Original subtitles

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

["I Was Made For Lovin' You" by Desmond Child playing]

[tires squealing]

♪ Mm yeah ♪

♪ I was made for loving you, baby ♪

♪ You were made for loving me ♪

♪ And I can't get enough of you, baby ♪

[honking horn]

♪ Can you get enough of me? ♪

[horns honking]

♪ I wanna see you in your eyes ♪

- [music cuts] - [doorbell rings]

[door unlocks, opens]

[sighing]

I thought you wouldn't make it in time.

I always deliver on time.

Hold on. Hold on.

Payable on delivery.

Where's the payment, miss?

But I don't have any money on me.

What do you propose we do?

♪ I was made for loving you, baby ♪

♪ You were made for loving me ♪

This package is oversized now.

♪ Can't you get enough of me? ♪

[moaning loudly]

[moaning continues]

[Monika] It's fake.

- Screaming too? - That too. All of it's fake. I know.

Porn always ends in an orgasm.

Why's that?

Where the hell did you find her?

In Łomża.

Because it turns guys on.

[funky beat playing]

Porn like that is made for guys.

Guys are turned on when girls scream like pigs getting slaughtered?

Not all guys.

Save your advice.

I have a feeling you bang with the covers over your head and the lights off.

And maybe they're all screaming because these guys have such giant…

members.

Fishing clubs have members.

There's a difference. What men have are dicks.

And yeah, they're giant, which makes the same guys who get turned on

by screaming girls they watch in a video

get a complex about the size of their penises.

I don't understand then.

Do they need to be big or not to have an orgasm?

Okay. Let's take a walk.

[opening theme music playing]

♪ Don't stop ♪

♪ Don't stop ♪

♪ Don't stop ♪

♪ Don't stop ♪

People really find this arousing?

I don't like it.

- I prefer something like... - Something what?

It's meant to turn on guys, not girls.

I'll wait outside.

Pop culture distorts the female orgasm or ignores it altogether.

Because it's not an easy subject.

So the size of the equipment is irrelevant for orgasms?

I've always thought they had to be long.

Or be thick or…

something.

[romantic music playing]

♪ Because we're… ♪

♪ Hey, little one… ♪

[clicks tongue] I'm not an expert,

but, uh, ladies usually find a happy medium.

That said, I don't keep logs for those kind of stats. [laughs]

♪ Just look… ♪

How may I help you?

♪ Hey, little one We're kissing ♪

[car door opens]

It's a sex shop but that doesn't mean you can check out the clientele.

You mean me?

Just kidding. Coming?

No.

I was just waiting here.

For my friend.

There's no point in waiting, your highness. Live your life.

Open the door?

They don't really look much like their, well, like, uh…

anatomic equivalents.

Like penises?

[whimsical music playing]

[man scoffs]

Apparently, a penis, the biological one,

is not the best shape for giving a woman pleasure.

Uh-huh.

Penises are more for procreation.

Any pleasure a woman feels is probably, well, a side effect.

What I've read.

Was there one you were interested in?

All of them.

Of course, it's only for scientific reasons.

Obviously.

My friend is kinda new to this.

We need something that is universal. Nothing too crazy,

expensive or extravagant.

Ladies usually ask for this one.

Great then.

You take it from here. I need to go see Krynicki. Bye.

Should I wrap it for you?

Mm-hm. Yes, please.

Card. Contactless.

[uptempo beat playing]

We need some of your hardware.

But we mainly need you.

Now we have to…

connect this…

this…

and this all together…

- so that it works. - What are we trying to measure?

The subject is going to pleasure themselves with this.

I will monitor the readings on a computer.

- I see you're really serious. - I am.

Research subject, I take it, will then be you?

[chip crunches]

[uptempo beat playing]

Don't abandon me at such a crucial moment.

I won't masturbate for shits and giggles.

Shits and giggles? It's for research, the project, for me.

Oh, for you? Did you even think about me at all?

- Why can't you just do it yourself? - This isn't my kind of thing.

- Every woman can do this thing. - I'm not… not a good reference.

- Please, stop. - But you know I'm a virgin.

And so what?

Not everyone has had a boyfriend since they were 16.

Some of us are busy with other things.

- You're not better than me. - I don't recall saying that I was.

Me? Better? I'm 23 and I've never even done it.

I can't do this thing without you.

- Why do it in the first place? - Because I want to learn about it.

Besides, this is…

it's important for me, for you, and for women everywhere.

You don't find orgasms and sex interesting?

You don't need them in marriage?

[fast tempo beat playing]

Fine. I'm gonna help you.

Find somebody else, though, to be your little lab rat.

All right.

[machines beeping]

- [Jabba] Who might you be? - Me?

Uh, I'm just helping Natalia sometimes.

We're in the same classes. That's all.

Does your whole class have equally original projects?

Meaning?

Well, measuring sexual intercourse and orgasms.

I'm developing a gel.

- A gel? - Yeah. I wanna create a gel

with particles that will, under the influence of Bluetooth waves,

- change color. - All right.

Tell me more.

Uh, you know, I'm making a mixture of ionized particles

that would react to electromagnetic impulse,

it would be just a small one, by changing color in your hair.

That's clever.

I'd be happy to try some of that gel.

But you're…

bald.

Not everywhere, man.

Not everywhere.

Maybe I could help you out?

We could meet up somewhere quiet, talk everything over.

Uh, I… [chuckles]

But it's still way too early in the testing phase.

Life is a never-ending testing phase, my dear boy.

What'll it be?

- [dramatic beat playing] - What's going on here?

- I was just... - Our friend here was helping me.

And I'm thinking our friend was just leaving.

Yeah, uh, he was.

Shame. He's a nice boy.

We agreed on a testing subject.

[door creaks open, closes]

Hello, sir!

Hello there.

How may I help you?

I need you to put in the system you're my project supervisor.

Great. Okay. What project? I don't remember your face.

I work with Natalia. Not tall, the weird one.

Uh, yeah. I know. I always thought that she worked alone.

Mm, not this time. This time she needs my help.

Ah. Maybe it'll be good for her.

How do you wanna make an algorithm for it?

- Well... - I mean, I've been thinking

and I don't know how to approach the subject...

Sex?

I can help you.

[sighs]

It's better to talk outside about stuff like this.

Don't make it weird. You're not my type.

[sighs] What's your plan?

The sole concept is not enough to pass. How do you intend to digitize it?

Will it be like a guide

or a profiling system adhering to personal preferences?

Well, we're gonna test everything from scratch.

From scratch?

From scratch. Natalia's doing it right now.

She's good with technology.

- And your role is? - The practical application.

[sighs] Listen…

If you think you've found a sucker who'll carry you all the way to your diploma,

think again. And stuff like that won't fly with me.

[phone ringing]

[Monika] What's up?

Yes, I'm coming.

I'm so sorry.

Natalia needs me right now. She can't do this without me. See ya.

You want me to do what now?

Now, we bought a dildo, and someone has to test it.

The dildo is for you, not me.

You were handling application, right?

And Paulina?

Paulina…

has her period.

It's just physiology. It's not that big of a deal.

All right. [sighs]

However, the orc has to leave.

Actually, all of you.

And if you really want to play like this, I have toys of my own.

Why is yours better than my dildo?

Don't know. I just like mine.

Can't you just do it with mine?

We all like different things. You can't force this on to me.

Like, you can't just demand someone to masturbate for the sake of science.

What other way would you put it?

I don't know.

I'm just doing this for you.

[Natalia] That's not true. You're doing it to pass the year.

Okay. It's for me.

- You're going after me. - What?

If you're going to look at me while I pleasure myself,

I want to look at you.

I'm not going to look. I'll be in the other room.

- [door shuts] - And you?

I'll be at home.

[funky beat playing]

[door shuts]

♪ If you're going to look at me While I pleasure myself ♪

♪ I want to look at you ♪

[computer beeping]

What the hell…

[tense piano beat]

What just happened?

I can't do it.

I just can't do it.

Mm, are you uncomfortable? Need more privacy?

I just can't come.

There's no way.

I thought I was over it, but I…

but I can't.

Over what, though? Are you sick?

Yeah, I feel sick 'cause I only come when I'm thinking about my ex-boyfriend.

He's that vampire that almost broke the door in?

You only come for him 'cause you love him?

I mean, I could. I don't know.

I can't forget him because I can only come when I think about him.

So in that case, can't you think about him just for the experiment?

[music warps, stops]

No.

I'm fed up with this shit.

[bell rings]

[man] These topics will be the subject of our next class.

Remember to please read chapter 17.

Why are you so glum today?

Will you be my best man?

What? Everybody!

- Mario put a ring on it! - [Mariusz] Thanks.

[cheering, applause]

Not everyone has to know, you know?

Seriously, I thought I wouldn't make it.

All the family was watching. I couldn't stand.

It's actually good you have to kneel of I'd have lost my footing.

- What were you afraid of, moron? - That she'd say no.

Why would she after you've been dating for so long?

She's gotten to know me better now and could have realized I wasn't it.

What, do you think? It's a sure thing?

You're really dumb, Mario, you know?

You're an awesome guy, and any girl would jump at the opportunity.

[romantic music playing]

I don't want any girl. I want her.

[buzzing]

- [Monika] Hey, I'm here for... - Konrad. He's at the end of the hall.

Hi, Monika.

- He's in a meeting, conference room. - Okay…

[man] Hello.

What's up, Monika?

[Konrad] We should move forward. And this time it's serious.

Okay, guys, give me five minutes, okay? And we'll, uh…

Give us two.

Two…

Just stop it.

What? Thinking about you?

- I couldn't if I wanted to. - Stop lying to yourself.

We are not together.

And you came here today only to tell me that?

- Yes. - [Konrad] Wow.

I came to end this between us, once and for all.

Mm.

Anyway, you were the one who screwed some girl over a toilet in Ibiza.

so technically, you ended this, right?

I've said I'm sorry, like, a thousand times, Monika.

- What else do you want me to do? What? - Nothing.

Move on and forget.

I'm trying to move on and forget, but you're not letting me go.

Move on?

You wanna move on?

You're banging random dudes you don't even like to get back at me.

That's the truth here.

Banging?

It's my body and my decision.

- I bang people when I want to. - Mh-hm.

Whenever I want. Because it gives me joy and because it feels nice.

No. You only enjoy those guys because you wanna get even.

- Just get it into your head. - No.

Get it in your head.

- That you still love me. - You're wrong. I hate you.

[funky beat playing]

[breathing heavily]

[grunting]

[moaning loudly]

[both panting]

[screaming]

♪ This is love ♪

♪ This is love ♪

♪ This isn't sometimes This is always ♪

♪ This isn't maybe This is always ♪

♪ This is love ♪

[buzzing]

♪ The real beginning Love forever ♪

♪ This isn't just Midsummer madness ♪

[sighs]

♪ A passing glow A moment's gladness ♪

♪ Oh yes ♪

♪ This is love ♪

♪ I knew it on the night we met ♪

[breathing heavily]

♪ You tied a string ♪

♪ Around my heart ♪

♪ So how can I forget you ♪

♪ With every kiss I know ♪

- Darling? - [music slows down, stops]

Mariusz? I was just…

No! You don't have to explain yourself.

- It's not what you think. - Let's just forget about it. Um.

I was home a lot earlier than normal and…

[quick tempo beat playing]

- You have secrets, too, you know. - What?

You watch porn.

To find out how to give you pleasure. How am I supposed to know how to do that?

Besides, watching porn is one thing. And you…

- What exactly is the difference? - A huge one!

[scoffs]

- Where are you going? - To the church. I need time to think.

[door slams]

[melancholy music playing]

How's the new experiment?

[Natalia] A failure.

- What do you want me to do? - [Jabba] You tell me.

What wasn't working? The sensors?

For the sensors to even work, they need some input.

And my friends all have their own problems.

I just don't get this orgasm thing at all.

Maybe you bypass emotions.

[quick tempo beat playing]

How?

Maybe you just need to find a…

universal key with technology…

for unlocking the female orgasm.

Universal key?

Something like a set of pliers. Nothing that can't loosen.

It can be done with orgasms as well.

Never give up.

Can you forge a signature?

What is this?

I need to use the 3D printing lab.

At this hour?

I'd much rather sit at home and watch TV, but my graduation won't wait.

This is a form that was signed by Dr. Krynicki.

Mm-hm.

This stays here.

[church bell tolls]

God bless.

One problem.

- I've sinned. - You regret?

I do.

I don't know how to talk with my fiancé about sex.

But sex is being practiced?

Yes.

The fiancé?

- I mean, before marriage? - Yeah, but I'm not talking about that.

I don't know how to improve it.

[gasps]

[funky beat playing]

- At first I thought it was my fault... - You're both at fault. Extramarital...

And I thought I was having the problems with achieving pleasure, but now,

I think it's rather about him not giving it to me they way I need.

Do you understand, Father?

- So I tried masturbating. - [priest exhales]

And I know for sure that I have bigger needs than simply him. And…

[sighs]

I don't know.

Father, what would you say to your partner?

[phone vibrating]

- Geez, what is it? - [Natalia] Come over here, please.

Why do you always have to call when I'm in church?

Why do you pick up in church? Come to the university. It's urgent.

THERE IS AN EXAM WAITING FOR ALL OF US THAT DOESN'T ALLOW FOR ANY RETAKES.

All right. Coming.

Pretty cool.

What is that thing?

Our key to success.

- It's big. - No photos.

[phone beeping]

Can we even be down here?

It's been handled.

What for?

I know that orgasms aren't just reactions to the physiological,

they're also emotional and psychological.

I don't have the time to provide sex therapy for my subjects.

Subjects of my friendship and cooperation.

That is why I need a measuring device.

- I want to do a dry run. - You can't do it dry.

Speaking technologically.

It's like an ECG machine. It monitors your heartbeat,

and not what mood you're in at the moment.

Is it possible with orgasm?

[sighs] Just trust me, I'm an engineer.

We have to create a perfect meter for orgasms.

So, what should it look like, based on personal experience?

Eighteen centimeters?

Only?

Well, any longer could cause problems in some positions.

I prefer shorter ones for doggy style. Paula?

Yeah?

- I prefer longer ones. - I'll put 20 in.

Twenty-two, just to be sure.

Core diameter?

How thick should it be?

This big?

Four centimeters.

Any additional features? Thicker at the base? Ribbed?

Draw it for me.

That would surely help a bit here. And a twirly thing at the tip.

Give me that! Can you even draw at all?

- Something like that, right? - Perfect.

All right.

[music rises dramatically]

[printer whirring]

[beeping]

- Maybe it takes a moment. - Maybe it shouldn't be that long.

Or that thick.

All right. Changing parameters.

[quick tempo beat playing]

You still don't have anyone to study, so it's a terrible idea.

I'm not going to spread my legs for science anymore.

And I can't.

Besides, I have to go or Mariusz might actually think I'm cheating on him.

It might do you some good.

What do you know about relationships anyway?

You got me.

Nothing. Especially long-term ones. I'm sorry.

Okay, I'm going as well.

I picked up shifts at the bar. I'm a fucking businesswoman.

[door opens]

[door clicks shut]

[sighs]

Honey, it's not what it looks like.

I just wanted to try out the…

[sighs]

…the device.

Just, uh, because the two of us are getting married doesn't mean we can't…

add some spice to our sex life, and…

maybe when we're finally married, we…

A married couple can do anything we want.

That's why I tried to use the, um, dildo.

I really love your…

your…

your, um…

your thing, but sometimes…

[romantic music playing]

My wife doesn't like for me to drink inside.

I get it.

- Dutch courage. - Yeah.

[quick beat building]

[romantic music playing]

Uh, what is the special occasion?

Every day I spend with you is a special occasion.

The occasion is that I'm in love with you.

I want to keep you with me for as long as possible,

so you don't run away.

It's just the project with Natalia.

Besides, I need to show up at the dorm, every now and then,

so the concierge knows me in case my parents come to visit.

Or something…

What is the project?

It's just research.

Relationships.

App. That kind of stuff.

What's it got to do with chemistry?

So much, Mariusz.

So much.

[beeping]

DO NOT TOUCH! RESEARCH TOOL

Why so sad?

Rough day.

Maybe I could help cheer you up?

- Just don't. You're not my type. - No? What's your type then?

That guy.

Ah.

Okay.

All right.

[man] Hey, how was it?

Working?

What?

Dildo working?

Dildo work out?

Mm, don't know. Wasn't for me.

You go out of business?

No.

- Packing stuff for the expo. - What for?

Uh, because there's an expo?

You think people at the expo would like to, you know, mm…

to use a kind of a special new dildo? To try it out?

Probably., they would.

How would you convince them?

Why would it take convincing?

I need to find a way to convince my friends to test…

this special new dildo.

- What for? - A scientific experiment about it.

Adam! Move your ass!

I'm coming!

Jesus, is that your boss?

Unfortunately.

- Is she allowed to talk to you like that? - She is. 'Cause she's my sister.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Adam.

Ah, that's right. Natalia.

So, what's this experiment?

Mm, I need data on how people,

technically just females in particular, reach orgasm.

- Like William Masters? - Yeah. Who?

He's known for studying

people's physiological reactions during intercourse.

Researching live subjects, I guess you could say.

And people would just come to him for the study?

Yeah.

He convinced them somehow, but, uh, I don't know,

he had his own lab and decent conditions.

I think he recorded them during…

during…

you know what.

[funky beat playing]

What's up?

We'll hang a curtain here. Or we could put a nice screen here.

Here, another curtain.

All the cables will go along the floor.

What?

[Natalia] I have a brilliant idea.

Oh God, a new one?

I know how to acquire more data records.

And optimize the sampling method necessary to generate the data we need

to get an analysis with the algorithm.

Again, in my language?

We'll set up a laboratory for masturbation.

A Masturbatory.

It'll be available for female students to, well, you know what,

in exchange for data about their you know what.

I'll think about it because that seems like it breaks lots of rules.

Oh, come on.

There'll be no trouble.

♪ Copulation Station ♪

THE BROWNIE SCOUTS

[beeping]

[closing theme music playing]