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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,367 --> 00:00:07,534 ( blows whistle ) 2 00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:14,634 - ( grunts ) - ( woman screams ) 3 00:00:20,300 --> 00:00:22,267 ( blowing whistle ) 4 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:27,200 ( phone ringing ) 5 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,634 UH, PARDON ME. I WONDER IF YOU WOULD MIND 6 00:00:29,634 --> 00:00:31,634 WORKING ON THAT SHOE FOR A WHILE. 7 00:00:31,634 --> 00:00:34,333 ( phone continues ringing ) 8 00:00:38,068 --> 00:00:41,467 THIS IS SMART, MAXWELL SMART, AGENT 86. 9 00:00:41,467 --> 00:00:43,600 86, REPORT TO HEADQUARTERS IMMEDIATELY. 10 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:45,567 JUST A MINUTE. WHO IS THIS? 11 00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:48,467 THIS IS THE CHIEF. WHO ELSE WOULD BE CALLING YOU ON YOUR SHOE? 12 00:00:48,467 --> 00:00:51,267 YES, WELL, YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL. 13 00:00:51,267 --> 00:00:53,367 WOULD YOU MIND GIVING ME THE DAY'S PASSWORD? 14 00:00:53,367 --> 00:00:56,168 THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, MAX. THERE'S NO TIME FOR-- 15 00:00:56,168 --> 00:00:58,801 I'M AFRAID YOU'LL HAVE TO FURTHER IDENTIFY YOURSELF. 16 00:00:58,801 --> 00:01:01,101 I'M TELLING YOU, MAX, THIS IS THE CHIEF. 17 00:01:01,101 --> 00:01:03,434 WELL, IF YOU CAN'T GIVE ME THE DAY'S PASSWORD, 18 00:01:03,434 --> 00:01:06,500 I'LL ACCEPT THE COUNTERSIGN OR TODAY'S SECRET CODE NUMBER. 19 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,267 MY LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT. 20 00:01:08,267 --> 00:01:11,034 GET IN HERE, MAX, OR I'LL PERSONALLY TEAR YOU APART! 21 00:01:11,034 --> 00:01:13,034 THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME, CHIEF. 22 00:01:13,034 --> 00:01:14,734 I'LL BE RIGHT OVER. 23 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:19,233 EXCUSE ME. I'M IN A HURRY. 24 00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:29,367 ( theme music playing ) 25 00:02:24,534 --> 00:02:26,867 - 86, I'VE GOT A NEW ASSIGNMENT FOR YOU. - RIGHT, CHIEF. 26 00:02:26,867 --> 00:02:29,734 - IT'S A KIDNAPPING CASE. - OH, GOOD. WHO DO YOU WANT ME TO KIDNAP? 27 00:02:29,734 --> 00:02:31,901 NO, MAX. I WANT YOU TO PREVENT A KIDNAPPING. 28 00:02:35,367 --> 00:02:38,200 IN THE LAST 10 DAYS EIGHT BLONDES HAVE BEEN ABDUCTED 29 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,534 IN WASHINGTON FROM THIS AREA. WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THAT? 30 00:02:41,667 --> 00:02:43,567 WELL, IT'S EITHER A CONSPIRACY 31 00:02:43,567 --> 00:02:45,901 OR SOME GUY'S GOT A PRETTY WEIRD HOBBY. 32 00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:49,467 THESE ARE THE GIRLS. ALL OF THEM WERE REGISTERED 33 00:02:49,467 --> 00:02:52,467 AT THE HOTEL CRAMLEY. NOW, WE HAVE ONE CLUE-- 34 00:02:52,467 --> 00:02:56,068 ORIENTALS HAVE BEEN OBSERVED AT THE SCENE OF EACH KIDNAPPING. 35 00:02:58,068 --> 00:02:59,701 86, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? 36 00:02:59,701 --> 00:03:02,101 HMM? OH, YES. YES, OF COURSE, CHIEF. 37 00:03:02,101 --> 00:03:04,934 WE SUSPECT THE ORIENTAL ARM OF KAOS MAY BE INVOLVED. 38 00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:08,634 MM-HMM, KAOS, THE INTERNATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF EVIL. 39 00:03:08,634 --> 00:03:10,467 THAT'S RIGHT. NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY. 40 00:03:10,467 --> 00:03:11,901 - MAX! - HMM? 41 00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:14,934 PRINCESS INGRID OF SCANDINAVIA IS VISITING WASHINGTON. 42 00:03:14,934 --> 00:03:17,934 SHE'S STAYING AT THE HOTEL CRAMLEY AND SHE'S A BLONDE. 43 00:03:17,934 --> 00:03:20,634 - ANY QUESTIONS SO FAR? - UH, YES. 44 00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:23,567 COULD I SEE #4 AGAIN? 45 00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:27,667 THE PRINCESS IS TRAVELING INCOGNITO 46 00:03:27,667 --> 00:03:29,667 BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO AVOID NEWSPAPERMEN 47 00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:31,667 AND SECURITY AGENTS. 48 00:03:31,667 --> 00:03:33,467 BUT WE'VE GOT TO PROTECT HER! 49 00:03:33,467 --> 00:03:35,267 OH, YOU'RE AFRAID 50 00:03:35,267 --> 00:03:38,534 THAT SHE'LL BE KIDNAPPED, RIGHT? 51 00:03:38,534 --> 00:03:41,333 THERE'S A NATO MEETING ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE IN HER COUNTRY. 52 00:03:41,333 --> 00:03:43,267 IF ANYTHING SHOULD HAPPEN TO HER, 53 00:03:43,267 --> 00:03:46,200 OUR GOVERNMENT'S POSITION WOULD BE SERIOUSLY COMPROMISED. 54 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:49,734 NOW LET ME GET TO THE REASON I'M PUTTING YOU ON THIS CASE. 55 00:03:49,734 --> 00:03:52,701 YOUR FOLDER IS RIGHT HERE. LET ME SEE... 56 00:03:52,701 --> 00:03:55,901 SALZMANN, SAXON, SCHWARTZ-- 57 00:03:55,901 --> 00:03:58,134 SCHWARTZ?THAT'S-- HE'S A REAL GO-GETTER. 58 00:03:58,134 --> 00:04:01,034 NOW WAIT A MINUTE, CHIEF, I CAN HANDLE THIS JOB. 59 00:04:01,034 --> 00:04:03,400 REMEMBER HOW I HANDLED MY LAST TWO ASSIGNMENTS? 60 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,801 SEND IN SCHWARTZ. 61 00:04:10,101 --> 00:04:13,400 SCHWARTZ IN RANGOON? WHAT'S HE DOING THERE? 62 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,333 OH, HE IS BEING HELD PRISONER. WELL, ANYWAY, HE'S ON THE JOB. 63 00:04:16,333 --> 00:04:19,001 OKAY, SMART... 64 00:04:19,001 --> 00:04:21,233 LET'S SEE... 65 00:04:21,233 --> 00:04:24,534 OH, YES, THIS IS WHY WE PUT YOU ON THIS CASE. 66 00:04:24,534 --> 00:04:26,734 FIVE YEARS AGO, WHEN THE PRINCESS'S FATHER SPOKE 67 00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:28,734 AT THE UNITED NATIONS, YOU SAVED HIS LIFE. 68 00:04:28,734 --> 00:04:31,434 OH, THAT PRINCESS INGRID! 69 00:04:31,434 --> 00:04:33,667 OF COURSE, YES. 70 00:04:33,667 --> 00:04:35,600 SHE KNOWS YOU AND SHE TRUSTS YOU. 71 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,400 I'M PUTTING HER SAFETY IN YOUR HANDS. 72 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,068 YOU WON'T REGRET IT, CHIEF. 73 00:04:39,068 --> 00:04:41,134 NOW I'VE WRITTEN THE LOCATION OF YOUR CONTACTS 74 00:04:41,134 --> 00:04:43,801 ON THIS PIECE OF PAPER. BE SURE TO DESTROY IT. 75 00:04:43,801 --> 00:04:46,434 RIGHT, CHIEF. 76 00:04:46,434 --> 00:04:48,434 NO NO NO, MAX! 77 00:04:48,434 --> 00:04:50,667 FIRST MEMORIZE IT, THEN DESTROY IT. 78 00:04:50,667 --> 00:04:52,500 I'M SORRY, CHIEF. 79 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,500 LET'S GO SEE CARLETON IN THE LAB. 80 00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:56,801 HE'S GOT SOME NEW EQUIPMENT FOR YOU. 81 00:05:16,701 --> 00:05:19,600 UH, THIS IS OUR NEW 27-F CIGARETTE LIGHTER. 82 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:23,701 IT SIGHTS DOWN THE WICK AND IT FIRES A .22-CALIBER BULLET. 83 00:05:23,701 --> 00:05:25,034 - IT WHAT? - I SAID IT... 84 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:31,801 ...FIRES A .22-CALIBER BULLET. 85 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,400 SORRY ABOUT THAT. 86 00:05:36,467 --> 00:05:38,534 LET'S GET ON TO SOMETHING. 87 00:05:38,534 --> 00:05:41,300 WHAT ABOUT THE NEW WRIST COMMUNICATOR T-37? 88 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:43,534 RIGHT HERE, SIR. 89 00:05:43,534 --> 00:05:46,068 NOW, MAX, YOU'LL USE THIS TO STAY IN CONTACT WITH US. 90 00:05:46,068 --> 00:05:48,534 BUT, CHIEF, I STILL HAVE MY SHOE PHONE. 91 00:05:48,534 --> 00:05:52,068 TURN IN YOUR SHOES, MAX. I THINK THE WRIST COMMUNICATOR WILL BE MORE EFFECTIVE. 92 00:05:52,068 --> 00:05:56,500 GEE WHIZ, CHIEF, I STILL HAVE 60 MESSAGE UNITS LEFT THIS MONTH. 93 00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:59,467 WE'VE DEVELOPED A NEW PAIR OF SHOES IN THE LAB, 86. 94 00:06:00,967 --> 00:06:04,267 NOTICE THE STEEL-ENFORCED TOES FOR KICKING? 95 00:06:04,267 --> 00:06:06,934 AND INSIDE THE HEELS THERE ARE SECRET COMPARTMENTS 96 00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:09,967 CONTAINING OUR LATEST EMERGENCY PELLETS. 97 00:06:09,967 --> 00:06:12,634 CAN I SEE IT IN A 10? 98 00:06:12,634 --> 00:06:14,567 SHOW HIM THE PELLETS, CARLETON. 99 00:06:16,134 --> 00:06:19,267 IN THE LEFT HEEL COMPARTMENT THERE ARE TWO PELLETS. 100 00:06:19,267 --> 00:06:21,267 THE SMALLER ONE IS A CONCUSSION PELLET. 101 00:06:21,267 --> 00:06:23,867 NOW IF IT'S THROWN UP AGAINST SOMETHING OR ACTIVATED BY HEAT, 102 00:06:23,867 --> 00:06:26,168 IT WILL BLOW A 10-BY-15 ROOM TO SMITHEREENS. 103 00:06:26,168 --> 00:06:29,967 NOW, MAX, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS LARGER PILL IS FOR? 104 00:06:29,967 --> 00:06:32,200 LARGER ROOMS. 105 00:06:35,267 --> 00:06:39,434 MAX, KAOS DOES HAVE WAYS OF MAKING A MAN TALK. 106 00:06:39,434 --> 00:06:41,600 IF YOU ARE CAPTURED AND IF IT LOOKS REALLY TOUGH, 107 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,333 THIS MAY BE YOUR ONE ACE IN THE HOLE. 108 00:06:44,333 --> 00:06:46,901 THIS PILL WHEN SWALLOWED WILL BRING PAINLESS DEATH 109 00:06:46,901 --> 00:06:48,767 IN ABOUT 20 SECONDS. 110 00:06:48,767 --> 00:06:52,300 - ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS? - HOW DO I GET THEM TO TAKE IT? 111 00:06:54,434 --> 00:06:56,467 LET'S GET ON TO THE NEXT PELLET. 112 00:06:58,667 --> 00:07:00,500 THIS-- 113 00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:03,300 THIS PELLET CONTAINS A VERY VOLATILE LIQUID. 114 00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:05,300 WHEN ACTIVATED, IT PRODUCES A THICK 115 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,701 PROTECTIVE SMOKE SCREEN. 116 00:07:07,701 --> 00:07:11,068 NOW I'M ASSIGNING AGENT 99 TO ACCOMPANY YOU ON THIS ONE, MAX. 117 00:07:11,068 --> 00:07:13,233 THE PRINCESS HAS A REPUTATION OF BEING A LITTLE BIT WILD 118 00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:16,001 AND I THINK IT'LL TAKE BOTH OF YOU TO WATCH HER AND KEEP HER OUT OF TROUBLE. 119 00:07:16,001 --> 00:07:17,500 I'M RARING TO GO, CHIEF, 120 00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:19,101 JUST AS SOON AS I GET THIS SHOE ON. 121 00:07:23,667 --> 00:07:27,467 ACTUALLY, CHIEF, I DON'T THINK I'LL BE NEEDING THE SMOKE PELLET. 122 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,567 ( theme music plays ) 123 00:07:44,034 --> 00:07:46,001 MAXWELL SMART. 124 00:07:52,168 --> 00:07:56,068 - ( knocking ) - Woman: COME RIGHT IN. IT'S OPEN. 125 00:07:57,734 --> 00:08:00,434 SHE SHOULDN'T LEAVE HER DOOR UNLOCKED LIKE THAT. 126 00:08:00,434 --> 00:08:02,967 - WHO IS IT? - UH, AN OLD FRIEND. 127 00:08:02,967 --> 00:08:05,834 I'LL BE THERE IN A MOMENT. 128 00:08:05,834 --> 00:08:08,333 HEY, YOU KNOW THE PRINCESS ALREADY, DON'T YOU, MAX? 129 00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:10,267 YES, I MET HER FIVE YEARS AGO. 130 00:08:10,267 --> 00:08:12,801 SHE WAS A SWEET FRECKLED-FACED 15-YEAR-OLD KID. 131 00:08:12,801 --> 00:08:15,701 - WHAT IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GO WITH US? - DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, 99. 132 00:08:15,701 --> 00:08:18,101 - WHY WOULDN'T SHE WANT TO GO WITH US? - MAXIE! 133 00:08:18,101 --> 00:08:20,734 MAXIE, DARLING! 134 00:08:24,168 --> 00:08:26,101 INGRID? 135 00:08:28,034 --> 00:08:31,400 ( chuckles ) ISN'T SHE SWEET? SHE HASN'T CHANGED A BIT. 136 00:08:32,834 --> 00:08:35,233 SHE MUST HAVE BEEN SOME 15-YEAR-OLD. 137 00:08:35,233 --> 00:08:37,634 UH, AHEM, PRINCESS, UH... 138 00:08:37,634 --> 00:08:39,600 I WANT YOU TO MEET AGENT 99. 139 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,034 WE'VE BEEN ASSIGNED TO ESCORT YOU AROUND WASHINGTON. 140 00:08:42,034 --> 00:08:43,934 - WHERE DO YOU WANT TO TAKE ME? - UH, YES, WELL, 141 00:08:43,934 --> 00:08:47,367 - WE'LL GO AND SEE ALL THE SHRINES AND MONUMENTS. - ABSOLUTELY NOT. 142 00:08:47,367 --> 00:08:50,500 I COME TO WASHINGTON ONCE A YEAR, AND I WANT TO HAVE SOME FUN. 143 00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:52,734 YES, WELL, WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO? 144 00:08:52,734 --> 00:08:54,300 - TO YOUR PLACE. - MY PLACE. 145 00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:56,434 WELL, THERE'S NO REAL HISTORICAL 146 00:08:56,434 --> 00:09:00,134 - SIGNIFICANCE TO MY PLACE. - MMM, THERE COULD BE. 147 00:09:00,134 --> 00:09:02,500 Ingrid: I WANT TO HAVE SOME FUN. 148 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:05,233 I'M GOING TO GO GET MY COAT, AND THEN I'M GOING DANCING. 149 00:09:05,233 --> 00:09:08,567 ( snapping fingers ) I'M GOING TO DO THE WATUSI AND THE WALK 150 00:09:08,567 --> 00:09:12,068 AND THE SWIM AND THE PONY. 151 00:09:13,934 --> 00:09:16,333 AHEM. YES. WELL, 99, 152 00:09:16,333 --> 00:09:19,300 YOU'RE A WOMAN, AREN'T YOU? WHAT CAN WE DO TO STOP HER? 153 00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,467 HOW ABOUT A TRANQUILIZER? 154 00:09:21,467 --> 00:09:22,867 OH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 155 00:09:22,867 --> 00:09:24,867 ( mimicking ) WELL, MAXIE, DARLING, 156 00:09:24,867 --> 00:09:27,267 I THINK YOU'VE GOT TO SHOW HER WHAT A SWINGER YOU ARE, 157 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:30,400 THAT YOU CAN DO THE FRUG AND THE WATUSI AND THE SWIM 158 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:32,667 - AND THE PONY-- - I KNOW, I KNOW. JUST GIVE A GOOD EXAMPLE. 159 00:09:32,667 --> 00:09:35,801 BUT OF COURSE. ( hums ) 160 00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:39,867 OKAY, NOW GIVE ME A BAD EXAMPLE. 161 00:09:39,867 --> 00:09:42,300 - ( knocking ) - I'LL GET IT. 162 00:09:44,701 --> 00:09:47,767 - PACKAGE FOR MISS SWENSON. - OH, THANK YOU. 163 00:09:55,034 --> 00:09:56,701 - 99! - WHAT IS IT, MAX? 164 00:09:56,701 --> 00:09:58,767 - QUICK, COME HERE. - Ingrid: WHAT'S THE MATTER? 165 00:09:58,767 --> 00:10:01,001 - WHAT'S THE MATTER, MAX? - SHH. 166 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:04,101 DON'T MAKE A MOVE, DON'T MAKE A SOUND. 167 00:10:13,267 --> 00:10:15,333 I DON'T KNOW FOR SURE, PRINCESS, 168 00:10:15,333 --> 00:10:18,667 BUT I THINK I'VE JUST SAVED... 169 00:10:20,134 --> 00:10:22,667 YOUR FLOWER. 170 00:10:22,667 --> 00:10:24,867 THEY NEED A LOT OF WATER, YOU KNOW. 171 00:10:26,634 --> 00:10:28,667 NOW ABOUT OUR ITINERARY-- 172 00:10:28,667 --> 00:10:30,667 BEFORE WE GET TO THE DANCING, 173 00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:33,267 WE'RE GOING TO VISIT SOME REAL SWINGING PLACES-- 174 00:10:33,267 --> 00:10:36,667 the White House, the Lincoln Memorial, 175 00:10:36,667 --> 00:10:40,867 Washington Monument, the Smithsonian Institute, 176 00:10:40,867 --> 00:10:44,267 and the National Art Gallery. 177 00:10:44,267 --> 00:10:46,267 OH, BOBO, HOW IRONIC-- 178 00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:48,367 OUR OLD FRIEND MAXWELL SMART 179 00:10:48,367 --> 00:10:51,034 HAS LED US TO OUR TARGET. 180 00:10:51,034 --> 00:10:54,200 WHAT A PLEASURE IT WILL BE TO ELIMINATE HIM. 181 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:57,434 I WILL FORCE AIR BUBBLES INTO HIS BLOODSTREAM. 182 00:10:57,434 --> 00:11:00,200 STOP STOP! I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT. 183 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,200 YOU KNOW HOW I DETEST VIOLENCE. 184 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,101 I WILL THANK YOU TO DO YOUR FIENDISH WORK, 185 00:11:05,101 --> 00:11:08,434 - BUT DO NOT TELL ME ABOUT IT. - YES, MASTER. 186 00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:12,333 HOW DO YOU FORCE AIR BUBBLES INTO THE BLOODSTREAM? 187 00:11:12,333 --> 00:11:14,801 - UH-- - NEVER MIND. I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR. 188 00:11:16,534 --> 00:11:19,233 WE MUST CONCENTRATE ON OUR PLAN 189 00:11:19,233 --> 00:11:20,901 WHICH HAS IMPROVED 190 00:11:20,901 --> 00:11:24,400 NOW THAT WE KNOW THEIR FULL ITINERARY-- 191 00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:28,333 KIDNAP THE PRINCESS AND... 192 00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:30,867 GET SMART. 193 00:11:38,034 --> 00:11:40,101 NO NO, MAX. I DON'T WANT TO SEE 194 00:11:40,101 --> 00:11:42,667 ANYMORE OF YOUR SHRINES AND MONUMENTS. 195 00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:45,801 YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULD TAKE ME TO SOME SWINGING PLACES. 196 00:11:45,801 --> 00:11:48,434 WELL, WE JUST SAW THE SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTE. 197 00:11:48,434 --> 00:11:51,333 THAT WAS EXCITING, WASN'T IT? MY HEART IS STILL THUMPING. 198 00:11:51,333 --> 00:11:53,467 REALLY? LET ME FEEL. 199 00:11:53,467 --> 00:11:56,867 - STOP THAT, PRINCESS. - YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO FIND THE STOP THRILLING. 200 00:11:56,867 --> 00:12:00,333 - WON'T SHE, MAXIE? - PLEASE, 99. 201 00:12:00,333 --> 00:12:02,934 WOULD YOU PLEASE SHOW THE PRINCESS AROUND THE ART GALLERY? 202 00:12:02,934 --> 00:12:04,901 - I HAVE TO REPORT IN. - OF COURSE. 203 00:12:04,901 --> 00:12:08,200 RIGHT THIS WAY, PRINCESS. 204 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:17,367 THIS IS 86 REPORTING IN TO CONTROL. 205 00:12:17,367 --> 00:12:19,434 HELLO, CHIEF? THIS IS MAX. 206 00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:21,434 I'M AT THE NATIONAL ART GALLERY. 207 00:12:21,434 --> 00:12:23,200 ANYTHING UNUSUAL TO REPORT? 208 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,233 WELL, WE JUST CAME FROM THE SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTE 209 00:12:26,233 --> 00:12:28,834 AND WE SAW THE PLANE "THE SPIRIT OF ST. LOUIS." 210 00:12:28,834 --> 00:12:30,534 SO? 211 00:12:30,534 --> 00:12:33,168 CHIEF, WAS CHARLES LINDBERGH CHINESE? 212 00:12:34,233 --> 00:12:35,901 OF COURSE NOT. 213 00:12:35,901 --> 00:12:38,734 THEN I THINK WE'RE BEING FOLLOWED. 214 00:12:38,734 --> 00:12:40,734 OVER AND OUT. 215 00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:49,801 REALLY, MAX, THIS TOUR IS INTOLERABLE. 216 00:12:49,801 --> 00:12:52,667 THE DAY IS NEARLY GONE AND WE HAVEN'T HAD ANYFUN. 217 00:12:52,667 --> 00:12:54,034 ALLOW ME, PRINCESS. 218 00:12:56,300 --> 00:13:00,267 WONDERFUL, MAXIE. AT LAST SOME EXCITEMENT. 219 00:13:00,267 --> 00:13:03,101 99, PUT PLAN 49-K INTO EFFECT IMMEDIATELY. 220 00:13:03,101 --> 00:13:05,233 - THAT'S 49-K. - RIGHT, 86. 221 00:13:05,233 --> 00:13:06,967 - MAX? - HELLO CONTROL, HELLO CONTROL? 222 00:13:06,967 --> 00:13:08,567 - 99? - YES, 86? 223 00:13:08,567 --> 00:13:11,600 - WHAT IS PLAN 49-K? - I TAKE THE SUBJECT TO MY APARTMENT 224 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:13,600 - AND DON'T LET HER OUT OF MY SIGHT. - RIGHT. 225 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:17,367 - THIS IS AGENT 99, AGENT 99-- - 99? 226 00:13:17,367 --> 00:13:18,567 - YES, 86? - WHAT DO I DO? 227 00:13:18,567 --> 00:13:20,467 - YOU FOLLOW THE SUSPECT. - RIGHT. 228 00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,233 CONDITION RED. 229 00:13:22,233 --> 00:13:24,068 COME ON, PRINCESS. 230 00:14:24,667 --> 00:14:28,567 THE OLD PICTURE-IN-THE-KEYHOLE TRICK. 231 00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:31,901 THAT'S TWICE THIS MONTH. 232 00:14:31,901 --> 00:14:35,600 A SIMPLE TRICK, BUT EFFECTIVE ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU OUR PRISONER. 233 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,367 NOT QUITE YET, MY FRIEND. 234 00:14:37,367 --> 00:14:39,434 IF HE SHOOTS ME, I SHOOT YOU. 235 00:14:39,434 --> 00:14:41,168 THAT'S ALL RIGHT, BOBO. 236 00:14:43,134 --> 00:14:45,600 INGENIOUS, ISN'T IT, MR. SMART? 237 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:48,767 IT'S ACTS LIKE THAT THAT KILLED VAUDEVILLE. 238 00:14:49,834 --> 00:14:52,667 VERY AMUSING, MR. SMART. 239 00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:55,101 I SUPPOSE YOU CAN GUESS WHAT THEY CALL ME. 240 00:14:55,101 --> 00:14:56,967 LEFTY? 241 00:14:56,967 --> 00:14:58,901 NO, MR. SMART. 242 00:14:58,901 --> 00:15:00,901 I AM EMPLOYED BY KAOS, 243 00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:03,200 THE INTERNATIONAL ORGANIZATION OF EVIL. 244 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,101 ( Chinese accent ) MY NAME IS THE CLAW. 245 00:15:05,101 --> 00:15:08,634 - THE CRAW? - NO, NOT "THE CRAW." 246 00:15:08,634 --> 00:15:11,801 - THE CLAW. - OH, YES, "THE CRAW." 247 00:15:11,801 --> 00:15:13,867 PERHAPS YOU WOULD TELL ME, MR. CRAW, 248 00:15:13,867 --> 00:15:16,701 WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH ALL THOSE BLONDES YOU'VE KIDNAPPED. 249 00:15:16,701 --> 00:15:20,034 THEY ARE ALL PERFECTLY SAFE, MR. SMART. 250 00:15:20,034 --> 00:15:23,233 ACTUALLY, THE ONLY GIRL WE WANT IS PRINCESS INGRID. 251 00:15:23,233 --> 00:15:25,367 THEN WHY DID YOU ABDUCT THE OTHERS? 252 00:15:25,367 --> 00:15:28,233 UNFORTUNATELY, MR. SMART, 253 00:15:28,233 --> 00:15:30,400 ALL AMERICANS LOOK ALIKE TO US. 254 00:15:31,801 --> 00:15:34,600 WE MAY BE DIABOLICAL, BUT WE ARE NOT PERFECT. 255 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,068 BOBO. 256 00:15:37,068 --> 00:15:40,434 AND NOW, MR. SMART, YOU WILL TELL US THE PRINCESS'S WHEREABOUTS. 257 00:15:40,434 --> 00:15:43,034 NO, MY FRIEND, YOU WILL NEVER GET YOUR CRAWS ON HER. 258 00:15:43,034 --> 00:15:45,500 NO NO NO, NOT CRAWS, CRAWS. 259 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:49,667 - ( clicks ) - OH, YES, OF COURSE, "CRAWS." 260 00:15:49,667 --> 00:15:53,267 I SUPPOSE YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT ME BURIED IN THIS BACKROOM 261 00:15:53,267 --> 00:15:55,867 IN THIS BUILDING ON COMMONWEALTH AND EIGHTH STREETS. 262 00:15:55,867 --> 00:15:59,333 HAVE ALL MOBILE UNITS STAND BY FOR MY INSTRUCTIONS. 263 00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:01,333 NOT EIGHTH STREET, MR. SMART, 264 00:16:01,333 --> 00:16:03,967 - "F" STREET. - OH, YES, "F" STREET. 265 00:16:05,233 --> 00:16:06,734 The Claw: And it's "Crover" Avenue. 266 00:16:06,734 --> 00:16:09,867 "CROVER" AVENUE. UH, CLOVER. 267 00:16:09,867 --> 00:16:11,701 OH, THAT MUST BE NEAR NINTH AND DELAWARE? 268 00:16:11,701 --> 00:16:14,667 - ONLY IF YOU TAKE THE CUTOFF AT EXIT 4. - OH, EXIT 4. 269 00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:16,734 - That must be under the overpass. - No no no-- 270 00:16:16,734 --> 00:16:19,934 - over the underpass. - Over the underpass. 271 00:16:19,934 --> 00:16:23,367 OVER THE UNDERPASS. GOOD, THAT'S ALL WE NEED TO KNOW. 272 00:16:23,367 --> 00:16:25,767 INDEED IT IS, MR. SMART. 273 00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:28,267 YOUR CHIEF WILL NEVER FIND YOU WITH THOSE DIRECTIONS. 274 00:16:28,267 --> 00:16:30,400 AND NOW YOU WILL TELL US THE LOCATION OF THE PRINCESS. 275 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:34,434 - NEVER! - I HAVE A WAY TO LOOSEN YOUR TONGUE, MR. SMART. 276 00:16:34,434 --> 00:16:36,367 HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE CHINESE 277 00:16:36,367 --> 00:16:38,967 BAMBOO-STALKS- UNDER-THE-FINGERNAILS TORTURE? 278 00:16:38,967 --> 00:16:42,267 NO.SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD. HOW DOES IT WORK? 279 00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:43,600 YOU PLACE CHINESE BAMBOO STALKS 280 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,634 - UNDER THE FINGERNAILS. - UNDER THE FINGERNAILS. 281 00:16:45,634 --> 00:16:47,101 - YES, I REMEMBER NOW. - BOBO, EXECUTE 282 00:16:47,101 --> 00:16:48,967 THE CHINESE BAMBOO-STALK- FINGERNAIL TORTURE. 283 00:16:50,168 --> 00:16:52,901 ( screams ) HIM, YOU FOOL, 284 00:16:52,901 --> 00:16:54,901 NOT ME. 285 00:16:54,901 --> 00:16:56,867 AND DON'T IMAGINE YOUR CRIES OF PAIN 286 00:16:56,867 --> 00:16:58,867 WILL BRING ASSISTANCE, MR. SMART! 287 00:16:58,867 --> 00:17:01,567 THE ACTIVITIES OF OUR SHANGHAI A-GO-GO DISCOTHEQUE 288 00:17:01,567 --> 00:17:04,400 - ARE JUST GETTING STARTED. - ( dance music playing ) 289 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:08,034 IN ADDITION TO PROVIDING A USEFUL FRONT TO OUR ORGANIZATION, 290 00:17:08,034 --> 00:17:12,500 THAT RAUCOUS SOUND WILL SMOTHER YOUR CRIES FOR HELP. 291 00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:14,267 ( music stops ) 292 00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:18,333 MR. SMART, ONE LAST APPEAL TO REASON-- 293 00:17:18,333 --> 00:17:21,901 I DO NOT CARE FOR TORTURE. 294 00:17:21,901 --> 00:17:24,567 MUST YOU BE SO STUBBORN? 295 00:17:24,567 --> 00:17:27,467 I'D LIKE A CHANCE TO THINK THIS OVER. DO YOU MIND IF I SMOKE? 296 00:17:27,467 --> 00:17:29,834 OH, NOT AT ALL. 297 00:17:29,834 --> 00:17:32,168 - TAKE YOUR TIME. - THANK YOU. 298 00:17:41,168 --> 00:17:43,467 THESE THINGS NEVER WORK. 299 00:17:43,467 --> 00:17:45,267 YOUR TIME IS UP. 300 00:17:45,267 --> 00:17:48,034 WELL, I'M AFRAID I HAVE NOTHING TO TELL YOU, MR. CRAW. 301 00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:51,534 THEN FOR MY FIRST TORTURE PLEASE REMOVE YOUR SHOES. 302 00:17:51,534 --> 00:17:53,467 MY SHOES? 303 00:17:56,801 --> 00:18:00,068 YES, OF COURSE, I'D BE GLAD TO REMOVE MY SHOES. 304 00:18:01,767 --> 00:18:04,233 YOU ARE FORCING ME TO DO THIS, MR. SMART. 305 00:18:09,867 --> 00:18:14,168 WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE BAMBOO-STALKS-UNDER- THE-FINGERNAIL TORTURE? 306 00:18:14,168 --> 00:18:15,834 I KIND OF LIKED THAT ONE. 307 00:18:15,834 --> 00:18:18,267 WE FOUND THIS TO BE 308 00:18:18,267 --> 00:18:21,233 MORE EFFECTIVE. 309 00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:24,134 ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN, STAND BACK. HOW BIG IS THIS ROOM? 310 00:18:24,134 --> 00:18:27,101 - ABOUT 1O-BY-15. - PERFECT. 311 00:18:27,101 --> 00:18:29,600 DON'T MOVE OR I'LL BLOW YOU ALL TO KINGDOM COME. 312 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,200 - BOBO, DROP THAT GUN. - HE'S BLUFFING. BOBO, GET HIM! 313 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,134 STAND BACK. 314 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:40,134 WRONG PILL. I THINK I'VE JUST POISONED THE ROOM. 315 00:18:47,333 --> 00:18:50,701 The Claw: NO, MR. SMART, THERE'LL BE NO MORE OF YOUR SILLY TRICKS. 316 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:57,168 ( coughing ) 317 00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:05,068 - 86! - 99. 318 00:19:05,068 --> 00:19:07,701 OH, MAX, I'M SO SORRY BUT THE PRINCESS GOT AWAY FROM ME. 319 00:19:07,701 --> 00:19:09,434 I COULDN'T HELP IT. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 320 00:19:09,434 --> 00:19:11,801 YES, BUT WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. 321 00:19:11,801 --> 00:19:13,534 THE SHANGHAI A-GO-GO IS A KAOS FRONT. 322 00:19:13,534 --> 00:19:15,801 THIS IS THE ONE PLACE THE PRINCESS MUST NOT COME. 323 00:19:15,801 --> 00:19:17,467 - OH, NO. - HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS HERE? 324 00:19:17,467 --> 00:19:19,134 I DIDN'T. LOOK. 325 00:19:21,967 --> 00:19:25,467 - I FOLLOWED HER HERE. - WELL, WE'VE GOTTA GET THE PRINCESS-- 326 00:19:26,934 --> 00:19:28,134 OH MY GOSH! 327 00:19:32,068 --> 00:19:35,001 THE POOR DEVILS! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO THEM? 328 00:19:35,001 --> 00:19:38,701 THEY'RE DANCING, MAX. THAT'S THE STYLE NOW. 329 00:19:38,701 --> 00:19:40,901 LISTEN, 99, WE'VE GOTTA GET THAT PRINCESS OUT OF HERE 330 00:19:40,901 --> 00:19:42,801 - WITHOUT LOOKING CONSPICUOUS. - RIGHT. 331 00:19:42,801 --> 00:19:44,567 - LET'S DANCE OVER. - BUT I-- 332 00:19:53,134 --> 00:19:54,767 INGRID. 333 00:19:54,767 --> 00:19:58,333 INGRID, YOU'RE IN TERRIBLE DANGER. AS A FRIEND OF YOUR FATHER, 334 00:19:58,333 --> 00:20:00,567 I MUST REMIND YOU THAT YOU'RE A PRINCESS. 335 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,934 - I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU SAY, MAX. - GOOD. NOW REMEMBER, 336 00:20:04,934 --> 00:20:07,400 DIGNITY AND DECORUM AT ALL TIMES. 337 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:16,500 - 99. - OH, HEY, MAX. 338 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:19,600 - 99, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - OH, WHAT'S THE PLAN, MAX? 339 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,901 THE PLAN IS TO GET THE PRINCESS AND GET HER OUT THAT EXIT. 340 00:20:21,901 --> 00:20:23,567 WELL, LET'S GO. 341 00:20:31,867 --> 00:20:34,534 - HOW ABOUT NOW? - WELL, THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO US 342 00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:37,400 WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE AROUND. I THINK WE'D BETTER KEEP DANCING. 343 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,400 - OKAY. - AND WATCH YOUR ELBOW, 99. 344 00:20:56,068 --> 00:20:59,233 MAX, LOOK OUT! BEHIND YOU! 345 00:21:05,834 --> 00:21:08,001 99, LOOK OUT! BEHIND YOU! 346 00:21:10,001 --> 00:21:12,333 99, I THINK WE'VE GOT THE BEAT. 347 00:21:12,333 --> 00:21:14,500 YEAH! 348 00:21:22,701 --> 00:21:25,467 YOU STILL HAVE ME TO DEAL WITH, MR. SMART. 349 00:21:30,367 --> 00:21:33,667 YOU HAVE INTERFERED WITH KAOS FOR THE LAST TIME. 350 00:21:37,901 --> 00:21:39,834 JUST A MINUTE, MR. CRAW. 351 00:21:39,834 --> 00:21:41,767 CRAW, NOT CRAW! 352 00:21:41,767 --> 00:21:43,434 CRAW! 353 00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:46,434 ( thumps, clanks ) 354 00:21:50,767 --> 00:21:52,600 - HAVE YOU GOT A GUN, 99? - RIGHT. 355 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,500 KEEP HIM COVERED. ALL RIGHT, MR. CRAW, 356 00:21:55,500 --> 00:21:58,834 ONE FALSE MOVE AND SHE BLOWS YOUR HEAD OFF. 357 00:22:00,901 --> 00:22:04,267 DON'T BE FOOLED BY THE SIZE OF THE GUN, MR. CRAW. 358 00:22:04,267 --> 00:22:07,667 IT FIRES A .1-CALIBER POISONED PIN 359 00:22:07,667 --> 00:22:10,333 THAT KILLS INSTANTLY. 360 00:22:12,134 --> 00:22:16,034 THIS IS AGENT 86 REPORTING TO CONTROL. 361 00:22:16,034 --> 00:22:18,233 HELLO, CHIEF? SMART HERE. 362 00:22:18,233 --> 00:22:20,168 YES, THE PRINCESS IS SAFE. 363 00:22:20,168 --> 00:22:23,367 I'M AT THE SHANGHAI A-GO-GO DISCOTHEQUE. 364 00:22:23,367 --> 00:22:25,801 BETTER SEND SOME MEN AND SOME HANDCUFFS. 365 00:22:27,701 --> 00:22:30,834 SORRY ABOUT THAT. HANDCUFF. 366 00:22:30,834 --> 00:22:34,200 NO, CHIEF, YOU MAKE A RIGHT ON SPRING AND A LEFT ON "CROVER"-- 367 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,001 UH, CLOVER. YES. 368 00:22:36,001 --> 00:22:39,233 THEN IT'S THE SECOND LEFT TO CONSTITUTION. 369 00:22:39,233 --> 00:22:43,367 NO, CHIEF, YOU GO UNDER THE OVERPASS AND OVER THE UNDERPASS. 370 00:22:43,367 --> 00:22:45,801 NO, CHIEF, A RIGHT AT SPRING 371 00:22:45,801 --> 00:22:48,534 AND A LEFT AT CLOVER-- "CROVER"... 372 00:22:51,300 --> 00:22:53,300 I AM PROUD OF BOTH OF YOU. 373 00:22:53,300 --> 00:22:56,233 THE CLAW AND HIS MEN ARE BEHIND BARS, THOSE EIGHT GIRLS HAVE BEEN RESCUED, 374 00:22:56,233 --> 00:22:58,701 AND THE PRINCESS IS ON HER WAY TO SCANDINAVIA. 375 00:22:58,701 --> 00:23:00,300 - CONGRATULATIONS, MAX. - THANK YOU. 376 00:23:00,300 --> 00:23:01,967 - CONGRATULATIONS, 99. - THANK YOU. 377 00:23:01,967 --> 00:23:03,801 - ALL IN A DAY'S WORK. - I'M SORRY YOU COULDN'T HAVE 378 00:23:03,801 --> 00:23:06,333 ACCOMPANIED THE PRINCESS BACK TO HER COUNTRY AS SHE REQUESTED, 379 00:23:06,333 --> 00:23:07,801 - BUT I UNDERSTAND YOUR POINT OF VIEW. - CHIEF-- 380 00:23:07,801 --> 00:23:09,500 - MY WHAT?! - YOUR WRITTEN REPORT, 381 00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:12,734 - IN WHICH YOU POINTED OUT THE INADVISABILITY... - UH, CHIEF-- 382 00:23:12,734 --> 00:23:14,734 ...OF A SINGLE MALE AGENT TRAVELING WITH THE PRINCESS. 383 00:23:14,734 --> 00:23:16,500 - I QUITE AGREE WITH YOU. - BUT I NEVER MADE OUT 384 00:23:16,500 --> 00:23:18,367 - ANY WRITTEN REPORT. - I'D LIKE TO CHECK OUT NOW. 385 00:23:18,367 --> 00:23:20,801 - ANYWAY, WE SENT K-13 ALONG. - FANG? 386 00:23:20,801 --> 00:23:23,567 - YES, HE'LL TAKE CARE OF HER. - WELL, FANG'S A GOOD MAN, 387 00:23:23,567 --> 00:23:25,734 - BUT CHIEF-- - 86, DO YOU MIND 388 00:23:25,734 --> 00:23:30,333 IF I TALK OVER SOME CONFIDENTIAL ASPECTS OF THIS CASE WITH 99? 389 00:23:30,333 --> 00:23:32,634 I'LL SEE YOU IN A MOMENT. 390 00:23:36,934 --> 00:23:38,967 YOU WROTE THAT REPORT, DIDN'T YOU? 391 00:23:38,967 --> 00:23:41,567 UM, YES, SIR. 392 00:23:41,567 --> 00:23:43,233 I, UH... 393 00:23:43,233 --> 00:23:46,634 I JUST WANTED TO SAVE MAX SOME EMBARRASSMENT. HE GETS SEASICK. 394 00:23:47,701 --> 00:23:49,400 IN A PLANE? 395 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:51,300 IT FLIES OVER WATER. ( chuckles ) 396 00:23:54,734 --> 00:23:58,467 - NO NO, CHIEF, YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT. - ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE, 99? 397 00:23:58,467 --> 00:24:00,467 I'M POSITIVE. I'M AN EXPERT ON THIS. 398 00:24:00,467 --> 00:24:02,434 Chief: NOW YOU GOT TO SHOW ME. IT'S VITAL. 399 00:24:02,434 --> 00:24:04,134 - NOW THAT'S AN ORDER. - ALL RIGHT. 400 00:24:04,134 --> 00:24:07,300 NOW FIRST YOU JUST STAND STILL AND YOU GET YOUR HIPS MOVING FIRST. 401 00:24:07,300 --> 00:24:10,400 THEN YOU ADD THE ARMS. ( hums ) 402 00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:12,834 - THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT. - OH, I SEE. 403 00:24:12,834 --> 00:24:14,734 - NOW TRY THE PONY. - THE WHAT? 404 00:24:14,734 --> 00:24:17,101 ( continues humming ) 405 00:24:19,333 --> 00:24:21,567 ( theme music playing )32148

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