Original subtitles

All right, walk.

Pick it up. Up there.

Good

What's up, Walt?

Fuck!

What about the handball game today? We won it. You always win,

man. Shit, I missed it again.

I gotta get a pizza later.

I gotta get to that game.

Hey, Walt. How you doing?

Hi, John.

Hey,

Walt. Yeah? Can I count on you for Thursday?

What do you think?

Yeah.

Oh, fuck!

It's down, motherfucker!

It's down! Oh, Brandon!

I gotta go.

Can you do that?

Do it.

Don't see him.

I'll try it.

I'll try it.

Hey,

what you got there? Love letters?

Looks more like a Dear John letter to me.

Hey, everybody needs love, honey. All I need is a John.

They are not girls.

They are not boys.

They can't help it. They was born like that.

Something... In the throat.

Remember Ashley, my girlfriend?

Yeah.

She fucking left me, bro.

What do you watch? She looked like she was 14.

Bring it up higher.

Hey, hey, shut the fucking window or shut the fuck up. You shut your fucking

window, fucking faggot.

The gay community thanks you for your support, fucker!

Fuck you and the gay community!

Fuck you and your let's get married and have kids and we have the fucking dog

community, fucker!

He's not hearing a little. Fuck.

Fuck you, this motherfucker.

I told you he don't hire that fuck. I know, try me. I never did.

You're looking sharp, Walton.

Save it for your paying customers, babe.

Hi, sweetheart.

I was in bed last night and I saw a rat run across my rug.

No, I'm sure you're mistaken.

You are not listening to me.

I was in bed last night. I saw a rat run across the rug.

Okay? A rat?

We have no rats here.

Could you send Jaime to check my apartment tomorrow, please?

I'm late for work.

How you doing tonight?

Hey, Walt, how you doing?

You remember Sally?

I won't.

Hey, baby, what are you doing?

Come here.

Would you come here? Well, welcome everybody.

You all look fabulous.

You look fucking great.

Except for this table over here.

I hate it in Brooklyn.

Oh,

hey sweetie. You guys like girls with big fat asses.

Big old tits.

Why don't you come up here?

Just stand right there. Don't come any closer.

Guys like you beat my ass once I leave the club.

You know what I'm saying?

You love me when I'm here, and the minute I leave, you beat the shit out of

me.

All right.

Get your fucking hand off my shoulder.

Oh, my God. Are you gay?

A little bit.

Only a little bit.

And I'm a little bit of a girl, too.

Just a little bit. I'm all woman. All right. I want you to bend over now.

I want you to kiss my ass.

Kiss my ass.

Think of me as a present and it's Christmas.

All right.

Have a seat.

Look at you.

I'm going to invite my first female member on the stage.

And she's wonderful.

All right. Amazing girls. Thank you.

your Cherokee.

My mother's people were ashamed of me.

And you said that I was white by law.

The white man always called me Indian squad.

You never asked me to dance, huh, Walt?

How come always Karen?

Because Karen's a lady and you ain't. You're a whore.

How many times did I tell you? Don't go with whores. You know.

I'm not a whore, Walt.

You're not?

Okay.

I'm ready.

I hate to ask you, but I'm running kind of short on my rent again.

Had enough?

Thank you, baby.

What a man.

What a woman.

See you next week.

I'll count the days.

That's a good boy, then.

Escucha bien.

Just give me the money.

Why'd you fucking shoot me? Fuck you!

Relax!

Relax! Let me get the fuck out!

Why'd you shoot her?

Fucking killed her, man.

Are you awake?

I'm Dr. Nimra.

Can you hear me?

Do you understand me?

You've had a stroke.

There is some paralysis on your right side.

Mr. Koontz, I'm Detective Noonan. In the early morning hours of October 3rd, you

heard gunshots. You took your service revolver and attempted to confront the

perpetrators before your heart attack.

Actually, a stroke.

Right, sorry.

Did you get a look at the killers? Could you identify them?

You're here for Amber Garcia Sanchez?

I'm here to identify the body.

Uh-huh. And your relationship to the deceased?

Just a friend.

With an every square inch roof basement, not his shithouse.

Philistines. I'd like to know where the fucking bitch is across the fucking

hall. Okay.

Miss Crystal, are you in there?

All set, Mr. Coons?

I've arranged for one of our volunteers to drive you home.

I know you're all alone.

By yourself?

Alone?

But why?

I'm okay.

See if I can't.

Hey, Pop.

Jesus Christ. Come here. Check this out.

Look, you need a little help?

Waldo Goons, why are you walking so funny?

Uh, throat.

Oh, you think that's bad?

I didn't sleep a wink last night.

Hmm.

What the fuck did you do to my place, you Neanderthals?

I'll fuck you up worse if you don't give us our money. What money?

The money Amber gave you to fucking hide, motherfucker.

Honey, if I had any money, I'd move to a better neighborhood where I wouldn't

have to deal with scum like you. You sick bitch!

God, you know, you homicidal maniacs are so sensitive.

What the fuck is this? No!

Don't!

Fuck this shit. It's Amber's ashes.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Get the fuck out of here!

Get the fuck out of here!

We'll be watching you, faggot. I'll watch my ass!

Ashley, why did you trash me?

Like some used up soda can Ashley,

why did you trash me?

I was supposed to be your man Ashley,

you're a fucking bitch You left me for a guy named Lance

Ashley, you're really stupid.

Because I was saving up to take you to France.

Yeah, I was going to take you to France.

Mr. Coons, it's Dr.

Nirmala.

Are you in there?

Mr. Wilcox at the front desk said you were in.

Hello, Mr. Coons.

I've been so concerned, Mr. Coons.

You didn't return to the hospital for your physical therapy.

And you don't answer your telephone.

And your friends say that you never visit them. And you don't allow them to

visit you.

And Mr. Pym, the grocer, he says that you shop once a week, and that too late

at night.

Now I can understand.

You don't want your friends to see you, perhaps not as you once were.

But if you came in for your therapy, you would improve.

And so would your spirits.

Now, I can arrange to have a... physical therapists come here three

times a week.

Would you like that?

Of course it's going to be more expensive than at the hospital.

Let's keep our voices down. Let's just keep our voices down. Shut the fuck up.

Crazy shit, man.

What the fuck are we talking about keeping shit down?

Where this fucking bitch at?

That skanky hoe has my money.

Oh, hi.

Well, how are you?

No, I mean, I heard you got hurt trying to save Amber, you know, and she was a

friend of mine, so I... I really... Well, I want to thank you, and I'm sorry

about... Oh, okay, let me help you, sir.

Don't wait.

Are you okay?

Give me your hand.

Don't be like that.

For God's sake.

Are you worried I might be catchy?

Or you might suffer from a severe jewelry rash?

I've had worse, big boy.

Happy

Halloween!

That is just teetering uninteresting. Look, it's very simple. You sign up for

the Flawless Contest.

If we don't receive your entrance fee within two weeks, you're 86.

You know what, you're free.

Hi, ladies.

Hi, sweetheart. Is it just me, or are drag queens getting more demented every

year? It's just you, honey. It's you, hon, that's for sure. Honey, how come,

uh... The goddamn entrance fee went up. Cost of living, sweetie.

A hundred fucking dollars.

Oh, my God. Who's living at that?

Not that it matters. I think we all know who's going to win.

My little Hispanic hot cake.

You truly are flawless, Cha-Cha.

She ain't gonna win this year. No fucking way. Yeah, you're gonna start

fucking, bitch.

It's America's least wanted.

Yeah, I heard your tired pussy was on sale at the International House of

Cunts. Yeah, with your mama, bitch. Take it to the street, please!

I need some butch faggots over here!

I need some dykes!

Get off of me! Get the fuck out of here! Shit!

That's right, you got thrown out again!

Oh,

hi.

It's Walt.

trying to see you. You know how many times I knocked on your door or rang

your phone? I've been real worried.

I'm his physical therapist, LaShawn Williams.

Tommy Walsh. All right. I'm on my lunch hour. I thought I'd stop by. Sure.

So, Walt, how you doing?

Hey.

What's your name?

LaShawn.

Listen, you good? Take good care of my buddy here, huh? He's a real hero, you

know.

He saved me, the other guy, Joe, and 14 hostages in 1988.

Tom,

wait. That's how he won early retirement. Look here.

The letter from Mayor Koch.

Oh, wow.

There's a bravery medal.

Man. That's right. Wait.

Here, look at this.

This is Walt, right here, in the middle.

That's Joe. That's me.

I'm pistol-whipped down on the floor.

Joe's shitting in his pants.

Walt, pistol-whipped also, bleeding like a mother.

He pretends like he's knocked out.

All of a sudden, blam, blam.

He shoots.

Two thieving motherfuckers go down.

You know why I should tell him to shut up?

Hey, shut the fuck up! Look, a man in uniform.

Holy shit.

Jesus Christ.

Fucking freak show.

Well, I think I should go.

Whoa. Here we go.

That's right. You need anything?

Okay.

I guess you heard that Amber, that little hooker upstairs, and her sleaze

boyfriend stole off Mr. Z.

So, it was his guys and him that you were shooting at.

They still can't find the money.

And you know the cops can't do anything.

Mr. Z's got them in his pocket.

Anyways.

Hey, do me a favor, will you?

Pick up the goddamn phone when I call you.

We'll take good care of him.

Yeah. What was your name again?

LaShawn.

Right. Yeah. Right.

All right. All right.

I'll see yous.

You know, I had some real success with, um, stroke patients improving speech.

You know how?

Don't laugh.

Singing lessons.

It relaxes you. A lot of people like singing.

I got a card in my bag for Lady Uptown.

Mildred something.

She's good.

Hey, you gotta start getting out soon anyway.

Hey, what could you lose, huh?

You start talking better and visit with your friends on the phone.

We'd even have phone sex.

Hey, buddy, you okay?

I didn't hit you, did I?

You slipped on the ice.

Mr. Coons, please, let me help you.

You okay?

Yeah?

Buddy, is this yours?

Here,

you dropped something.

I'll go get the door.

You want this?

Is this your card? I think it is.

No, honey, let me guess. A Jehovah's Witness.

I'm

sorry.

I'd rather suck Hitler's dead dick.

I'll show you this!

Wait. Fuck.

Honey, could you pay cash? Cash.

I don't want your pity.

I don't want your fucking pity either, all right?

I need the money.

I'll call you from the window tomorrow when I'm ready.

Cut.

We're wasting our time.

Hey, bitch!

Bitch, where the fuck is Crystal?

Where the fuck is Crystal? I see her. I see her. Right there. Yeah, yeah.

Wait a minute, motherfucker.

Bitch.

No,

I'm not saying it's her bed. What do you want from me?

What do you want? Shut up.

Mr. is in his fucking money. No, I swear.

disappear and make like carl lewis because i heard you was looking for me

i've seen what you've done to amber and raymond and the same thing happens to

you if mr v don't get his fucking money back do i look like i got any money you

think i'd be working ten times

Welcome to fairyland.

We hope you enjoy the ride.

Do not stand up in the cars and please leave your attitude outside, alright?

Oh honey, that was a jab.

Okay.

I hate people who think they're funny. Yeah? Bet you hate a lot of things.

Well, I thought we'd start with the scales.

All right, do you know the scales?

All right, grumpy, sneezy, and horny.

All right, shall we begin?

But I am not Jodie Foster and this is not Silence of the Lambs, all right? Now

your voice is a muscle, all right? And you can exercise it, okay?

What? You can exercise it, don't be afraid, all right?

Right.

Right, okay, that's better.

All right, let's move on.

Me.

That was a lot better. Okay, good. Going for Fa.

Fa.

Fa, come on. You can do it.

Fa.

Say it out, Louise.

Fa.

Hey, this was your idea.

Can't do it.

Bullshit.

Can't do it.

Can't do this.

No, honey, can't lives on won't street.

All right?

Why don't you try fucking faggot?

You know, because you were always pretty good at shouting that across the alley.

Fucking faggot.

Freck.

Cuff. Asshole!

Republican!

Fascist!

Cheerleader, fucker!

Fuckin' fruitcake!

Nazi!

I'll fuckin' help you out of the door.

Fuckin' faggot!

There you go.

Yeah, it's open. There you go.

You came here with a belly full of self-pity. You came to the wrong fucking

place, all right? I left sensitivity back in the sandpile.

Michelle Pfeiffer goes after a dangerous mind.

I know you're in there.

Well, you paid for the lesson. You might as well get it.

Come on, open the door.

What? I want you, baby.

Oh, please be my man.

Oh, please put it inside of me.

Break it off in me, Daddy.

Break it off in me.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Okay, okay.

What the fuck are you doing?

All right, we had a few words.

None that we haven't heard her use before, all right?

What, so is that it? She just quit?

Fuck you!

Fuck you, too. Fuck you!

Having no trouble with the F sound, are we? Get out!

Get out! Fine, fine.

I told your doctor... I told your doctor it would never work.

You... You talked to the doctor tomorrow?

Yeah. Tomorrow?

Yeah.

She's a very fine woman. She helped a friend of mine who died of AIDS.

Miss Burma.

And also, if I was going to teach you, I wanted to make sure I was doing it

right, you know?

Like Anne Bancroft, you know, the miracle worker.

I don't make no friends with a heart of gold.

Honey, you see a crown of thorns on my head?

I'm only rhinestone, sweetheart.

I am no Brother Teresa. I told you, I need the money. I got big plans.

Oh.

Got a letter from Ed Koch.

Oh, when New York was fun.

Oh, you're a bowler.

That's so cute.

Third place.

Pretty good.

Oh, I always heard you were some kind of hero, you know.

Look where it got me.

Oh, hey, you know.

You got a rough break.

Who didn't?

It's like I see you sitting there all alone, you know, all the time.

Hiding from life, you know?

Life? Life is shit.

Aren't you just a little ray of sunshine?

Well, please allow me to leave you sitting there all alone on your pity

pot, because I've been there before, sweetheart.

All right.

Pour me, pour me, pour me another, all right?

Are you coming upstairs, you know, to face the music like the man you're

supposed to be?

Or should I just get Dr.

Kevorkian's fucking phone number for you?

Your favorite note?

All right, play that funky music, white boy. All right.

Okay, I think you're doing pretty good with the scales.

All right. We need to start working on a song, okay?

All right.

Oh, everything's coming up for us?

All right. Peppy, positive sign time.

Oh, okay.

Okay, moving right along.

You're probably hearing a Sinatra.

Although I don't do Sinatra, although I'm sure I'm the only girl who hasn't.

I'm a tango.

So, you're a tango dancer?

Are you?

What? What?

Yeah.

You will be again, though.

I know a song you'd probably love.

All right, hold on.

It's right here on the desk. Okay.

All right.

Sorry, girl. We didn't know you as entertaining.

We're going downstairs for some pizza.

Yeah, we're going to go watch Carmine twirl that pizza dough with those big

muscle heads.

You want to come with us, ladies?

This is Walt from downstairs.

He's taking singing lessons, all right?

Well, Mary, I just want to find out about my blue dress.

You better watch out for Rusty, honey.

She likes you straight, guys.

Like you.

Shh, shh, shh. Miss Thing, shove a landmine in that big hole you call a

mouth, all right?

How you doing, baby?

My name is Chacha de los Santos Perez Cueva.

You can just call me Chacha.

Oh,

I'm sorry. You have a My Little Foot thing going on, don't you?

All right, out, out, out, out.

Oh, my God.

I think we got the message.

Come on.

You who? Miss Taco Bell. Bye,

Mr. Milo Foot.

Bye, Milo. Bye, Milo. All right, I'll take a Milo. All right? Miss you

already.

Sorry about that.

There was so much work.

All right.

Oh, is this the real you or what?

Give me some men who are stout-hearted men who will fight for the right. Say

it.

The Macho Man, Kill Bear, Shittin' Woods.

Am I right?

You'll love it, honey.

All right, now we can start with it. Give me some man who I start, you know,

from the top of that song I thought would be really good.

How long you been doing this?

Singing? No, no, this very clean type of thing.

Uh,

well, I've been in musicals.

At school, ever since I was a little kid, you know, I was Prince Jalongkorn

in The King and I, but I was miscast.

Then I was the lion in The Wizard of Oz, but I was definitely miscast, but I was

the only one bad enough to fit into the costume, whatever.

And then in The Snow Queen, where I was again totally miscast as the king, we

were all on stage.

And they had made these dry ice kettles so they could smoke gum out of them, you

know. And one night, all of a sudden, one dry ice kettle exploded. And dry ice

flew everywhere.

Well, pretty little Miss No Talent, who was playing the Snow Queen, you know,

dashed off the stage screaming and pulling her hair out.

Well, the play must go on, I believe.

And she had dropped a crown.

Well, honey, I just picked up that crown.

Put it on my head, and I was the greatest goddamn snow queen

in the history of PS11 Paramus, New Jersey.

And I have been wearing dresses ever since.

But I don't like the term drag queen, you know, because most drag queens just

want to, you know, parade around looking flawless, you know, and if they sing,

you know, their lips sing to records.

I'm a singer, um, and I'm a female impressionist.

I'm an artist, you know?

Well, it's, uh, bullshit.

You're a fucking drag queen.

Oh.

Let me, um, savor those lovely words for a moment, all right? What are you,

channeling Jesse Helms?

Won't be so, so, so sensitive.

You can take that as dick. You can take that as insult.

Right, Mom.

I'm not so stupid as you think.

You can never be as stupid as I think you are, all right?

Yes? That'll be two weeks, right?

Yes.

And that's a week in advance.

I'm getting a motorcycle. I want to know if I can park it in the back so it won't

get ripped off.

A motorcycle.

It's $50 additional every week for parking.

$50? Mm-hmm.

No problem.

Take it easy. Would you like a receipt for that?

No, I trust you to lighten up a little bit, Leonard.

Come on.

Bye.

Have a nice evening.

We're just going to start with a Shirley, Shirley.

Last night.

What, honey? Your boyfriend.

Yeah.

It's complicated.

I was married.

He has two kids.

But he fucking gambles.

You know.

On sports.

He always needs money for new storm windows or something for his kids, you

know, so he says, but it's for gambling, and I know, and...

He gambles with your

money?

Yeah, he gambles with my money.

So you pay the fax?

Oh, honey, there's no romance without finance.

You think if you got a wifey or a girlfriend, you don't pay, honey?

Honey, you pay, all right?

You ever been married?

Don't answer that.

She probably died of some horrible disease and it's made you what you are.

Well, she was a...

I was a dancer.

I worshipped her.

She ran off with some guy who

gave her a tattoo.

Took everything, everything.

The dog, everything.

Honey, you should have gotten another dog.

All right.

All right, slowly now.

Shirley.

Shirley.

Shirley. Shirley. All right.

Oh, Christ.

I'm sorry. Just, um, Shirley, Shirley, all right? Shirley.

Okay, okay, okay.

Stop ringing.

Hold on, hold on.

Um... We're gonna have to stop for today, alright sweetheart?

I'm sorry, I just have to... I have to stop.

Hello?

Who is this?

Walt.

Walt.

Is there anything you need?

To tell you the truth, I was hoping maybe we would get together.

Sure. You're a godsend.

Because I'm having trouble with my rent again

this month.

I see.

Oh, sure.

Listen,

I'm going to be tied up for the next...

A couple of weeks.

But I'll call you.

I gotta go.

Bye, sweetheart.

I'll call you. Bye.

Don't go.

Because she ain't interested in you or what picture you want to see.

Mr. Pogo has returned.

Where are you going?

I haven't finished my story.

Nice wheels.

Thanks, man.

Hey, what's the cost?

Yeah. How did you get the money?

Hey. Hey.

Hmm?

What the fuck man, oh wait, you've been flashed my lot of new cash. How would

you get it?

Look some guy owed me some money big deal. Yeah, okay Fuck this shit Tasha.

We gotta get out

I'll

tell you don't don't hurt the bike. I've been dealing

Dylan

For who, motherfucker?

Of Rado.

For that fat fuck and Mr. Z's territory.

Fucker!

Oh,

shit.

To deal around here again, you're fucking dead.

You never said nothing about dealing drugs, prick!

Tasha, I really thought you were the one.

You just treated me like scum.

And you left me like a tornado who leaves the town.

I gave you love.

I gave you gifts.

But you treated me like shit.

And you fucking kicked me when I was down.

You fucking kicked me when I was down.

So no more excuses, all right? When I call, use the answer to the phone.

Because I know you talked to Karen.

She told you?

No. Tia.

You know, the young one in the dance club?

Always had eyes for you?

He's a whore.

Hey, they're all whores. Except my mother, may she rest in peace.

Hey, I'm watching.

Hey, and your mother, too.

What's your name again?

LaShawn.

LaShawn, right.

Anyways, tomorrow is Saturday, and the card game's at Benny's. The guys would

sure love it if you would drop by, like old times.

Maybe.

Yeah, sure.

And black is beautiful.

Man, watch your mouth, all right?

Fat boy.

Fat boy?

What's wrong with that?

Motherfucker. Oh, now, watch it. No, I'm watching. You want to come over here and

watch? Hey, don't get mad at me just because you look like Pillsbury

Doughboy.

I am somebody.

Oh, no, hold up.

No, no, come on. Well, hand me the paddle. Take it easy. Hand me the

paddle. Get that fucking paddle before you come over here. You better watch

out, man. Hey, come on. I said it to you on purpose.

I know. You came from Kings.

I saw roots all 20 nights of it. Hey, let me mess with you, Colin. Come on.

Okay.

I got it.

There we go.

Hey. Hi, Walter.

Yeah, he's... Thanks.

Don't cry for me, Argentina.

What do you think, Mr. My Left Foot?

You know, for the flawless contest.

Your brain's still broke, pal.

And that's okay.

Um, have you seen Miss Rusty? Because she was supposed to help me with this.

No, I didn't see him.

Okay, thank you.

Bye, baby.

Bye.

Bye.

Big boy.

one fucking word from either one of you.

Okay, baby.

Okay, baby.

Oh my God, I'm so glad I lived long enough to see that.

In Siegfeld, girl.

Oh.

Oh, honey.

Oh, honey.

Hi.

Are you alright?

Peachy, honey.

Where the hell you been?

Fun and games. My mother's funeral in the wake.

Father here like your mother.

Oh, my father killed her a long time ago.

Buried her today.

That's all.

This is my legacy.

Her old gloves.

She always wore gloves.

She was a victim, you know.

She's sweet, you know, but a victim.

The reform drunk on her knees at church begging, you know, Jesus,

Mary, and Joseph and every goddamn saint in heaven to forgive her.

Forgiving birth to Cruella de Fag, you know.

You know, being a slave to my father before he died.

You would have loved each other.

He thought Archie Bunker was a flaming liberal.

You know, every morning, she would get up and fix some breakfast, you know? And

every morning for 30 years, she said,

you know, hi, Daddy, do you love me?

No answer.

Every morning, 30 years, hi, Daddy, do you love me?

No answer.

One day, my mom says,

Hi, Daddy, do you love me?

And he said no.

The moral of that story is so, if you haven't gotten an answer in 30 years,

you ought to know it by now.

Thanks for the drink. You're welcome.

See you tomorrow.

Thank you for staying.

For talking about your mother.

Thanks.

You're right, Walt.

Penny, I just want you to know that you're right.

You know, I'm not an artist. I'm not some

female impressionist.

I'm lonely.

And I'm ugly.

And I'm a drag queen.

Now Loco's feeling sorry for himself.

Where the fuck have you been? Sonny, don't.

You says that if I come here last night, you owe the rest of the fucking money.

You didn't show up.

I didn't have the money. I was somewhere else, all right? Well, where's the

fucking money? Get me the fucking money. Go in there.

Who the fuck is this?

Sonny, let go. I'll get you the money. Let go of him. I'll give you the money,

all right?

Walt, just get in the room.

Walt, he's not going to let you go, all right? Just walk in the room.

I'm tired of coming here for nothing.

Five minutes, okay?

You should fuck around. I'm telling you, Rusty, I'm going to fucking smack you.

You look really good today.

He's got this Italian Catholic guilt and shame thing because he loves me so much.

We're working it out.

This won't happen once.

I had my operation to be a woman.

That's why I work teaching and sewing, saving up for the day that I...

You'll become a real woman.

All shit.

After the, uh... the hormone shots and the operation.

Snip, snip.

You ain't no woman.

I'm just not your idea of a woman, Walt.

You're nobody's idea of a woman.

Am I idea?

Maybe I couldn't understand if you

wanted to be a woman, but

what I don't understand is I'm a man.

Wanting to be an ugly woman.

Open up, big old day, come on!

Hey, we didn't think you would come to Vinnie's house, so we brought the party

to you. Come on.

Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.

Come on, let's go. Hey, you guys, is Waldo back here or what?

Waldo Coons is back.

The man's a true hero.

I'll never forget that day in that bank 14 years ago. I heard it 43 times. I

heard it, and I don't want to hear it again.

I won't say it, I won't say it. Hey, whatever happened to the other guy? You

know, the other guard, Joe, is he retired or what? No, no, he got a...

Great job, Southeast Asia, something like that. He's a smart guy, right,

Walt? All right.

Walt, I hear you're thick with the sheehy's, or should I say long and

thick? I'll tell you something, please tell me, because it's in the building.

It's in the building.

Fuckhead.

Yeah, right. That's right. And he's doing great. He is. He's wonderful.

Just, I never thought I'd see Walter Walcoons hanging out with drag queens.

Hey,

I'll get it. Paul, are you out? Yes, I'm out.

It's you and I, Vinnie. Come on. Are we playing... We're out, huh? Yeah.

Fellas, you remember Tia from the dance club?

Walt, you remember Tia, right?

Jesus, you know what? We should go. Look at the time. I mean, we should get out

of here.

Figure the chips out later.

Hey,

T, you're a real girl, aren't you?

Look, will you shut the fuck up? Don't pay any attention to him. He's brain

damaged from birth, all right?

Hey, Walt, get your skinny ass out.

I'll see you next Saturday, all right? My house, okay?

How you doing?

Okay.

These are for you.

I can put them in some water for you.

Just let me know where the stuff is.

Okay.

That's okay.

I'll do it.

I know how much you like the tango so much, so I made a tape of those songs

that you like the most.

The quality's not that great, but...

Time for the tape.

Nice. Nice.

Nice.

Whoa.

Well, you never asked me to dance, so...

And then I can ask you.

Oh, alright.

I don't have any money.

Is there anything about money?

What? I feel sorry for you.

No problem.

I never felt sorry for you, Walt, until now.

Take it easy well

Little trick with Nick.

Nick, Nick for Vic. Banana, banana for Vic.

Pea pie for Vic.

Nick.

Go, girl.

Go, girl. Go, girl. Go, girl. All right. All right, sweetheart.

Very good, honey.

Very good.

First song of yours, Vic.

Good.

What's next?

Honey, I think that's it.

You graduated.

But you've got some songs and stuff to learn, huh?

Honey, I would love to keep taking your money, you know, but you're doing...

You're doing really well, you know? And I made you a bunch of tapes.

You know, you can go practice them.

But why don't you come by tomorrow at five and you can pick them up, okay?

Fine. Okay?

Thanks for meeting with us, gentlemen.

We've been discussing... This year's gay pride parade and we felt that it

wouldn't be important Well a good idea to show a united front synthesis, I

believe right We felt as gay Republicans We thought it would be

a really good idea if we could all come together and show the world our

likenesses not our differences to celebrate the M Synthesis right

synthesis synthesis

You're very good.

You are.

I'm sorry, go ahead.

We could march together as a united brotherhood.

What about the system?

Hello.

March on foot.

No floats.

Yeah, you think that if you have no floats, we won't do drag because we

can't march in heels, right? Well, let me tell you something, honey.

We can march to Lake Titicaca and back in stilettos. So don't. Okay, that's

right. Okay, let's just calm down then. Aren't you guys the same group that, you

know... raised a shitload of money and gave it to Bob Dole's campaign, and he

sent it back to me. No, no, that's because he would have lost the support

of the Christian right. Exactly, because you're gay.

You're gay. That's why he sent it back. Aren't you ashamed?

All right, listen, you are right.

We are different, but not in the way that you mean.

We're different because you are all ashamed of us, and we are not ashamed of

you.

All right? Because as long as you get down on those banana Republican knees

and suck dick, honey...

You're all my sisters.

And I love you. I do.

God bless you.

And fuck off.

Huh? Mom?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Jack. Jack.

Mr. Z. It's an expert.

It's a rock.

Where is my mother?

Leonard, haven't I always been good to you?

Good to me?

You've always...

Didn't I help you get the mortgage on this place for your mother?

You're a saint, Mr. Z.

I kind of treated you like a pet, didn't I?

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Sit down, Leonard.

We searched every step of Raymond's route 50 times.

There's still no money. Mr. Z, don't you remember?

That I was the one that tipped you off, don't you remember that?

Mm-hmm. And we searched every square inch of that ass-white fleabag motel.

And still no money.

Mr. Z, please.

I swear to you, I swear on my mother. I swear on my mother.

Oh, your mother.

She said she didn't know anything either.

Even after we took her glasses.

And her hearing aid.

And her teeth.

Mommy.

Mommy.

And her little bird.

Now, in exactly 20 minutes, Vance is going to deliver your mother here.

Don't worry about her. I told him to suit her with a few milkshakes and

whatever the fuck else she could come down at the drive-thru at Mickey D's.

Now, if, and this is a big if, Leonard, if you are telling the truth, then

someone in that hotel got my money.

I don't have it. I don't have it. I don't have it. If you're a good dog...

You'll fetch and retrieve it for me.

If you don't, I can only come to one conclusion.

Leonard, if you spend one dying that looks suspicious, next time, you won't

be swearing on your mother.

You'll be swearing on her grave.

Who is it?

It's Walt.

Come on in. The door's open.

Surprise!

Yeah!

Come on in the house.

Come on. Surprise.

Happy graduation.

Happy graduation.

Happy graduation. Yeah, that's right. Pick it up.

Take care of yourself.

See you soon.

Mr. My Left Foot, this is the movie I was talking about.

My Left Foot is for you to keep, okay? It's very, very inspirational.

You like my cufflinks?

I need to really shoot BBs.

If you really like this, I can get you another one. It's called The Hunchback

of Notre Dame.

You heard of it before?

It's my favorite.

It's about this guy who's really misshapen, like even worse than you.

And he falls in love with this beautiful, fiery, wild gypsy girl called

Esmeralda.

She kind of looks like me.

Come on, let's dance.

That's what it is.

All right.

Hello, pizza, everyone.

All right.

Come on, come on.

Let me pay for it.

I got one, and Carmine is supposed to get each other.

All right, come on, have a drink. I have to get going. My car is waiting for me.

I have to get back to work. A lot of work to do.

Come on, have a drink. Come on, have a drink.

Have a drink.

My papa good papa.

Give me a kiss.

She's sweet, right? God, how old is she?

She's a Leo.

How old she was?

I, you know, I don't know. I met her when, you know, she was wearing a

uniform and stuff. Yeah, what kind of uniform?

You know, that's a school outfit or whatever.

What school?

Yeah, a little Catholic place down the street.

Junior high, high school.

Yeah, you know, yeah.

Oh, my God, look at his stomach.

Jesus Christ.

God damn, Carmine, I sent you.

I told you not to wear those guns. You're so stupid!

Oh, Rusty. I shot my best friend in the tit with my gun.

I didn't mean it.

You know, I

never would have believed that we could have gotten through

this together.

I mean, I can't believe that I could.

I mean that I could actually be of some kind of help to someone like you.

You're a big hero and all, you know.

I'm not a big hero. I'm scared.

What could you be scared of?

What's the worst fear?

That you'll fall in the street.

Someone will make fun of you. What?

I don't want to sleep with you anymore.

Guess what?

Some of them won't.

So you'll just have to find the ones that will, Walt.

And just remember, this is who you are, Waldo.

You're Walt the Wall, Koontz.

A true hero.

Who's the little guy?

Joe. Joe.

Joe and me were friends for years.

Best friends.

He really wanted to better himself.

I really admire him.

Went to school nights and weekends to learn computers.

Got a big job.

When I drove him to the airport and also went to Asia.

Two days later, the bank

had $200

,000 missing.

Oh. Oh, Christ.

Somehow done from the inside with computers.

Nobody ever heard from Joe again.

I drove Dillard to the airport.

I used my best friend.

And I never told anybody that.

So, Nero.

Well, since it's confession

night at Our Lady of Perpetual Disco,

I'm going to tell you something that I've never told anyone.

I've got Mr.

Z's money.

I got here right when you were being rushed to the hospital, you know,

and when the cops left, I went up.

You know, because Amber had given me her key and told me she would always hid her

money, you know, because she always had some money set aside for her funeral.

Because she always knew that she was going to die young. And, of course, she

did. You know, poor baby.

So, where is it?

Right in here, honey.

Where Mama... always knows where it is.

Right here in Hip's ass and titty city,

sweetheart.

It's gonna pay for my operation.

And when I come back, you know, a new woman, I'm gonna give Amber a funeral

and a monument and an eternal flame.

Just like Princess Diana.

Wait, you said that you needed the money from the lessons,

right?

But I was your cover?

So all the sewing jobs, the crying poor,

my lessons, that was all...

So the learner would not suspect you?

Wait a minute, honey.

You... You

used me because of my condition.

Excuse me.

Check your playbill, Judge Ito. You came to me.

I need help, and you used me.

Truth, baby.

You want to play back in truth?

You needed someone you weren't ashamed to be crippled in front of.

All right? Someone you thought was so beneath you. You know, a worse freak so

you could feel superior, all right? Still be the big fucking man.

At least... At least I'm a real man.

Everybody, including Wolf fucking Blitzer on CNN, knows you don't think

I'm a real man, honey.

All right, why? Because I don't... What?

Shit in the woods. I don't shoot guns.

You know, I mean, let me tell you something, baby.

All right, it takes a shitload more courage to wake up and face my life than

anything you've ever fucking dreamed of, all right? You couldn't handle real

adversity, honey. That's the truth. Truth? You want fucking truth?

You ain't gonna be a woman. You're never gonna be a woman. You're an ugly fat

faggot. There's truth.

You're an ugly fucking fat faggot. Darling, I am more man than you will

ever be and more woman than you will ever be. Your wish. Yeah, I do wish. All

right, honey. And if you didn't notice, while the hate was pouring out of you,

you didn't stutter once. Now haul your sorry fucking crippling ass out of my

house. Once and for all. Move it, gimpy. Watch your fucking mouth. What, you beat

the shit out of me? You days of beating the shit are over.

Face it, Waldo, your hero days are over, all right? I may be a female

impersonator, but you, my friend, are a male impersonator.

Oh, my God.

Look who's here, Sal.

We gotta say hello.

Hey, Walt. Hi, Walt. How you doing?

It's good to see you, man. Welcome back.

That's okay.

I'm going over here.

We'll talk to you. Okay.

Hey, Walt.

How are you? Okay.

I've really missed you.

Well, thanks.

Flowers. For me.

Not exactly.

Excuse me.

Hi. Hi.

I bought you some flowers.

Thanks.

You don't want to dance?

This is what gives drag queens a bad

name. You two are banned from the contest next year. Maybe so, Hefty.

Yeah, because you're old, and I'm young, and I'm gonna live to piss on your

fucking grave.

This is the first time I've ever seen this happen.

I was real nervous.

But you were great.

You were great.

You were.

I was nervous.

You just need to be around somebody.

Yeah,

well, they didn't bullshit you. They told you the truth.

Whoever it was.

She must be a real good fan, huh?

Why do you say she?

I don't know.

Sounds like something a woman would say.

Why was it a man?

Well, not exactly.

Well, whatever.

Whoever it was.

Good evening, Mr. Coons.

Mr. Coons, if you hear anything in the building later tonight... Like what?

Anything at all. Just ignore it.

Pretend it's not happening.

Do you know the phrase, two closed ears, one closed mouth? Well, that's my motto,

and I follow it.

To hear nothing, to see nothing, to speak nothing.

I don't care what goes on in that trap.

Who do you think you're kidding? You've got the biggest ears, the biggest nose,

and the biggest mouth of anybody I've ever met. That makes you the biggest

asshole.

I love you.

We're starting on all new songs next week, all right? Hey, why don't we go

upstairs and show Mr. My Left Foot that we won?

Walt is history, honey.

He doesn't like us anymore.

I love you.

But I still like him.

Taxi! Hey!

What?

So it's that kind of party.

Where's my money?

Honey, this is where I came in. Do I look like someone who's got your money?

This looks like you got my money.

$25,000 deposit for an operation.

I earned that money.

$35,000 for a complete series of female hormone therapy.

$25,000 for extensive psychological testing before therapy.

Another $40,000 is due.

You know, it costs a lot to look like a woman.

Too expensive to look this cheap.

Fuck her.

Death is cheap.

Fuck her!

You understand that? Just give me my money. I don't want to hurt you. Give us

some more.

Give us some more. Give it up, you bitch.

No!

You shot him!

Fucker!

Let him go.

Let him go.

Where did I let him go? Just let him go and I'll give him the money.

Rusty, don't do it.

Don't do it.

Fuck. Fuck.

Fucking bitch.

Don't kill that bitch till I get my money.

Okay, hero boy.

On the count of three, no money, no rest of your life.

Sound fair?

Okay.

This is the bedroom.

Fucking fuck.

Come on, show me.

Where's the secrets?

Fucking phone.

grace kelly rear window honey all right

Then the Hamilton Terminator 2.

My money.

You clever bitch.

Sticking my money in your fucking ugly girdle.

Hold it.

Put down the gun before your girlfriend here gets a chance to blow Liberace.

Put it down.

Now put it down.

Put it down!

There, boy.

Now why don't you slide it over here?

Can you confirm the self-defense story? Yes.

Self-defense.

There were criminals.

There were animals. There were brutes.

I killed my mother's canary. What? I killed my mother's canary.

Now the name's Ivana. I-V-A-N-A.

Last name?

Ivana Mann.

I knew all night that something was gonna happen.

Hi, Mom.

I won Miss Flawless for the third time.

Careful.

He'll be fine.

It's missing my left foot.

I'm sorry. Relatives only.

I'm his sister.

Hey, wife.

Unity Hospital downtown here. You got medical insurance?

How are you going to pay?

Cash, honey.

Right, New York Hospital, and I want the best team of surgeons available, all

right?

But you heard me, Nurse Ratched, or I'd burn rubber, girl. We're going uptown.

I think you didn't crack your balls off yet.

Thank you.

Here we go

Okay,

here we go

Is there any way of dropping the jaw any more than you're doing it right now?

I'm just, I'm just, okay, all right, all right.

I'm just, okay. You have more practice than I have.

No, I know, I know.

I'm sorry. All right, so let's go, let's do, no,

I know, I know. I'm just, is it just, okay, all right, all right.

Let's go to Nick then, all right.

Nick, Nick, Bobak.

How you doing today?

Anyway, you feeling good?

Okay. All right, I feel great today.

You're good. I feel great today.

Okay.

What's another name that we could do?

Nick? All right, Nick.

Let's think of something better, then.

Prick? Prick. All right, let's do Prick. Prick.

All right, here we go.

Your song. All right, it's my song.

All right, let's do Bastard next, okay?

Bastard, Bastard, Faux Bastard, all right?

Here we go. All right, we'll do Prick, all right?

For me.

Prick, Prick, Bobick, Banana, Fana, Faux Fick,

Fee, Fie, Moe, Mick, Prick.

Let's do it again.

Prick.

All right, now we're going to do Bastard. Okay, here we go.

Bastard, Bastard, Bastard, Banana, Banana, Bastard, B

-5-0.

I can't even wrap my mouth

around that one. All right.

My blushing.

Let's do Queen. Queen. Queen.

Queen. Queen. Queen.

Queen. Queen.

Queen.

Queen.

Queen.

Just looking for names on the piano here. All right.

Chuck? Yeah, Chuck.

All right, let's do Chuck.

All right, ready?

Chuck, Chuck, bo-buck, banana, banana, bo-buck.

Pee-bye, bo-buck. What the fuck, Chuck?

What the fuck, bo-buck. All right, let's do pussy.

Pussy, pussy, fo-fussy, banana.

3-5 Mama say, Mama say.

We'll take the plane.

We'll take the rocket to the moon and never be the same.

We'll fly away. We're gonna stay.

Oh, the fate of me and you is to live.