Original subtitles

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Hiya love

Hello

How are you?

I'm good.

Although I didn't sleep very well last night.

To be honest.

Oh did you not?

No.

Thinking about the exhibition?

Yeah.

I just hope I've got everything I need.

But, I mean, what can you do?

Like I've planned as much as I can.

So I just.

You've done so much.

Yeah. Yeah. In the lead up to it.

You've got a lot going on. Yeah.

Just doing everything and everything you can.

Yeah.

I'm just nervous..

I just hope people come.

They will, they will.

I know, yeah. It means such a lot they will come.

How are you feeling?

Yeah.

I mean, like I said, I'm just.

I'm just thinking about everything.

I'm making sure I've got everything planned.

Like try to just keep calm, you know.

You’ve got a lot to look after.

Yes. Yeah.

You’ve got a lot going on just try to just take some deep breaths, okay?

Yeah. Nice and calm.

Nice and calm.

You'll be great. Yeah.

Absolutely great. You know you will be.

Should we try and get there around ten,

maybe ten o’clock or... Ten o’clock is good.

Yeah.

Okay. Oh.

Do you need anything else from me? Can I bring anything?

No. I think that's everything.

I've dropped off most things I need there now.

I'm going to go.

I'm going to go there actually, in a bit and just make sure everything's set up.

I don't want to miss anything.

And I don't know how much of the kitchen stuff they've got there, so,

to be honest, I'll have to look, you know.

Do you have anyone helping you?

You know, I like to do it on my own.

Well, if you want me to get there any earlier, any earlier than ten.

Just let me know.

Okay. Yeah.

We'll do, we'll do, and I'm sure it'll be fine.

I’ve packed, I've got all my art stuff, but I've got the paintings are already there,

you know.

So I've just got the things I need with me.

I think that's everything then, isn't it?

Yeah. Haven't forgotten anything. I'm sure.

I'm sure it is.

You've got the paintings there. That’s everything you need. Yeah,

yeah, it'll be fine.

I'm just anything that you think or, you know, you get there and think I forgot.

Just give me a call. Yeah. Okay.

Thank you.

What are you up to today?

Are you going to come round to the gallery later, or are you just going to

You going to wait?

Yeah,

I think, you know, it's it's your big day.

I just I haven't slept,

I haven't. Just make sure that,

you know... I'm on top form.

Yeah.

You're all nice and calm.

Yeah. It will all be good. Yeah.

I'm sure. Thanks mum.

Might get a couple of us, Might get a couple of us to help.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, if you do come, if you come to the gallery, we can go for lunch after.

If you like. If you're around still.

Yeah. That would be gorgeous. We haven't done that for ages.

I know exactly.

Celebratory lunch.

Yeah,

And then you going to choir tonight.

Yeah.

I love choir. Jen’s going.

Oh, God.

She's crazy.

Honestly.

Oh, no, I saw her, actually.

Did I tell you I saw her?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I bumped into her.

She... what was funny

was I turned up at this cafe, walked straight through.

She sat there at the table.

I can hear her.

Emma. Emma. Who's that? Turn around.

She sat there.

She handed me bag. A sweet little cutie.

Oh, my God, I know.

She is gorgeous. She is hilarious, she is crazy.

She's. You know, she's there. Yeah.

She's such a good friend to you as well.

And she. She's really nice.

Is she going to come along on Friday as well?

Is she going to come to the exhibition?

She should bring her all her pals..

Actually, that'd be quite a few people if they all came.

Yes, it will.

I mean, to make sure, you know, I don't want her to bring certain people.

No.

Definitely not, but everyone else is fine.

Yeah, but that's still a good 10 to 15, isn't it?

You know, you'll have an amazing number of people actually.

Hope so.

I bumped into Janette the other day on the street and she was asking, oh,

and she was going to tell Mary and she was going to tell her

her daughter and son in law, because, you know them.

So they all coming.

Yeah, well, I hope so.

God, mum you’ve invited everyone.

No pressure. Oh.

Like, do you know, it's good to be a little nervous.

Exactly.

Yeah, I definitely feel that.

Just keep calm.

Yeah, I will. It’ll be fine. It will.

How’s Alex doing?

All good.

Yeah I think I might.

Yeah. See him tonight or something.

You know, for like a dinner or something.

Which would be nice.

So he’s not going to be there this morning?

No, no, I'm just going to go on my own and make sure everything set up.

And I want to focus and make sure everything's clean and ready.

You know, I don't want to be faffing last minute.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it'd be fine.

Take your time with it.

It. Yeah, yeah, just take your time.

I think it's just. Yeah.

Everything's set up and all that kind of stuff.

Yeah.

If you need anything like,

technical wise, I guess what can they do,

Put some music on or something.

Yeah,

yeah, get the energy going.

Yeah, I set the vibe.

I think it actually I was going to invite don't, don't say this

straight away, but I might invite Parry, you know singer.

Get her to do some music.

Yeah, yeah. That’s amazing.

Oh.

Be nice to have live music.

Mum. You never guess who I have just seen.

I think it's Adam.

Should I go over and speak to him?

I think I should.

Yeah, yeah, I’ll give you a call back later.

Okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah, will do.

All right, all right.

Love you.

Bye bye.

[distant city noises]

Adam.

Oh, my God, what the hell?

Can I give you a hug?

How are you?

I'm good.

What are you doing here? Well, this is mud. Yeah, yeah.

I'm good.

I'm just going to get the tube.

I'm going to work. So,

what are you doing here?

Oh, a bit of last minute prep.

I'm going to work, too. Oh what teaching?

There's a summer school happening, and it's

Shakespeare and poetry and asked me to do so.

Brushing up on a bit of Shakespeare. Of course, as you do.

Are you still in the area then?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, kind of just off Waterloo Road now.

Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah.

Down the road. Yeah. Yeah. Still local.

You haven't you haven't moved out.

Oh well when you find an area right.

Yeah. Yeah. It's so nice isn't it. It’s got everything you need.

Where are you. I'm just here as well. Still.

Still in the area?

Yeah.

Still here. So, I surprised I haven’t bumped into you.

Yeah, yeah. Strange.

Well, I'm going to head to the tube so if you want to come with me.

Can always.

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna walk to Embankment.

Cool. Yeah.

But no stress.

Westminster is that way. Yeah. Sounds great.

Are you sure? Yeah, yeah.

Let me.

You pack up all your books. I'll wing it anyway.

Yeah, exactly.

This is mad.

Oh, where's, where's work?

Well, I'm going to my own gallery.

I have my own art gallery. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can't believe it's. I'm really nervous, actually.

I've got a big exhibition on Friday, so I'm just going today

and getting all my things sorted and, you know, making sure everything's ready.

But I can't believe I finally, finally got my own little shop.

Have you curated that

or is it like your drawing?

Yes, mine. It's all my stuff.

So this Friday is the first event.

So come on, let's go.

Yeah, yeah I better walk.

Okay, we’ll go this way go over the bridge.

Yeah.

So it's all my all my paintings for the first time.

Similar sort of stuff to what I've always done, really.

You know, like portraits and a little bit of landscape.

Mainly portrait.

You know, I like to draw people.

Wow. Faces. Yeah.

How many now? You must have.

You must have so many. I have a lot.

But I really want to make sure that I put a select few that I'm really,

really happy with. You know.

This is crazy.

How are you?

Really good. Thanks. Really good.

I am at the same school for a change.

Okay.

Finally landed a proper teacher job.

Well done.

Oh, yeah. I'm.

I'm enjoying.

I mean, it's madness. It's sometimes like,

I feel like a stranger walking into someone else's classroom. I can imagine.

And then there's, like, 30 faces just looking up at you and you're like,

oh, no, it's... What happens next? This is gonna be chaos.

But yeah. No, I love it.

Secondary school or primary?

Secondary school just went straight in, dived,

dived into... Dived into the depths of the teenagers.

Oh my word. Enjoying it?

Yeah I am, I haven't been there long at this one.

I think they must have.

Yeah.

Seen that because I'm the newbie.

I'm sort of like willing to do. Yeah.

Jump on like summer school when all the teachers have gone off now.

And now it's like... Your left behind. Why not?

I'm. I'm the yes man at the moment. Oh, yeah.

You got to be there for a while, you know. So you get set up and everything.

But how long have you had your gallery?

This is. This was my first exhibition.

I've had it a few weeks now.

Still new, still relatively new.

The only one, really.

It's been quite busy,

but the only one really, who's been there a lot has been mum obviously, mums there.

She, she makes sure it's all set up and nice

and she's helped me kind of advertise a little bit and you know,

get the word out there that I’ve got my own, my own gallery.

Can you believe it? How is she? Elaine.

She's really good.

She's really good. She's.

Yeah, she, she's clear, like she's beat cancer.

Can you believe it after all that time?

But you know what?

She's better than ever. Like. That's great.

It's just giving her this new lease of life,

you know, to face the world like she wants to go traveling.

We just got back from Greece. Wow.

Can you believe I took her...

was going to say camping but...

Glamping. Wow your mum in Greece?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Can you believe it?

So, yeah, we had this lovely tent. Went glamping and.

Oh, she just loved it.

It was so nice to see her out of the house, you know, and feeling.

Feeling herself again.

To be honest, it was, it was a long, long time. So.

Yeah. That's great.

Is she still in the same place? Has she moved?

Yeah. Yeah. No, she's in the same place.

I don't think she'll have a move.

You know, she loves that. That spot. So.

Got her garden.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

But yeah, overall, I'm just. I'm just.

She's better, you know?

And how, how’s your parents?

Yeah. They're fine.

Same old, same old. Yeah. Still.

Well, still at each other as always.

But then enjoying their holidays as well.

Yeah.

I think they're going to, Barbados in a couple of months.

Wow. Yeah. Very nice. Bit of a wild card for them.

Yeah. I was going to say. Have they ever been? No.

First time. First time.

Oh, that's so kind, bless them.

Should we cross?

Well, this is crazy.

Hey? Mad.

I mean, what's it been five? Four, five years? Five years.

Oh, my God, you still look the same. Yeah.

So do you. You've got a little bit more...

Oh, yeah,

A little bit more hair going on.

You still got your 30 creams?

Oh, always.

You’ve got to look after the skin.

Yeah. You look great. Yeah.

I'm not sure if the lack of sleep at the moment is helping though to be honest.

I'm nervous.

People have got to turn up on Friday, you know. Ah okay.

I'm trying

to do it to to raise money from breast cancer.

So there's a bit of pressure on that that I want to make sure, you know, it's

a successful thing.

It's a big it's a big event.

Have you had a lot of yeses?

I have all my friends obviously all my mum's friends.

Yeah.

So that should already, already give us about 20, 20 or so people.

You know. I've kinda done like a ticket thing.

So people people pay to enter,

you know, and it all goes towards charity.

Bit of wine, bit of food. Bit of wine, bit of food always.

Yeah, I'm really excited.

It is nerve wracking though.

You know, you're putting yourself out there to be vulnerable for the first time,

like for everyone to see your work you've spent so long on, like,

you see the vision, but you have to let everyone else then

come and judge and view and accept it, I guess so.

Well, I mean,

you know how good I thought you were.

I think you are.

So. You don't mind my paintings, did you?

Are there any of the old ones in there?

Yes, actually, yeah.

Yeah.

I was actually going to text you.

I was, I was going to let you know, but there's the one of you in there.

I hope you don't mind.

It's one of my favorites, to be honest.

It's really special.

Do you mind?

That's nice.

Yeah, that's nice to be a part of it.

I'm glad I thought so.

Yeah, me and mum picked them out, selected the ones we wanted, and I just.

Your mum helped. You were a big part of my life, you know?

Yeah.

Five years.

Well, you deserve it. Thank you. Yeah.

Thank you.

Are you, you know, happy and doing your thing

and any other still playing tennis?

Question mark. Yeah.

When I can.

Badly.

You always manage to beat me.

So, you know, I actually had a couple of lessons in the end.

That's like a park nearby.

Did I inspire you that much?

Well, it's more like, come on, got to commit

so I can actually get my first serve in now.

There we go. Yeah. Who knows? Good.

Did you play down here then?

Do you play local?

Yeah. There's a there's a there's a park.

It's kind of probably about three streets down.

Oh, nice. Okay.

And actually there's a there's a group.

I go in when I can. There's a group that happens on a Sunday.

Okay. But it goes for a roast afterwards.

Competitive or still for fun,

I think might might be a bridge too far to say competitive.

Like good enough. Attempting to be competitive.

Not in a league, then.

No. God, no.

You still, you still gymming?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I still teach actually. Once a week.

I still do teach my little yoga class.

Yeah, yeah.

How's that going?

It's good.

I prefer it to have, you know, small classes.

Anyway, I've always preferred to have, you know, my one to ones or like,

smaller group classes, but I don't know, it keeps me.

Keeps me grounded, keeps me sane, you know. Are you still at the

the same studio?

Yeah. Yeah. Still.

Still teaching the same... is it down this way.

Yeah.

Still teaching in the same place.

I've got my regulars, you know.

That's great.

So how much time is gallery taking up?

A lot, a lot.

I mean, most days at the moment, especially like I'm going now.

I'm going there to make sure it's all clean and ready,

but I've been making sure everything's perfect.

I want it to go smooth, you know,

see, every day pretty much I

am there. Yoga’s ticking you over.

Yoga’s ticking me over. Yeah.

It's nice.

It's the physical movement that I need.

You know, I can be sat for so long and you get in your head and it's like writing.

I suppose you just get lost in it.

Yeah.

Before I know it, it's been like six hours and I haven't yet.

I know I need to get up and I just keeps me going.

I guess it's the same with poetry sometimes.

And like you say, the writing, you just get get in a trance

and then by, by the end of it, you don't know what you've written.

Yeah.

That's the beauty of it though. No. Yeah.

Just get completely lost in it.

[chuckles]

I love London at this time.

It's much better.

It's much quieter than it was yesterday.

I'm so surprised I haven't seen you,

you know, just around, like, five years.

Yeah, I, I am too, I guess,

feel strange to just bump into you whilst

last minute planning a Shakespeare moment.

I think, God, the kids will know more than me. Oh,

So have you been at this this place you're teaching this summer school?

Have you been there a while? Is it the same school or?

It's been my first year there, actually.

Okay.

Yeah.

And thought, why not?

Why not be a bit busy over the summer?

I don't know, for some reason everybody was burnt out, but I thought,

why not?

There's like this transition group from year 6 to 7, right?

And it's just kind of like

for them to get a flavor of what might be to come in English.

Yeah. Yeah.

And and it's creative and parents are happy

because it's another week of school without their kids

Awh, you've always been so good.

And you just the children and pets.

Although you didn't like mum's cat very much,

I don't think it liked you, actually.

That’s the right way round. Gizmo.

Still going? Yeah I was about to say he's still going.

Can you believe he's got a bit of a limp now?

Oh, yeah.

How old is he now?

Oh, surely I don't know what it works out in cat years, is that a thing?

I don't know, I know dog.

Yes, yes.

Well, let's work out what, ten in human.

More than that.

More than that now. Yeah, yeah.

12, 12 years. I’ll have to find out on Google what that is in cat years.

The amount of times that I woke up at like 2 a.m.

and he was just like clawing. Yeah.

It pins you down doesn’t it.

Oh, he sleeps a lot now though.

But mum likes him.

Keeps her company even if he is a little sassy.

Sassy thing.

Do you have any pets now?

No, I don't actually.

I might get a fish.

Low maintenance. Right? What?

Oh, I know, just a goldfish.

Yeah, I don't know, maybe, like, is that is that a bit sad?

Like. No, no, no judgement here. Get just like like a big tank.

Little goldfish.

What will your name?

Him or her?

Bob. Standard.

Yeah. Bob the goldfish.

Very nice.

You're funny.

Your mum got anyone?

No. She's feeling alone.

She's surviving though. She didn’t manage to shack up with a Greek.

No, unfortunately not. Yacht owner or? yacht.

Ha yacht owner, that’s the dream?

Yeah.

No, I think she'll always be on her own now.

Yeah? Yeah she's independent

and she, like me, who I get it from.

It’s nice to see you though.

It’s nice to see you too.

Oh, dear.

I just sat doing some planning.

You know, the coffee shop around?

Still going there?

Still going there.

It is crazy, isn't it?

It’s my spot. I still sit on the same table,

same table, same chairs.

Sit with my notebook.

It's a good spot to do drawing, you know.

Have you got anything planned

for after the exhibition?

At the moment, I can't even think

that far ahead.

Yeah.

For now, it's just focus on the the exhibition.

Have you got any sort of, like,

big people coming to see it?

Well, not really. Okay.

If you know anyone...

I know some teachers?

Yeah, some good art teachers.

Yeah. Bring them along.

Am I invited? Absolutely. Oh, great.

I mean, I guess if my face is going to be there anyway.

Exactly. Come along.

I like that. Yeah?

Yeah. You sure? Absolutely.

Honestly, the more the merrier.

I'm really trying to get this to take off.

And it's actually less about the art I'm all about, you know, raising the money.

For charity. It's a bit about the art.

It's a little bit about the art.

Can't tell me you've worked that hard.

Oh, I'm so noble.

I'm so terrible.

No. Yeah.

I mean, I'd love it if it took off.

You know, like, in an ideal world, if I could get my stuff out

there, I'd love to get it to the US.

Yeah? We never did make it there.

Yeah,

I'd love for my art to get out there.

There's a really cool artist

in New York, actually, and

I would love to send my stuff over.

You know, I think he has a gallery, so I could put my stuff with his.

That would be the dream.

I love that for you.

I think that'd be great.

I hope so.

It's all about getting it to the right people, you know?

I mean, you made this happen.

That can’t have been easy. Took a lot of planning.

Those paintings

have been in in the works for what?

Some of them. Ten years.

Yeah. You're one.

I mean, you must have filled

how many sketch journals now?

Many books have been have been complete.

Do you keep all of them?

I do, even the bad ones.

Even the bad ones, I...

it's good you can look back on them, you know, and sometimes

at the time that you're doing it, you don't like it or you do like it.

And then a year or two year, three years later, your opinions changed.

Yeah. You know, like it's you changed.

So you're the way you look at it changes, I guess.

I mean, remember the time we went to the Tate and you took me around?

You like trying to explain expressionism

to me and the difference, and, like, I just.

I hate the ones that just splashes.

I still don't get it. You just don't get it.

I don't get it, I can't.

It's what art is, is subjective though.

But that was funny.

Me trying to drag you around.

I'm like, you must like this.

You're like, yeah, sure.

So you haven’t been to any art galleries?

Since...

No, don't have the expert guide anymore.

That's the thing.

It does help to someone who appreciates it with you.

You know, you can point out certain things in it.

I. Yeah, I don't think it'd be the same experience I wouldn't.

I need somebody to unlock it for me. Yeah.

The same way that you do.

The traumatic experience, me dragging you around the Tate.

I guess.

I guess once it's gone, you

you kind of realize it, right? So.

Yeah.

Yeah.

(Music starts)

It's funny how things like that work.

Yeah.

Time. Hey.

Five years.

It's a long time.

Especially at that age, you know. It feels like a beat.

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music continues]

And in the same breath, it doesn’t.

Yeah.

It's always different looking back at it anyways.

Than in the moment.

I think there's a line in a Shakespeare sonnet

where he's like, oh time.

And it's about

two different people in two different places.

And obviously they didn't have like digital technology back then,

but it's like, how can I say what I'm feeling?

How can that transcend time, space and land to the other person?

It's beautiful.

But I only remember the bit where he says, oh, time!

That's beautiful.

Yeah.

(City sounds)

Should we cross?

[traffic sounds]

I never understood Shakespeare the way you never understood art.

Well, I guess I have.

I have to try and understand him a bit better now.

Otherwise kids aren't going to learn anything.

I love this bridge.

I guess.

Thinking about,

you know, people in two different places, even though we were in the same place.

Not like Shakespeare, but.

I guess I obviously

have still been thinking about you and.

Wondering

maybe if I'd see you or

if you were thinking about me.

You come into my mind.

You know, like little things.

Shakespeare.

And. The painting.

It was a time ago now.

It’s...

It's been pretty hard.

I guess maybe on one hand,

maybe I didn't want to see you.

I mean, I did and I do.

It's been hard.

♪ Sigh ♪

It's like.

I feel right.

I feel like.

There's still there's still something.

That was like, I have a question.

I still have questions because I feel like I kept turning up,

kept turning up, kept trying to be there.

And you,

you just disappeared.

I don't know why that was.

I’m sorry Adam.

Do you know what I mean?

Like,

it's like

you were asking something from me, but neither of us knew what it was.

So I get it,

and I understand.

I mean, your mum was sick, right?

But I was

really trying to support you, like, really, really trying.

And, I mean, I adored you.

There's no where that you could have gone and I wouldn't have followed you. And

then.

But every time I took a step towards you, it's like you took a step away.

And I maybe realized now,

five years later, maybe five, five years too late.

But where's the step back to me?

You never took a step back to me.

I'm sorry.

My mum.

My mum had cancer.

I didn't know what to do. I was young.

I didn't mean to hurt you, I promise.

I did love you.

I'm sorry it

ended the way it did.

Because I know there was, like, no clarity.

And neither of us knew exactly

how it was meant to work with.

I don't know, it was hard for both of us.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

I feel like we started

with this really amazing shared vision.

Shared purpose.

And don’t get me wrong, like,

Elaine's news like huge.

But I thought, you know what?

We've got it.

I thought, we've got it.

You so did I.

But it wasn't. We've got it.

You had it.

[traffic sounds]

I feel really lonely.

I’m sorry Adam. Please don’t get upset.

I miss you.

It's not fair.

I'm glad you made it, though.

That's the most important thing I guess.

Just all caught me off guard.

Sorry.

I've been trying my best to

put one foot in front of the other, and.

Maybe I thought I'd got further than I had.

But seeing you

feels familiar.

Obviously, you've come into my mind, but I haven't,

I haven't, I haven't thought about this in a long time.

I don't.

Different people now and...

Well.

Well? Yeah, I guess you are,

your exhibition and your big things.

And you're going to be in America soon

and on billboards and on the Ellen Show.

Here’s hoping.

You always were too nice to me.

Most of the time.

My crime

being too nice.

Well.

[sigh]

These things always do pop up on a random Wednesday morning.

Oh, yeah.

Midweek. Midweek.

Not expecting it.

And wow, smack bang.

We're back five years ago.

I guess Shakespeare feels big enough.

Shakespeare?

Is this him?

Yeah.

It's interesting actually, because we're doing Macbeth today.

Right.

And I didn't

realize all the complexity around Lady Macbeth.

And I don't know when the last time you did Macbeth was? A long time ago.

Yeah.

Did you ever.

Did you do you do the...

There's a speech that she does or when they're talking together

and there's a question about if they had a kid or not?

No.

Yeah.

She's she's got this line.

Like she knows how.

How tender thing it is to have to have a kid.

Right.

But nobody's quite sure if,

if it was theirs or not

or if or if she was just like a maid.

Like a nurse maid.

Weird that that's happening today.

Have you met anyone?

Not like you.

Nothing serious.

You haven't tried the swipe?

I was going to say the online

swipe technology was never your strength.

Anyway.

I had a brief flirtation with Hinge,

but just sounds like a rusty gate post.

How long did that last?

About a month.

That's quite good going. The app,

not the relationship.

Tinder?

Bumble? Just for young kids Tinder.

Well, what are you know?

Thirty four years?

Look at me drinking alchopops in Greece with my top off.

Like,

don't even call them alchopops anymore. Do they?

What was that one...

Welcome back to the 90s.

What's the one that you used to have?

Was it blue?

Come on.

They'd always be one in the fridge. I used to take the piss out of you for it.

What was it? Is it WKD?

Look.

Can't beat WKD.

Smirnoff Ice, back in the day.

You were the king of Smirnoff Ice. Quick sugar hit.

Probably what it was. Used to pretend to be really drunk.

You can make this.

Oh, green man, no stopping you.

I was thinking about going back to Bordeaux.

Oh, yeah? Yeah,

I'm going to take mum.

Do a bit of wine tasting.

Not as wild as my birthday, though.

That was half eight in the morning.

And you should never be trusted with a bottle of wine.

Well, to be honest, I mean, look where we were.

Can't go to Bordeaux.

And then not just always have at least one bottle

in your hand. And just be constantly pissed.

It's when you stood up.

We just sat down nice and chilled.

Nice. A couple of little tasters of wine.

It's off the stool.

At least the waiter was there.

Okay.

They make they make good crutches. (Music starts)

Oh, it's got to be one of my favorite things.

Favorite memories of you?

Just absolutely stacking it off the off the chair.

It was the look up afterwards.

You know, you said you looked up in shock on what has happened.

Delayed response.

The wine had hit.

I still think we had another bottle or two.

Even after that. We did.

We really did.

[dramatic music]

Like you say, you can't go to Bordeaux.

Not a glass of wine, bottle of wine or three.

Yeah. I want to go back with mum.

I want to want to take her there.

She's not been.

That’ll be nice.

You know she loves a glass of wine. So.

Yes she does.

You have to make sure that she's, like, carbed up.

I don't think we'd had enough carbs the night before.

That's what it was.

That marathon training.

I'm sure she'll like to hear that.

You have to tell her that. Could you come on Friday?

You'll have to tell her that you're like that.

She’ll love the cheese there to your mum, for sure.

She loves cheese.

I still don't like cheese.

No, no.

You know, sometimes they say, you know, your taste buds mature as you get older.

Cheese is still one of those things.

You're still just a kid.

You love it though, because I always pick the cheese off you.

That's why it's you got extra cheese. Like a little mouse.

Yeah, I say a dog with scraps, but a mouse.

Not a rat, though. I could have said rat.

What a surprise.

There’s this kid at school right.

Layla.

I don't know if she'll be there today, actually.

Maybe.

Because we've got

some of the older ones helping out.

She's 14

and she lost her nan last year,

and didn't cry.

Didn't talk.

Sort of like just just turned up.

You wouldn't think anything was different.

But we like, kept an eye on her because Nan pretty much raised her.

Right. Right.

And anyway, there's

this one day I'm teaching a filler class

between projects and, you know, just got to wing it sometimes.

Absolutely.

I'm the queen of that.

So I asked them to write a poem about inanimate objects.

Right. So it's quite good, actually.

And did you say that?

Anyway, you know, they, they’d do it and hand everything in and

reading through it.

And Layla's.

It's called the Magic Teapot.

And I thought it was going to be the magic porridge pot,

you know, just keeps on cooking porridge.

Something like that just keeps on making brews for people.

Yeah,

and actually,

she could see her nan in the steam.

Oh. So, like, every time she.

Every time she boiled the kettle, sort of like the steam had filled the air

and she said it was like being wrapped in her nan.

And then even when it evaporated,

she's still, like, in the air.

And so... Very creative.

Yeah.

It's like so blown away by that.

So, but I made her a cup of tea the next day.

You and Layla.

I think she liked that. Oh.

That's cute.

Oh, I.

Is she a favorite? Are you allowed to have favourites?

She is now.

I mean, obviously. Obviously not.

Not allowed to. But you do.

Inevitable.

I guess

it made me think.

Sort of.

It was like

she was honoring her nan. And.

Yeah, I guess

I guess we didn't get to do that.

Just on a

an ending.

I can't help.

You might get mad,

but I can't help but think like,

I like I’m still.

Fantasizing or like, you know what if?

They'd be.

What four, now?

What if they had your eyes?

Hopefully they wouldn't have got my ears.

[dramatic music]

I realize that might not be healthy.

Here comes Dumbo.

[dramatic music continues]

You’ll be a great dad.

(Emotional music)

(Phone rings)

Two secs...

Hello. Hi.

You alright?

Oh, my God, you're joking.

Shit,

shit.

Okay.

Is she all right?

Okay, okay, okay.

Do you want me to come over?

I'll come over after work.

Yeah.

That's fine, that's fine, that's fine.

Don't worry.

Oh, poor thing. God.

What did they say it was?

What triggered it?

Alright.

Okay. Please send my love.

Love you. Bye.

You alright?

(Text sent sound)

Sorry about that. That’s ok.

Everything okay?

Yeah.

I've got a new partner.

Cool.

I mean...

Sure, you probably know that, but

is that who that was?

Oh.

Wow. Congratulations.

Thank you.

It was a real shock, but it felt right,

you know?

What's his name?

Alex.

I guess... Might as well...

Say how you met maybe,

maybe what he does.

Sure.

I met him on a night out.

And he's a resident doctor.

And he proposed in Dartmoor.

Go camping.

And I was in my tracksuit.

My hoodie

was a campfire,

and he started walking like, 100m ahead of me.

So I was like, okay. What's he doing? That’s a bit weird.

Started following him. I said, what are you doing?

No one else around, just us.

Sun was setting

and I followed him.

Yeah. And he.

He asked me to marry him.

Well.

I said yes.

Have you, set a date?

We're kind of not in a rush,

you know.

We started planning, but we haven't officially.

You know, we've thought of ideas, but we haven't said anything yet.

Lots going on with the exhibition and, you know.

Yeah, it's a lot to do right now..

So, once Friday's out of the way, you know. Sure.

Mum must be happy.

Yeah.

I'm really excited.

It feels right, you know.

He works quite long hours.

But, with me at the exhibition at the moment.

It kind of works out quite nicely, you know, of

coming home and.

Is he in a specific hospital or?

Yeah.

Or is he jumping from place to place?

Yeah. He's.

So he's finished all his, you know, official training I guess.

And now that he's working, he's mainly at Chelsea in Westminster.

Where mum was.

Yeah.

It's kind of mixed bag. Whenever I go back there really.

See such a hard time seeing mum there.

But then,

you know, if I go pick him up sometimes

we'll be there and.

(Van beeps)

I think you're popular.

I'm sorry if you didn't want to hear that.

I just want to be honest with you.

I mean.

Probably would have found out sooner or later, right?

I guess it's.

I guess it's nicer coming from you directly.

I'm sorry I haven't reached out.

I didn't, until just then.

I didn't know that this was like you were still even, like,

missing me, I guess.

I mean.

I think that might be a bit naive, really,

because.

Naive?

You knew how much I wanted it.

The relationship or the baby?

Both.

It's like.

I mean, the baby. Of course the baby.

You know, I wanted the baby, and,

I don't know, I just had this idea that we could get through anything.

We could get through your mum.

We could get through the baby.

[traffic sounds]

Anyway.

I don't think I'm being naive.

Maybe...

Links back to what I said

on the bridge in terms of.

Clearly, I was sat on something

and it felt like I couldn't get out, didn't get the opportunity

to get it out.

But, I mean, it must have been obvious

you broke me.

Obvious what?

It must have been obvious that what you did

broke me.

And you don't think

having an abortion would break me?

But I didn't get the opportunity to know.

You shut me out. I

it was like.

We were.

We were ten weeks.

It's not even a quick decision

in terms of it lived.

It lived for ten weeks and we lived.

Or at least I thought we lived.

I wanted it at first. Okay? I wanted a baby.

I told you I wanted it, I wasn't lying, I wasn't lying and saying... at first I did.

I did want it.

I thought we were going to be okay, but I.

My decision changed.

Yeah.

And it felt like I didn't really get a say in that.

My mum had stage three breast cancer.

I was working all day in the gallery.

I'd come home and the last thing I wanted to do is.

(Emotional music)

I needed some time to process everything.

[emotional music continues]

Do you think I'm being naive?

I think you've been naive about how I felt. But

you just expect

me to, like, not feel anything now.

How dare you say that?

I mean.

[Crying]

I'm sorry.

What questions do you have?

Just ask them.

Lay out whatever you want to know.

I'll tell you.

Just tell me.

What questions do you want to know?

It wasn't working Adam.

It wasn't working.

The question is, why was it an ultimatum?

Why did it have to be your mum or the baby?

Okay.

It was like, I feel like you picked your mum over our kid,

and I know I said some pretty shit things.

I know I said that, okay?

And that was in a moment.

But the thing is, I thought, why does it why does it have to be one or the other?

Why can't it be both? I didn't know what else to do.

It was claustrophobic, I was scared, I was scared, I didn't know what to do.

I wanted to focus on my career.

I wanted to look after my mum, my mum who was dying.

And this isn't like she was in fucking...

Nowhere in that Em, is me,

Nowhere in that.

Is us as a three. I am sorry.

I am sorry, I'm sorry it wasn't different, but I.

I don't know what you're expecting me to do. I,

I don't know, I don't know

what you want me to say.

I'm sorry too.

I don't know what I want you to say.

And it's not like I was expecting to suddenly bump into you.

Okay?

I don't have all these set of questions written out

going oh Emily needs to answer this.

And it was shit.

It was shit.

I abandoned you, I get it.

I was stuck, I was scared, I was young.

It's like when you made that decision,

you just. You shut a door.

And I felt like I was just trying to get through it.

But I wanted to be with you.

Even if you'd made that decision, there was no.

I could have understood the decision.

I could have maybe understood the decision, but it was made so quickly.

You didn't allow me to come with you.

Adam I had to shut that door.

I had to do it on my own.

What do I tell...

sit there and have a discussion and try and.

I couldn't even do that.

I couldn't I couldn't even sit there with you.

I had to do it on my own.

I had,

I had, to do it on my own.

And why?

Maybe that's the question.

It wasn’t easy.

It...

I'm sure it wasn't, but I had no idea.

I had no idea.

I couldn't hold your hand.

I had no idea how much pain you'd go through.

I don't even know how long it had last.

You come

home, you go to the bathroom, you'd shut the door.

I'd ask if you're okay.

Yeah. I'm fine.

Can I do anything? No.

What could you do?

I don't know.

You didn't need to see that or go through that.

You didn't need to sit there whilst I was

in pain.

Lost 23, 24.

Stuck.

I had no out.

But that wasn't your decision to make.

You think it was.

And it's.

I just wanted.

I wanted a bit more, I wanted something, I just wanted something.

And I told you I'm sorry.

It was five years ago.

And they would have been four.

And they would have been four.

You don't know that.

(Emotional music)

Adam.

I’m pregnant.

Sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Sorry, sorry.

[emotional music continues]

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

I’m sorry.

[emotional music continues]

[crying]

I was going to tell you earlier but.

Just just.

I didn't know what to say.

I didn't know if you were going to be angry.

If we were going to be sad.

I mean, it did, but.

You okay?

Stupid question.

That’s big.

And...

I am happy for you.

Or I will be.

Thank you.

I’m sorry, I am sorry it wasn’t you.

♪ Sigh ♪

I'm sorry for a lot of things too.

Like what?

Maybe.

(Car beeps)

Maybe actually instead of all of these steps

that I was taking towards you, maybe, actually.

What you needed was space.

Maybe instead of me.

Being on top of you.

I just didn't know Em.

Didn’t know how to be helpful.

I didn't, I didn't know what was helpful.

I didn't I didn't know what I needed or what.

Maybe space.

Maybe space could have been good. But

why are we even talking about this?

This?

It's what ifs.

It's happened now.

It's.

I've been

living

In a what if for the past five years.

I was living in a what if

for ten weeks when we were together.

I don't know what it is, but what if

fills my world anyway?

It's why I write.

I can't change that.

I can't.

Yeah.

That's up to you now.

We had

an amazing,

amazing five years But.

It’s gone.

That's what makes it special. No?

[ambient music]

I guess.

I guess you're not so far along.

Does mum know?

I mean, she must right? Yeah.

God.

What kind of wedding dress are you gonna have to get.

I haven't even thought about that yet.

One thing at a time.

Is it weird to invite you to the wedding?

Sorry, sorry.

I don't know.

Sorry.

That was silly.

I mean, if you want me there.

It's always nice to see you.

The baby will be born.

I hope he can love you as much as you deserve.

Can I tell you the

when my mind changed about the baby.

We were both sat in the living room.

And. You got out the book of

names. I know it was early. I told you it was early.

But you insisted on bringing out the book of names. And.

You opened it. And you

You said.

We had an argument

about the name, remember?

Lily. No, Lileth, No.

It lasted a while, but.

I just remember looking at you

so ready to be a dad. So.

So ready.

And it was in that moment, I.

I was scared,

I thought, I can't do this.

I didn't I didn't want to do this, I wasn't ready, I was this

even right? So.

You're in the shower and I picked up my phone.

I called my mum.

And that was when I decided.

So mum knew before I even knew.

You've always been jealous of mum.

The relationship I have with her.

Yes, I'm close with her, but.

I was jealous of your mum.

I am jealous of your mum.

We had two years.

Of something that I can't even describe.

It was that good?

It's like riding a wave of

bliss and euphoria.

And then this

big fucking anchor

just took us down.

And I get it.

And I at the beginning, like I thought, there’s nothing that can break us.

Nothing.

In the same way

that you make your ultimatums, you go one way or the other.

You don't do both.

And so mum.

Replaced me.

And don't get me wrong.

I love your mum.

I like your mum.

I thought she was going to die.

I did,

and I know.

That was maybe clear.

I wanted to help you.

I wanted to help you.

But Ems people die all the time.

You're ridiculous.

You are ridiculous.

You're absolutely ridiculous.

How can you even say that?

How can you even say that?

Well I mean, It was stage four.

I was trying

to be a bit logical and to kind of prepare you.

It wasn't. I wasn't trying to be cruel.

Neither was I.

You see, we both did our best.

It didn't work.

Now, doctor Alex

swims in.

He doesn't let me walk all over him,

he makes me grow.

He stands up to me.

He makes me change.

Makes me question.

He calls me out on my my bullshit.

Would that helped?

If I'd have called you out on your bullshit?

Maybe.

Maybe that's what I needed.

I needed someone to.

Oh, I don't know.

It's. It's happened now.

This was five years ago.

We have to.

I have to go to work.

I feel like this is sliding doors.

And like Alex is almost another version of me.

I feel like he's almost

stolen my life.

[sigh]

That is a you problem.

Not me.

What a Wednesday.

It’s strange talking about all

of this now, you know, like.

It seems like some kind of full circle.

Looking back.

We have to remember the good stuff.

I guess.

Why do you think I've still been in a what if?

I don't think I'd have been in fantasy if.

I didn't love the good stuff?

We had fun.

I’ll never forget the water fight in Thailand

that will stay with me as long as I live.

I need to go soon.

Yeah, my schools just up there.

How long does it take you?

Not long.

15, 20 minutes.

Mum's going to come round later.

Tell her I said hi.

I am sorry, Adam.

I didn't realise

the pain you're going through.

I was young and.

I really did love you.

I loved you too.

And for my part, I'm sorry too.

Will you come all Friday?

Obviously it's up to you, but I'd love to see you.

Yeah, I'm sure mum would as well,

If I can help be there. Absolutely.

I mean, my face is there. So you could bring Layla.

Layla, Lola.

Be a bit weird.

A 14 year old outside of school?

Yeah. You might get. Don't know if I get my.

If there be a job to go back to. Not a good idea.

How about this?

Could I ask if it'd be okay

if Layla's poem is maybe brought to the gallery? [ambient music]

Would that be okay?

And if she says yes, we can maybe put it up. I’d love that.

Yeah? Yeah.

I think she would too.

You will find someone soon Ads.

You're great.

[ambient music continues]

I'm glad we met today.

It's nice to see you.

It's good to see you, too.

Despite everything.

Mad. Five years

blink and so much can happen.

Alright Shakespeare.

Keep writing, won't you?

Yeah.

Take a lot to stop me doing that.

Are you going Charing Cross or you going Embankment?

Embankment.

Feels weird saying goodbye.

Well, it won't be another five years if I'm seeing you on Friday.

Especially if you're not around the road.

Yeah.

Can I give you a hug.

Alright Em.

[emotional music]

Look after yourself.

See you soon.

[emotional music continues]

[emotional music continues] [birds chirping]

[Tube announcements]

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