All language subtitles for In.The.Motherhood.S01E06_2

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,072 --> 00:00:03,072 I STOPPED AT THE STOP SIGN. 2 00:00:03,074 --> 00:00:05,114 I SAT THERE FOR, LIKE, SIX SECONDS. 3 00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:07,106 BUT THERE WERE KIDS IN THE CAR. 4 00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:09,108 NOW I ALWAYS WAIT FOR ONE FULL ROUND 5 00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:12,180 OF "TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME," 6 00:00:12,183 --> 00:00:14,153 BUT WITH OUR OWN LYRICS. (gasps) 7 00:00:14,145 --> 00:00:18,085 ♪ TAKE ME OUT IN A SAFE CAR, GET ME HOME IN ONE PIECE ♪ 8 00:00:18,089 --> 00:00:21,189 ♪ SEE THE PEDESTRIANS PASSING BY ♪ 9 00:00:21,192 --> 00:00:24,732 ♪ IF YOU DON'T PAY ATTENTION, THEN SOMEONE WILL DIE ♪ 10 00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:29,195 WOW. A REGULAR VON TRAPP FAMILY. 11 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:32,400 UH, HEY, BILL, YOUR SHOELACE IS UNTIED. 12 00:00:32,403 --> 00:00:34,113 (whispers) HE CAN'T. 13 00:00:34,105 --> 00:00:37,665 I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TEACH HIM. 14 00:00:37,668 --> 00:00:40,368 (whispers) HERE YOU GO, SWEETIE. 15 00:00:40,371 --> 00:00:43,141 WHAT? (door closes) 16 00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:44,724 WELL! 17 00:00:44,715 --> 00:00:48,745 SOPHISTICATED LADY. JANE, DO YOU HAVE A WHITE THONG I COULD BORROW? 18 00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:51,049 SORRY, MY LOANER THONGS ARE IN THE WASH. 19 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,821 GUESS I'LL JUST FREEBALL IT LIKE USUAL. 20 00:00:52,823 --> 00:00:56,093 WHERE ARE YOU GOING-- COLONEL SANDERS CONVENTION? 21 00:00:56,087 --> 00:00:59,127 THAT'S REALLY FUNNY, JANE. I'M GOING TO A FUNERAL. 22 00:00:59,130 --> 00:01:01,290 OHH. NICE ONE, JANE. 23 00:01:01,292 --> 00:01:04,172 I'M SORRY. WHO DIED? 24 00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:07,095 (sighs) MY AUNT B. IT WAS, UH, VERY SUDDEN. 25 00:01:07,098 --> 00:01:09,438 I'M REALLY STILL IN SHOCK. 26 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,600 HOW OLD WAS SHE? 97. 27 00:01:11,602 --> 00:01:14,182 IT'S TRAGIC. SO VIBRANT, SO FULL OF LIFE, 28 00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:16,505 AND THEN ONE DAY SHE SNEEZED, 29 00:01:16,507 --> 00:01:18,507 AND HER BONES JUST TURNED TO POWDER. 30 00:01:18,509 --> 00:01:22,349 POWDERED BONES-- SILENT KILLER. 31 00:01:22,353 --> 00:01:25,463 REMEMBER TO TAKE YOUR CALCIUM, LADIES. FOR REALS. 32 00:01:25,456 --> 00:01:28,456 ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, SHE LEFT ME THE BURIAL PLOT 33 00:01:28,459 --> 00:01:30,459 RIGHT NEXT TO HERS. POIGNANT GESTURE, REALLY. 34 00:01:30,461 --> 00:01:35,171 WHEN I WAS A KID, WE ALWAYS USED TO TAKE OUR DISCO NAPS TOGETHER. OOH. SHE LEFT YOU LAND? 35 00:01:35,166 --> 00:01:37,866 THAT'S COOL. REAL ESTATE NEVER GOES DOWN IN VALUE. 36 00:01:37,868 --> 00:01:39,868 WELL... WELL... 37 00:01:39,870 --> 00:01:42,200 YOU JUST NEVER KNOW, RIGHT? ONE DAY YOU'RE 97, 38 00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:44,543 IN THE PRIME OF YOUR LIFE, AND THE NEXT DAY, 39 00:01:44,535 --> 00:01:46,205 SKIN AND POWDER. 40 00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:49,777 ROSEMARY, I'M GONNA RUSTLE YOU UP THAT THONG. (clicks tongue) 41 00:01:49,780 --> 00:01:52,110 ♪♪♪ 42 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,282 (child laughs) 43 00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:07,295 I FEEL SO BAD ABOUT ROSEMARY'S AUNT. 44 00:02:07,298 --> 00:02:10,228 YOU KNOW. LIFE--IT'S... IT'S REALLY PRECIOUS. 45 00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:12,301 YEAH, IT IS. 46 00:02:12,303 --> 00:02:14,613 YOU KNOW, I'M GLAD YOU MAKE ME GET PROSTATE EXAMS 47 00:02:14,605 --> 00:02:17,165 THREE TO SIX TIMES A YEAR. I MEAN, IT'S NOT FUN... 48 00:02:17,168 --> 00:02:20,268 YOU NEED TO FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT FUN, BABE. OKAY. 49 00:02:20,271 --> 00:02:22,741 OH, GOD, I JUST CAN'T KEEP THINKING ABOUT, YOU KNOW, 50 00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:25,253 WHAT IF, GOD FORBID, SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO US? 51 00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:29,916 NO. NO, WE'RE NOT GONNA DIE. WE COOK EVERYTHING IN OLIVE OIL. 52 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:31,920 OH, I KNOW, BUT STILL, YOU KNOW, 53 00:02:31,922 --> 00:02:34,632 IT'S GOOD WE HAVE OUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER. NO. NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. 54 00:02:34,625 --> 00:02:37,785 I SLEEP BETTER AT NIGHT KNOWING THAT OUR KIDS WOULD HAVE 55 00:02:37,788 --> 00:02:40,288 A LOVING HOME WITH MY SISTER AND ERIC. YOU KNOW, WE SHOULD CALL THEM. 56 00:02:40,291 --> 00:02:42,631 I WONDER IF THEY REINFORCED THOSE HANDRAILS 57 00:02:42,633 --> 00:02:46,173 AFTER OUR SECOND INSPECTION. WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT, BECAUSE SHE IS RELOCATING 58 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,596 ON A DIPLOMATIC ASSIGNMENT TO PAKISTAN. 59 00:02:48,599 --> 00:02:51,769 MM. PAKISTAN? 60 00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,942 I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT 61 00:02:53,944 --> 00:02:57,284 THE LEGAL GUARDIAN FOR OUR CHILDREN IS MOVING TO PAKISTAN. 62 00:02:57,278 --> 00:03:00,278 SWEETHEART, SHE'S JUST THERE UNTIL THE GOVERNMENT STABILIZES 63 00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:02,481 OR--OR SPLINTERS APART, 64 00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:05,393 AND BESIDES, THEY'RE GIVING HER A BULLETPROOF ASSAULT VEHICLE, 65 00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:06,916 SO... SO... 66 00:03:06,917 --> 00:03:09,757 OH, DEAR GOD. WHAT HAVE I DONE? 67 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:11,720 OKAY, DON'T PANIC. 68 00:03:11,722 --> 00:03:14,702 WE ARE JUST GONNA GO DOWN THE LINE OF SUCCESSION. OHH. 69 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:18,195 NEXT UP ARE MY PARENTS. NO. YOUR HAD HAS BEEN HITTIN' THE GLAUCOMA MEDICINE 70 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,498 PRETTY HARD. 71 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:22,270 I MEAN, SURE, IT'S HELPED HIS POETRY, BUT-- NEXT. 72 00:03:22,273 --> 00:03:24,713 OH, WHAT ABOUT MY COUSIN MICHELLE? 73 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,605 MICHELLE OBAMA IS NOT YOUR COUSIN. 74 00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:29,777 SHE IS MY COUSIN. YOU JUST--YOU HAVE TO GO, LIKE, FAR, FAR BACK. 75 00:03:29,780 --> 00:03:32,940 YOU CUT THIS OUT OF "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE. THAT'S MY FAVORITE. 76 00:03:32,943 --> 00:03:37,253 THAT'S SAD. OKAY, THAT LEAVES US WITH, UM, WELL, JANE. 77 00:03:37,248 --> 00:03:40,218 I THINK WE SHOULD REVISIT MICHELLE. JANE COULD DO IT. 78 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,620 NO. OKAY? SHE JUST--SHE-- SHE HAS NO PARENTING SYSTEM. 79 00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:46,704 SHE'S A COMPLETE MESS. HEY, THAT'S MY SISTER YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 80 00:03:46,697 --> 00:03:48,597 I'M QUOTING YOU, OKAY? (scoffs) 81 00:03:48,599 --> 00:03:50,999 WHEN YOU CAME HOME, EMILY, YOU SAT RIGHT HERE. 82 00:03:51,001 --> 00:03:52,901 YOU SAID, "DINNER SMELLS GOOD, 83 00:03:52,903 --> 00:03:56,543 AND MY SISTER'S A COMPLETE MESS." SHE MIGHT BE A LITTLE ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES, 84 00:03:56,537 --> 00:04:00,407 BUT I COULD GET HER IN SHAPE. LOOK, I KNOW THAT YOU--YOU LOVE YOUR MAKEOVER SHOWS, BABY. 85 00:04:00,411 --> 00:04:03,371 LOOK AT THIS HOUSE. IT'S GORGEOUS. YOUR SISTER IS NOT LIKE ME. 86 00:04:03,374 --> 00:04:06,324 SHE'S NOT GONNA LET YOU MOLD HER. SHE DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW. I CAN CHANGE HER 87 00:04:06,317 --> 00:04:08,617 IN A WONDERFULLY PASSIVE YET AGGRESSIVE WAY. 88 00:04:08,619 --> 00:04:13,979 AND YOU THINK THAT'S GONNA WORK? ARE YOU STILL LEFT-HANDED? 89 00:04:13,984 --> 00:04:16,394 SOPHIE, NO! 90 00:04:16,387 --> 00:04:19,327 WAFFLES, BREAKFAST! 91 00:04:19,330 --> 00:04:22,660 ANNIE, YOUR BACON'S GETTING COLD! 92 00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:24,643 MMM. NEVER MIND! 93 00:04:24,635 --> 00:04:28,395 KNOCK, KNOCK. LOOK WHO BROUGHT A GIFT BASKET AND ALMOST TRIPPED 94 00:04:28,399 --> 00:04:30,899 OVER ALL THAT STUFF YOU HAD STACKED OUT THERE? SO... 95 00:04:30,901 --> 00:04:33,601 I HOPE IT'S ONE OF THOSE WINE BASKETS. BRING IT ON. 96 00:04:33,604 --> 00:04:37,354 WHAT TIME IS IT? NO WINE. NOTHING THAT WOULD IMPAIR JUDGMENT. 97 00:04:37,348 --> 00:04:39,308 UM, JASON JUST GOT THIS BASKET AT WORK, 98 00:04:39,310 --> 00:04:42,410 AND WE DON'T WANT IT, SO... YOU MAY BE ASKING YOURSELF 99 00:04:42,413 --> 00:04:45,363 WHY WE DON'T WANT IT-- OOH, MUFFINS! LOOKS LIKE THIS HUGE ONE GAVE BIRTH, 100 00:04:45,356 --> 00:04:47,686 AND THESE ARE ALL ITS LITTLE BABIES. WELL, THEY'RE HIGH IN FIBER, SO... 101 00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:50,718 (mouth full) WHAT'S GOOD ABOUT MUFFINS... YEAH? 102 00:04:50,721 --> 00:04:54,021 IS THEY'RE JUST LIKE CUPCAKES, BUT YOU EAT 'EM IN THE MORNING, 103 00:04:54,024 --> 00:04:56,734 SO YOU'RE NOT EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT. OKAY, LET'S GET OFF THE MUFFINS, 'CAUSE LOOK AT ALL THE OTHER 104 00:04:56,727 --> 00:04:59,467 USEFUL HOUSEHOLD ITEMS WE HAVE IN HERE. OH, WHAT IS THIS? 105 00:04:59,470 --> 00:05:02,500 WE'VE GOT SOME TAPENADE AND, UH, A RADON DETECTOR. 106 00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:05,483 COOL. AND WHAT'S THIS? OH, IT LOOKS LIKE A VOUCHER 107 00:05:05,476 --> 00:05:08,936 FOR A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM. WHO IS THIS GIFT BASKET FROM? 108 00:05:08,939 --> 00:05:10,979 APPARENTLY, SOMEONE WHO ENJOYS FINE FOODS 109 00:05:10,981 --> 00:05:13,711 AND A SAFE HOME ENVIRONMENT. 110 00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,724 "3-2-1 HOME SECURITY SYSTEMS." 111 00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:18,686 THAT WOULD BE A GOOD PASSWORD--3-2-1. 112 00:05:18,689 --> 00:05:21,449 YEAH. OH, AND LOOK AT THIS. WHAT IS THIS? 113 00:05:21,452 --> 00:05:23,752 OOH, A GIFT CERTIFICATE FOR AN ORGANIC COOKING CLASS. 114 00:05:23,754 --> 00:05:26,504 HEY, JANE, WHAT IF WE WENT TOGETHER? 115 00:05:26,497 --> 00:05:28,927 YOU KNOW, WE COULD LEARN HOW TO FEED OUR KIDS 116 00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:32,829 IN A HEALTHY YET DELICIOUS WAY. THAT SOUNDS GOOD. I COULD ADD A FEW THINGS TO MY REPERTOIRE. 117 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,973 OH. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD A REPERTOIRE. 118 00:05:34,965 --> 00:05:37,905 WELL, I MAKE A VERY LIGHT AND FLUFFY FISH STICK 119 00:05:37,908 --> 00:05:42,868 AND A COUPLE OF VARIATIONS ON A HOT DOG. 120 00:05:48,819 --> 00:05:50,979 HMM. THIS IS THE LIFE, HUH? 121 00:05:50,981 --> 00:05:54,461 FRESH AIR, SUNSHINE, A PLACE TO SET YOUR DRINK. 122 00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:56,525 THANKS, AUNT B. 123 00:05:56,527 --> 00:05:58,757 YEAH. I'D HATE TO BE VINCENT CALDWELL III THOUGH, 124 00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:02,359 RIGHT? BY THE TOILETS. 125 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,742 THAT'S A TOMB, BUDDY. OOPS. 126 00:06:04,735 --> 00:06:06,565 WOW. 127 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:09,067 I GOTTA SAY, YOU MISSED A BEAUTIFUL FUNERAL. 128 00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,439 OH, YEAH? WHAT HAPPENED? 129 00:06:10,441 --> 00:06:12,601 WHEN THEY KICKED IN TO "HIGHWAY TO HELL" 130 00:06:12,603 --> 00:06:17,153 ON THE BAGPIPES, EVEN I GOT A LITTLE CHOKED UP. YEAH, THAT'S CLASSY. 131 00:06:17,147 --> 00:06:20,507 YEAH, FUNERALS ARE WASTED ON THE DEAD. 132 00:06:20,511 --> 00:06:22,781 NO OFFENSE, EVERYBODY! 133 00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:26,493 (chuckles) OKAY. 134 00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,057 I'M ONE STEP AHEAD OF YOU, BUDDY. 135 00:06:28,058 --> 00:06:32,558 I'M HAVING MY FUNERAL NOW, WHILE I'M ALIVE AND AWESOME. 136 00:06:32,563 --> 00:06:34,773 LIKE A LIVING WAKE? 137 00:06:34,765 --> 00:06:37,765 NO, NOT A LIVING WAKE. THAT SOUNDS SO CORPORATE. 138 00:06:37,768 --> 00:06:41,528 IT'S MORE LIKE A FUN, NON-DEATH FUNERAL PARTY 139 00:06:41,532 --> 00:06:44,682 TO CELEBRATE ME, SEE WHAT EVERYBODY'S GONNA SAY ABOUT ME 140 00:06:44,675 --> 00:06:47,735 AND HOW MUCH THEY'RE GONNA CRY AND STUFF. THAT'S COOL. 141 00:06:47,738 --> 00:06:50,108 (laughs) SO COOL. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 142 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,940 I'M GONNA KEEP IT VERY INTIMATE. 143 00:06:51,942 --> 00:06:54,852 I'M ONLY INVITING THE INNER CIRCLE. HEY, WATCH OUT. THERE'S A BEE OVER THERE. 144 00:06:54,845 --> 00:06:58,485 (bee buzzing) HORATIO--A BEE? 145 00:06:58,489 --> 00:07:00,589 AUNT B.? 146 00:07:00,591 --> 00:07:03,521 HUH? OH, MY GOD. IT'S A SIGN. 147 00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,534 YOU'RE DARN RIGHT IT IS. 148 00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:07,726 (buzzing continues) 149 00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:10,428 AAH! AAH! SHE STUNG ME! 150 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,800 (laughs) 151 00:07:11,802 --> 00:07:14,432 CLASSIC, AUNT B.! 152 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,914 YOU DID IT AGAIN, LADY! WHERE DID SHE GO? AAH! 153 00:07:16,907 --> 00:07:19,937 AND WE'RE JUST GONNA DO A LITTLE SPRINKLE 154 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:23,970 OF ORGANIC, LOCALLY GROWN TOMATOES 155 00:07:23,974 --> 00:07:28,454 AND A DOLLOP OF MUNG BEAN PUREE, 156 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,618 AND THEN YOUR BEAN CURD TACOS ARE GOOD TO GO. 157 00:07:30,621 --> 00:07:32,851 LOOK AT US, JANE, LEARNING TO COOK 158 00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:35,063 HEALTHY FOOD FOR THE KIDS. 159 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:38,685 DOESN'T THIS LOOK GOOD? UGH! IT SMELLS LIKE SOCKS. 160 00:07:38,689 --> 00:07:40,789 BUT SOCKS THAT ARE GOOD FOR YOU, RIGHT? 161 00:07:40,791 --> 00:07:42,131 NOT PROCESSED. 162 00:07:42,132 --> 00:07:44,872 YOU KNOW, NOT EVERYTHING IN THE DRIVE-THRU MENU 163 00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:47,595 IS BAD FOR YOU. I'VE BEEN GETTING MY CHEESEBURGERS 164 00:07:47,598 --> 00:07:48,798 WITHOUT CHEESE LATELY, AND IT REALLY MAKES A DIFFERENCE. 165 00:07:48,799 --> 00:07:50,699 TRY SOME OF MY DELICIOUS MOCK-AMOLE. 166 00:07:50,701 --> 00:07:53,801 UGH. THAT LOOKS LIKE THE GRAVY SUBSTANCE 167 00:07:53,804 --> 00:07:56,554 MOM USED TO PUT ON EVERYTHING. 168 00:07:56,547 --> 00:07:59,677 PUT SOME OF THIS IN. ARE YOU HOARDING CONDIMENTS IN YOUR PURSE? 169 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:03,150 THIS IS MY TRAVEL SALT. YOU CAN'T SAY THAT LIKE IT'S A REAL THING. 170 00:08:03,153 --> 00:08:06,623 TRAVEL SALT IS NOT A THING. JUST TASTE IT AND TELL ME IF IT NEEDS SOMETHING. 171 00:08:06,617 --> 00:08:10,817 (gags) TASTES LIKE AN OLD ANIMAL DIED IN MY MOUTH! (chuckles) 172 00:08:10,821 --> 00:08:12,061 LADIES? 173 00:08:12,062 --> 00:08:14,632 IT'S LEARNING TIME, OKAY? 174 00:08:14,625 --> 00:08:18,125 PLEASE DON'T PUT THIS ON MY PERMANENT RECORD. 175 00:08:19,830 --> 00:08:22,170 OKAY, HERE. 176 00:08:22,172 --> 00:08:24,172 ALL RIGHT, NOW TRY IT. 177 00:08:24,174 --> 00:08:26,084 OKAY. 178 00:08:26,076 --> 00:08:28,506 (chuckles) 179 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,708 MMM. IT'S INTERESTING. 180 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:33,911 THE ANIMAL IS GONE, BUT IT'S REPLACED WITH-- 181 00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:36,694 SALT. YES. THAT'S HOW I GOT THROUGH EVERY MEAL 182 00:08:36,687 --> 00:08:39,887 THAT WE HAD AS A CHILD. I USED TO SPIT MY FOOD INTO THE NAPKINS, 183 00:08:39,890 --> 00:08:42,290 AND THEN SECRETLY HAND-WASH AND IRON THEM 184 00:08:42,292 --> 00:08:44,732 IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT SO MOM DIDN'T KNOW. (laughs) 185 00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:47,795 MOM USED TO ALWAYS YELL AT ME FOR EVERYTHING, YOU REMEMBER? 186 00:08:47,798 --> 00:08:50,028 "JANE! QUIT DRESSING LIKE A TRAMP!" (laughs) 187 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:54,740 SHE USED TO YELL AT ME, "EMILY! LOOK AT YOUR SISTER JANE! 188 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,905 DON'T DRESS LIKE THAT!" 189 00:08:56,907 --> 00:08:58,907 (both laughing) 190 00:08:58,909 --> 00:09:02,709 LADIES, IS THERE SOMETHING FUNNY OVER HERE? 191 00:09:02,713 --> 00:09:04,583 NO. NO. 192 00:09:04,575 --> 00:09:08,575 (lowers voice) JUST YOUR VOICE AND YOUR WEIRD TUNIC. (laughs) (laughs) 193 00:09:08,579 --> 00:09:13,119 HEY, I HEARD THAT... 194 00:09:13,123 --> 00:09:16,163 AND IT HURTS. (whispers) OH, SORRY. 195 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:17,856 (whispers) SORRY. 196 00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:18,858 (snorts) 197 00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:20,029 (laughs) 198 00:09:20,030 --> 00:09:22,030 (normal voice) I'M WEARING A TUNIC. 199 00:09:22,032 --> 00:09:25,672 THAT'S MY SIGNATURE LOOK. IS IT--IS IT WEIRD? (normal voice) YES. 200 00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:27,736 THAT COOKING CLASS WAS SO MUCH FUN. 201 00:09:27,738 --> 00:09:30,898 YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER BEEN KICKED OUT OF A CLASS BEFORE. 202 00:09:30,901 --> 00:09:35,151 SUCH A NOVELTY NOT TO BE THE TEACHER'S FAVORITE. AH, THAT LADY NEEDS A CORN DOG. DON'T WE ALL? 203 00:09:35,145 --> 00:09:39,205 (laughs) WELL, WE COULD DO ANOTHER CLASS. OOH, HOW ABOUT HIP-HOP ABS? 204 00:09:39,209 --> 00:09:42,149 OOH. OR CHILD PSYCHOLOGY. 205 00:09:42,152 --> 00:09:45,292 (British male voice) FRONT DOOR OPEN. 206 00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,285 DID YOU GET A BUTLER? 207 00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,657 SOUNDS LIKE... (British accent) JAMES BOND. (Emily chuckles) 208 00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:51,660 (normal voice) OH, MY GOD. 209 00:09:51,662 --> 00:09:54,802 HOW COOL WOULD IT BE IF JAMES BOND WAS OUR NEIGHBOR? OH, MY GOD. SO MUCH COOLER. 210 00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:57,095 (Syd) YEAH. THAT IS MY NEW HOME SECURITY SYSTEM. 211 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,127 I KNOW, HE'S SEXY, ISN'T HE? AND BRITISH, 212 00:09:59,129 --> 00:10:02,699 AND VERY WORRIED ABOUT INTRUDERS. (chuckles) SOMEBODY GOT A LITTLE CRUSH? 213 00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:05,283 IS IT BAD IF I DO? JUST DON'T GET YOUR HEART BROKEN. 214 00:10:05,275 --> 00:10:10,075 OKAY, GALS, DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO HAS A HEARSE I COULD BORROW? 215 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:11,780 WHAT? NO. MNH-MNH. 216 00:10:11,782 --> 00:10:13,942 HOW ABOUT A LECTERN? OKAY, WHAT'S GOING ON? 217 00:10:13,944 --> 00:10:16,154 SNAP. 218 00:10:16,146 --> 00:10:18,346 OOH. WHAT? OKAY... 219 00:10:18,348 --> 00:10:20,888 "ROSEMARY SWANSON-- A LIFE REMEMBERED." 220 00:10:20,891 --> 00:10:24,021 WHAT--WHAT IS THIS? IT'S--IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. IT'S JUST A LITTLE, UM, 221 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:27,204 YOU KNOW, OLD-SCHOOL... ♪ FUNERAL STYLE ♪ 222 00:10:27,197 --> 00:10:29,197 PARTY I'M THROWING FOR MYSELF. 223 00:10:29,199 --> 00:10:30,629 I'M CALLING IT "THE LIVING END." 224 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,730 WELL, IT SOUNDS LIKE A BLAST. I'M IN. 225 00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:35,844 I'LL PICK YOU UP. WE'LL GO TOGETHER. OKAY. 226 00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:38,736 OKAY, YOU GUYS, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS. 227 00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,809 UM, YOU'RE NOT INVITED. IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL. 228 00:10:40,811 --> 00:10:42,771 IT'S JUST THAT THIS IS FOR THE INNER CIRCLE, 229 00:10:42,773 --> 00:10:45,423 PEOPLE THAT KNEW ME FROM WAY BACK, BEFORE YOU EVEN KNEW ME-- 230 00:10:45,415 --> 00:10:47,715 BACK WHEN I USED TO BE WEIRD AND ECCENTRIC 231 00:10:47,718 --> 00:10:49,718 AND DO CRAZY STUFF ALL THE TIME. 232 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,720 DON'T GET YOUR FEELINGS HURT, PLEASE. 233 00:10:51,722 --> 00:10:55,962 YOU'RE DEFINITELY ON THE OUTER PART OF THE INNER CIRCLE. I'M NOT INVITED EITHER. 234 00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:57,956 IT KINDA SUCKS, 'CAUSE THERE'S GONNA BE, LIKE, 235 00:10:57,958 --> 00:11:00,188 THIS REALLY SWEET 7-FOOT SUB SANDWICH THERE. 236 00:11:00,190 --> 00:11:03,430 WHICH REMINDS ME, MOM, CAN I PLEASE COME? NO. OH, MY GOSH. 237 00:11:03,433 --> 00:11:05,043 HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO COME. HE'S A MINOR, 238 00:11:05,035 --> 00:11:07,735 AND THERE'S GONNA BE MUD WRESTLING. 239 00:11:07,738 --> 00:11:12,038 I AM GLAD I AM ON THE OUTER EDGE OF THE CIRCLE. (laughs) (laughs) 240 00:11:12,042 --> 00:11:15,452 WHAT IS THIS UNPLEASANTNESS I'M WITNESSING OVER HERE? 241 00:11:15,445 --> 00:11:17,345 ARE YOU TWO GETTING ALONG? 242 00:11:17,347 --> 00:11:20,707 I SPEND A LOT OF TIME PITTING YOU TWO AGAINST EACH OTHER, 243 00:11:20,711 --> 00:11:23,151 AND THEN I STAND BACK AND WATCH THE FUR FLY. 244 00:11:23,153 --> 00:11:27,123 IT'S A LOT OF FUN FOR ME. OH, I'M SORRY TO RUIN YOUR FUN, ROSEMARY. 245 00:11:27,117 --> 00:11:29,717 (laughs) THE ZINGERS THIS ONE COMES UP WITH! 246 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,820 OKAY, NOW I'M JUST GETTING GROSSED OUT. 247 00:11:31,822 --> 00:11:34,692 I GOTTA GO MAIL THESE. FRONT DOOR CLOSING. 248 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:37,434 I BET HE SOUNDS CHARMING EVEN WHEN YOU'RE BEING ROBBED. 249 00:11:37,427 --> 00:11:38,927 (both laugh) 250 00:11:38,929 --> 00:11:40,769 UH, OKAY. ALL RIGHT. 251 00:11:40,771 --> 00:11:43,831 OOH, I KNOW I WOULD BE GOOD AT THAT--WINETASTING. MM-HMM. 252 00:11:43,834 --> 00:11:46,314 OR WE COULD DO LINE DANCING. THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN. MM. 253 00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:48,736 "MAKE YOUR OWN JAM"! OOH. DELISH. 254 00:11:48,739 --> 00:11:51,739 OH, WAIT. YOU WANTED TO DO THE, UH, CHILD PSYCHOLOGY THING. 255 00:11:51,742 --> 00:11:53,742 YOU KNOW WHAT? CHILD PSYCH CAN WAIT. 256 00:11:53,744 --> 00:11:55,854 WHY DON'T WE DO THE FUN STUFF? 257 00:11:55,846 --> 00:11:59,186 OKAY. SO THEN MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST JAM ON IT. 258 00:11:59,189 --> 00:12:01,889 (laughs) WHAT? THE HITS JUST KEEP ON COMIN'. 259 00:12:01,892 --> 00:12:03,822 (tires screech) 260 00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,864 UGH. ARE YOU OKAY? 261 00:12:05,856 --> 00:12:08,056 YEAH. YEAH, ROSEMARY, I HAVE THE SANDWICH. 262 00:12:08,058 --> 00:12:10,828 YEAH, THERE'S A TON OF TRAFFIC OUT HERE, THOUGH. 263 00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:13,901 IT'S LIKE A PARKING LOT. ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU SOON. 264 00:12:22,112 --> 00:12:25,122 HEY, BABE. HEY. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 265 00:12:25,115 --> 00:12:28,275 I'M SORRY, I WAS HAVING ANOTHER TRAINING SESSION WITH JANE. 266 00:12:28,278 --> 00:12:30,878 REALLY? 'CAUSE THIS LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN SHOPPING. 267 00:12:30,881 --> 00:12:33,151 WELL, I WAS TRAINING HER TO SHOP FOR THE KIDS. 268 00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:36,963 REALLY? WHAT'S THAT? AND THERE WERE SOME SALES AT SOME OF MY SHOPS, 269 00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:39,987 SO FOR THE ECONOMY, I THOUGHT I SHOULD, YOU KNOW... (laughs) 270 00:12:39,990 --> 00:12:43,090 GIVE BACK TO IT. EMILY, WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU TWO? 271 00:12:43,093 --> 00:12:46,303 LAST WEEK YOU WERE, UH, YOU WERE LASER TAGGING. 272 00:12:46,296 --> 00:12:49,196 THE YOU WENT GO-KARTING. YOU WENT BELLY DANCING. 273 00:12:49,199 --> 00:12:52,799 I MEAN, HOW'S THIS GONNA HELP JANE WITH HER PARENTING? SHE'S BECOMING A MORE WELL-ROUNDED PARENT, YOU KNOW? 274 00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:56,453 MM. TEACHING HER DRIVING SKILLS AND HAND/EYE COORDINATION... 275 00:12:56,446 --> 00:13:00,806 UH-HUH. AND AVOIDING... LASERS. WE'RE JUST HAVING FUN, BABY, OKAY? 276 00:13:00,811 --> 00:13:03,551 YEAH? YOU'RE HAVING FUN? YEAH. MWAH. 277 00:13:03,553 --> 00:13:05,523 MWAH. IT'S TIME TO EAT. I HAD TO IMPROVISE. 278 00:13:05,515 --> 00:13:08,785 SO I CURRIED A LITTLE QUINOA, DID SOME SALMON 279 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,558 AND SOME ROASTED ROOT VEGETABLES. 280 00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:13,360 WHERE ARE THE CHILDREN? OH, THEY'RE SPENDING THE NIGHT AT JANE'S. 281 00:13:13,363 --> 00:13:15,373 (clatter) 282 00:13:15,365 --> 00:13:16,865 ARE YOU INSANE? 283 00:13:16,867 --> 00:13:19,827 WHAT? THEY'LL BE FINE! JANE'S FUNNY. 284 00:13:19,830 --> 00:13:22,800 NO, NO. HAVE YOU LOST YOUR COMPASS, EMILY? 285 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,382 I MEAN, WHERE'S MY-- MY OVERPROTECTIVE, SCARED, 286 00:13:25,375 --> 00:13:27,935 JUDGY, VIGILANT SUPER MOM? WHERE IS SHE? 287 00:13:27,938 --> 00:13:30,108 SHE'S RIGHT HERE, OKAY? BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY, 288 00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:32,310 BECAUSE JANE IS DOING GREAT. ON THE DRIVE HOME, 289 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:35,292 SHE STOPPED AT EVERY STOP SIGN. I THINK WE SHOULD BRING TEDDY OVER THERE. 290 00:13:35,285 --> 00:13:38,515 I DON'T THINK WE NEED TO BRING TEDDY. I THINK WE NEED--NO, I-- 291 00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:41,518 I DON'T THINK WE NEED TO BRING TEDDY. I TOTALLY THINK WE NEED TO BRING TEDDY. 292 00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:43,521 OKAY, FINE, LET'S BRING TEDDY. LET'S BRING TEDDY. 293 00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:45,233 GREAT. PACK YOUR BAGS, TED. 294 00:13:53,603 --> 00:13:56,013 IT'S ALIVE! 295 00:13:56,006 --> 00:13:59,006 WHA--HORATIO, WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON? 296 00:13:59,009 --> 00:14:03,339 WHERE'S THE INNER CIRCLE? EVERYBODY THOUGHT THIS WAS REALLY WEIRD 297 00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:06,123 AND DIDN'T WANT TO COME. THEY DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO A FAKE FUNERAL? 298 00:14:06,116 --> 00:14:08,876 OKAY, THAT'S INSANE. AND WHEN THEY FOUND OUT YOU WERE ALIVE, 299 00:14:08,879 --> 00:14:11,879 IT KIND OF TOOK THE AIR OUT OF THINGS. 300 00:14:11,882 --> 00:14:13,922 AND A FEW OF 'EM GOT MAD. THEY SAID YOU FAKED YOUR DEATH 301 00:14:13,924 --> 00:14:16,634 FOR THREE YEARS ONCE? IT WAS FOR TAX PURPOSES. I WAS ON THE LAM. 302 00:14:16,626 --> 00:14:19,526 WHY IS THAT SO HARD FOR EVERYBODY TO UNDERSTAND? 303 00:14:19,529 --> 00:14:22,059 IT'S KIND OF A BIG DEAL. 304 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,942 WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON? 305 00:14:24,935 --> 00:14:26,595 THIS IS COLD, HORATIO. 306 00:14:26,596 --> 00:14:29,936 DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE NOBODY CARE ENOUGH ABOUT YOU 307 00:14:29,940 --> 00:14:31,900 TO WANT TO CELEBRATE YOUR DEATH 308 00:14:31,902 --> 00:14:34,402 EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE ALIVE AND HEALTHY? NO. 309 00:14:34,404 --> 00:14:36,914 WELL, IT'S A LONELY PLACE, MY FRIEND. 310 00:14:36,907 --> 00:14:39,507 OH, HEY, ROSEMARY, CHEER UP. SOMEONE SHOWED UP. 311 00:14:39,509 --> 00:14:40,879 WHAT? 312 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:44,920 MR. 7-FOOT SUB. (chuckles nervously) 313 00:14:44,915 --> 00:14:47,985 BROUGHAM, I HAVE DATED, LIKE, NINE PRO BASKETBALL PLAYERS. 314 00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:51,088 LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN'. THAT IS NOT 7 FEET. 315 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,461 IT'S TOTALLY 7 FEET. IS IT? 316 00:14:53,463 --> 00:14:56,403 I-I WAS STUCK IN TRAFFIC AND GOT REALLY HUNGRY. 317 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:59,966 I ATE A FOOT AND A HALF OF IT, OKAY? I'M SORRY. 318 00:14:59,970 --> 00:15:02,170 KNOCK, KNOCK. UH, THE DOOR WAS UNLOCKED. 319 00:15:02,172 --> 00:15:04,172 (chuckles) HEY, SISTER-IN-LAW, 320 00:15:04,174 --> 00:15:07,914 WE JUST WANTED TO BRING OVER A FEW THINGS. YEAH, WE JUST GOT THEIR PAJAMAS AND SOME, UH, 321 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:11,107 HYPOALLERGENIC PILLOWS, AND BILL NEEDS HIS TEDDY BEAR. 322 00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:15,121 I DON'T HAVE A TEDDY BEAR. OH, THAT'S CUTE. HE'S EMBARRASSED. SO... 323 00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:18,085 YEAH, YEAH. OKAY, WHY DON'T YOU PUT UP-- UP ON THE SHELF, DADDY? 324 00:15:18,088 --> 00:15:20,188 SURE. OKAY. CLEAR VIEW OF ALL THE ACTION. YEAH. 325 00:15:20,190 --> 00:15:23,020 OKAY, WOW. THIS IS SO GREAT. I DIDN'T THINK YOU TRUSTED ME 326 00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:25,463 SINCE THE GUM INCIDENT, WHEN I HAD TO SHAVE ESTHER'S HEAD. 327 00:15:25,455 --> 00:15:27,455 PLEASE, I'VE TOTALLY FORGOTTEN 328 00:15:27,457 --> 00:15:30,097 ABOUT THAT HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE DAY. 329 00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:33,430 GREAT. 'CAUSE I FEEL LIKE WE'VE GOTTEN A LOT CLOSER 330 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,573 IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS. WE FINALLY HAVE 331 00:15:35,565 --> 00:15:38,065 THAT SISTER RELATIONSHIP I ALWAYS THOUGHT WE COULD HAVE. 332 00:15:38,068 --> 00:15:41,408 I'M NOT EVEN SCREENING YOUR CALLS ANYMORE. (chuckles) (chuckles) OKAY, WELL, WE BETTER GET GOING. 333 00:15:41,411 --> 00:15:46,021 OH, DADDY LOVES YOU GUYS SO VERY, VERY, VERY MUCH. 334 00:15:46,016 --> 00:15:49,946 OKAY, DADDY, TIME TO GO. OKAY. MWAH! MWAH! (whispers) I LOVE YOU. 335 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,679 ALL RIGHT. COME ON. LOVE YOU SO MUCH. 336 00:15:51,681 --> 00:15:54,351 BYE, GUYS. HAVE FUN! 337 00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:58,134 LET'S PARTY! 338 00:15:58,128 --> 00:15:59,158 WHAT? WHAT? 339 00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:02,489 WHAT? NO PARTIES. NO PARTY. OKAY, BYE. 340 00:16:06,136 --> 00:16:07,736 I FEEL SO HORRIBLE ABOUT DOING THIS. 341 00:16:07,737 --> 00:16:09,737 BABY, WE ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING. 342 00:16:09,739 --> 00:16:13,599 THIS IS FOR THE CHILDREN. OKAY. COME ON, TEDDY. 343 00:16:13,603 --> 00:16:15,313 TELL US YOUR SECRETS. 344 00:16:15,305 --> 00:16:17,345 (Jane) STORY TIME. HERE WE GO. 345 00:16:17,347 --> 00:16:19,377 I THINK SHE'S DOING A GOOD JOB WITH STORY TIME. 346 00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:23,179 "'E' IS FOR ELEPHANT." (deep voice) GIVE ME A PEANUT! 347 00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,563 IS THAT AN ELEPHANT, OR IS IT LOUIS ARMSTRONG? 348 00:16:25,555 --> 00:16:28,055 SHE'S NOT EVEN DOING-- GIVE HER A BREAK. 349 00:16:28,058 --> 00:16:30,488 SHE'S DOING BETTER THAN WE THOUGHT. OKAY, ALL RIGHT. 350 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,490 ANNIE, I RAN OUT OF DIAPERS. 351 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:35,102 COULD YOU BRING ME SOME PAPER TOWELS AND TAPE? OKAY, LET'S GET IN THERE. 352 00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:37,295 LET IT GO. THAT ONE'S NOT OURS. 353 00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,097 I'M TIRED OF BOOKS. OKAY. 354 00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:42,699 ME, TOO. YOU GUYS WANT TO WATCH TV? 355 00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:45,612 OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE RIGHT. SHE'S GONE OFF THE RAILS. IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, 356 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:48,035 PLEASE SAY IT'S PUBLIC TELEVISION. IT'S SOPHIE'S FAVORITE SHOW-- 357 00:16:48,038 --> 00:16:49,438 "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS." 358 00:16:49,439 --> 00:16:52,139 NO! NO! NO! NO! 359 00:16:52,142 --> 00:16:55,622 BACK DOOR OPEN. TURN IT OFF. WHAT'S THIS CODE? 360 00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:59,045 WHAT'S GOING ON? UH, IT'S 3-2-1. YOU ACTUALLY USE THAT? 361 00:16:59,049 --> 00:17:01,389 WELL, IT'S HARD TO FORGET WHEN IT'S RIGHT THERE ON THE SIGN. 362 00:17:01,391 --> 00:17:05,801 WHAT JUST HAPPENED? WHAT JUST HAPPENED? AN ELDERLY GENTLEMAN JUST TOOK A FRISBEE 363 00:17:05,795 --> 00:17:08,255 IN THE NUTS ON YOUR TELEVISION, JANE. 364 00:17:08,258 --> 00:17:10,398 WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT THAT? EVERYTHING. WAIT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 365 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:16,070 ARE YOU SPYING ON ME THROUGH THE WINDOW? NO. I WAS SPYING ON YOU WITH THIS. 366 00:17:16,066 --> 00:17:21,206 A NANNY CAM? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. WE JUST DON'T TRUST YOU. 367 00:17:21,211 --> 00:17:23,141 OKAY, THANKS. LET ME EXPLAIN. IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON. 368 00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:25,083 IF SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO US, 369 00:17:25,075 --> 00:17:27,745 WE WOULD WANT YOU TO BE THE LEGAL GUARDIAN 370 00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,277 OF OUR CHILDREN. AREN'T I ALREADY? 371 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:34,680 OH, MY GOD. SO THE GIFT BASKET AND THE SECURITY SYSTEM 372 00:17:34,684 --> 00:17:37,164 AND THE COOKING CLASSES... 373 00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:38,487 YOU WERE TESTING ME. 374 00:17:38,488 --> 00:17:41,058 TECHNICALLY, I WAS TRAINING YOU--AT--AT FIRST. 375 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:44,360 BUT THEN ALL THAT WENT AWAY, AND IT WAS, YOU KNOW, 376 00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:48,444 ME AND MY SISTER HAVIN' FUN. YAY. ISN'T THAT SWEET? GET OUT. 377 00:17:48,438 --> 00:17:50,568 (sighs) 378 00:17:58,308 --> 00:18:01,478 (sobbing) I WROTE YOU A LITTLE SOMETHIN'. YOU WANT TO HEAR IT? 379 00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,281 I DON'T CARE. 380 00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:07,823 WELL, I WORKED ON IT ALL NIGHT, SO I'M GONNA READ IT. WHATEVER. 381 00:18:07,817 --> 00:18:11,217 "ROSEMARY SWANSON IS MY FRIEND. 382 00:18:11,221 --> 00:18:15,231 "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT HER IN MY LIFE. (continues sobbing) 383 00:18:15,225 --> 00:18:18,165 "SHE'S A STAR THAT BURNS BRIGHT, FURIOUS AND FAST. 384 00:18:18,168 --> 00:18:20,168 "A LOT OF PEOPLE FIND HER SCARY-- 385 00:18:20,170 --> 00:18:24,870 MAILMEN, YOUNG CHILDREN, DOGS, CATS..." OKAY, I GOT IT. 386 00:18:24,874 --> 00:18:28,144 "BUT I DON'T FIND HER SCARY. I FIND HER EXCITING. 387 00:18:28,138 --> 00:18:31,608 "THEY SAY OUR HOME IS IN HEAVEN, AND WE'RE ONLY HERE ON VACATION. 388 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:36,291 "BEING WITH ROSEMARY IS LIKE ORLANDO, CABO SAN LUCAS 389 00:18:36,286 --> 00:18:39,586 "AND CATALINA ISLANDS ALL WRAPPED UP 390 00:18:39,589 --> 00:18:41,789 INTO THE VACATION OF A LIFETIME." 391 00:18:41,791 --> 00:18:44,291 GET ON ME. 392 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,355 OKAY, SO I THINK I LEFT A MESSAGE FOR MY SISTER 393 00:18:48,358 --> 00:18:51,228 AT THE EMBASSY, BUT URDU IS A VERY STRANGE LANGUAGE. 394 00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:53,401 IT'S LIKE EVERY WORD HAS A DIFFERENT MEANING. 395 00:18:53,403 --> 00:18:56,173 I GUESS WE SHOULD START GETTING THE KIDS READY 396 00:18:56,166 --> 00:18:58,266 FOR A POSSIBLE PAKISTANI LIFE. 397 00:18:58,268 --> 00:18:59,368 MM. 398 00:18:59,369 --> 00:19:02,269 WELL, AT LEAST BILL WILL LOOK HANDSOME 399 00:19:02,272 --> 00:19:06,682 IN A TINY SHALWAR QAMEEZ. HEY, BILL, THIS IS A SHALWAR QAMEEZ. 400 00:19:06,676 --> 00:19:11,316 YES, THE NATIVE DRESS IN PAKISTAN. COME HERE. 401 00:19:11,321 --> 00:19:14,221 (Emily) MOMMY WILL TIE THAT FOR YOU. 402 00:19:26,696 --> 00:19:30,436 HONEY, WHERE DID YOU LEARN HOW TO DO THAT? 403 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:33,340 FRONT DOOR OPEN. WHAT? 404 00:19:33,343 --> 00:19:37,213 I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING. WHAT? ANOTHER SECURITY SYSTEM I CAN'T TURN OFF? 405 00:19:37,207 --> 00:19:40,547 PARDON ME. THE FRONT DOOR IS STILL OPEN. NO, NO, NO. LOOK, IT'S BILL'S SHOE. HE TIED IT TODAY. 406 00:19:40,550 --> 00:19:43,950 HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT BEFORE HE CAME HERE. 407 00:19:43,953 --> 00:19:46,623 HE SAID YOU TAUGHT HIM. WELL, WHAT, DID I DO IT WRONG? 408 00:19:46,616 --> 00:19:50,286 NO, JANE. LISTEN, I AM SO SORRY THAT I DIDN'T TRUST YOU. 409 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:53,620 OKAY? EVERYONE HAS A DIFFERENT PARENTING STYLE, 410 00:19:53,623 --> 00:19:56,303 AND JUST BECAUSE YOURS IS NOT LIKE MINE, 411 00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:58,966 IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT IT'S WRONG. 412 00:19:58,968 --> 00:20:01,898 AND THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT MY KIDS LOVE YOU, 413 00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:04,301 AND YOU LOVE THEM. DID YOU READ THAT SOMEWHERE? 414 00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,314 YES. BUT WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS 415 00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:08,306 IF ANYTHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO US, 416 00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:10,538 WOULD YOU PLEASE BE THE GUARDIAN OF OUR CHILDREN? 417 00:20:10,540 --> 00:20:12,580 OF COURSE I WOULD. 418 00:20:12,582 --> 00:20:17,452 OH, HON, THANK YOU. IT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER WITHOUT YOU AROUND. 419 00:20:17,447 --> 00:20:19,487 BACK DOOR OPEN. 420 00:20:19,489 --> 00:20:22,289 OH, GET A ROOM, PEOPLE! 421 00:20:22,292 --> 00:20:25,932 (sighs) WELL, TURNS OUT I SHOULD HAVE LET YOU COME 422 00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:27,925 TO MY LIVING END DEATH BASH AFTER ALL. 423 00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,897 I GOT ICED BY MY INNER CIRCLE. 424 00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:33,660 OHH. BUT I REALIZED SOMETHING. 425 00:20:33,663 --> 00:20:37,513 I REALIZED THAT YOU TWO NERDY BLONDE SISTERS 426 00:20:37,507 --> 00:20:40,807 ARE MY REAL FRIENDS. YOU'RE THE ONES I CAN TURN TO 427 00:20:40,810 --> 00:20:43,970 IF I--IF I NEED A DIRTY THONG, FOR EXAMPLE. 428 00:20:43,973 --> 00:20:45,283 YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE. 429 00:20:45,275 --> 00:20:49,315 YEAH. WOW. I GUESS THE INNER CIRCLE IS OUT, 430 00:20:49,319 --> 00:20:51,679 AND THE OUTER CIRCLE IS IN. GIVE ME SOME SUGAR. 431 00:20:51,681 --> 00:20:53,681 AW. OH! COME ON. RIGHT NOW. 432 00:20:53,683 --> 00:20:56,333 ROSEMARY. OKAY. GUYS. 433 00:20:56,326 --> 00:21:01,486 I FEEL KIND OF SAD. SO NO ONE SHOWED UP? NOT EVEN A SOUL? 434 00:21:01,491 --> 00:21:04,591 SOUNDS LIKE A REAL GHOST TOWN. (laughs) (laughs) 435 00:21:04,594 --> 00:21:06,874 IS THIS STILL HAPPENING? REALLY? 'CAUSE I DON'T LIKE IT. 436 00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:08,996 WE HAD A FIGHT EARLIER. YOU JUST MISSED IT. YEAH. 437 00:21:08,998 --> 00:21:12,268 OH, REALLY? WHOSE FAULT WAS IT? 438 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,271 WELL, EMILY COMPLETELY VIOLATED MY TRUST, 439 00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:17,453 SO I GUESS YOU COULD SAY-- THAT WAS BEFORE YOU VIOLATED EVERYTHING I STAND FOR, SO... 440 00:21:17,447 --> 00:21:19,947 THAT'S NOT EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED. I THINK THAT'S HOW IT HAPPENED. 441 00:21:19,949 --> 00:21:21,909 WE CAN CHECK THE TAPE ON THAT. THERE THEY ARE! THEY'RE BACK! 442 00:21:21,911 --> 00:21:24,481 OKAY, GREAT. ALL RIGHT, WE WILL. THESE ARE THE SISTERS THAT I LOVE. 37113

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.