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1
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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
2
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:13,970
- Hi, you still there?
- Yes, sir.
3
00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:15,905
Could you give me that
password again, please?
4
00:00:15,907 --> 00:00:19,008
Yes. Okay, the password is "shmooey".
5
00:00:19,010 --> 00:00:21,009
- "Snoopy?"
- N... shmooey.
6
00:00:21,011 --> 00:00:23,297
S-H-M-O-O-E-Y.
7
00:00:23,299 --> 00:00:26,615
If that doesn't work,
try shmooey1 or Dshmooey.
8
00:00:26,617 --> 00:00:29,852
- Capital D, lowercase shmooey.
- What's a shmooey?
9
00:00:29,854 --> 00:00:32,821
Nothing. It's just... it's
a made-up, all-purpose word.
10
00:00:32,823 --> 00:00:35,458
You know, like, "Hey, I
can't find the shmooey".
11
00:00:35,460 --> 00:00:37,659
Or "What happened to the
shmooey for the thing?
12
00:00:37,661 --> 00:00:40,295
You know? Or "Oh, no! I just
broke the thing off the shmooey
13
00:00:40,297 --> 00:00:42,263
so now the whole shmooey's
no good", like that.
14
00:00:42,265 --> 00:00:44,132
- Ah. Like "thing-a-ma-jig".
- Exactly.
15
00:00:44,134 --> 00:00:45,266
A "what-cha-ma-call-it".
16
00:00:45,268 --> 00:00:46,835
- You got it.
- A "doo-hickey".
17
00:00:46,837 --> 00:00:48,036
I think we're on the same page.
18
00:00:48,038 --> 00:00:50,038
Well, in our house
we just say "shmooey".
19
00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,107
Like, so every account
my wife and I have...
20
00:00:52,109 --> 00:00:56,111
online, ATM, all the
passwords are "shmooey".
21
00:00:56,113 --> 00:00:58,379
Probably shouldn't have
told you all that, but...
22
00:00:58,381 --> 00:01:00,438
Can I put you on a brief hold, sir?
23
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:01,795
Yeah, okay, but listen, when you people
24
00:01:01,797 --> 00:01:03,618
say "brief" it's never really...
25
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[MONKEY LAUGHING,
ISLAND-STYLE MUSIC PLAYS]
26
00:01:07,390 --> 00:01:09,389
♪♪
27
00:01:09,391 --> 00:01:12,359
[EASYGOING MUSIC]
28
00:01:12,361 --> 00:01:16,363
♪♪
29
00:01:16,365 --> 00:01:18,799
♪ Tell me why ♪
30
00:01:18,801 --> 00:01:20,701
♪ I love you like I do ♪
31
00:01:20,703 --> 00:01:22,536
♪ Tell me who ♪
32
00:01:22,538 --> 00:01:24,905
♪ Can stop my heart as much as you ♪
33
00:01:24,907 --> 00:01:26,673
♪ If we take each other's hands ♪
34
00:01:26,675 --> 00:01:30,977
♪ We can fly into the final frontier ♪
35
00:01:30,979 --> 00:01:34,248
- ♪ I'm mad about you, baby ♪
- ♪ Final frontier ♪
36
00:01:34,250 --> 00:01:36,983
- ♪ I'm mad about you, baby ♪
- ♪ Final frontier ♪
37
00:01:36,985 --> 00:01:39,853
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
38
00:01:39,855 --> 00:01:42,055
♪ Final frontier ♪
39
00:01:43,491 --> 00:01:46,325
[ISLAND-STYLE MUSIC
PLAYING, MONKEY LAUGHING]
40
00:01:46,327 --> 00:01:47,593
[DOOR OPENS]
41
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- Hey, you.
- I'm on hold.
42
00:01:50,198 --> 00:01:52,866
So I'm walking the dog and
this really cute young guy
43
00:01:52,868 --> 00:01:54,367
on a bike says, "What's his name?"
44
00:01:54,369 --> 00:01:56,169
Oh, cute guy? So was he hitting on you?
45
00:01:56,171 --> 00:01:58,538
Calm down. He was like 21 and super hot.
46
00:01:58,540 --> 00:02:00,873
I'm much, much more calm now.
47
00:02:00,875 --> 00:02:02,608
I tell him he doesn't have a name,
48
00:02:02,610 --> 00:02:05,278
and he says, "Yes, he does.
He looks like a Walter".
49
00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:07,580
What do you think? Walter?
50
00:02:07,582 --> 00:02:09,882
Walter. I don't know.
Who names a dog Walter?
51
00:02:09,884 --> 00:02:11,317
Who names a dog Murray?
52
00:02:11,319 --> 00:02:13,786
Hey, you make a
good point. I don't know.
53
00:02:13,788 --> 00:02:15,754
- Hi, Walter.
- [BARKS LOUDLY]
54
00:02:15,756 --> 00:02:17,422
Huh. Walter it is.
55
00:02:17,424 --> 00:02:19,186
- Ha.
- Hey, hey, okay.
56
00:02:19,188 --> 00:02:20,743
You're changing for dinner, right?
57
00:02:20,745 --> 00:02:22,260
Uh, I guess.
58
00:02:22,262 --> 00:02:24,063
Your mother made the
reservation for 4:30.
59
00:02:24,065 --> 00:02:26,298
Yeah, I know. Who eats dinner at 4:30?
60
00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:27,599
Retirement community people.
61
00:02:27,601 --> 00:02:29,634
Yeah, why 4:30?
62
00:02:29,636 --> 00:02:32,070
I'm guessing 3:30 and 4:00
gets snapped up pretty quick.
63
00:02:32,072 --> 00:02:34,706
[SIGHS] So listen to this.
64
00:02:34,708 --> 00:02:36,364
I'm looking over our
credit card statement.
65
00:02:36,366 --> 00:02:38,776
Do you know we've been paying
for like the last 12 years
66
00:02:38,778 --> 00:02:42,414
$8.99 a month for something
called "M.C. International"?
67
00:02:42,416 --> 00:02:44,282
- Mr. Buchman?
- Speak of the devil... yes, hi.
68
00:02:44,284 --> 00:02:46,618
- Is Maber Buchman there?
- "Maber"?
69
00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:49,286
It seems the account was
opened by Maber Buchman,
70
00:02:49,288 --> 00:02:50,988
- so he or she...
- She.
71
00:02:50,990 --> 00:02:52,656
She's the only one authorized
72
00:02:52,658 --> 00:02:54,325
- to close the account.
- Okay, no, but I'm...
73
00:02:54,327 --> 00:02:56,828
- I'm Maber's father.
- I'm sorry, sir.
74
00:02:56,830 --> 00:02:58,229
Would you like to
speak to Maber's mother?
75
00:02:58,231 --> 00:03:00,164
Stop saying Maber.
76
00:03:00,166 --> 00:03:02,333
I'm afraid only Maber can handle this.
77
00:03:02,335 --> 00:03:04,901
Ok... fine, I'll have Maber
get in touch with you then.
78
00:03:04,903 --> 00:03:07,338
Thank you for not quite helping me.
79
00:03:07,340 --> 00:03:09,306
Thank you for calling Monkey Cove.
80
00:03:09,308 --> 00:03:11,508
I remember Monkey Cove.
81
00:03:11,510 --> 00:03:13,176
Mabel used to love that game.
82
00:03:13,178 --> 00:03:15,779
Yeah, but $8.99 a month for 12 years?
83
00:03:15,781 --> 00:03:17,581
We could've bought our own monkey.
84
00:03:17,583 --> 00:03:19,650
Then we'd have a monkey.
85
00:03:19,652 --> 00:03:21,651
[CELL PHONE BUZZES]
86
00:03:23,122 --> 00:03:24,788
[SIGHS]
87
00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:26,522
Hey, Monkey, it's your father
88
00:03:26,524 --> 00:03:28,852
calling about something
critically important.
89
00:03:28,854 --> 00:03:29,860
Call me back.
90
00:03:29,862 --> 00:03:31,795
You notice I said critically.
91
00:03:31,797 --> 00:03:33,329
She's not calling you back.
92
00:03:33,331 --> 00:03:36,599
- What's "CCTY"?
- Huh?
93
00:03:36,601 --> 00:03:39,602
There's a charge here, $49.50 for CCTY.
94
00:03:39,604 --> 00:03:41,437
Here's another one last
month. What is that?
95
00:03:41,439 --> 00:03:43,062
Oh, I thought I mentioned that to you.
96
00:03:43,064 --> 00:03:47,176
It's a... it's a cigar thing.
Cigar Club... something.
97
00:03:47,178 --> 00:03:49,345
Every month they send you
a couple of nice cigars.
98
00:03:49,347 --> 00:03:50,569
Since when?
99
00:03:50,571 --> 00:03:52,548
A couple of months ago
I signed up. "To You"!
100
00:03:52,550 --> 00:03:54,349
- What?
- CCTY.
101
00:03:54,351 --> 00:03:56,185
Cigar Club To You.
That's what it's called.
102
00:03:56,187 --> 00:03:58,154
Oh. You never told me.
103
00:03:58,156 --> 00:03:59,889
I thought I did.
104
00:03:59,891 --> 00:04:01,323
Okay, I didn't. I didn't, but you...
105
00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:02,581
- How well do you know me?
- I know.
106
00:04:02,583 --> 00:04:03,616
And if we're keeping secrets
107
00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:05,507
- from each other... Oh, really?
- That's not a secret.
108
00:04:05,509 --> 00:04:07,029
Yeah, I just know you don't love
109
00:04:07,031 --> 00:04:08,404
that on occasion I smoke
110
00:04:08,406 --> 00:04:09,899
- an occasional cigar.
- I don't.
111
00:04:09,901 --> 00:04:11,211
Right, so I didn't want to bother you.
112
00:04:11,213 --> 00:04:12,359
And yet, here I am bothered,
113
00:04:12,361 --> 00:04:13,383
so how's that working out?
114
00:04:13,385 --> 00:04:15,069
Not so good! Really.
115
00:04:15,071 --> 00:04:16,471
All right, terrific,
so now we can have this
116
00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:18,182
hanging in the air
during the lovely dinner
117
00:04:18,184 --> 00:04:20,309
with my mother. Terrific.
118
00:04:20,311 --> 00:04:22,477
I'm excited to meet this new guy.
119
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,379
Ugh. Okay, I'm telling you right now.
120
00:04:24,381 --> 00:04:26,815
If she calls him a boyfriend
or anything like that,
121
00:04:26,817 --> 00:04:29,046
- I swear...
- Be happy she met someone.
122
00:04:29,048 --> 00:04:30,051
Yeah, I know, I know.
123
00:04:30,053 --> 00:04:31,686
I think it's sweet she
wants us to meet him.
124
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,988
Yeah, yeah, plus, it's
like an hour and half
125
00:04:33,990 --> 00:04:35,346
on the train to get there.
126
00:04:35,348 --> 00:04:38,359
Paul, what is the real issue here?
127
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:40,695
It's not an Oedipus
thing, like I'm afraid
128
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,897
he's replacing my father,
anything like that,
129
00:04:42,899 --> 00:04:45,366
if that's what you're
thinking, Dr. Freud.
130
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,188
Then what is it?
131
00:04:47,190 --> 00:04:48,612
It's just this guy.
132
00:04:48,614 --> 00:04:50,014
I don't want him touching my mommy.
133
00:04:51,077 --> 00:04:53,511
♪♪
134
00:04:55,674 --> 00:04:57,180
How long have you lived here, Ralph?
135
00:04:57,182 --> 00:04:58,835
Not long. I lived at a community
136
00:04:58,837 --> 00:05:00,437
down in Tampa for a couple years.
137
00:05:00,439 --> 00:05:01,972
But this is much nicer.
138
00:05:01,974 --> 00:05:04,140
And the lady residents
are much nicer too.
139
00:05:04,142 --> 00:05:05,541
[CHUCKLES]
140
00:05:05,543 --> 00:05:07,110
Such a flatterer.
141
00:05:07,112 --> 00:05:08,878
[LAUGHING]
142
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:11,214
Paulie, jump into the conversation.
143
00:05:11,216 --> 00:05:13,637
- The water's fine.
- Yeah, no, no, all good.
144
00:05:13,639 --> 00:05:15,785
Or maybe your phone is so fascinating.
145
00:05:15,787 --> 00:05:16,942
No, I wasn't looking at it.
146
00:05:16,944 --> 00:05:18,571
I'm expecting an important call.
147
00:05:18,573 --> 00:05:20,055
- [MOUTHING WORDS]
- Okay.
148
00:05:20,057 --> 00:05:22,391
So how was the train ride out?
149
00:05:22,393 --> 00:05:23,893
Not too terrible, I hope.
150
00:05:23,895 --> 00:05:25,795
- No, it was fine.
- Good,
151
00:05:25,797 --> 00:05:27,857
'cause when I didn't
see you two for so long,
152
00:05:27,859 --> 00:05:29,105
I thought maybe the trains
153
00:05:29,107 --> 00:05:31,367
don't come out this far anymore.
154
00:05:33,637 --> 00:05:35,404
So what else is news?
155
00:05:35,406 --> 00:05:36,872
I started working again.
156
00:05:36,874 --> 00:05:39,343
Oh, good for you, sweetheart.
157
00:05:39,345 --> 00:05:41,176
- What are you doing?
- I'm a therapist.
158
00:05:41,178 --> 00:05:43,845
You?
159
00:05:43,847 --> 00:05:46,515
- Meaning?
- Oh, nothing, I suppose.
160
00:05:46,517 --> 00:05:49,083
Why not? You've always
been a good listener.
161
00:05:49,085 --> 00:05:51,486
Bert used to say... my
wonderful late husband,
162
00:05:51,488 --> 00:05:52,687
may he rest in peace...
163
00:05:52,689 --> 00:05:54,255
he always used to say
164
00:05:54,257 --> 00:05:57,091
Jamie was an excellent listener.
165
00:05:57,093 --> 00:05:59,728
I don't recall him ever saying that.
166
00:05:59,730 --> 00:06:02,497
Well, maybe you weren't listening.
167
00:06:02,499 --> 00:06:05,199
Ralph, tell them what
you did for a living.
168
00:06:05,201 --> 00:06:07,086
Oh, it was a long time ago.
169
00:06:07,088 --> 00:06:08,502
So modest.
170
00:06:08,504 --> 00:06:12,039
Ralph used to play baseball
for the major leagues.
171
00:06:12,041 --> 00:06:14,274
- Really?
- This was before your time.
172
00:06:14,276 --> 00:06:15,542
Washington Senators.
173
00:06:15,544 --> 00:06:17,710
1953 to 1956.
174
00:06:17,712 --> 00:06:19,446
Wait, wait, hold on. What?
175
00:06:19,448 --> 00:06:21,114
I played third base,
and again, only for...
176
00:06:21,116 --> 00:06:22,882
Wait a second. Ralph Martoni?
177
00:06:22,884 --> 00:06:24,517
You're that Ralph Martoni?
178
00:06:24,519 --> 00:06:26,519
My handsome baseball player.
179
00:06:26,521 --> 00:06:27,854
Holy shit!
180
00:06:27,856 --> 00:06:29,288
- Language.
- Sorry.
181
00:06:29,290 --> 00:06:31,290
Holy shit. We...
182
00:06:31,292 --> 00:06:34,093
my cousin Ira and I, we
used to trade baseball cards
183
00:06:34,095 --> 00:06:36,395
and I swear I remember your card.
184
00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:38,097
You... they used to call you "Catfish".
185
00:06:38,099 --> 00:06:40,065
Good for you. Me and Catfish Hunter.
186
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,267
- Yeah.
- But I was the first one.
187
00:06:41,269 --> 00:06:43,202
- "Bats lefty, throws righty".
- Very good.
188
00:06:43,204 --> 00:06:45,271
Oh, my God, Ralph Martoni!
189
00:06:45,273 --> 00:06:47,106
Ralph Martoni.
190
00:06:47,108 --> 00:06:49,808
It's Ralph Martoni!
Look at... [MUMBLING]
191
00:06:52,547 --> 00:06:55,548
What about Yo-Yo Davalillo?
I always loved that name.
192
00:06:55,550 --> 00:06:57,716
- We gave him that name, Yo-Yo.
- Really?
193
00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:59,918
His real name was like
a yard and a half long.
194
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,443
- [BOTH LAUGH]
- And he was short, right?
195
00:07:01,445 --> 00:07:03,288
Like, the shortest guy to
ever play in the majors.
196
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:04,523
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, yeah.
197
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,491
- Gene Verble? First base?
- Second.
198
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:07,993
- Second base.
- Satchel, we called him.
199
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,260
- What about...
- [CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
200
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,729
I like that they're getting along,
201
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,730
but this is ridiculous.
202
00:07:12,732 --> 00:07:13,998
How long have they been at it?
203
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,733
An hour and ten minutes.
204
00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:17,402
I'm 85 years old.
205
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,670
I don't have this kind
of time. Stop them.
206
00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:22,640
Bunky Stewart. You ever
play with Bunky Stewart?
207
00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:24,751
Honey, do you remember we
have that thing in the city?
208
00:07:24,753 --> 00:07:26,411
- Nope. So...
- Well, I remember. Get up.
209
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:28,746
- So nice to meet you.
- Oh, okay, gotta go.
210
00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:30,581
Well, this is a pleasure.
Y'know, I'll come back.
211
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:32,016
We'll do this some more, right?
212
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:33,674
Ma, what a guy... what a great guy.
213
00:07:33,676 --> 00:07:36,186
Nice to see you. Remember, Cookie Rojas?
214
00:07:36,188 --> 00:07:38,455
- Say bye-bye.
- Gotta go. Bert Campaneris?
215
00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:42,493
You ever... Zoilo Versalles.
That was a good one.
216
00:07:44,318 --> 00:07:47,042
- You're kidding. The Catfish?
- Yep.
217
00:07:47,044 --> 00:07:50,004
Your mother is dating
Ralph The Catfish Martoni?
218
00:07:50,006 --> 00:07:51,835
I don't know if I would
use the word "dating".
219
00:07:51,837 --> 00:07:54,204
- Oh, they're dating.
- What... what do you mean?
220
00:07:54,206 --> 00:07:56,006
That nice guy you like so much?
221
00:07:56,008 --> 00:07:58,308
He's touching your mommy.
222
00:07:58,310 --> 00:08:00,634
- That is so cool.
- Okay, do you mind?
223
00:08:00,636 --> 00:08:02,722
You know what, I have
some very exciting news
224
00:08:02,724 --> 00:08:04,814
of my own that may even top your news.
225
00:08:04,816 --> 00:08:08,518
Oh, really? What, your mother
bang Carl Yastrzemski?
226
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,721
See, it's not so funny when
it's your mother, is it?
227
00:08:11,723 --> 00:08:14,824
I got the results back from
the DNA test that I took.
228
00:08:14,826 --> 00:08:16,693
And? Are you Italian?
229
00:08:16,695 --> 00:08:19,328
Didn't even open it yet.
I was waiting for you.
230
00:08:19,330 --> 00:08:20,534
That's very sweet.
231
00:08:20,536 --> 00:08:22,831
So you could eat a little Italian crow.
232
00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:24,167
- Corvo.
- Huh?
233
00:08:24,169 --> 00:08:26,235
The bird, the crow. Si.
234
00:08:26,237 --> 00:08:28,404
Corvo. Or la cornacchia.
235
00:08:28,406 --> 00:08:30,406
Ah, grazie. [SMOOCHES]
236
00:08:30,408 --> 00:08:32,384
Okay, corvo. Here we go.
237
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:33,576
Click on it, baby.
238
00:08:33,578 --> 00:08:35,243
Okay.
239
00:08:35,245 --> 00:08:38,148
Um, but listen, if for whatever reason,
240
00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:39,744
- you don't get the answer you want...
- You know what,
241
00:08:39,746 --> 00:08:41,050
I don't even want you to do it now.
242
00:08:41,052 --> 00:08:42,885
You're gonna drip your bitter skepticism
243
00:08:42,887 --> 00:08:44,474
all over everything.
244
00:08:44,476 --> 00:08:45,921
Here you go. You try.
245
00:08:45,923 --> 00:08:47,385
You're a much nicer person.
246
00:08:47,387 --> 00:08:50,154
- Hmm.
- Go ahead, click.
247
00:08:51,695 --> 00:08:52,894
Oh, dear.
248
00:08:52,896 --> 00:08:55,730
What? Is she messing with me?
249
00:08:55,732 --> 00:08:57,494
Is this like a little fake-out
250
00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:59,434
before she tells me I'm Italian?
251
00:08:59,436 --> 00:09:01,712
I don't think that's a fake-out.
252
00:09:01,714 --> 00:09:04,204
Okay, so you telling
me it's not a fake-out?
253
00:09:04,206 --> 00:09:05,696
Is that the fake-out?
254
00:09:05,698 --> 00:09:08,161
Ira, remember: no test is infallible.
255
00:09:08,163 --> 00:09:11,022
What's important is what
you believe in your heart.
256
00:09:11,024 --> 00:09:12,413
Trust me, I know.
257
00:09:12,415 --> 00:09:14,790
Every fiber in my being,
I know that I'm Italian.
258
00:09:14,792 --> 00:09:16,250
- You're not Italian.
- Take that back.
259
00:09:16,252 --> 00:09:18,953
I'm just reading what it says.
260
00:09:18,955 --> 00:09:20,442
It says that I'm not Italian?
261
00:09:20,444 --> 00:09:22,924
97% Romanian-Polish
262
00:09:22,926 --> 00:09:25,058
and 3% Dutch and Icelandic.
263
00:09:25,060 --> 00:09:26,960
Dutch and Icelandic?
264
00:09:26,962 --> 00:09:28,729
That... that's crazy! I'm not...
265
00:09:28,731 --> 00:09:30,864
I'm not even 1% Italian?
266
00:09:30,866 --> 00:09:32,531
How can this be?
267
00:09:32,533 --> 00:09:34,255
Hm? Sorry, I was thinking
about Ralph again.
268
00:09:34,257 --> 00:09:35,402
What, what, what?
269
00:09:35,404 --> 00:09:36,970
You know what? The hell with this test.
270
00:09:36,972 --> 00:09:38,972
This test is spazzatura. It's garbage!
271
00:09:38,974 --> 00:09:41,444
I know who I am and I know what I am.
272
00:09:41,446 --> 00:09:47,114
[SPEAKING ITALIAN ANGRILY]
273
00:09:47,116 --> 00:09:49,082
Boy, the Dutch are so excitable.
274
00:09:49,084 --> 00:09:51,051
[CONTINUES SHOUTING]
275
00:09:52,087 --> 00:09:54,755
♪ Ralph Martoni, Ralph Martoni ♪
276
00:09:54,757 --> 00:09:56,589
♪ I love Ralph Martoni ♪
277
00:09:56,591 --> 00:09:58,424
♪ I can't believe I'm
friends with Ralph Martoni ♪
278
00:09:58,426 --> 00:10:00,092
[PHONE BUZZES]
279
00:10:01,596 --> 00:10:03,062
[PHONE BUZZES]
280
00:10:07,168 --> 00:10:09,001
Hey, Monkey, it's your father again.
281
00:10:09,003 --> 00:10:10,670
Call me back. Listen.
282
00:10:10,672 --> 00:10:12,772
Yesterday I said it was
critically important,
283
00:10:12,774 --> 00:10:14,140
but to be honest, that was just a trick
284
00:10:14,142 --> 00:10:15,241
to get you to call me back.
285
00:10:15,243 --> 00:10:16,675
But today I'm not ki...
286
00:10:16,677 --> 00:10:19,078
hold on a second. The police are here.
287
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,829
What... you want to
take her away... hey!
288
00:10:20,831 --> 00:10:22,681
Take her hands off of her! You can't...
289
00:10:22,683 --> 00:10:24,616
That should do it.
290
00:10:24,618 --> 00:10:27,153
- Babe.
- Yes? Oh.
291
00:10:27,155 --> 00:10:28,754
Yeah, I'm not sure how to tell you this.
292
00:10:28,756 --> 00:10:30,522
- I just found out...
- What, what, what?
293
00:10:30,524 --> 00:10:33,625
Ralph Martoni died.
294
00:10:33,627 --> 00:10:34,993
Oh, my God.
295
00:10:34,995 --> 00:10:37,128
Oh, my... what? How crazy is life?
296
00:10:37,130 --> 00:10:38,612
You meet a guy, and
your whole world changes,
297
00:10:38,614 --> 00:10:40,265
and then he's gone the next day.
298
00:10:40,267 --> 00:10:41,423
- No, no, no. No, Sorry.
- Oh, my God.
299
00:10:41,425 --> 00:10:43,326
The Ralph Martoni that we met yesterday
300
00:10:43,328 --> 00:10:44,770
is fine as far as I know.
301
00:10:44,772 --> 00:10:46,538
So who died?
302
00:10:46,540 --> 00:10:49,140
Ralph Martoni who played
third base for the Senators.
303
00:10:49,142 --> 00:10:52,529
He died in a hot air
balloon accident in 1958.
304
00:10:52,531 --> 00:10:53,644
I just looked it up.
305
00:10:53,646 --> 00:10:55,346
He fell out of a balloon?
306
00:10:55,348 --> 00:10:57,381
Well, no, the balloon fell on him.
307
00:10:57,383 --> 00:10:59,450
He was standing with a group
of people who all managed
308
00:10:59,452 --> 00:11:01,452
to get away, but I
guess Ralph was too slow.
309
00:11:01,454 --> 00:11:04,054
Third basemen, never
known for their speed.
310
00:11:04,056 --> 00:11:07,291
See, if he was an outfielder,
probably be alive to this day.
311
00:11:07,293 --> 00:11:09,327
Wait a second. Wait a second.
312
00:11:09,329 --> 00:11:11,629
So if Ralph Martoni is dead,
who did we meet yesterday?
313
00:11:11,631 --> 00:11:14,198
I have no idea. We've
got to tell your mother.
314
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:16,867
Oh. Oh, oh, oh, this is not good.
315
00:11:16,869 --> 00:11:18,536
I know. She's being lied to.
316
00:11:18,538 --> 00:11:19,879
Nah, I mean we got to
take the freakin' train
317
00:11:19,881 --> 00:11:21,513
out there again now.
318
00:11:30,945 --> 00:11:33,235
Hey, open for lunch at 11:30.
319
00:11:33,237 --> 00:11:36,327
Oh, no, I'm not, um... I was just...
320
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,952
- You're Ira Buchman.
- That's right.
321
00:11:38,954 --> 00:11:41,345
Wow. Hi.
322
00:11:41,347 --> 00:11:43,891
Um, my name's Vincent Maslin.
323
00:11:43,893 --> 00:11:45,395
This might seem like an odd question,
324
00:11:45,397 --> 00:11:48,688
but did you take a DNA test recently?
325
00:11:48,690 --> 00:11:52,099
Oh, I knew it. You're
here from the company.
326
00:11:52,101 --> 00:11:54,158
You came to tell me you
made a horrible mistake.
327
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:55,783
No, no, I'm not from the company.
328
00:11:55,785 --> 00:11:57,407
The thing is, I also used the site,
329
00:11:57,409 --> 00:11:59,080
and I signed up to get alerts
330
00:11:59,082 --> 00:12:02,116
for possible DNA matches and...
331
00:12:02,118 --> 00:12:03,918
I think I'm your son.
332
00:12:05,421 --> 00:12:07,821
[LAUGHS] I don't think so.
333
00:12:07,823 --> 00:12:10,627
I don't know much,
kid, but I'm 100% sure
334
00:12:10,629 --> 00:12:12,496
that I don't have a kid.
335
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:19,566
Come to Papa.
336
00:12:26,608 --> 00:12:28,007
Amazing.
337
00:12:28,009 --> 00:12:29,275
So do you remember my mother?
338
00:12:29,277 --> 00:12:30,977
Oh, Vincent.
339
00:12:30,979 --> 00:12:32,341
I am a man of honor,
340
00:12:32,343 --> 00:12:33,913
and this is the God's honest truth,
341
00:12:33,915 --> 00:12:35,648
I don't remember her at all
342
00:12:35,650 --> 00:12:37,117
because I never met her.
343
00:12:37,119 --> 00:12:38,852
- You're how old?
- 31 next month.
344
00:12:38,854 --> 00:12:42,655
That would be right. Here's the deal.
345
00:12:42,657 --> 00:12:44,523
The fall of 1987,
346
00:12:44,525 --> 00:12:48,147
I wanted to buy this really
nice set of Marantz speakers.
347
00:12:48,149 --> 00:12:51,464
Yeah? Top of the line, great bass.
348
00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:53,366
Only problem... I didn't have the cash.
349
00:12:53,368 --> 00:12:57,469
So I donated my sperm one time
just to make up the shortfall.
350
00:12:57,471 --> 00:12:59,040
People did that then.
351
00:12:59,042 --> 00:13:01,506
And so voilà. Here we are.
352
00:13:01,508 --> 00:13:04,176
[LAUGHS] Speaking of
cash, you need anything?
353
00:13:04,178 --> 00:13:05,343
Oh, no, no. Pop, I'm good.
354
00:13:06,647 --> 00:13:08,947
- Say that again.
- I'm good.
355
00:13:08,949 --> 00:13:10,448
No, no, no, before that.
356
00:13:10,450 --> 00:13:12,851
- Pop.
- [LAUGHS]
357
00:13:12,853 --> 00:13:14,051
Give me another one.
358
00:13:16,723 --> 00:13:18,189
Buongiorno.
359
00:13:18,191 --> 00:13:20,223
Ah, Lucia!
360
00:13:20,225 --> 00:13:21,625
You're not gonna believe this.
361
00:13:21,627 --> 00:13:22,859
Listen, I want you to meet someone.
362
00:13:22,861 --> 00:13:25,162
Vincent, this is Lucia.
363
00:13:25,164 --> 00:13:27,164
- Hello.
- Ciao bello.
364
00:13:27,166 --> 00:13:30,967
Lucia, this is Vincent, my son.
365
00:13:30,969 --> 00:13:33,136
[SPEAKING ITALIAN ANGRILY]
366
00:13:33,138 --> 00:13:34,871
No. No, no, no, no.
367
00:13:34,873 --> 00:13:38,141
[BOTH SPEAKING ITALIAN]
368
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,848
- Through sperm?
- Si, mio sperm.
369
00:13:44,850 --> 00:13:48,084
Oh. [SPEAKS ITALIAN]
370
00:13:48,086 --> 00:13:49,219
Oh.
371
00:13:49,221 --> 00:13:51,254
Bravo. [SMOOCHES]
372
00:13:51,256 --> 00:13:52,922
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
373
00:13:52,924 --> 00:13:55,191
Look at this: mia famiglia!
374
00:13:55,193 --> 00:13:56,659
Oh.
375
00:14:00,175 --> 00:14:01,902
We had to tell you, Sylvia.
376
00:14:01,904 --> 00:14:03,292
We felt like we didn't have a choice.
377
00:14:03,294 --> 00:14:04,867
You know, and we know you're upset.
378
00:14:04,869 --> 00:14:07,403
If I'm upset, it's with the two of you.
379
00:14:07,405 --> 00:14:08,904
Who asked you to poke your noses
380
00:14:08,906 --> 00:14:10,739
into my personal business?
381
00:14:12,176 --> 00:14:15,344
Have I ever involved myself
in your private affairs?
382
00:14:15,346 --> 00:14:17,512
Uh, yeah.
383
00:14:17,514 --> 00:14:19,448
Do you think I ever told Jamie about you
384
00:14:19,450 --> 00:14:20,950
getting cold feet before the wedding?
385
00:14:20,952 --> 00:14:23,085
I knew about that.
That's perfectly normal.
386
00:14:23,087 --> 00:14:26,388
Did I tell her how you
wanted to marry Davy Crockett?
387
00:14:26,390 --> 00:14:28,122
[LAUGHS] I was seven,
388
00:14:28,124 --> 00:14:30,291
and it was really more about
the hat than anything else.
389
00:14:30,293 --> 00:14:33,061
Your father and I were ready to support.
390
00:14:33,063 --> 00:14:35,129
We were forward-thinking that way,
391
00:14:35,131 --> 00:14:37,632
which we never really got credit for.
392
00:14:37,634 --> 00:14:38,967
Okay.
393
00:14:38,969 --> 00:14:42,536
- Mom...
- I also never told Jamie
394
00:14:42,538 --> 00:14:44,305
about you and Debbie Schmulovitz
395
00:14:44,307 --> 00:14:45,706
in the downstairs closet.
396
00:14:45,708 --> 00:14:47,942
Okay, here we go. I was nine.
397
00:14:47,944 --> 00:14:50,478
I went looking for
the drapery attachment
398
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:51,880
- for the vacuum cleaner.
- Mm-hmm.
399
00:14:51,882 --> 00:14:54,249
I opened the door, and there he is
400
00:14:54,251 --> 00:14:56,751
with his pants around his ankles,
401
00:14:56,753 --> 00:15:00,888
and she's touching his shmagegee.
402
00:15:00,890 --> 00:15:02,590
This explains why things didn't work out
403
00:15:02,592 --> 00:15:04,091
- with Davy Crockett.
- Yeah.
404
00:15:04,093 --> 00:15:07,160
- Look, Mom...
- You and Debbie Shmooey.
405
00:15:07,162 --> 00:15:09,797
Shameful.
406
00:15:09,799 --> 00:15:11,732
Look, Mom...
407
00:15:15,737 --> 00:15:17,004
What?
408
00:15:20,276 --> 00:15:21,975
Debbie Shmooey.
409
00:15:21,977 --> 00:15:24,234
Her name is in every
one of our passwords.
410
00:15:24,236 --> 00:15:25,845
Okay, first of all,
I thought I told you.
411
00:15:25,847 --> 00:15:27,137
Not only did you never tell me,
412
00:15:27,139 --> 00:15:28,916
you never thought you
told me, so don't tell me
413
00:15:28,918 --> 00:15:29,950
you thought you told me.
414
00:15:29,952 --> 00:15:31,785
Second of all, shmooey,
415
00:15:31,787 --> 00:15:34,120
if you'd like to know
the etymology of the word,
416
00:15:34,122 --> 00:15:37,156
The etymology. Good Lord.
417
00:15:37,158 --> 00:15:39,759
Maybe a long, long time ago,
418
00:15:39,761 --> 00:15:41,761
you know, it perhaps had
the slightest thing to do
419
00:15:41,763 --> 00:15:43,830
with Debbie Schmulovitz, but over time
420
00:15:43,832 --> 00:15:45,765
it just became... it was
like a funny, made-up word.
421
00:15:45,767 --> 00:15:48,362
Yeah, made-up word that
refers to your old girlfriend
422
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:50,536
from the naked closet.
423
00:15:50,538 --> 00:15:53,438
She was not my girlfriend,
and, other than that one time,
424
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:55,007
that was a perfectly respectable closet.
425
00:15:55,009 --> 00:15:56,984
Well, whatever, I'm
changing all the passwords.
426
00:15:56,986 --> 00:15:58,011
Oh, no, no, why?
427
00:15:58,013 --> 00:15:59,140
- Please don't.
- Doing it.
428
00:15:59,142 --> 00:16:00,903
No, no. I'll never be able
to learn new passwords.
429
00:16:00,905 --> 00:16:03,008
- You know that.
- It's just so icky.
430
00:16:03,010 --> 00:16:05,467
Shmooey has been woven into the fabric
431
00:16:05,469 --> 00:16:06,852
of our life together.
432
00:16:06,854 --> 00:16:09,287
All the remote controls are shmooeys.
433
00:16:09,289 --> 00:16:11,203
The hand can-opener's a shmooey.
434
00:16:11,205 --> 00:16:13,525
That thing that we always... the, uh...
435
00:16:13,527 --> 00:16:15,339
- The wrench?
- No, no, we plug in all the...
436
00:16:15,341 --> 00:16:16,807
- Under the dryer thing?
- No, no.
437
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,130
- The little shmooey that we...
- Ha! See?
438
00:16:19,132 --> 00:16:20,899
Ha, what?
439
00:16:20,901 --> 00:16:24,235
You just proved my point.
That's my ha, not your ha.
440
00:16:24,237 --> 00:16:26,904
You wanted to name the dog Shmooey.
441
00:16:26,906 --> 00:16:30,075
You call me Shmooey sometimes! Ew!
442
00:16:30,077 --> 00:16:31,509
Yeah, but that's only when I can't think
443
00:16:31,511 --> 00:16:33,078
of your name fast enough.
444
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:34,980
Lovely, and by the way,
445
00:16:34,982 --> 00:16:37,929
this is exactly the same as
your little cigar club secret.
446
00:16:37,931 --> 00:16:39,383
That wasn't a secret.
447
00:16:39,385 --> 00:16:41,352
It was information you were
deliberately withholding.
448
00:16:41,354 --> 00:16:43,821
I wasn't withholding.
I just didn't mention it bec...
449
00:16:43,823 --> 00:16:45,155
Okay, that one I was withholding.
450
00:16:45,157 --> 00:16:46,256
- Yeah. Thank you.
- Yes.
451
00:16:46,258 --> 00:16:47,391
But I thought I told you.
452
00:16:47,393 --> 00:16:49,594
No, you didn't thought you told me.
453
00:16:49,596 --> 00:16:51,362
See, this is why we should
never visit my mother.
454
00:16:51,364 --> 00:16:53,063
Nothing good comes of it.
455
00:16:53,065 --> 00:16:54,664
I'll change the rest of these later.
456
00:16:54,666 --> 00:16:56,600
- I've gotta go pack.
- For what? Why?
457
00:16:56,602 --> 00:16:58,369
I'm going to Paris
for a couple of weeks.
458
00:16:58,371 --> 00:17:00,704
- You're going to Paris?
- Oh, I thought I told you.
459
00:17:05,744 --> 00:17:07,781
Sorry to bring you both
all the way back out here,
460
00:17:07,783 --> 00:17:08,972
but you gotta help me.
461
00:17:08,974 --> 00:17:10,847
I gotta get back in her good graces.
462
00:17:10,849 --> 00:17:12,424
Oh, I'm such a fool.
463
00:17:12,426 --> 00:17:14,350
Well, here's the thing, Ralph.
464
00:17:14,352 --> 00:17:16,720
If that is in fact your real name.
465
00:17:16,722 --> 00:17:18,555
- It is.
- My name is Ralph Martoni.
466
00:17:18,557 --> 00:17:20,356
Just not the Ralph Martoni I said I was.
467
00:17:20,358 --> 00:17:22,792
- Why would you lie about it?
- I didn't mean to.
468
00:17:22,794 --> 00:17:24,127
One of the guys at the place thought
469
00:17:24,129 --> 00:17:25,562
I was that Ralph Martoni.
470
00:17:25,564 --> 00:17:27,363
- The ball player.
- Yes.
471
00:17:27,365 --> 00:17:29,399
Your mother heard I was
this big time athlete.
472
00:17:29,401 --> 00:17:30,966
Suddenly she was intrigued.
473
00:17:30,968 --> 00:17:33,202
And your mother, she's a catch.
474
00:17:33,204 --> 00:17:34,876
- Well...
- Hand to God,
475
00:17:34,878 --> 00:17:36,368
every guy in the place is trying
476
00:17:36,370 --> 00:17:37,473
- to make a move on her...
- Okay, all right.
477
00:17:37,475 --> 00:17:38,741
I think you made your point.
478
00:17:38,743 --> 00:17:40,709
It's not that I lied, I just...
479
00:17:40,711 --> 00:17:42,378
Well, you certainly withheld the truth.
480
00:17:42,380 --> 00:17:43,712
- Yeah, I guess.
- Yeah?
481
00:17:43,714 --> 00:17:44,947
- Yes, I withheld.
- Right.
482
00:17:44,949 --> 00:17:46,214
Ralph, you don't wanna withhold.
483
00:17:46,216 --> 00:17:47,667
Withholding is bad.
484
00:17:47,669 --> 00:17:48,918
I've always said, "If you withhold,
485
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:50,152
- that's like the worst...
- I would stop.
486
00:17:50,154 --> 00:17:51,987
Okay.
487
00:17:51,989 --> 00:17:53,789
Your mother deserves so much better.
488
00:17:53,791 --> 00:17:55,958
To lie to a woman of such grace,
489
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:57,626
of such distinction,
490
00:17:57,628 --> 00:17:59,828
a woman so esteemed as Sylvia,
491
00:17:59,830 --> 00:18:02,397
the former U.S. ambassador to Ghana...
492
00:18:02,399 --> 00:18:04,332
[BOTH SPUTTER]
493
00:18:07,935 --> 00:18:09,567
Ghana, Ma? Really?
494
00:18:09,569 --> 00:18:12,337
I should feel bad? He lied to me.
495
00:18:12,339 --> 00:18:15,005
Yes, but you didn't know he
was lying till we told you.
496
00:18:15,007 --> 00:18:18,175
You told him about your supposed
ambassadorship weeks ago.
497
00:18:18,177 --> 00:18:20,668
Well, how do you know
I didn't already know
498
00:18:20,670 --> 00:18:22,479
he was full of it from the beginning.
499
00:18:22,481 --> 00:18:24,715
- Did you?
- Oh, please.
500
00:18:24,717 --> 00:18:26,416
The day I met him.
501
00:18:26,418 --> 00:18:30,487
Ralph Martoni, the baseball
player, died in 1958.
502
00:18:30,489 --> 00:18:32,389
He got hit by a balloon.
503
00:18:32,391 --> 00:18:35,058
What, I don't know how
to use the internet?
504
00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:37,227
And you never confronted him about it?
505
00:18:37,229 --> 00:18:40,330
Sweetheart, we're older people.
506
00:18:40,332 --> 00:18:44,534
Our stories, perhaps,
they're not so exciting or...
507
00:18:44,536 --> 00:18:46,069
So when we meet someone new,
508
00:18:46,071 --> 00:18:49,005
maybe we pad our resumes a little.
509
00:18:49,007 --> 00:18:51,908
Make ourselves more
interesting or desirable.
510
00:18:51,910 --> 00:18:55,078
So what? Everybody here does it.
511
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:57,914
Well, Ralph feels really
badly about lying to you,
512
00:18:57,916 --> 00:18:59,715
and he'd like to try
to make things right.
513
00:18:59,717 --> 00:19:02,252
So why is he sending you?
514
00:19:02,254 --> 00:19:04,019
Why can't he say so himself?
515
00:19:04,021 --> 00:19:06,422
Ralph!
516
00:19:06,424 --> 00:19:10,893
You're up, and I didn't
mean that in a baseball way.
517
00:19:10,895 --> 00:19:14,029
Sylvia, I just want to say one thing.
518
00:19:14,031 --> 00:19:15,931
So say.
519
00:19:15,933 --> 00:19:17,733
I never played baseball,
520
00:19:17,735 --> 00:19:19,401
I never met President Eisenhower,
521
00:19:19,403 --> 00:19:21,937
and I never climbed Mount Kilimanjaro.
522
00:19:21,939 --> 00:19:24,139
You never mentioned Kilimanjaro.
523
00:19:24,141 --> 00:19:27,642
Well, I was saving it for the holidays.
524
00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:29,111
Forgive me?
525
00:19:29,113 --> 00:19:30,166
[SIGHS]
526
00:19:30,168 --> 00:19:32,747
Why am I such a sucker for sweet talk?
527
00:19:34,251 --> 00:19:36,551
You're forgiven, Ralphie.
528
00:19:36,553 --> 00:19:38,787
But no more stories.
529
00:19:38,789 --> 00:19:42,256
Scout's honor, and I
really was a boy scout.
530
00:19:42,258 --> 00:19:44,091
All right.
531
00:19:44,093 --> 00:19:48,129
Well, in the spirit of
honesty and forthcoming-ness...
532
00:19:48,131 --> 00:19:50,732
isn't there something
you want to tell Ralph,
533
00:19:50,734 --> 00:19:52,466
Madam Ambassador?
534
00:19:54,570 --> 00:19:56,503
Fine.
535
00:19:56,505 --> 00:19:58,005
Ralph,
536
00:19:58,007 --> 00:19:59,640
when I told you
537
00:19:59,642 --> 00:20:01,909
I was the U.S. ambassador to Ghana
538
00:20:01,911 --> 00:20:06,013
from 1977 to 1981, that wasn't true.
539
00:20:06,950 --> 00:20:09,750
It was only '77 to '79.
540
00:20:16,992 --> 00:20:18,325
- Look who's here.
- Hey.
541
00:20:18,327 --> 00:20:20,361
Did one of you try to hack
into my Monkey Cove account?
542
00:20:20,363 --> 00:20:22,663
I got an alert when
I signed in this morning.
543
00:20:22,665 --> 00:20:24,030
Wait, you still use that?
544
00:20:24,032 --> 00:20:26,466
Every day. It's comforting.
545
00:20:26,468 --> 00:20:28,434
Really? The monkeys are comforting?
546
00:20:28,436 --> 00:20:31,671
Yeah, the nice ones.
The way the world is...
547
00:20:31,673 --> 00:20:33,373
- I need it.
- [KEYS CLATTER]
548
00:20:33,375 --> 00:20:35,608
I didn't realize you need Monkey Cove.
549
00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:38,478
It lowers my anxiety, and
it's cheaper than therapy.
550
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,280
Okay. All right. We'll
keep the account open.
551
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:42,348
Thank you.
552
00:20:42,350 --> 00:20:43,539
Mom, can you help me?
553
00:20:43,541 --> 00:20:44,863
I was looking for something in my room
554
00:20:44,865 --> 00:20:46,652
- and I can't find it.
- Yeah, what is it?
555
00:20:46,654 --> 00:20:48,602
It was on my dresser. It's blue.
556
00:20:48,604 --> 00:20:50,189
It's got the shmooey and it's...
557
00:20:50,191 --> 00:20:51,891
Ooh, ooh, honey. You know what?
558
00:20:51,893 --> 00:20:53,566
We don't use the word "shmooey" anymore.
559
00:20:53,568 --> 00:20:56,061
- Why not?
- Why not?
560
00:20:56,063 --> 00:20:58,397
- It's hard to explain.
- Because it refers to a girl
561
00:20:58,399 --> 00:21:01,733
who touched your father's
privates in a closet.
562
00:21:01,735 --> 00:21:03,468
What are you doing?
563
00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:05,737
Going to Monkey Cove.
564
00:21:05,739 --> 00:21:07,138
Happy with yourself?
565
00:21:07,140 --> 00:21:08,807
She had other problems before this.
566
00:21:14,463 --> 00:21:16,763
All right, here's Emily.
She turned six in August.
567
00:21:16,765 --> 00:21:18,517
- Aww.
- And here we have Anthony.
568
00:21:18,519 --> 00:21:20,218
Right, he's 4 1/2.
569
00:21:20,220 --> 00:21:22,238
- Vincent says he's a handful.
- Aw, he's adorable.
570
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,254
You gotta show these to
Mabel when she gets here.
571
00:21:24,256 --> 00:21:27,157
All of the sudden, she's
got like a niece and a nephew
572
00:21:27,159 --> 00:21:29,950
and cousins... or half
cousins. Quarter cousins.
573
00:21:29,952 --> 00:21:31,575
Whatever they are. She's
gonna be very happy.
574
00:21:31,577 --> 00:21:32,653
Can you believe this, Paulie?
575
00:21:32,655 --> 00:21:34,331
I mean, in one day, I become a father
576
00:21:34,333 --> 00:21:35,866
and a grandfather.
577
00:21:35,868 --> 00:21:37,860
And, oh, here's the cherry
on top of everything.
578
00:21:37,862 --> 00:21:39,236
- Oh, now you got a cherry too?
- Yep.
579
00:21:39,238 --> 00:21:41,928
- Okay.
- Vincent's mother, Italian.
580
00:21:41,930 --> 00:21:44,942
Which makes me the father
of a half-Italian child.
581
00:21:44,944 --> 00:21:46,609
I'm practically Italian.
582
00:21:46,611 --> 00:21:49,672
Yeah. Actually no, but
okay, I'm happy for you.
583
00:21:49,674 --> 00:21:52,226
You know what? I have a
much better sense now
584
00:21:52,228 --> 00:21:54,216
of what you and James
have been going through.
585
00:21:54,218 --> 00:21:56,453
I mean, my son comes into my life.
586
00:21:56,455 --> 00:21:57,781
We connect in a profound way,
587
00:21:57,783 --> 00:21:59,821
and, boom, then he's gone. I mean...
588
00:21:59,823 --> 00:22:02,413
you know, this empty
nest thing, it's brutal.
589
00:22:02,415 --> 00:22:04,538
Yes.
590
00:22:04,540 --> 00:22:06,397
I mean, I must say that
591
00:22:06,399 --> 00:22:09,181
I really do think that the
hands-off parenting approach
592
00:22:09,183 --> 00:22:10,489
has worked well for me.
593
00:22:10,491 --> 00:22:13,369
- Hands-off? 'Cause you missed 31 years.
- Yeah.
594
00:22:13,371 --> 00:22:16,225
I know. Come on, Vince is bright.
595
00:22:16,227 --> 00:22:18,540
He's a successful architect.
He's happily married.
596
00:22:18,542 --> 00:22:20,209
Doesn't want anything from me.
597
00:22:20,211 --> 00:22:23,333
I mean, you and James have
done a great job with Mabel,
598
00:22:23,335 --> 00:22:25,468
but maybe there is a thing or
two you could learn from me.
599
00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:26,671
- Really?
- Yeah.
600
00:22:26,673 --> 00:22:28,762
Okay, I really need your help.
601
00:22:28,764 --> 00:22:30,486
You have to put more
money in my account.
602
00:22:30,488 --> 00:22:32,683
Not a lot. Like 60
bucks. Nah, make it 80.
603
00:22:32,685 --> 00:22:33,712
You know what? Just make it 100,
604
00:22:33,714 --> 00:22:35,156
and could you maybe
give that to me in cash
605
00:22:35,158 --> 00:22:37,602
'cause I think I lost my ATM card.
And my insurance card,
606
00:22:37,604 --> 00:22:40,285
so you might have to give me
another one of those. I am starving.
607
00:22:41,732 --> 00:22:43,064
Will you teach me?
44904
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