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1
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:10,330
♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh ♪
2
00:00:10,330 --> 00:00:14,120
♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh, ohh ♪
3
00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:16,920
♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh ♪
4
00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:20,750
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh ♪
5
00:00:21,620 --> 00:00:25,000
♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh ♪
6
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:28,830
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
7
00:00:28,830 --> 00:00:31,620
♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh ♪
8
00:00:31,620 --> 00:00:35,170
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh ♪
9
00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:38,580
♪ But take heart, my love ♪
10
00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,620
♪ 'Cause when I see you,
I see hope ♪
11
00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:41,880
Meeting in the beanery.
12
00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:44,170
Now? I got childcare,
and shift is over.
13
00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:45,830
Call the babysitter.
You're gonna be late.
14
00:00:45,830 --> 00:00:47,960
How late? [ Sighs ]
15
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,830
♪ That needs
what you got to give ♪
16
00:00:50,830 --> 00:00:52,380
Do we know
what this is?
17
00:00:52,380 --> 00:00:53,290
We do.
18
00:00:54,380 --> 00:00:56,500
Do we want to tell
our team what this is?
19
00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:59,290
Critical incident
stress debriefing.
20
00:00:59,290 --> 00:01:00,500
-Ohh.
-No.
-Why?!
21
00:01:00,500 --> 00:01:02,000
I'm too tired
for head shrinking.
22
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,040
My eyes are starting to move
independently of each other.
23
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:05,460
Uh, I have a baby.
24
00:01:05,460 --> 00:01:07,170
Yeah, I have his baby.
25
00:01:07,170 --> 00:01:08,460
Ben: I have
a couple of teenagers
26
00:01:08,460 --> 00:01:09,710
and a wife who gets mad
27
00:01:09,710 --> 00:01:12,210
if I don't come home
after my 24-hour shift.
28
00:01:12,210 --> 00:01:13,920
I have...
29
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,580
a deep desire
to not be here.
30
00:01:15,580 --> 00:01:17,080
Sit down.
Thank you. I'd love to.
31
00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,420
This isn't my call.
It's over my head.
32
00:01:19,420 --> 00:01:21,710
But even if it was my call,
I wouldn't let you leave.
33
00:01:21,710 --> 00:01:23,420
[ Door opens ]
Vasquez was on our team.
34
00:01:23,420 --> 00:01:25,880
Captain Bishop,
you might want to
35
00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:27,670
take your A shift powwow
somewhere else.
36
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,040
We have to cook in here,
37
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:32,670
and unless you want us
to filet Gibson for breakfast...
38
00:01:32,670 --> 00:01:33,710
I'd get him
out of our sight.
39
00:01:33,710 --> 00:01:35,920
♪ Oh-oh-oh, oh, oh ♪
40
00:01:37,580 --> 00:01:40,210
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
41
00:01:40,210 --> 00:01:44,960
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh,
ooh, ooh ♪
42
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:48,000
[ Chairs scraping ]
43
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,920
[ Thunder rumbles ]
44
00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:57,670
Team.
45
00:01:57,670 --> 00:01:59,500
This is Dr. Diane Lewis.
46
00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:01,290
She's a psychologist
and a trauma specialist.
47
00:02:01,290 --> 00:02:03,920
Doctor Lewis, is it legal
for our employers
48
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,170
to hold us hostage
in the gym
49
00:02:06,170 --> 00:02:08,290
and force us
to talk about our feelings?
50
00:02:08,290 --> 00:02:11,420
No. We don't use the "F" word
here when we're at work.
51
00:02:11,420 --> 00:02:13,250
Miller, Hughes,
don't push it.
52
00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:16,000
And if it is legal,
is it psychologically sound?
Dean: Mm.
53
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,500
Did they lead you here
at gunpoint?
54
00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:18,710
Emotional gunpoint.
Mm-hmm.
55
00:02:18,710 --> 00:02:20,210
"Mandatory" gunpoint.
Mm-hmm.
56
00:02:20,210 --> 00:02:21,830
I swear to God,
if y'all don't shut up --
57
00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:28,120
Doctor,
I will leave you to it.
58
00:02:32,670 --> 00:02:33,920
[ Door closes ]
59
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:38,210
So, your battalion chief
has a hair trigger temper.
60
00:02:38,210 --> 00:02:40,080
Who wants to
talk about that?
61
00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:41,880
I thought we were here
to talk about Vasquez.
62
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,500
We're here to talk about
whatever needs talking about.
63
00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:46,960
[ Thunder rumbles ]
64
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,750
Last year, more firefighters
died from suicide
65
00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:51,210
than in the line of duty.
66
00:02:52,670 --> 00:02:54,500
Whatsamatter?
67
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:56,960
Big, strong firefighters
afraid to use your words?
68
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,830
What kind of
therapist are you?
69
00:02:58,830 --> 00:03:00,290
The kind who used to
jump out of helicopters
70
00:03:00,290 --> 00:03:02,080
and rappel into wildfires.
71
00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:05,830
I know you because I am you.
72
00:03:05,830 --> 00:03:07,250
I know what you see every day.
73
00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:10,960
I know how it feels
to lose one of your own.
74
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,080
Vasquez had
a pulmonary embolism
75
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,290
the day he was
supposed to go home.
76
00:03:14,290 --> 00:03:16,380
Now, that hurts me,
and I never even met the guy.
77
00:03:16,380 --> 00:03:18,750
So, yes, I am
holding you hostage today.
78
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:22,620
At emotional gunpoint.
79
00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:27,290
Um, am I seriously supposed to
do this in the gym?
80
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,580
[ Thunder rumbles ]
81
00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:36,920
[ Rain falling ]
82
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,000
[ Smacks lips ]
83
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:43,420
This is so good.
84
00:03:45,380 --> 00:03:46,710
Are you mocking me?
85
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:49,670
Mocking you?
86
00:03:49,670 --> 00:03:51,500
No. [ Chuckles ]
87
00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:55,000
I've got a 15-year-old
and two pre-teens at home.
88
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,880
Trust me,
I love silence.
89
00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,170
Love it.
90
00:03:59,170 --> 00:04:01,540
I don't know
what you want me to say.
91
00:04:01,540 --> 00:04:03,710
I didn't think Vasquez
was a good guy.
92
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:05,710
Didn't think he was
a good firefighter.
93
00:04:05,710 --> 00:04:08,210
He didn't listen to authority,
which made him a liability,
94
00:04:08,210 --> 00:04:11,330
and he was that way from
the beginning, way before I...
95
00:04:12,830 --> 00:04:14,420
Way before you...?
96
00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:16,580
I'm sure you've heard.
97
00:04:16,580 --> 00:04:17,620
I'm interested in
hearing your take.
98
00:04:17,620 --> 00:04:19,290
Way before I broke the code.
99
00:04:19,290 --> 00:04:22,710
Way before I made myself
a viper.
100
00:04:22,710 --> 00:04:24,790
Way before I lost
even my own respect
101
00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:26,920
and way before
I lost yours.
102
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:28,380
I'm not here
to judge you, Jack.
103
00:04:28,380 --> 00:04:29,880
You used to be
a firefighter.
104
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:30,830
So you're judging
what I did
105
00:04:30,830 --> 00:04:32,040
whether it's your job
or not.
106
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,170
Because that code
107
00:04:33,170 --> 00:04:34,750
has been hammered into us
from day one.
108
00:04:34,750 --> 00:04:35,620
So, why'd you break it?
109
00:04:35,620 --> 00:04:36,830
I didn't know who she was.
110
00:04:36,830 --> 00:04:38,460
And once you knew,
you stopped?
111
00:04:38,460 --> 00:04:39,540
Never went there again?
112
00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:41,540
[ Thunder rumbles ]
113
00:04:43,670 --> 00:04:44,710
[ Inhales deeply ]
114
00:04:44,710 --> 00:04:45,830
Why do you think
you broke it?
115
00:04:45,830 --> 00:04:47,380
I tried to stop.
116
00:04:47,380 --> 00:04:48,380
Are you a sex addict?
117
00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:50,120
No. No.
118
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,170
I don't know.
I don't think so.
119
00:04:52,170 --> 00:04:53,750
So, what was going on
for you
120
00:04:53,750 --> 00:04:56,000
before you made
the decisions you made?
121
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,670
Aren't you
supposed to be talking
122
00:04:57,670 --> 00:05:00,040
about trauma
or something?
123
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:01,830
Rigo's death hasn't been
traumatic for you?
124
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:04,540
I've lived through worse.
125
00:05:04,540 --> 00:05:05,750
Then tell me
about the worse.
126
00:05:05,750 --> 00:05:07,420
I don't get it.
Don't get...?
127
00:05:07,420 --> 00:05:08,790
That you quit firefighting
128
00:05:08,790 --> 00:05:10,290
so you can sit in rooms
and force people
129
00:05:10,290 --> 00:05:12,040
to relive
their worst memories?
130
00:05:14,170 --> 00:05:16,210
I made a bad drop
out of a helicopter
131
00:05:16,210 --> 00:05:17,880
and shattered my leg.
132
00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:19,540
I was supposed to
be there putting out the fire,
133
00:05:19,540 --> 00:05:21,210
and I became the rescue.
134
00:05:22,420 --> 00:05:24,460
The family lost
their house and their dog
135
00:05:24,460 --> 00:05:27,460
because my team had to come
rescue me instead of Aldo.
136
00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:30,710
That was the dog's name --
Aldo.
137
00:05:30,710 --> 00:05:32,120
I would hear him barking
138
00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,120
and those kids crying
139
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,460
and screaming
for someone to help him
140
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,040
every time
I tried to sleep.
141
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:40,250
And the way it was
barking at the end?
142
00:05:40,250 --> 00:05:42,380
I don't think it was
the smoke that took it out.
143
00:05:43,670 --> 00:05:45,670
I got a pin in my hip,
15 screws in my leg,
144
00:05:45,670 --> 00:05:46,880
and a metal knee.
145
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:47,750
And none of it
hurt as bad
146
00:05:47,750 --> 00:05:49,670
as the sound
of Aldo barking.
147
00:05:49,670 --> 00:05:52,790
It was like --
It was like tinnitus.
148
00:05:52,790 --> 00:05:54,670
It never stopped.
149
00:05:54,670 --> 00:05:57,290
Until someone like me
came to my bedside
150
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,920
and got me to talk.
151
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,790
And the barking
got quieter.
152
00:06:00,790 --> 00:06:04,000
And the more I talked,
the quieter it got.
153
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,500
So, when my leg
never fully healed
154
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:08,460
and I needed a new plan,
155
00:06:08,460 --> 00:06:10,000
I learned how to do this.
156
00:06:11,290 --> 00:06:13,540
Now you.
157
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:14,960
Tell me your worst thing.
158
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,670
I keep thinking
about my dad.
159
00:06:24,210 --> 00:06:26,040
I was a foster kid.
160
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:27,830
Grew up in
group homes mostly.
161
00:06:27,830 --> 00:06:32,000
But one year,
I almost got adopted.
162
00:06:33,420 --> 00:06:37,040
I had
a sister and brother,
163
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,080
and I had
a mom and a dad.
164
00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:40,880
Had a hard time
calling them that at first
165
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,120
because it was,
you know, weird.
166
00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:45,000
But that's what they
wanted me to call them.
167
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,790
He was a high school
science teacher,
168
00:06:46,790 --> 00:06:50,380
and she was a receptionist
in a dentist's office.
169
00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:51,710
I thought
they couldn't have kids,
170
00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:53,670
but they said they could.
171
00:06:53,670 --> 00:06:55,040
They just didn't
want them.
172
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:59,330
He was preoccupied
with overpopulation.
173
00:06:59,330 --> 00:07:03,120
Said it was the greatest threat
to our planet.
174
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:09,250
So they fostered us
and planned to adopt us.
175
00:07:09,250 --> 00:07:11,170
And... [ Sighs ]
176
00:07:14,670 --> 00:07:16,120
What just happened?
177
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,170
Hmm?
178
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,710
You were talking
about your dad.
179
00:07:18,710 --> 00:07:20,670
I was thinking about
a call I went on.
180
00:07:20,670 --> 00:07:22,500
When?
181
00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:24,960
Last Christmas.
182
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,120
You asked about
the worst thing.
183
00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:28,420
I think that was
the worst thing.
184
00:07:28,420 --> 00:07:30,670
♪♪
185
00:07:30,670 --> 00:07:33,000
[ Woman crying ]
186
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,080
Marsha:
Tree's on fire!
187
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,540
Ma'am? Ma'am!
Step away from the tree.
188
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,000
I have to put out the fire!
Step away from the tree.
189
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,080
Ma'am, ma'am,
ma'am, ma'am.
Step away from the fire.
190
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,000
Come with me, come with me,
come with me.
I have to put out the fire!
191
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,960
[ Sobs ]
192
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:45,880
The tree's on fire!
193
00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:46,880
We've got it
under control. Okay?
194
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,790
Calm down, calm down.
195
00:07:48,790 --> 00:07:50,500
[ Crying hysterically ]
196
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:52,420
The tree's on fire!
197
00:07:52,420 --> 00:07:54,420
The tree's on fire!
198
00:07:54,420 --> 00:07:56,540
[ Sobbing ]
199
00:07:56,540 --> 00:07:58,330
The tree's on fire.
200
00:07:58,330 --> 00:08:00,380
[ Sighs ]
201
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:02,000
[ Siren wailing ]
202
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,330
The tree's on fire.
203
00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:04,330
Ma'am.
204
00:08:04,330 --> 00:08:06,000
Do you have
anyone we can call?
205
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,540
The tree's on fire.
206
00:08:08,540 --> 00:08:11,500
[ Sobbing ]
207
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:13,290
[ Radio chatter ]
208
00:08:13,290 --> 00:08:18,580
♪♪
209
00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:21,580
The tree's on fire.
210
00:08:21,580 --> 00:08:23,330
Diane: That's the worst call
you've ever been on?
211
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,330
Yeah.
212
00:08:26,330 --> 00:08:29,040
Well, you've been
at this awhile.
213
00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,750
So I'm assuming
you've seen...
214
00:08:31,750 --> 00:08:33,330
you know...
215
00:08:33,330 --> 00:08:35,080
whole families
cooked to death.
216
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:36,210
Yeah.
217
00:08:36,210 --> 00:08:38,960
So, what made this one
the worst?
218
00:08:41,580 --> 00:08:43,000
Your name's Diane.
219
00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:44,880
Yes.
220
00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:50,120
♪ Little ditty
about Jack and Diane ♪
221
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:53,540
♪ Two American kids growing up
in the heartland ♪
222
00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:00,500
It was the worst call
'cause she was all alone.
223
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,920
She was just all alone
224
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,250
in that crappy
little apartment.
225
00:09:05,250 --> 00:09:08,500
And somehow, through the whiskey
and the loneliness,
226
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:10,330
she got herself
up off the couch,
227
00:09:10,330 --> 00:09:12,210
and she got herself a tree,
228
00:09:12,210 --> 00:09:15,540
and she decorated it
with whatever she could find.
229
00:09:15,540 --> 00:09:18,250
But she was all alone.
230
00:09:18,250 --> 00:09:20,290
She didn't have
any family photos
231
00:09:20,290 --> 00:09:21,500
or anyone to call.
232
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,830
Just that tree.
233
00:09:25,750 --> 00:09:27,880
And her tree burned down.
234
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:32,670
[ Inhales sharply ]
235
00:09:32,670 --> 00:09:34,080
[ Sniffles ]
236
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,330
[ Sniffles ] Ah.
237
00:09:44,170 --> 00:09:47,040
[ Sighs, sniffles ]
238
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,330
Oh, you're not gonna
give me a tissue?
239
00:09:49,330 --> 00:09:50,540
No.
240
00:09:50,540 --> 00:09:51,750
No?
241
00:09:51,750 --> 00:09:53,120
Tissues kind of suggest
242
00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,580
you should
wipe your tears away,
243
00:09:55,580 --> 00:09:58,500
suck 'em back in.
244
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,880
And I want
all of them out.
245
00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:02,750
[ Sobbing quietly ]
246
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:16,170
[ Thunder rumbles ]
247
00:10:16,170 --> 00:10:19,040
I'm angry with Gibson
for breaking the code.
248
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,290
I'm angry with Bishop
for putting him in the field.
249
00:10:21,290 --> 00:10:22,790
I'm a little angry
with Sullivan
250
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:24,420
for promoting Bishop over me,
251
00:10:24,420 --> 00:10:27,460
but other than that, I'm...
252
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,460
You know, I'm pretty good.
253
00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:31,040
[ Rain pattering ]
254
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,040
You were a --
You were a smokejumper?
255
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,420
Yep.
Yeah, that's --
256
00:10:40,420 --> 00:10:42,040
that's pretty hardcore.
257
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,620
Not nearly as hardcore
as my new line of work.
258
00:10:43,620 --> 00:10:45,880
Yeah.
I could never --
259
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,420
Yeah, no, I could jump
out of a helicopter
260
00:10:48,420 --> 00:10:50,710
into a wildfire, but I could
not do what you do now.
261
00:10:50,710 --> 00:10:52,290
Mm, you're a doer,
not a talker.
262
00:10:52,290 --> 00:10:54,330
Yeah.
Let me guess.
263
00:10:54,330 --> 00:10:55,670
You were a cheerleader
in high school.
264
00:10:55,670 --> 00:10:57,040
Dance squad.
265
00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,290
[ Laughs ]
Dance squad!
266
00:10:59,290 --> 00:11:00,210
That's even better.
267
00:11:00,210 --> 00:11:01,330
Are you making fun of me?
268
00:11:01,330 --> 00:11:02,830
Why do you all think
I'm making fun of you?
269
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,380
Maybe that's a question
you should ask yourself.
270
00:11:04,380 --> 00:11:06,920
Is it because
I take joy in my work?
271
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:08,420
Because I like getting
to know my clients
272
00:11:08,420 --> 00:11:10,830
and it makes me smile
and it makes me laugh?
273
00:11:12,790 --> 00:11:14,580
Maybe.
274
00:11:14,580 --> 00:11:17,210
Did you like
dance squad?
275
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:21,580
Not really.
I -- I preferred salsa.
276
00:11:21,580 --> 00:11:23,000
You can do salsa?
277
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,330
State champion.
278
00:11:24,330 --> 00:11:26,000
[ Chuckles ]
279
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,620
You're a state champion
salsa dancer?
280
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:30,580
Seriously? [ Laughs ]
281
00:11:30,580 --> 00:11:33,620
Well, that takes sex appeal
and showmanship
282
00:11:33,620 --> 00:11:35,040
and athleticism
all at the same time,
283
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:36,460
which is kind of
a rare combination.
284
00:11:36,460 --> 00:11:39,830
So, what made you want
to jump into fires?
285
00:11:39,830 --> 00:11:41,380
Okay.
286
00:11:41,380 --> 00:11:43,290
Who told you what?
287
00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:44,620
What?
288
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,210
Why are you talking about
my sex appeal?
289
00:11:46,210 --> 00:11:48,250
Uh, I was
talking about salsa.
290
00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:50,000
Did someone say something
about me and Sullivan?
291
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,620
Sullivan
the battalion chief?
292
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,500
You didn't hear that?
293
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:57,420
I did now.
294
00:11:57,420 --> 00:12:00,210
Andy: [ Sighs ]
295
00:12:00,210 --> 00:12:03,170
This is like doctor-patient
privilege, right?
296
00:12:03,170 --> 00:12:05,880
You can't report me
or write down anything?
297
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,170
That's right.
Okay, good.
298
00:12:08,170 --> 00:12:09,380
Well, I'm not just
sleeping with him.
299
00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:11,500
I'm in love with him.
300
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:12,880
And now you hate me.
301
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:14,210
Why do you think
I hate you?
302
00:12:14,210 --> 00:12:16,380
Because my behavior
is a blight
303
00:12:16,380 --> 00:12:18,380
on the plight of female
firefighters everywhere.
304
00:12:18,380 --> 00:12:20,460
A blight
on the plight?
305
00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:22,170
Now you're mocking me.
Only a little.
306
00:12:22,170 --> 00:12:23,330
Alright, we're here
to talk about Vasquez.
307
00:12:23,330 --> 00:12:24,500
So can we do that?
Sure.
308
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:27,500
Were you close
with him?
309
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:29,210
He's a salsa dancer, too.
310
00:12:29,210 --> 00:12:30,290
Vasquez?
Sullivan.
311
00:12:30,290 --> 00:12:31,540
Oh.
312
00:12:31,540 --> 00:12:32,830
He can dance salsa.
313
00:12:32,830 --> 00:12:34,960
And I know I'm supposed to
feel guilty.
314
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:36,000
About Vasquez?
315
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,750
About Sullivan.
Okay.
316
00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:40,830
You're supposed to feel guilty,
but you actually feel...
Yes, I --
317
00:12:40,830 --> 00:12:42,500
Electric!
I feel electric.
318
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:44,790
I feel...awake.
319
00:12:44,790 --> 00:12:46,710
I feel awake
all the time.
320
00:12:46,710 --> 00:12:48,120
This man undoes me.
321
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:49,120
He...
322
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:51,040
I love him.
I'm in love with him.
323
00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:53,620
You know, love all by itself
is not electric.
324
00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:55,580
By itself, it's calming.
325
00:12:55,580 --> 00:12:57,500
It gets electric
when you combine it
326
00:12:57,500 --> 00:12:58,620
with stuff
that isn't love.
327
00:12:58,620 --> 00:13:00,540
Rule breaking.
Intrigue. Danger.
328
00:13:00,540 --> 00:13:02,000
Mm, so you arejudging me.
329
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,120
I'm not. I'm just trying to
understand you.
330
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,790
You're angry with Jack
for breaking the code,
331
00:13:05,790 --> 00:13:07,080
but you're
breaking it yourself.
332
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,750
You coin phrases like
"blight on the plight,"
333
00:13:08,750 --> 00:13:10,170
but you keep doing it,
and you don't feel guilty.
334
00:13:10,170 --> 00:13:11,210
You feel electrified.
335
00:13:11,210 --> 00:13:12,710
I'm just trying to
figure out why.
336
00:13:12,710 --> 00:13:14,420
The plight of
female firefighters
337
00:13:14,420 --> 00:13:15,960
isn't mine to carry.
338
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:17,460
Okay.
My mother was a firefighter.
339
00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:18,460
Or she was gonna be
340
00:13:18,460 --> 00:13:19,710
until she met my dad
at the academy
341
00:13:19,710 --> 00:13:21,500
and got pregnant with me.
342
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:23,080
So, your father was
a firefighter?
343
00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:25,710
Yes, he was the captain
of this house.
344
00:13:25,710 --> 00:13:26,540
And your mother
is still --
345
00:13:26,540 --> 00:13:28,670
She died when I was 9.
346
00:13:28,670 --> 00:13:30,420
So you were raised
by a single dad.
Yes.
347
00:13:30,420 --> 00:13:32,120
You grew up.
348
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,420
Joined the same house
your father ran.
349
00:13:34,420 --> 00:13:36,500
And then...
350
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:38,170
you start sleeping
with the battalion chief?
Okay, whoa, whoa.
351
00:13:38,170 --> 00:13:41,620
This -- This has nothing
to do with my father.
352
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:44,120
[ Thunder rumbles ]
353
00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:46,620
This has nothing to do
with my father.
354
00:13:48,710 --> 00:13:50,420
♪♪
355
00:13:50,420 --> 00:13:52,380
[ Smacks lips, inhales deeply ]
Are we done here?
356
00:13:52,380 --> 00:13:53,830
No.
I think we are.
357
00:13:53,830 --> 00:13:56,290
Talk to me about Vasquez.
358
00:13:56,290 --> 00:13:58,880
Was he your friend?
359
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:01,290
[ Horn blares, siren wails ]
360
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,330
[ Brakes screech lightly ]
361
00:14:04,330 --> 00:14:06,080
[ Air brake hisses ]
362
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,500
Tony: She's dying!
My wife is dying!
363
00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:09,500
Sir, where is she?
364
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,920
She's in the back.
365
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:13,330
[ Panting ]
Help her!
366
00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:16,380
[ Woman gasping ]
Please help her.
Please!
367
00:14:16,380 --> 00:14:17,710
[ Coughs ]
Rigo:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop.
368
00:14:17,710 --> 00:14:19,170
Sir, stop!
Stop!
369
00:14:19,170 --> 00:14:21,000
-She's choking!
-Yes, I -- I can see that,
370
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,960
but she's also wheezing, which
means air is getting through.
371
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,290
The Heimlich won't work.
You'll just break her ribs.
It's alright.
372
00:14:25,290 --> 00:14:26,750
Okay, ma'am, you are able
to get air through,
373
00:14:26,750 --> 00:14:27,750
so I just need you
to relax.
374
00:14:27,750 --> 00:14:29,460
Do me a favor --
I need you to cough.
[ Metal clatters ]
375
00:14:29,460 --> 00:14:31,620
[ Animal chitters ]
[ Screaming ]
376
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:33,250
Raccoon! Raccoon!
What the hell?
377
00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:34,460
[ Gasping, screaming ]
378
00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:35,790
[ Choking ]
379
00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:37,790
Oh! Well, the Heimlich's
gonna work now.
380
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,750
[ Crying ]
381
00:14:40,750 --> 00:14:42,170
[ Grunts ]
382
00:14:42,170 --> 00:14:44,380
[ Coughing ]
383
00:14:44,380 --> 00:14:45,250
-Alright.
-You got it?
384
00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:46,290
Alright.
385
00:14:46,290 --> 00:14:48,500
[ Sighs ]
[ Door closes ]
386
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:51,170
It's -- It's alright.
387
00:14:51,170 --> 00:14:52,620
It's alright, Herrera.
388
00:14:52,620 --> 00:14:54,460
You know, raccoons are...
389
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:57,250
[Chortles] scary
little creatures.
390
00:14:57,250 --> 00:14:58,620
[ Laughs ]
[ Chuckles ]
391
00:14:58,620 --> 00:14:59,670
I mean --
392
00:14:59,670 --> 00:15:01,120
[ Both laughing ]
393
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:05,080
What were you doing
jumping up on a table?
394
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:08,040
[ Laughing continues ]
395
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:13,000
I thought you said I needed
a check-up at the hospital.
396
00:15:15,830 --> 00:15:17,790
[ Snorts, laughs ]
397
00:15:17,790 --> 00:15:19,460
Shh.
398
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,290
We're -- We're gonna
get you there, ma'am.
399
00:15:21,290 --> 00:15:22,750
Sorry.
400
00:15:22,750 --> 00:15:24,460
Oh. [ Laughs ]
[ Engine starts ]
401
00:15:24,460 --> 00:15:26,040
[ Chuckles ]
402
00:15:30,620 --> 00:15:31,750
I barely knew him.
403
00:15:33,380 --> 00:15:35,460
Hm.
404
00:15:39,380 --> 00:15:41,420
[ Liquid bubbling ]
405
00:15:41,420 --> 00:15:43,830
[ Water sizzles ]
406
00:15:43,830 --> 00:15:45,120
[ Door opens ]
407
00:15:46,330 --> 00:15:47,460
Montgomery?
408
00:15:47,460 --> 00:15:48,380
You're up.
409
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:49,830
Four alarm fire.
410
00:15:49,830 --> 00:15:50,960
I heard the alarm.
411
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,290
Yeah, when the alarm
went off,
412
00:15:52,290 --> 00:15:53,670
they were cooking
a bunch of stuff for Eva.
413
00:15:53,670 --> 00:15:54,580
For Rigo's widow.
414
00:15:54,580 --> 00:15:55,830
They'll be gone
for hours,
415
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:59,290
so I'm going to
finish what they started.
416
00:15:59,290 --> 00:16:01,670
That's a nice gesture.
But I can't excuse you from --
417
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:03,120
I'm not asking
to be excused.
418
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,670
I'm just asking
if we can talk while I cook.
419
00:16:05,670 --> 00:16:08,170
Well, counseling is generally
a private conversation.
420
00:16:08,170 --> 00:16:09,710
Probie, beat it.
421
00:16:15,460 --> 00:16:17,210
Little tension there.
422
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:18,710
Yeah, he's in the closet,
and I have no respect for him.
423
00:16:18,710 --> 00:16:19,960
[ Door opens, closes ]
Okay, let's not --
424
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,460
He has a girlfriend.
It's serious.
425
00:16:21,460 --> 00:16:23,040
She has no idea
that he cheats on her,
426
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,040
even less idea
that he does it with dudes.
Travis, stop.
427
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:26,580
We are in a public space.
428
00:16:26,580 --> 00:16:28,620
And if you want to talk about
your own issues publicly,
429
00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:30,000
I'm fine with that.
430
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,920
But I'm not okay with you
outing someone else on my watch.
431
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:34,250
[ Grinder clacks ]
432
00:16:36,420 --> 00:16:38,500
My pet rabbit
likes his cage.
433
00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:39,960
Can I talk about that?
434
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:41,880
[ Scoffs ]
We're doing code words now?
435
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:42,750
You made the rules.
436
00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:44,500
Sure.
437
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:46,710
Tell me about your
pet rabbit, Travis.
438
00:16:46,710 --> 00:16:48,120
Well,
he's a sweet rabbit.
439
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,000
A well-intentioned
rabbit.
440
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,710
A rabbit that was bullied
by his father into working here,
441
00:16:52,710 --> 00:16:53,960
and I'm pretty sure bullied
442
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:55,290
into becoming
a firefighting rabbit
443
00:16:55,290 --> 00:16:56,380
in the first place.
444
00:16:56,380 --> 00:16:58,460
He studied art history
in college,
445
00:16:58,460 --> 00:17:00,710
and when his adrenaline
starts to surge, he panics,
446
00:17:00,710 --> 00:17:02,710
which is cute --
in a rabbit.
447
00:17:02,710 --> 00:17:04,830
Not super cute
in a firefighter.
448
00:17:04,830 --> 00:17:06,380
Okay.
The father
also bullies him
449
00:17:06,380 --> 00:17:07,670
to stay in his cage.
450
00:17:07,670 --> 00:17:09,080
And I don't know
451
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:10,880
if the father even knows
that he's a rabbit,
452
00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:12,080
but I know
that he doesn't see him.
453
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:13,790
Doesn't let him
be who he is.
454
00:17:13,790 --> 00:17:15,580
And I know that
he just rolls with that.
455
00:17:15,580 --> 00:17:17,170
Doesn't push back,
456
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:19,580
doesn't fight for the right
to be who he is
457
00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:20,830
and not be
caged his whole life.
458
00:17:20,830 --> 00:17:23,710
And that,
it makes me crazy.
459
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:24,790
And it makes me hate him.
460
00:17:24,790 --> 00:17:26,790
I hate my pet rabbit.
461
00:17:26,790 --> 00:17:28,290
Ooh!
462
00:17:28,290 --> 00:17:30,120
God, it feels good
to admit that.
463
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:31,620
You want to tell me
about your dad?
464
00:17:31,620 --> 00:17:32,500
Why would I want to
do that?
465
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:33,670
You're out.
466
00:17:33,670 --> 00:17:35,170
You're an openly gay
firefighter.
467
00:17:35,170 --> 00:17:36,420
I honestly think
you might be the only one
468
00:17:36,420 --> 00:17:38,120
in the city of Seattle.
469
00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:40,250
You're the only one
I've met.
470
00:17:40,250 --> 00:17:42,250
So...it's not that
your pet rabbit
471
00:17:42,250 --> 00:17:43,830
is such
a backwards rabbit.
472
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:46,040
It's that you
are braver than most.
473
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:47,880
We run toward fire
for a living.
474
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:49,580
Mm-hmm.
Brave is a prerequisite.
475
00:17:49,580 --> 00:17:52,040
Yes, and I'm saying
that you are braver.
476
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:54,710
How does that
make you feel?
477
00:17:54,710 --> 00:17:56,460
It's 2020.
478
00:17:56,460 --> 00:17:58,170
When I was a kid,
2020 felt like
479
00:17:58,170 --> 00:18:00,380
the oldest the world
was ever gonna get.
480
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:03,670
I thought there would be
flying cars in 2020.
481
00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:05,330
I shouldn't have to
be brave
482
00:18:05,330 --> 00:18:07,210
to be out of the closet
in 2020.
483
00:18:07,210 --> 00:18:09,000
Diane: You shouldn't
have to be, but you do.
484
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,330
You do.
485
00:18:10,330 --> 00:18:12,710
And you are.
486
00:18:12,710 --> 00:18:14,120
Why is that so hard
to take in?
487
00:18:14,120 --> 00:18:15,880
My husband was an out,
gay firefighter.
488
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:17,790
Got it.
So there were two.
489
00:18:17,790 --> 00:18:18,750
You're exaggerating.
490
00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:20,420
Not by much.
491
00:18:20,420 --> 00:18:23,880
Why don't you want to
acknowledge how brave you are?
492
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,500
Why would you rather think of
your pet rabbit as a coward
493
00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:27,790
than own
your own strength?
494
00:18:29,460 --> 00:18:31,540
[ Sighs ]
495
00:18:31,540 --> 00:18:33,330
[ Inhales deeply ]
496
00:18:33,330 --> 00:18:35,880
How did your parents
react when you came out?
497
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:38,080
Was it easy?
Were they supportive?
498
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:39,670
Can we talk about
something else?
Sure.
499
00:18:39,670 --> 00:18:41,040
Why'd you become
a firefighter?
500
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,380
Because I had an
overdeveloped sense
of responsibility
501
00:18:43,380 --> 00:18:45,830
and an underdeveloped interest
in the family business.
502
00:18:45,830 --> 00:18:47,420
What was
the family business?
503
00:18:47,420 --> 00:18:48,580
Irish pub,
504
00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:49,670
and I could never hold
my drink.
505
00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:51,250
[ Chuckles ]
506
00:18:51,250 --> 00:18:55,170
Also I got raped
in the backroom when I was 17,
507
00:18:55,170 --> 00:18:57,830
and I didn't want
to go there after that.
508
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:01,920
I thought you said
this was a public space.
509
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,460
You think I should keep it
a secret that I got raped?
510
00:19:04,460 --> 00:19:06,500
I don't have shame
about that.
511
00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:08,500
The rapist is the one
who should be ashamed.
512
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:11,170
I hope he is.
I hope he learned something.
513
00:19:11,170 --> 00:19:13,540
I hope he didn't
do that again.
514
00:19:16,710 --> 00:19:18,000
I've had a fair
amount of therapy,
515
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,580
and I have never had
a therapist --
516
00:19:19,580 --> 00:19:20,920
Disclose her
personal history?
517
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,420
Yeah, typically,
we don't.
518
00:19:22,420 --> 00:19:24,750
But with firefighters,
519
00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:26,000
it's hard to get people
to talk
520
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,120
if I don't do
some talking myself.
521
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:31,040
So I tell you my story
522
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:32,670
in the hopes that
you will tell me yours.
523
00:19:36,290 --> 00:19:38,460
You want me to tell you
why I became a firefighter?
524
00:19:38,460 --> 00:19:40,330
Unless there's something else
you want to talk about.
525
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,460
Hurry up! I don't want to
be late for the show.
526
00:19:44,460 --> 00:19:46,210
Dammit, Janet!
527
00:19:46,210 --> 00:19:48,000
I don't understand how women
wear these shoes every day.
528
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,790
Yeah, but your legs
do look good.
529
00:19:49,790 --> 00:19:51,120
My legs do look
really good.
530
00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:52,580
Woman: Help!
531
00:19:52,580 --> 00:19:54,250
He's gonna kill me!
532
00:19:54,250 --> 00:19:55,830
Somebody help me!
533
00:19:55,830 --> 00:19:57,500
Travis, no!
Call the police!
534
00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:58,290
You call.
I'm going in.
535
00:19:58,290 --> 00:19:59,250
What are you gonna do?
536
00:19:59,250 --> 00:20:00,250
Blind him with
your high heel?
537
00:20:00,250 --> 00:20:01,670
I don't know! Call 911!
538
00:20:01,670 --> 00:20:03,380
Woman: Help me! Help!
539
00:20:03,380 --> 00:20:04,960
Help!
540
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,580
[ Grunts ]
541
00:20:07,580 --> 00:20:09,040
Hey!
What the hell?!
542
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,420
Get away from her.
Who the hell are you?!
543
00:20:10,420 --> 00:20:11,750
Get up. Run.
544
00:20:11,750 --> 00:20:13,170
Get down, Jane!
545
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:14,790
[ Grunting ]
546
00:20:14,790 --> 00:20:16,380
[ Gasps ] Oh, my God!
547
00:20:17,830 --> 00:20:18,960
Run!
548
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,330
[ Screams ]
549
00:20:21,790 --> 00:20:23,420
[ Grunting ]
550
00:20:23,420 --> 00:20:25,540
[ Laughter ]
551
00:20:25,540 --> 00:20:27,790
[ Laughing ] Wait.
552
00:20:27,790 --> 00:20:29,170
You were dressed --
553
00:20:29,170 --> 00:20:31,380
As Frank-N-Furter from
"Rocky Horror Picture Show."
554
00:20:31,380 --> 00:20:32,710
[ Laughs ]
555
00:20:32,710 --> 00:20:34,250
And you -- you
half-nelsoned him?
556
00:20:34,250 --> 00:20:36,210
Yeah. I mean,
it wasn't a big deal.
557
00:20:36,210 --> 00:20:37,920
I wrestled in high school,
and that guy --
558
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:39,750
I mean, men who beat women
are just cowards.
559
00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:41,580
But, you know, it gave me
560
00:20:41,580 --> 00:20:42,580
a taste for
the hero thing, I guess,
561
00:20:42,580 --> 00:20:43,830
and I never looked back.
562
00:20:43,830 --> 00:20:45,380
You did it again.
Did what?
563
00:20:45,380 --> 00:20:47,460
You dismissed
your own bravery.
564
00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:49,290
You are a straight-up hero
in that story, Travis.
565
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:50,380
How many people
do you think
566
00:20:50,380 --> 00:20:51,920
would shoulder their way
through a door
567
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:52,880
instead of just calling
the police?
568
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,380
In drag, no less.
569
00:20:54,380 --> 00:20:55,750
She could have died
if I waited for the police.
570
00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:57,080
Yeah, your friend
didn't go in.
571
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:58,420
Dammit Janet? He didn't
want to mess up his makeup.
572
00:20:58,420 --> 00:20:59,540
Travis.
573
00:20:59,540 --> 00:21:00,880
Why is it so hard
574
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,000
for you to acknowledge
who you are?
575
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,830
Who gave you
so much shame to carry?
576
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:05,880
I'm not ashamed.
577
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:06,960
Right.
You're not ashamed.
578
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,420
You're just not
all that brave.
579
00:21:08,420 --> 00:21:09,460
And then
when you are brave,
580
00:21:09,460 --> 00:21:10,500
it's not
that you were brave,
581
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:12,250
it's that everyone else
is a coward.
582
00:21:12,250 --> 00:21:14,080
Do you know how many men
would like to try drag
583
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:15,420
but can't let themselves?
It wasn't drag.
584
00:21:15,420 --> 00:21:17,330
It was
"Rocky Horror Picture Show."
585
00:21:17,330 --> 00:21:19,380
Do you know how few
gay firefighters, gay cops,
586
00:21:19,380 --> 00:21:21,880
gay soldiers will ever
come out of the closet?
587
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,420
Do you know
how few human beings
588
00:21:23,420 --> 00:21:26,380
will tackle the men
who are beating their wives?
589
00:21:26,380 --> 00:21:29,540
You are brave.
You are fierce.
590
00:21:29,540 --> 00:21:30,920
And your pet rabbit
591
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,380
is just a guy
figuring things out.
592
00:21:33,380 --> 00:21:35,460
He's not on your level.
593
00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:38,880
Doesn't make him a monster.
Doesn't make him a coward.
594
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,420
It makes you
extraordinary.
595
00:21:41,420 --> 00:21:46,880
♪♪
596
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:48,960
I'm sorry.
I'm just, uh...
597
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:52,250
♪♪
598
00:21:52,250 --> 00:21:54,290
I'm sad Rigo died.
599
00:21:54,290 --> 00:22:01,830
♪♪
600
00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,670
[ Siren wailing in distance ]
601
00:22:07,670 --> 00:22:09,250
You're in the club.
602
00:22:09,250 --> 00:22:10,380
Which one?
603
00:22:10,380 --> 00:22:11,960
Changing careers
midstream club.
604
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:13,290
[ Chuckles ]
605
00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:15,120
I might be the president
of that club.
606
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:16,830
Oh, I am definitely
the president.
607
00:22:16,830 --> 00:22:18,170
I mean, you can be my VP.
608
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:20,880
Haven't we had enough
male presidents already?
609
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:21,960
Hmm.
True. Okay, I'll --
I'll be your VP.
610
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:23,250
[ Chuckles ]
611
00:22:23,250 --> 00:22:24,210
Uh, how many careers
have you had?
612
00:22:24,210 --> 00:22:25,170
Only the two.
613
00:22:25,170 --> 00:22:26,580
Unless you count
bartending,
614
00:22:26,580 --> 00:22:27,960
which I did
for most of my twenties.
615
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,540
How many careers for you?
616
00:22:29,540 --> 00:22:31,000
Oh, a lot. A lot.
617
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:32,210
But I found a way to
pull them all together.
618
00:22:32,210 --> 00:22:33,670
Ah, I heard.
619
00:22:33,670 --> 00:22:36,210
The whole department's
talking about your, uh, DRT.
620
00:22:36,210 --> 00:22:37,540
Oh, PRT.
621
00:22:37,540 --> 00:22:39,750
It's the, uh,
Physician Response Team.
622
00:22:39,750 --> 00:22:41,040
Mm, surgery on the side
of the road.
623
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:42,170
Exactly.
624
00:22:42,170 --> 00:22:43,710
Incredible.
[ Chuckles ]
625
00:22:43,710 --> 00:22:45,420
You miss fighting fires?
626
00:22:45,420 --> 00:22:47,040
Yes. Yes.
627
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:48,880
And there's nothing to say
I can't do it if I'm needed.
628
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:50,460
But, you know...
629
00:22:50,460 --> 00:22:52,620
You have a finely
honed skill set
630
00:22:52,620 --> 00:22:53,960
that was going to waste.
631
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:54,960
Exactly
what my wife said.
632
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,120
Hmm.
633
00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:57,210
Yeah, she wishes
you still worked
634
00:22:57,210 --> 00:22:58,620
in a safe, quiet hospital.
635
00:22:58,620 --> 00:23:00,040
Oh, very much, yes.
636
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:01,790
I get that.
637
00:23:01,790 --> 00:23:04,330
I married
a firefighter once.
638
00:23:04,330 --> 00:23:05,460
I wouldn't ever
do it again.
639
00:23:05,460 --> 00:23:07,000
Really?
640
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:08,710
Even thought you were
a firefighter yourself?
641
00:23:08,710 --> 00:23:10,790
When I was fighting fires,
I was always thinking
642
00:23:10,790 --> 00:23:12,580
about the people
I was saving.
643
00:23:12,580 --> 00:23:14,210
But when my husband
was fighting fires --
644
00:23:14,210 --> 00:23:16,540
"Was"?
Divorced, not dead.
645
00:23:16,540 --> 00:23:19,620
When he was fighting fires,
I was always worried about him.
646
00:23:19,620 --> 00:23:21,710
It's a sickening feeling.
647
00:23:21,710 --> 00:23:24,290
A powerless,
awful feeling.
648
00:23:24,290 --> 00:23:26,290
Okay.
649
00:23:26,290 --> 00:23:29,380
I'm saying to you all the things
your wife isn't saying.
650
00:23:29,380 --> 00:23:30,500
Is it helpful?
651
00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:31,920
Mm...
652
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:33,120
Not really.
[ Chuckles ]
653
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,960
Because you know
how scared she is
654
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:36,500
and you're not prepared
to change your life.
655
00:23:36,500 --> 00:23:37,880
No, I -- I didchange my life.
656
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,170
I -- I created the PRT.
657
00:23:40,170 --> 00:23:41,960
Okay.
658
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,000
Look, I -- I saved Rigo.
Mm.
659
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:45,120
Like, I was there
on the scene.
660
00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:46,540
It was my first day
with the PRT.
661
00:23:46,540 --> 00:23:49,120
And if I hadn't been there,
he never would have made it.
662
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:51,210
I mean, he wouldn't
have lived the day.
Mm.
663
00:23:51,210 --> 00:23:52,670
I saved him.
664
00:23:52,670 --> 00:23:55,420
You know, and then...
665
00:23:55,420 --> 00:23:57,420
[ Sighs ]
666
00:23:57,420 --> 00:24:00,040
And then?
667
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,040
He threw a clot.
668
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,290
Which is kinda like
God's "screw you"
669
00:24:03,290 --> 00:24:06,210
to doctors like me,
with God complexes.
670
00:24:06,210 --> 00:24:08,580
He was sliced open by shrapnel,
he was bleeding out,
671
00:24:08,580 --> 00:24:10,250
and we used every
single thing we knew
672
00:24:10,250 --> 00:24:11,290
to put him
back together.
673
00:24:11,290 --> 00:24:13,330
He was up,
and he was talking.
674
00:24:13,330 --> 00:24:15,000
I went to see him.
He thanked me.
675
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,540
We joked, we laughed.
He said it hurt to laugh.
676
00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:20,000
And I left there
patting myself on the back.
677
00:24:21,750 --> 00:24:23,580
And then God laughed.
678
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:28,080
Do you believe in
a punishing God?
679
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:29,670
No.
680
00:24:29,670 --> 00:24:32,170
Sounds like you do.
681
00:24:32,170 --> 00:24:35,210
Yeah, look, I don't --
I don't know what I believe.
682
00:24:35,210 --> 00:24:37,380
I did Sunday school
when I was a kid,
683
00:24:37,380 --> 00:24:41,960
and they always taught us
that God rewards the righteous
684
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:45,120
and punishes the wicked.
685
00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:46,460
But the stuff I've seen since
I've been working here?
686
00:24:46,460 --> 00:24:47,710
I mean, what,
687
00:24:47,710 --> 00:24:49,670
is everyone wicked?
688
00:24:49,670 --> 00:24:51,460
Does everyone deserve
to be punished?
689
00:24:51,460 --> 00:24:53,000
Did Rigo?
690
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:54,830
Did I?
691
00:24:54,830 --> 00:24:56,790
When were you punished?
692
00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:03,000
My wife
was having a baby.
693
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,250
And then just like that...
she wasn't.
694
00:25:06,250 --> 00:25:07,620
Hmm.
695
00:25:07,620 --> 00:25:10,790
And my wife, she --
she is not wicked.
696
00:25:10,790 --> 00:25:12,960
She just brought home
a 17-year-old foster kid.
697
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:14,170
She's like
some kind of saint.
698
00:25:14,170 --> 00:25:18,290
So...it's your fault
she miscarried.
699
00:25:19,540 --> 00:25:22,750
If God was
punishing the wicked...
700
00:25:22,750 --> 00:25:24,420
you're the wicked?
701
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:30,880
I don't know you very well,
702
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:33,920
so I need to try
and get a handle on this
703
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:36,830
before I can decide
if you're wicked or not.
704
00:25:36,830 --> 00:25:38,830
[ Chuckles ]
705
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:44,080
What's the angriest
you've ever been?
706
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:50,000
[ Siren wailing ]
707
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:51,960
Oh, man.
708
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:55,420
♪♪
709
00:25:55,420 --> 00:25:57,830
[ Wailing stops ]
710
00:25:57,830 --> 00:25:59,620
[ Door opens ]
[ Sniffs ]
711
00:25:59,620 --> 00:26:02,170
[ Sighs, clears throat ]
712
00:26:02,170 --> 00:26:05,250
♪♪
713
00:26:05,250 --> 00:26:07,000
[ Police radio chatter ]
714
00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:11,580
Keep your hands on the wheel,
where I can see them.
715
00:26:11,580 --> 00:26:13,580
They are on the wheel, Officer.
Uh, was I speeding?
716
00:26:13,580 --> 00:26:15,290
Let me see your hands!
Officer, my name is --
717
00:26:15,290 --> 00:26:17,040
Okay, get out of the car
and keep your hands up!
718
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:19,380
My name is Ben Warren,
and I'm a firefighter.
719
00:26:20,670 --> 00:26:22,500
Get out of the car now.
720
00:26:22,500 --> 00:26:25,790
♪♪
721
00:26:25,790 --> 00:26:27,580
[ Seat belt disengages ]
722
00:26:27,580 --> 00:26:29,790
♪♪
723
00:26:29,790 --> 00:26:31,580
[ Car console chiming ]
724
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:35,210
Now lie facedown
on the ground.
725
00:26:36,330 --> 00:26:38,620
Do it!
726
00:26:38,620 --> 00:26:47,330
♪♪
727
00:26:47,330 --> 00:26:48,750
Now show me your ID.
728
00:26:50,620 --> 00:26:51,920
Okay, I'm gonna reach
for my back pocket.
729
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:52,920
May I reach
for my back --
730
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:54,540
Show me your ID!
731
00:26:54,540 --> 00:27:01,540
♪♪
732
00:27:01,540 --> 00:27:08,670
♪♪
733
00:27:08,670 --> 00:27:11,540
Taillight's out.
734
00:27:11,540 --> 00:27:13,880
Better get that fixed.
735
00:27:15,620 --> 00:27:17,460
I'm not just
a firefighter.
736
00:27:17,460 --> 00:27:19,250
I'm a surgeon.
737
00:27:19,250 --> 00:27:22,000
I'm a husband, man.
I'm a human being!
738
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:23,830
I am a human being,
739
00:27:23,830 --> 00:27:26,580
and you just had me
lie on the ground at your feet!
740
00:27:28,460 --> 00:27:29,750
[ Car door closes ]
741
00:27:29,750 --> 00:27:32,670
♪♪
742
00:27:32,670 --> 00:27:34,710
[ Sirens wailing ]
743
00:27:34,710 --> 00:27:39,080
♪♪
744
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,290
Diane: How many days
did you spend
745
00:27:41,290 --> 00:27:43,380
planning that cop's murder?
746
00:27:43,380 --> 00:27:46,830
Oh, I had a few revenge
fantasies, I'm not gonna lie.
747
00:27:46,830 --> 00:27:48,210
Good.
748
00:27:48,210 --> 00:27:49,620
And what did you do?
749
00:27:49,620 --> 00:27:51,040
I went home.
750
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:52,420
Hugged my wife and my son.
751
00:27:52,420 --> 00:27:53,880
And then I called
the Chief of Police
752
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:55,210
and the city council,
753
00:27:55,210 --> 00:27:57,500
and I reported my experience.
754
00:27:57,500 --> 00:28:00,670
I requested the officer
receive suspension without pay
755
00:28:00,670 --> 00:28:03,500
and the unconscious bias
training.
756
00:28:03,500 --> 00:28:06,460
And then I made
a monthly donation to the ACLU.
757
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:13,670
What's the opposite
of wicked, again?
758
00:28:13,670 --> 00:28:15,420
From Sunday school?
759
00:28:15,420 --> 00:28:16,710
Righteous.
760
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:19,880
That's what you are.
761
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:30,500
[ Jump rope whirring ]
762
00:28:33,710 --> 00:28:35,290
Diane: Hughes.
763
00:28:35,290 --> 00:28:37,040
Wanna join me in
the Captain's office?
764
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:38,420
Can I go first?
765
00:28:38,420 --> 00:28:40,210
I have a baby, and I've already
been away from her
766
00:28:40,210 --> 00:28:41,500
for, like,
28 hours already.
767
00:28:41,500 --> 00:28:43,000
I'm fine with that.
768
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:43,920
Okay.
769
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:45,830
And I don't
need an office.
770
00:28:45,830 --> 00:28:49,380
Anything I need to say,
I can say in front of Vic.
771
00:28:49,380 --> 00:28:52,080
I should say no to that,
but my gut says okay.
772
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:53,210
Why should you say no?
773
00:28:53,210 --> 00:28:54,420
Because protocol.
Yep.
774
00:28:54,420 --> 00:28:55,620
And what does your gut say?
775
00:28:55,620 --> 00:28:57,670
That there's something
you want her to hear
776
00:28:57,670 --> 00:28:59,500
and that's the only way
you're gonna say it.
777
00:28:59,500 --> 00:29:01,080
[ Laughs ]
778
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:02,830
Yeah, your gut's wrong.
779
00:29:02,830 --> 00:29:04,830
[ Grunts ]
780
00:29:04,830 --> 00:29:06,250
I just want to finish
my workout.
781
00:29:06,250 --> 00:29:08,790
Guns like these
don't grow on trees.
782
00:29:08,790 --> 00:29:10,210
[ Chuckles ]
783
00:29:10,210 --> 00:29:11,500
What's your baby's name?
784
00:29:11,500 --> 00:29:13,210
Pruitt Arike Miller.
785
00:29:13,210 --> 00:29:14,210
Pruitt?
786
00:29:14,210 --> 00:29:15,290
-[ Sighs ]
-Yep.
787
00:29:15,290 --> 00:29:17,540
Yeah, we call her Pru,
but she's named
788
00:29:17,540 --> 00:29:18,620
after our old captain.
789
00:29:18,620 --> 00:29:19,960
Diane: And Arike?
790
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,210
It's a Nigerian name.
Of the Yoruba people.
791
00:29:23,210 --> 00:29:25,120
That's my mother's tribe.
792
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:26,960
It means "cherished one."
793
00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:28,880
And is your mother
pleased with the name?
794
00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:31,540
Well, my mother
won't meet her.
795
00:29:31,540 --> 00:29:33,330
She won't meet her
because?
796
00:29:33,330 --> 00:29:35,290
Because she has
a very specific idea
797
00:29:35,290 --> 00:29:36,500
of how I should
live my life,
798
00:29:36,500 --> 00:29:39,750
and having a baby
out of wedlock, it ain't it.
799
00:29:39,750 --> 00:29:41,620
So, your mother
won't meet the baby.
800
00:29:41,620 --> 00:29:42,960
What does that mean
for you?
[ Sighs ]
801
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:44,040
It means that my father
won't meet her, either.
802
00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:45,080
It means that
I've disappointed them
803
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:46,380
beyond their
lowest expectations.
804
00:29:46,380 --> 00:29:47,830
It means...
805
00:29:47,830 --> 00:29:49,830
they're cutting me off.
What?
806
00:29:50,710 --> 00:29:52,580
Sorry, what? Um...
807
00:29:52,580 --> 00:29:54,580
Sorry.
I'll be quiet.
808
00:29:55,830 --> 00:29:58,000
They're cutting you off
financially or emotionally?
809
00:29:58,000 --> 00:29:59,290
Both.
When did they
tell you that?
810
00:30:00,540 --> 00:30:02,420
Sorry. Sorry.
I'm sorry.
811
00:30:02,420 --> 00:30:05,670
Hang on, just so I'm clear,
are you two friends?
812
00:30:05,670 --> 00:30:07,330
Or are you a couple?
813
00:30:07,330 --> 00:30:08,620
Friends.
Friends. I'm just
helping him with Pru.
814
00:30:08,620 --> 00:30:10,790
And I -- I moved in,
and we take it in shifts.
815
00:30:10,790 --> 00:30:12,620
It's...
You moved in?
816
00:30:12,620 --> 00:30:13,960
She needed a place.
Yeah, I needed a place.
817
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:15,380
But you're just friends.
Yeah.
818
00:30:15,380 --> 00:30:16,750
Why is that so hard
for everyone to believe?
819
00:30:16,750 --> 00:30:18,080
[ Chuckles ]
Who's everyone?
820
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:19,170
[ Sighs ]
Her boyfriend.
821
00:30:19,170 --> 00:30:20,620
My ex-boyfriend.
822
00:30:20,620 --> 00:30:22,170
He broke up with me
'cause I moved in with Dean,
823
00:30:22,170 --> 00:30:23,500
and he doesn't believe
there's nothing between us.
824
00:30:23,500 --> 00:30:25,120
He broke up with you
825
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:26,540
because you moved in with him
without telling him
826
00:30:26,540 --> 00:30:28,420
and then you moved in with me
without consulting him.
827
00:30:28,420 --> 00:30:29,380
Why are you taking
his side?
828
00:30:29,380 --> 00:30:30,620
I'm not taking his side.
829
00:30:30,620 --> 00:30:31,750
I am your friend --
830
00:30:31,750 --> 00:30:33,380
Okay.
I am.
831
00:30:33,380 --> 00:30:35,210
And as your friend, it is my job
to tell you the truth,
832
00:30:35,210 --> 00:30:37,000
even when you don't
want to hear it.
833
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:39,000
And I am not gonna be
your yes man
834
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,120
specifically because you're,
I don't know,
835
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:43,330
the closest thing to family
that I've got anymore.
836
00:30:43,330 --> 00:30:46,620
I mean, I -- I have a sister,
but she's in Chicago,
837
00:30:46,620 --> 00:30:47,920
and she's a lawyer,
838
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,500
she's working
80 hours a week.
839
00:30:50,500 --> 00:30:52,420
A miserable profession
that my parents approve of.
840
00:30:52,420 --> 00:30:53,790
I hate them.
841
00:30:53,790 --> 00:30:54,880
You don't know them.
842
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:56,960
And I don't hate them.
I can't.
843
00:30:59,290 --> 00:31:01,170
[ Sighs ]
When I was a kid,
844
00:31:01,170 --> 00:31:03,460
my mother, she'd walk me
to school every morning.
845
00:31:03,460 --> 00:31:07,040
And the kids, they'd,
uh -- they'd call us names
846
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:09,420
and they'd make fun of me
because we looked different
847
00:31:09,420 --> 00:31:11,000
and because
she sounded different,
848
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:13,120
and she'd pull me aside.
[ Sniffs ]
849
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,040
She'd look me
right in my eye,
850
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:17,620
and she would say,
"We are Nigerians."
851
00:31:17,620 --> 00:31:18,580
You know?
Mm-hmm.
852
00:31:18,580 --> 00:31:20,040
And that...
[ Sighs ]
853
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:21,290
There's a lot of
pride in that.
854
00:31:22,620 --> 00:31:24,120
And such high expectations.
855
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:27,000
So to my parents, there are
literally four careers --
856
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,170
a doctor, a lawyer,
a banker,
857
00:31:29,170 --> 00:31:31,250
and a disappointment.
858
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:34,500
I crushed her when
I became a firefighter.
859
00:31:34,500 --> 00:31:36,750
That's what
my mother said.
860
00:31:36,750 --> 00:31:38,210
Those are the words
that she used.
861
00:31:38,210 --> 00:31:40,460
She said I crushed her,
and I brought her so much shame,
862
00:31:40,460 --> 00:31:42,250
and I couldn't understand
how my choices
863
00:31:42,250 --> 00:31:43,830
could've brought her
so much shame,
864
00:31:43,830 --> 00:31:45,330
and now I do.
865
00:31:45,330 --> 00:31:47,960
Because it's exactly what
her choices are doing to me.
866
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:51,040
I feel so much shame.
867
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:52,540
For her.
868
00:31:52,540 --> 00:31:54,460
'Cause she won't meet
my little girl.
869
00:31:54,460 --> 00:31:56,290
My perfect little girl
870
00:31:56,290 --> 00:31:58,330
with her perfect little fingers
and her perfect little eyes,
871
00:31:58,330 --> 00:32:00,880
and my mother
won't know her.
872
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:03,120
And I don't hate my mother,
but shame on her.
873
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:07,880
Vic, I need you
in my life.
874
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:09,250
I don't want you
to move out.
875
00:32:09,250 --> 00:32:11,120
Pru and I are grateful
for you every day.
876
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:12,670
But there's something
that has been on my mind
877
00:32:12,670 --> 00:32:14,000
that I've been wanting to say,
878
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,210
and, uh, I'm not gonna
hold my tongue
879
00:32:16,210 --> 00:32:17,420
just to make you happy
880
00:32:17,420 --> 00:32:19,500
or because I-I need
you to stay.
881
00:32:19,500 --> 00:32:20,960
Fine.
882
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:23,210
I think you
loved Jackson.
883
00:32:23,210 --> 00:32:25,290
I think you sabotaged
things with him
884
00:32:25,290 --> 00:32:28,710
because you feel guilty about
moving on from Ripley so fast.
885
00:32:28,710 --> 00:32:30,830
And if you were my girl
and you pulled what you pulled,
886
00:32:30,830 --> 00:32:32,210
I'd have ended it.
887
00:32:32,210 --> 00:32:33,670
I think you should
fix things with him
888
00:32:33,670 --> 00:32:35,040
because I don't want to
be the reason
889
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:36,670
why you're
brokenhearted again.
890
00:32:40,750 --> 00:32:42,380
My best friend
when I was in college
891
00:32:42,380 --> 00:32:43,880
was a 90-year-old
892
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:45,920
in my grandmother's
assisted-living facility.
893
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:47,420
Dean: Mm.
His name was Milton.
894
00:32:47,420 --> 00:32:52,210
And way after my grandmother
didn't recognize me anymore,
895
00:32:52,210 --> 00:32:54,080
uh, I would go and visit him.
896
00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:55,380
Do you think that's weird?
897
00:32:55,380 --> 00:32:57,250
Diane: No.
898
00:32:57,250 --> 00:32:59,580
So we would -- we would
laugh and play cards,
899
00:32:59,580 --> 00:33:01,710
and he would give me
excellent advice about my life
900
00:33:01,710 --> 00:33:02,920
because my parents
were always working,
901
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:04,500
so I couldn't
ask them for much.
902
00:33:04,500 --> 00:33:09,080
So, when Milton died,
I cried a lot for a while,
903
00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:13,170
and then I made
a new best friend.
904
00:33:13,170 --> 00:33:15,540
I didn't feel guilty
for moving on from him.
905
00:33:15,540 --> 00:33:16,750
You think I should've?
906
00:33:16,750 --> 00:33:18,120
No.
907
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,830
And when my fiancé died...
not that long ago...
908
00:33:22,710 --> 00:33:25,830
I don't feel guilty
909
00:33:25,830 --> 00:33:27,750
for moving on so fast.
910
00:33:30,290 --> 00:33:31,960
I feel relief
911
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:33,790
from the unbearable pain
of losing him.
912
00:33:36,460 --> 00:33:39,080
Do you think that
makes me...wrong?
913
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:40,620
Or bad? Or shallow?
914
00:33:40,620 --> 00:33:42,420
Do you think it does?
915
00:33:42,420 --> 00:33:43,460
No.
916
00:33:43,460 --> 00:33:44,960
Then no.
917
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:50,670
I didn't sabotage it
with Jackson.
918
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:53,460
I just didn't ask
his permission
919
00:33:53,460 --> 00:33:55,000
before I moved in
with a friend.
920
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:56,250
And I think
you're a little backwards
921
00:33:56,250 --> 00:33:58,330
for thinking
I should have.
922
00:33:58,330 --> 00:34:00,380
And I won't move out
because you told me your truth,
923
00:34:00,380 --> 00:34:01,540
but I hope you won't
kick me out
924
00:34:01,540 --> 00:34:03,790
for telling you
your truth is stupid.
925
00:34:07,830 --> 00:34:10,500
[ Inhales sharply ]
Okay.
926
00:34:12,670 --> 00:34:13,830
I feel better.
927
00:34:14,830 --> 00:34:15,920
Thanks for the therapy.
928
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:17,920
I feel better.
929
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:20,960
Sorry about your parents.
930
00:34:23,790 --> 00:34:26,120
[ Sighs ]
931
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:28,330
Diane: When we fall in love
with our friends,
932
00:34:28,330 --> 00:34:30,880
we often try to fix them up
with other people.
933
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:32,540
It's common.
934
00:34:32,540 --> 00:34:33,580
But be careful.
935
00:34:33,580 --> 00:34:34,710
Okay, I'm -- I'm sorry.
936
00:34:34,710 --> 00:34:35,830
What -- What are --
What's --
937
00:34:35,830 --> 00:34:37,210
If you tell her
you love her too soon,
938
00:34:37,210 --> 00:34:39,210
you could blow
the whole thing.
939
00:34:40,380 --> 00:34:42,170
And for the record,
940
00:34:42,170 --> 00:34:44,620
my gut is never wrong.
941
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:53,170
Dr. Lewis, why do you
think I did it?
942
00:34:53,170 --> 00:34:54,460
Why do you think
I broke the code
943
00:34:54,460 --> 00:34:56,540
and lost even my own
self-respect?
944
00:34:56,540 --> 00:34:58,040
Only you know
the answer to that.
945
00:34:58,040 --> 00:34:59,830
I'm interested
in your take.
946
00:34:59,830 --> 00:35:01,330
We got one hour
together, Jack.
947
00:35:01,330 --> 00:35:03,120
I would be irresponsible
to presume to --
948
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:05,290
Dr. Lewis,
you're a firefighter.
949
00:35:05,290 --> 00:35:06,880
You think fast.
You have a take.
950
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:08,830
Even after just one hour.
951
00:35:08,830 --> 00:35:10,750
Give me your take.
952
00:35:12,500 --> 00:35:13,880
[ Inhales sharply ]
953
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:17,330
You had a family for one year
when you were a kid.
954
00:35:17,330 --> 00:35:19,420
You had a dad and a mom
and a sister and a brother,
955
00:35:19,420 --> 00:35:21,290
and I'm picturing
a white picket fence.
956
00:35:21,290 --> 00:35:23,080
You did years alone
957
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:24,670
on the streets,
in group homes.
958
00:35:24,670 --> 00:35:27,750
And then for one shining year,
you got the opposite.
959
00:35:27,750 --> 00:35:29,250
You got a family.
960
00:35:29,250 --> 00:35:30,750
For the first and only
time in your life.
961
00:35:30,750 --> 00:35:33,500
Until you joined
this family.
962
00:35:33,500 --> 00:35:36,380
A fire took your family
away from you back then.
963
00:35:36,380 --> 00:35:39,790
So your body is wired
for that particular pattern.
964
00:35:39,790 --> 00:35:41,290
Comfort and love
are followed
965
00:35:41,290 --> 00:35:45,290
by sudden and shocking loss
and loneliness.
966
00:35:45,290 --> 00:35:47,580
Eva was the fire,
and I burned down the family.
967
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:51,420
This family is
still alive, Jack.
968
00:35:51,420 --> 00:35:53,500
But Rigo isn't.
969
00:35:53,500 --> 00:35:56,080
Look, trauma wires us
for certain patterns,
970
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,080
and until we name them
and heal them,
971
00:35:58,080 --> 00:35:59,620
we'll find ways
to relive them,
972
00:35:59,620 --> 00:36:02,420
which, in my humble
and limited estimation,
973
00:36:02,420 --> 00:36:04,880
is why you broke
the code.
974
00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:07,000
But it's not why Rigo died.
975
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:10,500
By all accounts,
Rigo didn't follow orders.
976
00:36:10,500 --> 00:36:13,710
His own psychology got him
in the end, not yours.
977
00:36:15,620 --> 00:36:17,210
Take care
of yourself, Jack.
978
00:36:17,210 --> 00:36:19,380
I'm here if you want to
talk more.
979
00:36:19,380 --> 00:36:25,210
♪♪
980
00:36:25,210 --> 00:36:31,580
♪♪
981
00:36:31,580 --> 00:36:32,500
[ Knock on door ]
982
00:36:32,500 --> 00:36:33,920
[ Door opens ]
983
00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:36,420
So, lay it on me,
Dr. Lewis.
984
00:36:36,420 --> 00:36:39,420
How are we doing
as a house?
985
00:36:39,420 --> 00:36:41,500
I'm not looking for
confidential information.
986
00:36:41,500 --> 00:36:43,290
I just want to know
how everyone's taking Rigo.
987
00:36:44,710 --> 00:36:46,830
How are you taking Rigo?
988
00:36:46,830 --> 00:36:49,330
I put Rigo and Jack
together that day.
989
00:36:49,330 --> 00:36:50,920
They wouldn't have been
at each other's throats
990
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:53,580
if I'd made
a different call.
991
00:36:53,580 --> 00:36:55,790
Well, I can't divulge what's
been discussed in session,
992
00:36:55,790 --> 00:36:59,290
but I can tell you, that's not
your team's narrative.
993
00:37:01,460 --> 00:37:02,920
I'm a horrible person.
994
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:04,710
Because you believed
your team
995
00:37:04,710 --> 00:37:06,380
when they said they could
handle their issues in house?
996
00:37:06,380 --> 00:37:07,750
Because a man died
and all I care about
997
00:37:07,750 --> 00:37:09,290
is how it reflects on me.
998
00:37:09,290 --> 00:37:11,380
Eyes forward.
Hm?
999
00:37:11,380 --> 00:37:12,880
That's the rule
that was pounded into me.
1000
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:14,460
Eyes forward
at all times.
1001
00:37:14,460 --> 00:37:16,540
The only thing that
matters is the finish line.
1002
00:37:18,620 --> 00:37:20,880
I think about dying.
1003
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:21,790
Since Rigo?
1004
00:37:21,790 --> 00:37:24,170
Since I was 12.
1005
00:37:24,170 --> 00:37:26,670
It soothes me.
When I can't sleep.
1006
00:37:26,670 --> 00:37:28,290
When I'm anxious.
1007
00:37:28,290 --> 00:37:32,580
I think about dying,
and then I can fall asleep.
1008
00:37:32,580 --> 00:37:34,620
Eyes forward at all times.
It's exhausting.
1009
00:37:34,620 --> 00:37:37,250
I'm exhausted.
1010
00:37:37,250 --> 00:37:39,170
Is it a suicidal impulse?
1011
00:37:39,170 --> 00:37:41,170
Do you seriously consider
hurting yourself?
1012
00:37:41,170 --> 00:37:43,210
No. No, it's...
1013
00:37:45,460 --> 00:37:47,830
You know, it's an escape.
1014
00:37:47,830 --> 00:37:49,330
When I was little,
1015
00:37:49,330 --> 00:37:53,040
I would fly all over the country
for track meets,
1016
00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:54,710
and I would look down
at the clouds,
1017
00:37:54,710 --> 00:37:56,670
and they looked
like a bed.
Mm.
1018
00:37:56,670 --> 00:37:59,290
You know,
they looked so soft.
1019
00:37:59,290 --> 00:38:02,380
Like nothing could
hurt inside those clouds.
1020
00:38:02,380 --> 00:38:04,620
Like I could sleep in.
Like I could rest.
1021
00:38:04,620 --> 00:38:07,120
Like I could...love,
1022
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:10,460
if I could just
jump into those clouds.
1023
00:38:13,380 --> 00:38:16,000
Truth is, I'm a little bit
jealous of Rigo right now.
1024
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:17,420
♪ I never mind ♪
1025
00:38:17,420 --> 00:38:18,920
Who taught you
eyes forward?
1026
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:20,460
♪ About bothering you ♪
1027
00:38:20,460 --> 00:38:22,580
My father.
1028
00:38:22,580 --> 00:38:25,420
Have you considered the
possibility that he was wrong?
1029
00:38:25,420 --> 00:38:28,330
♪ I'm trying to decide
if I'll bother with you ♪
1030
00:38:28,330 --> 00:38:30,670
Maya, isn't it possible,
1031
00:38:30,670 --> 00:38:33,120
with everything else
you've accomplished,
1032
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:36,500
that you could learn
to let yourself rest and sleep
1033
00:38:36,500 --> 00:38:39,250
and love in this life
1034
00:38:39,250 --> 00:38:42,250
instead of waiting for death
to set you free?
1035
00:38:42,250 --> 00:38:46,460
♪ Wish me a wonder
and wish me to sleep ♪
1036
00:38:46,460 --> 00:38:50,330
♪♪
1037
00:38:50,330 --> 00:38:54,460
♪ You don't have to wander
to hear when I speak ♪
1038
00:38:54,460 --> 00:38:58,920
♪ There is nothing I've got
when I die that I keep ♪
1039
00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:02,750
♪ It's amazing ♪
1040
00:39:02,750 --> 00:39:04,000
[ Knock on door ]
1041
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:08,750
♪ First of a thousand... ♪
1042
00:39:08,750 --> 00:39:11,880
Mrs. Vasquez, I know I didn't
know Rigo all that well,
1043
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:15,830
but I just -- I wanted to say
that, uh, I'm so sorry.
1044
00:39:15,830 --> 00:39:17,580
♪ It's only beginning,
it's swallowing us ♪
1045
00:39:17,580 --> 00:39:20,330
We are...so sorry.
1046
00:39:20,330 --> 00:39:22,920
♪ Somebody said
it's unspeakable love ♪
1047
00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:25,380
I don't want to be
a widow.
1048
00:39:25,380 --> 00:39:28,250
I don't want to
never see my husband again.
1049
00:39:28,250 --> 00:39:29,620
I don't want this.
1050
00:39:29,620 --> 00:39:32,250
I...
1051
00:39:32,250 --> 00:39:33,420
I don't want this food.
1052
00:39:33,420 --> 00:39:36,210
♪ You lift that burden
off of me ♪
1053
00:39:36,210 --> 00:39:41,040
♪♪
1054
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:42,790
♪ You lift that burden
off of me ♪
1055
00:39:42,790 --> 00:39:44,210
Marsha: Who's there?
1056
00:39:44,210 --> 00:39:46,250
Uh, Seattle
Fire Department.
1057
00:39:46,250 --> 00:39:48,040
[ Door handle rattles ]
1058
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:50,170
Yes? Is there a gas leak
or something?
1059
00:39:50,170 --> 00:39:51,960
Oh, no, ma'am.
I, uh...
1060
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:53,420
I brought you
groceries.
1061
00:39:53,420 --> 00:39:55,420
You did what, now?
1062
00:39:55,420 --> 00:39:56,710
I thought you might
be hungry.
1063
00:39:56,710 --> 00:39:58,420
I'm Jack Gibson.
1064
00:39:58,420 --> 00:40:00,290
I-I was here when your --
your tree burnt down.
1065
00:40:00,290 --> 00:40:01,880
I put it out.
1066
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:03,040
Oh, holy hell,
that was a night.
1067
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:04,920
[ Chuckles ] Yeah.
It was.
1068
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:06,670
You put it out?
1069
00:40:06,670 --> 00:40:09,250
I did.
1070
00:40:09,250 --> 00:40:10,830
You brought me groceries?
1071
00:40:10,830 --> 00:40:11,670
I did.
1072
00:40:11,670 --> 00:40:13,250
[ Chuckles ]
1073
00:40:13,250 --> 00:40:15,540
That's awful nice of you.
1074
00:40:15,540 --> 00:40:18,620
Come on in.
[ Chuckles ]
1075
00:40:18,620 --> 00:40:24,710
[ Lightning Dust's
"When It Rains" plays ]
1076
00:40:24,710 --> 00:40:26,330
-[ Laughs ]
-That's dope. Alright.
1077
00:40:26,330 --> 00:40:27,790
Hey! Hey, y'all got room
for one more?
1078
00:40:27,790 --> 00:40:29,540
Hey! Yes, sir.
[ Laughs ]
Yeah!
1079
00:40:29,540 --> 00:40:31,460
Sir? How old
do you think I am?
1080
00:40:31,460 --> 00:40:32,670
Alright, yes, Ben.
1081
00:40:32,670 --> 00:40:33,920
Alright, that's better.
1082
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:35,830
♪ But all you ever get
is bad advice ♪
1083
00:40:35,830 --> 00:40:37,460
Oh!
Oh. Oh!
1084
00:40:37,460 --> 00:40:38,460
Right back.
1085
00:40:38,460 --> 00:40:39,330
I'm going, I'm g--
1086
00:40:39,330 --> 00:40:40,670
-Oh!
-No way! [ Laughs ]
1087
00:40:40,670 --> 00:40:42,540
♪ Take another turn ♪
1088
00:40:42,540 --> 00:40:44,170
-What you got?
-[ Laughs ]
1089
00:40:44,170 --> 00:40:45,380
-Oh!
-Oh!
1090
00:40:45,380 --> 00:40:48,000
♪ It's time to
celebrate our weakness ♪
1091
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:49,500
You know,
I was thinking...
1092
00:40:49,500 --> 00:40:52,000
Hmm?
1093
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,920
Uh, could you take
some days off?
1094
00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:57,420
Could we try
to go somewhere?
1095
00:40:57,420 --> 00:40:59,580
I thought
you have to work.
1096
00:40:59,580 --> 00:41:01,000
♪ Let it rain ♪
1097
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,170
I have some
personal days saved up.
1098
00:41:03,170 --> 00:41:04,120
How many?
1099
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:05,120
Uh...
1100
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:06,120
Like a hundred, maybe?
1101
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:07,250
[ Laughs ]
1102
00:41:07,250 --> 00:41:09,420
I-I don't take days off.
But...
1103
00:41:09,420 --> 00:41:10,620
♪ What is found ♪
1104
00:41:10,620 --> 00:41:13,080
But I would like to try.
1105
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:15,040
Yes.
1106
00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:16,670
Yeah?
Yes!
1107
00:41:16,670 --> 00:41:18,460
Really?
♪ Traded in like
a baseball card ♪
1108
00:41:18,460 --> 00:41:20,290
♪ I don't want to feel bitter ♪
1109
00:41:20,290 --> 00:41:23,420
♪ I don't want to grow hard ♪
1110
00:41:23,420 --> 00:41:26,670
♪ Let's celebrate what
we've done so far ♪
1111
00:41:26,670 --> 00:41:31,750
♪ Instead of what comes next
always ripping at our hearts ♪
1112
00:41:31,750 --> 00:41:33,210
[ Pru cooing ]
1113
00:41:33,210 --> 00:41:35,620
♪ When it rains ♪
1114
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:41,290
♪ Let it rain down hard ♪
1115
00:41:41,290 --> 00:41:45,290
♪ 'Cause when
your shadow drowns ♪
1116
00:41:45,290 --> 00:41:49,710
♪ You'll be surprised
what is found ♪
1117
00:41:49,710 --> 00:41:52,040
♪ When it rains ♪
1118
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:58,000
♪ Let it rain down hard ♪
1119
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:01,210
♪ 'Cause when we shed our lies ♪
1120
00:42:02,330 --> 00:42:06,750
♪ You got no place to hide ♪
1121
00:42:06,750 --> 00:42:10,790
♪ 'Cause when we shed our lies ♪
1122
00:42:10,790 --> 00:42:15,540
♪ You got no place to hide ♪
1123
00:42:15,540 --> 00:42:22,710
♪♪
1124
00:42:22,710 --> 00:42:29,880
♪♪
1125
00:42:36,710 --> 00:42:45,250
♪♪
1126
00:42:45,250 --> 00:42:53,460
♪♪
1127
00:42:53,460 --> 00:43:01,750
♪♪
74176
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