All language subtitles for Schooled s02e17_English

LAINEY: Back in the '90s,
there was nothing
we all dreaded more

than parent-teacher
conferences.

My classroom was filled
with distractions,

so I always kept
my expectations low.

So, Tom's been doing
really well,

and I have seen so much growth
from him this past year.

As far as a plan
moving forward...

Mr. Scott, you really
want to play
the drums, don't you?

Go ahead.

Each teacher had their own
way to deal with parents.

Coach Mellor took a hard line.

Now I know why Eric
has no core strength.

It's not him,
it's weak genes.

Hopefully, you guys
will be a little better
at running laps.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Whereas Wilma took the path
of least resistance.

Karen is a joy to have
in class and making
steady progress.

Jessica is a joy
to have in class

and making steady progress.

Logan is a joy
to have in class

and making steady progress.

But it did come at a cost...
[MUFFLED SCREAM]

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

[WHIMPERING]

But no one took more pride
in his parent-teacher
conferences than CB.

He really went all out.

Hey, CB.
Or should I say, "Aloha."

You got the theme.

Does anyone not?

[GASPS] Oui, oui!
Bonjour!

Ah, John,
please feel free

to help yourself
to some coconut shrimp.

[UKULELE MUSIC PLAYS]

Mmm!

It's like a regular shrimp
went on a tropical vacation
in my mouth.

Plus this ukulele music.

You're really capturing
the spirit of the islands
there, Johnny.

Mahalo.

Oh, and last
but not least,

the "surf's up" backdrop
with fun props for pictures.

Photo backdrop? [CHUCKLES]
That's a little lame.

Are adults
really gonna go for that?

Whoa! Hang ten, dudes!
[CHUCKLES]

♪ One of these days, you're gonna get outta here

♪ Live your life
and finally be free

♪ Go where you wanna go,
do what you wanna do

♪ Someday, you will say
"Those were the days" ♪

LAINEY:
It was March 25th,
1990-something

and Glascott had just returned from the state's annual principals' conference.

Good morning.

Oh, hey, John.

How was the Pennsylvania
State Education

Leadership Conference
weekend?

Ah, the P-SELC.

It was two wild nights,
a wild day,

and one calm morning

at the beautiful
Holiday Inn Express
in Harrisburg.

Well, I should go prepare
for my first class.

You're right,
it does get crazy.

Yeah, I didn't say
anything about...

After checking in,

we all met at the hotel bar
for Chardonnay,

made dinner out of
the free hors d'oeuvres,

and then took a dive
into the indoor swimming pool.

If you know what I mean.

Usually, "if you know
what I mean"

is preceded by innuendo

that could possibly
be taken as interesting.

I know what you mean.
[CLICKS TONGUE]

Any school-related
stuff come up?Absolutely.

There were several
presentations

on innovative
educational techniques...

Self-grading,
circular classrooms,

Microsoft Encarta.

Oh, my favorite...
Edible gardens.

Somebody say
"edible gardens"?

Yes, a school garden
where the kids can grow
their own healthy foods.

I've been waiting
for this day.Mm-hmm.

I shall set an example
by growing my own food.

I'll be the hero
we've all been waiting for.

And the kids can study
the chemicals in the soil
and photosynthesis.

Oh, and I have a great idea
for a scarecrow.

He's a veteran big city cop

who's grown "too old
for this [BLEEP]"

so he moves to the country
for a quieter life.

All right, so, we all
want the garden for
different reasons.

♪♪

Hey, Mr. Brown.

Hey, Weasel.

I was wondering, um,
when my dad comes
in tonight,

can you maybe skip the whole
"really bad grades" part

and focus on the
"gets to class
on time" part?

But you're always late.
Yeah, could you skip
that part, too?

Weasel, telling your dad
about your progress

is kind of the whole point of
the parent-teacher conference.

But he's so psyched
about me going to college,

and, let's be real,
he's gonna be
super bummed

when he realizes
I'm not smart enough.

Don't say that.
You're smart.

You really think so?

College is in the cards
for you. All right?

And I'm gonna help you through
the application process.

I got your back, buddy.

Thanks, Mr. Brown.
Happy to help.

All right.
I'm gonna peel off here

because these pineapples
are poking me in the nips.

That's cool.

LAINEY: Later that night,
parent-teacher conferences
were in full swing,

which meant
CB was in his element.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, aloha!

Mr. Brown.
[CHUCKLES]

We haven't met before.
I'm Weasel's dad, Greg.

Nice to meet you.
You can call me CB.

Come on in, take a seat.

[SIGHS] So, I saw he got
that 68 on the last midterm.

Yeah, he normally
does better than that.

Well,
that could be on me.

The night before the test,
I surprised him

with two tickets
to Penn & Teller,

and, uh,
we were out pretty late.

Wait, Penn & Teller?
The masters
of sarcastic magic?

Oh, man,
the Ticketmaster guy

told me that those shows
were sold out

and no amount of my tears
would change it.

Well, I'm the
event coordinator
at the Spectrum,

so I wind up getting
all sorts of tickets...
Ice Capades,

monster truck rallies,
X Games...

The X Games
happening right now?Yeah.

Have you seen
BMX Street god
Garrett Reynolds?

If you've seen BMX Street god
Garrett Reynolds,

I will literally kill you.

Whoa. Beep, beep!
Super fan coming through.

Honk!
Would you like me
to get you some tickets?

Kssh!
"Uh, Earth to Greg.

"Uh, CB would love
to get those tickets.

"It's his dream."
Kssh!

Kssh!
"Greg here.

"Tickets are locked
and ready for takeoff."

Kssh!
[LAUGHS]

We play so well together.

Listen,
about that 68.

Gosh, I wish
there was a way

we could move him
out of "D"

into... Into C-ville,
you know?

Weasel's a good kid,
and I suppose I can give him
a little extra credit work,

hopefully get him
on that train to C-ville.

I knew you were
a cool guy.

I am. I'm a cool guy.

LAINEY: As CB met
the friend of his dreams,

Mellor and Wilma
were on cloud nine
in their new garden.

What in the H-E-double canoe
paddles is going on here?

I think you mean
what's growing
on here, Mr. Ball,

because this is our new
edible, raised garden!

It's an amazing, hands-on
educational experience
for the students.

It's also smack dab in
the middle of my parking spot!

You see that sign?
It's perfectly clear...

"Reserved for board members."

Come on, Earl. Nobody parks
in these spots anymore.

I know that 'cause
a squirrel died here
three years ago

and the skeleton
just blew away last week.

Couldn't you just maybe park
in the visitor's lot?

Visitor's lot?

Are you really suggesting
that the former principal
of this school for two decades

is a visitor?

Oh, hi, Earl. Are you
here to get the "411"
on the convention?

Because things got crazy.

They had a sign that said
"No Diving."

This guy dove.

How could you let them put
a garden in my parking spot?

Now, these two suggest
I just take a visitor's spot.

Visitor's spot!

Homie don't play that.

Well, a garden
is a wonderful
learning tool, Earl.

That type of radical decision
requires authorization.

Well, I thought it was
such a slam dunk,
I just moved ahead.

And Wilma and I agreed.

Oh, you and Wilma agreed?

Gosh, why didn't you
tell me that to begin with?

Well, that changes nothing!

Now, as your superior,

and the reason why
you have this job at all,

I expect you to take care
of this tout suite.

Of course. I'll, uh...
I'll have the garden removed.

Oh, hell no.
Come on, John.

He's right.
I should've followed
the proper channels.

I'll go move my car,
and you can take
my space today.

What the hell
just happened?

John's always like that
when it comes to Ball.

He never pushes back.

Well, you know
who pushes back?

I'm guessing you?
Me.

I guessed right.

♪♪

Go left, Johnny.
Go left.

Yo, yo, yo!

Guess who went
to the X Games last night?

I hope it was you,
otherwise your outfit's
ridiculous for no reason.

It was me. Oh, and also,
look at my swag bag.

Cool. What'd we get?

I got these gnarly shades.

Pretty rad, I think, huh?

Both gnarly and rad?

Oh, man.
I gotta process this.

Oh, also, check out
this extreme...mouse pad.

Huh? It's an
extreme koozie.
Yeah?

Can I get a what-what?

Sure, what-what makes
these things extreme?

'Cause I got them
at the X Games and they
were extremely free.

How are you getting
free stuff at the X Games?

Weasel's dad Greg took me.
He's got connections.

Ohh, Weasel's dad.

I think the guy's
a little shady.What? Why?

First of all,
my friend Carla said so.
Greg's her step-dad.

Duh. That's why
she doesn't like him.
Nobody likes step-dads.

They've got secrets
and mysterious pasts
and second families.

You watch a lot of
Lifetime movies,
don't you?

I do, yeah.

But I've met Greg,
and he's the slick,
connected, player type,

so I'm just not
really sure why...

Why he'd wanna
hang around with me?

Is that what you're...
Is that what you're saying?

No, it is not.
I... Um...

You know, you guys
are always trying to push me

to do things
outside of school,

and then when I finally do it,
you want to stop me?

I'm just trying
to help you out
because I'm your friend.

I don't need to be
looked out for, okay?

Because the only vibe
that I get from Greg

is that he's
gnarly and rad.

Kind of like
my extreme shades.[GLASSES TEMPLE CLATTERS]

But that's okay
because I got

this extreme
eyeglass repair kit.

[LID CLATTERS]

I-I-I can fix the lid
with one of these.

♪♪

LAINEY: It had been a day
since Glascott had given in
to Ball's demands.

And it was really
taking a toll on him.

You okay?
Visitor parking
is full.

I had to park over
at Willow Grove Mall.

That's like two miles away.

Yeah, no Tae Bo
for me tonight.

You should've stood up
to Ball, John.

He was right.
I need to follow
proper protocol.

Protocol shmotocol!

By taking the first word

and rhyming it
with a nonsensical
second word,

I have conveyed
my dismissive opinion of it.

We had to get rid
of the garden
for right now,

but maybe after we go through
the proper channels,
we can get it back again.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I need to go pre-arrange
transportation back to my car
for after work.

Nice try, but Ball has got
a strange hold on him.

Well, then we'll
have to do something.

Kill Ball?
No!

Look, if we go get
all the other members
to agree to the garden,

Ball's outvoted.

Right.
We should do that first.

John will love
that we did that.Mm-hmm.

You went to the Board?
Why would you do that?

That's an odd way
to display love.But it worked!

The Board gave up their
parking spaces for the garden.

And Ball can't fight
the rest of the board,
so problem solved.

Yay.
"Problem solved"?

Why is this happening?

Okay, long story short,
this is now my office.

Well, actually,
that's the entire story.

It's neither long
nor has it been shortened.

Why are you
doing this, Earl?

'Cause I directed you
to remove the garden,

and then Mork
and Mindy here,

they went around behind
your back and over my head.

You lost control
of the faculty, John.

So I'm stepping in,
I'm taking hold of the rudder

until the ship is righted.

This is not the outcome
we foresaw.

Shazbot.

LAINEY: Mellor and Wilma's
plan had backfired,

but CB was moving forward
with his agreement
to help Weasel.

All right, Weasel,
let's take this
college essay

by the horns, all right?

We just got to find
something that you can
write five pages on.

Five pages?

Dude, that's, like,
a gazillion words.

Actually,
it's about 1,200.

That's still a lot.

It's okay. We're gonna take it
one step at a time here.

So, we just got
to find a topic that
you connect with.

All right?
So, let's see. Um...

How about "Biggest Obstacle
You've Ever Encountered?"

That's easy.
This essay.

We're not gonna do that.

How about "Most Exciting Place
You've Ever Visited"?

Geno's Cheesesteaks.
No, wait.

Pat's Cheesesteaks.
No, wait.

Geno's has the cheesesteaks,
but Pat's has the fries.

Gah!
Moving on.

How about "Who Do You
Admire Most And Why?"

I feel like you could
connect to this one
really well.

'Cause if I'm writing it,
it's about your dad.

Yeah, maybe.
Maybe?

I mean, he is smart,
he's funny,
he's got a great job,

he knows famous people,
he's got great hair.

He's pretty awesome.

If we're talking
awesome dudes
with great hair,

that's my best bud
Ronnie all the way.

Uh, CB?

It seems Weasel's father
is calling my phone
for you.

Oh, yeah,
I gave him your number

so he could reach me
at any time.

Greg-ster,
what's up, man?

Hey, is it okay
if I give Ronnie
your number?

No.
That's okay.

He's usually
right next to me.

You will not believe this.

Greg just invited me
to go see David Copperfield
with him tonight.

Hey, my dad took me
to that show
a couple nights ago.

He cuts a woman in half
and then...

Well, I don't want to
spoil it.

He puts her back together?

Oh, cool.
You've seen it, too.

Not only am I going to
go see David Copperfield,

but I am meeting him
before the show.

And the Shiffmeister's
gonna be there.

The West Wing's
Richard Schiff?

No, Claudia Schiffer.
That makes more sense.

Anyway, I got to skate on
out of here, so...

So, we're done working
on my college essay?

Weasel, one second
on that.

Um, CB, can we have
a quick chat
in the hallway?

Yes.
Mm-hmm.

What are you doing?

You're just gonna
leave Weasel high and dry?

Shoot.

Could you step in for me
and help him with his
college essay?

You teach reading and writing.
I am the music teacher.

Well, the key word
here is "teacher,"
so... [CLICKS TONGUE]

You got this.
No.

I can't believe
you're ditching
Weasel for Greg.

Or are you just upset
because he actually

likes hanging out
with me?No.

I'm upset because
you're acting more like Greg

than you are yourself.
How do you figure?

Well, Greg took Weasel out
when he should
have been studying,

and now you're going out
with Greg

when you should be
helping Weasel study.

No, see,
I'm still helping.

Weasel's writing
about the person

that he admires most,
which is Greg.

So by hanging out with him,
I'll then gain information

about how admirable he is,

which I can then go
and tell Weasel.

Whatever you wanna
tell yourself.

Thank you!

LAINEY: CB wasn't
changing his outlook.

But as for
the principal's office,

it had undergone some minor
changes of its own.

Can I help you,
young man?

I need to see
the principal.

And you've come
to the right place.

How come you're out here
and not in your office?

I felt I was too removed
from the students
and the faculty,

so I decided to climb down
from my ivory tower

and, uh, become
a man of the people again.

Also, Ball kicked him out
of his office.

He's in there now.
Yes.

That and a little bit
of the ivory tower thing,
too.

But I'm still
your principal.

Is Martha
the principal, too?

Yes!
No, you're not.

Oh, I was unsure.

There's been
a lot of changes recently.

Martha, I need
to dictate a memo.

Go nuts.

Yes, I authorize that,
Martha.

The following policy changes
go into effect immediately.

First, this school
will no longer have
a student suggestion box.

But that was
my suggestion.

And that box is a great way
for the students to feel

as though they have a say
in their own education.

Yeah, it's a gone-zo.

Next, we will no longer
be holding

ice cream social Fridays.

Which day
will it be on?Never day.

That's not a real day,
and you know it.

And also that's my idea.

Next, I was thinking
of doing away

with Glascott's "Good Guys
and Great Gals" picture wall.

All right, I'm beginning to
think that this is personal,
Earl.

You're clearly trying to undo
everything that I've done

since I've become principal,

starting
with the garden.

Yes. That reminds me.

Martha,
did you get the forklift
to remove the garden

and put it
in John's driveway?

Okay, Earl,
I understand that you're upset
about your parking spaces,

but this is too much.

♪♪

John, what's going on?

Ball finally
pushed me too far.

And now you're pushing back.

Yes, I am.

Ooh, I love it
when this happens.Me too.

LAINEY: As Glascott was more
fired up than ever before,

CB was pumped to hang out
with his cool new friend.

This is the best.

I can't believe I'm meeting
David Copperfield tonight

and David Copperfield's
supermodel girlfriend.

What should I say,
by the way?

CB, relax.
David and Claudia
are normal people.

They put on
their skin-tight
leather pants

one leg at a time,
just like you and me.

Phew! That's good to hear.
You'll be fine.

I mean, it's not like
you're some nerdy fanboy

who's gonna do some lame
magic trick in front of him.

[CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES]

Of course not!

That would be so ridiculous,
wouldn't it? [CHUCKLES]

Greg, G, I just wanted to say
thank you for all this.

Between tonight
and the X Games, I just...
I really owe you one.

That's what friends
are for, right?

Absolutely.
I mean,
it's a two-way street.

You'll find a way
to pay me back.Yeah, of course.

I mean, I don't know
what I could possibly
offer you

that's gonna compete
with all this, but...

Actually,
I just thought
of something.

Maybe you could do me
another solid with Weasel.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.
You name it.

I appreciate you
helping him

with his college essay
and everything.

It's just that he might need
more than a little nudge.

So, you're asking me
to...what?

I mean, maybe you could
write it for him.

No, that...
That's plagiarism.

That's the biggest crime
an English teacher
could possibly commit.

Full disclosure,
I took that sentence

from my college
English professor.

Those are not my words.

Okay, how about this?

What if he held
the pencil and wrote

while you dictated
the words?

That way, he'd be
writing it himself.

Then we'd be square
for everything.

Greg, have you been
inviting me to
hang out with you

because you want me
to cheat for your son?

Cheating, helping,
it's the way of
the world. [CHUCKLES]

Well, I thought
it was a different deal,

where we were friends,
but I-I guess not.

All right.
I feel really stupid.

Say hi to David
for me, okay?

LAINEY: Glascott
had finally taken
a stand against Ball,

and he was going to do
the same for the garden.

I'm proud of you, John.

It's good to see
the big dog
still has bite.

And I'm proud of you
for fighting for our garden.

Although you could have
chained yourself to
something more sturdy.

You think I shoulda went
with the bean trellis?

Seems like a lateral move.

[FORKLIFT APPROACHING]

What the hell?

Hey, I got orders to forklift
that garden out of here.

I've been good to you
all these years, Johnny.

How can you take
Earl Ball's side?

I'm just a workin' man
trying to stay employed
to pay my rent.

If I'm a day late,
my mom will put my ass
out on the streets.

She's tough, but fair.

Uh-oh.
Ball's coming in hot.

John!
What's going on here?

Please stop this.
I can't.

I dropped the key
in the dirt,

and then I was trying
to find the key,

and I kicked
more dirt around,

so I can't find the key.

This is insane.
Now, get out of here

so Johnny
can haul this out of here.

[FORKLIFT ENGINE STARTS]

I'm principal here,
Earl, not you.

And who got you
that job, John?

You did.
That's right.

But that was years ago,
and you won't
let me forget it.

And all this time,
I felt like I owed you
for this job.

But you know what, Earl?

I earned this job.

Bring it, John.
Tell him, John!

And the only people
a principal owes
anything to

are my staff
and my students.

[APPLAUSE]

They tell you that
at the conference?

No, Earl.

You told me that
when you gave me this job.

♪♪

Johnny,
we're done here.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

You did it, John.

That's great.
Thank you, everyone.

Now, everyone grab a hoe
and help me find the key.

♪♪

So, how was the night
with Greg?

Hope it was worth it.

Um, it wasn't,
because you were right.

Uh, Greg was using me.

He asked me to write
Weasel's college essay
for him.

I'm sorry.
Eh, I guess I'm just
a gullible idiot

for thinking a guy like him
would wanna hang around
with me.

You are a way better guy
than Greg.

It's his loss he doesn't
get to hang around with you.

Then how come last night,
he partied

with David Copperfield
and Claudia Schiffer

and I just went
straight home
and watched

a Boy Meets World
marathon on cable?

Because
he's a user and a d-bag

and you're a sweet,
trusting guy

who always sees
the best in people.

Honestly, it's, like,
my favorite thing
about you.

Thank you.
That's very sweet.

I just can't believe
I let Weasel down

just to hang with a guy
I thought was cool
at a cool event.

First... Not that cool
of an event. At all.

Yeah, but I heard
he made the crack

in the Liberty Bell
disappear.

Yeah, when it's under
the blanket,

he spins it around
to the other side.

Big whoop.
No.

N...

Oh. Yeah.

But the showmanship,
though.

And second,
you still have
plenty of time

to make things right
with Weasel.

Thanks, Lain.

Now go work
your magic.

Okay.

♪♪

John, you were right.

I was trying to undo
all of your hard work.

Why would you
do that, Earl?

I think [SIGHS] lately,
I've been feeling

more and more like
a ceremonial figurehead.

Regal in stature,
but still ultimately symbolic.

Not unlike
the Queen of England.

But people love the Queen.
And her namesake band.

Well, it's just I miss
being a principal so much

and... And making
a difference in the way
you do every day

since you've been
principal.

And... I guess
that parking spot?

Parking spot was
my last real connection
to this school.

And when you guys
put a garden on it,
it just...

Hey, Earl,
without you,

the school wouldn't
be what it is today.

You planted the seeds.

I'm just here
tending the garden.

Thank you very much,
John.

Yeah.

So, will you name
the garden after me?

Sure.

And if you're
not too busy,

you wanna stick around
and get some coffee?

I'd love to
give you the 4-1-1

on what went down
at the principals'
conference.

I would love that.
Thank you.

Well, first off,
they still give you

the extra mint
under your pillow,

but you got to call ahead
and ask for it,

if you know what I mean.

Oh, my. [CHUCKLES]

LAINEY: Sometimes in life,
you have to take a stand
for what you believe in,

even if it means
standing up to one
of your closest friends.

♪ Slip inside
the eye of your mind

LAINEY: 'Cause even though
it can be intimidating,

when you persevere,
there's no greater feeling
in the world.

♪♪

Because you know
in your heart it's
the right thing to do.

So don't be scared.

Because the truth is,

new and exciting things will
grow out of the situation

or maybe even blossom
bigger than ever.

♪ ...slides away

♪ But don't look back
in anger

Weasel.

How'd the essay go
about your dad?

I think you should
just read it.

Oh, my gosh.

♪ I heard you say ♪

You wrote this about me?

What can I say?
You're a huge
inspiration to me.

In the end, you'll realize
that it was all worth it.

♪♪

[CHUCKLES]

Okay, so we all agree
that Greg turned out to be...

A huge douche, yeah.
Yes, el douche grande.

That aside, he did have some
very cool accoutrement

that I feel like
I can pull off.

Oh, like the bitchin' outfit
you're wearing right now?

Like this hat.

Does that come
with a paper route?

Gold hoop earring.
He only gave you one?

Bam. Fanny pack.

German virgin
who's on a trip
with his family.

What about this pager?
Cool!

Five years ago.

Also, super-stylin'
Mandarin collar.

I hate that on you.
All right.

Attention, all!

The harvest from my section
of the garden has arrived.

I give you
nature's bounty!

Oh, my gosh. I didn't know
we planted baby corn.

No, that's just corn.

I don't get it. I thought
I saw some great vegetables.

Unfortunately,
the bus parks
next to my box,

blocking
any direct sunlight.

Oh!
Cute little blueberries?

I didn't know
you were planting these.

That's hard gum.