Original subtitles

Well, Steve, another three-martini lunch?

That's what's conservative.

Who's your date for Steve's party, or do you have one?

Nope, but I eliminated Janet and Carrie.

Oh, what a shame. They're going to be heartbroken.

Yeah, which leaves Tina Dolores and Victoria.

Only three?

If you don't count Mary, Marge, Maureen.

And Carlene.

What's the matter with you cops? Can't you find somebody doing something wrong?

Anyway, patrol has finally come alive.

About time.

Okay, old girl.

Which one of these dudes you think has the most insurance?

Seville?

50 grand accident?

50 personal injury?

What do you think?

The Mercedes?

I resent the implication, because if I'm drunk...

The mayor's drunk, half the city council's drunk, because that's where

I've been, gentlemen, to a very important meeting.

We understand, ma'am.

Would you extend your arms for me, please, and try touching your nose?

Now, the arms out first.

Right hand, then the left hand.

I'll do it, but I won't like it.

Right hand, left hand. That's the way. Very good.

Will that be all, gentlemen?

Could you stand on one foot for me, please?

and tilt your head back if you insist yes

easy does it easy next they'll be asking me

to walk a straight line would you do that for me please now we go heel to toe

like this appreciate it i am trying my very best

gentlemen not to get angry thank you makes our job a lot more pleasant Now,

here we go.

Heel to toe.

Wait until I tell the mayor about this.

Shoes.

Wait a minute.

That's the one.

Imported at X-Pencil.

And look at that fat cat driving it, baby.

He don't know it yet, but he's gonna get us into a bad accident.

And is his insurance carrier gonna pay?

ask you, is that a straight line or is that a straight line?

This ain't your day, Dennis.

33 Down Hensworth

Overpass Foothill Freeway

Attention all

units code 33 units vicinity of the Foothill Freeway and Hensworth officer

down units responding identify

All right, folks, back up. Come on, move out. Back these cars. Clear away from

him, please.

Get back. Get back, please.

Steve? Steve?

Hey, Bunch.

Help's coming.

Just stay still.

Any help you could give us?

A man.

It was a man.

A man that just came from nowhere.

Oh, my God.

Trey's on his way. Paramedics are right behind me.

Cheryl, you make the call, okay?

Here come the paramedics.

What kind of a van?

Medium size, blue, no license plate number, no nothing.

It all happened too quick.

Word.

Word. Okay, Steve, it'll wait, all right?

Just take it easy. It'll wait, all right? Keep still, Steve.

Back

early,

Abel. Yeah, Phil, I, uh... I didn't feel good, so I thought I'd bring her in.

You look a little pale.

I got one more week on probation.

Oh, I need another traffic accident, huh?

We still haven't fixed the truck since your last wreck.

Yeah, I know, Phil.

It's funny. I couldn't realize it was that banged up.

Yeah, listen, Phil, I'm sorry about that. I... Let me tell you something.

I've been watching you lately.

Maybe you're just a little too careful these days, huh?

Hey, Phil, if you had my insurance rating, you'd be careful too, you know

what I mean?

But I got almost everything delivered, I promise.

Now, listen.

When a guy doesn't feel well, he ought to be home in bed with a couple

aspirins. Go ahead.

I appreciate it, Phil. I really do.

Uh, if you can't come in tomorrow, call in. No, no, no, Phil, listen, I'm gonna

be perfect.

I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning.

Any word?

No, uh, they're still working on both.

Almost an hour now.

Listen, uh, can I get you some coffee or anything?

Oh, no, I'm high-strung enough as it is right now.

Sometimes I think people like us shouldn't get married at all.

No.

You live with a person you love, and you learn not to jump every time the phone

rings. The odds are with you.

Yeah, sounds like Steve.

Steve didn't say it.

I did.

When he didn't know if he wanted to marry me or not.

I'm Dr. Rhodes.

Sergeant. This is Officer Wiedemeyer's wife.

Mrs. Wiedemeyer.

Both injured officers suffered from multiple bruises, contusions.

There were broken bones and internal hemorrhaging.

Officer Burks is in stable condition.

He'll pull through.

And Steve?

There was a hairline fracture of the skull which resulted in a subdural

hematoma.

We did everything we could.

He's gone, Mrs. Wiedemeyer.

I'm sorry.

No.

I'm all right. Thank you.

May I see him?

Sure.

We have to put Saturday's party off a while.

I didn't say that.

I didn't.

Hey, we understand.

Look, you are sure he said Bird?

What?

Steve, are you sure he said Bird?

Yeah, Bird, I don't know.

It didn't make any sense. Maybe he meant T-Bird.

No, Ponch, he was hit by a van.

Yeah, but it could have been one of those license plates.

Or personalized drugs.

Hey, well, look, I'll, uh, I'll check at the DMV, huh?

You guys better get going.

Going?

Yeah, finish it, too.

Yeah.

Neither, uh... Neither rain nor snow.

No death, right?

Come on, help me get him out of there.

Yeah,

fine. You okay?

Fine, fine, fine.

How was the angle? Did it come in low enough? Perfect. Just what I wanted. You

sure? Oh, it was beautiful. Right in there. Come on the trailer. I'll buy you

a drink. All right.

This one's mine.

You got it.

Step out of the car, please. Put your hands where I can see them.

Thanks, but I'm comfortable where I am.

If you want any help out of that car, I'll be glad to supply it.

Now, get out.

You step over here.

I thought the old rubber hose routine went out with bow ties and white socks.

You're a screen kid, but two wisecracks is the limit.

Now, let me see your driver's license.

You mean you're not gonna frisk me?

Huh? Pat me down for weapons?

Aw, darn.

I'm disappointed.

One second, Thorne. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Decisions, decisions.

My, oh, my.

Forgive me.

I've hurt your partner's feelings.

Can I see your driver's license, please?

Of course.

I'm going to cite you for excessive speed, Mr... Burham.

Burham. Yeah, that's right.

Unsafe lane change.

Reckless driving.

Is this your present address?

You got him?

Sheila. I don't know.

No, it's either you got him or not.

You've collected from two insurance companies already.

You know how many are listed in the yellow pages?

What are you going to do, put a claim in on all of them?

Isn't Laura worth it?

Laura's been dead three years now.

You didn't hear the sound the tires made.

You didn't hear what that executive from Eastern International Life Insurance

told me right there at the lousy funeral.

You didn't tell us, Mr. Grace, you made your living driving stunt cars.

Naturally, we can't honor coverage bought under false pretenses.

Maybe if you told them up front you did stunt work, they'd... I tried that.

I tried it with California Meridian, National General, with Federal, with

Western, with all of them.

Sheila, you told me you could get me licenses.

No sweat, you said.

They're in my purse.

Don't tell me you got something against getting rich.

Especially off some... Fat cat corporation that plays percentages with

your life.

If there was just some other way, I... You know something?

I could win every last one of those accident cases. Under a thousand phony

names, and it'd just be a drop in the bucket.

They wouldn't even blink.

They're probably insured.

You've had this gym in for how long now?

Usually you can shoot ducks in here.

Gotta keep busy, Sarge. Otherwise we'll go crazy.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

About

that

idea you had on the license plate?

Bird. Yeah, well, there are about 50 of them.

Bird, birdie, bird one, bird two.

So far, none on the van.

That expert Rick said about it. When they enter the room, won't they?

Yeah, well, doctors don't know when that'll be.

Or if it'll be.

Look, uh, Steve's wife would like you guys to be pallbearers, and so would I.

Sure.

There's the whole formal ceremony, gentlemen. The commissioner will be

there, honor guard, motorcycle escort.

He'll be involved in that, too, of course.

It's a stupid way to lose a man.

Stupid...

Attention Glendale three-way units.

At the Dinkter off ramp, citizens reported the vehicle over the side.

That's enough.

All right, three and four responding.

I didn't cut him off.

I didn't know the guy was in that lane.

He came out of nowhere. I swear it. All right, all right. Just stay put. I'll

get to the story, all right?

Hey, easy, easy. You don't want to make it any worse. Internal injuries. I'm

okay.

That road hog did to my car.

Cut me off like that.

What, are you blind?

I didn't see him, man. Didn't see? All those people saw me.

Sure, driving a big fancy sports car right away. Thinks he owns the whole

road. Look, I'm insured.

You're not hurt.

How do you know I'm not hurt? Tell me, you're a doctor, right? All right, all

right, that's enough.

Wait a minute, now, maybe this guy can afford six or seven of old heaps like

mine, but I can't. You better call an ambulance.

You want to pull your car over to the shoulder?

Just sit down over here.

Your chair's been trying to get you on the horn.

That's right, it's almost 11. I'm supposed to meet him at the funeral

parlor. Listen, can you, uh... Get going.

Go on. Thanks a lot.

Hey, look, Bunch.

It's an emblem.

An emblem on the side of a van. That's what he's talking about. An emblem.

Well, we got something to ask the Rickster about when they interview him

again.

Yeah, when?

All right, here's an ad for House of Pets. It has a bird emblem, see?

Yeah, but that's a parrot.

Steve would have said parrot. I don't think it's a pet shop.

What are the kinds of businesses that have bird emblems on their vans?

Diaper servers.

What about a stork?

Oh, God.

You know, this is gonna take forever. You know how many bird emblems they've

got in this book alone?

Yeah, almost 100.

We have a list from the advertising council. I plan to have Berks look it

over.

Hey, how's Bear doing?

Well enough to go through a preliminary debriefing, which confirmed your hunch.

Steve met a logo on the van that hit him. Any idea when Bear will be up and

around? Well, if I know bricks, it won't be long.

They're waiting for us.

Ah, gentlemen.

There'll be three of you on either side of the coffin in the following order, I

think.

You, you, and you. Then on the other side, you'll be on over there, and then

you possibly... Look.

Hey, Barry.

What do you say, Barry?

If they had let me come, I'd have walked out anyway.

Well, we never doubted it.

Ever.

I want to be in the procession, Sarge.

Well, it would be most appropriate, I think.

So do I.

Not many more left.

Easy, Pocherello. It'll be there.

Oh, yeah, probably the last one.

Hey.

About ten from last.

Mm-hmm.

Dove deliveries.

211 South Sierra.

Dents. Scratches.

Show me one of my trucks that doesn't have them. People use those vans for

target practice.

What about the guys? Any of them look...

I don't know. Shook.

Nervous?

Nervous. Sick.

Nah.

Wait a minute.

Abel came in early from his run.

That's right. He said he didn't feel good.

Abel? Abel Henshaw.

Guy's nervous about his driving, too. Company ought to put him on probation.

That's him.

Get out of the car.

There was an accident.

I was driving along so safe, you know, and this guy cuts me off. I had to get

out of his way, didn't I?

Why did they have to be right there?

And then what happened?

I couldn't think, you know.

I mean, all my tickets and my high risk on insurance.

You know how much I need this job?

You know how much that officer needed his life?

Now, Mr. Henshaw, you said somebody cut you off.

Describe the car.

Yeah, it's used, all rusted all over, you know.

They shouldn't let truck cars like that on the highway.

What about the driver?

Oh, I'd have bought him it, and I'll have him so fast. I mean, can you

remember anything, Mr. Henshaw?

Well, he wore something, some hat, like, no, like a helmet, like one of them old

-time football helmets, you know, like they used to wear in the Pat O'Brien

movies. You know, win one for the gipper.

Look, I know it sounds hollow and everything, but...

He served his country as a brave Marine, and he served his state

as a brave peace officer.

He'll be missed by you, by me,

and most of all, he'll be missed by his family,

for whose sacrifice we are all deeply

indebted.

Salute!

Ready?

On behalf of the governor of the state of California, all his friends in the

California Highway Patrol, please accept this as a small token of our

appreciation for the service of Steve Renner.

Thank you.

Could you swallow a cup of coffee?

I forget it. You want something stronger?

Huh?

I wasn't hung up on that.

No?

Hey, John.

Old football helmets from Pat O'Brien movies.

backing up the off-ramp into my radiator, that's what. What are you,

crazy? Nobody backs up an off-ramp.

All right, all right, take it easy, guys. You both get a chance to tell your

story. Now, pull your cars over the shoulder. We already got traffic up the

three-way, all right?

I've never seen anything like it.

The guy gets to the stop sign, and then wham! He comes at me, tail first.

Have you ever heard such a phony excuse in your life?

And I bet you thought you heard him.

Don't I know you?

I don't think so.

Look, you want me to move this off the side, right?

Hey, wait a minute.

I'll be right with it.

What's going on?

That's the guy who went off the shoulder yesterday.

Side swiper?

How much you want to bet he's got an old football helmet in there?

The guy knew what he was doing, whoever he is.

Well, check the car out.

Missing windows, roll bar, like it was prepped for accidents.

Remember that car he took down the embankment? The car, the driver... You

know what I'm thinking?

Some kind of stuntman.

Some kind of st...

Okay, guys, that's it.

Let's move to the next location down the end of the street.

Terrific, terrific, my man, as always.

Well, you can relax.

Don't go too far.

Not much. We're almost there.

OK, now look, look. Make sure this cable is buried, you understand? Otherwise, we

blow the joke, OK? Got it, got it. Say, look, did you talk to Dennis about this

new stunt? No, no.

That's next on the agenda. As a matter of fact, go find him for me, will you?

I'll be right over here, OK?

Dennis!

What do you suppose he gets for a stunt like that, huh?

Oh, I suppose, uh, seven years.

It was an insurance scam.

Grace had set himself up as an accident victim, using various names. And his

girlfriend at the DMV supplied him with blank licenses.

Yeah. And since he was one of the primo stunt drivers in the business, he wasn't

worried about his skin.

If you're worried about it now, vehicular manslaughter is a heavy

charge.

Look, have you told Cheryl Wiedemeyer?

Yeah. For all the good it does.

Hey, you guys.

Someone in the lobby says he wants to talk to you about film work.

Barry Granger?

That's the director of that film.

Yeah, yeah. Says he saw you up on the set when you busted that stunt guy.

Thinks you got it.

Me? Yeah. You sure?

It's what he said.

You hear that? You hear that?

My mirror was right.

You want to talk brilliant casting idea. I got a world-class idea here. Where is

Barry?

Do I know you?

Ah, there he is! What a face, huh? I'm telling you.

For the role of the cop, right? Look at that face, huh?

It's time for the role of the cop. What do you think, huh? Perfect, perfect.

Hey, now, wait a minute, guys. I mean, I mean,

a real cop, yeah, but hey,

come on.

You got to say yes.

You don't want us to hire him, do you?

What is this?

Oh, you guys.

You're crazy.

Movie star?

I don't care who you are.

You'll never work in Hollywood again.