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Petronel...

Petronel, wake up.

They haven't rung yet...

Oh, mother of God! Is it time already? Ave, Maria.

How did you sleep, Petronel?

How'd I sleep! My head's spinning like a screw.

He was at Saint Sylvester's yesterday, they were preparing for New Year's.

Quiet! I wasn't the one to go to Jesus so he'd turn the water into wine.

Yeah? And who wheedled Saint Patrick for the bottle?

You're no saint either.

Who drank my Saint Martin's wine?

I don't know.

Oh, Petronel, Petronel...

you're going to get yourself to Saint Apollinaris if you keep at it.

Yes, yes, I got it! I'm already coming.

PURGATORY

So, who rang the bell?

I'm here.

The name is Vorzhishkova, maiden name Bodlakova.

Your hands?

Clean. And your feet?

-Any dirt behind your ears? -No...

Go ahead then.

Can't we go a little faster, Mr. Angel?

We can't. I'm not that young myself, either.

My husband is waiting for me there, we haven't seen each other in 300 years!

You could've skipped a few centuries down there if you weren't a sinner.

-But I repented! -That's what they all say.

Do you even know how many stairs there are here?

No offense,

but a person is either good and belongs to heaven,

or a sinner, and hell's the place for him,

and all of these "middle grounds..."

They told me there would be big golden gates here, and Saint Peter would greet me...

They like to exaggerate.

Pepi�ek! Are you here?

Why are you yelling? I was just getting to the good part.

I brought Vorzhishkova for the re-examination.

-Where's Saint Peter? -Up there, probably.

How? During work hours?

That's divine order for you! No one cares about the appointments anymore.

-Well? -What?

-Go get him. -Me?

Why me? He's your boss.

Let's bet.

Bet.

Wait here, Vorzhishkova, maiden name Bodlakova,

I'll be right back.

This guy... Will wait here with you.

Mother of God, that Saint Peter's getting too arrogant,

it's been worse since they built him that fancy crome in Rome!

-Dome. -That too,

-He doesn't care about anyone... -Petronel,

don't you see how busy I am? Tomorrow is Saint Nicholas' day.

-Already coming! -So five loaves of bread and two fish is enough?

-Could you hold this? -Sure.

Everyone thinks that just because they've got a halo they can slack off...

-But... This is... -The last bottle of wine...

-Jesus Christ. -Yes, dad?

-No, Jesus, I'm not talking to you... -Good Lord...

I mean Jesus Christ... Holy Trinity...

Petronel! What have you done this time?

I was just looking for saint Peter...

Don't get so worked up. As if this could never happen to you.

When did I ever spill anything?

So the Flood is nothing to you now?

Aren't you supposed to be by the gates? Go!

I'm already there...

ANGEL OF THE LORD 2

I don't want to...

You have to help me a little, Ane�ka,

You're a big girl, you know that otherwise Kostal will kick us out to the streets.

Hot sausages! Freshly made, buy three more and feel parade! (change later)

- But I don't even have an angel or a devil with me. - Nicholas is the important part, and you've got him.

I asked Sadek from the first floor and Strougal from the bakery,

and then that lady with the three children that live at the end of the street.

But they have a dog!

Ask them for two potatoes and some pork.

I'll sell everything on Saturday's market.

Get a sausage here for dinner, guarantee you'll be a winner!

Ane�ka, come on, I still have work to return to.

-I look like a goat. -Well, no one knows how Nicholas looked.

But they do know what a goat looks like. Why are we so poor, mom?

What are you saying?

We have a roof over out heads.

We aren't starving. Once we save up a little you can go to school again.

Here's a sausage! Buy a sausage! I have lots and lots in storage!

How tasty!

What are you doing?

I'm eating a sausage. He said he has lots in storage.

Want some? I can't eat so much alone.

But watch out! they're very hot.

Your break is over! Back, everyone, faster!

Hurry! Come on...

Stop! you're late! Tailoring values punctuality over all!

You're fired. Now get going.

You're hired. Let's go.

Saint Nicholas will be here soon! To him, the sausage is a boon!

Hey, don't take it all- kids...

-An exam? -Didn't they tell you?

Well, let's get this over with...

In the beginning, God said..?

-A word. - Yes, a word.

Or four words, to be exact, Which ones?

-Let there be...? -Let there be dud.

You're a dud! Let there be light!

God created the earth and the life on it in six days. What did he do on the seventh?

-Invested. -Rested!

He created man in his own image from the dust of the ground and...

-Sighed in relief. -Breathed the breath of life into him!

And from his rib, unfortunately, he cerated the woman.

Eve convinced him to take the forbidden fruit from the Tree of Knowledge.

After that, what did they do with it?

-Kompot. -No.

-Juice. -Not even close.

They ate it.

-They weighed it. -They ate it!

This is horrible.

At least name the holy family, and be quick with it.

Christ, Mary and Joseph help me, I can't remember now!

I'd count that.

Fine. Sign up for extra lessons with Saint Catherine.

Prof. Thomas Aquinas will re-examine you later,

and if you fail, you'll be kneeling on the rocks of Golgotha for the next thousand years.

-Move! -Thank you.

Kompot!

Well, now that we're done with that...

No way! Don't even think about it, you hellspawn! Don't you remember what happened last time?

Cards! Wouldn't touch them with a ten-foot pole!

Here comes the jack! and a queen! and an ace!

Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God's love commits me here!~

Ever this day be at my side,

to light and guard, to rule and guide.

Mom, do you think dad is up in heaven?

Of course. Now go to sleep.

Can you sing to me again?

Sleep, my child, and peace attend thee,

All through the night Guardian angels God will send thee...

What a beautiful melody! A symphony of sewing machines!

An ode to great tailors!

Christmas is near, ladies! The most beautiful holiday of all.

- Maybe he'll raise our salary. - After that it's ball season,

so the orders just keep on coming!

Which means we will all have to work a little on Christmas Eve.

Those who have a problem with this arrangement know where the door is, I'm not stopping you.

There are dozens who are waiting to take your place.

What is this?

-I'm... -Come with me.

I'll redo everything, Mr. Kostal.

Come in!

every little thing here belongs to Mr. Kostal, my dear. Come in, please!

Sit down.

You're different from those unkempt ducks downstairs.

You're a smart girl, you must know how lucky you are.

We will spend this Christmas together, just you and me.

- I don't want to. - Of course you do.

I want to spend the autumn of my life with you.

I'll send your daughter to study with Verona's top tailor.

Thank you, but I will take care of her myself.

We'll see about that, my quail. We'll see.

The twelfth hour has struck. Let us praise the Lord!

Saint Nicholas Day is finally here.

No more of those little brats on the streets for a week.

OAF

brats!

I'm telling the Three Magi you stole chalk from them!

Leave them be. They're just children.

Easy for you to say. You've gotten used to them.

I'm coming, I'm coming...

Good God! Why am I the one running back and forth on these stairs?

Michael's sitting comfortably upstairs, Raphael's too,

but Petronel gets to be heaven's runner boy!

Finally.

And also gets to see how every other bastard is forgiven.

I waited almost two thousand years.

Then another minute won't kill you. Come here.

Saint Peter, I brought you a client- where is he?

At a meeting with the big boss and the apostles.

- Again? - mhm.

-What takes them so long to solve? -Still the bill for the last supper.

Did you study for the exam?

-At the beginning, God said- -Let there be light.

Yes. Well, well, well...

God created the earth and all life in-

Six days. On the seventh, he was resting.

Clay, rib, Eve, apple, expulsion from Eden, Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Looks like you weren't slacking off back there in purgatory, huh?

Saint Catherine will be very pleased with you.

You know what? I'll even add you to our board of honor. What's your name?

It's Herod.

H-E-R-O...

Herod?...

Don't worry. I'm not going to do anything again.

Then go, go, go, go!

Good Lord! Have you forgiven him too?!

Why not bring all of Sodom and Gomorrah along as well?!

Knock it off. All of heaven can hear you whining.

-i'm not whining. -Hell yes you are.

Then I am! so what?

-Everyone is up there, and I'm here, working... -As the damned watchman of the purgatory.

-And you know why? -Why what?

why you ended up down here and not there.

-You know the reason? -I can find out if I want to, and you can too.

-Me? -You could know everything.

-Please, only He can know everything. -Oh, come on.

-Let's go. Come on! -I'm not coming. I'm not coming!

Uri�, wait!

If you want to know all secrets, there's your key.

-The apple from the tree of knowledge? -Mhm.

-It's forbidden. -No one will notice anything.

-Take it. -You... temptatious snake!

Even Eve wasn't this dramatic.

You pest! Let go!

-Uri�, put it back immediately. -Where am I supposed to put it?

I don't know! just think of something!

-I did this for you. -Me? I don't have anything to do with this!

Actually, I did it for myself too. I'm dying to know when the day will come when you'll beat me in cards.

Stop it! Do you even know what will happen if God finds out?

I will, when I'll take a bite.

Don't you dare! Uri�!

I'm gonna hang you by your horns!

-Thus, the age of ignorance comes to an end! -I'm not letting you do this!

-Just a small bite! -Uri�, give it to me!

-we have to put it back! -No!

Then I'm telling on you!

Oh yeah? then I'm telling how you lay around in Jesus' bed.

-You snitch. -and you're a coward.

You always have to ruin every damn thing. Catch!

You son of the devil!

You scum! just you wait until I catch you!

-Sorry- Sorry about your bird! -My Saint Martin's goose!

-You again? -Me again.

-Out! -Thank you!

Uri�!

Uri�! Stop!

Good morning!

-Are you crazy?! Give that back immediately! -Sorry, Nicholas!

Saint Medard, did you see Uri�?

-Thanks! -Our Lord and Savior was born in B..?

-In B... Beroun. -Not Beroun! in Bethlehem!

Saint Peter- move! Saint Peter, lend me your fishing net!

-I need to catch one bastard! -The one on the left or the right?

stop, Uri�! I've got you now!

I'm gonna show you-

Oh Petronel, Petronel...

Hossana, hossana...

-Well, what have you done again? -Oh, God almighty, nothing!

We just dropped something, but it's really nothing to worry about.

Yeah, and I've got to move, they're waiting for me at heaven's gates.

-Oh, yeah, me too. -Petronel,

how many days in the purgatory do we give for one lie?

One hundred days to kneel on the tears of Saint Cecilia?

You're completely right�one hundred days. Which one of you picked it?

-Him! -Him!

-He made me do it! -That's not true! It's not my fault!

-He wanted to know why he's not sitting up in the skies. -Not in my wildest dreams, God!

-It probably just rolled off somewhere. -Rolled off? It fell down to earth.

-Really? -Earth?

Do you know what shall happen if one tastes from the tree of knowledge?

They'll... know everything?

Absolutely everything?

But that can't be, Lord.

If you fail to return it by morning,

when the rooster cries the third time,

I will turn you both into stardust.

-Not the dust! -Not the dust!

-Oh my God! -What is it again?

This is how you're sending them? They'll freeze!

-Then dress them up. -Aren't you going to help them?

-No. They can take care of themselves. -But they're...

Mary, I know you stand up for everyone, and you must be tired.

You should rest. Or maybe we could go somewhere?

Maybe... maybe Lourdes?

Son of a...! This is all your fault!

Me?! how is it my fault that you can't catch?

I can't catch?! You can't throw!

Get out of here, bastards!

you think you can just catch a ride for free?! Get out of my sight!

-Get lost! -I am!

-Guys! -This is ours! This is ours!

Guys. stop it!

I'm sorry. It's like they've gone off the leash today.

You need a devil for these guys. I hope you'll have luck elsewhere.

Where are we supposed to look for this apple?

Leave it to me. We angels just need to say a couple of prayers, and you know the rest.

I don't think Old Guy's gonna be on your side this time.

Oh I'm not asking Him, I'll ask the Holy Spirit.

Aha. So the sky will open up and a white dove will fly in?

Don't annoy me while I'm praying!

Come, Holy Spirit, come to my aid.

See?

Sure do.

Let's go, you clown.

What! you want gold for this? you have no angel or demon!

Can I at least have a potato...

-Can you sing a song, maybe? -You're no Saint Nicholas!

You're Ane�ka, you live with that dirty seamstress on the first floor!

I'm not! I'm Nicholas!

I'm not acting nice for her! I want the devil!

Darling, how will I bring a devil here?

Hey, shepherds! Kind shepherds of Bethlehem!

-I need help! -Saw, get them!

Well well, what do we have here?

I'm just passing by...

Just passing by, huh?

the street is a very dangerous place to pass by, little girl.

Good day, mate!

Listen up. This is our territory. If I catch you here again, you'll be very sorry.

-Thank you so much. -This is for you.

-Boss, it's silver! -Give me that.

You idiot, it's a fake.

Oh, but I have this Chinese vase, It's gilded!

See, he's smart! We're gonna get even better today, I've got the nose for it.

This seam is completely off!

What were you thinking?! you ruined the brocade,

this is at least 50 ducats for the damage!

You know what? You're fired! Never show up here again.

You have until the morning to free your room.

-Please, Mr. Kostal... -No more Mr. Kostal!

From now on it's master Kostal!

I will not let any of you women ruin me!

If you think fried chicken will just appear in your mouth for free,

you're wrong! You have to work for it!

Fix this.

Don't fire her, master. She has six children.

What did you say? Could you repeat that?

You know I have a soft spot for you.

Cheese and crackers! What was that?

Who did that? I'm going to find you, you bastard!

And then I'll show you who the great tailor Kostal is!

It's all your fault, anyway.

-Mine? -Well it's not mine, either!

-Tomorrow we'll be turned into... -Don't say it! I don't want to hear it!

We'll find that damn apple and bounce right back.

-And where could it be? Where? -Look!

What could I offer you, dear actors?

That apple over there.

I'm a confectioner, not a greengrocer.

I didn't have any cherries left. You either take the whole cake, or you take nothing.

He's cunning as hell. We have to take the whole cake.

-May God repay you for your kindness. -He will, but you'll pay me 8 ducats.

Wait.

What's up?

I don't know, it always worked before. One blow, ten golds.

Try the other hand.

Buffoons.

Take this key, it's for the gates of purgatory.

I'm not a hoarder.

One day you'll need it, sinner.

But... But this is pure gold!

The cake is yours!

And take these cream rolls, too!

Hands off, you parasite! Don't even think about touching it.

Good God, here is your apple! take us back to heaven now, please!

For Satan's sake.

No answer. Maybe it's the cream...

I don't think that's the right apple.

Quick, Uri�! After him!

Go!

Which one do you think it is?

Isn't He omniscient? Let Him choose.

Or we just buy all of them. Take the key out.

How many do you think I have? The spare one is on Saint Peter.

Blessed virgin, please tell me this is all a dream.

It's not. And I'm no blessed virgin.

Sausages! Who wants them hot?

Don't miss out and buy a lot!

That's it. We'll never find it, Uri�. It's over. And then He'll turn us into dust. Apples everywhere...

Do a favor for Nicholas- Buy a sausage, it's first class!

Mr. Angel, would you like a fresh apple strudel? I baked it an hour ago!

-Wait, but we don't have any money. -Ah, you can pay me later.

Where is your Nicholas?

Nicholas is up in heaven, they didn't send him here.

You know what? take one for him as well.

Do you think He'll mind if we bring it looking like this?

-It's working. Uri�, It's working! -What?

-God! He heard us! -What are you talking about?

I see an angel!

Brother!

They sent reinforcements!

Brother! Brother! You can't imagine how happy I am to see you!

Leave what you're doing and come help us!

Looks like we have competition here.

Competition? What do you mean?

We're looking for an apple from the tree of knowledge, didn't they tell you?

No.

-I don't think he's an angel. -What do you mean?

Look at him! he has the build and the wings.

Hey, this is our territory.

Look! they sent your guys too!

What are we doing with these morons?

-Nicholas! -We're just gonna explain to them how things are here.

-That's not Nicholas. -Gentlemen, one moment.

Sausages are holy, it's a modern mircale-

-I think we have to run... -What?

Have to run!

-What now? -I don't know, if only there was a bridge, or...

What about a saint? Can't anyone of yours help?

I've got it!

Moses, you who led your people through the Red Sea on dry feet,

could you do that cutting through the river thing you did then for us?

Did you see that?

Gentlemen, I think it's time to stop with the Slivovitz.

What did I ask for, Lord?

Just to sit in heaven with everyone else! Nothing more!

-Petronel. -Don't touch me!

-What kind of devil runs away from people? -Look! an apple!

Oh! One apple here, ten crates of them there, then a strudel...

-He's gonna eat it! -What do you want?

Nicholas!

Uri�, this is our apple.

He won't turn us into dust!

-You have to take it from him. -Me? Why me?

You want me to go? Thou shalt not steal-

-It's the seventh commandment! -What?!

And you're already in hell.

-No! -No, no, no, no!

No, no, no... Be not afraid... Of us.

What's that apple you have there?

It's mine. I found it.

-It's a girl! -I can see that.

And where did you find this apple?

It fell from the sky.

-And could you tell us... -Shut up. Could you tell us why everyone dresses up

as devils, angels and Nicholas today?

For the same reason as you two.

-Do you understand? -No.

Mom thought that I would get some potatoes or some pork,

but no one wants a Nicholas without an angel and a devil.

Yeah. Listen, girlie, we have a deal for you.

-You need a devil and an angel- hush! -An angel and a devil...

And we need that apple.

So we help you out, and you'll give us this apple.

No way.

Why not?

We'll split whatever we'll get.

But the apple?

Whoever needs it the most will take it.

-Deal! -Deal!

-What's your name? -Ane�ka.

Guys!! We've seen one devil already, nothing helped them.

One devil is another's angel, lady.

Without their father, they grow like some wild animals. Only prison will fix them. Guys!

-Again?.. -They're so lame, mom...

You see? I tried everything already.

Have you been naughty?

-No... -Why'd you think we've been naughy?

-They weren't naughty! -We never are.

They weren't?

Sure they were! Their face tells everything.

You're an angel, just trust yourself. Go!

You! Pep�k,

you pinch the girls in your school, piss on the walls of the cemetery,

and even steal coins from your mother,

like you did this morning, for example. Check the right vest pocket.

That was you?

-No, I didn't- -He did.

And you, Vasek, never keep your promises,

you pin everything on your brother, and you bit your teacher!

That's not true!

You also lie through your teeth.

I'm not lying...

Look me in the eye and tell me you're not lying.

We'll never do it again!

I bet you won't, because I'll be taking you both to hell.

-Mommy, we're sorry! -Please forgive them.

No, no no, no forgiveness! Anyone could ask for it.

Besides, the purgatory is already stocked, and I can barely run. Right, Uri�?

-That's right. -To hell with them!

-Let's go! -Boys, on your knees.

-That's too far. -Do you know who they grow out to be? Cause I do.

Now promise to always be good.

We promise!

And write that you'll never lie and will listen to your mom a hundred times!

That's the stuff, Uri�, and now march off to study the scriptures!

That was incredible.

-That's right! -Here.

But that's too much...

I'd spend more on whips, anyway.

I've got to run and tell the dairy woman about you; the hairdresser has two brats of his own, too.

How did you do that thing with your eyes?

It's a trade secret.

-Damn, you smell good... -Unlike you. Move your hooves!

...Doesn't wash his ears, doesn't greet people, blows up frogs,

spits in stores, farts in school, farts in church�bottom line: ready for hell.

Take him away.

Spare me!

First take that crap about "dirty seamstress" back.

-Thank you so much. -May God be with you.

-Come to our house, come right in! -With pleasure...

The kids are in for a surprise.

-No, sorry guys. -But we come every year!

Thank you.

Wow, that was really good. You two are almost real.

We're trying our best.

I'm gonna show you, scoundrel!

One for the devil, one for the angel, and one for me...

Others have already been here. You guys should've seen the show they put on.

He peed himself thrice and is still praying upstairs.

Boss, can I? It was them again, wasn't it?

Someone's gonna pay for all of this.

At least we can still hit the pub, right?

Let's go.

If you come to take a sausage, don't be shy, I've more in storage!

Sausage!

Sorry, young lady, I only take in advance.

Two, please.

Don't you want one?

No no, I only eat if He pays.

Here are two sausages for the young lady.

Thank you!

Hey, girl!

It tastes exactly as I imagined.

Let me try it.

If you buy here more than one, then you know where's all the fun.

Angel?

If only they knew how to make these in heaven, no one would touch the manna.

Give me one too, but make it hot.

How else? Careful, it burns like hell.

Our part of the deal is done, so now we should...

-Leave as soon as possible. -What's that? -What?

Not again!

Our only income is done for, you wretches! You'll pay for this!

Here, quick!

-Ow. -What is it?

My wings.

-Where now, young lady? -Hurry, we're in a rush.

We have to give out the last present.

Which one?

The most important one.

I have to leave for an important business meeting.

If any of them chat or slack off, write their names down.

I'll take care of them later.

Mr. Kostal.

Yes?

Today is Saint Nicholas Day.

And?

We wanted to ask if we could leave earlier today. To spend time with our kids.

Right. I almost forgot.

Thank you, genuinely.

They should have canceled that barbaric practice long ago!

I give you a warm place and work

and you don't appreciate it!

First you birth a kid, and then you complain!

Nicholas!..

I'll show you Saint Nicholas!

Slackers!

He goes to play cards every Saturday.

Really? Count me in.

Hold it, moron!

This isn't a holiday for you!

Let's go.

That's my mom over there.

-That old lady? -No!

My mom's sitting all the way in the back.

Oh. Her.

She's pretty.

You're ogling her.

-No I'm not! -Come on. I know an ogle when I see one.

-I'm not ogling her. -Yes you do.

Well, even if I did...

It's because she has eyes like St. Clara, hair like St. Theresa, and a...

- Like Mary Magdalene. - Exactly. -Really.

And who used to say that women are tools of the devil?

There are exceptions.

By the way, my mom is very kind, but she's very tired, because she has to work all day long.

- Just like me! -That's new. - Shh!

She almost never laughs anymore. She used to laugh all the time before my dad died.

Eight ocklock is in the eve, all shall pray till you believe.

Hurry up, we've got no time to lose. Where's that present?

-Here. -Thanks.

-Are you gonna sing? -Singing gives one wings! -For sure. Especially yours.

Let's go!

- We're here to see you... - We've come... to see you...

- To see me? - Well. Yeah. - yeah...

-Go on! -Why me? -You agreed to this! -You did too!

You said that singing gives one wings, didn't you? Show us.

No problem.

-Why are you buzzing? - I'm finding the tone. -Go higher.

Three� four�

Wake up dear brothers, this night unlike all others, The Lord's angel sings: Gloria!

What, then, is the meaning, when my eyes are beaming with a spark of love's euphoria?

I see your wings are trembling fast and on your mind He is now last-

All I think of is salvation, Stop this nonsense, that's your vocation!

Stop inventing stuff, you jerk! First wipe off that smirk! Oh, may God hit you with a lamp of coal!

-She's angelic and witty� -Devilishly pretty�

She's got no idea of her beauty, see!

- all of hell's applauding! - what is it you're plotting?

- I just want to see her... - �soul!

It's over for you, little girl. Let's go!

-Let me go! Mom! -You little brat!

-The stocking. -Oh, yeah.

-Is this from Ane�ka? -From Ane�ka.

What is the meaning of this circus!?

The moment I go outside everybody stops working

and stealing my property!

They're here to see me.

And you have the audacity to confess that?

-Brother, relax- -Mind your business, you molting chicken!

Hey! I'm an angel of the Lord!

This won't happen again, master.

Of course it won't! You're fired.

You have till noon to free your apartment. Another seamstress will gladly take it!

-Do something! -Like what?

-Where are you going? -Where are you going?

Get back here! And beg for my forgiveness on your knees!

I didn't anything.

Oh, she didn't do anything! Ungrateful ingrate!

Get lost!

You'll come crawling to me on your knees!

-You horrid sinner! -Out!!!

I think this won't be the last time we'll see each other, Kostal.

Mr. Kostal!

It's Mr. Kostal for you, pathetic tramp! Out!

Oh he's gonna beg for a hint when he'll come to my testing!

I'll make him list the entire family tree from Abraham to our Savior!

You won't be seeing him there. He's coming straight to us.

Damn straight, Uri�!

Where's Ane�ka?

That's right. Where's Ane�ka? Ane�ka!

- little girl! - Ane�ka! - Where are you, little girl?

She must've gone home already.

Shouldn't you take these costumes off already?

Costumes?

- You know, I'm a� a� - A dork. - hush!

Ah, sorry, I forgot to� I'm Magdalena.

-And I'm... - I'm Uri� - And I'm Peteonel.

No one ever kissed my hand before...

That's our custom up in heaven.

- Search her! - No!

- Found anything? - Nah. That's all of it, boss.

Where's the rest of the money?

You've covered half of the town.

-Come on, tell us the good way. -You shoulda tried harder!

- Watch your mouth, brat! - I'm gonna throw her in the river, boss.

Wait, wait. We'll get to that.

Where are your buddies? Huh?

One's in hell, the other's up in heaven!

We've got all night. Hang her!

- come here... - No, no...

No! No! Let me go! No!!!

You can scream all you want. Nothing round here but warehouses and water.

You, Kuzma, check all the pubs around. Vokoun, you cover the canals.

But I want the pubs too, boss!

Shut up! And get going, both of you!

I want the pubs too...

When we'll find those two, we'll crush them like roaches.

No one's ruining our Saint Nicholas Day!

- Ane�ka? - Little girl!

- Where are you? It's us, the devil and tje angel! -Angel and devil.

Where did I put the matches?

-Quit showing off. --Envy's not a good look on you.

Ane�ka... Ane�ka...

-You like her. -Nonesense.

-She's fiendishly pretty. -But she's not blind.

Nor she's a saint, Petronel. Let's test her.

May God save you, filthy villain!

Number ten: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.

She's a widow.

This is weird... She never stays out this late.

One evening is nothing, Magdalena.

Our Lord was also out wandering for 40 days once.

I'm going to look in the basement. She usually hides there when she's upset.

-Shall I come with you? -How kind of you!

-Me too! -That's not necessary.

- It is! I must... - What? - Light your way.

- Snoop! - Freak!

Ane�ka! Ane�ka!

Excuse me, madam. I�ll light your way.

Ane�ka!

Are you here?

Ane�ka...

I can�t even make tea for you, we�ve run out of coal�

It�s nothing! We have a coal specialist here, he can sniff it out, that scumbag.

I�ll go search the streets, maybe I�ll find her somewhere...

No, no! You stay home, We�ll find your Ane�ka!

I didn�t serve as a guardian angel for two years for nothing!

He did�In the kitchen.

- Let�s go, let�s go! - Excuse me.

Go, go, go!

Seven: thou shalt� No adultery, Uri�! Don�t even think about touching her.

-What if she touches me? -In your dreams.

She�s holy, I can feel it.

You see, Uri�, we both have a nose for certain things. You have it for coal, and I...

...pretty women. Come on, you like her too.

Well, I do, but...

You know what? Let�s bet on her. Rock, paper, scissors...

-No, I�m not winning. -Why? -Because you always win.

I know she likes me. She�s into devils.

-No, angels! -Devils!

- Bet? -Bet! -Hoove to cloven, the bet is woven.

We gotta find that girl, Uri�, or we�ll be turned into dust.

What?

We need that apple. Are you even listening?

-Always... -Doesn't seem like it.

Quit milling around! Heat costs money! Close the door after you!

Tomorrow come at 5:30 sharp, you�ll be making lace!

Ane�ka! Ane�ka! Where is that girl?

Maybe one of your saints will help? You just have to ask.

I can, but whom?

Saint Anthony? He helps find lost� Things.

Things! Are humans not his department?

Don�t get cocky, alright?

Dominic� No, he�s for fever.

Christopher is for travelers...

- And Francis�- He talks to animals. - Can you let me think?

- hold on... - what is it? - I have an idea. - What?

-What about Saint Uri�? -There�s no such saint.

Maybe there isn�t, but he can help more than others. Look.

If you don�t give it the good way,

we�ll do it our way, and that one will hurt!

What�re we gonna do, Uri�?

I have a plan. Listen�

Is it worth it?

-No way -Why? -I�m scared.

What are you scared of? You�re an angel!

-And you won�t leave me? -No.

-Then I�m ready. -Go!

Let her go immediately! Or else I�ll�

This is gonna be quick...

You�ve got some balls, you wretch.

You�re the wretch,

but I can still put in a good word for you in heaven.

-Oh, such kindness. -Yep.

-I have a better idea. -What?

Hanging you up next to her.

Ooh. I don't think that'd be necessary� Help!

Devil!

That stocking idea wasn't great.

I wanted to do something nice.

That always leads to a disaster. Let's go see your mom.

And they say that the bait has it easy!..

Wretch! Wretch! Scumbag!

Uri�!

Oh, Hey Saint John- I just need to...

-Thought you could get away from me, angel? -No, not at all!

I know this town like the palm of my hand.

I was ten when I stole my first wallet.

-That's a sin, but you could be better. -I doubt that.

-Repent your sins. -Didn't really work for me.

You know, the Lord forgives everyone,

just come to a church, pray a little, splash some holy water� eh?

Enough! Show me your pockets!

-I� I don't have any. -Then I'll cut you some.

I don't need pockets! Put the knife down!

No� put it away, no, no, no, stop with the knife!

Saint John Nepomuk, could you, maybe, like, help me with this psycho?..

-What are you mumbling? -I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to John. Could you?...

?h, thank you, Saint John! Thank you!

Stay there-

And you stay down there!

Uri�! I did it! Where are you?

You damned hellspawn. You horned traitor!

Hellish filth!

Hossana...

I should've known.

-Where have you been, angel? -We were getting worried about you.

-Luckily, Mr. Uri� found Ane�ka, -Ah, Mr. Uri� found her!

And bought sausages for dinner on the way home.

-What a kind soul! -Too bad there's nothing left.

We never ate so much, even on Christmas! Thank you, Uri�!

And mom was finally laughing! Out loud!

-Out loud? -Your friend is so charming!

I've never heard so many anecdotes!

Enough!

And now tell me, you jerk... No, you tell me!

Tell me, where is our apple?

I put it in the stocking for my mom.

-What stocking? -The one that's still in the workshop...

I hoped it would bring her happiness like it did to me.

So that she wouldn't be sad anymore.

-Is this for real? -Yeah.

It's over.

Does that apple mean so much to you?

It means everything.

Lets go to Kostal's. I know where the key is.

-Thank God! -I'm coming with you! -You go to bed!

-Out of the way. -Listen to your mom. Bed!

Are you always this in character, dear comedians?

I'm an angel.

-My guardian angel! -Yeah. -Really?

-Well, no. I sang to the shepherds in Bethlehem... -In a choir.

Hush! And now I lead souls out of purgatory.

What an interesting job!

You see?

-And you? -Me?

I try my best to get in their way.

Since you've come down from the skies, Could I ask you something?

-Of course! -What happened to Eve?

-That curious minx? -Did she go to hell?

-Yes. -No. -Yes or no?

Well, no, but she belongs there. If only our God wasn't so nice.

Let's catch a lift.

What an interesting apple you are.

I'll save you till morning.

He puts the key here when he doesn't want to get up early.

What are you doing, dork?

-Here it is! -Thank God!

-The apple's not here. - nope. -No, it isn't.

Maybe Kostal took it.

-What? -Sorry.

Come here, dork.

He has it� the apple.

Alright, now straight back up to heaven!

-Let me see it. Is it whole? -Not a scratch.

-Hold the light. -Okay.

Yeah, that's true� even though...

Come closer� something isn't right here...

Uri�! Uri�!

Sorry, but I am a devil after all!

Give it back!

A bet is a bet!

After you, madam.

I'll skin you whole! I'll make an altar out of you!

Get back here, Uri�!

Hands up!

Now turn around slowly.

Stop!

Don't touch me!

You villain� I'm gonna make sure you'll see your maker soon.

If only.

That wasn't nice, Uri�.

I'm afraid that's a part of my job.

-Wouldn't Kostal do anything to him? -Don't worry. He can take care of himself.

-But... -Angels are immortal, anyway.

Are these games how you two amuse yourselves?

We're always betting on something. This time...

�on this apple.

-And who's winning? -I think you already know, Magdalena...

You really do have some devilish eyes.

I've been working on that for thousands of years.

If only the eyes could tell the future.

You want to know the future? Just take a bite.

Sometimes a man has a feel for it without any apples.

-But I'm no man. -Of course.

You're a devil.

The broken window was God's will!

Yeah, and you're gonna pay for it!

I don't have anything to do with it, please! It wasn't my fault!

You'll be paying me for the rest of your life, you hobo!

Look how he plays a holy innocent!

The wheels of justice grind slowly� how did it go again?

Let's go inside before boss spots us.

Can't a man get some rest even on a holiday?!

They pulled me out of bed because of you? Some crazy freak�

Fine, let's get this over with.

- Name? - Petronel.

-Occupation? -Angel of the Lord.

-Permanent residence? -At heaven's gates.

Give him twenty hits for disrespecting the court.

-So they caught you stealing. -Depends on how you look at it.

Do we have a list of what's been stolen? So, we have one ap...

One apple...

-Did you eat it? -I wouldn't dare.

Search him.

Sir, his wings grow straight out of his back!

Breathe on me.

How many times do I have to tell you what not to do at work?

Not drink!

This isn't a court, it's a circus!

Lock him up for 48 hours.

But I can't...

Court is postponed until Monday.

I don't have this much time! Wait!

My time's getting short!

Let me go!

You can't do this, you can't lock me up...

I have a task from Him...

No, not in here!

Sit!

Saint Peter, I know I always cursed you when you were late to work,

But couldn't you help me here?

You've gotten out of prison, haven't you?

We, angels, helped you lift the chains up, won't you do the same and help me now?

Will you? Yeah?

I promise I will never call you arrogant again.

Thank you! Thank you, Saint Peter...

Thank you!

I'll never forgive you for this, Uri�.

Curse you, curse every strand of your cursed hair!

I hate you! I despise you!

Just you wait, Uri�! You'll pay for this!

I'll show you, I'll show you what angels are worth!

God, you see what's happening! How can you allow this?

She can't fall for this hellspawn!

She's so beautiful, so gentle, so pure...

She needs someone completely different... Someone like me...

Saint Valentine, please, make her fall in love with me!

Oh, Mother of God� what have I done again? Why me?

Petronel, Petronel� Forget the I- I is selfishness.

But I...

True love is always patient, It's devoid of envy. True love is never jealous

It never seeks the gain of oneself. It doesn't store up grievances.

It thinks of others, not of oneself.

But how can I wish him well, Mother of God?

He's the scum of hell, he hurt me so badly!

-Petronel, aren't you forgetting something? -Me? Not at all.

-What could I forget? -That you are an angel, Petronel.

But Mother of God, I'm�

That's right, I am an angel.

But an unhappy one.

-Ugh! What are you doing here? -Waiting for you to wake up.

I wasn't sleeping.

But why are you... Why aren't you...

She deserves better than some devil.

Is that damn apple with you?

Scum.

Hurry up or we'll miss our lift back up. The rooster already crIed twice.

-No, he cried once. -Twice.

-Once! -Twice.

I was laying here listening the whole time, he cried once!

I saw how you were listening. Twice.

You think I don't know how a rooster sounds like ?

-Yeah? So how does he sound like? -Like a rooster.

Show me how a rooster cries.

Fine.

So that's how?

How do you think it cries? Go on, show me!

What?

No rooster cries like that!

He cries like- That's how he does It!

Welcome home, Petronel!

Good Lord! I wasn't turned into dust?

But we were late. The rooster cried thrice.

Petronel, one day for God is a thousand years for man, and vice versa.

And you're worried about a few seconds? Please.

-Where's Uri�? -He deserved to be turned into dust.

He treated you horribly.

-And what he did to that woman! Winded her all up. -That's true -See!

But I'm going to miss him.

Didn't you call him the scum of all hell?

-I didn't actually mean it! -Really?

Who'll entertain us now? It'll be so boring without him...

We'll find another devil.

Is he all alone there?

God almighty, send me to him! So he won't be sad and alone.

Really?

As you wish.

And look after Magdalena, please.

This is the rent for Kostal. Farewell.

Farewell, and good luck.

Would you like some motherly advice?

Never kiss a comedian with the eyes of a devil.

SEE YOU IN HEAVEN! URI��

Uri�...

Uri�, are you here?

Yes, I'm here.

Where are you? I can't see you.

-Are you still angry with me? -It's nothing..

Can you forgive me?

How else! I already did. Ouch!

What's wrong?

I tripped on something... I think it's a chair.

Then sit on it!

Goodness Gracious!

He, who can forgive even his enemies,

deserves to sit by Lord's side in heaven,

Archangel Petronel!

Wake up, dearest brothers, this night unlike the others, The Lord's angel sings us: Gloria!

What, then, is the meaning? A star on high is beaming

over Bethlehem in euphoria.

Stop this noise! I just put Jesus to sleep.

What were you thinking?

Wait, madam! Wait!

I was looking for you all over town!

They say Kostal kicked you out...

I don't want to offend you... But I'm looking for an assistant in my shop...

That is, if you don't have a better offer...

Heaven itself must've sent you.

Let's go, then!

I'm gonna sell sausages!

First of all, you'll be going to school, young lady!

And secondly, if you don't have a place to stay,I have a spare room of mine.

This must be a dream...

Stealing like that for so many years! But the wheels of justice�

Sooner or later everyone gets what they desrve.

How low! With that sausage seller!

And his ever boiled hands!

If he ever shows up here I won't even sell him a pair of pants!

May the devil take him already.

How could I help you, sir?

I told you we would meet again, Mr. Kostal.

I've been selling sausages outside your house for a whole year so you'd notice me.

You're still a dork.

And you're still a hellspawn.

ANGEL OF THE LORD 2

subbed by lmaowh-at,

with help from the subs from the Czechoslovakian film archive drive.

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