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In the year of Our Lord 1,123,
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00:00:26,712 --> 00:00:31,251
King Louis vl, known as "The Fat",
waged war against his cousin,
3
00:00:31,463 --> 00:00:34,828
Henry l, King of England
and Duke of Normandy.
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00:00:35,963 --> 00:00:38,167
Many brave knights fought beside him.
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00:00:38,838 --> 00:00:42,914
They believed in God
and the forces of Evil.
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Your Majesty,
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time is of the essence.
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Need I remind you
we are in their camp?
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silence, Montmirail.
Love knows not haste!
10
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sire Godefroy!
11
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The English!
12
00:01:14,339 --> 00:01:15,452
My vassal sees
13
00:01:15,672 --> 00:01:16,916
horsemen approaching.
14
00:01:17,922 --> 00:01:19,036
We are coming.
15
00:01:19,797 --> 00:01:23,128
I beg of you, Your Majesty,
make haste!
16
00:01:23,339 --> 00:01:25,828
Adieu, my sweet.
I must join my men.
17
00:01:26,047 --> 00:01:27,291
Will I see you soon?
18
00:01:27,881 --> 00:01:30,879
When my cousin,
the King of England, makes amends.
19
00:01:32,006 --> 00:01:33,748
Do you love me, Kathleen?
20
00:01:35,923 --> 00:01:38,293
Then accord me one last favor,
should I die.
21
00:01:39,090 --> 00:01:41,080
- Hush hush...
- show me your ankles.
22
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I beseech thee, lady-love.
23
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Higher. Up to your knees.
24
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My God! How beautiful!
25
00:02:05,132 --> 00:02:05,878
sire...
26
00:02:06,090 --> 00:02:07,003
they're coming.
27
00:02:20,507 --> 00:02:21,787
Come, sire.
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THE vIsITORs
29
00:03:02,134 --> 00:03:03,247
This way.
30
00:03:32,093 --> 00:03:33,835
King! I capture thee!
31
00:03:34,510 --> 00:03:35,967
Let me, my King!
32
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Liar!
The King is never captured.
33
00:03:39,885 --> 00:03:41,129
Not even in chess.
34
00:03:47,135 --> 00:03:48,379
Toil! Never recoil!
35
00:04:13,969 --> 00:04:15,675
sound the horns! The King!
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00:04:59,137 --> 00:05:00,713
Master! You're alive!
37
00:05:01,220 --> 00:05:02,168
God be praised!
38
00:05:02,387 --> 00:05:04,792
I managed to save
your horse and your arms.
39
00:05:05,012 --> 00:05:06,968
You managed to flee, as usual.
40
00:05:07,471 --> 00:05:08,300
Castrated clod!
41
00:05:08,512 --> 00:05:10,302
sire Godefroy,
The King summons you.
42
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:12,922
Castrated clod!
43
00:05:13,137 --> 00:05:14,760
sires... the King!
44
00:05:23,429 --> 00:05:25,052
My kind knight Godefroy
45
00:05:25,555 --> 00:05:27,592
merits indeed
his name "The Hardy".
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His baldrick was nary stuckolded.
47
00:05:31,138 --> 00:05:32,133
With his sword,
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he yslaked a scurvy English head.
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Godefroy Amaury de Malfete,
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00:05:36,722 --> 00:05:39,127
Count of Montmirail,
of Apremont, and of Popincourt
51
00:05:39,555 --> 00:05:41,427
I shall thus reward your valor.
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sire, I am your eternal servant.
53
00:05:44,055 --> 00:05:45,880
I know you desire descendants.
54
00:05:46,097 --> 00:05:49,178
You have one week to fetch
55
00:05:49,389 --> 00:05:51,379
one of the fairest
Wenches in the Kingdom:
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00:05:51,764 --> 00:05:55,260
the daughter of the Duke of Puglia.
I know you adore her.
57
00:05:55,472 --> 00:05:56,669
she is yours to wed.
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00:05:57,014 --> 00:05:59,253
How can I thank thee?
59
00:05:59,639 --> 00:06:01,464
To serve my King is my Honor.
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Long live the King!
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00:06:03,681 --> 00:06:05,173
Long live the King!
62
00:06:05,389 --> 00:06:06,930
Long live the King!
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00:06:07,139 --> 00:06:09,130
- Who is he?
- Jacquasse the Crass.
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My vassal.
He should be waiting outside.
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00:06:13,514 --> 00:06:17,259
He lacks grace, but he sniffs out
a trail like a good hound.
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00:06:20,806 --> 00:06:23,840
We must avoid the Forest of Malcombe,
and pass by Montargis.
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00:06:24,098 --> 00:06:25,046
Avoid the forest?
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00:06:25,265 --> 00:06:28,298
You know it's haunted, sire.
No one dares penetrate it.
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00:06:28,515 --> 00:06:29,344
Hogwash!
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My betrothed must not wait!
71
00:06:32,265 --> 00:06:34,007
What about the witch of Malcombe?
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00:06:34,265 --> 00:06:35,923
Ride ahead of The Crass.
73
00:06:53,182 --> 00:06:55,386
she can turn an army into frog vomit.
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00:06:55,599 --> 00:06:57,755
At her touch, your skin spits pus.
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and you pisseth mud.
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she can damn 7 generations.
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00:07:06,808 --> 00:07:08,348
We're doomed!
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00:07:08,599 --> 00:07:10,341
Doomed!
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Per Ansia
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00:07:49,975 --> 00:07:51,682
Queribus Memorium
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00:07:51,892 --> 00:07:53,717
"Halt or becometh a slug."
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00:07:53,976 --> 00:07:55,516
It's Latin and visigoth.
83
00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,005
The Devil's drool!
84
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A Black sabbath.
Let's splitteth!
85
00:08:16,351 --> 00:08:17,299
What does she want?
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00:08:17,518 --> 00:08:20,220
To make that old hag
young again. It's impossible!
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Drink! Drink!
88
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:41,553
Where is she?
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00:08:41,977 --> 00:08:44,098
Fear not.
she'll drop back in.
90
00:08:49,227 --> 00:08:52,593
What a blast to have
a virgin's unpolluted body again!
91
00:08:52,811 --> 00:08:53,972
she's plug-ugly!
92
00:08:54,186 --> 00:08:56,591
Just like the day I married her!
93
00:08:58,227 --> 00:08:59,601
It's devildom!
94
00:09:03,019 --> 00:09:04,181
surrender, she-Devil!
95
00:09:26,853 --> 00:09:27,967
We'll dismember her
96
00:09:28,187 --> 00:09:29,763
and slice out her tongue.
97
00:09:29,978 --> 00:09:31,886
Let rats gnaw on her innards.
98
00:09:34,604 --> 00:09:36,429
No lady is tortured on my lands.
99
00:09:36,645 --> 00:09:37,593
Just burn her.
100
00:09:37,812 --> 00:09:39,470
Thank you, sire.
101
00:09:39,812 --> 00:09:41,719
Thank you. You are too good!
102
00:09:45,312 --> 00:09:47,137
At last... my castle.
103
00:09:50,521 --> 00:09:52,227
Unpack our best apparels
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to honor my beloved.
105
00:09:53,646 --> 00:09:55,020
Jacquasse, help me change.
106
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Yes, sire.
107
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I have no fine apparels.
108
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she won't even see you.
109
00:10:01,604 --> 00:10:03,761
My shoes and my fanciest shell.
110
00:10:04,188 --> 00:10:06,807
Ganelon, sound the horn
to announce my arrival.
111
00:10:13,396 --> 00:10:15,138
How thrilled am l, sire Fulbert,
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that my son weddeth your sweet
113
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and gentle daughter.
114
00:10:19,147 --> 00:10:21,849
I wanted her to weddeth a Duke,
115
00:10:22,272 --> 00:10:24,227
but our Fat King decided otherwise.
116
00:10:25,355 --> 00:10:26,433
Cursed be love.
117
00:10:27,563 --> 00:10:29,554
More wine!
Let me piss a-plenty!
118
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Father, you promised
nary to burp for my marriage.
119
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The Count of Montmirail!
120
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Frenegonde! where are you going?
Frenegonde! Come back!
121
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Come back this instant!
122
00:10:53,939 --> 00:10:55,930
Frenegonde! Come back!
123
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No Duke's daughter runs after
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a mere Count.
125
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You look good and gentle.
126
00:11:08,231 --> 00:11:09,510
And mighty uncomfortable.
127
00:11:09,981 --> 00:11:10,680
Why?
128
00:11:23,690 --> 00:11:25,728
Zounds!
The flask falleth all alone.
129
00:11:25,940 --> 00:11:28,263
Give it to me.
My thirst needs a-quenching!
130
00:11:36,649 --> 00:11:37,597
The castle!
131
00:11:38,399 --> 00:11:39,347
Holy scrotums!
132
00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:42,106
It swelleth like a blowfish!
133
00:11:47,857 --> 00:11:49,185
It's wearing a wig!
134
00:11:53,274 --> 00:11:55,016
sire Godefroy, are you not well?
135
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By what devil-craft?
136
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What's wrong?
137
00:12:12,317 --> 00:12:14,887
Come back, you wicked wench!
138
00:12:15,358 --> 00:12:16,104
Come back!
139
00:12:17,525 --> 00:12:19,397
Come back, you foul slut!
140
00:12:19,733 --> 00:12:21,854
God shield!
A bear is chasing her!
141
00:12:24,150 --> 00:12:25,180
My crossbow!
142
00:12:27,650 --> 00:12:28,728
Come back!
143
00:12:28,984 --> 00:12:30,441
There's no bear.
144
00:12:33,775 --> 00:12:35,683
steer clear, beloved!
steer clear!
145
00:12:49,318 --> 00:12:50,182
Father!
146
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I saw a huge beast.
147
00:13:33,944 --> 00:13:36,977
I'll spend my life in a convent,
faithful to you.
148
00:13:37,277 --> 00:13:39,647
I can ne'er wed
the man who killed my father.
149
00:13:41,402 --> 00:13:43,192
I understand, my betrothed.
150
00:13:43,403 --> 00:13:44,682
I'll be faithful too.
151
00:13:45,486 --> 00:13:47,690
I shall ne'er marry...
152
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ne'er have descendants.
153
00:13:49,653 --> 00:13:51,478
Don't do me any favors.
154
00:14:27,820 --> 00:14:28,982
What are you up to?
155
00:14:29,196 --> 00:14:30,985
I Was praying for his saIvation.
156
00:14:31,196 --> 00:14:32,688
Where is my father's wizard?
157
00:14:33,071 --> 00:14:34,445
Eusaebius?
158
00:14:44,071 --> 00:14:44,936
I found him.
159
00:14:45,738 --> 00:14:47,859
He lives yonder,
not far from here.
160
00:14:48,071 --> 00:14:49,694
But they say he's senile.
161
00:14:49,904 --> 00:14:53,105
I can make your Duke live again.
162
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:57,443
But you must know
no fear.
163
00:14:57,905 --> 00:14:59,149
Only God can do that!
164
00:14:59,405 --> 00:15:03,233
You are right.
Only God can bring back the dead.
165
00:15:03,738 --> 00:15:05,314
But there is another way.
166
00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:10,271
Time is a mountain,
pierced by many hidden tunnels.
167
00:15:10,488 --> 00:15:14,150
My magic spells can
give you access to them.
168
00:15:20,572 --> 00:15:21,437
Meet Angueran.
169
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scarface Angueran.
At your service.
170
00:15:24,030 --> 00:15:25,404
And my loyal Ganelon.
171
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You shall return
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just before the Duke's death.
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00:15:29,906 --> 00:15:34,148
If you find
enough force in yourself...
174
00:15:34,364 --> 00:15:37,564
you will be able
to change the course of the arrow.
175
00:15:37,781 --> 00:15:39,439
You'll wed your betrothed,
176
00:15:40,031 --> 00:15:41,938
and have the lineage you desire.
177
00:15:43,239 --> 00:15:44,862
It's sheer lunacy!
178
00:15:45,114 --> 00:15:47,437
Where is my powder of leech?
179
00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:50,649
I haven't done this in ages.
I'm a bit rusty.
180
00:15:50,865 --> 00:15:52,357
He's senile!
181
00:15:53,281 --> 00:15:54,774
Here it is.
182
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If you fear not,
183
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Godefroy the Hardy, drink.
184
00:16:03,948 --> 00:16:07,894
You'll arrive in the forest
just before the accident.
185
00:16:08,115 --> 00:16:09,608
Don't trust the old fool!
186
00:16:09,824 --> 00:16:13,355
If sire Godefroy doesn't return,
We'll lock you in his dungeon
187
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With your Book of spells.
188
00:16:15,157 --> 00:16:16,566
Trust me.
189
00:16:16,782 --> 00:16:19,614
Don't drink it, sire.
You'll turn into a frog,
190
00:16:19,824 --> 00:16:22,110
or a bat, or a goat,
or a nun's ass.
191
00:16:23,657 --> 00:16:24,936
Perhaps you're right.
192
00:16:25,157 --> 00:16:26,188
Drink first.
193
00:16:26,407 --> 00:16:27,023
Me?
194
00:16:27,241 --> 00:16:28,402
I'll see if you
195
00:16:28,616 --> 00:16:29,943
turn into a nun's ass.
196
00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:32,148
If you do, I'll seek revenge.
197
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:33,775
Drink!
198
00:16:46,075 --> 00:16:46,987
so, my Crass?
199
00:16:47,283 --> 00:16:49,238
It tastes like pig excrement.
200
00:16:50,741 --> 00:16:52,981
Candied concoctions
are for evil sorcerers.
201
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:56,814
Drink hastily.
I must say the incantation.
202
00:16:57,158 --> 00:16:57,940
If I drank...
203
00:16:58,992 --> 00:16:59,904
am I going too?
204
00:17:05,408 --> 00:17:07,234
say the incantation.
205
00:17:59,493 --> 00:18:04,067
They've gone into
the Tunnels of Time!
206
00:18:10,369 --> 00:18:11,530
What's that noise?
207
00:18:11,744 --> 00:18:12,573
What did you step on?
208
00:18:14,202 --> 00:18:15,067
Rotten eggs.
209
00:18:15,744 --> 00:18:17,367
I forgot the quail eggs.
210
00:18:19,119 --> 00:18:20,825
What a catastrophe!
211
00:19:06,995 --> 00:19:08,453
stand up, peasant.
212
00:19:08,662 --> 00:19:09,361
Where are We?
213
00:19:10,370 --> 00:19:11,235
And our friends?
214
00:19:11,454 --> 00:19:12,698
This isn't my Forest.
215
00:19:13,454 --> 00:19:14,911
The wizard misled us!
216
00:19:16,121 --> 00:19:18,195
We have tWo legs, sire.
And tWo arms.
217
00:19:18,412 --> 00:19:20,403
'Tis miracle enough.
218
00:19:20,996 --> 00:19:23,947
Fetch me a horse.
Make haste!
219
00:20:10,622 --> 00:20:12,696
Pugh! It stinketh!
220
00:20:25,414 --> 00:20:26,196
He's crazy!
221
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:32,872
sire! A Moor!
222
00:20:44,165 --> 00:20:46,072
A Moor in the Devil's chariot!
223
00:20:46,290 --> 00:20:48,411
'Tis metal,
With no oxen to pull it!
224
00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:50,111
sire, come see!
225
00:20:55,082 --> 00:20:57,405
Thither, sire! Thither!
226
00:21:01,582 --> 00:21:02,530
They're psychos.
227
00:21:04,249 --> 00:21:05,113
They're psychos.
228
00:21:11,749 --> 00:21:13,372
Psychos!
229
00:21:52,125 --> 00:21:53,618
Whose shield is this?
230
00:21:54,667 --> 00:21:57,120
Lord our Father, We have sinned.
231
00:21:57,875 --> 00:21:59,203
We'll bear this ordeal
232
00:21:59,875 --> 00:22:00,740
to the end.
233
00:22:01,209 --> 00:22:03,200
Give us the courage never to recoil.
234
00:22:03,417 --> 00:22:04,791
We Will obey Thee.
235
00:22:05,709 --> 00:22:07,166
Amen.
236
00:22:20,376 --> 00:22:22,781
It stinketh.
We can't breathe! We're doomed!
237
00:22:23,001 --> 00:22:24,743
No, I smell victuals.
238
00:22:27,543 --> 00:22:29,617
More diabolic chariots!
239
00:22:29,835 --> 00:22:31,327
Let's stay in the Forest.
240
00:22:31,543 --> 00:22:32,159
No!
241
00:22:32,376 --> 00:22:34,414
We can't fight on an empty belly.
242
00:22:35,585 --> 00:22:36,366
Two burgers!
243
00:22:37,293 --> 00:22:39,580
French fries and ketchup!
244
00:22:56,252 --> 00:22:57,366
Yo guys!
245
00:22:57,586 --> 00:22:58,782
Is it Halloween?
246
00:22:59,377 --> 00:23:01,664
You're dressed to go trick or treating!
247
00:23:01,877 --> 00:23:03,157
silence, strumpet.
248
00:23:03,377 --> 00:23:05,783
Take this and go your way.
249
00:23:08,002 --> 00:23:08,950
Leave us be.
250
00:23:09,169 --> 00:23:11,574
Holy Moses!
251
00:23:11,794 --> 00:23:13,702
Are you Tv stars?
252
00:23:13,919 --> 00:23:15,460
shove off! shove off!
253
00:23:15,669 --> 00:23:17,826
I don't want to impose,
Ladies and Gents,
254
00:23:18,044 --> 00:23:22,951
but since you're in show-biz,
do you know any... big-time agents?
255
00:23:25,461 --> 00:23:27,251
Quiet, peasant,
or I'll smacketh you.
256
00:23:27,461 --> 00:23:30,246
It just so happens
I studied song and dance.
257
00:23:30,461 --> 00:23:32,369
If you could get me an audition,
258
00:23:32,962 --> 00:23:34,336
it'd change my life.
259
00:23:35,420 --> 00:23:39,200
What's wrong?
I'm no Worse than Madonna!
260
00:23:39,962 --> 00:23:42,201
Let us leave this vile baWd.
261
00:23:43,879 --> 00:23:45,336
Listen...
262
00:23:56,171 --> 00:24:00,460
still hanging around, sticky fingers?
Give back the steaks!
263
00:24:01,296 --> 00:24:04,412
Watch out!
I'm a political refugee!
264
00:24:04,629 --> 00:24:07,034
I'm sick of your shenanigans!
265
00:24:08,213 --> 00:24:09,587
Ho! lnnkeeper!
266
00:24:09,796 --> 00:24:11,538
You hit the fairer sex?
267
00:24:12,129 --> 00:24:15,709
What the hell do
these two clowns want?
268
00:24:15,921 --> 00:24:17,544
This isn't a hobo hideout!
269
00:24:17,755 --> 00:24:19,959
I am Godefroy of Montmirail,
Count of Apremont
270
00:24:20,171 --> 00:24:22,873
and of Popincourt.
And I lord over my property.
271
00:24:23,088 --> 00:24:24,711
Mr. vautrot! Help!
272
00:24:27,005 --> 00:24:30,287
Call the cops!
The bag lady's bothering Roger again!
273
00:24:32,797 --> 00:24:33,661
Murderer!
274
00:24:34,422 --> 00:24:36,745
Come on, toots!
This guy is gun crazy!
275
00:24:37,297 --> 00:24:38,126
Attack, sire!
276
00:24:38,713 --> 00:24:40,372
On your knees, punk!
277
00:24:40,589 --> 00:24:42,875
Montjoie! st. Denis!
278
00:24:47,672 --> 00:24:49,414
Jacquasse! My Jacquasse!
279
00:24:56,797 --> 00:24:58,705
Easy does it, hot stuff.
280
00:24:58,922 --> 00:24:59,870
Attack!
281
00:25:04,839 --> 00:25:06,581
Montjoie!
282
00:25:07,006 --> 00:25:08,380
Montjoie!
283
00:25:27,048 --> 00:25:28,541
Asylum!
284
00:25:28,757 --> 00:25:29,420
Asylum!
285
00:25:31,507 --> 00:25:33,414
Father, I beseech
the right to asylum.
286
00:25:34,423 --> 00:25:36,793
Mi... Mi, honey.
287
00:25:37,007 --> 00:25:39,412
That's it.
288
00:25:40,257 --> 00:25:42,959
Keep on practicing, love.
I'll be right back.
289
00:25:46,007 --> 00:25:48,045
Hello, Countess? It's Father Herve.
290
00:25:48,257 --> 00:25:49,170
Hello, Father.
291
00:25:49,382 --> 00:25:52,629
Yes, well...
My mass was interrupted...
292
00:25:52,841 --> 00:25:56,420
by a hooligan
dressed in a very peculiar way.
293
00:25:56,632 --> 00:26:00,461
He claims to be
the Count of Montmirail etc, etc...
294
00:26:00,674 --> 00:26:03,423
Quite frankly, he seems off his rocker.
295
00:26:03,633 --> 00:26:06,915
The Count of Montmirail?
Daddy died in '81 .
296
00:26:07,133 --> 00:26:11,707
I know, Beatrice. I buried him. This one
claims to be called "The Hardy".
297
00:26:11,925 --> 00:26:14,164
He has your family arms on his tunic.
298
00:26:14,383 --> 00:26:16,089
Godefroy the Hardy?
How absurd.
299
00:26:17,383 --> 00:26:18,248
Come quickly.
300
00:26:19,508 --> 00:26:20,670
He looks ornery.
301
00:26:20,925 --> 00:26:24,504
Hello? Hello?...
Father Herve?
302
00:26:30,425 --> 00:26:32,215
What is this?
303
00:26:33,009 --> 00:26:34,916
It's the UNICEF calendar.
304
00:26:39,675 --> 00:26:40,339
Hurry!
305
00:26:41,217 --> 00:26:45,958
He's busy praying. He saw today's date
and went into a state of shock.
306
00:26:46,176 --> 00:26:48,545
He claims to be born in 1 076.
307
00:26:48,842 --> 00:26:50,216
He's a crackpot.
308
00:26:54,759 --> 00:26:55,540
My betrothed.
309
00:26:57,343 --> 00:26:58,919
My betrothed.
310
00:27:00,218 --> 00:27:01,841
You are here?
311
00:27:02,093 --> 00:27:04,795
Frenegonde!
My beautiful Frenegonde!
312
00:27:06,009 --> 00:27:07,751
stop!
That totally hurts!
313
00:27:07,968 --> 00:27:09,758
Calm down, you brute!
314
00:27:09,968 --> 00:27:10,584
It is l.
315
00:27:10,801 --> 00:27:12,294
stop. I don't know you.
316
00:27:12,510 --> 00:27:13,209
Frenegonde.
317
00:27:13,926 --> 00:27:16,711
The Countess doesn't know you.
318
00:27:17,135 --> 00:27:18,296
You've made a mistake.
319
00:27:18,510 --> 00:27:20,666
Cease, Father.
320
00:27:22,052 --> 00:27:24,256
Dare I understand?
321
00:27:26,260 --> 00:27:28,132
This fair dame is not my beloved,
322
00:27:28,885 --> 00:27:30,675
but my descendant.
323
00:27:36,260 --> 00:27:37,540
1 000 years betwixt us.
324
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:41,457
Yes. I have to go.
I don't know him from Adam.
325
00:27:42,094 --> 00:27:44,215
I'm from the time of Louis vl.
Help me.
326
00:27:44,427 --> 00:27:45,589
shall I call for help?
327
00:27:45,802 --> 00:27:48,421
No, this very nice man
Won't harm us.
328
00:27:49,261 --> 00:27:50,588
Will 50 francs do?
329
00:27:50,802 --> 00:27:52,758
I must return to my time.
330
00:27:52,969 --> 00:27:54,083
Know'st thou a wizard?
331
00:27:54,303 --> 00:27:57,633
No. sorry, no wizard.
I know the wizard of Oz.
332
00:27:58,136 --> 00:28:00,043
Where is this "Oz"?
333
00:28:00,511 --> 00:28:03,178
Don't budge.
We'll take care of you.
334
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:14,675
Thank you, my sweet.
335
00:28:15,512 --> 00:28:16,257
It's a miracle.
336
00:28:16,470 --> 00:28:18,507
Okay, call the police.
337
00:28:21,178 --> 00:28:23,465
- It's not very Christian.
- Of course it is.
338
00:28:26,637 --> 00:28:27,667
Pugh! How ugly!
339
00:28:27,887 --> 00:28:30,422
Without them,
We couldn't Watch Tv. Here...
340
00:28:30,637 --> 00:28:32,178
Just what the doc ordered.
341
00:28:34,554 --> 00:28:37,303
Thanks, bawd. You're ugly as sin,
but good-hearted.
342
00:28:37,512 --> 00:28:38,542
Ever see your nose?
343
00:28:39,887 --> 00:28:42,293
When you sneeze,
is it typhoon season?
344
00:28:42,512 --> 00:28:44,918
Your wine is fruity,
but a tad watery.
345
00:28:45,137 --> 00:28:47,258
The wine's mine, swine.
346
00:28:51,971 --> 00:28:55,337
What a raunchy eater!
You eat the plastic too?
347
00:28:58,513 --> 00:29:00,089
The wizard was senile.
348
00:29:00,305 --> 00:29:02,295
If I catch him,
I'll skin him alive.
349
00:29:02,596 --> 00:29:04,552
Don't take it so bad.
350
00:29:05,138 --> 00:29:07,010
Those pigs aIways get us.
351
00:29:07,221 --> 00:29:08,880
Is your buddy a wrestler?
352
00:29:09,221 --> 00:29:10,335
I saw him on Tv.
353
00:29:11,597 --> 00:29:13,422
I wanted to be a singer...
354
00:29:13,638 --> 00:29:15,878
but they're all
full of shit in show-biz.
355
00:29:17,847 --> 00:29:18,877
My sire is a warrior,
356
00:29:19,097 --> 00:29:22,095
a trusted aide of our King.
The Count of Montmirail.
357
00:29:22,305 --> 00:29:23,502
Montmirail?
358
00:29:23,764 --> 00:29:25,173
The dentist's old lady?
359
00:29:25,389 --> 00:29:27,012
He couldn't marry her!
360
00:29:27,222 --> 00:29:28,964
That's why we're here.
361
00:29:29,180 --> 00:29:30,377
They're not married?
362
00:29:31,180 --> 00:29:33,883
No kidding!
The nerve of that prude!
363
00:29:34,097 --> 00:29:36,764
she acts so holier-than-thou
at the rummage sale.
364
00:29:36,972 --> 00:29:37,718
What a bitch!
365
00:29:42,597 --> 00:29:43,794
You came so fast.
366
00:29:44,014 --> 00:29:46,681
squadron sergeant-Major Gibon.
At your service, Countess.
367
00:29:46,889 --> 00:29:48,631
I brought the National Guard.
368
00:29:48,848 --> 00:29:49,926
Where's the offender?
369
00:29:50,139 --> 00:29:52,344
My stars!
Your squadron is quite impressive.
370
00:29:52,556 --> 00:29:55,507
He's a bit brutal, but he's just
a poor homeless person.
371
00:29:55,723 --> 00:29:56,920
They're back-up.
372
00:29:57,140 --> 00:29:58,798
This is Doctor Bauvin.
373
00:30:00,598 --> 00:30:02,838
First we'll talk to him.
size up the beast.
374
00:30:03,056 --> 00:30:05,971
Let's go, Bauvin.
375
00:30:07,598 --> 00:30:08,297
Good luck!
376
00:30:16,348 --> 00:30:17,178
Where is she?
377
00:30:17,390 --> 00:30:19,511
Enough!
ldentity papers! Green card!
378
00:30:19,724 --> 00:30:21,595
Psychology, sergeant-Major.
379
00:30:21,807 --> 00:30:24,047
Hello there.
Are you from around here?
380
00:30:24,265 --> 00:30:25,639
Bow down before me,
381
00:30:25,849 --> 00:30:26,962
and I shall be clement.
382
00:30:27,182 --> 00:30:29,587
Why the costume?
Are you an actor?
383
00:30:29,807 --> 00:30:30,755
Is this for Tv?
384
00:30:32,807 --> 00:30:34,964
Candid Camera?
should I smile?
385
00:30:35,557 --> 00:30:37,513
Where is my descendant?
Answer or die!
386
00:30:37,724 --> 00:30:40,509
Let me, sergeant-Major.
He's a sicko!
387
00:30:40,724 --> 00:30:43,675
A little shot
and you'll be good as new.
388
00:30:43,891 --> 00:30:46,012
Give me your arm.
389
00:30:53,225 --> 00:30:56,388
Officer, send in
your men on the double!
390
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,349
He's a maniac!
He took the doctor hostage!
391
00:31:16,267 --> 00:31:18,222
Thanks for coming!
392
00:31:25,059 --> 00:31:27,263
Montjoie! st. Denis!
393
00:31:31,684 --> 00:31:33,342
Toil, toil! Never recoil!
394
00:31:40,893 --> 00:31:44,341
I have a horrible doubt. This tramp
just may be part of my family.
395
00:31:44,559 --> 00:31:45,175
What?
396
00:31:45,393 --> 00:31:47,881
"Montjoie" is the battle cry
of French knights.
397
00:31:49,810 --> 00:31:53,720
"Toil! Never recoil!"
is the motto of Godefroy the Hardy.
398
00:31:53,935 --> 00:31:55,427
It's my family's motto.
399
00:31:55,643 --> 00:31:57,385
Now you have doubts?
400
00:31:58,101 --> 00:31:59,381
He's calmed doWn.
401
00:31:59,601 --> 00:32:02,802
Hold him down.
I'll put him to sleep.
402
00:32:12,519 --> 00:32:14,639
No, my mistake!
I never saw him before.
403
00:32:15,310 --> 00:32:17,135
It can't hurt.
I killed the nerve.
404
00:32:17,435 --> 00:32:18,679
Jean-Pierre, come here.
405
00:32:18,894 --> 00:32:19,924
Excuse me, ma'am.
406
00:32:20,394 --> 00:32:21,721
I'll just be a minute.
407
00:32:23,394 --> 00:32:25,633
Do you remember my cousin Hubert?
408
00:32:25,852 --> 00:32:27,559
Martha's son. Naval Academy.
409
00:32:27,769 --> 00:32:29,807
The race car driver?
I never met him.
410
00:32:30,019 --> 00:32:33,183
Obviously. He disappeared
in Borneo before our marriage.
411
00:32:33,394 --> 00:32:35,017
- I think he's alive.
- What?
412
00:32:35,228 --> 00:32:37,681
As wacky as it sounds,
today's Tarzan...
413
00:32:37,894 --> 00:32:40,015
is probably Hubert.
He's totally changed.
414
00:32:40,228 --> 00:32:41,555
You said he was a bum.
415
00:32:41,769 --> 00:32:43,227
He had family air.
416
00:32:43,436 --> 00:32:46,387
The sensual nose,
the large forehead...
417
00:32:46,645 --> 00:32:49,845
You meet a derelict
With a shiny red schnozz, and noW...
418
00:32:50,061 --> 00:32:51,851
he's a long-lost sensual cousin!
419
00:32:52,061 --> 00:32:53,602
A cousin with our arms!
420
00:32:53,811 --> 00:32:55,719
Don't just stand there.
Come look.
421
00:32:58,312 --> 00:33:00,349
Look. The Montmirail family album.
422
00:33:01,187 --> 00:33:03,094
Here's our first Count,
Godefroy The Hardy.
423
00:33:03,312 --> 00:33:05,137
It's the same nose and forehead.
424
00:33:05,353 --> 00:33:08,470
That's a 900-year old drawing.
What's the link with Hubert?
425
00:33:08,687 --> 00:33:11,602
I'll call the castle.
When Hubert was 1 9,
426
00:33:11,812 --> 00:33:14,016
he posed for the last
family portrait.
427
00:33:14,229 --> 00:33:15,638
A wild-goose chase!
428
00:33:24,687 --> 00:33:26,844
Beatrice Goulard de Montmirail
for Mr. Jacquart.
429
00:33:27,062 --> 00:33:29,468
Hello, Countess. It's Frederick.
430
00:33:29,687 --> 00:33:31,228
Fred, is Jacques-Henri there?
431
00:33:31,438 --> 00:33:34,684
One minute. A word of warning:
he's repairing the boiler.
432
00:33:34,896 --> 00:33:35,761
He's on edge.
433
00:33:35,979 --> 00:33:36,725
Jacques-Henri!
434
00:33:38,229 --> 00:33:40,019
Why did you jerk
the lever so violently?
435
00:33:40,229 --> 00:33:41,343
You asked me to.
436
00:33:41,563 --> 00:33:42,842
spare me.
437
00:33:43,063 --> 00:33:45,349
My stunning vest
is now a filthy rag.
438
00:33:45,563 --> 00:33:46,842
Jacques-Henri!
439
00:33:47,063 --> 00:33:48,853
Why are you shouting?
440
00:33:49,063 --> 00:33:50,141
Beatrice de Montmirail.
441
00:33:50,355 --> 00:33:51,895
What a ball-buster.
442
00:33:52,105 --> 00:33:52,969
Jacquart?
443
00:33:53,188 --> 00:33:54,302
Jacquart?
444
00:33:54,522 --> 00:33:55,137
Yes?
445
00:33:55,355 --> 00:33:56,682
Boiler trouble?
446
00:33:56,897 --> 00:33:58,094
The burner is ruined.
447
00:33:58,313 --> 00:34:00,269
Jean-Francois yanked on the lever.
448
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:01,642
Oil spurt out.
449
00:34:01,855 --> 00:34:04,770
I was nearly disfigured.
Not to mention my jacket.
450
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:06,973
No one is of any help.
451
00:34:08,314 --> 00:34:09,511
At least no one died.
452
00:34:09,730 --> 00:34:10,725
Thank God.
453
00:34:10,939 --> 00:34:11,933
I have a problem too.
454
00:34:12,147 --> 00:34:13,521
Can I ask you a favor?
455
00:34:15,439 --> 00:34:18,437
Go upstairs to the Gallery.
In our last family portrait...
456
00:34:18,647 --> 00:34:20,851
there's a Royal Navy cadet.
457
00:34:21,064 --> 00:34:24,726
second row. The kepi with a feather.
Do you have a Pola?
458
00:34:24,939 --> 00:34:25,555
A what?
459
00:34:25,772 --> 00:34:29,055
A Polaroid, Jacques.
The children threw ours in the toilet.
460
00:34:29,273 --> 00:34:32,520
We have no "Pola". And my name
is Jacques-Henri, not Jacques.
461
00:34:32,731 --> 00:34:37,353
Try to understand, Jacquart/
my cousin is in an insane asylum
462
00:34:37,606 --> 00:34:38,471
by accident.
463
00:34:38,689 --> 00:34:40,147
I can't help your cousin.
464
00:34:40,356 --> 00:34:41,137
We're busy.
465
00:34:42,565 --> 00:34:45,646
The Bernay and Bernay Bank
is here for a seminar.
466
00:34:45,856 --> 00:34:48,061
Edgar Bernay will be
bathing in cold water.
467
00:34:48,273 --> 00:34:51,520
so, even if I had a "Pola",
I wouldn't take your picture.
468
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:54,893
Okay, I'll hang up.
I'll deal with this myself.
469
00:34:55,107 --> 00:34:56,055
Toodle-oo.
470
00:34:57,982 --> 00:34:58,930
Good riddance.
471
00:35:00,648 --> 00:35:01,347
sir...
472
00:35:01,565 --> 00:35:02,181
Yes.
473
00:35:02,399 --> 00:35:05,681
The rooms are horribly humid.
Mr. Bernay is sneezing non-stop.
474
00:35:05,899 --> 00:35:08,850
He wanted to relax
after his speech on sponsoring.
475
00:35:09,107 --> 00:35:10,516
so he took a shower.
476
00:35:10,732 --> 00:35:11,396
Ice-cold.
477
00:35:11,607 --> 00:35:12,981
His head is full of shampoo.
478
00:35:13,191 --> 00:35:15,477
If you can't get the hot water back,
479
00:35:15,691 --> 00:35:17,681
We'll have to cut short the seminar.
480
00:35:18,982 --> 00:35:20,440
Does the lnstamatic work?
481
00:35:20,691 --> 00:35:22,765
I'm draining Mrs. Pelissier's molar.
482
00:35:23,399 --> 00:35:24,513
It'll be fine.
483
00:35:25,274 --> 00:35:27,348
This is the Montmirail's house.
484
00:35:33,066 --> 00:35:34,973
Take it easy!
485
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:39,355
They'll bawI us out. stop!
486
00:35:39,566 --> 00:35:41,640
They'll call the cops
for noise pollution.
487
00:35:41,858 --> 00:35:43,648
Try ringing the bell.
488
00:35:48,067 --> 00:35:50,520
Knock it off!
They'll kick us out!
489
00:35:59,817 --> 00:36:02,388
Jacquart,
Why are you dressed like that?
490
00:36:03,984 --> 00:36:05,181
Excuse our excessive chiming,
491
00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:06,728
your Grace...
492
00:36:06,942 --> 00:36:07,937
Lady Frenegonde!
493
00:36:09,025 --> 00:36:10,602
Let me go! You're crazy!
494
00:36:13,484 --> 00:36:14,645
she's my mistress!
495
00:36:14,859 --> 00:36:15,558
What?
496
00:36:15,776 --> 00:36:17,434
Jean-Pierre, come here.
497
00:36:17,651 --> 00:36:19,855
Jacquart is calling me
"Frenegonde" too.
498
00:36:20,067 --> 00:36:21,975
You slept with her?
Don't worry.
499
00:36:22,693 --> 00:36:25,607
He looks weird but he's pals
With Montmirail the stuntman.
500
00:36:26,109 --> 00:36:27,436
Montmirail the stuntman?
501
00:36:27,651 --> 00:36:30,602
You must mean Hubert,
the race car driver.
502
00:36:30,859 --> 00:36:31,938
stuntman, wrestler...
503
00:36:32,193 --> 00:36:33,057
race car driver...
504
00:36:33,276 --> 00:36:34,189
same diff.
505
00:36:34,401 --> 00:36:35,515
But who are you?
506
00:36:36,526 --> 00:36:39,773
Jacquasse The Crass.
You don't recognizeth me?
507
00:36:39,985 --> 00:36:43,018
No, I don't recognizeth you.
You're Hubert's friend?
508
00:36:43,235 --> 00:36:45,272
Hubert de Montmirail, whatta hunk.
509
00:36:45,485 --> 00:36:46,894
And so considerate...
510
00:36:47,110 --> 00:36:49,065
Iike you, your Ladyship.
511
00:36:49,277 --> 00:36:51,267
And he gallops
like Kerwin Costnere.
512
00:36:52,068 --> 00:36:54,639
Coward that I am,
I lost track of my sire
513
00:36:54,860 --> 00:36:55,641
at the inn.
514
00:36:55,860 --> 00:36:57,104
They got in a brawI
515
00:36:57,319 --> 00:36:59,025
at Remi vautrot's pit stop.
516
00:36:59,235 --> 00:37:00,230
Whip me...
517
00:37:00,444 --> 00:37:02,067
your Ladyship!
518
00:37:04,194 --> 00:37:05,307
What is it?
519
00:37:07,236 --> 00:37:09,025
- Jacquart?
- Thou know'st me?
520
00:37:09,236 --> 00:37:09,935
What?
521
00:37:10,152 --> 00:37:11,266
A Jacquart from hunger.
522
00:37:11,486 --> 00:37:12,232
I'm lost.
523
00:37:12,444 --> 00:37:13,190
Mr. Goulard...
524
00:37:13,611 --> 00:37:14,440
Yes, hello...
525
00:37:14,652 --> 00:37:15,849
He's a friend
526
00:37:16,069 --> 00:37:17,894
of Hubert's. According to her,
527
00:37:18,111 --> 00:37:21,192
Hubert has become
a stuntman and a wrestler.
528
00:37:21,486 --> 00:37:23,891
What horrible teeth!
Let's have a look.
529
00:37:27,111 --> 00:37:28,521
I'm no mule! Zounds!
530
00:37:28,736 --> 00:37:30,976
That ass bit me!
I need a tetanus shot!
531
00:37:31,195 --> 00:37:33,067
He might even have rabies!
532
00:37:33,278 --> 00:37:35,897
It isn't Jacquart.
I did his bridge-work.
533
00:37:36,111 --> 00:37:38,185
Obviously, Jean-Pierre.
534
00:37:38,403 --> 00:37:40,275
He proves that Hubert is alive.
535
00:37:40,487 --> 00:37:43,105
We have to get him
out of the hospital.
536
00:37:43,862 --> 00:37:44,810
You banged the Countess?
537
00:37:46,903 --> 00:37:47,602
Bitch.
538
00:37:47,820 --> 00:37:51,150
The bum can't come.
My car isn't Noah's ark.
539
00:37:53,945 --> 00:37:54,774
Open the window.
540
00:37:54,987 --> 00:37:56,859
His body odor is unbearable.
541
00:37:58,445 --> 00:38:00,068
He's very, very green.
542
00:38:01,695 --> 00:38:03,567
stop the car.
He's going to vomit.
543
00:38:03,779 --> 00:38:04,809
Wait a second!
544
00:38:05,029 --> 00:38:06,059
Hold it in!
545
00:38:08,862 --> 00:38:09,941
It's coming!
546
00:38:16,029 --> 00:38:17,439
He got it all over.
547
00:38:17,738 --> 00:38:19,645
What a pig!
He puked on my shoes!
548
00:38:21,071 --> 00:38:24,318
Your cousin is very violent.
He nearly castrated me.
549
00:38:24,529 --> 00:38:26,734
Castrated clod!
550
00:38:26,946 --> 00:38:27,775
What?
551
00:38:28,488 --> 00:38:30,111
He saved our King's life.
552
00:38:30,321 --> 00:38:31,067
What?
553
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:32,228
Ah, my youngling.
554
00:38:32,696 --> 00:38:34,486
Why did you abandon me?
555
00:38:36,113 --> 00:38:37,275
Their little red balls
556
00:38:37,488 --> 00:38:38,401
made me sleep.
557
00:38:38,613 --> 00:38:40,320
Master! Master!
558
00:38:40,530 --> 00:38:43,611
Why are you bound?
How much is the ransom?
559
00:38:43,822 --> 00:38:45,066
silence, peasant!
560
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:47,354
The "Iittle red balls" are valium.
561
00:38:47,613 --> 00:38:49,439
50 milligrams. He barely slept.
562
00:38:51,697 --> 00:38:54,648
Apothecary, I demand
to be released immediately.
563
00:38:54,905 --> 00:38:56,019
Calm down.
564
00:38:57,239 --> 00:39:01,280
I am neither sick nor loony.
I come from far, far away.
565
00:39:01,489 --> 00:39:02,519
Yes.
566
00:39:02,739 --> 00:39:05,820
He thinks no one
understands who he is.
567
00:39:06,072 --> 00:39:07,482
Persecution mania.
568
00:39:07,697 --> 00:39:11,442
But it's true. He came from Borneo.
He had an accident during a rally.
569
00:39:12,156 --> 00:39:13,353
Right, cousin Hubert?
570
00:39:13,698 --> 00:39:14,397
Cousin Hubert?
571
00:39:14,614 --> 00:39:16,439
Yes. Hubert de Montmirail.
572
00:39:16,656 --> 00:39:19,607
It's freaky...
he has my father's hands.
573
00:39:20,614 --> 00:39:21,609
You know your name.
574
00:39:22,740 --> 00:39:25,109
He knows nothing.
He's completely amnesiac.
575
00:39:25,323 --> 00:39:27,113
He says he's never watched Tv.
576
00:39:27,323 --> 00:39:29,148
Amnesiac? How tragic!
577
00:39:40,823 --> 00:39:43,028
His last remaining memories are
578
00:39:43,240 --> 00:39:45,030
a few facts from History class.
579
00:39:45,240 --> 00:39:46,235
Elementary stuff.
580
00:39:46,615 --> 00:39:48,523
It's often the case with amnesiacs.
581
00:39:49,699 --> 00:39:52,862
He speaks a hodgepodge
of Latin and Old French.
582
00:39:53,240 --> 00:39:54,781
verbal diarrhea.
583
00:39:54,990 --> 00:39:56,187
Let him go.
584
00:39:56,949 --> 00:39:59,235
- Pawing at him won't help!
- Compose yourself.
585
00:40:00,657 --> 00:40:01,688
Will you free him?
586
00:40:02,032 --> 00:40:04,651
Yes, only because
your husband is a doctor,
587
00:40:04,866 --> 00:40:06,193
and he agrees to take
588
00:40:06,407 --> 00:40:07,355
full responsibility.
589
00:40:07,741 --> 00:40:09,234
Another relative of yours?
590
00:40:09,991 --> 00:40:11,152
No, not at all.
591
00:40:11,366 --> 00:40:13,024
An old friend of Hubert's.
592
00:40:13,241 --> 00:40:14,520
I belong to the Count.
593
00:40:15,699 --> 00:40:16,612
souplette, sire?
594
00:40:16,824 --> 00:40:19,941
Is he a foreigner?
I don't understand him.
595
00:40:20,158 --> 00:40:22,481
Yes, that must be it.
Come, cousin...
596
00:40:25,408 --> 00:40:29,319
Wait! lf you take him,
take his outfit too.
597
00:40:29,658 --> 00:40:32,360
It smells like a billy goat here.
It's repulsive.
598
00:40:37,450 --> 00:40:39,156
Here, take the valium.
599
00:40:39,367 --> 00:40:41,986
If he gets violent,
give him five of them.
600
00:40:42,325 --> 00:40:43,403
Thank you.
601
00:40:45,909 --> 00:40:48,444
Two more lunatics roaming the streets.
602
00:40:49,075 --> 00:40:49,940
sit down here.
603
00:40:50,159 --> 00:40:52,482
Take care of him. I'll get the car.
604
00:40:56,617 --> 00:40:58,075
Lady Frenegonde is strange.
605
00:40:58,284 --> 00:41:00,773
she is not Lady Frenegonde.
she's my descendant.
606
00:41:01,284 --> 00:41:04,448
My great great great
great great great granddaughter.
607
00:41:04,993 --> 00:41:07,149
Your great great
great great granddaughter?
608
00:41:08,201 --> 00:41:09,575
How terrible!
609
00:41:09,784 --> 00:41:13,399
My Crass, we're a 1 000 years old.
It's a living hell.
610
00:41:16,285 --> 00:41:18,192
We must search the dungeon.
611
00:41:18,410 --> 00:41:21,112
Angueran swore to lock up
the wizard and his Book.
612
00:41:21,326 --> 00:41:24,858
With the book, We can concoct
the potion and go back in Time.
613
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:27,364
Drink that again? Pugh!
614
00:41:29,202 --> 00:41:30,659
You'd rather stay here?
615
00:41:33,243 --> 00:41:33,942
Oh no!
616
00:41:40,077 --> 00:41:41,618
Is this too fast, Hubert?
617
00:41:41,827 --> 00:41:43,071
Do you feel sick?
618
00:41:43,285 --> 00:41:46,236
Open your eyes, sire Godefroy.
You'll get used to it.
619
00:41:47,077 --> 00:41:48,984
Why "Godefroy" and not "Hubert"?
620
00:41:49,202 --> 00:41:50,612
Jean-Pierre, he has amnesia.
621
00:41:50,827 --> 00:41:52,617
Godefroy, Henri, suzy...
622
00:41:52,952 --> 00:41:56,400
Wait. Who has amnesia?
Your cousin or that other skunk?
623
00:41:57,369 --> 00:41:58,531
They both do, Jean-Pierre.
624
00:41:58,827 --> 00:42:00,617
Try being more tolerant.
625
00:42:07,786 --> 00:42:09,741
Their feet reek! It's revolting!
626
00:42:09,953 --> 00:42:11,659
What an insufferable ride!
627
00:42:11,870 --> 00:42:14,702
Please...
I didn't smell anything unusual.
628
00:42:19,536 --> 00:42:20,946
Did the kids behave?
629
00:42:21,161 --> 00:42:23,033
- Yes.
- Okay, toodle-oo!
630
00:42:23,245 --> 00:42:26,077
Zounds! What happened to Nature?
631
00:42:26,662 --> 00:42:28,901
Everything is ugly.
There's no room...
632
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:30,661
to go hunting.
633
00:42:30,870 --> 00:42:33,240
The air is heavy.
It stinketh!
634
00:42:33,453 --> 00:42:34,401
I'll say!
635
00:42:34,620 --> 00:42:36,990
And it'll be worse
With the new highway.
636
00:42:38,620 --> 00:42:39,900
Good-bye, Dr. Goulard.
637
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:41,364
Here you go.
638
00:42:41,704 --> 00:42:43,825
It smells gross. Yeeuck!
639
00:42:44,954 --> 00:42:46,233
Like old socks.
640
00:42:46,454 --> 00:42:47,318
Could be.
641
00:42:47,537 --> 00:42:48,864
see you tomorrow, Hilda.
642
00:42:51,912 --> 00:42:53,026
Where is my castle?
643
00:42:53,246 --> 00:42:54,786
We left the castle ages ago.
644
00:42:54,996 --> 00:42:55,860
Unfortunately.
645
00:42:56,079 --> 00:42:58,319
Can you imagine the heating bills?
646
00:42:58,538 --> 00:43:00,777
Anyway, Hubert,
make yourself at home here.
647
00:43:00,996 --> 00:43:02,323
I must go to the castle.
648
00:43:02,538 --> 00:43:03,568
Yes! Yes!
649
00:43:03,788 --> 00:43:05,862
That'll be tomorrow's outing!
650
00:43:06,079 --> 00:43:08,864
Count me out.
I'm over-booked already.
651
00:43:09,205 --> 00:43:09,986
Dinnertime!
652
00:43:10,455 --> 00:43:12,410
Yes! souplette! Good hot souplette!
653
00:43:12,621 --> 00:43:15,821
Yes, Mr... Jacques Kass.
I'll make you some.
654
00:43:20,038 --> 00:43:20,986
He loves soup.
655
00:43:25,913 --> 00:43:28,367
You live in a pitiful dwelling.
656
00:43:28,663 --> 00:43:30,037
'Tis for peasants.
657
00:43:30,247 --> 00:43:32,202
True, our home is simple.
658
00:43:32,414 --> 00:43:35,744
But it's cozy and has lent itself
to some marvelous evenings.
659
00:43:35,955 --> 00:43:36,737
Don't push it.
660
00:43:37,205 --> 00:43:39,445
We weren't counting
on having houseguests.
661
00:43:39,664 --> 00:43:41,073
so go easy on us, Hubert.
662
00:43:41,289 --> 00:43:42,533
You're Cousin Hubert?
663
00:43:42,747 --> 00:43:44,702
O! noble Cousin Hubert!
664
00:43:45,247 --> 00:43:47,203
Now he's calling me Hubert!
665
00:43:47,789 --> 00:43:49,033
They're both crazy!
666
00:43:51,372 --> 00:43:52,071
Listen, peon.
667
00:43:52,289 --> 00:43:53,616
I'm Cousin Hubert.
668
00:43:53,831 --> 00:43:55,075
You, sire?
669
00:43:55,289 --> 00:43:58,204
I don't want
to go back to the loonies.
670
00:43:58,414 --> 00:44:00,322
Call me "Cousin Hubert"...
671
00:44:00,539 --> 00:44:02,660
and never "sire". Understand?
672
00:44:03,164 --> 00:44:03,946
Yes, sire.
673
00:44:05,998 --> 00:44:08,830
stop that, or I'll give you
the little red balls.
674
00:44:11,956 --> 00:44:13,532
Leg of lamb, my sire!
675
00:44:13,748 --> 00:44:14,862
Why "my sire" now?
676
00:44:15,081 --> 00:44:17,652
I don't know, Jean-Pierre.
I just don't know.
677
00:44:19,665 --> 00:44:20,992
Mr... Kass,
that's for tomorrow.
678
00:44:21,207 --> 00:44:23,742
Tonight is cold roast beef
and a salad...
679
00:44:23,957 --> 00:44:25,284
and a Cup-a-soup for you.
680
00:44:25,498 --> 00:44:28,117
If you're still hungry,
you can have some left-overs.
681
00:44:28,332 --> 00:44:29,990
Then a shower and off to bed.
682
00:44:30,207 --> 00:44:33,371
Maybe they can start with the shower.
After such a trying day...
683
00:44:33,582 --> 00:44:35,039
they'll want to wash up.
684
00:44:35,249 --> 00:44:36,113
No servants?
685
00:44:37,790 --> 00:44:40,113
Come wash your hands.
686
00:45:25,334 --> 00:45:26,281
Bea, come look.
687
00:45:26,500 --> 00:45:27,199
What is it?
688
00:45:27,417 --> 00:45:28,329
Come look!
689
00:45:28,542 --> 00:45:29,786
What?
690
00:45:32,042 --> 00:45:34,163
Cousin Hubert, What are you doing?
691
00:45:34,375 --> 00:45:36,247
Can amnesia be this serious?
692
00:45:36,459 --> 00:45:37,916
They're boors!
693
00:45:38,126 --> 00:45:39,583
swimming in the toilet!
694
00:45:41,209 --> 00:45:41,990
Water.
695
00:45:43,167 --> 00:45:43,866
soap.
696
00:45:44,209 --> 00:45:45,583
Hot.
697
00:45:45,792 --> 00:45:47,582
Cold. Okay?
698
00:45:47,918 --> 00:45:49,576
Thank you, gentle Lady.
699
00:45:50,876 --> 00:45:52,417
Gentle lady...
700
00:45:55,334 --> 00:45:56,329
sire Godefroy.
701
00:45:57,876 --> 00:45:59,535
Cousin Hubert!
702
00:45:59,751 --> 00:46:01,742
Lady Frenegonde is
1 000 years old too?
703
00:46:02,376 --> 00:46:04,414
she's not Lady Frenegonde.
704
00:46:04,626 --> 00:46:06,000
she's Lady Beatrice.
705
00:46:06,210 --> 00:46:08,449
How often must I tell you?
706
00:46:09,418 --> 00:46:10,911
Lady Beatrice.
707
00:46:12,543 --> 00:46:14,119
The descendant.
708
00:46:18,210 --> 00:46:20,117
Jean-Pierre, set the table.
709
00:46:20,335 --> 00:46:21,116
The nice plates
710
00:46:21,335 --> 00:46:22,200
or the normal ones?
711
00:46:22,419 --> 00:46:24,244
Jean-Pierre, use mother's service.
712
00:46:24,460 --> 00:46:25,124
Ridiculous.
713
00:46:27,794 --> 00:46:29,749
Here. Help me, you two.
714
00:46:36,502 --> 00:46:38,623
You stupid idiots!
715
00:46:38,836 --> 00:46:41,952
Bea, they're retarded!
They can't even set a table!
716
00:46:45,461 --> 00:46:46,124
Hello!
717
00:46:46,711 --> 00:46:49,282
Don't scream.
It's Jacquart. I'm not deaf.
718
00:46:49,669 --> 00:46:52,703
I'm sorry, Jacques-Henri.
Bea has some family over.
719
00:46:53,294 --> 00:46:54,408
It's not easy.
720
00:46:54,628 --> 00:46:57,330
sorry to bother you.
I'm here with President Bernay
721
00:46:57,628 --> 00:46:59,619
the younger of the two
banking brothers.
722
00:46:59,836 --> 00:47:00,535
A charming man.
723
00:47:01,253 --> 00:47:04,334
Unfortunately,
he has a festering abscess.
724
00:47:04,545 --> 00:47:06,535
Due to the humidity in your hotel,
725
00:47:06,753 --> 00:47:08,910
or your "Royal Raspberry" sherbet.
726
00:47:09,337 --> 00:47:10,995
His face is all bloated.
727
00:47:20,462 --> 00:47:22,915
I'll see your friend Bernie
tomorrow at 8:00.
728
00:47:23,170 --> 00:47:25,244
It's Bernay, not Bernie.
729
00:47:27,879 --> 00:47:28,909
Lady-love...
730
00:47:29,129 --> 00:47:31,415
your skin is as soft as a rose petal.
731
00:47:33,962 --> 00:47:34,661
Hubert!
732
00:47:39,879 --> 00:47:41,420
How exciting to touch you...
733
00:47:41,629 --> 00:47:42,707
to lay beside you.
734
00:47:42,921 --> 00:47:44,912
Who does he want to lay?
735
00:47:49,754 --> 00:47:52,788
Jean-Pierre, you're totally on time.
Let's clean up.
736
00:47:54,046 --> 00:47:55,373
what were you up to?
737
00:47:55,588 --> 00:47:56,915
You're kissing cousins!
738
00:47:57,130 --> 00:47:58,373
- Not at all!
- sorry!
739
00:48:21,464 --> 00:48:22,542
He'll take him.
740
00:48:22,797 --> 00:48:23,792
He's too bad off.
741
00:48:24,297 --> 00:48:25,078
Hello?
742
00:48:25,297 --> 00:48:26,494
What the shit?
743
00:48:27,339 --> 00:48:28,038
shit.
744
00:48:28,381 --> 00:48:30,704
Hello, Jean-Pierre?
ls that Jean-Pierre?
745
00:48:34,881 --> 00:48:35,793
What the hell?
746
00:48:37,839 --> 00:48:39,083
You were sweethearts.
747
00:48:39,298 --> 00:48:41,751
Not at all. He was much older!
748
00:48:41,964 --> 00:48:44,085
You won't admit
you were flirting.
749
00:48:44,298 --> 00:48:48,292
Jean-Pierre, control yourself!
What you're saying is totally offensive.
750
00:48:48,715 --> 00:48:50,207
Is this my castle?
751
00:48:50,423 --> 00:48:51,169
Yes it is.
752
00:48:51,381 --> 00:48:53,502
Where's my watch-tower? My moat?
753
00:48:53,715 --> 00:48:55,089
My draw-bridge?
754
00:48:55,465 --> 00:48:57,669
Is my dungeon intact?
755
00:48:57,923 --> 00:49:00,210
He doesn't even recognize
your castle.
756
00:49:00,423 --> 00:49:02,994
Hub, it was rebuilt
after the Revolution.
757
00:49:03,215 --> 00:49:03,996
The what?
758
00:49:04,423 --> 00:49:05,537
Christ Almighty.
759
00:49:05,965 --> 00:49:08,370
I must go in my dungeon.
760
00:49:09,132 --> 00:49:11,418
Relax. You're hysterical, Hub.
761
00:49:11,632 --> 00:49:14,299
We'll go tomorrow.
But the dungeon is a legend.
762
00:49:14,507 --> 00:49:16,830
Father aIways thought one existed...
763
00:49:17,049 --> 00:49:19,170
but we never found it.
764
00:49:25,841 --> 00:49:27,748
It's like someone imitating a dog.
765
00:49:28,632 --> 00:49:30,374
Listen. It's strange.
766
00:49:36,091 --> 00:49:37,465
I don't hear a thing.
767
00:49:37,674 --> 00:49:38,373
President Bernay.
768
00:49:46,550 --> 00:49:48,208
Now he's gone too far!
769
00:49:48,425 --> 00:49:50,960
He better not have woken
Florian and Ondine.
770
00:49:53,341 --> 00:49:56,789
No! Bea! He burnt
your umbrell-Ahhhhh!
771
00:49:57,717 --> 00:49:58,629
Umbrella.
772
00:49:58,925 --> 00:50:00,204
In the hole.
773
00:50:00,592 --> 00:50:01,705
These eardrops sting.
774
00:50:01,925 --> 00:50:03,832
The dog never complained.
775
00:50:04,550 --> 00:50:07,086
If President Bernay has lost...
776
00:50:07,300 --> 00:50:09,919
just one percent of his hearing,
777
00:50:10,342 --> 00:50:12,712
We'll sue the pants off you.
778
00:50:13,300 --> 00:50:14,627
I've gone deaf.
779
00:50:15,217 --> 00:50:18,713
I'm a little confused...
You're a race car driver?
780
00:50:19,634 --> 00:50:22,122
A boxer? A stuntman?
781
00:50:22,467 --> 00:50:23,664
A movie actor?
782
00:50:25,967 --> 00:50:28,005
Who's the star of the movie?
783
00:50:28,217 --> 00:50:30,173
Do I know him? And the director?
784
00:50:31,843 --> 00:50:34,710
stop the interrogation.
You're exhausting them.
785
00:50:34,926 --> 00:50:36,584
Can't we talk?
786
00:50:36,926 --> 00:50:37,839
Am I boring you?
787
00:50:38,509 --> 00:50:39,374
Ay, indeed.
788
00:50:39,634 --> 00:50:40,416
Charming.
789
00:50:40,634 --> 00:50:41,416
You see.
790
00:50:42,260 --> 00:50:43,503
Will this last long?
791
00:50:43,718 --> 00:50:44,666
Day...
792
00:50:44,885 --> 00:50:45,797
Night...
793
00:50:51,801 --> 00:50:54,753
Please, Mr. Kass,
that's becoming rather grating.
794
00:50:55,135 --> 00:50:57,588
Can't he join us?
It's embarrassing.
795
00:50:57,802 --> 00:50:59,674
He ne'er eats amid nobility.
796
00:50:59,885 --> 00:51:02,172
He is happy to munch
our left-o'ers.
797
00:51:02,385 --> 00:51:03,380
Here, boy.
798
00:51:03,719 --> 00:51:05,259
Thank you, sire Hubert!
799
00:51:05,469 --> 00:51:07,922
He's mashing potatoes into the rug!
800
00:51:08,135 --> 00:51:09,925
Enough! Come sit here.
801
00:51:10,135 --> 00:51:12,422
That would upset him,
right Jacquasse?
802
00:51:12,635 --> 00:51:13,963
You want to sit here?
803
00:51:14,177 --> 00:51:16,002
No, sire Hubert.
804
00:51:16,219 --> 00:51:18,672
In my house, we all eat together.
805
00:51:18,886 --> 00:51:20,426
Nay! Nay!
806
00:51:20,636 --> 00:51:21,666
Obey, peasant.
807
00:51:21,886 --> 00:51:23,047
Your host insists.
808
00:51:23,344 --> 00:51:24,506
It'll be cozier.
809
00:51:27,011 --> 00:51:27,840
There.
810
00:51:30,219 --> 00:51:32,091
My sweet and pretty youngling...
811
00:51:32,553 --> 00:51:33,796
Yes, dear cousin?
812
00:51:34,011 --> 00:51:35,801
If you live in this poor abode,
813
00:51:36,011 --> 00:51:37,468
Who owns our castle?
814
00:51:38,511 --> 00:51:40,383
Jacques-Henri Jacquart. He's...
815
00:51:41,136 --> 00:51:43,293
rather nouveau riche
and a bit affected.
816
00:51:43,511 --> 00:51:47,920
- His family farmed our land.
- A peasant owns our castle?
817
00:51:49,053 --> 00:51:50,961
- A peasant!
- What peasant?
818
00:51:51,345 --> 00:51:52,802
Please! Jean-Pierre
is a peasant too.
819
00:51:53,012 --> 00:51:54,753
And he's a good husband.
820
00:51:54,970 --> 00:51:56,084
He's a peasant? Pugh!
821
00:52:00,387 --> 00:52:01,335
I lost my appetite.
822
00:52:02,179 --> 00:52:03,506
This is too much!
823
00:52:03,720 --> 00:52:05,343
I feel like throwing up.
824
00:52:05,554 --> 00:52:06,548
Did you hear that?
825
00:52:07,762 --> 00:52:08,627
Hear what?
826
00:52:09,970 --> 00:52:13,466
Now he's spitting on me.
Or didn't you notice?
827
00:52:13,721 --> 00:52:14,799
Excuse the oaf.
828
00:52:15,012 --> 00:52:18,295
He is saddened to hear
that a peasant owns my castle.
829
00:52:18,512 --> 00:52:19,176
But why?
830
00:52:19,387 --> 00:52:21,129
My sweet, radiant youngling...
831
00:52:21,346 --> 00:52:23,550
I shall right this horrible wrong.
832
00:52:24,013 --> 00:52:27,343
Jacquart shall render the castle
in exchange for crowns.
833
00:52:27,596 --> 00:52:29,468
If he refuses,
I'll disembowel him.
834
00:52:29,679 --> 00:52:34,052
We'll rip off his stalk
Like we did the Duke of York
835
00:52:34,805 --> 00:52:38,170
We hacked him up
Amid his shrieks and howIs.
836
00:52:38,388 --> 00:52:40,295
We hung him up...
837
00:52:40,596 --> 00:52:43,299
alongside his bloody boweIs.
838
00:52:47,013 --> 00:52:48,589
Bring in the hens.
I'm starved.
839
00:52:48,805 --> 00:52:49,634
Hang who?
840
00:52:49,847 --> 00:52:50,592
Jacquart the Peasant.
841
00:52:50,805 --> 00:52:52,179
Bring the roasted lamb...
842
00:52:52,388 --> 00:52:54,130
the sausage and the beans...
843
00:52:54,347 --> 00:52:55,342
the venison...
844
00:52:56,180 --> 00:52:58,799
Let us feast
to forget this injustice!
845
00:52:59,055 --> 00:53:01,129
Bring in kidney beans and kidneys.
846
00:53:01,347 --> 00:53:03,302
A piglet and a roasted goat.
847
00:53:03,514 --> 00:53:05,753
Well-peppered white swans.
848
00:53:05,972 --> 00:53:07,844
Your whets have
given me appetite.
849
00:53:08,056 --> 00:53:09,714
You just stuffed your faces!
850
00:53:10,639 --> 00:53:11,836
What's this puddle?
851
00:53:13,264 --> 00:53:15,171
The room is totally flooded!
852
00:53:16,722 --> 00:53:18,927
What happened?
853
00:53:22,014 --> 00:53:24,847
They didn't turn off the Water!
They're deranged!
854
00:53:25,056 --> 00:53:26,928
They can't shut off the tap!
855
00:53:27,139 --> 00:53:28,881
send them to the nut house!
856
00:53:29,098 --> 00:53:30,259
Jacquasse, spongeth!
857
00:53:30,473 --> 00:53:31,172
Yes, sire!
858
00:53:35,348 --> 00:53:36,047
Who is that?
859
00:53:39,056 --> 00:53:42,671
Mr. Kass! Not with your poncho!
I'll get some rags.
860
00:53:42,973 --> 00:53:43,921
What is it now?
861
00:53:44,140 --> 00:53:46,972
sorry to pop in, but
President Bernay can't cope.
862
00:53:47,182 --> 00:53:48,094
God knows how,
863
00:53:48,307 --> 00:53:52,217
When Edgar took the phone,
a foghorn sounded in his ear.
864
00:53:52,432 --> 00:53:53,427
I'm not an ENT.
865
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:55,963
But it aggravated his toothache.
866
00:53:56,182 --> 00:53:57,130
Irts trrowwwing.
867
00:53:57,349 --> 00:53:58,379
It's throbbing.
868
00:53:58,599 --> 00:53:59,712
Open your mouth.
869
00:54:00,349 --> 00:54:02,256
How repulsive!
Wait here.
870
00:54:02,765 --> 00:54:04,637
I'm going to fix
Bernaise's tooth.
871
00:54:04,849 --> 00:54:06,638
It's Bernay. Edgar Bernay.
872
00:54:06,849 --> 00:54:09,135
His abscess is incredibly ugly.
873
00:54:09,432 --> 00:54:11,222
We'll be in my office.
874
00:54:11,682 --> 00:54:14,680
Come on, come on! Everyone join in.
875
00:54:17,016 --> 00:54:20,547
Can raspberry sherbet cause
this type of infection?
876
00:54:20,849 --> 00:54:21,963
No idea.
877
00:54:22,599 --> 00:54:25,633
Bad timing, Jacquart.
We're in the middle of a flood.
878
00:54:25,849 --> 00:54:28,801
Did the sewer back up?
It smells god-awful.
879
00:54:29,016 --> 00:54:31,718
Be totally careful
not to knock the bucket over.
880
00:54:31,975 --> 00:54:33,965
Empty the bucket
and sponge hardily.
881
00:54:34,183 --> 00:54:36,138
Ay! Take this rag.
882
00:54:36,350 --> 00:54:39,513
He threw a filthy mop
on my linen jacket!
883
00:54:39,725 --> 00:54:42,509
Mr. Kass, be careful with
Mr. Jacquart's linen jacket.
884
00:54:43,975 --> 00:54:47,175
Mr. Jacquart, meet my cousin
Hubert, long-considered dead.
885
00:54:47,433 --> 00:54:48,381
My pleasure.
886
00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:50,390
My jacket is stained now.
887
00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:52,093
A Hartwood original.
888
00:54:56,684 --> 00:55:00,429
You're a less-bloated
look-alike of your ancestor,
889
00:55:00,642 --> 00:55:03,131
Godefroy the Hardy.
I have his portrait in the castle.
890
00:55:03,351 --> 00:55:04,429
Ay, 'tis l.
891
00:55:09,101 --> 00:55:10,558
Do I have a pimple?
892
00:55:11,226 --> 00:55:13,845
That nose... those slimy eyes.
893
00:55:14,351 --> 00:55:16,306
You're The Crass's descendant.
894
00:55:16,518 --> 00:55:17,430
The Crass? Please...
895
00:55:17,768 --> 00:55:19,723
What a disgrace!
896
00:55:19,934 --> 00:55:21,759
Here, boy. start a-mopping.
897
00:55:21,976 --> 00:55:22,924
Mr. Kass...
898
00:55:23,143 --> 00:55:25,548
Ieave Mr. Jacquart be.
It's not his flood.
899
00:55:27,643 --> 00:55:29,468
- Mr. Who?
- Jacquasse.
900
00:55:29,726 --> 00:55:31,966
What an ugly face!
901
00:55:32,976 --> 00:55:35,761
Your Jacquart is a traitor.
His real name is Jacquasse.
902
00:55:35,977 --> 00:55:38,216
I aIways knew Jacquart
as Jacquart.
903
00:55:43,810 --> 00:55:46,299
Unless he changed his name
to be more chic.
904
00:55:53,977 --> 00:55:57,757
Jacques-Henri, how long have
you had the name "Jacquart"?
905
00:55:58,227 --> 00:55:58,891
Why?
906
00:55:59,186 --> 00:56:03,677
Because you're
the spitting image of Mr. Kass...
907
00:56:03,894 --> 00:56:05,470
and your names are similar.
908
00:56:05,686 --> 00:56:08,719
I have nothing in common
with this gentleman.
909
00:56:08,936 --> 00:56:10,891
Just look at him.
910
00:56:15,394 --> 00:56:17,266
No relationship at all.
911
00:56:18,686 --> 00:56:21,601
I can't find my pouch
in this unholy mess.
912
00:56:21,853 --> 00:56:25,017
Dr. Goulard is a genius.
The abscess is... Oh my! ...
913
00:56:25,228 --> 00:56:27,895
drained.
The President is back in form.
914
00:56:29,061 --> 00:56:30,471
Mr. Jacquart, is this...
915
00:56:30,686 --> 00:56:32,558
- your brother?
- He's not my brother!
916
00:56:32,770 --> 00:56:33,718
I'm Jacquasse The Crass.
917
00:56:33,937 --> 00:56:35,678
sorry, but it's getting late.
918
00:56:36,103 --> 00:56:38,177
I understand. Let's go.
919
00:56:38,437 --> 00:56:39,764
Thank you.
920
00:56:40,395 --> 00:56:41,224
One minute, jester.
921
00:56:42,812 --> 00:56:45,300
Let's make a deal.
I'll buy back the castle.
922
00:56:49,395 --> 00:56:50,177
Take this, peasant.
923
00:56:50,895 --> 00:56:51,843
A down payment.
924
00:56:52,062 --> 00:56:55,392
Jacquart, take care of this.
We'll be in the car.
925
00:56:56,479 --> 00:56:57,391
I'm coming.
926
00:56:57,729 --> 00:56:59,435
My castle is not for sale,
927
00:56:59,646 --> 00:57:00,676
I own it, Count.
928
00:57:00,896 --> 00:57:01,926
Old gold coins?
929
00:57:02,437 --> 00:57:04,594
I have 5 chests full,
and 1 0 of jewels.
930
00:57:04,812 --> 00:57:07,348
This upstart peasant
can't stop me from buying it.
931
00:57:07,563 --> 00:57:10,229
He's got nerve!
This is a fucking democracy.
932
00:57:10,938 --> 00:57:11,719
What's "fucking"?
933
00:57:12,729 --> 00:57:15,976
Jacquart, you've gone overboard.
That was vulgar.
934
00:57:16,188 --> 00:57:19,968
What nerve! I take care
of your Mr. Barbie for a modest fee,
935
00:57:20,188 --> 00:57:23,719
and you humiliate our houseguest.
Apologize!
936
00:57:23,938 --> 00:57:26,427
Who does the hygienist think she is?
937
00:57:28,605 --> 00:57:31,354
shameless liar!
lf you're proud of your family,
938
00:57:31,563 --> 00:57:33,186
Why change your name?
939
00:57:33,397 --> 00:57:35,138
What is the heinous secret?
940
00:57:35,355 --> 00:57:39,396
An ogre? A witch? A child-slayer?
941
00:57:39,605 --> 00:57:41,477
Hands off, Nazi!
942
00:57:41,689 --> 00:57:45,019
If he can't understand why
Jacquart sounds better than Jacquasse,
943
00:57:45,230 --> 00:57:47,055
he should see a shrink.
944
00:57:48,480 --> 00:57:51,313
I don't get it.
You're Jacquart's brother?
945
00:57:52,272 --> 00:57:53,350
His brother?
946
00:57:54,439 --> 00:57:55,387
Were you serious
947
00:57:55,606 --> 00:57:57,098
about buying back the castle?
948
00:57:57,397 --> 00:57:59,056
A gift for you, my youngling.
949
00:57:59,814 --> 00:58:00,762
I'm tired.
950
00:58:00,981 --> 00:58:02,390
That's right. Bedtime!
951
00:58:03,731 --> 00:58:05,935
How about some herbal tea, Hub?
952
00:58:07,481 --> 00:58:08,808
Amnesia...
953
00:58:09,731 --> 00:58:11,105
Cousin Hubert.
954
00:58:11,314 --> 00:58:14,099
The new sire of the castle
is a Jacquasse?
955
00:58:14,690 --> 00:58:19,015
My God, how can that be?
Peasants have become sires.
956
00:58:19,898 --> 00:58:21,307
Let us pray.
957
00:58:27,607 --> 00:58:28,981
Jacquasse!
958
00:58:45,024 --> 00:58:45,723
Beatrice!
959
00:58:46,315 --> 00:58:48,022
They're praying now!
960
00:58:54,191 --> 00:58:56,016
Don't scream. Let them pray.
961
00:58:56,316 --> 00:58:57,015
Mommy...
962
00:58:57,232 --> 00:58:59,437
There are bums in the living room.
963
00:58:59,649 --> 00:59:01,308
Now they've woken the kids.
964
00:59:03,524 --> 00:59:04,804
The lineage!
965
00:59:14,358 --> 00:59:16,598
Your brother is
the Count of Montmirail's valet?
966
00:59:16,816 --> 00:59:17,646
I have no brother!
967
00:59:18,316 --> 00:59:19,098
Older or younger?
968
00:59:19,316 --> 00:59:20,975
We're not brothers!
969
00:59:21,191 --> 00:59:22,021
I'm an only son.
970
00:59:22,233 --> 00:59:24,188
We don't have the same name!
971
00:59:24,692 --> 00:59:26,019
He smells awful.
972
00:59:26,442 --> 00:59:28,847
still, it was smart
to change your name.
973
00:59:29,067 --> 00:59:31,472
I once had a friend
named Francois Twat.
974
00:59:31,692 --> 00:59:34,145
He changed it to watt.
It changed his life.
975
00:59:34,359 --> 00:59:36,598
Jacquasse is just too much!
976
00:59:36,817 --> 00:59:37,765
I'll say.
977
00:59:37,984 --> 00:59:41,396
sorry, my name is not
Jacques Asse, but Jacquart.
978
00:59:41,692 --> 00:59:43,564
They're ugly.
They stink. Gross!
979
00:59:43,775 --> 00:59:45,517
Cousin Hubert is not a burglar.
980
00:59:45,734 --> 00:59:48,020
His friend is not a smelly witch.
981
00:59:48,484 --> 00:59:51,186
Cousin Hubert and Mr. Kass,
let the children see you.
982
00:59:52,401 --> 00:59:54,024
Nighty night, kidlings.
983
00:59:59,359 --> 01:00:02,061
Don't stand there!
You'll scare them to death!
984
01:00:05,026 --> 01:00:06,519
You scared them, Jean-Pierre.
985
01:00:06,734 --> 01:00:07,599
Come on.
986
01:00:07,901 --> 01:00:10,306
Lather up well. Especially your feet.
987
01:00:10,985 --> 01:00:14,018
soap and bath salt.
Help yourself... please.
988
01:00:14,776 --> 01:00:15,771
I'll leave you.
989
01:00:16,818 --> 01:00:18,690
- What's wrong with our feet?
- I don't know.
990
01:00:18,902 --> 01:00:20,976
Another peasant ruse, no doubt.
991
01:00:21,943 --> 01:00:23,187
It boil'st.
992
01:00:25,652 --> 01:00:26,682
The ointments.
993
01:00:56,236 --> 01:00:57,777
Jacquasse, scrub me.
994
01:00:58,403 --> 01:00:59,232
strange brush.
995
01:01:00,111 --> 01:01:01,059
It'll do fine.
996
01:01:04,986 --> 01:01:06,016
How is it going?
997
01:01:06,820 --> 01:01:08,645
I have finished my ablutions.
998
01:01:10,111 --> 01:01:11,225
Your turn.
999
01:01:11,445 --> 01:01:13,317
Nay, sire. I bathed last month
1000
01:01:13,528 --> 01:01:14,725
in the river.
1001
01:01:15,403 --> 01:01:17,275
I said it's your turn.
1002
01:01:17,487 --> 01:01:18,351
It boil'st!
1003
01:01:18,570 --> 01:01:20,027
What are they up to?
1004
01:01:20,237 --> 01:01:21,729
Why the uproar?
1005
01:01:22,612 --> 01:01:24,733
My Jacquasse is a-scrubbing.
1006
01:01:24,945 --> 01:01:27,268
I'll dry off in the chimney corner.
1007
01:01:32,820 --> 01:01:35,523
The entire bottle!
6000 francs down the drain!
1008
01:01:36,362 --> 01:01:38,021
Don't pull the plug!
1009
01:01:38,404 --> 01:01:41,272
I shall miss thee, lady-love
1010
01:01:42,362 --> 01:01:47,648
WhiIst I fight in the Crusades
1011
01:01:48,571 --> 01:01:53,193
Leaving you behind, turtle-dove
1012
01:01:54,654 --> 01:02:00,402
Darkens my heart, 'fore I fight
1013
01:02:03,071 --> 01:02:06,022
I can't stand it any more.
1014
01:02:06,363 --> 01:02:07,393
Take a valium.
1015
01:02:09,530 --> 01:02:10,394
sire,
1016
01:02:11,405 --> 01:02:13,858
Jacquart... Is he
my great great grandson?
1017
01:02:14,613 --> 01:02:15,561
Yes, my Jacquasse.
1018
01:02:16,072 --> 01:02:18,228
Poor you. Let's sleep.
1019
01:02:21,488 --> 01:02:23,278
It's mushy like porridge.
1020
01:02:32,114 --> 01:02:33,144
What now?
1021
01:02:33,364 --> 01:02:37,227
Beatrice, tell me about
the kingdom since Louis the Fat.
1022
01:02:37,906 --> 01:02:39,778
Now?
Are you kidding?
1023
01:02:39,989 --> 01:02:40,902
Jean-Pierre!
1024
01:02:44,364 --> 01:02:46,853
This is an evil book.
I like it not.
1025
01:02:47,073 --> 01:02:49,063
It's the encyclopedia.
It has everything.
1026
01:02:49,364 --> 01:02:52,695
Nothing on Godefroy de Montmirail,
When he saved our King,
1027
01:02:52,906 --> 01:02:54,447
during the Battle of Monthlery?
1028
01:02:54,656 --> 01:02:56,232
Not a word.
1029
01:02:56,448 --> 01:02:57,111
Really?
1030
01:02:57,323 --> 01:03:00,274
But his courage is renown
from Poitou to savoie.
1031
01:03:00,490 --> 01:03:03,239
Godefroy the Hardy,
Louis the Fat... no one cares.
1032
01:03:04,073 --> 01:03:06,822
Our most famous family member
is Gonzague de Montmirail.
1033
01:03:07,031 --> 01:03:09,105
Born in 1 754. Remember?
1034
01:03:09,323 --> 01:03:10,069
No.
1035
01:03:10,282 --> 01:03:12,521
He fought the Revolution
against the rich,
1036
01:03:13,282 --> 01:03:15,605
so they'd share their land
With the peasants.
1037
01:03:15,823 --> 01:03:16,522
What?
1038
01:03:16,740 --> 01:03:19,572
He helped create
the Republic with La Fayette.
1039
01:03:19,782 --> 01:03:22,187
But he wasn't rewarded for his courage.
1040
01:03:22,407 --> 01:03:24,197
Robespierre had him decapitated.
1041
01:03:24,907 --> 01:03:27,360
A fine man, this Robespierre.
1042
01:03:28,282 --> 01:03:29,775
Why do you say that?
1043
01:03:31,907 --> 01:03:34,194
Why is Mr. Kass spying on us?
1044
01:03:34,407 --> 01:03:35,604
What infamy, my Jacquasse.
1045
01:03:35,824 --> 01:03:40,114
Peasants no longer pay taxes.
No more tallage, nor tithers.
1046
01:03:41,074 --> 01:03:43,479
How unfair.
We must return home.
1047
01:03:45,283 --> 01:03:47,024
What's that on your finger?
1048
01:03:48,366 --> 01:03:49,563
It's my seal.
1049
01:03:49,783 --> 01:03:51,240
Your seal?
1050
01:03:51,783 --> 01:03:54,567
It's The Hardy Ring!
You stole it from the castle?
1051
01:03:55,075 --> 01:03:58,689
Call the police. Or Jacquart
may think we're accomplices.
1052
01:03:58,908 --> 01:04:01,313
spare me. I'll return the ring.
1053
01:04:01,533 --> 01:04:04,780
Jacquart will understand
that Hubert is mentally ill.
1054
01:04:05,575 --> 01:04:08,443
Mentally ill.
Lock him up,
1055
01:04:08,658 --> 01:04:10,199
if he's mentally ill!
1056
01:04:11,200 --> 01:04:11,981
Where is Mr. Kass?
1057
01:04:12,408 --> 01:04:13,072
Out there.
1058
01:04:14,075 --> 01:04:16,362
What ripe apples, fair Ginette!
1059
01:04:16,575 --> 01:04:19,858
Come on, no feelies, stud.
1060
01:04:20,075 --> 01:04:23,571
see 'ya. My groupies
are getting impatient.
1061
01:04:24,492 --> 01:04:26,447
Here I come, fans.
1062
01:04:29,367 --> 01:04:30,481
Come on, Mr. Kass.
1063
01:04:47,243 --> 01:04:50,157
Ladies and Gents... for the artiste.
1064
01:04:50,368 --> 01:04:52,240
Ladies and Gents...
1065
01:04:57,326 --> 01:04:58,985
This is incredible!
1066
01:04:59,201 --> 01:05:02,532
A minute ago it was gorgeous.
Now it's raining cats and dogs.
1067
01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:05,731
I am angered that
you think me a bandit.
1068
01:05:05,952 --> 01:05:08,238
I never said "bandit".
Don't exaggerate.
1069
01:05:08,452 --> 01:05:11,533
This ring is mine. A siIversmith
made it for me in Flanders.
1070
01:05:11,743 --> 01:05:12,822
It cost me 1 00 ducats.
1071
01:05:13,035 --> 01:05:17,444
That's impossible, Hub.
Father sold that ring with the castle.
1072
01:05:17,660 --> 01:05:19,319
It can't be here and there!
1073
01:05:26,036 --> 01:05:29,532
President Bernay cannot give
his speech in that ruckus.
1074
01:05:29,744 --> 01:05:32,861
There's an old ring
sizzling in a glass case.
1075
01:05:33,077 --> 01:05:35,696
An old ring sizzling in a case?
What next?
1076
01:05:38,619 --> 01:05:42,067
Look! How can we concentrate
on the prospecting?
1077
01:05:42,286 --> 01:05:43,695
It's the Hardy Ring!
1078
01:05:46,828 --> 01:05:49,861
Don't just stand there!
Get a fire extinguisher!
1079
01:05:59,162 --> 01:06:00,441
Make way!
1080
01:06:02,662 --> 01:06:04,487
Open the case!
1081
01:06:06,453 --> 01:06:08,361
It's burning!
1082
01:06:11,162 --> 01:06:12,359
It's broken.
1083
01:06:12,579 --> 01:06:13,657
What an ass!
1084
01:06:14,662 --> 01:06:16,866
What an ass! I'm blind!
1085
01:06:21,412 --> 01:06:22,325
Hold this.
1086
01:06:24,537 --> 01:06:25,532
This is crazy!
1087
01:06:25,746 --> 01:06:28,697
It's pitch black outside!
This is unreal!
1088
01:06:32,079 --> 01:06:34,034
It's hailing now.
1089
01:06:34,246 --> 01:06:36,651
Cheer up, Hub.
We'll return the Hardy Ring.
1090
01:06:36,871 --> 01:06:38,245
All will be forgotten.
1091
01:06:38,454 --> 01:06:40,244
He's The Hardy!
1092
01:06:40,871 --> 01:06:44,319
Mr. Kass, sit back. Did you eat
old goat cheese for breakfast?
1093
01:06:45,455 --> 01:06:47,943
sorry to be blunt,
but I can't open the window.
1094
01:06:48,163 --> 01:06:49,869
stay back there, please.
1095
01:06:50,996 --> 01:06:53,283
The closer we get,
the darker it gets.
1096
01:06:55,830 --> 01:06:57,488
It works. Easy as pie.
1097
01:06:57,705 --> 01:07:00,194
He's a stupid ass.
1098
01:07:01,830 --> 01:07:02,860
Go ahead.
1099
01:07:03,413 --> 01:07:05,902
This extinguisher
Wouldn't put out a match.
1100
01:07:07,914 --> 01:07:09,739
Get out of here, honey!
1101
01:07:10,789 --> 01:07:11,535
It's going to explode!
1102
01:07:12,872 --> 01:07:14,329
What now?
1103
01:07:14,539 --> 01:07:16,494
You have ants in your pants?
1104
01:07:16,747 --> 01:07:19,366
The ring is a-fire!
It's devil work!
1105
01:07:22,997 --> 01:07:25,035
It fell under the seat.
1106
01:07:29,248 --> 01:07:30,788
stop the chariot, girl!
1107
01:07:39,289 --> 01:07:41,245
Help! Call the Fire Department.
1108
01:07:41,456 --> 01:07:45,367
Perfect timing, Jacquart. Hubert
has the Hardy ring, God knows how.
1109
01:07:45,581 --> 01:07:46,825
He brought it back.
1110
01:07:47,040 --> 01:07:49,659
The Hardy ring is here!
It's on fire!
1111
01:07:50,623 --> 01:07:52,116
My seal's a-fire!
1112
01:07:56,790 --> 01:07:59,539
How can it be up there?
It's down here.
1113
01:07:59,748 --> 01:08:01,122
Leave me alone!
1114
01:08:01,332 --> 01:08:03,867
- 'Tis sizzling and boiling.
- 'Tis hissing!
1115
01:08:06,957 --> 01:08:07,952
What are you doing?
1116
01:08:12,582 --> 01:08:13,826
Did you see lightning?
1117
01:08:14,041 --> 01:08:16,611
Wait a sec.
My roof looks like a cauliflower.
1118
01:08:22,374 --> 01:08:23,701
The lightning!
1119
01:08:26,874 --> 01:08:29,789
My Range! Godammit!
1120
01:08:32,791 --> 01:08:33,869
What happened?
1121
01:08:34,083 --> 01:08:37,164
It's incredible. It's nice out again.
Just unbelievable.
1122
01:08:37,375 --> 01:08:41,320
Jacquasse, look how they
changed our beautiful castle!
1123
01:08:41,541 --> 01:08:43,698
Windows galore! We're defenseless!
1124
01:08:44,166 --> 01:08:45,624
A godsend
for the visigoths.
1125
01:08:45,916 --> 01:08:46,662
And the Huttes.
1126
01:08:46,875 --> 01:08:48,782
Pray the dungeon is intact.
1127
01:08:49,250 --> 01:08:50,624
This weather is amazing.
1128
01:08:50,833 --> 01:08:52,207
I don't give a damn.
1129
01:08:54,833 --> 01:08:58,495
My Range! Dammit!
A brand new car with all the extras!
1130
01:08:59,500 --> 01:09:02,747
Look! It's ruined!
It's completely ruined!
1131
01:09:08,125 --> 01:09:09,038
Jacquart!
1132
01:09:09,250 --> 01:09:10,624
There's no lightning rod?
1133
01:09:10,834 --> 01:09:12,492
That's unheard of!
1134
01:09:12,709 --> 01:09:15,114
The explosion
almost maimed the President.
1135
01:09:15,334 --> 01:09:16,412
No one was hurt?
1136
01:09:16,626 --> 01:09:18,865
No, thank God.
Just a car.
1137
01:09:19,084 --> 01:09:20,909
Thank God?
Thanks a lot!
1138
01:09:21,793 --> 01:09:22,491
My limo?
1139
01:09:22,709 --> 01:09:25,660
No, not your limo.
My new Range.
1140
01:09:25,876 --> 01:09:29,076
Don't lie. I can see from here.
The hood is burnt.
1141
01:09:29,293 --> 01:09:32,125
It's not burnt. Not at all!
1142
01:09:32,334 --> 01:09:35,368
Not the roof!
The hood, you idiot!
1143
01:09:35,585 --> 01:09:36,284
I'm warning you:
1144
01:09:36,501 --> 01:09:39,203
if it's burnt,
We'll see you in court!
1145
01:09:39,418 --> 01:09:41,871
No, it's okay.
It's okay! Look!
1146
01:09:42,085 --> 01:09:43,080
Okkk ayyy!
1147
01:09:43,293 --> 01:09:46,291
I'm rubbing it.
I'm polishing it! Look!
1148
01:09:46,502 --> 01:09:48,825
It's so clean I can see myself!
1149
01:09:49,710 --> 01:09:50,954
Look!
1150
01:09:52,002 --> 01:09:53,199
It's okkk ayyy.
1151
01:09:54,252 --> 01:09:55,081
What's so funny?
1152
01:09:59,544 --> 01:10:02,032
Come, Jacquasse.
Let us go to my chamber.
1153
01:10:02,835 --> 01:10:04,791
...that hissing ring!
1154
01:10:05,002 --> 01:10:06,744
Give me Claims Division.
1155
01:10:09,461 --> 01:10:11,202
What kind of ring?
1156
01:10:11,419 --> 01:10:12,533
A signet ring.
1157
01:10:12,752 --> 01:10:15,122
You mean the Hardy ring
Was in its case?
1158
01:10:15,336 --> 01:10:16,580
I don't know.
1159
01:10:16,794 --> 01:10:18,038
Impossible.
1160
01:10:18,253 --> 01:10:19,200
Where the hell...
1161
01:10:19,836 --> 01:10:22,620
Jacqueline, where are you taking
these men?
1162
01:10:22,836 --> 01:10:24,163
To the Hardy suite.
1163
01:10:24,753 --> 01:10:27,206
Innkeeper,
We'll be here several nights.
1164
01:10:27,586 --> 01:10:30,039
You and your friend?
There's just one bed.
1165
01:10:30,253 --> 01:10:32,290
He'll sleep on a mat
in the halIway.
1166
01:10:32,503 --> 01:10:33,664
Not here, he won't.
1167
01:10:33,878 --> 01:10:35,157
In the stable, then.
1168
01:10:35,378 --> 01:10:38,329
Pity, sire! Not the stable.
I prefer the forest!
1169
01:10:38,545 --> 01:10:42,124
There is no stable. so pay
for the room or go to the forest.
1170
01:10:42,337 --> 01:10:46,117
You understand me, my boy.
You're a kind man.
1171
01:10:46,670 --> 01:10:48,412
Don't touch me.
1172
01:10:48,753 --> 01:10:49,950
I'm not a kind man.
1173
01:10:50,170 --> 01:10:51,828
I'm not your friend
or your brother.
1174
01:10:52,045 --> 01:10:53,503
so dream on!
1175
01:10:55,379 --> 01:10:57,369
You'd let your brother
sleep outside?
1176
01:10:57,587 --> 01:10:59,293
He's not my brother!
1177
01:10:59,545 --> 01:11:00,458
I never saw him!
1178
01:11:00,670 --> 01:11:03,159
so he can sleep
Where the hell he wants!
1179
01:11:03,754 --> 01:11:05,081
You're so obscene!
1180
01:11:05,296 --> 01:11:06,326
Excuse me, ma'am.
1181
01:11:06,546 --> 01:11:08,666
I'm taking
President Bernay his tea.
1182
01:11:08,879 --> 01:11:10,704
What the hell do I care?
1183
01:11:10,921 --> 01:11:11,999
And their deposit?
1184
01:11:12,296 --> 01:11:13,753
No, l...
1185
01:11:14,379 --> 01:11:16,500
You can't stay.
It's very pricey.
1186
01:11:16,796 --> 01:11:20,706
The Count of Montmirail
sleep'st at Montmirail.
1187
01:11:23,713 --> 01:11:25,170
Keep your rotten coins.
1188
01:11:26,421 --> 01:11:27,583
Outside, scuzzballs.
1189
01:11:28,796 --> 01:11:30,834
Relax, Jacques.
Put it on my visa.
1190
01:11:31,046 --> 01:11:34,246
If Hub feels at home here,
it may jog his memory.
1191
01:11:34,463 --> 01:11:35,376
It's worth trying.
1192
01:11:35,588 --> 01:11:39,368
Whatever you say. If you want
to pay top price, be my guest.
1193
01:11:39,588 --> 01:11:40,962
You want my picture?
1194
01:11:41,797 --> 01:11:44,415
Don't stand there.
show them to their room.
1195
01:11:44,922 --> 01:11:45,621
This way, Beatrice.
1196
01:11:48,297 --> 01:11:52,871
sparks are flying!
The boss is angry at his brother.
1197
01:11:53,089 --> 01:11:54,878
This is the Godefroy Hardy suite.
1198
01:11:55,089 --> 01:11:56,830
The 10th century chimney is...
1199
01:11:57,047 --> 01:11:58,705
a vestige of the watch-tower.
1200
01:11:58,922 --> 01:12:01,043
Zounds! It's different!
1201
01:12:01,256 --> 01:12:02,417
Excuse me?
1202
01:12:02,631 --> 01:12:03,625
Leave us, wretch.
1203
01:12:04,756 --> 01:12:05,501
What?
1204
01:12:06,464 --> 01:12:07,838
The Book of spells.
1205
01:12:10,964 --> 01:12:13,879
Holy scrotums!
You look drunk as a skunk!
1206
01:12:14,131 --> 01:12:15,707
Is that me?
1207
01:12:15,923 --> 01:12:17,297
That's an old fool!
1208
01:12:22,506 --> 01:12:23,833
Who's this monster?
1209
01:12:28,048 --> 01:12:29,589
Gonzague de Montmirail.
1210
01:12:29,798 --> 01:12:31,623
The Count Who helped the peasants?
1211
01:12:31,840 --> 01:12:33,001
A foul creature.
1212
01:12:33,215 --> 01:12:35,620
Nay, a saintly man.
1213
01:12:36,632 --> 01:12:38,255
Come.
1214
01:12:52,590 --> 01:12:53,870
what are you doing?
1215
01:13:01,882 --> 01:13:03,340
Jean-Pierre, don't scream.
1216
01:13:03,549 --> 01:13:04,248
I'm not screaming.
1217
01:13:04,466 --> 01:13:06,291
It's expensive, but it's for Hub.
1218
01:13:06,507 --> 01:13:10,371
Two rooms at 2600, plus the suite
at 3600, comes to 6200 francs a day.
1219
01:13:10,591 --> 01:13:11,539
Breakfast included.
1220
01:13:11,758 --> 01:13:12,670
How much?
1221
01:13:12,883 --> 01:13:14,790
Why three rooms?
1222
01:13:15,008 --> 01:13:16,417
I can't leave him.
1223
01:13:16,633 --> 01:13:17,248
Ridiculous!
1224
01:13:17,466 --> 01:13:18,876
so I took a third room.
1225
01:13:19,091 --> 01:13:19,872
You're staying?
1226
01:13:20,091 --> 01:13:21,881
Hurry. I have other things to do.
1227
01:13:22,091 --> 01:13:25,042
- Bea, you can't do this.
- Okay, toodle-oo.
1228
01:13:33,258 --> 01:13:34,668
The torches are rotten.
1229
01:13:34,883 --> 01:13:36,127
sire, I'm scared.
1230
01:13:38,050 --> 01:13:38,998
What are you doing?
1231
01:13:39,217 --> 01:13:43,755
They called me a wretch
and threw me out. Then I heard a noise.
1232
01:13:44,009 --> 01:13:46,462
Open this door immediately!
1233
01:13:46,675 --> 01:13:48,085
Hub!
1234
01:13:53,676 --> 01:13:55,417
Cousin Hubert!
1235
01:13:56,009 --> 01:13:57,751
Mr. Kass!
1236
01:13:57,967 --> 01:14:00,172
They lit a fire!
There's soot everywhere.
1237
01:14:00,551 --> 01:14:02,506
You'll pay the dry cleaner!
1238
01:14:05,509 --> 01:14:06,504
They're not here.
1239
01:14:06,718 --> 01:14:07,997
Jacqueline, did they leave?
1240
01:14:08,218 --> 01:14:10,836
No, sir. I swear.
1241
01:14:11,051 --> 01:14:12,592
Don't start blubbering.
1242
01:14:12,801 --> 01:14:13,714
That won't help.
1243
01:14:14,301 --> 01:14:16,007
His friend's room.
1244
01:14:25,260 --> 01:14:26,717
Where did you come from?
1245
01:14:26,926 --> 01:14:28,549
Hub, what happened to you?
1246
01:14:28,760 --> 01:14:29,589
I need a torch.
1247
01:14:29,802 --> 01:14:31,839
Why were you hiding
in the chimney?
1248
01:14:32,052 --> 01:14:33,082
The Book of...
1249
01:14:33,302 --> 01:14:35,672
We were here. Just visiting.
1250
01:14:36,010 --> 01:14:38,629
visiting.... You were
visiting the chimney?
1251
01:14:38,844 --> 01:14:43,335
We wanted a fire. A soot ball
was blocking the flue. so Jacquasse,
1252
01:14:43,552 --> 01:14:45,507
climbed on my shoulder.
1253
01:14:45,719 --> 01:14:47,460
I started climbing up...
1254
01:14:47,677 --> 01:14:49,419
And we slipped.
1255
01:14:49,635 --> 01:14:50,251
Everything fell.
1256
01:14:50,469 --> 01:14:54,130
No need to explain, Hub.
At 6200 francs a night,
1257
01:14:54,344 --> 01:14:56,584
We can expect
the chimney to be swept.
1258
01:14:56,802 --> 01:14:59,717
There was no soot ball!
1259
01:15:00,344 --> 01:15:01,885
There's nothing!
1260
01:15:05,219 --> 01:15:07,044
Come on.
1261
01:15:09,261 --> 01:15:12,543
Jacqueline, call the roofer.
Tell him I refuse to pay the bill.
1262
01:15:12,761 --> 01:15:14,669
Not if he leaves soot balls!
1263
01:15:14,886 --> 01:15:17,173
Hub, you've got
some explaining to do.
1264
01:15:17,595 --> 01:15:21,340
I am not Cousin Hubert.
I am Godefroy The Hardy.
1265
01:15:21,553 --> 01:15:24,302
I was born
in the year of our Lord 1 079.
1266
01:15:24,512 --> 01:15:28,256
I'm Jacquasse The Crass, his vassal.
I know not my date of birth.
1267
01:15:28,470 --> 01:15:33,625
You're Godefroy, he's Joan of Arc,
and I'm the Queen of England. Okay?
1268
01:15:34,012 --> 01:15:34,675
Okkk ayyy!
1269
01:15:34,887 --> 01:15:35,835
This is the Hardy.
1270
01:15:36,054 --> 01:15:39,052
Despite a vague resemblance,
he was a fat, hairy macho
1271
01:15:39,262 --> 01:15:42,758
Who must have had
chronic halitosis... You know...
1272
01:15:43,387 --> 01:15:45,093
Okkk ayyy!
1273
01:15:45,304 --> 01:15:47,425
what are you doing here?
1274
01:15:47,637 --> 01:15:51,085
I asked for a torch.
Make haste!
1275
01:15:52,804 --> 01:15:54,925
Hubert, stop telling
tall tales.
1276
01:15:55,554 --> 01:15:58,303
And what, pray tell, is this?
1277
01:15:58,929 --> 01:16:00,505
Mere trickery?
1278
01:16:00,929 --> 01:16:01,842
Hub!
1279
01:16:02,888 --> 01:16:04,713
You knew where the dungeon was?
1280
01:16:04,929 --> 01:16:07,134
Maybe we'll find
the Montmirail treasure.
1281
01:16:09,430 --> 01:16:10,887
It's pitch black.
1282
01:16:11,096 --> 01:16:13,964
I'll get my flashlight.
stay put.
1283
01:16:32,889 --> 01:16:33,670
Yes?
1284
01:16:33,889 --> 01:16:35,002
The torches died.
1285
01:16:36,264 --> 01:16:37,176
Can I help you?
1286
01:16:41,347 --> 01:16:43,302
what on earth happened here?
1287
01:16:44,847 --> 01:16:46,755
who is responsible for this?
1288
01:16:46,972 --> 01:16:48,548
'Tis a piece o' rubbish!
1289
01:16:48,764 --> 01:16:50,138
You can say that again.
1290
01:16:50,431 --> 01:16:54,259
If your brother sees this,
it won't be a picnic.
1291
01:16:54,473 --> 01:16:56,095
Cousin Hubert needs a torch.
1292
01:16:56,306 --> 01:16:57,633
A flashlight.
I'll get you one.
1293
01:16:58,514 --> 01:16:59,427
Okkk ayyy!
1294
01:17:02,431 --> 01:17:04,920
Halogen flashlights.
A total must.
1295
01:17:07,348 --> 01:17:08,592
Could someone
1296
01:17:08,806 --> 01:17:11,093
serve me a scotch?
1297
01:17:11,306 --> 01:17:13,593
I need a drink
before the other brother
1298
01:17:13,806 --> 01:17:15,513
arrives to finish the seminar.
1299
01:17:15,723 --> 01:17:16,552
Edgar and Edouard together...
1300
01:17:16,765 --> 01:17:17,843
aren't easy.
1301
01:17:18,057 --> 01:17:19,336
I'm waiting for sire's torch.
1302
01:17:19,557 --> 01:17:20,469
sire?
1303
01:17:21,973 --> 01:17:22,803
Cousin Hubert.
1304
01:17:23,015 --> 01:17:25,136
Hubert de Montmirail
is your cousin?
1305
01:17:26,223 --> 01:17:27,088
How amazing.
1306
01:17:27,307 --> 01:17:29,049
so Jacquart is their cousin too?
1307
01:17:29,682 --> 01:17:31,139
Nay nay nay!
1308
01:17:31,349 --> 01:17:33,256
Aren't you Jacquart's brother?
1309
01:17:33,474 --> 01:17:34,137
No.
1310
01:17:35,015 --> 01:17:36,591
Your mother isn't his mother?
1311
01:17:37,682 --> 01:17:38,961
My mother was Gwendolyne.
1312
01:17:39,182 --> 01:17:40,758
she was devoured by woIves,
1313
01:17:41,182 --> 01:17:43,849
because my father,
on his way to the tavern,
1314
01:17:44,224 --> 01:17:47,257
fell in the icy lake
due to his club foot.
1315
01:17:49,016 --> 01:17:49,797
How awful!
1316
01:17:51,474 --> 01:17:52,339
How freaky!
1317
01:17:52,933 --> 01:17:53,714
Freakkky!
1318
01:17:53,933 --> 01:17:55,758
If I understand correctly,
1319
01:17:55,974 --> 01:17:57,384
you're Jacquart's half-brother.
1320
01:17:59,141 --> 01:18:01,179
Freakkky! Okkk ayyy!
1321
01:18:01,391 --> 01:18:02,339
Freakkky!
1322
01:18:02,725 --> 01:18:03,921
Freakkky!
1323
01:18:04,766 --> 01:18:07,136
Yes, it sure is freaky.
1324
01:18:08,225 --> 01:18:09,765
Jacquart is so secretive.
1325
01:18:09,975 --> 01:18:12,428
There's no shame in having
a handicapped father.
1326
01:18:13,016 --> 01:18:14,806
Okkk ayyy!
1327
01:18:16,475 --> 01:18:18,051
sorry for your father.
1328
01:18:18,267 --> 01:18:19,641
Thank you.
1329
01:18:20,267 --> 01:18:22,637
why did that idiot
mention my father?
1330
01:18:24,100 --> 01:18:27,513
what are you doing in the garbage,
you dirty thief?
1331
01:18:28,017 --> 01:18:28,846
Come here.
1332
01:18:29,059 --> 01:18:32,673
Let go of me, sleazeball.
I'm a Chernobyl victim.
1333
01:18:32,892 --> 01:18:34,006
save it for the cops.
1334
01:18:34,892 --> 01:18:36,799
Lady Ginette!
Release her, peasant.
1335
01:18:37,642 --> 01:18:39,016
Lady Ginette is my friend.
1336
01:18:39,851 --> 01:18:41,888
- she is a friend of yours?
- Yes.
1337
01:18:42,101 --> 01:18:44,672
she is good-hearted.
she is welcome here.
1338
01:18:44,976 --> 01:18:48,139
As you like, sir.
Her head was in the garbage bin.
1339
01:18:48,351 --> 01:18:51,717
If you rummaged in garbage heaps,
you'd have a nicer bow-tie.
1340
01:18:53,518 --> 01:18:55,473
People with money to burn
1341
01:18:55,684 --> 01:18:57,225
dump lots of great stuff.
1342
01:18:57,434 --> 01:18:59,555
Like I found these great stockings.
1343
01:19:03,685 --> 01:19:05,675
what a ripe apple!
1344
01:19:08,143 --> 01:19:09,849
You're letting them in?
1345
01:19:10,060 --> 01:19:12,595
stow it. she's the boss's
brother's broad.
1346
01:19:12,810 --> 01:19:14,007
They'll kick us out.
1347
01:19:14,227 --> 01:19:17,260
Fear not.
The castle belongs to my family.
1348
01:19:17,477 --> 01:19:18,389
No way!
1349
01:19:18,602 --> 01:19:20,142
I'll give you a tour.
1350
01:19:22,394 --> 01:19:23,970
Ladies and Gents.
1351
01:19:26,727 --> 01:19:28,136
That's the office.
1352
01:19:28,352 --> 01:19:30,508
Hold your tongue, wretch.
It is my youngling's office.
1353
01:19:30,727 --> 01:19:32,433
He is kindred.
1354
01:19:36,352 --> 01:19:38,142
what the hell is this?
1355
01:19:39,602 --> 01:19:43,015
Jacqueline, what happened
in the halIway?
1356
01:19:44,019 --> 01:19:44,884
It's your "youngling", sir.
1357
01:19:45,769 --> 01:19:48,851
Those garbage heaps
fall apart if you sneeze.
1358
01:19:49,061 --> 01:19:51,099
worry not. 'Tis my specialty.
1359
01:19:53,394 --> 01:19:54,722
It needs oil.
1360
01:19:54,936 --> 01:19:56,891
who let you in?
It's private here.
1361
01:19:57,145 --> 01:20:00,842
I'm showing our castle to Lady Ginette.
This is my youngling.
1362
01:20:01,061 --> 01:20:01,677
Hi youngling.
1363
01:20:01,895 --> 01:20:03,601
she scuzzed up the Persian rug.
1364
01:20:03,811 --> 01:20:04,510
The game's over.
1365
01:20:04,728 --> 01:20:06,518
Get out,
or I'll call the cops.
1366
01:20:06,770 --> 01:20:08,761
But you're my youngling.
1367
01:20:08,978 --> 01:20:09,760
I love you.
1368
01:20:09,978 --> 01:20:11,768
Thy success makes me proud.
1369
01:20:11,978 --> 01:20:13,175
Let go, scum.
1370
01:20:13,395 --> 01:20:14,390
Freddy, get the dog.
1371
01:20:14,603 --> 01:20:15,302
Brutus?
1372
01:20:15,520 --> 01:20:16,799
There are guests here.
1373
01:20:17,020 --> 01:20:18,134
I don't care!
1374
01:20:18,604 --> 01:20:20,594
Calm thyself, youngling.
we're kin.
1375
01:20:20,854 --> 01:20:21,766
Chill out.
1376
01:20:21,979 --> 01:20:23,685
Enough!
1377
01:20:25,062 --> 01:20:26,140
Freddy, let him loose.
1378
01:20:31,354 --> 01:20:33,925
You flubbed.
That's not the way out.
1379
01:20:34,146 --> 01:20:36,302
we must find the chapel.
My treasure!
1380
01:20:37,354 --> 01:20:38,977
He'll bite off
our family jewels!
1381
01:20:39,646 --> 01:20:43,177
The chapel! The chapel!
The ruined abbey!
1382
01:21:05,897 --> 01:21:07,271
welcome, Mr. Bernay.
1383
01:21:08,022 --> 01:21:09,265
Long trip.
1384
01:21:12,022 --> 01:21:13,183
Holy smoke!
1385
01:21:18,355 --> 01:21:20,512
Holy Moses! You're loaded.
1386
01:21:24,397 --> 01:21:25,559
what about the pooch?
1387
01:21:25,772 --> 01:21:26,436
Your purse.
1388
01:21:27,731 --> 01:21:29,389
we'll trap him.
1389
01:21:53,731 --> 01:21:54,809
I know him not.
1390
01:21:55,023 --> 01:21:56,480
surely one of our enemies.
1391
01:22:14,690 --> 01:22:16,100
My youngling!
1392
01:22:17,232 --> 01:22:18,938
Help!
1393
01:22:21,024 --> 01:22:22,221
Hold on, youngling.
1394
01:22:32,232 --> 01:22:35,017
- without you, I'd have died.
- Indeed.
1395
01:22:40,358 --> 01:22:41,388
Leeches.
1396
01:22:42,608 --> 01:22:44,931
serpent tongues. Rotten fish.
1397
01:22:45,233 --> 01:22:47,768
All the old wizard's potions.
1398
01:22:47,983 --> 01:22:49,559
A book!
The treasure is near.
1399
01:22:49,983 --> 01:22:50,978
The Book of spells.
1400
01:22:58,733 --> 01:22:59,479
All is lost.
1401
01:23:07,358 --> 01:23:08,732
That just opened.
1402
01:23:09,109 --> 01:23:11,562
I'm a little scared.
1403
01:23:14,109 --> 01:23:17,521
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
I'll go first.
1404
01:23:21,151 --> 01:23:21,932
My youngling!
1405
01:23:25,442 --> 01:23:27,599
Hub! Give me some slack.
1406
01:23:28,234 --> 01:23:30,983
Hub, help me!
1407
01:23:33,984 --> 01:23:35,015
Is there a Book?
1408
01:23:37,026 --> 01:23:38,270
- My God!
- what is it?
1409
01:23:38,484 --> 01:23:39,314
There's a note.
1410
01:23:41,610 --> 01:23:43,232
Godefroy de Montmirail.
If you make it here,
1411
01:23:43,443 --> 01:23:46,275
call immediately,
during office hours, 68 77 79.
1412
01:23:46,485 --> 01:23:47,942
Ask for Mr. Ferdinand.
1413
01:23:53,610 --> 01:23:55,186
In here.
1414
01:23:55,402 --> 01:23:56,811
Not you. Only the man.
1415
01:23:57,027 --> 01:23:58,401
- wait.
- sorry, youngling.
1416
01:23:58,652 --> 01:23:59,398
I wanted...
1417
01:24:00,902 --> 01:24:01,565
Great.
1418
01:24:04,068 --> 01:24:06,474
Come closer.
Godefroy de Montmirail?
1419
01:24:06,694 --> 01:24:08,768
The first Count to bear that name?
1420
01:24:08,985 --> 01:24:09,649
Yes, 'tis l.
1421
01:24:09,860 --> 01:24:11,567
I've been waiting 30 years.
1422
01:24:12,194 --> 01:24:12,893
who are you?
1423
01:24:13,235 --> 01:24:16,601
I am the descendant
of the wizard Eusaebius.
1424
01:24:16,819 --> 01:24:19,224
I am charged
to send you back in time,
1425
01:24:19,486 --> 01:24:22,898
so you can save the life of Eusaebius,
who is at this very moment...
1426
01:24:23,111 --> 01:24:24,520
being horribly tortured.
1427
01:24:25,152 --> 01:24:28,234
I prepared the potion,
following the recipe
1428
01:24:28,444 --> 01:24:31,063
in my ancestor's Book of spells.
1429
01:24:31,278 --> 01:24:34,359
Leave that.
The potion is on the shelf.
1430
01:24:39,903 --> 01:24:41,977
The same ghastly odor.
1431
01:24:42,361 --> 01:24:44,435
My ancestor's diary
1432
01:24:44,653 --> 01:24:46,443
mentions your companion.
1433
01:24:46,653 --> 01:24:48,893
- where is he?
- At the castle.
1434
01:24:49,111 --> 01:24:50,439
You must leave with him
1435
01:24:50,653 --> 01:24:54,517
before midnight. Or else,
you'll have to wait 33 years.
1436
01:24:54,737 --> 01:24:57,060
If you don't return to your past,
1437
01:24:57,278 --> 01:24:59,186
another future will take form,
1438
01:24:59,403 --> 01:25:01,229
in which you have no descendants,
1439
01:25:01,862 --> 01:25:04,860
because you never
married and fathered children.
1440
01:25:08,237 --> 01:25:08,901
so?
1441
01:25:09,195 --> 01:25:10,902
what was the big secret?
1442
01:25:11,112 --> 01:25:12,486
Let's return to the castle.
1443
01:25:24,113 --> 01:25:25,689
The chariot that arrested me.
1444
01:25:26,238 --> 01:25:27,979
why the ambulance?
1445
01:25:28,238 --> 01:25:30,359
Ma'am, hurry. It's your husband.
1446
01:25:30,571 --> 01:25:31,649
Jean-Pierre?
1447
01:25:31,863 --> 01:25:34,777
He was furious
that you had hung up on him.
1448
01:25:34,988 --> 01:25:37,856
Then the dog bit him.
Come this way.
1449
01:25:41,905 --> 01:25:43,279
Jean-Pierre, what happened?
1450
01:25:43,488 --> 01:25:46,854
Jacquart's dog bit me
while I was paying the taxi.
1451
01:25:47,405 --> 01:25:50,154
Your husband is baring his ass
to this woman.
1452
01:25:50,488 --> 01:25:52,396
she's caressing his bun'lings.
1453
01:25:52,780 --> 01:25:55,067
she's giving him a shot. OK?
1454
01:25:55,280 --> 01:25:56,394
Get him out.
1455
01:25:56,613 --> 01:25:58,272
I want my shot in peace.
1456
01:26:00,655 --> 01:26:01,437
Excuse me, doctor.
1457
01:26:01,655 --> 01:26:02,982
Excuse us.
1458
01:26:03,197 --> 01:26:04,987
Is this Grand Central station?
I should charge admission!
1459
01:26:05,197 --> 01:26:06,110
You're here.
1460
01:26:06,489 --> 01:26:07,152
Yes.
1461
01:26:07,780 --> 01:26:12,319
Did Brutus attack for no reason,
or did you excite him first?
1462
01:26:12,947 --> 01:26:13,729
Excite who?
1463
01:26:13,947 --> 01:26:16,317
Excuse me.
The dentist hurt himself?
1464
01:26:17,406 --> 01:26:19,480
I'm sick of having
my ass stared at.
1465
01:26:20,948 --> 01:26:24,064
Jean-Pierre, you're paranoid.
No one is staring.
1466
01:26:25,531 --> 01:26:28,363
I have a phone call
for Cousin Hubert.
1467
01:26:28,864 --> 01:26:30,441
Godefroy?
1468
01:26:35,698 --> 01:26:37,107
Monijoie!
1469
01:26:37,698 --> 01:26:41,988
It's Jacquasse, Godefroy.
No use shouting at the little box.
1470
01:26:43,532 --> 01:26:45,238
stop screaming!
1471
01:26:47,615 --> 01:26:50,732
speak calmly
into the little holes.
1472
01:26:50,948 --> 01:26:51,813
where are you, peasant?
1473
01:26:52,032 --> 01:26:55,895
Bowling Alley. with Lady Ginette.
And I'm no longer a peasant.
1474
01:26:56,115 --> 01:26:56,814
Yo, Jacky.
1475
01:26:57,032 --> 01:26:59,864
I roll the ball.
I'm having a ball!
1476
01:27:04,074 --> 01:27:05,780
we're having balls.
1477
01:27:06,699 --> 01:27:07,777
You were a good master,
Godefroy.
1478
01:27:08,241 --> 01:27:09,568
sire Godefroy!
1479
01:27:09,782 --> 01:27:10,446
Yes, Godefroy.
1480
01:27:11,241 --> 01:27:14,073
The best master.
Better than Montfaucon.
1481
01:27:15,241 --> 01:27:16,022
One minute, vassal.
1482
01:27:16,241 --> 01:27:17,864
No vassal.
No more vassals.
1483
01:27:18,074 --> 01:27:20,527
Leave your Lord alone,
peasants.
1484
01:27:21,866 --> 01:27:23,442
who does he think he is?
1485
01:27:23,658 --> 01:27:25,399
Peasants?
what does he mean?
1486
01:27:25,991 --> 01:27:26,607
Problem, chief?
1487
01:27:26,824 --> 01:27:28,104
No.
1488
01:27:28,783 --> 01:27:29,564
Listen up.
1489
01:27:29,908 --> 01:27:31,863
- we can go home.
- Home?
1490
01:27:32,075 --> 01:27:33,318
Beer and Pernod?
1491
01:27:33,533 --> 01:27:34,611
Godefroy, I'm staying.
1492
01:27:34,825 --> 01:27:36,899
The beer and the Pernod:
are they for you?
1493
01:27:37,116 --> 01:27:38,313
Okkk ayyy.
1494
01:27:39,825 --> 01:27:40,938
Lady Ginette proposed to me.
1495
01:27:41,575 --> 01:27:42,440
who's the bozo?
1496
01:27:42,658 --> 01:27:44,696
A lounge lizard
with that floozy.
1497
01:27:45,242 --> 01:27:47,647
she's wearing high heels.
1498
01:27:47,908 --> 01:27:49,022
Come back!
1499
01:27:49,367 --> 01:27:51,156
Best wishes to Lady Frenegonde.
1500
01:27:51,367 --> 01:27:53,523
I'll miss you,
but I'm too happy here.
1501
01:27:53,742 --> 01:27:56,574
You lunatic!
There's nothing for us here.
1502
01:27:57,575 --> 01:27:58,654
I'll make do.
1503
01:27:58,867 --> 01:28:00,146
You're wearing goddamned boots!
1504
01:28:00,367 --> 01:28:03,152
Let me go!
I don't want your scummy shoes!
1505
01:28:03,367 --> 01:28:05,275
Return here hastily.
1506
01:28:05,492 --> 01:28:06,156
I refuse.
1507
01:28:06,701 --> 01:28:09,652
very well. whatever you say.
1508
01:28:09,867 --> 01:28:10,780
You're not angry?
1509
01:28:11,034 --> 01:28:11,815
No.
1510
01:28:12,617 --> 01:28:13,814
we all must die.
1511
01:28:15,243 --> 01:28:18,194
Yes, I must warn you, Crass One.
1512
01:28:18,409 --> 01:28:20,317
I happened upon a wizard today.
1513
01:28:20,534 --> 01:28:24,694
He told me if you didn't return
before the full moon,
1514
01:28:24,993 --> 01:28:26,272
your innards would rot.
1515
01:28:26,576 --> 01:28:27,986
You'll die in great pain.
1516
01:28:28,993 --> 01:28:31,316
I don't believe you.
You want to scare me.
1517
01:28:32,160 --> 01:28:33,736
You're already rotting.
1518
01:28:34,243 --> 01:28:37,075
Take as proof
the fetid odor in your mouth.
1519
01:28:38,618 --> 01:28:40,076
Come back before tweIve,
1520
01:28:40,952 --> 01:28:41,615
or else,
1521
01:28:42,118 --> 01:28:43,149
farewell.
1522
01:28:43,368 --> 01:28:45,822
sire Godefroy. sire Godefroy.
1523
01:28:51,494 --> 01:28:54,657
Excuse my abruptness,
but I'm o'erjoyed to return home.
1524
01:28:54,869 --> 01:28:55,532
Leaving already?
1525
01:28:56,410 --> 01:28:57,026
How nice.
1526
01:28:57,244 --> 01:28:58,653
where do you live exactly?
1527
01:28:59,494 --> 01:29:00,157
Home.
1528
01:29:01,994 --> 01:29:03,238
where is "home"?
1529
01:29:03,452 --> 01:29:05,324
Here and there.
You couldn't understand.
1530
01:29:06,577 --> 01:29:08,118
They're plotting something.
1531
01:29:08,327 --> 01:29:10,365
They were nosing around the chimney.
1532
01:29:10,578 --> 01:29:11,987
Really...
1533
01:29:12,203 --> 01:29:15,615
I'll conduct an investigation
concerning your strange guest.
1534
01:29:15,828 --> 01:29:16,906
Peasant, come here.
1535
01:29:22,828 --> 01:29:24,783
what the hell, ass-breath!
1536
01:29:24,995 --> 01:29:26,736
You smell like a dead skunk!
1537
01:29:30,453 --> 01:29:31,401
where is Lady Beatrice?
1538
01:29:31,620 --> 01:29:32,864
she's upstairs changing.
1539
01:29:33,245 --> 01:29:36,196
Your cousin has agreed
to dine with Mr. Bernay
1540
01:29:36,412 --> 01:29:37,691
of the Bernay and Bernay Bank.
1541
01:29:38,078 --> 01:29:41,029
Our bank has aIways
appreciated the aristocracy.
1542
01:29:41,245 --> 01:29:44,113
May the Lord bless you,
kind Bernay and Bernay.
1543
01:29:45,079 --> 01:29:46,192
Is he teasing me?
1544
01:29:46,412 --> 01:29:47,490
I doubt it.
1545
01:29:53,162 --> 01:29:55,449
To think my ancestors
built all this!
1546
01:29:55,662 --> 01:29:58,411
- That dungeon is to die for!
- we almost did.
1547
01:29:58,662 --> 01:30:01,151
- what were you doing?
- I was showing...
1548
01:30:01,371 --> 01:30:03,694
my all-too-logical husband
how we almost
1549
01:30:03,912 --> 01:30:05,192
found the treasure.
1550
01:30:05,412 --> 01:30:06,870
You played doctor there?
1551
01:30:07,746 --> 01:30:09,404
Leave me now.
1552
01:30:13,496 --> 01:30:15,037
You called me, Mr. Bernay?
1553
01:30:15,996 --> 01:30:17,026
Tell me, Jacquart,
1554
01:30:18,038 --> 01:30:19,579
is your cousin Montmirail
1555
01:30:19,871 --> 01:30:21,862
a little la-dee-dah-ish?
1556
01:30:22,080 --> 01:30:23,359
what is la-dee-dah-ish?
1557
01:30:23,705 --> 01:30:27,568
Anyone can have a gay cousin
and an alcoholic father.
1558
01:30:28,330 --> 01:30:30,404
There's no cause for embarrassment.
1559
01:30:30,622 --> 01:30:32,991
who are you to insult
my happily-retired father?
1560
01:30:33,205 --> 01:30:34,995
Do I ask if your father farts?
1561
01:30:35,205 --> 01:30:37,361
Or if your wife boozes it up
in the closet?
1562
01:30:38,413 --> 01:30:40,949
Talking about his family
is a major taboo.
1563
01:30:44,664 --> 01:30:45,861
You know the dungeon?
1564
01:30:46,622 --> 01:30:47,368
what is this?
1565
01:30:48,289 --> 01:30:50,955
You entered my chamber
without requesting audience?
1566
01:30:51,164 --> 01:30:53,996
Anything found in the dungeon
belongs to the hotel.
1567
01:30:54,414 --> 01:30:55,611
whatever it's worth.
1568
01:30:56,039 --> 01:30:57,413
what is that? Crack?
1569
01:30:57,622 --> 01:30:58,570
LsD?
1570
01:30:58,789 --> 01:31:00,863
Hand it over.
I'll have it analyzed.
1571
01:31:03,289 --> 01:31:04,995
No tricks! I'm armed!
1572
01:31:07,414 --> 01:31:09,784
Hilda? still there? Lucky me.
1573
01:31:10,164 --> 01:31:13,612
Jump in a taxi and bring me
my black cocktail dress.
1574
01:31:13,831 --> 01:31:14,945
we have a dinner.
1575
01:31:15,623 --> 01:31:16,701
Hub, knock first!
1576
01:31:18,456 --> 01:31:19,487
The little red balls.
1577
01:31:22,165 --> 01:31:22,994
what now?
1578
01:31:23,206 --> 01:31:25,078
You want a tranquilizer, Hub?
1579
01:31:25,498 --> 01:31:26,279
what's wrong?
1580
01:31:27,165 --> 01:31:30,116
He's making progress.
He realizes he's cracking up.
1581
01:31:30,332 --> 01:31:31,789
Maybe he'll ask to be locked up.
1582
01:31:31,998 --> 01:31:33,823
I am totally disappointed in you.
1583
01:31:34,623 --> 01:31:35,453
I swear.
1584
01:31:36,123 --> 01:31:37,403
Free us immediately.
1585
01:31:37,624 --> 01:31:39,282
I'll reduce the sentence.
1586
01:31:39,499 --> 01:31:41,904
- swallow, peasant.
- Enough's enough.
1587
01:31:45,249 --> 01:31:47,535
Don't bother with me.
I'll keep quiet.
1588
01:31:47,749 --> 01:31:49,621
- Is your cousin Hubert joining us?
- soon.
1589
01:31:51,499 --> 01:31:53,406
They stop serving at 9:30.
1590
01:31:53,624 --> 01:31:54,619
Countess.
1591
01:32:09,083 --> 01:32:10,078
Let us eat.
1592
01:32:13,250 --> 01:32:15,703
Did you know this dungeon existed?
1593
01:32:16,000 --> 01:32:17,706
Of course not!
1594
01:32:18,541 --> 01:32:19,454
Help!
1595
01:32:19,958 --> 01:32:21,237
where is sergeant-Major Gibon?
1596
01:32:21,458 --> 01:32:23,164
with Jacques-Henri.
Go have a drink.
1597
01:32:23,375 --> 01:32:24,287
On the house.
1598
01:32:26,667 --> 01:32:29,072
'Twas much more hospitable
in the past.
1599
01:32:29,292 --> 01:32:31,282
we burned entire trees.
1600
01:32:31,500 --> 01:32:34,332
The walls and floors
were covered with rugs.
1601
01:32:34,542 --> 01:32:38,950
Not an evening went by without
jugglers, minstrels, and trollops.
1602
01:32:40,209 --> 01:32:41,749
I remember one evening,
1603
01:32:41,959 --> 01:32:45,538
the fire-eater set afire
Lady Flegmonde's wig.
1604
01:32:45,751 --> 01:32:49,081
we had to throw her
into the icy moat, fully-dressed.
1605
01:32:49,792 --> 01:32:51,534
Family souvenirs are so vivid.
1606
01:32:54,709 --> 01:32:57,790
He tells them so well.
You feel you're there.
1607
01:32:58,334 --> 01:32:59,033
where?
1608
01:33:00,251 --> 01:33:02,325
Isn't he the bum from the church?
1609
01:33:08,001 --> 01:33:09,624
Are you okay, sugardaddy?
1610
01:33:09,835 --> 01:33:11,872
I'm still not used
to this jalopy.
1611
01:33:12,293 --> 01:33:13,158
Evening, wench.
1612
01:33:13,376 --> 01:33:14,158
Hiya Missy.
1613
01:33:14,376 --> 01:33:15,241
sir, ma'am...
1614
01:33:15,460 --> 01:33:16,621
where's Mr. Godefroy,
1615
01:33:16,960 --> 01:33:18,121
dammit?
1616
01:33:19,252 --> 01:33:19,915
There.
1617
01:33:20,377 --> 01:33:21,407
Ladies and Gents.
1618
01:33:22,793 --> 01:33:24,867
Good evening, ma'am.
Good evening, sir.
1619
01:33:30,127 --> 01:33:33,327
My Jacquasse. You came.
I am relieved.
1620
01:33:33,544 --> 01:33:34,325
Ladies and Gents.
1621
01:33:34,544 --> 01:33:35,289
Mr. Goulard.
1622
01:33:36,044 --> 01:33:38,200
Come drink to our friends, my Crass.
1623
01:33:39,044 --> 01:33:40,584
Before we leave.
1624
01:33:40,919 --> 01:33:41,665
when is that?
1625
01:33:41,961 --> 01:33:42,873
This evening.
1626
01:33:43,086 --> 01:33:44,957
- Tonight?
- Traveling by night?
1627
01:33:45,419 --> 01:33:46,533
Indeed.
1628
01:33:47,044 --> 01:33:49,912
I prefer night-driving.
I have 20/20 vision.
1629
01:33:50,127 --> 01:33:51,999
There are fewer road hogs.
1630
01:33:52,211 --> 01:33:53,455
Except in the fog.
1631
01:33:53,669 --> 01:33:55,411
I'm a helicopter-man myself.
1632
01:34:00,628 --> 01:34:01,741
I am not going, sire.
1633
01:34:02,169 --> 01:34:03,034
we're getting hitched.
1634
01:34:03,753 --> 01:34:06,123
He's too shy to ask you
to be best man.
1635
01:34:06,336 --> 01:34:09,370
You can stay too.
I have the antidote against rot.
1636
01:34:11,045 --> 01:34:13,533
- Your purse, Ginette.
- Hold on, babe.
1637
01:34:14,045 --> 01:34:15,324
My bag's a mess.
1638
01:34:15,837 --> 01:34:17,911
so much room
you can shit in it!
1639
01:34:18,170 --> 01:34:18,916
what?
1640
01:34:19,795 --> 01:34:21,371
what do you do, Mr...
1641
01:34:22,462 --> 01:34:24,499
Kass, as in... "gas".
1642
01:34:26,879 --> 01:34:29,581
No rot can resist tooth pate!
1643
01:34:30,420 --> 01:34:31,119
what?
1644
01:34:31,504 --> 01:34:32,368
Pearly white!
1645
01:34:41,837 --> 01:34:43,034
How 'bout that?
1646
01:34:43,504 --> 01:34:45,246
That was really gross.
1647
01:34:46,671 --> 01:34:47,868
Enough.
1648
01:34:49,588 --> 01:34:51,246
what are you doing, bruiser?
1649
01:34:51,463 --> 01:34:52,576
Throwing him out.
1650
01:34:52,796 --> 01:34:55,082
Let go of him!
1651
01:35:01,130 --> 01:35:02,208
what's going on?
1652
01:35:05,838 --> 01:35:06,952
Are you okay?
1653
01:35:08,588 --> 01:35:09,618
No, sire!
1654
01:35:16,922 --> 01:35:18,747
You can't force me to go home!
1655
01:35:19,547 --> 01:35:22,082
I'm not a vassal anymore! I'm free!
1656
01:35:22,713 --> 01:35:24,455
Long live the Revolution!
1657
01:35:37,006 --> 01:35:38,629
Look.
He's your youngling too.
1658
01:35:38,839 --> 01:35:41,244
He was a good man.
He knew about justice.
1659
01:35:41,547 --> 01:35:43,337
They cut off his head, peasant.
1660
01:35:43,547 --> 01:35:44,412
Freddy!
1661
01:35:44,881 --> 01:35:46,871
Help!
1662
01:35:47,089 --> 01:35:48,796
who's that?
1663
01:35:49,006 --> 01:35:50,547
Your youngling.
1664
01:35:50,756 --> 01:35:51,704
You jailed him?
1665
01:35:52,006 --> 01:35:54,293
I left it so they'll find him.
Drink!
1666
01:35:57,548 --> 01:35:58,745
I'm in pain!
1667
01:36:04,465 --> 01:36:05,377
Hub, it's Bea.
1668
01:36:08,798 --> 01:36:10,208
what happened to Mr. Kass?
1669
01:36:10,423 --> 01:36:12,082
My God! My belly!
1670
01:36:12,548 --> 01:36:13,662
I have no time. Listen.
1671
01:36:13,882 --> 01:36:15,079
I'm listening, Hubert.
1672
01:36:15,298 --> 01:36:16,756
I'm not Hubert.
1673
01:36:16,965 --> 01:36:18,920
I'm Godefroy Amaury de Malfete,
1674
01:36:19,132 --> 01:36:21,537
Count of Montmirail, of Apremont
and of Popincourt.
1675
01:36:21,840 --> 01:36:25,419
son of Aldebert de Malfete
and Thibaude de Montfaucon.
1676
01:36:27,090 --> 01:36:27,955
I am your ancestor.
1677
01:36:36,591 --> 01:36:37,420
Torch.
1678
01:36:50,758 --> 01:36:52,914
Fred, it's you. Freddy.
1679
01:36:55,466 --> 01:36:57,089
I beg your pardon, youngling.
1680
01:37:07,967 --> 01:37:11,498
I'm sick of your song and dance.
I don't believe a word of it.
1681
01:37:11,883 --> 01:37:13,921
so spill the beans.
1682
01:37:14,133 --> 01:37:16,041
shit! Damn it!
1683
01:37:19,009 --> 01:37:22,623
You don't believe me? I'll show
you something you've never seen.
1684
01:37:23,175 --> 01:37:24,798
That no one has ever seen.
1685
01:37:25,967 --> 01:37:27,709
That you'll never see again.
1686
01:37:30,009 --> 01:37:31,799
sit thyself down, and watch.
1687
01:37:34,801 --> 01:37:36,626
I'm going to vomit.
1688
01:37:42,759 --> 01:37:44,466
Does your tummy ache?
1689
01:38:12,635 --> 01:38:14,590
where is Mr. Kass?
1690
01:38:14,802 --> 01:38:16,425
How did "Jacky" get so rich?
1691
01:38:16,635 --> 01:38:18,294
An antique car is no bargain.
1692
01:38:18,510 --> 01:38:20,715
It's his own personal fortune.
1693
01:38:21,219 --> 01:38:25,592
His family owns this joint.
He wants us to tie the knot.
1694
01:38:25,802 --> 01:38:28,042
why didn't you
tell me from the start?
1695
01:38:28,594 --> 01:38:29,755
I did.
1696
01:38:31,136 --> 01:38:32,676
You wouldn't listen.
1697
01:38:33,511 --> 01:38:35,881
You're right.
I'm sorry Godefroy.
1698
01:38:36,844 --> 01:38:38,302
I'm going, Beatrice.
1699
01:38:38,844 --> 01:38:40,882
I am very happy to have known you.
1700
01:38:41,803 --> 01:38:44,208
Godefroy, I'm so moved.
what can I say?
1701
01:38:44,678 --> 01:38:46,503
we'll never meet again.
1702
01:38:47,553 --> 01:38:50,255
It is so unique
to be able to touch you,
1703
01:38:50,970 --> 01:38:54,086
my youngling,
my ever-so-young youngling.
1704
01:38:56,511 --> 01:38:57,424
You know,
1705
01:38:58,637 --> 01:39:00,295
I lied.
1706
01:39:00,762 --> 01:39:05,135
I was not searching for a treasure,
but for the magic potion.
1707
01:39:05,595 --> 01:39:06,294
Pardon me.
1708
01:39:06,720 --> 01:39:09,387
No treasure can replace
our having met.
1709
01:39:09,595 --> 01:39:10,259
Indeed.
1710
01:39:10,554 --> 01:39:13,042
Nothing can equal
meeting one's descendants.
1711
01:39:17,470 --> 01:39:18,252
Bea? Are you there?
1712
01:39:20,637 --> 01:39:23,552
My life will seem so boring now.
1713
01:39:23,762 --> 01:39:25,385
You must forget me.
1714
01:39:25,679 --> 01:39:27,088
You have your children.
1715
01:39:28,012 --> 01:39:31,176
Give Florian and Ondine
a big kiss from an old ancestor.
1716
01:39:32,721 --> 01:39:35,589
And deep in your soul, keep
1717
01:39:35,804 --> 01:39:37,676
a memory of me.
1718
01:39:39,888 --> 01:39:41,380
I love you, my Beatrice.
1719
01:39:41,763 --> 01:39:43,007
I love you too.
1720
01:39:56,388 --> 01:39:58,426
A secret passage. This way!
1721
01:39:59,347 --> 01:40:00,508
sergeant-Major Gibon?
1722
01:40:00,722 --> 01:40:02,677
Are you okay?
You're not hurt?
1723
01:40:03,013 --> 01:40:04,175
No, Jean-Pierre.
1724
01:40:04,555 --> 01:40:05,834
where did Hubert go?
1725
01:40:06,055 --> 01:40:07,927
You're too rational to understand.
1726
01:40:08,139 --> 01:40:12,132
spare me your lame interpretations.
Answer me, please.
1727
01:40:12,472 --> 01:40:13,385
where is your cousin?
1728
01:40:13,639 --> 01:40:15,546
He left with Mr. Kass.
1729
01:40:18,472 --> 01:40:19,634
Is the sheriff gone?
1730
01:40:19,847 --> 01:40:22,004
what are you saying?
Mr. Kass is here.
1731
01:40:22,222 --> 01:40:23,419
Mr. Kass!
1732
01:40:23,681 --> 01:40:26,679
Hush! I must find Lady Ginette.
1733
01:40:30,473 --> 01:40:32,380
who left with...?
1734
01:40:33,764 --> 01:40:34,463
shit!
1735
01:40:56,848 --> 01:40:58,258
A bear is chasing her!
1736
01:41:01,182 --> 01:41:03,552
steer clear, beloved!
steer clear!
1737
01:41:04,307 --> 01:41:05,088
Come back!
1738
01:41:08,640 --> 01:41:11,176
If you find enough force
1739
01:41:11,390 --> 01:41:12,967
in yourself,
1740
01:41:13,182 --> 01:41:14,461
you will be able
1741
01:41:14,682 --> 01:41:16,424
to change the course of the arrow.
1742
01:41:29,891 --> 01:41:30,672
Holy scrotums!
1743
01:41:31,099 --> 01:41:32,426
You almost pierced'st me!
1744
01:41:33,433 --> 01:41:36,099
slay the father of my lady-love?
1745
01:41:36,308 --> 01:41:38,180
Your absence was an eternity,
1746
01:41:38,391 --> 01:41:39,339
dear Godefroy.
1747
01:41:42,850 --> 01:41:44,307
- It's hard!
- sorry, beloved.
1748
01:41:45,058 --> 01:41:46,883
Jacquasse,
where are you, peasant?
1749
01:41:47,391 --> 01:41:48,849
Fetch my crossbow.
1750
01:41:49,308 --> 01:41:50,173
He's here, sire.
1751
01:41:50,433 --> 01:41:51,974
A-snoring in clown clothes.
1752
01:41:55,642 --> 01:41:56,886
where are we?
1753
01:41:59,517 --> 01:42:00,512
where's Freddy?
1754
01:42:02,600 --> 01:42:03,974
who are you?
1755
01:42:05,975 --> 01:42:08,843
Take my crossbow.
Oil it at the castle.
1756
01:42:09,225 --> 01:42:10,220
what are you doing here?
1757
01:42:10,767 --> 01:42:12,390
Jump in the river.
You stinketh.
1758
01:42:23,018 --> 01:42:25,720
so Crass?
Have you been sucking up wine?
1759
01:42:28,976 --> 01:42:30,634
what the hell is going on?
1760
01:42:31,518 --> 01:42:34,599
Obey your Lord. I don't want
to whip you on his wedding day!
1761
01:42:37,351 --> 01:42:38,216
Indeed!
1762
01:42:40,351 --> 01:42:41,927
Obey hastily, my Jacquasse.
1763
01:42:42,560 --> 01:42:43,389
shit!
1764
01:42:44,310 --> 01:42:45,637
Fuck!
1765
01:42:47,310 --> 01:42:48,507
Freakkky!
1766
01:42:49,727 --> 01:42:50,426
Okkk ayyy!
1767
01:42:52,810 --> 01:42:54,552
Hand over your jewels!
1768
01:42:59,685 --> 01:43:02,600
Cousin Hubert!
what is this nightmare?
1769
01:43:06,185 --> 01:43:08,093
what the hell is going on?
1770
01:43:10,436 --> 01:43:12,012
I'm hallucinating!
1771
01:43:13,019 --> 01:43:15,389
what the hell is going on?
1772
01:46:33,025 --> 01:46:35,774
subtitled by Andrew Litvak
1773
01:46:39,608 --> 01:46:40,936
A little hello to credit-loverS!
119768
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