Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,072 --> 00:00:03,072
I STOPPED AT THE STOP SIGN.
2
00:00:03,074 --> 00:00:05,114
I SAT THERE FOR,
LIKE, SIX SECONDS.
3
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:07,106
BUT THERE WERE KIDS
IN THE CAR.
4
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:09,108
NOW I ALWAYS WAIT
FOR ONE FULL ROUND
5
00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:12,180
OF "TAKE ME OUT
TO THE BALL GAME,"
6
00:00:12,183 --> 00:00:14,153
BUT WITH OUR OWN LYRICS.
(gasps)
7
00:00:14,145 --> 00:00:18,085
♪ TAKE ME OUT IN A SAFE CAR,
GET ME HOME IN ONE PIECE ♪
8
00:00:18,089 --> 00:00:21,189
♪ SEE THE PEDESTRIANS
PASSING BY ♪
9
00:00:21,192 --> 00:00:24,732
♪ IF YOU DON'T PAY ATTENTION,
THEN SOMEONE WILL DIE ♪
10
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:29,195
WOW.
A REGULAR VON TRAPP FAMILY.
11
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:32,400
UH, HEY, BILL,
YOUR SHOELACE IS UNTIED.
12
00:00:32,403 --> 00:00:34,113
(whispers) HE CAN'T.
13
00:00:34,105 --> 00:00:37,665
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TEACH HIM.
14
00:00:37,668 --> 00:00:40,368
(whispers)
HERE YOU GO, SWEETIE.
15
00:00:40,371 --> 00:00:43,141
WHAT?
(door closes)
16
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:44,724
WELL!
17
00:00:44,715 --> 00:00:48,745
SOPHISTICATED LADY.
JANE, DO YOU HAVE
A WHITE THONG I COULD BORROW?
18
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:51,049
SORRY, MY LOANER THONGS
ARE IN THE WASH.
19
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,821
GUESS I'LL JUST FREEBALL IT
LIKE USUAL.
20
00:00:52,823 --> 00:00:56,093
WHERE ARE YOU GOING--
COLONEL SANDERS CONVENTION?
21
00:00:56,087 --> 00:00:59,127
THAT'S REALLY FUNNY, JANE.
I'M GOING TO A FUNERAL.
22
00:00:59,130 --> 00:01:01,290
OHH.
NICE ONE, JANE.
23
00:01:01,292 --> 00:01:04,172
I'M SORRY. WHO DIED?
24
00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:07,095
(sighs) MY AUNT B.
IT WAS, UH, VERY SUDDEN.
25
00:01:07,098 --> 00:01:09,438
I'M REALLY STILL IN SHOCK.
26
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,600
HOW OLD WAS SHE?
97.
27
00:01:11,602 --> 00:01:14,182
IT'S TRAGIC. SO VIBRANT,
SO FULL OF LIFE,
28
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:16,505
AND THEN ONE DAY
SHE SNEEZED,
29
00:01:16,507 --> 00:01:18,507
AND HER BONES
JUST TURNED TO POWDER.
30
00:01:18,509 --> 00:01:22,349
POWDERED BONES--
SILENT KILLER.
31
00:01:22,353 --> 00:01:25,463
REMEMBER TO TAKE YOUR CALCIUM,
LADIES. FOR REALS.
32
00:01:25,456 --> 00:01:28,456
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE,
SHE LEFT ME THE BURIAL PLOT
33
00:01:28,459 --> 00:01:30,459
RIGHT NEXT TO HERS.
POIGNANT GESTURE, REALLY.
34
00:01:30,461 --> 00:01:35,171
WHEN I WAS A KID, WE ALWAYS USED
TO TAKE OUR DISCO NAPS TOGETHER.
OOH. SHE LEFT YOU LAND?
35
00:01:35,166 --> 00:01:37,866
THAT'S COOL. REAL ESTATE
NEVER GOES DOWN IN VALUE.
36
00:01:37,868 --> 00:01:39,868
WELL...
WELL...
37
00:01:39,870 --> 00:01:42,200
YOU JUST NEVER KNOW, RIGHT?
ONE DAY YOU'RE 97,
38
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:44,543
IN THE PRIME OF YOUR LIFE,
AND THE NEXT DAY,
39
00:01:44,535 --> 00:01:46,205
SKIN AND POWDER.
40
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:49,777
ROSEMARY, I'M GONNA RUSTLE YOU
UP THAT THONG. (clicks tongue)
41
00:01:49,780 --> 00:01:52,110
♪♪♪
42
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,282
(child laughs)
43
00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:07,295
I FEEL SO BAD
ABOUT ROSEMARY'S AUNT.
44
00:02:07,298 --> 00:02:10,228
YOU KNOW. LIFE--IT'S...
IT'S REALLY PRECIOUS.
45
00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:12,301
YEAH, IT IS.
46
00:02:12,303 --> 00:02:14,613
YOU KNOW, I'M GLAD YOU MAKE ME
GET PROSTATE EXAMS
47
00:02:14,605 --> 00:02:17,165
THREE TO SIX TIMES A YEAR.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT FUN...
48
00:02:17,168 --> 00:02:20,268
YOU NEED TO FIND A WAY
TO MAKE IT FUN, BABE.
OKAY.
49
00:02:20,271 --> 00:02:22,741
OH, GOD, I JUST CAN'T KEEP
THINKING ABOUT, YOU KNOW,
50
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:25,253
WHAT IF, GOD FORBID,
SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO US?
51
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:29,916
NO. NO, WE'RE NOT GONNA DIE.
WE COOK EVERYTHING IN OLIVE OIL.
52
00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:31,920
OH, I KNOW, BUT STILL,
YOU KNOW,
53
00:02:31,922 --> 00:02:34,632
IT'S GOOD WE HAVE
OUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER.
NO. NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.
54
00:02:34,625 --> 00:02:37,785
I SLEEP BETTER AT NIGHT KNOWING
THAT OUR KIDS WOULD HAVE
55
00:02:37,788 --> 00:02:40,288
A LOVING HOME WITH
MY SISTER AND ERIC.
YOU KNOW, WE SHOULD CALL THEM.
56
00:02:40,291 --> 00:02:42,631
I WONDER IF THEY REINFORCED
THOSE HANDRAILS
57
00:02:42,633 --> 00:02:46,173
AFTER OUR SECOND INSPECTION.
WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT,
BECAUSE SHE IS RELOCATING
58
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,596
ON A DIPLOMATIC ASSIGNMENT
TO PAKISTAN.
59
00:02:48,599 --> 00:02:51,769
MM.
PAKISTAN?
60
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,942
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT
YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT
61
00:02:53,944 --> 00:02:57,284
THE LEGAL GUARDIAN FOR OUR
CHILDREN IS MOVING TO PAKISTAN.
62
00:02:57,278 --> 00:03:00,278
SWEETHEART, SHE'S JUST THERE
UNTIL THE GOVERNMENT STABILIZES
63
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:02,481
OR--OR SPLINTERS APART,
64
00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:05,393
AND BESIDES, THEY'RE GIVING HER
A BULLETPROOF ASSAULT VEHICLE,
65
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:06,916
SO... SO...
66
00:03:06,917 --> 00:03:09,757
OH, DEAR GOD.
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
67
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:11,720
OKAY, DON'T PANIC.
68
00:03:11,722 --> 00:03:14,702
WE ARE JUST GONNA GO
DOWN THE LINE OF SUCCESSION.
OHH.
69
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:18,195
NEXT UP ARE MY PARENTS.
NO. YOUR HAD HAS BEEN HITTIN'
THE GLAUCOMA MEDICINE
70
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,498
PRETTY HARD.
71
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:22,270
I MEAN, SURE,
IT'S HELPED HIS POETRY, BUT--
NEXT.
72
00:03:22,273 --> 00:03:24,713
OH, WHAT ABOUT
MY COUSIN MICHELLE?
73
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,605
MICHELLE OBAMA IS
NOT YOUR COUSIN.
74
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:29,777
SHE IS MY COUSIN. YOU JUST--YOU
HAVE TO GO, LIKE, FAR, FAR BACK.
75
00:03:29,780 --> 00:03:32,940
YOU CUT THIS OUT
OF "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE.
THAT'S MY FAVORITE.
76
00:03:32,943 --> 00:03:37,253
THAT'S SAD. OKAY, THAT
LEAVES US WITH, UM, WELL, JANE.
77
00:03:37,248 --> 00:03:40,218
I THINK WE SHOULD
REVISIT MICHELLE.
JANE COULD DO IT.
78
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,620
NO. OKAY? SHE JUST--SHE--
SHE HAS NO PARENTING SYSTEM.
79
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:46,704
SHE'S A COMPLETE MESS.
HEY, THAT'S MY SISTER
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
80
00:03:46,697 --> 00:03:48,597
I'M QUOTING YOU, OKAY?
(scoffs)
81
00:03:48,599 --> 00:03:50,999
WHEN YOU CAME HOME, EMILY,
YOU SAT RIGHT HERE.
82
00:03:51,001 --> 00:03:52,901
YOU SAID,
"DINNER SMELLS GOOD,
83
00:03:52,903 --> 00:03:56,543
AND MY SISTER'S
A COMPLETE MESS."
SHE MIGHT BE A LITTLE ROUGH
AROUND THE EDGES,
84
00:03:56,537 --> 00:04:00,407
BUT I COULD GET HER IN SHAPE.
LOOK, I KNOW THAT YOU--YOU LOVE
YOUR MAKEOVER SHOWS, BABY.
85
00:04:00,411 --> 00:04:03,371
LOOK AT THIS HOUSE.
IT'S GORGEOUS.
YOUR SISTER IS NOT LIKE ME.
86
00:04:03,374 --> 00:04:06,324
SHE'S NOT GONNA
LET YOU MOLD HER.
SHE DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW.
I CAN CHANGE HER
87
00:04:06,317 --> 00:04:08,617
IN A WONDERFULLY PASSIVE
YET AGGRESSIVE WAY.
88
00:04:08,619 --> 00:04:13,979
AND YOU THINK
THAT'S GONNA WORK?
ARE YOU STILL LEFT-HANDED?
89
00:04:13,984 --> 00:04:16,394
SOPHIE, NO!
90
00:04:16,387 --> 00:04:19,327
WAFFLES, BREAKFAST!
91
00:04:19,330 --> 00:04:22,660
ANNIE, YOUR BACON'S
GETTING COLD!
92
00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:24,643
MMM. NEVER MIND!
93
00:04:24,635 --> 00:04:28,395
KNOCK, KNOCK. LOOK WHO BROUGHT
A GIFT BASKET AND ALMOST TRIPPED
94
00:04:28,399 --> 00:04:30,899
OVER ALL THAT STUFF YOU HAD
STACKED OUT THERE? SO...
95
00:04:30,901 --> 00:04:33,601
I HOPE IT'S ONE OF THOSE
WINE BASKETS. BRING IT ON.
96
00:04:33,604 --> 00:04:37,354
WHAT TIME IS IT?
NO WINE. NOTHING THAT
WOULD IMPAIR JUDGMENT.
97
00:04:37,348 --> 00:04:39,308
UM, JASON JUST GOT
THIS BASKET AT WORK,
98
00:04:39,310 --> 00:04:42,410
AND WE DON'T WANT IT, SO...
YOU MAY BE ASKING YOURSELF
99
00:04:42,413 --> 00:04:45,363
WHY WE DON'T WANT IT--
OOH, MUFFINS! LOOKS LIKE
THIS HUGE ONE GAVE BIRTH,
100
00:04:45,356 --> 00:04:47,686
AND THESE ARE ALL
ITS LITTLE BABIES.
WELL, THEY'RE HIGH
IN FIBER, SO...
101
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:50,718
(mouth full)
WHAT'S GOOD ABOUT MUFFINS...
YEAH?
102
00:04:50,721 --> 00:04:54,021
IS THEY'RE JUST LIKE CUPCAKES,
BUT YOU EAT 'EM IN THE MORNING,
103
00:04:54,024 --> 00:04:56,734
SO YOU'RE NOT
EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT.
OKAY, LET'S GET OFF THE MUFFINS,
'CAUSE LOOK AT ALL THE OTHER
104
00:04:56,727 --> 00:04:59,467
USEFUL HOUSEHOLD ITEMS WE HAVE
IN HERE. OH, WHAT IS THIS?
105
00:04:59,470 --> 00:05:02,500
WE'VE GOT SOME TAPENADE
AND, UH, A RADON DETECTOR.
106
00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:05,483
COOL. AND WHAT'S THIS?
OH, IT LOOKS LIKE A VOUCHER
107
00:05:05,476 --> 00:05:08,936
FOR A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM.
WHO IS THIS GIFT BASKET FROM?
108
00:05:08,939 --> 00:05:10,979
APPARENTLY, SOMEONE
WHO ENJOYS FINE FOODS
109
00:05:10,981 --> 00:05:13,711
AND A SAFE HOME ENVIRONMENT.
110
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,724
"3-2-1 HOME SECURITY SYSTEMS."
111
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:18,686
THAT WOULD BE
A GOOD PASSWORD--3-2-1.
112
00:05:18,689 --> 00:05:21,449
YEAH. OH, AND LOOK AT THIS.
WHAT IS THIS?
113
00:05:21,452 --> 00:05:23,752
OOH, A GIFT CERTIFICATE
FOR AN ORGANIC COOKING CLASS.
114
00:05:23,754 --> 00:05:26,504
HEY, JANE,
WHAT IF WE WENT TOGETHER?
115
00:05:26,497 --> 00:05:28,927
YOU KNOW, WE COULD LEARN
HOW TO FEED OUR KIDS
116
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:32,829
IN A HEALTHY
YET DELICIOUS WAY.
THAT SOUNDS GOOD. I COULD ADD
A FEW THINGS TO MY REPERTOIRE.
117
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,973
OH. I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU HAD A REPERTOIRE.
118
00:05:34,965 --> 00:05:37,905
WELL, I MAKE A VERY LIGHT
AND FLUFFY FISH STICK
119
00:05:37,908 --> 00:05:42,868
AND A COUPLE OF VARIATIONS
ON A HOT DOG.
120
00:05:48,819 --> 00:05:50,979
HMM. THIS IS THE LIFE,
HUH?
121
00:05:50,981 --> 00:05:54,461
FRESH AIR, SUNSHINE,
A PLACE TO SET YOUR DRINK.
122
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:56,525
THANKS, AUNT B.
123
00:05:56,527 --> 00:05:58,757
YEAH. I'D HATE TO BE
VINCENT CALDWELL III THOUGH,
124
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:02,359
RIGHT? BY THE TOILETS.
125
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,742
THAT'S A TOMB, BUDDY.
OOPS.
126
00:06:04,735 --> 00:06:06,565
WOW.
127
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:09,067
I GOTTA SAY, YOU MISSED
A BEAUTIFUL FUNERAL.
128
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,439
OH, YEAH? WHAT HAPPENED?
129
00:06:10,441 --> 00:06:12,601
WHEN THEY KICKED IN TO
"HIGHWAY TO HELL"
130
00:06:12,603 --> 00:06:17,153
ON THE BAGPIPES, EVEN I
GOT A LITTLE CHOKED UP.
YEAH, THAT'S CLASSY.
131
00:06:17,147 --> 00:06:20,507
YEAH, FUNERALS ARE WASTED
ON THE DEAD.
132
00:06:20,511 --> 00:06:22,781
NO OFFENSE, EVERYBODY!
133
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:26,493
(chuckles) OKAY.
134
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,057
I'M ONE STEP
AHEAD OF YOU, BUDDY.
135
00:06:28,058 --> 00:06:32,558
I'M HAVING MY FUNERAL NOW,
WHILE I'M ALIVE AND AWESOME.
136
00:06:32,563 --> 00:06:34,773
LIKE A LIVING WAKE?
137
00:06:34,765 --> 00:06:37,765
NO, NOT A LIVING WAKE.
THAT SOUNDS SO CORPORATE.
138
00:06:37,768 --> 00:06:41,528
IT'S MORE LIKE A FUN,
NON-DEATH FUNERAL PARTY
139
00:06:41,532 --> 00:06:44,682
TO CELEBRATE ME, SEE WHAT
EVERYBODY'S GONNA SAY ABOUT ME
140
00:06:44,675 --> 00:06:47,735
AND HOW MUCH THEY'RE
GONNA CRY AND STUFF.
THAT'S COOL.
141
00:06:47,738 --> 00:06:50,108
(laughs) SO COOL.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
142
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,940
I'M GONNA KEEP IT
VERY INTIMATE.
143
00:06:51,942 --> 00:06:54,852
I'M ONLY INVITING
THE INNER CIRCLE.
HEY, WATCH OUT.
THERE'S A BEE OVER THERE.
144
00:06:54,845 --> 00:06:58,485
(bee buzzing)
HORATIO--A BEE?
145
00:06:58,489 --> 00:07:00,589
AUNT B.?
146
00:07:00,591 --> 00:07:03,521
HUH?
OH, MY GOD. IT'S A SIGN.
147
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,534
YOU'RE DARN RIGHT IT IS.
148
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:07,726
(buzzing continues)
149
00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:10,428
AAH! AAH! SHE STUNG ME!
150
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,800
(laughs)
151
00:07:11,802 --> 00:07:14,432
CLASSIC, AUNT B.!
152
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,914
YOU DID IT AGAIN, LADY!
WHERE DID SHE GO?
AAH!
153
00:07:16,907 --> 00:07:19,937
AND WE'RE JUST GONNA DO
A LITTLE SPRINKLE
154
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:23,970
OF ORGANIC,
LOCALLY GROWN TOMATOES
155
00:07:23,974 --> 00:07:28,454
AND A DOLLOP
OF MUNG BEAN PUREE,
156
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,618
AND THEN YOUR BEAN CURD TACOS
ARE GOOD TO GO.
157
00:07:30,621 --> 00:07:32,851
LOOK AT US, JANE,
LEARNING TO COOK
158
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:35,063
HEALTHY FOOD FOR THE KIDS.
159
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:38,685
DOESN'T THIS LOOK GOOD?
UGH! IT SMELLS LIKE SOCKS.
160
00:07:38,689 --> 00:07:40,789
BUT SOCKS THAT ARE
GOOD FOR YOU, RIGHT?
161
00:07:40,791 --> 00:07:42,131
NOT PROCESSED.
162
00:07:42,132 --> 00:07:44,872
YOU KNOW, NOT EVERYTHING
IN THE DRIVE-THRU MENU
163
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:47,595
IS BAD FOR YOU. I'VE BEEN
GETTING MY CHEESEBURGERS
164
00:07:47,598 --> 00:07:48,798
WITHOUT CHEESE LATELY, AND IT
REALLY MAKES A DIFFERENCE.
165
00:07:48,799 --> 00:07:50,699
TRY SOME
OF MY DELICIOUS MOCK-AMOLE.
166
00:07:50,701 --> 00:07:53,801
UGH. THAT LOOKS LIKE
THE GRAVY SUBSTANCE
167
00:07:53,804 --> 00:07:56,554
MOM USED TO PUT
ON EVERYTHING.
168
00:07:56,547 --> 00:07:59,677
PUT SOME OF THIS IN.
ARE YOU HOARDING CONDIMENTS
IN YOUR PURSE?
169
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:03,150
THIS IS MY TRAVEL SALT.
YOU CAN'T SAY THAT
LIKE IT'S A REAL THING.
170
00:08:03,153 --> 00:08:06,623
TRAVEL SALT IS NOT A THING.
JUST TASTE IT AND TELL ME
IF IT NEEDS SOMETHING.
171
00:08:06,617 --> 00:08:10,817
(gags) TASTES LIKE
AN OLD ANIMAL DIED IN MY MOUTH!
(chuckles)
172
00:08:10,821 --> 00:08:12,061
LADIES?
173
00:08:12,062 --> 00:08:14,632
IT'S LEARNING TIME, OKAY?
174
00:08:14,625 --> 00:08:18,125
PLEASE DON'T PUT THIS
ON MY PERMANENT RECORD.
175
00:08:19,830 --> 00:08:22,170
OKAY, HERE.
176
00:08:22,172 --> 00:08:24,172
ALL RIGHT, NOW TRY IT.
177
00:08:24,174 --> 00:08:26,084
OKAY.
178
00:08:26,076 --> 00:08:28,506
(chuckles)
179
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,708
MMM.
IT'S INTERESTING.
180
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:33,911
THE ANIMAL IS GONE,
BUT IT'S REPLACED WITH--
181
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:36,694
SALT. YES. THAT'S HOW
I GOT THROUGH EVERY MEAL
182
00:08:36,687 --> 00:08:39,887
THAT WE HAD AS A CHILD.
I USED TO SPIT MY FOOD
INTO THE NAPKINS,
183
00:08:39,890 --> 00:08:42,290
AND THEN SECRETLY HAND-WASH
AND IRON THEM
184
00:08:42,292 --> 00:08:44,732
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
SO MOM DIDN'T KNOW. (laughs)
185
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:47,795
MOM USED TO ALWAYS YELL AT ME
FOR EVERYTHING, YOU REMEMBER?
186
00:08:47,798 --> 00:08:50,028
"JANE! QUIT DRESSING
LIKE A TRAMP!"
(laughs)
187
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:54,740
SHE USED TO YELL AT ME, "EMILY!
LOOK AT YOUR SISTER JANE!
188
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,905
DON'T DRESS LIKE THAT!"
189
00:08:56,907 --> 00:08:58,907
(both laughing)
190
00:08:58,909 --> 00:09:02,709
LADIES, IS THERE SOMETHING
FUNNY OVER HERE?
191
00:09:02,713 --> 00:09:04,583
NO.
NO.
192
00:09:04,575 --> 00:09:08,575
(lowers voice) JUST YOUR VOICE
AND YOUR WEIRD TUNIC. (laughs)
(laughs)
193
00:09:08,579 --> 00:09:13,119
HEY, I HEARD THAT...
194
00:09:13,123 --> 00:09:16,163
AND IT HURTS.
(whispers) OH, SORRY.
195
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:17,856
(whispers) SORRY.
196
00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:18,858
(snorts)
197
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:20,029
(laughs)
198
00:09:20,030 --> 00:09:22,030
(normal voice)
I'M WEARING A TUNIC.
199
00:09:22,032 --> 00:09:25,672
THAT'S MY SIGNATURE LOOK.
IS IT--IS IT WEIRD?
(normal voice) YES.
200
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:27,736
THAT COOKING CLASS
WAS SO MUCH FUN.
201
00:09:27,738 --> 00:09:30,898
YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER BEEN
KICKED OUT OF A CLASS BEFORE.
202
00:09:30,901 --> 00:09:35,151
SUCH A NOVELTY NOT TO BE
THE TEACHER'S FAVORITE.
AH, THAT LADY NEEDS A CORN DOG.
DON'T WE ALL?
203
00:09:35,145 --> 00:09:39,205
(laughs)
WELL, WE COULD DO ANOTHER CLASS.
OOH, HOW ABOUT HIP-HOP ABS?
204
00:09:39,209 --> 00:09:42,149
OOH. OR CHILD PSYCHOLOGY.
205
00:09:42,152 --> 00:09:45,292
(British male voice)
FRONT DOOR OPEN.
206
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,285
DID YOU GET A BUTLER?
207
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,657
SOUNDS LIKE...
(British accent) JAMES BOND.
(Emily chuckles)
208
00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:51,660
(normal voice) OH, MY GOD.
209
00:09:51,662 --> 00:09:54,802
HOW COOL WOULD IT BE
IF JAMES BOND WAS OUR NEIGHBOR?
OH, MY GOD. SO MUCH COOLER.
210
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:57,095
(Syd) YEAH.
THAT IS
MY NEW HOME SECURITY SYSTEM.
211
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,127
I KNOW, HE'S SEXY, ISN'T HE?
AND BRITISH,
212
00:09:59,129 --> 00:10:02,699
AND VERY WORRIED
ABOUT INTRUDERS. (chuckles)
SOMEBODY GOT A LITTLE CRUSH?
213
00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:05,283
IS IT BAD IF I DO?
JUST DON'T GET
YOUR HEART BROKEN.
214
00:10:05,275 --> 00:10:10,075
OKAY, GALS, DO YOU KNOW ANYONE
WHO HAS A HEARSE I COULD BORROW?
215
00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:11,780
WHAT? NO.
MNH-MNH.
216
00:10:11,782 --> 00:10:13,942
HOW ABOUT A LECTERN?
OKAY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
217
00:10:13,944 --> 00:10:16,154
SNAP.
218
00:10:16,146 --> 00:10:18,346
OOH. WHAT?
OKAY...
219
00:10:18,348 --> 00:10:20,888
"ROSEMARY SWANSON--
A LIFE REMEMBERED."
220
00:10:20,891 --> 00:10:24,021
WHAT--WHAT IS THIS?
IT'S--IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
IT'S JUST A LITTLE, UM,
221
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:27,204
YOU KNOW, OLD-SCHOOL...
♪ FUNERAL STYLE ♪
222
00:10:27,197 --> 00:10:29,197
PARTY I'M THROWING
FOR MYSELF.
223
00:10:29,199 --> 00:10:30,629
I'M CALLING IT
"THE LIVING END."
224
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,730
WELL, IT SOUNDS LIKE A BLAST.
I'M IN.
225
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:35,844
I'LL PICK YOU UP.
WE'LL GO TOGETHER.
OKAY.
226
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:38,736
OKAY, YOU GUYS, I DON'T
EVEN KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS.
227
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,809
UM, YOU'RE NOT INVITED.
IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL.
228
00:10:40,811 --> 00:10:42,771
IT'S JUST THAT THIS IS
FOR THE INNER CIRCLE,
229
00:10:42,773 --> 00:10:45,423
PEOPLE THAT KNEW ME FROM WAY
BACK, BEFORE YOU EVEN KNEW ME--
230
00:10:45,415 --> 00:10:47,715
BACK WHEN I USED TO BE
WEIRD AND ECCENTRIC
231
00:10:47,718 --> 00:10:49,718
AND DO CRAZY STUFF
ALL THE TIME.
232
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,720
DON'T GET YOUR FEELINGS HURT,
PLEASE.
233
00:10:51,722 --> 00:10:55,962
YOU'RE DEFINITELY ON THE OUTER
PART OF THE INNER CIRCLE.
I'M NOT INVITED EITHER.
234
00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:57,956
IT KINDA SUCKS,
'CAUSE THERE'S GONNA BE, LIKE,
235
00:10:57,958 --> 00:11:00,188
THIS REALLY SWEET
7-FOOT SUB SANDWICH THERE.
236
00:11:00,190 --> 00:11:03,430
WHICH REMINDS ME,
MOM, CAN I PLEASE COME?
NO. OH, MY GOSH.
237
00:11:03,433 --> 00:11:05,043
HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO COME.
HE'S A MINOR,
238
00:11:05,035 --> 00:11:07,735
AND THERE'S GONNA BE
MUD WRESTLING.
239
00:11:07,738 --> 00:11:12,038
I AM GLAD I AM ON THE OUTER EDGE
OF THE CIRCLE. (laughs)
(laughs)
240
00:11:12,042 --> 00:11:15,452
WHAT IS THIS UNPLEASANTNESS
I'M WITNESSING OVER HERE?
241
00:11:15,445 --> 00:11:17,345
ARE YOU TWO GETTING ALONG?
242
00:11:17,347 --> 00:11:20,707
I SPEND A LOT OF TIME PITTING
YOU TWO AGAINST EACH OTHER,
243
00:11:20,711 --> 00:11:23,151
AND THEN I STAND BACK
AND WATCH THE FUR FLY.
244
00:11:23,153 --> 00:11:27,123
IT'S A LOT OF FUN FOR ME.
OH, I'M SORRY TO RUIN
YOUR FUN, ROSEMARY.
245
00:11:27,117 --> 00:11:29,717
(laughs) THE ZINGERS
THIS ONE COMES UP WITH!
246
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,820
OKAY, NOW I'M JUST
GETTING GROSSED OUT.
247
00:11:31,822 --> 00:11:34,692
I GOTTA GO MAIL THESE.
FRONT DOOR CLOSING.
248
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:37,434
I BET HE SOUNDS CHARMING
EVEN WHEN YOU'RE BEING ROBBED.
249
00:11:37,427 --> 00:11:38,927
(both laugh)
250
00:11:38,929 --> 00:11:40,769
UH, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
251
00:11:40,771 --> 00:11:43,831
OOH, I KNOW I WOULD BE GOOD
AT THAT--WINETASTING.
MM-HMM.
252
00:11:43,834 --> 00:11:46,314
OR WE COULD DO LINE DANCING.
THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
MM.
253
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:48,736
"MAKE YOUR OWN JAM"!
OOH. DELISH.
254
00:11:48,739 --> 00:11:51,739
OH, WAIT. YOU WANTED TO DO
THE, UH, CHILD PSYCHOLOGY THING.
255
00:11:51,742 --> 00:11:53,742
YOU KNOW WHAT?
CHILD PSYCH CAN WAIT.
256
00:11:53,744 --> 00:11:55,854
WHY DON'T WE DO
THE FUN STUFF?
257
00:11:55,846 --> 00:11:59,186
OKAY. SO THEN MAYBE WE
SHOULD JUST JAM ON IT.
258
00:11:59,189 --> 00:12:01,889
(laughs) WHAT? THE HITS
JUST KEEP ON COMIN'.
259
00:12:01,892 --> 00:12:03,822
(tires screech)
260
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,864
UGH. ARE YOU OKAY?
261
00:12:05,856 --> 00:12:08,056
YEAH. YEAH, ROSEMARY,
I HAVE THE SANDWICH.
262
00:12:08,058 --> 00:12:10,828
YEAH, THERE'S A TON OF TRAFFIC
OUT HERE, THOUGH.
263
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:13,901
IT'S LIKE A PARKING LOT.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU SOON.
264
00:12:22,112 --> 00:12:25,122
HEY, BABE.
HEY. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
265
00:12:25,115 --> 00:12:28,275
I'M SORRY, I WAS HAVING ANOTHER
TRAINING SESSION WITH JANE.
266
00:12:28,278 --> 00:12:30,878
REALLY? 'CAUSE THIS LOOKS LIKE
YOU'VE BEEN SHOPPING.
267
00:12:30,881 --> 00:12:33,151
WELL, I WAS TRAINING HER
TO SHOP FOR THE KIDS.
268
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:36,963
REALLY? WHAT'S THAT?
AND THERE WERE SOME SALES
AT SOME OF MY SHOPS,
269
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:39,987
SO FOR THE ECONOMY,
I THOUGHT I SHOULD, YOU KNOW...
(laughs)
270
00:12:39,990 --> 00:12:43,090
GIVE BACK TO IT.
EMILY, WHAT IS GOING ON
WITH YOU TWO?
271
00:12:43,093 --> 00:12:46,303
LAST WEEK YOU WERE,
UH, YOU WERE LASER TAGGING.
272
00:12:46,296 --> 00:12:49,196
THE YOU WENT GO-KARTING.
YOU WENT BELLY DANCING.
273
00:12:49,199 --> 00:12:52,799
I MEAN, HOW'S THIS GONNA HELP
JANE WITH HER PARENTING?
SHE'S BECOMING A MORE
WELL-ROUNDED PARENT, YOU KNOW?
274
00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:56,453
MM.
TEACHING HER DRIVING SKILLS
AND HAND/EYE COORDINATION...
275
00:12:56,446 --> 00:13:00,806
UH-HUH.
AND AVOIDING... LASERS. WE'RE
JUST HAVING FUN, BABY, OKAY?
276
00:13:00,811 --> 00:13:03,551
YEAH? YOU'RE HAVING FUN?
YEAH. MWAH.
277
00:13:03,553 --> 00:13:05,523
MWAH. IT'S TIME TO EAT.
I HAD TO IMPROVISE.
278
00:13:05,515 --> 00:13:08,785
SO I CURRIED A LITTLE QUINOA,
DID SOME SALMON
279
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,558
AND SOME ROASTED
ROOT VEGETABLES.
280
00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:13,360
WHERE ARE THE CHILDREN?
OH, THEY'RE SPENDING
THE NIGHT AT JANE'S.
281
00:13:13,363 --> 00:13:15,373
(clatter)
282
00:13:15,365 --> 00:13:16,865
ARE YOU INSANE?
283
00:13:16,867 --> 00:13:19,827
WHAT? THEY'LL BE FINE!
JANE'S FUNNY.
284
00:13:19,830 --> 00:13:22,800
NO, NO. HAVE YOU LOST
YOUR COMPASS, EMILY?
285
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,382
I MEAN, WHERE'S MY--
MY OVERPROTECTIVE, SCARED,
286
00:13:25,375 --> 00:13:27,935
JUDGY, VIGILANT SUPER MOM?
WHERE IS SHE?
287
00:13:27,938 --> 00:13:30,108
SHE'S RIGHT HERE, OKAY?
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY,
288
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:32,310
BECAUSE JANE IS DOING GREAT.
ON THE DRIVE HOME,
289
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:35,292
SHE STOPPED AT EVERY STOP SIGN.
I THINK WE SHOULD
BRING TEDDY OVER THERE.
290
00:13:35,285 --> 00:13:38,515
I DON'T THINK WE NEED
TO BRING TEDDY.
I THINK WE NEED--NO, I--
291
00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:41,518
I DON'T THINK WE NEED
TO BRING TEDDY.
I TOTALLY THINK WE NEED
TO BRING TEDDY.
292
00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:43,521
OKAY, FINE,
LET'S BRING TEDDY.
LET'S BRING TEDDY.
293
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:45,233
GREAT. PACK YOUR BAGS, TED.
294
00:13:53,603 --> 00:13:56,013
IT'S ALIVE!
295
00:13:56,006 --> 00:13:59,006
WHA--HORATIO,
WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?
296
00:13:59,009 --> 00:14:03,339
WHERE'S THE INNER CIRCLE?
EVERYBODY THOUGHT
THIS WAS REALLY WEIRD
297
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:06,123
AND DIDN'T WANT TO COME.
THEY DIDN'T WANT TO GO
TO A FAKE FUNERAL?
298
00:14:06,116 --> 00:14:08,876
OKAY, THAT'S INSANE.
AND WHEN THEY FOUND OUT
YOU WERE ALIVE,
299
00:14:08,879 --> 00:14:11,879
IT KIND OF TOOK
THE AIR OUT OF THINGS.
300
00:14:11,882 --> 00:14:13,922
AND A FEW OF 'EM GOT MAD.
THEY SAID YOU FAKED YOUR DEATH
301
00:14:13,924 --> 00:14:16,634
FOR THREE YEARS ONCE?
IT WAS FOR TAX PURPOSES.
I WAS ON THE LAM.
302
00:14:16,626 --> 00:14:19,526
WHY IS THAT SO HARD
FOR EVERYBODY TO UNDERSTAND?
303
00:14:19,529 --> 00:14:22,059
IT'S KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
304
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,942
WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?
305
00:14:24,935 --> 00:14:26,595
THIS IS COLD, HORATIO.
306
00:14:26,596 --> 00:14:29,936
DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE
NOBODY CARE ENOUGH ABOUT YOU
307
00:14:29,940 --> 00:14:31,900
TO WANT
TO CELEBRATE YOUR DEATH
308
00:14:31,902 --> 00:14:34,402
EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE ALIVE
AND HEALTHY?
NO.
309
00:14:34,404 --> 00:14:36,914
WELL, IT'S A LONELY PLACE,
MY FRIEND.
310
00:14:36,907 --> 00:14:39,507
OH, HEY, ROSEMARY, CHEER UP.
SOMEONE SHOWED UP.
311
00:14:39,509 --> 00:14:40,879
WHAT?
312
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:44,920
MR. 7-FOOT SUB.
(chuckles nervously)
313
00:14:44,915 --> 00:14:47,985
BROUGHAM, I HAVE DATED, LIKE,
NINE PRO BASKETBALL PLAYERS.
314
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:51,088
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN'.
THAT IS NOT 7 FEET.
315
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,461
IT'S TOTALLY 7 FEET.
IS IT?
316
00:14:53,463 --> 00:14:56,403
I-I WAS STUCK IN TRAFFIC
AND GOT REALLY HUNGRY.
317
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:59,966
I ATE A FOOT AND A HALF OF IT,
OKAY? I'M SORRY.
318
00:14:59,970 --> 00:15:02,170
KNOCK, KNOCK.
UH, THE DOOR WAS UNLOCKED.
319
00:15:02,172 --> 00:15:04,172
(chuckles)
HEY, SISTER-IN-LAW,
320
00:15:04,174 --> 00:15:07,914
WE JUST WANTED TO BRING OVER
A FEW THINGS.
YEAH, WE JUST GOT
THEIR PAJAMAS AND SOME, UH,
321
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:11,107
HYPOALLERGENIC PILLOWS,
AND BILL NEEDS HIS TEDDY BEAR.
322
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:15,121
I DON'T HAVE A TEDDY BEAR.
OH, THAT'S CUTE.
HE'S EMBARRASSED. SO...
323
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:18,085
YEAH, YEAH.
OKAY, WHY DON'T YOU PUT UP--
UP ON THE SHELF, DADDY?
324
00:15:18,088 --> 00:15:20,188
SURE. OKAY.
CLEAR VIEW OF ALL THE ACTION.
YEAH.
325
00:15:20,190 --> 00:15:23,020
OKAY, WOW. THIS IS SO GREAT.
I DIDN'T THINK YOU TRUSTED ME
326
00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:25,463
SINCE THE GUM INCIDENT, WHEN
I HAD TO SHAVE ESTHER'S HEAD.
327
00:15:25,455 --> 00:15:27,455
PLEASE,
I'VE TOTALLY FORGOTTEN
328
00:15:27,457 --> 00:15:30,097
ABOUT THAT HORRIBLE,
HORRIBLE DAY.
329
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:33,430
GREAT. 'CAUSE I FEEL LIKE
WE'VE GOTTEN A LOT CLOSER
330
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,573
IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS.
WE FINALLY HAVE
331
00:15:35,565 --> 00:15:38,065
THAT SISTER RELATIONSHIP
I ALWAYS THOUGHT WE COULD HAVE.
332
00:15:38,068 --> 00:15:41,408
I'M NOT EVEN SCREENING
YOUR CALLS ANYMORE. (chuckles)
(chuckles) OKAY,
WELL, WE BETTER GET GOING.
333
00:15:41,411 --> 00:15:46,021
OH, DADDY LOVES YOU GUYS
SO VERY, VERY, VERY MUCH.
334
00:15:46,016 --> 00:15:49,946
OKAY, DADDY, TIME TO GO.
OKAY. MWAH! MWAH!
(whispers) I LOVE YOU.
335
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,679
ALL RIGHT. COME ON.
LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
336
00:15:51,681 --> 00:15:54,351
BYE, GUYS. HAVE FUN!
337
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:58,134
LET'S PARTY!
338
00:15:58,128 --> 00:15:59,158
WHAT? WHAT?
339
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:02,489
WHAT? NO PARTIES.
NO PARTY. OKAY, BYE.
340
00:16:06,136 --> 00:16:07,736
I FEEL SO HORRIBLE
ABOUT DOING THIS.
341
00:16:07,737 --> 00:16:09,737
BABY, WE ARE DOING
THE RIGHT THING.
342
00:16:09,739 --> 00:16:13,599
THIS IS FOR THE CHILDREN.
OKAY. COME ON, TEDDY.
343
00:16:13,603 --> 00:16:15,313
TELL US YOUR SECRETS.
344
00:16:15,305 --> 00:16:17,345
(Jane) STORY TIME.
HERE WE GO.
345
00:16:17,347 --> 00:16:19,377
I THINK SHE'S DOING A GOOD JOB
WITH STORY TIME.
346
00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:23,179
"'E' IS FOR ELEPHANT."
(deep voice) GIVE ME A PEANUT!
347
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,563
IS THAT AN ELEPHANT,
OR IS IT LOUIS ARMSTRONG?
348
00:16:25,555 --> 00:16:28,055
SHE'S NOT EVEN DOING--
GIVE HER A BREAK.
349
00:16:28,058 --> 00:16:30,488
SHE'S DOING
BETTER THAN WE THOUGHT.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
350
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,490
ANNIE,
I RAN OUT OF DIAPERS.
351
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:35,102
COULD YOU BRING ME SOME
PAPER TOWELS AND TAPE?
OKAY, LET'S GET IN THERE.
352
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:37,295
LET IT GO.
THAT ONE'S NOT OURS.
353
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,097
I'M TIRED OF BOOKS.
OKAY.
354
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:42,699
ME, TOO.
YOU GUYS WANT TO WATCH TV?
355
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:45,612
OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE RIGHT.
SHE'S GONE OFF THE RAILS.
IN THE NAME OF ALL
THAT IS HOLY,
356
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:48,035
PLEASE SAY
IT'S PUBLIC TELEVISION.
IT'S SOPHIE'S FAVORITE SHOW--
357
00:16:48,038 --> 00:16:49,438
"AMERICA'S FUNNIEST
HOME VIDEOS."
358
00:16:49,439 --> 00:16:52,139
NO! NO!
NO! NO!
359
00:16:52,142 --> 00:16:55,622
BACK DOOR OPEN.
TURN IT OFF. WHAT'S THIS CODE?
360
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:59,045
WHAT'S GOING ON?
UH, IT'S 3-2-1.
YOU ACTUALLY USE THAT?
361
00:16:59,049 --> 00:17:01,389
WELL, IT'S HARD TO FORGET WHEN
IT'S RIGHT THERE ON THE SIGN.
362
00:17:01,391 --> 00:17:05,801
WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
WHAT JUST HAPPENED? AN ELDERLY
GENTLEMAN JUST TOOK A FRISBEE
363
00:17:05,795 --> 00:17:08,255
IN THE NUTS
ON YOUR TELEVISION, JANE.
364
00:17:08,258 --> 00:17:10,398
WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT THAT?
EVERYTHING.
WAIT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
365
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:16,070
ARE YOU SPYING ON ME
THROUGH THE WINDOW?
NO. I WAS SPYING ON YOU
WITH THIS.
366
00:17:16,066 --> 00:17:21,206
A NANNY CAM?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.
WE JUST DON'T TRUST YOU.
367
00:17:21,211 --> 00:17:23,141
OKAY, THANKS.
LET ME EXPLAIN.
IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.
368
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:25,083
IF SOMETHING WERE
TO HAPPEN TO US,
369
00:17:25,075 --> 00:17:27,745
WE WOULD WANT YOU
TO BE THE LEGAL GUARDIAN
370
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,277
OF OUR CHILDREN.
AREN'T I ALREADY?
371
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:34,680
OH, MY GOD. SO THE GIFT BASKET
AND THE SECURITY SYSTEM
372
00:17:34,684 --> 00:17:37,164
AND THE COOKING CLASSES...
373
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:38,487
YOU WERE TESTING ME.
374
00:17:38,488 --> 00:17:41,058
TECHNICALLY, I WAS
TRAINING YOU--AT--AT FIRST.
375
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:44,360
BUT THEN ALL THAT WENT AWAY,
AND IT WAS, YOU KNOW,
376
00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:48,444
ME AND MY SISTER HAVIN' FUN.
YAY. ISN'T THAT SWEET?
GET OUT.
377
00:17:48,438 --> 00:17:50,568
(sighs)
378
00:17:58,308 --> 00:18:01,478
(sobbing)
I WROTE YOU A LITTLE SOMETHIN'.
YOU WANT TO HEAR IT?
379
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,281
I DON'T CARE.
380
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:07,823
WELL, I WORKED ON IT ALL NIGHT,
SO I'M GONNA READ IT.
WHATEVER.
381
00:18:07,817 --> 00:18:11,217
"ROSEMARY SWANSON
IS MY FRIEND.
382
00:18:11,221 --> 00:18:15,231
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO
WITHOUT HER IN MY LIFE.
(continues sobbing)
383
00:18:15,225 --> 00:18:18,165
"SHE'S A STAR THAT BURNS
BRIGHT, FURIOUS AND FAST.
384
00:18:18,168 --> 00:18:20,168
"A LOT OF PEOPLE
FIND HER SCARY--
385
00:18:20,170 --> 00:18:24,870
MAILMEN, YOUNG CHILDREN,
DOGS, CATS..."
OKAY, I GOT IT.
386
00:18:24,874 --> 00:18:28,144
"BUT I DON'T FIND HER SCARY.
I FIND HER EXCITING.
387
00:18:28,138 --> 00:18:31,608
"THEY SAY OUR HOME IS IN HEAVEN,
AND WE'RE ONLY HERE ON VACATION.
388
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:36,291
"BEING WITH ROSEMARY IS LIKE
ORLANDO, CABO SAN LUCAS
389
00:18:36,286 --> 00:18:39,586
"AND CATALINA ISLANDS
ALL WRAPPED UP
390
00:18:39,589 --> 00:18:41,789
INTO THE VACATION
OF A LIFETIME."
391
00:18:41,791 --> 00:18:44,291
GET ON ME.
392
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,355
OKAY, SO I THINK I LEFT
A MESSAGE FOR MY SISTER
393
00:18:48,358 --> 00:18:51,228
AT THE EMBASSY, BUT URDU IS
A VERY STRANGE LANGUAGE.
394
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:53,401
IT'S LIKE EVERY WORD
HAS A DIFFERENT MEANING.
395
00:18:53,403 --> 00:18:56,173
I GUESS WE SHOULD START
GETTING THE KIDS READY
396
00:18:56,166 --> 00:18:58,266
FOR A POSSIBLE
PAKISTANI LIFE.
397
00:18:58,268 --> 00:18:59,368
MM.
398
00:18:59,369 --> 00:19:02,269
WELL, AT LEAST BILL
WILL LOOK HANDSOME
399
00:19:02,272 --> 00:19:06,682
IN A TINY SHALWAR QAMEEZ.
HEY, BILL,
THIS IS A SHALWAR QAMEEZ.
400
00:19:06,676 --> 00:19:11,316
YES, THE NATIVE DRESS
IN PAKISTAN. COME HERE.
401
00:19:11,321 --> 00:19:14,221
(Emily) MOMMY WILL
TIE THAT FOR YOU.
402
00:19:26,696 --> 00:19:30,436
HONEY, WHERE DID YOU LEARN
HOW TO DO THAT?
403
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:33,340
FRONT DOOR OPEN.
WHAT?
404
00:19:33,343 --> 00:19:37,213
I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING.
WHAT? ANOTHER SECURITY SYSTEM
I CAN'T TURN OFF?
405
00:19:37,207 --> 00:19:40,547
PARDON ME. THE FRONT DOOR
IS STILL OPEN.
NO, NO, NO. LOOK, IT'S BILL'S
SHOE. HE TIED IT TODAY.
406
00:19:40,550 --> 00:19:43,950
HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT
BEFORE HE CAME HERE.
407
00:19:43,953 --> 00:19:46,623
HE SAID YOU TAUGHT HIM.
WELL, WHAT,
DID I DO IT WRONG?
408
00:19:46,616 --> 00:19:50,286
NO, JANE. LISTEN, I AM SO SORRY
THAT I DIDN'T TRUST YOU.
409
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:53,620
OKAY? EVERYONE HAS
A DIFFERENT PARENTING STYLE,
410
00:19:53,623 --> 00:19:56,303
AND JUST BECAUSE YOURS
IS NOT LIKE MINE,
411
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:58,966
IT DOESN'T MEAN
THAT IT'S WRONG.
412
00:19:58,968 --> 00:20:01,898
AND THE IMPORTANT THING
IS THAT MY KIDS LOVE YOU,
413
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:04,301
AND YOU LOVE THEM.
DID YOU READ THAT SOMEWHERE?
414
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,314
YES. BUT WHAT I'M TRYING
TO SAY IS
415
00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:08,306
IF ANYTHING
WERE TO HAPPEN TO US,
416
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:10,538
WOULD YOU PLEASE BE
THE GUARDIAN OF OUR CHILDREN?
417
00:20:10,540 --> 00:20:12,580
OF COURSE I WOULD.
418
00:20:12,582 --> 00:20:17,452
OH, HON, THANK YOU.
IT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER
WITHOUT YOU AROUND.
419
00:20:17,447 --> 00:20:19,487
BACK DOOR OPEN.
420
00:20:19,489 --> 00:20:22,289
OH, GET A ROOM, PEOPLE!
421
00:20:22,292 --> 00:20:25,932
(sighs) WELL, TURNS OUT
I SHOULD HAVE LET YOU COME
422
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:27,925
TO MY LIVING END
DEATH BASH AFTER ALL.
423
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,897
I GOT ICED
BY MY INNER CIRCLE.
424
00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:33,660
OHH.
BUT I REALIZED SOMETHING.
425
00:20:33,663 --> 00:20:37,513
I REALIZED THAT YOU
TWO NERDY BLONDE SISTERS
426
00:20:37,507 --> 00:20:40,807
ARE MY REAL FRIENDS.
YOU'RE THE ONES I CAN TURN TO
427
00:20:40,810 --> 00:20:43,970
IF I--IF I NEED A DIRTY THONG,
FOR EXAMPLE.
428
00:20:43,973 --> 00:20:45,283
YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE.
429
00:20:45,275 --> 00:20:49,315
YEAH. WOW. I GUESS
THE INNER CIRCLE IS OUT,
430
00:20:49,319 --> 00:20:51,679
AND THE OUTER CIRCLE IS IN.
GIVE ME SOME SUGAR.
431
00:20:51,681 --> 00:20:53,681
AW. OH!
COME ON. RIGHT NOW.
432
00:20:53,683 --> 00:20:56,333
ROSEMARY. OKAY.
GUYS.
433
00:20:56,326 --> 00:21:01,486
I FEEL KIND OF SAD. SO NO ONE
SHOWED UP? NOT EVEN A SOUL?
434
00:21:01,491 --> 00:21:04,591
SOUNDS LIKE
A REAL GHOST TOWN. (laughs)
(laughs)
435
00:21:04,594 --> 00:21:06,874
IS THIS STILL HAPPENING? REALLY?
'CAUSE I DON'T LIKE IT.
436
00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:08,996
WE HAD A FIGHT EARLIER.
YOU JUST MISSED IT.
YEAH.
437
00:21:08,998 --> 00:21:12,268
OH, REALLY?
WHOSE FAULT WAS IT?
438
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,271
WELL, EMILY COMPLETELY
VIOLATED MY TRUST,
439
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:17,453
SO I GUESS YOU COULD SAY--
THAT WAS BEFORE YOU VIOLATED
EVERYTHING I STAND FOR, SO...
440
00:21:17,447 --> 00:21:19,947
THAT'S NOT EXACTLY
HOW IT HAPPENED.
I THINK
THAT'S HOW IT HAPPENED.
441
00:21:19,949 --> 00:21:21,909
WE CAN CHECK THE TAPE ON THAT.
THERE THEY ARE!
THEY'RE BACK!
442
00:21:21,911 --> 00:21:24,481
OKAY, GREAT. ALL RIGHT, WE WILL.
THESE ARE THE SISTERS
THAT I LOVE.
37113
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.