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1
00:00:10,434 --> 00:00:11,934
( ringing )
2
00:00:13,834 --> 00:00:16,734
HELLO, CHIEF?
THIS IS AGENT 86,
MAXWELL SMART.
3
00:00:16,734 --> 00:00:20,500
I'M ON THE STREET WHERE
OUR ESPIONAGE TRAINING SCHOOL
IS LOCATED.
4
00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:22,233
I'M ABOUT TO MAKE
MY CONTACTS.
5
00:00:22,233 --> 00:00:23,400
OVER AND OUT.
6
00:00:45,534 --> 00:00:47,934
CONTACTS MADE WITH
PERFECT PRECISION, CHIEF.
7
00:00:47,934 --> 00:00:51,801
I HAVE MY IDENTITY PAPERS,
MY PASSWORD AND MY
MORNING NEWSPAPER.
8
00:00:53,001 --> 00:00:54,701
PASSWORD IS--
9
00:00:54,701 --> 00:00:58,168
"WHEN THE MOON IS FULL
THE TIDE IS HIGH."
10
00:00:58,168 --> 00:00:59,967
I LIKE THAT.
11
00:00:59,967 --> 00:01:04,034
INCIDENTALLY, CHIEF,
I'D LIKE TO COMPLIMENT YOU
AND THE SECURITY BOYS.
12
00:01:04,034 --> 00:01:06,400
THIS PLACE IS
A BRILLIANT FRONT.
13
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,034
( doorbell rings )
14
00:01:18,734 --> 00:01:19,667
GOOD MORNING.
15
00:01:21,267 --> 00:01:26,134
WHEN THE MOON IS FULL
THE TIDE IS HIGH.
16
00:01:26,134 --> 00:01:28,967
YOU MUST WANT
THE SPY SCHOOL.
THAT'S NEXT DOOR.
17
00:01:38,101 --> 00:01:40,434
( theme music playing )
18
00:02:34,101 --> 00:02:35,934
( humming )
19
00:02:38,667 --> 00:02:41,267
- GOOD MORNING.
- OH, GOOD MORNING.
MY NAME IS LOOMIS.
20
00:02:41,267 --> 00:02:43,034
AH, YES,
ALEXANDER LOOMIS.
21
00:02:43,034 --> 00:02:45,034
WELCOME TO THE
TRAINING SCHOOL,
LOOMIS.
22
00:02:45,034 --> 00:02:47,600
I'M ONE OF YOUR
SPECIAL INSTRUCTORS.
23
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,534
- HELLO, 99.
- HOW ARE YOU, 86?
24
00:02:49,534 --> 00:02:51,267
- DID YOU FIND OUT
ANYTHING YET?
- NO.
25
00:02:51,267 --> 00:02:53,367
ALL WE KNOW SO FAR
IS THAT SOMEONE
IN THE SCHOOL
26
00:02:53,367 --> 00:02:54,667
IS A KAOS
INFILTRATOR.
27
00:02:54,667 --> 00:02:55,934
I'VE BEEN HERE
A WHOLE WEEK
28
00:02:55,934 --> 00:02:57,667
AND SO FAR HE HASN'T
MADE ONE MISTAKE.
29
00:02:57,667 --> 00:02:59,834
IF WE DON'T FIND HIM,
KAOS WILL KNOW
THE IDENTITY
30
00:02:59,834 --> 00:03:02,168
- OF EVERY AGENT IN
THE TRAINING SCHOOL.
- OH, RIGHT.
31
00:03:02,168 --> 00:03:04,034
( scratching at door )
32
00:03:04,034 --> 00:03:07,101
I'D KNOW THAT
SCRATCH ANYWHERE.
33
00:03:10,667 --> 00:03:12,300
WHAT'S HE
DOING HERE?
34
00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:14,467
HE'S BACK FOR
A REFRESHER COURSE.
35
00:03:14,467 --> 00:03:16,101
OH. NOW LISTEN,
FANG--
36
00:03:16,101 --> 00:03:18,001
I'M HERE AS
A NEW TRAINEE
37
00:03:18,001 --> 00:03:20,434
AND I'M GOING UNDER
THE COVER NAME
"LOOMIS."
38
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:22,434
SO TRY AND ACT
LIKE YOU DON'T
KNOW ME.
39
00:03:22,434 --> 00:03:24,068
- ( whimpers )
- GOOD BOY.
40
00:03:24,068 --> 00:03:25,967
WE'RE DUE IN
THE TRAINING YARD
FOR CLASSES.
41
00:03:25,967 --> 00:03:28,701
UNTIL YOU'RE CLEAR
THE SCHOOL'S GOING TO BE
UNDER MAXIMUM SECURITY.
42
00:03:28,701 --> 00:03:30,367
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
- YOU'LL SEE.
43
00:03:30,367 --> 00:03:32,934
- YOU STAY HERE, MORRIS.
- ( whimpers )
44
00:03:32,934 --> 00:03:34,134
BYE, MORRIS.
45
00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:38,068
- MORRIS?
- THAT'S HIS COVER.
46
00:03:44,101 --> 00:03:46,101
- ONE OF OUR NEW TRAINEES?
- YES, SIR.
47
00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:48,634
I'M LOOMIS...
ALEXANDER.
48
00:03:48,634 --> 00:03:51,500
I'M MR. WATSON,
DEAN OF THE SCHOOL; AND THIS
IS HILLARY GAINSBOROUGH
49
00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:54,367
- FROM CONTROL'S LONDON SECTION.
- DELIGHTED TO MEET YOU, LOOMIS.
50
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:56,001
AS A MATTER OF FACT
I'M NEW HERE MYSELF.
51
00:03:56,001 --> 00:03:58,001
I'M JUST IN
TO GIVE YOU CHAPS
INSTRUCTIONS
52
00:03:58,001 --> 00:03:59,467
IN THE NEW
SPECIAL WEAPONS.
53
00:03:59,467 --> 00:04:01,233
NEW, EH?
AND BRITISH?
54
00:04:01,233 --> 00:04:04,233
WHAT WAS MICKY MANTLE'S
BATTING AVERAGE IN 1961?
55
00:04:04,233 --> 00:04:07,200
I, UH,
I DON'T KNOW.
56
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:10,667
CORRECT, BECAUSE IF
YOU DID KNOW YOU'D BE
AMERICAN, NOT BRITISH.
57
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,667
A NEW TRAINEE
CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL.
58
00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:14,400
- SMART.
- NO, LOOMIS.
59
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:17,001
WOULD YOU INTRODUCE
THE NEW MAN TO OUR
OTHER TRAINEES?
60
00:04:17,001 --> 00:04:18,367
YES I WILL, SIR.
61
00:04:19,934 --> 00:04:23,068
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
HE'S ONE OF
THE NEW TRAINEES.
62
00:04:23,068 --> 00:04:24,367
( blows whistle )
63
00:04:47,333 --> 00:04:48,300
( yells )
64
00:04:49,867 --> 00:04:52,901
- HMM, NOT BAD.
- ARE YOU FAMILIAR
WITH KARATE?
65
00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:56,267
ARE YOU KIDDING?
WHY, KARATE HAPPENS TO BE
ONE OF MY FAVORITE HOBBIES.
66
00:04:56,267 --> 00:04:58,767
WITH ONE PERFECTLY
TIMED CHOP OF MY HAND
67
00:04:58,767 --> 00:05:01,233
I CAN BREAK
EIGHT BOARDS
THIS THICK.
68
00:05:01,233 --> 00:05:03,034
WOULD YOU
BELIEVE IT?
EIGHT.
69
00:05:03,034 --> 00:05:05,168
I FIND IT VERY
DIFFICULT TO BELIEVE.
70
00:05:05,168 --> 00:05:08,068
- WOULD YOU BELIEVE SEVEN?
- I DON'T THINK SO.
71
00:05:08,068 --> 00:05:09,934
HOW ABOUT A LOAF
OF BREAD?
72
00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:12,068
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I MUST REJOIN MY CLASS.
73
00:05:15,701 --> 00:05:19,300
99, I WANT A COMPLETE
RUNDOWN ON THE REST
OF THE NEW TRAINEES.
74
00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:22,267
OKAY.THEIR NAMES
ARE DIMITRI,
75
00:05:22,267 --> 00:05:26,934
ZUKOR, AND GRILLAK.
THEY'VE ALL BEEN SENT HERE
BY OUR EUROPEAN BUREAU.
76
00:05:26,934 --> 00:05:30,168
MM-HMM.I HAVE
A THEORY THAT IT'S
ONE OF THESE THREE.
77
00:05:30,168 --> 00:05:33,767
THE MINUTE I SEE THEM
I'LL BE ABLE TO PICK OUT
THE ENEMY AGENT.
78
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:36,200
YOU'RE GOING TO GET
YOUR CHANCE RIGHT AWAY.
79
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:39,767
THEY'RE ALL RIGHT
OVER THERE TOGETHER.
80
00:05:39,767 --> 00:05:41,200
MM-HMM.
81
00:05:45,467 --> 00:05:47,101
OKAY, NOW LET'S
TEST MY THEORY.
82
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,001
99:
THAT'S GRILLAK,THAT'S DIMITRI
83
00:05:51,001 --> 00:05:52,400
AND THAT'S ZUKOR.
84
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:56,367
Hillary:
PREPARE TO THROW... THROW!
85
00:05:56,367 --> 00:05:58,934
- I HAVE ANOTHER THEORY.
- ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN,
86
00:05:58,934 --> 00:06:01,200
IF YOU'LL ALL GATHER
AROUND THE TABLE HERE--
87
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,434
OH, LOOMIS, WOULD
YOU JOIN US PLEASE?
88
00:06:03,434 --> 00:06:05,333
WHAT I WOULD LIKE
TO SHOW YOU FIRST
OF ALL
89
00:06:05,333 --> 00:06:07,400
IS ONE OF CONTROL'S
LATEST WEAPONS.
90
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:11,400
THIS IS A MULTIPART
AUTOMATIC MACHINE PISTOL
91
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,267
WHICH CAN BE PUT TOGETHERIN PRECISELY THREE SECONDS.
92
00:06:14,267 --> 00:06:15,834
NOW YOU'LL SEE
THAT ALL THE PARTS
93
00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:18,101
FIT VERY NEATLY
INTO THIS COMPACT
LITTLE CASE.
94
00:06:18,101 --> 00:06:20,600
WELL, YOU'LL ALL
GET A CHANCE TO WORK
WITH THAT LATER.
95
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,300
BUT FIRST OF ALLLET'S HAVE A PRACTICALDEMONSTRATION
96
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:26,068
OF AN ENTIRELY NEW WEAPON:
97
00:06:26,068 --> 00:06:28,867
THAT IS, THE WRISTWATCH
STRANGLING WIRE.
98
00:06:28,867 --> 00:06:30,767
NOW, WE'VE ALL GONE
INTO THIS IN THEORY.
99
00:06:30,767 --> 00:06:32,200
LET'S SEE HOW
YOU WORK WITH IT.
100
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,467
NOW GRILLAK
AND DIMITRI, HMM?
101
00:06:34,467 --> 00:06:36,434
AND HERE'S ONE
FOR YOU, LOOMIS.
102
00:06:36,434 --> 00:06:39,200
WATCH THEM CAREFULLY
BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING
TO BE NEXT, HMM?
103
00:06:43,767 --> 00:06:44,934
READY.
104
00:06:47,168 --> 00:06:50,068
FINE.NOW THEN,
ZUKOR AND LOOMIS.
105
00:06:57,068 --> 00:06:58,534
( twangs )
106
00:07:00,867 --> 00:07:02,500
WHAT HAPPENED,
LOOMIS?
107
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,734
I PULLED OUT
THE WATCH SPRING.
108
00:07:07,001 --> 00:07:09,967
ALL RIGHT,
LET'S FINISH
WITH THE HATS.
109
00:07:13,101 --> 00:07:14,367
NOW REMEMBER,
GENTLEMEN,
110
00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:17,001
THAT THESE HATS HAVE
A RAZOR-SHARP EDGE.
111
00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:18,500
THEY CAN BE
A DEADLY WEAPON
112
00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:20,068
WHEN THEY ARE
PROPERLY HANDLED.
113
00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:22,667
RIGHT.ZUKOR,
YOU'RE FIRST.
114
00:07:23,967 --> 00:07:26,233
LET'S SEE YOU TAKE
THE HEAD OFF THE DUMMY.
115
00:07:30,333 --> 00:07:32,767
GOOD, ZUKOR.
NOW LOOMIS.
116
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,333
AND REMEMBER, LOOMIS--
NICE, EASY ACTION.
117
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:42,901
YES, JUST A QUICK FLICK
OF THE WRIST AND A FULL
FOLLOW-THROUGH.
118
00:07:51,567 --> 00:07:53,168
( glass shatters )
119
00:07:56,333 --> 00:07:58,467
I'VE WARNED YOU PEOPLE
LONG ENOUGH!
120
00:07:58,467 --> 00:08:01,467
THIS TIME YOU DON'T
GET THE HAT BACK!
121
00:08:13,734 --> 00:08:15,901
ONE OF THOSE
THREE TRAINEES
IS THE IMPOSTOR,
122
00:08:15,901 --> 00:08:17,934
- I'M SURE OF IT.
- BUT HOW COULD AN IMPOSTOR
123
00:08:17,934 --> 00:08:19,534
HAVE GOTTEN
INTO THE SCHOOL?
124
00:08:19,534 --> 00:08:20,901
THE SAME WAY
THAT I DID.
125
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:23,101
REMEMBER,
I'M NOT REALLY
ALEXANDER LOOMIS.
126
00:08:23,101 --> 00:08:26,233
OH, YOU MEAN THAT KAOS
COULD HAVE SUBSTITUTED
ONE OF THEIR AGENTS
127
00:08:26,233 --> 00:08:28,534
FOR THE REAL DIMITRI,
ZUKOR OR GRILLAK.
128
00:08:28,534 --> 00:08:29,834
- EXACTLY.
- AH.
129
00:08:29,834 --> 00:08:31,967
NOW I HAVE HERE
THE ORIGINAL
CONTROL FILES.
130
00:08:31,967 --> 00:08:34,767
NOW IF ANY
OF THOSE THREE
DON'T MATCH
131
00:08:34,767 --> 00:08:36,534
THE SCHOOL FILES
IN THAT SAFE,
132
00:08:36,534 --> 00:08:38,267
WE'VE GOT
OUR IMPOSTOR.
133
00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,500
I BROUGHT THE PLASTIC
IMPACT BOMB YOU WANTED.
134
00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:43,400
GOOD.
BE CAREFUL, 99.
135
00:08:44,967 --> 00:08:49,500
NOW THIS WILL OPEN
THE SAFE WITHOUT DESTROYING
CONTROL PROPERTY.
136
00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:51,767
I WOULD HAVE
ASKED THE DEAN
FOR THE COMBINATION
137
00:08:51,767 --> 00:08:54,168
BUT I WOULD
HAVE HAD TO REVEAL
MY OWN IDENTITY.
138
00:08:54,168 --> 00:08:56,767
NOW THE BOMB
IS PERFECTLY HARMLESS
139
00:08:56,767 --> 00:08:59,567
BUT THE IMPACT
WILL OPEN ANYTHING.
140
00:09:02,801 --> 00:09:07,034
FIVE, FOUR, THREE,
TWO, ONE-- DUCK!
141
00:09:15,567 --> 00:09:18,134
IT OPENED EVERYTHING
BUT THE SAFE.
142
00:09:18,134 --> 00:09:21,134
- LET ME READ THOSE
INSTRUCTIONS AGAIN.
- MAX, WE'D BETTER HURRY.
143
00:09:21,134 --> 00:09:23,634
THERE'S NO NEED TO HURRY,
MISS WHATEVER-YOUR-NAME-IS,
144
00:09:23,634 --> 00:09:26,134
BECAUSE YOU'LL
BOTH BE SPENDING THE REST
OF YOUR LIVES IN PRISON.
145
00:09:26,134 --> 00:09:28,634
MAX, YOU'D BETTER
TELL HIM THE TRUTH.
146
00:09:28,634 --> 00:09:31,333
I'M MAXWELL SMART,
AGENT 86.
147
00:09:31,333 --> 00:09:33,101
THAT'S A LIKELY STORY.
148
00:09:33,101 --> 00:09:36,300
YOU CAN CALL CONTROL
HEADQUARTERS AND THE CHIEF
WILL IDENTIFY HIM.
149
00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:39,967
- DOES HE HAVE TO?
- WHY, ARE YOU AFRAID I'LL
FIND OUT THAT YOU'RE LYING?
150
00:09:39,967 --> 00:09:43,500
NO, I'M AFRAID YOU'LL
TELL HIM I'M FLUNKING
WEAPONS CLASS.
151
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:35,233
- MAX!
- WHAT IS IT, 99?
152
00:10:35,233 --> 00:10:37,333
I JUST HEARD
RUNNING FOOTSTEPS
IN THE HALL.
153
00:10:37,333 --> 00:10:39,867
- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- I'M A LITTLE TIRED
BUT I'M OKAY.
154
00:10:39,867 --> 00:10:41,567
MAX!
155
00:10:41,567 --> 00:10:43,834
LOOK!
156
00:10:43,834 --> 00:10:46,233
- OH!
- OH!
157
00:10:46,233 --> 00:10:49,168
- 99, I'VE GOT A HUNCH.
- WHAT IS IT?
158
00:10:49,168 --> 00:10:51,101
THIS WAS NO ACCIDENT.
159
00:10:58,567 --> 00:11:00,400
HELLO, SMART.
160
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,534
IT'S ALL RIGHT, SMART.
GAINSBOROUGH TOLD ME ABOUT
YOUR TRUE IDENTITY
161
00:11:03,534 --> 00:11:04,934
AND THE ATTEMPT
ON YOUR LIFE.
162
00:11:04,934 --> 00:11:06,367
ANY IDEA WHO TRIED
TO KILL YOU?
163
00:11:06,367 --> 00:11:08,333
JUDGING
FROM THE ANGLE
THE KNIVES HIT,
164
00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:10,267
THEY HAD TO BE THROWN
BY A LEFT HANDED MAN.
165
00:11:10,267 --> 00:11:12,034
THAT SHOULD
NARROW IT DOWN.
166
00:11:12,034 --> 00:11:14,634
NOT NECESSARILY.
ALL THREE SUSPECTS
ARE LEFT HANDED.
167
00:11:14,634 --> 00:11:17,600
WHAT ABOUT THE FILES?
DID YOU FIND ANYTHING
THERE TO HELP YOU?
168
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,934
YES, WELL, ACCORDING
TO THE CONTROL FILES
169
00:11:19,934 --> 00:11:22,701
ANY ONE OF THE THREE SUSPECTS
COULD HAVE BEEN THE IMPOSTOR.
170
00:11:22,701 --> 00:11:24,934
NOW THE CONTROL FILE
ON DIMITRI
171
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:27,600
SHOWS THAT
HE SPEAKS A RARE
EAST HIMALAYAN DIALECT,
172
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,934
YET THE SCHOOL FILE
MAKES NO MENTION OF IT.
173
00:11:29,934 --> 00:11:31,934
YES, AND THE CONTROL FILE
ON ZUKOR
174
00:11:31,934 --> 00:11:35,534
SHOWS THAT HE HAS
AN UNUSUAL AND EXTREMELY
DISTINCTIVE HANDWRITING,
175
00:11:35,534 --> 00:11:39,434
AND YET THE SCHOOL FILE
DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A EXAMPLE
OF ZUKOR'S HANDWRITING.
176
00:11:39,434 --> 00:11:41,434
AND ACCORDING
TO THE CONTROL FILE
ON GRILLAK,
177
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:43,734
HE HAS
A HEART-SHAPED BIRTHMARK
ON HIS RIGHT KNEE,
178
00:11:43,734 --> 00:11:46,200
YET THE SCHOOL FILE
HAS NO RECORD OF IT.
179
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,034
SO WE'RE GONNA
CHECK THEM ALL OUT--
180
00:11:48,034 --> 00:11:51,300
DIMITRI'S DIALECT,
ZUKOR'S HANDWRITING
AND GRILLAK'S BIRTHMARK.
181
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:53,634
- ( man screaming )
- AH, THERE'S GRILLAK
NOW.
182
00:11:55,901 --> 00:11:58,667
I THINK I CAN SNEAK A LOOK
AT HIS RIGHT KNEE
183
00:11:58,667 --> 00:12:01,233
WHILE I'M SOFTENING HIM UP
WITH A LITTLE JUDO.
184
00:12:01,233 --> 00:12:04,600
YES, I THINK I'LL
START WITH GRILLAK.
185
00:12:06,333 --> 00:12:07,801
- HI-YAH!
- HAO!
186
00:12:07,801 --> 00:12:09,300
- HI-YAH!
- HI-YAH!
187
00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:10,333
- HI-YAH!
- HAWH!
188
00:12:10,333 --> 00:12:11,333
HI-YAAAH!
189
00:12:13,101 --> 00:12:14,567
HI-YAH!
190
00:12:21,801 --> 00:12:25,134
SO MUCH FOR GRILLAK.
NOW FOR DIMITRI.
191
00:12:30,034 --> 00:12:32,600
- THERE'S DIMITRI.
- OH, GOOD.
192
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:35,200
NOW YOU CAN
CHECK ON HIS RARE
EAST HIMALAYAN DIALECT.
193
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,534
YES, AND I KNOW
EXACTLY HOW
TO DO IT.
194
00:12:37,534 --> 00:12:41,434
AS A MATTER OF FACT I HEARD
A VERY FUNNY EAST HIMALAYAN
JOKE THE OTHER DAY.
195
00:12:41,434 --> 00:12:43,567
- I'LL TELL IT TO DIMITRI.
- OKAY.
196
00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:48,701
HI, DIMITRI.
197
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:50,001
UH...
198
00:12:50,001 --> 00:12:52,500
DIMITRI, YOU LOOK
LIKE A FELLA WITH
A SENSE OF HUMOR.
199
00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:53,667
WANT TO HEAR
A GOOD JOKE?
200
00:12:53,667 --> 00:12:56,200
- IF YOU WISH.
- YES.
201
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:59,734
WELL, THERE WAS
THIS EAST HIMALAYAN
TRAVELING SALESMAN, SEE?
202
00:12:59,734 --> 00:13:02,667
AND HIS OXCART BROKE DOWN
IN FRONT OF A FARMHOUSE.
203
00:13:02,667 --> 00:13:05,434
HE WENT UP AND KNOCKEDON THE DOOR AND THE FARMEROPENED THE DOOR.
204
00:13:05,434 --> 00:13:07,634
AND THE TRAVELING
SALESMAN SAID,
205
00:13:07,634 --> 00:13:09,634
"OH OH OH HAY
MAHU
206
00:13:09,634 --> 00:13:11,333
SAVALLY NAH NEY."
207
00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,500
AND THE FARMER REPLIED,
208
00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,467
"AHKA MAHKA SOO SOO."
209
00:13:15,467 --> 00:13:17,667
( Max laughing )
210
00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:22,534
ISN'T THAT A SCREAM?
211
00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:27,034
- HE DIDN'T LAUGH.
- YES.
212
00:13:27,034 --> 00:13:29,667
- HE MUST BE THE IMPOSTOR.
- MAYBE HE HEARD THE JOKE
BEFORE.
213
00:13:29,667 --> 00:13:32,200
- OH.
- ON THE OTHER HAND
I MAY HAVE TOLD IT WRONG.
214
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:35,101
ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN,
IN THIS CLASS WE ARE
GOING TO PRACTICE
215
00:13:35,101 --> 00:13:37,200
SENDING SECRET MESSAGES
TO OUR CONTACTS.
216
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:40,267
ZUKOR, WHY DON'T YOU
WORK WITH LOOMIS HERE?
217
00:13:40,267 --> 00:13:42,701
NOW I'D LIKE YOU TO WRITE
A SECRET MESSAGE HERE--
218
00:13:42,701 --> 00:13:46,467
"EXECUTE BLUE PLAN,"
AND SIGN IT "ZUKOR."
219
00:13:46,467 --> 00:13:49,001
ZUKOR, WHY DON'T YOU
WRITE ON MY BACK?
220
00:13:49,001 --> 00:13:50,734
IT'LL BE
A LOT EASIER.
221
00:13:57,934 --> 00:14:00,901
( softly )
IF HIS HANDWRITING
DOESN'T MATCH
222
00:14:00,901 --> 00:14:04,300
THE HANDWRITING
IN THE CONTROL ROOM FILE,
223
00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:06,367
HE'S OUR MAN.
224
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,267
AND ONE FOR YOU.
225
00:14:13,767 --> 00:14:15,901
NOW LET'S TAKE OUR
STARTING POSITIONS.
226
00:14:18,867 --> 00:14:20,701
READY, AND GO.
227
00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:30,068
VERY GOOD, ZUKOR.
228
00:14:30,068 --> 00:14:32,333
WE'LL PRACTICE
THAT AGAIN TOMORROW.
229
00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,734
IS IT NOT
PROPER PROCEDURE
230
00:14:34,734 --> 00:14:37,400
FOR AN AGENT WHO HAS
RECEIVED A MESSAGE
231
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,168
TO MEMORIZE
AND DESTROY IT?
232
00:14:40,168 --> 00:14:43,634
UM, WELL...
YES.
233
00:14:44,767 --> 00:14:47,434
( mouthing words )
234
00:14:53,367 --> 00:14:55,168
WE'VE GOT HIM.
235
00:14:55,168 --> 00:14:58,534
AN EXAMPLE
OF HIS HANDWRITING
AND SIGNATURE.
236
00:14:58,534 --> 00:15:02,001
THANKS TO MY
SPECIAL JACKET WITH
THE CARBON-PAPER LINING.
237
00:15:04,068 --> 00:15:07,901
- GOOD WORK, 86.
- THANK YOU, 99.
238
00:15:07,901 --> 00:15:08,967
THANK YOU.
239
00:15:19,834 --> 00:15:23,134
WE STILL HAVE NO PROOF
WHETHER DIMITRI OR ZUKOR
IS THE REAL IMPOSTOR.
240
00:15:23,134 --> 00:15:27,034
YES, BUT WE HAVEN'T
QUITE FINISHED CHECKING
OUT THAT BABY YET.
241
00:15:27,034 --> 00:15:30,567
- GRILLAK?
- YES, I FEEL I SHOULD
TAKE ANOTHER CRACK AT HIM.
242
00:15:30,567 --> 00:15:32,434
JUST REMEMBER, MAX--
THE REAL GRILLAK
243
00:15:32,434 --> 00:15:35,500
HAS A HEART-SHAPED
BIRTHMARK ON HIS
RIGHT KNEE.
244
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:38,134
MMM. AND IF HE
DOESN'T HAVE IT,
THEN HE'S THE IMPOSTOR.
245
00:15:38,134 --> 00:15:39,567
RIGHT.
246
00:15:41,901 --> 00:15:43,801
HI-YAH!
247
00:15:43,801 --> 00:15:44,901
YAAH!
248
00:15:44,901 --> 00:15:46,434
OOH!
249
00:16:02,934 --> 00:16:04,867
ALL RIGHT, GRILLAK,
GET UP.
250
00:16:06,467 --> 00:16:09,967
WELL GRILLAK, YOU HAD
ME FOOLED FOR A WHILE,
251
00:16:09,967 --> 00:16:11,333
BUT THE MINUTE I--
252
00:16:12,767 --> 00:16:15,901
SAW MY OWN LEG
I KNEW YOU WERE
ALL RIGHT.
253
00:16:20,901 --> 00:16:22,500
( clears throat )
254
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:25,034
WHERE'S GAINSBOROUGH?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO
MEET ME HERE.
255
00:16:25,034 --> 00:16:27,367
MAX, I DON'T
LIKE YOUR PLAN.
YOU COULD BE KILLED.
256
00:16:27,367 --> 00:16:30,801
YES I KNOW, BUT WE'VE GOT
TO FLUSH THAT KAOS INFILTRATOR
OUT INTO THE OPEN.
257
00:16:30,801 --> 00:16:33,801
BUT YOU'RE DELIBERATELY
SETTING YOURSELF UP
AS A TARGET.
258
00:16:33,801 --> 00:16:37,001
YOU'LL BE
IN EXTREME DANGER
EVERY MINUTE.
259
00:16:37,001 --> 00:16:38,701
AND LOVING IT.
260
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:42,634
- THERE'S GAINSBOROUGH NOW.
- OH.
261
00:16:42,634 --> 00:16:44,034
99, YOU DO YOUR STUFF.
262
00:16:44,034 --> 00:16:45,934
I'LL GO OVER THERE
AND SPEAK DISTINCTLY
263
00:16:45,934 --> 00:16:48,434
SO EACH OF THE SUSPECTS
WON'T MISS A WORD
I'M SAYING.
264
00:16:48,434 --> 00:16:49,734
- OKAY.
- RIGHT.
265
00:16:52,233 --> 00:16:53,434
NOW, GENTLEMEN,
266
00:16:53,434 --> 00:16:55,333
AS YOU KNOW,
UPON OCCASION
267
00:16:55,333 --> 00:16:56,634
AN AGENT MAY BE
CALLED UPON
268
00:16:56,634 --> 00:16:58,068
TO READ LIPS
FROM A DISTANCE.
269
00:16:58,068 --> 00:17:01,001
FOR THIS, OF COURSE,
YOU USE YOUR HIGH-POWERED
BINOCULARS.
270
00:17:01,001 --> 00:17:03,001
SHALL WE GIVE THAT A TRY?
271
00:17:03,001 --> 00:17:05,634
OH LOOK, THERE'S LOOMIS
TALKING TO MR. GAINSBOROUGH.
272
00:17:05,634 --> 00:17:07,400
SEE IF YOU CAN SEE
WHAT THEY'RE SAYING.
273
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:10,034
I'D LIKE YOU
AND THE DEAN AND
THE REST OF THE TRAINEES
274
00:17:10,034 --> 00:17:11,600
TO MEET ME IN MY
ROOM IN ONE HOUR.
275
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:14,867
THAT'S 5:30.
276
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,801
THE DEAN AND I
HAVE A MEETING AT 5:15
BUT I'M SURE WE CAN MAKE IT.
277
00:17:17,801 --> 00:17:21,500
- NOW WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?
- UH, YES, WELL, I'M GOING
TO REVEAL THE FACT
278
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:25,934
THAT I AM
CONTROL AGENT 86...
279
00:17:27,534 --> 00:17:29,901
...AND THAT
I KNOW THE IDENTITY
280
00:17:29,901 --> 00:17:32,634
OF THE KAOS
INFILTRATOR...
281
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:36,267
...AND THAT I AM
282
00:17:36,267 --> 00:17:40,101
GOING TO NAME
THE IMPOSTOR.
283
00:17:58,034 --> 00:18:02,901
( underbrush rustling )
284
00:18:02,901 --> 00:18:04,333
( bullet ricochets )
285
00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:18,267
- DID YOU SEE HIM?
- NO, BUT HE MUST BE
AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.
286
00:18:18,267 --> 00:18:20,001
- I'LL TRY TO
FLUSH HIM OUT.
- RIGHT.
287
00:18:20,001 --> 00:18:22,400
I'LL OPEN THIS CASE
AND I'LL HAVE THIS GUN
PUT TOGETHER
288
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,233
IN THREE SECONDS
AND I'LL BE READY FOR HIM.
289
00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:27,767
OH MAX, IF ANYTHING
SHOULD HAPPEN...
290
00:18:27,767 --> 00:18:29,801
OH!
OOH!
291
00:18:31,934 --> 00:18:34,333
( bullets
ricocheting )
292
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,867
HMMM, HE MUST BE
OUT OF AMMUNITION.
293
00:18:44,867 --> 00:18:47,600
NOW IF I CAN JUST OPEN
THIS CASE, HE'S HAD IT.
294
00:18:48,767 --> 00:18:50,233
( gun handle thumps )
295
00:18:58,034 --> 00:18:59,333
IT'S NO USE.
296
00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:01,034
DID YOU SEE
WHO IT WAS, 99?
297
00:19:01,034 --> 00:19:03,134
NO, HE KNOCKED
ME OUT TOO.
298
00:19:03,134 --> 00:19:04,967
HELP!
299
00:19:04,967 --> 00:19:08,934
IT'S NO USE YELLING, 99.
WE'VE BEEN SCREAMING OUR
HEADS OFF FOR 15 MINUTES.
300
00:19:08,934 --> 00:19:10,667
IT'S OBVIOUS
NO ONE CAN HEAR US.
301
00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:13,101
HELP!
302
00:19:13,101 --> 00:19:15,267
MAX, HOW ARE WE
GONNA GET HELP?
303
00:19:15,267 --> 00:19:17,600
THIS DYNAMITE'S GOING
TO GO OFF ANY MINUTE.
304
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,500
- I KNOW.WHEN THAT FLAME
HITS THE FUSE WE'VE HAD IT.
- OHH...
305
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:21,701
- I KNOW...
- WHAT?
306
00:19:21,701 --> 00:19:24,168
- FANG.
- AGENT K-13!
307
00:19:24,168 --> 00:19:26,701
OF COURSE!
HE'LL HEAR MY SIGNAL
NO MATTER WHERE HE IS.
308
00:19:26,701 --> 00:19:28,400
OH!
309
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,767
I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING.
310
00:19:29,767 --> 00:19:32,367
OF COURSE NOT, 99.
ONLY DOGS CAN HEAR THAT.
311
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:38,168
- GOOD BOY, FANG!
- LOOK, IT'S FANG!
312
00:19:38,168 --> 00:19:41,467
- BLOW OUT THE CANDLES.
- QUICK.
313
00:19:41,467 --> 00:19:43,267
- ( barks )
- NO NO, DON'T YELL, FANG.
314
00:19:43,267 --> 00:19:45,701
BLOW OUT THE CANDLE.
GO ON!
315
00:19:45,701 --> 00:19:47,801
- BLOW OUT THE CANDLE.
- BLOW OUT THE CANDLE, FANG.
316
00:19:47,801 --> 00:19:50,467
COME ON, FANG!
COME ON, BOY!
BLOW OUT THE CANDLE.
317
00:19:50,467 --> 00:19:52,600
QUICK, FANG, PLEASE
BLOW OUT THE CANDLE.
318
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,034
OH, IT LOOKS HOPELESS.
319
00:19:55,034 --> 00:19:56,500
WAIT A MINUTE.
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.
320
00:19:57,934 --> 00:20:00,168
( singing birthday song )
321
00:20:00,168 --> 00:20:02,233
( both singing
birthday song )
322
00:20:07,101 --> 00:20:08,367
( blows )
323
00:20:12,734 --> 00:20:14,600
I DON'T THINK HE'S
GOING TO SHOW UP.
324
00:20:16,634 --> 00:20:18,333
MAYBE HE'S TIED UP
SOMEPLACE.
325
00:20:18,333 --> 00:20:20,300
LET'S GIVE HIM
A FEW MORE MINUTES.
326
00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:23,367
IT'S VITAL TO
DISCOVER THE NAME
OF THE KAOS INFILTRATOR.
327
00:20:23,367 --> 00:20:25,801
I CERTAINLY HOPE
IT IS NOT ME.
328
00:20:27,634 --> 00:20:31,168
WELL GENTLEMEN, I'M SURE
ONE OF YOU IS SURPRISED
TO SEE US HERE--
329
00:20:31,168 --> 00:20:34,434
THE MAN WHO TRIED
TO BLOW US UP JUST
15 MINUTES AGO.
330
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:37,867
LUCKILY I'VE HAD
MY EYE ON ONE SUSPECT
FROM THE VERY BEGINNING.
331
00:20:37,867 --> 00:20:41,233
ZUKOR, WRITE YOUR NAME
ON THAT PAD.
332
00:20:41,233 --> 00:20:43,867
99, CHECK HIS SIGNATURE
WITH THE HANDWRITING
333
00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:45,567
OF THE REAL ZUKOR
IN THE CONTROL FILES.
334
00:20:45,567 --> 00:20:47,734
IF IT DOESN'T MATCH,
HE'S OUR MAN.
335
00:20:47,734 --> 00:20:50,101
- THEY MATCH.
- IT MATCHES.
336
00:20:50,101 --> 00:20:52,967
OKAY, THAT BRINGS
US TO DIMITRI.
337
00:20:52,967 --> 00:20:55,267
NOW ACCORDING
TO THE CONTROL FILES,
DIMITRI,
338
00:20:55,267 --> 00:20:57,701
YOU SPEAK A RARE
EAST HIMALAYAN DIALECT.
339
00:20:57,701 --> 00:21:00,867
YET WHEN I TOLD YOU
AN EAST HIMALAYAN JOKE,
YOU DIDN'T LAUGH.
340
00:21:00,867 --> 00:21:03,467
WELL, THIS IS
A JOKE BOOK--
341
00:21:03,467 --> 00:21:06,267
WITH EVERY
EAST HIMALAYAN JOKE.
342
00:21:06,267 --> 00:21:07,934
ALL SIX OF THEM.
343
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:10,068
NOW LET'S SEE IF YOU
REALLY KNOW THE LANGUAGE.
344
00:21:10,068 --> 00:21:12,034
IF YOU DON'T
YOU'RE THE IMPOSTOR.
345
00:21:12,034 --> 00:21:15,834
"AN EAST HIMALAYAN BUM
WALKED UP TO ME ON
THE STREET ONE DAY
346
00:21:15,834 --> 00:21:19,734
AND SAID, 'AHNA HOHO HUNI
AHA AWAHI TEE HEE.'
347
00:21:19,734 --> 00:21:22,233
AND I SAID--"
WHAT'S THE PUNCH LINE?
348
00:21:22,233 --> 00:21:25,134
"I SAID 'YEHI TAIYO
RECAHAMAH.'"
349
00:21:26,867 --> 00:21:29,734
( mouthing words )
350
00:21:29,734 --> 00:21:31,500
( chuckles )
351
00:21:34,333 --> 00:21:37,001
THAT'S VERY FUNNY, DIMITRI.
352
00:21:37,001 --> 00:21:40,300
HERE'S A GOOD ONE--
"TWO SCOTCHMEN WERE WALKING
DOWN THE STREET ONE DAY..."
353
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:42,667
MAX...
GRILLAK.
354
00:21:42,667 --> 00:21:47,300
OH. THAT LEAVES US
WITH JUST ONE SUSPECT:
GRILLAK.
355
00:21:47,300 --> 00:21:49,767
GRILLAK,
I WANT TO SEE
YOUR RIGHT KNEE.
356
00:21:49,767 --> 00:21:51,500
THE ONLY THING
THAT CAN SAVE YOU
357
00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:55,068
IS IF YOU HAVE
A HEART-SHAPED BIRTHMARK
ON YOUR RIGHT KNEE.
358
00:21:55,068 --> 00:21:57,467
AHA, JUST AS
I THOUGHT--
359
00:21:57,467 --> 00:22:00,734
A HEART-SHAPED
BIRTHMARK ON
YOUR RIGHT KNEE.
360
00:22:00,734 --> 00:22:03,200
THERE YOU HAVE IT,
GENTLEMEN,
361
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:06,134
ANOTHER WONDERFUL THEORY
DOWN THE DRAIN.
362
00:22:06,134 --> 00:22:09,534
HOWEVER I THINK
I'M ENTITLED TO
ONE FREE GUESS.
363
00:22:09,534 --> 00:22:12,967
AND MY GUESS
IS THAT IT'S...
364
00:22:12,967 --> 00:22:15,034
HILLARY GAINSBOROUGH.
365
00:22:15,034 --> 00:22:18,400
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, SMART.
I KNOW WHAT HILLARY GAINSBOROUGH
LOOKS LIKE.
366
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:21,300
- HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD
OF PLASTIC SURGERY?
- YOU CAN'T PROVE THAT.
367
00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:23,300
AND IN ANY CASE,
FOR THE PAST 15 MINUTES
368
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:25,801
I WAS WITH DEAN WATSON
AT 5:15,
369
00:22:25,801 --> 00:22:28,267
JUST THE TIME YOU SAY
SOMEBODY TRIED TO
BLOW YOU UP.
370
00:22:28,267 --> 00:22:31,467
YES, WELL I CHECKED
THAT CANDLE THAT WAS
SUPPOSED TO BURN DOWN
371
00:22:31,467 --> 00:22:34,400
AND SET OFF THE DYNAMITE,
AND THAT CANDLE WAS SET
FOR 5:20,
372
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,634
WHICH WOULD HAVE
GIVEN YOU A PERFECT ALIBI.
373
00:22:36,634 --> 00:22:39,168
AND YOU ACCUSE ME
ON THIS FLIMSY EVIDENCE?
374
00:22:39,168 --> 00:22:41,300
NO, I HAVE SOME MORE
FLIMSY EVIDENCE.
375
00:22:41,300 --> 00:22:42,834
AHA!
376
00:22:42,834 --> 00:22:45,400
NOTICE, GAINSBOROUGH,
YOU CAUGHT IT WITH
YOUR LEFT HAND.
377
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,400
THE FIRST ATTEMPT ON MY LIFE
WAS MADE BY A LEFT-HANDED
KNIFE THROWER.
378
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,367
GRILLAK, ZUKOR
AND DIMITRI ARE
ALL LEFT HANDED.
379
00:22:51,367 --> 00:22:54,434
YES, BUT THEY HAD
NO REASON TO SUSPECT
ME THEN.
380
00:22:54,434 --> 00:22:57,101
YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE
WHO KNEW THAT I WAS
MAXWELL SMART!
381
00:22:57,101 --> 00:22:59,867
ALL RIGHT, SMART!
YOU'VE OUTSMARTED ME.
382
00:22:59,867 --> 00:23:01,467
I-- I CONFESS.
383
00:23:01,467 --> 00:23:04,001
ON THE OTHER HAND,
THE DEAN--
384
00:23:04,001 --> 00:23:06,001
- YOU WHAT?
- I CONFESS.
385
00:23:06,001 --> 00:23:08,600
OH.
TO WHAT?
386
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,967
MAX, HE'S THE IMPOSTOR!
387
00:23:12,134 --> 00:23:13,701
OH, YES, OF COURSE.
388
00:23:13,701 --> 00:23:15,467
ALL RIGHT, MEN,
GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
389
00:23:15,467 --> 00:23:17,400
MARVELOUS PIECE
OF DEDUCTION, SMART.
390
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,300
AMAZING HOW YOU GOT
HILLARY TO CONFESS.
391
00:23:19,300 --> 00:23:21,500
YES, AND IT'S A GOOD THING
FOR YOU, DEAN, THAT I DID.
392
00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:24,567
- WHY IS THAT?
- BECAUSE YOU AND I WERE
THE ONLY SUSPECTS LEFT.
393
00:23:24,567 --> 00:23:26,467
AND I WAS FAIRLY
CERTAIN ABOUT I.
394
00:23:26,467 --> 00:23:27,734
- ME.
- YOU?
395
00:23:27,734 --> 00:23:29,834
WHY, I NEVER SUSPECTED
YOU FOR A MOMENT, 99.
396
00:23:29,834 --> 00:23:32,734
- NO, I DIDN'T
MEAN IN THAT SENSE, MAX.
- SHE MEANT "I" AND "ME."
397
00:23:32,734 --> 00:23:34,233
- YOU TOO?
- NO NO...
398
00:23:38,667 --> 00:23:41,300
YOU REALLY DID
A MARVELOUS JOB, MAX.
399
00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:44,068
THANK YOU, 99.
GO ON, FANG.
GET IN THERE.
400
00:23:44,068 --> 00:23:45,967
( barks )
401
00:23:45,967 --> 00:23:48,333
I THINK THE CHIEF WILL BE
PARTICULARLY PLEASED
402
00:23:48,333 --> 00:23:50,500
BECAUSE WE CAPTURED
THE KAOS INFILTRATOR.
403
00:23:50,500 --> 00:23:52,667
UH, I'LL DRIVE,
FANG, THANK YOU.
404
00:23:54,567 --> 00:23:55,500
COME ON.
405
00:23:57,567 --> 00:24:00,667
AND BEST OF ALL, MAX,
THE SECURITY OF OUR
ESPIONAGE SCHOOL
406
00:24:00,667 --> 00:24:02,934
- HASN'T BEEN VIOLATED.
- THAT'S RIGHT, 99.
407
00:24:02,934 --> 00:24:06,367
AND THERE'S
NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT
THAN SECURITY. NOTHING.
408
00:24:06,367 --> 00:24:09,001
WHY, WITHOUT SECURITY
NONE OF US WOULD BE SAFE.
409
00:24:09,001 --> 00:24:11,901
EXCUSE ME.IS THIS
MRS. GREEN'S HOUSE?
410
00:24:11,901 --> 00:24:13,400
NO, THAT'S
THE SPY SCHOOL.
411
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,434
MRS. GREEN'S HOUSE
IS OVER THERE.
412
00:24:20,934 --> 00:24:23,467
( theme music playing )32023
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