why would someone like that want to become a teacher?

You don't like people, do you?

I like people.

That's why I decided to draw a line between myself and others.

You "decided"?

Does that mean you have a history

of hurting students or loved ones because you opened up to them?

What are you trying to say? What are you getting at?

Okay, let's see.

For example...

AT A PREVIOUS SCHOOL

[Kiriyama] At a previous school, you had trouble with a female student?

[Yamakado] No.

That's not true.

Nothing happened back then, really.

I was accused without a chance to tell my side...

Sensei, I said, "for example." Did something actually happen?

[gasps softly]

I won't tell anyone! If you hear me out.

Will you leave Murai and Tanaka-sensei alone?

They won't end up the way you did.

[Yamakado] I thought Murai had a girlfriend.

[Kiriyama] You know that's a lie, don't you?

To tell the truth, thinking that farce would work on you

was a strategic error on my part.

I underestimated you.

[Yamakado] You think that because of my past trauma,

I'm trying to keep Murai and Tanaka apart?

[Kiriyama] Pretty much.

Well, what if I'm interfering with them because I'm in love with Tanaka?

Not that that's likely.

It won't make a difference.

Whatever your reasons,

I'll expose your past the moment you interfere with Murai.

[Yamakado] Don't you have any morals?

[Kiriyama] I'll gladly throw 'em away for Murai's sake.

[Tanaka] What the hell was that all about?

I haven't slept a wink since the incident.

Did that actually happen?

If it did, I wouldn't know how to face him today after my time off!

Damn it, I've got no idea!

Someone please mix-and-match my face parts until they look normal!

You look like you don't know how to face me.

What are you, a mind reader?

[Yamakado] You're the one letting me read it.

Head Teacher, I...

Here are the documents for the school trip.

[Murai] Sensei!

-[Tanaka] Murai, how have you-- -Sensei!

-[Tanaka] Murai... -Sensei! Sensei!

[Tanaka] Shut up.

-Sensei. -[Tanaka] That's enough.

-Sensei. -[Tanaka] Is that all you can say?

-[male teacher] Yamakado-sensei. -Yes?

What?

Mari-chan, are you done packing?

Did you pack your herbal medicine?

[Midori] Mari-chan?!

[Kiriyama] Morning, Murai.

[Murai] Good morning, Kiri. Do you have any nice branches?

[Yamakado] All Takebe Gakuen students here for the school trip!

Line up in front of the buses right away.

You have five seconds.

Five, four, three, two, one.

So, where's Hirai?

[Kiriyama] He's dead.

-[Murai] Did you catch a cold? -[Hirai] Nope, doesn't seem so.

[Kiriyama] Must be because you suddenly started studying.

[Murai] Your body's in distress since you're trying for the University of Tokyo.

[Hirai] What choice do I have?

Getting into the University of Tokyo is more important than a school trip!

I don't follow, but try and rest up.

I'll get you a souvenir. Okay, gotta go.

-[Hirai] Sure. -See ya, Hirai.

I think it's for the best you couldn't come.

[Hirai] I hate you!

[Yamakado] All right, please get on the bus class by class.

YAYOI FUKUNAGA CALLING...

[Hirai] Oh, jeez, why is this happening to me?

Why am I all feverish over that annoying chick?

I mean, what do you like about her, Hirai?

Well, let's see. First of all...

Her face! I mean, more her expressions than her face.

I see. What kind of expressions, exactly?

Well, for one, her expression when crying.

She's unbelievably ugly. And when she's laughing, she's unbelievably cute.

And even though she's really bossy, she's also so pure.

What else?

She's tough on herself. A hard worker.

What else? What else?

What the heck? I sound like I'm head over heels for her.

But seriously, how do I get her to go out with me?

I've never been turned down by a girl since starting high school.

And yet she looks at me like I'm human garbage. Why?

Does she hate me that much?

Man, this is annoying! But she's so adorable!

I instinctively find her cute. I can't help it.

I want to touch her. I want to touch her with consent!

I've decided that if I can marry her,

I'll do everything from dressing her in a white kimono to doing her makeup.

Sorry.

[Yayoi] It's partly my fault.

[Hirai] What? Is this real?

[Yayoi] I skipped school for the first time ever.

I get so pissed off seeing you act the way you do.

-Why do you think that is? -Because you hate me, right?

[Yayoi] At first, I really thought so.

Thinking about how you've done this kind of thing with other girls,

how you would've done the same thing even if it wasn't me,

how I'm just another girl to you...

I can't stand it. It disgusts me.

[Yayoi] So, can I ask you a favor?

Tell me that I'm special to you. Say it like you mean it.

What the hell? Damn it!

You ready? Listen up!

Eight times one is eight, eight times two is 16,

eight times three is 24, eight times four is 32...

What? Stop it.

...eight times nine is 72!

A girl who makes me remember the eight times table

couldn't be anything less than special.

You really are a rare type of stupid.

There you go calling me stupid again.

Did you come here to confess your feelings or to pick a fight...

[Yayoi] I came to pick a fight.

It's fight-picking season at Fukunaga Farms.

Hey! I'll go fight-picking all year round.

[Yayoi] Thank you for your patronage.

CONGRATS!!!!!

[Tanaka] There's always some sort of trouble on school trips.

I hear that they're actual war zones for teachers.

I can't let my guard down for even a moment.

Lucky for me, my class is made up of diligent Course A students.

Sensei, would you like a caramel?

I would.

But Murai, why are you sitting here?

Because I have no friends in this class.

[Tanaka] Don't say such sad things!

The truth is I just wanted to sit next to you.

It's snowing like crazy, isn't it?

[Tanaka] It sure is.

[Murai] We could make lots of snowmen, huh?

[Tanaka] Did he actually just say "we could make lots of snowmen"?

I don't know how he was raised,

but I wouldn't be surprised if he grew up in Neverland!

[driver] We've arrived at a rest area.

We'll take a 15-minute break here. Please don't be late.

I'm going out for a bit.

Sure, go ahead.

[narrator] Fifteen minutes later.

Sensei, it's time to leave, but Murai isn't back!

I'll go look for him.

[man] Oh, man, we made it!

[woman] You spent way too long in the bathroom.

-[man] What? -Driver, we're all here now!

[driver] All right, let's go!

-[Tanaka] Hey! -Sensei.

[Tanaka] Do you know what "cooperation" means?

Oh, is it time already? I'm sorry. I really wanted to build some snowmen.

Are you sick? You were about to be left behind.

[Murai] We were left behind.

Sensei, this snow is causing quite the traffic jam.

Will our arrival time be delayed significantly?

Seems so. By a couple of hours.

I'll contact the travel agent.

Yamada, let the homeroom teachers know.

Gotcha.

YAMADA MOBILE

Hey, whose phone is that?

Tanaka-sensei, could you give us a lecture to make the most of this traffic jam?

-Huh? -[Ohsumi] Who the heck are you guys?

[Yamada] One of the students just answered Tanaka's phone

and told me that Tanaka and Murai were left behind at the rest area.

Oh yeah? Tell me you're joking.

You're joking.

[Murai] I'm sorry, Sensei. It's my fault for mass-producing snowmen.

But I'm sure I told them I was going to look for you. So how did this happen?

Am I being bullied?

[Tanaka] My life has always been like this.

Sensei. Sensei.

[Tanaka] Wherever I go, I'm always left behind.

[♪ sentimental music playing]

[Tanaka] What in the world is going on?

CRIMINAL'S DAUGHTER DIE, UGLY

Wherever I go, whatever I do,

however I change,

I have a knack for isolating myself.

I wonder if that lonely boy, the only one to stay by my side back then,

has finally managed to overcome his isolation.

Don't worry.

[cellphone line ringing]

-[Yamakado] Are you an idiot? -I couldn't agree with you more.

[narrator] Borrowing Murai's phone, she manages to get in touch with Yamakado.

[Yamakado] Anyway, we're stuck in traffic and can't come get you,

so please use public transport to get yourself and Murai to the hotel.

[Tanaka] Understood. Why are you speaking so politely all of a sudden?

Because this is work, damn it!

[Tanaka] Holy crap! He's gonna kill me!

[Murai] Is everything okay? That sounded sort of ominous.

What? Yes, everything's fine.

Anyway, thanks for lending me... your... phone...

[Murai] Hirai gave me this photo a while back.

[Tanaka] Anyway, should we get something hot to drink?

I need some booze!

Come on, Murai. You can pick whatever you like.

Please pick whatever you like.

WAITING OUR TURN

That's very kind of you.

[Tanaka] Kids these days!

He paid! He paid!

Once we finish drinking this, we'll head to the hotel by train.

[Murai] Understood. Then I just won't finish drinking it.

[Tanaka] Sorry. I don't catch your drift.

If I'm more sensitive to heat than anyone in the world,

and it takes me 24 hours to finish this 250-milliliter can,

we can spend the night toge--

[Tanaka] Wrong.

[Murai] Wrong?

POUT...

[Tanaka] What's with him today? He's acting like a baby.

What should I do? I've never raised a child.

[Murai] Um, I'm sorry things turned out this way,

but I can't help feeling I lucked out.

Isn't it great getting to spend time with someone you love?

[Murai] Sorry, of course you don't feel the same way.

I haven't had a chance to ask you this until now,

but why do you love me?

I mean, there must've been some reason. And I...

I don't think I'm really worthy of love, so I wonder what you see in me.

[Tanaka] I'm sure you could find a nicer girl and get into a great college.

So why do you want to marry me so desperately?

Why do you think?

Are you the type of guy to answer a question with a question?

[Murai] I'm sorry, but if I tell you, I'll lose.

I made a promise.

[Tanaka] With whom?

[Murai] Now I have a question for you.

What made you fall in love with Hitotose?

[Tanaka] What do you mean?

[Murai] There must've been some reason, right?

A reason? You can't just ask me that out of the blue...

Let's see. If I had to say, maybe his eyes.

[Murai] His eyes?

That's right. It was his eyes!

[Tanaka] When I was in school, I was always

being bullied or left out by everyone.

But for a bit, there was this one kid who was like a friend to me.

He was in grade school, and was a loner just like me.

After I moved to Tokyo, I found Hitotose in the gaming section of a bookstore.

I thought his eyes looked like that kid's,

so I got curious and purchased the game.

That's pretty much it.

But my recollection of him is pretty vague,

and you look like Hitotose more than anyone else.

[Murai] I love you,

Ayano.

Pick up the damn phone!

[Yamada] No need to call her over and over again like an overprotective parent.

Tanaka isn't a little kid.

I need to give her more specific instructions.

[Tanaka] Yes! Sorry!

[Tanaka panting]

[Yamakado] Hey, why are you out of breath? What are you doing?

[Tanaka] I'm running at full speed right now!

-[Yamakado] Why? -What are you calling me for?

[Tanaka] Hello?

[Yamakado] Look, where are you right now?

-We're just about to leave the rest area! -Okay.

What, that's it?

-Yeah, that's it! Got a problem? -[phone beeps]

How was that "specific instructions"?

Was that Yamakado-sensei?

Yes, but it didn't seem to be anything urgent.

Come on, let's go to the nearest station.

[Murai] Are you and Yamakado-sensei close?

[Tanaka] It's nothing like that.

I think he's a good guy, but at the same time, I think he's weird.

[Murai] Do you go out drinking together?

[Tanaka] Well, yeah, occasionally, for faculty socializing and stuff.

But we don't go out just the two of us...

Except we did.

[Murai] Just the two of you?

Actually, we did once.

But it's not like anything weird happened.

[Tanaka] Except it did.

[Murai] Anything weird?

[Tanaka] Can we stop talking about this?

You're acting stranger than usual today.

So something weird did happen.

[exclaims] Did you hear what I just said?

I said, "Can we stop talking about this?"

[Tanaka] Anyway, it's not something I can talk about with a student!

If I wasn't your student,

what do you think would have happened between us?

Despite being in the 3D world,

you are just as miserable as I am.

[♪ closing theme song playing]

NEXT TIME EPISODE 10

Translated by Kanako Murakoshi